35: Loving Conversations with Rachel & Ryan: a love founded on friendship, perseverance, and fun

Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
I think something we've noticed is when one of us takes responsibility,

(00:03):
it's easy for the other person to, and then it's so easy to get to
transformation and resolution.
You know, at the end of the day, that is the goal of relationships.
You know, they're meant to get messy.
You know, my brain used to go, oh my God, this is just retarded.
Why are you even doing this, right?
Or whatever.
And like, if it was supposed to be, then it wouldn't be this way.
And I'm like, no, actually, it's the exact opposite.
This actually means it's meant to be because if we can get in

(00:24):
blots like that and still choose to come to each other and say, sorry,
and lick our wounds together, that's a really good sign.
Because if you can go through that amount of discomfort and still
want to be with that person, now you know for sure.
We're truly each other's best friends.
Like Ryan is the best friend I've ever had.
We call each other out.

(00:45):
We call each other forward.
We have just grown immensely.
We have found secure attachment styles together immensely.
It takes pressure to make diamonds.
And so I think a big process of understanding how to be in a
conscious relationship is that when challenges arise, not if, but when,
how are we going to handle them?
And how can we make sure that we're making diamonds with our pressure

(01:08):
and cooking rice or pasta with our boiling water and not just
throwing it around and burning ourselves and other people and the dog and whoever else?
I would not be where I am today.
100% without Rachel.
And she has been my number one source of positivity, inspiration
and really courage to go do these things.
And she still is, you know, and I do the same thing for her as well.

(01:29):
This conscious partnership sacred union thing is really about two human beings
loving each other enough to not only trigger each other into enlightenment,
but also realize oneness between the two takes pressure to have those diamonds be made.
And I know in our relationship, we have provided that pressure from one another
to allow the true diamonds within us to come out.
We tend to match each other's wounds like we're puzzle pieces for wounds.

(01:51):
I've also found me and Ryan are puzzle pieces for our guests.
My advice is just keep going.
Welcome home to the loving consciously podcast.
My name is Ameris and my name is Eric.
And if you are like us, nobody taught you how to love.
We are best friends and life partners here to vulnerably and authentically share

(02:14):
our journey while exploring the sacred realms of love, consciousness,
relationships, spirituality and all that they encompass.
The intention of this show is to help you consciously relate to yourself,
others and everything else in this universe.
Together, we can embody a more intentional and fulfilling way of giving
and receiving love loving consciously through eight years together.

(02:36):
We have had the opportunity to overcome deep patterning and programming,
as well as trauma related to mental health, addiction, pregnancy, loss,
infidelity, abuse and immense grief.
After six years of experiencing these challenges with no knowledge on how to
heal or love each other, we separated.
After us both spiritually awakening and recommitting,
we formed our conscious partnership and have spent the last two years cultivating

(03:00):
a divine union founded on unconditional love, devotion and commitment to personal growth.
Thank you for joining us and doing the work alongside us as we explore
this beautiful world of love and consciousness to co-create a new world of love.
As you courageously walk this path, remember to have grace with yourself
and know that you have both the capacity to love consciously and the power to always choose love.

(03:27):
Namaste and welcome back to the Loving Consciously podcast.
We could not be more excited to be here today with two of our favorite people
who have both been on the show before, but they are here together as a couple.
And we are launching a new series called Loving Conversations.
And the vision and the mission of this series is to bring on other conscious couples

(03:48):
and to talk about their love story, talk about how they handle conflict,
talk about the benefits of being in a conscious partnership and really just show
another side because we talk about our conscious partnership all the time.
It's always nice to get other perspectives.
And so I am absolutely honored to welcome back to the show Ryan Sprague and Rachel

(04:08):
Veritimos, who, like I said, have both been here before. Ryan was here to talk
about conscious cannabis and Rachel was here to talk about astrology.
So definitely check out their solo episodes.
But Ryan and Rachel, thank you so much for being here today.
Thank you so much, guys.
We are so excited to be here.
Yes. Thank you for having us.

(04:30):
As you were talking, I was watching Ryan's face and it looked so cute.
He has this like certain face he puts on when he's doing all that.
He's doing all cute, lovey things, which I think is one of our secret
sauces to having a good relationship.
So I just wanted to name that.
You know, it's funny you mentioned that, right?
To when I was looking at you and I saw you smiling.

(04:50):
So I was smiling more, but I was like, I don't know if she's really looking at me.
So that's like one of our funny little things.
I guess we were intuiting or telepathically communicating that.
So I love it.
And we'll definitely get into that in the end of this is telepathic communication
and some of the ways that you really dive in spiritually and energetically
when you're consciously relating with someone for an extended amount of time.

(05:12):
I want to start with y'all's love story.
I want to give the space to y'all to tell your story, how you met and really
honing in on were you both conscious when you met?
When did you kind of start your conscious partnership?
Like what brought you here today?
Hmm, babe, you want to go first?
I can go first if you want me to, but I usually talk over everything.

(05:32):
So I'm letting you go first. I'll go.
I'll go. So were we conscious when we first met each other?
I think we were semi conscious, but not nearly as conscious as we are now.
When I first met Ryan, we met at a dispensary.
I had went in for an interview to get hired at the dispensary.

(05:54):
And what led me to going in for that interview with I was working for my dad
and I was so miserable and I was on the side growing cannabis plants
and just like obsessing over cannabis and none of my friends likes cannabis.
And so I would just obsess by myself.
And then one day I was just like, I want people who like cannabis.
And so I applied to a bunch of cannabis dispensaries.

(06:15):
And the one closest to me just happened to be opening up their doors for hiring
since they opened most dispensaries weren't hiring.
And they got back to me right away and they were like, hey, it's so weird.
You messaged us. We're hiring.
Like, can you come in for an interview on whatever day?
And I was like, oh my God, this is the one closest to me.

(06:36):
And so I go in for the interview and the guy is late.
The our supervisor, Seth, he was late for the interview.
So I just decided to sit in the dispensary and I was bored and I went up to the counter
and who was there? It was Ryan.
So he's the first person I met when I got to the dispensary
and I bought black widow terpenes from him.
And we had a conversation and I showed him my grow and like at the time

(06:58):
I was growing hydroponically, I like slowly graduated into growing organically.
But I showed him my whole hydroponic setup and how my dad helped me build it
and this and that. And we just like we're nerding out.
And I had a boyfriend at the time, though, that had been dating for like three years.
So long story short, we start working together over the course of three months.
I recognize that me and him have a lot in common.

(07:21):
Like we're both cannabis growers.
We love cannabis, but he's also really into water, like good water and clean food
and working out and all like the self development stuff.
And none of my friends were into that stuff either.
Like all my friends made fun of me for my water obsession
and how picky I was at the food I ate.
So when I met Ryan, I remember I went home from work one day and I said to my parents,

(07:43):
wow, I feel like this kid could be my best friend because I had a boyfriend.
And I was like, he's so much like me. It's crazy.
Fast forward like another month.
Ryan's going on dates. I'm helping him go on dates.
I'm kind of being his wing woman.
And I start to recognize that I have a huge crush on this man and like a huge crush.

(08:04):
I remember he was talking about going on a date with this girl
and I just had this feeling in my body, like I have to do something about this.
And me and my other boyfriend, my boyfriend I had been dating for three years.
We had broken up a couple of times.
It's kind of one of those relationships that we had just stayed in, I think, out of safety.
So I was driving home one day and I just got this feeling in my body,

(08:27):
like you have to turn around and you have to break up with your boyfriend
because you need to lock Ryan down.
And so I literally had this force that turned me around.
I got off the highway. I went on to another highway.
I drove to my boyfriend's house. I broke up with him.
And the next day I went to Ryan and I said, hey, I broke up with my boyfriend
and he had no clue, like absolutely no clue that I liked him.

(08:50):
So I asked him, hey, do you want to do mushrooms with me this weekend?
For the first time, because he always talked about doing mushrooms
and I had never done mushrooms.
And he said yes.
And he almost canceled on me and I had to pull out the big guns
and I had to do some sexy flirty texts.
And I swear, like when we did mushrooms, I saw a DNA double helix,

(09:11):
like intertwine and I was one side of the DNA and he was the other side.
And it felt like our souls had been intertwined throughout history,
through space and time.
And I'll never forget that vision.
We've been together seven years and I still remember that vision.
I remember thinking like there's something about this relationship.
And now seven years later, like look at where we are.

(09:32):
I will say we are completely different people than we were seven years ago.
I'm sure we'll get more into that.
We are way more conscious now in so many ways.
There's so many hurdles we had to go through,
but I'll throw it off to Ryan to answer his side.
Yeah, beautiful depiction, babe. Very accurate.
And I'm going to throw in some funny things from my angle.

(09:52):
In 2017, I had a pattern of dating some she devils,
you know, touching some hot stoves and things like that.
All divine, right? All meant to happen.
You know, I had just recently gotten cheated on and left that relationship
and you know, was feeling kind of victimy at that point in my life.
For sure, I wasn't nearly as conscious or empowered as I am now.

(10:14):
And so I kind of just, you know, was doing my thing,
flirting with, you know, women that would come in,
but I was very low in confidence at that point.
You know, I didn't have the most self-esteem.
And so it was funny because, you know, at one point at the dispensary,
it was all men working the front counter.
And so we asked our manager, Seth, we were like, dude,
can you get some women in here, man?

(10:35):
Like it's kind of awkward.
Like, you know, all of us are men up here, just kind of feels weird.
And he was like, sure, you know, like we're going to be hiring some people soon.
Because when we first opened, we were a very like family run dispensary.
So we didn't have any corporate money and things like that.
So we were all thugging it out for a while on a very low staff,
short staffed staff, essentially.
I was the only one there that wasn't short.
So I guess we weren't short staffed, but guilty as charged.

(10:57):
But so basically what happened was all of a sudden one day,
it's like pretty dead in the dispensary, which was pretty rare at that point.
Cause it was only seven dispensaries open in the entire state.
So usually we were pretty slammed.
But on this, you know, certain moment in time, Rachel walks in and being a guy,
I immediately noticed.
I'm like, okay, that's different.
I'm awake now.
Thanks for the testosterone.

(11:19):
And, uh, and so, so she goes in for her interview or rather beforehand,
like she was saying, she, Seth was late.
So, you know, she's kind of like looking at the board and I just make the move.
I'm like, Hey, you can come right over to me.
Right.
So, you know, very nonchalant, very easy going.
So she comes over and like she had been saying, we just started learning out.
And I was like, holy shit, like who is you?

