Kyle and Selina explore going deeper into effective communication in their new series "Say It Like You Mean It," sharing personal examples of miscommunication and strategies to improve marriage dialogue.
• Communication requires intentionality – couples can't assume understanding without explicit conversation
• There's no such thing as over-communication; clarity prevents misunderstandings
• The "What did I just say?" technique confirms messages are received correctly
• Speaking directly and honestly builds trust when partners know it comes from love
• Communication triggers like raised voices, cold shoulders, or crying can instantly derail conversations
• Vulnerability about past relationships and childhood experiences deepens understanding
• Different communication styles require adaptation and patience
• Body language and non-verbal cues are powerful communication tools
Join us next week as we dive deeper into communication triggers and pitfalls that can derail even the strongest relationships.
*Sidenote: We came up with a total of 12 communication topics out of this episode!! Be sure to tune in all month long to see which topic we'll dive deeper into!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Say it like you mean it.
Say it like you mean it.
We didn't have a topic.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
So we didn't communicate about the
communication series.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
This could have been an email.
We don't need to sit and talkabout this.
This is redundant.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Guys, are we communicating enough about our
feelings?
Speaker 1 (00:13):
But what happens when we remove communication
altogether?
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship, Arelationship.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But by trusting in God, we learn what it takes to
build a friendship, arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome All by
learning how to lean on God andeach other.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
In order to help you learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Listen, I'm 37.9 years old, such a young babe.
I'm like I care this much aboutwhat is in style now and I care
this much about looking good.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You know what it is.
There's a part of me thatwishes I was raised.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Maybe not lived or born, but if I was raised in
like italy or france, wherefashion is just so like second
nature okay and then I take thatexquisite childhood upbringing
and I bring it back to thestates and I'm just fashionable
(01:39):
without even trying that's likecultural, because they don't
have you know, I picture theydon't have department stores
like we do where we just havemass-produced clothes like they
have, like clothing shops wherepeople who care about clothes,
make clothes?
Yeah, they don't have like theymight racks and racks of, you
know they might old navy shirtsright.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I'm wearing right right.
We depend too much on the trendit's our culture.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, two different cultures, yeah, you know, I
think I take all the upsidesthat we have.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
As I get older, I realize that I don't want to
chase trends Right, and so I'mtrying to look for just those
staple classic pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Where it doesn't matter what the trend is Right,
staple classic pieces where itdoesn't matter what the trend is
.
If I put it on, it's in fashionand it's stylish enough to to
compliment me and my figure andmy, my tones, my, my features,
and I can wear it in any seasonand it it will work.
Timeless timeless, timelessclassic pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Takes me into today's topic.
It's perfect new month, newseries new month, new series
we're in may.
Spring is officially here.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We're in our spring springtime season do you think
it's gonna snow again?
No do you think it's gonna bebelow 30 again?
No thank god, we made it guyswe made it we.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
This month we're talking about communication.
The series is called Selena.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Say it like you mean it.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Say it like you mean it, say it with your chest.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Say it with your chest.
Do you know where that's from?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
No, I know, I've heard it said forever, though.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I want it could have been dated before this, but I'm
pretty sure kevin hart said itkevin hart he was in one of his
bits.
Say it with your chest okay,that sounds right I can hear him
say that yeah, so say it likeyou mean it amen now we had a
communication series in thefoundation series in season one
and we encourage you guys to goback and listen to that, because
(03:39):
the whole purpose of thefoundation series itself was to
get you just the groundwork, thefoundation pieces to help you
jumpstart.
So this is kind of justbouncing off of those topics
that we talked about going alittle bit more deeper into some
of those things so that youguys can really just hone in on
(04:00):
those specific things thatcouples really struggle with
when it comes to communication.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah.
So this week, without furtherado, we're digging into speaking
life, into your marriage.
Speaking life you give me thatlook.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's not what we talked about.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
What do we?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
We didn't have a topic.
We didn't have a topic.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So we didn't communicate about the
communication series.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
How ironic is that?
How ironic is that?
No, because, honestly, we'vehad, we have topics all the way
until the end of season tworight, we're ready and then you
know a few months and I thinkit's like every three months we
go in and we like hone out eachepisode details right we didn't
do that this time I think it's agreat example of how things
(04:47):
will look when you fail tocommunicate, yes, and how how
our experience doing this andworking together through the bad
communications can still canstill move forward.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
But then when we come in with a fully prepared or
like a fully ironed out episode,yes, how different it feels.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
But let me show you what God does, because even when
you have a mess like this, aslong as you have Christ at the
center, he's going to pull thecrumbs that you offered and he's
going to turn it into bread,because watch this, this is a
perfect topic.
Turn it into bread Because,watch this, this is a perfect
topic, even though it's not areal topic.
(05:31):
This is a perfect topic of whatcouples go through when they
just assume that they can justgo through life and go through
the relationship, not having totalk about things, not having to
have a sit down talk.
I think a lot of the timespeople think like, okay, we're
on the same wavelength, we'revibing.
I understand you, I can finishyour sentences and they just
naturally assume that they don'thave to have a sit down talk.
(05:53):
And some people feel like havinga sit down talk is so
reflective of like a negative,you know mindset, of like going
to work this could have been anemail we don't need to sit and
talk about this.
This is redundant.
I assume you know becauseyou're an intelligent person,
because why would I date a dumbperson?
And so therefore we don't needto talk about this.
(06:13):
But then you guys get there,you sit on the couch if you will
and you press the record buttonif you will, and then all of a
sudden you're like what younever talked about this.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I thought we had that figured out Right.
We talked about this last time.
Why don't you remember?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And so what happens when you're at this point in a
relationship is that youimmediately fall apart with
feelings.
You get defensive, you feellike you weren't heard, you feel
like you were ignored, and allof these other things start to
come out, where you're like whoa, I didn't realize we had all a
(06:51):
waste of time.
Obviously, it didn't work lasttime, right, we sat down, we
talked about this.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
We're right back here sitting down talking about it
again.
Yes, why are we even rammingour head against the wall to
have this talk again?
Why do we need to refresh this?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
What a good point, kyle.
The fact that people repeat andremind and bring things up over
and over and over the question.
Really, if you have to repeatit, was it ever communicated in
the first place?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Okay, I would say yes , it was, I think, and I even
have a biblical example ready.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, bring it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
We just got through Easter.
Yes, we just got through Easter.
We always do a great Easterlesson with our kids.
Yes, I enjoy doing it.
