Making and maintaining meaningful friendships takes intentionality, vulnerability, and divine guidance, especially as we journey through different life seasons where not everyone who starts with us remains.
• True friendship isn't measured by transaction or reciprocity but is guided by the Holy Spirit for specific purposes
• Building legacy friendships requires effort from both parties, becoming more challenging as responsibilities increase
• Making friends begins with vulnerability – putting yourself out there despite potential rejection
• Not everyone should be granted access to your inner circle; discernment is equally important
• Our identity shouldn't be defined by our friendships but solely on God and His guidance
• The ultimate goal of friendship is allowing God to use you to brighten someone else's life
If you're struggling with friends, we hope this episode challenges and encourages you to step out of your comfort zone and bring God back to the center of your relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Friends, how many of us have them.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
How do we make friends?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I know for a long time we were praying hard about
please help us find friends.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
So we had to be better friends.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Sometimes we had to be the better friend.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
But friends requires a whole separate level of just
commitment.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to Love on.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
God and each other, in order to help you learn how
to love by faith.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Happy summer though.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Happy summer.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It's been like trying so hard to get it's definitely
different.
To get warm.
And now we're here and it'sjust like oh, thank you, I am
grateful for this heat.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I do appreciate the heat.
I do like the heat.
There's just a lot that comeswith the heat.
Don't bring the heat.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen
kitchen.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Mother nature brought the heat, and now we're all
feeling it what's your biggeststruggle?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
dealing with the heat ?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
kids wanting to do everything, not realizing what
heat can do to them and doingall the things.
Like I'm screaming at them todrink water and they're like,
why?
Like, because you're gonna over, you're gonna dehydrate.
You're going to dehydrate,you're going to get tired,
you're going to get hazy, you'regoing to become lethargic.
You have to drink water, it'llcool you down.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I already drank my water.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
No, you didn't.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, I'm looking at you, bro.
You didn't.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You didn't.
There's still water there.
I finally, you know, I have aconfession here.
I know I have a confession here.
I don't drink water a lot,right, but I've been drinking a
ton a ton, and it's been.
I love that for you.
It's been keeping me uh busygoing back and forth to the
restroom well, I well yes,because your body has to detox
all the things oh yeah yeah, canyou imagine if your body wasn't
detoxed?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
it's like that.
It's like you don't flush yourtoilet you don't flush your body
toilet and when you drink, itflushes the toilet.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You know, my go-to Coffee is 90% water.
Okay, so I get plenty of water.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Okay, that's it.
Thank you, kyle.
Thank you for your TED Talk.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Thanks for coming to Love by Faith.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Hey.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Kyle and Selena here in this wonderful summer day.
We're happy to have you guyswith us for any old listeners or
any new listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Welcome to the party.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
We're just so happy to have you here.
We are entering into the monthof July and in July we have a
brand new series for you.
You know, last month we weretalking about anxiety and
because July is our last seriesof the season, season two we
wanted to kind of conclude allof this together with a
(03:10):
beautiful series that we arecalling Legacy.
That's right.
What you leave behind, how youaffect what happens after you
are gone, how you can prepareyour life, your family, your
marriage, for a lastingimpression.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I mean, think about it.
We're a Christian podcast,christian-based podcast.
Yes, when we're talking aboutleaving a lasting legacy, we
follow the one, jesus, who madethe most impactful, lasting
memory on the whole world tothis day Still at work.
So we can do our little bit inour short time here.
(03:52):
Yes, to have an impact onpeople outside of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Amen.
And so we're going to talkabout that all month long and we
are going to start this partyoff with our friends.
With our friends, because howmany of us have them?
I'm really talking aboutfriends, guys, the ones we can
depend on.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Talking about friends that's great, selena, that
great.
So tell me about your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Oh, friends.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oh wait, what kind of friends do you have?
Let's hear about this.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
What kind of friends do I have?
I think I have friends of allwalks of life.
I would like to think you knowfriends are so important, so
valuable.
It's such a thing that we talkabout from the time that our
kids go to school.
From kindergarten, you'retalking about friends.
To me, I feel like you'rebrought up learning that friends
(04:57):
are important, that you have tobe a good friend and that
keeping friends is somethingthat matters in your life.
And so when you go through thesedifferent seasons, you go
through your before Christ days,your college days, your first
job phase, sorority, fraternityclub phase, whatever, whatever
(05:19):
and then you go into your church, your first church home, your
second church home, whatever,your marriage.
You meet all of these groups offriends and some of them stay
and some of them go, and noteveryone is always going to be
there that you thought wasinitially going to be there.
You have your wedding and then,10 years later, half of the
(05:42):
people at your wedding areprobably not even around,
because you've either driftedaway.
Seasons change, things happen,people move and friends are just
constantly one of those thingsthat is like what does it really
mean?
Yeah, what does friendshipsreally mean and what does it
mean to you?
And so I think, in this currentseason where I'm at, what kind
(06:05):
of friends do I have?
I have real, recognized real.
I have a lot of real friends.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
That's great.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And how I know that they're real is because it
doesn't matter what season wefound each other.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I can be my true whole self and I know that I am
loving them in their true wholeself.
Yeah, and I know that I I'mloving them in their true whole
self and nothing could everchange that and those are the
type of friends that I have howlong did it take to get to that?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
where you're like this is a true friend oh man,
probably like last year but Imean like from the time you
you're like met them per se toget to like this is a true
friend, probably last year,because what I thought was a lot
of the times I thought thatfriendships were pretty
transactional.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I thought in the past I thought, you know, I'm
pouring myself out into thisfriendship and they're either
reciprocating it or they're notpouring enough, and I used to
really measure that in terms oflike, well, this is not a good
friend because they're notpouring into me or they're not
receiving me or my owninsecurities would get tangled
(07:18):
into all of that.
And it took me a very long time, and it took me a couple of
losing friends, to reallyunderstand what friendship is
and what they're supposed to bein my life.
And so now, today's day, Ibelieve that I learned what
(07:39):
makes a true friend is numberone.
I feel like Holy Spirit keepsthem there.
True friend is number one.
I feel like Holy Spirit keepsthem there If somebody goes away
in their own time and they stopcommunication and they stop
making an effort it's not up tome and it's not my fault and
it's not my choice to try toforce it and bring it back.
If Holy Spirit is doingsomething, I have to be okay
(08:01):
with that number one.
Number two I have to choose tolove them the way Christ taught
me to love others.
So I have to chooseunconditional love Right Real.
I have to choose.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you're having a bad
season or not.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you go away or not.
(08:21):
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you go away or not.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you cancel meeting with
me 11 times.
I'm going to choose to be therefor you because my love for you
is going to be unconditional,without exception.
And I had to learn that.
I had to learn that becausethere were people in my life who
(08:44):
were making me feel less thanmaking me feel like I was not a
good friend, making me feel likeI didn't deserve their
friendship, and those types ofpeople really showed me like
well, I don't need these peoplein my life.
I can choose to love people inmy life, and if they're not
choosing to love me, then then Isee you and your friends, and
(09:07):
we take, I mean, years to reallyjust get to where you're.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You know, really comfortable to just.
