December 5, 2023 • 27 mins
Parenting is one of the most rewarding and at the same time one of the most defeating experiences. Parents have their work cut out for them but the pay off is the enjoyment that comes from these amazing children God has entrusted to them. There is one problem though. Once your kids are gone, you can't go back. That is why doing the right things now is so crucial to their lives then.
Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger for Part 2 of this two-part series on Parenting as they share four things parents need to know to raise kids. They get vulnerable sharing their own failures in parenting along with key truths of wisdom for parents who are in the thick of raising humans. Moms and dad's, be sure to check this one out!! Consider sharing it with a friend who is a parent as well!!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
If you've never listened before and this is your
first time, we want to welcomeyou to the Love in the Fight
Marriage podcast, and if you'relistening on a weekly basis and
you're back, we just want tothank you for hanging out.
My name is Travis Rosinger andI am here with my wife, my
lifelong friend and partner, butalso my co-host, don.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hey everyone.
Yeah, I just want to say, ifyou do listen to us on a regular
basis, we would love it if youwould share our podcast with
your friends or give us a reviewor whatever you want to do to
get the word out, because wejust love to encourage people
and encourage people especiallyin their marriages, yeah, and in
their faith in Jesus.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Now, for us, this has been a really good week.
We had a chance to do sometraveling, got out of a state
and I ate at our favoritebarbecue restaurant down in Iowa
.
That was a lot of fun.
And then, of course, we hungout with our friends on Saturday
night Wasn't that great, don.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, we are in a marriage group that we've had
for a couple of years now and sowe get to hang out with the
same group of people bi-weeklyand we get to dig into God's
Word, just really connectrelationally with our friends,
and they're just a great groupof people.
It's cool because this lastweek there was something that
came up and we're like, hey, weneed prayer for something.
And guess what?
We were able to send a text toour whole group and they were
(01:31):
praying for us and it was thecoolest thing.
So it's just a highlight of ourweek on those weeks that we get
to just hang out with them.
We love to do it every week, butthere's other things that we
are committed to so bi-weekly.
I just want to say, hey, if youare not in some type of group,
either in your church or in yourcommunity, man, find those
people that you can just hangout with, connect with, do life
(01:53):
with, pray with, grow withspiritually.
I mean, be that iron thatsharpens iron.
I have to just say groups arethe way to go.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, I don't think anything compares outside of
Jesus to community.
There's something about nothaving to be lonely or feeling
lonely because you're not.
You're, like physically,literally surrounded by people
all the time, and so it's notsomething that we just want to
encourage all of you to do.
It's something we're actuallyliving as well.
So we want to do both.
(02:20):
We want to keep doing whatwe're doing and staying in deep
community.
I mean, these are people who wewent through the pandemic with.
These are people we would loveto grow old with, but also we
want you to experience the samething.
Now there might be something,though that kind of compares a
little bit to community.
Don, you're going to agree?
I think I've almost overdosedon oatmeal.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
What Oatmeal.
Oh, you're going to talk aboutyour new discovery right, yeah,
yeah, it's something you've beendiscovering.
I mean, just if you guys haven'tfigured out Travis, really,
when he finds something that helikes to, he likes to talk about
it and, you know, telleverybody about it Like it's a
new discovery.
But I laugh because I couldkind of take your leave food,
but he just thinks it's greatwhen he can, you know, discover
something new.
(03:04):
So he has found something thathe's just very passionate about
and I'm sure you're going toshare it with everybody today.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
And here's why I talk about it.
It changed my life Kind of.
Okay, maybe my stomach, I don'tknow, but my taste buds love it.
I've been eating a ton of whatwe call overnight oats,
something that my daughterintroduced me to about a year
ago, and then my kids forChristmas.
We celebrated Christmas earlywith our kids this year, right
day after Thanksgiving, and oneof them got me four overnight
(03:33):
oats like travel containers thatI could set up the night before
, eat oatmeal, cold oatmeal forbreakfast or cold oatmeal for
lunch.
I'm amped man.
It's just so good.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It doesn't sound super appealing, the fact that
it's cold.
So I asked you like two daysago.
I'm like can you make me some?
And you didn't do it.
I didn't.
I'm like, can I try it?
You know why?
Right, I'm selfish, I don'twant to share Well that's okay.
I don't know Cold oatmeal, Ilike hot oatmeal, but anyway, so
it's just a new discovery,something just random, it's
fabulous.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Well, hey, last week in our prior episode we were
talking about raising kids andwhat that looks like to raise
kids, and we started to begin togive four things that we think
every parent needs to be able toraise kids, and the two that we
kind of kicked off with that Ithink are among the most
(04:26):
important would be that firstthing is just, god chose you to
be the number one spiritualinfluence in your child's life,
and we talked about how, if youdon't intentionally walk in that
and be that influencer in yourchild's life, somebody else or
something else will step intoyour place and take over and
(04:46):
spiritually influence yourchildren.
And so, man, we were justencouraging moms and dads last
week in our last episode be thespiritual influencer the number
one in your kids life.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Absolutely.
God put you in that seat for areason he believes in you.
He's going to equip you.
Man, just go ahead and take thebull by the horns and, like,
you know if we're going to makemistakes, but go ahead and make
sure that you know that I'm theone that's supposed to be here.
God chose me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
God trust you, god put them there.
But the other thing that wementioned out of the four would
be that God chose you to speakwords that give life and avoid
words that bring death.
And you know, that's justsomething that we've learned
along the way, that we need toreally watch what comes out of
our mouths.
We don't want to have anythingdestructive or profane or
(05:35):
frustrating to our kids.
Certainly we still have todiscipline them and be honest
with them.
But you know we, we definitelywant to be speaking words of
life, that we don't want to be averbal dam.
We want to be sharing words ofencouragement, love, but
especially spiritual words.
Like man you're, you know,talking to your kids.