(11:41):
Who are you and what is your dad and what does he do?
Cause all of a sudden she's like, yeah, he's building me these slucket systems.
And he's an engineer and I'm like, holy shit, I have met my match, you know?
And again, like I'm a huge fan of organic cultivation, but when it comes to hydroponic,
it is beautiful, you know, it's a very intricate system and there's a lot of
things that have to go right for that thing to work.
And so anyone growing hydroponically, I'm immediately interested in, you know,

(12:03):
I want to hear how they got into it and things like that.
We start talking and very similar to what Rachel said.
I just thought, realize, I'm like, damn, this girl's into everything I'm into.
But, you know, again, she gets hired on the spot.
I remember she went in for an interview, came out, she was like, I got hired, right?
And they're adorable boys.
And I'm like in my head, I'm like, oh, cool.
That's awesome.
In my head, I'm like, yes, you know, then she comes to work and I find out she's

(12:27):
got a boyfriend.
So I'm like, okay, cool, not a home wrecker, you know, yada, yada.
But here's this beautiful girl that, you know, I'm forming a relationship with
and there were these women that come in and I'm like, are they flirting with me?
Are they not?
So I would ask her, I'm like, do you think I have a chance to that girl?
Like, was she flirting with me?
And, you know, she would give me some really sound advice and things like that.
So again, I am oblivious, right?

(12:48):
To what's going on here.
I don't catch the idea that she's getting this crush on me over time.
And meanwhile, like, you know, just to state it out in the open, she was coming
to the dispensary dressed to the fucking nines.
Like, I mean, it was very hard to concentrate there, right?
So I definitely had noticed.
And, you know, again, like every guy coming in would notice because not only is

(13:08):
she extremely attractive and beautiful and amazing, but she's got a lot of
love and support, but she's also got like the best personality.
She's bubbly, she's fun.
She's exciting, all these things, right?
Just full package.
So I'm noticing all this, you know, we're having some really cool conversations.
But again, completely oblivious.
So I remember one day she comes in and I like she had said, I had just asked her
like, yeah, you know, I'm going to go on a date with this girl.

(13:30):
And maybe I had it planned already or whatever.
Didn't know that I was like, you know, creating this
catalyzation within her to go break up with her boyfriend.
So I remember she comes in Monday and she's like, hey, I broke up with my boyfriend.
Oh, good for you. That's awesome.
I just keep on walking, completely missed it.
Right.
So I think what had happened was you had asked Ryan Reed, like, what will get
this guy's attention?
And he was like, ask him to do mushrooms, right?

(13:51):
Because at that point I was the most I don't think I asked him that.
Where did you get that?
I thought I know this is my own plan.
I have a I scheme I plan.
Dead on, right?
So so anyway, she basically hits me up and she's like, hey, do you want to do
mushrooms alone?
And so then I go to my buddy Ryan, who is my confident, my guy confident.
And I was like, Hey, dude, do you think?

(14:11):
And he was like, dude, you're an idiot if you don't think that, right?
Like, obviously she's making a move on you.
So I got pretty nervous.
That's what she was talking about.
Like, you know, I tried to cancel the day off.
Like I was still falling into a lot of these things of like, why me?
You know, like, how would she ever find something she liked in me?
Things like that.
But as God would have it, we end up hanging out.
And what she didn't include was that I had had a hellish experience of mushrooms

(14:34):
about three, four months prior.
I had done like an 18 gram tea with two of my friends at penis envy.
And we didn't know about penis envy at that point and we had got fucking
rocked.
Like, I mean, to the point where it traumatized me, I, what happened was
I took the mushrooms, just like any other experience was my first tea ever.
And I didn't understand the whole idea of what was going to happen there.

(14:57):
And I, the most I had ever done was like three and a half grams.
So I just figured I'm like, well, you know, it's like twice that, you know,
what's the worst that could happen, right?
Cause at that point I still said it that way.
I didn't say what's the best that could happen, which is one of the big
shifts, though, overall happened.
But anyway, I ended up thinking that I had eaten mold.
My throat was closing up.
I was having allergic reaction and I was going to die.
So that had happened like four months prior.

(15:17):
So I had like been off of mushrooms ever since like maybe like a micro dose
here and there.
So this girl's like, Hey, I want to do mushrooms.
And so of course I'm like, all right, Ryan, this may be a little traumatizing
again, but you're going to thug it out for this dude.
Cause it's worth it.
So we ended up eating a gram and it was very nice, very light,
very chill.
And at a certain point, I remember you were sitting in that black chair,

(15:38):
sitting all cute and she was like, I think I want to do more.
And I was like, okay, like, yeah, I'll make that happen.
Cause I was having a good time.
So I go into my collection and the only mushrooms I have left are the same
ones I had the hellish experience with.
So I remember being in my closet and being like, all right, here we go.
And so those start hitting and then I start feeling some of that anxiety
come up.
I start feeling like a little bit of the shortness of breath.

(15:59):
And so I try to play it off super cool, right?
I'm like, yeah, you know, um, sometimes at this part of the
experience, I just like to lay in my bed at Shavasana pose.
And so Rachel's like, okay, so she hops in my bed with me and we're
sitting there and I'm just like, dude, this is really hard.
At least I know I'm not going to fall over now and pass out on this girl,
but I'm still like trying to form words and words are hard.
And all of a sudden she just kind of read me and she was like, do you

(16:20):
want to cuddle?
And I was like, yes.
And then the second she like embraced me, ultimate safety, like
complete just transcendence of any of that anxiety.
And, you know, it was so funny because we roll around all night
making out to Tyco, um, and just having a beautiful night and in
the morning she had work.
So basically, you know, her and I had spawned this little thing of

(16:41):
like, ooh, it'll be fun to keep this secret.
Haha.
It'll be fun, right?
So like literally she leaves my house.
I wake up at like 9am.
I check my phone and immediately it's our, uh, I don't think he was
our manager at that point, but this kid Zach, the work with us.
And the text I get is Ryan, you dog you.
Apparently what had happened was Rachel went in the work a little
bit disheveled and people were like, Oh, what were you doing last night?
She's like, I was up all night doing mushrooms and Ryan and they put it together.

(17:05):
And so that's really how we met.
I'll stop there.
I could go into a lot more, but that was, that was our love story and how
it got originally.
Well, you can add the, the Seth Yaffe, uh, make out such thing.
Oh yeah.
That was pretty funny.
Okay.
So I will add this thing because it was pretty funny.
So, so our thing was we both worked the front counter at that point.
So we'd always like work next to each other.

(17:28):
And you know, I'd watch all these guys come in and be like, do the girls so
hot and I'm like, Oh, really?
You think so?
You know, just keep it a secret and it was super fun for me.
So what happened would be I'd be like, Hey, I gotta go to the bathroom.
And then Rachel would be like, yeah, me too.
And then we'd go back to the lockers and we just viciously make out, you
know, and just have that like someone might catch us type feeling.
Well, one day someone did catch us.

(17:49):
So, so we're like making out and our manager, Seth walks through the door,
right?
And it was just like, we separate, right?
And he's like, Hey guys, what are you doing?
I'm like, Oh, nothing.
How's your day going?
He said, great.
And just walks through.
Clearly saw what was happening.
Never got brought up ever.
Like, I remember me and you right after we're like, we were like silent.
Like, Oh God, that's going to be bad.
We might get fired.
And then like nothing happened.

(18:10):
Like literally it was so awesome.
And shout out to Seth.
If you ever listen to this man, he was the best, best manager ever.
I could ask him if I wanted to, when we started going to shows together,
it was just like, Hey, can I leave early?
He's like, Sure, whatever.
You know, so yeah, I'm glad you brought that pot art, Bray.
You'll have to send it to him for sure.
You know, as you both were talking, which that was like such a YouTube story.

(18:30):
Like y'all are so goofy.
It totally resonated with y'all's energy.
I cried when both of you were talking and you know, I think the thing
about conscious partnership especially is like, it just hits different.
Right.
Like there's just this deep soul connection.
There has to be, right?
Cause like, why else would you do this treacherous work and this get this

(18:53):
treacherous beauty?
You know, this incredible beauty.
If you didn't have that deep soul connection, what I didn't realize though
is how similar our stories were.
Like we started as best friends.
I also was dating someone.
I also, Rachel had that.
I literally, I drove to my boyfriend's house.
I broke up with my boyfriend who we're great friends with now.
Like all these years later, we're both friends with him.

(19:14):
I had interviewed him on my solo podcast, but I broke up with him and like
literally that night at midnight, we made it official.
And so, you know, we started as friends and same thing had that pull.
What really struck me was your story about mushrooms and the, the
soul merging, right?
Like, and I want listeners to know, especially as we get into some of
these things, like words are very difficult when you start to describe

(19:37):
conscious relating and spiritual experiences with like another person
and a partner, like they get pretty wild.
And so we'll do our best with the words.
So you all have been together seven years.
We've been together eight years.
And as you know, and as we've shared on the show, we spent six of those
deeply unconscious.
So we have a really unique story in that we went through six years of
unconsciousness, woke up and then have done our consciousness journey

(19:59):
together and it started on the night that we first connected with LSD.
I was having really intense grief with my dad, Ryan.
I know you relate to that.
You shared that in your episode.
We had this experience where we were connecting physically and then
we both like astral projected.
And so we were like connecting on multiple planes, like physically,
spiritually, energetically.

(20:19):
And it was the same thing like this merging.
And I just knew in that moment, like this person is a part of me.
Like it's an it doesn't even feel like two people anymore.
And so I love so much that that's in your story.
It's so beautiful to see both of your perspectives on the same story.
Each of us bear these unique experiences based off of our past history,

(20:45):
our our traumas, our experiences with the relationships.
I resonate a lot with you, Ryan, and that when we got together,
there was a lot of that, you know, how could this person like me, you know,
and it was just this deep wound of self love.
And this person really brought me out of my shell and it's such a beautiful

(21:06):
testament to what conscious partnership can do because when you merge
your souls together, you start to kind of fill the puzzle pieces that are missing
in a way that most other relationships don't because in the areas that we are
seeking growth during this incarnation, that person will pull you forward

(21:34):
to step into that growth, whether it's through triggering events,
whether it's through love and safety and connection.
It's usually both.
And I love to see that experience for you two and even just the way that you
talk about each other and communicate, you can tell that there's this deep,
rooted and meaningful connection and bond that you do share because as you relate

(21:57):
consciously, whether you start on the consciousness journey together,
or if you figure it out somewhere along your journey,
you begin to start becoming one person and it's a really interesting
experience because you start to experience oneness together and that you start
shedding that individuality and I would love to hear now that we understand how

(22:21):
you two met, what was it like for you as you started growing together,
as you started merging?
What did that process look like for you?
It's been such a long process and so many layers that it's a little complicated
to explain, but I can say that the first three or four years of our relationship,

(22:42):
I can speak from my perspective.
I really deeply lack self-love and I had deep abandonment wounds.
So there was this like repeating of a pattern I had done in previous relationships,
but it was different because in previous relationships,
I wasn't afraid of losing those people, but Ryan, because of how much I loved him

(23:03):
and it was like a connection unlike any other, kind of like how you were describing,
like it's just this different type of connection.
And even you said this, you said it's just on a different level,
like you just merge with each other and so because it was such a deep connection,
it was I was actually afraid to lose him and I wasn't as afraid to lose my previous relationships.