This is my buddy, you know.
But but once it's there, yeahit's.
It's more of a solid connectionso it wouldn't break ever I
can't say ever, but it.
It's a more solid connectionwhere if, if, like I have
buddies who, if I don't talk tothem for six months, I'm not
(09:51):
questioning if they're you know,if I could text them right now
I'm just going to text them andbe like sure, Check out this
fish I caught, check out thisthing I'm doing with my kid.
And we can go back and forthlike that, or they'll wait.
You know, guys, sometimes wejust wait until we need each
other and then we say hey, canyou help me with how to fix this
?
I know you know about this, orcan you help me with this and
(10:13):
that the minutes don't matter.
The minutes don't matter, themoments do, and so we just being
able to connect for real, evenafter those long periods of
times of not connecting.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Okay, it still happens.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm going to challenge what you said, because
would you then call that a?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
you know there's, there's circles of friends.
Yeah, you have your innerfriends, your close friends,
your your peter, james and johnfriends, and then you got your
disciple, but only the 12 willroll with you.
And then you got the rest ofthe people friends.
And so those people that areonly coming in when they need
something or when you needsomething like, could you even
(10:55):
call them?
What level of friendship isthat?
Because, to become a closefriend, a day one friend, a
strong friend, someone you canlean on and depend on, someone
who's going to be there whenyou're long gone, who could
speak of your character, whocould be a witness to your
children and your legacy.
I don't think those are the onesthat are going to be calling
every six months saying, hey,what's up?
(11:16):
Because you could havestruggled, you could have lost,
you could have been sick,something could have happened in
your life and they were not thefriend to be there to hold you
down in that time.
They're only coming in, in andout.
Is that really called a truefriend or is that just like oh,
I know this guy, he's a good guy, I could trust him.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I know.
For me that's how I haveexperienced a lot of true
friends do you have any innercircle friends?
I do certainly I can think ofguys who I talk to on a weekly
basis.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So what is the difference?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
uh, effort, I guess would say putting the energy
into it and really, um, you know, really putting action behind,
behind the relationship, andthinking about the uh getting
outside of my routine, gettingoutside of I'm having a bad day,
I'm not gonna check onso-and-so or them getting
outside of themselves and saying, hey, I'm gonna see what's up
(12:12):
with kyle, see what he's doing,and and putting the energy into
it.
So, yeah, it's a putting asidethe hurdles, so just just go for
it I like what you said and Iwant to repeat it.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You said legacy friendships.
I'm going to put that in thereLegacy friendships require
effort.
Yeah definitely, as we aremarried.
I think it has taken a lot ofeffort to create those kind of
friends.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Sure of effort to create those kind of friends.
Sure, and the older we get, themore we have in our own life to
handle and the harder it is toget to put energy into those
relationships.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Yeah, so yeah you know, before we were married it
was easy to you had your people,I had my people and then, once
we got married, we really wantedto be intentional with
friendships yeah.
We really wanted to find friendsthat would be willing to run
the race with us, and thatwasn't always easy to find.
(13:11):
Early in our marriage we wantedpeople who were willing to go
deep in prayer and worship withus and deep in the word with us.
We wanted people who had samevalues as us.
We wanted people who could hangout with us and then as we got
kids, you know that evolved inthat change and they're like
well, we want people that we canlive life with.
In the midst of the childrenchaos, like someone who's going
(13:34):
to understand us, because assoon as we had kids, there was a
whole nother group of friendsthat were just like okay, we're
going to.
You know, our lifestyle doesn'tmatch and so we'll see you over
here, we'll see you when youget out of this phase.
Not that that was rude orintense, like it's just life
happens and people's life,people's life's journey kind of
(13:55):
changes, how they interact andhow much effort they put into it
.
But I know for a long time wewere praying hard about please
help us find friends, truefriends, good connections that
we can live life with.
And it's not to say that peopleweren't there, it's just there
(14:18):
were so many people there thatGod really had to show us.
Which ones were we going to puteffort and intention into,
which friendships were we goingto apply and like, actively seek
and actively cultivate and grow?
Because if not, then you dobecome that six month friend and
that's cool.
But, like, how is that edifyingyou in a daily basis?
(14:41):
How is that edifying you in acurrent process, in a current
season?
You know, I don't know for forme.
I need depth, I need somein-depth friends, and I didn't
discover that until recently,when I was like, oh, it takes
these things and there have beenpeople who have been in our
lives for 10 years and we justdidn't see them as that until we
(15:02):
became aware of what a truefriend is and is required of us
to become.
So we had to be better friends.
Sometimes we had to be thebetter friend.
Sometimes it was like, oh,they've been there this whole
time and we never reach out tothem, why we love them, but how
are we showing it?
You know like, oh, we trustthem, but how are we showing
(15:24):
that trust?
You know, how are we lettingthem know that that's where they
are in our heart?
You know, the last thing I wantto do is, heaven forbid.
One of us passes and I see allthese people come to your
funeral and I never heard thempick up the phone and call and
check on you or, you know,invest in your life, and then
(15:46):
they're like, oh, he was such agood friend really, because I'm
gonna be mad.
I'm gonna be a mad widow really.
I haven't seen you.
Where have you been?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
is that on them or is that on us?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
exactly so that's what I'm saying yeah, it goes
both ways.
It goes both ways.
It requires effort on bothparts, but if you want to
produce a legacy of friendshipsthat's going to carry you into
your whole life and into whatyou stand for in your life, then
it's a two-way process.
(16:17):
It's a two-part thing.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
The two-way street of friendship takes.
It's a defining moment of thefriendship is when one person
kind of gets out of that.
I want to call it routine, butit can't get out of balance and
keeping that two way street ishuge.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this
episode, and right now we wantto just take a small minute to
introduce to you the latestthing that we created to help
you elevate your relationshipand take it to the next level.
It's called the Love by FaithPlaybook.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Every good coach knows they have to have winning
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We went through our foundationseries and we pulled out some of
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Plays like how to be betterfinancially, how to do ministry
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We went through all thesedifferent areas from the
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Speaker 1 (17:10):
So grab your Love by Faith playbook today.
You can use the link in thedescription below, enter it, and
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(17:32):
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Go ahead and get your love byfaith playbook now, and let's
get back into this episode.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Can I ask a basic question?
Basic question, question gobecause I think this is the
hardest part.
I think this is the hardestpart for our listeners.
Okay, even was the hardest partfor us.
Yes, how do we, how do we makefriends?
How do we get to zero to one?
No friends to a friend.
I mean, we have to have a whole, you know, 17 friends.
(18:04):
How do we get to a friend?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
that is a hard one I know my first step okay, I know
you're gonna answer your ownquestion.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I know I asked the question but, as I'm talking
through it, what is it?
I am, it's, it's.
You always tell me, just bevulnerable yes make, put
yourself out.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And sometimes it's embarrassing.
Sometimes you're going to findpeople who aren't going to be
open to that yes.
