December 18, 2023 • 22 mins
What is a dirty word? It's often one that people find repulsive and can't stand the thought of someone saying out loud. Vulgar, dirty words are offensive and worth avoiding at all costs. Yet, there are other dirty words that aren't considered profane and at the same time lack vulgarity. Shocking words that still make almost anyone cringe when they hear them.
Your relationship with your spouse needs one very important dirty word, quite possibly the dirtiest of all words in marriage. It's a word that most find repulsive, but if applied to a husband and wife relationship, it will immediately begin to bring relief to almost all conflict. It will lessen disappointment and can bring a ton of peace and harmony back to any marriage. Not bad for a dirty word, right?
Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger for Part 2 of this two-part series focusing on a word most marriages lack and every marriage needs in large quantities. If you listen and open your heart to the truth they share in this episode, it's likely there will begin to be significant changes in your marriage and in your future. This is an episode just might shock you but one that is guaranteed to change your marriage if you let it!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Travis Rosinger (00:12):
It's a new day and a new chance to tell the one
you love that you care for themby growing yourself and making
your marriage better.
Well, hey, with that, we wantto welcome you to the Loving the
Fight Marriage Podcast.
My name is Travis and I'm herewith my wife Dawn.
Dawn Rosinger (00:29):
Hey everyone, so great to be with you today.
Travis Rosinger (00:32):
It is good, it's good to be here just
hanging out with you guys, butalso we wanted to give you a
couple updates, and here's theupdates Nothing, yeah, crickets.
Dawn Rosinger (00:41):
It's funny.
Normally we have so many togive and are like, oh, we
actually scheduled time off todo nothing.
Travis Rosinger (00:46):
It was great, it was really good.
Didn't that fill our buckets?
Wasn't that fun?
Dawn Rosinger (00:51):
Yes, to be able to be at home and enjoy the
Christmas tree, enjoy a fire,honestly, take a nap or two.
You know the last couple ofdays, but we did have some fun.
Last night we were able to goand have supper with some
friends, so that was great andyou had something that you ate
that before we got there.
I was like hey, you want tosplit a meal and if you guys
(01:12):
don't know, Travis doesn't liketo split meal.
Travis Rosinger (01:14):
It's hard, it's like a mental you know
toughness that I just don't have.
Dawn Rosinger (01:19):
And I'm like wait , this is so much, who, let's
just split it.
So I'm like hey, how about, ifit's a really big sandwich, who
you split it?
Because he found the sausagesandwich he wanted and he's like
no, I don't think so.
I don't think, come on, what isit?
It's massive.
Travis Rosinger (01:31):
Yeah.
So tell them what you saw whenthe waitress brought it out,
though I saw a picture of it andI was sold, and so then, when
she brought it out, I was like,oh my gosh, I made the right
decision.
It was the biggest, baddestsausage sandwich you have ever
seen.
Dawn Rosinger (01:47):
And I looked at you right away and I was just
like, oh, we definitely couldhave split this.
Travis Rosinger (01:51):
Well, we could have, but I ate almost all of it
, down to the last, like threebites, and I felt so good.
I think I made the rightdecision.
Yeah, it was a good night, justhanging out with friends,
sharing stories with one anotherbut sharing our life stories
with one another that was reallyfun as well.
And then today, today's aspecial day.
Yes, we're hanging out with youguys, we're recording this
(02:12):
podcast, but we have a bunch offriends coming to our house for
a Christmas party.
Dawn Rosinger (02:19):
The house is all set, so it gets clean.
There's extra food I got tomake cookies.
So we're going to have aChristmas party with some
friends, which would be greatbecause we have some games
planned and, honestly, just achance to enjoy each other.
Travis Rosinger (02:30):
It's going to be spectacular and these are
people we've been hanging outwith for quite a while.
So just having fun, diggingdown deep friendship roots and
doing life together and keepingup with one another Absolutely
Well.
You know about I don't know howmany years ago I was 22 years
old and I was in my car and youremember this story.
(02:51):
I was on my way to work, I wascommuting to work and I was on
that ramp kind of where there'sthe lights and you wait for your
turn to get on the freeway, sothe freeway doesn't get too full
and I was behind another carand I had looked down and all of
a sudden I looked up and therewas a man, a woman, in the
driver's seat and a man next toher.
