March 13, 2025 • 16 mins
We dive into the painful phenomenon of outgrowing friendships and the silent breakups that occur without drama or explanation. Growth is beautiful but not everyone grows at the same pace, and sometimes the hardest part is when friends take your evolution personally.
• Not all friendships end in dramatic fallout—many just quietly fade away
• Growth is natural but can create distance when friends aren't evolving at the same rate
• Life changes like career moves or new relationships can pull friends onto different paths
• Some people take your personal growth as a threat or criticism of their own choices
• Learning to accept that not everyone is meant to go where you're going
• Personal story of a friendship that faded when K Love started evolving
• How to handle outgrown friendships—accept evolution, stop holding onto dead weight
• Give yourself time to mourn the friendship like any other relationship loss
• Let go without hate or drama—you can wish people well from a distance
Make sure to check out my new book "Love's Secret Playbook: The Guide to Winning at Love" available now on Amazon and at theloveplaceNet. It's a workbook designed to help you develop self-love, identify relationship red flags, and build healthy partnerships.
We would LOVE to hear from you!
Thank you joining Love Our Talks and listening to these juicy topics!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey, loves, welcome back to another episode of Love,
our Talks, the podcast where wedive into all things juicy
about love, dating,relationships, entertainment and
wellness.
I am your host, k Love, andtoday, oh my gosh, our topic is
pretty juicy, y'all.
I mean, we're diving into somejuicy stuff that we're.
(00:27):
You know we're talking aboutour growing friendships, the
silent breakup, all right.
So, like I said, welcome back.
And if you've been followingthis series, you already know
we've been talking about somereal topics here when it comes
to friendships.
We started with why sisterhoodsturn sour, then we got into the
(00:47):
jealousy factor and now we'rediving into something just as
painful but way less talkedabout, and that's the silent
breakup of outgrowingfriendships.
So I want you to grab your wine, grab your tea, your coffee,
your smoothie, whatever yourdrink of choice is, or some
(01:08):
water to hydrate, right,Whatever your drink of choice is
, sit back, relax and let's goahead and let's dive right into
it.
So let's be real.
Not all friendships end in somebig, dramatic fallout.
Sometimes it's quiet, noargument, no betrayal.
No, no girl, we're done text,just distance.
(01:29):
You know a shift and feelingthat.
It's a feeling that y'allyou're just not on the same page
anymore, and for a lot of usthat hurts, because how do you
mourn a friendship that didn'teven officially end?
It just kind of faded away.
So that is what we're unpackingtoday.
(01:51):
Why do friendships change whenone person starts evolving, and
why do people take growth sopersonally, and how do you
navigate the emotions that comewith realizing a friendship?
It's just not what it used tobe.
(02:13):
So, like I said, let's go aheadand dive right in straight into
it.
Let's start with like, why doesthis happen?
Why do people who we were onceinseparable start to drift away?
You know one thing is oneyou're not the same person
(02:34):
anymore.
That's one.
Growth is a beautiful thing,but not everyone is growing at
the same pace.
Maybe you've been working onyourself, healing, leveling up,
chasing goals and your friend,they're still where they were
five years ago and instead ofseeing your growth as
(02:55):
inspiration, they see it as athreat, right.
So second thing could be lifetakes you in a different
direction.
Maybe it's your career, careermoves.
Maybe it's a relationship yougot into.
You got a new boo, right.
Maybe it's just personal.
You know you evolvingpersonally, but life has a way
(03:17):
of pulling people onto differentpaths, and that's okay.
But sometimes those paths don'tcross like they used to Mm-hmm,
and that's okay, but sometimesthose paths don't cross like
they used to Mm-hmm.
Third thing could be you nolonger relate.
And this one is real.
You've ever been around an oldfriend and realized that you
(03:40):
know the conversations didn'thit the same anymore, like y'all
used to talk for hours, but nowit's just dry radio silence.
