In our new series, "Defeating Divorce," we start off by asking WHY Christian couples get divorced?
We open the season’s toughest theme with honesty and hope, asking why Christian couples still end up divorced and how to push back with faith, rhythm, and practical tools. We share our no “D-word” rule, our hardest years, and a path to rebuild identity, intimacy, and unity.
• loss of connection through selfish focus and unacknowledged effort
• boredom and busyness replacing curiosity, play and purpose
• missing spiritual foundation and misaligned expectations of leadership
• identity loss after marriage and parenting reducing clarity of needs
• practical rhythms of rest, Sabbath and boundaries during holidays
• fruit of the Spirit as lived practice, not slogan
• two perspectives—child of divorce and child of reconciliation—forming one toolkit
• encouragement, prayer and resources for couples on the brink
Order Selina’s new Christmas devotional, “Journey to the Heart of Christmas,” today!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Selina Almodovar (00:00):
Why do Christians get divorced?
Kyle Almodovar (00:01):
You have all the the money in the world, but if
you're not putting that energyinto caring for her and caring
for her needs, it's gonna leadto disconnection that leads to
divorce.
You are not in this for us.
Selina Almodovar (00:11):
Yeah, you're in this for you.
Kyle Almodovar (00:13):
That's gonna put you towards working towards
godly marriage.
Selina Almodovar (00:16):
It's not that easy.
We're not perfect people.
Kyle Almodovar (00:19):
By any means.
Selina Almodovar (00:20):
But by trusting in God, we learned what
it takes to build a friendship,a relationship, and marriage
that has stood the test of time.
Kyle Almodovar (00:29):
With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk
to you about everything thatwe've been through, are going
through, and have overcome allby learning how to lean on God
and each other.
Selina Almodovar (00:42):
In order to help you learn how to love by
faith.
Kyle Almodovar (00:58):
Oh wow, you already started recording.
Selina Almodovar (01:00):
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
You gotta stay ready, Kyle.
Like your quarter zip jackets.
You stay ready in those.
Kyle Almodovar (01:08):
It's good to go.
Selina Almodovar (01:09):
This is like day one.
You've been on quarter zips,they're finally catching up.
Kyle Almodovar (01:12):
Yeah, they don't know.
Selina Almodovar (01:13):
They didn't know.
I didn't know.
I did.
I did.
Kyle Almodovar (01:18):
Alright.
I knew.
I knew.
Selina Almodovar (01:20):
You knew.
How are you?
Kyle Almodovar (01:21):
I'm great, man.
Praise the Lord.
Healthy.
We've had a great season.
Selina Almodovar (01:24):
We're entering the holiday season.
We're in the holiday season.
Kyle Almodovar (01:27):
Going well.
You know what we've done wellthis season that I appreciate.
Well, and is big kudos to youis us being intentional with
taking time to go slow.
Selina Almodovar (01:36):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (01:36):
And like we've I know we try and have a Sunday
Sabbath, right?
But there's family times andthere's stuff to get together
for.
But we've been intentional withhaving that that Sunday where
we do nothing.
And that Sunday where we do thehouse stuff and get that done.
And that has been a huge, hugeblessing this season to stay
grounded and to stay stay lockedin and stay connected and not
(01:58):
get distracted by the season.
Selina Almodovar (01:59):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (02:00):
It's been great.
It's been so genuinely just Ifeel genuinely connected.
Yeah in our in our family.
Selina Almodovar (02:06):
Welcome.
I'm glad you said that becauseI actually I wrote a devotional.
I made this devotional becauseexact.
I know it's crazy.
Like I was just there.
You just talked about it.
I wasn't expecting you to talkabout it, but hey, since we're
here, we're here.
21-day devotional journey tothe heart of Christmas
reflections to guide you back tothe heart of the season.
(02:28):
This is primarily for women,but I think uh guys can get
something out of it too if theyif they want.
And um, it's exactly what youwere saying is that God has
really been showing me all 2025year long in order to really
make this work.
Kyle Almodovar (02:43):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (02:43):
In order to reach your goals and climb the
mountains and really stretchyourself to break into that
breakthrough you've been prayingfor, you really have to get
into a rhythm.
That's great, not just ofworking, but like taking care of
you, taking care of yourhealth, of your faith, yeah, of
your family, of the things thatis priority one, you know, you
(03:05):
have to find the balance and therhythm of that.
And God has really been showingme that.
So even now, as we are doingthis podcast and we're, you
know, we're focused on thisstuff, I am still working in
faith that the breaks when kidshave Christmas break and when
they have Thanksgiving break andwhen they have summer break,
like I am gonna put a very hardstop.
(03:27):
Yeah, you might not see it oncamera because we're gonna try
to get ahead of it, but there'sgonna be a hard stop.
And I'm not, I'm no longergonna feel anxious about it or
stressed about it.
I'm no longer gonna feel likeit is restricting me from
climbing and moving forwardbecause this is a rest that God
has put in my rhythm in orderfor me to continue at the pace
(03:49):
that He wants me to go on.
Kyle Almodovar (03:50):
And that that's that's wisdom.
Applying the old lessons thatyou know if you get bottled up
or bottlenecked into this, it'sgonna create anxiety.
It's gonna create uh conflictand remove your peace.
And so that's it's greatapplication of wisdom.
And I we always talk about forthe guys getting interested in
what your lady's interested in.
Well, if she picks up the bookand it's you know, it seems
(04:12):
pretty, I'm sorry, it's prettysoft, pretty feminine look
there.
But finding time to uh pauseand connect with her through
this will help.
And you can phase the questionsto be towards your
relationship.
Selina Almodovar (04:23):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (04:24):
So big shout out, Selena, with your new book,
new devotional.
Selina Almodovar (04:26):
Journey to the heart of Christmas, available
exclusively on Amazon andpaperback, hardcover and digital
as well.
Kyle Almodovar (04:32):
Thanks for uh thanks for putting that out for
everyone.
Selina Almodovar (04:34):
And now let's get back to our show.
Kyle Almodovar (04:36):
I think that leads us perfectly into our
topic.
Selina Almodovar (04:39):
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (04:39):
Welcome to Love by Faith Podcast, everyone.
We're glad to have you.
We're in season three, episodefive.
Selina Almodovar (04:46):
No.
Kyle Almodovar (04:46):
Four three?
Selina Almodovar (04:47):
Are you serious?
Kyle Almodovar (04:48):
We had all November and December five.
Episode five of season three.
Love by Faith Podcast with Kyleand Selena.
Alma Dovar.
We are glad to be here withyou.
Glad that you guys chose tojoin us.
Every month, we have a newseries.
This month series, we'retalking about what was that
phase?
That was a scrunchy face.
Selina Almodovar (05:06):
It was a you're so bubbly right now, and
our topic is so like dark.
Kyle Almodovar (05:13):
It's not dark.
It could be it could be a greatplace for people to really
connect this holiday season anddefinitely not a holiday.
Be serious.
Listen, the topic for December,we're talking about defeating
divorce.
Selina Almodovar (05:25):
Defeating divorce.
Kyle Almodovar (05:26):
And that is victory.
That is victory.
Defeating something, it'svictory.
Selina Almodovar (05:29):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (05:30):
It's crazy.
I'm just not crazy, but it Iwas this morning.
I was standing there and I wasthinking through all right,
we're gonna record a podcast.
We're talking about defeatingdivorce, defeating, taking it
off its feet, like taking itsfeet from out talk to us about
defeating divorce.
Yes, where you started withdefeating divorce.
Selina Almodovar (05:45):
So it sounds very exciting.
We're gonna defeat divorce, butas we all know, for those who
are listening and watching, andyou on this couch, divorce is a
very tricky, dark, realisticattack of the enemy, right?
Very realistic.
And I know, like, we werejoking, we're silly, we're
having a great time becausethat's what we do when we get on
(06:06):
this couch.
It's love by faith, and beingin love through your faith is a
really good thing.
And defeating divorce ispossible, absolutely 100% it is
possible.
But in this episode, we'regonna talk about how people
don't exactly get to that defeatstage.
Instead, we want to talk aboutwhy divorce happens, especially
(06:30):
in Christian relationships.
Yeah, why do Christians getdivorced?
Because you would think ifyou're a Christian and you met
and you guys are doingeverything, and God is at the
center, and this is great, andhe prays, and I pray, and it's
everything's gonna be great.
We get the marriage, thewedding, beautiful, we're
blessed, everybody's there, allthe church people are there.
Kyle Almodovar (06:47):
Happily ever after.
Selina Almodovar (06:48):
Happily ever after.
How do they still get divorced?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and that's that's wherewe're taking this journey.
That's where we're taking thisslay.
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (06:57):
I mean, and the goal is to not just not just
stomp and and kick down peoplewho are who are having a hard
time or in a challenging seasonof their marriage, but to build
up and encourage the church thatand give tools to work together
to to strengthen yourconnection.
Selina Almodovar (07:11):
Remember, at the at the end of this you know,
series this month, we aretalking about defeating divorce,
but that doesn't necessarilymean that divorce is gonna not
be had because there are couplesout there who are truly
considering this as an option,even as you are going through
the motions of the holidayseason.