(03:12):
And when I looked up, the womantook her purse and she started
hitting her husband as hard asshe could in the head, like like
not just tapping him but withthe full weight of her purse.
And every time she would hit himwith the purse his head would
like kind of snap and flyagainst the door on the right
side.
And I was just like, wait asecond, I'm watching a woman
(03:36):
assault her husband.
She must have hit him likeeight or 10 times.
And so I thought, man, I got todo something.
So I started honking my horn, Iyelled out the window to stop
and I think she got embarrassed,realized that she was being
watched and she stopped.
But it was like intense.
Dawn Rosinger (03:52):
That's crazy.
Not something you want to seeat the beginning of your day,
not at all, definitely nottypical, and I'm glad that you
were able to try to do somethingto stop that from happening.
It kind of reminds me of thatstory, travis, when we were on
the beach on vacation and wewere with our family and we
noticed another family not thatfar from us they were from
another country just becausethey were speaking a different
language and all of a sudden wesaw the dad get frustrated with
(04:15):
his teenage daughter and she waslaying on.
He just went over and hestarted hitting her and I was.
I was so mad I jumped up and Iran over them.
I get away from her and I justfreaked at him and I was right
there with you.
Travis Rosinger (04:29):
We were both mad.
We just got right up in hisface.
Dawn Rosinger (04:32):
It was horrible.
We were like you got to stop.
We actually took out our phones, recorded it and were like
we're calling the cops, but itwas just not a fun thing to see
and just so wrong for that dadto do.
Well, these are just a fewexamples of evil's version of
submission.
There are dysfunctionalversions of submission.
(04:52):
That is not how or why weshould submit or ways to submit.
The world's version ofsubmission is that you force
others to submit to you and dowhat you want, but God's version
is we are willingly choose tosubmit ourselves to those we
love.
You know, one of the mostfamous verses in the Bible that
deals specifically with marriageand we talked about this last
(05:13):
week because this is part two,but maybe more specifically than
almost any other verse in theBible is found in Ephesians five
.
Some believe it can actually bethe most important verse or
part on marriage in the Bible,and obviously there's other
places in the Bible that talkabout marriage and give us some
really great things to thinkabout, but this is one of the
most helpful and, honestly, themost powerful.
(05:35):
And, as important as this is,it contains what most people
would consider a dirty word.
Travis Rosinger (05:42):
Yeah, and that's why this is part two of
the dirtiest word in marriage.
And so there are a lot ofpeople that coil and or recoil,
I should say, or their skinstarts to crawl because of this
word.
Dawn Rosinger (05:55):
You know, it is a word that doesn't maybe seem to
work in our world today, a wordthat contains a character
quality that very few peopleever encourage others to have,
even though it's found right inthe Bible.
So what is it?
And I know we kind of talkedabout a little bit, but let's
dive into what it says inEphesians five, 21.
It says this submit to oneanother out of reverence for
(06:16):
Christ.
He is definitely talking aboutmarriage here.
That's what he's talking about.
Paul is talking about marriage.
In the last episode we talkedspecifically about submitting to
one another, and in thisepisode we want to talk about
the idea of doing it out ofreverence for Christ.
So there it is, the dirty word.
That's the word, the S wordsubmit.
Travis Rosinger (06:35):
Submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ yeah, that's a wordthat's kind of like dropping a
bomb.
Yeah, people don't love theword submit.
I don't think men like the wordsubmit and I don't think women
like the word.
No one seems to like that wordsubmit and it's almost like our
sinful nature deep inside of us,and that as well, just just
(06:58):
starts to get aggravated when wehear that word Okay.
So to be honest, don, I don'tlike the word submit.
You probably don't love the ideaof submission all the time
fully.
Why?
Because we're human right andthere are some key reasons why
it's a dirty word in a lot ofmarriages.
I think part of it is becausewe all want to exude strength,
(07:19):
we want to look strong and atthe same time we want to avoid
looking weak.
And so if we are submitting tosomebody else all the time, we
feel like, well, I'm not beingstrong and I look really weak.
But also we don't want to besilenced.
And sometimes, when you submitto somebody else over and over
again, you start to say think toyourself, well, I don't really
have a voice or I don't reallyget what you know, what I want.
