March 28, 2025 • 14 mins
Family betrayal cuts deeper than other relationships because we're raised to believe blood is thicker than water, but the reality is that sometimes our family members become our biggest sources of pain and disappointment.
• When family members secretly resent your growth and success instead of celebrating with you
• How some relatives compete with you rather than support your achievements
• The painful experience of family members who smile in your face but talk behind your back
• Dealing with relatives who disappear when you're struggling but only show up when it benefits them
• Personal story of family members who made insensitive comments during health struggles
• Understanding that family jealousy often stems from unresolved trauma and their own insecurities
• Learning that loyalty is a choice, not a birthright guaranteed by DNA
• Setting firm boundaries with toxic family members despite cultural pressure
• Creating your own chosen family of people who genuinely support and love you
• Preview of next episode on "frenemies" and recognizing fake support in friendships
DM me about your experiences with family betrayal so we can continue this important conversation and support each other through these difficult relationships.
We would LOVE to hear from you!
Thank you joining Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, loves, welcome to another captivating episode
of Love, our Talks, the podcastwhere we dive into all things
juicy about love, dating,relationships, entertainment and
wellness.
I am your host, k-love, andtoday y'all we're diving into a
topic that cuts very, very deep,because if you've ever been
(00:27):
betrayed by someone who sharesyour blood, you already know
this kind of pain ain't like noother Friendships.
Ending hurts, yes, but whenit's family, baby, it hits on a
different level.
It shakes something in you.
Okay, so, because we grow upbeing told family is everything,
(00:52):
blood is thicker than water.
You got to stick with yourfamily, no matter what.
But what happens when the verypeople who are supposed to
protect you, ride for you andsupport you are the ones who
turn on you?
What happens when the peopleyou expected to be your biggest
(01:13):
supporters, your biggest fans,they, turn out to be your
biggest haters, when jealousy,resentment and old wounds make
them treat you worse than astranger off the street man?
So today, today, we are talkingabout family betrayal, why it
happens, how it shows up and,most importantly, how to deal
(01:34):
with it without losing yourselfin the process.
So grab your wine, your coffee,your tea, your smoothie or your
drink of choice, because thisone, yeah, this one, this one is
(01:55):
personal and it's personalbecause, yeah, definitely been,
yeah, I am.
I took a little time becauseI've been recovering from some
digestive issues and so, um,yeah, I'm recovering from that,
I'm still going through, butwe're, we're, we're looking,
things are looking good, right.
So I couldn't dive really intothis topic because, um, I didn't
(02:19):
want it to trigger anything and, um, and we talk about I always
say we're going to talk aboutwellness.
Just, really brief, I want todefinitely get into the episodes
about wellness and talk aboutthose things that a lot of
people don't talk about when itcomes to their health, and one
(02:41):
being I've definitely haveexperience with, and that is
digestive issues, and so Iwanted to um episodes about
those as well.
Um, so I look forward to that.
But I did have to, um, take alittle beat, um, and get things
together, get my mental together, you know, make sure there's no
(03:04):
stressors, because, yes, thistopic is definitely a hot point
for me and it is personal, but Iwant to cover this and get it
out.
So let's go ahead and dive onin, all right.
So when family becomes yourbiggest enemy, let's be real.
Sometimes the people who knowyou the longest hurt you the
(03:27):
most.
And family betrayal.
It doesn't always come in theform of a big dramatic moment,
you know.
Sometimes it's the subtlethings that cut the deepest.
The family members who secretlyresent you even feel like you
know.
Because here's the thing.
Have you ever felt like acertain family member has been
(03:49):
throwing shade at you for years?
Like, no matter what you do,they have some negative to say,
okay, okay.
So sometimes it's because theysee you growing in ways they
never did and instead of beingproud of you, they're bitter.
You know, the ones who competeinstead of support families
(04:13):
should be happy for you when youwin right.
But for some reason, when youstart doing well, certain family
members act like it's apersonal attack on them, like
your success is taking somethingaway from them.
Instead of cheering for you,you know, they start competing,
trying to one-up you right ordownplay what you've achieved.