Man, you know, son, you are sodeeply spiritual or sweetie, I
(05:58):
love it when you pray.
So, being that verbal, you know, kind of a person that just
speaks words of life to yourkids.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right and it's our choice.
We can choose to either openour mouth and when we do open
our mouth, we can choose whatwords come out of our mouth.
Now, the third principle thatGod wants you to be aware of and
to live by as parents is thisGod trusts you, as a parent, to
be the spiritual gatekeeper andprotector of your home and your
kids life.
You are the spiritualgatekeeper and protector.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yeah, and you know that honestly done that
statement.
It just brings up a real lifestory that I know of, of a
family that I came across at onepoint, where, you know there
were two brothers.
They were growing up in one homeand one of the brothers grew up
and just really turned into ahardworking family man who loved
God, but the other brotherturned into a person who was
(06:52):
super into you know, addictivebehavior and, just you know,
ended up getting violent andcausing tons of problems and
using, abusing the people aroundthem.
But here's the irony both ofthose kids came from a home
where their parents loved onthem, told them that they could
be almost anything they wantedto be when they grew up, and
(07:13):
both those kids, you know, alsocame from parents who who told
them about Jesus, and so theyhad what they needed.
They had this unconditional,affirming love.
But also they had faith andthey were taught about Jesus.
But weird, like how did onebrother, you know, grow up and
you know, feared God, loved hisfamily, worked hard, but then
(07:35):
the other brother, samehousehold, same household was
violent and caused problems and,you know, was constantly into
addictions of different kinds.
So it's kind of easy to sitthere and think, okay, wait,
what went wrong?
Why did one son grow up and doso well and one son grew up and
struggle so hard and just reallycaused a lot of problems?
And the answer is this it allhad to do with parenting.
(07:59):
Sure, they both had those goodthings, they had Jesus, they had
unconditional love from theirparents.
But one of them decided at like14, 16 years of age to just
begin to make some reallyrebellious decisions, to accept
evil into their lives.
And they just began to telltheir parent you know what
parents?
You know, I'm not gonna, I'mnot gonna listen to you anymore.
(08:21):
And and it was at that momentin this person's life that the
parents just finally said okay,well, he's gonna have to learn
the hard way.
We give up.
He's just gonna have to figurethis out on their own.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And they kind of opened the gate right.
They, instead of having thatgate closed, being that
gatekeeper, they opened the gateand this kid, of course, you
know, 16 years old at that point, was going to choose, of course
, what he wanted to do, becausethere was no boundaries, there
was, there were no gatekeepers.
The parents said they're gonnalearn the hard way, and and
that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, without realizing that, they flung the
gate wide open and they they, atthat moment, began to fail to
be gatekeepers.
And it was kind of like youknow, they were basically
thinking to themselves or sayingto themselves well, hey, if
that's the way that he wants tobe, well, he's gonna have to
learn on his own, he's gonnahave to learn the hard way.
Well, the reason why we bringthat up, that story and this
(09:14):
whole point, is because thatkind of parenting doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
It doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
It never, ever works.
We want to remind you, moms anddads, you are the parent, you
are the spiritual gatekeepersand protectors of your home and
your kids' lives.
So what does it look like to bean effective gatekeeper?
Well, it's this don't open thegate.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I love what you said before you talked about.
You know, not surrendering andnot opening, but honestly, don't
surrender as a parent.
Don't raise that white flag andsay, okay, here, you know the
gates wide open.
Don't do that.
I know there's days or years ormonths where it's just
difficult and your kids arechallenging you in every
direction and you know what.
It would be easy kind of towalk away at that point and just
(10:00):
say you know what you can do,what you want to do, but don't
surrender.
They need you as their parentto keep that gate closed and
making sure that you'reprotecting them.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, they need you so much, and I would say almost
as much as they need you topoint them to Jesus.
Equally, they need you to keepthe gate shut, and so, some ways
that you know, we, as parents,we just fling that gate wide
open.
I mean, I think of moms anddads who hand their 14-year-old
cell phone with no protection onit whatsoever and they're like
(10:31):
here, son, you know, there'sprobably dads across America,
around the world, here, son, hey, here's a cell phone.
You're going to end up beingable to view any kind of
hardcore pornography that youwant while you, me and your mom
are falling asleep at night and,more than likely, you're
probably going to havepedophiles that are going to
reach out to you and send them,you know, paying naked pictures
(10:52):
of themselves to you.
But, son, you know, here'shappy birthday.
Here's your new cell phone.
Hope you, you know, have agreat time and enjoy it.
That is a great example of anopen gate.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There is no boundary.
At that point and, honestly,you said 14.
I think that's happening wayyounger.
You're looking at eight, nine,10-year-olds who have these
little computers that are intheir hand and you, I mean
honestly, they're, they're ableto access Anything.
Anything that could possiblywant is right there in their
hand.
And not only can they accessthat, but you gave them
(11:23):
permission.
You gave them access to that.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, and if the human brain isn't fully
developed until it's 25, I meanif it's, you know, at 12 years
of age or 14, it's probablystill silly.
Putty in there, right Like thehuman brain, is the consistency
of of pudding.
So it's probably even, you know, even more malleable, you know,
at 12 and 14.
And so then they're dealingwith that.
But I think there's other gatesthat parents just kind of fling
(11:47):
wide open, like allowing theirkids to just go hang out with
somebody who doesn't know Jesus,a friend from school or
multiple friends, and then, youknow, just letting them spend
the night.
It's not that they can't bewith them, but but oh, just just
go to your friend's house, youknow, spend the night.
Sure, there's going to bedrinking, they're going to watch
terrible stuff, they're goingto be on their phones.
But just go ahead.
(12:07):
You know you love Jesus, you'regoing to be fine.
No, moms and dads, it does notwork, it's a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I remember, actually, as parents, when we were
parenting our kids when theywere younger we would we had
very strict rules on our kidsspending at people's houses, and
sometimes other parents wouldget frustrated with us.