This year I put a lot more timein it this year than I have in
the last couple years and one ofthe things is when jesus is
praying in the garden he comesand he tells them to stay and
pray with me.
(07:58):
And they're praying and he comesback and he thought they fall
asleep.
He wakes him up like, hey,you're, you're sleeping, wake up
, let's pray I wonder why heneeded them to pray with him and
he came back and especiallywhen he was leaving away and
coming back.
So he told him multiple times,like, let's pray in the garden
and pray.
Stay up, let's pray and prayyeah, and they were all had the
(08:20):
itis, like my son said the otherday when we're reading this.
He's like they had the itis,because they just got done with
the feast.
Much food, yep, too much bread,and so, yes, jesus had to
communicate it multiple times.
You know, I'm going, I'm comingback, I'm going, coming back.
And so we have to go back tothe plan.
Check on the plan.
Where's the plan at?
Where's the communication at?
(08:41):
Are we communicating enoughabout this?
Are we communicating enoughabout our finances?
Are we communicating enoughabout our date nights?
Are we communicating enoughabout guys?
Are we communicating enoughabout our feelings?
Are we, are we?
Speaker 1 (08:52):
communicating enough about guys, are we?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
communicating enough about our feelings?
Are we speaking life to eachother enough?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I always feel like you have to communicate as
though you were talking to athree-year-old.
Okay, there's never.
There's no such thing as overcommunicating.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So you're saying I'm just a big 37.9 year old, three
year old.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
There are some.
Wouldn't it be 0.11?
Cause your birthday is likeKeep going Okay, 90%.
Squirrel.
There are yes, there's I haveto.
There are some moments where Iliterally think I said enough.
And then I come back around andI'm like I just want to revisit
(09:35):
this one more time, because nowI'm like, wait a minute, I
didn't explain it enough, he'sgot that look again.
I didn't explain it enough, as Iwould to a child.
So let me and it's not to saythat, Kyle, I see you as a child
it's not to say that I amdisrespecting you and
undermining you as my husband,but I have to make sure that
(09:56):
what I'm saying is so clear, isso understandable, that even a
child could understand what I'msaying.
Because if I do it that way, ifI can break it down that much,
then I know if the message isnot received it's not my fault.
It makes me feel like I dideverything in my power to really
(10:20):
break this down.
You know, um where this episodeis coming out right around our
anniversary.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Okay, this is what.
12 years.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, the week after our anniversary 12 years so
congrats, good job we made itaround, you survived 12 years
with me.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Thank you.
You made it 12 years with me.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thank you for your service, good job I like our
friends who say they got torenegotiate every five years.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were negotiating, yeah, um
, but when we first got married,we used to do this thing where
it was like I said something andthen I'm like, okay, now what
did I say?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
That is so helpful.
I remember the first few timesyou did it to me.
I felt like like yes, like youwere treating me disrespectfully
, like a kid, and I definitelygot defensive and was like what
do you mean?
What did you?
Just say no, I'm not answeringthat, you said what you said and
I got so mad.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
But now, when you say it, after doing it a few times
and realizing, I did notunderstand what she just said,
it's almost always differentwhat you heard and what I said
it's helpful to say that andI've gotten used to the tone and
maybe we can dig into thatdeeper in this series but I've
gotten used to your tone to knowshe's not saying this to be
disrespectful.
She's saying this to make surethat I understand.
(11:30):
She's saying this to make surethat she's heard.
And I definitely find myselfdoing it too.
Like what did you just hear mesay?
Like what do you understandthat I want to come out of this
talk?
Yes, and that it's helped us,yes, it's helped us to be like,
hey, what did you just hear?
And like to take it at facevalue that we are just trying to
be understood with each otheryes and not be disrespectful
(11:53):
right yes and I think one of thethings in 12 years is that we
have learned how to be bluntwith each other and to accept it
and not be not be disrespectfulabout it.
Like we can correct in love, wecan be blunt in love and I can
take you just saying what youwant to say, say what you, yeah
say like you mean it.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Say like you mean it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, and not take it as offensive or like my
feelings are hurt because wejust want the best.
It goes back to the love andrespect and we talked about that
that.
I know you have our bestinterest that you are not
operating where you're trying tobring me down.
Have our best interest that youare not operating where you're
trying to bring me down.
And if that is how you'reoperating, I'm trusting you to
(12:35):
check your heart and say hold on, wait a minute.
I'm not doing this to buildthis up.
I'm doing this just out ofspite.
I'm doing this because I'm mad.
I'm doing this because I'mhangry.
I'm doing this because thetiming isn't right.
I'm doing this because I feelembarrassed and I'm trying to
embarrass you back.
Communication bluntly is sohelpful to just say it like you
(12:56):
mean it and me understand thatyou're doing it from a place of
good heart and goodwill and justto be understood.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You know, that's a whole topic in itself.
That maybe we can revisit in acouple weeks is when you say
things and then the way youreceive it if you're not sure or
if you're not secure in knowingthat what your spouse is saying
is being said in love.
(13:19):
That's an issue.
Yeah, because I was mainly, youknow, in my teenage years.
I was mainly raised by myfather and my uncle and my
brother.
I was surrounded by men Verycutthroat, very black and white,
very blunt, straight to thepoint, did not sugarcoat
anything, and so when we gottogether I was already pretty
(13:42):
blunt, very rough around theedges, because that's how I was
raised.
Not every girl is raised thatway.
And so for, yes, women have totoughen up a little bit and
women have to receive kind ofthat bluntness because they're
they know that it's being saidin love and they know that.
You know we're not going tosugar coat this, because this is
a problem and we need to get tothe root of it.
(14:03):
Or there is a conflict or thereis a miscommunication that
needs to be addressed.
You know we don't have time forsugarcoating, we don't have
time to caress your hand and getyou through it, but at the same
time.
Why is that a coping mechanismto keep you from communicating
all the way?
You know, like that's a wholeepisode in itself that we could
talk about, and so many othertopics that I mean let's just
(14:24):
keep going on and on.
If we I'm trying to get 10,000steps a day, that's my goal.
It's my health goal this season,and the best way for me to do
this is to watch one of my alltime favorite movies, which is
the Avengers Endgame andAvengers Infinity War.
And I just got to the partwhere Tony Stark lands on the
planet and he is encounteredwith the Guardians of the Galaxy
(14:47):
and they're fighting each otherbecause they don't realize
they're on the same team.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And Chris Pratt's character.
What was his?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
name star lord, star lord, favorite movie of all time
you don't remember.
Sorry, I'm trying a brain fart.
So star lord is like where'sgamora right?
