Court of Bullywogs | The Wild Beyond EP5 | D&D5e Actual Play - Love Death & Dice

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello everybody! Welcome back to Love, Death and Dice. This is episode 6, Downfall.

(00:05):
I will be your humble dungeon master, Turk!
And I'm here with three of the best dang-hole lads in the whole lad-ad-ad-lad-verse.
Hello lads!
Hello, hello, Turkie!
Hello, Connor!
Hello!
Don't all go at once now.
Oh wait, we're doing the thing?

(00:25):
Hello everybody! My name's Connor and I'm playing Ryder Van Gritter, the fairy guy.
Hell yeah!
Next!
Hi, I'm Proteus! I'm playing Violet Phem's, the tiefling paladin!
Hello.
Hello! I'm Fishy, I'm back from vacation, I'm very excited to get back to it!

(00:48):
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
And I'm Turkie, thank you guys for being here. And you guys are the court of chaos down there in chat.
Thank you so much for being here and being fucking awesome!
And we are going to run the intro!
It's time to get into the mood of the wild beyond.

(01:09):
In a realm where whimsy reigns supreme, the witchlike carnival lights up our dreams.
Yes, magic carnival, its tents so grand, inside a way to the Feywild land.
But secrets lurk, neath its merry band, we must unravel its mysteries hand in hand.

(01:31):
Through forests deep and fields of gold, in search of truths both young and old.
Fairies fly and tales unfold, adventure awaits for the brave and bold.
Whimsy and wonder laugh and cheer, but shadows linger and whisper smear.

(01:52):
Through twists and turns and paths unclear, the wild beyond where magics deal.
So gather your courage, don't delay, embark on this whimsical journey they say.
Where every step leads a different way to the wild beyond, come and play.

(02:30):
And that's usually when the PP show would play, but there's no PP show today.
So we're going to recap a little bit together.
They're fucking okay hold on now wait a minute nobody wants to see rabbit cock on this day.
Well maybe they do.
I don't make that judgment for them.
Also Deon rated hi Deon.
Hi it's Deon.
Hi.
How are you doing today?

(02:52):
Is that Damien?
Oh he's so cool.
Damien's so cool.
Y'all don't wear your foreskins on your fingers like rings?
That seems like a missed opportunity. You lose beef skin you keep it with you always.
My brain is seizing.
What is going on right now?
What we're going to do is we're going to do a recap and we're going to do it round robin baby.

(03:12):
So we're each going to take turns kind of telling about what has happened.
It's been a couple weeks so I think this is actually a good exercise for us to do because
we've been on our own little sabbatical you know what I'm saying.
So I'm gonna start and you guys were in the carnival and then you found a way to get into the
Feywild right at which point you kind of learned some things and eventually made it to a nice little

(03:32):
tavern where you rested and learned some things about yourself.
And then what happened after that Reiner?
Well I think after the tavern there was like a little guinea pig that wanted to follow me along
because he'd spent all night in my ass.
So like I left the guinea pig behind because you know I'm like not attached in that way to love.

(03:54):
And we started roaming around.
I think we found like the castle thing.
The castle with the guy in it and he's like a spider and he has no thumbs.
Oh yeah that happened before that when you rescued the fairy dragon named Sir Talivar.
Oh yeah so we were in we were in wait no.

(04:19):
Yes okay yeah yeah this was this was the fairy dragon.
Okay yeah yeah this was this was later.
You do not realize I don't I'm not good at remembering you know all the things but
so we did that we go to tavern I had some awesome sex and then we are like roaming
through there and then for the life of me I can't remember what happened.

(04:40):
Do you guys know what happened after we left?
Oh yeah then we went and saw this little goblin lady and she had keys all over the place so we
could unlock Sir Talivar and then she told us that she was afraid to go outside because
these bunny rabbits were harassing her a mighty bunch so we told her we go take care of it for
her.
Do you remember the rest of Hishi?

(05:00):
I mean I mean Dr. Hopps.
I think so I think we went over to the helikons and we were like hey step off dudes and did you
hit him with the secret helikon handshake?
And then uh I think we all just kind of f**ked off.
No then you actually you captured the harangun leader Agdon.

(05:22):
You grabbed him by the scarf and you captured him which just completely embarrassed him in
front of his whole crew so his crew abandoned him and then you tied up Agdon and you guys
intimidated the s**t out of him.
Violet went on this whole speech about how her granddaddy taught her how to skin a rabbit
and Reiner was just yelling at him about how the big red lady was going to chop his balls off if
he did anything wrong ever again and he agreed.

(05:47):
So on this giant stump at their hideout you guys decided to make camp.
Reiner found some food for you guys to eat and you guys ate some carrots and stuff like that
and we ended off the night with Violet actually getting a visit from their Feywild visitor.
How did that go Violet?
It went pretty well they told me to stay the course and that things weren't as they seemed

(06:08):
and that my harangun friend I assume in Dr. Hypes knows more about this land that he may not know
yet and and he was real chill smoking a blunt and we watched the stars.
Hell yeah.
His name's Tokibara.
Tokibara? He's a Capybara.

(06:35):
Yeah that's it so we return now to our story you three as you guys wake up after a long night of
camping. As you wake up you can see Agdon leaning over the embers of the fire his hands still clasped
behind his back and he's just staring at the embers.
Hey,

(06:57):
morning Agdon.
Rabbit person.
Rabbit person.
Yes yeah.
Huh?
Agdon is that your name Agdon?
Yes.
You know where we might find some breakfast around here?
Breakfast?

(07:19):
Is that your first thought when you wake up?
Well no my first thought is like wow morning wood is like you know great tall today and then the
second thought is like oh man my ass hurts I wonder why is that and and then like my third
thought is like breakfast so yeah.
Okay well it looks to me like what did you guys actually you went searching for food last time

(07:40):
do you remember what you found?
No I mean I know I know I remember the sunflowers I found for the goblin
lady but I don't remember what I found for food last night.
Okay.
You found a pot pie and you took a little bit and I ate the rest of it.
It was a whole ass pot pie wasn't it?

(08:02):
Yeah.
Yay.
That's so fucking funny dude. Okay so if you actually want to search from food you can go on
ahead and roll me a survival and you can do it with the
advantage because he'll kind of point the way for you.
Rolling a survival.

(08:24):
Yeah.
I'm looking for like the more vegetarian type stuff like berries and beets.
Oh dude there's still barrels of carrots left over you're at a harangoon camp.
This is a 50 degree.
You have nothing to worry about.
I did right?
Yeah.
How did you, didn't I sleep on the pile of carrots?
You did.
Yeah.
Now come and get back to me now.

(08:44):
Yeah you did.
Reiner that's a success my friend.
Go on ahead and also roll me a d8.
Beer pie.
Hi what's up Jack how's it going?
That's my dad.
Everybody say hi dad.

(09:04):
That's my real life dad.
Hello dad.
That means my mother's also here.
Everybody say hi mom.
My real parents are here.
Hello mother.
Hi mom.
They're watching us on the tv's.
I imagine so.
Yeah.

(09:25):
Fish dad's regular dad.
Well I can't say the dad here in the story because that guy's a villain.
True.
Very true.
Okay so on a two Reiner moving back to this food here you actually find a little
little bushel of mint.

(09:45):
They look like tiny like three leaf clovers but they actually have magical properties.
You know of the magical properties but you might not know exactly what they do.
But I have a hankerin that if you roll me a medicine check you might remember.
It's a salt medicine check?

(10:07):
This is a six.
I don't think I remember.
You've got no idea.
But you know that they're good nutrients for food and they also have magical properties.
Well you said it was mint right?
Yeah.
Well I guess I'm going to like survive or brush my teeth with the mint things.
You know just kind of like rub them on my teeth.

(10:30):
Okay here's my second question.
Violet do you eat any of this mint?
Do I know what it does?
I've done some surviving in my life.
To the nerd herd.
Sunday Sunday Sunday.
Roll me a medicine check.
Sunday Sunday.
Roll me a medicine check.
Let's do it.
Missin.

(10:51):
Normal.
I got 19.
So these minty three leaf clovers if two people eat them for the next eight hours
they can communicate telepathically with each other as long as they're within 100 feet of each other.
Oh I don't.

(11:11):
Hops would you like some mint?
You don't want to be telepathically connected to Reiner?
Not at all.
You can see Hop has like a ridiculous food baby on top of this pile of carrots.
Like he's just too overly stuffed.

(11:33):
Good.
All right so now that our morning ratoons and our breakfast is over.
Oh there's my mom.
There's your mom.
Hello welcome here.
Hi mom.
Hi ma.
Welcome to the show.
Welcome.
I hope you're proud.
She tried me to be this weird I hope so.

(11:55):
So is your front that I'm stuck with every Sunday.
Oh yeah me too.
We're like good music here.

(12:15):
There we go.
Happy stands Wiggly man.
So Agdon looks at you and he's like so you want to figure out where Barvlonio the hag is right.
That's why you've captured me.

(12:35):
Yes.
Well that's correct.
I've done some thinking.
And for you to pay penance for what you've done.
Yes stealing.
It's not the rule of reciprocity.
I uh done some thinking.
If you're going to try to take down the hag of course I can lead you straight there to downfall.

(12:56):
We will need a boat but I think I know where one is.
But the other option I believe the hag's to have a weakness.
And I recently have been trying to find Barvonia's weakness.
If you would like to take the side path we might be able to go visit some friends of mine.

(13:16):
And maybe they could tell you her weakness.
You seem a little too excited to be giving out information that freely.
Uh well.
You got me chain.
What other option do I have.
Hmm.

(13:40):
What you feelers think boat ride or go see this feelers friends.
You know me I'm like down for like whatever we can do today.
You know we could do something cool like go beat up his friends for the answer to the weakness.
Or you know we could like you know go on the boat ride.

(14:01):
You know speedos and stuff.
This would be cool.
Well I feel like a little inkling into how she might be vulnerable might be a good idea.
So I could we could go.

(14:22):
Then to your sniveling friends.
To the north there is a lake.
This lake connects to a river so it's kind of on the way.
We can get a boat there to go to downfall.
But on the way we must visit a small pond.
There we will meet my friends.

(14:45):
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
So you guys spend some time wrapping up your camp.
Dr. Hopps do you try to take some of these carrots with you.
Oh yeah.
Like every crevice I have is like filled.
Okay.
How about this.
You can roll me a d20.
Plus two let's say.

(15:06):
And that's how many like servings of carrots you get so you don't have to worry about food.
I got a 13.
15.
That's 15 days worth of food.
You ain't got to worry about it.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
You guys wrap up your camps.
There are also like tents and sleeping bags and other kinds of shit here.

(15:29):
Do you guys want to take any of it with you.
I mean I got a sleeping bag but I'll take one for our little our little filler.
Our new little filler.
All right.
Hey Juicy.
Hey wait.
What I was waiting for.
Hey look at that.

(15:49):
He doesn't have to sleep on the ground.
Like I know he's our captive but like we ain't monsters.
Right.
Right.
That's fair.
Okay.
You guys begin to venture off.
You walk through this.
Who's this dad?
Who's this?
Oh.
Kukaslayer's back.

(16:10):
There's multiple daddies here.
Thank you for the 500 bits my friend.
You get a cheers for that one.
Thank you so much for supporting the show.
Cheers.
Thank you sir Kukaslayer.
Hi Jer.
Oh I'm so excited.
I'm never hearing Jer is here.
Hi Jer.
No.
We love Jer.

(16:31):
Jer is an amazing artist and animator.
You guys give Jer a follow.
I've seen that they have actually been streaming recently.
Make sure to show Jer some love.
Remember y'all rising tide raises all ships.
All right.
So support everybody and we fucking love Jer.
Hey Jer.
And if you ever want to work together you let me know.
All right.
You dang nerd.
Oh.
Story dad for Rumpel.

(16:51):
Thank you story dad.
Appreciate that.
I like that name.
It's a cool name.
Can you say it in your accent?
It's a Rumpel foreskin.
It's pretty good.
It's pretty good.
Will do.
In between farming things.
Hell yeah buddy.
Hell yeah.

(17:12):
And thank you for the gifted sob Another World.
Story dad appreciate you buddy.
Appreciate you.
Okay.
So you guys walk through the forest.
You walk off of all these crazy winding walkways that lead out of this harangoon hideout and
eventually make it into this little forest.
Welcome to the nerd herd.
You dang nerd.
Proteus to Christina.

(17:33):
Thank you.
Thank you for gifting us.
Gift an item.
I had an impulsive defeat.
You swear.
Good.
You see a lot.
Great from above.
Calling from Germany on the other side.
The chaos that's happening right now y'all.
I love it.
I love it.
Family.
Family.
Family.
Okay what I'm gonna say thank you Nate.
The role play is perfect.
This is a good opportunity.

(17:53):
I'm actually going to use these regular magical item cards here.
The official ones.
These guys can actually add them to their character sheets which is pretty neat.
And I have no idea what's in here.
Look the plastic's still on it.
No idea.
So I'm gonna shuffle all right.
So what's gonna happen is while you're walking through the forest.

(18:13):
Like Nate said a small portal opens up.
Followed by an item that falls to your feet.
Good.
You swear.
Great from above.
You see a mop.
There we go.
I can't help but money launder.
The nerd heard.
The chaos.
The hype train you guys.
We got the hype train going.
Wow.

(18:34):
I've told you I have a crippling disease that when I see a hype train is close I must make
sure that it comes to fruition.
Okay.
Fuck yeah.
You know it's a good disease to have.
That's so exciting.
Hype train you guys.
I actually heard that Twitch has some really cool animated emails they're giving out for

(18:55):
hype trains this year.
So get in on it.
Steve thank you for the gift to sub to hobbies for happiness.
It's because we love y'all.
Oh well fucking thanks story dad.
Don't make me blush buddy.
I fucking love you.
All right.
You're a sexy man.
We can get back to the show now.
No we can't.
We cannot.
There's a hype train happening and also I'm going to draw this card here.