I'm like, no, we have this onechance to protect our kids, to
make sure that they're goinginto environments where man
they're not going to be able toaccess certain things or they're
(12:35):
not going to be exposed tothings that would hurt them for
the rest of their life, and sowe're going to do our job right
now as parents.
And so we had pretty strictboundaries.
Our kids, honestly, if wedidn't know their parents, if we
didn't know the kids, if wedidn't know the older siblings,
our kids were not allowed tospend the night at their house,
but we wanted to again, wewanted to make sure that they
went to a house of you know,especially if they're going to
(12:56):
spend the night.
People who had a relationshipwith Jesus, were trying to live
moral lives, had very similarvalues to themselves.
We did the best that we couldto protect our kids.
Were we perfect?
No, but we tried.
We did not have an open gatethere.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, it's worth having boundaries, it's worth
taking the push back from otherparents.
You know, I think of, too, someother gates.
You know where parents will sayto their kids hey, find your
truth, what is your truth, Goahead and find that.
And then they again, they wantto support that.
Or just letting their kidschoose their identity.
Yeah, you just choose youridentity.
(13:28):
Forget what got assigned to youat birth.
You just decide what you areand we're going to support that.
Or even just parents sometimesthrowing the gate wide open with
entertainment choices lettingtheir kids watch anything, or
they watch, you know, thingsthat the Bible would condemn,
but they sit there and watch itin front of their kids, or even
privately in their own bedrooms.
Or really, even another gatewould be letting your kid choose
(13:51):
to whether they're going to begoing to church or not.
You know, hey son you're 12years old.
You can choose now whether youwant to go to church with the
rest of the family and honestly,bad idea.
That kind of parent withoutboundaries and without the right
, you know kind of guidelines tohelp direct them.
Yeah, it's just going to leadto disaster, like the two
brothers that we mentioned justa little bit ago.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know, in John chapter 10, it actually talks
about the gatekeeper.
It talks about Jesus and hetalks actually about being the
gate, being our protector.
He then goes on to say in John10, 10, the thief comes only to
steal and kill and destroy.
And I have come that they mayhave life and have it to the
full.
If you're going to keep thegate closed in your home and
(14:35):
keep the thief out, you're goingto have to know your enemy well
and how to defeat him.
You can't have your eyes closed.
You have to know where yourenemy is and there's an enemy
coming in to try to you knowhonestly, destroy your kids,
destroy your families.
You have to keep your eyes wideopen.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, you know, honestly, jesus is the gate.
We, as parents, are thespiritual gatekeepers of our
homes.
We get to make sure Jesus islocked in place, ready to go.
But why?
Because of what you just said,there is an enemy, there's a,
there's a thief that's trying tocome in and steal the hearts of
our kids and steal theirinnocence.
And we, as parents, we got torise up and we got to fight.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
And one way to do that honestly.
As you're married, as a marriedcouple, you have to be on the
same page.
You can't have one parent doingone thing and one parent doing
the next.
For one thing, it's not unityin your marriage and it's not
great for your kids.
Your kids will know when you'renot on the same page.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah.
So how do you defeat him?
How do you defeat the thief whoonly comes to steal, kill and
destroy, to destroy your kids,to destroy your family?
Well, in the book of James, theNew Testament, chapter four,
verse seven, it says submityourselves, then, to God.
Parents, that includes all ofus.
We need to submit ourselves toGod.
It goes on and says resist thedevil and he will flee from you.
(15:49):
Resist, that's an importantword.
We have to fight back.
Why?
Because Jesus the gate warnedus about the thief who comes to
steal, kill and destroy.
So we got we have to resist thethief.
But another verse that is muchlike that, that kind of hits
that same idea home.
It's 1 Peter, chapter five,verse eight through nine.
(16:10):
It says this be alert and ofsober mind.
Your enemy, the devil, prowlsaround like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, it says, standingfirm in the faith.
Again, that same phrase resisthim or resist the devil, like we
just read in the book of James.
So why does that matter?
(16:32):
Because it says that he wantsto devour somebody.
It says that he is a roaringlion, he's looking for someone
to devour.
He's out there to still killand destroy.
And so, moms and dads, we'vegot to fight back, we've got to
resist him.
And so what does that wordresist means in our world today
(16:53):
and in our families?
And so I just had to look it upin the original Greek that the
New Testament was written in,and it comes from the word
anthistime.
And the word anthistime, thatGreek word, it's the same one in
both of those verses.
It means to forcefully declareone's personal conviction.
So it's not like mild manneredquiet Well, I'm just going to
barely tell you what I think inthe form of a whisper.
(17:15):
No, it's like forcefullydeclare, like yell it out loud,
and it means to keep one'spossession, to ardently
withstand without giving up orletting go.
But here's the irony it'sactually a military term in
classical Greek, which means tostrongly resist an opponent, as
(17:36):
if you're in a war, as if you'refighting against an enemy that
won't back down.
And so we must strongly resisthim as an opponent.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
You know what does a war look like.
Let's talk through this alittle bit more.
Soldiers in a war think and actdifferently than civilians who
are caught off guard by anambush, Because every day, a
soldier wakes up and thinks onething.
There's just one thing thatthey are focused on, and it's
this where is the enemy?
So every day we need to wake upand ask ourselves where is the
(18:08):
enemy?
We need to fight evil in allits forms, no matter how it
manifests itself.
Make sure that evil doesn't getto a place and hide and live in
your home or in your kid's life.
So maybe it's in the corner andyou're just not looking at it.
You're not seeing it.
Where is the enemy?
We, verbally, you guys we haveto remember that we have power
and authority, especially asJesus followers and believers.
(18:31):
We have the power to tell evilto leave every single day.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, and I can't stress that enough.
I know I'm interrupting you,don, but I personally do that.