And so we need to talk aboutit.
(07:32):
And for Christians, you know,who are out there, I think it's
it's really um something that wehave to point out is that
Christians believe that divorceis a really, really bad thing
because you know the Bible saysthat divorce is is not good and
and that's not how God intendedit to be.
And so when they are strugglingwith this topic and when they
are considering it, and whenthis becomes their realistic
(07:55):
choice that they have to make inorder for the sake of
themselves and families, we'llwe'll talk about more about that
later.
But then all of a sudden nowthey feel like they're doing
Christianity the wrong waybecause they had to go at it
this route.
And so we want this series tobe loving.
Absolutely, we don't want it tobe condemning, uplifting, we
(08:15):
want it to be uplifting, we wantit to be encouraging,
empowering.
We want uh the couples who areon the brink of it to know that
hey, we still have time, you'renot alone, and faith is still
there and God is still there,and we can see what we can do to
help you, you know, steer backtowards reconciliation and
loving by faith and and tryingto make it work.
(08:37):
And for those of people whodecide like it's just not
working, you know, and and thereare biblical reasons why people
would get divorced.
And so we want to talk aboutall of this this month.
Yeah, we want to share all ofthese things, but I think today
it would be a really good timeto talk about what are some of
the biggest reasons whyChristian couples get divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (09:00):
I'll start with one.
Okay, I'll start with with theloss of connection, the the
growing apart, the growing indifferent interests and growing
just diverging in how how you'rewant to live your life.
Okay.
With that, when you hear that,what is the women's side of the
struggle there?
Selina Almodovar (09:18):
I can't speak for everyone, obviously.
I think when people getmarried, when women get married,
they they really hold on tothat oneness.
Kyle Almodovar (09:27):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (09:28):
Like now it's uh we're one.
Okay.
And so if a woman or a man allof a sudden thinks only about
themselves, it becomes a selfishintention to grow, a selfish
motive to to serve in thechurch, selfish because they're
only thinking about their needs,selfish because they're only um
(09:50):
mindful of their circle, theirfriends, their family.
And you kind of leave behindthat partner that you agree to
be one with.
I think that causes a greatdisconnect because they feel
abandoned and rejected and likethe carpet was pulled from
underneath them, and they startto feel like you are not in this
for us.
(10:10):
Yeah, you're in this for you.
Therefore, I'm either going tothink about me and go my way,
yeah, or I'm going to, you know,beg and plea and nag and and
and moan and groan and lamentthat you are not doing it the
way you agreed to, which willalso lead to conflict.
Kyle Almodovar (10:27):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (10:28):
So it gets to the point where you know you're
gonna try to fight to to bringit back to two, to to becoming
one, yeah, or you're gonna say,I give up, I'm he's not thinking
about me, she's not thinkingabout me, so I have to think
about myself.
And so then I become selfish inthe process of it, and then you
have two selfish people livingunder the same household
expecting oneness to occur andit does not.
Kyle Almodovar (10:50):
Just expecting it to just poof come out of thin
air and and arrive when neitherof them are focusing on on
merging.
Selina Almodovar (10:57):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (10:58):
And I I see I see that great.
And from from the guy'sperspective, I would say that
that that connection losshappens.
It's it's kind of two sides tothe same coin.
The one side of the coin isthat that he tries to connect
with her, and she's in her ownzone, in her own world, in her
own career, and not receivingit.
(11:18):
Yeah.
And not giving in, not it's it'swhen he tries to set up a date
and the date is not good enoughfor her.
Or he tries to to bring her agift and the gift is not good
enough for her, or the wrongsize, or whatever, because it's
he's trying.
Yeah.
And instead of seeing that asthanks for making an effort, you
know, even though you, youknow, it gets shot down.
Right?
And the other side of that coinis that because he's tried and
(11:41):
been shot down so many times, ortried to connect, and she's
just whatever, too grumpy, tootired, too overstimulated, too,
too, too far gone from trying toconnect.
Yeah.
That he just gives up on tryingbecause why try when every time
I do try, it's wrong.
Selina Almodovar (11:57):
Yeah.
Kyle Almodovar (11:58):
And so that lack of connection there and so the
the expectation is never met, orthey're just not just just the
appreciation, just the theacknowledgement of the of the
effort, of the energy, of theyou know and this is all you
this could be five years in, andthen he's still trying, and
she's like just not evenreceiving it.
(12:18):
Yeah.
You know?
I would start there.
How about you?
Where would be the what'swhat's another layer to this
defeating divorce?
What do we have to defeat?
Losing connection.
What else do we have to defeat?
Selina Almodovar (12:28):
Well, I know when we were talking about this
in our in our own time, planningthis out, uh, we said boredom.
Boredom was one of the reasonswhy uh couples will get
divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (12:39):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (12:40):
Because they're just bored.
Kyle Almodovar (12:41):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (12:42):
They're bored, they're they're not laughing,
they're not feeling attraction,they're not their life, you
know.
Some people are more freespirited than others.
Kyle Almodovar (12:53):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (12:53):
You know, and when they get married and now
all of a sudden the the trackhas changed, or you can't do
whatever you want, you can't goanywhere where you want.
You got a bills to pay.
Right.
Now you got kids, and the kidsare whole quote unquote holding
you down and keeping you fromgrowing and doing what you want
to do.
Like now all of a suddenthey're bored and they're they
(13:14):
feel stuck in a life that theydid that is not giving, giving.
I guess it's the best way tosay it.
Kyle Almodovar (13:20):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (13:21):
Their life is not giving, and then they're
they're searching to forsomething to fill the void
instead of looking to God, andinstead of looking for, you
know, the spiritual intimacythat they should be getting.
You know, and a lot of times,like ultimately, I would think
one of the biggest reasons whypeople in the Christian culture
get divorced, and in outside ofthe Christian culture, is
(13:43):
because they don't have thatfirm foundation down that that
rests on God as the cornerstone.
They're not they're not lookingtowards him, they're looking
for him as a way out, butthey're not looking like, how
can I change myself?
How can I change my ways?
How can I humble myself?
You know, and and maybe oneperson is doing it more than the
other, or maybe they they'regoing through a really hard
(14:04):
season.
Like the enemy attacks, bro.
Yeah, the enemy attacks, likeone foul swoop to your picture
perfect marriage that puts youin a season of hardship, yeah,
could have you feeling like youare lost and alone and helpless
and nothing can solve it, andthen that can weigh in on your
marriage, and that could lead toa disconnect, and that could
(14:27):
lead to selfish-mindedness, andthat could lead to pain and
offense, and all of the thingsthat can breed from that.
Kyle Almodovar (14:34):
That spiritual unity is huge.
Very, and I I think uh a lot oftimes I hear that they want
that women want the man to bethe spiritual leader, yeah.
Right?
Yeah, and the man wants to bethe spiritual leader and is
distracted by the other thingsin life by having to provide in
the in the the worldly, pay thebills, put the food on the
(14:55):
table, those kind of things.
Yeah, and then the the lastthing they have the energy for
is to focus on stayingconnected, is to focus on
pouring back into her andpouring back into the
relationship, and the the kidsend up being the connection,
like hey, we gotta take care ofthese kids, we gotta go to this
school event, yeah.
But outside of that, they'renot they're not caring for each
(15:18):
other.
Yeah, he's not seeking the herwell-being, he's not seeking to
to serve her and to be outsideof himself, right?
Yeah.
So you could you have all thethe money in the world, but if
you're not putting that energyinto caring for her and caring
for her needs, it's gonna leadto disconnection that leads to
divorce.
Selina Almodovar (15:37):
Without a doubt.
One thing you mentioned is, youknow, when you get into this
marriage and and everythingstarts to come into play that
you have to take your eyes andfocus on those things.
One of the other reasons whycouples will get divorced is
because they lose themselves.
Kyle Almodovar (15:51):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (15:52):
They lose themselves, they have no idea
who they are, and therefore, ifthey don't know who they are,
there's no direction that theycan go in.
Wow.
I this happens a lot for women.
I don't know if it happens forguys, but it happens a lot for
women.
Like you get married and you'renow joined with this man.
Kyle Almodovar (16:08):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (16:08):
You le you leave your husband you leave
your family, you cleave to theman, right?
You some of you guys get yourname changed, so now your whole
identity has changed.
Your whole identity is changed.
So now you're a wife.
And who you used to be as asingle woman and all the things
you you worked so hard todevelop in your singleness.
Yeah.
And that identity, that thatwoman, that that strength, that
(16:31):
pillar that you spent all ofyour life building up.
Now it's not getting torn down,but it is now being reshaped
into something that has to nowmerge and mold with this man.
And so you kind of have alittle bit of an identity
crisis.
If you become a new mom or anew parent, you know, if you
become a new dad, like you'rehaving an identity crisis
because you're like, I'm not whoI used to be anymore.
(16:54):
I am this new person, but Idon't even know who this person
is.
And that could lead to adisconnect.
That could lead to suffering inthe marriage.
Kyle Almodovar (17:02):
Wow.
Selina Almodovar (17:02):
Because how can you tell your spouse how to
care for you and how to consideryour needs when you don't even
know what those are?
