November 14, 2023 • 24 mins
Is your spouse okay? How do you know? Have you had a conversation with them lately asking them how they are REALLY doing?
We help so many people at work, in our extended family, and in our neighborhoods. So often we just want to be present, ready and willing to jump in and lend a hand. If that's you, that's awesome! That means you are trying to be a good human, trying to live the way that Jesus would want you to live. But what about your spouse? When was the last time you looked them in the eye and had a deep conversation about how they are doing? Are you ready to stop, listen and do something if you suddenly hear and see the warning signs that your spouse is in need and hurting?
Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger as they talk through key steps to help any couple in their marriage be the kind of spouse that shows concern, kindness and care. This episode will cause you to reflect on how your spouse might be doing and your readiness to jump in and help them!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Travis Rosinger (00:12):
All right, we're here, we're ready and we
are so glad that you have joinedus.
Thanks so much for dropping intoday.
My name is Travis Rosinger andI am sitting here with my wife
and my co-host, don Rosinger.
Dawn Rosinger (00:25):
Hey, everyone so pumped to be with you guys.
We woke up this morning and onmy drive into work, the sun was
out, it was bright, there wasnot a cloud in the sky and I
remember Travis, this morning wewere praying as I was driving
in.
I was like God, help me to beas excited on the cloudy days as
I am this morning.
So it was just such a beautifulmorning, reminding me that
(00:45):
God's mercies are new everymorning, and just in the
beautiful sky was justincredible thing to wake up to
this morning, and then youopened your eyes and it got
sunnier.
Yes or were?
Travis Rosinger (00:53):
you driving with your eyes closed.
Dawn Rosinger (00:56):
Obviously, when we're praying and driving, I'm
driving with my eyes open.
I'm so glad.
Travis Rosinger (01:01):
Unless we have a Tesla, then you're okay.
Dawn Rosinger (01:03):
You can do that.
Travis Rosinger (01:04):
Well, you know, this has been a great week.
We kind of been laying low,flying under the radar, just
kind of kicking back, relaxing.
We didn't really have to travelthis week, and so we've done
some really fun things on ourtime off.
Normally, of course, we load upour week with lots of great
work, ministry and and justenjoying what we do for our
(01:26):
professions, but then we like toplay hard.
We do.
Dawn Rosinger (01:29):
Yep, but you know this, last week we actually
stopped and we scheduled in sometime what we're going to be at
home and have some rest and somefun stuff around home, but just
really enjoying the home thatGod's given us.
So we stayed home for a coupleof days.
On our days off, you know, wegot some extra rest.
We did go to supper with somereally dear friends, which was
fun.
At night we set up ourChristmas tree, which I was
(01:52):
excited about because right nowit's before Thanksgiving I'm not
sure we need to listen to thispodcast, but before Thanksgiving
setting it up.
So a little bit older thanordinary, but that was so much
fun.
Travis Rosinger (02:00):
Oh, it was great.
And what's so cool is we didn'tjust set up our Christmas tree,
we moved it.
Dawn Rosinger (02:05):
It's in a new location.
We got a whole new spot.
Travis Rosinger (02:07):
Yeah, it was in our living room, which is on
the same floor as our familyroom, but this time we moved the
Christmas tree, set it up toour family room right next to
our fireplace.
Dawn Rosinger (02:17):
Yeah, so it'll be right next to the stockings,
the fireplace.
Travis Rosinger (02:20):
There's more room, which is great, but yeah,
we turned the lights on and itwas right by the fireplace and
it just looks so beautiful, socozy.
It's like we're ready forChristmas, but we're ready for a
terrible winter.
Dawn Rosinger (02:33):
No, no, don't say that, snowy winter.
Travis Rosinger (02:36):
We're going to be snuggled up around that, that
Christmas tree, and the fire isgoing to be raging.
It's going to be awesome.
Dawn Rosinger (02:42):
But that worked out good, right, I'm going to
believe that it's going to be avery warm winter and we're not
going to have a lot of snow.
Travis Rosinger (02:48):
So that would be nice.
Don't burst my bubble.
Not realistic, but that wouldbe nice.
Dawn Rosinger (02:51):
You know what we did?
An interesting thing, though onFriday night we went to a movie
and it was called After Death,and it was a very good movie.
It actually was a documentary,like a two hour documentary.
Yes, that really just talkedabout death.
Travis Rosinger (03:06):
And we went to see this movie at our favorite
movie theater in another state,Wisconsin, but it really is only
about like 40 minutes from ourhouse Not that far.
But back to the movie.
The movie was fabulous Like noit's not like the number one
grossing movie in the wholeworld and it.
You know it's not going to blowyour mind, but it blew our
minds.
It was.
It's that good.
Dawn Rosinger (03:27):
Very good.
Travis Rosinger (03:27):
It's so good?
Why?
Because they talked about deathand what it's like to die and
what all these people that youknow once they're dead.
What do they experience as theyare standing there next to
their lifeless body?
What they experienced, as they,you know, end up in a place
that feels like heaven or hell.
It was crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (03:46):
And they were really cool.
Yeah, they were legitimatelydead.
I mean, some a lady had drowned, another gentleman was in a car
accident, there was a planecrash.
There was just numerous waysthat these people had died and
they had all these deathexperiences and they all had
very similar experiences.
When they came back to life,you know, god brought them back
and they were able to explainwhat happened to them and it was
(04:09):
super encouraging Even the onesthat maybe were struggling in
an area and they died and theywere going towards a dark place
and how they cried out to Godand that moment God kind of
grabbed them and pulled themback and it was just a very
encouraging movie and just whenI think about death, it just
made death seem even morepeaceful.
Travis Rosinger (04:28):
Yeah, super encouraging.
I think part of it is becauseno one ever just sits around and
talks about, hey, what's lifegoing to be like after death,
and and and what does the Biblesay?