But sometimes you're going tofind real deep friendships that
are going to be great outcomesyes, by putting yourself out
there.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yes, I feel like in the last couple of years we have
really come out of our shells,you know, and we have really
determined that in order to gainthose friends that we've been
praying for, we have to step outto say yes to the invitations
(19:03):
and go and not overthink it andnot think about, like our kids
and you know, oh, bedtimeschedules, travel distance, time
.
Oh it's out of routine, youknow.
So we had to say yes, a littlebit more.
We've had to open our home andinvite.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, you know we've.
We have to be friendly, behospitable.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
We have led certain small groups in our church and
we've invited people over for,like, big holiday dinners or
cookouts or, you know, outsideswimming and stuff like that,
and I think by it, by allowingyourself, because there's
there's two sides to this.
Okay, yeah, the first side isyou want to open yourself up
enough so that people can comeand you can connect with them
(19:47):
and whoever has a biggerconnection with you.
I think Holy Spirit's going tokeep them around.
They're going to keep coming.
You're going to continue to seethem.
They're going to continue toengage with you.
Maybe you text each other alittle more.
You're sending memes to eachother now at at this point you
know you find each other inchurch like it will just become
a natural um attraction rightWith friends.
(20:10):
But at the same time you haveto guard your heart.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
You can't just let everybody in, you can't just let
everybody into your space, youcan't just let everybody into
you know, cause at some pointthey might see you and they
might want to dump, dump, dumpand you get nothing out of that
friendship.
And so you really have to usethat Holy Spirit discernment,
and that's where I was goingwith that.
You have to ask the Holy Spiritwho is meant to be in my life
(20:36):
in this season?
Who am I meant to be a friendto?
Who is meant to be my friend?
Who should be in my innercircle?
Who should I be more vulnerablewith?
Or who is just going to be thatside hug on a Sunday?
Hey, how you doing?
How's it going?
Okay, goodbye, god bless youthat you see every so often, but
(21:00):
they're not into your space.
You can't let everybody intoyour space.
And so how do you determine thedeeper friends?
By letting holy spirit bringyou guys into that space
together.
Naturally, I used to force it.
I used to come on, let's meet,let's meet, let's meet, come on,
come on, come on and then bedisappointed when it doesn't
(21:21):
come to the point when it, whenit didn't work out, what what's
wrong with me?
I'm a good friend, I'm a goodfriend and it's like that's not
the way to do it.
I think it requires a littlebit of natural I don't know a
good word for it but there hasto be a natural flow and a
natural attraction.
And then once you have thatnatural attraction right and
(21:44):
once you know that, like God hasthese people in my life, I know
that this is a God thing.
I know that this is we'relining up, we're finding common
ground and everything.
Their pace is either the sameor a little bit off, but I see
that iron is sharpening iron.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Like I see that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I'm getting something out of this, they'm getting
something out of this, they aregetting something out of this.
I have a desire to want to pourmore into it, they have a
desire to want to pour more intoit, and I think, when you get
to that point, then you ask God,god, what can I do?
What should I do to keep this?
How can I continue to pour intothis so that this is something
(22:24):
that you're getting glorifiedand let's go.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
You know, yeah, let it all be for his glory, let it
all be for his glory.
So I'm thinking back whileyou're telling the story, yeah,
of of making these connectionsand forcing the wrong ones too
recently I had someone approachme and want to do a small group,
wanted to lead a men's groupwith me.
Yeah, and it was someone.
I was like, yeah, this sounds,I mean, holy Spirit was leading
(22:50):
me to do this kind of thing.
Yeah, and then they asked thepartner and I was like, yes,
this could be great.
Yeah to lead the group toconnect over being ready each
week to have the messagetogether and the teamwork to put
(23:11):
that together and to show upand then, execute has helped our
friendship to grow deeper andit's someone who I could see,
you know, continuing even thoughour group season might be over,
our group sessions might beover.
You know, I could see doinglife with this person more
regularly and that's thatnatural.
(23:31):
I guess it was natural.
But also is getting outside ofthe comfort zone to do something
in partnership with someonethat partnering together to work
together.
You know, I think of joiningdifferent ministries in the
church.
You know, if you go teachSunday school or you go do the
the welcome team at your church,you're going to make new
(23:53):
friends there and you're goingto grow deeper there and that's
where you're going to be able tojust get the basics over with,
right Like get the ice broken tolike, hey, maybe this person
could be someone that I couldhave a long lasting friendship
with amen, and that's veryrecently that this started
happening in this season, whereyou were like, let me be open to
(24:13):
find this new friend, you knowI didn't set out to find a
friend, no, but it just ithappened to impact men's lives
in there I brought it in there.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I think, just like marriage, how you have to
include and you have to inviteand be very intentional, with
the Holy Spirit being at thecenter of that relationship.
That kind of flows with everyrelationship and that kind of
flows also with friendships.
There are people in our collegedays, in your bachelor and my
bachelorette days, where theymight not be following the Lord
(24:44):
as closely as we are, but theyare still considered friends.
Some of them to me are stillconsidered day one friends.
I don't necessarily get intoBible theology discussions with
them, but they see my light andthey know that I'm here and I
know who and I know who they areand I'm not ashamed to talk
(25:08):
about the gospel.
I'm not ashamed to talk aboutmy faith with these people
because I know that that is whoI am and they accept me for who
I am.
They accept that that is whatcomes with me.
You know, and I feel likesometimes, being a friend,
having a lasting legacy of afriend.
You have to be very clearwhatever friendship you're in,
(25:31):
that holy spirit is in themiddle of it.
He's orchestrating it the, thewillingness.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I think the willingness to expose our
weaknesses will increase thepositive outcomes of your
friendships.
Right, you don't think so?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Hmm, I mean, I'm an open book, I don't hide anything
from anyone, and I still havepeople who have heard everything
and have decided not to be myfriend.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
So then you're saying so it's can't have them all
right?
No, just because you think it'sgoing to be, doesn't mean it is
.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Again, it goes all the way back to what I said at
the very beginning Friendshipswe have been taught since grade
school to keep because they'reimportant and a lot of the times
I feel like people will seewho's there and who's not there
and it will become a part oftheir identity.
They'll start to see themselvesas either I am blessed, I am
(26:33):
important, I am significantbecause of the friends that I
have, or it'll turn and say I amnothing, I'm a loser, I am a
nobody because I don't haveenough friends.
And you have to be very carefulwith that because you're
placing these relationships inan idle form.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Yeah, you're making them your identities, based on
your quantity of friends.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Exactly Not just your quantity of friends, but your
quality of friends.
You know, like there's clicks,right, people have clicks, and
if you're not in a specificclick, then you might feel like,
oh, I'm not cool enough, I'mnot important enough, how come
they don't reach out to me?
You know, you see all thepictures on social media
everybody's hanging out.
(27:17):
How come they didn't invite me?
And you really start to place alot of weight into these
relationships, which is why it'sso important and it's something
that I learned literally lastyear, a couple of years ago that
the weight of who I am and whatI bring to the table in terms
of friendships has to rely onGod, has to rely on his presence
(27:39):
, has to rely on what he tellsme to be and to do as a friend.
