April 29, 2025 • 39 mins
In this episode, we share our experience of raising two under two! The parenting good, bad, and ugly when two young kids decide to have two young kids!
We dive deep into one of our most challenging life seasons - having two children under the age of two and share what it was truly like, from sleep deprivation to finding personal identity amid constant demands.
• The reality behind the advice to "have kids close together"
• How having children 18 months apart strengthened our marriage through necessity
• Setting realistic expectations when parenting young children close in age
• The importance of community and avoiding isolation as young parents
• Finding small ways to maintain your identity when completely overwhelmed
• The unique bond that forms between siblings who are close in age
• Why the transition from one to two children is often the hardest
• How giving each other breaks and personal time saved our sanity
• Navigating overlapping postpartum experiences and pregnancy
• The season does eventually become manageable, usually around the five-year mark
If parenting is part of your journey, we're so glad you're here with us to go through it together. Don't forget to love your family by faith, and know that the seeds you're planting in your children will grow and flourish.
THANK YOU for following, sharing, and leaving us a great review!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Having two small kids under the age of two.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yeah, two young kids with two young kids.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
It was one of the hardest seasons of my entire
life.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's the most fun I never want to have again.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
A relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by Faith.
Morning, Selena Good morning.
(00:56):
Love by Faith podcast.
Spring cleaning.
What spring would get here, man?
It's so cold again still, itjust keeps on being cold.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It just makes me want to stay in my bed until it
comes out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
The groundhog.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I must have been a groundhog at some point.
That's funny.
When Jesus was creating me inmy mother's womb, he probably
was, like she should probably bea groundhog.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm goingto make her human.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Like on the video games where you're scrolling
through all the characters.
Yeah, Groundhog.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
He kept going back to the groundhog and was like hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
No, no Selena.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
She would be a good one, though she would really
make a good groundhog.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Creation roulette in heaven.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
It's funny.
So I'm going to ask you just atotally different.
Go a different direction here.
Yeah, what do you miss the mostfrom having babies?
Like literally having a baby inyour house?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
The smell of a baby.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Dang it.
You took my answer, you did.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And then you know how .
You know there's some peoplewho try to bottle that smell.
Oh, yeah, like they have likethe candle wax scent and it's
supposed to be like new babyscent.
No, you can never recreate andit's supposed to be like new
baby scent?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
No, you can never recreate.
I mean just no, their skin justhas.
I don't know if it's like thesmell of innocence or what, but
it just the smell of innocence.
I love my.
I miss my baby smelling sofresh.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
It's like their breath smells good, their body
smells good.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
You just want to just it's just so uncorrupted, it's
just a little.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I.
It's just so uncorrupted, it'sjust little.
I'll never forget it was yourbaby, usually after the first
year, like once they have theirfirst year, and then that you
get that first whiff of likemorning breath they start eating
solid food.
Yeah and you're like dang it.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
The baby smells gone, oh man yeah yeah maybe that
first big gas, and then it'sjust like, oh, no now we got a
human.
Now we have a kid used to be ababy.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Now it's just a kid, right what's up everybody?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
we are in the spring cleaning series last week of
spring cleaning.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
We didn't do any spring cleaning in our house,
but we cleaned out our podcastnotebook.
That's great house looks great,that's all right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
We gotta clean it, though, bro you're hard on
yourself with that gotta deepclean these edges we're glad
you're here.
As you heard in our icebreaker,we're talking about kids today
the last part of our book thatwe needed to clean out had to do
with a little bit of parentingokay, but not specifically us
with kids and sharing ourtestimony of being parents.
(03:25):
It was more so specific tohaving two small kids under the
age of two.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Two under two.
Oh yeah, in our notebook it waslike-.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Two young kids with two young kids, yeah two young
kids with two young kids.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yes, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yes, that's catchy.
Because there are a lot ofpeople out there who decide to
have children close in age.
We think they say it's a goodidea.
They say to do it that way.
They say you know, Whoever theyare.
Have kids close in age, they'llbe best friends.
They said.
You'll get through all thediapers in one, in one large sum
(04:06):
, and then you're done.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
They said I agree with that part we did that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
They didn't tell us how hard it was gonna be, though
how crazy it was.
One of the hardest seasons ofmy entire life was to have two
babies under the age of two myline about it is always it's the
most fun.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I never want to have again, yes, that season I don't
think there was seven nights ina row of good sleep for very
four to six years there wasn'tconsistency at all, right for
the first four to six years.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
There was no rhythm, there was no natural up and down
, it was just chaos like chaosgardening.
It was chaos parenting not tobe like hey guys, don't ever do
this.
And you're hearing this, you'rehearing our testimony.
You're like oh snap, I have netwe're, we're gonna push our
family plan back.
Don't like, okay, let's likereset this.
(05:03):
Let's talk about the good,let's talk about the bad, let's
get into some ugly okay.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Well, let's start with the good.
What was, what was the funparts of having two young kids
under two and us being youngparents?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
well, we have to set the stage okay so to be two
young parents yeah we wereinexperienced.
We were just newlywed, we werethree, four years into our
marriage, so we were stillfiguring marriage out.
We were not rich.
We were still trying to get outof debt and trying to build our
(05:41):
home and trying to establishour family.
We were still very much in thefoundation, setting roots of our
family.
Yeah, right, yeah.
So then you have the two smallkids.
It's crazy because when youbecome a parent, you are told
and you see from just media andjust all of the propaganda that
(06:03):
they throw at you when you're anew parent that you have to have
all of these things.
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
You're talking about like items.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Just items and just regimens, and Okay, routines.
All these things.
You just have to haveeverything.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
So you're talking about all the different, like
parental wisdom, how to be aparent.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, just like Okay.
So the minute you make yourappointment at the doctors, they
start sending you stuff in themail, like they.
They know that you're pregnant.
So you're getting all thisstuff in the mail and you know
you have to have all theseappliances and you have to have
baby warmers and you have tohave this carrier and you have
to have this toy and science andstudies show that this is the
(06:41):
best way to grow and developyour child.
And you have to have thisonesie and you have to have this
sleeper and you have to havethis crib and this mattress and
you have to make sure you haveall these things.
And it could get veryoverwhelming to a new parent
who's like I could have sworn.
When I was a baby in theeighties, my parents didn't have
(07:01):
all this stuff and I turned outOkay.
And so you're always met withthis.
It's just, you're always metwith this expectation of like
you want to give the best youwant to be, prepared to offer
the best for your children andwhatever that best looks like in
your head.
(07:21):
A lot of times, you're eithernot financially there- or you're
not mentally there or you don'thave the time or energy to be
present physically there, and itjust becomes a really big
tornado of things even beforethe baby even gets there.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Do you think most of that pressure that you felt was
described it as external, but doyou think it was more internal
that you had this drive, thatyou wanted to provide this
amazing environment totally,both, both, both 50, 50 or like
more?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I don't know no I don't know that answer okay it
was definitely both yeah because, like when we first had william
, we we didn't have a whole lot.
We are the toys that we providedfor him or the toys that we
received at the baby shower.
That was pretty much it.
Like we didn't have cable, wedidn't have, we didn't even have
ac.
They didn't have a big floorcushiony place.
(08:17):
I just had like one little matand a playpen and a few little
stuffed animal toys.
Like he wasn't like over thetop with things, yeah, we
weren't inundated with thingswhen we had their first.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
One of the things I think by my side of it would be
is you said we waited a fewyears.
We waited like three yearsbefore after being married yeah,
to have our first son, and youthought that was newlywed still
and I thought that three yearswas huge for us to establish who
we were, establish how ourmarriage flow and to know and
(08:50):
understand each other better.