Hey everyone, we hope thatyou're enjoying this episode.
And right now, we want to justtake a small minute to introduce
to you the latest thing that wecreated to help you elevate
your relationship and take it tothe next level.
(17:23):
It's called the Love by Faithplaybook.
Kyle Almodovar (17:26):
Every good coach knows they have to have winning
plays.
We went through our foundationseries and we pulled out some of
the best winning plays andcreated strategies for you guys.
Plays like how to be betterfinancially, how to do ministry
together, how to be betterromantically, how to be better
family life.
We went through all thesedifferent areas from the
foundation series and put ittogether in a playbook.
Selina Almodovar (17:46):
So grab your love by faith playbook today.
You can use the link in thedescription below, enter it.
And the good news about this isthat it is a living document.
So you download it one time,and every single month, we are
gonna be updating this documentto give you fresh new plays to
help you and your partner loveby faith and create a winning
(18:07):
season.
Go ahead and get your love byfaith playbook now, and let's
get back into this episode.
Kyle Almodovar (18:17):
We talked a lot about all these different
symptoms of what leads todivorce.
Selina Almodovar (18:22):
We talked about the nice ones.
Kyle Almodovar (18:24):
Let's be really real with the audience.
Yeah, with the listeners.
Selina Almodovar (18:28):
Yeah.
Kyle Almodovar (18:28):
What was the hardest time in our marriage?
Selina Almodovar (18:30):
The whole the whole hard seasons episodes with
it was just uh of four or fivethings that happened all at
once.
So it was between 2018 to 2021,I would say.
Your mother passed, like mymother moved, your mother
passed, we got a house, therenovation, miscarriage or
infertility miscarriage.
Yeah, that that whole seasonwas was really we left the
(18:52):
church, we came back to like allthat happened in that same time
frame.
And it was just like it wasn'tjust one attack, it was a season
nuclear missiles repeatedly atus that really tried to break
us.
Not that divorce was ever atopic for us.
Kyle Almodovar (19:11):
That's exactly where I was going with this.
Yes, because through all that,one of our biggest, biggest,
biggest number one rule was thatwe don't say the D word in our
marriage.
We'll say it on here becausewe're talking about the topic.
But when we're in our space,yeah, we don't say the D word.
We don't bring it in, it's notan option.
It was never on the table.
(19:31):
Yes, it was always worst casescenario, we'll lock ourselves
in a room and we're not comingout till we figure it out.
Selina Almodovar (19:36):
So this happened.
I remember the very first timeyou mentioned this was the day
you proposed to me.
And so for background.
That's right.
Kyle Almodovar (19:46):
No, that was right.
For background.
Selina Almodovar (19:47):
Okay.
For background.
I came from a divorced family.
My my mother and my fatherdivorced when I was eight years
old.
I was in the second grade.
Before they got divorced, theywere separated.
I distinctly remember my mothermoved out.
There was a parental battlethere of where do the kids stay?
We have to go to school, wehave to keep them as normal as
possible.
But things started to changewhen I was in the first grade.
(20:10):
Okay, so this has been with memy whole life.
And when Kyle proposed to me,one of the biggest fears that I
had was what if it doesn't work?
What if we get divorced?
And I didn't tell him thisupfront because I'm just like,
oh my gosh, I'm getting engaged.
Like, this is are you sure?
Like, is this the guy?
And and I just felt God saying,like, do you trust me?
(20:30):
Then take this step, you know,like trust in me.
Don't trust him, trust in me.
Kyle Almodovar (20:34):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (20:34):
And and I'm leading you to this.
And so I trusted God.
I said yes.
Big celebration.
And we're in the cars becausewe're getting ready to like
announce this to our parents.
And I finally blurted it out.
I said, What if we get and hestopped me?
Kyle stopped me before I couldeven get the words out of my
mouth.
And he just, I don't know ifyou put your hand on my mouth or
(20:55):
you put your hand on your handon my hand, and you said, You're
never allowed to say that word.
Kyle Almodovar (21:02):
I probably would not have put my hand on your
mouth because I know howtriggering that could be for
you.
But don't be right intofighting.
Selina Almodovar (21:09):
But it's like, um and that's okay.
You were like, and you said itwas such an authority that for
me in that moment, it was myconfirmation of like, okay, I
can be secure in thisrelationship.
I can be can I can be securegoing into what's going to
become a marriage because theauthority that you had over that
attack right there.
Kyle Almodovar (21:30):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:30):
You know, and I think for a lot of couples,
divorce is an option that theykeep in their back pocket.
You know, they they they'relike, well, if it doesn't work
out, I'll just get divorced.
Like it's it's an easy.
It's a it's it's not it's noteasy.
Let me let me, I don't it'sit's never easy.
Divorce is never easy, but youknow, it's it's one solution.
Kyle Almodovar (21:49):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:50):
If the problem gets too hard, if the problem
gets too big.
And like I said before in thepast, there are biblical reasons
why people would get divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (21:59):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:59):
Okay.
There are ways that Mosescreated where, you know, God
said, okay, this is okay.
And there are some people outthere who are in relationships
who go to church every Sundayand who their character is just
not who they said they were.
Kyle Almodovar (22:15):
Wow.
Selina Almodovar (22:16):
You know what I mean?
And it causes the divorce.
It's just people are in theirown selves.
People be feeling themselves alittle too much.
I'm look, I'm just gonna behonest.
And they talk a lot of stuff,but they don't back it up with
action, and their heartdefinitely doesn't produce the
fruit that they said they wouldhave.
You know, and so it causes thedivorce.
(22:37):
And for you to and and and inthose situations, I believe that
sometimes those kind of peoplethat are acting like that and
are thinking like that, andthey're just in their own thing,
they have divorce in their backpocket because they're like, if
it ever gets too bad, I couldjust divorce them and it'll be
fine.
And I'll just start over.
Kyle Almodovar (22:56):
I think when you're coming down to this point
and you're feeling so I thinkyou feel scared.
I think you feel nervous aboutwhat are we doing, where is this
going and why is this happeningto us?
Why is this happening to me?
The the simple go back to is goback to the fruits of the
spirit.
Yeah.
And everything that is in thefruit of the spirit will help
(23:19):
your marriage to grow strongerand grow firmer and grow
tighter.
And if you're both committed toworking towards that fruit of
the spirit, love, joy, peace,patience, kindness, goodness,
goodness, faithfulness,faithfulness, gentleness,
self-control.
When you're working togethertowards those things, using
those things, and and reallyconsidering that I don't care if
you have to put a put a post-itnote in every room with those
(23:40):
those reminders on there, that'sgonna put you towards working
towards godly marriage.
Selina Almodovar (23:44):
It's not that easy.
Kyle Almodovar (23:46):
It's not that easy.
Why?
Selina Almodovar (23:47):
It's not that easy.
We're we're only thinking abouthow they're responding in the
moment.
We're not thinking abouttraumas from the past, we're not
thinking about baggage thatthey're still carrying, we're
not thinking about childhoodupbringing and what they were
conformed to believe as a child.
We're not thinking about theworld and the worldly standards,
(24:09):
we're not thinking aboutinfluences, who are they
allowing into their life tospeak to them?
Because for all we know, theirmost wisest mentor is the one
encouraging the divorce becausethey're not exercising the
fruits of the spirit.
So bad counsel, bad counsel,you know.
For all we know, the thetemptations that we talked about
(24:31):
in the last series.
Yeah, the temptations are trulygetting over them, getting the
best of them.
It's it's not it's not as easyit as it is to just say, look at
a post-it and it says patience,and okay, I'm gonna do
patience.
Sometimes they're real likelike I said, I believe divorce
(24:51):
is an attack of the enemy.
I believe that no person,Christian or not, wants to
experience divorce.
Because if that were the case,why are we spending so much
money on the wedding?
Like we're we're trying to makethis like our happy ending,
like this is the grand finale ofthe rest of your life.
Like you're you're proud ofthis.
And to have a divorce ishumiliating.
It's it's humiliating becauseit backs out everything that you
(25:12):
said you would do.
You made vows in front ofpeople, there were witnesses,
and you're now going back on it.
And so it is humiliating.
It is a shameful thing.
And you know what breeds that?
But the enemy.
The enemy is trying to get youso that you don't form families,
so you're not fruitful inmultiplying, so that you do not
exercise dominion over the worldas God intended for us to have
(25:34):
in the beginning.
He is trying to get us at itscore, he's trying to divide us
and split us, he's trying toshow us that love is not real.
He's trying to show us that thevows don't matter.
He's trying to show us that Goddoesn't exist because if he
did, then why did this happen inthe first place?
The enemy is cunning and he isgoing at you with missiles and
nukes, and he's shooting at youtime and time again until you
(25:58):
break.
And I believe that the hardseason that we went through,
2018 to 2021, he was shooting atus because he wanted us to go
down and not come back up.
Kyle Almodovar (26:09):
He missed.
Selina Almodovar (26:10):
He wanted us to go.
No, he shot, but we survived.
We survived.
And we have to use the rest ofthis series to show people how
to survive those shots.