(19:17):
But out of this portal you swear you see a mop and like a tuft of gray hair.
You know what it is.
Everyone knows.
If you don't know where this portal comes from you all need to check out side questers.
Thanks for doubling up Steve.
I appreciate that.
Okay so I'm just going to draw here randomly.
How about you tell me when to stop there Violet.
All right.
I dropped a couple.
I want the one that fell on the floor.

(19:37):
No it was me to be.
It's actually three of them.
So peachy.
Okay all three.
No I'm gonna shuffle these ones.
I bet Reiner smells like lavender and a wet mop.
I bet Reiner smells that way too.
What do you think Reiner?

(19:59):
Uh I agree with the wet mop part but I don't know about like lavender.
It's just like.
That one.
I want that card right there.
Stop it.
Yeah that one.
A sword falls to the ground in front of you.

(20:19):
Thick.
Sword looks black.
Curved.
The sword requires attunement.
Once you attune to this sword.
Actually we're going to do quick attunement.
This is kind of like a house rule where you can just attune to any item as soon as you get them.

(20:40):
But you can only still only be attuned to three items at a time.
All right.
So if you choose to attune to this item then I will tell you the description now.
If not you're gonna have to get it identified later.
Hell yeah we'll quick attune it.
All right it's a cursed item you die immediately.
I'm just kidding.
Die.
Bye.
Release me.
The big plate let's go.

(21:01):
This is called the sword of wounding.
Hit points lost to this weapon's damage can be regained through a short or long rest.
Rather than by regeneration magic or any other means.
Once per turn when you hit a creature with an attack using this magic weapon.
You can choose to wound the target.
At the start of each of the wounded creatures turns.

(21:22):
It takes 1d4 necrotic damage for each time that you've wounded it.
And it can then be used to attack the target.
And it can then make a DC 15 con save to end the effect.
And all such wounds on itself as a success.
Alternatively though the wounded creature or a creature within five feet of it.
Can use an action to make a wisdom check ending the effects on the success.

(21:44):
So whenever you hit with this thing you can poison people.
It's a poison blade basically.
So it's like having mana points on like a blue guy in Magic the Gathering.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right. Just keep tapping it for more.
It's one plus one every time I hit with it.

(22:06):
All right.
Oh yeah.
It's a sword of poison.
Very cool.
And so on your D&D Beyond you should be able to go in there and type on sword of wounding.
And you should be able to just add it right to your character sheet.
Because it's official D&D content.
Inventory.
Yeah. Sword of wounding.
That was a bulk deal.
Name suggestion.
Blatantliza.

(22:27):
Do you want to name your sword?
You fucking damn sure can.
Yeah.
Well, Blatantliza.
You got it, mom.
This is now my sword, Blatantliza.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah.
Geez.
We got 30 seconds left on the hype train.
You guys, thank you so much for the fucking support.
I appreciate the shit out of you all.
You guys are so great.

(22:48):
Cheers to you.
I know I got my 25.
Yeah.
Countryman White Claw.
That sounds delicious.
Holiday substance tentacle.
What the fuck?
You guys are so funny.
All right.
Did you find it?
Or we could look later as well.
It doesn't have to be a now thing.
I don't see it yet, but I'm not that good at things.

(23:08):
So hold on.
I got this.
I can't read, so I'm going mostly by pictures.
There are no pictures.
Yeah.
Exactly.
That is holding out for the wounding sword.
Keep tapping that.
There you go.
Ah, Blayton Liza, the wounding sword.

(23:29):
My parents and gentlemen.
Everyone who contributed to the hype train,
please, if you got them emotes, spam them in chat.
Let's see what they look like.
Thank you all so much for the support.
For real.
Appreciate you all.
Cheers.
Yeah, we'll have to find it later because I don't understand
this newfangled contraption over here.

(23:50):
Now, back to our adventure.
After you pick up your sword or you're tuned to it,
you guys wander for a little while through this forest
and eventually you make it to this large lake.
This large lake looks to have this crazy mist floating on top of it.
The mist almost like sparkles.
Agnon walks over to the shore and he says,

(24:11):
well, for me to be able to summon my friends, I need my hands.
Both of them?
Both of them?
Yes.
You can tie me back up after if you want.
No, I know what I know.
Listen, I know what I got to do, and I'm just going to hold on
to his scarf after I untie his hands.

(24:33):
There you go.
There you go.
You untie his legs.
He reaches down to the water.
We can't go nowhere.
And he bends down real low and he taps on the water.
But he makes like a beat with his hands.
In the water.
And then you guys see these streams coming up through the water
and the mist kind of like moves out of the way.

(24:54):
And then out of the water come these giant sea bass
with these open mouths and big human kind of looking eyes
because they're on the front of their faces
and they stand with legs.
They're fish with legs.
I think guys, they're not fish with legs.
I think guys, they're not four string guitars.

(25:20):
They're grandpa's guitars.
They look at Agdon and start speaking in Auckland.
Do you guys have additional languages that you speak?
I have goblin.
Goblin?
That's it.
OK.
I speak common, infernal, and sylvan.
Sylvian.
Sylvian.

(25:41):
Salavan.
Yeah.
So grandpa's guitars.
I speak little, ferudic, infernal, and minotaur.
Fulls little grandpa's.
Sylvian's fair enough.
You can understand through sylvian, you can understand this aquian.
It's almost like a weird mix of sylvian and aquian.
Sylvian's kind of a really kind of a main language of the marsh.

(26:02):
And the fish people are like,
Hello Agdon.
What is it that you need?
And he speaks back and he's like,
Well these guys are thinking about taking down barvlonia.
And we need to know her weakness.
I know that you guys spend a lot of time in her marsh.
Have you noticed anything weird?

(26:22):
They're like,
Well we will tell you, Agdon.
But what you have to offer us?
And he turns back to you three and he says,
They say that they want something.
We have to give them something for the information.
Agdon.
Reciprocity.

(26:47):
It ain't.
Do any of them look lightly injured or like they got something going on
that maybe they on hands could help with?
Make me a medicine check.
All right.
I got 19.

(27:12):
Yeah, you look over the one on the left.
Looks a little bit more feminine of a fish kind of thing.
And the one on the left looks like it's got some kind of like growth
coming off of its face a little bit.
Like from the water.
By feminine of a fish, do you mean that she has a vagina?
Because they are like reverse mermaids and you can see.

(27:33):
They all got it's cloaca's.
It's an all in one situation.
I am the dungeon master.
These are reverse mermaids.
One of them has a giant cock and the other one has a vagina.
These are reverse mermaids.
Oh, wait, can I send you a picture and you can use it as a ref?

(27:54):
I absolutely can as long as it's safe for work.
It is.
Hell, yeah.
Send it over.
This was funny that she looks like all feminine and she's like vagina.
I didn't want to say it.

(28:17):
Jesus.
Dr.
Hopps, what do you want to do?
I like to go to my bed and you point out my socks have well rested.
I think kind of like shivvy them on to like what are they like put a sock on each of the
fish peoples.

(28:39):
Sacks of well rested.
Would you remind me what those do?
Oh, socks.
Oh, socks.
You're putting your socks on the fish people.
He has magical socks, you guys.
I have it here.
My bad.
These are the magical socks.
They're socks of well rested while wearing these socks.
You recover additional hit dye upon finishing a long rest.

(29:03):
I'm sorry to say it, Violet, but I think Hopps won this challenge.
You don't get to do lay on hands because.
That's okay because I also sent you the picture.
That's fine.
It was worth it to send you the picture.
Okay.
Let me let me show everybody.
Here's a good I'll check it the fuck out.
Okay.
All right.
That's fine.

(29:26):
Can I zoom in more?
I can.
Gift an item.
Violet gets a random item.
Another one.
All right, Poohbert.
All right, Poohbert.
Here we go.
So these are.
They all look like like that.
I mean, who would even mind if it has a giant cock?
That's a sexy ass looking fish.

(29:46):
Prize for the drawing.
Nice, Poohbert.
Okay, we'll get to that in a second.
But first you hop over.
Hopps into the water and you go underwater and you put these socks and he's looking down at you.
And you can't understand what he's saying, but Violet, you can kind of make out.
He's like, what is this rabbit doing to my toesies?

(30:06):
And you look at this.
Oh, don't worry.
You can trust him.
And you put the socks on him and he's like.
Ew.
Wet socks.
Even as a fish, I hate that.
Disgusting.
Well, socks for information.
I guess.
Wait, hold on.

(30:28):
I want to add something to this.
Okay, I imagine Dr. Hopps gets up and he like smacks his head on something as he comes up.
Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he does.
Okay, well.
Socks and a cock touch.
Socks and cocks.

(30:48):
Got it.
Got it.
Now, fair trade.
Reciprocity.
Agdon.
What I will tell you about Barflonia, what we've observed.
Weirdly enough, when you face her, she has a curse.

(31:08):
While you are facing her, if you run around her in circles,
counterclockwise, she will go into a sneezing fit.
And that is all I have for you.

(31:29):
Who knew her weakness would be a common cold.
Okay, he turns back to you and he's like, yeah, so if you fight her,
you gotta run in circles around her, counterclockwise, and then she'll start sneezing.
It's crazy.
All right.

(31:49):
I mean, little herring gone feed are pretty quick, I hear.
And I'm pretty good at cutting people down.
All right.
Well, thank you, my friends.
You can see he's like walking weird now.
You know how like a cat walks whenever you like put,

(32:10):
like if you put tape on a cat's feet, he's like walking weird as fuck like that.
I will unplug my headphones.
I know, he's knocking shit over.
Yeah.
And then they go back under the water.
Agdon looks at you guys and he's like, well, that's our information.
That bitch is gonna have the best sleep of his life.

(32:32):
I really hope that that was enough information for you.
It's not what I expected. I do apologize.
Don't hurt me, big red lady.
Oh, I won't hurt you yet.
You still gotta pay retribution.
Okay.
All right.
Now we must find a boat.

(32:53):
Unless you guys know how to build one, we're gonna have to find a boat to go up the river.
Can I fly up into air and like scan the shoreline for a boat?
Fuck yes, you can. You do that, you get way up high. Roll me perception.

(33:16):
Tell us if hung fish. Oh boy.
Oh, and I just got under my little one.
Ooh, that's pretty good.
So up the way a little bit.
You definitely think you spot a boat up the shore to the west.
Just like on the shore, just like sitting there.
Okay, I will fly back down and tell everybody that we need to go to the west to find the boats that I think I see.

(33:39):
And we will have like, you know, a cool time in the sailboat.
I could just fly over there, but you know, that wouldn't be fun, you know.
But I mean, you get to do like a lazy river kind of ride, you know, you get to you get to just relax, play songs, you know,
you get to just relax, play songs for yourself and just kind of chillax.

(34:03):
If we take a boat.
Okay, I just drew I just drew your sword.
That's fine.
So you guys walk up the shore, you see something sticking out of a rock and it looks like a sword.
Violet, you spotted.
Violet, I bet you can't pull that sword out of the rock.
I mean, I'll give it a go. Let's let's give it a go. I will. I can I can I can do a little bit of a yanking.

(34:29):
Just tell ya.
Oh, what a yanking.
Go ahead and make me a strength check.
Yeah, you got it.
Strength.
Strength, strength, do the strength and then ability check and normal.

(34:55):
Nineteen.
It's a twenty one.
Plus two is twenty one.
All right, you pull out the sword.
As you do, I believe like some flames come off of it.
This is another one that requires attunement, but it looks like this.
How nice.
Oh wow, it like matches your whole aesthetic.

(35:18):
Hey dudes, it matches me.
It's already red. You don't have to worry about cleaning the blood off of it.
Sick. So do you attune to this bad boy?
For a while now.
Cool. Remember, you only have three at a time. Now when it comes to
attuning to items, it has to happen during a short or long rest.

(35:40):
Okay.
Yeah. Okay. You attune to this sword.
As you grab it on the shoreline, the flames out of the sword in your hair like kicks up.
It seems to be a sword from your origin, from your time in Avernus, from where your people are from.

(36:01):
This is a Vorpal sword.
You get a plus three bonus to attack and damage made with this magic sword.
In addition, the weapon ignores all resistances to slashing. It ignores.
When you attack a creature that has at least one head with this weapon,
if you roll a natural 20 on that attack roll, you cut off one of the creature's heads automatically.

(36:26):
The creature dies if it can't survive without its head.
A creature is immune to this effect if it is immune to slashing damage, doesn't have or need a head,
or has any legendary actions, or if the DM decides so.
Such a creature instead will take an extra 2d8 slashing damage from the hit.
We've actually had this sword before in a campaign and things were beheaded.

(36:50):
I don't remember who had it. Was it you, Connor? Who had the Vorpal sword?
I think it might have been me. It might have been me.
Uh, it might have been... I think Reggie had it at one point as well.
Yeah. The Vorpal sword is legendary in the D&D world, so you got something really cool here.
Well, fuck yeah!

(37:11):
Yeah.
Hot diggity!
Natural 20s, you just behead things.
Just...
So sweet!
Yeah. Points well spent. Hell yeah.
Okay, eventually...
Well, thank you, Fubar!
Welcome to the nerd herd, you dang nerd!
Oh, hi!
Prime gaming from Sony!
Thanks, buddy.

(37:31):
Hello, Sony.
For democracy, Sony!
Also, at chat, since my mom named the other one, if you wanna name this sword as well,
you can have fun and name it. It's gonna be a passive thing.
I don't really... You know, dude, you gotta do.
Mm-hmm. For democracy.
Yeah, if you wanna...
Sounds like a good time for a nice hot cup of liberty.

(37:55):
Okay, so...
You guys walk up the shore. You make it to this boat. It's kind of old and dingy.
It's definitely not that great. It'll fit all four of you real snug.
There are only two oars, though. So as you all sit down in the boat, who is rowing?
Probably me.
Does this boat have, like, a mast?

