What happens when a former federal judge faces an Alzheimer's diagnosis? For Stephanie Duncan-Peters and her husband Richard James, it becomes an opportunity to showcase remarkable resilience, joy, and a refreshing perspective on living with cognitive change.
In Episode 105, Don and I have a deeply moving and uplifting conversation with Stephanie, whose impressive career spans nearly 20 years as a District of Columbia Superior Court judge appointed by President George H.W. Bush.
Far from letting her diagnosis define her, Stephanie has recently published a children's book, "The Blue-Footed Booby Blues," about a dancing bird who loves to travel—mirroring her own passions.
The couple shares how they met through dance lessons 12 years ago and continue to dance together today, demonstrating how activities that build "cognitive reserve" can remain accessible and joyful despite Alzheimer's. Their calm, matter-of-fact approach to the diagnosis stems partly from Stephanie's previous experience supporting a Harvard Law professor friend through his Alzheimer's journey.
We explore fascinating concepts like cognitive reserve—how certain skills and passions often persist longer in people with dementia—and the way Alzheimer's can paradoxically create what host I call "the ultimate state of Zen," fostering heightened presence and appreciation for the now.
Richard offers valuable insights from the care partner perspective, discussing how unexpected connections in his community led to crucial support resources. Their story beautifully illustrates how love, resilience, and maintaining meaningful activities create a fulfilling life even when facing significant health challenges.
Whether you're navigating dementia in your own family or simply seeking inspiration on facing life's unexpected turns with grace, this conversation will leave you with renewed hope and practical wisdom for the journey ahead. Listen now and discover how, as the podcast name suggests, Love truly Conquers Alz. :)
Much Love,
Susie
Connect with Stephanie and Richard through Kayla Mancuso - kayla@ballastbooks.com
Be a ROAR-ior!! JOIN THE R.O.A.R. MOVEMENT for quality long term care! Visit the No Country For Old People Website for more information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Don Priess (00:00):
When the world has got you down, Alzheimer's sucks.
It's an equal opportunitydisease that chips away at
everything we hold dear and todate, there's no cure. So until
there is, we continue to fightwith the most powerful tool in
our arsenal, love. This is loveconquers all, a real and really
(00:22):
positive podcast that takes adeep dive into everything,
Alzheimer's, The Good, The Badand everything in between. And
now here are your hosts, Susiesinger Carter and me, Don
Priess,
Susie Singer Carter (00:39):
hi everybody. I'm Susie singer
Carter,
Don Priess (00:41):
and I'm Don Priess, and this is love conquers all.
Hello Susan. Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. This is thefirst show that we are recording
in 2025. Boy, what a start to ayear, huh?
Susie Singer Carter (00:56):
I know so many things we've had. We live
in Los Angeles. So you probablyhave heard about our brush fires
that have been catastrophic, andsomething we've never seen
before. It's been two weeks forus right now, but every day it's
been you discover someone elsethat you know very well that
lost their home. It's a lot toprocess. It's a lot to process a
(01:19):
good friend of ours, Harlanbull, who is also our publicist,
is lost his entire home inAltadena, his kitty and his
whole neighborhood. So it puts alot of things in perspective
too. It really does you know, ifso, what's important, what
isn't, and what you know whenyou when you sit there and
complain about stuff and say,Well, wait a minute, these
(01:42):
people and 1000s of people havejust literally lost everything,
like everything in seconds.
There wasn't a lot of time toprepare. We're not going to
dwell too much on it. But I justthink, you know, in a way, that
it's, you know, you can't, youcan't minimize it, like you
can't minimize Alzheimer's,right? You can't minimize
disease. You can't minimizeParkinson's or cancer, but what
(02:03):
we do is we pick ourselves up,and then we pull together all of
our resilience, and we lean onpeople that are there to support
us, and we get through itbecause there's no other
alternative. You have to getthrough it. So you have to make
it the best it can be, even ifit's devastating, right? And you
have to figure out what whatthose priorities and how they
(02:23):
change and and to tie it intoAlzheimer's, I always say this,
that you know priorities changeall the time, right? So you have
these, these bars that you wantto reach in your life, and
you've got all these like plansand your checklist and all that
stuff. Well, that's all great,but those things change in a
minute, in a second, and so youhave to figure out, how are you
(02:47):
going to deal with that pivot?
How are you going to deal with,you know, all of these, what I
call getting sucker punched, youknow? And you can either just
lay down in a fetal position, oryou you brush yourself off. I
mean, you'll get in the fetalposition for a minute, and then
you brush yourself off, and youfigure out how to make a new
(03:08):
normal, and without minimizingit, without, you know, being, as
some of my colleagues call it,toxically positive, that's also
another, just another way toavoid the truth. We have to
embrace the truth, whatever itis, if you've lost your home, if
you have a disease, whatever itis. And now, how do you navigate
that in the best way? Because mymom taught me this all along her
(03:31):
journey. No matter what life isprecious. Life is is a gift, and
we need to take the advantage ofthe time that we have, even if
it's just, you know, a littlemoment of joy here and there.
You know, whatever it is, it'sfinding the best. Yeah, we have
two great guests today too, whoknow how to to seize the moment
(03:52):
keep things going. So why don'tyou introduce them?
Don Priess (03:55):
Donald, I'll do that right now. Stephanie Duncan
Peters is a retired District ofColumbia superior court judge
that spent close to 20 years onthe bench. She was an
appointment by George H W Bushand confirmed by the Senate in
1992. Throughout her illustriouscareer, Judge Duncan Peters has
been active in the District ofColumbia bar and the community.
(04:18):
She has worked as a volunteer atthe hospice unit at the
Washington home and friends ofthe National Symphony and other
community groups. Stephanie hasrecently published a children's
book called The Blue footedbooby blues, a harmonious tale
that will have readers tappingtheir feet to the rhythm. She
wrote the words back when shewas a sitting judge, and now
(04:38):
it's available everywhere forkids and families to enjoy. Now,
Stephanie is embarking on a newchallenge, as she has been
diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Today, she and her husbandRichard James will share their
experiences and challenges asthey travel their new journey
together. So without furtherado, let's say hello to
Stephanie, Duncan Peters andRichard James.
Susie Singer Carter (05:00):
Hello, Stephanie and Richard, hello.
Nice to be here. We're veryhappy to have you, and happy to
read the blue footed boobyblues, which I love the title,
Stephanie, how are you today?
Good, good. You have anillustrious background. My gosh,
I want to just talk politicswith you, but we won't get into
(05:21):
that,considering what today is, you
know, the 21st of January. Youcan figure that out anyway. Wow.
What an illustrious backgroundyou have, besides being now a
published author, which feelsgreat, I'm sure. Yeah, feels
good. You hadn't written beforethis. How did you get inspired
(05:44):
to write?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (05:47):
Well, as a lawyer, you're always writing,
yeah, and I love to read,so, and I love to travel, so I
don't know. I just kind of gotinto this with the Galapagos
Islands, because I was like, Oh,this is a cool place like to go
there one day,
Susie Singer Carter (06:08):
wonderful, but it, but it's interesting
that you it's for children. Youryour book, right? Yeah, yeah,
yeah
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (06:16):
. So, yeah, I'm not writing, like any
big books, you know, that foradults or anything like that,
yeah, right, yeah.
Susie Singer Carter (06:24):
Which is fun, because Don and I started
off in children's programming,which we loved. We loved it so
much. I know I did. I loved it,and, you know, working with the
pre teens, and it was, you know,so much fun. I it's when I
realized I loved directing kids,and I just had a smile on my
face the whole time. It was justfun.
Don Priess (06:46):
Did you have children in mind? Did you have
your own children or otherpeople's children or grandkids?
Or was there any children inmind when you wrote it?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (06:53):
No, not in particular, for all kids,
Susie Singer Carter (06:57):
for all kids, and how I was going to
talk about the music.
Don Priess (07:03):
That's exactly where I was going. So
Susie Singer Carter (07:06):
of course, get out of my head. Okay, so,
yeah, it's the, it's the boobyblues. But so why the blues and
why music is there? Is thatsomething that you dabbled in
before you just happen to loveit, or just was arbitrary? How
did, how did that work into thestory?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (07:23):
Well, I had at one point seen this video
of the blue footed boobies doingtheir dance, and Richard and I
met dancing.So anyway, reallythought it was pretty cool, and
(07:44):
it took me a while, but I wasable to write the book. And
Susie Singer Carter (07:47):
I love that. I love that Stephanie,
because, guess what, I alsoshare dancing with you that is
my drug of choice. I dance everyweek, like at probably four
times a week five times if Ican, if I'm lucky, and I adore
it. I just adore it like Ithink, I think I'm a frustrated
(08:09):
professional dancer withoutgetting paid. Yeah, without
getting paid, yeah. My nextlife, I will come back as a true
dancer, but boy, I really dolove it. I highly recommend it
to everybody. Do you guys stilldance? Yeah, we do great. What
(08:29):
do you dance? What kind ofdancing do you do?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (08:33):
Well, now we do, like some kind of
disco dancing. Sometimes--
Richard James (08:37):
we met doing the hustle. There was a local
instructor who put together alittle team for a beginner,
intermediate level. And we bothjoined the team, and that's what
we weren't partners in the team,but that's where we met. But it
was doing the hustle. We boththe hustle was kind of like our
favorite one, the West Coast,swing.
