Anxiety is born from fear and our desire to control situations beyond our reach. In this episode, we confront anxiety at its source-- fear vs. control-- and share about breaking the cycle of anxiety.
We explore how anxiety impacts marriages, attacks individuals, and stems from feeling overwhelmed by life's uncertainties.
• Anxiety fundamentally comes from fear – fear of outcomes, others' reactions, or lack of control
• The "five-foot radius" concept helps identify what we can actually control versus what we cannot
• Even strong Christians experience anxiety; having faith doesn't automatically eliminate anxiety
• Jesus doesn't calm every storm immediately – we must actively choose to go to Him
• Asking "what is the next right thing to do?" helps break anxiety's spiral of overwhelming thoughts
• Scripture memorization plants truth in our subconscious that surfaces during anxious moments
• Exposing fears by naming them specifically helps reduce their perceived size and power
• Overcoming anxiety is a process, not a one-time fix; tools and scripture help fight ongoing battles
Join us next week as we discuss how to specifically help your partner when they're experiencing anxiety, whether in momentary situations or ongoing struggles.
🔗 Links to Things Mentioned In This Episode 🔗
13 Things Mentally Strong Kids Do: Think Big, Act Good, Be Brave by Amy Morin
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
We've been talking about anxiety, and so in today's
episode we are going to talkabout fear versus anxiety versus
controlling.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And this is just me worrying, fearing that this is
going to happen.
There's no indicator that thisis true.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I am calling on God and I am trying to focus on the
word, and I still feel out ofcontrol.
I still feel anxiety.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Good morning, Kyle.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Hey, Selena you look great.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I like this blue it's .
It's starting to be summer,right, feels good.
Last couple days, yeah, you're.
I feel like you are getting allof your summer vibes like
already locked and loaded, likeyour grass is crisp.
Your, your pool is getting goodfor most you're.
You're fishing, bird watching,like all the summer things that
makes kyle kyle it is nice, I do.
(01:34):
You're enjoying falling intoyour element do enjoy me some
summer, it's like how mariahcarey breaks out at thanksgiving
out of the ice kyle is nowchipped out of the ice and he
has entered into kyle season inbloom, in full bloom well, kyle
in full bloom, kyle.
If you were a flower, whatwould you be?
A flower or you could be aplant because you're a man.
(01:56):
So if you, if you feel likeflowers are too feminine, you'd
be like a sycamore tree orsomething.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I mean, the trees are a real well-used
answer there.
I would be, I don't know.
Oh, you don't like it whenyou're on the spot with
questions of randomness, do you?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's not so fun when it's on the other side.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
My brain keeps going to how is this related to the
topic?
But I'm just going to answerthe question.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
There's no, there's no.
It's like whose line is itanyways?
No, there's no, really, it'slike whose line is it anyways?
The points don't matter, it'sjust.
I'm just connecting with myhusband.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I think I would be.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Getting people to know you a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
An iris.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
An iris.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Yeah, I love irises First, the way they look, those
are the purple ones.
They come in many colors.
You can have purple, you canhave yellow, white, you can have
multicolored.
But what I love most about themis I love the way that they
look before they bloom.
So they shoot up and they looklike little swords, like sabers,
okay.
And then the flowers, beforethey open, they look like
(02:55):
saber-ish.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And then they bloom, and then there's like a bunch of
flowers and they smell amazinglike amazing.
And then they are perennial, sothey spread and grow back
better every year and more Okay,and I like all that about
irises I like that.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
When I think of irises, I think of the cartoon
Alice in Wonderland.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
And the iris was the frumpiest flower of the bunch.
She was frumpy.
She was like get this weed outof here.
Like she was, she was a hatertowards alice.
Well, I could see you beingfrumpy as well sometimes sorry,
how many times have I beenfrumpy, selena?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
oh, realistically depends on when you get your
coffee realistically depends onthe season, I guess okay okay,
I'm just that bus hurt that youthrew me under.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
We're back.
Thank you, guys for tuning intoLove by Faith, and all month
long we've been talking aboutanxiety.
We talked about how it comesand attacks your marriage.
We talked about-.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
The personal sides of it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
The personal sides of anxiety, and now we want to get
into really the root cause ofhow anxiety is formed in the
first place, and so in today'sepisode we are going to talk
about fear versus anxiety versuscontrolling, and I feel like
all three of those thingstogether really can harm a
(04:20):
person mentally and it candefinitely harm a relationship
externally and outwardly andinwardly.
Kyle, you mentioned a lot inthe last episode about how
anxiety affected you as a manand as a husband.
You talked about how it madeyou feel insecure.
Is there ever a time or wasthere ever a point in your life
(04:45):
where you felt like your anxietywas being birthed out of fear
or it was being birthed out ofyou having to control something?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I'm sure, I'm sure, if I dig deep enough, I have
examples of both Right.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
So anxiety out of fear.
You know where this shows upfor me.
Yeah, this is going to be bereally, really real here okay is
when we have really it's whenwe have really petty
disagreements oh like, give mean example like I forgot to make
you tea before church, oh snap,and you don't go in the car.
No, for real.
(05:20):
And I think like I get the fearright that that's just going to
keep bringing this up all dayand it's going to ruin my day
and we're not going to have funwith whatever we have planned
for the day.
Her attitude is going to beshot, and this is just me
worrying, fearing that this istrue or that this is what's real
(05:43):
, but that then I start ittriggers me to walk on eggshells
and treat you extra cautiously,right?
So this whole one littlemisstep on the T leads me to be
uncomfortable and worrying andanxious and fearful that this is
going to just spiral the restof the day.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So I see your vulnerability and I'm going to
raise you a vulnerability andI'm going to ask you is the
reason why you're fearful ofthat and you behave this way?
Is it because I actually didthat in the past?
Did I hang it over you?
Have I been someone to rub itin your face you?
(06:28):
Have I been someone to rub itin your face?
Have I caused this fear out ofmy own selfish actions in the
past, not knowing that it wascreating a pattern of fear and
anxiety to you?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Rubbing it in my face no.
Drawing out the disappointmentover time yes.
Letting it affect the whole dayyes.
And so those are yes, those areexperiences that have led to
that, but I wouldn't say rubbingit in my face.
You're really good at not doingthat.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Once we resolve whatever you know, you don't let
it, you don't bring it back and, like you said, rub it in my
face.
Right, the other part of whatyou said was a worry, and what
was the second one?
The other part of what you saidwas a worry, and what was the
second one?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
About fear and control and how both of those
bring out anxiety in you.
So you talked about fear.
Has there ever been a timewhere you felt like you weren't
in control of something and itbrought out anxiety?
I have a flashback.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Okay, let's hear it.
Okay, Answer your question.
Let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
There's a couple, but I'll I'll stick to the, the
nice one we just got this houseyeah and it rained really hard
oh my gosh.
Yes, yeah, you know okay, so itrained very hard, very fast like
a mini flash flood and it gotto the point where our sub pump
in our basement like wasn'tworking and so the water was
(07:48):
like filling into our in ourbasement.