Kyle Almodovar (26:23):
That's great.
Man, I feel like I'm like overhere oversimplifying things, and
you're like, no, it's deeperthan that.
Well, and I'm like, well, thisis let's just use the Bible.
And you're like, no, it'sdeeper than that.
And it's great.
No, it's it's real becausebecause it shows our two
dispositions.
Selina Almodovar (26:37):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (26:37):
I have this sunny, everything is cool.
Yeah.
We can figure this out.
Let me put a post-it on thewall, and I'll remember.
And you're just super I don'tit's like you have this, uh you
have a very tactical way toapproach things that you need,
and that's how you've you'veadapted it to to live your life,
(26:59):
to be to where you are, andit's beautiful.
And our our two sides gotogether to mesh very well.
Because my practical just justsay no approach and your deep
searching, longing tacticalapproach merge well together,
and that playing off of eachother as a couple is one of our
strongest points that helps usdefeat divorce.
Selina Almodovar (27:21):
Yes, yes, I think this is exactly why we are
qualified to have thisconversation because Kyle, you
grew up in a house where divorcewas never there, right?
You never had to go through thetrenches, you never had to
survive in divorce.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and so you're looking atit from that side, and you're
(27:41):
looking at it from I know how Ihave seen and I have felt and I
have experienced what it lookslike when times get hard and how
to walk away from it withoutdivorce.
Kyle Almodovar (27:52):
I watched my parents fight and argue and say
sorry and hug it out.
You've seen that side and yeah,tell me to go play opposite
side so they could you know talkand yes, and for me, process
that healthier for me.
Selina Almodovar (28:06):
I am on the other side of the train tracks.
I've seen the ugliness ofdivorce.
I've had to go through the hurtand the pain.
I've had to grow into thatshell, you know, because that
shell was the only thing thatkept me safe.
And I have been in the warzone, and I know those dark
(28:27):
sides that you would never eventhink of because you never
experienced them.
I would never think of yoursolutions because I never
experienced them.
And that is why, with our twomindsets and our two points of
views combined together, itmakes it a perfect hybrid for us
to talk about how couples candefeat divorce because we're not
(28:49):
gonna sugarcoat this, but atthe same time, practical
application can actually workeven when you don't think so,
because all you've seen ishardship.
That's why we're qualified tohave this conversation, and
that's why we're qualified tohave relationship renovations
for couples who are trulyseeking it, for couples who want
(29:12):
to, you know, dismiss divorcefrom their vocabulary, right?
Who want to put death to thedivorce and not to their
marriage, as the enemy isintending.
Kyle Almodovar (29:23):
That's right.
Selina Almodovar (29:23):
You know, you know, it's like the gladiator
scene where is that is that whatis it?
Kyle Almodovar (29:28):
Are you not entertained?
Selina Almodovar (29:29):
Are you not entertained?
Yeah, is this what you camefor?
Kyle Almodovar (29:32):
Is that not why you're here?
Selina Almodovar (29:33):
Is that not why you're here?
You know, and we can look atthe enemy square in the eye and
tell him, like, are you notentertained?
Like, I'm still here.
Yeah, I'm the gladiator.
Kyle Almodovar (29:44):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (29:45):
And like we can walk away from this year,
from this season, from thishardship, and we can start a
whole new season on a wholetotally new different
perspective with a newfound loveand with a newfound faith.
Because that is what love byfaith does.
Kyle Almodovar (30:02):
Amen.
Amen.
Selina Almodovar (30:03):
What's up, love by faith family?
We want to say thank you somuch for your support in
watching and engaging in everysingle episode that we have put
out thus far.
We could not have made it thisfar without you.
Kyle Almodovar (30:14):
That's right.
And we want to grow more.
We want to create newresources.
We want to increase our reachand we want to provide more for
you guys.
But the only way to make thathappen is for you to come
alongside and partner with us tosow a seed into this ministry
to help it grow.
Selina Almodovar (30:29):
Because at the end of the day, it's not about
getting new equipment or puttingout new resources.
It's about expanding thekingdom.
It's about creating godlymarriages.
And we can do that if youpartner alongside us with your
financial support.
There's a link below that youcan click on.
You can contribute one time oryou can partner with us on a
(30:50):
monthly basis and help us sow aseed so that love by faith can
continue to grow and reach themasses.
Kyle Almodovar (30:57):
If you want to see this ministry grow, follow
the link below and thank you.
We thank you for giving and forbeing just part of this journey
with us.
Selina Almodovar (31:05):
So that together we can love by faith.
Kyle Almodovar (31:08):
Love by faith, y'all.
Selina Almodovar (31:12):
You said you weren't gonna do the joke.
Kyle Almodovar (31:14):
That's not a joke.
It's a catchphrase.
Selina Almodovar (31:20):
It's not a catch- Can you please just use
the link and click below and wewould be grateful.
In Jesus' name.
Kyle Almodovar (31:27):
Amen.
Divorce doesn't have to happen.
Divorce is not the only wayout.
Divorce is not the only waythrough the problems.
It's gonna take time.
It's not gonna be easy.
Like Selena said, she describedit as being in the trenches.
You're not gonna be in thetrenches forever, but it is
gonna take work.
You are gonna have to dig out.
You are gonna have to press inand die to yourself for the sake
(31:50):
of the relationship, for thesake of your partner, for the
sake of what God has called youto.
Amen.
We're here to just work throughthat with you, to give
encouragement, to build hope,and to foster just that trust
and that love that we can sharefrom Scripture and from God and
from the Holy Spirit power.
Amen.
We appreciate you being here.
(32:11):
Um Selena, why don't you leadus in prayer today?
Selina Almodovar (32:14):
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (32:14):
I feel like I prayed a whole bunch last month,
and so I'll let you do that.
Selina Almodovar (32:18):
We pray together.
Amen.
Lord, we just lift up thesecouples that are listening to
this podcast and watching today.
We pray that you meet themwhere they're at.
You help them in their heartwith their feelings, with their
thoughts, with their offenses.
If they're thinking orconsidering, if they've been
hurt by divorce, if they'restruggling through these
(32:40):
trenches, we pray that you'rewith them.
We pray that you guide them,that you lead them out safely,
swiftly, and into a place whereyour light shines, your love
flows, forgiveness is had.
We pray that you help thesepeople and that you provide for
them reconciliation or counselor wisdom.
You point them in thescriptures where they need to
(33:01):
read so that they can be edifiedin their spirit and in their
soul, that they could bestrengthened in their marriage.
We pray that as we continue inthis series, that you continue
to give us the words ofencouragement that we can use,
that people can uh be ministeredto through you, and that they
would find this as a silverlining to help them renovate
(33:23):
their relationship and reconcileback to the mission that you
had for them.
Yes, Lord.
We pray that they are protectedand they are at peace in Jesus'
name.
Amen.
Kyle Almodovar (33:34):
Amen.
Amen.
Man, thank you guys for beinghere, for listening to our
podcast.
Like, share, subscribe, andfive-star reviews on all the
podcast platforms.
We appreciate that.
We appreciate your your loveand your loyalty and your just
your faithfulness to be in thisfight with us together.
Yeah.
We we work hard to to keep ourrelationship where it is, and we
(33:56):
pray that that you guys workhard to keep your relationship
strong and tough and and justwhat God has called it to be.
Thanks for being with us onthis episode of Love by Faith.
As we say at the end of everyepisode, love by faith.
Love by faith, y'all.
Selina Almodovar (34:11):
Have a good one.
We'll see you next week.
Kyle Almodovar (34:13):
That's great.
It's funny.
See you next week.
Did you see the Kev on Stagevideo with the dude who was
passive aggressive praying?
Selina Almodovar (34:27):
No.
Kyle Almodovar (34:28):
Oh my gosh, it's so funny.
I'll describe it real quick.
It's it's like it's I don'tknow if it's a sketch comedy,
but it's hilarious.
And he's Kev's pretending to bethe marriage counselor.
Okay.
And the couple sitting on thecouch, and Kev's sitting on like
the host chair of thecounselor.
Selina Almodovar (34:42):
I've seen this series.
I don't know if it's a podcastor what, but he has multiple
couples.
Kyle Almodovar (34:46):
And the the wife's in this kind of skimpy
dress, and the husband's in thefull suit.
And she's like, Well, you know,when he prays, I kind of feels
like he's just passiveaggressive praying for issues.
And Kev's like, Well, why don'twe pray together?
And and whatever the guy's nameis, why don't you pray for us?
Okay.
And he goes into this prayerand he's like, Lord, I thank you
(35:08):
for modesty.
I thank you for giving us thegifts of of love and marriage.
And it's just so funny.
We'll have to find it and linkit.
It's funny.
It's a good one.
Kevin on stage is funny.
Kev on stage is shout out toyou, Kev.
You do great, great work, mate.
Selina Almodovar (35:23):
If you want some, if you want a if you want
a couple to come onto yourpodcast and talk, you know, just
hit us up.
Love by Faith Ministries.
Kyle Almodovar (35:30):
Yes.
Oh man, that's great.
We talked a lot today.
Selina Almodovar (35:35):
We did.