Susie Singer Carter (08:58):
I love it.
I love love love it. Well, Istarted doing hip hopand so, and
I was like, I was so intimidatedby this class, and I would walk
by it all the time and go, Icould never do that. And then a
couple of my friends were inthere and they said, Come on,
you could do it. You could doit. But anyway, I still do it,
and it's my addiction. So we'revery simpatico that way, and I
(09:21):
love a guy that'll dance,Richard,
Richard James (09:26):
It's a lot of fun. I've always enjoyed it.
Susie Singer Carter (09:30):
I love it.
I love it is there's nothingbetter, right? It's so joyful.
Before we jump into yourAlzheimer's Stephanie, I'm
interested. I'm looking at yourbio. You were a volunteer at the
hospice unit of Washington home,and Don and I are doing a
documentary currently called NoCountry for Old people, and it's
(09:51):
really about the broken systemof our long term care and.
Home and a hospice, and mymother got caught up into it
three years ago, and it wasshocking for me, and I decided
to do a documentary motivated byby what I saw and working with
(10:15):
which you'll like. This a formerfederal prosecutor, Rick
MountCastle, who was a AttorneyGeneral in Virginia and federal
prosecutor, who prosecutedpharmaceuticals, and was the
main prosecutor against Purduepharma for their marketing of
(10:36):
Oxycontin. There was a miniseries called dope sick on Hulu,
but he also federally prosecutednursing homes for fraud for over
20 years and never saw anychange, right? So it is so I
find it very interesting thatyou were volunteering at
hospice, which you probably knowwe talk about in our
(10:59):
documentary, has become very bigbus iness.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (11:02):
Well, it was really good that I
volunteered there, because whenmy mom got sick, I was able to
bring her in right away, right?
Oh, and stay with her for likethree days until she passed
away. So, yeah. So that wasreally good, right, right? It
pays to be a volunteer. Oh,yeah, yeah, yeah,
Susie Singer Carter (11:24):
good, yeah.
I think volunteering is, is, isreally such a there's nothing
more rewarding to me, like beingable to go, you know, once I
started getting involved in thatcommunity because of my mom, it
really changed who I was andchanged how I saw life really,
you know, and but let's talkabout Alzheimer's. Since we are,
(11:47):
Love Conquers Alz, and you twoare, you know, really the poster
children for for love conquersall. Because Stephanie, you were
diagnosed. How long ago were youdiagnosed with Alzheimer's?
Richard James (12:06):
Well, we first noticed something about three
years ago. It was actually hersister in law told me, said,
Richard something's Stephanieand I met about 12 years ago. So
we've married for 10 years. So,you know, I didn't know her when
she was 30 and 40 and 50 yearsright? So the sister in law
brought it to my attention, butI didn't really see anything
(12:27):
wrong. And then it was probablyabout a year and a half ago, a
couple things happened that I'mlike, Yeah, something's not
right here. So that's when westarted the journey of trying to
find out what was wrong. And Imean, you know, the process is
one doctor, neurologist, anotherdiagnosis, until finally, we got
a diagnosis about a year ago.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (12:49):
But, um, you know, I have a friend who
has Alzheimer's, and he's passedaway now, but we, before I knew
anything about my havingAlzheimer's, whole group of us
that we were all had been liketogether in law school. We did
(13:12):
this walk. We do this walk everyyear for him, yeah. SoI kind of,
I guess, because of that, Imean, I'm not like, so, you
know, completely out of whack.
Because,
Susie Singer Carter (13:28):
right?
Yeah,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (13:29):
he was really smart, and he was Harvard
law professor and everything,right? And he got Alzheimer's.
So, you know, it's an equalopportunity.
Susie Singer Carter (13:38):
I was, You took the words right out of my
mouth. Stephanie, I was justabout to say exactly those
words. It's equal opportunity.
And you know what I find afterinterviewing different people
who are living with Alzheimer'sand living with it, I mean that,
you know, in the best way thereis what's called a cognitive
reserve, right? And you being alaw professional and being a
(14:01):
writer, and having those, thoseskills imprinted on you so, so
indelibly that you that is yourcognitive reserve. Like my
mother's cognitive reserve washer music. So she right, so that
that made, she maintained thatall through her life, and, and I
believe that you will maintainthat part of you as well. And I
(14:24):
think you probably saw that withyour colleague and your friend,
right? Yeah, see, that's what'sso amazing, because you you got
to share his journey, like yousaid, and, and it made and it
took a lot of the mystery awayfrom it. And like you said, it
hasn't devastated you,right? And I think that's what's
(14:47):
so important about you coming ontoday and sharing your story,
because you're just sittingthere and very nonplussed about
it, right? You're in a way, andI know that sure you don't. Want
it. Nobody wants it. I fear it.
Because, I mean, my mom had it.
I think every time I forget aword, I'm like, Okay, get ready.
Here it comes. You know, I don'tknow it could happen tomorrow. I
(15:09):
don't know. But what I do knowis that I'm, I'm gonna be like,
you Stephanie, I'm gonna belike, Okay, I've seen it. I know
what it is. I can, you know,we're gonna do this because
everybody's,
Don Priess (15:24):
let's keep living.
Yeah, let's, let's keep living.
Because what's the alternative,you know,
Susie Singer Carter (15:30):
yeah, and Richard, you're such a joyful
human being, like, I just lovethat. You guys met only 12 years
ago, and here you are, andyou're just, like, in it you're
ride or die,right?
Richard James (15:44):
Yeah, we've got kind of a family history here. I
have two autistic nephews, andI've just watched my brothers
and their spouses, you know,take care of these kids for 20
plus years, and they really doit like it's nothing. I mean,
(16:07):
you just do it because you haveto
Susie Singer Carter (16:10):
Right, right, and it's and because you
guys are, you're a couple,you're married. And so that adds
another element, which I alwaysfind interesting, because I come
at it with my experience as adaughter and with my favorite
person in the world. You know, Iloved my mom. She was my
favorite person. She made mefeel like a million bucks, and
(16:31):
she made everybody feel like amillion bucks, and she brought
light into every room she wentinto. And I miss her terribly.
But you know what? I wasn'tgoing to miss her while she was
here. And that's the importantpart. Is that you you know what
I kept I always thought in theback of my mind, I'm so lucky
she's still here. I'm so luckyshe's still here, and I just
(16:52):
made the best of it. And, youknow, and you will always be
here, like all of it, it's justin adifferent way, right?
Richard James (17:00):
Wow, that's really well put.
Susie Singer Carter (17:02):
I mean, it's so true. It's so true. And
I love that you guys are doingthis together. I'm always so
impressed by by couples, whetheryou're married or not, who are
just taking it on and and, youknow, going through life, and
you are, you know, I always mymom. My mother was my mother's
(17:24):
husband. My stepdad was 12 yearsolder than my mom, George.
George did never had cognitiveissues. He was 12 years older,
but he started to lose hiseyesight. He started to lose his
hearing. He's ended up in awheelchair. And my mother was
perfectly healthy, physically,like, you know, just a pistol
and nothing wrong with theirears. And so she was the ears
(17:46):
and eyes. He was the memory. Andtogether, they made a perfect
person,right? And, and they werea team. They were such a great
team, you know. And, and I thinkthat's beautiful. So I love
that.
What can I and you can tell me,if you don't want to answer
this, what scares you the most?
Richard?
Richard James (18:10):
Well, the unknown of what might be coming, because
I don't really know what'scoming. I say watching your
movie last night was like, Okay,you start to see there's going
to be more to this. That's whatworries me a little bit. The one
lucky thing, I'll say realquick, was because when we were
(18:31):
trying to figure out what wasgoing on, I didn't know what to
do. I didn't know who to turnto, what to do. And it's just
funny, through playingpickleball. I ran into a guy,
but I went to high school withthat I didn't know in high
school with 50 years later,because we had a big class. 50
years later, I meet this guy,and we get to know each other.