Right, you know these thingsused to.
You know the things you used tobond over.
(04:00):
It don't matter to you anymore.
And instead of feelingconnected, you feel disconnected
.
Fourth thing could be they takeyour growth personally.
Yeah, I'm going to let y'allsit with that one.
They take your growthpersonally.
Let that sink in, because thisis where it gets tricky.
Some people don't even realizethey feel some type of way about
(04:25):
your growth, but you can feelit in how they move.
Maybe they don't check in likethey used to, maybe they're
always too busy now.
Maybe when you do talk to them,there's an energy shift, like
they're low key, irritated byyour progress.
And here's the hard truth Noteveryone is meant to go where
(04:48):
you're going.
And when you start elevating,you're going to lose some people
, not because you've changed,but because they didn't and they
don't want to see that becauseit's themselves.
No one would ever point thatfinger at themselves first.
They're not going to do that.
So let me tell you about apersonal story.
(05:10):
Yeah, I'm going to get a littlepersonal about me.
So y'all know I always got tokeep it real with my own
experiences.
And let me tell you this onekind of hit hard.
I had a friend who was likefamily to me.
We had been tight for years,talked every day, hung out all
(05:33):
the time, did events and thingsof that nature.
Went to each other's houses andyou know, just hung out.
Events and things of thatnature went to each other's
houses and, you know, just hungout.
But as I started stepping intonew seasons in my life, I
noticed she wasn't really vibingwith it.
You know it started like smalllittle side comments, little
jokes about me doing too much.
(05:53):
You heard that girl, you doingtoo much or acting different.
You, bougie, you know I used tohear that, oh, you changing, oh
you acting, bougie.
Now, yeah, I was right.
Okay, I'm evolving, I'm growing, I'm learning, right.
(06:23):
So at first I brushed it off.
But then the distance started.
She stopped reaching out when Iinvite her to things.
She always had an excuse, andwhen we did talk it was like
forced, yeah, like I was holdingon to a version of us that
didn't exist anymore.
As much as I wanted it to, itjust wasn't there.
So one day I sat with it.
I had to admit the truth tomyself.
(06:45):
We had outgrown each other andit wasn't anybody's fault, it
wasn't any beef, it wasn't anydrama, it was just life.
And y'all know what they saynow, life be life in y'all, for
real it does.
And y'all know what they saynow, life be life in y'all, for
real, it does.
And as much as I loved her, Icouldn't shrink myself to keep
(07:05):
that friendship alive.
And I had to admit that.
And that was hard, right Gosh,that was hard and that
definitely was one of thehardest things I had to accept,
but I did.
So.
How to handle outgrown afriendship, y'all.
So now that we know why thishappens, let's talk about how to
(07:30):
handle it, because outgrown afriendship can feel like a
silent breakup, and I know I'mnot the only one who has felt
this type of pain.
So one thing accept that it'sokay to evolve because growth is
supposed to happen.
You're not meant to stay thesame, just to keep people
comfortable.
And if your growth makessomeone uncomfortable, that's
(07:54):
their journey to figure out,it's not yours to fix.
No, no.
Number two stop holding on todead weight.
Yes, I said it, dead weight.
Because sometimes we hold on tofriendships out of guilt, out
of history, out of we've beenthrough so much together, you
(08:15):
know.
But, sis, history don't mean adamn thing if the friendship
ain't serving you anymore or anypurpose Anymore.
Yeah, no, stop holding on tothat way.
Three the third thing is mournthe friendship and give yourself
grace, because losing a friend,especially someone who was like
(08:38):
family, hurts and it's okay tobe sad about it, it's okay to
feel the loss, but don't letthat loss keep you stuck in a
space where you're no longermeant to be, because the thing
is it's just like a relationshipwith a man or a woman whoever's
(09:02):
listening, you know with theopposite sex.
It's like a relationship and Isay that because when you're in
relationships you have a breakupright.