(07:41):
So you kind of feel like you'resilenced and you're losing your
own rights to somebody else.
And all of us have that, thatthing inside of us that says no,
no, no, no, no.
It should go my way.
And that is the problem.
We want our way, we are selfish.
Dawn Rosinger (07:58):
You know what I have to agree with you.
Those are definitely potentialdownsize, or at least
stereotypes of someone whosubmits.
But what does that wordactually mean?
And why would Paul write thosewords to Christians back in the
first century?
You know we're living in a verydifferent world than Paul.
Obviously we have all these.
You know technology, and justit's so different yeah.
(08:20):
So what does it mean for yourmarriage?
For right here, right now?
For today, we're going to digin part two into submit.
Travis Rosinger (08:27):
Yeah, what does the word submit mean?
What does it look like inmarriage and why do it?
Why should you, as a wife,submit to your husband, or why
should you, as a husband, submitto your wife?
I mean, what's the point?
Well, I think we first need togo back and we need to remind
ourselves why Paul the apostlewrote these words to the
Christians in Ephesus during thetime of Jesus or right after
(08:51):
the time of Jesus.
And if he is five, yes, it saysthat we're to submit to one
another out of reverence forChrist.
And again, the context is he'sdefinitely talking about
submission and marriage.
But what we need to remember isPaul, at that moment when he
says those words, he actually isabout to also launch into a
teaching on relationships likeother kinds, with the children,
(09:15):
with their parents, employees,with employers and then, of
course, husbands and wives.
Now here's an important thingsubmission.
In this context, in Ephesiansfive, it means that you're
putting the needs of the otherperson above your own.
So we're not talking aboutdomination here.
We're not talking about beatingthe other person up.
It's saying look, I want tosubmit and I want, don, what
(09:38):
you're looking for.
I want to make that happen.
I want to put your needs andfulfill your needs and make sure
that I'm doing a good job withthat.
But let's be honest you can'tactually have a relationship
with anyone who won't submit toyou at least some of the time
and you won't submit to them atleast some of the time.
Dawn Rosinger (09:55):
And that's obviously why he talks about
that, especially in the contextof marriage, because that's
exactly what we need to do foreach other continually in
marriage.
Travis Rosinger (10:02):
We need to.
But there's two S words, rightSubmit, that's what keeps yours
and my relationship, or ahusband and wife relationship
done, working well.
But the other S word isselfishness, and it's the enemy
of submission.
Dawn Rosinger (10:15):
Selfishness says my way, it's my way Kind of like
last night when you went tosplit your sandwich with me, I
think that's it.
Travis Rosinger (10:22):
You wouldn't submit I think that's it.
Dawn Rosinger (10:24):
That's obviously a joke.
Travis Rosinger (10:26):
Fortunately it wasn't a conflict kind of thing
and we had the money to buy ateam.
But yeah, selfishness says myway, submission says your way.
Let me say that again,selfishness says my way, dawn,
but submission says your way.
Submission and marriage is oneof the things that makes
marriage work the most.
It doesn't hurt our marriage tosubmit to our spouse.
Dawn Rosinger (10:48):
It blesses our marriage and if people could
just grasp that concept thatit's actually a blessing on your
marriage if you're willing todo that, rather than look as as
you're losing you know, losingyour rights.
Travis Rosinger (10:57):
Yeah Well, the kind of submission that Paul's
talking about here is when thehusband is submitting to the
wife and the wife is submittingto the husband.
But the point is it's two wayand it's constant.
Dawn Rosinger (11:09):
Yep.
Travis Rosinger (11:09):
That's important, that it's going both
directions.
Let's be honest If there's ahusband and wife relationship of
marriage where the wife alwayssubmits but the husband never
does, that's dysfunctional.
That's not what Paul's talkingabout.
Or if the husband's alwayssubmitting and the wife's not
submitting or giving in, thenthat is dysfunctional,
definitely not what Paul wouldbe talking about.
(11:29):
But he's saying look, submit toone another at a reverence for
Christ, and let it be somethingthat's ongoing.
Yeah, constantly, let it beconstant.
So what does the word submitmean?
We're kind of recapping thatagain.
Submit means to give over ayield to the power or authority
of another.