And so it was really reallyinsightful, really fun I think
you may have used this word on,but encouraging, it was
encouraging.
We walked away and we're like,hey, we actually want to die,
(04:50):
like not right now, but we wantto die, like we want to go to
heaven, we want to be near Jesusand in heaven and experiencing
all that love and all that light.
And it also, you know, I thinkit's it's something that's
really important for all of usto be thinking about on a
regular basis, because we're allgoing to die.
Dawn Rosinger (05:08):
It's kind of relevant right.
It's something not to fear atall.
Honestly, because of ourrelationship with Jesus, we know
we're going to spend eternityand we have this hope, but the
process of dying itself is whatfear.
You know a lot of people fearand so just kind of looking at
these people's lives and thedocumentary and just the wisdom
that they've gained from thesesituations just was fascinating.
Travis Rosinger (05:27):
Yeah, it's a must see.
I highly recommend it.
We don't endorse a lot ofmovies or TV shows or, you know,
books or whatever, but wow,that is one that is fabulous
because it really gets you tothink.
Dawn Rosinger (05:38):
Yep, again, it's called after death.
That was the name of the movie.
Well, while we were off on ourfew days, we went to Sam's Club.
We had to get some groceries.
I mean, obviously, by the endof the week our house is out of
food, so we have to go and whyare you looking at me that way?
Or you're going to a quick tripand grab your bananas.
Travis loves bananas, so quicktrip is his banana stop.
(06:01):
I'm addicted or twice weekly.
But we went to Sam's Club andwe needed to pick up a few
things, and so it was kind of abusier afternoon and we went
through the line.
And then you know, after you gothrough the line at Sam's Club,
then you have to go throughanother line.
Right when you go to leave thethe store you have to show them
your receipt and they want tomake sure you're not stealing
anything.
Travis Rosinger (06:21):
They want to pay for your stuff.
Dawn Rosinger (06:22):
Well, we're standing in this line and all of
a sudden we could hear kind ofa ruckus in the background and
as the the noise got louder, werealized there was this little
girl that was Screaming andrunning and running from like
one side I mean one side of thestore all the way to the other
side.
And then she came by our lineas we were going, trying to, you
(06:45):
know, go out the door, andthere's this other you know
enclosed area where people pickup their, their orders, and she
ran all the way through thereand she was literally just
screaming and all these peoplewere looking at her, wondering
you know why she screamed, butnot willing to help her.
And even a couple of theworkers said why is she in our
area?
Why, why is she screaming?
(07:06):
And I kept going oh, my word,she just lost her parents.
Like yeah, she's lost, shedoesn't know where her mom or
dad is.
It to me it was so obvious.
I'm like why isn't anyonehelping her?
And she's running through thisenclosed area.
And also I'm like I know that Ican help her.
I Stepped out of line, whichwas an inconvenience, but I'm
like, no, I'm gonna help thislittle girl.
I stepped out of line and sheran out of this enclosed area
(07:29):
and I put my arms out and shejust jumped in my arms and like
grabbed.
Travis Rosinger (07:34):
Under me, squeeze me and she stopped
screaming.
Dawn Rosinger (07:37):
Screaming.
She had this panic look on herface like where's my mom,
where's my dad.
And I just looked at her.
I'm like it's okay, we'll findyour mom, we'll find your dad.
And I turned around and I beganto walk and, sure enough, on
the other side of a store thestore we saw the parents of
walking or running franticallylooking for their daughter.
And I walked up to them andthey were reunited and his
daughter was just happy as canbe.
(07:59):
And you know, the dad saidthank you so much, but I was not
gonna let her not be helped.
She was looking for something,she was lost and I'm like, how
can I help her?
And when she know, when Iembraced her For that moment,
she was so Grateful she was inher a three-year-old sort of way
and the most adorable littlegirl.
Travis Rosinger (08:18):
And it was funny from my perspective again,
that Voice and just running itwas like and it just kept
getting closer and closer andalso and wham, she's right there
.
But it was funny because, likeyou said, don, people just kind
of looked and they got annoyedand irritated.
One worker, a gentleman, lookedat me and and he just walked
off and he said these words he'slike I'm not gonna deal with
(08:40):
that.
And he walked the otherdirection and I thought, wait,
is that her dad?
Just kind of what?
And it wasn't, it was just aStranger that could have helped,
somebody that was right therethat could have helped and said,
hey, sweetie, let's go findyour mom and dad.
But he just walked off superannoyed, super irritated.
But when you knelt down and youreached out your arms, she was
pumped.
Dawn Rosinger (09:00):
Well, I again.
I was just shocked becauseeither people were ignoring it
which I don't know how theycould ignore her, because she
was very loud screaming likebloody murder for her mom and
dad or they just completelyturned around and walked the
other way.
I'm like we have to help.
And so I that story.
We talked about it afterwardsas we were driving home.
I'm like why didn't anyone helpher?
Why didn't they just stop?
(09:21):
I mean, it was just a simpleInconvenience, maybe because I
had to step out of line, but itdidn't matter, I wanted to help
this girl.
It's funny because in Proverbs3, 27, it says this do not
withhold good from those to whomit is due when it is in your
power to act yeah, and thatverse something had do some.
That's exactly what that versesays.
(09:41):
Let me repeat it do notwithhold good from those to whom
it is due when it is in yourpower to act.
There was like probably 50people there that could have
helped this little girl at anymoment and they didn't, and I
was probably the furthest way.
We were honestly walking outthe door and I'm like, no, we
are going to you gotta dosomething.
Travis Rosinger (10:00):
Yeah, I'm we.
Could, you know, swap out theword good and we get to do not
withhold the help From those towhom it is due when it is in
your power to act right and Ithink most of the time it's rare
, but most of the time it'swithin our power- act absolutely
is.