Okay, so we're very new to thishouse.
A lot of things were in ourbasement because we we were
still there was like a stagingspot for all the extra stuff,
all this stuff and kyle wasfreaking out, totally freaking
out, and I had the kids.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
The pump wasn't running and I knew the pump
worked like we had it checkedand tested.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And yes, I had the kids and I'm trying to look and
see like what is the damagethat's happening and kyle just
like jumped all in there likedove into there, not like the
water was crazy, it was like upto the ankles not even.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
No, it was like barely barely over your toes
barely okay.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So it was it, but it was rising.
Right, the water was rising andkyle was freaking out and he
had like an area rug in one handand like a stool in the other
hand and like trying to pick upa box in another hand.
And I'm like Kyle, what are youdoing?
And he's like, just I gotta getthis stuff off.
(08:49):
Like go upstairs, leave mealone with the kids.
And I'm trying to tell him likebro, if you just do, no, just I
gotta get this stuff go away.
And I'm just like you know what,I'm gonna let you handle this.
I'm gonna let you handle thisbecause you didn't want to
receive any feedback at thatmoment.
You just wanted to jump in andtry to control it and you were
(09:09):
failing at it, because you'renot an octopus with eight arms,
you only had two.
And just to see you with likean eight foot area rug
underneath one arm telling mewhat to do, it was just like you
know what.
I'm gonna let you sit in thisand I'm just going to let you
figure this out because, Likeyou know what, I'm going to let
you sit in this and I'm justgoing to let you figure this out
because you're not in aposition to hear anything right
(09:31):
now, and to me that was youtrying to control it.
I was going to tell them aboutthe baby bathtub incident, but I
felt like this one was a littlemore.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
This one is a good one, because my fear was this
basement is about to be ankledeep yeah, right, and why isn't
this pump working that I knowworks because I made sure it
worked.
yes, so I, yes, and so in theemergency situation, my brain is
just like code red, right, yes.
And then I hear you asking meall these questions and I'm like
(09:59):
she's not even focused on theproblem.
So my fear is that you're notreally seeing how much danger
that we're in.
Yes, and I'm like trying tostop the danger of our stuff
getting ruined.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yes, how did we solve that?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
You slowed me down, you stopped me and I looked and
thought why isn't the pump right?
I was able to turn off the codered and get to the checklist
checklist of stuff that'ssupposed to work to fix this and
I went over to the pump and Isaw that there was a cord
blocking it from actuating thethe trigger.
Okay, and I moved it and itstarted pumping and all the
water went away and that was itwhere did you put the rug?
(10:39):
the rug went in the garbagebecause it got soaked.
What do you mean?
Where did I put the?
And it wasn't even an area rug.
It was the scrap left becausewe just moved in the house.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh, it was the scraps .
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It was the scrap like big piece of the end of the
roll that they had left overfrom when they installed our
carpet.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
You were just trying to carry so many things and I'm
like where would he even putthose things?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I was just trying to get everything off the floor.
Anything softer or that couldmake mold, yes, but uh,
thankfully it wasn't a tragedy,we didn't have to do anything
crazy and the water was gone butthis is interesting because
that was a one-time thing,because once that problem went
away, your anxiety went away.
You weren't yeah, the fear wasgone.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
there was no more fear of this basement flooding
like that winter break, everyspring break I was going into a
place of anxiety because I feltlike I could not control those
(11:48):
breaks, with three kids runningaround and neighbors ringing my
doorbell and I don't know whatto do with them.
They're always squabbling andit just felt like I couldn't
control.
It felt like a flood every day.
It felt like water was risingevery single day and so I had to
live in that and, and I guessthat fear was just lingering in
(12:09):
that season, in those seasons solet's separate this out, right?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
yeah, so how do you separate?
Am I afraid right now or am Iworried about control?
Am I afraid of because, like itfeels like there's like they're
gray areas, right like the fearis the lack of control, the the
control is the fear driver yeahand so they're just two ugly
(12:35):
heads on the same monster.
Yeah right, so like you'reafraid, the neighbors are going
to keep bringing in a doorbellthey do and so you worry about
it they do and you're afraidthat you're not gonna be able to
entertain the kids enough.
Yeah, and so you keep worryingabout it, and so it's like so
would the root cause be fear,it's fear I think the whole
saying this all bang, the wholeshebang of anxiety.
(12:58):
All boils down to fear fear oflack of control, fear of what,
what ifs?
Fear of, yeah yeah, fear ofthings getting in your way.
Fear of outcomes, fear ofothers' reactions which you have
no control over.
Correct, so yeah, I would.
It boils down to fear.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
It boils down to fear , and so you know.
We mentioned in the lastepisode how it's just this.
For me, it was a hurricane.
And you had to stop thehurricane and it sounds exactly
the same of what happened withyou in the flooding of the
basement in my brain it's ablinking red light.
We had to stop you yeah fromseeing that blinking red light.
Yeah, and that's not always theeasiest part.
(13:38):
And so then and and then also,you said you know we removed the
fear with the basement incident, but for me the fear wasn't
gone until the kids went back toschool.
That doesn't help me with thefuture seasons, because now I'm
conditioning myself to thinkfear comes at this time.
I'm going to be fearful in thistime, I'm not going to have
(14:01):
control in this time.
So I had to figure out how toovercome that fear and and
replace it with faith.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
ultimately, you know?
Yes, that is the.
Yeah, I'm processing, as yousaid, all that, because you said
a lot and that's okay, you saida lot yeah, replacing the fear
with faith is the move.
Yes, is the move.
Wonderfully, I think we hit onit a little bit last episode.
Yeah, against the root ofanxiety is fear.
(14:35):
Against the control, worry ofbeing in control is to know what
scripture says about thesethings, to know what, as a
Christian, we can do.
To know what, as your husband,I can do to lead the family the
way Christ leads us.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
The way.
As a wife, you know how to helpand support the way the Holy
Spirit helps and supports.
Yes, you got that look.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I'm thinking, I'm sorry, I'm thinking because I've
been a Christian and I've hadanxiety.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I've been a Christian , a strong woman of God, and
I've still had anxiety attacks.
Okay, I know that calling ontothe Lord is what will help me
overcome the fear, but sometimes, if I may, I will pray and I
will think of God, and I'm stillin a tornado that's flooding
(15:34):
above my ankles.
That's flooding above my ankles.
I'm still in it and I feel likethere are some people out there
who might be listening, whowould feel like I am calling on
God and I am trying to focus onthe word, and I am listening and
I am reading devotionals and Istill feel out of control.
(15:55):
I still feel anxiety and itreminds me of Jesus when he was
asleep in the boat.
Yeah in the midst of us fightingfor our lives in this storm.
(16:20):
You know, and I you caught mein that moment of maybe there
are times when we believe, notnecessarily facts, but we
believe that Jesus is asleep inthe midst of our storm and he's
not waking up because we know assoon as we wake him up he's
peace be still, the storm isdone.
But I think a lot of times whenwe are in anxiety, moments when
we all we see is red and wehave no control, we are thinking
(16:45):
in the moment that Jesus isasleep and he's not doing
anything.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
In that time, when I I remember now being probably
about 15, 16.