In that role, okay, if God istelling me you're meant to be
with these group of people,you're meant to go after this
person, you're meant to open upyour home, because I have
someone who feels this way, whoneeds to come and see that
(28:00):
there's community, and you'regoing to be the one that's going
to set that up so that I canminister to that person over
there.
And I'm going to keep bringingthem.
And then I'm going to tell youhey, go talk to this person,
like God is orchestrating it.
God's orchestrating all of it.
All of this has to go to hisglory, all of it has to point
back to him.
If you're in a relationshipwith friends and you're not
(28:23):
pointing them to God and to hislight, then are we even friends?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
If you're not pointing each other towards God
Not necessarily like turn yourBible.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You have to read this right now, right.
But like is your character, isyour unconditional love towards
them?
Is your consideration, bro, tojust like reach out and be like,
hey, how are you?
What's going on?
Right, come over for this,grill out, you know, come to my
home and if you see that it'spulling you closer, then amen,
(28:56):
you've got a great friend towalk with.
But if you're not even willingto do that, then you know what
are we doing.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
What are we doing?
We're wasting time.
We're wasting everybody's time.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Keep it moving to the next friend.
Try again with someone else.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
You know, and when that does happen, it's so
important to remember that whoyou are is not defined by who's
in your life other than Christbeing in your life, because
people will come and go.
Hearts are fickle, people havethings that they're going
through.
The way people handlesituations are is different on
from person to person.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
you know, and you can't base your joy and your
peace and your sustenance onthose things so we're we're
doing the series on legacy yesand we started with friends yes
and I thought that starting withfriends was was a good starting
point yeah because you knowfamily we're getting to that yes
(30:04):
family's there forever and youhave to work with them in a
different way.
You know taking care of yourkids is different, it's a
different calling.
But friends requires a wholeseparate level of just
commitment than than any ofthose other things and I've had
some friendships that are justmore rewarding than than family,
(30:27):
more rewarding than, I guessnot more rewarding than kids,
but more rewarding than than Icould expect.
No, children are just such adifferent.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Five different love.
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
It's a filet-o-love but I'm saying that the the
whole point of of this series isthat we got to get outside of
ourselves and that we're goingto build something that's that's
going to be driving forward.
Legacy drives forward, yes, anddrives people to want to be a
better person.
Because I was friends with kyle, because I was friends with
Selena, because I was friendswith Paul or Terry or whoever,
(31:00):
yeah, and that's what legacydoes, and that's the whole.
That's what we're going to doin this series.
Let's get into that.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
And I think a lot of that is reflected of your
character.
Then you know, what kind ofcharacter do you have?
How are you evolving it?
How are you maturing?
it how are you growing it?
You know, and I think havingbecoming friends with different
people in different seasons willhelp you mature that character.
You know.
(31:28):
I think understanding whereyour light comes from and who
your true source of peace andjoy is will help with those
friendships.
And I think the goal at the endof the day when you have
friends is did you allow God touse you to make someone else's
life brighter in some way?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yep, did you put your light on something Did?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
you put your light on something in some way by being
a friend, your light onsomething?
Did you put your light onsomething in some way?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
by being a friend.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Whatever being a friend looked like to them right
.
Whether it was an inner circlefriend where you were vulnerable
and gave them space to bevulnerable and grow.
Whether it was an outer kind offriend where, no matter what,
you showed kindness and you youdidn't judge or condemn, you
know.
Or whether it was a friend whowas in a season, who was so
pivotal in that season andthey'll remember it for the rest
(32:19):
of their life.
You know, standing on God andstanding on how he teaches you
to be a good person and how todevelop a good character and how
to pour and love into otherpeople.
I think that is what helps usbuild that lasting legacy of a
friendship that not only yourkids can see but everyone around
(32:40):
you can see.
Like that is a good guy, a manof integrity, a woman of
defiance, like because of howyou treated them and what kind
of love you shown them andthat's all just God flowing
through you.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
It all comes down to the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Absolutely Making it happen.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Why don't we go ahead and?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
pray, okay, god flowing through you, it all
comes down to the Holy SpiritAbsolutely Making it happen.
Amen.
Why don't we go ahead and pray?
Okay, and for those of you guyswho are struggling with friends
, we hope that this episodehelped and we hope that it
challenges you and encouragesyou to kind of step out of your
(33:14):
comfort zone and also to bringGod back to the center.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
You know Amen, amen, yeah zone, and also to, like,
bring god back to the center.
You know, amen, amen, yeah.
Lord, we're grateful for thisopportunity to just share and to
to study your word and to bringa good message.
We pray that this lands on goodears and good soil and that
people are encouraged and theyare pray that they're patient to
understand that friendshipstake time, take energy, take
(33:38):
work, and that the fruit ofthose friendships, though, is
what it's worth it.
The fruit of it is worth it.
I thank you, lord, for thistime, for this space, and we
just give you the glory for allof it, in Jesus's name, amen.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Amen, guys, listeners , thank you so much for watching
and listening.
If you are with us on youtube,be sure to like, share,
subscribe.
If you're listening to us onspotify, apple, iheart radio,
any of the other platforms,please be sure to leave us a
good review so that othercouples like you can learn how
to love by faith as well.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Love by faith y'all love by faith y'all.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Next week, we're going to talk more about how to
leave a legacy in a differentarea of your life, and we will
see you then we'll be here.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Bye, see ya, that's one of those where I don't have
to run out, though.
Yeah, man, I'm just gonna chill.
Please do stay till you kick meout all right, can I go back to
bed?
Speaker 1 (34:41):
if you chill, can I sleep again?
You could I just ma'am?
I just, I don't know if it's thesun, I don't know if it's it is
it's the water from swimming itis it's the constant, you know,
as soon as I wake up, to theminute I go to bed just putting
contacts in, you know, notfeeling like I can't wear
glasses in the sun.
(35:02):
Okay, I have a weird confession.
I have a weird confession.
I don't think I ever told youthis, I believe.
I don't know if this is true ornot.
I believe that if I wearglasses in the sun, that the sun
is going to go into the glassand it's going to burn holes in
my eyes, I always get scared,you know, like a magnifier, and
(35:26):
I always get scared that if Iwear glasses in the sun that the
sun is going to ultra fixate onmy eyeballs and I'm going to
get burned.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Wow, I think the only way that is accurate is if
you're looking directly at thesun.
Okay, and so the sun isdirectly into the lens.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
It feels like that though.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
But if you're looking this way, then the sun is just
down on you, so it's going tohold on your cheeks.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
So that's where that comes from.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
So if you got holes in your cheeks, that's where it
is, that's why my cheeks are sopuffy.
Get me out of here.
Yeah, I'm going to go go seethis son that you talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I'm going to go see my pillow.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Get out of the studio .
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Good night everyone.
7 am.
Friends, how many of us have them.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
How do we make friends?
Speaker 1 (00:04):
I know for a long time we were praying hard about
please help us find friends.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
So we had to be better friends.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
Sometimes we had to be the better friend.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
But friends requires a whole separate level of just
commitment.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to Love on.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
God and each other, in order to help you learn how
to love by faith.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Happy summer though.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Happy summer.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
It's been like trying so hard to get it's definitely
different.