That's hard, it goes againstour pride.
But that word submit comes fromthe Greek word hupotaso, and
(11:51):
hupotaso means to place or rankunder, to subject or to obey,
and so it means that I'm placingmyself under, I'm putting
myself under somebody else ortheir power, and so that word
hupotaso actually the first parthupo means under and tasso
(12:13):
means arranged, so it's underGod's arrangement, and what it
really does is this, thisputting under someone, this
arranging.
It means that it brings orderto a relationship, and we
mentioned last week that it alsohas a military context.
It's like you know two officersthat maybe have the same rank,
(12:35):
but one is submitting themselvesunder, putting themselves under
the authority of the rank ofthe other officer.
So there's a lot in this wordbut it's an important word, and
it's really the grease thatkeeps the wheels of the marriage
moving, and you know everythingworking right.
Dawn Rosinger (12:53):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Again, it means that if Isubmit to someone else, I'm
choosing to put myself underthem and I'm going to.
Basically, I'm going to say I'mgoing to work with them, I'm
going to cooperate, I'm going tohelp carry out the
responsibility of whatever it isthat we might be about to
disagree over.
So, for example, I mean we canthink about this even just with
our kids, like when my kidsneeded help with their homework
(13:15):
when they were younger, maybewith their math.
If I would help my son with hismath, I was submitting to him
through helping him, but it wasactually to lift him up to make
sure that he was understanding,to lift him up to make him
better at math.
Travis Rosinger (13:30):
Yeah, let's.
Let's dig into that a littlebit more, because you didn't
need to do math, no you probablywanted to go do something
around the house or go have funor relax.
You're you're smarter, morepowerful than him.
You're the parent, you're moreintelligent.
But you sat down, took time outof what you wanted, you
submitted to his schedule, tohis homework that he had, and
(13:51):
then you were doing that and youinvested in him and made him
smarter.
Dawn Rosinger (13:55):
Yep, absolutely.
The end result was I waslifting him up, making him him
better.
Well, according to Webster'sdictionary, it says submit means
to yield oneself to theauthority or will of another.
It also means to permit oneselfto be subjected to something,
or to defer to or consent toabide by the opinion or
authority of another.
(14:15):
So here's the big question.
You guys, the big question ofthis episode is how do you
submit to your spouse?
We recapped submission, but nowwe're going to talk about the
second half, the how, and itgoes on.
And Paul talks about it inEphesians 5, 21,.
Submit to one another out ofreverence for Christ.
(14:36):
I think if this verse just saidthat we should submit to one
another and and left it at that,you know that was the period it
would actually cause a ton offrustration.
But fortunately it doesn't.
It gives us the why andactually the how behind
submitting to one another.
It goes on to say out ofreverence for Christ.
Travis Rosinger (14:55):
That's so important.
We need to think about that alittle bit more because, again,
in our last episode, we reallyfocused on submitting to one
another.
Again, it needs to be constant,it needs to be, there's needs
to be reciprocity, it needs togo both directions.
But this part out of reverencefor Christ, this is kind of
where the how comes in, or thewhy, and so I I think it's worth
(15:18):
drilling down on.
Dawn Rosinger (15:19):
I think the perfect picture of submission
that we can get from the Bibleis Jesus.
So what did he do?
By going to the cross, he putour needs above his own.
He modeled submission and gaveus a great example.
He is the ultimate example ofsubmission.
So it means following Jesus asan example.
Travis Rosinger (15:38):
Yeah, and I think what we're really trying
to point out here is when hesays out of reverence for Christ
, submitting to one another.
Yeah, Jesus, he just portrayedthis incredible example, but
also there's this deep sense ofgratitude, and that's part of
why he's like when you're,Travis, when you're submitting
(15:59):
to your wife, Don, I want you tohave the gratitude of Jesus in
mind.
That makes sense.
Why?
Because he has given us a giftof salvation and forgiveness.
And so think about it.
I mean, when someone gives youan expensive gift, what do you
do?
You show great appreciation forit.
Well, Jesus's gifts offorgiveness and salvation are
(16:21):
priceless.
So Paul wants us to rememberthat when we're submitting to
our spouse, it's partly out ofgratitude for what Jesus has
done for us.