(18:54):
We play the same level, so I seethem all the time, and little by
little, get to know him. And Isaid, Well, Bob, what did you do
for your whole career. He said,Well, you know, I used to run
these group homes. I owned abunch of group homes, and we
took care of Alzheimer'spatients. And I'm like, Whoa,
wait a minute, Alzheimer'sdementia. And I was like, Well,
this guy might be able to helpme. And sure enough, I started
(19:17):
telling him about what I wasgoing through. And he said, Oh,
Richard, call this woman, Mary,compassionate care. Man,
everything changed.
Susie Singer Carter (19:28):
Awww. It, it's like, my like our partner
Rick Mont Castle says there's nocoincidences. Like, that's
incredible. That's that's justwhat you needed when you needed
it.
Richard James (19:42):
So we got a huge support group in front of us,
which is great. Now we'remeeting you and
Susie Singer Carter (19:50):
well, count us in, count us in, and throw my
hat in the ring. I am. I love, Ilove what you guys are doing. I
love that you're just moving onand. And, you know, every day is
a new normal. Every day.
Sometimes it's like, you know, Iwould it's interesting just to
share with you a little bitabout my experiences that with
my mom, because she lived withme in the movie that you
(20:11):
watched. That was the year shelived with me. And right after
my stepdad died, because she washaving what, you know,
Groundhogs Day, she keptforgetting that Georgie had
died, and I was I was going to,I wasn't going to let her go
through that by herself. Iwanted to get her to the point
where she remembered. And shefinally did. She finally did,
you know, because every day shego, where's Georgie? And I'd
(20:34):
say, Mommy, he died. What?
Nobody told me,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (20:40):
Oh no!
Susie Singer Carter (20:40):
Why didn't I go to the funeral? Mommy, you
were at the funeral. Look, and Ihad made it like, you know, a
memorial brochure, and so Iwould show it to her. She'd go,
Oh, okay. Took me about twoweeks. Finally, after two weeks,
I said, Where's George? I said,think, and she goes, he died.
Bingo. And that was it never,she didn't ask me again. So, you
(21:03):
know, there are ways to to getmemories to stick right and and
when they're important, becauseif they're not important, who
cares? You know, during COVID, Ihad a, I had another group that
we we called Memories are so soyesterday. Who cares? Because we
(21:24):
put so much currency and stockon memory. And really, what?
One, one thing. And I thinkyou'll notice this. You will
discover this. And so will you?
Stephanie, is that I thinkAlzheimer's throws you into the
ultimate state of Zen, becauseyou really are focused on now,
because you don't want it. Youdon't, you know your memories
are get a little hazy. Ofyesterday. You don't really
(21:46):
think about the future, so youreally focus on now. And that's
really what's important, is now,
Don Priess (21:53):
And making now the best, yeah? Making, yeah.
Stephanie, when you watched themovie, did it? What? How did it
affect you? Did you feel like,oh, that's, I mean, did it, I'll
just ask, how did it affect youin any way as you were watching
it, or make you think aboutanything in particular? Did it
give you a positive outlook? Or,how did, how did that affect
(22:13):
you?
Richard James (22:14):
Actually, I'll just, I didn't want her to
watch. Oh, okay. Okay.Yeah.Shewill now, but
Don Priess (22:24):
I understand.
Richard James (22:25):
Yeah. I didn't know how she would Yeah, take
it,
Don Priess (22:28):
yes. I totally understand that yes. And
Susie Singer Carter (22:31):
Oh I would love if you do watch it, I would
absolutely love to hear what youthink about it, because
although, listen, we all, youknow, Don's, Mommy has
Parkinson's, and she's beengoing through hallucinations,
right? And it's scary for her,because she not only is she
going through hallucinations,she knows she's going through
(22:52):
while it's happening. So and Iand I liken that to my mom in
the movie Richard is where mymom knew she had Alzheimer's,
and she knew when she wasgetting agitated and when and
she she was straddling thefence, right? And so it was so
frustrating to her not to beable to control that part. But
(23:14):
then, but, you know, and wantingto really understand it. But
then also, like telling me, asyou saw,
this is, this is what it is,girl, and one day, you know, you
got to put me away as a joke,she said, And I, of course,
joked back and said, Oh, you'regoing, don't, don't worry about
(23:34):
that. You know, you're not readyyet, but, you know, but she so
it was like, it was, it's,it's, it's, it's anything with
life, it's, it's, it's justacknowledging what, what the
truth is, and the new normal,and then moving on and, and,
and, you know, and I and, aswith any other disability, when
you lose one, others getheightened, which I wanted to
(23:55):
show at the end, which is what,what prompted The whole film was
that this beautiful, these threedisparate people, you know,
really lifted each other at theend, right? Yeah, that was well
done. Yeah, it's just abeautiful story, and you can't
make that out. And my mom beingmommy, always being mommy, with
this six foot tall, you know,gorgeous, you know, transgender
(24:19):
woman, and just went into mommymode and is like, now, you knock
that off right now.
So, you know, I just thought,there you go. That's and that's
her cognitive, that's hercognitive, that's her emotional
reserve. Was my mom. So whenpush came to shove, my mom's
emotional reserve was alwaysthere,
(24:41):
right? And that's, that's so, sojust to tell you, and I know I
get that you under have such agreat understanding of this,
Stephanie, you're so very calmabout it, which I think is
beautiful and and I think thatyou're a great, very, a great
spokesperson for.
For this disease, because you'rejust going on and doing what you
(25:04):
do and you see, and I'm, I don'tknow, I don't know you, but I'm
proud of you, and I think thatit's a beautiful thing and an
important and because you got alot of life to live,got lots of
things to do!
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (25:18):
No driving, though there's no
driving
Susie Singer Carter (25:21):
That's ok
Don Priess (25:23):
driving is overrated.
Susie Singer Carter (25:28):
Yeah, it's nice. So you get see, you get
chauffeured around. Who cares?
Don Priess (25:31):
You can relax.
Richard James (25:33):
I just love driving her everywhere,
Susie Singer Carter (25:36):
don't you, Richard?
Richard James (25:37):
I do, yeah,
Don Priess (25:41):
well, I'm glad to hear that you're still dancing,
and music and dance is stillpart of your life, because I
think that's so important tokeep that part of your mind, you
know, because music is somethingyou can always tap into for
sure, dancing, you know, isgreat for cognitive you know,
it's wonderful. Do you find thatyour
Susie Singer Carter (26:00):
It's the best.
Don Priess (26:01):
Yeah. Do you find that those you know that's it's
still no problem right now. Arethere times where you've like,
I'm not sure what, where to gowith this, or you're finding
that's still something you cantap into and have no issues?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (26:14):
Yeah?
Richard James (26:15):
With the dancing?
Don Priess (26:16):
yeah?
Richard James (26:17):
Oh yeah. Oh no. I mean, we were dancing last
night. Couldn't believe howwell, well we were doing. Yeah,
yeah, no, it's still working.
Great. Yeah,
Susie Singer Carter (26:24):
That's great, that's great. Keep
dancing. I love it. You guys.
Can you send us videos that wecan put in the
Richard James (26:32):
Yeah? Well, we'll send the one of our team. We
actually performed it around DCa few times, so
Don Priess (26:42):
we put it in the show.
Susie Singer Carter (26:46):
All right, I'm gonna share that I competed
with, I competed with hip hop,with my group. And guess what?
We won. We were it was Yes, andI it was like winning a freaking
Oscar. For me, I couldn't havebeen more excited because I
went, I conquered it, and I waslike, I couldn't believe it. We
were it was the most incredibleday. Anyway, yeah, yeah. Keep
(27:10):
dancing. Keep dancing. And
Don Priess (27:14):
Stephanie, do you want? Do you feel like you have
the, you know, to do any morewriting? Do you feel like you
even maybe you want to journalabout what you're going through,
anything like that? Is that asomething that you feel like you
want to do?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (27:27):
I don't really think I want to do a
journal. No.
Unknown (27:33):
Um anything creative that you want to maybe tap into.
Not so far, yeah. I mean, I havea couple of other books that I
wrote,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (27:44):
so maybe we'll see
Unknown (27:48):
one of those published.
Well, we'd love the world. Yeah,do it.
Susie Singer Carter (27:53):
You should absolutely
we interviewed one of my thefirst book that I
took on when I about Alzheimer'swas written by Greg O'Brien, who
had Alzheimer's, who was ajournalist
and on the East Coast and very,very prolific, articulate,
(28:14):
smart, witty,and he's been he's been doing
keynote speaking all over theworld since he was diagnosed,
his mother had it, and hecontinues to write, because
that's his cognitive reserve.