Okay, and going through allthese like spiral of what if
with my mom, yeah, and what if?
This and that and this and thatand this and that, and trying
to do 17 things at once, Justlike your example of me in the
(17:10):
basement.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
And she stopped me and, in all her wonderful wisdom
, she just said what is the nextright thing you have to do?
No, not.
And I started going through andshe's like no, just right now,
in the next five minutes, whatis the next right thing you have
to do?
That's good.
Is it wash your hands?
Is it eat a sandwich?
Is it drink a cup of water?
(17:33):
What do you have to do?
And then we'll go from there.
Don't worry about what's afterthat.
Yeah, just do the next rightthing and let that be enough for
right now.
Yes, and I go back to that whenI would have a job.
I had a job where I wasbasically I'd put out fires all
day and I'd have sometimes threefires going at once.
(17:54):
Yeah, and I'd just have tofigure out what's the next right
thing to do.
Yeah, in the next 10 minutes.
What is the first step I haveto do?
I can't think about three daysfrom now when all the fires are
done.
Right, I have to just get thefire hose and put the first
closest fire out.
And thinking through this topicwith you has brought me back to
(18:17):
that.
What is the next right thing todo?
That's good and that gets methrough a lot now that I'm
thinking about it.
When my wife is frustrated andflustered and on the edge of a
breaking point with the kids,what is my next right thing to
do?
Is it get together the watersand the drinks for the family so
(18:39):
we can get in the car?
Is it put away the clothes, thelaundry that's been lingering
in the back of our minds for aweek?
Is it fill in the blank?
Those are the two examples thatcome to mind quick, because
they happen all the time andthey do trigger our fear and
worry.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It makes me think of the Bible verse where Jesus is
saying only worry about today.
Today has enough worries of itsown.
He uses the word worries.
Yeah, yeah he knows that we'regoing to worry.
He says don't think abouttomorrow, Today has enough.
And it makes me wonder.
They don't necessarily talkabout it in scripture, but it
(19:16):
makes me wonder.
You know, there were people whowere possessed, there were
people who were sick, there werepeople who were blind, there
were people with leprosy.
I'm pretty sure there werepeople with anxiety in there.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Definitely there had to have been some anxious people
back in the day.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You know, thinking about Martha and Mary.
Martha probably was a littleanxious getting her house
together.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Just a titch.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You know how dare we go into her house and it's dirty
.
But the whole savior of thewhole world is coming in here
looking at all my dust Like Ishould have got them baseboards
cleaned days ago.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
She was afraid that it wasn't going to be enough.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
She was afraid that she wasn't going to measure up.
She started thinking about theincontrollable things and she
was trying to control it and shetrying to control.
Well, mary helped me, becausethen we could get it done
quicker.
You know, mary, what are youdoing?
Like you said you were going tobe on, that's the whole reason
why you came and now you'regetting distracted, mary, you're
so add like what do you like?
(20:14):
Come back and focus on whatwe're supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And the Lord slowed her down, and Jesus slowed her
down.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
But it's so interesting, why, I guess, okay,
I'm having so many moments inmy head right now.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
One at a time.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Jesus didn't calm Mary down to make Mary sit at
his feet.
Okay, mary knew I'm going to goand sit at his feet because
this matters more.
He didn't go and touch Marthaand be like Martha, calm down,
come, sit at my feet.
Martha had to make the choiceto look at Jesus and to say I'm
(20:49):
going to slow down enough to sitat his feet.
And so, just like the storm,with Jesus sleeping, we have to
not wait for God to wake up andcalm us down.
We have to, in our storm time,go and choose to go to him and
wake him up.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, head just now.
(21:13):
And so when I think aboutanxiety and when I think about
fear and how it takes over, andI think about people who are
just constantly fidgeting andthey can't sit still and they're
thinking ahead, and we're notthinking about the next best
thing to do, because in ourminds and I'm speaking as us,
(21:33):
because I have gone through thisbut in our heads we're thinking
the next right thing to do iseasy.
That's not the part thatworries us.
It's the next part that worriesus.
So we're going to focus on that.
But for what you're saying andwhat Jesus taught us is that
he's always there.
We just have to go to Him.
(21:54):
We have to choose to go to Him.
Yeah, we have to.
We have to choose to go to him.
That has to become an option inour brains to go and use that
route not as an escape route,not as a save me in the moment
route, but of I'm going to go toyou because when I'm with you I
can be still, I can gain rest,I can find peace.
(22:16):
You will calm the storm if Ijust go to you first all.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yes, yes, I'm processing it all that we can
control, just like you said,going to him is right here in
our five foot circle rightthat's it.
I can't make my son make anychoices right now.
I can't make my dog make anychoices right now.
I can't even make my food rightnow because that's not in my
(22:45):
control.
Right now I can't worry aboutwhat other clothes to wear.
I have the clothes that are onmy back in my control right here
.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I can't make my husband do something to make us
look good.
I can't make him be a leader ina specific area that I think
would make us better.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
You just messed up my whole example because, look,
I'm right here, touch me, I'mclose enough that you can impact
, you can control that.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Not necessarily.
I can't control what you do orsay, I can't control what you're
thinking.
I can't control what you do orsay I can't control what you're
thinking.
I can't control what you'refeeling.
I can't control how our-.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
No, this is all outside of your control.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
I can't control how you are a leader.
I can't control how you'regoing to lead me.
All I can control is can Isubmit to it?
Can I submit to God?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, it's true, that's real, that's real, that
is real and I hope our listenerscan hear that and take it at
face value and to let it soak inand work it out.
That wait, let me do what'sright.
What can I control right here?
What can I if I'm getting threesteps ahead of myself?
(23:57):
I have to stop speak the wordover my life, memorize the
scriptures to have power,because it tells us that we have
power in the word and use that,and use that as a force of
stability, as a force ofovercoming fear, as a force of
faith right.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And by doing that you'll notice the moments of
fear shrink, the moments of fear, the tornadoes get smaller.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
The floods get shallower.
Yes, the storms, the waves getsmaller.
All of them, all of them.
And so I think, and that's whywe put together the new Play in
the Play book, yes.
With the scriptures to overcomeanxiety.
Scriptures to overcome fear, toovercome worry, to overcome
(24:50):
feeling out of control, yes, andto remember what your calling
is, what the truth is.
We're reading that book withWilliam about 13 things that all
strong kids do.
Strong kids do, yeah, and oneof them is thinking about
negative thoughts.
Is it a blue thought or is it atrue thought?
And we put together thisawesome play in the playbook to
(25:11):
hand out, to connect with whattrue thoughts are, what the
truth of scripture is over thisarea.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
That's something that I'm thinking about.
It kind of aligns with whatyou're saying.
Is that, remember, you know,this whole episode is for you to
understand that anxiety iscoming from fear and what ends
up happening is that people whoare anxious, they are allowing
fear to be bigger than theirfaith.