If we're there in the middle ofsomething bad that's going down,
or something inconvenient, orsomebody's stressed out or in
(10:23):
absolute need, it's in our powerto help and we need to do
something.
We don't want to withhold thatgood or that help that we can
give to somebody else.
Dawn Rosinger (10:32):
Yes, we all have that ability to help others.
I know that life can get busyand complicated and it's
honestly, it's really easy tojust stay in our own lanes and
not look up or to help others,maybe in their need, because
life just gets busy.
And this is more common withstrangers or people that maybe
we're not super close with orhave a relationship with.
But I know this can happen inmarriage as well and we have
(10:54):
seen this in our own.
Marriage has happened to us attimes where life and work really
gets so busy and we getdistracted and we don't see each
other's needs and maybe one ofus is struggling in an area or
maybe doggling, paddling andwe're just too busy to see it.
I remember specifically, travis,when you were a full-time
pastor.
You were writing messages everyweek, you were leading a church
(11:15):
, you're finishing your master'sdegree, you're fathering to,
you know, elementary-aged kids.
Your life was so stretchedbeyond belief and at times I
just felt like I just didn'thave access to you, not because
you didn't care or you weren'twilling, but because your
schedule was just so full.
Travis Rosinger (11:32):
Yeah, that was a crazy time, super, super
intense, and I totally agreewith you and in that moment you
know if you needed help.
It would have been hard for meto just stop everything and pour
out attention and be superavailable.
We got through it.
We did look back and go, wow,that was not probably one of our
(11:53):
better moments.
Dawn Rosinger (11:54):
The busiest seasons of our marriage in our
life.
Travis Rosinger (11:56):
I think it was yeah, yeah was so crazy, but you
know that's a snapshot ofreality.
I mean, whose life isn't crazyat times, and it ebbs and it
flows.
Sometimes it's fever pitchcrazy, and sometimes it's just
normal, Not mellow.
I don't think anybody has amellow life, but it's in those
times when things are crazy thatwe need to have a heightened
(12:19):
sense of wait.
How is my spouse doing?
And it just reminds me of aconversation I had one time with
a person who is struggling intheir marriage, and I know that
they were just kind of thinkingyou know, where is this marriage
gonna go?
And so as we began to unpack itand talk about it, it became
(12:41):
very obvious that their spousewas struggling, and probably
struggling on their own, thatthe one that I was talking to
was succeeding and everythingwas going really, really well
for them, but not so well fortheir spouse.
And so it just makes me thinkof that passage that you just
talked about.
Don, you know, don't withholdgood from those to whom it is
(13:03):
due.
That's your spouse, first andforemost.
Does your spouse need help?
Are you in that place where youhave the power to act?
Of course you are.
God has put you there.
You helped decide to get therewhen you went to the marriage
altar, and so you know, justreflecting on that, it's like
once that person that I wastalking to, once they realized,
(13:26):
whoa, I could do this, I coulddo this, I could do that.
It's like they needed a thirdperson to just chat with and
figure out wait, I do have powerto act and I am in a position
to do something, and that was so, so important for them.
That's why we've titled thisepisode Stop, listen and Do
Something.
Act, move, make it Happen Again.
(13:48):
It reminds us of that incidentat Sam's Club.
Dawn Rosinger (13:51):
Yeah, when we saw this little girl running and
flailing her arms and crying outfor help and seeing that no one
would stop, they weren'tlistening and they wouldn't act.
And so, honestly, I had to lookat my own life and thinking am
I gonna always be there and tryand help people?
Am I willing to act?
But then even more so, travis,am I able to stop listen and act
(14:14):
in our own marriage?
Am I listening and making surethat if you're in a place where
you're flailing your arms andyou're running around, am I
gonna be there to step out ofthe line and say, hey, let me
help you, let me make sure thatour marriage is on track, and I
wanna be the one there to help.
Travis Rosinger (14:30):
Yeah, and that's like metaphorical, Like
what does that look like foreach person and I think
sometimes your spouse?
They might be in a place wherethey lack confidence and they're
suffering in silence.
Or maybe they're hurt.
Maybe they have some hurt fromthe past and they're struggling
with that, trying to get rid ofit, because maybe a family
member has just done somethingbad to them, or a coworker it
(14:52):
could be a lot of differentthings.
Maybe they're struggling withtheir weight or they're
struggling with their career.
They're trying to get ahead atwork everybody else is getting
promoted and they're not andjust trying to listen to the
pain and stopping your own lifeand really paying attention to
your spouse.
Dawn Rosinger (15:11):
I really appreciate that about you,
Travis.
I don't necessarily maybeverbalize something.
When I'm either upset or needsomething, I just kind of tend
to shrink back and I get quiet.
And that to you, you know, man,when I kind of get quiet and
shrink back, that something'sprobably going on in my brain,
in my you know my thoughts,something I'm struggling with.
And you're always quick to say,hey, are you doing okay?
(15:32):
And you know, you know me wellenough that when I pull back
that, hey, no, I'm probablyneeding some encouragement or,
you know, just some wisdom, someguidance in some direction.
Travis Rosinger (15:43):
Yeah, again, it's that acting, it's jumping
into action.
So what can we do?
First of all, answer thequestion are you willing to help
?
Of course you are.
It's your spouse, you love them, you'd probably die for them.
So what can you do?
Well, first of all, just Beaware.
Like, are you positioned in aplace in your marriage where
(16:04):
you're aware what is truly goingon?
And it's kind of what you justtalked about, don.
It's me sensing, hey, you'regetting quiet and trying to pull
out from you what is actuallyhappening.
So, digging into intentionalconversations, are you having
intentional conversations?
Are you just letting lifehappen and then you're having
(16:25):
reactive conversations towhatever is melting down around
you, and so really just kind ofknowing your spouse and knowing
about them and all the areas oftheir lives.
What areas are they winning inwhat areas?
are they losing?