We also have something calledthe backstabbers who smile in
your face, trying to one-up youright or downplay what you've
(04:34):
achieved.
We also have something calledthe backstabbers who smile in
your face.
You know these are the ones whoact like they love you but
secretly talk about you behindyour back.
You know they'll hug you at thecookout, you know.
But be the first ones to spreadlies about you when you're not
around.
And what hurts the most younever expected it was from them
(04:58):
Not at all.
You know the family that turnstheir back on you when you need
them the most.
You have to go throughsomething heavy, right, yeah,
whether it's financial struggles, relationship struggles, health
issues, like I mentioned, andyou realize the people you
(05:20):
thought would be there for you.
They ain't.
And it's crazy how some familymembers will watch you struggle,
act like they don't see youdrowning and only show up when
it benefits them.
See you drowning and only showup when it benefits them.
Yeah, you know just a littlebit about a personal story.
When family showed up, showedme who they really were.
(05:45):
Y'all know I always keep itreal.
So let me share my own personal, like I said, experience.
There was a time in my life whenI was really going through it
and I said I struggle withdigestive issues and it's been
about 13 years and you neverknow when it's going to flare.
You never know when it's goingto rear its ugly head.
(06:10):
You know I needed support, Ineeded encouragement, I needed
my family to be there for me,and instead I got distance, I
got silence, I got whispersbehind my back, I got smart
comments oh, you always gotsomething wrong with you.
Oh, it's not always about you.
See, some of them weren't evenstrangers.
To my pain, they witnessed itfirsthand, they knew what I was
(06:34):
going through, right, and theyjust chose to say smart comments
or to choose not to care.
And the thing is that hurt themost wasn't just the betrayal,
you know, it was realizing thatI would never have done them
like that.
I always show up for my people.
I'm always going to besupportive.
(06:55):
I'm that number one fan,because when those roles were
reversed, that was me Show up.
I would have had their back,but they didn't have mine.
That's when I learned a hardtruth Family is not about blood,
(07:15):
it's about loyalty, it's aboutlove, and sometimes the people
you share DNA with will never beyour real family, and that's
okay.
I've definitely come to realizethat.
You know, I used to say it'sjust like trying to fit a square
into a circle, right?
The only thing that they havein common is that they're both
(07:39):
shapes, a square and a circle.
They're both shapes, just likeyour family, the one thing that
you really have in common isthat you're just blood related,
that's it, and sometimes you'renot meant to fit together, just
like that circle can't fit inthat square.
So why does family betrayalhappen?
(08:00):
Why does that family betrayalhappen?
So one it could be generationaljealousy and unresolved trauma.
Right, sometimes family memberscarry resentment that has
nothing to do with you.
They're mad about things fromtheir past, their own past,
their own failures, their ownregrets, and they project on to
(08:22):
you.
Real, you know, some familymembers feel like they were
overlooked, like you gotopportunities they never did,
and instead of dealing withthose emotions, they take it out
on you.
Boo, right, let me get somewater.
(08:44):
Another thing is they can'tcontrol you anymore.
Another thing is they can'tcontrol you anymore.
(09:08):
So when you stop being who theywant you to be, when you set
boundaries, when you refuse totolerate toxic behavior, smart
comments and all those thingsanymore, that's when some family
members start treating youdifferently.
Okay, now they distancethemselves, no-transcript.
So the thing is, what you haveto do is you have to understand
it, realize it, and now you haveto protect your peace.
(09:30):
And so how do you handle it?
Because cutting off family, itain't easy, but neither is
staying in a toxic situation,just like you wouldn't stay in a
toxic relationship with a guy.
And just because you shareblood, no with the guy.
(09:52):
And just because you shareblood no.
First you have to accept thatblood doesn't equal loyalty.
Just because someone is familydoesn't mean they have your best
interest at heart.
Loyalty is a choice, not abirthright.
Number two you got to stopchasing love and validation from
these people.
Some family members will neverlove you the way you deserve,
(10:15):
and that's a hard pill toswallow.
But the sooner you stopexpecting them to be who they
can't be, the sooner you'll beat peace with that.
And the third thing is, like Isaid, set boundaries, and you
got to mean it.