(25:39):
Not that you're not faithful,it's just you think that fear is
such a bigger monster and thatit is so more controlling and
it's so much more vicious thatwe have to put a healthy fear in
the Lord to truly understandhow much bigger and how much
more powerful he is.
When standing next to said fearI think a lot of the times
(26:03):
people don't they minimize thetrue power of Christ and what he
can do to just use his words toshut it down.
We think our fears are so big,we really really bring our fears
to this large, enlarged sizeand we just make it so much
(26:26):
bigger than what it actually is.
Yes, absolutely.
And we have to be mindful ofthat and I think, like Kyle said
, the resources using thescriptures, that's going to help
you keep that locked in.
Basically, you're locking itinto your subconscious so that
when you have no control overyour thoughts and over your body
(26:48):
and over your emotions, thesubconscious then all of a
sudden unlocks it and the HolySpirit brings it back to
attention and you're like whoa,where did that verse come from?
I know I learned it somewhere,but here it is, and now you're
focused on that and then yourealize like, oh snap, god can
do this.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
God is the overcomer.
I shall not want.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He can dismiss this at the sound of his voice which
means with us, having authorityof God inside of us, we have
authority to dismiss this storm.
We have authority to diminishthis anxiety.
We have authority to call outthe fear and expose it in the
true light so that it can becompletely diminished from our
sight and in our five foot fiveradius, five finger radius, five
(27:34):
foot radius.
Five foot radius, yes.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
That's great, it's real and it's not easy.
It's not a one-day fix.
Just because you memorize thescripture doesn't mean you're
going to remember to use itevery time.
Just because you know the toolsto battle, it doesn't mean the
battle is going to be over.
It's just like any othertemptation is.
We have to battle it foreverbecause we're in a fallen world
(28:01):
and we hope that play in theplaybook will help you battle it
.
I don't know if we make it.
We can get a little mini one,or they could.
I don't know something coolwhere they can take it with them
.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Little cards.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And right and just have it, so that you have these
scriptures to battle with.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
So I could make little affirmation cards, but
you print them out and then cutthem up and you can have them
like that and tape them places.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Let's go Something that Screenshot them and put
them on your lock screen.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Something that will help hopefully this episode will
help is that, by bringingawareness to what is causing
anxiety, will help expose it,and once you expose it, it's
easier to overcome it, becausenow you realize it's not a
monster in the shadows.
Now you realize, oh, it's just,I'm afraid of this, oh, I'm
(28:52):
afraid that people are going tolook at me weird.
Okay, well, let's process that.
I'm afraid that you know Ican't afford it.
Oh, let's process that I'mafraid that I can't afford it.
Oh, let's process that the moreyou expose it, the more you're
able to really downsize andreally put fear into the size
that it truly is, which isreally small in comparison to
what God can do for you andthrough you, calling those flaws
(29:15):
by name to help you peel backthe layers and apply the right
medicine to each one.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Will bring the freedom, will bring the release
that you've been looking for inthis area.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yes, yes, and so we talked a lot about anxiety.
We talked about how it attacksour marriages, we talked about
how it attacks specific guys andgirls.
We talked about what it reallyis and how we can overcome it.
And in our last episode nextweek, we are going to talk about
how you can specifically helpyour partner when it comes to
(29:52):
this topic, when they're goingthrough it, when they've you
know it's a one moment thing,like Kyle in the basement, or
whether it's an ongoing thing,like me, with a few seasons.
We're going to talk about allthat and how you guys can really
learn how to love by faith inthis season of anxiety, and
hopefully we can overcome it andget through it in your
(30:13):
relationship so that it becomesa little more minimalized in
future seasons to come.
So be on the lookout for that.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
We appreciate you being here.
Let's let's pray this out andgo in peace Y'all.
Lord, we are grateful that youare with us.
Wherever we go, wherever we gomentally, wherever we go
emotionally, spiritually, youare with us.
We trust in you.
Our hope is in you.
We are adapted into you, we arepart of your body.
(30:41):
We give you glory, lord.
I pray for all the minds outthere who are running around
full of fear, full ofuncertainty, full of worry.
Lord.
I just pray that they would beset free by your word, that they
would rely on their calling,rely on what you have said as
truth over their life, lord,that they are overcomers, that
they are part of an overcomingchurch.
Lord, on what you have said astruth over their life, lord,
that they are overcomers, thatthey are part of an overcoming
(31:03):
church, lord, that you haveredeemed them, that by faith,
you will bring increase andbring spiritual restoration to
them, lord, mental restorationto them, and I just pray for
peace in the marriages, that thecouples would work together in
this area, for each other andfor your glory, in Jesus's name
(31:28):
amen.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Amen.
That's another episode of Loveby Faith.
Thank you, guys, for listeningand watching.
If you're on YouTube, make sureyou like, share, subscribe.
If you're listening, pleasegive us a five-star review or
write how this episode impactedyou so that other couples around
the world can learn to love byfaith as well yes we love you
guys.
Thank you for your support andfor listening and for opening
(31:52):
your hearts to hearing what wehave to say.
We hope that administered youand you can enjoy the rest of
your day and week.
We'll see you next week love byfaith y'all love by faith,
y'all bye it's hard, talks manthey're hard talks, but I
they're a lot easier than Ithought they would be.
I thought it would be likereally bad okay I thought it was
(32:14):
gonna be, you know, crying andand getting through it.
But I think, because we'vetalked about this for so long,
yeah and we've really got ahandle on it and I I truly feel
like I have been delivered frompanic attacks.
I really, in my spirit, I feellike I was delivered from that
(32:34):
and I don't carry that intothese seasons anymore amen, amen
, amen, amen, like because no,that's, that's not what god has
for us yes, yes, that's thetruth of it, that part and it's
just a.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It's just a scheme of enemies an outcome of the
fallen world, Trying to think ofthe principalities of darkness,
but it's just yeah.
Scheme of the enemy.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
He's petty bro.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
He's fake.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
He's petty Fake news.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
He's fake.
I think it's like my theorythat bees are from God.
Yes, yellow jackets are fromthe devil.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Absolutely.
What about cockroaches?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I don't know, because bees, their buzz is so
harmonious and they have flowersand fruit and yes, yada, yada,
but yellow jackets poison ivydefinitely from the enemy right
weeds are from the enemy aloe isis definitely from god yes,
right, yes I don't know aboutthat, about poison ivy is
definitely from the enemy wouldthere ever be a fruit that you
(33:46):
think that is from the enemy?
Oh, dude, what was that?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
that awful cheese fruit we smelled no, but they
said it cures cancer oh no, thatone's good for diabetes, right,
right.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
The other one, those big yellow nuts on the trees
that we have in Cleveland.
That are just nothing.
They don't taste good, theydon't smell good.
They're just huge.
They're like grapefruit size.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
They're not pawpaws, are they?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
No, pawpaws are good fruit.
They're just ugly nuts thatcome off these ugly trees.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
They're like trees that are flowered, but then they
smell horrible.
Yes, the Bradford pear, thoseare from the enemy.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I think those are probably from a lab somewhere in
the 70s?
Ooh, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I don't know.