In what areas are they justfeeling awful and insecure about
really digging into those areasout of love, out of concern?
Dawn Rosinger (16:47):
You know, once you are actually you know,
making sure that you're aware,that you're being aware.
Are you ready, Are you?
The second one is be ready.
Are you positioning yourself ina place where you are ready?
Don't get caught off guard.
But a lot of times, if we getcaught off guard, there was
probably warning signs or therewas probably things that you
could have noticed, you knowahead of time, but we're just
not in that position.
(17:09):
We need to be presentphysically and in our
conversations.
So physically we're there,we're in the right spot.
You know we're home at night,we're having those, those date
nights who are in bed havingthose conversations?
But then you're honestly,you're just physically present
in conversations as well.
So you're just, you're being avery good listener.
So you're, you're in theposition where you're just ready
(17:30):
to act if needed.
Travis Rosinger (17:31):
Yeah, it's interesting, I think, that we
are all so ready to help othersaround us that sometimes we
forget about our own spouse orwhen they are in need of help or
something's happening.
Maybe they're getting louder,not quieter, like you don't.
Maybe you know they're.
They're just talking a lot andthey're upset instead of like
stopping and listening and doingsomething.
(17:53):
Sometimes we get annoyed bytheir need for help when we have
already given everything awayto other people and now we're
depleted, and so it's reallyimportant to be ready to help
your spouse first and to makesure you're taking care of them.
I like how the Bible says thatwhen a man takes care of his
wife, it's like taking care ofhis own body, and he should be
(18:16):
putting her first and reallytrying to make sure that she is
well taken care of, and the samewould be for the wife.
Take care of your husband as ifit's your own body.
Dawn Rosinger (18:25):
So then, if you are ready to help, the next
thing is just to actually behelpful.
Choose beforehand that you'rewilling to be helpful, even if
it's inconvenient and you mayhave to make an adjustment, you
know, or rearrange your scheduleor like for us at Sam's Club
just to step out of line to helpthis little girl.
Be helpful, take the actionneeded to help, but, honestly,
(18:47):
if it's having a conversation,if it's going to see a marriage
counselor, maybe this is beyond,like something in your marriage
is a struggle and you need togo that next step, going, you
know, that next step and takingthat action and making sure that
you're helpful.
Travis Rosinger (19:00):
Yeah, this is that stop listen and then the do
something.
Do something.
Don't just wait, Don't justwatch your spouse drowned all by
themselves, man, reach outahead and pull them out of the
water and do something.
Charles Dickens says this come,let's be a comfortable couple
and take care of each other.
(19:23):
How glad we shall be that wehave somebody we are fond of
always to talk and sit with.
And that is such a great justinsight from him.
I know it's kind of poetic too,but it's just such a great
insight in terms of just beingthat couple that were so
comfortable together that we'reactually taking care of each
other.
Dawn Rosinger (19:43):
I agree.
Travis Rosinger (19:44):
And being able to be there, to be able to
listen and to lean on each otherand to talk.
Oh man, that's so good.
Dawn Rosinger (19:50):
Because if we're having those conversations, if
we're talking to each other, ifyou're sitting with each other,
you're going to know when yourspouse is maybe struggling with
something or needs just thatextra encouragement, that extra
hug, whatever it needs to meettheir needs for that day.
I appreciate what CharlesDickens said.
The last thing how can we makesure that we are willing to help
(20:13):
, that we're ready to help, isthis be intentional about
follow-up.
So once you actually do theaction, once you're actually
helpful, be intentional aboutfollow-up.
Sometimes one circumstance isactually really exposing a much
bigger problem.
Be intentional about makingsure that this doesn't happen
again.
Like if something happened,make you know, solve the problem
(20:36):
.
Make sure that it's not goingto happen again.
Have multiple conversations tomake sure the problem is dealt
with and not just swept underthe rug.
You know, making sure like, hey, let's deal with this head-on,
not just put a band-aid on it,but really deal with the issue.
Travis Rosinger (20:49):
Yeah, and that's that long-term care, that
marriage that just says I'm notgoing to fix it right now.
I'm going to be there as well.
You know we're doing what wecan to heal things right now,
but I'm going to be there tocontinue to help you.
You know, month after month,year after year, let's go back
to that, let's revisit that, andwe've done that many times,
done in our own, you know,marriage.
There's been times where I'vebrought up things to you and
(21:12):
usually it's like on a road tripor something.
I'm like, hey, how are youdoing with that?
That was from 10 years ago.
How are you feeling about thatnow?
Is that all gone, you know, andjust kind of digging into the
things that maybe were reallydifficult at one point and you
feel like your spouse has passed, but still going back and being
intentional and digging it upjust a little bit, not like
(21:34):
digging six feet, but just kindof scratching the surface and
saying, hey, do you want to gothere again?
Do?
you need to go there again.
I'm available, I'm listening,I'm stopping.
I want to help.
Dawn Rosinger (21:44):
Going back to the question are you willing to
help?
We're going to go a little bitold school, like we did with
Charles Dickens, and go to aquote from George Elliott that
says what greater thing is therefor two human souls than to
feel that they are joined forlife, to strengthen each other
in all labor, to rest on eachother in all sorrow, to minister
to each other in silent,unspeakable memories at the
(22:07):
moment of the last parting man.
That is a team, that is ahusband and a wife working
together, making sure thatthey're meeting the needs,
making sure that if something'shappening, the other person's
well aware, they're ready to act, they're being intentional,
they're being helpful.
That's an incredible quote.
Travis Rosinger (22:27):
Oh, it's so good, and I love the piece where
he says to strengthen eachother in all labor.
That's really what we're allabout.
That's what you and I want tobe about, don, and we do our
best and we want to encourageeverybody out there as well to
be doing that.
Like ask yourself, how can Istop and listen and do something
?