(23:30):
And I think I did that consciously, like I would unconsciously,
consciously get with guys that I wasn't afraid to lose that I had a leg up on.
And so when I met Ryan, he was quote unquote dangerous,
not because he's a dangerous person, he's the nicest person in the world,
the most trustworthy person in the world, but dangerous to me because I,
if I lost him, that would be life shattering.

(23:53):
It would literally be like someone took a part of me.
So I get what you mean by it's like you merge into one,
especially when your souls are that connected.
And so because I, oh, we're going to say, I was just going to say it's like dangerous to the ego, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, dangerous to the ego, perfect way to put it.
And so I would say the first three or four years of our relationship,

(24:15):
I was controlling, I had major abandonment wounds.
I like just lacked so much self love that it was easy to get mad at him and blame him for things and project on to him.
And limit his freedom.
I think that was one of the biggest things is I really limited Ryan's freedom.
Ryan is such a free soul.

(24:36):
And the thing I love most about him is how friendly and free he is.
Like everyone loves Ryan.
I don't think I've met one person who doesn't love Ryan.
Even before we started dating, I always called him my mini celebrity.
Like since the beginning of our relationship, I call him my mini celebrity,
which I now think he's a mini celebrity.
So I tell him I manifested that for him.
But he's all right.

(24:58):
He's all right.
But yeah, so like we'd be at parties and he'd be social talking to everyone.
And I would get mad at him because I would look at these other people.
Who were like hanging on each other all night and like connecting with each other.
And I made it mean something about me.
I made it mean that I wasn't good enough and that he would leave me and that he's just going to meet someone else.
And like, yeah, like he's at a party.

(25:19):
Everyone else is better than me.
And then I would get mad at him and be like, you have to say hi to me and you have to check in with me at parties.
And that happened a lot over the course of the first three or four years of our relationship.
Until one time we took Molly at a party the next day we were on the come down.
And I remember we were sitting in a car at a was it a CVS parking lot.

(25:43):
So we're in the car and we're feeling the depths of our feeling because on come downs from Molly,
you just feel like the depths of every depth you've ever felt like the horrible depths.
And I was like, you didn't say hi to me at the party like it blow up.
Like I just wish you could fucking say hi to me.
And then he said to me that I limit his freedom and he doesn't feel free and he doesn't know what to do because he needs his freedom.

(26:06):
And I'm trying to take it away from him.
And it was in that moment it was felt like a punch to the gut.
It was so painful to hear but it was in that moment that I had this like flash memory of every friend or every quote unquote boyfriend.
I felt had abandoned me was mainly related to friends because that's where a lot of my band in the woods what were was with friends.

(26:27):
But I thought of every friend who had ever quote unquote abandoned me and what the process took for them to abandon me and in that moment I realized it was because I tried to limit their freedom.
I was like, Oh, well, if you're my best friend, you would hang out with me and I would be like, if you're my best friend, you would do this and I would try to like squander me.

(26:50):
I would do this and I would try to like squash and control them.
And I realized in this moment when he said I was limiting his freedom that I was doing the same thing to him.
And then it was in that moment that I realized, Oh my God, Rachel, it's not that you're a person that people just abandoned.
It's that you push them to abandon you by trying to squash their freedom because you think that there's something wrong with you and they're going to abandon you and you're manifesting the very thing you don't want.

(27:15):
And all you have to do is give Ryan his freedom.
That's all you have to do.
Then you become someone he wants to stay with you don't push him away.
He would probably come give you more attention, right?
Because he doesn't feel restricted and it's it.
Yep, it's the conundrum.
Exactly.
And like, you know, logically, I think we can understand that but because I was in the depths of that feeling that realization felt like someone was stabbing me multiple times in the gut.

(27:40):
And I just like remember crying and feeling horrible and then I made a pact I will never squash that man's freedom again.
He can live his life and I know he loves me and the more I give him his freedom, the more solid I feel and literally that was after year four.
Now we're on year seven.
Things have completely shifted.

(28:01):
Ryan, yeah, it's exactly what you said, Amaris, he wants to spend all the time in the world with me to the point where like I want to listen and learn my like astrology and he's like, you're the only person in the world who doesn't want to talk to me.
Everyone else wants to talk to me and he's trying to get my attention.
Oh, how the roles have changed.
You helped her heal that pattern and now she's offering you the ability to heal that pattern for you and that that is a deep part of conscious partnership, right?

(28:27):
We think our partner has the pattern and then when they heal it, it shows, oh, that same healing work, right? Balance.
Definitely.
Well, I mean, if you spot it, you got it, you know, put that in there.
Yeah, right.
It's all just a projection and a reflection anyways, which is a huge piece in conscious partnership for sure.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, also Ryan, I will give Ryan credit.

(28:48):
He's really good at like catching himself too and then going back and, you know, taking his power back and giving me the power back.
So I will just stop with that story because there's a thousand stories you can tell and I'll pull it over to Ryan to tell any of his stories of what it's looked like.
First of all, Ray, great story that you shared there and it's been many things, you know, and I think the biggest thing I don't think I've ever shared this live before.

(29:12):
So we'll dive right in.
Many of our close friends, you guys know about this.
I've talked to you about it and stuff and private and whatnot, but my core wound in my life is my mother.
I love her to fucking death.
She's amazing.
She gave me the best childhood ever.
Her and my dad picture perfect parents, the most that you can be right?
Nothing's perfect, but like I look back to my childhood and I'm like, damn, they really aced it.

(29:35):
But one of the challenges is that my mom has a deep mistrust of men stemming from her dad.
Her dad was a really amazing individual had never tried alcohol, went to a wedding with my grandmother, had a glass of wine and was like, wow, it feels like I'm flying and just never looked back.
And so when my mom was growing up, her dad was constantly going to the hospital.

(29:57):
You know, she'd be falling asleep being like, I wonder if my dad's going to die.
And she was like literally six years old, you know, going through these things.
She remembers a story where her mother had just had all of her teeth pulled, right?
And she was getting dentures and she had a lot of stitches in her mouth and she wasn't supposed to like, you know, do any heavy lifting or anything.
And one day her dad came home and was so drunk that he fell out of the car and it was snowbank and passed out.

(30:21):
And so my grandmother had to try to bring him inside and she split all the stitches and it was like blood everywhere and stuff.
So my mom went through a lot, you know, with her father and then she started dating guys that were basically her dad, right?
Like what she learned to be safe around is guys that were assholes basically, you know, and again, her dad was a nice guy but just went through some shitty stuff himself and never dealt with it, etc.

(30:42):
Right. We all know what trauma is and how it plays out.
Anyway, because of that, once my father passed away, first of all, I had a lot of anger around him for that because, you know, with my dad, you know, again, I'm not trying to paint my mom as, you know, a bad person or anything, but, you know, my mom has a lot of trauma.
And so growing up, you know, when certain things would happen, I would go to my dad to like, you know, and he'd be like, hey, don't worry about it.

(31:07):
It's okay. You know, your mom loves you.
He was kind of that person for me. And when he passed away, you know, I didn't know any of this. I can only look back in hindsight and see it now.
But not only did I not really deal with it, but I also didn't understand at that point the role that had left my life, you know, like the person that left my life and the role that they portrayed and kind of supplied for me.
So what started happening was in a really kind of interesting way, my mom started really like, you know, focusing on me as like the man in her life to not only take care of everything, but also to be the person that whenever anything went wrong,

(31:40):
ah, you're the guy now. So I'm going to now project all these things about what I know about men onto you.
And because I wouldn't match that description, like I wouldn't be mean to her. I wouldn't do these things. It actually triggered her more.
And so what she was trying to do was actually like bring me down to like, so I could, I would act like one of these guys.
So she'd be like, ah, see, that's exactly what it was. I knew that I was right, that men are bad and all these kind of things. Right.

(32:06):
So because of that, that's played a very big opportunity, right, in our relationship, you know, and Rachel and I's relationship.
And one of the biggest things has been Rachel really supporting me in breaking that wound. You know, my mom is, and again, she's incredible for anyone listening.
I'm not dissing. I just have to say it over and over, but she, you know, she's had degenerative disease for years. She's disabled, you know, and she's in a rough position.

(32:31):
And so I take care of her and things like that. But again, that can be a very challenging thing to navigate, you know, because I must live my own life as well.
And I can't just literally stay around to help this person that although her belief systems and stories say that she's fucked, there's nothing she can do.
There's actually a lot she could do, but she won't listen to me about that either. Right. So I grew a lot of disdain and anger around these things.

(32:54):
And I would bottle it up with unconscious cannabis use and things like that.
And then when Rachel would bring these things up, because she saw it clear as day and Rachel's the type of person that when she sees something,
especially for someone she loves, she's going to share it with them and it would trigger the fuck out of me. It would trigger the absolute fuck on me.
Some of our biggest blowout fights were about that, you know, triggering you further into enlightenment.
Literally, literally. And, and it took me a few years anyway, I would say probably right around year four, year five, even where I really started being like, Oh, I see what's happening here.

(33:23):
Like I see the full thing. I see the fact that actually my mom is my biggest teacher and that she actually is a really advanced soul who signed up specifically to be this person who's like,
No, please don't leave me all these things. Not because that's actually who she is, but because I need to be the one that owns them and says, I love you, but I need to go live my own life.
And a big part of that also is Rachel saying like, Hey, are you going to let yourself just kind of like play small because you're worried about what this person in life will think, etc.

(33:49):
Like this person loves you. They'd obviously love for you to go live your life, etc. Right.
So a big part of for me, how our relationship has become more conscious and what I've noticed my own patterns, programs and how we've kind of fused together is allowing Rachel to be that source of comfort for me.
That person that I can like open up to and it's taken me a while to really like open up to these things and admit them to myself because they're pretty scary to admit because once you admit it, you have to look at all the patterns.

(34:17):
But again, that's the only way the best way out is through the only way out is through. And so that's been a huge thing for me that I've never really discussed publicly, you know, my core Chiron wound of my mother and the great opportunity and the great wisdom she has bestowed on me with this lifetime.
She's chose to play out, you know, because again, like for me, I'm Mr. Holistic Health. I do all the things like I'm a Virgo moon, Virgo rising.