I tell evil, I'm like evildemons, anything that has to do
with hell or the devil.
You must leave me alone in thename of Jesus and I.
I command it verbally,forcefully, like it says.
I declare my personalconvictions.
You're not welcome.
(18:56):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And again, we have to remember that we have that
power and authority.
I did that yesterday for a lady.
I was praying and she began totell me the things that she was
struggling with and I felt likeyou know, that was evil, and so
I just commanded the evil to gowith her.
And there's just some power andauthority that came and we knew
that that evil was gone.
You guys, we needed to shut thegate and just declare Jesus,
(19:17):
you are my gate, especially whenit comes to their kids and in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, Make sure Jesus , the gate, is in his place, on
the throne of your hearts andyour home, like number one.
All right.
And the fourth thing that wewanted to be able to give you as
parents is this God trusts youto keep the most important goal,
the most important goal.
Honestly, after being a pastorof like 27 plus years, I've just
(19:42):
seen so many adults and youngpeople who were once operating
at a deep spiritual level withGod, but now they're no longer
living for Jesus today, and it'smind blowing, it's
heartbreaking.
It doesn't make any sense andif it wasn't reality I would
deny it, but yet it happens allthe time and it makes me think
(20:05):
of think of.
You know of a family that Iknow of, where they were once
all in ministry together andthey all love God, and now the
husband and wife are divorced,the kids are off doing their own
thing I don't know if any ofthe family members even talk to
each other anymore and it wasobvious that they were doing so
many great things for God thatthey got the crosshairs of the
(20:27):
evil one put on them and theysomehow, over time, lost sight
of what the most important goalwas.
And he got to them.
And so, man, we don't want thatto be you and your family.
Man, we want to encourage youto keep the most important goal,
the most important goal.
So what is the most importantgoal?
(20:48):
Well, Jesus had raised up 12disciples, as you, many of you
know, but of course, heeventually raised up 72
disciples and he, at one point,sent them out and he said hey, I
want you to declare that thekingdom of God is here and I
want you to pray for people andheal them and cast out demons.
And you know, just do the workof the you know and bring the
(21:09):
kingdom of God to these people'slives.
So, after they had been gone, Idon't know, a week, two weeks,
three weeks, the Bible says inLuke, chapter 10, verse 17, the
72 returned with joy and theysaid, Lord, even the demons
submit to us in your name.
And then Jesus rebukes them andhe says this do not rejoice
(21:31):
that the spirits, the demons,submit to you, but rejoice that
your names are written.
Let's be honest, there'snothing better than that.
Jesus was pointing out the mostimportant goal that needs to
stay the most important goal,and that is that, Don, your name
is written in heaven.
Mine is that those of you thatare listening that follow Jesus,
(21:53):
your name is written in heavenand that your kids' names are
written in heaven.
Man, you can be the craziest,most busy sports family, and if
you lose sight of Jesus, if yourkids are raised and they don't
know God, or maybe you're afamily that has locked and
loaded, you're super hardcore,involved in church and very
(22:15):
tight with God, but if you startto let that kind of slide over
time and you lose sight of themost important goal and you
think, well, we're spiritual,we're strong, we're doing it
right.
Well, that's what the disciplesthought.
They thought Jesus, hey, eventhe demons submit to us, and
they got spiritually proud.
In reality, Jesus was like youguys have lost sight of it.
(22:36):
You have absolutely messed up.
Make sure that you rejoice thatyour names are written in
heaven.
Nothing compares to that.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
You know what?
I really appreciate what DavidPlatt said.
He says this our goal inparenting is not ultimately for
our kids to get a greateducation or be great athletes,
or to find a great husband orget a great career.
Our goal is for them to love agreat God man.
At the end of the day, when I'mlaying in bed, I just sit back
(23:06):
and, even though when I wasyounger, I'm like God, just let
my kids love you God.
Let them, every single day, Ijust pray that their hearts are
just soft for you, god, that youwould speak to them and that
their ears and their eyes wouldbe open to you, and that's my
prayer.
Again, our goal is for them tolove a great God.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah, we want our kids to know God and that their
names will be written down inheaven, that their names are
written in the Lamb's book oflife.
Again, parents, you are thatnumber one spiritual influencer
in your kids' lives and you arethe one that can speak those
powerful words of truth and lifeand also to be that gatekeeper,
(23:46):
that spiritual gatekeeper, butthen, of course, to be that
person that reminds them whatthe most important goal is.
Parents, remember, god choseyou because he trusts you, he
believes in you.
How you raise your children canand will have a way bigger
impact than you might ever, everknow.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I know, parents, there are days where you just
might be tired, you might bediscouraged, you want to give up
, you wanna walk away, you don'tfeel like your kids are even
listening to you or honoring orrespecting you.
But just don't give up.
I so believe that God reallypicked you and he's going to
equip you with everything thatyou need, and that's why it's so
important in marriage that, asa husband and a wife, that you
(24:30):
are together on that same pageand you are fighting that battle
together.
It's so much easier to be insync with your spouse and be
walking through life andparenting your kids together
than it is separate, and yourkids are gonna notice in your
modeling not only how to be agreat parent, but how to have a
great marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, and I think one thing that we would recommend
to everyone listening is if youknow a couple and a family where
they raise their kids and theyhad like a balanced life and
Jesus stayed the center and thefamily's still together and
those kids have grown up andbecome people that fear God and
they're raising their kids tolove God Like there's this sense
(25:11):
of they didn't lose track ofthe most important goal and they
kind of stayed going full forceahead.
Man get with that parents,those parents that are older
than you maybe they're 30.
Those are some good parents tohang out with 40 years older
than you and ask them what theirsecrets were.
Go, come on, just give us thedownload.
We need to know.
(25:32):
We love your family.
We love your kids.
You guys did a great job.
Fill us in Right absolutely.