In other words, how can Istrengthen my spouse, how can I
(22:51):
be there for them when they areweak and to strongly help them
in a way that's going to getthem through their tough time?
Dawn Rosinger (22:58):
Right, how can we be that team where you know
when I fall down, you help me upand when you fall down, I help
you up?
How can we be that teamtogether?
Well, with that, we want tothank you for listening to this
episode of the Loving the FightMarriage Podcast.
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
All right, we're here, we're ready and we
are so glad that you have joinedus.
Thanks so much for dropping intoday.
My name is Travis Rosinger andI am sitting here with my wife
and my co-host, don Rosinger.
Dawn Rosinger (00:25):
Hey, everyone so pumped to be with you guys.
We woke up this morning and onmy drive into work, the sun was
out, it was bright, there wasnot a cloud in the sky and I
remember Travis, this morning wewere praying as I was driving
in.
I was like God, help me to beas excited on the cloudy days as
I am this morning.
So it was just such a beautifulmorning, reminding me that
(00:45):
God's mercies are new everymorning, and just in the
beautiful sky was justincredible thing to wake up to
this morning, and then youopened your eyes and it got
sunnier.
Yes or were?
Travis Rosinger (00:53):
you driving with your eyes closed.
Dawn Rosinger (00:56):
Obviously, when we're praying and driving, I'm
driving with my eyes open.
I'm so glad.
Travis Rosinger (01:01):
Unless we have a Tesla, then you're okay.
Dawn Rosinger (01:03):
You can do that.
Travis Rosinger (01:04):
Well, you know, this has been a great week.
We kind of been laying low,flying under the radar, just
kind of kicking back, relaxing.
We didn't really have to travelthis week, and so we've done
some really fun things on ourtime off.
Normally, of course, we load upour week with lots of great
work, ministry and and justenjoying what we do for our
(01:26):
professions, but then we like toplay hard.
We do.
Dawn Rosinger (01:29):
Yep, but you know this, last week we actually
stopped and we scheduled in sometime what we're going to be at
home and have some rest and somefun stuff around home, but just
really enjoying the home thatGod's given us.
So we stayed home for a coupleof days.
On our days off, you know, wegot some extra rest.
We did go to supper with somereally dear friends, which was
fun.
At night we set up ourChristmas tree, which I was
(01:52):
excited about because right nowit's before Thanksgiving I'm not
sure we need to listen to thispodcast, but before Thanksgiving
setting it up.
So a little bit older thanordinary, but that was so much
fun.
Travis Rosinger (02:00):
Oh, it was great.
And what's so cool is we didn'tjust set up our Christmas tree,
we moved it.
Dawn Rosinger (02:05):
It's in a new location.
We got a whole new spot.
Travis Rosinger (02:07):
Yeah, it was in our living room, which is on
the same floor as our familyroom, but this time we moved the
Christmas tree, set it up toour family room right next to
our fireplace.
Dawn Rosinger (02:17):
Yeah, so it'll be right next to the stockings,
the fireplace.
Travis Rosinger (02:20):
There's more room, which is great, but yeah,
we turned the lights on and itwas right by the fireplace and
it just looks so beautiful, socozy.
It's like we're ready forChristmas, but we're ready for a
terrible winter.
Dawn Rosinger (02:33):
No, no, don't say that, snowy winter.
Travis Rosinger (02:36):
We're going to be snuggled up around that, that
Christmas tree, and the fire isgoing to be raging.
It's going to be awesome.
Dawn Rosinger (02:42):
But that worked out good, right, I'm going to
believe that it's going to be avery warm winter and we're not
going to have a lot of snow.
Travis Rosinger (02:48):
So that would be nice.
Don't burst my bubble.
Not realistic, but that wouldbe nice.
Dawn Rosinger (02:51):
You know what we did?
An interesting thing, though onFriday night we went to a movie
and it was called After Death,and it was a very good movie.
It actually was a documentary,like a two hour documentary.
Yes, that really just talkedabout death.
Travis Rosinger (03:06):
And we went to see this movie at our favorite
movie theater in another state,Wisconsin, but it really is only
about like 40 minutes from ourhouse Not that far.
But back to the movie.
The movie was fabulous Like noit's not like the number one
grossing movie in the wholeworld and it.
You know it's not going to blowyour mind, but it blew our
minds.
It was.
It's that good.
Dawn Rosinger (03:27):
Very good.
Travis Rosinger (03:27):
It's so good?
Why?
Because they talked about deathand what it's like to die and
what all these people that youknow once they're dead.
What do they experience as theyare standing there next to
their lifeless body?
What they experienced, as they,you know, end up in a place
that feels like heaven or hell.
It was crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (03:46):
And they were really cool.
Yeah, they were legitimatelydead.
I mean, some a lady had drowned, another gentleman was in a car
accident, there was a planecrash.
There was just numerous waysthat these people had died and
they had all these deathexperiences and they all had
very similar experiences.
When they came back to life,you know, god brought them back
and they were able to explainwhat happened to them and it was
(04:09):
super encouraging Even the onesthat maybe were struggling in
an area and they died and theywere going towards a dark place
and how they cried out to Godand that moment God kind of
grabbed them and pulled themback and it was just a very
encouraging movie and just whenI think about death, it just
made death seem even morepeaceful.
Travis Rosinger (04:28):
Yeah, super encouraging.
I think part of it is becauseno one ever just sits around and
talks about, hey, what's lifegoing to be like after death,
and and and what does the Biblesay?
And so it was really reallyinsightful, really fun I think
you may have used this word on,but encouraging, it was
encouraging.
We walked away and we're like,hey, we actually want to die,
(04:50):
like not right now, but we wantto die, like we want to go to
heaven, we want to be near Jesusand in heaven and experiencing
all that love and all that light.
And it also, you know, I thinkit's it's something that's
really important for all of usto be thinking about on a
regular basis, because we're allgoing to die.