Kyle Almodovar (35:36):
I'm close to having to go.
Selina Almodovar (35:37):
No, no way.
Are you serious?
Are you really?
Kyle & Selina Almodovar (35:41):
No.
Dang.
I gotta go.
Selina Almodovar (35:43):
How are you gonna do this to me?
What is that?
What's that one song?
Um But baby, it's cold outside.
Why do Christians get divorced?
Kyle Almodovar (00:01):
You have all the the money in the world, but if
you're not putting that energyinto caring for her and caring
for her needs, it's gonna leadto disconnection that leads to
divorce.
You are not in this for us.
Selina Almodovar (00:11):
Yeah, you're in this for you.
Kyle Almodovar (00:13):
That's gonna put you towards working towards
godly marriage.
Selina Almodovar (00:16):
It's not that easy.
We're not perfect people.
Kyle Almodovar (00:19):
By any means.
Selina Almodovar (00:20):
But by trusting in God, we learned what
it takes to build a friendship,a relationship, and marriage
that has stood the test of time.
Kyle Almodovar (00:29):
With a keeping it real style, we're gonna talk
to you about everything thatwe've been through, are going
through, and have overcome allby learning how to lean on God
and each other.
Selina Almodovar (00:42):
In order to help you learn how to love by
faith.
Kyle Almodovar (00:58):
Oh wow, you already started recording.
Selina Almodovar (01:00):
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
You gotta stay ready, Kyle.
Like your quarter zip jackets.
You stay ready in those.
Kyle Almodovar (01:08):
It's good to go.
Selina Almodovar (01:09):
This is like day one.
You've been on quarter zips,they're finally catching up.
Kyle Almodovar (01:12):
Yeah, they don't know.
Selina Almodovar (01:13):
They didn't know.
I didn't know.
I did.
I did.
Kyle Almodovar (01:18):
Alright.
I knew.
I knew.
Selina Almodovar (01:20):
You knew.
How are you?
Kyle Almodovar (01:21):
I'm great, man.
Praise the Lord.
Healthy.
We've had a great season.
Selina Almodovar (01:24):
We're entering the holiday season.
We're in the holiday season.
Kyle Almodovar (01:27):
Going well.
You know what we've done wellthis season that I appreciate.
Well, and is big kudos to youis us being intentional with
taking time to go slow.
Selina Almodovar (01:36):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (01:36):
And like we've I know we try and have a Sunday
Sabbath, right?
But there's family times andthere's stuff to get together
for.
But we've been intentional withhaving that that Sunday where
we do nothing.
And that Sunday where we do thehouse stuff and get that done.
And that has been a huge, hugeblessing this season to stay
grounded and to stay stay lockedin and stay connected and not
(01:58):
get distracted by the season.
Selina Almodovar (01:59):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (02:00):
It's been great.
It's been so genuinely just Ifeel genuinely connected.
Yeah in our in our family.
Selina Almodovar (02:06):
Welcome.
I'm glad you said that becauseI actually I wrote a devotional.
I made this devotional becauseexact.
I know it's crazy.
Like I was just there.
You just talked about it.
I wasn't expecting you to talkabout it, but hey, since we're
here, we're here.
21-day devotional journey tothe heart of Christmas
reflections to guide you back tothe heart of the season.
(02:28):
This is primarily for women,but I think uh guys can get
something out of it too if theyif they want.
And um, it's exactly what youwere saying is that God has
really been showing me all 2025year long in order to really
make this work.
Kyle Almodovar (02:43):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (02:43):
In order to reach your goals and climb the
mountains and really stretchyourself to break into that
breakthrough you've been prayingfor, you really have to get
into a rhythm.
That's great, not just ofworking, but like taking care of
you, taking care of yourhealth, of your faith, yeah, of
your family, of the things thatis priority one, you know, you
(03:05):
have to find the balance and therhythm of that.
And God has really been showingme that.
So even now, as we are doingthis podcast and we're, you
know, we're focused on thisstuff, I am still working in
faith that the breaks when kidshave Christmas break and when
they have Thanksgiving break andwhen they have summer break,
like I am gonna put a very hardstop.
(03:27):
Yeah, you might not see it oncamera because we're gonna try
to get ahead of it, but there'sgonna be a hard stop.
And I'm not, I'm no longergonna feel anxious about it or
stressed about it.
I'm no longer gonna feel likeit is restricting me from
climbing and moving forwardbecause this is a rest that God
has put in my rhythm in orderfor me to continue at the pace
(03:49):
that He wants me to go on.
Kyle Almodovar (03:50):
And that that's that's wisdom.
Applying the old lessons thatyou know if you get bottled up
or bottlenecked into this, it'sgonna create anxiety.
It's gonna create uh conflictand remove your peace.
And so that's it's greatapplication of wisdom.
And I we always talk about forthe guys getting interested in
what your lady's interested in.
Well, if she picks up the bookand it's you know, it seems
(04:12):
pretty, I'm sorry, it's prettysoft, pretty feminine look
there.
But finding time to uh pauseand connect with her through
this will help.
And you can phase the questionsto be towards your
relationship.
Selina Almodovar (04:23):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (04:24):
So big shout out, Selena, with your new book,
new devotional.
Selina Almodovar (04:26):
Journey to the heart of Christmas, available
exclusively on Amazon andpaperback, hardcover and digital
as well.
Kyle Almodovar (04:32):
Thanks for uh thanks for putting that out for
everyone.
Selina Almodovar (04:34):
And now let's get back to our show.
Kyle Almodovar (04:36):
I think that leads us perfectly into our
topic.
Selina Almodovar (04:39):
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (04:39):
Welcome to Love by Faith Podcast, everyone.
We're glad to have you.
We're in season three, episodefive.
Selina Almodovar (04:46):
No.
Kyle Almodovar (04:46):
Four three?
Selina Almodovar (04:47):
Are you serious?
Kyle Almodovar (04:48):
We had all November and December five.
Episode five of season three.
Love by Faith Podcast with Kyleand Selena.
Alma Dovar.
We are glad to be here withyou.
Glad that you guys chose tojoin us.
Every month, we have a newseries.
This month series, we'retalking about what was that
phase?
That was a scrunchy face.
Selina Almodovar (05:06):
It was a you're so bubbly right now, and
our topic is so like dark.
Kyle Almodovar (05:13):
It's not dark.
It could be it could be a greatplace for people to really
connect this holiday season anddefinitely not a holiday.
Be serious.
Listen, the topic for December,we're talking about defeating
divorce.
Selina Almodovar (05:25):
Defeating divorce.
Kyle Almodovar (05:26):
And that is victory.
That is victory.
Defeating something, it'svictory.
Selina Almodovar (05:29):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (05:30):
It's crazy.
I'm just not crazy, but it Iwas this morning.
I was standing there and I wasthinking through all right,
we're gonna record a podcast.
We're talking about defeatingdivorce, defeating, taking it
off its feet, like taking itsfeet from out talk to us about
defeating divorce.
Yes, where you started withdefeating divorce.
Selina Almodovar (05:45):
So it sounds very exciting.
We're gonna defeat divorce, butas we all know, for those who
are listening and watching, andyou on this couch, divorce is a
very tricky, dark, realisticattack of the enemy, right?
Very realistic.
And I know, like, we werejoking, we're silly, we're
having a great time becausethat's what we do when we get on
(06:06):
this couch.
It's love by faith, and beingin love through your faith is a
really good thing.
And defeating divorce ispossible, absolutely 100% it is
possible.
But in this episode, we'regonna talk about how people
don't exactly get to that defeatstage.
Instead, we want to talk aboutwhy divorce happens, especially
(06:30):
in Christian relationships.
Yeah, why do Christians getdivorced?
Because you would think ifyou're a Christian and you met
and you guys are doingeverything, and God is at the
center, and this is great, andhe prays, and I pray, and it's
everything's gonna be great.
We get the marriage, thewedding, beautiful, we're
blessed, everybody's there, allthe church people are there.
Kyle Almodovar (06:47):
Happily ever after.
Selina Almodovar (06:48):
Happily ever after.
How do they still get divorced?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and that's that's wherewe're taking this journey.
That's where we're taking thisslay.
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (06:57):
I mean, and the goal is to not just not just
stomp and and kick down peoplewho are who are having a hard
time or in a challenging seasonof their marriage, but to build
up and encourage the church thatand give tools to work together
to to strengthen yourconnection.
Selina Almodovar (07:11):
Remember, at the at the end of this you know,
series this month, we aretalking about defeating divorce,
but that doesn't necessarilymean that divorce is gonna not
be had because there are couplesout there who are truly
considering this as an option,even as you are going through
the motions of the holidayseason.
And so we need to talk aboutit.
(07:32):
And for Christians, you know,who are out there, I think it's
it's really um something that wehave to point out is that
Christians believe that divorceis a really, really bad thing
because you know the Bible saysthat divorce is is not good and
and that's not how God intendedit to be.
And so when they are strugglingwith this topic and when they
are considering it, and whenthis becomes their realistic
(07:55):
choice that they have to make inorder for the sake of
themselves and families, we'llwe'll talk about more about that
later.