All right, well, enough of that.
Yeah, Y'all take care.
Now you hear.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Gonna go now.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Gonna go now bye.
We've been talking about anxiety, and so in today's
episode we are going to talkabout fear versus anxiety versus
controlling.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
And this is just me worrying, fearing that this is
going to happen.
There's no indicator that thisis true.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
I am calling on God and I am trying to focus on the
word, and I still feel out ofcontrol.
I still feel anxiety.
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 1 (01:02):
Good morning, Kyle.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Hey, Selena you look great.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
I like this blue it's .
It's starting to be summer,right, feels good.
Last couple days, yeah, you're.
I feel like you are getting allof your summer vibes like
already locked and loaded, likeyour grass is crisp.
Your, your pool is getting goodfor most you're.
You're fishing, bird watching,like all the summer things that
makes kyle kyle it is nice, I do.
(01:34):
You're enjoying falling intoyour element do enjoy me some
summer, it's like how mariahcarey breaks out at thanksgiving
out of the ice kyle is nowchipped out of the ice and he
has entered into kyle season inbloom, in full bloom well, kyle
in full bloom, kyle.
If you were a flower, whatwould you be?
A flower or you could be aplant because you're a man.
(01:56):
So if you, if you feel likeflowers are too feminine, you'd
be like a sycamore tree orsomething.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I mean, the trees are a real well-used
answer there.
I would be, I don't know.
Oh, you don't like it whenyou're on the spot with
questions of randomness, do you?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
It's not so fun when it's on the other side.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
My brain keeps going to how is this related to the
topic?
But I'm just going to answerthe question.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
There's no, there's no.
It's like whose line is itanyways?
No, there's no, really, it'slike whose line is it anyways?
The points don't matter, it'sjust.
I'm just connecting with myhusband.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
I think I would be.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Getting people to know you a little bit better.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
An iris.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
An iris.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
Yeah, I love irises First, the way they look, those
are the purple ones.
They come in many colors.
You can have purple, you canhave yellow, white, you can have
multicolored.
But what I love most about themis I love the way that they
look before they bloom.
So they shoot up and they looklike little swords, like sabers,
okay.
And then the flowers, beforethey open, they look like
(02:55):
saber-ish.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And then they bloom, and then there's like a bunch of
flowers and they smell amazinglike amazing.
And then they are perennial, sothey spread and grow back
better every year and more Okay,and I like all that about
irises I like that.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
When I think of irises, I think of the cartoon
Alice in Wonderland.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
And the iris was the frumpiest flower of the bunch.
She was frumpy.
She was like get this weed outof here.
Like she was, she was a hatertowards alice.
Well, I could see you beingfrumpy as well sometimes sorry,
how many times have I beenfrumpy, selena?
Speaker 2 (03:31):
oh, realistically depends on when you get your
coffee realistically depends onthe season, I guess okay okay,
I'm just that bus hurt that youthrew me under.
Speaker 1 (03:44):
We're back.
Thank you, guys for tuning intoLove by Faith, and all month
long we've been talking aboutanxiety.
We talked about how it comesand attacks your marriage.
We talked about-.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
The personal sides of it.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
The personal sides of anxiety, and now we want to get
into really the root cause ofhow anxiety is formed in the
first place, and so in today'sepisode we are going to talk
about fear versus anxiety versuscontrolling, and I feel like
all three of those thingstogether really can harm a
(04:20):
person mentally and it candefinitely harm a relationship
externally and outwardly andinwardly.
Kyle, you mentioned a lot inthe last episode about how
anxiety affected you as a manand as a husband.
You talked about how it madeyou feel insecure.
Is there ever a time or wasthere ever a point in your life
(04:45):
where you felt like your anxietywas being birthed out of fear
or it was being birthed out ofyou having to control something?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
I'm sure, I'm sure, if I dig deep enough, I have
examples of both Right.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:59):
So anxiety out of fear.
You know where this shows upfor me.
Yeah, this is going to be bereally, really real here okay is
when we have really it's whenwe have really petty
disagreements oh like, give mean example like I forgot to make
you tea before church, oh snap,and you don't go in the car.
No, for real.
(05:20):
And I think like I get the fearright that that's just going to
keep bringing this up all dayand it's going to ruin my day
and we're not going to have funwith whatever we have planned
for the day.
Her attitude is going to beshot, and this is just me
worrying, fearing that this istrue or that this is what's real
(05:43):
, but that then I start ittriggers me to walk on eggshells
and treat you extra cautiously,right?
So this whole one littlemisstep on the T leads me to be
uncomfortable and worrying andanxious and fearful that this is
going to just spiral the restof the day.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
So I see your vulnerability and I'm going to
raise you a vulnerability andI'm going to ask you is the
reason why you're fearful ofthat and you behave this way?
Is it because I actually didthat in the past?
Did I hang it over you?
Have I been someone to rub itin your face you?
(06:28):
Have I been someone to rub itin your face?
Have I caused this fear out ofmy own selfish actions in the
past, not knowing that it wascreating a pattern of fear and
anxiety to you?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Rubbing it in my face no.
Drawing out the disappointmentover time yes.
Letting it affect the whole dayyes.
And so those are yes, those areexperiences that have led to
that, but I wouldn't say rubbingit in my face.
You're really good at not doingthat.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Once we resolve whatever you know, you don't let
it, you don't bring it back and, like you said, rub it in my
face.
Right, the other part of whatyou said was a worry, and what
was the second one?
The other part of what you saidwas a worry, and what was the
second one?
Speaker 1 (07:04):
About fear and control and how both of those
bring out anxiety in you.
So you talked about fear.
Has there ever been a timewhere you felt like you weren't
in control of something and itbrought out anxiety?
I have a flashback.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Okay, let's hear it.
Okay, Answer your question.
Let's hear it.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
There's a couple, but I'll I'll stick to the, the
nice one we just got this houseyeah and it rained really hard
oh my gosh.
Yes, yeah, you know okay, so itrained very hard, very fast like
a mini flash flood and it gotto the point where our sub pump
in our basement like wasn'tworking and so the water was
(07:48):
like filling into our in ourbasement.
Okay, so we're very new to thishouse.
A lot of things were in ourbasement because we we were
still there was like a stagingspot for all the extra stuff,
all this stuff and kyle wasfreaking out, totally freaking
out, and I had the kids.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
The pump wasn't running and I knew the pump
worked like we had it checkedand tested.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
And yes, I had the kids and I'm trying to look and
see like what is the damagethat's happening and kyle just
like jumped all in there likedove into there, not like the
water was crazy, it was like upto the ankles not even.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
No, it was like barely barely over your toes
barely okay.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
So it was it, but it was rising.
Right, the water was rising andkyle was freaking out and he
had like an area rug in one handand like a stool in the other
hand and like trying to pick upa box in another hand.
And I'm like Kyle, what are youdoing?
And he's like, just I gotta getthis stuff off.
(08:49):
Like go upstairs, leave mealone with the kids.
And I'm trying to tell him likebro, if you just do, no, just I
gotta get this stuff go away.