Dawn Rosinger (05:08):
It's kind of relevant right.
It's something not to fear atall.
Honestly, because of ourrelationship with Jesus, we know
we're going to spend eternityand we have this hope, but the
process of dying itself is whatfear.
You know a lot of people fearand so just kind of looking at
these people's lives and thedocumentary and just the wisdom
that they've gained from thesesituations just was fascinating.
Travis Rosinger (05:27):
Yeah, it's a must see.
I highly recommend it.
We don't endorse a lot ofmovies or TV shows or, you know,
books or whatever, but wow,that is one that is fabulous
because it really gets you tothink.
Dawn Rosinger (05:38):
Yep, again, it's called after death.
That was the name of the movie.
Well, while we were off on ourfew days, we went to Sam's Club.
We had to get some groceries.
I mean, obviously, by the endof the week our house is out of
food, so we have to go and whyare you looking at me that way?
Or you're going to a quick tripand grab your bananas.
Travis loves bananas, so quicktrip is his banana stop.
(06:01):
I'm addicted or twice weekly.
But we went to Sam's Club andwe needed to pick up a few
things, and so it was kind of abusier afternoon and we went
through the line.
And then you know, after you gothrough the line at Sam's Club,
then you have to go throughanother line.
Right when you go to leave thethe store you have to show them
your receipt and they want tomake sure you're not stealing
anything.
Travis Rosinger (06:21):
They want to pay for your stuff.
Dawn Rosinger (06:22):
Well, we're standing in this line and all of
a sudden we could hear kind ofa ruckus in the background and
as the the noise got louder, werealized there was this little
girl that was Screaming andrunning and running from like
one side I mean one side of thestore all the way to the other
side.
And then she came by our lineas we were going, trying to, you
(06:45):
know, go out the door, andthere's this other you know
enclosed area where people pickup their, their orders, and she
ran all the way through thereand she was literally just
screaming and all these peoplewere looking at her, wondering
you know why she screamed, butnot willing to help her.
And even a couple of theworkers said why is she in our
area?
Why, why is she screaming?
(07:06):
And I kept going oh, my word,she just lost her parents.
Like yeah, she's lost, shedoesn't know where her mom or
dad is.
It to me it was so obvious.
I'm like why isn't anyonehelping her?
And she's running through thisenclosed area.
And also I'm like I know that Ican help her.
I Stepped out of line, whichwas an inconvenience, but I'm
like, no, I'm gonna help thislittle girl.
I stepped out of line and sheran out of this enclosed area
(07:29):
and I put my arms out and shejust jumped in my arms and like
grabbed.
Travis Rosinger (07:34):
Under me, squeeze me and she stopped
screaming.
Dawn Rosinger (07:37):
Screaming.
She had this panic look on herface like where's my mom,
where's my dad.
And I just looked at her.
I'm like it's okay, we'll findyour mom, we'll find your dad.
And I turned around and I beganto walk and, sure enough, on
the other side of a store thestore we saw the parents of
walking or running franticallylooking for their daughter.
And I walked up to them andthey were reunited and his
daughter was just happy as canbe.
(07:59):
And you know, the dad saidthank you so much, but I was not
gonna let her not be helped.
She was looking for something,she was lost and I'm like, how
can I help her?
And when she know, when Iembraced her For that moment,
she was so Grateful she was inher a three-year-old sort of way
and the most adorable littlegirl.
Travis Rosinger (08:18):
And it was funny from my perspective again,
that Voice and just running itwas like and it just kept
getting closer and closer andalso and wham, she's right there
.
But it was funny because, likeyou said, don, people just kind
of looked and they got annoyedand irritated.
One worker, a gentleman, lookedat me and and he just walked
off and he said these words he'slike I'm not gonna deal with
(08:40):
that.
And he walked the otherdirection and I thought, wait,
is that her dad?
Just kind of what?
And it wasn't, it was just aStranger that could have helped,
somebody that was right therethat could have helped and said,
hey, sweetie, let's go findyour mom and dad.
But he just walked off superannoyed, super irritated.
But when you knelt down and youreached out your arms, she was
pumped.
Dawn Rosinger (09:00):
Well, I again.
I was just shocked becauseeither people were ignoring it
which I don't know how theycould ignore her, because she
was very loud screaming likebloody murder for her mom and
dad or they just completelyturned around and walked the
other way.
I'm like we have to help.
And so I that story.
We talked about it afterwardsas we were driving home.
I'm like why didn't anyone helpher?
Why didn't they just stop?
(09:21):
I mean, it was just a simpleInconvenience, maybe because I
had to step out of line, but itdidn't matter, I wanted to help
this girl.
It's funny because in Proverbs3, 27, it says this do not
withhold good from those to whomit is due when it is in your
power to act yeah, and thatverse something had do some.
That's exactly what that versesays.
(09:41):
Let me repeat it do notwithhold good from those to whom
it is due when it is in yourpower to act.
There was like probably 50people there that could have
helped this little girl at anymoment and they didn't, and I
was probably the furthest way.
We were honestly walking outthe door and I'm like, no, we
are going to you gotta dosomething.
Travis Rosinger (10:00):
Yeah, I'm we.
Could, you know, swap out theword good and we get to do not
withhold the help From those towhom it is due when it is in
your power to act right and Ithink most of the time it's rare
, but most of the time it'swithin our power- act absolutely
is.
If we're there in the middle ofsomething bad that's going down,
or something inconvenient, orsomebody's stressed out or in
(10:23):
absolute need, it's in our powerto help and we need to do
something.
We don't want to withhold thatgood or that help that we can
give to somebody else.
Dawn Rosinger (10:32):
Yes, we all have that ability to help others.
I know that life can get busyand complicated and it's
honestly, it's really easy tojust stay in our own lanes and
not look up or to help others,maybe in their need, because
life just gets busy.