Sometimes it could be silent,sometimes they ghost you and
after you've put your heart,energy, everything into that
relationship, that hurts, whenyou have to let that go, you
(09:25):
lose that right.
So, just like any otherrelationship that you get into.
These friendships are the same.
You've invested your heart intoit.
So you have to give yourselfthe grieving process and you
have to give yourself grace andtime to get over that and heal
from it.
(09:45):
Lastly, let go without hate,because not every ending of a
relationship friendship needs tohave a dramatic exit.
Sometimes it's just a quietrealization that y'all aren't
aligned anymore, and that's okay.
You can love people from adistance and you can wish them
(10:09):
well without staying connected.
You sure can Y'all.
When I tell you this one, Iknow, I know how it feels.
I've walked this walk so manytimes and I've put my heart on
the line.
I put my heart out there and Iknow that, um, like I said, you
(10:35):
have to give yourself time, giveyourself grace.
You got to get over that.
But it does hurt like a mud.
You know what I'm saying.
It hurts, um, you know.
I know this one hit different,because outgrowing friendships
it's a pain, that it's just likeyou don't want to talk about it
, right?
But I hope today's episodehelped.
(10:57):
You see that it's OK to move on, it's OK to evolve and it's OK
to let go when something nolonger fits who you are becoming
.
So tell me this have you allgrown a friendship and how did
you handle it?
I want to know.
So I want you to get in touchwith me, dm me, whatever you got
to do to reach out to me, Iwant to hear your story and, do
(11:22):
me a favor Share this episodewith somebody who needs to hear
it, because I know I'm not theonly one that's going through
this or has been through this,because somebody who's holding
on to a friendship that theyknow deep down is no longer
aligned, because, sis, we're notshrinking ourselves in 2025.
(11:42):
No, we're not doing it, period.
And outgrowing friendships.
It ain't easy, but you knowwhat can cut even deeper than
that, ooh baby.
What can cut deeper thanoutgrowing friendships and
ending those friendshipssilently or things like that is
when it's your own family y'all.
(12:04):
Because, let's be real,sometimes the people who hurt
you the most, who betray you theworst, ain't your friends.
It's the ones who share yourblood that started with the same
last name, okay, the ones yougrew up with, the ones you
(12:25):
thought would always have yourback, have your back, cheer you
on and be excited and happy foryou.
And that's what we're talkingabout.
The next episode Familybetrayal, when blood ain't
thicker than water, because someof us have had to learn the
(12:46):
hard way that just becausesomeone is family don't mean
they're loyal, and that's that'sthe pain that hits different
and deeper than you can imagine.
So make sure you're subscribed,because next episode we're going
(13:08):
there.
Trust we are going there, baby.
And in the meantime, like Isaid, dm me, email me, get in
touch with me.
You can leave your comments,follow us on Facebook, love our
talks and, as always, protectyour energy.
Keep growing and I will talk toyou guys on the next episode.
(13:29):
But before I do go, I want tolet you guys know and remind you
that my new book, love's SecretPlaybook it is out right now
Love's Secret Playbook the Guideto Winning at Love.
That book is packed with somuch to work through.
It is actually a workbook.
You will be filling outinformation in there.
(13:51):
It's going to allow you tothink about past things that
you've gone through and it'sgoing to allow you to also plan
and focus on future goals.
So definitely check that bookout.
It is a workbook, if you knowwhat a workbook is.
You got to do the work.
You got to fill in information,fill in the blanks, right.
(14:13):
It starts with learning who youare, creating an environment for
self-love, doing youraffirmations every day,
manifesting the love that youwant to attract, because for you
to attract a good person, youhave to become a good person.
Put out that energy that youwant to receive.
You have to work on you first.
(14:34):
And then our book goes intodating looking for red flags we
know what green flags are.
It goes into those topics aswell, and it works with you as a
couple, whether you juststarted out dating, whether you
have been together dating.