To get warm.
And now we're here and it'sjust like oh, thank you, I am
grateful for this heat.
Speaker 1 (01:12):
I do appreciate the heat.
I do like the heat.
There's just a lot that comeswith the heat.
Don't bring the heat.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen
kitchen.
Speaker 1 (01:22):
Mother nature brought the heat, and now we're all
feeling it what's your biggeststruggle?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
dealing with the heat ?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
kids wanting to do everything, not realizing what
heat can do to them and doingall the things.
Like I'm screaming at them todrink water and they're like,
why?
Like, because you're gonna over, you're gonna dehydrate.
You're going to dehydrate,you're going to get tired,
you're going to get hazy, you'regoing to become lethargic.
You have to drink water, it'llcool you down.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I already drank my water.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
No, you didn't.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
No, I'm looking at you, bro.
You didn't.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
You didn't.
There's still water there.
I finally, you know, I have aconfession here.
I know I have a confession here.
I don't drink water a lot,right, but I've been drinking a
ton a ton, and it's been.
I love that for you.
It's been keeping me uh busygoing back and forth to the
restroom well, I well yes,because your body has to detox
all the things oh yeah yeah, canyou imagine if your body wasn't
detoxed?
Speaker 1 (02:17):
it's like that.
It's like you don't flush yourtoilet you don't flush your body
toilet and when you drink, itflushes the toilet.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
You know, my go-to Coffee is 90% water.
Okay, so I get plenty of water.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Okay, that's it.
Thank you, kyle.
Thank you for your TED Talk.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk, y'all.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Thanks for coming to Love by Faith.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Hey.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Kyle and Selena here in this wonderful summer day.
We're happy to have you guyswith us for any old listeners or
any new listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Welcome to the party.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
We're just so happy to have you here.
We are entering into the monthof July and in July we have a
brand new series for you.
You know, last month we weretalking about anxiety and
because July is our last seriesof the season, season two we
wanted to kind of conclude allof this together with a
(03:10):
beautiful series that we arecalling Legacy.
That's right.
What you leave behind, how youaffect what happens after you
are gone, how you can prepareyour life, your family, your
marriage, for a lastingimpression.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
I mean, think about it.
We're a Christian podcast,christian-based podcast.
Yes, when we're talking aboutleaving a lasting legacy, we
follow the one, jesus, who madethe most impactful, lasting
memory on the whole world tothis day Still at work.
So we can do our little bit inour short time here.
(03:52):
Yes, to have an impact onpeople outside of ourselves.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Amen.
And so we're going to talkabout that all month long and we
are going to start this partyoff with our friends.
With our friends, because howmany of us have them?
I'm really talking aboutfriends, guys, the ones we can
depend on.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Talking about friends that's great, selena, that
great.
So tell me about your friends.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Oh, friends.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Oh wait, what kind of friends do you have?
Let's hear about this.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
What kind of friends do I have?
I think I have friends of allwalks of life.
I would like to think you knowfriends are so important, so
valuable.
It's such a thing that we talkabout from the time that our
kids go to school.
From kindergarten, you'retalking about friends.
To me, I feel like you'rebrought up learning that friends
(04:57):
are important, that you have tobe a good friend and that
keeping friends is somethingthat matters in your life.
And so when you go through thesedifferent seasons, you go
through your before Christ days,your college days, your first
job phase, sorority, fraternityclub phase, whatever, whatever
(05:19):
and then you go into your church, your first church home, your
second church home, whatever,your marriage.
You meet all of these groups offriends and some of them stay
and some of them go, and noteveryone is always going to be
there that you thought wasinitially going to be there.
You have your wedding and then,10 years later, half of the
(05:42):
people at your wedding areprobably not even around,
because you've either driftedaway.
Seasons change, things happen,people move and friends are just
constantly one of those thingsthat is like what does it really
mean?
Yeah, what does friendshipsreally mean and what does it
mean to you?
And so I think, in this currentseason where I'm at, what kind
(06:05):
of friends do I have?
I have real, recognized real.
I have a lot of real friends.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
That's great.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
And how I know that they're real is because it
doesn't matter what season wefound each other.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
I can be my true whole self and I know that I am
loving them in their true wholeself.
Yeah, and I know that I I'mloving them in their true whole
self and nothing could everchange that and those are the
type of friends that I have howlong did it take to get to that?
Speaker 2 (06:33):
where you're like this is a true friend oh man,
probably like last year but Imean like from the time you
you're like met them per se toget to like this is a true
friend, probably last year,because what I thought was a lot
of the times I thought thatfriendships were pretty
transactional.
Speaker 1 (06:53):
I thought in the past I thought, you know, I'm
pouring myself out into thisfriendship and they're either
reciprocating it or they're notpouring enough, and I used to
really measure that in terms oflike, well, this is not a good
friend because they're notpouring into me or they're not
receiving me or my owninsecurities would get tangled
(07:18):
into all of that.
And it took me a very long time, and it took me a couple of
losing friends, to reallyunderstand what friendship is
and what they're supposed to bein my life.
And so now, today's day, Ibelieve that I learned what
(07:39):
makes a true friend is numberone.
I feel like Holy Spirit keepsthem there.
True friend is number one.
I feel like Holy Spirit keepsthem there If somebody goes away
in their own time and they stopcommunication and they stop
making an effort it's not up tome and it's not my fault and
it's not my choice to try toforce it and bring it back.
If Holy Spirit is doingsomething, I have to be okay
(08:01):
with that number one.
Number two I have to choose tolove them the way Christ taught
me to love others.
So I have to chooseunconditional love Right Real.
I have to choose.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you're having a bad
season or not.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you go away or not.
(08:21):
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you go away or not.
I'm going to choose to love youwhether you cancel meeting with
me 11 times.
I'm going to choose to be therefor you because my love for you
is going to be unconditional,without exception.
And I had to learn that.
I had to learn that becausethere were people in my life who
(08:44):
were making me feel less thanmaking me feel like I was not a
good friend, making me feel likeI didn't deserve their
friendship, and those types ofpeople really showed me like
well, I don't need these peoplein my life.
I can choose to love people inmy life, and if they're not
choosing to love me, then then Isee you and your friends, and
(09:07):
we take, I mean, years to reallyjust get to where you're.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
You know, really comfortable to just.
This is my buddy, you know.
But but once it's there, yeahit's.
It's more of a solid connectionso it wouldn't break ever I
can't say ever, but it.
It's a more solid connectionwhere if, if, like I have
buddies who, if I don't talk tothem for six months, I'm not
(09:51):
questioning if they're you know,if I could text them right now
I'm just going to text them andbe like sure, Check out this
fish I caught, check out thisthing I'm doing with my kid.
And we can go back and forthlike that, or they'll wait.
You know, guys, sometimes wejust wait until we need each
other and then we say hey, canyou help me with how to fix this
?
I know you know about this, orcan you help me with this and
(10:13):
that the minutes don't matter.