And this is more common withstrangers or people that maybe
we're not super close with orhave a relationship with.
But I know this can happen inmarriage as well and we have
(10:54):
seen this in our own.
Marriage has happened to us attimes where life and work really
gets so busy and we getdistracted and we don't see each
other's needs and maybe one ofus is struggling in an area or
maybe doggling, paddling andwe're just too busy to see it.
I remember specifically, travis,when you were a full-time
pastor.
You were writing messages everyweek, you were leading a church
(11:15):
, you're finishing your master'sdegree, you're fathering to,
you know, elementary-aged kids.
Your life was so stretchedbeyond belief and at times I
just felt like I just didn'thave access to you, not because
you didn't care or you weren'twilling, but because your
schedule was just so full.
Travis Rosinger (11:32):
Yeah, that was a crazy time, super, super
intense, and I totally agreewith you and in that moment you
know if you needed help.
It would have been hard for meto just stop everything and pour
out attention and be superavailable.
We got through it.
We did look back and go, wow,that was not probably one of our
(11:53):
better moments.
Dawn Rosinger (11:54):
The busiest seasons of our marriage in our
life.
Travis Rosinger (11:56):
I think it was yeah, yeah was so crazy, but you
know that's a snapshot ofreality.
I mean, whose life isn't crazyat times, and it ebbs and it
flows.
Sometimes it's fever pitchcrazy, and sometimes it's just
normal, Not mellow.
I don't think anybody has amellow life, but it's in those
times when things are crazy thatwe need to have a heightened
(12:19):
sense of wait.
How is my spouse doing?
And it just reminds me of aconversation I had one time with
a person who is struggling intheir marriage, and I know that
they were just kind of thinkingyou know, where is this marriage
gonna go?
And so as we began to unpack itand talk about it, it became
(12:41):
very obvious that their spousewas struggling, and probably
struggling on their own, thatthe one that I was talking to
was succeeding and everythingwas going really, really well
for them, but not so well fortheir spouse.
And so it just makes me thinkof that passage that you just
talked about.
Don, you know, don't withholdgood from those to whom it is
(13:03):
due.
That's your spouse, first andforemost.
Does your spouse need help?
Are you in that place where youhave the power to act?
Of course you are.
God has put you there.
You helped decide to get therewhen you went to the marriage
altar, and so you know, justreflecting on that, it's like
once that person that I wastalking to, once they realized,
(13:26):
whoa, I could do this, I coulddo this, I could do that.
It's like they needed a thirdperson to just chat with and
figure out wait, I do have powerto act and I am in a position
to do something, and that was so, so important for them.
That's why we've titled thisepisode Stop, listen and Do
Something.
Act, move, make it Happen Again.
(13:48):
It reminds us of that incidentat Sam's Club.
Dawn Rosinger (13:51):
Yeah, when we saw this little girl running and
flailing her arms and crying outfor help and seeing that no one
would stop, they weren'tlistening and they wouldn't act.
And so, honestly, I had to lookat my own life and thinking am
I gonna always be there and tryand help people?
Am I willing to act?
But then even more so, travis,am I able to stop listen and act
(14:14):
in our own marriage?
Am I listening and making surethat if you're in a place where
you're flailing your arms andyou're running around, am I
gonna be there to step out ofthe line and say, hey, let me
help you, let me make sure thatour marriage is on track, and I
wanna be the one there to help.
Travis Rosinger (14:30):
Yeah, and that's like metaphorical, Like
what does that look like foreach person and I think
sometimes your spouse?
They might be in a place wherethey lack confidence and they're
suffering in silence.
Or maybe they're hurt.
Maybe they have some hurt fromthe past and they're struggling
with that, trying to get rid ofit, because maybe a family
member has just done somethingbad to them, or a coworker it
(14:52):
could be a lot of differentthings.
Maybe they're struggling withtheir weight or they're
struggling with their career.
They're trying to get ahead atwork everybody else is getting
promoted and they're not andjust trying to listen to the
pain and stopping your own lifeand really paying attention to
your spouse.
Dawn Rosinger (15:11):
I really appreciate that about you,
Travis.
I don't necessarily maybeverbalize something.
When I'm either upset or needsomething, I just kind of tend
to shrink back and I get quiet.
And that to you, you know, man,when I kind of get quiet and
shrink back, that something'sprobably going on in my brain,
in my you know my thoughts,something I'm struggling with.
And you're always quick to say,hey, are you doing okay?
(15:32):
And you know, you know me wellenough that when I pull back
that, hey, no, I'm probablyneeding some encouragement or,
you know, just some wisdom, someguidance in some direction.
Travis Rosinger (15:43):
Yeah, again, it's that acting, it's jumping
into action.
So what can we do?
First of all, answer thequestion are you willing to help
?
Of course you are.
It's your spouse, you love them, you'd probably die for them.
So what can you do?
Well, first of all, just Beaware.
Like, are you positioned in aplace in your marriage where
(16:04):
you're aware what is truly goingon?
And it's kind of what you justtalked about, don.
It's me sensing, hey, you'regetting quiet and trying to pull
out from you what is actuallyhappening.
So, digging into intentionalconversations, are you having
intentional conversations?
Are you just letting lifehappen and then you're having
(16:25):
reactive conversations towhatever is melting down around
you, and so really just kind ofknowing your spouse and knowing
about them and all the areas oftheir lives.
What areas are they winning inwhat areas?
are they losing?
In what areas are they justfeeling awful and insecure about
really digging into those areasout of love, out of concern?
Dawn Rosinger (16:47):
You know, once you are actually you know,
making sure that you're aware,that you're being aware.
Are you ready, Are you?
The second one is be ready.
Are you positioning yourself ina place where you are ready?
Don't get caught off guard.