And then tony's like I'll doyou one better.
Who is gamora?
And then you got Drax on thefloor and he's like I'll do
better, why Gamora?
So it makes me feel like I sayall that to say you know, we
talked about what communicationis in the first half of this.
(15:19):
We talked about all of the manyfacets that we can go deeper
into this month, about why weneed to communicate and why it's
so important for couples tocommunicate and what happens
when we communicateineffectively.
Yeah, but what happens when weremove communication altogether
(15:41):
and people couples decide it'snot even worth talking about?
That's a whole conversation.
I think should definitely be anepisode, you know, when people
are perhaps not necessarilyready to give up.
But it's like I don't want totalk about that past, like can
you imagine if I never talked toyou about my past relationships
(16:03):
with past boyfriends or pastissues?
Because I'm just like.
It's just, it's just toostressful, it's too traumatic.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Like well, it took us a long time to get there.
I don't want to talk about it,I don't even want to go there.
There was a season where Ididn't want to hear about it.
I'm still getting to know youand I didn't want to hear about
all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
This is an episode that we should have, because I
feel that there are couples outthere who are just not even
going there.
They're not even going thereand I believe to be vulnerable
and to be brave and to be lovingenough to understand those
places can really help you notonly overcome them, but help you
(16:41):
reach a higher level ofcommunication with your partner.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Overcoming those past hurts and past traumas are real
and communicating about it toyour partner so they can
understand you better is real,and so that's totally an episode
, yeah, and not just pastrelationships but like childhood
trauma with your parents,childhood trauma with your, with
your family life, like oh yeah,what it was like growing up and
that may be hard to talk aboutwith your partner.
Yeah, it might take.
(17:05):
You might have to be togetherfor a while before she's ready
to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Do it with a counselor it might be a marriage
counseling thing yeah andthat's that's real the other
lack of communication that I'mthinking of, since we're in this
bubble, is when couples don'twant to communicate with other
people.
Okay, so you know, mentors, notjust mentors but okay, we are a
(17:31):
gender, we're considered themillennial generation, right?
And I would like to say thatthe previous generations before
us, they don't talk, they don'tair their dirty laundry, keep it
in the house.
What stays in the house, youknow, we don't talk about it,
and I feel like a lot of peoplein our age range, or maybe more
(17:51):
they whatever happens in theirhousehold stays in their
household.
They don't talk about it.
They don't talk about it withtheir mentors.
They don't talk about it inprayers.
They don't talk about it insmall group settings.
They don't even talk about itwith their friends.
People could be strugglingwithin their marriage and they
will never talk about it becausethey're either ashamed or
(18:12):
afraid or they're in denial, andthat could really break a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's a hard one for me, because I think there's
healthy boundaries in thoselayers that you just talked
about, where I'm not talkingabout my relationship to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Not everybody, I'm not saying share it with the
world on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
My guy Kev at work love that dude.
I don't tell him about stuffI'm struggling about with you.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
There's different circles is what I'm trying to
say.
But to not say nothing Ifthere's someone who is getting
abused or someone who is notintimate for years, those are
extreme examples, but yeah, Ihear you for years.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Those are extreme examples, but yeah, I hear you
they're very extreme examples,they're exaggerations, but talk
to your pastor, at least startthere.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
If they're not, you know this.
I think this could be a goodepisode.
Yeah, to dive into, like whathappens if you're there okay how
do you get out of it?
What if?
What if you know someone who'sthere, how do you get to them?
You know?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
that's a good one.
I think about um pitfalls toavoiding communication.
Okay, sarcasm, yes, downtalking oh yeah negative humor.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yes, embarrassing your partner yes, knowing when
to talk about the topics knowingwhen to talk about the hard
stuff.
Yes, knowing how to call a timeout knowing when to talk about
certain things, because youdon't just talk in public about
things that you're like.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
This needs to be done because listen, you get out of
line.
I'm gonna take you home realquick oh my gosh kyle you gotta
come back.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
For that I will take you home quick quick I said no.
I said take me home, Don't pickme up ever again.
I'm pretty sure I said thosewords.
You did not.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I said you can take me home right now, let's go.
And you started walking away.
I said all right, I was so mad,we were picking mini blinds.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Well, now you have to tell the story.
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
No, I don't.
I'll keep them coming back formore.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
That is a great topic .
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Come back later in the series.
We'll definitely drop thatstory.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
That is definitely a good topic because you are
absolutely right, there arepeople who are tearing each
other down and shaming them anddisrespecting them in plain
sight, all covered over theblanket of.
I'm just joking, we're justplaying.
This is how we flirt.
(20:29):
Flirt and that's not coolcommunication triggers triggers
triggers.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
So yelling, raising your voice at me is one way to
get me to just clam up, I'm goneno, I can't stop yelling,
because that's how I talk that'sdave chapelle crying.
Crying triggers people to stoptalking.
It could trigger you to want tostop talking because you feel
yourself about to cry and cryingis okay.
Crying is communicating.
(20:54):
Body language is real Coldshoulder, just straight days of
cold shoulder.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yes, it's a power trip.
What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, that's good.
So those communication triggers, that's a whole great idea.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
We talked about a lot and this is only the month of
May, so we have three topicsleft.
We have three episodes in Maybefore we jump into our June
topic, you know, once we getthere.
So let's kind of start boilingthis down, like, out of all
those topics that we talkedabout, you know, and I wish I
could do a poll, guys, I wish Icould take a poll and you guys
(21:32):
could vote and and do that, butI don't think, um, I don't think
our audience is big enough toto actually get a good answer by
next week, to figure this out.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
We're getting there.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
We're getting there in in small steps.
Of all of the topics that wetalked about, yeah, which ones
really moved you the most?
To be like we could talk here?
I personally what keep goingwhat, no, what is?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I laugh because in my head I'm thinking all the ones
that I said, of course.
Uh, tell me which ones.
Which ones do you think?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
how about this?
How about I pick one from you,you pick one from me, and then
we'll pick one that we boththink we could agree and be like
okay, yeah, that's a great one?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
okay, the one okay, ladies, first kyle, ladies my
memory is not gonna rememberwhat you said.
I'm kidding, come on no that,bro.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Okay, I like the trigger one.
Okay, I think that is veryhelpful and we can definitely do
an entire episode, if not more,just on that.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
I like the first one you said You're supposed to say
what it was.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
again, which one was that, kyle?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
You're supposed to say which one it was?
Again, Tell me.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Kyle, which one was the first?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
one.
I said, that was a good jokeAlmost 30 minutes ago.
We're talking about this sofast.