If someone constantlydisrespects you, brings
negativity into your life ordrains your energy, you have
(10:37):
every right to distance yourself.
You do not have to keep toxicpeople in your life.
It's your life just becausethey're your family.
Okay.
And the fourth thing is createyour own family.
Family isn't who you're borninto, it's who you choose.
Find your people, build yourcircle, surround yourself with
(11:00):
love, even if it doesn't comefrom people you expected it.
Oh yeah, like I said, this wasgoing to be interesting.
It's going to be heavy.
Yeah, so I already know today'sepisode on family betrayal.
(11:24):
It definitely cut and hit deep,because when the people who are
supposed to love and protectyou turn against you, that's a
pain, like I said, like no other.
But let me tell you somethingSometimes the betrayal doesn't
just come from family.
Sometimes it comes from thepeople you call, like I said,
your best friend.
(11:46):
We dove into those topics before, but we're going to go a little
bit more deeper on the nextepisode with friendships.
Right, we're going to go backthere, okay, and that's exactly
what we're getting into, like Isaid, the next episode, the
frenemy phenomenon, because,let's be real, not everyone
smiling in your face is reallyfor you.
Because, let's be real, noteveryone smiling in your face is
really for you.
Some folks are just keeping upappearances while secretly
(12:11):
hoping you fail.
Some pretend to be in yourcorner, but behind the scenes,
baby, they're in silentcompetition with you.
So you got to always be careful.
And how do you spot a frenemy?
What are the subtle signs thatsomeone is secretly hating while
acting like they care?
I'm telling you, you're goingto learn all this.
(12:32):
We're going to talk about thisand dive into this on the next
episode.
So make sure you subscribe,because next episode we're, like
I said, exposing all this stuff, fake love, breaking down how
to keep your circle tight.
In the meantime, go ahead andDM me, let me know if you've
been through something like thiswith family betrayal, and let's
(12:53):
keep the conversation goingbecause, you know, I appreciate
the people that has reached outto me, um, about the episodes
that I have posted and about ourconversations.
I truly appreciate those, um,um, the messages that you send
me.
Um, I value that, I appreciateit and I see you and I
understand and I'm glad that, um, what um we talk about it's
(13:14):
it's definitely encouraging youand it's helping you, because
that means a lot.
That's why I chose to do thepodcast, because I love to help
people, I want to see you win inlife and I want to help you out
, if I can, okay.
So, like I said, I'm Kayla andthank you for tuning in to Love
Our Talks and I'll see you onthe next one.
(13:37):
Bye.
Hey, loves, welcome to another captivating episode
of Love, our Talks, the podcastwhere we dive into all things
juicy about love, dating,relationships, entertainment and
wellness.
I am your host, k-love, andtoday y'all we're diving into a
topic that cuts very, very deep,because if you've ever been
(00:27):
betrayed by someone who sharesyour blood, you already know
this kind of pain ain't like noother Friendships.
Ending hurts, yes, but whenit's family, baby, it hits on a
different level.
It shakes something in you.
Okay, so, because we grow upbeing told family is everything,
(00:52):
blood is thicker than water.
You got to stick with yourfamily, no matter what.
But what happens when the verypeople who are supposed to
protect you, ride for you andsupport you are the ones who
turn on you?
What happens when the peopleyou expected to be your biggest
(01:13):
supporters, your biggest fans,they, turn out to be your
biggest haters, when jealousy,resentment and old wounds make
them treat you worse than astranger off the street man?
So today, today, we are talkingabout family betrayal, why it
happens, how it shows up and,most importantly, how to deal
(01:34):
with it without losing yourselfin the process.
So grab your wine, your coffee,your tea, your smoothie or your
drink of choice, because thisone, yeah, this one, this one is
(01:55):
personal and it's personalbecause, yeah, definitely been,
yeah, I am.
I took a little time becauseI've been recovering from some
digestive issues and so, um,yeah, I'm recovering from that,
I'm still going through, butwe're, we're, we're looking,
things are looking good, right.
So I couldn't dive really intothis topic because, um, I didn't
(02:19):
want it to trigger anything and, um, and we talk about I always
say we're going to talk aboutwellness.