Personally, it could be like ohmy gosh, you know what, Don?
You're pushing my buttons rightnow.
I don't want to submit to you,but I'm so grateful for what
Jesus did for me.
I'm gonna.
(16:41):
I'm gonna front you this.
I'm gonna submit to you, I'mgonna.
I'm gonna do this because Iremember my Lord.
Dawn Rosinger (16:48):
So true submission is not weakness.
Actually, author Henry Millersays this true strength lies in
submission which permits one todedicate his life through
devotion to something beyondhimself.
That's what true strength islies in submission.
Travis Rosinger (17:06):
Yeah, submit to one another in reverence for
Christ, and so ultimately too,it's for Jesus.
When we submit to our spouse,we're also doing it for Jesus
himself.
So again back to you, don.
It might be me like thinking tomyself I don't feel like
submitting to you right now inthis little area, but because I
(17:30):
can do this as if I'm doing itfor Jesus yeah that's good.
So it's like we're giving a giftback to Jesus.
When I submit to you, don, it'slike worship to God and I'm
able to show that submission tothe people around us.
Dawn Rosinger (17:45):
I think, honestly , if we keep that mindset, if we
remind ourselves that, man, weare actually doing this for God.
On those times when it's harderto submit, when there's hey,
there's two different opinionscoming and you're like I don't
want to, or that selfishnesscreeps up, if we remind
ourselves we are actually doingthis for God, it's way easier to
submit.
Oh, man.
Travis Rosinger (18:03):
It makes a huge difference, but I think part of
it is walking in the spirit andwalking close to God.
The Bible says that we shouldpray continually, like all the
time, throughout our days, andso we're constantly thinking
about Jesus and staying close toGod.
Then, when somebody our spouseis pushing our buttons and we
don't want to submit, we're likewait, if I submit to you right
now, I'm doing it for Jesus.
Dawn Rosinger (18:24):
Absolutely yep.
Travis Rosinger (18:25):
It's so good.
Dawn Rosinger (18:26):
When you have conflict with your spouse and
someone needs to submit, here'show to do it.
You have to remember honestlyfirst, it just blesses your
marriage, Travis, when we are ina place where, hey, we both
have two different opinions andyou look at me and you say you
know what I'm going to submit toyou Honestly, it builds trust.
It really does it and thathelps our marriage.
It actually blesses ourmarriage.
(18:47):
We need to remember it's forJesus.
It's not a scorecard.
We're not saying, hey, one foryou, one for me, it's for Jesus.
We also need to remember thatit kills selfishness in you, man
, when I say, hey, yep, Travis,absolutely, we're going to do
what you want, it's taking thatselfishness and just killing it,
Because we all honestly wantour own way.
(19:08):
We were kind of born selfish.
We're in the sandbox as alittle kid and we're stealing
the shovel or something fromanyone or we want to keep it,
Because we're kind of selfish,naturally.
But it helps kill selfishness.
Travis Rosinger (19:20):
I think most humans first, you know it could
be in different languages, buttheir first sentence is give me,
give me, or mine, or mine, ormine, mine, yeah, Okay again.
So how do you submit?
Well, you got to remember thatit grows your character by
showing moral strength andpatience.
So in the middle of conflict,tell yourself like, hey, wait a
(19:41):
second, if I submit right now,I'm growing in character, I'm
growing in patience and I'm theone becoming stronger.
Not that you're trying to outdoyour spouse, but I could do
this, but instead I'm going todo this.
And so you're showingself-control.
But it also allows you todecide what really matters most
(20:02):
in conflict.
I mean, think about it Mostconflict is petty.
Dawn Rosinger (20:06):
It absolutely is we have argued or had conflict
over the goofyest little things.
Some of the dumbest things Like.
Travis Rosinger (20:12):
so you know.
Basically it's just stoppingand saying is this a hill to die
on?
If I submit, if I give in rightnow, I'm saying no, it's not a
hill worth dying on it.
So really beginning to just itallows you to kind of think that
through and to decide.
But it also will plant a seedfor a long-term marriage, growth
and longevity.
(20:33):
And so when you submit, you'resaying that you want your
marriage to be healthy andstrong for a lifetime, not just
in this moment when you get yourway and then your spouse is
frustrated and it kind of blowsup your night or week.