I can't remember all the topicsyou said you talked about.
I can't remember this stuff,bro.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
We talked about the negative stuff.
We talked about why it'simportant to talk.
We talked about why over'simportant to talk.
We talked about why overcommunicating is key.
We talked about notcommunicating at all.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
We talked about that cold shoulder that echoes into
the one you said that you likedfrom me with the negative.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Uh, dang it the triggers like this the triggers.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
yes, how do I not remember stuff that we just said
10 minutes ago?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Listen if I knew that answer, I wouldn't have as many
white hairs on my head rightnow.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
This is why you need communication, and the month of
May will be dedicated to greatcommunication.
I feel like I need a notebook,like a marriage.
I just need to walk around withit.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You- mean this notebook.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
No no like a marriage .
I just need to walk around withyou, mean, this notebook.
No, no, as a man, as a man whohas to remember stuff like I
need to just be like, yeah, shesaid that man, I I can't believe
you just said that.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
I cannot believe you just said that because I promise
you during our first years ofmarriage being on the topic of
anniversary, I definitely gaveyou a little silver notepad book
, that like, flipped up withnotepads with a tiny little pin
to keep in there so that youcould remember things.
(24:19):
Do you even remember where thatnotepad is?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
probably not, because it was 10 years ago I remember
it, though it was, it was cool.
I think the pen went dead.
Like I used it, the pen wentdead.
They used to use it for blameit on the pen kyle sorry guys
blame it on the pen.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Anyways, guys, we do have a lot of topics here.
We are definitely going to goback and review what we are
going to do, I think because youcan't remember and I can't
remember the rest of the topics.
We should start with thetriggers one okay we should
start with that one next weekand definitely talk about what
um would stop you fromcommunicating right, and then,
(24:57):
once we get through the thingsthat stop you from communicating
, then we can open up the restof the month with how to
communicate.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
So join us next week for communication.
Say it like you mean itTriggers and pitfalls in
communicating.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh, that was the one thing.
Say it with your heart, yourwhole heart.
You know letting your feelingscome out.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I said that that wasn't one.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
you said I was trying to remember stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
you said Wow, I know I'm working on it, kind of.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Kind of.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I mean, how do I say I'm working on it when it just
happened I didn't do anything towork on it yet I should have
been taking notes through thisepisode.
I didn't expect this episode togo like this.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
What did you expect us to do?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I thought we were going to find one and be like,
yes, and we just went into itfor like another 30 minutes.
Oh, oh it's all right.
I think this episode was fun itwas fun free, free flowing, and
I think that a lot of good.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
It's a very type b episode to get us out of the
spring cleaning, which was likea bunch of random topics, and
then to get back into structurewe get out of spring cleaning.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We just make a mess again.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Communication that is how it is, you know every every
what wednesday, you you cleanthe car with Jubilee.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, Every Friday it's already a mess.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And then by Sunday, when the kids are done, coming
to and from church.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yep, it's terrible.
We hope that in this mess, youwill join us with your mess
Whatever things that you havegoing on when you're like, wow,
I really wish communication inthis particular area would be
better, would improve, would beenhanced in our relationship.
I really sincerely hope thatyou would take that and you
(26:39):
would bring it to the Love byFaith podcast this month,
because we are going to starttalking with our chest out.
We're going to share thingswith our whole heart.
We're going to be veryvulnerable and transparent.
There might be some storiesthere's definitely a couple
stories that Kyle wanted tocliff hang for you guys that we
will bring back, and we hope youjoin us for this ride.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
It's going to be a good one.
I think we've got a lot of goodideas coming out.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
We definitely have great ideas in this that we will
kind of flesh out as the monthrolls on.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, man, let's pray for the people.
Lord, we're grateful to be here, we're grateful to share, we're
grateful to be vulnerable,we're grateful to communicate.
Lord, may we be filled withyour heart, filled with your
love, filled with your message.
I pray for the relationships,who are listening, who are
working on growing, who areworking on being better.
I pray for their communication,I pray for their connection, I
(27:33):
pray for their love.
We give you the glory inJesus's name, amen.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Amen.
Thank you guys for tuning in,for listening, for watching.
If you're on YouTube, be sureto like share.
Took my line.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I was gonna say that you could do the next part make
sure, if you're on spotify applepodcast, five star reviews, yes
, tell them.
Kyle and selena are great atunderstanding relationships and
talking about that's better thanchad gpt could have came up
with that's right that's rightthanks for being here for
another episode of Love by Faithy'all.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
We'll see you guys again next week.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Take care.
You can't handle it when I'mfreestyling.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I know.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I knew that was the answer.
I don't like the freestyle.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It makes me very nervous and squirmy inside.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Do you get embarrassed by what I say?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
No, I don't.
I love when you just pop off atthe mouth because it's the
unexpected and people come forthe Kyle.
Okay, I feel like people comefor the Kyle.
Okay, I, I, I feel like peoplecome for the Kyle.
People like to hear the deepSelena, but they love to, they
love and enjoy the Kyle andthat's what makes this podcast
(28:56):
so great.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I'm grateful If that's you, if you're here for
the the Kyle air quotes nobody'swatching you.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
This is the uncredited.
I'm grateful.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
That's why I said air quotes, so they knew what I was
doing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Don't you have to leave, no we finished.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
We did great today.
The unstructured episode didgreat today.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yes, wow, no, we definitely need a plan though.
Yeah, it's cute to do everyonce in a while, just to keep it
fresh.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I can't.
I can't be waking up like this.
Well, I do wake up like this,but I need a firm topic.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I listen to a ton of sports radio.
Yeah Right, and the worst timein sports radio is FC's award.
The week after the baseballall-star game.
Because?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
then there's nothing else, there's just nothing.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
There's like three days of nothing.
Yeah, and this just reminds meof that Only three days of
nothing in all the sports world.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Sorry, this is how it is.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Go Cavs, bro.
Cavs brought the rock, let's go.
They are yeah, okay, it'sofficial, gotta go.
Gotta go get some breakfast,apparently was your stomach just
communicating?
To you.
My stomach was all about thecalves.
That was a big cheer for thecalves alright, next week we'll
(30:19):
see you next time.
Say it like you mean it.
Say it like you mean it.
We didn't have a topic.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
So we didn't communicate about the
communication series.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
This could have been an email.
We don't need to sit and talkabout this.
This is redundant.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Guys, are we communicating enough about our
feelings?
Speaker 1 (00:13):
But what happens when we remove communication
altogether?