That's where I learned aboutcognitive reserve was from Greg
andhe did write a book about his
(28:36):
journey, but that's because he'sa journalist. That's what he
did, right? And so, and I foundit extraordinary interviewing
him, because he was very he hadbeen living with it for years,
and I couldn't tell he hadanything wrong cognitively at
all. And he said, I said, How? Idon't believe you have it.
(28:58):
You're lying. I don't believeit. And he said, I write
everything down. Everything asit happens, I write it down. I'm
just sharing that with you.
Stephanie, maybe that you know,just like it's important, maybe
just write it down. I forget.
But he he was in can uncannyabout that, right? Don Oh, yeah,
absolutely. And he was aware,and he would write about even,
(29:19):
how, whatever it felt like atthe time, you know, things like
that was helped him,
Don Priess (29:26):
you know. And it, it was interesting, because we, you
know, so we have questions tosay, Wait, do you understand,
like, if you're going through alittle bout of something where
you're not education, remember,yeah, do you remember that? Do
you remember even doing it, orhow do you felt during it? And I
don't know if you've had, youknow, yeah, and he did, he did.
And he that's he did. He didbecause he wrote it down. That's
(29:47):
the difference. Like, I'm withyou, Stephanie, I don't want a
journal. That's just not mything. Like I'm bored with
myself. Like I don't care. Idon't really, don't. I know it's
supposed to be there, verytherapeutic. And I.
Susie Singer Carter (30:00):
But it's just, it's not my thing. You
know, I just look back at my myfew diaries that I did as a kid
and and
Don Priess (30:09):
I don't really care everyone's different. I mean,
it's like we have anotherfriends of ours, very close
friends of ours, and they, as acouple, they ran marathons all
around the world, even while youknow, and she, to this day,
diagrams early, early onset onset, and to continue to do her
thing doing. And that's why Ilove to hear that you're still
(30:30):
dancing and doing the things youlove, because that's going to
that that's so important foryour for your soul, for your
mind, everything so good on youAre you a dancer to Don?
That would be, yeah, that wouldbe something nobody wants to
see.
Susie Singer Carter (30:51):
He's a great watcher. I can't tell you
this though, I will show him myvideos every time and and he
knows everything. Like he'll go,Oh, you did that turn really
well. Or he'll go, Oh, I sawyou. And he'll, he'll notice
every little detail. So you, hehas a very good appreciation for
it. So I have to give himprofit. Yeah, it just doesn't go
from here down to my feet. Itdoesn't work.
(31:13):
Don is six foot three, and hehas, I call him the tin man,
because he is like, he I should,like, he needs an oil can. He's
like,
Unknown (31:23):
Yeah,
Don Priess (31:25):
yeah, yeah. So dance No,
Susie Singer Carter (31:28):
no, but you do, but you're very good. You're
a very good audience. I could doother things. And connoisseur,
yeah, yeah, yeah. He does otherthings very well. We'll be right
back.
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Peter isfann photography.com sothe book is for children. Where
can we get the book? Where canpeople find it anywhere, Amazon,
Barnes and Noble target, all thedifferent places. What's the
(32:45):
gist of the story? I know, but Iwant to hear it from you. Well,
the blue footed booby likes togo places. He doesn't want to
sit at home. He wants to go allover the place. So, you know, he
has adventures. Yeah, right,right, yeah. So he's a happy
bird.
Richard James (33:06):
Got it so. So basically, if he wasn't
traveling, he'd be, he wouldn'tbe, he wouldn't be happy. Is
what? Right? He would be veryunhappy. Yes, and dancing. He
travels all over the countrylooking for romance and dancing.
There's some dancing in theretoo. And in the end, he gets
homesick, and he realizes Homeis where I'd rather be.
(33:31):
And he goes home. He fly the doggoes islands, he tours the
United States, and then he getshomesick, and he goes back to
the Galapagos Islands. Nice.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (33:44):
I've done all 50 states myself. So,
Don Priess (33:46):
oh, wow,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (33:49):
yep,
Don Priess (33:50):
that's amazing.
a good booby
Susie Singer Carter (33:51):
We always write what we know. We write
what we know. That's the mostpowerful. I love it. I love it.
anything...and a good booby!I love the title, because I love
a good alliteration, and I like
Richard James (34:04):
People always scxratch their head...a booby
child's book.
Susie Singer Carter (34:12):
Well, I have a two year old
granddaughter who loves boobies.
I'm just telling you. Gaga, yougot boobies. Yes, I do. And
yeah.
Don Priess (34:22):
And now we have a book to share with her. Now we
have a book to share with
Susie Singer Carter (34:26):
Oh, she'll love your book. She's gonna love
it because it has the word boobyin it. Yeah? She always goes,
Oh, are those your boobies, yes.
Oh,
Richard James (34:33):
Yeah. Well, the illustrations, that's the heart.
That was a tough part that tooka long time to do so the words,
she started with the words, andthen we had to get it
illustrated. And that's, that'swhat the kids like, is the
illustration,
Don Priess (34:48):
yeah, but those words, the words, inspire that
illustration. You know, anartist is going to take those
words, and that's what inspireswhat we see. So you obviously
did some very nice words,
Susie Singer Carter (35:00):
yeah, no.
And I think it's important. I
Don Priess (35:01):
Yeah.
think your message is great. AndI think, you know, I forgot, but
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (35:06):
I mean, if somebody wants to take me to
it's because I always she's verythe little ones, very much like
me, because she's veryindependent, but interested.
And, you know, she thinks sheknows more than she does, right?
But so, but she wants to knoweverything. So she's always
asking me everything, what youknow, Gaga, name, and I tell her
(35:27):
that, oh and name, oh. So she'svery and while I'm reading to
her, she points out everythingin the picture. She wants to
know what it is, and then shedoesn't forget. So it's, yeah,
books are books are reallyimportant. That's why, you know,
obviously, but I mean, I youforget when you've been, I
(35:47):
haven't been a mommy of a littlelittle kids for quite a while.
So it's interesting to watchthat process again and remember
how important it is, right? Andhow curious they are. And so we
have this, these blank slates,as you, if you will, to, like,
really give them brain, brainnutrition for their brain,
(36:08):
right, to really guide them. Soit's, it's great. So I love
that. I my mom loved to travel.
By the way, there wasn't a placeshe didn't travel to. And you
know, that was her joy, joy,joy. Joy was to travel and go
and meet and she collected art,so she went everywhere and met
artists. And that was just, youknow, so she, I understand that
(36:29):
drive to go somewhere and see,do you still want to travel?
Paris, that would be fine
Susie Singer Carter (36:43):
Yeah? Me too. Yeah, I'll go with you. Who
wouldn't?
Don Priess (36:50):
Maybe you'll write a book together.
Susie Singer Carter (36:55):
Well, this has been a joy to have you. I
really want to follow yourjourney, because I think you
guys are terrific. And I justlove, you know, the way you're
just sort of very relaxed andand going with the flow, which
is took me a very long time tolearn. You know, I started out
thinking I was super girl and Iwas going to, I was going to
(37:18):
cure this disease. I said, Mom,just sit. Don't worry. I got
this. Yeah, other people saythey tried, but I'm we got this.
And then it didn't take me toolong to figure out that I had
delusions of grandeur and thatI was going to have to figure
out another way to go throughthis. So I love how relaxed you
both are, and Stephanie, I lovethat you're allowing us to ask
(37:42):
you questions and talk about it,and you're just you know who you
are. And thank you actually, forbeing a judge and being part of
our system for so long. And Ihave such respect for that. Go,
girl, woman.
I am I'm Very excited to knowyou because of all of the things
(38:05):
you've done, very illustriousand very powerful. So continue
on being powerful. Please andenjoy. And you're very both of
you are very lucky to have eachother. You did. You obviously
met for a reason 12 years ago,and keep on dancing you're
doing. I mean, it's really beena pleasure getting to know you
(38:27):
and read about some of the stuffyou're doing. There was a lot on
your website, so now, yeah,gonna go through all of it and
see some of the other movies.
But, boy, keep doing what you'redoing. It's really helpful for
all of us. Oh, thank you. Thatmakes me. That puts wind in my
sails. Thank you, because I getyou never know where we live in
(38:47):
little like you know our silos,so it's hard to know sometimes
if you're reaching people. Sothank you. I appreciate that
very, very much, very much.
Yeah, and I, I again. Thank you.
Thank you for coming on. Thankyou for being so open and
transparent. And it's, it's, ittruly does make me feel so good,
(39:07):
and warms my heart today, andthat you will trust us with your
story and allowing us to pryinto your private life, you
know.So what else is thereanything we miss that? You
wanted to say
Richard James (39:22):
No, just happy that we had this opportunity to
be just funny how we got there.
We do a book, and then they'rethe ones that told us about you.