No, you submit and you're likethis is not my hill to die in.
I love this person, I want todo it for Jesus.
I want to put that seed in theground for a lifelong marriage.
(20:58):
So, these are some of the thingsof the why's or the I should
say the how's, of how to do it.
Dawn Rosinger (21:02):
I think I just want to add something.
I honestly think that when yousubmit to your spouse, you're
actually building trust Causeyou're saying, okay, I trust you
and then honestly, most of thetime it actually goes the better
way, it's the better direction.
So you're beginning to trustyour spouse.
You can see the results of thatsubmission and ultimately it
just helps your marriage tobecome way stronger.
Travis Rosinger (21:24):
And the opposite of that is selfishness
which depletes trust.
Dawn Rosinger (21:26):
It does, it's like oh.
Travis Rosinger (21:28):
I'm just looking out for myself.
No wonder why my spouse doesn'ttrust me.
Dawn Rosinger (21:32):
I think it's time to make sure that we help
change the dirty word.
It doesn't have to be submit.
If we actually look at the rootand what is submission, what
does it mean to submit?
Honestly, it's greater for ourmarriage.
We should be excited.
That should be next to love,love, let's submit.
Travis Rosinger (21:49):
Yeah, it's my chance to be like Jesus.
That's what submitting is.
Dawn Rosinger (21:53):
All right, we just want to thank you for
listening to this episode of theLove in the Fight Marriage
Podcast.
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight, we'llsee you next time.
It's a new day and a new chance to tell the one
you love that you care for themby growing yourself and making
your marriage better.
Well, hey, with that, we wantto welcome you to the Loving the
Fight Marriage Podcast.
My name is Travis and I'm herewith my wife Dawn.
Dawn Rosinger (00:29):
Hey everyone, so great to be with you today.
Travis Rosinger (00:32):
It is good, it's good to be here just
hanging out with you guys, butalso we wanted to give you a
couple updates, and here's theupdates Nothing, yeah, crickets.
Dawn Rosinger (00:41):
It's funny.
Normally we have so many togive and are like, oh, we
actually scheduled time off todo nothing.
Travis Rosinger (00:46):
It was great, it was really good.
Didn't that fill our buckets?
Wasn't that fun?
Dawn Rosinger (00:51):
Yes, to be able to be at home and enjoy the
Christmas tree, enjoy a fire,honestly, take a nap or two.
You know the last couple ofdays, but we did have some fun.
Last night we were able to goand have supper with some
friends, so that was great andyou had something that you ate
that before we got there.
I was like hey, you want tosplit a meal and if you guys
(01:12):
don't know, Travis doesn't liketo split meal.
Travis Rosinger (01:14):
It's hard, it's like a mental you know
toughness that I just don't have.
Dawn Rosinger (01:19):
And I'm like wait , this is so much, who, let's
just split it.
So I'm like hey, how about, ifit's a really big sandwich, who
you split it?
Because he found the sausagesandwich he wanted and he's like
no, I don't think so.
I don't think, come on, what isit?
It's massive.
Travis Rosinger (01:31):
Yeah.
So tell them what you saw whenthe waitress brought it out,
though I saw a picture of it andI was sold, and so then, when
she brought it out, I was like,oh my gosh, I made the right
decision.
It was the biggest, baddestsausage sandwich you have ever
seen.
Dawn Rosinger (01:47):
And I looked at you right away and I was just
like, oh, we definitely couldhave split this.
Travis Rosinger (01:51):
Well, we could have, but I ate almost all of it
, down to the last, like threebites, and I felt so good.
I think I made the rightdecision.
Yeah, it was a good night, justhanging out with friends,
sharing stories with one anotherbut sharing our life stories
with one another that was reallyfun as well.
And then today, today's aspecial day.
Yes, we're hanging out with youguys, we're recording this
(02:12):
podcast, but we have a bunch offriends coming to our house for
a Christmas party.
Dawn Rosinger (02:19):
The house is all set, so it gets clean.
There's extra food I got tomake cookies.
So we're going to have aChristmas party with some
friends, which would be greatbecause we have some games
planned and, honestly, just achance to enjoy each other.
Travis Rosinger (02:30):
It's going to be spectacular and these are
people we've been hanging outwith for quite a while.