I thought that waiting threeyears was a good move.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You know, it was good timing for us, because we got
to the point in our marriagewhere we were talking about
children almost on a daily basis.
Oh, we have kids.
Oh, once we have kids.
We were able to set a visionyeah for what life with kids was
going to look like we wereready to enter into that season
of okay, it's, it's coming yeahit's coming.
(09:15):
Yeah, so you, you and you askedme earlier, like what was the
good part?
Right, yeah, so I talked about,like setting the stage I talked
about, talked about where wewere as a newlywed or three
years in.
We talked about having thatfirst child, having a little bit
of stuff, but then, once wedecided we were going to have
our second child, they are 18months apart.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Okay, so on William's first birthday, that was when
we revealed that we were alreadythree, four months pregnant
with our second son.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
And so one of the things that I liked about that
was now our second son gets toget all of the toys, like we
already have all the stock.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah, you know, and so it was an easy, easy thing to
just like.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Now they can share all this stuff.
Now I felt a little morecomfortable, because I felt a
little bit more prepared,because we went through all of
the things the year before andwe have everything that we need.
Going to the hospital, we knowwhat to do.
We did that routine, yeah, weknow what to expect, even though
these children are completeopposites and the pregnancies
(10:25):
were a little different.
But we kind of went in thereknowing like, okay, we already
did this, we're going to justrinse and repeat the process,
and it was a little lessstressful.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Do you feel like the rinse and repeat really held
true?
Because I'm thinking throughthis.
And when we had William, it waschallenging because it was new.
You'd never done it, we hadnever had a newborn in our house
.
We had to learn all thesethings.
And then Solomon comes and he'sa whole.
(10:56):
Obviously he's literally adifferent person, but he's got
such a different personalityright from jump, right from
newborn, and I think for me itbalanced, it helped balance it
out because of how different hewas I was able to feel like, oh
wow, this is going to be a greatnew personality to blend into
this and to mold our family moreas we were having it.
(11:18):
But as a young you know, a youngfather with two small boys, I
was it.
It changed my work ethic, okay,it changed my drive, it changed
my life ethic more, having tochange that so much more than
having one, because at two I waslike two kids.
Young man, I was like I gottado so much more to provide for
(11:39):
these guys yeah I gotta do somuch more to make a way for
these guys.
I don't know if one feltcomfortable and two was like
pushing Okay, but that as ayoung man, it just.
It changed how I saw myself, itchanged how I saw my future.
It changed how I, it changed mydrive that's the only way to
(12:00):
say it is.
It changed what I wanted toaccomplish.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And I think that was the biggest win.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Of having that second kid and it's only in this,
reflecting, thinking about, yeah, how it's gonna, you know, and
looking back it's.
It's a looking back thing, likein the moment.
It was.
Just it felt natural like allright, I gotta, I gotta do more.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I gotta go more yeah I gotta.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
And now I have two people looking up to me.
You know, three people lookingup to me with you yeah and it's
it made me a better man by farawesome.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You are a better man for because of being a father.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Thanks, you're a good father it felt like, uh, it
felt like a calling, but thenonce the calling, once you're
there, once you like, once youcross into that promised land,
oh man the work that the workdidn't end, no Right.
Our relationship grew so muchin those years, with two kids
under two Learning how to talkto each other, learning how to
(12:57):
connect in a short time.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Learning how to reconnect after a stressful day.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Learning how to restart reset.
Just shut it down, just say hey, we're exhausted, we're going
to sleep.
We'll talk about this tomorrow.
Yes, I'll take care of thatwhile you take care of this.
Yeah, and we'll be done.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Dividing conquer.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, they always say it's harder to go from one to
two than to have one or to getgo multiples, you know, go into
threes, like that.
Transition from one child totwo children is like the hardest
transition because you get usedto sacrificing time and
(13:42):
planning around one child.
You could take your one childanywhere.
You know what I mean.
You can go anywhere you want,take, take the, you know, with
the car seat or with the onestroller, with the one diaper
bag.
But once you kick it up a notchto two and you have double the
things to carry and you havedouble the, the P, the, the
children to to look over.
It just becomes so much more ofa challenge and, like you were
(14:05):
saying, divide and conquer.
Like now, if one baby wasnapping, the other one was up,
if one baby needed fed, theother one needed to do something
completely different, like wehad no we had no breaks.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
We thought we'd be able to sink them.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
I definitely sink them.
Once we, once.
You know, after a season or so,I was like no, we, we need to
definitely sink them.
That was like saving grace wasI had to sink the kids, so you
were them.
That was like saving grace wasI had to sink the kids.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So you were able to get their schedule synced.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Absolutely.
I was able to get them synced,wow, yeah, I needed to, but one
of the hard parts was you haveyour.
Like William was still a baby,he was still a baby, he was
still only one and a half, youknow.
And so now you have to pour allof your time and attention into
a newborn who requires totaldependency on you.
(14:55):
And it was almost like Iwouldn't say mom guilt, but it
was almost like I want to spendtime with my son, but I also
need to spend time with my otherson and you're just constantly
being pulled back and forth andyou're constantly, and you're
just constantly being pulledback and forth and you're
constantly.
You're never going to feel likeit's enough.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I never.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I never felt like it was enough time or enough like
presence to just say I was ableto equally give them all of me,
because then I didn't have allof.
I'm going through postpartumand we're going through, you
know, the feeding schedule andthe sleep schedule and all of
those things, and so we werejust so drained and then you
(15:34):
have to pour so much into thesesmall little children who are
just depending on you and it wasreally and I see, I see, when
we got to that season, wherethey were, they were synced.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
You know, now that I'm remembering this, like
reflecting on it, now that I'mremembering this, like
reflecting on it, now that I'mreflecting on it, once they were
synced we were able to get intothis awesome.
I remember the giant strollerwalk.
We had the giant double strollerand taking the kids to the park
and letting them run andletting them just just be them
(16:06):
get dirty, letting them play inthe backyard in the little water
table and splash stuff, yeah,and all that just beauty that
came out of that, yeah, and ableto really, as that shifted from
two young kids under two to twoexperienced parents with kids
who were two, was just such agrowth man I just when you're
(16:32):
going through it, you don't seeit, but looking back and
reflecting on it, it's like wow,that really solidified things
Right.
And so that's my encouragementfor young parents is it is going
to feel fulfilling at somepoint.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
While it's hard and the grind is happening, that
does feel fulfilling you know,just to see the bond, because
the the bond of the two siblingsbeing so close together.
Yeah, you used to say solomonwill never remember life without
william it's true, becausewilliam was always there and
pretty much the same.
Thing because he was so younglike he.
(17:07):
They always remember each otherand so there's such a unique
bond when you choose to havechildren in in that close an age
that you know at some pointwhen you're planning your family
, one of the things that come tomind is oh, if we have a child
now?
Yeah then they'll play together.
(17:27):
Yeah, like it's a, it's kind ofselfish well, they have someone
to entertain them.
They got someone, like it won'tbe us anymore, like they can go
play with themselves, like it'skind of a little selfish thing
but it's true and they do andit's so beautiful to see because
they they get into crazy likethe one kid would never do the
jump into the mud, puddle bythemselves and like pretend that
(17:51):
they're you know, whatever,whatever If it not been for the
other one, like influencing andlike coming up with that
imagination and just going outand doing that thing together.
It's very beautiful to see andthat to me that's kind of like
the reminder of like this is whyGod wanted us to do this.
You know, I want to be veryclear with you guys.
When we were family planningand it was we had a choice.
(18:14):
It was between buying a newhouse or having another child,
like literally that was our plan, it was.
We were in this setting and wedecided to go on a fast.
I think it was a whole monthwhere we fasted and we prayed,
and I think it was the Danielfast in January.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
That sounds right.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
We were like okay, we're at this road, we're in a
really good place.