And I'm just like you know what,I'm gonna let you handle this.
I'm gonna let you handle thisbecause you didn't want to
receive any feedback at thatmoment.
You just wanted to jump in andtry to control it and you were
(09:09):
failing at it, because you'renot an octopus with eight arms,
you only had two.
And just to see you with likean eight foot area rug
underneath one arm telling mewhat to do, it was just like you
know what.
I'm gonna let you sit in thisand I'm just going to let you
figure this out because, Likeyou know what, I'm going to let
you sit in this and I'm justgoing to let you figure this out
because you're not in aposition to hear anything right
(09:31):
now, and to me that was youtrying to control it.
I was going to tell them aboutthe baby bathtub incident, but I
felt like this one was a littlemore.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
This one is a good one, because my fear was this
basement is about to be ankledeep yeah, right, and why isn't
this pump working that I knowworks because I made sure it
worked.
yes, so I, yes, and so in theemergency situation, my brain is
just like code red, right, yes.
And then I hear you asking meall these questions and I'm like
(09:59):
she's not even focused on theproblem.
So my fear is that you're notreally seeing how much danger
that we're in.
Yes, and I'm like trying tostop the danger of our stuff
getting ruined.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
Yes, how did we solve that?
What happened?
Speaker 2 (10:15):
You slowed me down, you stopped me and I looked and
thought why isn't the pump right?
I was able to turn off the codered and get to the checklist
checklist of stuff that'ssupposed to work to fix this and
I went over to the pump and Isaw that there was a cord
blocking it from actuating thethe trigger.
Okay, and I moved it and itstarted pumping and all the
water went away and that was itwhere did you put the rug?
(10:39):
the rug went in the garbagebecause it got soaked.
What do you mean?
Where did I put the?
And it wasn't even an area rug.
It was the scrap left becausewe just moved in the house.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh, it was the scraps .
Speaker 2 (10:49):
It was the scrap like big piece of the end of the
roll that they had left overfrom when they installed our
carpet.
Speaker 1 (10:54):
You were just trying to carry so many things and I'm
like where would he even putthose things?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
I was just trying to get everything off the floor.
Anything softer or that couldmake mold, yes, but uh,
thankfully it wasn't a tragedy,we didn't have to do anything
crazy and the water was gone butthis is interesting because
that was a one-time thing,because once that problem went
away, your anxiety went away.
You weren't yeah, the fear wasgone.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
there was no more fear of this basement flooding
like that winter break, everyspring break I was going into a
place of anxiety because I feltlike I could not control those
(11:48):
breaks, with three kids runningaround and neighbors ringing my
doorbell and I don't know whatto do with them.
They're always squabbling andit just felt like I couldn't
control.
It felt like a flood every day.
It felt like water was risingevery single day and so I had to
live in that and, and I guessthat fear was just lingering in
(12:09):
that season, in those seasons solet's separate this out, right?
Speaker 2 (12:15):
yeah, so how do you separate?
Am I afraid right now or am Iworried about control?
Am I afraid of because, like itfeels like there's like they're
gray areas, right like the fearis the lack of control, the the
control is the fear driver yeahand so they're just two ugly
(12:35):
heads on the same monster.
Yeah right, so like you'reafraid, the neighbors are going
to keep bringing in a doorbellthey do and so you worry about
it they do and you're afraidthat you're not gonna be able to
entertain the kids enough.
Yeah, and so you keep worryingabout it, and so it's like so
would the root cause be fear,it's fear I think the whole
saying this all bang, the wholeshebang of anxiety.
(12:58):
All boils down to fear fear oflack of control, fear of what,
what ifs?
Fear of, yeah yeah, fear ofthings getting in your way.
Fear of outcomes, fear ofothers' reactions which you have
no control over.
Correct, so yeah, I would.
It boils down to fear.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
It boils down to fear , and so you know.
We mentioned in the lastepisode how it's just this.
For me, it was a hurricane.
And you had to stop thehurricane and it sounds exactly
the same of what happened withyou in the flooding of the
basement in my brain it's ablinking red light.
We had to stop you yeah fromseeing that blinking red light.
Yeah, and that's not always theeasiest part.
(13:38):
And so then and and then also,you said you know we removed the
fear with the basement incident, but for me the fear wasn't
gone until the kids went back toschool.
That doesn't help me with thefuture seasons, because now I'm
conditioning myself to thinkfear comes at this time.
I'm going to be fearful in thistime, I'm not going to have
(14:01):
control in this time.
So I had to figure out how toovercome that fear and and
replace it with faith.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
ultimately, you know?
Yes, that is the.
Yeah, I'm processing, as yousaid, all that, because you said
a lot and that's okay, you saida lot yeah, replacing the fear
with faith is the move.
Yes, is the move.
Wonderfully, I think we hit onit a little bit last episode.
Yeah, against the root ofanxiety is fear.
(14:35):
Against the control, worry ofbeing in control is to know what
scripture says about thesethings, to know what, as a
Christian, we can do.
To know what, as your husband,I can do to lead the family the
way Christ leads us.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
The way.
As a wife, you know how to helpand support the way the Holy
Spirit helps and supports.
Yes, you got that look.
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I'm thinking, I'm sorry, I'm thinking because I've
been a Christian and I've hadanxiety.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
I've been a Christian , a strong woman of God, and
I've still had anxiety attacks.
Okay, I know that calling ontothe Lord is what will help me
overcome the fear, but sometimes, if I may, I will pray and I
will think of God, and I'm stillin a tornado that's flooding
(15:34):
above my ankles.
That's flooding above my ankles.
I'm still in it and I feel likethere are some people out there
who might be listening, whowould feel like I am calling on
God and I am trying to focus onthe word, and I am listening and
I am reading devotionals and Istill feel out of control.
(15:55):
I still feel anxiety and itreminds me of Jesus when he was
asleep in the boat.
Yeah in the midst of us fightingfor our lives in this storm.
(16:20):
You know, and I you caught mein that moment of maybe there
are times when we believe, notnecessarily facts, but we
believe that Jesus is asleep inthe midst of our storm and he's
not waking up because we know assoon as we wake him up he's
peace be still, the storm isdone.
But I think a lot of times whenwe are in anxiety, moments when
we all we see is red and wehave no control, we are thinking
(16:45):
in the moment that Jesus isasleep and he's not doing
anything.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
In that time, when I I remember now being probably
about 15, 16.
Okay, and going through allthese like spiral of what if
with my mom, yeah, and what if?
This and that and this and thatand this and that, and trying
to do 17 things at once, Justlike your example of me in the
(17:10):
basement.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
And she stopped me and, in all her wonderful wisdom
, she just said what is the nextright thing you have to do?
No, not.
And I started going through andshe's like no, just right now,
in the next five minutes, whatis the next right thing you have
to do?
That's good.
Is it wash your hands?
Is it eat a sandwich?
Is it drink a cup of water?
(17:33):
What do you have to do?
And then we'll go from there.
Don't worry about what's afterthat.
Yeah, just do the next rightthing and let that be enough for
right now.