It helps you plan date nights.
It's fun things to do whileyou're in a relationship.
(15:09):
You can find that book attheloveplacenet as well as on
Amazon, so just search Love'sSecret Playbook.
So, like I said to winning atlove by your girl, katrina Love.
All right.
Well, I'll talk to you guyslater it's the next episode but
(15:31):
oh, before I go, I want toremind you that each day holds
the promise of a new beginning.
So be better, do better, loveharder than the day before,
because your best days aren'tbehind you, they're being
written today.
So keep moving forward, becauseyour potential is limitless.
All right, love you guys.
Hey, loves, welcome back to another episode of Love,
our Talks, the podcast where wedive into all things juicy
about love, dating,relationships, entertainment and
wellness.
I am your host, k Love, andtoday, oh my gosh, our topic is
pretty juicy, y'all.
I mean, we're diving into somejuicy stuff that we're.
(00:27):
You know we're talking aboutour growing friendships, the
silent breakup, all right.
So, like I said, welcome back.
And if you've been followingthis series, you already know
we've been talking about somereal topics here when it comes
to friendships.
We started with why sisterhoodsturn sour, then we got into the
(00:47):
jealousy factor and now we'rediving into something just as
painful but way less talkedabout, and that's the silent
breakup of outgrowingfriendships.
So I want you to grab your wine, grab your tea, your coffee,
your smoothie, whatever yourdrink of choice is, or some
(01:08):
water to hydrate, right,Whatever your drink of choice is
, sit back, relax and let's goahead and let's dive right into
it.
So let's be real.
Not all friendships end in somebig, dramatic fallout.
Sometimes it's quiet, noargument, no betrayal.
No, no girl, we're done text,just distance.
(01:29):
You know a shift and feelingthat.
It's a feeling that y'allyou're just not on the same page
anymore, and for a lot of usthat hurts, because how do you
mourn a friendship that didn'teven officially end?
It just kind of faded away.
So that is what we're unpackingtoday.
(01:51):
Why do friendships change whenone person starts evolving, and
why do people take growth sopersonally, and how do you
navigate the emotions that comewith realizing a friendship?
It's just not what it used tobe.
(02:13):
So, like I said, let's go aheadand dive right in straight into
it.
Let's start with like, why doesthis happen?
Why do people who we were onceinseparable start to drift away?
You know one thing is oneyou're not the same person
(02:34):
anymore.
That's one.
Growth is a beautiful thing,but not everyone is growing at
the same pace.
Maybe you've been working onyourself, healing, leveling up,
chasing goals and your friend,they're still where they were
five years ago and instead ofseeing your growth as
(02:55):
inspiration, they see it as athreat, right.
So second thing could be lifetakes you in a different
direction.
Maybe it's your career, careermoves.
Maybe it's a relationship yougot into.
You got a new boo, right.
Maybe it's just personal.
You know you evolvingpersonally, but life has a way
(03:17):
of pulling people onto differentpaths, and that's okay.
But sometimes those paths don'tcross like they used to Mm-hmm,
and that's okay, but sometimesthose paths don't cross like
they used to Mm-hmm.
Third thing could be you nolonger relate.
And this one is real.
You've ever been around an oldfriend and realized that you
(03:40):
know the conversations didn'thit the same anymore, like y'all
used to talk for hours, but nowit's just dry radio silence.
Right, you know these thingsused to.
You know the things you used tobond over.
(04:00):
It don't matter to you anymore.
And instead of feelingconnected, you feel disconnected
.
Fourth thing could be they takeyour growth personally.
Yeah, I'm going to let y'allsit with that one.
They take your growthpersonally.
Let that sink in, because thisis where it gets tricky.
Some people don't even realizethey feel some type of way about
(04:25):
your growth, but you can feelit in how they move.
Maybe they don't check in likethey used to, maybe they're
always too busy now.
Maybe when you do talk to them,there's an energy shift, like
they're low key, irritated byyour progress.