We have one child where ourmarriage is good.
We're working towards ourdebt-free freedom.
And so what do we do now, God?
Do we buy a new house, or do we, you know?
Do we buy a new house to makespace for the new person?
Because we knew we were goingto have more kids, or do we have
(18:54):
the new child now In?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
this space.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
And God really revealed to both of us in that
fast, in our own individual time, like you're going to have a
child.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Bring the kid.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
And so thank the Lord , because this was all God's
plan.
The family planning in thatseason was very smooth.
We had no complications gettingpregnant, we had no
complications during thepregnancy.
We had no complications withdelivery, minus my hips going
crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
That was a complication, definitely a
complication.
Yeah, that last month you wereout of it, bro, I couldn't walk,
yeah, I literally couldn't walk.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And to this day.
My hips are kind of bad.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Need lots of attention.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
The baby was very healthy, very sound, and God
really pulled that miraclethrough.
Amen and we had that.
We had that thing and we dobelieve that it was God's
ordinance to bring Solomon in inthe season that he did, and who
knows why he chose to do that,you know, because that was the
(19:56):
beginning of the hard seasonsfor us.
Have you guys ever heard of ourhard season series?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
And so maybe God brought Solomon to help us, you
know, go through those hardtimes and to help William get
through those hard times,because he was honestly just
that beautiful silver lining ofthis is a beautiful baby and
they're brothers and thebeautiful bond of the brothers
that we see it was literally thehighlight of all of the things.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yeah, so I go back to what you were saying about that
.
They'll never forget each other.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
They'll always remember having each other in
their life.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Part of my story is I grew up as an only child, okay,
so I was 12 when my brother wasborn, and so I had nobody.
I mean, I had my cousins toplay with every once in a while,
weekends, here and there, I hadkids on the street, yeah.
But my home life, I was justplaying by myself, doing my own
things, and that was somethingthat drove me to say there's we
(20:58):
got to be able to do.
I don't want to say better, butthere's got to be a um, there's
got to be a way to do this,like it made me, made me feel
like I got to do this for mykids so they don't have to go
through what I went through yeahand I don't know if that's
always the right way to look atthings, but it was what I wanted
.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It was my vision for my family was to have multiple
children honestly, that is whatthat same exact mindset is, what
made me want to have a thirdchild, because I grew up with my
older brother and my olderbrother and I we're probably
like 19 months apart.
So we're very close.
(21:34):
We're very close.
But it was.
He was a boy, I was a girl, wewere growing up like that and he
used to pick on me all the time.
Anytime he was bored, he wouldjust come and just pick on me,
he would mess with me and he's avery tall person.
He's very tall.
So he was just shooting up andI'm just this little squeam girl
(21:56):
who's playing with Barbies,right?
And he just always picked on me,and so my experience was we
need to have three, because ifthere's only two, at some point
they're going to get bored witheach other, and then playing
turns into I'm bored, I'm goingto pick.
And so I was like we need tohave three to even out the
(22:16):
playing.
And so that's why I was soready to have a third child when
we got into this new house,because I was like we need to
even the playing field.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's a triangle offense.
There's always someone to passthe ball to.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And you see it now like yes, jubilee is a girl and
she's, you know, five yearsyounger than our oldest three
years younger than our second,but still, when you see that the
boys are tired to play witheach other, they'll go to her,
and when she's tired of playingwith them, you know they'll,
they'll.
They'll all play by themselvesat some point.
But then when jubilee's tiredof playing with one brother,
she'll go to the other brotherand then, because he was left
out of the cert of the playingnow he's ready you know it's
(22:56):
just it's just such a beautifuldynamic, it's balanced, and so
advice for advice for parentsfor having two kids under two or
in, close in close in age.
Okay, what would you say?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I'm gonna just talk to the men here, okay, because
it gets.
So.
I feel like, as the man we hadhad to stay at home wife.
Thankfully we had the job whereit was able to to make that a
possibility for me.
I felt very isolated, right andso, having friends that I was
able to talk to regularlyoutside of you know, selena, yes
(23:30):
, that I could just chat, notlike serious, not deep Christian
philosophical theologydiscussions.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You're not in that season.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
But just someone to talk about the baseball and
football and those kind ofthings, and just someone to you.
Know you can unwind with yourwife, but having your bro or
someone to go fishing would loveto go fishing, to go on a
camping trip with, to just beable to really keep your own
self square, keep your ownpersonality square and nurtured,
(24:04):
was a huge win.
I know we're talking aboutbeing parents, but at the same
time you're still a person, youstill have personality, and I
think another one was giving youtime to just be yourself, to be
like hey, I got the kids, don'tworry about them, don't think
about them, don't look back,just go away.
Yes, and giving you that space.
Yes, that's essential, and Iremember doing the mom weekends
(24:27):
where you chose to work, but Iwould take off a couple days.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
I would take off a couple days, like a Thursday,
Friday.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Mom weeks yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And you would just go do whatever you wanted and I
was on duty.
It was like a work vacation forher because she didn't have to
mom as hard as usual.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And we'd flop.
That was another huge win iswhere I would.
I would stay home and wake upand do the kid thing and you
would be able to go to youroffice and do your writing and
you wrote books when you hadnewborns, bro.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
You literally published books when you had
newborns.
I don't know how that happened,yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I take a lot of credit for that.
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
You should.
You should because, had it notbeen for you helping with the
kids, it was a lot, you know,being a mom, whether you got
twins or whether you did it theway we did it.
It pays such a toll on womenbecause I was still going
through postpartum of havingWilliam when I entered into a
(25:27):
pregnancy, when I entered intoanother postpartum season, and
so my body was completely out ofwhack, my hormones were
completely out of whack.
I didn't know myself at all.
It was a very lost season.
So that's why I said for me toI think that's why I was pouring
so much into writing books andthat's why I was so fixated on
(25:48):
like I have to have thisministry, I have to have this
business going, because I feltlike that was the only piece of
myself left that I had.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
It was your way of taking care of your spirit, your
soul.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
It was my way of just doing something for me, because
when you become a mom and yourkids are that small, they
constantly need you.
You're constantly over-touched,You're constantly picking up
messes, You're constantly in amess, Like you can't even take
care of yourself.
I've met so many moms where youknow just the thought of
(26:21):
putting on makeup is a challengeand I it got to the point when
I was um, when I had Solomon,where I was like I'm going to
put on makeup every single day,not because I'm going anywhere,
but because I need this.
Not because I need to put onmakeup to look good, but I
needed to do something to takecare of myself.
(26:42):
And the postpartum was so realand the time which is you're
just submerged into children andbabies and making food and
burping and potty training, andit was so just, is this all my
life is like, is this all that?
Is this all that it is?
And then you go out and thenthere was like a public anxiety
(27:05):
of like you go out in public andthen you have two kids and you
have big Bertha and you have allthese things and you're like I,
that one is running away, theother one is calm and you're
you're trying to battle it andit's just like, is it easier to
stay home?
I don't know.
You know so, yes, how you weresaying, you do start to get
really isolated and you do startto feel like you're struggling
(27:27):
a lot and you're sinking and soputting things in place, whether
you have help or if you're justall alone and you're your own
island.
You reach out to the friends,you reach out to something that
is on you know now that I'munity bro.
Yeah, it's the community andhonestly in that season was when
I started the mini morning show.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, I started the mini morning show in that season
because I was like I just need,I need to, I need something, I
need to, I need to do something.
And for those of you guys whodon't know what the mini morning
show is, it was my daily twominutes of going live on social
media and just sharing whatevercame to my mind when I woke up
(28:09):
at the first thing in themorning, and I did that
consistently until Jubilee wasborn.