Well, hey guys, we wanna thankyou for listening to this
episode of the Loving the FightMarriage Podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
Ready for bed.
If you've never listened before and this is your
first time, we want to welcomeyou to the Love in the Fight
Marriage podcast, and if you'relistening on a weekly basis and
you're back, we just want tothank you for hanging out.
My name is Travis Rosinger andI am here with my wife, my
lifelong friend and partner, butalso my co-host, don.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Hey everyone.
Yeah, I just want to say, ifyou do listen to us on a regular
basis, we would love it if youwould share our podcast with
your friends or give us a reviewor whatever you want to do to
get the word out, because wejust love to encourage people
and encourage people especiallyin their marriages, yeah, and in
their faith in Jesus.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Now, for us, this has been a really good week.
We had a chance to do sometraveling, got out of a state
and I ate at our favoritebarbecue restaurant down in Iowa
.
That was a lot of fun.
And then, of course, we hungout with our friends on Saturday
night Wasn't that great, don.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, we are in a marriage group that we've had
for a couple of years now and sowe get to hang out with the
same group of people bi-weeklyand we get to dig into God's
Word, just really connectrelationally with our friends,
and they're just a great groupof people.
It's cool because this lastweek there was something that
came up and we're like, hey, weneed prayer for something.
And guess what?
We were able to send a text toour whole group and they were
(01:31):
praying for us and it was thecoolest thing.
So it's just a highlight of ourweek on those weeks that we get
to just hang out with them.
We love to do it every week, butthere's other things that we
are committed to so bi-weekly.
I just want to say, hey, if youare not in some type of group,
either in your church or in yourcommunity, man, find those
people that you can just hangout with, connect with, do life
(01:53):
with, pray with, grow withspiritually.
I mean, be that iron thatsharpens iron.
I have to just say groups arethe way to go.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Yeah, I don't think anything compares outside of
Jesus to community.
There's something about nothaving to be lonely or feeling
lonely because you're not.
You're, like physically,literally surrounded by people
all the time, and so it's notsomething that we just want to
encourage all of you to do.
It's something we're actuallyliving as well.
So we want to do both.
(02:20):
We want to keep doing whatwe're doing and staying in deep
community.
I mean, these are people who wewent through the pandemic with.
These are people we would loveto grow old with, but also we
want you to experience the samething.
Now there might be something,though that kind of compares a
little bit to community.
Don, you're going to agree?
I think I've almost overdosedon oatmeal.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
What Oatmeal.
Oh, you're going to talk aboutyour new discovery right, yeah,
yeah, it's something you've beendiscovering.
I mean, just if you guys haven'tfigured out Travis, really,
when he finds something that helikes to, he likes to talk about
it and, you know, telleverybody about it Like it's a
new discovery.
But I laugh because I couldkind of take your leave food,
but he just thinks it's greatwhen he can, you know, discover
something new.
(03:04):
So he has found something thathe's just very passionate about
and I'm sure you're going toshare it with everybody today.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
And here's why I talk about it.
It changed my life Kind of.
Okay, maybe my stomach, I don'tknow, but my taste buds love it.
I've been eating a ton of whatwe call overnight oats,
something that my daughterintroduced me to about a year
ago, and then my kids forChristmas.
We celebrated Christmas earlywith our kids this year, right
day after Thanksgiving, and oneof them got me four overnight
(03:33):
oats like travel containers thatI could set up the night before
, eat oatmeal, cold oatmeal forbreakfast or cold oatmeal for
lunch.
I'm amped man.
It's just so good.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
It doesn't sound super appealing, the fact that
it's cold.
So I asked you like two daysago.
I'm like can you make me some?
And you didn't do it.
I didn't.
I'm like, can I try it?
You know why?
Right, I'm selfish, I don'twant to share Well that's okay.
I don't know Cold oatmeal, Ilike hot oatmeal, but anyway, so
it's just a new discovery,something just random, it's
fabulous.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Well, hey, last week in our prior episode we were
talking about raising kids andwhat that looks like to raise
kids, and we started to begin togive four things that we think
every parent needs to be able toraise kids, and the two that we
kind of kicked off with that Ithink are among the most
(04:26):
important would be that firstthing is just, god chose you to
be the number one spiritualinfluence in your child's life,
and we talked about how, if youdon't intentionally walk in that
and be that influencer in yourchild's life, somebody else or
something else will step intoyour place and take over and
(04:46):
spiritually influence yourchildren.
And so, man, we were justencouraging moms and dads last
week in our last episode be thespiritual influencer the number
one in your kids life.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Absolutely.
God put you in that seat for areason he believes in you.
He's going to equip you.
Man, just go ahead and take thebull by the horns and, like,
you know if we're going to makemistakes, but go ahead and make
sure that you know that I'm theone that's supposed to be here.
God chose me, yeah.
Speaker 1 (05:13):
God trust you, god put them there.
But the other thing that wementioned out of the four would
be that God chose you to speakwords that give life and avoid
words that bring death.
And you know, that's justsomething that we've learned
along the way, that we need toreally watch what comes out of
our mouths.
We don't want to have anythingdestructive or profane or
(05:35):
frustrating to our kids.
Certainly we still have todiscipline them and be honest
with them.
But you know we, we definitelywant to be speaking words of
life, that we don't want to be averbal dam.
We want to be sharing words ofencouragement, love, but
especially spiritual words.
Like man you're, you know,talking to your kids.
Man, you know, son, you are sodeeply spiritual or sweetie, I
(05:58):
love it when you pray.
So, being that verbal, you know, kind of a person that just
speaks words of life to yourkids.
Speaker 2 (06:06):
Right and it's our choice.
We can choose to either openour mouth and when we do open
our mouth, we can choose whatwords come out of our mouth.
Now, the third principle thatGod wants you to be aware of and
to live by as parents is thisGod trusts you, as a parent, to
be the spiritual gatekeeper andprotector of your home and your
kids life.