Yes, and I go back to that whenI would have a job.
I had a job where I wasbasically I'd put out fires all
day and I'd have sometimes threefires going at once.
(17:54):
Yeah, and I'd just have tofigure out what's the next right
thing to do.
Yeah, in the next 10 minutes.
What is the first step I haveto do?
I can't think about three daysfrom now when all the fires are
done.
Right, I have to just get thefire hose and put the first
closest fire out.
And thinking through this topicwith you has brought me back to
(18:17):
that.
What is the next right thing todo?
That's good and that gets methrough a lot now that I'm
thinking about it.
When my wife is frustrated andflustered and on the edge of a
breaking point with the kids,what is my next right thing to
do?
Is it get together the watersand the drinks for the family so
(18:39):
we can get in the car?
Is it put away the clothes, thelaundry that's been lingering
in the back of our minds for aweek?
Is it fill in the blank?
Those are the two examples thatcome to mind quick, because
they happen all the time andthey do trigger our fear and
worry.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
It makes me think of the Bible verse where Jesus is
saying only worry about today.
Today has enough worries of itsown.
He uses the word worries.
Yeah, yeah he knows that we'regoing to worry.
He says don't think abouttomorrow, Today has enough.
And it makes me wonder.
They don't necessarily talkabout it in scripture, but it
(19:16):
makes me wonder.
You know, there were people whowere possessed, there were
people who were sick, there werepeople who were blind, there
were people with leprosy.
I'm pretty sure there werepeople with anxiety in there.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
Definitely there had to have been some anxious people
back in the day.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
You know, thinking about Martha and Mary.
Martha probably was a littleanxious getting her house
together.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Just a titch.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
You know how dare we go into her house and it's dirty
.
But the whole savior of thewhole world is coming in here
looking at all my dust Like Ishould have got them baseboards
cleaned days ago.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
She was afraid that it wasn't going to be enough.
Speaker 1 (19:52):
She was afraid that she wasn't going to measure up.
She started thinking about theincontrollable things and she
was trying to control it and shetrying to control.
Well, mary helped me, becausethen we could get it done
quicker.
You know, mary, what are youdoing?
Like you said you were going tobe on, that's the whole reason
why you came and now you'regetting distracted, mary, you're
so add like what do you like?
(20:14):
Come back and focus on whatwe're supposed to do.
Speaker 2 (20:16):
And the Lord slowed her down, and Jesus slowed her
down.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
But it's so interesting, why, I guess, okay,
I'm having so many moments inmy head right now.
Speaker 2 (20:26):
One at a time.
Speaker 1 (20:27):
Jesus didn't calm Mary down to make Mary sit at
his feet.
Okay, mary knew I'm going to goand sit at his feet because
this matters more.
He didn't go and touch Marthaand be like Martha, calm down,
come, sit at my feet.
Martha had to make the choiceto look at Jesus and to say I'm
(20:49):
going to slow down enough to sitat his feet.
And so, just like the storm,with Jesus sleeping, we have to
not wait for God to wake up andcalm us down.
We have to, in our storm time,go and choose to go to him and
wake him up.
You know what I'm saying?
Yes, head just now.
(21:13):
And so when I think aboutanxiety and when I think about
fear and how it takes over, andI think about people who are
just constantly fidgeting andthey can't sit still and they're
thinking ahead, and we're notthinking about the next best
thing to do, because in ourminds and I'm speaking as us,
(21:33):
because I have gone through thisbut in our heads we're thinking
the next right thing to do iseasy.
That's not the part thatworries us.
It's the next part that worriesus.
So we're going to focus on that.
But for what you're saying andwhat Jesus taught us is that
he's always there.
We just have to go to Him.
(21:54):
We have to choose to go to Him.
Yeah, we have to.
We have to choose to go to him.
That has to become an option inour brains to go and use that
route not as an escape route,not as a save me in the moment
route, but of I'm going to go toyou because when I'm with you I
can be still, I can gain rest,I can find peace.
(22:16):
You will calm the storm if Ijust go to you first all.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Yes, yes, I'm processing it all that we can
control, just like you said,going to him is right here in
our five foot circle rightthat's it.
I can't make my son make anychoices right now.
I can't make my dog make anychoices right now.
I can't even make my food rightnow because that's not in my
(22:45):
control.
Right now I can't worry aboutwhat other clothes to wear.
I have the clothes that are onmy back in my control right here
.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
I can't make my husband do something to make us
look good.
I can't make him be a leader ina specific area that I think
would make us better.
Speaker 2 (23:03):
You just messed up my whole example because, look,
I'm right here, touch me, I'mclose enough that you can impact
, you can control that.
Speaker 1 (23:12):
Not necessarily.
I can't control what you do orsay, I can't control what you're
thinking.
I can't control what you do orsay I can't control what you're
thinking.
I can't control what you'refeeling.
I can't control how our-.
Speaker 2 (23:22):
No, this is all outside of your control.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
I can't control how you are a leader.
I can't control how you'regoing to lead me.
All I can control is can Isubmit to it?
Can I submit to God?
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, it's true, that's real, that's real, that
is real and I hope our listenerscan hear that and take it at
face value and to let it soak inand work it out.
That wait, let me do what'sright.
What can I control right here?
What can I if I'm getting threesteps ahead of myself?
(23:57):
I have to stop speak the wordover my life, memorize the
scriptures to have power,because it tells us that we have
power in the word and use that,and use that as a force of
stability, as a force ofovercoming fear, as a force of
faith right.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
And by doing that you'll notice the moments of
fear shrink, the moments of fear, the tornadoes get smaller.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
The floods get shallower.
Yes, the storms, the waves getsmaller.
All of them, all of them.
And so I think, and that's whywe put together the new Play in
the Play book, yes.
With the scriptures to overcomeanxiety.
Scriptures to overcome fear, toovercome worry, to overcome
(24:50):
feeling out of control, yes, andto remember what your calling
is, what the truth is.
We're reading that book withWilliam about 13 things that all
strong kids do.
Strong kids do, yeah, and oneof them is thinking about
negative thoughts.
Is it a blue thought or is it atrue thought?
And we put together thisawesome play in the playbook to
(25:11):
hand out, to connect with whattrue thoughts are, what the
truth of scripture is over thisarea.
Speaker 1 (25:18):
That's something that I'm thinking about.
It kind of aligns with whatyou're saying.
Is that, remember, you know,this whole episode is for you to
understand that anxiety iscoming from fear and what ends
up happening is that people whoare anxious, they are allowing
fear to be bigger than theirfaith.
(25:39):
Not that you're not faithful,it's just you think that fear is
such a bigger monster and thatit is so more controlling and
it's so much more vicious thatwe have to put a healthy fear in
the Lord to truly understandhow much bigger and how much
more powerful he is.
When standing next to said fearI think a lot of the times
(26:03):
people don't they minimize thetrue power of Christ and what he
can do to just use his words toshut it down.
We think our fears are so big,we really really bring our fears
to this large, enlarged sizeand we just make it so much
(26:26):
bigger than what it actually is.
Yes, absolutely.