I did that for three yearsReally.
I did that until Jubilee wasborn.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh, my God, it didn't feel like that long when it
happened, but you did do that alot.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I did the mini morning show.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Good, but it was because of that.
Women need an escape.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Don't be afraid to tell yourfriends like I'm going through
some depression.
I'm very angry, I'm starting togrow bitter towards my kids
because they won't leave mealone.
It is okay to be vulnerable.
It's okay to be honest, it'sokay to say, hey, I'm not taking
(28:46):
care of myself and that's aproblem, and I need to figure
out what one thing I can do eachday to help me remedy that In
my case it was putting onlipstick and BB cream.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
One of the things I think you take for granted, too,
is your journaling.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I journaled a lot in that season and how much that is
helpful for you.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Journaling is not for everybody, but for you that was
a great, great way that youkept yourself whole and you kept
yourself in line For me.
I turned to exercise and juststayed in the gym, stayed in the
routine of taking care ofmyself.
And it helped me to staystabilized when all of it was
(29:28):
hard, Even on bad sleep and evenon stressful nights, stressful
days.
Keeping that routine of thatwas helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
And encouragement to both parents is it's going to
feel like it's never going toend.
It's going to feel like there'salways something.
It's one thing after another.
One kid has a diaper, the otherone is throwing up and you're
just never going to get to aplace where they're just
comfortably.
(29:56):
Okay, you will.
It's going to take a lot longerthan what you expected.
I think the season where Ifinally felt like okay, we're
okay.
Honestly, it was probably likelast year when Solomon was was
in kindergarten.
When they're, when they go,when you get past the five-year
(30:17):
mark for both of those children,you know it doesn't matter if
there's more down the line, ifyou can get past the two
transition because remember,that transition is always the
hardest if you can get the firsttwo past that five-year mark
right it becomes.
it becomes it starts to settle.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I'm not going to say it's completely calm, I'm not
going to say it's easy, that'sfor sure, it's not easy, like
you're always.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
You know bigger kids, bigger problems, but you get
into this place where you'reconfident and you know that,
okay, things are going to beokay.
Yeah, things are going to beokay.
Why do I say that it doesn'tmatter if more kids come down
the way, because they're justgetting thrown into the chaos.
You're already in a chaoticstate, and so just adding one
(31:02):
more or two more or three moreor however many more you choose
to have, literally it's justlike well, we've already done
this, we already know ourbalance and our stretches and,
and, yeah, our limits.
And what's?
One more?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
what's one more?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
what's one more?
It's like you're already on thefreeway and just adding more
kids is just merging into thefreeway that's constantly
already going so it's likewhatever just just bring them in
you know jubilee just rolled inand she's so tough because she
had the two to take care of herand they worked together, like I
said, and so there will be atime when the energy just starts
(31:40):
to work itself out.
But in those beginning years ittakes a lot of effort from you
guys, it takes a lot of prayer.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So much prayer.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
A lot of just surrender, a lot of surrender to
just say, hey, my expectationsare out the window, it is what
it is.
I'm just going to survive.
If I just drink my bottle ofwater and eat something, that's
a win for me.
If I can get a nap in, that's awin for me.
If I can clean one portion ofmy house, that's a win for me.
(32:11):
If I can have a movie nightwith my husband, that's a win
for me.
You have to really reduce yourexpectations, unless you have a
whole village helping you andhaving time where they can tag
you out.
We did not, and so it was justthe small wins that you have to
(32:33):
just accept and surrendereverything else and know that it
is a season and the days arelong.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
But the years fly by.
It's true, man, you know sotrue.
I can't believe that ouryoungest is four now and we have
ministry and friendship andlove and We've come a long way,
a village around us, and if youlook back when we had William
(33:02):
and told me that this was goingto be the situation, I would
have been terrified to havethree kids.
Three oh yeah, if you tell meall the things that happened to
get to here.
But I would never change itit's so good, god provided.
Yes, absolutely man.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, and keeping the faith was was essential why
don't we, um, wrap that up righthere?
There's so much more obviouslywe could talk about when it
comes to parenting and babiesand kids and all of those things
.
So if you have any morequestions or if you're wondering
about anything, feel free toreach out to us on social media
or on our YouTube, in thecomments or just anywhere.
(33:46):
You can shoot us a text ifyou're listening to the podcast
in one of those platforms and wewould love to just get back to
you and maybe make anotherepisode specifically to address
your questions and your needs.
So for now, why don't we goahead and pray for these parents
and wrap up this springcleaning series?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I just feel like the encouragement is that if
parenting is part of yourjourney, parenting will be part
of your journey forever, and Ijust am so glad that you're here
with us to go through ittogether, to share stories and
to not just live by faith but tolove your family by faith, and
(34:26):
I'm just glad to be here.
Lord, we are grateful that youhave opened this door for this
ministry for discussions aboutfamily, about raising kids,
about being kids with kids whohave no idea what to do and
trying to figure it all out.
And I pray for the parentslistening that they would be
encouraged, that they would bestrengthened, lord, that you
(34:50):
would help them to see that thefruit is on the other side of
the season, that the seeds willgrow, the seeds that they're
planting in their children willgrow and flourish.
And I pray for harmony in thesehomes, lord.
I pray for balance around thesechildren's lives.
I pray for good experiences.
(35:11):
I pray, lord, lord, that thehusbands would love the wives
and the wives would respect thehusbands In these hard seasons,
and that it would be a pictureOf what you've called us to.
We give you the glory For allof it In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Amen.
Thanks so much for listeningand watching.
Please be sure to write areview.
Give us a five-star tap ifyou're listening and if you're
on YouTube, like share,subscribe, ding, ding, ding.
We hope to see you guys againnext week for a whole new series
.
Don't forget to love by faithy'all.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Have a good week.
Love by faith.
Welcome to the Mini MorningShow.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Dude, I made mugs and everything for that.
It was welcome to the minimorning show.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I can't believe it was three years.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
It didn't feel like it was that long in april it was
like this year, yeah, and thereason why I stopped was because
I had three kids.
I couldn't, I couldn't dealwith it yeah, I couldn't,
couldn't produce it, and everytime I tried, even for two
minutes, somebody would get ininto the camera.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
And it started to get to the point where I didn't
want to expose my children.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And so, because I wanted to keep that part of my
life private, I couldn't do themini morning show in the morning
.
It started to be afternoon andI'm just like it's not we're
getting it out, yeah it's notworth it and, honestly, that's
why I don't do a lot of storiesand content today, because I
just don't.
I don't want to put my kids outthere like that.
(36:48):
You know, I want them to beable to have a choice to expose
themselves yeah and because youknow with online it's you got to
be so safe with it.
So I don't I don't want to makemy content just about my
children.
Yeah, just so people could seemy kids.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Like, if you're coming to me, you're going to
see me not them, right, man?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
what a season.
What a season.
You know what else, though Igotta go that's, that's what
else.
That's what else it's time okaywe've reached that point of the
week okay, where you gotta go Ido my best you do your best,
you do what you gotta show up.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I give my all 110 thank you, kyle, I won the
buzzer dings.
Thank you for your contributionto this podcast.
I go.
Thank you.
Your presence has been blessedby us.
Thank you, we appreciate you.
Go Bye.
I finally released you.
I finally said I'm not going tofight it.
(37:49):
And you're still here.
You said I guess this is thekey is to just reverse it all on
you.
Bye, so long.
Don't forget your coffee, megaultra sized coffee.
Having two small kids under the age of two.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yeah, two young kids with two young kids.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
It was one of the hardest seasons of my entire
life.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
It's the most fun I never want to have again.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We're not perfect people.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
By any means.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
But by trusting in God we learned what it takes to
build a friendship.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
A relationship.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
And marriage that has stood the test of time.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
With a keeping it real style.