And here's the hard truth Noteveryone is meant to go where
(04:48):
you're going.
And when you start elevating,you're going to lose some people
, not because you've changed,but because they didn't and they
don't want to see that becauseit's themselves.
No one would ever point thatfinger at themselves first.
They're not going to do that.
So let me tell you about apersonal story.
(05:10):
Yeah, I'm going to get a littlepersonal about me.
So y'all know I always got tokeep it real with my own
experiences.
And let me tell you this onekind of hit hard.
I had a friend who was likefamily to me.
We had been tight for years,talked every day, hung out all
(05:33):
the time, did events and thingsof that nature.
Went to each other's houses andyou know, just hung out.
Events and things of thatnature went to each other's
houses and, you know, just hungout.
But as I started stepping intonew seasons in my life, I
noticed she wasn't really vibingwith it.
You know it started like smalllittle side comments, little
jokes about me doing too much.
(05:53):
You heard that girl, you doingtoo much or acting different.
You, bougie, you know I used tohear that, oh, you changing, oh
you acting, bougie.
Now, yeah, I was right.
Okay, I'm evolving, I'm growing, I'm learning, right.
(06:23):
So at first I brushed it off.
But then the distance started.
She stopped reaching out when Iinvite her to things.
She always had an excuse, andwhen we did talk it was like
forced, yeah, like I was holdingon to a version of us that
didn't exist anymore.
As much as I wanted it to, itjust wasn't there.
So one day I sat with it.
I had to admit the truth tomyself.
(06:45):
We had outgrown each other andit wasn't anybody's fault, it
wasn't any beef, it wasn't anydrama, it was just life.
And y'all know what they saynow, life be life in y'all, for
real it does.
And y'all know what they saynow, life be life in y'all, for
real, it does.
And as much as I loved her, Icouldn't shrink myself to keep
(07:05):
that friendship alive.
And I had to admit that.
And that was hard, right Gosh,that was hard and that
definitely was one of thehardest things I had to accept,
but I did.
So.
How to handle outgrown afriendship, y'all.
So now that we know why thishappens, let's talk about how to
(07:30):
handle it, because outgrown afriendship can feel like a
silent breakup, and I know I'mnot the only one who has felt
this type of pain.
So one thing accept that it'sokay to evolve because growth is
supposed to happen.
You're not meant to stay thesame, just to keep people
comfortable.
And if your growth makessomeone uncomfortable, that's
(07:54):
their journey to figure out,it's not yours to fix.
No, no.
Number two stop holding on todead weight.
Yes, I said it, dead weight.
Because sometimes we hold on tofriendships out of guilt, out
of history, out of we've beenthrough so much together, you
(08:15):
know.
But, sis, history don't mean adamn thing if the friendship
ain't serving you anymore or anypurpose Anymore.
Yeah, no, stop holding on tothat way.
Three the third thing is mournthe friendship and give yourself
grace, because losing a friend,especially someone who was like
(08:38):
family, hurts and it's okay tobe sad about it, it's okay to
feel the loss, but don't letthat loss keep you stuck in a
space where you're no longermeant to be, because the thing
is it's just like a relationshipwith a man or a woman whoever's
(09:02):
listening, you know with theopposite sex.
It's like a relationship and Isay that because when you're in
relationships you have a breakupright.
Sometimes it could be silent,sometimes they ghost you and
after you've put your heart,energy, everything into that
relationship, that hurts, whenyou have to let that go, you
(09:25):
lose that right.
So, just like any otherrelationship that you get into.
These friendships are the same.
You've invested your heart intoit.
So you have to give yourselfthe grieving process and you
have to give yourself grace andtime to get over that and heal
from it.
(09:45):
Lastly, let go without hate,because not every ending of a
relationship friendship needs tohave a dramatic exit.
Sometimes it's just a quietrealization that y'all aren't
aligned anymore, and that's okay.