The minutes don't matter, themoments do, and so we just being
able to connect for real, evenafter those long periods of
times of not connecting.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
Okay, it still happens.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
I'm going to challenge what you said, because
would you then call that a?
Speaker 1 (10:33):
you know there's, there's circles of friends.
Yeah, you have your innerfriends, your close friends,
your your peter, james and johnfriends, and then you got your
disciple, but only the 12 willroll with you.
And then you got the rest ofthe people friends.
And so those people that areonly coming in when they need
something or when you needsomething like, could you even
(10:55):
call them?
What level of friendship isthat?
Because, to become a closefriend, a day one friend, a
strong friend, someone you canlean on and depend on, someone
who's going to be there whenyou're long gone, who could
speak of your character, whocould be a witness to your
children and your legacy.
I don't think those are the onesthat are going to be calling
every six months saying, hey,what's up?
(11:16):
Because you could havestruggled, you could have lost,
you could have been sick,something could have happened in
your life and they were not thefriend to be there to hold you
down in that time.
They're only coming in, in andout.
Is that really called a truefriend or is that just like oh,
I know this guy, he's a good guy, I could trust him.
Speaker 2 (11:35):
I know.
For me that's how I haveexperienced a lot of true
friends do you have any innercircle friends?
I do certainly I can think ofguys who I talk to on a weekly
basis.
Speaker 1 (11:48):
So what is the difference?
Speaker 2 (11:50):
uh, effort, I guess would say putting the energy
into it and really, um, you know, really putting action behind,
behind the relationship, andthinking about the uh getting
outside of my routine, gettingoutside of I'm having a bad day,
I'm not gonna check onso-and-so or them getting
outside of themselves and saying, hey, I'm gonna see what's up
(12:12):
with kyle, see what he's doing,and and putting the energy into
it.
So, yeah, it's a putting asidethe hurdles, so just just go for
it I like what you said and Iwant to repeat it.
Speaker 1 (12:26):
You said legacy friendships.
I'm going to put that in thereLegacy friendships require
effort.
Yeah definitely, as we aremarried.
I think it has taken a lot ofeffort to create those kind of
friends.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Sure of effort to create those kind of friends.
Sure, and the older we get, themore we have in our own life to
handle and the harder it is toget to put energy into those
relationships.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
Yeah, so yeah you know, before we were married it
was easy to you had your people,I had my people and then, once
we got married, we really wantedto be intentional with
friendships yeah.
We really wanted to find friendsthat would be willing to run
the race with us, and thatwasn't always easy to find.
(13:11):
Early in our marriage we wantedpeople who were willing to go
deep in prayer and worship withus and deep in the word with us.
We wanted people who had samevalues as us.
We wanted people who could hangout with us and then as we got
kids, you know that evolved inthat change and they're like
well, we want people that we canlive life with.
In the midst of the childrenchaos, like someone who's going
(13:34):
to understand us, because assoon as we had kids, there was a
whole nother group of friendsthat were just like okay, we're
going to.
You know, our lifestyle doesn'tmatch and so we'll see you over
here, we'll see you when youget out of this phase.
Not that that was rude orintense, like it's just life
happens and people's life,people's life's journey kind of
(13:55):
changes, how they interact andhow much effort they put into it
.
But I know for a long time wewere praying hard about please
help us find friends, truefriends, good connections that
we can live life with.
And it's not to say that peopleweren't there, it's just there
(14:18):
were so many people there thatGod really had to show us.
Which ones were we going to puteffort and intention into,
which friendships were we goingto apply and like, actively seek
and actively cultivate and grow?
Because if not, then you dobecome that six month friend and
that's cool.
But, like, how is that edifyingyou in a daily basis?
(14:41):
How is that edifying you in acurrent process, in a current
season?
You know, I don't know for forme.
I need depth, I need somein-depth friends, and I didn't
discover that until recently,when I was like, oh, it takes
these things and there have beenpeople who have been in our
lives for 10 years and we justdidn't see them as that until we
(15:02):
became aware of what a truefriend is and is required of us
to become.
So we had to be better friends.
Sometimes we had to be thebetter friend.
Sometimes it was like, oh,they've been there this whole
time and we never reach out tothem, why we love them, but how
are we showing it?
You know like, oh, we trustthem, but how are we showing
(15:24):
that trust?
You know, how are we lettingthem know that that's where they
are in our heart?
You know, the last thing I wantto do is, heaven forbid.
One of us passes and I see allthese people come to your
funeral and I never heard thempick up the phone and call and
check on you or, you know,invest in your life, and then
(15:46):
they're like, oh, he was such agood friend really, because I'm
gonna be mad.
I'm gonna be a mad widow really.
I haven't seen you.
Where have you been?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
is that on them or is that on us?
Speaker 1 (15:55):
exactly so that's what I'm saying yeah, it goes
both ways.
It goes both ways.
It requires effort on bothparts, but if you want to
produce a legacy of friendshipsthat's going to carry you into
your whole life and into whatyou stand for in your life, then
it's a two-way process.
(16:17):
It's a two-part thing.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
The two-way street of friendship takes.
It's a defining moment of thefriendship is when one person
kind of gets out of that.
I want to call it routine, butit can't get out of balance and
keeping that two way street ishuge.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
Hey everyone, we hope that you're enjoying this
episode, and right now we wantto just take a small minute to
introduce to you the latestthing that we created to help
you elevate your relationshipand take it to the next level.
It's called the Love by FaithPlaybook.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Every good coach knows they have to have winning
plays.
We went through our foundationseries and we pulled out some of
the best winning plays andcreated strategies for you guys.
Plays like how to be betterfinancially, how to do ministry
together, how to be betterromantically, how to be better
family life.
We went through all thesedifferent areas from the
foundation series and put ittogether in a playbook.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
So grab your Love by Faith playbook today.
You can use the link in thedescription below, enter it, and
the good news about this isthat it is a living document, so
you download it one time andevery single month we're going
to be updating this document togive you fresh, new plays to
help you and your partner loveby faith and create a winning
(17:32):
season.
Go ahead and get your love byfaith playbook now, and let's
get back into this episode.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
Can I ask a basic question?
Basic question, question gobecause I think this is the
hardest part.
I think this is the hardestpart for our listeners.
Okay, even was the hardest partfor us.
Yes, how do we, how do we makefriends?
How do we get to zero to one?
No friends to a friend.
I mean, we have to have a whole, you know, 17 friends.
(18:04):
How do we get to a friend?
Speaker 1 (18:08):
that is a hard one I know my first step okay, I know
you're gonna answer your ownquestion.
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I know I asked the question but, as I'm talking
through it, what is it?
I am, it's, it's.
You always tell me, just bevulnerable yes make, put
yourself out.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
And sometimes it's embarrassing.
Sometimes you're going to findpeople who aren't going to be
open to that yes.
But sometimes you're going tofind real deep friendships that
are going to be great outcomesyes, by putting yourself out
there.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Yes, I feel like in the last couple of years we have
really come out of our shells,you know, and we have really
determined that in order to gainthose friends that we've been
praying for, we have to step outto say yes to the invitations
(19:03):
and go and not overthink it andnot think about, like our kids
and you know, oh, bedtimeschedules, travel distance, time
.