And yes, we are. So
Susie Singer Carter (39:33):
yeah! takes a village.
Don Priess (39:35):
It takes a village, and it also takes love. And you
know, you know why it takeslove? Well, that's because
Susie Singer Carter (39:40):
Why Don?
Don Priess (39:41):
Well, I'll tell you, love is powerful. Love is
contagious, and love conquersall. We thank everybody for
coming by today, watching,listening. If you like what you
saw or heard, please subscribeand share and do all those fun
things and. Definitely check outthe book. We'll have all that
(40:02):
information in the show notesthe blue footed booby blues, woo
hooand and thank you, and wewill definitely be seeing you
next time
Susie Singer Carter (40:14):
Absolutley, bye, bye. Everybody. Love you.
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Don Priess (41:30):
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gadgets for dementia, you.
When the world has got you down, Alzheimer's sucks.
It's an equal opportunitydisease that chips away at
everything we hold dear and todate, there's no cure. So until
there is, we continue to fightwith the most powerful tool in
our arsenal, love. This is loveconquers all, a real and really
(00:22):
positive podcast that takes adeep dive into everything,
Alzheimer's, The Good, The Badand everything in between. And
now here are your hosts, Susiesinger Carter and me, Don
Priess,
Susie Singer Carter (00:39):
hi everybody. I'm Susie singer
Carter,
Don Priess (00:41):
and I'm Don Priess, and this is love conquers all.
Hello Susan. Happy New Year.
Happy New Year. This is thefirst show that we are recording
in 2025. Boy, what a start to ayear, huh?
Susie Singer Carter (00:56):
I know so many things we've had. We live
in Los Angeles. So you probablyhave heard about our brush fires
that have been catastrophic, andsomething we've never seen
before. It's been two weeks forus right now, but every day it's
been you discover someone elsethat you know very well that
lost their home. It's a lot toprocess. It's a lot to process a
(01:19):
good friend of ours, Harlanbull, who is also our publicist,
is lost his entire home inAltadena, his kitty and his
whole neighborhood. So it puts alot of things in perspective
too. It really does you know, ifso, what's important, what
isn't, and what you know whenyou when you sit there and
complain about stuff and say,Well, wait a minute, these
(01:42):
people and 1000s of people havejust literally lost everything,
like everything in seconds.
There wasn't a lot of time toprepare. We're not going to
dwell too much on it. But I justthink, you know, in a way, that
it's, you know, you can't, youcan't minimize it, like you
can't minimize Alzheimer's,right? You can't minimize
disease. You can't minimizeParkinson's or cancer, but what
(02:03):
we do is we pick ourselves up,and then we pull together all of
our resilience, and we lean onpeople that are there to support
us, and we get through itbecause there's no other
alternative. You have to getthrough it. So you have to make
it the best it can be, even ifit's devastating, right? And you
have to figure out what whatthose priorities and how they
(02:23):
change and and to tie it intoAlzheimer's, I always say this,
that you know priorities changeall the time, right? So you have
these, these bars that you wantto reach in your life, and
you've got all these like plansand your checklist and all that
stuff. Well, that's all great,but those things change in a
minute, in a second, and so youhave to figure out, how are you
(02:47):
going to deal with that pivot?
How are you going to deal with,you know, all of these, what I
call getting sucker punched, youknow? And you can either just
lay down in a fetal position, oryou you brush yourself off. I
mean, you'll get in the fetalposition for a minute, and then
you brush yourself off, and youfigure out how to make a new
(03:08):
normal, and without minimizingit, without, you know, being, as
some of my colleagues call it,toxically positive, that's also
another, just another way toavoid the truth. We have to
embrace the truth, whatever itis, if you've lost your home, if
you have a disease, whatever itis. And now, how do you navigate
that in the best way? Because mymom taught me this all along her
(03:31):
journey. No matter what life isprecious. Life is is a gift, and
we need to take the advantage ofthe time that we have, even if
it's just, you know, a littlemoment of joy here and there.
You know, whatever it is, it'sfinding the best. Yeah, we have
two great guests today too, whoknow how to to seize the moment
(03:52):
keep things going. So why don'tyou introduce them?
Don Priess (03:55):
Donald, I'll do that right now. Stephanie Duncan
Peters is a retired District ofColumbia superior court judge
that spent close to 20 years onthe bench. She was an
appointment by George H W Bushand confirmed by the Senate in
1992. Throughout her illustriouscareer, Judge Duncan Peters has
been active in the District ofColumbia bar and the community.
(04:18):
She has worked as a volunteer atthe hospice unit at the
Washington home and friends ofthe National Symphony and other
community groups. Stephanie hasrecently published a children's
book called The Blue footedbooby blues, a harmonious tale
that will have readers tappingtheir feet to the rhythm. She
wrote the words back when shewas a sitting judge, and now
(04:38):
it's available everywhere forkids and families to enjoy. Now,
Stephanie is embarking on a newchallenge, as she has been
diagnosed with Alzheimer's.
Today, she and her husbandRichard James will share their
experiences and challenges asthey travel their new journey
together. So without furtherado, let's say hello to
Stephanie, Duncan Peters andRichard James.
Susie Singer Carter (05:00):
Hello, Stephanie and Richard, hello.
Nice to be here. We're veryhappy to have you, and happy to
read the blue footed boobyblues, which I love the title,
Stephanie, how are you today?
Good, good. You have anillustrious background. My gosh,
I want to just talk politicswith you, but we won't get into
(05:21):
that,considering what today is, you
know, the 21st of January. Youcan figure that out anyway. Wow.
What an illustrious backgroundyou have, besides being now a
published author, which feelsgreat, I'm sure. Yeah, feels
good. You hadn't written beforethis. How did you get inspired
(05:44):
to write?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (05:47):
Well, as a lawyer, you're always writing,
yeah, and I love to read,so, and I love to travel, so I
don't know. I just kind of gotinto this with the Galapagos
Islands, because I was like, Oh,this is a cool place like to go
there one day,
Susie Singer Carter (06:08):
wonderful, but it, but it's interesting
that you it's for children. Youryour book, right? Yeah, yeah,
yeah
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (06:16):
. So, yeah, I'm not writing, like any
big books, you know, that foradults or anything like that,
yeah, right, yeah.
Susie Singer Carter (06:24):
Which is fun, because Don and I started
off in children's programming,which we loved. We loved it so
much. I know I did. I loved it,and, you know, working with the
pre teens, and it was, you know,so much fun. I it's when I
realized I loved directing kids,and I just had a smile on my
face the whole time. It was justfun.
Don Priess (06:46):
Did you have children in mind? Did you have
your own children or otherpeople's children or grandkids?
Or was there any children inmind when you wrote it?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (06:53):
No, not in particular, for all kids,
Susie Singer Carter (06:57):
for all kids, and how I was going to
talk about the music.
Don Priess (07:03):
That's exactly where I was going. So
Susie Singer Carter (07:06):
of course, get out of my head. Okay, so,
yeah, it's the, it's the boobyblues. But so why the blues and
why music is there? Is thatsomething that you dabbled in
before you just happen to loveit, or just was arbitrary? How
did, how did that work into thestory?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (07:23):
Well, I had at one point seen this video
of the blue footed boobies doingtheir dance, and Richard and I
met dancing.So anyway, reallythought it was pretty cool, and
(07:44):
it took me a while, but I wasable to write the book. And
Susie Singer Carter (07:47):
I love that. I love that Stephanie,
because, guess what, I alsoshare dancing with you that is
my drug of choice. I dance everyweek, like at probably four
times a week five times if Ican, if I'm lucky, and I adore
it. I just adore it like Ithink, I think I'm a frustrated
(08:09):
professional dancer withoutgetting paid. Yeah, without
getting paid, yeah. My nextlife, I will come back as a true
dancer, but boy, I really dolove it. I highly recommend it
to everybody. Do you guys stilldance? Yeah, we do great. What
(08:29):
do you dance? What kind ofdancing do you do?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (08:33):
Well, now we do, like some kind of
disco dancing. Sometimes--
Richard James (08:37):
we met doing the hustle. There was a local
instructor who put together alittle team for a beginner,
intermediate level. And we bothjoined the team, and that's what
we weren't partners in the team,but that's where we met. But it
was doing the hustle. We boththe hustle was kind of like our
favorite one, the West Coast,swing.
Susie Singer Carter (08:58):
I love it.
I love love love it. Well, Istarted doing hip hopand so, and
I was like, I was so intimidatedby this class, and I would walk
by it all the time and go, Icould never do that. And then a
couple of my friends were inthere and they said, Come on,
you could do it. You could doit. But anyway, I still do it,
and it's my addiction. So we'revery simpatico that way, and I
(09:21):
love a guy that'll dance,Richard,
Richard James (09:26):
It's a lot of fun. I've always enjoyed it.