You are the spiritualgatekeeper and protector.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Yeah, and you know that honestly done that
statement.
It just brings up a real lifestory that I know of, of a
family that I came across at onepoint, where, you know there
were two brothers.
They were growing up in one homeand one of the brothers grew up
and just really turned into ahardworking family man who loved
God, but the other brotherturned into a person who was
(06:52):
super into you know, addictivebehavior and, just you know,
ended up getting violent andcausing tons of problems and
using, abusing the people aroundthem.
But here's the irony both ofthose kids came from a home
where their parents loved onthem, told them that they could
be almost anything they wantedto be when they grew up, and
(07:13):
both those kids, you know, alsocame from parents who who told
them about Jesus, and so theyhad what they needed.
They had this unconditional,affirming love.
But also they had faith andthey were taught about Jesus.
But weird, like how did onebrother, you know, grow up and
you know, feared God, loved hisfamily, worked hard, but then
(07:35):
the other brother, samehousehold, same household was
violent and caused problems and,you know, was constantly into
addictions of different kinds.
So it's kind of easy to sitthere and think, okay, wait,
what went wrong?
Why did one son grow up and doso well and one son grew up and
struggle so hard and just reallycaused a lot of problems?
And the answer is this it allhad to do with parenting.
(07:59):
Sure, they both had those goodthings, they had Jesus, they had
unconditional love from theirparents.
But one of them decided at like14, 16 years of age to just
begin to make some reallyrebellious decisions, to accept
evil into their lives.
And they just began to telltheir parent you know what
parents?
You know, I'm not gonna, I'mnot gonna listen to you anymore.
(08:21):
And and it was at that momentin this person's life that the
parents just finally said okay,well, he's gonna have to learn
the hard way.
We give up.
He's just gonna have to figurethis out on their own.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And they kind of opened the gate right.
They, instead of having thatgate closed, being that
gatekeeper, they opened the gateand this kid, of course, you
know, 16 years old at that point, was going to choose, of course
, what he wanted to do, becausethere was no boundaries, there
was, there were no gatekeepers.
The parents said they're gonnalearn the hard way, and and
that's exactly what happened.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Yeah, without realizing that, they flung the
gate wide open and they they, atthat moment, began to fail to
be gatekeepers.
And it was kind of like youknow, they were basically
thinking to themselves or sayingto themselves well, hey, if
that's the way that he wants tobe, well, he's gonna have to
learn on his own, he's gonnahave to learn the hard way.
Well, the reason why we bringthat up, that story and this
(09:14):
whole point, is because thatkind of parenting doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
It doesn't work.
Speaker 1 (09:19):
It never, ever works.
We want to remind you, moms anddads, you are the parent, you
are the spiritual gatekeepersand protectors of your home and
your kids' lives.
So what does it look like to bean effective gatekeeper?
Well, it's this don't open thegate.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
I love what you said before you talked about.
You know, not surrendering andnot opening, but honestly, don't
surrender as a parent.
Don't raise that white flag andsay, okay, here, you know the
gates wide open.
Don't do that.
I know there's days or years ormonths where it's just
difficult and your kids arechallenging you in every
direction and you know what.
It would be easy kind of towalk away at that point and just
(10:00):
say you know what you can do,what you want to do, but don't
surrender.
They need you as their parentto keep that gate closed and
making sure that you'reprotecting them.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Yeah, they need you so much, and I would say almost
as much as they need you topoint them to Jesus.
Equally, they need you to keepthe gate shut, and so, some ways
that you know, we, as parents,we just fling that gate wide
open.
I mean, I think of moms anddads who hand their 14-year-old
cell phone with no protection onit whatsoever and they're like
(10:31):
here, son, you know, there'sprobably dads across America,
around the world, here, son, hey, here's a cell phone.
You're going to end up beingable to view any kind of
hardcore pornography that youwant while you, me and your mom
are falling asleep at night and,more than likely, you're
probably going to havepedophiles that are going to
reach out to you and send them,you know, paying naked pictures
(10:52):
of themselves to you.
But, son, you know, here'shappy birthday.
Here's your new cell phone.
Hope you, you know, have agreat time and enjoy it.
That is a great example of anopen gate.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
There is no boundary.
At that point and, honestly,you said 14.
I think that's happening wayyounger.
You're looking at eight, nine,10-year-olds who have these
little computers that are intheir hand and you, I mean
honestly, they're, they're ableto access Anything.
Anything that could possiblywant is right there in their
hand.
And not only can they accessthat, but you gave them
(11:23):
permission.
You gave them access to that.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
Yeah, and if the human brain isn't fully
developed until it's 25, I meanif it's, you know, at 12 years
of age or 14, it's probablystill silly.
Putty in there, right Like thehuman brain, is the consistency
of of pudding.
So it's probably even, you know, even more malleable, you know,
at 12 and 14.
And so then they're dealingwith that.
But I think there's other gatesthat parents just kind of fling
(11:47):
wide open, like allowing theirkids to just go hang out with
somebody who doesn't know Jesus,a friend from school or
multiple friends, and then, youknow, just letting them spend
the night.
It's not that they can't bewith them, but but oh, just just
go to your friend's house, youknow, spend the night.
Sure, there's going to bedrinking, they're going to watch
terrible stuff, they're goingto be on their phones.
But just go ahead.
(12:07):
You know you love Jesus, you'regoing to be fine.
No, moms and dads, it does notwork, it's a bad idea.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
I remember, actually, as parents, when we were
parenting our kids when theywere younger we would we had
very strict rules on our kidsspending at people's houses, and
sometimes other parents wouldget frustrated with us.
I'm like, no, we have this onechance to protect our kids, to
make sure that they're goinginto environments where man
they're not going to be able toaccess certain things or they're
(12:35):
not going to be exposed tothings that would hurt them for
the rest of their life, and sowe're going to do our job right
now as parents.