We're going to talk to youabout everything everything that
we've been through are goingthrough and have overcome all by
learning how to lean on God andeach other in order to help you
learn how to love by Faith.
Morning, Selena Good morning.
(00:56):
Love by Faith podcast.
Spring cleaning.
What spring would get here, man?
It's so cold again still, itjust keeps on being cold.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
It just makes me want to stay in my bed until it
comes out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
The groundhog.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I must have been a groundhog at some point.
That's funny.
When Jesus was creating me inmy mother's womb, he probably
was, like she should probably bea groundhog.
No, no, no, no, no, I'm goingto make her human.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Like on the video games where you're scrolling
through all the characters.
Yeah, Groundhog.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
He kept going back to the groundhog and was like hmm.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
No, no Selena.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
She would be a good one, though she would really
make a good groundhog.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Creation roulette in heaven.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
It's funny.
So I'm going to ask you just atotally different.
Go a different direction here.
Yeah, what do you miss the mostfrom having babies?
Like literally having a baby inyour house?
Speaker 1 (01:48):
The smell of a baby.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
Dang it.
You took my answer, you did.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
And then you know how .
You know there's some peoplewho try to bottle that smell.
Oh, yeah, like they have likethe candle wax scent and it's
supposed to be like new babyscent.
No, you can never recreate andit's supposed to be like new
baby scent?
Speaker 2 (02:05):
No, you can never recreate.
I mean just no, their skin justhas.
I don't know if it's like thesmell of innocence or what, but
it just the smell of innocence.
I love my.
I miss my baby smelling sofresh.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
It's like their breath smells good, their body
smells good.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
You just want to just it's just so uncorrupted, it's
just a little.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
I.
It's just so uncorrupted, it'sjust little.
I'll never forget it was yourbaby, usually after the first
year, like once they have theirfirst year, and then that you
get that first whiff of likemorning breath they start eating
solid food.
Yeah and you're like dang it.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
The baby smells gone, oh man yeah yeah maybe that
first big gas, and then it'sjust like, oh, no now we got a
human.
Now we have a kid used to be ababy.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Now it's just a kid, right what's up everybody?
Speaker 2 (02:50):
we are in the spring cleaning series last week of
spring cleaning.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
We didn't do any spring cleaning in our house,
but we cleaned out our podcastnotebook.
That's great house looks great,that's all right.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
We gotta clean it, though, bro you're hard on
yourself with that gotta deepclean these edges we're glad
you're here.
As you heard in our icebreaker,we're talking about kids today
the last part of our book thatwe needed to clean out had to do
with a little bit of parentingokay, but not specifically us
with kids and sharing ourtestimony of being parents.
(03:25):
It was more so specific tohaving two small kids under the
age of two.
Speaker 2 (03:33):
Two under two.
Oh yeah, in our notebook it waslike-.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Two young kids with two young kids, yeah two young
kids with two young kids.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Yes, that's a good one.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
Yes, that's catchy.
Because there are a lot ofpeople out there who decide to
have children close in age.
We think they say it's a goodidea.
They say to do it that way.
They say you know, Whoever theyare.
Have kids close in age, they'llbe best friends.
They said.
You'll get through all thediapers in one, in one large sum
(04:06):
, and then you're done.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
They said I agree with that part we did that.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
They didn't tell us how hard it was gonna be, though
how crazy it was.
One of the hardest seasons ofmy entire life was to have two
babies under the age of two myline about it is always it's the
most fun.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
I never want to have again, yes, that season I don't
think there was seven nights ina row of good sleep for very
four to six years there wasn'tconsistency at all, right for
the first four to six years.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
There was no rhythm, there was no natural up and down
, it was just chaos like chaosgardening.
It was chaos parenting not tobe like hey guys, don't ever do
this.
And you're hearing this, you'rehearing our testimony.
You're like oh snap, I have netwe're, we're gonna push our
family plan back.
Don't like, okay, let's likereset this.
(05:03):
Let's talk about the good,let's talk about the bad, let's
get into some ugly okay.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Well, let's start with the good.
What was, what was the funparts of having two young kids
under two and us being youngparents?
Speaker 1 (05:18):
well, we have to set the stage okay so to be two
young parents yeah we wereinexperienced.
We were just newlywed, we werethree, four years into our
marriage, so we were stillfiguring marriage out.
We were not rich.
We were still trying to get outof debt and trying to build our
(05:41):
home and trying to establishour family.
We were still very much in thefoundation, setting roots of our
family.
Yeah, right, yeah.
So then you have the two smallkids.
It's crazy because when youbecome a parent, you are told
and you see from just media andjust all of the propaganda that
(06:03):
they throw at you when you're anew parent that you have to have
all of these things.
Right.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
You're talking about like items.
Speaker 1 (06:10):
Just items and just regimens, and Okay, routines.
All these things.
You just have to haveeverything.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
So you're talking about all the different, like
parental wisdom, how to be aparent.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Yeah, just like Okay.
So the minute you make yourappointment at the doctors, they
start sending you stuff in themail, like they.
They know that you're pregnant.
So you're getting all thisstuff in the mail and you know
you have to have all theseappliances and you have to have
baby warmers and you have tohave this carrier and you have
to have this toy and science andstudies show that this is the
(06:41):
best way to grow and developyour child.
And you have to have thisonesie and you have to have this
sleeper and you have to havethis crib and this mattress and
you have to make sure you haveall these things.
And it could get veryoverwhelming to a new parent
who's like I could have sworn.
When I was a baby in theeighties, my parents didn't have
(07:01):
all this stuff and I turned outOkay.
And so you're always met withthis.
It's just, you're always metwith this expectation of like
you want to give the best youwant to be, prepared to offer
the best for your children andwhatever that best looks like in
your head.
(07:21):
A lot of times, you're eithernot financially there- or you're
not mentally there or you don'thave the time or energy to be
present physically there, and itjust becomes a really big
tornado of things even beforethe baby even gets there.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Do you think most of that pressure that you felt was
described it as external, but doyou think it was more internal
that you had this drive, thatyou wanted to provide this
amazing environment totally,both, both, both 50, 50 or like
more?
Speaker 1 (07:55):
I don't know no I don't know that answer okay it
was definitely both yeah because, like when we first had william
, we we didn't have a whole lot.
We are the toys that we providedfor him or the toys that we
received at the baby shower.
That was pretty much it.
Like we didn't have cable, wedidn't have, we didn't even have
ac.
They didn't have a big floorcushiony place.
(08:17):
I just had like one little matand a playpen and a few little
stuffed animal toys.
Like he wasn't like over thetop with things, yeah, we
weren't inundated with thingswhen we had their first.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
One of the things I think by my side of it would be
is you said we waited a fewyears.
We waited like three yearsbefore after being married yeah,
to have our first son, and youthought that was newlywed still
and I thought that three yearswas huge for us to establish who
we were, establish how ourmarriage flow and to know and
(08:50):
understand each other better.
I thought that waiting threeyears was a good move.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
You know, it was good timing for us, because we got
to the point in our marriagewhere we were talking about
children almost on a daily basis.
Oh, we have kids.
Oh, once we have kids.
We were able to set a visionyeah for what life with kids was
going to look like we wereready to enter into that season
of okay, it's, it's coming yeahit's coming.
(09:15):
Yeah, so you, you and you askedme earlier, like what was the
good part?
Right, yeah, so I talked about,like setting the stage I talked
about, talked about where wewere as a newlywed or three
years in.