Susie Singer Carter (09:30):
I love it.
I love it is there's nothingbetter, right? It's so joyful.
Before we jump into yourAlzheimer's Stephanie, I'm
interested. I'm looking at yourbio. You were a volunteer at the
hospice unit of Washington home,and Don and I are doing a
documentary currently called NoCountry for Old people, and it's
(09:51):
really about the broken systemof our long term care and.
Home and a hospice, and mymother got caught up into it
three years ago, and it wasshocking for me, and I decided
to do a documentary motivated byby what I saw and working with
(10:15):
which you'll like. This a formerfederal prosecutor, Rick
MountCastle, who was a AttorneyGeneral in Virginia and federal
prosecutor, who prosecutedpharmaceuticals, and was the
main prosecutor against Purduepharma for their marketing of
(10:36):
Oxycontin. There was a miniseries called dope sick on Hulu,
but he also federally prosecutednursing homes for fraud for over
20 years and never saw anychange, right? So it is so I
find it very interesting thatyou were volunteering at
hospice, which you probably knowwe talk about in our
(10:59):
documentary, has become very bigbus iness.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (11:02):
Well, it was really good that I
volunteered there, because whenmy mom got sick, I was able to
bring her in right away, right?
Oh, and stay with her for likethree days until she passed
away. So, yeah. So that wasreally good, right, right? It
pays to be a volunteer. Oh,yeah, yeah, yeah,
Susie Singer Carter (11:24):
good, yeah.
I think volunteering is, is, isreally such a there's nothing
more rewarding to me, like beingable to go, you know, once I
started getting involved in thatcommunity because of my mom, it
really changed who I was andchanged how I saw life really,
you know, and but let's talkabout Alzheimer's. Since we are,
(11:47):
Love Conquers Alz, and you twoare, you know, really the poster
children for for love conquersall. Because Stephanie, you were
diagnosed. How long ago were youdiagnosed with Alzheimer's?
Richard James (12:06):
Well, we first noticed something about three
years ago. It was actually hersister in law told me, said,
Richard something's Stephanieand I met about 12 years ago. So
we've married for 10 years. So,you know, I didn't know her when
she was 30 and 40 and 50 yearsright? So the sister in law
brought it to my attention, butI didn't really see anything
(12:27):
wrong. And then it was probablyabout a year and a half ago, a
couple things happened that I'mlike, Yeah, something's not
right here. So that's when westarted the journey of trying to
find out what was wrong. And Imean, you know, the process is
one doctor, neurologist, anotherdiagnosis, until finally, we got
a diagnosis about a year ago.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (12:49):
But, um, you know, I have a friend who
has Alzheimer's, and he's passedaway now, but we, before I knew
anything about my havingAlzheimer's, whole group of us
that we were all had been liketogether in law school. We did
(13:12):
this walk. We do this walk everyyear for him, yeah. SoI kind of,
I guess, because of that, Imean, I'm not like, so, you
know, completely out of whack.
Because,
Susie Singer Carter (13:28):
right?
Yeah,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (13:29):
he was really smart, and he was Harvard
law professor and everything,right? And he got Alzheimer's.
So, you know, it's an equalopportunity.
Susie Singer Carter (13:38):
I was, You took the words right out of my
mouth. Stephanie, I was justabout to say exactly those
words. It's equal opportunity.
And you know what I find afterinterviewing different people
who are living with Alzheimer'sand living with it, I mean that,
you know, in the best way thereis what's called a cognitive
reserve, right? And you being alaw professional and being a
(14:01):
writer, and having those, thoseskills imprinted on you so, so
indelibly that you that is yourcognitive reserve. Like my
mother's cognitive reserve washer music. So she right, so that
that made, she maintained thatall through her life, and, and I
believe that you will maintainthat part of you as well. And I
(14:24):
think you probably saw that withyour colleague and your friend,
right? Yeah, see, that's what'sso amazing, because you you got
to share his journey, like yousaid, and, and it made and it
took a lot of the mystery awayfrom it. And like you said, it
hasn't devastated you,right? And I think that's what's
(14:47):
so important about you coming ontoday and sharing your story,
because you're just sittingthere and very nonplussed about
it, right? You're in a way, andI know that sure you don't. Want
it. Nobody wants it. I fear it.
Because, I mean, my mom had it.
I think every time I forget aword, I'm like, Okay, get ready.
Here it comes. You know, I don'tknow it could happen tomorrow. I
(15:09):
don't know. But what I do knowis that I'm, I'm gonna be like,
you Stephanie, I'm gonna belike, Okay, I've seen it. I know
what it is. I can, you know,we're gonna do this because
everybody's,
Don Priess (15:24):
let's keep living.
Yeah, let's, let's keep living.
Because what's the alternative,you know,
Susie Singer Carter (15:30):
yeah, and Richard, you're such a joyful
human being, like, I just lovethat. You guys met only 12 years
ago, and here you are, andyou're just, like, in it you're
ride or die,right?
Richard James (15:44):
Yeah, we've got kind of a family history here. I
have two autistic nephews, andI've just watched my brothers
and their spouses, you know,take care of these kids for 20
plus years, and they really doit like it's nothing. I mean,
(16:07):
you just do it because you haveto
Susie Singer Carter (16:10):
Right, right, and it's and because you
guys are, you're a couple,you're married. And so that adds
another element, which I alwaysfind interesting, because I come
at it with my experience as adaughter and with my favorite
person in the world. You know, Iloved my mom. She was my
favorite person. She made mefeel like a million bucks, and
(16:31):
she made everybody feel like amillion bucks, and she brought
light into every room she wentinto. And I miss her terribly.
But you know what? I wasn'tgoing to miss her while she was
here. And that's the importantpart. Is that you you know what
I kept I always thought in theback of my mind, I'm so lucky
she's still here. I'm so luckyshe's still here, and I just
(16:52):
made the best of it. And, youknow, and you will always be
here, like all of it, it's justin adifferent way, right?
Richard James (17:00):
Wow, that's really well put.
Susie Singer Carter (17:02):
I mean, it's so true. It's so true. And
I love that you guys are doingthis together. I'm always so
impressed by by couples, whetheryou're married or not, who are
just taking it on and and, youknow, going through life, and
you are, you know, I always mymom. My mother was my mother's
(17:24):
husband. My stepdad was 12 yearsolder than my mom, George.
George did never had cognitiveissues. He was 12 years older,
but he started to lose hiseyesight. He started to lose his
hearing. He's ended up in awheelchair. And my mother was
perfectly healthy, physically,like, you know, just a pistol
and nothing wrong with theirears. And so she was the ears
(17:46):
and eyes. He was the memory. Andtogether, they made a perfect
person,right? And, and they werea team. They were such a great
team, you know. And, and I thinkthat's beautiful. So I love
that.
What can I and you can tell me,if you don't want to answer
this, what scares you the most?
Richard?
Richard James (18:10):
Well, the unknown of what might be coming, because
I don't really know what'scoming. I say watching your
movie last night was like, Okay,you start to see there's going
to be more to this. That's whatworries me a little bit. The one
lucky thing, I'll say realquick, was because when we were
(18:31):
trying to figure out what wasgoing on, I didn't know what to
do. I didn't know who to turnto, what to do. And it's just
funny, through playingpickleball. I ran into a guy,
but I went to high school withthat I didn't know in high
school with 50 years later,because we had a big class. 50
years later, I meet this guy,and we get to know each other.
(18:54):
We play the same level, so I seethem all the time, and little by
little, get to know him. And Isaid, Well, Bob, what did you do
for your whole career. He said,Well, you know, I used to run
these group homes. I owned abunch of group homes, and we
took care of Alzheimer'spatients. And I'm like, Whoa,
wait a minute, Alzheimer'sdementia. And I was like, Well,
this guy might be able to helpme. And sure enough, I started
(19:17):
telling him about what I wasgoing through. And he said, Oh,
Richard, call this woman, Mary,compassionate care. Man,
everything changed.
Susie Singer Carter (19:28):
Awww. It, it's like, my like our partner
Rick Mont Castle says there's nocoincidences. Like, that's
incredible. That's that's justwhat you needed when you needed
it.
Richard James (19:42):
So we got a huge support group in front of us,
which is great. Now we'remeeting you and
Susie Singer Carter (19:50):
well, count us in, count us in, and throw my
hat in the ring. I am. I love, Ilove what you guys are doing. I
love that you're just moving onand. And, you know, every day is
a new normal. Every day.