Just, really brief, I want todefinitely get into the episodes
about wellness and talk aboutthose things that a lot of
people don't talk about when itcomes to their health, and one
(02:41):
being I've definitely haveexperience with, and that is
digestive issues, and so Iwanted to um episodes about
those as well.
Um, so I look forward to that.
But I did have to, um, take alittle beat, um, and get things
together, get my mental together, you know, make sure there's no
(03:04):
stressors, because, yes, thistopic is definitely a hot point
for me and it is personal, but Iwant to cover this and get it
out.
So let's go ahead and dive onin, all right.
So when family becomes yourbiggest enemy, let's be real.
Sometimes the people who knowyou the longest hurt you the
(03:27):
most.
And family betrayal.
It doesn't always come in theform of a big dramatic moment,
you know.
Sometimes it's the subtlethings that cut the deepest.
The family members who secretlyresent you even feel like you
know.
Because here's the thing.
Have you ever felt like acertain family member has been
(03:49):
throwing shade at you for years?
Like, no matter what you do,they have some negative to say,
okay, okay.
So sometimes it's because theysee you growing in ways they
never did and instead of beingproud of you, they're bitter.
You know, the ones who competeinstead of support families
(04:13):
should be happy for you when youwin right.
But for some reason, when youstart doing well, certain family
members act like it's apersonal attack on them, like
your success is taking somethingaway from them.
Instead of cheering for you,you know, they start competing,
trying to one-up you right ordownplay what you've achieved.
We also have something calledthe backstabbers who smile in
your face, trying to one-up youright or downplay what you've
(04:34):
achieved.
We also have something calledthe backstabbers who smile in
your face.
You know these are the ones whoact like they love you but
secretly talk about you behindyour back.
You know they'll hug you at thecookout, you know.
But be the first ones to spreadlies about you when you're not
around.
And what hurts the most younever expected it was from them
(04:58):
Not at all.
You know the family that turnstheir back on you when you need
them the most.
You have to go throughsomething heavy, right, yeah,
whether it's financial struggles, relationship struggles, health
issues, like I mentioned, andyou realize the people you
(05:20):
thought would be there for you.
They ain't.
And it's crazy how some familymembers will watch you struggle,
act like they don't see youdrowning and only show up when
it benefits them.
See you drowning and only showup when it benefits them.
Yeah, you know just a littlebit about a personal story.
When family showed up, showedme who they really were.
(05:45):
Y'all know I always keep itreal.
So let me share my own personal, like I said, experience.
There was a time in my life whenI was really going through it
and I said I struggle withdigestive issues and it's been
about 13 years and you neverknow when it's going to flare.
You never know when it's goingto rear its ugly head.
(06:10):
You know I needed support, Ineeded encouragement, I needed
my family to be there for me,and instead I got distance, I
got silence, I got whispersbehind my back, I got smart
comments oh, you always gotsomething wrong with you.
Oh, it's not always about you.
See, some of them weren't evenstrangers.
To my pain, they witnessed itfirsthand, they knew what I was
(06:34):
going through, right, and theyjust chose to say smart comments
or to choose not to care.
And the thing is that hurt themost wasn't just the betrayal,
you know, it was realizing thatI would never have done them
like that.
I always show up for my people.
I'm always going to besupportive.
(06:55):
I'm that number one fan,because when those roles were
reversed, that was me Show up.
I would have had their back,but they didn't have mine.
That's when I learned a hardtruth Family is not about blood,
(07:15):
it's about loyalty, it's aboutlove, and sometimes the people
you share DNA with will never beyour real family, and that's
okay.
I've definitely come to realizethat.
You know, I used to say it'sjust like trying to fit a square
into a circle, right?
The only thing that they havein common is that they're both
(07:39):
shapes, a square and a circle.
They're both shapes, just likeyour family, the one thing that
you really have in common isthat you're just blood related,
that's it, and sometimes you'renot meant to fit together, just
like that circle can't fit inthat square.
So why does family betrayalhappen?
(08:00):
Why does that family betrayalhappen?