You can love people from adistance and you can wish them
(10:09):
well without staying connected.
You sure can Y'all.
When I tell you this one, Iknow, I know how it feels.
I've walked this walk so manytimes and I've put my heart on
the line.
I put my heart out there and Iknow that, um, like I said, you
(10:35):
have to give yourself time, giveyourself grace.
You got to get over that.
But it does hurt like a mud.
You know what I'm saying.
It hurts, um, you know.
I know this one hit different,because outgrowing friendships
it's a pain, that it's just likeyou don't want to talk about it
, right?
But I hope today's episodehelped.
(10:57):
You see that it's OK to move on, it's OK to evolve and it's OK
to let go when something nolonger fits who you are becoming
.
So tell me this have you allgrown a friendship and how did
you handle it?
I want to know.
So I want you to get in touchwith me, dm me, whatever you got
to do to reach out to me, Iwant to hear your story and, do
(11:22):
me a favor Share this episodewith somebody who needs to hear
it, because I know I'm not theonly one that's going through
this or has been through this,because somebody who's holding
on to a friendship that theyknow deep down is no longer
aligned, because, sis, we're notshrinking ourselves in 2025.
(11:42):
No, we're not doing it, period.
And outgrowing friendships.
It ain't easy, but you knowwhat can cut even deeper than
that, ooh baby.
What can cut deeper thanoutgrowing friendships and
ending those friendshipssilently or things like that is
when it's your own family y'all.
(12:04):
Because, let's be real,sometimes the people who hurt
you the most, who betray you theworst, ain't your friends.
It's the ones who share yourblood that started with the same
last name, okay, the ones yougrew up with, the ones you
(12:25):
thought would always have yourback, have your back, cheer you
on and be excited and happy foryou.
And that's what we're talkingabout.
The next episode Familybetrayal, when blood ain't
thicker than water, because someof us have had to learn the
(12:46):
hard way that just becausesomeone is family don't mean
they're loyal, and that's that'sthe pain that hits different
and deeper than you can imagine.
So make sure you're subscribed,because next episode we're going
(13:08):
there.
Trust we are going there, baby.
And in the meantime, like Isaid, dm me, email me, get in
touch with me.
You can leave your comments,follow us on Facebook, love our
talks and, as always, protectyour energy.
Keep growing and I will talk toyou guys on the next episode.
(13:29):
But before I do go, I want tolet you guys know and remind you
that my new book, love's SecretPlaybook it is out right now
Love's Secret Playbook the Guideto Winning at Love.
That book is packed with somuch to work through.
It is actually a workbook.
You will be filling outinformation in there.
(13:51):
It's going to allow you tothink about past things that
you've gone through and it'sgoing to allow you to also plan
and focus on future goals.
So definitely check that bookout.
It is a workbook, if you knowwhat a workbook is.
You got to do the work.
You got to fill in information,fill in the blanks, right.
(14:13):
It starts with learning who youare, creating an environment for
self-love, doing youraffirmations every day,
manifesting the love that youwant to attract, because for you
to attract a good person, youhave to become a good person.
Put out that energy that youwant to receive.
You have to work on you first.
(14:34):
And then our book goes intodating looking for red flags we
know what green flags are.
It goes into those topics aswell, and it works with you as a
couple, whether you juststarted out dating, whether you
have been together dating.
It helps you plan date nights.
It's fun things to do whileyou're in a relationship.
(15:09):
You can find that book attheloveplacenet as well as on
Amazon, so just search Love'sSecret Playbook.
So, like I said to winning atlove by your girl, katrina Love.
All right.
Well, I'll talk to you guyslater it's the next episode but
(15:31):
oh, before I go, I want toremind you that each day holds
the promise of a new beginning.
So be better, do better, loveharder than the day before,
because your best days aren'tbehind you, they're being
written today.
So keep moving forward, becauseyour potential is limitless.
All right, love you guys.
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