We talked about having thatfirst child, having a little bit
of stuff, but then, once wedecided we were going to have
our second child, they are 18months apart.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:38):
Okay, so on William's first birthday, that was when
we revealed that we were alreadythree, four months pregnant
with our second son.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
And so one of the things that I liked about that
was now our second son gets toget all of the toys, like we
already have all the stock.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Yeah, you know, and so it was an easy, easy thing to
just like.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
Now they can share all this stuff.
Now I felt a little morecomfortable, because I felt a
little bit more prepared,because we went through all of
the things the year before andwe have everything that we need.
Going to the hospital, we knowwhat to do.
We did that routine, yeah, weknow what to expect, even though
these children are completeopposites and the pregnancies
(10:25):
were a little different.
But we kind of went in thereknowing like, okay, we already
did this, we're going to justrinse and repeat the process,
and it was a little lessstressful.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
Do you feel like the rinse and repeat really held
true?
Because I'm thinking throughthis.
And when we had William, it waschallenging because it was new.
You'd never done it, we hadnever had a newborn in our house
.
We had to learn all thesethings.
And then Solomon comes and he'sa whole.
(10:56):
Obviously he's literally adifferent person, but he's got
such a different personalityright from jump, right from
newborn, and I think for me itbalanced, it helped balance it
out because of how different hewas I was able to feel like, oh
wow, this is going to be a greatnew personality to blend into
this and to mold our family moreas we were having it.
(11:18):
But as a young you know, a youngfather with two small boys, I
was it.
It changed my work ethic, okay,it changed my drive, it changed
my life ethic more, having tochange that so much more than
having one, because at two I waslike two kids.
Young man, I was like I gottado so much more to provide for
(11:39):
these guys yeah I gotta do somuch more to make a way for
these guys.
I don't know if one feltcomfortable and two was like
pushing Okay, but that as ayoung man, it just.
It changed how I saw myself, itchanged how I saw my future.
It changed how I, it changed mydrive that's the only way to
(12:00):
say it is.
It changed what I wanted toaccomplish.
Speaker 1 (12:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:04):
And I think that was the biggest win.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
Of having that second kid and it's only in this,
reflecting, thinking about, yeah, how it's gonna, you know, and
looking back it's.
It's a looking back thing, likein the moment.
It was.
Just it felt natural like allright, I gotta, I gotta do more.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
I gotta go more yeah I gotta.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
And now I have two people looking up to me.
You know, three people lookingup to me with you yeah and it's
it made me a better man by farawesome.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You are a better man for because of being a father.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Thanks, you're a good father it felt like, uh, it
felt like a calling, but thenonce the calling, once you're
there, once you like, once youcross into that promised land,
oh man the work that the workdidn't end, no Right.
Our relationship grew so muchin those years, with two kids
under two Learning how to talkto each other, learning how to
(12:57):
connect in a short time.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Learning how to reconnect after a stressful day.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
Learning how to restart reset.
Just shut it down, just say hey, we're exhausted, we're going
to sleep.
We'll talk about this tomorrow.
Yes, I'll take care of thatwhile you take care of this.
Yeah, and we'll be done.
Speaker 1 (13:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
Dividing conquer.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Yeah, they always say it's harder to go from one to
two than to have one or to getgo multiples, you know, go into
threes, like that.
Transition from one child totwo children is like the hardest
transition because you get usedto sacrificing time and
(13:42):
planning around one child.
You could take your one childanywhere.
You know what I mean.
You can go anywhere you want,take, take the, you know, with
the car seat or with the onestroller, with the one diaper
bag.
But once you kick it up a notchto two and you have double the
things to carry and you havedouble the, the P, the, the
children to to look over.
It just becomes so much more ofa challenge and, like you were
(14:05):
saying, divide and conquer.
Like now, if one baby wasnapping, the other one was up,
if one baby needed fed, theother one needed to do something
completely different, like wehad no we had no breaks.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
We thought we'd be able to sink them.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
I definitely sink them.
Once we, once.
You know, after a season or so,I was like no, we, we need to
definitely sink them.
That was like saving grace wasI had to sink the kids, so you
were them.
That was like saving grace wasI had to sink the kids.
Speaker 2 (14:30):
So you were able to get their schedule synced.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Absolutely.
I was able to get them synced,wow, yeah, I needed to, but one
of the hard parts was you haveyour.
Like William was still a baby,he was still a baby, he was
still only one and a half, youknow.
And so now you have to pour allof your time and attention into
a newborn who requires totaldependency on you.
(14:55):
And it was almost like Iwouldn't say mom guilt, but it
was almost like I want to spendtime with my son, but I also
need to spend time with my otherson and you're just constantly
being pulled back and forth andyou're constantly, and you're
just constantly being pulledback and forth and you're
constantly.
You're never going to feel likeit's enough.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I never.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
I never felt like it was enough time or enough like
presence to just say I was ableto equally give them all of me,
because then I didn't have allof.
I'm going through postpartumand we're going through, you
know, the feeding schedule andthe sleep schedule and all of
those things, and so we werejust so drained and then you
(15:34):
have to pour so much into thesesmall little children who are
just depending on you and it wasreally and I see, I see, when
we got to that season, wherethey were, they were synced.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
You know, now that I'm remembering this, like
reflecting on it, now that I'mremembering this, like
reflecting on it, now that I'mreflecting on it, once they were
synced we were able to get intothis awesome.
I remember the giant strollerwalk.
We had the giant double strollerand taking the kids to the park
and letting them run andletting them just just be them
(16:06):
get dirty, letting them play inthe backyard in the little water
table and splash stuff, yeah,and all that just beauty that
came out of that, yeah, and ableto really, as that shifted from
two young kids under two to twoexperienced parents with kids
who were two, was just such agrowth man I just when you're
(16:32):
going through it, you don't seeit, but looking back and
reflecting on it, it's like wow,that really solidified things
Right.
And so that's my encouragementfor young parents is it is going
to feel fulfilling at somepoint.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
While it's hard and the grind is happening, that
does feel fulfilling you know,just to see the bond, because
the the bond of the two siblingsbeing so close together.
Yeah, you used to say solomonwill never remember life without
william it's true, becausewilliam was always there and
pretty much the same.
Thing because he was so younglike he.
(17:07):
They always remember each otherand so there's such a unique
bond when you choose to havechildren in in that close an age
that you know at some pointwhen you're planning your family
, one of the things that come tomind is oh, if we have a child
now?
Yeah then they'll play together.
(17:27):
Yeah, like it's a, it's kind ofselfish well, they have someone
to entertain them.
They got someone, like it won'tbe us anymore, like they can go
play with themselves, like it'skind of a little selfish thing
but it's true and they do andit's so beautiful to see because
they they get into crazy likethe one kid would never do the
jump into the mud, puddle bythemselves and like pretend that
(17:51):
they're you know, whatever,whatever If it not been for the
other one, like influencing andlike coming up with that
imagination and just going outand doing that thing together.
It's very beautiful to see andthat to me that's kind of like
the reminder of like this is whyGod wanted us to do this.
You know, I want to be veryclear with you guys.
When we were family planningand it was we had a choice.
(18:14):
It was between buying a newhouse or having another child,
like literally that was our plan, it was.
We were in this setting and wedecided to go on a fast.
I think it was a whole monthwhere we fasted and we prayed,
and I think it was the Danielfast in January.
Speaker 2 (18:33):
That sounds right.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
We were like okay, we're at this road, we're in a
really good place.
We have one child where ourmarriage is good.
We're working towards ourdebt-free freedom.
And so what do we do now, God?
Do we buy a new house, or do we, you know?
Do we buy a new house to makespace for the new person?
Because we knew we were goingto have more kids, or do we have
(18:54):
the new child now In?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
this space.
Speaker 1 (18:57):
And God really revealed to both of us in that
fast, in our own individual time, like you're going to have a
child.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Bring the kid.