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
But by trusting in God we learn what it takes to
build a friendship, Arelationship.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
But by trusting in God, we learn what it takes to
build a friendship, arelationship and marriage that
has stood the test of time.
With a Keeping it Real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome All by
learning how to lean on God andeach other.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
In order to help you learn how to love by faith.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Listen, I'm 37.9 years old, such a young babe.
I'm like I care this much aboutwhat is in style now and I care
this much about looking good.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
You know what it is.
There's a part of me thatwishes I was raised.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Maybe not lived or born, but if I was raised in
like italy or france, wherefashion is just so like second
nature okay and then I take thatexquisite childhood upbringing
and I bring it back to thestates and I'm just fashionable
(01:39):
without even trying that's likecultural, because they don't
have you know, I picture theydon't have department stores
like we do where we just havemass-produced clothes like they
have, like clothing shops wherepeople who care about clothes,
make clothes?
Yeah, they don't have like theymight racks and racks of, you
know they might old navy shirtsright.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
I'm wearing right right.
We depend too much on the trendit's our culture.
Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yeah, two different cultures, yeah, you know, I
think I take all the upsidesthat we have.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
As I get older, I realize that I don't want to
chase trends Right, and so I'mtrying to look for just those
staple classic pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Where it doesn't matter what the trend is Right,
staple classic pieces where itdoesn't matter what the trend is
.
If I put it on, it's in fashionand it's stylish enough to to
compliment me and my figure andmy, my tones, my, my features,
and I can wear it in any seasonand it it will work.
Timeless timeless, timelessclassic pieces.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
Takes me into today's topic.
It's perfect new month, newseries new month, new series
we're in may.
Spring is officially here.
Speaker 1 (02:52):
We're in our spring springtime season do you think
it's gonna snow again?
No do you think it's gonna bebelow 30 again?
No thank god, we made it guyswe made it we.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
This month we're talking about communication.
The series is called Selena.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Say it like you mean it.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Say it like you mean it, say it with your chest.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
Say it with your chest.
Do you know where that's from?
Speaker 2 (03:15):
No, I know, I've heard it said forever, though.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
I want it could have been dated before this, but I'm
pretty sure kevin hart said itkevin hart he was in one of his
bits.
Say it with your chest okay,that sounds right I can hear him
say that yeah, so say it likeyou mean it amen now we had a
communication series in thefoundation series in season one
and we encourage you guys to goback and listen to that, because
(03:39):
the whole purpose of thefoundation series itself was to
get you just the groundwork, thefoundation pieces to help you
jumpstart.
So this is kind of justbouncing off of those topics
that we talked about going alittle bit more deeper into some
of those things so that youguys can really just hone in on
(04:00):
those specific things thatcouples really struggle with
when it comes to communication.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Yeah.
So this week, without furtherado, we're digging into speaking
life, into your marriage.
Speaking life you give me thatlook.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
That's not what we talked about.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
What do we?
Speaker 1 (04:19):
We didn't have a topic.
We didn't have a topic.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
So we didn't communicate about the
communication series.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
How ironic is that?
How ironic is that?
No, because, honestly, we'vehad, we have topics all the way
until the end of season tworight, we're ready and then you
know a few months and I thinkit's like every three months we
go in and we like hone out eachepisode details right we didn't
do that this time I think it's agreat example of how things
(04:47):
will look when you fail tocommunicate, yes, and how how
our experience doing this andworking together through the bad
communications can still canstill move forward.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
But then when we come in with a fully prepared or
like a fully ironed out episode,yes, how different it feels.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
But let me show you what God does, because even when
you have a mess like this, aslong as you have Christ at the
center, he's going to pull thecrumbs that you offered and he's
going to turn it into bread,because watch this, this is a
perfect topic.
Turn it into bread Because,watch this, this is a perfect
topic, even though it's not areal topic.
(05:31):
This is a perfect topic of whatcouples go through when they
just assume that they can justgo through life and go through
the relationship, not having totalk about things, not having to
have a sit down talk.
I think a lot of the timespeople think like, okay, we're
on the same wavelength, we'revibing.
I understand you, I can finishyour sentences and they just
naturally assume that they don'thave to have a sit down talk.
(05:53):
And some people feel like havinga sit down talk is so
reflective of like a negative,you know mindset, of like going
to work this could have been anemail we don't need to sit and
talk about this.
This is redundant.
I assume you know becauseyou're an intelligent person,
because why would I date a dumbperson?
And so therefore we don't needto talk about this.
(06:13):
But then you guys get there,you sit on the couch if you will
and you press the record buttonif you will, and then all of a
sudden you're like what younever talked about this.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
I thought we had that figured out Right.
We talked about this last time.
Why don't you remember?
Speaker 1 (06:30):
And so what happens when you're at this point in a
relationship is that youimmediately fall apart with
feelings.
You get defensive, you feellike you weren't heard, you feel
like you were ignored, and allof these other things start to
come out, where you're like whoa, I didn't realize we had all a
(06:51):
waste of time.
Obviously, it didn't work lasttime, right, we sat down, we
talked about this.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
We're right back here sitting down talking about it
again.
Yes, why are we even rammingour head against the wall to
have this talk again?
Why do we need to refresh this?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
What a good point, kyle.
The fact that people repeat andremind and bring things up over
and over and over the question.
Really, if you have to repeatit, was it ever communicated in
the first place?
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Okay, I would say yes , it was, I think, and I even
have a biblical example ready.
Speaker 1 (07:38):
Okay, bring it.
Speaker 2 (07:38):
We just got through Easter.
Yes, we just got through Easter.
We always do a great Easterlesson with our kids.
Yes, I enjoy doing it.
This year I put a lot more timein it this year than I have in
the last couple years and one ofthe things is when jesus is
praying in the garden he comesand he tells them to stay and
pray with me.
(07:58):
And they're praying and he comesback and he thought they fall
asleep.
He wakes him up like, hey,you're, you're sleeping, wake up
, let's pray I wonder why heneeded them to pray with him and
he came back and especiallywhen he was leaving away and
coming back.
So he told him multiple times,like, let's pray in the garden
and pray.
Stay up, let's pray and prayyeah, and they were all had the
(08:20):
itis, like my son said the otherday when we're reading this.
He's like they had the itis,because they just got done with
the feast.
Much food, yep, too much bread,and so, yes, jesus had to
communicate it multiple times.
You know, I'm going, I'm comingback, I'm going, coming back.
And so we have to go back tothe plan.
Check on the plan.
Where's the plan at?
Where's the communication at?
(08:41):
Are we communicating enoughabout this?