(34:39):
So I have a lot of that like OCD, like very structured life. And for her, she won't necessarily drink water. She won't take any of the advice, right.
And it took me a while, like I said to realize that oh, she's not meant to, she's literally meant to say no over and over. So it triggers me into going like, Hey, okay, I can, I'm not here to help everyone.
I'm not here to help anyone unless they want to be helped. Right. And so there's been a lot of things, but I would say that's been the number one thing, even getting, you know, me to move out of there, you know, and get the hell away from that energy, you know, and, and again, it's actually deep in my mother and I's

(35:14):
relationship a shit ton in doing that, even though, you know, again, every time I go over there and I see her, her stories, her beliefs and her guru, Ness will look to pull me back down to that level.
And I think that Rachel has done a great job of being able to really allow me to find myself in ways that I can't really describe their qualitative. But so when I go over there and I hear these things, I don't get mad anymore.

(35:37):
I get compassionate, you know, I remember when I was at that level where if someone was doing something amazing, what I would do unconsciously was try to like, you know, make fun of it or something to kind of like make it seem like I wasn't not fulfilling my purpose.
So I understand what that is now and that's been a huge level up in our relationship overall.
I mean, both of you like super, super authentic vulnerable shares of ways that you've been able to heal really core patterns, right? And I would argue, because as you're speaking, I'm like, yep, same, right? Like big mother wounds here, big self love abandonment wounds here.

(36:11):
But I think a lot of listeners, most listeners can relate to that, right? Like, in some level, I think a lot of people have that fear of abandonment and that issue with self love, we're certainly not taught to love ourselves.
You know, unless you were really lucky and you were raised by like conscious hippie parents, which at our age isn't common. And so thank you for sharing that and showing people like this is when you stick it out.

(36:34):
Rachel, you said something in our solo episode we did recently that literally has not stopped ringing in my mind and it came at the perfect moment because literally a week later, our core most pattern resurfaced.
You know, I had found out that Eric was back in the shadow of dishonesty. And normally I'd be like, I'm done, like I'm out, you know, that that triggers my like running and running wounds.

(36:58):
And I just heard your voice and it has not stopped sense of a relationship is only truly over when one person's not willing to grow, you know, and the way that he faced that situation and is growing from it like blew my mind.
And it just is such a testament to the power of conscious partnership. And so I'd love to dig into that I want to kind of talk about really kind of, I don't like the duality of like positive and negative but that's the world we lived in right we signed up for this dualistic world.

(37:25):
So I'd like to first look at conflict and especially looking at your partnership now like we've done a really good groundwork of the first three, four, five years but these last two years, especially like what does it look like for you to to be in conscious partnership like how does that manifest as
patterns. How does that manifest as conflict whichever direction you want to take it. I'm really curious to hear how that looks for you.

(37:51):
Yeah, I feel like this is an easy one I might have talked about it on our podcast to and it's only easy because I almost feel like me and Ryan have a slight formula now we just like understand the flow of a fight to resolution, even if it takes us different
amounts of time each time. So usually if we get triggered, we're really will fight for a second. For the most part, we're really good at then taking space. So usually we get into a fight it gets really intense to the point where we're not hearing

(38:26):
each other, we're both coming from our wounds. And we have to take space. And so when we take space, we first started doing that, it would look like me my nervous system not being able to handle it and me literally running out the door as Ryan screams after me if you believe that door
don't you dare come back you know what I'm saying like that. Don't you dare come back. It's that's where we first realized it was when I my avoid itself and his it was we when we used to be in that pattern of what an anxious I'd be like, I gotta go and then like run and like

(38:59):
take fear for a walk. And then by the time I'd come back what we noticed is when we would take that space we could come back in a more grounded way and actually be able to take self responsibility for our side of the fight. And so now our processes come into we get into a fight, we get triggered.
If it gets bad enough will take space or we won't talk for a little bit. Once we allow that space to settle in will come back and we'll usually each self reflect on how can I take responsibility. I think something we've noticed is when one of us takes responsibility, it's easy for the other person

(39:32):
to and then it's so easy to get to transformation and resolution. So I think that's our main pattern. Sometimes we don't need to take this space. Sometimes we can literally just take a second and be like okay, I'm getting triggered at you right now because when I was younger this
happened and it's really reminding me of this and so I'm feeling this way and I just need to talk through with you now I know it's not your fault it's just me being like this. So we'll do that and then there's also an exercise we've done.

(40:01):
That was so beautifully healing. It was by this Tantra teacher, Leila Martin, which she's pretty big so people might know her if you're listening.
So this practice was called love fears desires and basically we had to pick partner a and partner be and she'd be like what do you fear and then partner a we talk for five minutes and partner be can't say shit, party be just has to be quiet.

(40:25):
And at the end of partner a talking like when the bell on the recording rings, partner be is just like says thank you to partner a for expressing themselves and then partner be goes on for five minutes and answers their biggest fear and then partner a just listens and then at the end says thank you and so you go through your
fears like, like kind of like word vomiting your fears to each other to word vomiting your desires and then the last one is like word vomiting what you love or like about them and so it takes us through this beautiful process where we have to just hear each other out from our

(40:57):
biggest fears to our biggest desires to then what we love about each other. And I found the act of not being able to respond when something triggered us but just have to listen and say thank you was also an extremely healing practice.
And it's something that we've then brought into other fights we've had now so like now I've learned to if we're in a really bad fight and we take space and we still don't know how to resolve it I'll go in and I'll just listen to him. So that would be my answer.

(41:27):
I'll second that that, you know, again, like one of the main patterns I noticed and myself and this is kind of the last point but it, you know, kind of goes into this one is another one of my biggest patterns was I learned from my mom and dad that arguing wasn't about finding resolution it was just who can out argue the other person.
And so, you know, this was something that Rachel kept mentioning and I was like, fuck off, like I don't have that, you know, like, I'm just better fucking arguing that I got a better point than you, you know, like fully go take over. And so like what I started noticing was what would happen would be like I almost liked arguing

(42:00):
like there was a part of me that was like, yeah, let me fucking at him like a rabid Rottweiler, you know, and I hate arguing so that's why I would leave.
And then my ego will be like, see you won again, bro, just keep fucking doing it that way, you know, and it was just like toxic as fuck. So I remember when we were at the dispenser I remember times we've got an arguments were like I am not embarrassed look back at it but I'm just so grateful that I evolved from that point because

(42:22):
I don't remember what the fights are about but how I reacted like was just not okay and in alignment with who I am today.
And basically like I'm just gonna stonewall and just like, you know, kind of do all those things like yeah it's fine. I don't care. Yeah, whatever. Those are not good signs in a relationship right I mean they they can be if you use them for growth but to keep doing that over and over it's going to be challenging, you know, and disempowering.

(42:43):
I would say a big part of that for me was realizing that pattern to and, you know, for us now like Rachel said like we have a really good like alchemical process like we understand that there's a certain point in the argument now where we start realizing like, usually if we're going to get it we've gotten it by now.
We must need some separation and the third stage of alchemy is separation right it's part of the alchemical process. And for me, the kind of challenging belief system I have is that, know if we take space, like no like I want to figure this out now.

(43:12):
But like Abel Einstein states you can't solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it, but it's the ultimate thirst trap, you know, you think like no no no I can make this better.
And then it just starts getting worse and worse and then you say something that you don't even think is bad but then now it's 10 times worse and you're like oh god am I doing here right.
So we found that, you know when that happens that we take some space, you know literally like 20 feet of space like I'm in here she's in the kitchen or whatever.

(43:36):
You know typically it'll be almost right away.
That I'll start seeing some of my stuff and then my ego be like no no no no no no no no you're not owning up no you were in the right you were in the right.
Then I sit there for another five minutes or so, and it starts to be like well I don't even want to be in an argument right now, like why why would I want to stay in this energy like that.
And that then creates a whole like fucking awareness of like why do I like this, you know in a weird way.

(44:01):
And then when I sit into a more I start realizing like okay, like even if there was an example, which has never happened where I was objectively right and Rachel was objectively wrong right because it's not how it works but even if there was right.
I mean, I may be upset of how I reacted right I may be upset that I maybe kept her on a tight leash.
Right maybe she had a rough day and I was just like fuck off I don't want to hear it right.

(44:22):
But then after I realized like well that's not the way I would want to be treated right golden rule type stuff.
And so we're really good at then coming out and one of us will first be like, sorry I don't want to fight and then literally as soon as one of us says it okay boom we're back to like safety now.
We can just talk about what happened. Yeah exactly exactly and you know starting to realize that you know at the end of the day that is the goal of relationships you know they're meant to get messy.

(44:44):
And I really liked I saw this thing where it was like have the blowout fight like have it let it get messy let it do its thing.
And you know I really enjoy that because not only does it lead to amazing makeup sex but also some of our biggest breakthroughs like the mom one those were happened through a lot of blowout fights you know never any physical anything but like you know yelling
is like, you know very challenging stuff and I think that when you're in the world of conscious living, holistic health, spirituality, there's a part of you that may feel guilty around that are like oh my God like this isn't supposed to have to be

(45:16):
supposed to be that is completely false like we are still human beings right now we're not divine beings fully like we are right we're divine embodied but we're supposed to be messy.
Right and we can't bypass us in and say, well I'm an infinite being actually this doesn't harm me at all like that's just toxic AF. So for me, and part of the reason I'm grateful that I was raised in Boston, because I've realized that even my mom and dad even though I didn't

(45:40):
necessarily approve of their argument style, especially getting into and realizing I picked it up.
You know, I'm grateful they have those bloods because a lot of them led to a lot of really positive things in the in the scheme of things you know and so I started realizing like I think this is actually very healthy.
And that has helped us to realize that when we get in the blowout, you know my brain used to go like oh my God this is just retarded why even doing this right or whatever.

(46:01):
And like if it was supposed to be that it wouldn't be this way and I'm like no actually it's the exact opposite this actually means is meant to be because we can get in blowouts like that, and still choose to come to each other and say sorry and like our wounds together.
That's a really good sign because if you can go through that amount of discomfort and still want to be with that person. Now you know for sure. And now when we do get in that argument. It's no big deal.

(46:24):
It's like even if it's really frustrating in the back of my head I'm like I know we're going to move past it's fine. And I start thinking like what big huge ideas this going to bring about you know like what massive level of awareness and upgrade are we going to get from this you know and so that's been a huge part of it for me and you know I'm just so grateful for where we're at today and you know how we
continue to choose each other and you know I feel like even recently Ray like the last six months I feel like we've deepened a lot where I know for me I'll state it from my angle. You know like I have found this whole new attraction to you ever since you got into astrology

(46:55):
especially I've seen this light click on a new that I think is hot as hell you know and like literally you're gonna ask Rachel like you know it's funny we play these games you know we're like you know she wants something you know especially like something's too high she's like can you reach that I'm like maybe but I need
a hug first I need to grab your butt first you know and so like we'll have this whole fun system which I think is essential. Thanks Ryan I'm never going to be able to get anything off of a shelf now with that but grab. You just.