And so we had pretty strictboundaries.
Our kids, honestly, if wedidn't know their parents, if we
didn't know the kids, if wedidn't know the older siblings,
our kids were not allowed tospend the night at their house,
but we wanted to again, wewanted to make sure that they
went to a house of you know,especially if they're going to
(12:56):
spend the night.
People who had a relationshipwith Jesus, were trying to live
moral lives, had very similarvalues to themselves.
We did the best that we couldto protect our kids.
Were we perfect?
No, but we tried.
We did not have an open gatethere.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
Yeah, it's worth having boundaries, it's worth
taking the push back from otherparents.
You know, I think of, too, someother gates.
You know where parents will sayto their kids hey, find your
truth, what is your truth, Goahead and find that.
And then they again, they wantto support that.
Or just letting their kidschoose their identity.
Yeah, you just choose youridentity.
(13:28):
Forget what got assigned to youat birth.
You just decide what you areand we're going to support that.
Or even just parents sometimesthrowing the gate wide open with
entertainment choices lettingtheir kids watch anything, or
they watch, you know, thingsthat the Bible would condemn,
but they sit there and watch itin front of their kids, or even
privately in their own bedrooms.
Or really, even another gatewould be letting your kid choose
(13:51):
to whether they're going to begoing to church or not.
You know, hey son you're 12years old.
You can choose now whether youwant to go to church with the
rest of the family and honestly,bad idea.
That kind of parent withoutboundaries and without the right
, you know kind of guidelines tohelp direct them.
Yeah, it's just going to leadto disaster, like the two
brothers that we mentioned justa little bit ago.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
You know, in John chapter 10, it actually talks
about the gatekeeper.
It talks about Jesus and hetalks actually about being the
gate, being our protector.
He then goes on to say in John10, 10, the thief comes only to
steal and kill and destroy.
And I have come that they mayhave life and have it to the
full.
If you're going to keep thegate closed in your home and
(14:35):
keep the thief out, you're goingto have to know your enemy well
and how to defeat him.
You can't have your eyes closed.
You have to know where yourenemy is and there's an enemy
coming in to try to you knowhonestly, destroy your kids,
destroy your families.
You have to keep your eyes wideopen.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
Yeah, you know, honestly, jesus is the gate.
We, as parents, are thespiritual gatekeepers of our
homes.
We get to make sure Jesus islocked in place, ready to go.
But why?
Because of what you just said,there is an enemy, there's a,
there's a thief that's trying tocome in and steal the hearts of
our kids and steal theirinnocence.
And we, as parents, we got torise up and we got to fight.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
And one way to do that honestly.
As you're married, as a marriedcouple, you have to be on the
same page.
You can't have one parent doingone thing and one parent doing
the next.
For one thing, it's not unityin your marriage and it's not
great for your kids.
Your kids will know when you'renot on the same page.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah.
So how do you defeat him?
How do you defeat the thief whoonly comes to steal, kill and
destroy, to destroy your kids,to destroy your family?
Well, in the book of James, theNew Testament, chapter four,
verse seven, it says submityourselves, then, to God.
Parents, that includes all ofus.
We need to submit ourselves toGod.
It goes on and says resist thedevil and he will flee from you.
(15:49):
Resist, that's an importantword.
We have to fight back.
Why?
Because Jesus the gate warnedus about the thief who comes to
steal, kill and destroy.
So we got we have to resist thethief.
But another verse that is muchlike that, that kind of hits
that same idea home.
It's 1 Peter, chapter five,verse eight through nine.
(16:10):
It says this be alert and ofsober mind.
Your enemy, the devil, prowlsaround like a roaring lion
looking for someone to devour.
Resist him, it says, standingfirm in the faith.
Again, that same phrase resisthim or resist the devil, like we
just read in the book of James.
So why does that matter?
(16:32):
Because it says that he wantsto devour somebody.
It says that he is a roaringlion, he's looking for someone
to devour.
He's out there to still killand destroy.
And so, moms and dads, we'vegot to fight back, we've got to
resist him.
And so what does that wordresist means in our world today
(16:53):
and in our families?
And so I just had to look it upin the original Greek that the
New Testament was written in,and it comes from the word
anthistime.
And the word anthistime, thatGreek word, it's the same one in
both of those verses.
It means to forcefully declareone's personal conviction.
So it's not like mild manneredquiet Well, I'm just going to
barely tell you what I think inthe form of a whisper.
(17:15):
No, it's like forcefullydeclare, like yell it out loud,
and it means to keep one'spossession, to ardently
withstand without giving up orletting go.
But here's the irony it'sactually a military term in
classical Greek, which means tostrongly resist an opponent, as
(17:36):
if you're in a war, as if you'refighting against an enemy that
won't back down.
And so we must strongly resisthim as an opponent.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
You know what does a war look like.
Let's talk through this alittle bit more.
Soldiers in a war think and actdifferently than civilians who
are caught off guard by anambush, Because every day, a
soldier wakes up and thinks onething.
There's just one thing thatthey are focused on, and it's
this where is the enemy?
So every day we need to wake upand ask ourselves where is the
(18:08):
enemy?
We need to fight evil in allits forms, no matter how it
manifests itself.
Make sure that evil doesn't getto a place and hide and live in
your home or in your kid's life.
So maybe it's in the corner andyou're just not looking at it.
You're not seeing it.
Where is the enemy?
We, verbally, you guys we haveto remember that we have power
and authority, especially asJesus followers and believers.
(18:31):
We have the power to tell evilto leave every single day.
Speaker 1 (18:36):
Yeah, and I can't stress that enough.
I know I'm interrupting you,don, but I personally do that.
I tell evil, I'm like evildemons, anything that has to do
with hell or the devil.
You must leave me alone in thename of Jesus and I.
I command it verbally,forcefully, like it says.