(38:15):
No, it's like a rowboat.
It's like a canoe?
Yeah.
Well, in that case, to give everyone room, I'm just going to float over the boat.
Okay. All right.
I'll probably be doing quite a bit of rowing. I'm big.
So...
Tiefling rowing, two herring gone, and a fairy floating above.

(38:37):
This isn't the wild beyond the witch light. I don't know what is.
Okay.
All right. We're switching our tunes now.
And...
We're going to just pop over here.
We're just going to pop over here real quick. I'll tell you what.
Just look at some real quick.

(39:00):
Got my notes on my top screen. Hold on. It's loading.
All right. There it is.
What you snaking on, Hopps?
Cats.
Hell yeah. I just see you nibbling away.
It's actually sour skittles.
Oh, I'm a little jealous now.

(39:20):
Yeah. It's one of those big old Sharon fancy zip-locked...
Oh, no, they're... It's Daniel!
But anyways...
Yeah. I have a bad candy habit during stream.
It helps me, like...
Oh, Ganger says you say the banned word. You say the crakes word.

(39:41):
I'm going to use the word I called them when I was a toddler.
I used to call them crakes.
Hopps said the bad word. Cheers.
You say the banned word.
Cheers to you.
This is why I think we should quit funding the chat.
That too was power.
Too much power.

(40:02):
All right.
You guys, you row up.
Oh, this is a heck of a squelching sound.
Is it? I can't hear anything.
Oh, it's real squishy like.

(40:22):
You know, when you hear the sounds of someone stirring mac and cheese,
that's what it sounds like.
It sounds like some frogs and a little bit of like a kookaburra in the background,
but it's straight up mac and cheese, slip and slide bedroom noises.
Well, this sounds like a Friday night for Raina.
It's just water.

(40:42):
Just... just spongy wet claps.
You're rowing through water.
So, you guys approach the river.
It's like algae-infested plaps in the water.
Thick, thick fog hangs heavy in the air.
Obscuring the area all around you so that the world kind of appears to have shrunk

(41:03):
to only 20 feet tall in all directions around you because of the thick fog.
Before you, the waterway widens and the current slows,
giving the impression that you must have entered some kind of a lake.
You can hear croaking voices that penetrate the fog,
through which dark shapes in another boat appear.

(41:25):
And when we get back in a few minutes, everybody, we're going to see what those dark shapes are.
But for now, we're going to do some dang old fucking thumbnail pose.
Yeah!
That's what we're going to do.
So what this is, if you guys are not aware,
is you can throw out random poses into chat and these guys will pose as those things.
And then we'll make fucking memes and other kinds of fun stuff with them.
It's just something that we love to do.

(41:46):
It also helps us with, you know, any kind of promotional material that we can use.
It also helps us with, you know, any kind of promotional material or anything else that we might need.
So if you guys have any kinds of ideas, throw them into chat.
Then these guys will do their best to pose as those things.
That's right.
I resized them, so here we go.
Resizing.
There it is.

(42:11):
You get down where you need to be, baby.
Here we go.
Pose for democracy!
It says Sunni.
Sexy yet shy.

(42:34):
It's pretty good.
Um, enhance!
Um, Jurr said, give me some good ones.
Alright everyone, quickly do like a fucking, really quick, just like a bunch of different poses for Jurr.
Here we go.
There is one picture hidden, Oublie, here we go.

(43:13):
Then let's just get our heads, because he might Photoshop our heads or anything.
Stick out your necks.
Alright.
Very good, very good, very good, very good.
Gassy, yet available?
Adrienne's so funny.

(43:35):
Okay.
That's just me all the time.
In a minute everybody, so don't go anywhere.
Drain your dragons and fill up your flagons everybody.
Clear your caves and, you know, do your things.
We'll be right back.
Hello everybody, welcome back to Love, Death, and Die.
This is episode 6.
I'm your lovely Guns and Master Turk.
What's up everybody?
Thanks so much for joining us.
You guys are friggin' raw.
Of course I'm here with the lads.
Hello lads.

(43:57):
Hello, Turkey.
Hello.
Good to have you.
Good to see you.
Good to be here.
A little bit of a recap.
These guys took their friggin' herring gun friend Agdawn to learn some more information about this hag.
Maybe get some insights as to what's going on to find reverse mermaids now.
They're on a boat on the way to downfall as they've just entered on the inside.

(44:21):
Yes.
How are we feeling?
Any thoughts?
Can we...
Well, no, we like encountered some shadowy figures in the water.
Oh yeah.
That's exactly right.
Isn't that right?
Is that what you said before the break?
Yes, that is right.
That is very right.
I need to fix my moustache.
Here we are.

(44:43):
Me too.
So, the thick fog hangs, obscuring the area around.
But as you guys make your way deeper up this river into the open area of the water,
through the thick fog you can see dark shapes appear.

(45:05):
These dark shapes resolve into two rowboats.
Manning the carts of the two small rowboats are Bullywugs.
If you guys don't know what Bullywugs are, they're giant frog-like men.
Are they like Grung?
Yes...ish.
Let me help you out here.

(45:27):
I like Grung.
Can I drop it on this one?
I can.
We'll see what's released in a Grung.
I don't know.
No idea.
These are frogs, Grungs are toads.
Ah.
Now, as you look across, the shadows kind of evolve and you see the Bullywugs are wearing

(45:52):
makeshift top hats.
One of them has a monocle.
And they're both rowing in their boats.
They look across and they see you and they're like...
Rawr.
Yeah, hello.
Hello.

(46:13):
Hello.
Why are you there?
How are we doing today?
Well, we are like, you know, going for the rowboat ride.
You know, very fun, entertaining, very sexy.
You know.
Yes, indeed.
I see you have a very peasant-ish rowboat.

(46:36):
Oh yes.
We cannot afford such a lavish, expensive and sexier rowboat like yourself.
But you look at their rowboats and they're really, they're also just kind of shitty, but
it looks like they've decorated them with like mushrooms and twigs and stuff like that.
Like they're trying to be fancy.
And they're like, yes, the fanciest of rowboats.

(47:01):
Well, welcome to Downfall, travelers.
If you're here, I'm assuming you're looking for something.
You might want to go see Gulop the 19th.
He's the king who holds our Bullywug Court.

(47:23):
A new nerd follows the shit show.
Revd!
Suh!
Welcome.
Suh, dude!
Welcome to Downfall.
Yes, if you were to go to the dock over here to the side, you can follow the pathway around
over the stones to where we hold our High Court of Bullywug.

(47:46):
You may meet Gulop the 19th there who may be able to answer any questions you may have.
What do you say, Agdon?
Do we need the help of Gulop?
He's like, yes, it's really good that they let us in here.
They're all being friendly.
I don't know what's going on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

(48:08):
We should go.
We should go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right, we'd love to have an audience with your fine king.
Yes, okay.
They continue rowing away and they're like, farewell, peasants.

(48:31):
Toodle-oo!
Toodles, boodles!
Those guys look weird.
Look who's talking.
I'm a little bit thirsty here.
FYI, Grung are often considered a subspecies of Bullywug.
They are smaller and poisonous.
Fuck yeah, thanks, Blink Dog.
Badass, dude.
Thank you, Blink Dog.
I like Grung.
They're really cute and they're real colorful like and they always seem so doxer and cute.

(48:55):
Cheers, ba-da!
Have you ever tried frog legs?
Delicious!
I can't say that I have.
I'm not one for the amphibious as a snack.
Okay.
So you then, Violet, you row your boat over to the side where the land is.

(49:21):
You can see there's a small little dock and you dock your boat there.
As soon as you guys arrive there, you can see looming above this wooden pier, it's like a balloon that is anchored down by four thick ropes that are tied around
these wooden posts that drive deep into the swampy ground.
The balloon, it's like big part like the bladder, they call it, expands and sags at its regular intervals as its swamp gas fills it briefly before leaking out.

(49:52):
You can see as you guys step onto land, there is another Bullywug that stands near the top of the ladder and is using a long silver needle in a spool of some kind of thread
to sew up one of the openings.
There's a second Bullywug that stands at the foot of the ladder, steadying it.

(50:13):
But huddled nearby are just three giant frogs that are just picking up insects with their tongues.
And past them are indeed the stepping stones that the fancy Bullywugs told you about.
Okay, cool, I guess we should go, you know.

(50:37):
Yeah, I'll pick up hops and Agdons and I'll put them both on my shoulder so they can have a ride.
Nice. I will be floating as usual.
Okay.
Yeah, I got my two, I got my two bunny fillers.
I'm going to draw this card for hops. Hops is getting a magical item from Suni. Suni, if you missed it, I'm actually drawing cards from the official D&D magical item cards.

(51:07):
These guys can use them to their character sheets and other kinds of stuff. Something a little bit different they haven't really done before, so that's what I'm doing.
So there's some really cool stuff in here. Suni's been around for a while. Suni knows about the Vorpal Sword and Violet managed to pull the Vorpal Sword out of a stone earlier this day.
I think you were here for that, Suni, but Suni knows about the Vorpal Sword.
I got two swords today.

(51:29):
You have two swords, one for the fire and one for the wounding. I just came up with that. It's completely original.
You're on Violet's shoulder and you look in Violet's hair and almost magically nestled inside of the back of Violet's hair is a potion.

(51:53):
It looks like a potion of invulnerability.
For one minute after you drink this potion, you have resistance to all damage. The potion's syrup-ly liquid looks like liquified iron just in the back of her hair.
Why is it a gigantic potion? Violet, did you make potions up here?

(52:15):
No, but an awful mess gets in it. That's why I usually keep it braided so I keep less things in it, but it doesn't stop.
I would expect maybe lice or ticks or something, but not a whole-ass potion.
I mean, you know I bathe. I'm just too tall and I scrape against stuff. It might have happened when we were in...
That's a lie! None of us has ever seen you shit-latch your bathe before.

(52:42):
But regardless, it probably happened in the Goblin's house with the keys.
I was scraping against her ceiling. It must have got caught in there then, but you're welcome to have whatever's in there.
Hooray!
There you go. As you guys are talking, the two Bullywogs fixing the balloon turn and they're just looking at you guys as you guys are walking past.

(53:04):
And you can see they're also wearing little top hats and they have little wooden monocles and they look down on you like, mmm, bugger.
Good day, fansers!
Good day, peasants!
Why did the music get all intense? It's not supposed to. It should not have been, sorry.

(53:26):
Wait, wait, are we supposed to fight these guys?
Good day, peasants!
We just walk past them and they slap Reiner's ass with a tongue.
Ridiculous.
Okay, I have a little bit of a map. We're not doing Hexcrawl style here, but just so you guys can see.

(53:50):
We came up this river here.
Oh, hello.
Oh, hello.
We came up this river here. We were out in the lake.
And then this is our balloon here.
And then we're now going up the stones here to the left.
Up these stones.

(54:13):
Dangers, you so right. Their attitude is going to get one of them punched in the throat.
Alright, there are, in front of you now, you passed by without saying anything to those toads, there is a row of boulders spaced two feet apart.
They breach the surface of the lake to form some kind of a walking path across this 40 foot wide waterway.

(54:38):
Now Reiner, of course you can just float across if you choose to do so.
But between you two, whom is going first across these stepping stones?
Aren't they on my shoulders?
They are.
So it could just be you.
Yeah, I could just hop across. I can.
How far apart are they spaced?

(55:01):
Two feet.
Oh, yeah, then that's like my normal stride. I can just walk across them, really.
Alright. So you probably walk across like stepping on every single one of them just like.
Yeah, I'm six foot ten. That's like a normal stride for me. Let's just, yeah, I'll just walk across.
Okay.

(55:23):
Is this changing anything?
As you step.
Like I know they're herring gone and they could definitely like jump across.
On the stone, right in the middle, the stone below your foot begins to wiggle.
And then rising from the swamp is this giant golem of a stone looking creature as if you just stepped on his head.
He looks down upon you.

(55:49):
My apologies, sir.
I was unaware that you were anything more than a stone.
That's not cool, man.
My apologies.

(56:11):
Go ahead. Roll me a persuasion check. You're just apologizing. That's totally fair. Roll me persuasion.
Reiner, at this moment, where do you think you're floating?
I'm like floating next to Violet.
I'd like to add a D for today.
Nice.

(56:33):
Only a nine.
That's an eleven.
We roll.
Oh, you got to reroll from Slappy.
Thank you, Slappy.
Do I reroll both the D4 and the persuasion?
Sure.
Or just the persuasion?
Sure.
All right. Well, that's a 20.

(56:56):
And that's a 22.
Fair traveler.
For you see, I am underwater for I am a fan of song.
These creatures underwater, especially the reverse mermaid folk with their vaginas out, like to sing songs.

(57:25):
I accept your apology if you sing me a song.
And as reciprocity, I will let you pass in exchange.
Well, get on with the song, Violet.
Oh, good. All right.
Don't you do that, Reiner.

(57:47):
No, I'm just kidding. I know. I know. It's OK.
I mean, I could. I could do a little patsyclone or something with the axie.
I could try, but you go for it, Reiner. I know you're good at this.

(58:09):
Are we just jumping into this? Are you ready, Rock? Rock Golem?
Yes. Sing for me, little fairy.
I'm sorry we stepped on your head. If we didn't apologize, we'd end up dead.
Big rock guy, you are cool. Sitting in this pool with all these frogs.

(58:33):
Yeah. All these frogs. Yeah.
The best part of a mermaid is the lower half.
Because if it's a guy mermaid, he has a big old shaft. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's a big shaft down there for mermaid men.

(58:56):
Welcome to the Nurture. Don't forget about the mermaid women.
Hello, Edgy. Thank you for the 24. That's two years, dog, that deserves a cheers.
Thanks, Edgy. Cheers to you, buddy.
Good to have you as a friend and a part of the fucking couch crew for two fucking years. Cheers, buddy. Thank you so much.