But then all of a sudden nowthey feel like they're doing
Christianity the wrong waybecause they had to go at it
this route.
And so we want this series tobe loving.
Absolutely, we don't want it tobe condemning, uplifting, we
(08:15):
want it to be uplifting, we wantit to be encouraging,
empowering.
We want uh the couples who areon the brink of it to know that
hey, we still have time, you'renot alone, and faith is still
there and God is still there,and we can see what we can do to
help you, you know, steer backtowards reconciliation and
loving by faith and and tryingto make it work.
(08:37):
And for those of people whodecide like it's just not
working, you know, and and thereare biblical reasons why people
would get divorced.
And so we want to talk aboutall of this this month.
Yeah, we want to share all ofthese things, but I think today
it would be a really good timeto talk about what are some of
the biggest reasons whyChristian couples get divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (09:00):
I'll start with one.
Okay, I'll start with with theloss of connection, the the
growing apart, the growing indifferent interests and growing
just diverging in how how you'rewant to live your life.
Okay.
With that, when you hear that,what is the women's side of the
struggle there?
Selina Almodovar (09:18):
I can't speak for everyone, obviously.
I think when people getmarried, when women get married,
they they really hold on tothat oneness.
Kyle Almodovar (09:27):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (09:28):
Like now it's uh we're one.
Okay.
And so if a woman or a man allof a sudden thinks only about
themselves, it becomes a selfishintention to grow, a selfish
motive to to serve in thechurch, selfish because they're
only thinking about their needs,selfish because they're only um
(09:50):
mindful of their circle, theirfriends, their family.
And you kind of leave behindthat partner that you agree to
be one with.
I think that causes a greatdisconnect because they feel
abandoned and rejected and likethe carpet was pulled from
underneath them, and they startto feel like you are not in this
for us.
(10:10):
Yeah, you're in this for you.
Therefore, I'm either going tothink about me and go my way,
yeah, or I'm going to, you know,beg and plea and nag and and
and moan and groan and lamentthat you are not doing it the
way you agreed to, which willalso lead to conflict.
Kyle Almodovar (10:27):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (10:28):
So it gets to the point where you know you're
gonna try to fight to to bringit back to two, to to becoming
one, yeah, or you're gonna say,I give up, I'm he's not thinking
about me, she's not thinkingabout me, so I have to think
about myself.
And so then I become selfish inthe process of it, and then you
have two selfish people livingunder the same household
expecting oneness to occur andit does not.
Kyle Almodovar (10:50):
Just expecting it to just poof come out of thin
air and and arrive when neitherof them are focusing on on
merging.
Selina Almodovar (10:57):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (10:58):
And I I see I see that great.
And from from the guy'sperspective, I would say that
that that connection losshappens.
It's it's kind of two sides tothe same coin.
The one side of the coin isthat that he tries to connect
with her, and she's in her ownzone, in her own world, in her
own career, and not receivingit.
(11:18):
Yeah.
And not giving in, not it's it'swhen he tries to set up a date
and the date is not good enoughfor her.
Or he tries to to bring her agift and the gift is not good
enough for her, or the wrongsize, or whatever, because it's
he's trying.
Yeah.
And instead of seeing that asthanks for making an effort, you
know, even though you, youknow, it gets shot down.
Right?
And the other side of that coinis that because he's tried and
(11:41):
been shot down so many times, ortried to connect, and she's
just whatever, too grumpy, tootired, too overstimulated, too,
too, too far gone from trying toconnect.
Yeah.
That he just gives up on tryingbecause why try when every time
I do try, it's wrong.
Selina Almodovar (11:57):
Yeah.
Kyle Almodovar (11:58):
And so that lack of connection there and so the
the expectation is never met, orthey're just not just just the
appreciation, just the theacknowledgement of the of the
effort, of the energy, of theyou know and this is all you
this could be five years in, andthen he's still trying, and
she's like just not evenreceiving it.
(12:18):
Yeah.
You know?
I would start there.
How about you?
Where would be the what'swhat's another layer to this
defeating divorce?
What do we have to defeat?
Losing connection.
What else do we have to defeat?
Selina Almodovar (12:28):
Well, I know when we were talking about this
in our in our own time, planningthis out, uh, we said boredom.
Boredom was one of the reasonswhy uh couples will get
divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (12:39):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (12:40):
Because they're just bored.
Kyle Almodovar (12:41):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (12:42):
They're bored, they're they're not laughing,
they're not feeling attraction,they're not their life, you
know.
Some people are more freespirited than others.
Kyle Almodovar (12:53):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (12:53):
You know, and when they get married and now
all of a sudden the the trackhas changed, or you can't do
whatever you want, you can't goanywhere where you want.
You got a bills to pay.
Right.
Now you got kids, and the kidsare whole quote unquote holding
you down and keeping you fromgrowing and doing what you want
to do.
Like now all of a suddenthey're bored and they're they
(13:14):
feel stuck in a life that theydid that is not giving, giving.
I guess it's the best way tosay it.
Kyle Almodovar (13:20):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (13:21):
Their life is not giving, and then they're
they're searching to forsomething to fill the void
instead of looking to God, andinstead of looking for, you
know, the spiritual intimacythat they should be getting.
You know, and a lot of times,like ultimately, I would think
one of the biggest reasons whypeople in the Christian culture
get divorced, and in outside ofthe Christian culture, is
(13:43):
because they don't have thatfirm foundation down that that
rests on God as the cornerstone.
They're not they're not lookingtowards him, they're looking
for him as a way out, butthey're not looking like, how
can I change myself?
How can I change my ways?
How can I humble myself?
You know, and and maybe oneperson is doing it more than the
other, or maybe they they'regoing through a really hard
(14:04):
season.
Like the enemy attacks, bro.
Yeah, the enemy attacks, likeone foul swoop to your picture
perfect marriage that puts youin a season of hardship, yeah,
could have you feeling like youare lost and alone and helpless
and nothing can solve it, andthen that can weigh in on your
marriage, and that could lead toa disconnect, and that could
(14:27):
lead to selfish-mindedness, andthat could lead to pain and
offense, and all of the thingsthat can breed from that.
Kyle Almodovar (14:34):
That spiritual unity is huge.
Very, and I I think uh a lot oftimes I hear that they want
that women want the man to bethe spiritual leader, yeah.
Right?
Yeah, and the man wants to bethe spiritual leader and is
distracted by the other thingsin life by having to provide in
the in the the worldly, pay thebills, put the food on the
(14:55):
table, those kind of things.
Yeah, and then the the lastthing they have the energy for
is to focus on stayingconnected, is to focus on
pouring back into her andpouring back into the
relationship, and the the kidsend up being the connection,
like hey, we gotta take care ofthese kids, we gotta go to this
school event, yeah.
But outside of that, they'renot they're not caring for each
(15:18):
other.
Yeah, he's not seeking the herwell-being, he's not seeking to
to serve her and to be outsideof himself, right?
Yeah.
So you could you have all thethe money in the world, but if
you're not putting that energyinto caring for her and caring
for her needs, it's gonna leadto disconnection that leads to
divorce.
Selina Almodovar (15:37):
Without a doubt.
One thing you mentioned is, youknow, when you get into this
marriage and and everythingstarts to come into play that
you have to take your eyes andfocus on those things.
One of the other reasons whycouples will get divorced is
because they lose themselves.
Kyle Almodovar (15:51):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (15:52):
They lose themselves, they have no idea
who they are, and therefore, ifthey don't know who they are,
there's no direction that theycan go in.
Wow.
I this happens a lot for women.
I don't know if it happens forguys, but it happens a lot for
women.
Like you get married and you'renow joined with this man.
Kyle Almodovar (16:08):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (16:08):
You le you leave your husband you leave
your family, you cleave to theman, right?
You some of you guys get yourname changed, so now your whole
identity has changed.
Your whole identity is changed.
So now you're a wife.
And who you used to be as asingle woman and all the things
you you worked so hard todevelop in your singleness.
Yeah.
And that identity, that thatwoman, that that strength, that
(16:31):
pillar that you spent all ofyour life building up.
Now it's not getting torn down,but it is now being reshaped
into something that has to nowmerge and mold with this man.
And so you kind of have alittle bit of an identity
crisis.
If you become a new mom or anew parent, you know, if you
become a new dad, like you'rehaving an identity crisis
because you're like, I'm not whoI used to be anymore.
(16:54):
I am this new person, but Idon't even know who this person
is.
And that could lead to adisconnect.
That could lead to suffering inthe marriage.
Kyle Almodovar (17:02):
Wow.
Selina Almodovar (17:02):
Because how can you tell your spouse how to
care for you and how to consideryour needs when you don't even
know what those are?
Hey everyone, we hope thatyou're enjoying this episode.
And right now, we want to justtake a small minute to introduce
to you the latest thing that wecreated to help you elevate
your relationship and take it tothe next level.
(17:23):
It's called the Love by Faithplaybook.
Kyle Almodovar (17:26):
Every good coach knows they have to have winning
plays.
We went through our foundationseries and we pulled out some of
the best winning plays andcreated strategies for you guys.