Sometimes it's like, you know, Iwould it's interesting just to
share with you a little bitabout my experiences that with
my mom, because she lived withme in the movie that you
(20:11):
watched. That was the year shelived with me. And right after
my stepdad died, because she washaving what, you know,
Groundhogs Day, she keptforgetting that Georgie had
died, and I was I was going to,I wasn't going to let her go
through that by herself. Iwanted to get her to the point
where she remembered. And shefinally did. She finally did,
you know, because every day shego, where's Georgie? And I'd
(20:34):
say, Mommy, he died. What?
Nobody told me,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (20:40):
Oh no!
Susie Singer Carter (20:40):
Why didn't I go to the funeral? Mommy, you
were at the funeral. Look, and Ihad made it like, you know, a
memorial brochure, and so Iwould show it to her. She'd go,
Oh, okay. Took me about twoweeks. Finally, after two weeks,
I said, Where's George? I said,think, and she goes, he died.
Bingo. And that was it never,she didn't ask me again. So, you
(21:03):
know, there are ways to to getmemories to stick right and and
when they're important, becauseif they're not important, who
cares? You know, during COVID, Ihad a, I had another group that
we we called Memories are so soyesterday. Who cares? Because we
(21:24):
put so much currency and stockon memory. And really, what?
One, one thing. And I thinkyou'll notice this. You will
discover this. And so will you?
Stephanie, is that I thinkAlzheimer's throws you into the
ultimate state of Zen, becauseyou really are focused on now,
because you don't want it. Youdon't, you know your memories
are get a little hazy. Ofyesterday. You don't really
(21:46):
think about the future, so youreally focus on now. And that's
really what's important, is now,
Don Priess (21:53):
And making now the best, yeah? Making, yeah.
Stephanie, when you watched themovie, did it? What? How did it
affect you? Did you feel like,oh, that's, I mean, did it, I'll
just ask, how did it affect youin any way as you were watching
it, or make you think aboutanything in particular? Did it
give you a positive outlook? Or,how did, how did that affect
(22:13):
you?
Richard James (22:14):
Actually, I'll just, I didn't want her to
watch. Oh, okay. Okay.Yeah.Shewill now, but
Don Priess (22:24):
I understand.
Richard James (22:25):
Yeah. I didn't know how she would Yeah, take
it,
Don Priess (22:28):
yes. I totally understand that yes. And
Susie Singer Carter (22:31):
Oh I would love if you do watch it, I would
absolutely love to hear what youthink about it, because
although, listen, we all, youknow, Don's, Mommy has
Parkinson's, and she's beengoing through hallucinations,
right? And it's scary for her,because she not only is she
going through hallucinations,she knows she's going through
(22:52):
while it's happening. So and Iand I liken that to my mom in
the movie Richard is where mymom knew she had Alzheimer's,
and she knew when she wasgetting agitated and when and
she she was straddling thefence, right? And so it was so
frustrating to her not to beable to control that part. But
(23:14):
then, but, you know, and wantingto really understand it. But
then also, like telling me, asyou saw,
this is, this is what it is,girl, and one day, you know, you
got to put me away as a joke,she said, And I, of course,
joked back and said, Oh, you'regoing, don't, don't worry about
(23:34):
that. You know, you're not readyyet, but, you know, but she so
it was like, it was, it's,it's, it's, it's anything with
life, it's, it's, it's justacknowledging what, what the
truth is, and the new normal,and then moving on and, and,
and, you know, and I and, aswith any other disability, when
you lose one, others getheightened, which I wanted to
(23:55):
show at the end, which is what,what prompted The whole film was
that this beautiful, these threedisparate people, you know,
really lifted each other at theend, right? Yeah, that was well
done. Yeah, it's just abeautiful story, and you can't
make that out. And my mom beingmommy, always being mommy, with
this six foot tall, you know,gorgeous, you know, transgender
(24:19):
woman, and just went into mommymode and is like, now, you knock
that off right now.
So, you know, I just thought,there you go. That's and that's
her cognitive, that's hercognitive, that's her emotional
reserve. Was my mom. So whenpush came to shove, my mom's
emotional reserve was alwaysthere,
(24:41):
right? And that's, that's so, sojust to tell you, and I know I
get that you under have such agreat understanding of this,
Stephanie, you're so very calmabout it, which I think is
beautiful and and I think thatyou're a great, very, a great
spokesperson for.
For this disease, because you'rejust going on and doing what you
(25:04):
do and you see, and I'm, I don'tknow, I don't know you, but I'm
proud of you, and I think thatit's a beautiful thing and an
important and because you got alot of life to live,got lots of
things to do!
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (25:18):
No driving, though there's no
driving
Susie Singer Carter (25:21):
That's ok
Don Priess (25:23):
driving is overrated.
Susie Singer Carter (25:28):
Yeah, it's nice. So you get see, you get
chauffeured around. Who cares?
Don Priess (25:31):
You can relax.
Richard James (25:33):
I just love driving her everywhere,
Susie Singer Carter (25:36):
don't you, Richard?
Richard James (25:37):
I do, yeah,
Don Priess (25:41):
well, I'm glad to hear that you're still dancing,
and music and dance is stillpart of your life, because I
think that's so important tokeep that part of your mind, you
know, because music is somethingyou can always tap into for
sure, dancing, you know, isgreat for cognitive you know,
it's wonderful. Do you find thatyour
Susie Singer Carter (26:00):
It's the best.
Don Priess (26:01):
Yeah. Do you find that those you know that's it's
still no problem right now. Arethere times where you've like,
I'm not sure what, where to gowith this, or you're finding
that's still something you cantap into and have no issues?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (26:14):
Yeah?
Richard James (26:15):
With the dancing?
Don Priess (26:16):
yeah?
Richard James (26:17):
Oh yeah. Oh no. I mean, we were dancing last
night. Couldn't believe howwell, well we were doing. Yeah,
yeah, no, it's still working.
Great. Yeah,
Susie Singer Carter (26:24):
That's great, that's great. Keep
dancing. I love it. You guys.
Can you send us videos that wecan put in the
Richard James (26:32):
Yeah? Well, we'll send the one of our team. We
actually performed it around DCa few times, so
Don Priess (26:42):
we put it in the show.
Susie Singer Carter (26:46):
All right, I'm gonna share that I competed
with, I competed with hip hop,with my group. And guess what?
We won. We were it was Yes, andI it was like winning a freaking
Oscar. For me, I couldn't havebeen more excited because I
went, I conquered it, and I waslike, I couldn't believe it. We
were it was the most incredibleday. Anyway, yeah, yeah. Keep
(27:10):
dancing. Keep dancing. And
Don Priess (27:14):
Stephanie, do you want? Do you feel like you have
the, you know, to do any morewriting? Do you feel like you
even maybe you want to journalabout what you're going through,
anything like that? Is that asomething that you feel like you
want to do?
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (27:27):
I don't really think I want to do a
journal. No.
Unknown (27:33):
Um anything creative that you want to maybe tap into.
Not so far, yeah. I mean, I havea couple of other books that I
wrote,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (27:44):
so maybe we'll see
Unknown (27:48):
one of those published.
Well, we'd love the world. Yeah,do it.
Susie Singer Carter (27:53):
You should absolutely
we interviewed one of my thefirst book that I
took on when I about Alzheimer'swas written by Greg O'Brien, who
had Alzheimer's, who was ajournalist
and on the East Coast and very,very prolific, articulate,
(28:14):
smart, witty,and he's been he's been doing
keynote speaking all over theworld since he was diagnosed,
his mother had it, and hecontinues to write, because
that's his cognitive reserve.
That's where I learned aboutcognitive reserve was from Greg
andhe did write a book about his
(28:36):
journey, but that's because he'sa journalist. That's what he
did, right? And so, and I foundit extraordinary interviewing
him, because he was very he hadbeen living with it for years,
and I couldn't tell he hadanything wrong cognitively at
all. And he said, I said, How? Idon't believe you have it.
(28:58):
You're lying. I don't believeit. And he said, I write
everything down. Everything asit happens, I write it down. I'm
just sharing that with you.
Stephanie, maybe that you know,just like it's important, maybe
just write it down. I forget.
But he he was in can uncannyabout that, right? Don Oh, yeah,
absolutely. And he was aware,and he would write about even,
(29:19):
how, whatever it felt like atthe time, you know, things like
that was helped him,
Don Priess (29:26):
you know. And it, it was interesting, because we, you
know, so we have questions tosay, Wait, do you understand,
like, if you're going through alittle bout of something where
you're not education, remember,yeah, do you remember that? Do
you remember even doing it, orhow do you felt during it? And I
don't know if you've had, youknow, yeah, and he did, he did.