(59:19):
Oh, that was that was fucking awesome. That was awesome, Reiner.
Can we get some hype and chat for Reiner? That was awesome.
He looks down upon you, Reiner, he says, Johnny Ferryman has some chaps I do set.
He's really good at what he does. Where did you learn to sing so well?

(59:45):
Well, you know, I learned from like, you know, my master, who's this sexy lady,
she taught me how to sing the songs to make people feel good and get in the mood for the sexy time.
No, she was cool. She sounds cool.
What was her name? Can I have her name?

(01:00:06):
Can I remember it? I can't remember her name.
Unfortunately, it's not his name to give because it's hers.
I see you're from here, tiefling.
Yeah, I did feel like it's a day. Oh, no, you're talking to him.
OK, never mind. He knows the rules of name.

(01:00:28):
Because of your willingness, Barry, I'll tell you, never give someone someone's name.
They ask for. Now, I will let you pass.
And he back into the water as the water like flushes and like it's like a wave that goes out.

(01:00:50):
And his head moves to the side and under the water, you see a rock move closer.
He like pulls it closer for you to pass.
Thank you, sir. Enjoy the rest of your underwater orchestra.
His head pops up. Yes, I will. It will always remember the reverse mermaid vagina.

(01:01:13):
What's the name of that song?
Well, I was going to call it the rock guy song, but yeah, we could call it reverse mermaid vagina.
Reverse Mermaid Rollover.

(01:01:35):
You step on the rocks, you hop across to the other side.
You both look back at each other, you reflect a little bit on what the fuck just happened.
You can see the rock man still moving around in the water down there.
What did you do to me, Pupert? What did you do? I don't know what you've done.
What are you talking about? What did you do?

(01:01:57):
Have you ever Googled sexy turkey? Oh, God, don't do that.
Don't do that. Don't do that.
Steve, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And be sure to enable your two factor authentication.
Very good, Steve. I love that.

(01:02:20):
You guys arrive to the other side of this river.
You can see in front of you there is a wooden structure.
This wooden structure stands on stilts above the lake.
Don't do it. Everyone turn down your sound.
Siri, show me sexy turkey.

(01:02:41):
Don't do it. Don't do it.
Thanks for the 12 bits, another world. Cheers, buddy. Thank you.
I'm going to finish my shot here.
Boop. Boop.
So, this wooden structure stands above you guys on stilts, like above the lake.

(01:03:07):
It is topped by a steep conical roof made of thatch, and smoke curls up from the hole at its apex.
Its windows are blacked out, and the air carries the smell of burned wood.
You can see there's a clothesline attached to one corner of the building that runs off across the lake.
To your guys' right, there is what seems to be a bridge that runs from this little section over to the next.

(01:03:35):
There's thick fog in between, so you can't really see past the bridge, but there is a small little home and a bridge.
What do you guys do?
Not everybody at once! Why don't you take us to the small home?

(01:03:59):
Alright.
You walk over to it, there's no door, so you look inside of this small little home, and you can see that this is like a single room, and this room is a complete charred up mess.
There's hazy smoke that hangs over scattered piles of burned, like broken shelves and furniture, intermixed with whatever those shelves used to contain.

(01:04:23):
There are wisps of smoke that snake into the air from several spots where there's smoldering wreckage,
and it still continues to threaten the ignition of the flame of all of this old wood.
You can see a distressed bullywog in a leather smock.
He's scurrying around the room with a bucket of water, whose contents spill over the sides in haste.

(01:04:45):
He's like, gotta put it out. Gotta put it out. Gotta put it out.
Gotta put it out.
There's a fire! There's a fire!
You wanna help me put out the fire?
I mean, sure, but what caused the fire?

(01:05:08):
I don't know. But grab a bucket! We have to make sure these fires are out!
Alright.
Are there buckets around?
There are buckets. And he is literally pulling out swamp water from the water outside and just throwing it on the fire.
Alright. I'm gonna pick up three buckets and fill them all up.

(01:05:34):
Hand two to the boys on my shoulders, and then I'm gonna take two more in my own hands and carry them.
Goddamn. You're gonna attempt to do that. Roll me athletics.
Alright, you got it.
Were they deep-frying or frozen swamp turkey? God, I hope not.
Good thing I have an android, right?
Ace of 14!
That's a success. That's a success. Reiner...

(01:05:57):
Oh, it might not be a success. In this moment, Reiner, what are you doing?
I am looking to see if I have any spells or actions saved.
Wait, the 22?
First natural 20 of the night!
Can we get some Nat 20 emotes?
They could be Nat 20 emotes from any one of our tabletop loving friends that we have out there all over the tabletop universe.

(01:06:18):
We love them all. Spam them natural 20 emotes in chat.
Please, please, please, to celebrate Violet's first Nat 20 of the night, you guys.
That's right. Oh, look, we've got some Forge of the Lord. That's right, baby!
Fucking hype, you guys.
Yeah. Yeah. Fucking sick.
Pooper says, mm-mm. Nope, not doing it.

(01:06:42):
That's fair. Fine, fine.
Here we go. Ready?
We didn't start the fire. It was always burning.
Since the world's been turning, we didn't start the fire. No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.
Nice.
No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it.

(01:07:03):
We didn't start the fire.
With your natural 20, you get them over there and you pour water all over all of these cores and stuff.
Reiner was going to look and see if you have a spell. Do you want to do something in this moment?
I don't think there's anything that I can do.
I'll just be like, we didn't start the fire.

(01:07:29):
It was always burning since the world was turning. We didn't start the fire.
No, we didn't light it, but we tried to fight it. That's what I do. I just sing that song.
You put out the fire, as Reiner sings.
There is only one piece of furniture left in this building that isn't burned. It looks like a small, low-down workbench.

(01:07:51):
It's got more buckets of water on the top of it.
You guys help him, and he turns to you three and he's like...
I'm very happy you helped the old duke. My name is Duke. I'm happy you helped me.
In the favor of reciprocity, you may have this.

(01:08:14):
He holds out a brass brooch that's shaped like a fly, and its little wings flutter.
Oh, that's fun.
Magically fluttering. And he's like, if you wear this brooch, when you present yourself to Guliath the 19th, it will help him trust you.

(01:08:40):
Fantastic.
Yeah. What brings you here?
Well, we're hoping to see Guliath, actually.
Ah. Well, you cross the bridge, pass the heads and the scarecrow, and you'll make it to Guliath and his court.
Well, thank you.

(01:09:02):
You're welcome.
Are you sure you don't know what started the fire?
Ribbit. Well, it could have just been my own fault.
You see, I'm making parts for balloons.
Guliath the 19th really loves his balloons.
One of his balloons was actually stolen recently by a captive that we had by the name of Sir Talavar and his acquaintance.

(01:09:26):
Stole one of our balloons.
So I'm working quickly to try and repair and build another one to help the balloon fleet that he's trying to put together.
My goodness, what does this captive do?
About this? Well, he was, you know, trying to hurt the hag.
And, you know, we, at least the old king of the Bullywogs.

(01:09:48):
You see, the Bullywog court goes through kings a lot, and the old king used to want to help the hag.
The new one, I don't know, but, and Sir Talavar was trying to stop the hag, and so we had captured him.
How recent is your new king?

(01:10:09):
I don't know. A few days.
Fair enough. Y'all just take turns so everybody get a chance to be king.
Court's raised from above.
Hunter Benson Coverslayer.
Ah, dude!
Thank you.
Thank you, Coverslayer.
Ah, dude. He's like, well, whoever, you know, people die. There's a fighting, you know.

(01:10:31):
They fight, they kill each other, then the new one becomes the king. Happens pretty often.
I mean, Guliath the 19th, there was 18 before him, and the court's only been around for not that long.
Not that long.
What are your thoughts on the hag?
Well, she minds her own. I mind mine. I make things here, and that's what I do.

(01:10:54):
You know, maybe one day I can become king. Duke the 20th. Now that would be a day, wouldn't it? That would be a day.
I don't have a day!
If I could get up the strength to slay Guliwap the 19th, then maybe I could be the next king.
Well, that's crazy, but I mean, I'll power to you if you need it.

(01:11:16):
Thanks.
Thank you for your, thank you for the cool brooch.
You're welcome. Thank you for your assist. Appreciate that.
Fucking intense music.
Is Duke gonna stab us in the back?
Right.
The Arby's of Mordor moving? I just swear it's scary.

(01:11:37):
The Arby's of Mordor?
Arby, all the Arby's at Mordor? That sounds pretty good.
It sounds like they would burn everything.
They have the meat.
They got the meat.
Meat picker, you vegan boys!
I'm sorry.

(01:12:00):
You should be.
That is true.
Yeah.
They have the beef.
Anyways.
Okay.
You guys leave this building, to talking to Duke.
You look over to the bridge.
Now the bridge is a flat wood plank bridge, which spans the total arm of the lake.

(01:12:24):
It is lined on one side of rows of bullywug heads on wooden spikes.
As you get closer to the fog, you can see them.
At the center of the bridge, a small figure sits with his feet dangling over one side in a childish manner.
The figure appears to be talking to itself in bemoaned tones.

(01:12:45):
But then, out of nowhere, the severed bullywug heads erupt in a cacophony of voices talking back to him.
Some of them sympathetic.
A few more in the distant row yell,
What? I couldn't hear what they said. Was it important?

(01:13:07):
As you three start walking across the bridge, Dr. Hopps,
you make eye contact with the figure sitting on the bridge.
And a vision comes back into your mind from when you were in the forest.
This figure, the scarecrow, with no heads.
He's trying on heads sitting on the bridge as if you had already seen this happen right in front of you whenever you did divination crystals.

(01:13:33):
He sets the last head down, puts on a gourd, and then turns and points at you.
And he says, Oh, hi!
Of course, previously, the oh-hi part, your vision cut off before you even seen it.
The bullywug heads on the staves look out at you three and they go,
Someone has joined the party. Who is this, then?

(01:13:59):
The scarecrow joined the party? Who joined the party?
You did, you fool. Who are you?
Oh, I'm looking for the king.
Yes, across the bridge, then.
Okay, so then you can fuck off.

(01:14:22):
Yes, fine. I was king eleven of the bullywugs.
And they let you live?
So you know.
They cut off my head. You see, disposed bullywug monarchs of the soggy court often lose their heads in violent changes in leadership.
The severed heads are impaled on these rows of spikes.

(01:14:45):
And we verbally accost anyone who steps on this bridge, so hey, fuck you.
Well, I'll gladly go fuck myself across the bridge.
The one next to it is like, the soggy court has become a mockery since its reign has come to change.
This conversation, you see, is nothing but a mild bit of information.

(01:15:08):
The next one's like, why are we speaking to this herring gun?
Like as if the herring gun will ever be the next leader of the soggy court.
He is not royalty.
I could be the leader of the soggy fucking bottom court if I wanted to.
We would like to see you try herring gun.
We would like to fucking see you try.

(01:15:29):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, I want to like push the bullywug off the bridge.
It's just the head.
If you imagine the bridge, then there's like water, right, on the other side of the bridge.
And these long pikes of like 30 feet long pikes are sticking out of the water with heads on them.
So they're about five feet over.
But you could reach over the bridge and grab the pole and detach it.

(01:15:53):
Can I catch him?
You could try.
I imagine he is trying to like, he's going to leap off in anger and I just catch his hood and just be like, would you like a little help?
It's okay.
It's okay.
He's essentially dead.
He ain't going nowhere.
His life is just sitting here doing nothing for nobody.

(01:16:17):
His life is misery.
So he tries to bring it to everybody else.
That's how he gets his kicks.
You don't need to worry about him.
He ain't hurting nobody.
Why is this misery?
Yeah, we see.
Yeah, I see the sadness in your dead eyes.

(01:16:38):
The scarecrow stands up.
It's got a gourd on its head and two big crab claws.
He walks forward to you, tops, and he like claps his claws and he's like, hello.
I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm Clapper Claw, the scarecrow.
What are you guys doing here?

(01:17:01):
Traveling.
None of your business, scarecrow.
Okay.
Why is your man so crazy today?
Yeah, he's kind of mean.
But it's you know where the fuck we're at.
You got that say what?
I lived here for like 16 years.
It's fine.
Yeah, and I never lived here.

(01:17:22):
I just assumed everybody was dickholes to each other.
No, you're just going to be nice.
You can't more be funny.
Why don't you just fucking haunt your dreams?
What do you mean haunt your dreams?
Like the evil scarecrow man haunts your dreams.
I've never seen no scarecrow man in my dreams.

(01:17:45):
Do you have visions of me?
No, who is this?
Well, how do you believe if you've had the visions of me, I must.
I'm inclined to help you.
If you could help me in reciprocity, I will help you.

(01:18:07):
I don't know much.
I don't have much.
I do know the way from hither to tither, though.
I know how to get here to the other part of the Feywild.
Oh, fantastic.
That's great, but that's not what's needed at the moment.
Yeah, we're not really headed there right now, but that would be wonderful to know.

(01:18:30):
Okay, okay.
Well, if you can help me get my head back, my main head, my normal head,
then I will gladly show you all across the Feywild.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What does your normal head look like?
Where did you lose it?
The hag here in Downfall took it.

(01:18:52):
I fucking hate your game.
I just fucking hate you.
There are three hags across the Feywild, each one of them looming over their own sanctum here in Hither.
It's Barvlonia, and in Tither it's her sister.
I can take you wherever you want to go.
Yeah, but you got to get my head back.

(01:19:15):
Yeah, I mean, I've heard this Barvlonia bitch is just a raft of trouble,
so I mean, we're kind of here to try and take care of that, if you know what I'm saying.
Oh, that's good.
That's good.
Maybe get this little filler over here.
It's Abdon.
Get him sorted out with his scarf kerfuffle.

(01:19:37):
What's your head look like?
It is the most glorious sag skull I ever saw.
When I was first made out of weird shit, they made a sag skull, and I want it back.
That sounds mighty impressive.
How many points did your horns have, darling?