Speaker 1 (19:03):
And so thank the Lord , because this was all God's
plan.
The family planning in thatseason was very smooth.
We had no complications gettingpregnant, we had no
complications during thepregnancy.
We had no complications withdelivery, minus my hips going
crazy.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
That was a complication, definitely a
complication.
Yeah, that last month you wereout of it, bro, I couldn't walk,
yeah, I literally couldn't walk.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
And to this day.
My hips are kind of bad.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Need lots of attention.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
The baby was very healthy, very sound, and God
really pulled that miraclethrough.
Amen and we had that.
We had that thing and we dobelieve that it was God's
ordinance to bring Solomon in inthe season that he did, and who
knows why he chose to do that,you know, because that was the
(19:56):
beginning of the hard seasonsfor us.
Have you guys ever heard of ourhard season series?
Speaker 2 (20:00):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
And so maybe God brought Solomon to help us, you
know, go through those hardtimes and to help William get
through those hard times,because he was honestly just
that beautiful silver lining ofthis is a beautiful baby and
they're brothers and thebeautiful bond of the brothers
that we see it was literally thehighlight of all of the things.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Yeah, so I go back to what you were saying about that
.
They'll never forget each other.
Speaker 1 (20:31):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
They'll always remember having each other in
their life.
Speaker 1 (20:33):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (20:34):
Part of my story is I grew up as an only child, okay,
so I was 12 when my brother wasborn, and so I had nobody.
I mean, I had my cousins toplay with every once in a while,
weekends, here and there, I hadkids on the street, yeah.
But my home life, I was justplaying by myself, doing my own
things, and that was somethingthat drove me to say there's we
(20:58):
got to be able to do.
I don't want to say better, butthere's got to be a um, there's
got to be a way to do this,like it made me, made me feel
like I got to do this for mykids so they don't have to go
through what I went through yeahand I don't know if that's
always the right way to look atthings, but it was what I wanted
.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
It was my vision for my family was to have multiple
children honestly, that is whatthat same exact mindset is, what
made me want to have a thirdchild, because I grew up with my
older brother and my olderbrother and I we're probably
like 19 months apart.
So we're very close.
(21:34):
We're very close.
But it was.
He was a boy, I was a girl, wewere growing up like that and he
used to pick on me all the time.
Anytime he was bored, he wouldjust come and just pick on me,
he would mess with me and he's avery tall person.
He's very tall.
So he was just shooting up andI'm just this little squeam girl
(21:56):
who's playing with Barbies,right?
And he just always picked on me,and so my experience was we
need to have three, because ifthere's only two, at some point
they're going to get bored witheach other, and then playing
turns into I'm bored, I'm goingto pick.
And so I was like we need tohave three to even out the
(22:16):
playing.
And so that's why I was soready to have a third child when
we got into this new house,because I was like we need to
even the playing field.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
It's a triangle offense.
There's always someone to passthe ball to.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
And you see it now like yes, jubilee is a girl and
she's, you know, five yearsyounger than our oldest three
years younger than our second,but still, when you see that the
boys are tired to play witheach other, they'll go to her,
and when she's tired of playingwith them, you know they'll,
they'll.
They'll all play by themselvesat some point.
But then when jubilee's tiredof playing with one brother,
she'll go to the other brotherand then, because he was left
out of the cert of the playingnow he's ready you know it's
(22:56):
just it's just such a beautifuldynamic, it's balanced, and so
advice for advice for parentsfor having two kids under two or
in, close in close in age.
Okay, what would you say?
Speaker 2 (23:09):
I'm gonna just talk to the men here, okay, because
it gets.
So.
I feel like, as the man we hadhad to stay at home wife.
Thankfully we had the job whereit was able to to make that a
possibility for me.
I felt very isolated, right andso, having friends that I was
able to talk to regularlyoutside of you know, selena, yes
(23:30):
, that I could just chat, notlike serious, not deep Christian
philosophical theologydiscussions.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
You're not in that season.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
But just someone to talk about the baseball and
football and those kind ofthings, and just someone to you.
Know you can unwind with yourwife, but having your bro or
someone to go fishing would loveto go fishing, to go on a
camping trip with, to just beable to really keep your own
self square, keep your ownpersonality square and nurtured,
(24:04):
was a huge win.
I know we're talking aboutbeing parents, but at the same
time you're still a person, youstill have personality, and I
think another one was giving youtime to just be yourself, to be
like hey, I got the kids, don'tworry about them, don't think
about them, don't look back,just go away.
Yes, and giving you that space.
Yes, that's essential, and Iremember doing the mom weekends
(24:27):
where you chose to work, but Iwould take off a couple days.
Speaker 1 (24:31):
That's crazy.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
I would take off a couple days, like a Thursday,
Friday.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Mom weeks yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
And you would just go do whatever you wanted and I
was on duty.
It was like a work vacation forher because she didn't have to
mom as hard as usual.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
And we'd flop.
That was another huge win iswhere I would.
I would stay home and wake upand do the kid thing and you
would be able to go to youroffice and do your writing and
you wrote books when you hadnewborns, bro.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
You literally published books when you had
newborns.
I don't know how that happened,yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:03):
I take a lot of credit for that.
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
You should.
You should because, had it notbeen for you helping with the
kids, it was a lot, you know,being a mom, whether you got
twins or whether you did it theway we did it.
It pays such a toll on womenbecause I was still going
through postpartum of havingWilliam when I entered into a
(25:27):
pregnancy, when I entered intoanother postpartum season, and
so my body was completely out ofwhack, my hormones were
completely out of whack.
I didn't know myself at all.
It was a very lost season.
So that's why I said for me toI think that's why I was pouring
so much into writing books andthat's why I was so fixated on
(25:48):
like I have to have thisministry, I have to have this
business going, because I feltlike that was the only piece of
myself left that I had.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
It was your way of taking care of your spirit, your
soul.
Speaker 1 (25:59):
It was my way of just doing something for me, because
when you become a mom and yourkids are that small, they
constantly need you.
You're constantly over-touched,You're constantly picking up
messes, You're constantly in amess, Like you can't even take
care of yourself.
I've met so many moms where youknow just the thought of
(26:21):
putting on makeup is a challengeand I it got to the point when
I was um, when I had Solomon,where I was like I'm going to
put on makeup every single day,not because I'm going anywhere,
but because I need this.
Not because I need to put onmakeup to look good, but I
needed to do something to takecare of myself.
(26:42):
And the postpartum was so realand the time which is you're
just submerged into children andbabies and making food and
burping and potty training, andit was so just, is this all my
life is like, is this all that?
Is this all that it is?
And then you go out and thenthere was like a public anxiety
(27:05):
of like you go out in public andthen you have two kids and you
have big Bertha and you have allthese things and you're like I,
that one is running away, theother one is calm and you're
you're trying to battle it andit's just like, is it easier to
stay home?
I don't know.
You know so, yes, how you weresaying, you do start to get
really isolated and you do startto feel like you're struggling
(27:27):
a lot and you're sinking and soputting things in place, whether
you have help or if you're justall alone and you're your own
island.
You reach out to the friends,you reach out to something that
is on you know now that I'munity bro.
Yeah, it's the community andhonestly in that season was when
I started the mini morning show.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, I started the mini morning show in that season
because I was like I just need,I need to, I need something, I
need to, I need to do something.
And for those of you guys whodon't know what the mini morning
show is, it was my daily twominutes of going live on social
media and just sharing whatevercame to my mind when I woke up
(28:09):
at the first thing in themorning, and I did that
consistently until Jubilee wasborn.
I did that for three yearsReally.
I did that until Jubilee wasborn.
Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh, my God, it didn't feel like that long when it
happened, but you did do that alot.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I did the mini morning show.