I declare my personalconvictions.
You're not welcome.
(18:56):
I agree.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
And again, we have to remember that we have that
power and authority.
I did that yesterday for a lady.
I was praying and she began totell me the things that she was
struggling with and I felt likeyou know, that was evil, and so
I just commanded the evil to gowith her.
And there's just some power andauthority that came and we knew
that that evil was gone.
You guys, we needed to shut thegate and just declare Jesus,
(19:17):
you are my gate, especially whenit comes to their kids and in
our lives.
Speaker 1 (19:21):
Yeah, Make sure Jesus , the gate, is in his place, on
the throne of your hearts andyour home, like number one.
All right.
And the fourth thing that wewanted to be able to give you as
parents is this God trusts youto keep the most important goal,
the most important goal.
Honestly, after being a pastorof like 27 plus years, I've just
(19:42):
seen so many adults and youngpeople who were once operating
at a deep spiritual level withGod, but now they're no longer
living for Jesus today, and it'smind blowing, it's
heartbreaking.
It doesn't make any sense andif it wasn't reality I would
deny it, but yet it happens allthe time and it makes me think
(20:05):
of think of.
You know of a family that Iknow of, where they were once
all in ministry together andthey all love God, and now the
husband and wife are divorced,the kids are off doing their own
thing I don't know if any ofthe family members even talk to
each other anymore and it wasobvious that they were doing so
many great things for God thatthey got the crosshairs of the
(20:27):
evil one put on them and theysomehow, over time, lost sight
of what the most important goalwas.
And he got to them.
And so, man, we don't want thatto be you and your family.
Man, we want to encourage youto keep the most important goal,
the most important goal.
So what is the most importantgoal?
(20:48):
Well, Jesus had raised up 12disciples, as you, many of you
know, but of course, heeventually raised up 72
disciples and he, at one point,sent them out and he said hey, I
want you to declare that thekingdom of God is here and I
want you to pray for people andheal them and cast out demons.
And you know, just do the workof the you know and bring the
(21:09):
kingdom of God to these people'slives.
So, after they had been gone, Idon't know, a week, two weeks,
three weeks, the Bible says inLuke, chapter 10, verse 17, the
72 returned with joy and theysaid, Lord, even the demons
submit to us in your name.
And then Jesus rebukes them andhe says this do not rejoice
(21:31):
that the spirits, the demons,submit to you, but rejoice that
your names are written.
Let's be honest, there'snothing better than that.
Jesus was pointing out the mostimportant goal that needs to
stay the most important goal,and that is that, Don, your name
is written in heaven.
Mine is that those of you thatare listening that follow Jesus,
(21:53):
your name is written in heavenand that your kids' names are
written in heaven.
Man, you can be the craziest,most busy sports family, and if
you lose sight of Jesus, if yourkids are raised and they don't
know God, or maybe you're afamily that has locked and
loaded, you're super hardcore,involved in church and very
(22:15):
tight with God, but if you startto let that kind of slide over
time and you lose sight of themost important goal and you
think, well, we're spiritual,we're strong, we're doing it
right.
Well, that's what the disciplesthought.
They thought Jesus, hey, eventhe demons submit to us, and
they got spiritually proud.
In reality, Jesus was like youguys have lost sight of it.
(22:36):
You have absolutely messed up.
Make sure that you rejoice thatyour names are written in
heaven.
Nothing compares to that.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
You know what?
I really appreciate what DavidPlatt said.
He says this our goal inparenting is not ultimately for
our kids to get a greateducation or be great athletes,
or to find a great husband orget a great career.
Our goal is for them to love agreat God man.
At the end of the day, when I'mlaying in bed, I just sit back
(23:06):
and, even though when I wasyounger, I'm like God, just let
my kids love you God.
Let them, every single day, Ijust pray that their hearts are
just soft for you, god, that youwould speak to them and that
their ears and their eyes wouldbe open to you, and that's my
prayer.
Again, our goal is for them tolove a great God.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yeah, we want our kids to know God and that their
names will be written down inheaven, that their names are
written in the Lamb's book oflife.
Again, parents, you are thatnumber one spiritual influencer
in your kids' lives and you arethe one that can speak those
powerful words of truth and lifeand also to be that gatekeeper,
(23:46):
that spiritual gatekeeper, butthen, of course, to be that
person that reminds them whatthe most important goal is.
Parents, remember, god choseyou because he trusts you, he
believes in you.
How you raise your children canand will have a way bigger
impact than you might ever, everknow.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
I know, parents, there are days where you just
might be tired, you might bediscouraged, you want to give up
, you wanna walk away, you don'tfeel like your kids are even
listening to you or honoring orrespecting you.
But just don't give up.
I so believe that God reallypicked you and he's going to
equip you with everything thatyou need, and that's why it's so
important in marriage that, asa husband and a wife, that you
(24:30):
are together on that same pageand you are fighting that battle
together.
It's so much easier to be insync with your spouse and be
walking through life andparenting your kids together
than it is separate, and yourkids are gonna notice in your
modeling not only how to be agreat parent, but how to have a
great marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Yeah, and I think one thing that we would recommend
to everyone listening is if youknow a couple and a family where
they raise their kids and theyhad like a balanced life and
Jesus stayed the center and thefamily's still together and
those kids have grown up andbecome people that fear God and
they're raising their kids tolove God Like there's this sense
(25:11):
of they didn't lose track ofthe most important goal and they
kind of stayed going full forceahead.
Man get with that parents,those parents that are older
than you maybe they're 30.
Those are some good parents tohang out with 40 years older
than you and ask them what theirsecrets were.
Go, come on, just give us thedownload.
We need to know.
(25:32):
We love your family.
We love your kids.
You guys did a great job.
Fill us in Right absolutely.
Well, hey guys, we wanna thankyou for listening to this
episode of the Loving the FightMarriage Podcast.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
Ready for bed.
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