(47:22):
You're welcome bro. We always did it as a love tax it was like a kiss tax like oh could you pass me that yeah sure but I'm going to need a kiss first. So I totally agree with that.
I'll put everything up high bro you know that's my gift for me to you you know. It's a little more difficult in a trailer where everything's. Yeah.
I really love that and I appreciate so much you talking about what conflicts looks like you know something you touched on that was just you nailed it is there is kind of this notion in my ego and as you're talking I'm like oh thank God it's not just me and that's the purpose of this series right is to show

(48:01):
people like you're not crazy you're not alone this is messy we have screaming fights we have fights you know and sometimes and that is the only tape that you go can play in that right is like if blah blah blah blah then it wouldn't look like this or you know this is like this isn't conscious this isn't
spiritual like what's wrong with us we shouldn't be together and and it runs that tape and you know I just want listeners to know I know you have something to add like conflict is healthy when it becomes unhealthy is when we stay in it when we don't grow from it or the

(48:34):
worst pattern of them all and we spent six years in it is when you ignore it and escape from it right like you're just like and our last guest we interviewed which was actually Eric's life coach he said something really beautiful he said like most of the people on the
planet have defined love as we're just gonna not talk about each other's patterns and shit and we're just gonna like agree to live this surface level happy life sometimes we get in arguments but we're just like not gonna talk about that I'm sorry I love you let's move on and that's

(49:04):
not love right and so I just thank you for showing people it's okay to have conflict it's okay really on any spectrum of conflict as long as we're returning to love and that is the key thing and that's the thing we talk about on the show right is like how do we return to love
because that's what's important not all of the stupid stuff that came from our egos which isn't even us because anything that's not from love isn't from us anyways it's not real and so recognizing that and and giving ourselves that grace is so important

(49:35):
yeah and it really speaks to the power of doing this work it really is alchemy we live in a society where people say you know you can't you can't yell at each other you can't say awful things to each other or even if it were to get physical like you can't do
x right because if you do x it's a deal breaker and it's a toxic relationship and you have to leave it when in reality the only thing that is important is y'all's relationship how you to interact how you to find love again and that can look like a lot of different

(50:11):
things for a lot of different people some of our fights get to these really big blowout explosions and that's because a lot of my pattern specifically is to repress things and so the only way for things to come out is in this big extravagant fashion very

(50:32):
scorpio like I've had a lot of therapists throughout the years and one that really stuck with me is that a relationship is not about the ruptures that we have in a relationship it's about how we heal from the ruptures think of it like a wound when it's infected you have to reopen it and you have to address it for it to be able to heal

(50:58):
and that's how it is in relationship when we can navigate those ruptures together like you said Ryan in the back of our head even in the heat of the moment no matter how bad things seem like they are and what the stories the ego is saying of like oh no this is too toxic this is not this is not okay we're not going to survive this this like I don't accept this in my in my life whatever it may be

(51:25):
as long as we have that knowing and that soul contract in the back of our mind saying I know we're going to get through this
it may look like an hour from now it may be a day from now and maybe a week from now but I know in my heart of hearts that we have committed to this partnership and we have committed to growth and so we are going to allow each other to play out this pattern to its fullest extent so that it can get out

(51:53):
and then we can work with the pieces once they're they're out and about the beautiful thing about what you all shared is that you know none of us really have it quote unquote figured out we are not enlightened beings right the purpose of this podcast and the purpose of this series specifically is to show people that we all kind of have these

(52:14):
puzzle pieces and there isn't really a right way to relate to consciously love each one of us has our own style our own flavor so take what resonates leave what doesn't and understand that each relationship is unique each you know union and trigger points are unique to you you know you designed it that way in your partnership this beautiful

(52:42):
yin yang twin flame example of you know Ryan you've experienced this lack of freedom and this wound with your mother and Rachel experiencing these wounds of abandonment right but then to see both of them together and to see how they perfectly fit and play out

(53:04):
in that your need for freedom Ryan pushes on Rachel's wound of abandonment and so it's this beautiful opportunity to alchemize these deep core wounds when we're not approaching this from a conscious way it can seem like oh no this is just a toxic relationship right
but if we flip the narrative and we understand that no this is actually healing it becomes a perfect relationship it's exactly what we need for enlightenment for spiritual growth and it takes time to get there it takes time spent in relationship to understand these patterns because like you were saying it took almost what to year three year

(53:47):
four for these patterns to start really manifesting and then and at that time for you to experience them over and over again to then bring conscious awareness to them and so that's why it's so important to stay in relationship if that is your intention because that's that's what it takes to be able to understand and then alchemize this stuff

(54:10):
you know if you run away or you decide to exit that like that pattern is just going to manifest in somebody else right that's the ultimate projection
of the mind and of the ego is like this person's the problem and X behavior I don't like that thing like do I love that one of Eric's core shadows and it's in his G keys twice is dishonesty

(54:32):
why because my core most value is honesty so it's giving me the opportunity to learn grace which is one of my core gene keys and so same thing with that like perfectly designed you know it will just keep manifesting and at some point and this ultimately is like conscious partnership is taking responsibility for your
own shit right it's taking responsibility like you were talking about earlier Rachel of like where am I contributing to this or better yet where is this asking me to be more loving to be more graceful to be more empathetic to be more patient to be more kind right to love myself

(55:06):
more to stop expecting anything from this person because he's perfect as he is even if I don't like it and so I just love so much that beautiful perspective you know that whole like we say twin flames but Yin Yang twin flames soulmates you can call it whatever you want like I think there is something
to that and there is a soul bond which is a perfect segue into what I want to talk about next and I'm super excited to hear from you to what is the other side look like right because I think we hear a lot about how challenging these types of relationships are and I think you two would agree

(55:40):
like this is the hardest thing I've ever done and I've done some really hard stuff in my life conscious relating with another person on a spiritual path committed to growth is the hardest thing I've ever done and I will never and we have never on the show blur that or not be authentic about that
like this is it's not easy right and comma and it comes with great reward and so we have to give space to that so I'd love to hear from y'all what that looks like right like what are those highs what maybe spiritual experiences have you had together or what do you feel from your perspective are the benefits of being in a conscious partnership

(56:20):
one of the best parts about our relationship to and I'll start with this but it's not going to my whole answer is the fact that we've been able to go through that hard stuff together we say to each other all the time we're so powerful like how many people can sit through all that pain and like have a nine hour fight and like still stay in it
till make it to the other side and then we're like you're badass and we're like you're badass and we're like pumping each other up and we're like we're the fucking best and then we like who literally this is like me and Ryan how we talk to each other we're like imagine the kid we'd have one day it's going to be like the best thing in the world we have to grace the world with our kid and like

(56:56):
I feel like together we just like pump up each other's confidence you know just like how I said Ryan's I'm any celebrity and then he'll say Rachel's a berserker and Rachel's this and I'm like Ryan's that and I feel like we're just each other's biggest hype people in the world we're truly each other's best friends like Ryan is the best friend I've ever had ever and I wish like I could say that I've had a more best friend of a girl than him but like no truly Ryan

(57:25):
is the best friend I've ever had on so many levels we call each other out we call each other forward me and him over the last four years we've gone on a roller coaster of a ride like as we started our businesses and I can say that we started businesses at the same time which was so fun and so cool the coolest part is as we do the same things but we do it on our in our own way so we don't do everything together we're just

(57:49):
not like starting all these businesses together doing everything together we tend to both like a grow and evolve side by side with each other.
I actually and my first birth chart reading I ever had this lady Pam who's the psychic for a bunch of people we know said yeah, you and Ryan or like two birds flying in the sky and sometimes one bird flies up higher than the other bird and the other for bird flies higher than the other bird flies higher than the other bird so we
were like seeing each other we're a great team and we can say it by heart.

(58:11):
You and Ryan are like two birds flying in the sky and sometimes one bird flies higher than the other bird
And then the other for bird flies higher and then the other bird flies higher and but you guys are just like always growing
She said our the cornerstone of our relationship was growth and evolution and I find that to be so true in our relationship. We have just

(58:31):
Grown immensely we have found secure attachment styles together immensely
I don't know. I feel like I could go on forever with how much fun we have
I don't even think you can describe the amount of love we have like I just
Sometimes we say I don't want to say this because I feel I feel bad
I don't want to say something that might trigger someone listening to this podcast of like I want to find my person
But like I truly feel lucky that I found my person me and him look at each other sometimes and we're just like how fricking

(58:58):
Amazing and lucky are we and to be honest if I'm real with myself? Yeah, it's luck
But it's also willing to go through this shit. So, you know, you too can have this
To go to the shed to your point Rachel and I'd love to hear your perspective Ryan
But I want to add something because you're talking about triggering people which I would caveat is a blessing, right?
But to those listening
This finds you when you're ready all you need to do to be ready like there's this isn't something in the future

(59:24):
It's literally just willingness like it's just a choice and it's that simple
It's literally just a choice like am I willing to do the work?
Am I willing to look within and my willing to stop ignoring escaping insert blank?
Whatever that pattern looks like for you and when you when you are willing to do that
I really truly believe that this this enters your sphere and not a moment early and not a moment late

(59:49):
And so if you're listening to this and you're like I want a conscious partnership
Or I want to find my person or you know, I keep dating and I feel like they're just not at that level
It's always a call to look within it's always a call
Great. How about you just radically work on yourself and just like radically love yourself because you're gonna
Immediately manifest and attract the exact person that's needed and then be willing to do that work

(01:00:14):
It could be the person that you're with currently. There's this note in the collective that
If your partnership doesn't look like a conscious partnership, it means you have to go and find a conscious partnership
It's really that exactly it's really important to note that you can
shift from an unconscious partnership to a conscious partnership and it starts by one person

(01:00:40):
doing the work and
It will immediately
shine a flashlight on the other person and call them forward and if they are willing to
Take those steps and come forward
That is the birth of the conscious partnership if they are not willing to own up to their experience and do that work

(01:01:01):
They will resonate out and somebody else will resonate in and Ryan
I'm gonna pass it off to you for years
But I want to add one more thing that we haven't caveat it in this episode yet
That we're kind of trying to really radically shift in this space that I don't really hear a lot of people to actually
I haven't heard anyone doing not saying it doesn't exist
But I haven't come across it is conscious relating is not just romantic you can be in a conscious partnership with your friends your family

(01:01:25):
Your self source God creator, whatever you call the divine like we really want to shift this notion that like you this isn't just
Romantic right like life is not defined by the physical romantic aspect
If you don't have a romantic partner right now start a conscious partnership with your best friend with your family with someone else around you
So that you can do this work and this type of engagement with someone