(01:20:00):
A few, like six or seven maybe. A lot. It was very cool.
That's mighty impressive. I can see why you want it back so badly.
Thank you, thank you.
One of the heads on the sticks chirps up and goes,
yeah, there seems to be a fairy with a ukulele.

(01:20:23):
What, do you play music or something, dumbass?
Why, in fact, I do play music.
Would you like to hear this music?
I would. It might be a treat if you were to appease us, Jester.
Wow.

(01:20:45):
Well, I could do this. You know what, I'm going to tailor this song for you.
It's a sad song, but it makes you feel good about being the sad.
Is it good about being the sad?
He's got the accent of the fairies!

(01:21:06):
When I'm done with this, I might kick off the head.
Soon he said I do, in fact, play music. Fuck ass.
That's funny. Someone grab their head, shoulders.
All right, Reiner.
Oh, I hope I'm in the right key.

(01:21:31):
I am a frog in constant sorrow.
I sit here on a pike all day.
And I bid farewell to the Feywild where I was born and raised.

(01:22:03):
Yes, well, I would clap if I could there, Fairy Man. You have proven me wrong on this day.
I will give you information in form of reciprocity, you see.
The King, yes, holds a book.
Gullop the 19th has his hands on a book in which the hag is looking for.

(01:22:27):
Get that book from him. It may help you on your quest to get Clapper Claw's head back.
Okay, thank you.
You are welcome.
Clapper Claw is like clapping his claws that you're singing.
And then he looks back at you three and he's like,

(01:22:49):
Bring me back my head and I can guide you to tither from here.
Not a lot of people know the way, but I've been there.
So I'll be here if you need me.
You got it, sweetie pie. You stay safe in the meantime, you hear?
Thank you. Thank you. I'm going to keep teasing these guys.

(01:23:13):
Stupid frogs. I'm cool.
You don't got to try that hard. We like you just the same.
What would you say?
I mean, I'll tell them they're a rife trifle of dead toad skin ready to be cooked and eaten like the frog eyes rotting in their skulls.

(01:23:35):
But you know, you guys are right.
Trifle of a frog skin ready to be eaten in your skull.
Did I do good?
Good enough, darling. Thank you.
All right. At this point, is there anything else you guys want to say or do before you walk the rest of this bridge?

(01:23:59):
What's the scarecrow's name? His name is Clapper Claw.
Oh, that's right. Clapper Claw. OK. Yeah. I like Clapper Claw.
If you say you're cool, you're probably not cool.
The war is over. Once again, we're going to...
Clapper Claw is going to save us in the back.

(01:24:21):
If you walk over the bridge, a grand marble gazebo stands atop a mound of soggy earth, its white stone streaked green with algae.
Court pillars have sunk into the muck so unevenly that the doomed canopy now sits askew.

(01:24:43):
Short steps ring the gazebo, leading to a raised floor where bullywugs, dressed in shabby clothing, all lounge on pillows.
Among them, a harpist, seen, sends forth delicate notes that mingle with the murmured croaking of the gathered bullywug nobles.

(01:25:05):
A flabby bullywug, wearing a crown of woven lily flowers, sits on an ornate throne with his legs folded underneath him.
He has a large leather-bound book open across his lap and is mouthing the words he reads out of his pages.
Without looking up, he says,

(01:25:28):
Have you no herald to announce your presence to the King, Gully, up to the 19th? He slams the book closed as if to punctuate his question regarding you three for the very first time.
Sleepy bullywug guards standing around their monarch snap to attention as he slams the book shut like,

(01:25:58):
I'm going to spring forth in front of everyone.
And I'm going, she's, wait, Violet still has the brooch, right? Is she wearing it?
Are you?
I mean, I could hand it to you real slick like if you want to put it on.
Okay. Okay.

(01:26:20):
And I will spring forth and I'll be like, hear ye, hear ye.
I am announcing the presence of Lady Violet, Princess of of things.
And her escort, Sir Dr. Hopps, is her faithful medical assistant. And I am her jester, Sirina.

(01:26:52):
Well, it is unlikely for a royal court to show themselves unannounced. You do not send a raven.
He doesn't seem convinced. But Rainer, I want you to roll me a deception here.
Because of the use of props, I'll give you advantage because of the brooch.

(01:27:15):
Oh, thank you. My protractor. I do. That is a 17.
Advantage. Oh, it's advantage.
Now it's an 18. Nice. Fair enough.
Princess Violet of things, her medic and her jester.

(01:27:41):
You may approach. The night's put down there. Halberds.
All right, failures. You're both going to have to walk for a little bit if we're going to make this this right.
That's fine. Can I go hang out with the Harpist? For sure. You walk over to the Harpist.

(01:28:04):
She's a female Bullywog playing the strings with her big floppy fingers.
Do you have anything is this key? Yes, yes, she begins playing.
Play along with her. Just to see how well you are before I move forward.

(01:28:26):
Run me performance real quick. See how well you're performing.
And also, that was super fucking sick, Rainer. So I'm gonna give you a couch coin, dog.
So that's two. That was a 14. That I roll for performance. Yeah, it's pretty good.
It's pretty good. You approach the king with the two hair and gone.
And he looks and he goes, let's say you then what brings you to the Bullywog's soggy court?

(01:28:57):
So I'm on a real, real like I'm huge. So it's going to be a real weird kind of clumsy curtsy.
Because I'm not used to how small everything is.
Greetings, fine Lord Bullywog. It is an absolute treat to make your recline to this.

(01:29:26):
I'm here upon appointment.
Because I hear tale of a book you may have.
Helping associates of mine retrieves lost items that may or may not have been taken by a powerful entity of this area.

(01:29:53):
You know of the hag?
I have heard pray tell, but I have not had the pleasure.
Pavlonia sits in her shaggy home in the center of our swamp.
Oh yes, this book.
I managed to partake it from the traveling traitors here on the edge of our swamp to the west.

(01:30:20):
The opposite direction you're right in.
Now I'm reading through this book.
I think this book needs to be returned to the hag once I am finished.
But I will not be the one to return it.
For you see, I don't want her to think that I was the one who thieved it away.

(01:30:49):
You look down at his lap. He's kind of covering it, like the title of it, with his hands.
Tell me a persuasion if you want to try and see what the title of the book is.
Persuasion to see the title?
Or perception.
It would be really cool if you moved your hand a little bit. You could be such a cool ruler if you did that.

(01:31:11):
Yeah dude.
That'd be a 13.
You read it, the title looks like it says, Bavlorna's Big Book of Bad Blood.
Cause now we have bad blood. And I don't think we can.

(01:31:33):
Makes it rounders playing next to the harps.
Ay King Gallop, I'm looking for a way to avoid Bavlorna's eye. You might be my way out, Princess of Things.
If you would like to return this book to Bavlorna, and assure to her that Gallop didn't steal it, but merely ensured its safekeeping, we may have an accord of reciprocity.

(01:32:04):
Yes, I could take the book back to Bavlorna.
Alright, that's good. You are an ally then.
I will explain to you that only members of the Soggy Court though are allowed to even speak with Bavlorna.
But I will invite the three of you, Princess of Things, your medic and your jester, to join our group.

(01:32:29):
You will be knighted in the Soggy Court.
I will allow my compatriots to be knighted, but I myself are part of a higher court indeed.
If you refuse, Princess of Things, I will have you put in shackles, all or nothing.

(01:32:54):
You can fucking try.
It's a hard decision.
May I be...
You may speak with your court before you decide.

(01:33:15):
Bavlor, if you want to be knighted, like, yeah, you can fucking try.
I don't care if I'm knighted or not. Perhaps we could, like, intimidate them for the whole shackle thing.
We could sing a song of how you killed people.
True. As you guys are, like, discussing amongst yourselves on the side away from him,

(01:33:38):
one of the little Bullywugs comes over with a tray that has, like, drinks in it, and he holds it up to you guys.
I'm going to take a drink and, like, pretend like I'm, like, drinking it, but I'm just throwing it over my shoulder.
Yeah, I'm gonna politely hold mine. I'll tell him thank you and politely hold it.
I count mine.

(01:33:59):
What is all three of yours? Passive perception?
Do you have that? It should be on your character sheet.
15.
Yeah.
Mine is 13. Yeah.
Okay. All right.
I don't know where that is.
It would be underneath your saving cards if you were looking on D&D Beyond.

(01:34:21):
With your passive perception, as you go to slam your drink down back, a little piece of paper hits you in the back of the throat.
What the fuck, man?
And you pull it out, and you unroll it, and the little waiter lady winks at you and walks away.
You read the note, and it says, find Iliig, the Baron of Muckstump, at once.

(01:34:46):
The revolution lives. The king will die, and we will have a new king.
They're trying to get you mixed up into their politics.
Yeah.
Oh, Jesus.
Mine.
Now, whenever that drink was, that shit was fire, though.
Just wine.

(01:35:07):
That's how you kill somebody. Secret notes in the champagne.
Do you say that out loud in front of the king?
No.
Okay.
All right. You let me know what you guys decide on.
I'll pretend that I'm deaf. Go ahead.

(01:35:29):
Well, like I said, I'm down for whatever if you need me to make some think you're big and strong and can kill them, which is obviously the case.
But they need to be reminded of it.
Or, you know, we can like find out what this revolution is about and use stats to topple the government, you know.
I mean, we could also do that.

(01:35:50):
Sidequests upon sidequests.
I know it's like.
Listen, we're on fetch quest number like six at this point. Let's be honest here. What's a little more?
Yeah, I don't.
Sidequests become unresolved.
You know, if there was an entire other show made for like finishing the sidequests we don't finish, like we have like a bunch right now that I think we're doing pretty good on.

(01:36:15):
I mean, it's not like we're doing a stage show or nothing. What kind of show you talking about?
I don't know. You know, I'm just thinking in my Rhino way.
Anyways, do you want me to sing a song about how terrifying you are? No.
I mean, that'd be great.
I mean, we could do that because I'm looking at it this way is that if we have to be part of this stupid ass court to be even go into the swamp, is it them they're going to stop us or is it the hag that's going to stop us?

(01:36:40):
Because otherwise, why is he going around stealing books? That doesn't make no sense.
Are we trying to just kill the fucking hag?
Yeah, well, that's the plan is to kill the fucking hag.
Like we're going to listen. I got enough vengeance stored up that I got fucking take out on somebody and it's all to this fucking bath.
Lorna, bitch. So why are we in court right now?

(01:37:03):
This makes no sense.
Because we got like sidequests.
God, I thought there was a whole fucking show for this.
All right. Yeah, you know, we don't want to cause no like any interdimensional distortions.
We already had enough trouble back when we were at the circus and I zoned out for like like 30 minutes.

(01:37:27):
It was it was a whole thing. There's some sort of dimensional distortions happening.
I don't I don't I don't want to fuck with nothing.
I got to get everything done as best I can because I don't want to be part of nothing.
I think a blink dog. Am I unmuted?
Am I unmuted? Hold on. I am. Blink dog is a fun point.
Oath breaking here. Will you remind us what your oath is?

(01:37:49):
I'm on the oath of vengeance.
And I'm after retribution.
Essentially, I'm my ultimate goal is to fucking kill my family, my parents and get vengeance on what they did to me as a child.
Essentially, it's to uphold the righteous and punish the wicked that have have struck against the essentially just taking wrath out.

(01:38:17):
Lots of wrath. And as much as I were, we're making Abdon pay for his sins through through helping us.
And we're finding the root of where the vengeance needs to be headed.
So we're heading for that fucking witch and we're trying to get as much of that fucking bullshit ass fucking information we can get.

(01:38:38):
So we have the best chance we can do is it taking her down because Lord knows what these two were like in a fight.
Hell, yeah. So.
You can play a song for this guy. I do want to say certifiable gift to do a potion of giant size, which you can see D&D Beyond about that.

(01:39:02):
You can Google potion of giant size. Very cool. You're already fucking huge. So that's going to be fun.
How big does that make me? Yeah, I'm a look. How big does that make me?
Very big, very, very big. Yeah. Oh, then. Yeah. I want rather. I want a song about how terrifying I can be. I need it.
OK, hold on. OK, let me see this potion because I want to see what it does.

(01:39:27):
Well, devishly handsome king, before we make our decision, I thought you should hear a song about the tales of the princess of things.
OK, I'm gonna pull this up real quick. Oh, fuck right off.

(01:39:48):
Turns out I don't own this book right now. Hold on. Maybe I can get it here. Storm King Sun. Is that why I can't find it?
Potion of giant strength, giant strength food. This potion is a pale white liquid. When you drink this potion, you become huge for 24 hours.
If you are medium or smaller otherwise, the potion does nothing. That duration, your strength becomes 25.

(01:40:12):
So you become fucking huge and your strength becomes 25, which I believe gives you a plus seven to any strength rolls or attack rolls using a strength weapon.
All right. Yeah. It's for 24 hours and it triples the damage on your dice weapon attacks and it's for 24 hours.

(01:40:34):
Yeah. In game 24 hours. So. Yeah. OK. OK. Yeah. I want to drink it right now.
Take a sort of Bible screenshot for me. I don't own Storm King Sunder on D&D Beyond. I didn't fucking know that.
That's wild to me. I'm not going to drink it just yet, but I will. It's on deck. I'm ready to drink it.

(01:40:55):
OK. Reiner, what say you? I say. Time for the song. All right.

(01:41:18):
The Princess of Things is a really big bad bitch. She kills all of the things you don't want to be on the end of it because she's going to rip your fucking head off and shit down your throat.
She doesn't care if you're a baby or a small tiny goat. Yeah, she'll fucking kill you as hard as she can. She'll make sure you go to hell next weekend.

(01:41:44):
Oh, yeah. She's a baddie. Nice, dude. In this moment, Romi performance.
And if you succeed, we're going to give. Violet an advantage on their intimidation check.
Also, we can consider that bardic inspiration if you want to spend a bardic point. Sure, I will do this. This is a 26 for me. Yeah. OK. All right. Yeah.