Are we communicating enoughabout our finances?
Are we communicating enoughabout our date nights?
Are we communicating enoughabout guys?
Are we communicating enoughabout our feelings?
Are we, are we?
Speaker 1 (08:52):
communicating enough about guys, are we?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
communicating enough about our feelings?
Are we speaking life to eachother enough?
Speaker 1 (08:57):
I always feel like you have to communicate as
though you were talking to athree-year-old.
Okay, there's never.
There's no such thing as overcommunicating.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
So you're saying I'm just a big 37.9 year old, three
year old.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
There are some.
Wouldn't it be 0.11?
Cause your birthday is likeKeep going Okay, 90%.
Squirrel.
There are yes, there's I haveto.
There are some moments where Iliterally think I said enough.
And then I come back around andI'm like I just want to revisit
(09:35):
this one more time, because nowI'm like, wait a minute, I
didn't explain it enough, he'sgot that look again.
I didn't explain it enough, as Iwould to a child.
So let me and it's not to saythat, Kyle, I see you as a child
it's not to say that I amdisrespecting you and
undermining you as my husband,but I have to make sure that
(09:56):
what I'm saying is so clear, isso understandable, that even a
child could understand what I'msaying.
Because if I do it that way, ifI can break it down that much,
then I know if the message isnot received it's not my fault.
It makes me feel like I dideverything in my power to really
(10:20):
break this down.
You know, um where this episodeis coming out right around our
anniversary.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Okay, this is what.
12 years.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Yeah, the week after our anniversary 12 years so
congrats, good job we made itaround, you survived 12 years
with me.
Speaker 1 (10:35):
Thank you.
You made it 12 years with me.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thank you for your service, good job I like our
friends who say they got torenegotiate every five years.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, they were negotiating, yeah, um
, but when we first got married,we used to do this thing where
it was like I said something andthen I'm like, okay, now what
did I say?
Speaker 2 (10:51):
That is so helpful.
I remember the first few timesyou did it to me.
I felt like like yes, like youwere treating me disrespectfully
, like a kid, and I definitelygot defensive and was like what
do you mean?
What did you?
Just say no, I'm not answeringthat, you said what you said and
I got so mad.
Speaker 1 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
But now, when you say it, after doing it a few times
and realizing, I did notunderstand what she just said,
it's almost always differentwhat you heard and what I said
it's helpful to say that andI've gotten used to the tone and
maybe we can dig into thatdeeper in this series but I've
gotten used to your tone to knowshe's not saying this to be
disrespectful.
She's saying this to make surethat I understand.
(11:30):
She's saying this to make surethat she's heard.
And I definitely find myselfdoing it too.
Like what did you just hear mesay?
Like what do you understandthat I want to come out of this
talk?
Yes, and that it's helped us,yes, it's helped us to be like,
hey, what did you just hear?
And like to take it at facevalue that we are just trying to
be understood with each otheryes and not be disrespectful
(11:53):
right yes and I think one of thethings in 12 years is that we
have learned how to be bluntwith each other and to accept it
and not be not be disrespectfulabout it.
Like we can correct in love, wecan be blunt in love and I can
take you just saying what youwant to say, say what you, yeah
say like you mean it.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Say like you mean it.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yeah, and not take it as offensive or like my
feelings are hurt because wejust want the best.
It goes back to the love andrespect and we talked about that
that.
I know you have our bestinterest that you are not
operating where you're trying tobring me down.
Have our best interest that youare not operating where you're
trying to bring me down.
And if that is how you'reoperating, I'm trusting you to
(12:35):
check your heart and say hold on, wait a minute.
I'm not doing this to buildthis up.
I'm doing this just out ofspite.
I'm doing this because I'm mad.
I'm doing this because I'mhangry.
I'm doing this because thetiming isn't right.
I'm doing this because I feelembarrassed and I'm trying to
embarrass you back.
Communication bluntly is sohelpful to just say it like you
(12:56):
mean it and me understand thatyou're doing it from a place of
good heart and goodwill and justto be understood.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
You know, that's a whole topic in itself.
That maybe we can revisit in acouple weeks is when you say
things and then the way youreceive it if you're not sure or
if you're not secure in knowingthat what your spouse is saying
is being said in love.
(13:19):
That's an issue.
Yeah, because I was mainly, youknow, in my teenage years.
I was mainly raised by myfather and my uncle and my
brother.
I was surrounded by men Verycutthroat, very black and white,
very blunt, straight to thepoint, did not sugarcoat
anything, and so when we gottogether I was already pretty
(13:42):
blunt, very rough around theedges, because that's how I was
raised.
Not every girl is raised thatway.
And so for, yes, women have totoughen up a little bit and
women have to receive kind ofthat bluntness because they're
they know that it's being saidin love and they know that.
You know we're not going tosugar coat this, because this is
a problem and we need to get tothe root of it.
(14:03):
Or there is a conflict or thereis a miscommunication that
needs to be addressed.
You know we don't have time forsugarcoating, we don't have
time to caress your hand and getyou through it, but at the same
time.
Why is that a coping mechanismto keep you from communicating
all the way?
You know, like that's a wholeepisode in itself that we could
talk about, and so many othertopics that I mean let's just
(14:24):
keep going on and on.
If we I'm trying to get 10,000steps a day, that's my goal.
It's my health goal this season,and the best way for me to do
this is to watch one of my alltime favorite movies, which is
the Avengers Endgame andAvengers Infinity War.
And I just got to the partwhere Tony Stark lands on the
planet and he is encounteredwith the Guardians of the Galaxy
(14:47):
and they're fighting each otherbecause they don't realize
they're on the same team.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
And Chris Pratt's character.
What was his?
Speaker 1 (14:59):
name star lord, star lord, favorite movie of all time
you don't remember.
Sorry, I'm trying a brain fart.
So star lord is like where'sgamora right?
And then tony's like I'll doyou one better.
Who is gamora?
And then you got Drax on thefloor and he's like I'll do
better, why Gamora?
So it makes me feel like I sayall that to say you know, we
talked about what communicationis in the first half of this.
(15:19):
We talked about all of the manyfacets that we can go deeper
into this month, about why weneed to communicate and why it's
so important for couples tocommunicate and what happens
when we communicateineffectively.
Yeah, but what happens when weremove communication altogether
(15:41):
and people couples decide it'snot even worth talking about?
That's a whole conversation.
I think should definitely be anepisode, you know, when people
are perhaps not necessarilyready to give up.
But it's like I don't want totalk about that past, like can
you imagine if I never talked toyou about my past relationships
(16:03):
with past boyfriends or pastissues?