Plays like how to be betterfinancially, how to do ministry
together, how to be betterromantically, how to be better
family life.
We went through all thesedifferent areas from the
foundation series and put ittogether in a playbook.
Selina Almodovar (17:46):
So grab your love by faith playbook today.
You can use the link in thedescription below, enter it.
And the good news about this isthat it is a living document.
So you download it one time,and every single month, we are
gonna be updating this documentto give you fresh new plays to
help you and your partner loveby faith and create a winning
(18:07):
season.
Go ahead and get your love byfaith playbook now, and let's
get back into this episode.
Kyle Almodovar (18:17):
We talked a lot about all these different
symptoms of what leads todivorce.
Selina Almodovar (18:22):
We talked about the nice ones.
Kyle Almodovar (18:24):
Let's be really real with the audience.
Yeah, with the listeners.
Selina Almodovar (18:28):
Yeah.
Kyle Almodovar (18:28):
What was the hardest time in our marriage?
Selina Almodovar (18:30):
The whole the whole hard seasons episodes with
it was just uh of four or fivethings that happened all at
once.
So it was between 2018 to 2021,I would say.
Your mother passed, like mymother moved, your mother
passed, we got a house, therenovation, miscarriage or
infertility miscarriage.
Yeah, that that whole seasonwas was really we left the
(18:52):
church, we came back to like allthat happened in that same time
frame.
And it was just like it wasn'tjust one attack, it was a season
nuclear missiles repeatedly atus that really tried to break
us.
Not that divorce was ever atopic for us.
Kyle Almodovar (19:11):
That's exactly where I was going with this.
Yes, because through all that,one of our biggest, biggest,
biggest number one rule was thatwe don't say the D word in our
marriage.
We'll say it on here becausewe're talking about the topic.
But when we're in our space,yeah, we don't say the D word.
We don't bring it in, it's notan option.
It was never on the table.
(19:31):
Yes, it was always worst casescenario, we'll lock ourselves
in a room and we're not comingout till we figure it out.
Selina Almodovar (19:36):
So this happened.
I remember the very first timeyou mentioned this was the day
you proposed to me.
And so for background.
That's right.
Kyle Almodovar (19:46):
No, that was right.
For background.
Selina Almodovar (19:47):
Okay.
For background.
I came from a divorced family.
My my mother and my fatherdivorced when I was eight years
old.
I was in the second grade.
Before they got divorced, theywere separated.
I distinctly remember my mothermoved out.
There was a parental battlethere of where do the kids stay?
We have to go to school, wehave to keep them as normal as
possible.
But things started to changewhen I was in the first grade.
(20:10):
Okay, so this has been with memy whole life.
And when Kyle proposed to me,one of the biggest fears that I
had was what if it doesn't work?
What if we get divorced?
And I didn't tell him thisupfront because I'm just like,
oh my gosh, I'm getting engaged.
Like, this is are you sure?
Like, is this the guy?
And and I just felt God saying,like, do you trust me?
(20:30):
Then take this step, you know,like trust in me.
Don't trust him, trust in me.
Kyle Almodovar (20:34):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (20:34):
And and I'm leading you to this.
And so I trusted God.
I said yes.
Big celebration.
And we're in the cars becausewe're getting ready to like
announce this to our parents.
And I finally blurted it out.
I said, What if we get and hestopped me?
Kyle stopped me before I couldeven get the words out of my
mouth.
And he just, I don't know ifyou put your hand on my mouth or
(20:55):
you put your hand on your handon my hand, and you said, You're
never allowed to say that word.
Kyle Almodovar (21:02):
I probably would not have put my hand on your
mouth because I know howtriggering that could be for
you.
But don't be right intofighting.
Selina Almodovar (21:09):
But it's like, um and that's okay.
You were like, and you said itwas such an authority that for
me in that moment, it was myconfirmation of like, okay, I
can be secure in thisrelationship.
I can be can I can be securegoing into what's going to
become a marriage because theauthority that you had over that
attack right there.
Kyle Almodovar (21:30):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:30):
You know, and I think for a lot of couples,
divorce is an option that theykeep in their back pocket.
You know, they they they'relike, well, if it doesn't work
out, I'll just get divorced.
Like it's it's an easy.
It's a it's it's not it's noteasy.
Let me let me, I don't it'sit's never easy.
Divorce is never easy, but youknow, it's it's one solution.
Kyle Almodovar (21:49):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:50):
If the problem gets too hard, if the problem
gets too big.
And like I said before in thepast, there are biblical reasons
why people would get divorced.
Kyle Almodovar (21:59):
Yeah.
Selina Almodovar (21:59):
Okay.
There are ways that Mosescreated where, you know, God
said, okay, this is okay.
And there are some people outthere who are in relationships
who go to church every Sundayand who their character is just
not who they said they were.
Kyle Almodovar (22:15):
Wow.
Selina Almodovar (22:16):
You know what I mean?
And it causes the divorce.
It's just people are in theirown selves.
People be feeling themselves alittle too much.
I'm look, I'm just gonna behonest.
And they talk a lot of stuff,but they don't back it up with
action, and their heartdefinitely doesn't produce the
fruit that they said they wouldhave.
You know, and so it causes thedivorce.
(22:37):
And for you to and and and inthose situations, I believe that
sometimes those kind of peoplethat are acting like that and
are thinking like that, andthey're just in their own thing,
they have divorce in their backpocket because they're like, if
it ever gets too bad, I couldjust divorce them and it'll be
fine.
And I'll just start over.
Kyle Almodovar (22:56):
I think when you're coming down to this point
and you're feeling so I thinkyou feel scared.
I think you feel nervous aboutwhat are we doing, where is this
going and why is this happeningto us?
Why is this happening to me?
The the simple go back to is goback to the fruits of the
spirit.
Yeah.
And everything that is in thefruit of the spirit will help
(23:19):
your marriage to grow strongerand grow firmer and grow
tighter.
And if you're both committed toworking towards that fruit of
the spirit, love, joy, peace,patience, kindness, goodness,
goodness, faithfulness,faithfulness, gentleness,
self-control.
When you're working togethertowards those things, using
those things, and and reallyconsidering that I don't care if
you have to put a put a post-itnote in every room with those
(23:40):
those reminders on there, that'sgonna put you towards working
towards godly marriage.
Selina Almodovar (23:44):
It's not that easy.
Kyle Almodovar (23:46):
It's not that easy.
Why?
Selina Almodovar (23:47):
It's not that easy.
We're we're only thinking abouthow they're responding in the
moment.
We're not thinking abouttraumas from the past, we're not
thinking about baggage thatthey're still carrying, we're
not thinking about childhoodupbringing and what they were
conformed to believe as a child.
We're not thinking about theworld and the worldly standards,
(24:09):
we're not thinking aboutinfluences, who are they
allowing into their life tospeak to them?
Because for all we know, theirmost wisest mentor is the one
encouraging the divorce becausethey're not exercising the
fruits of the spirit.
So bad counsel, bad counsel,you know.
For all we know, the thetemptations that we talked about
(24:31):
in the last series.
Yeah, the temptations are trulygetting over them, getting the
best of them.
It's it's not it's not as easyit as it is to just say, look at
a post-it and it says patience,and okay, I'm gonna do
patience.
Sometimes they're real likelike I said, I believe divorce
(24:51):
is an attack of the enemy.
I believe that no person,Christian or not, wants to
experience divorce.
Because if that were the case,why are we spending so much
money on the wedding?
Like we're we're trying to makethis like our happy ending,
like this is the grand finale ofthe rest of your life.
Like you're you're proud ofthis.
And to have a divorce ishumiliating.
It's it's humiliating becauseit backs out everything that you
(25:12):
said you would do.
You made vows in front ofpeople, there were witnesses,
and you're now going back on it.
And so it is humiliating.
It is a shameful thing.
And you know what breeds that?
But the enemy.
The enemy is trying to get youso that you don't form families,
so you're not fruitful inmultiplying, so that you do not
exercise dominion over the worldas God intended for us to have
(25:34):
in the beginning.
He is trying to get us at itscore, he's trying to divide us
and split us, he's trying toshow us that love is not real.
He's trying to show us that thevows don't matter.
He's trying to show us that Goddoesn't exist because if he
did, then why did this happen inthe first place?
The enemy is cunning and he isgoing at you with missiles and
nukes, and he's shooting at youtime and time again until you
(25:58):
break.
And I believe that the hardseason that we went through,
2018 to 2021, he was shooting atus because he wanted us to go
down and not come back up.
Kyle Almodovar (26:09):
He missed.
Selina Almodovar (26:10):
He wanted us to go.
No, he shot, but we survived.
We survived.
And we have to use the rest ofthis series to show people how
to survive those shots.
Kyle Almodovar (26:23):
That's great.
Man, I feel like I'm like overhere oversimplifying things, and
you're like, no, it's deeperthan that.
Well, and I'm like, well, thisis let's just use the Bible.
And you're like, no, it'sdeeper than that.
And it's great.
No, it's it's real becausebecause it shows our two
dispositions.
Selina Almodovar (26:37):
Yes.
Kyle Almodovar (26:37):
I have this sunny, everything is cool.