So one it could be generationaljealousy and unresolved trauma.
Right, sometimes family memberscarry resentment that has
nothing to do with you.
They're mad about things fromtheir past, their own past,
their own failures, their ownregrets, and they project on to
(08:22):
you.
Real, you know, some familymembers feel like they were
overlooked, like you gotopportunities they never did,
and instead of dealing withthose emotions, they take it out
on you.
Boo, right, let me get somewater.
(08:44):
Another thing is they can'tcontrol you anymore.
Another thing is they can'tcontrol you anymore.
(09:08):
So when you stop being who theywant you to be, when you set
boundaries, when you refuse totolerate toxic behavior, smart
comments and all those thingsanymore, that's when some family
members start treating youdifferently.
Okay, now they distancethemselves, no-transcript.
So the thing is, what you haveto do is you have to understand
it, realize it, and now you haveto protect your peace.
(09:30):
And so how do you handle it?
Because cutting off family, itain't easy, but neither is
staying in a toxic situation,just like you wouldn't stay in a
toxic relationship with a guy.
And just because you shareblood, no with the guy.
(09:52):
And just because you shareblood no.
First you have to accept thatblood doesn't equal loyalty.
Just because someone is familydoesn't mean they have your best
interest at heart.
Loyalty is a choice, not abirthright.
Number two you got to stopchasing love and validation from
these people.
Some family members will neverlove you the way you deserve,
(10:15):
and that's a hard pill toswallow.
But the sooner you stopexpecting them to be who they
can't be, the sooner you'll beat peace with that.
And the third thing is, like Isaid, set boundaries, and you
got to mean it.
If someone constantlydisrespects you, brings
negativity into your life ordrains your energy, you have
(10:37):
every right to distance yourself.
You do not have to keep toxicpeople in your life.
It's your life just becausethey're your family.
Okay.
And the fourth thing is createyour own family.
Family isn't who you're borninto, it's who you choose.
Find your people, build yourcircle, surround yourself with
(11:00):
love, even if it doesn't comefrom people you expected it.
Oh yeah, like I said, this wasgoing to be interesting.
It's going to be heavy.
Yeah, so I already know today'sepisode on family betrayal.
(11:24):
It definitely cut and hit deep,because when the people who are
supposed to love and protectyou turn against you, that's a
pain, like I said, like no other.
But let me tell you somethingSometimes the betrayal doesn't
just come from family.
Sometimes it comes from thepeople you call, like I said,
your best friend.
(11:46):
We dove into those topics before, but we're going to go a little
bit more deeper on the nextepisode with friendships.
Right, we're going to go backthere, okay, and that's exactly
what we're getting into, like Isaid, the next episode, the
frenemy phenomenon, because,let's be real, not everyone
smiling in your face is reallyfor you.
Because, let's be real, noteveryone smiling in your face is
really for you.
Some folks are just keeping upappearances while secretly
(12:11):
hoping you fail.
Some pretend to be in yourcorner, but behind the scenes,
baby, they're in silentcompetition with you.
So you got to always be careful.
And how do you spot a frenemy?
What are the subtle signs thatsomeone is secretly hating while
acting like they care?
I'm telling you, you're goingto learn all this.
(12:32):
We're going to talk about thisand dive into this on the next
episode.
So make sure you subscribe,because next episode we're, like
I said, exposing all this stuff, fake love, breaking down how
to keep your circle tight.
In the meantime, go ahead andDM me, let me know if you've
been through something like thiswith family betrayal, and let's
(12:53):
keep the conversation goingbecause, you know, I appreciate
the people that has reached outto me, um, about the episodes
that I have posted and about ourconversations.
I truly appreciate those, um,um, the messages that you send
me.
Um, I value that, I appreciateit and I see you and I
understand and I'm glad that, um, what um we talk about it's
(13:14):
it's definitely encouraging youand it's helping you, because
that means a lot.
That's why I chose to do thepodcast, because I love to help
people, I want to see you win inlife and I want to help you out
, if I can, okay.
So, like I said, I'm Kayla andthank you for tuning in to Love
Our Talks and I'll see you onthe next one.
(13:37):
Bye.
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