Ed Frauenheim: Liberating Masculinity

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Episode recap: 

In this Love in Action podcast episode, guest Ed Frauenheim discusses the concept of "confined masculinity"—the traditional view that men must be stoic, dominant, and self-reliant—which often leads to emotional suppression, poor relationships, and health issues. Ed shares his personal experiences, including a mild heart attack and a cancer diagnosis, as moments that forced him to reevaluate his own masculinity. He and co-author Ed Adams propose "liberating masculinity" as an alternative—one that embraces compassion, emotional expression, connection, and vulnerability. Their book, Reinventing Masculinity, outlines how this new model can lead to better well-being, stronger relationships, and more effective leadership. The conversation emphasizes that healthy masculinity is about balance—integrating both traditionally “masculine” and “feminine” traits. It’s not about rejecting strength, but expanding what strength means. 

 

Guest Bio:

Ed Frauenheim is a soulful storyteller, a writer, speaker, and consultant who has focused on workplace, technology, and culture matters for more than 25 years. His stories have been featured in USA Today, Harvard Business Review, and Fortune. Ed spent six years as director of content at Great Place to Work, the global consultancy that produces the annual Fortune 100 Best Companies to Work For list. His co-written book, Reinventing Masculinity, outlines the way to better well-being, stronger relationships, and more effective leadership.

 

Quotes 

“Winning isn’t everything.” 

“We’re told to be tough all the time. The truth is, we need to be tough and tender.” 

“Clear courage today is emotional: naming pain, asking for help, and saying ‘I love you, man.’” 

“Curiosity turns know-it-alls into learn-it-alls.” 

“Liberating masculinity lets a man truly love—in every sense of the word.” 

 

Takeaways 

• Name the trap. Confined masculinity prizes stoicism, domination, and lone-wolf myths; it shortens lives and weakens teams. 

• Practice the Five C’s. 

1. Curiosity: Ask more, assume less. 
2. Compassion: Start with self-kindness; pain is human, not a personal failure. 
3. Connection: Men need men—find healthy brotherhood (walk-and-talks, groups, circles). 
4. Courage: Include emotional and moral courage (own privilege, apologize, seek help). 
5. Commitment: Build weekly habits (journaling, check-ins) so change sticks. 
6. + Contemplation (BONUS): Prayer/meditation to return to your best self.  

• Lead with both/and. Tough-minded on standards; tender-hearted with people. 

• Model vulnerability. Leaders who share struggles (mental health, setbacks) unlock trust and performance. 

• Redesign rewards. Promote for humility, empathy, and learning—not just charisma and conquest. 

 

Timestamps 

[00:00] Marcel’s intro + why masculinity matters now 

[04:00] Ed’s story: success on paper, struggle inside 

[07:00] Health wake-ups: heart attack, cancer—and choosing help 

[09:30] Defining confined masculinity (stoic, self-made, self-sacrificing) 

[13:30] How we got here: history, culture, and alternatives 

[18:00] The antidote: liberating masculinity & the Five C’s 

[22:00] Self-compassion vs. self-pity; Kristen Neff’s insights 

[27:00] Connection without shame: men’s groups that work 

[31:00] “Tough & tender” leadership in action (ski industry example) 

[36:00] Curiosity: from know-it-all to learn-it-all 

[38:30] Role models at the top: soulful leadership that performs 

[41:00] Homework: journal, join a men’s group, contemplation 

[44:00] Women & promotion: why the wrong traits get rewarded—and how to fix it 

[48:00] Faith in men: most guys are more supportive than we think 

[50:30] Leading with love: start by listening 

[51:30] Final takeaway: fuller lives are possible—for all of us 

 

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