And he that's he did. He didbecause he wrote it down. That's
(29:47):
the difference. Like, I'm withyou, Stephanie, I don't want a
journal. That's just not mything. Like I'm bored with
myself. Like I don't care. Idon't really, don't. I know it's
supposed to be there, verytherapeutic. And I.
Susie Singer Carter (30:00):
But it's just, it's not my thing. You
know, I just look back at my myfew diaries that I did as a kid
and and
Don Priess (30:09):
I don't really care everyone's different. I mean,
it's like we have anotherfriends of ours, very close
friends of ours, and they, as acouple, they ran marathons all
around the world, even while youknow, and she, to this day,
diagrams early, early onset onset, and to continue to do her
thing doing. And that's why Ilove to hear that you're still
(30:30):
dancing and doing the things youlove, because that's going to
that that's so important foryour for your soul, for your
mind, everything so good on youAre you a dancer to Don?
That would be, yeah, that wouldbe something nobody wants to
see.
Susie Singer Carter (30:51):
He's a great watcher. I can't tell you
this though, I will show him myvideos every time and and he
knows everything. Like he'll go,Oh, you did that turn really
well. Or he'll go, Oh, I sawyou. And he'll, he'll notice
every little detail. So you, hehas a very good appreciation for
it. So I have to give himprofit. Yeah, it just doesn't go
from here down to my feet. Itdoesn't work.
(31:13):
Don is six foot three, and hehas, I call him the tin man,
because he is like, he I should,like, he needs an oil can. He's
like,
Unknown (31:23):
Yeah,
Don Priess (31:25):
yeah, yeah. So dance No,
Susie Singer Carter (31:28):
no, but you do, but you're very good. You're
a very good audience. I could doother things. And connoisseur,
yeah, yeah, yeah. He does otherthings very well. We'll be right
back.
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hire a local photographer, useyour camera, cell phone,
whatever it takes. Just do itnow for more information, visit
Peter isfann photography.com sothe book is for children. Where
can we get the book? Where canpeople find it anywhere, Amazon,
Barnes and Noble target, all thedifferent places. What's the
(32:45):
gist of the story? I know, but Iwant to hear it from you. Well,
the blue footed booby likes togo places. He doesn't want to
sit at home. He wants to go allover the place. So, you know, he
has adventures. Yeah, right,right, yeah. So he's a happy
bird.
Richard James (33:06):
Got it so. So basically, if he wasn't
traveling, he'd be, he wouldn'tbe, he wouldn't be happy. Is
what? Right? He would be veryunhappy. Yes, and dancing. He
travels all over the countrylooking for romance and dancing.
There's some dancing in theretoo. And in the end, he gets
homesick, and he realizes Homeis where I'd rather be.
(33:31):
And he goes home. He fly the doggoes islands, he tours the
United States, and then he getshomesick, and he goes back to
the Galapagos Islands. Nice.
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (33:44):
I've done all 50 states myself. So,
Don Priess (33:46):
oh, wow,
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (33:49):
yep,
Don Priess (33:50):
that's amazing.
a good booby
Susie Singer Carter (33:51):
We always write what we know. We write
what we know. That's the mostpowerful. I love it. I love it.
anything...and a good booby!I love the title, because I love
a good alliteration, and I like
Richard James (34:04):
People always scxratch their head...a booby
child's book.
Susie Singer Carter (34:12):
Well, I have a two year old
granddaughter who loves boobies.
I'm just telling you. Gaga, yougot boobies. Yes, I do. And
yeah.
Don Priess (34:22):
And now we have a book to share with her. Now we
have a book to share with
Susie Singer Carter (34:26):
Oh, she'll love your book. She's gonna love
it because it has the word boobyin it. Yeah? She always goes,
Oh, are those your boobies, yes.
Oh,
Richard James (34:33):
Yeah. Well, the illustrations, that's the heart.
That was a tough part that tooka long time to do so the words,
she started with the words, andthen we had to get it
illustrated. And that's, that'swhat the kids like, is the
illustration,
Don Priess (34:48):
yeah, but those words, the words, inspire that
illustration. You know, anartist is going to take those
words, and that's what inspireswhat we see. So you obviously
did some very nice words,
Susie Singer Carter (35:00):
yeah, no.
And I think it's important. I
Don Priess (35:01):
Yeah.
think your message is great. AndI think, you know, I forgot, but
Stephanie Duncan-Peter (35:06):
I mean, if somebody wants to take me to
it's because I always she's verythe little ones, very much like
me, because she's veryindependent, but interested.
And, you know, she thinks sheknows more than she does, right?
But so, but she wants to knoweverything. So she's always
asking me everything, what youknow, Gaga, name, and I tell her
(35:27):
that, oh and name, oh. So she'svery and while I'm reading to
her, she points out everythingin the picture. She wants to
know what it is, and then shedoesn't forget. So it's, yeah,
books are books are reallyimportant. That's why, you know,
obviously, but I mean, I youforget when you've been, I
(35:47):
haven't been a mommy of a littlelittle kids for quite a while.
So it's interesting to watchthat process again and remember
how important it is, right? Andhow curious they are. And so we
have this, these blank slates,as you, if you will, to, like,
really give them brain, brainnutrition for their brain,
(36:08):
right, to really guide them. Soit's, it's great. So I love
that. I my mom loved to travel.
By the way, there wasn't a placeshe didn't travel to. And you
know, that was her joy, joy,joy. Joy was to travel and go
and meet and she collected art,so she went everywhere and met
artists. And that was just, youknow, so she, I understand that
(36:29):
drive to go somewhere and see,do you still want to travel?
Paris, that would be fine
Susie Singer Carter (36:43):
Yeah? Me too. Yeah, I'll go with you. Who
wouldn't?
Don Priess (36:50):
Maybe you'll write a book together.
Susie Singer Carter (36:55):
Well, this has been a joy to have you. I
really want to follow yourjourney, because I think you
guys are terrific. And I justlove, you know, the way you're
just sort of very relaxed andand going with the flow, which
is took me a very long time tolearn. You know, I started out
thinking I was super girl and Iwas going to, I was going to
(37:18):
cure this disease. I said, Mom,just sit. Don't worry. I got
this. Yeah, other people saythey tried, but I'm we got this.
And then it didn't take me toolong to figure out that I had
delusions of grandeur and thatI was going to have to figure
out another way to go throughthis. So I love how relaxed you
both are, and Stephanie, I lovethat you're allowing us to ask
(37:42):
you questions and talk about it,and you're just you know who you
are. And thank you actually, forbeing a judge and being part of
our system for so long. And Ihave such respect for that. Go,
girl, woman.
I am I'm Very excited to knowyou because of all of the things
(38:05):
you've done, very illustriousand very powerful. So continue
on being powerful. Please andenjoy. And you're very both of
you are very lucky to have eachother. You did. You obviously
met for a reason 12 years ago,and keep on dancing you're
doing. I mean, it's really beena pleasure getting to know you
(38:27):
and read about some of the stuffyou're doing. There was a lot on
your website, so now, yeah,gonna go through all of it and
see some of the other movies.
But, boy, keep doing what you'redoing. It's really helpful for
all of us. Oh, thank you. Thatmakes me. That puts wind in my
sails. Thank you, because I getyou never know where we live in
(38:47):
little like you know our silos,so it's hard to know sometimes
if you're reaching people. Sothank you. I appreciate that
very, very much, very much.
Yeah, and I, I again. Thank you.
Thank you for coming on. Thankyou for being so open and
transparent. And it's, it's, ittruly does make me feel so good,
(39:07):
and warms my heart today, andthat you will trust us with your
story and allowing us to pryinto your private life, you
know.So what else is thereanything we miss that? You
wanted to say
Richard James (39:22):
No, just happy that we had this opportunity to
be just funny how we got there.
We do a book, and then they'rethe ones that told us about you.
And yes, we are. So
Susie Singer Carter (39:33):
yeah! takes a village.
Don Priess (39:35):
It takes a village, and it also takes love. And you
know, you know why it takeslove? Well, that's because
Susie Singer Carter (39:40):
Why Don?
Don Priess (39:41):
Well, I'll tell you, love is powerful. Love is
contagious, and love conquersall. We thank everybody for
coming by today, watching,listening. If you like what you
saw or heard, please subscribeand share and do all those fun
things and. Definitely check outthe book. We'll have all that
(40:02):
information in the show notesthe blue footed booby blues, woo
hooand and thank you, and wewill definitely be seeing you
next time
Susie Singer Carter (40:14):
Absolutley, bye, bye. Everybody. Love you.
Angela Fairhurst (40:24):
I'm Angela Fairhurst, founder of Jerry
gadgets, a revolutionarysolution for dementia care,
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