Oh it's out of routine, youknow.
So we had to say yes, a littlebit more.
We've had to open our home andinvite.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
Yeah, you know we've.
We have to be friendly, behospitable.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
We have led certain small groups in our church and
we've invited people over for,like, big holiday dinners or
cookouts or, you know, outsideswimming and stuff like that,
and I think by it, by allowingyourself, because there's
there's two sides to this.
Okay, yeah, the first side isyou want to open yourself up
enough so that people can comeand you can connect with them
(19:47):
and whoever has a biggerconnection with you.
I think Holy Spirit's going tokeep them around.
They're going to keep coming.
You're going to continue to seethem.
They're going to continue toengage with you.
Maybe you text each other alittle more.
You're sending memes to eachother now at at this point you
know you find each other inchurch like it will just become
a natural um attraction rightWith friends.
(20:10):
But at the same time you haveto guard your heart.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
You can't just let everybody in, you can't just let
everybody into your space, youcan't just let everybody into
you know, cause at some pointthey might see you and they
might want to dump, dump, dumpand you get nothing out of that
friendship.
And so you really have to usethat Holy Spirit discernment,
and that's where I was goingwith that.
You have to ask the Holy Spiritwho is meant to be in my life
(20:36):
in this season?
Who am I meant to be a friendto?
Who is meant to be my friend?
Who should be in my innercircle?
Who should I be more vulnerablewith?
Or who is just going to be thatside hug on a Sunday?
Hey, how you doing?
How's it going?
Okay, goodbye, god bless youthat you see every so often, but
(21:00):
they're not into your space.
You can't let everybody intoyour space.
And so how do you determine thedeeper friends?
By letting holy spirit bringyou guys into that space
together.
Naturally, I used to force it.
I used to come on, let's meet,let's meet, let's meet, come on,
come on, come on and then bedisappointed when it doesn't
(21:21):
come to the point when it, whenit didn't work out, what what's
wrong with me?
I'm a good friend, I'm a goodfriend and it's like that's not
the way to do it.
I think it requires a littlebit of natural I don't know a
good word for it but there hasto be a natural flow and a
natural attraction.
And then once you have thatnatural attraction right and
(21:44):
once you know that, like God hasthese people in my life, I know
that this is a God thing.
I know that this is we'relining up, we're finding common
ground and everything.
Their pace is either the sameor a little bit off, but I see
that iron is sharpening iron.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
Like I see that.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
I'm getting something out of this, they'm getting
something out of this, they aregetting something out of this.
I have a desire to want to pourmore into it, they have a
desire to want to pour more intoit, and I think, when you get
to that point, then you ask God,god, what can I do?
What should I do to keep this?
How can I continue to pour intothis so that this is something
(22:24):
that you're getting glorifiedand let's go.
Speaker 2 (22:26):
You know, yeah, let it all be for his glory, let it
all be for his glory.
So I'm thinking back whileyou're telling the story, yeah,
of of making these connectionsand forcing the wrong ones too
recently I had someone approachme and want to do a small group,
wanted to lead a men's groupwith me.
Yeah, and it was someone.
I was like, yeah, this sounds,I mean, holy Spirit was leading
(22:50):
me to do this kind of thing.
Yeah, and then they asked thepartner and I was like, yes,
this could be great.
Yeah to lead the group toconnect over being ready each
week to have the messagetogether and the teamwork to put
(23:11):
that together and to show upand then, execute has helped our
friendship to grow deeper andit's someone who I could see,
you know, continuing even thoughour group season might be over,
our group sessions might beover.
You know, I could see doinglife with this person more
regularly and that's thatnatural.
(23:31):
I guess it was natural.
But also is getting outside ofthe comfort zone to do something
in partnership with someonethat partnering together to work
together.
You know, I think of joiningdifferent ministries in the
church.
You know, if you go teachSunday school or you go do the
the welcome team at your church,you're going to make new
(23:53):
friends there and you're goingto grow deeper there and that's
where you're going to be able tojust get the basics over with,
right Like get the ice broken tolike, hey, maybe this person
could be someone that I couldhave a long lasting friendship
with amen, and that's veryrecently that this started
happening in this season, whereyou were like, let me be open to
(24:13):
find this new friend, you knowI didn't set out to find a
friend, no, but it just ithappened to impact men's lives
in there I brought it in there.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
I think, just like marriage, how you have to
include and you have to inviteand be very intentional, with
the Holy Spirit being at thecenter of that relationship.
That kind of flows with everyrelationship and that kind of
flows also with friendships.
There are people in our collegedays, in your bachelor and my
bachelorette days, where theymight not be following the Lord
(24:44):
as closely as we are, but theyare still considered friends.
Some of them to me are stillconsidered day one friends.
I don't necessarily get intoBible theology discussions with
them, but they see my light andthey know that I'm here and I
know who and I know who they areand I'm not ashamed to talk
(25:08):
about the gospel.
I'm not ashamed to talk aboutmy faith with these people
because I know that that is whoI am and they accept me for who
I am.
They accept that that is whatcomes with me.
You know, and I feel likesometimes, being a friend,
having a lasting legacy of afriend.
You have to be very clearwhatever friendship you're in,
(25:31):
that holy spirit is in themiddle of it.
He's orchestrating it the, thewillingness.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
I think the willingness to expose our
weaknesses will increase thepositive outcomes of your
friendships.
Right, you don't think so?
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Hmm, I mean, I'm an open book, I don't hide anything
from anyone, and I still havepeople who have heard everything
and have decided not to be myfriend.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
So then you're saying so it's can't have them all
right?
No, just because you think it'sgoing to be, doesn't mean it is
.
Speaker 1 (26:08):
Again, it goes all the way back to what I said at
the very beginning Friendshipswe have been taught since grade
school to keep because they'reimportant and a lot of the times
I feel like people will seewho's there and who's not there
and it will become a part oftheir identity.
They'll start to see themselvesas either I am blessed, I am
(26:33):
important, I am significantbecause of the friends that I
have, or it'll turn and say I amnothing, I'm a loser, I am a
nobody because I don't haveenough friends.
And you have to be very carefulwith that because you're
placing these relationships inan idle form.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Yeah, you're making them your identities, based on
your quantity of friends.
Speaker 1 (26:57):
Exactly Not just your quantity of friends, but your
quality of friends.
You know, like there's clicks,right, people have clicks, and
if you're not in a specificclick, then you might feel like,
oh, I'm not cool enough, I'mnot important enough, how come
they don't reach out to me?
You know, you see all thepictures on social media
everybody's hanging out.
(27:17):
How come they didn't invite me?
And you really start to place alot of weight into these
relationships, which is why it'sso important and it's something
that I learned literally lastyear, a couple of years ago that
the weight of who I am and whatI bring to the table in terms
of friendships has to rely onGod, has to rely on his presence
(27:39):
, has to rely on what he tellsme to be and to do as a friend.