Yeah.
We can figure this out.
Let me put a post-it on thewall, and I'll remember.
And you're just super I don'tit's like you have this, uh you
have a very tactical way toapproach things that you need,
and that's how you've you'veadapted it to to live your life,
(26:59):
to be to where you are, andit's beautiful.
And our our two sides gotogether to mesh very well.
Because my practical just justsay no approach and your deep
searching, longing tacticalapproach merge well together,
and that playing off of eachother as a couple is one of our
strongest points that helps usdefeat divorce.
Selina Almodovar (27:21):
Yes, yes, I think this is exactly why we are
qualified to have thisconversation because Kyle, you
grew up in a house where divorcewas never there, right?
You never had to go through thetrenches, you never had to
survive in divorce.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, and so you're looking atit from that side, and you're
(27:41):
looking at it from I know how Ihave seen and I have felt and I
have experienced what it lookslike when times get hard and how
to walk away from it withoutdivorce.
Kyle Almodovar (27:52):
I watched my parents fight and argue and say
sorry and hug it out.
You've seen that side and yeah,tell me to go play opposite
side so they could you know talkand yes, and for me, process
that healthier for me.
Selina Almodovar (28:06):
I am on the other side of the train tracks.
I've seen the ugliness ofdivorce.
I've had to go through the hurtand the pain.
I've had to grow into thatshell, you know, because that
shell was the only thing thatkept me safe.
And I have been in the warzone, and I know those dark
(28:27):
sides that you would never eventhink of because you never
experienced them.
I would never think of yoursolutions because I never
experienced them.
And that is why, with our twomindsets and our two points of
views combined together, itmakes it a perfect hybrid for us
to talk about how couples candefeat divorce because we're not
(28:49):
gonna sugarcoat this, but atthe same time, practical
application can actually workeven when you don't think so,
because all you've seen ishardship.
That's why we're qualified tohave this conversation, and
that's why we're qualified tohave relationship renovations
for couples who are trulyseeking it, for couples who want
(29:12):
to, you know, dismiss divorcefrom their vocabulary, right?
Who want to put death to thedivorce and not to their
marriage, as the enemy isintending.
Kyle Almodovar (29:23):
That's right.
Selina Almodovar (29:23):
You know, you know, it's like the gladiator
scene where is that is that whatis it?
Kyle Almodovar (29:28):
Are you not entertained?
Selina Almodovar (29:29):
Are you not entertained?
Yeah, is this what you camefor?
Kyle Almodovar (29:32):
Is that not why you're here?
Selina Almodovar (29:33):
Is that not why you're here?
You know, and we can look atthe enemy square in the eye and
tell him, like, are you notentertained?
Like, I'm still here.
Yeah, I'm the gladiator.
Kyle Almodovar (29:44):
Okay.
Selina Almodovar (29:45):
And like we can walk away from this year,
from this season, from thishardship, and we can start a
whole new season on a wholetotally new different
perspective with a newfound loveand with a newfound faith.
Because that is what love byfaith does.
Kyle Almodovar (30:02):
Amen.
Amen.
Selina Almodovar (30:03):
What's up, love by faith family?
We want to say thank you somuch for your support in
watching and engaging in everysingle episode that we have put
out thus far.
We could not have made it thisfar without you.
Kyle Almodovar (30:14):
That's right.
And we want to grow more.
We want to create newresources.
We want to increase our reachand we want to provide more for
you guys.
But the only way to make thathappen is for you to come
alongside and partner with us tosow a seed into this ministry
to help it grow.
Selina Almodovar (30:29):
Because at the end of the day, it's not about
getting new equipment or puttingout new resources.
It's about expanding thekingdom.
It's about creating godlymarriages.
And we can do that if youpartner alongside us with your
financial support.
There's a link below that youcan click on.
You can contribute one time oryou can partner with us on a
(30:50):
monthly basis and help us sow aseed so that love by faith can
continue to grow and reach themasses.
Kyle Almodovar (30:57):
If you want to see this ministry grow, follow
the link below and thank you.
We thank you for giving and forbeing just part of this journey
with us.
Selina Almodovar (31:05):
So that together we can love by faith.
Kyle Almodovar (31:08):
Love by faith, y'all.
Selina Almodovar (31:12):
You said you weren't gonna do the joke.
Kyle Almodovar (31:14):
That's not a joke.
It's a catchphrase.
Selina Almodovar (31:20):
It's not a catch- Can you please just use
the link and click below and wewould be grateful.
In Jesus' name.
Kyle Almodovar (31:27):
Amen.
Divorce doesn't have to happen.
Divorce is not the only wayout.
Divorce is not the only waythrough the problems.
It's gonna take time.
It's not gonna be easy.
Like Selena said, she describedit as being in the trenches.
You're not gonna be in thetrenches forever, but it is
gonna take work.
You are gonna have to dig out.
You are gonna have to press inand die to yourself for the sake
(31:50):
of the relationship, for thesake of your partner, for the
sake of what God has called youto.
Amen.
We're here to just work throughthat with you, to give
encouragement, to build hope,and to foster just that trust
and that love that we can sharefrom Scripture and from God and
from the Holy Spirit power.
Amen.
We appreciate you being here.
(32:11):
Um Selena, why don't you leadus in prayer today?
Selina Almodovar (32:14):
Okay.
Kyle Almodovar (32:14):
I feel like I prayed a whole bunch last month,
and so I'll let you do that.
Selina Almodovar (32:18):
We pray together.
Amen.
Lord, we just lift up thesecouples that are listening to
this podcast and watching today.
We pray that you meet themwhere they're at.
You help them in their heartwith their feelings, with their
thoughts, with their offenses.
If they're thinking orconsidering, if they've been
hurt by divorce, if they'restruggling through these
(32:40):
trenches, we pray that you'rewith them.
We pray that you guide them,that you lead them out safely,
swiftly, and into a place whereyour light shines, your love
flows, forgiveness is had.
We pray that you help thesepeople and that you provide for
them reconciliation or counselor wisdom.
You point them in thescriptures where they need to
(33:01):
read so that they can be edifiedin their spirit and in their
soul, that they could bestrengthened in their marriage.
We pray that as we continue inthis series, that you continue
to give us the words ofencouragement that we can use,
that people can uh be ministeredto through you, and that they
would find this as a silverlining to help them renovate
(33:23):
their relationship and reconcileback to the mission that you
had for them.
Yes, Lord.
We pray that they are protectedand they are at peace in Jesus'
name.
Amen.
Kyle Almodovar (33:34):
Amen.
Amen.
Man, thank you guys for beinghere, for listening to our
podcast.
Like, share, subscribe, andfive-star reviews on all the
podcast platforms.
We appreciate that.
We appreciate your your loveand your loyalty and your just
your faithfulness to be in thisfight with us together.
Yeah.
We we work hard to to keep ourrelationship where it is, and we
(33:56):
pray that that you guys workhard to keep your relationship
strong and tough and and justwhat God has called it to be.
Thanks for being with us onthis episode of Love by Faith.
As we say at the end of everyepisode, love by faith.
Love by faith, y'all.
Selina Almodovar (34:11):
Have a good one.
We'll see you next week.
Kyle Almodovar (34:13):
That's great.
It's funny.
See you next week.
Did you see the Kev on Stagevideo with the dude who was
passive aggressive praying?
Selina Almodovar (34:27):
No.
Kyle Almodovar (34:28):
Oh my gosh, it's so funny.
I'll describe it real quick.
It's it's like it's I don'tknow if it's a sketch comedy,
but it's hilarious.
And he's Kev's pretending to bethe marriage counselor.
Okay.
And the couple sitting on thecouch, and Kev's sitting on like
the host chair of thecounselor.
Selina Almodovar (34:42):
I've seen this series.
I don't know if it's a podcastor what, but he has multiple
couples.
Kyle Almodovar (34:46):
And the the wife's in this kind of skimpy
dress, and the husband's in thefull suit.
And she's like, Well, you know,when he prays, I kind of feels
like he's just passiveaggressive praying for issues.
And Kev's like, Well, why don'twe pray together?
And and whatever the guy's nameis, why don't you pray for us?
Okay.
And he goes into this prayerand he's like, Lord, I thank you
(35:08):
for modesty.
I thank you for giving us thegifts of of love and marriage.
And it's just so funny.
We'll have to find it and linkit.
It's funny.
It's a good one.
Kevin on stage is funny.
Kev on stage is shout out toyou, Kev.
You do great, great work, mate.
Selina Almodovar (35:23):
If you want some, if you want a if you want
a couple to come onto yourpodcast and talk, you know, just
hit us up.
Love by Faith Ministries.
Kyle Almodovar (35:30):
Yes.
Oh man, that's great.
We talked a lot today.
Selina Almodovar (35:35):
We did.
Kyle Almodovar (35:36):
I'm close to having to go.
Selina Almodovar (35:37):
No, no way.
Are you serious?
Are you really?
Kyle & Selina Almodovar (35:41):
No.
Dang.
I gotta go.
Selina Almodovar (35:43):
How are you gonna do this to me?
What is that?
What's that one song?
Um But baby, it's cold outside.
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