(01:01:46):
There doesn't have to be a romantic sexual relationship for that to happen
And so it's releasing that attachment of why do we feel like we need it to be romantic in order for it to be quote unquote a conscious
Partnership so take all that you know, whatever resonates whatever doesn't but Ryan
I'd love to hear your perspective on what the the highs and the positives and and some of those experiences you've had being in this

(01:02:09):
partnership with Rachel
Yeah, this is a great question
And I've been thinking about what I was gonna say and I got a couple things I was gonna say on the last point right the thing
We talked about with the arguments and things like that
It takes pressure to make diamonds and at the same time the analogy that came to me is you got to boil water to cook rice or pasta
And it right doesn't work at lukewarm so sometimes you got to let that shit really blow up

(01:02:30):
And at the same time right if you don't know what to do with that boiling water
And you decide to try to drink it you're gonna get fucked up right if you don't know what to do with pressure
You might smash your arm or something right so I'm not saying that these things are
Objectively save it set her right. There's a there's a saying called playing with fire, right?
But again at the end of the day and we all know that if you're a fire spinner

(01:02:52):
You can learn how to play with fire and do it well
And so I think a big process of understanding how to be in a conscious relationship is that when challenges arise not if but when
How are we going to handle them?
And how can we make sure that we're making diamonds with our pressure and cooking rice or pasta with our boiling water and not just throwing it
Around and burning ourselves and other people and the dog and whoever else not Pierre. Yeah, not here. God. No

(01:03:19):
Pierre is a John Ryan's dog
He's adorable. He's got his own Instagram at Pierre the French Bulldog. I think underscore babe. Is it underscore?
All right, cool. Showing them out. You know, he's a celebrity. We call him a Brad Pitt of Frenchies
He's ridiculously adorable. But anyway, I digress, you know, I'll be completely honest
I would not be where I am today 100% without Rachel. I would not have the business I have today

(01:03:44):
I mean fuck she came up with the name highly optimized, right? I'll give her credit for credit
is do we were sitting in a stop and shop parking lot and I was going through a
Challenge with the job. I was out of the dispensary. I was getting really triggered
They were you know doing a lot of really dumb shit
And so I wanted to get out of there and I remember we you know got out of work on a Friday night
She was coming over to my place and we were sitting in the parking lot and I was like

(01:04:07):
I just want to like make this business and I wanted to do something with self-development and cannabis
But I can't figure out what it is and you know, we went through a little while
We're probably sitting there for like 45 minutes and she was like, what about highly optimized and I was like, oh, I love that
So again, like not only she's got the name, but she has pushed me
I mean things like getting on Aubrey Marcus things like hang on Paul check. I'm fucking terrified of that shit, right?

(01:04:27):
There was a lot of fear that came up a lot of imposter syndrome, etc
And Rachel was the one that reminded me like if this is what's coming in then you deserve it right now
Not 10 years from now not a minute from now right now like get yourself into that mindset
Well, you realize that you're a bad motherfucker and that you are on that level and that you can go do this and she has been my
Number one source of positivity inspiration and really courage to go do these things and she still is you know

(01:04:51):
And I do the same thing for her as well, you know when she will call me and be like
How do you get on podcast right and I'll when I was in Austin
we had a conversation on the phone when I was driving back from Alex X podcast and
I saw her clearly stuck in a story because I know what it's like
I've been stuck in mine and so she was like, well, I'm just not as good at you with connecting
I'm like, that's just a story Ray like you are absolutely fucking amazing at connecting when you wanted me

(01:05:14):
You made sure you fucking got me like no questions asked right like you got me
So you have this ability in you and so we do that to each other all the time and and we pump each other up
You know more worry each other's biggest fans and I think that's one of the biggest things because as a man when you have a
Amazing woman by your side. There's nothing you can't do and I imagine it's the exact same for women

(01:05:34):
I'm just not a woman so I won't try to speak from women's point of view
But you know, I imagine it's very similar this conscious partnership sacred union thing is really about two human beings
Loving each other enough to not only trigger each other into enlightenment
But also realize oneness between the two right and a big part of that is owning up to your mission starting to unlock purpose
Starting to unlock true fulfillment. I mean think about all the amazing people we get to meet together Ray like over the last seven years

(01:05:59):
I mean you guys are two of those people Aaron and Selena
I mean literally my idols that I've looked up to for years Aubrey Paul
Josh Tran all these people Luke story that I now are personal friends with and a big part of that has been racial saying
I believe in you you can do this keep going keep going calling me a mini celebrity since day one
I didn't see any of this shit, you know, and for everyone listening

(01:06:23):
What I want all of you to know is that you all have unique magic inside of you right stuff that I'll never have and I have stuff
You'll never have right. We're all unique and perfect divine ways
But sometimes right it takes pressure to have those diamonds be made and I know in our relationship
We have provided that pressure from one another to allow the true diamonds within us to come out and the best part of that is not

(01:06:44):
Only do we get to actualize right self actualize and reach self realization and get to have this beautiful life
But just like you guys do for other people you give them inspiration, right?
Because just like we're talking about in the show everything we've talked about for everyone listening like Amara said a little while ago is
Extremely natural right there's nothing bad about fighting
There's nothing bad about these things unless you just stay in a fucking loop and you're not going anywhere, right?

(01:07:07):
But you know again, it's kind of like going to the gym, you know, you got to go to the gym almost every day
No matter how long you've gone I I've been going to the gym for 12 years 15 years something like that if I stop tomorrow
Eventually I would get fat and sick and unhealthy. So again, you got to keep that up
But again, you don't just want to be doing the same things every day because you're not going to grow
You got to push it a little more do one more pull up do one more push up, right?

(01:07:28):
And if you stay in that perfect zone, right of not pushing your comfort zone too far, right?
But also pushing it a little bit you will naturally expand and expand and when you do that
You will become a lighthouse that lights up the world around you and when you're in a relationship like that
You will inspire other people to either keep going in their own relationship
Or maybe they're starting to realize like fuck man

(01:07:51):
I really am and be careful the ego trap here because this can happen
Yeah, I am leveling up and my partner isn't right you got to make sure that's accurate first because your ego will definitely tell you that
But again, if you are clearly seeing examples, right to give a very big example of this, right?
Say that you are, you know addicted to something
Alcohol, right? And so is your partner and you get clean your partners is not and they constantly keep telling you like

(01:08:13):
Why are you even doing this stupid sobriety thing?
You know and you start seeing a pattern like that emerge. Yeah, that may be a sign of like, okay
Maybe this person's not right for me
Maybe not forever, but maybe I need to separate and show them like this is who I am now like I don't care what it means
But this is true to me and maybe that will trigger them, right?
And they'll come back and be like, oh my god, you fucking showed me too, right at the same time
Maybe they won't and that's okay too

(01:08:35):
But as long as we understand what's really happening here that we are all one
We're living out an illusion of separation and we use love the governing source and body of the universe
To be able to alchemize all these distortions within the way of seeing ourselves as one being, right?
As all God experiencing itself through infinite different, you know calculations and probabilities

(01:08:56):
You know until we're able to see each other like that
We're always going to get stuck in the ego
But once we start to see over the ego and start seeing like oh actually the fighting's good
All these things are good and what they lead to that for me is the the the crux of
All the amazingness that is a conscious relationship
I mean, it's literally I don't know who I would be if Rachel hadn't walked in my life seven years ago

(01:09:19):
I have no idea but I can tell you this if it weren't for her
I would not have completed any of the dreams that I've completed and I would not be the man I am today
100,000 objective 100%
100,000 Rachel
Yeah, I want to add something that as you were talking because you're talking about the good parts of conscious partnerships

(01:09:41):
just like Eric was saying
We tend to match each other's wounds like we're puzzle pieces for wounds
I've also found me and Ryan are puzzle pieces for our gifts
So like the things that I'm gifted in like I can be really focused and hard working and blah blah blah
My gifts have slowly merged over to Ryan and vice versa

(01:10:03):
Ryan's gifts are social
Like out and about like connecting with all these different people when me and Ryan first started dating
He was this airy fairy guy who like would just like wander around the dispensary and I'm like working my ass off like just like
like balls to the wall reaching goals and so
When we first started our businesses we kind of switched
I actually started leading more into my feminine and tapping more into my intuition relaxing

(01:10:27):
And he started taking that responsibility and like working really hard and it's like our polarity shifted
But it's almost because we modeled it for each other that we were able to understand how to shift into that energy
Also, like Ryan now is a person who's focused like working all day and I'm a person who used to
Not have that many girlfriends and like was very like had a small social circle

(01:10:49):
Circle had a lot of social anxiety and now I have friends all over the country. I'm like so social
People ask me to hang out and I'm like, don't they know I'm busy and I don't have time whereas old me would like be so excited
That someone was texting me and it just goes to show that like I've I've been able to like take this not take this energy from Ryan
But like understand it absorb it embody it

(01:11:11):
And so these things that we once I guess quote-unquote lacked or were not our strong suits
But we're each other strong suits
We've been able to now like share with each other which created which which creates more power between each other
As you were talking I was seeing the exact same. I've caught the word that we couldn't figure out in our

(01:11:32):
solo episode Rachel the equalizer
I was seeing those same meters of like every skill or every energy right now
Everything's just energy and how a conscious partnership is like fine tuning you to be in balance and something
When we formed our conscious partnership on our seven-year anniversary with a with a ceremony

(01:11:52):
We got on our ring fingers, you know, we had wedding rings for many years
But we got yin and yang half and half but we got them with no color
And in our ceremony we shared with everybody that that was intentional because it was about balance
And this ties as well into what you were talking about with Ryan with oneness and like unity consciousness
Is I really do believe like well number one conscious partnership is the future

(01:12:13):
Like we're all going to be in a conscious partnership at some point
So even if you're not currently like this this is where we're headed right the great awakening people are waking up
And we're heading to oneness, you know unity consciousness love whatever you want to call it
And that right there is what conscious partnership does is it it really is just like this
I just keep seeing that that equalizer of like

(01:12:37):
Playing on each other's strengths and encouraging that and the other and you know, it's
I'm sure it's way beyond our limited understanding as humans, right?
I would love to hear like Aaron Abki's perspective on this but like spiritually speaking
How when you possess an energy or we could even go genetics, right gene keys
How that transfers to your partner and or introduces it encourages it etc

(01:13:00):
And so I love that that's what you two chose to focus on like you could have focused on
So many different things, you know and and it's just a really beautiful testament
And we see that in our partnership a lot like over the eight years
Just how many lifetimes we've lived and how different we are and how much you know like for me
I have always had a very strong like voice and throat chakra and been able to like speak my truth

(01:13:25):
Not healthily but like that was always present in me and now eight years later being around that
And encouraging him like speak your truth and stand up for yourself and like you know be in that
Like I'm watching this man's throat chakra just explode open and how clearly he's able to communicate
And you know there's so many examples. I don't know why that's just like the one that came to me

(01:13:46):
It's just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story and sharing what your journey has been
Because when we go into conscious partnership and we start to do this merging
It is this like okay, let's heal each other's wounds and let's bring out the best in each other
And let's support each other and if you don't know how to do something let me model it for you

(01:14:09):
So then you can accept that into your sphere. We are quite literally
In conscious partnership learning to merge not only on an energetic level or a mental level
But on a physical level too like the sexual and physical connection becomes much deeper

(01:14:30):
And much more meaningful and there's this transference of energy through that exchange
That creates this depth of vulnerability and connection that's unlike any other partnership
And like you said Ryan, you know unequivocably I would not be the man that I am today

(01:14:51):
If it wasn't for my partner constantly putting the pressure on constantly saying no
I will not allow you to settle and compromise yourself. I will not allow you to be mediocre
Both of those are shadows in my Jean Keys and to really push me to be the highest version of myself

(01:15:13):
And vice versa not allowing this person to live in her shadows and to embody grace
And to really illuminate the blind spots that we tend to have in our own spiritual growth
So thank you so much for sharing that.
I have one more question I want to ask you and we actually usually asked this in the beginning

(01:15:34):
And I just was so excited to hear your story even though I'd heard it you told way more
And so thank you like there were pieces I didn't know about I would like to know as a unit
What does loving consciously look like in your partnership?
What does that tangibly look like? What is maybe what is your conscious partnership?
Do you have any tenants or any values or boundaries?