Because I'm just like.
It's just, it's just toostressful, it's too traumatic.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
Like well, it took us a long time to get there.
I don't want to talk about it,I don't even want to go there.
There was a season where Ididn't want to hear about it.
I'm still getting to know youand I didn't want to hear about
all that stuff.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
This is an episode that we should have, because I
feel that there are couples outthere who are just not even
going there.
They're not even going thereand I believe to be vulnerable
and to be brave and to be lovingenough to understand those
places can really help you notonly overcome them, but help you
(16:41):
reach a higher level ofcommunication with your partner.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
Overcoming those past hurts and past traumas are real
and communicating about it toyour partner so they can
understand you better is real,and so that's totally an episode
, yeah, and not just pastrelationships but like childhood
trauma with your parents,childhood trauma with your, with
your family life, like oh yeah,what it was like growing up and
that may be hard to talk aboutwith your partner.
Yeah, it might take.
(17:05):
You might have to be togetherfor a while before she's ready
to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Do it with a counselor it might be a marriage
counseling thing yeah andthat's that's real the other
lack of communication that I'mthinking of, since we're in this
bubble, is when couples don'twant to communicate with other
people.
Okay, so you know, mentors, notjust mentors but okay, we are a
(17:31):
gender, we're considered themillennial generation, right?
And I would like to say thatthe previous generations before
us, they don't talk, they don'tair their dirty laundry, keep it
in the house.
What stays in the house, youknow, we don't talk about it,
and I feel like a lot of peoplein our age range, or maybe more
(17:51):
they whatever happens in theirhousehold stays in their
household.
They don't talk about it.
They don't talk about it withtheir mentors.
They don't talk about it inprayers.
They don't talk about it insmall group settings.
They don't even talk about itwith their friends.
People could be strugglingwithin their marriage and they
will never talk about it becausethey're either ashamed or
(18:12):
afraid or they're in denial, andthat could really break a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
That's a hard one for me, because I think there's
healthy boundaries in thoselayers that you just talked
about, where I'm not talkingabout my relationship to
everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Not everybody, I'm not saying share it with the
world on a podcast.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
My guy Kev at work love that dude.
I don't tell him about stuffI'm struggling about with you.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
There's different circles is what I'm trying to
say.
But to not say nothing Ifthere's someone who is getting
abused or someone who is notintimate for years, those are
extreme examples, but yeah, Ihear you for years.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Those are extreme examples, but yeah, I hear you
they're very extreme examples,they're exaggerations, but talk
to your pastor, at least startthere.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
If they're not, you know this.
I think this could be a goodepisode.
Yeah, to dive into, like whathappens if you're there okay how
do you get out of it?
What if?
What if you know someone who'sthere, how do you get to them?
You know?
Speaker 2 (19:07):
that's a good one.
I think about um pitfalls toavoiding communication.
Okay, sarcasm, yes, downtalking oh yeah negative humor.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
Yes, embarrassing your partner yes, knowing when
to talk about the topics knowingwhen to talk about the hard
stuff.
Yes, knowing how to call a timeout knowing when to talk about
certain things, because youdon't just talk in public about
things that you're like.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
This needs to be done because listen, you get out of
line.
I'm gonna take you home realquick oh my gosh kyle you gotta
come back.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
For that I will take you home quick quick I said no.
I said take me home, Don't pickme up ever again.
I'm pretty sure I said thosewords.
You did not.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
I said you can take me home right now, let's go.
And you started walking away.
I said all right, I was so mad,we were picking mini blinds.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
Well, now you have to tell the story.
No, I don't.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
No, I don't.
I'll keep them coming back formore.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
That is a great topic .
Speaker 2 (20:05):
Come back later in the series.
We'll definitely drop thatstory.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
That is definitely a good topic because you are
absolutely right, there arepeople who are tearing each
other down and shaming them anddisrespecting them in plain
sight, all covered over theblanket of.
I'm just joking, we're justplaying.
This is how we flirt.
(20:29):
Flirt and that's not coolcommunication triggers triggers
triggers.
Speaker 2 (20:33):
So yelling, raising your voice at me is one way to
get me to just clam up, I'm goneno, I can't stop yelling,
because that's how I talk that'sdave chapelle crying.
Crying triggers people to stoptalking.
It could trigger you to want tostop talking because you feel
yourself about to cry and cryingis okay.
Crying is communicating.
(20:54):
Body language is real Coldshoulder, just straight days of
cold shoulder.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Yes, it's a power trip.
What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Yeah, that's good.
So those communication triggers, that's a whole great idea.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:11):
We talked about a lot and this is only the month of
May, so we have three topicsleft.
We have three episodes in Maybefore we jump into our June
topic, you know, once we getthere.
So let's kind of start boilingthis down, like, out of all
those topics that we talkedabout, you know, and I wish I
could do a poll, guys, I wish Icould take a poll and you guys
(21:32):
could vote and and do that, butI don't think, um, I don't think
our audience is big enough toto actually get a good answer by
next week, to figure this out.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
We're getting there.
Speaker 1 (21:42):
We're getting there in in small steps.
Of all of the topics that wetalked about, yeah, which ones
really moved you the most?
To be like we could talk here?
I personally what keep goingwhat, no, what is?
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I laugh because in my head I'm thinking all the ones
that I said, of course.
Uh, tell me which ones.
Which ones do you think?
Speaker 1 (22:05):
how about this?
How about I pick one from you,you pick one from me, and then
we'll pick one that we boththink we could agree and be like
okay, yeah, that's a great one?
Speaker 2 (22:15):
okay, the one okay, ladies, first kyle, ladies my
memory is not gonna rememberwhat you said.
I'm kidding, come on no that,bro.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Okay, I like the trigger one.
Okay, I think that is veryhelpful and we can definitely do
an entire episode, if not more,just on that.
Speaker 2 (22:37):
I like the first one you said You're supposed to say
what it was.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
again, which one was that, kyle?
Speaker 2 (22:41):
You're supposed to say which one it was?
Again, Tell me.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
Kyle, which one was the first?
Speaker 2 (22:44):
one.
I said, that was a good jokeAlmost 30 minutes ago.
We're talking about this sofast.
I can't remember all the topicsyou said you talked about.
I can't remember this stuff,bro.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
We talked about the negative stuff.
We talked about why it'simportant to talk.
We talked about why over'simportant to talk.
We talked about why overcommunicating is key.
We talked about notcommunicating at all.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
We talked about that cold shoulder that echoes into
the one you said that you likedfrom me with the negative.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Uh, dang it the triggers like this the triggers.