(01:42:10):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Success. So and inspiration attached to that. Remember, you have one d six.
So whatever you want to say to this man, you can say you get advantage on intimidation and one d six from bardic. All right.
All right. At the same. OK, so I'm going to I'm going to do one of these. I'm going to have the potion in one hand and I'm going to have that that that vorpal sword in the other hand.

(01:42:42):
And I'm I'm going to approach him and.
And address your highness.
Yes.
I'm sure you understand as a member of a royal court that I cannot betray my own people by stooping to becoming a knight of yours.

(01:43:03):
But how about you pass over that book? And when I approach the hag very shortly, I won't tell her that it was you that in fact stole her book of her deepest, darkest secrets.
No, said go ahead and roll it. He's a very temporal role here.

(01:43:24):
You know, intimidation and with advantage. Yeah. Very high DC. At least 18.
17 plus bardic roll your bardic.
All right. And that's a plus one day six.
Do the thing. Why he rolled it.

(01:43:49):
Six. Jesus. So that's 23.
He's like.
The Prince of all Princess of all things.
Seems to be powerful.

(01:44:11):
For this night.
We will not unite you.
You may take the book.
But for you see here and downfall.
You cannot get to bar volia unless you are a part of the soggy court.

(01:44:33):
We will not seem you and do the full ritual to make you nights.
We must at least make you a part of the soggy court.
If you wish to reach Pavlonia, that is the bottom barrel of the deal that I.
Goliath the 19th can provide.

(01:44:59):
He holds out the book and he's like.
Take the book if you accept.
Princess of things.
I'll take the book.
Indeed.

(01:45:20):
Enjoy your wine.
Have a rest.
But we will soon gather.
In the.
Hold on. I got a name of it here.
Oh, this really looks like.
Is that what it looks like.
I didn't know that's what it looks like.
Hold on. Let me show you all.

(01:45:43):
Sorry.
Intense moment.
I'm going to use that potion at some point though, because I love that potion.
It looks like this.
He's like.
We will go.
To the proving grounds.

(01:46:05):
And we will go to the sinking palace.
But for now, enjoy yourselves.
Drink your wine amongst my people.
Princess of things.
Royalty and royalty.
Yes.
I am the king.
I've only been king a couple of days, but I think I'm doing a good job.

(01:46:29):
Hey, stealing things from Hags. You're a fucking wiener.
I didn't steal it. I bought it from the merchants.
The merchants got a hold of it. I wanted to read it before it was returned.
And could I just say under my breath, like I don't want anybody to hear this, but I just want to be like, and a total pussy.

(01:46:51):
Weird enough. Romeo stealth check on that.
So 14.
He's like, could you say, oh, nothing. Just how you're so brave and king like.
Thank you.
It's big as red ladies intimidating. We have not encountered another kingdom of the Feywild. This things kingdom must be something plus or minus one.

(01:47:23):
What did you say?
What did you say?
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
I was just saying how I'd like to get some of that frog pussy.
It doesn't even rhyme with what you actually did say. So that's weird.
I thought I heard you calling me up.

(01:47:45):
All right. Well, so we're going to do. Yeah, it's weird.
Going to take a quick little break here and then we're going to come back and we're going to see what the fuck happens with the soggy court.
That's what we're going to do. But before we go, we do think also where did thumbnail poses.
We'll just do a quick one real quick.
And I want to remind everybody if you've made any clips tonight, if you've got any screenshot posts, support, fucking post them all in the Discord.

(01:48:08):
We like to review all that shit during our short rest.
If you've got any kind of pictures or anything, anything you were doing while you were watching the show, please go ahead and post in the Discord.
If you like to hang out and talk and learn more about our community during our short rest.
And if we did miss anything in chat, please, if it was important, save it for the short rest.
Because while we're up in role play, sometimes I miss stuff.
So please save it and let us know about it during the short rest.
But we'll be right back for the final act of tonight's show in a few minutes.

(01:48:32):
So don't go anywhere. We love you guys. We'll be right fucking back.
Show off Steve.
Rocking the merch. Steve, my guy.
Look at this shit.
Look at that handsome Viking.
Look at this handsome Viking.
Shout out to Forge of Lore. Our boy Steve rocking the LD&D shirt.
Bro, how comfy is that fucking shirt, bro?
Thank you. We love Steve.

(01:48:53):
It's so soft. I can't even talk about how soft it is.
Look, I'm on the TV.
I'm on the TV, mom.
Look at me there. I'm on the TV.
Yeah, shout out to Forge of Lore, you guys.
Steve from Forge of Lore puts in way too much work.
And we love the shit out of their campaign. We really do.

(01:49:14):
And hey, special little insight.
In a couple of weeks, he may be on SideQuesters.
So make sure to go over there and show them some love, y'all.
Cheers, you guys.
Welcome back to Love, Death, and Dies.
That's right, baby. MPV fucking Steve. That's right.
It is now one of my prominent roller derby t-shirts.
Let me tell you what.
Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, it is.

(01:49:36):
All right. Taking Steve down here.
So welcome back, everybody. I'm Turkey, obviously.
We're here with the lads. Hello, lads.
This is episode six of The Wild Beyond, Love, Death, and Dies.
So we're going to get right back here into the show here
so we can get some things done before we run out of time.
Here we go.
You three, spend some time hanging out.

(01:49:57):
Ryna, you spend some time learning some things about the harp
with the harp player there.
And you guys spend some time hanging out
and sitting around in this court. It's very royal.
But one of the things I'll point out is that all these bully walks,
you can tell that there's a sense that it almost feels like
they're playing make believe.
Like they've decorated their stuff to try to be royalty,

(01:50:18):
but they have no idea what they're playing.
And so the king even himself is making royalty jokes and stuff.
Like he's very brand new.
And so the king even himself is making royalty jokes and stuff.
After a little while, a lot of the bully wugs of the royalty
Like he's very brand new.
start walking over this other part of the bridge to the other area.
After a little while, a lot of the bully wugs of the royalty
And they start going inside of this building,
start walking over this other part of the bridge to the other area.
leaving you three there by yourselves,

(01:50:39):
And they start going inside of this building,
and you kind of walk on your own over to the other platform.
leaving you three there by yourselves,
As you get over that, there's a couple of different things.
and you kind of walk on your own over to the other platform.
As you get over that, there's a couple of different things.
One of the first things you see are what seem to be like makeshift holding cells.
And they rise up from the soggy earth.
It's like a sturdy wooden hut with an open doorway.

(01:51:00):
And at the back of the hut, there's a couple of holding cells
that have like makeshift root like bars.
And then over to the side, there's like a grove of tree stands
in the middle of a patchway like of dirt.
It's like heavily turned mud where rustling and rotting bits of armor

(01:51:22):
and weapons are all scattered about.
Like this is some kind of proving grounds.
Then over over a bridge off of this continent of land here in the swamp
looks to be a big black balloon that floats over the lake.
It's like tugging at its moorings.
It's just like blowing in the wind.

(01:51:43):
Beneath it is a basket made of, you know, black wicker and wood.
But it looks like it's serving as like a merchant stall.
There's a large pane of gray glass.
It's like drawn across an opening above the counter
and a sign mounted above this window that reads,
wondrous wares and fair fairs.

(01:52:05):
The balloon is made out of fabric, but rather appears to be a rotting,
dark rain cloud that's contained somehow within the lines of the netting.
And then over to the right is the building that all of the Bullywogs have gone into.
It's like a ramshackle kind of built hall around a big tree.
So you guys have four little destinations wherever you want to go to.

(01:52:31):
Failers, I've been making a lot of decisions today.
What do you want to do?
Whatever that princess wants.
Yes, you all like the Commander in Chief right now.
Do you make the decisions?
Like I'm a queen of the circus, not real life.

(01:52:52):
Like this isn't come on.
I didn't say queen. I said princess.
Yes, I am the queen of the circus. Were you not there?
I got crowned.
Sure.
We're trying to keep a low profile, so keep it princess, your majesty.
Fuck off, Hopps.

(01:53:13):
All right. Well, I mean, I guess we follow the frogs, I guess, because let's
unless you guys want to buy anything from that totally reputable seller.
I don't have like money.

(01:53:34):
I have 21 gold.
You don't really need.
Yeah, it's really surprised.
Yeah, it's really surprised that you just got to give him something in return.
Yeah, I don't know how much my songs are with, baby.

(01:53:55):
All right. Well, I'm good to go in where the frogs went. I'm going to take Abaddon with me.
So, OK, that's fair.
So, oh, I have a cool little picture to let me show you.
This is actually what the balloon looks like with the thunder cloud.
Oh, that's neat. I like that.

(01:54:21):
Yeah, it's fucking crazy.
So, this ramshackle hall, you guys approach, is built around a big tree.
Two of the trees limbs reach out to the walls like an enormous pair of welcoming arms.
The interior of the hall, as you guys step inside, is roomy with an open floor plan

(01:54:44):
that allows occupants of the upper story to look out over the lower one.
Bullywug, Kurt here, is crowd in this space, filling it with their guttural croaks and fancy offbeat language.
Their clothing, all on the inside, from what you experienced before, is stained with mud.
The upper level of the tree trunk is built around the tree,

(01:55:06):
and the lower level is almost submerged in a couple levels of swamp water.
As you step through, you're sloshing through the water.
Standing at the tip is the king, on a stage with a couple of his royals.
And he looks out at you three and he goes, welcome new participants.

(01:55:29):
Welcome. Please approach.
Hello?
They are approaching.
Okay.
You guys approach the top. You step up the small little wooden stairs and out of the murky water onto the stage.

(01:55:50):
And he sets you, like, moves, guides you three to the side.
And he looks out at his crowd and he's like, I am Gulab, the 19th king of the Bullywug Soggy Court.
Many of you know we've been having issues with the hag.
They all grumble.

(01:56:11):
Yes, yes, pipe it down.
These three adventurers, this princess and her court,
are going to be named official members of the Soggy Court so they may see the hag.
Return the book and hopefully get some good esteem on our side.
Now, who's three?

(01:56:35):
If you'd like to be members of the court, we have a phrase you must speak.
Okay.
Alone.
It goes like this.
Ruh, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, ribbit.

(01:56:58):
Ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry.
Ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry.
All righty, Mr. What is your name, medic?
Yeah, that is...
Hops.

(01:57:20):
Hops.
Okay, hops, I now amend you a member of the Soggy Court.
You other two, repeat after me.
Bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, ribbit, bry.
Bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit.

(01:57:49):
Very good.
Very good.
Bard.
Bry.
Well, if I never insult my mother that way, Princess, what say you?
Brother's a tramp. Bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, bry, ribbit, ribbit, bry.

(01:58:14):
Nice. He's like...
Hey, Princess and the bry, I pronounce you members of the Soggy Court.
Congratulations!
And the whole crowd erupts in ribbits and bras and ribbits and bras.
And everyone did too, right?

(01:58:39):
Oh, sure, sure. Go ahead. Bry, ribbit, bry.
He does it as well.
Anything to say in the port of the Soggy Court?
Do you know anything of betrayal in my kingliness?
I mean, what are your feelings on the hag?

(01:59:01):
Well, I want to stay out of her reign.
I would truthfully wish for her to no longer be there, for she's taking up a big section of our slump.
But we must amend her rules, for she is more powerful than any of us bullywooks.

(01:59:25):
Iron F?
Yeah. What say you on the hag?
Well, I mean, I find her trifling ho.
She's hurting a great many people of this land, and I can't abide by it.
Yes, yes, yes she does.

(01:59:46):
Weird frog sounds.
Ribbit, bra, ribbit, bra.
I don't think I like her because she gave us all this goddamn work to do.
Yeah, we got so many fucking fetch quiz going on.
What else do you need?
Nothing. We don't need anything else. It's too much already.

(02:00:10):
Can I help? You are members of the Soggy Court now.
I mean, do you know how to magically take a scarf off of a herring gone or where to find a stag head that belongs to a scarecrow or a set of thumbs that belong to a big spider guy?
Yes, yes, I do.

(02:00:33):
Murder is a hag.
Yeah, that's the plan.
Yes.
Well, if she doesn't take kindly to my book, then maybe you may do that. And if you do, please return to me and let me know because maybe we may come to some kind of an accord.
Maybe you're not so bad, Mr. Gullywock.

(02:00:55):
Why are you twitching out?
You got one of them worms in your head.
She's killing me.
Princess, I must consume the wine.
Can't you tell I've been exhausted this whole time?
Well, have fun with your whatever happens.
And, you know, when you inevitably join all the pacts below, may you speak kindly on to those that cross your bridge.

(02:01:25):
All right, I will.
Now, in normal celebration, I believe it is time for all of us to celebrate our new family members by having a bra.
And everyone's like, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit, Ribbit.
They all get excited and they'll start heading out to the proving grounds.
And he's like, well, you see, you're welcome to join us.

(02:01:46):
You may stay here.
Afterwards, I will teach you the way to the hag's hut.
Bra?
Bra.
All right, sounds good.
Good luck. If I should ass whooping, let's go.
Hell yes.
You guys kind of follow a little bit and you see you go out to this area and again, it's a big pit of mud.

(02:02:10):
And amongst all this mud, there's like old broken weapons and stuff.
And he's like, my best fighter, the winner who has won all the wins in the past two days, please show yourself.
And there's like this bullywog that walks out with this big sword and this big suit of armor.
And he's all scarred up and like fucked up.
And he like slams his sword into the mud.

(02:02:31):
Smaller than you.
He's about normal human size, maybe five foot tall.
He's smaller than you.
But he's cute to you.
He's like, now, do we have any takers who will fight against this bullywog?
As you know, the winner of these games will win one hundred gold.
Who wants to fight?

(02:02:53):
Yeah, fuck up.
Let's go.
I'm good.
I'm down for a good wrestling.
I need to take some fucking steam off on the world.
Little bit of vengeance.
Let's go.
I'm in for it.
OK.
Would your friends like to fight as well?
I may call upon more bullywogs.
No, I think I see this one out.
Plus, like, the heart player was like getting into me.