(01:15:55):
However you want to take it.
Ryan you get to go first this time. I'm going to let you go first.
I'll go first and you know in classic Ryan fashion I want to say something about what you guys are just talking about too
Because it just popped in as a idea. I really feel like what we're talking about here is not only shadow work
We've talked about that you know triggering each other into enlightenment

(01:16:17):
But also bringing out the golden shadow you know which are the most divine aspects of you that are also hidden within the shadow
So a lot of people think shadow work is just you know challenging stuff. Oh god, there's a thing for my parents etc
But you know I'll give you a really good example. So when I used to work at the dispensary
I would go home every night and I would watch Aubrey Marcus and I would dream about the day of going to like a book signing

(01:16:42):
Or I got to like shake his hand or something like that right?
And everyone that came in the dispensary told me like you should start a podcast. You should start a podcast
And I was like no no everyone's doing one. No it would be stupid to do it
But I knew deep down I really wanted to fucking do it and every time I would watch Aubrey or Paul
They would be a part of me that got triggered and I never really knew why you know

(01:17:03):
I would feel this like impending doom when I would listen to podcasts
And I would see people living out their dharma
I wouldn't describe it that way at that point, but that's really what it was
And so you know Rachel really pushed me like start this podcast and in starting that
Not only did I find something I fucking loved but I found something that was part of me
I was like holy shit. I meant to do this right and so again

(01:17:25):
That's a perfect example of how a conscious relationship can bring about the most divine parts of you
That are also lying within your shadow, you know, there's not just
Challenging stuff you find there and icky stuff right?
None of it's icky right but it can seem icky when you're in like a nice state and you're like think about shadow work
You're like, oh no
But actually the golden shadow stuff is all intertwined into there, you know
It's very similar to how pain can be pleasure pleasure can be pain

(01:17:48):
These barriers that we think we have are completely blended, you know a lot of the time
And you know, we see that in many different areas of life
So I wanted to illustrate that and articulate that you know, I think when it comes to tenants and things like that
You know, what immediately comes to mind is the idea that
We have a agreement right that we were talking about before that we're gonna understand that when we're in an argument

(01:18:08):
It's not one person or the other. It's both of us again
Even if there was a random example where Rachel or I were objectively right in our argument, which doesn't even exist
We know that we we're not going to disempower the other person
By just sticking on our high horse and being like see you did this to me, you know, etc
Like part of our relationship is if one of us stops growing, right?

(01:18:30):
Like we're gonna have a conversation and if one of us continues to not grow
Like it's going to be the end of our relationship, you know, because for both of us that is our worst nightmare
You know and again like we didn't know this when we got into it, you know for anyone listening
You might be thinking like oh my god, there's so much stuff I need to think about no
I didn't think about any of this shit guys, right?
This stuff naturally comes out like you guys perfectly stated a little while ago

(01:18:52):
There's nothing you need to do here, right?
It's less about doing and more about being
And just noticing and becoming aware and getting curious like a child is you know
And so these are things that now
We are aware our tenants and our relationship, but it wasn't like the first day we met
We wrote these down or anything like that, right?
They came out as we continued to get to know ourselves through knowing each other

(01:19:14):
And so one of the other tenants is being able to be free, you know
And this isn't just with like me and you know parties making volcano bags for people and whatnot
This is like, you know, overall
You know, we have a tendency of like we are running our own businesses
And this is like a burn the ships type thing like we're not going to be part of the system
We're not going to do things the way other people are doing it
We don't want to get married with a governmental contract, right?

(01:19:36):
Like we don't want necessarily to have kids when we're young, right?
Like there's almost everything in our relationship is very different than the mainstream model suggests
We don't want the nice house with the white picket fence and all of that
Like we want a light that's very different than that
Not that those things are bad. They're just not what
Fires us up and gets us excited. And so I think one of the other things is that we must be free

(01:19:58):
We must be autonomous. We must be sovereign, you know, even though we're together
We are separate individuals, you know, and one of the things that
We've learned over time, especially reading books like the erotic mind is that
You know, longing is a big part of eroticness, you know, and so Rachel and I just got back from two weeks of separate traveling

(01:20:18):
She went down to Virginia for a week where I was alone here
Hanging out with a dog and just chilling and you know, then she gets back
She got back Tuesday night around 8 30 and I had to be in bed by 9 to wake up at 5 from my flight at 7 30 on Wednesday to go to Austin
So like, you know, we wanted to have sex and we were like, oh, no, we can't, you know, like I'm gonna have no sleep and things like that
So, you know, again, that built up a lot of really awesome tension, you know, realizing that we get to still be our own human beings, right?

(01:20:44):
We have full faith and trust in one another
You know, we we just choose to live in a reality where I know Rachel would never cheat on me or do anything
She knows I would never do that like that is who we are to the fucking core
And so it's very important that even though we have this relationship that we don't lose ourselves to the relationship, you know, and that's another one that
We've really been able to do in a very positive way. And again, this wasn't some master plan. It's just, you know, now we can talk about them and actually understand like what these core

(01:21:11):
tenants of our relationship that I
Believe have have created the success that relationship has been have been, you know, so that's what I would say curious what you'll say, right?
Well, I was as you were talking, I will agree with what you just everything you said I agree with 10,000 times over
But when you said we were just talking about I feel like the fact that we have so much openness in our relationship

(01:21:35):
Everything is on the table. We talk about
Everything we talk about other people we find attractive we talk about like the fact that if something, you know, we wanted to explore something will have a conversation about it we
Literally everything is on the table and it provides so much safety. Sometimes it can be scary to put it all on the table because you don't know what's going to happen

(01:22:05):
But like we've committed to doing and we have done it and it's one of the things that I love most about us and it creates just so much frickin love in the safety
So I'd say openness is a big part and then another thing we used to do which we still do just in a different capacity when me and him used to work at the dispensary
We'd go out to dinner every Friday night to pour 305 it was this restaurant and Quincy on the pier where all these boats are and we'd get food and we would literally sit there and talk about how we were going to take over the world

(01:22:36):
For the first like three or four years of our relationship and we'd be like yeah we're going to take over the world and we thought at the time we were going to build like a giant cannabis business together or something
Now we've realized over the last three years oh we're taking over the world in a different way like you're doing your cannabis thing I'm doing my astrology thing but we're still like taking over the world
So even though we don't have dinners like that where we get together and talk about how we're taking over the world every day we're like actively already doing it and now integrating it I feel like

(01:23:05):
Don't worry if you're listening to this we're not really taking over the world we're not dictators
What I'm hearing in my mind is like you are taking over we are taking over the world those of us and let's just be honest and you know not from an ego perspective this is just like facts right
Like the percentage of people doing this work and being conscious and on this path is very slim and then the percentage of those people doing it in a partnership is even slimmer

(01:23:33):
And so I would say we are energetically taking over the world with love like not to be cheesy you know but truly like we are that power of the love that comes from conscious growth and conscious partnership
I think Aaron talks about this a lot like infinitely stronger than like the power of you know hate greed and corruption and ego and so not to get all sappy on you there but I do feel like we're taking over the world you know

(01:24:00):
And did you guys know you wanted to say Rachel before I respond to your point?
Let me think there is was there anything else I think Ryan pretty much hit the nail on the head those were the two things that just really stand out to me the openness the fact that we share everything with each other and the fact that we dream really fricking big together

(01:24:21):
To your first point as you were saying it I was like oh my gosh that's so us and trigger warning right like this this may rub up against you know some people's beliefs and that's okay right that's good this is how we grow we're all unique all perspectives are valid
I see a lot in relationships like I don't want to give this example but I have to give one like some people be like oh I would like never talk about my menstrual cycle with my partner right

(01:24:48):
This is one example that's coming up or oh we would like never go to the bathroom in front of each other and people may have preferences that's fine but at the end of the day when you are in any relationship in life with someone but especially a conscious one like it's going to get messy you know like you get you're going to get sick you're going to get hurt right like I'm nursing a foot wound right now and this man's literally been pulling up my pants and helping me get into the shower pregnancy losses and other thing we experienced like you're going to experience life

(01:25:17):
and that willingness to be open and be open about everything from like your bowel movements to your menstrual cycles to whatever it is that's going on in your life like we do parasite cleanse together like those aren't pretty right like there's it's just going to be messy and I think when we can remove that shame and that like there's this narrative like you don't talk to your partner about x y and z right or you don't go to the bathroom or you don't do this or these are still examples but being open we same as you

(01:25:46):
we talk about everything there's nothing we won't talk about we also I mean you know we've got a very long ethical nominogamy journey and just being open in that way has afforded us so much more what is the word I'm looking for like the the levels and the depths that were able to go because we're willing to be vulnerable right it's vulnerability and intimacy and so I would really encourage people if you're listening and any part of this is like rubbing up a little bit dig into that get curious about what you're doing

(01:26:15):
dig into that get curious like Ryan said like a child because that level of openness on the other side of that fear or that uncomfortability or that shame whatever it may be like there's literally nothing on the planet I would not say to this person and that freedom like you were talking about freedom right bring it full circle here to wrap us up like that freedom is unmatched and the other thing you talked about both of you kind of touched on is the word I was hearing is commitment which is a huge part of our

(01:26:44):
partnership and we've actually got an episode coming up where we're going to talk about commitment and devotion and in the gene keys there's a gene key where the gift is commitment and the city you know the highest expression is devotion and we've been exploring this a lot lately and I know you two can relate and I think anyone in any type of conscious partnership can relate like at its core it's that commitment

(01:27:06):
commitment to yourself commitment to personal growth commitment to your partner like no matter what shadow comes up no matter what fight happens no matter what you say to me even if it's I'm attracted this person or I want to go do this thing that like is completely you know against your personal preference like the commitment to that person to yourself and ultimately again I'm just full of all the the cheesy cliches today the commitment to love coming back to love choosing love I think that is the best advice and you you guys touched on that

(01:27:35):
so beautifully in this episode is like just being committed to that love being committed to each other and being committed to the work. Yeah, those are those are fundamental aspects of conscious partnerships so thank you very much for sharing that the openness and the willingness to go deep is so important because something that I've learned from living from the shadow of dishonesty and holding things from my partner is that whatever

(01:28:04):
whatever I am not willing to share with her is something that is unhealed within myself. There's this narrative that the ego plays about how I'm unsafe right I don't feel safe so I can't share this thing.
And then it flips it and it says I feel unsafe in this partnership and it's because of my partner when in reality it's our responsibility to do the work and be willing to have the courage to be open and honest about all of the things that we're feeling thinking experiencing and the minute that we move it out of the shadow and into the light by sharing it with our partner.