Speaker 2 (23:27):
yes, how do I not remember stuff that we just said
10 minutes ago?
Speaker 1 (23:32):
Listen if I knew that answer, I wouldn't have as many
white hairs on my head rightnow.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
This is why you need communication, and the month of
May will be dedicated to greatcommunication.
I feel like I need a notebook,like a marriage.
I just need to walk around withit.
Speaker 1 (23:44):
You- mean this notebook.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
No no like a marriage .
I just need to walk around withyou, mean, this notebook.
No, no, as a man, as a man whohas to remember stuff like I
need to just be like, yeah, shesaid that man, I I can't believe
you just said that.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
I cannot believe you just said that because I promise
you during our first years ofmarriage being on the topic of
anniversary, I definitely gaveyou a little silver notepad book
, that like, flipped up withnotepads with a tiny little pin
to keep in there so that youcould remember things.
(24:19):
Do you even remember where thatnotepad is?
Speaker 2 (24:22):
probably not, because it was 10 years ago I remember
it, though it was, it was cool.
I think the pen went dead.
Like I used it, the pen wentdead.
They used to use it for blameit on the pen kyle sorry guys
blame it on the pen.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Anyways, guys, we do have a lot of topics here.
We are definitely going to goback and review what we are
going to do, I think because youcan't remember and I can't
remember the rest of the topics.
We should start with thetriggers one okay we should
start with that one next weekand definitely talk about what
um would stop you fromcommunicating right, and then,
(24:57):
once we get through the thingsthat stop you from communicating
, then we can open up the restof the month with how to
communicate.
Speaker 2 (25:05):
So join us next week for communication.
Say it like you mean itTriggers and pitfalls in
communicating.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
Oh, that was the one thing.
Say it with your heart, yourwhole heart.
You know letting your feelingscome out.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
I said that that wasn't one.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
you said I was trying to remember stuff.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
you said Wow, I know I'm working on it, kind of.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Kind of.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
I mean, how do I say I'm working on it when it just
happened I didn't do anything towork on it yet I should have
been taking notes through thisepisode.
I didn't expect this episode togo like this.
Speaker 1 (25:36):
What did you expect us to do?
Speaker 2 (25:38):
I thought we were going to find one and be like,
yes, and we just went into itfor like another 30 minutes.
Oh, oh it's all right.
I think this episode was fun itwas fun free, free flowing, and
I think that a lot of good.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
It's a very type b episode to get us out of the
spring cleaning, which was likea bunch of random topics, and
then to get back into structurewe get out of spring cleaning.
Speaker 2 (25:58):
We just make a mess again.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
Communication that is how it is, you know every every
what wednesday, you you cleanthe car with Jubilee.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
Yeah, Every Friday it's already a mess.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
And then by Sunday, when the kids are done, coming
to and from church.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
Yep, it's terrible.
We hope that in this mess, youwill join us with your mess
Whatever things that you havegoing on when you're like, wow,
I really wish communication inthis particular area would be
better, would improve, would beenhanced in our relationship.
I really sincerely hope thatyou would take that and you
(26:39):
would bring it to the Love byFaith podcast this month,
because we are going to starttalking with our chest out.
We're going to share thingswith our whole heart.
We're going to be veryvulnerable and transparent.
There might be some storiesthere's definitely a couple
stories that Kyle wanted tocliff hang for you guys that we
will bring back, and we hope youjoin us for this ride.
Speaker 2 (27:00):
It's going to be a good one.
I think we've got a lot of goodideas coming out.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
We definitely have great ideas in this that we will
kind of flesh out as the monthrolls on.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yeah, man, let's pray for the people.
Lord, we're grateful to be here, we're grateful to share, we're
grateful to be vulnerable,we're grateful to communicate.
Lord, may we be filled withyour heart, filled with your
love, filled with your message.
I pray for the relationships,who are listening, who are
working on growing, who areworking on being better.
I pray for their communication,I pray for their connection, I
(27:33):
pray for their love.
We give you the glory inJesus's name, amen.
Speaker 1 (27:38):
Amen.
Thank you guys for tuning in,for listening, for watching.
If you're on YouTube, be sureto like share.
Took my line.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
I was gonna say that you could do the next part make
sure, if you're on spotify applepodcast, five star reviews, yes
, tell them.
Kyle and selena are great atunderstanding relationships and
talking about that's better thanchad gpt could have came up
with that's right that's rightthanks for being here for
another episode of Love by Faithy'all.
Speaker 1 (28:10):
We'll see you guys again next week.
Speaker 2 (28:18):
Take care.
You can't handle it when I'mfreestyling.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I know.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
I knew that was the answer.
I don't like the freestyle.
Speaker 1 (28:32):
It makes me very nervous and squirmy inside.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Do you get embarrassed by what I say?
Speaker 1 (28:35):
No, I don't.
I love when you just pop off atthe mouth because it's the
unexpected and people come forthe Kyle.
Okay, I feel like people comefor the Kyle.
Okay, I, I, I feel like peoplecome for the Kyle.
People like to hear the deepSelena, but they love to, they
love and enjoy the Kyle andthat's what makes this podcast
(28:56):
so great.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
I'm grateful If that's you, if you're here for
the the Kyle air quotes nobody'swatching you.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
This is the uncredited.
I'm grateful.
Speaker 2 (29:03):
That's why I said air quotes, so they knew what I was
doing.
Speaker 1 (29:05):
Don't you have to leave, no we finished.
Speaker 2 (29:09):
We did great today.
The unstructured episode didgreat today.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
Yes, wow, no, we definitely need a plan though.
Yeah, it's cute to do everyonce in a while, just to keep it
fresh.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
But I can't.
I can't be waking up like this.
Well, I do wake up like this,but I need a firm topic.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
I listen to a ton of sports radio.
Yeah Right, and the worst timein sports radio is FC's award.
The week after the baseballall-star game.
Because?
Speaker 1 (29:41):
then there's nothing else, there's just nothing.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
There's like three days of nothing.
Yeah, and this just reminds meof that Only three days of
nothing in all the sports world.
Speaker 1 (29:54):
Sorry, this is how it is.
Speaker 2 (29:55):
Go Cavs, bro.
Cavs brought the rock, let's go.
They are yeah, okay, it'sofficial, gotta go.
Gotta go get some breakfast,apparently was your stomach just
communicating?
To you.
My stomach was all about thecalves.
That was a big cheer for thecalves alright, next week we'll
(30:19):
see you next time.
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