In that role, okay, if God istelling me you're meant to be
with these group of people,you're meant to go after this
person, you're meant to open upyour home, because I have
someone who feels this way, whoneeds to come and see that
(28:00):
there's community, and you'regoing to be the one that's going
to set that up so that I canminister to that person over
there.
And I'm going to keep bringingthem.
And then I'm going to tell youhey, go talk to this person,
like God is orchestrating it.
God's orchestrating all of it.
All of this has to go to hisglory, all of it has to point
back to him.
If you're in a relationshipwith friends and you're not
(28:23):
pointing them to God and to hislight, then are we even friends?
Speaker 2 (28:30):
If you're not pointing each other towards God
Not necessarily like turn yourBible.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You have to read this right now, right.
But like is your character, isyour unconditional love towards
them?
Is your consideration, bro, tojust like reach out and be like,
hey, how are you?
What's going on?
Right, come over for this,grill out, you know, come to my
home and if you see that it'spulling you closer, then amen,
(28:56):
you've got a great friend towalk with.
But if you're not even willingto do that, then you know what
are we doing.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
What are you doing?
Speaker 1 (29:03):
What are we doing?
We're wasting time.
We're wasting everybody's time.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
Keep it moving to the next friend.
Try again with someone else.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
You know, and when that does happen, it's so
important to remember that whoyou are is not defined by who's
in your life other than Christbeing in your life, because
people will come and go.
Hearts are fickle, people havethings that they're going
through.
The way people handlesituations are is different on
from person to person.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
you know, and you can't base your joy and your
peace and your sustenance onthose things so we're we're
doing the series on legacy yesand we started with friends yes
and I thought that starting withfriends was was a good starting
point yeah because you knowfamily we're getting to that yes
(30:04):
family's there forever and youhave to work with them in a
different way.
You know taking care of yourkids is different, it's a
different calling.
But friends requires a wholeseparate level of just
commitment than than any ofthose other things and I've had
some friendships that are justmore rewarding than than family,
(30:27):
more rewarding than, I guessnot more rewarding than kids,
but more rewarding than than Icould expect.
No, children are just such adifferent.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
Five different love.
Yeah, it's a.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
It's a filet-o-love but I'm saying that the the
whole point of of this series isthat we got to get outside of
ourselves and that we're goingto build something that's that's
going to be driving forward.
Legacy drives forward, yes, anddrives people to want to be a
better person.
Because I was friends with kyle, because I was friends with
Selena, because I was friendswith Paul or Terry or whoever,
(31:00):
yeah, and that's what legacydoes, and that's the whole.
That's what we're going to doin this series.
Let's get into that.
Speaker 1 (31:07):
And I think a lot of that is reflected of your
character.
Then you know, what kind ofcharacter do you have?
How are you evolving it?
How are you maturing?
it how are you growing it?
You know, and I think havingbecoming friends with different
people in different seasons willhelp you mature that character.
You know.
(31:28):
I think understanding whereyour light comes from and who
your true source of peace andjoy is will help with those
friendships.
And I think the goal at the endof the day when you have
friends is did you allow God touse you to make someone else's
life brighter in some way?
Speaker 2 (31:49):
Yep, did you put your light on something Did?
Speaker 1 (31:51):
you put your light on something in some way by being
a friend, your light onsomething?
Did you put your light onsomething in some way?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
by being a friend.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
Whatever being a friend looked like to them right
.
Whether it was an inner circlefriend where you were vulnerable
and gave them space to bevulnerable and grow.
Whether it was an outer kind offriend where, no matter what,
you showed kindness and you youdidn't judge or condemn, you
know.
Or whether it was a friend whowas in a season, who was so
pivotal in that season andthey'll remember it for the rest
(32:19):
of their life.
You know, standing on God andstanding on how he teaches you
to be a good person and how todevelop a good character and how
to pour and love into otherpeople.
I think that is what helps usbuild that lasting legacy of a
friendship that not only yourkids can see but everyone around
(32:40):
you can see.
Like that is a good guy, a manof integrity, a woman of
defiance, like because of howyou treated them and what kind
of love you shown them andthat's all just God flowing
through you.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
It all comes down to the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Absolutely Making it happen.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
Why don't we go ahead and?
Speaker 1 (32:54):
pray, okay, god flowing through you, it all
comes down to the Holy SpiritAbsolutely Making it happen.
Amen.
Why don't we go ahead and pray?
Okay, and for those of you guyswho are struggling with friends
, we hope that this episodehelped and we hope that it
challenges you and encouragesyou to kind of step out of your
(33:14):
comfort zone and also to bringGod back to the center.
Speaker 2 (33:16):
You know Amen, amen, yeah zone, and also to, like,
bring god back to the center.
You know, amen, amen, yeah.
Lord, we're grateful for thisopportunity to just share and to
to study your word and to bringa good message.
We pray that this lands on goodears and good soil and that
people are encouraged and theyare pray that they're patient to
understand that friendshipstake time, take energy, take
(33:38):
work, and that the fruit ofthose friendships, though, is
what it's worth it.
The fruit of it is worth it.
I thank you, lord, for thistime, for this space, and we
just give you the glory for allof it, in Jesus's name, amen.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
Amen, guys, listeners , thank you so much for watching
and listening.
If you are with us on youtube,be sure to like, share,
subscribe.
If you're listening to us onspotify, apple, iheart radio,
any of the other platforms,please be sure to leave us a
good review so that othercouples like you can learn how
to love by faith as well.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Love by faith y'all love by faith y'all.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Next week, we're going to talk more about how to
leave a legacy in a differentarea of your life, and we will
see you then we'll be here.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
Bye, see ya, that's one of those where I don't have
to run out, though.
Yeah, man, I'm just gonna chill.
Please do stay till you kick meout all right, can I go back to
bed?
Speaker 1 (34:41):
if you chill, can I sleep again?
You could I just ma'am?
I just, I don't know if it's thesun, I don't know if it's it is
it's the water from swimming itis it's the constant, you know,
as soon as I wake up, to theminute I go to bed just putting
contacts in, you know, notfeeling like I can't wear
glasses in the sun.
(35:02):
Okay, I have a weird confession.
I have a weird confession.
I don't think I ever told youthis, I believe.
I don't know if this is true ornot.
I believe that if I wearglasses in the sun, that the sun
is going to go into the glassand it's going to burn holes in
my eyes, I always get scared,you know, like a magnifier, and
(35:26):
I always get scared that if Iwear glasses in the sun that the
sun is going to ultra fixate onmy eyeballs and I'm going to
get burned.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Wow, I think the only way that is accurate is if
you're looking directly at thesun.
Okay, and so the sun isdirectly into the lens.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
It feels like that though.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
But if you're looking this way, then the sun is just
down on you, so it's going tohold on your cheeks.
Speaker 1 (35:55):
So that's where that comes from.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
So if you got holes in your cheeks, that's where it
is, that's why my cheeks are sopuffy.
Get me out of here.
Yeah, I'm going to go go seethis son that you talk about.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
I'm going to go see my pillow.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Get out of the studio .
Speaker 1 (36:10):
Good night everyone.
7 am.
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