But a lot of times, if we getcaught off guard, there was
probably warning signs or therewas probably things that you
could have noticed, you knowahead of time, but we're just
not in that position.
(17:09):
We need to be presentphysically and in our
conversations.
So physically we're there,we're in the right spot.
You know we're home at night,we're having those, those date
nights who are in bed havingthose conversations?
But then you're honestly,you're just physically present
in conversations as well.
So you're just, you're being avery good listener.
So you're, you're in theposition where you're just ready
(17:30):
to act if needed.
Travis Rosinger (17:31):
Yeah, it's interesting, I think, that we
are all so ready to help othersaround us that sometimes we
forget about our own spouse orwhen they are in need of help or
something's happening.
Maybe they're getting louder,not quieter, like you don't.
Maybe you know they're.
They're just talking a lot andthey're upset instead of like
stopping and listening and doingsomething.
(17:53):
Sometimes we get annoyed bytheir need for help when we have
already given everything awayto other people and now we're
depleted, and so it's reallyimportant to be ready to help
your spouse first and to makesure you're taking care of them.
I like how the Bible says thatwhen a man takes care of his
wife, it's like taking care ofhis own body, and he should be
(18:16):
putting her first and reallytrying to make sure that she is
well taken care of, and the samewould be for the wife.
Take care of your husband as ifit's your own body.
Dawn Rosinger (18:25):
So then, if you are ready to help, the next
thing is just to actually behelpful.
Choose beforehand that you'rewilling to be helpful, even if
it's inconvenient and you mayhave to make an adjustment, you
know, or rearrange your scheduleor like for us at Sam's Club
just to step out of line to helpthis little girl.
Be helpful, take the actionneeded to help, but, honestly,
(18:47):
if it's having a conversation,if it's going to see a marriage
counselor, maybe this is beyond,like something in your marriage
is a struggle and you need togo that next step, going, you
know, that next step and takingthat action and making sure that
you're helpful.
Travis Rosinger (19:00):
Yeah, this is that stop listen and then the do
something.
Do something.
Don't just wait, Don't justwatch your spouse drowned all by
themselves, man, reach outahead and pull them out of the
water and do something.
Charles Dickens says this come,let's be a comfortable couple
and take care of each other.
(19:23):
How glad we shall be that wehave somebody we are fond of
always to talk and sit with.
And that is such a great justinsight from him.
I know it's kind of poetic too,but it's just such a great
insight in terms of just beingthat couple that were so
comfortable together that we'reactually taking care of each
other.
Dawn Rosinger (19:43):
I agree.
Travis Rosinger (19:44):
And being able to be there, to be able to
listen and to lean on each otherand to talk.
Oh man, that's so good.
Dawn Rosinger (19:50):
Because if we're having those conversations, if
we're talking to each other, ifyou're sitting with each other,
you're going to know when yourspouse is maybe struggling with
something or needs just thatextra encouragement, that extra
hug, whatever it needs to meettheir needs for that day.
I appreciate what CharlesDickens said.
The last thing how can we makesure that we are willing to help
(20:13):
, that we're ready to help, isthis be intentional about
follow-up.
So once you actually do theaction, once you're actually
helpful, be intentional aboutfollow-up.
Sometimes one circumstance isactually really exposing a much
bigger problem.
Be intentional about makingsure that this doesn't happen
again.
Like if something happened,make you know, solve the problem
(20:36):
.
Make sure that it's not goingto happen again.
Have multiple conversations tomake sure the problem is dealt
with and not just swept underthe rug.
You know, making sure like, hey, let's deal with this head-on,
not just put a band-aid on it,but really deal with the issue.
Travis Rosinger (20:49):
Yeah, and that's that long-term care, that
marriage that just says I'm notgoing to fix it right now.
I'm going to be there as well.
You know we're doing what wecan to heal things right now,
but I'm going to be there tocontinue to help you.
You know, month after month,year after year, let's go back
to that, let's revisit that, andwe've done that many times,
done in our own, you know,marriage.
There's been times where I'vebrought up things to you and
(21:12):
usually it's like on a road tripor something.
I'm like, hey, how are youdoing with that?
That was from 10 years ago.
How are you feeling about thatnow?
Is that all gone, you know, andjust kind of digging into the
things that maybe were reallydifficult at one point and you
feel like your spouse has passed, but still going back and being
intentional and digging it upjust a little bit, not like
(21:34):
digging six feet, but just kindof scratching the surface and
saying, hey, do you want to gothere again?
Do?
you need to go there again.
I'm available, I'm listening,I'm stopping.
I want to help.
Dawn Rosinger (21:44):
Going back to the question are you willing to
help?
We're going to go a little bitold school, like we did with
Charles Dickens, and go to aquote from George Elliott that
says what greater thing is therefor two human souls than to
feel that they are joined forlife, to strengthen each other
in all labor, to rest on eachother in all sorrow, to minister
to each other in silent,unspeakable memories at the
(22:07):
moment of the last parting man.
That is a team, that is ahusband and a wife working
together, making sure thatthey're meeting the needs,
making sure that if something'shappening, the other person's
well aware, they're ready to act, they're being intentional,
they're being helpful.
That's an incredible quote.
Travis Rosinger (22:27):
Oh, it's so good, and I love the piece where
he says to strengthen eachother in all labor.
That's really what we're allabout.
That's what you and I want tobe about, don, and we do our
best and we want to encourageeverybody out there as well to
be doing that.
Like ask yourself, how can Istop and listen and do something
?
In other words, how can Istrengthen my spouse, how can I
(22:51):
be there for them when they areweak and to strongly help them
in a way that's going to getthem through their tough time?
Dawn Rosinger (22:58):
Right, how can we be that team where you know
when I fall down, you help me upand when you fall down, I help
you up?
How can we be that teamtogether?
Well, with that, we want tothank you for listening to this
episode of the Loving the FightMarriage Podcast.
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
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