(01:28:48):
It immediately heals and alchemizes that wound. And so it's so important to be able to have this commitment to honesty and open communication because what you're really committing to you know below that layer of honesty is a commitment to safety.
You're committing to this container where everything and anything can be spoken you are free you are safe here right and that commitment is that foundation of a relationship and it's what we build everything off of and if there's a crack in that foundation it spreads up into the building and will weaken all of the structural elements that are there.

(01:29:34):
You would relate this to architecture. Yes I would.
It's always like buildings and design.
My brother's an architect so I'm used to it.
I throw dance in there from time to time. Also you know that commitment to the container like you were saying Amorous develops devotion and devotion is that expression of the commitment and how you're able to manifest that in the relationship.

(01:30:04):
The minute Rachel you gave Ryan that freedom. It was like this on. Yes I'm safe. Great now let me just be with you all the time you know and it's so interesting that what we resist is actually what we need to heal.
And the minute that we're willing to look into that the face of that with our partner and stop making them the enemy and understand that we are a team here and I trust you with my soul I trust you with my life I trust you with my heart and I'm going to open myself up.

(01:30:41):
It one allows and encourages the other person to do that. But two you get to reach a much deeper layer and what you guys were saying about taking over the world and you Amorous about taking over the world with love is that.
It really does radiate out into the collective it shows other people that there's another way to relate and that's what's so important about doing the work and being open about doing the work is that we can show other people hey there's another way to do that.

(01:31:14):
You know you recently got injured with your foot. I've had the opportunity to carry you around and you shared with me recently. You know people are staring at us people are looking at me funny and I said let them stare.
Let them look because this is a model of love and devotion. Of course I'm going to carry you to the VISTA point so you can see because you can't walk. Let us show and model for other people what love really is and what it can be.

(01:31:43):
Yeah.
I want to make sure and save some space if you to have anything else you'd like to share with our listeners about you about your partnership or anything we've talked about today before we close it out.
I mean I'll say because this immediately popped in you know so long as you are not in a dangerous situation and so long as you are resonating with the aspects of this conversation when we're talking about you know is one person just completely stagnant not growing right it's been like that for a while

(01:32:14):
etc. If it's not like that my advice is just keep going. It's kind of like they say with business that some of the most successful people are not the smartest people right like they don't have the highest IQ put it that way because it's almost a Goldilocks zone
where you're too smart you start actually thinking about like well these things could happen and blah blah blah right whereas the people with maybe a little bit lower IQ they just keep going forward right they don't even have any other awareness that anything could not work they're just forward right and our mentor Mark England says that a lot like maybe I'm silly but I just keep going no matter what happens just keep going because like you guys said before it's just going to play out with the next person you know that's all it's going to do so if you can tell you really love the person you're with they really love you and maybe you're just feeling stagnant or something like that.

(01:33:00):
Or maybe you're feeling like maybe there's things that both of you aren't owning up to whoever you are listening to the show.
If you're not listening to this with your partner right now. Well the responsibility is on you now now that you know right you have the opportunity to do that pattern interrupt to go up to your partner and say hey you know what I've been realizing lately I've been distant and you know maybe you're thinking it's you maybe you're not whatever but I want to open tell you a little bit more but what's going on in my internal world and watch how that provides the perfect permission slip for them to go.

(01:33:29):
Yeah I'm so glad you said that me too right and all of a sudden boom now you're starting your conscious relationship it can be that easy you know so my closing words would be again so long as you're not in danger situation just keep going trigger each other into enlightenment for the third time.
I love that you said just keep going. Eric's 17 year old brother for Christmas and it was at like such a pivotal point we don't celebrate holidays but we celebrated with his family for the first time with my in laws and like seven years.

(01:33:59):
And I guess his little brother drew us this like beautiful it's like roses and it's a colored picture and it says just keep going on it and it came at like such a pivotal point in our partnership right when we were about to meet so many of our new conscious couple friends but we didn't have any at that point and it was like oh my gosh this is so hard and so I hope listening to this before I pass it off to you Rachel.

(01:34:24):
If you're listening to this I just want you to know like I couldn't agree more with Ryan like just keep going. It's not always going to be this hard right and and it doesn't have to be hard that's the story we're telling ourselves you know we've had experiences lately this is a new one I don't know if y'all can relate to this where now when we start getting in like ego fights and arguments
like we just start laughing sometimes and we don't want to do it we're like no like our he goes there embarrassed and we're just like okay well we're laughing I guess that's that I love you and we go back about our day but it won't always be this hard so yes just keep going I love that.

(01:34:59):
What about you Rachel.
I love that example you guys just gave where you guys will start laughing we can definitely relate with that also I just want to say there's so many things that Eric you said and a marriage use you guys both said things that were just.
I don't remember them what they were now but I was like wow that's true a very articulate he said and I wish I could remember them so I can tell you but I have to share that first.

(01:35:23):
Second, one final thing I want to leave with that I don't even think we mentioned really in this episode yet but have fun in your relationship and play and it doesn't always have to be so serious it's not always about doing the work.
I think one of the things I love most about Ryan and I's relationship is how silly we both are and how we have dance parties every day and like at the flash of a hat yeah we make weird faces at each other and like.

(01:35:55):
If you look at each other's phones if one of us calls one another it's a close up of each other's face so if Ryan calls me.
It's a close up of Ryan's face on my phone making him this really weird face and it's just hilarious it makes you want to laugh when you look at it the same on his phone is a close up in my face and it's just.
And we'll sing songs for our dog and we'll be weird and we'll be silly and we're going to bring that up.

(01:36:18):
No I was going to respond to you I've been sitting here holding it with the cheese piece because we all like connected on that like that's our silliness we have so many songs for a dog which I did count on the other day to send them to you and we couldn't even we lost count at like seven or eight of them.
Yeah I think that's like vital right like you have to have that fun and silliness between your partner and I think that's part of.

(01:36:49):
The way that we're performing that consciousness like consciously be silly consciously pull the stick out of each other's ass like consciously you know what I'm saying like if you notice someone's being a little tight up one like tight one day like do some weird stuff like I'll go into Ryan's
and this might be TMI whatever we're here I call I call his we call his P his private parts I have a name for it's Ronald and I'll like just come into his office and I'll be like oh Ronald.

(01:37:21):
And we'll just like say things like that to each other you know what I'm saying and it's literally not because I'm like yeah let's go and go to the bedroom is just because it's so fun to do things like that to each other throughout the day.
And yeah that's what I wanted to add does lead to that sometimes though I mean it's a great.
For anyone who's wondering how I get so much energy throughout the day now you know my secret weapon you know it's Rachel.

(01:37:52):
I'm just kind of aligned with who you are as people which I'm sure listeners are getting a little bit of a view. I again want to plug your individual episodes, loving cannabis consciously was one of our highest performing episodes. It's also one of our older ones so don't worry Rachel you'll come for him.
I'm not going to be doing a podcast and all the things but thank you for bringing two things you know Ryan you talked about perseverance just keep going like just like me like just keep saying just keep saying I know you love me Rachel.

(01:38:24):
And Rachel thank you you're right we didn't mention it like I don't know how it missed us till the end I'm so glad it made it in here. Have fun like this is.
That's serious and sometimes it's serious but it just doesn't have to be you know like we are the biggest frickin weirdos ever like singing in public and and just all the different things we do you know with our dogs and this is like my best friend and the entire

(01:38:48):
business right here like it unmatched. I could literally live on a planet alone with him for the rest of my life and be so content. And so cultivate that like that you can you can do the shadow work anytime you can do the seriousness anytime you can do the growth anytime
like it's never going to be done. That's the spoiler alert right and it really all comes back to you. So in your partnership like cultivate that fun cultivate that fun cultivate that commitment and and grow on that.

(01:39:14):
Yeah it's a balance. It really is and whenever we get into periods where it's too much on the shadow work and too much on the reflection. It can feel like a job and less of a relationship and it's a clear indication of like.
Hey maybe we need to bring some play back in. Let's let's silly you're always like we need a date night. Yeah, let's do that let's bring out the old Nintendo 64 and play some Smash Brothers or you know whatever it may be.

(01:39:43):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, and just reintroducing that because it is like everything else in life. This equalizer this balance and you'll find what works for you and some people do a lot of shadow work and a lot of healing and
a little bit of play and that works for them. Some people need a lot of play and a lot of fun and a lot of silliness and connection to counterbalance the depth of the shadow work that they're doing and so find what works for you there is no right answer.

(01:40:19):
And if you're just starting out in a conscious partnership or you're looking to begin conscious relating. It's okay to not know what you're doing. It's okay to kind of fake it till you make it and mirror what other people are doing to see.
Okay, is this working for me. Are there nuggets that I can pull because not everybody's methods are going to work for you and that's okay. It's just trying on different clothes to see what your style is and you'll grow into that and once you do, you'll be able to find it finally like shine your authentic spark and

(01:40:58):
you'll be able to create that relationship and figure that out for yourself and then you'll be able to model that for other people. Absolutely. And of course, always choose love. Right. We're all about the love here.
So thank you so much for being here. I love you both as humans. I love your partnership. I love everything that you shared today and listeners connect with Ryan and Rachel. Check out their solo episodes check out the both they both have a podcast astrology magic and this one time on psychedelics and all of the

(01:41:30):
other offerings that conscious cannabis collective and birth chart readings are just really to really authentic and amazing people and you know, like we've said on the show, there's just an energy present when you're doing the work and you're living your authentic truth and y'all have it.
So thank you for bringing that on today to share with the world. Thank you guys. We love you. Yeah.

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