And we have to be mindful ofthat and I think, like Kyle said
, the resources using thescriptures, that's going to help
you keep that locked in.
Basically, you're locking itinto your subconscious so that
when you have no control overyour thoughts and over your body
(26:48):
and over your emotions, thesubconscious then all of a
sudden unlocks it and the HolySpirit brings it back to
attention and you're like whoa,where did that verse come from?
I know I learned it somewhere,but here it is, and now you're
focused on that and then yourealize like, oh snap, god can
do this.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
God is the overcomer.
I shall not want.
Speaker 1 (27:09):
He can dismiss this at the sound of his voice which
means with us, having authorityof God inside of us, we have
authority to dismiss this storm.
We have authority to diminishthis anxiety.
We have authority to call outthe fear and expose it in the
true light so that it can becompletely diminished from our
sight and in our five foot fiveradius, five finger radius, five
(27:34):
foot radius.
Five foot radius, yes.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
That's great, it's real and it's not easy.
It's not a one-day fix.
Just because you memorize thescripture doesn't mean you're
going to remember to use itevery time.
Just because you know the toolsto battle, it doesn't mean the
battle is going to be over.
It's just like any othertemptation is.
We have to battle it foreverbecause we're in a fallen world
(28:01):
and we hope that play in theplaybook will help you battle it
.
I don't know if we make it.
We can get a little mini one,or they could.
I don't know something coolwhere they can take it with them
.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
Little cards.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
And right and just have it, so that you have these
scriptures to battle with.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
So I could make little affirmation cards, but
you print them out and then cutthem up and you can have them
like that and tape them places.
Speaker 2 (28:26):
Let's go Something that Screenshot them and put
them on your lock screen.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Something that will help hopefully this episode will
help is that, by bringingawareness to what is causing
anxiety, will help expose it,and once you expose it, it's
easier to overcome it, becausenow you realize it's not a
monster in the shadows.
Now you realize, oh, it's just,I'm afraid of this, oh, I'm
(28:52):
afraid that people are going tolook at me weird.
Okay, well, let's process that.
I'm afraid that you know Ican't afford it.
Oh, let's process that I'mafraid that I can't afford it.
Oh, let's process that the moreyou expose it, the more you're
able to really downsize andreally put fear into the size
that it truly is, which isreally small in comparison to
what God can do for you andthrough you, calling those flaws
(29:15):
by name to help you peel backthe layers and apply the right
medicine to each one.
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
Will bring the freedom, will bring the release
that you've been looking for inthis area.
Speaker 1 (29:29):
Yes, yes, and so we talked a lot about anxiety.
We talked about how it attacksour marriages, we talked about
how it attacks specific guys andgirls.
We talked about what it reallyis and how we can overcome it.
And in our last episode nextweek, we are going to talk about
how you can specifically helpyour partner when it comes to
(29:52):
this topic, when they're goingthrough it, when they've you
know it's a one moment thing,like Kyle in the basement, or
whether it's an ongoing thing,like me, with a few seasons.
We're going to talk about allthat and how you guys can really
learn how to love by faith inthis season of anxiety, and
hopefully we can overcome it andget through it in your
(30:13):
relationship so that it becomesa little more minimalized in
future seasons to come.
So be on the lookout for that.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
We appreciate you being here.
Let's let's pray this out andgo in peace Y'all.
Lord, we are grateful that youare with us.
Wherever we go, wherever we gomentally, wherever we go
emotionally, spiritually, youare with us.
We trust in you.
Our hope is in you.
We are adapted into you, we arepart of your body.
(30:41):
We give you glory, lord.
I pray for all the minds outthere who are running around
full of fear, full ofuncertainty, full of worry.
Lord.
I just pray that they would beset free by your word, that they
would rely on their calling,rely on what you have said as
truth over their life, lord,that they are overcomers, that
they are part of an overcomingchurch.
Lord, on what you have said astruth over their life, lord,
that they are overcomers, thatthey are part of an overcoming
(31:03):
church, lord, that you haveredeemed them, that by faith,
you will bring increase andbring spiritual restoration to
them, lord, mental restorationto them, and I just pray for
peace in the marriages, that thecouples would work together in
this area, for each other andfor your glory, in Jesus's name
(31:28):
amen.
Speaker 1 (31:29):
Amen.
That's another episode of Loveby Faith.
Thank you, guys, for listeningand watching.
If you're on YouTube, make sureyou like, share, subscribe.
If you're listening, pleasegive us a five-star review or
write how this episode impactedyou so that other couples around
the world can learn to love byfaith as well yes we love you
guys.
Thank you for your support andfor listening and for opening
(31:52):
your hearts to hearing what wehave to say.
We hope that administered youand you can enjoy the rest of
your day and week.
We'll see you next week love byfaith y'all love by faith,
y'all bye it's hard, talks manthey're hard talks, but I
they're a lot easier than Ithought they would be.
I thought it would be likereally bad okay I thought it was
(32:14):
gonna be, you know, crying andand getting through it.
But I think, because we'vetalked about this for so long,
yeah and we've really got ahandle on it and I I truly feel
like I have been delivered frompanic attacks.
I really, in my spirit, I feellike I was delivered from that
(32:34):
and I don't carry that intothese seasons anymore amen, amen
, amen, amen, like because no,that's, that's not what god has
for us yes, yes, that's thetruth of it, that part and it's
just a.
Speaker 2 (32:55):
It's just a scheme of enemies an outcome of the
fallen world, Trying to think ofthe principalities of darkness,
but it's just yeah.
Scheme of the enemy.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
He's petty bro.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
He's fake.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
He's petty Fake news.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
He's fake.
I think it's like my theorythat bees are from God.
Yes, yellow jackets are fromthe devil.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
Absolutely.
What about cockroaches?
Speaker 2 (33:24):
I don't know, because bees, their buzz is so
harmonious and they have flowersand fruit and yes, yada, yada,
but yellow jackets poison ivydefinitely from the enemy right
weeds are from the enemy aloe isis definitely from god yes,
right, yes I don't know aboutthat, about poison ivy is
definitely from the enemy wouldthere ever be a fruit that you
(33:46):
think that is from the enemy?
Oh, dude, what was that?
Speaker 1 (33:49):
that awful cheese fruit we smelled no, but they
said it cures cancer oh no, thatone's good for diabetes, right,
right.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
The other one, those big yellow nuts on the trees
that we have in Cleveland.
That are just nothing.
They don't taste good, theydon't smell good.
They're just huge.
They're like grapefruit size.
Speaker 1 (34:10):
They're not pawpaws, are they?
Speaker 2 (34:11):
No, pawpaws are good fruit.
They're just ugly nuts thatcome off these ugly trees.
Speaker 1 (34:16):
They're like trees that are flowered, but then they
smell horrible.
Yes, the Bradford pear, thoseare from the enemy.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
I think those are probably from a lab somewhere in
the 70s?
Ooh, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:26):
I don't know.
All right, well, enough of that.
Yeah, Y'all take care.
Now you hear.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Gonna go now.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
Gonna go now bye.
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