Speaker 2 (28:24):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
Good, but it was because of that.
Women need an escape.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
Don't be afraid to tell yourfriends like I'm going through
some depression.
I'm very angry, I'm starting togrow bitter towards my kids
because they won't leave mealone.
It is okay to be vulnerable.
It's okay to be honest, it'sokay to say, hey, I'm not taking
(28:46):
care of myself and that's aproblem, and I need to figure
out what one thing I can do eachday to help me remedy that In
my case it was putting onlipstick and BB cream.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
One of the things I think you take for granted, too,
is your journaling.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
I journaled a lot in that season and how much that is
helpful for you.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Journaling is not for everybody, but for you that was
a great, great way that youkept yourself whole and you kept
yourself in line For me.
I turned to exercise and juststayed in the gym, stayed in the
routine of taking care ofmyself.
And it helped me to staystabilized when all of it was
(29:28):
hard, Even on bad sleep and evenon stressful nights, stressful
days.
Keeping that routine of thatwas helpful.
Speaker 1 (29:36):
And encouragement to both parents is it's going to
feel like it's never going toend.
It's going to feel like there'salways something.
It's one thing after another.
One kid has a diaper, the otherone is throwing up and you're
just never going to get to aplace where they're just
comfortably.
(29:56):
Okay, you will.
It's going to take a lot longerthan what you expected.
I think the season where Ifinally felt like okay, we're
okay.
Honestly, it was probably likelast year when Solomon was was
in kindergarten.
When they're, when they go,when you get past the five-year
(30:17):
mark for both of those children,you know it doesn't matter if
there's more down the line, ifyou can get past the two
transition because remember,that transition is always the
hardest if you can get the firsttwo past that five-year mark
right it becomes.
it becomes it starts to settle.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
I'm not going to say it's completely calm, I'm not
going to say it's easy, that'sfor sure, it's not easy, like
you're always.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
You know bigger kids, bigger problems, but you get
into this place where you'reconfident and you know that,
okay, things are going to beokay.
Yeah, things are going to beokay.
Why do I say that it doesn'tmatter if more kids come down
the way, because they're justgetting thrown into the chaos.
You're already in a chaoticstate, and so just adding one
(31:02):
more or two more or three moreor however many more you choose
to have, literally it's justlike well, we've already done
this, we already know ourbalance and our stretches and,
and, yeah, our limits.
And what's?
One more?
Speaker 2 (31:19):
what's one more?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
what's one more?
It's like you're already on thefreeway and just adding more
kids is just merging into thefreeway that's constantly
already going so it's likewhatever just just bring them in
you know jubilee just rolled inand she's so tough because she
had the two to take care of herand they worked together, like I
said, and so there will be atime when the energy just starts
(31:40):
to work itself out.
But in those beginning years ittakes a lot of effort from you
guys, it takes a lot of prayer.
Speaker 2 (31:47):
So much prayer.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
A lot of just surrender, a lot of surrender to
just say, hey, my expectationsare out the window, it is what
it is.
I'm just going to survive.
If I just drink my bottle ofwater and eat something, that's
a win for me.
If I can get a nap in, that's awin for me.
If I can clean one portion ofmy house, that's a win for me.
(32:11):
If I can have a movie nightwith my husband, that's a win
for me.
You have to really reduce yourexpectations, unless you have a
whole village helping you andhaving time where they can tag
you out.
We did not, and so it was justthe small wins that you have to
(32:33):
just accept and surrendereverything else and know that it
is a season and the days arelong.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
But the years fly by.
It's true, man, you know sotrue.
I can't believe that ouryoungest is four now and we have
ministry and friendship andlove and We've come a long way,
a village around us, and if youlook back when we had William
(33:02):
and told me that this was goingto be the situation, I would
have been terrified to havethree kids.
Three oh yeah, if you tell meall the things that happened to
get to here.
But I would never change itit's so good, god provided.
Yes, absolutely man.
Speaker 1 (33:22):
Yeah, and keeping the faith was was essential why
don't we, um, wrap that up righthere?
There's so much more obviouslywe could talk about when it
comes to parenting and babiesand kids and all of those things
.
So if you have any morequestions or if you're wondering
about anything, feel free toreach out to us on social media
or on our YouTube, in thecomments or just anywhere.
(33:46):
You can shoot us a text ifyou're listening to the podcast
in one of those platforms and wewould love to just get back to
you and maybe make anotherepisode specifically to address
your questions and your needs.
So for now, why don't we goahead and pray for these parents
and wrap up this springcleaning series?
Speaker 2 (34:04):
I just feel like the encouragement is that if
parenting is part of yourjourney, parenting will be part
of your journey forever, and Ijust am so glad that you're here
with us to go through ittogether, to share stories and
to not just live by faith but tolove your family by faith, and
(34:26):
I'm just glad to be here.
Lord, we are grateful that youhave opened this door for this
ministry for discussions aboutfamily, about raising kids,
about being kids with kids whohave no idea what to do and
trying to figure it all out.
And I pray for the parentslistening that they would be
encouraged, that they would bestrengthened, lord, that you
(34:50):
would help them to see that thefruit is on the other side of
the season, that the seeds willgrow, the seeds that they're
planting in their children willgrow and flourish.
And I pray for harmony in thesehomes, lord.
I pray for balance around thesechildren's lives.
I pray for good experiences.
(35:11):
I pray, lord, lord, that thehusbands would love the wives
and the wives would respect thehusbands In these hard seasons,
and that it would be a pictureOf what you've called us to.
We give you the glory For allof it In Jesus' name, amen.
Speaker 1 (35:29):
Amen.
Thanks so much for listeningand watching.
Please be sure to write areview.
Give us a five-star tap ifyou're listening and if you're
on YouTube, like share,subscribe, ding, ding, ding.
We hope to see you guys againnext week for a whole new series
.
Don't forget to love by faithy'all.
Speaker 2 (35:46):
Have a good week.
Love by faith.
Welcome to the Mini MorningShow.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Dude, I made mugs and everything for that.
It was welcome to the minimorning show.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
I can't believe it was three years.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
It didn't feel like it was that long in april it was
like this year, yeah, and thereason why I stopped was because
I had three kids.
I couldn't, I couldn't dealwith it yeah, I couldn't,
couldn't produce it, and everytime I tried, even for two
minutes, somebody would get ininto the camera.
Speaker 2 (36:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
And it started to get to the point where I didn't
want to expose my children.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
And so, because I wanted to keep that part of my
life private, I couldn't do themini morning show in the morning
.
It started to be afternoon andI'm just like it's not we're
getting it out, yeah it's notworth it and, honestly, that's
why I don't do a lot of storiesand content today, because I
just don't.
I don't want to put my kids outthere like that.
(36:48):
You know, I want them to beable to have a choice to expose
themselves yeah and because youknow with online it's you got to
be so safe with it.
So I don't I don't want to makemy content just about my
children.
Yeah, just so people could seemy kids.
Speaker 2 (37:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (37:05):
Like, if you're coming to me, you're going to
see me not them, right, man?
Speaker 2 (37:10):
what a season.
What a season.
You know what else, though Igotta go that's, that's what
else.
That's what else it's time okaywe've reached that point of the
week okay, where you gotta go Ido my best you do your best,
you do what you gotta show up.
Speaker 1 (37:27):
I give my all 110 thank you, kyle, I won the
buzzer dings.
Thank you for your contributionto this podcast.
I go.
Thank you.
Your presence has been blessedby us.
Thank you, we appreciate you.
Go Bye.
I finally released you.
I finally said I'm not going tofight it.
(37:49):
And you're still here.
You said I guess this is thekey is to just reverse it all on
you.
Bye, so long.
Don't forget your coffee, megaultra sized coffee.
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Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com