(02:03:16):
So I think I just watched from the crowd with like the heart player.
OK.
Real me perception.
Environmental effects to the battle.
So I'm going to set this one out.
Sick.
Hell yeah.
All right, Abaddon, you stay safe.
You stay with heart.
God damn it.
Damn, that's only a three.
You don't see her.

(02:03:37):
Actually, this.
You think you see her, but you aren't sure if that's her or not.
Because a lot of these female frogs look a lot alike.
So you approach one of these frogs and it looks at you and it's like, ribbit, brawl.
Brawl ribbit.
Yeah.
What would you like, sir?

(02:03:58):
I don't know.
Maybe like some head while we're watching this.
Well, you ever had head from a bullywog before?
No, but you guys have those crazy tongues.
I imagine it can't be that bad.
I've never had a girl.
But my mouth is literally longer than the size of your whole body.

(02:04:22):
I'm a frog.
Just use like the corner of your lip, you know.
That's not a problem.
Can't actually before I say go any further, please roll me perception there, but persuasion.
I'm just saying if she's one of those ones that's got like a dart in the bottom of her tongue, be careful because then you're going to get priapism for like the next six days.

(02:04:45):
And that's like the most painful boner you can have.
This is this is a 13.
It's also 13.
OK, she looks at you.
She looks you up and down and she goes advantage or disadvantage.
Roll it again one more time.
Take the higher roll.
Seventeen now.

(02:05:06):
Nice.
She looks at you and she goes, if I just hold my mouth like that, could you flutter and just just fuck my face?
Yeah, I reckon I could do that.
All right.
Sounds good.
Violet, you walk out to the center of the crowd and the crowd goes wild.

(02:05:27):
And he picks up his sword and swings it around.
And the king's like, yes, now this is a fight to the death or a fight to the one of them gives up.
Please, there are no rules in this fight.
Just fucking fight each other for my rules.
And he sits on a chair like above everyone else.

(02:05:48):
And is there anything you want to do before he says anything else?
Hops.
Yes, I'm like contender.
How many combatants are there?
Just one and Violet.
What about it?
Great.
I'm a cast very fire on him.
And he's going to start glowing purple.

(02:06:10):
Fuck yeah.
You don't have to do anything to catch very far.
It just happens.
Yeah.
Range 60 feet.
Concentration of the one minute.
Each object within a 20 foot cube of the range is outlined with blue, green or violet light.
Your choice, any creature within this matter is also cast in light.
And Violet gets advantage.

(02:06:31):
Right?
Yeah.
If you fail, yeah.
If you fail, it's a dexterity saving throw.
Yeah.
Okay, that's what it is.
Nice.
All right.
Let me grab this here.
One sec.

(02:06:52):
I'm going to grab his stats for us.
Okay.
He's only got a plus one.
19.
Here's what it looks like too, by the way.
That's what it looks like.

(02:07:13):
I can ribbit.
Okay.
So he succeeds.
So your fairy fire doesn't affect him.
Now.
The king looks down and he says, combatants, please commence battle from initiative violet.
All right.

(02:07:34):
Sorry.
I was reading a thing, trying to understand because this is the first time actually battling
in this system.
So I was trying to make sense of some of the new things I have.
You got a four for initiative.
I got 14.
There you go.
So you're first.
We can say hops and runner.
You guys can do whatever you want at the end of initiative round at the bottom.

(02:07:56):
All right.
So first is first violet.
What do you do?
So I got this thing.
I got, am I like glitching out?
What's happening?
A little bit.
All right.
So I got this thing.
I don't know if this is like a bonus section or I got to do this.
They're not going to take or how, however it works.

(02:08:18):
I got this thing called Hunter's Mark and oh, it is a bonus action.
Okay.
I did.
I found the thing that said casting time.
I said bonus action.
Choose a creature you can see within range and mystically mark it as your quarry until
the spell ends.
You deal an extra one D six damage to the target whenever you hit it with a weapon attack

(02:08:40):
and you have advantage on any wisdom or perception rolls until the target drops to zero points
before or before the spell ends.
Fuck yeah.
Bad ass.
Whenever you cast Hunter's Mark on him, what does it look like when you do it?
You are a, you're a paladin, right?
So what does your Paladin magic look like when you cast this on him?

(02:09:01):
Oh, I imagine we actually meet in the middle and do a little bit of a handshake.
Nice.
And I'm just going to, I think I see and chili.
I'm going to just, uh, like as we're grasping hands, my middle finger is just going to scrape
down his froggy skin and I will, and I will whisper.

(02:09:24):
I mark you in the name of Lord Gano to be, to be hunted until that they are either, either
defeated or beneath me in the ground.
You say that he looks back at you and he goes,
And then that was the bonus action.

(02:09:46):
I'm going to take my Vorpal sword.
I know swapsies.
Come on, Natty 20.
Come on, brother.
Be sick.
Come on.
I got to figure out how to do things.
All right.
All right.
So I rolled his normal act, right?
Yeah.

(02:10:07):
Roll to hit.
Oh, it's not a Natty 20.
Hey, that's an 11.
It's an 11.
You have bonuses to attack rolls.
Yeah.
And then a one day six, right?
That was what I said.
You definitely have bonuses to, you have bonuses to attack rolls here.
Yeah.
It would be plus some strength.
Oh, I didn't know what to hit.

(02:10:27):
I'm sorry.
Was it strength that was supposed to roll instead?
Yeah.
Okay.
But let's go.
I'm going to go over here real quick.
One second.
You get advantage.
Nice.
So fuck that roll.
Okay.
So I do strength.
You see it?
Hold on.
I'm pulling it up here.
Okay.
I'm pulling it up first.
I'm pulling it up first.

(02:10:50):
Okay.
The Vorpal Longsword.
So pull it up over here so we can see it.
The Vorpal Longsword.
Oh, there's something that lates me.
I feel like there's something that lates me.
You get a plus seven to hit with this Vorpal Longsword.
A plus seven.
So it's not even your strength.
Yeah, you get a plus seven to hit with this fucking thing.

(02:11:13):
All right.
So if I just hit that then, that should roll it, right?
Yeah.
That's a 15.
Stop that.
One more time because of with advantage.
All right.
That's a 16.
Okay.
We'll take that.
We'll take that 17.
And then I do a 1d6 on top of that, which is an extra three.

(02:11:39):
So that's a 19.
All right.
Dirty 19.
We'll take it.
That hits.
Now you get to roll your damage.
All right.
What do I roll for damage?
So on here, your Vorpal Longsword does 1d8 plus five slashing.
Are you using it two handed?

(02:12:03):
Yeah, sure.
Why not?
I didn't bring the other sword with me in.
Then it does 1d10 plus five slashing damage.
1d10 plus five.
Seven.
Seven damage.
All right.
That was pathetic.

(02:12:24):
A little bit.
That's all right, though.
You run over and slash at him.
He slides across his chest, swing across the metal, and he goes, oh, you think you can
fight me, Dibbilywog Knight?
And he slashes out with his glaive.
He's got a plus five to hit with his glaive.

(02:12:46):
And he swings back.
Damage is only a seven, so he misses.
Rhyno.
Hops, you guys want to do anything?
Yeah, I didn't need to do anything because he didn't hit.
But if he did hit, I would do something.

(02:13:09):
Oh, the d6 is damage from Hunter's Mark.
So it wasn't a d20.
That's actually...
I didn't know what the d6 was for.
If that's Hunter's Mark damage, then that is actually 10 damage you did.
All right.
Go ahead, Rhyno.
What are you going to do?
Anything?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't have anything.
Hops.
Okay.
You just over there.
Bigger bear, you're going to test.
Shield of Faith.
And now you get a plus two to your AC bonus.

(02:13:32):
Nice.
Oh, nice.
All right.
So I'm at an 18.
Yeah.
That's big bonus.
Now it's your go again.
All right.
Well, I mean, it worked for me the first time, so we're going to come in again, but we're
going to do like damn words.
We're going to start from the down.
We're going to do like, damn words.

(02:13:53):
We're going to start from the down and go up.
We're going to we slice down the first time we're coming back up on the upswing.
Fuck yeah.
Let's do it.
All right.
And so I roll.
Do this correctly this time.
I roll for my fucking sword.
Wherever that went.

(02:14:14):
There it is.
And I roll that and that's a plus seven.
Wow.
All right.
That's a 12.
Plus.
No pluses.
That's it.
That's five plus seven.
It's a 12.
So you swing and you miss and he goes, ha ha tiefling woman.
My girl.
Plus five.
All right.
Come at me.

(02:14:35):
It's only an eight.
Rainer, you do anything?
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
I'm going to roll.
Rainer, do anything?
I don't need to do anything unless you succeed.
A new nerd.
Fuck.
You guys have to do something.
Hey, we got a follow from mythical Turingturian, but the alert cut off.

(02:14:55):
Sorry about that, buddy.
Hello, mythical.
Waa.
Hello.
Hops.
What do you do?
I'm going to cast Bless on violet.
Nice.
You can bless up to three creatures of your choice, whatever the target makes an attack
I'm saving throw before the spell ends.
We can add a D4 to the roll.

(02:15:17):
Fuck yeah.
You get an extra D4 to your rolls now.
Bad ass.
And now it's your go.
We trolled.
What is your attack rolls?
We trolled.
Attack rolls.
Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
Hops.
Does this look like anything special?
No, still the face doesn't use concentration.
So still the face just happens
and it's dead for 10 minutes.

(02:15:38):
Now, glass uses concentration.
So now you see Violet's sword glow all radiant.
Fuck yeah.
You're a badass.
Thanks.
Thank you, Puddin' Paws.
That's something awful sweet of you.
Bad ass.
Okay.
Violet, your attack again.
All right, well.
Well, we're coming in for that sword once again.

(02:15:59):
We're coming in,
but we're doing a nice little shank forward.
We're doing a nice lunge forward at him.
Nice.
Nice.
Just get that natural 20 with your Vorpal Sword.
I'm waiting for it.
I want it.
I want it so bad.
It's a 23.
Nice.
And you get the D4 on Bless just because fuck it,
why not?
Roll it as well.
Yeah.
It's a 26 now.

(02:16:20):
26.
All right, you hit.
Roll me your damage.
Let's go.
All right.
And then I got this bad boy.
That's the one.
That's a 14.
Fuck yeah.
Plus Hunter's Mark.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Hunter's Mark, yeah, I'm on it.

(02:16:44):
Plus another two, so that's 16.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
16 damage.
It's concentration in both his games.
Does it?
It's in here, right?
I trust certified, but you want to double check for us?
The Bullywook Knight.

(02:17:07):
You slash him.
You get through the armor and he starts to bleed green
out of his chest.
Oh no, I am wrong.
You are wrong?
Yeah.
We don't take it for the hit anyways.
That's fine.
So no more shield of phase, just Bless then.
And that's fine, because she hasn't gotten attacked yet.
So it's really cool.
He like stands up on his thing and he's like.

(02:17:28):
This game is play.
We all know how that goes.
You're going to defeat me, T-flag woman.
When you do, please.
This new king, he shall not stay here.

(02:17:50):
The rebels, they're in the jail.
Release them after you kill the heck.
Promise me this.
The evil of revolution.
He will die.
I must attack now.
So he does not think there's any shenanigans.

(02:18:16):
He tries to lunge out to you.
He's still got that plus five to his attack on his glaive.
That's a 15.
I got an 18 AC.
Damn buddy, I'm rolling ass today.
He tries to lunge out.
He's like, please end it soon.

(02:18:37):
But then we cut back to hops and Reiner.
Reiner, anything you want to do?
He's not this.
I don't have anything to do unless he succeeds.
I'm still just fucking frog face.
Okay.
Cause you have conning words, huh?
Okay, hops, anything you want to do?
I'm going to take concentration on Bless.
Nice.

(02:18:57):
Now it's Violet's turn.
He's on his knees in front of you.
All right, then I would like to hold.
Say it.
The evil of revolution, buddy.
I promise you this king's a dick.
And I'm going to take.
The teeth will die.
I'm going to take my sword and just pierce it

(02:19:17):
into the back of his skull, down his neck, into his spine.
My name is Inigo Frogtoya.
And the king will die.
I'll kill that six-fingered king.
I promise you.
Here's the most fucked up part though.
You still got to roll the hit.
You fucked my father.

(02:19:38):
Prepare for me to die.
I sure didn't fuck your dad, but you know what?
Maybe your mom.
Is your mom.
Actually, I think I have that covered.
This might be her.
You're trying to stab him in the back.
You slipped.
You're a good knight.
Roll me a D4.

(02:19:58):
Doesn't matter, still a natural one.
Roll me a D4.
A one.
You take one damage on your own Vorpal Sword.
When he stands up.
He stands back.
He's like, oh, okay, fine.
Reroll from the gang, let's do it.
You're so sweet.
And the advantage, all right.
Roll it twice. The roll it twice?
Yeah, take the higher roll.

(02:20:19):
Advantage or disadvantage.
Roll it three times, take the higher roll.
That's a 15.
Nice.
Plus the four.
A 15 misses him, still.
He has an 18.
Well, do I reroll the four again?
Plus the four, yeah, so hit the four.

(02:20:40):
There you go, you might be able to hit it.
Nope, 16.
Nice, this is 16.
When did he get an AC of 18 again?
This whole time, he's at it.
So you try to stab him, he's like, come on.
You must kill me, tiefling woman,
before he suspects any shenanigans.
And he tries to stab you.
Wobbitt the ankles.

(02:21:00):
He only got a 10, so he misses.
Hux, you maintain concentration?
Can I back?
There's some way to sidebar with these guys, is there?
Not from the stands.
You can sidebar with Reiner.

(02:21:22):
Hey Reiner, oh fuck, Jesus Christ.
Balls are so huge.
I lost my train of thought.
I needed somebody to make a distraction, but it's fine.
I mean, I can be distracting if you want me to.
No, you're distracting as it is, trust me.
It's meant that everybody's not watching is painful.

(02:21:44):
All right, I'm gonna break concentration on blast,
and then we're gonna cast fog cloud
at a second level spell slot.
And drop it right there in the middle of the arena.
Fuck yeah, read it for us.
For the folks who don't know what fog cloud does.
Read it for us.
You create a 24-mania sphere fog

(02:22:07):
centered on the point where the merge.
The sphere spreads around corners.
The area is heavily obscured,
and it lasts for the duration or in time to wind,
or moderate, greater speed dissipates it.
At higher level, using it to second spell slots
and higher, you increase it by 20 feet.

(02:22:27):
Each spell slot's about to burst.
So 40 feet of fog just fills the area.
And you're not just gonna yell, run!
Why?
Why?
Because no, maybe he doesn't have to die.
Maybe people of revolution can live on.

(02:22:48):
Oh shit.
Okay, well we're going up to Violet then.
All right, and then that case,
because I'm gonna hear Hop say run,
and I'm gonna hear the thing.
And I'm essentially gonna lean down to him,
and say, you can free them now.
And I'm gonna lay on hands for five HP.

(02:23:08):
Then you heal him.
Okay, and he revitalizes, his blood kind of stops.
He coagulates his blood.
He stands on his sword in the fog, and it's just you two.
And he leans in real close to you, and he goes,
the Bullywood revolution will remember the name

(02:23:31):
of the Princess of Things on this day.
And he runs out of the fog.
And then the fog clears.
It begins to, actually it doesn't,
because I mean this is magical,
so I don't get to say that that happens.
But there's like hella fog.
So after you say that to him, what do you do?

(02:23:53):
Wait, I would like to inject something.
Okay.
You're injecting plenty already.
Well, no, I want to say, whose mom or sister is this?
Who's related to this woman?
And there's like a smaller Bullywug sitting
to the left of her on the other side of you,
and he's like, mine.

(02:24:15):
And then right in that moment, I,
oh, I just unload.
Jesus.
Okay, well Violet, how do you end your turn?
It's talking's a free action.
Well, you did land hands, so.
But you still have movement.

(02:24:36):
Yeah.
Oh, fair enough.
I'm actually just gonna stand straight up
and be like, what kind of jacannery is this?
How am I supposed to fight my opponent like this?
He could be anywhere.
I feel like the king in the crowd's like,
our magic happens, sweetheart.
Find him.
Kill him.

(02:24:57):
I cannot see you.
All right, I'm swiping.
I'm swiping.
Everywhere I'm swiping.
Oh, I think I got him.
Okay, I'm gonna toss him into the water,
and I'm gonna find like a close up rock
and just toss it into the water.

(02:25:17):
Okay, we're gonna make you roll deception on this one
to make it convincing. Oh, fuck me, all right.
Okay. Yeah, but you're using a rock
that's like a prop will give you advantage
on this deception.
Oh, shit, okay.
And you still have guidance, so.
Well, I got a 23 for my second roll on advantage.

(02:25:38):
And like, into the water.
And then it's Hop's turn.
Oh, no.
Oh, Fubar.
Wait, wait, can I do a robotic inspiration?
Yeah, sure.
What do you play?
I'm gonna turn to the little boy next to,

(02:26:00):
next to the lady whose face I just fucked.
I say, hey, what's your name?
Ah, um.
Gerard.
I was gonna pick a name from chat,
but then I felt like that was kind of disrespectful.
Wait, what is the little boy's name?
Yes.
Okay, what's the little boy's name?
We already got Steve for something on side questers, so.

(02:26:24):
My name is Alan.
Okay, and then I'm just gonna start singing.
Alan's mom has got it going on.
Alan's mom has got it going on.
Alan, can you come over after school?
Mm-mm, mm-mm.

(02:26:46):
After school.
Yeah, after school.
I just came in your mom's mouth at the fighting pool.
The fighting pool.
Fighting pool.
Nice.
He's got personal, he's dead.
Ay, ay, ay.
Okay, that's an 18 plus the D6 of bardic

(02:27:09):
and the D4 of guidance.
All right, that's three.
And then you said, what was the other one, four?
D4, yeah. D4.
All right, plus a full four.
Really good, really good.
Okay, Reiner finishes his song.
And the fog begins to fade as a big gust of wind blows in.

(02:27:33):
And it's just you standing there.
Right by the river as the ripples water out.
And the king looks down and he goes,
well, we didn't get to seize the end of the fight,
but it sounded like a good one.
I would like to pronounce our new champion,
the princess of things.

(02:27:56):
And the crowd goes, rababrababra.
The frog with his fucking Reiner goes rababrabab.
And there's like some white stuff that spurts out
of her mouth onto the patron in front of her
in the style of stuff.
He's like, ugh. It's educational.
Semen. Semen.
Semen.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
Fae Semen goes up right on front.

(02:28:19):
And he like wipes it.
What the fuck?
He's like, no, join me back here.
I will give you your 100 gold.
Also teach you the way to the Hag's hut.
Let's go.
He steps down, some people follow him.
And you three are left in the fighting area.
What do you do?
I'm gonna follow him.

(02:28:40):
Okay.
I know wheels are turning in the background.
Hold on, I forgot something very crucial.
Okay.
Does my Semen have drug inducing properties?
Sorry, I'm late.
What?
Dude, no worries.
25 months.
Everyone, shame B-Jab for being late.
I'm just kidding, B-Jab.
We love you, buddy.
Cheers, B-Jab.

(02:29:00):
Thank you so much for joining us, my man.
That dog.
That dog.
That dog.
In season two, I believe, of the Grouchcatch,
or season three, it was ice and thunder.
You can re-watch the whole thing on our YouTube.

(02:29:21):
We had a running joke of Discordia
where face Semen was a drug.
And it had wild magic properties when consumed
by people that were not of the Fae.
So I thought of this, and I was going to remind you

(02:29:42):
that if you ever induced your Semen into a human
or someone from Intoxica, yes, it is canon in our world
and I fucking hate it, but canon is canon.
But we are in the Fae Wild, and these are Bullywugs,
so there is no opposition here.
Just making sure, didn't want to accidentally

(02:30:04):
overdose someone.
Yeah, yeah.
You are like two feet, how much Semen are you producing?
Fruit.
Well, what is it, like half of a toe of a sock?
Like honestly, how much Semen are you actually producing?
This is supposed to have ginormous testicles.

(02:30:24):
The size of testicles does not,
it does not conclude amount of Semen.
I mean, there's the water boatman bug,
and it's got the largest testicles to body ratio
in the entire animal kingdom,
and it still comes out with a, it, it, it.
A head pokes out of the building and goes, are you coming?
Wait, what are y'all talking about?

(02:30:47):
The water boatman, sir.
All right, okay, yeah, yeah.
I'll show you how much Semen I can produce.
You know what, put it in a vial
and send it down the fucking river.
Right.
Yes, it's like that song I wrote,
every time I come, I produce a quart.
No, no.

(02:31:07):
Quote ad, you know what I'm saying?
You have a cold, two inches of water,
four inches of clothing.
Back inside, and the king is there with his little crown,
he seems a little bit more drunk now,
as if he was drinking during the battle,
which probably helped you during your deception,
but he hands you over a sack of Semen,

(02:31:27):
a sack of 100 gold coins, Violet.
Excellent.
Yeah, and then he walks out to this like porch area
on this building, and he looks out, and he goes,
do you three see the four connecting clotheslines
to Zaheg's hut?

(02:31:50):
You guys look out and you can see,
there's like these wires going from the buildings
out to the hag's hut.
You better roll for perception.
I got a six-teeth, I feel like I see what I'm looking for.
For sure, for sure.
And you can see all four of them,
and on your perception, you can see they're like

(02:32:10):
attached to the buildings with like these hooks
and wires and stuff, and he pulls on one of them
like tugs, and he's like,
these bad boys can hold like, I don't know,
400 pounds at a time.
We used to do them like jump rope.
It's very good.

(02:32:32):
So the only way to the hag's hut,
for you see it floats way above the swamp,
is to climb on these clotheslines and get there,
especially if you want to arrive without her knowing.
Thank you, your majesty.

(02:32:54):
You're welcome.
I think I need to go take a nap now,
but I wish you good luck and I'll see you guys very soon.
All right, don't lose your head.
And as he walks out,
there's like sounds of an alarm going off,
and he's like,
if you will excuse me,

(02:33:14):
it seems that the rebels have escaped,
and he holds on his hat and he runs his crown inside.
Oh no, I wonder how that could have happened.
Now, oodles.
It's like, no way.
Drop dead, Fred.
Right.
Now Rainer, you can float with your wings.

(02:33:35):
Do you actually have a flying speed
on your character sheet?
It's about 120 feet up this clothesline
to where her hut is.
Okay.
So what is your flying speed?
My flying speed.

(02:33:57):
Of course it wouldn't put it right next to the walking speed.
Bastards.
Roll for ejaculate.
Ejaculate.
Oh no, no.
No!
Please, no!
Very magic flight.
Because of your wings,
you are flying speed equal to your walking speed.

(02:34:19):
You can't use this flying speed
if you're wearing medium or heavy armor.
So I have a 30 foot flying speed.
Okay, so you couldn't even float all the way over there.
So I need all three of you guys.
You're gonna be making athletics checks
to grab one of these clotheslines
and army crawl your asses all the way over to the hag's hut.

(02:34:42):
Would I not need to just float?
Wait.
You only got 30 feet.
It's 120 and it's like way up.
Oh, okay.
So it's telling me, yeah, that you won't make it.
Well.
You might be able to float like a little bit of the way
and then kind of like crawl.
What actually, what I will say, because of your wings,

(02:35:03):
I'll give you advantage on this check.
Like as if you're using your wings
to help like guide you up.
You know what I mean?
Like you're using them a little bit.
So I'll give you advantage on this athletics check.
Okay, so.
It is 30 feet per round, yeah.
So it's going to be a 14 for me.

(02:35:26):
14, nice.
Mine's a five.
Fuck.
That's not good.
It's not good at all.
Hop.
It's because I'm carrying Abaddon.
That's right.
12 is what we're looking for.
Chet, in a moment of actual need,
do you want to help Violet
or will she fall into the swamp?

(02:35:47):
We roll.
There we have it.
Thanks, friends.
Thank you, Beat-Time.
I think it's the land of the end of each round.
Oh, well hell yeah, that's 22.
Second one of the night.
Yes, I know it's verifiable, but.
Roll play.
I can't, I see RPG anymore.
I want two mastery points.

(02:36:09):
Good times, huh?
Good times.
Okay.
Although Violet struggles for a little bit
and you use your wings and hops,
you jump up real quick with your hoppy legs
to these clotheslines.
You guys shimmy your way all the way over to the Hag's Hut.
Individually, you land on what seems to be like a awning,
kind of like porch area of the Hag's Hut.

(02:36:29):
On the inside, you hear gurgling and strange noises.
But my friends, that is where we're gonna leave it
for the night.
So when we return next time,
you'll be entering into the Hag's Hut.
That's right.
So everyone here watching on YouTube,
please subscribe and like, please, please, please.

(02:36:50):
Everyone here who is live,
if you haven't already subscribed to our YouTube,
please do so.
We've been posting shorts there
and also old videos and other kinds of stuff.
You could actually watch all of our old main campaigns
in their entirety on our YouTube now,
which is a lot of fun.
They're actually underneath the podcast section.
So please check them out
if you want to watch anything we've done before.
A lot of those campaigns really do hold up
and they're so much fucking fun.

(02:37:12):
So check that stuff out.
Now for everyone here who is live,
we're gonna be right back in about five minutes
out of costume or so, probably 10,
depending on how long it takes parties
to take their makeup off.
10. We did it.
Cute Connor hopping.
To our short rest,
where we're just gonna talk about tonight
and talk with you guys here in chat
and talk about our community
because we love you guys all so much
and review anything and everything

(02:37:33):
that was inputted into the Discord.
So if you haven't submitted something,
please go ahead and do so.
It could literally be anything.
Go on ahead.
Quick little sketch or doodle these guys,
whatever the fuck.
It's a lot of fun shit.
So please go ahead and do so.
Y'all make any memes?
Stop at that dog.
Stop at that dog.
It's me with Abaddon the bunny rabbit.

(02:37:55):
It's just me pet.
It's like Lenny from the Grapes of Wrath.
I'm just erasively.
Cute Connor hopping.
Looking forward to Giant Violet.
Me too.
Over the dip not being there.
So good.
Hell yeah dude.
Okay, so we'll be right back in a few minutes everyone.
Don't go anywhere.
We'll be back for our short rest.
Thank you so much for watching us

(02:38:15):
and hanging out with us tonight.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
All right, we'll be right back in a few minutes.
All right.
Cheers heroes,
we're putting the couch on the ground.
Followers, Mythical Turrets, Revz,
Just Divers, Otherworlds, Pizza of Death,
Rebel Force Kid, Christina,
Freekid Abedito,
Haventress,
Audion,

(02:38:36):
Adianne,
Cheers from Curious Player,
Another World,
Chill the Furdiest,
DMC4,
Rage from Fogged to Lord,
Rage from Forged to Lord,
and Sub-Sysco.
Shit man.
Let's use Audion so cute.
And that's right.
Come and check us out next time
on Love, Death, and Dice.

(02:38:56):
Will Violet Femmes be able to show the world
that she is the strongest person known to man?
Will Reiner be able to clear out the Hag's Cave?
And will Dr. Hopps be able to get more divination crystal
so he could see what their future lies ahead?
That's right.
Check us out next Sunday

(02:39:17):
for Love, Death, and Dice.
And come around Thursday and Saturday
on King Norcalius' channel.
Cheers fuckheads and check out Pro Days tomorrow night
for Makeup Monday.
Let's go.

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Court of Bullywogs | The Wild Beyond EP5 | D&D5e Actual Play

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Court of Bullywogs | The Wild Beyond EP5 | D&D5e Actual Play