So just having fun, diggingdown deep friendship roots and
doing life together and keepingup with one another Absolutely
Well.
You know about I don't know howmany years ago I was 22 years
old and I was in my car and youremember this story.
(02:51):
I was on my way to work, I wascommuting to work and I was on
that ramp kind of where there'sthe lights and you wait for your
turn to get on the freeway, sothe freeway doesn't get too full
and I was behind another carand I had looked down and all of
a sudden I looked up and therewas a man, a woman, in the
driver's seat and a man next toher.
(03:12):
And when I looked up, the womantook her purse and she started
hitting her husband as hard asshe could in the head, like like
not just tapping him but withthe full weight of her purse.
And every time she would hit himwith the purse his head would
like kind of snap and flyagainst the door on the right
side.
And I was just like, wait asecond, I'm watching a woman
(03:36):
assault her husband.
She must have hit him likeeight or 10 times.
And so I thought, man, I got todo something.
So I started honking my horn, Iyelled out the window to stop
and I think she got embarrassed,realized that she was being
watched and she stopped.
But it was like intense.
Dawn Rosinger (03:52):
That's crazy.
Not something you want to seeat the beginning of your day,
not at all, definitely nottypical, and I'm glad that you
were able to try to do somethingto stop that from happening.
It kind of reminds me of thatstory, travis, when we were on
the beach on vacation and wewere with our family and we
noticed another family not thatfar from us they were from
another country just becausethey were speaking a different
language and all of a sudden wesaw the dad get frustrated with
(04:15):
his teenage daughter and she waslaying on.
He just went over and hestarted hitting her and I was.
I was so mad I jumped up and Iran over them.
I get away from her and I justfreaked at him and I was right
there with you.
Travis Rosinger (04:29):
We were both mad.
We just got right up in hisface.
Dawn Rosinger (04:32):
It was horrible.
We were like you got to stop.
We actually took out our phones, recorded it and were like
we're calling the cops, but itwas just not a fun thing to see
and just so wrong for that dadto do.
Well, these are just a fewexamples of evil's version of
submission.
There are dysfunctionalversions of submission.
(04:52):
That is not how or why weshould submit or ways to submit.
The world's version ofsubmission is that you force
others to submit to you and dowhat you want, but God's version
is we are willingly choose tosubmit ourselves to those we
love.
You know, one of the mostfamous verses in the Bible that
deals specifically with marriageand we talked about this last
(05:13):
week because this is part two,but maybe more specifically than
almost any other verse in theBible is found in Ephesians five
.
Some believe it can actually bethe most important verse or
part on marriage in the Bible,and obviously there's other
places in the Bible that talkabout marriage and give us some
really great things to thinkabout, but this is one of the
most helpful and, honestly, themost powerful.
(05:35):
And, as important as this is,it contains what most people
would consider a dirty word.
Travis Rosinger (05:42):
Yeah, and that's why this is part two of
the dirtiest word in marriage.
And so there are a lot ofpeople that coil and or recoil,
I should say, or their skinstarts to crawl because of this
word.
Dawn Rosinger (05:55):
You know, it is a word that doesn't maybe seem to
work in our world today, a wordthat contains a character
quality that very few peopleever encourage others to have,
even though it's found right inthe Bible.
So what is it?
And I know we kind of talkedabout a little bit, but let's
dive into what it says inEphesians five, 21.
It says this submit to oneanother out of reverence for
(06:16):
Christ.
He is definitely talking aboutmarriage here.
That's what he's talking about.
Paul is talking about marriage.
In the last episode we talkedspecifically about submitting to
one another, and in thisepisode we want to talk about
the idea of doing it out ofreverence for Christ.
So there it is, the dirty word.
That's the word, the S wordsubmit.
Travis Rosinger (06:35):
Submit to one another out of reverence for
Christ yeah, that's a wordthat's kind of like dropping a
bomb.
Yeah, people don't love theword submit.
I don't think men like the wordsubmit and I don't think women
like the word.
No one seems to like that wordsubmit and it's almost like our
sinful nature deep inside of us,and that as well, just just
(06:58):
starts to get aggravated when wehear that word Okay.
So to be honest, don, I don'tlike the word submit.
You probably don't love the ideaof submission all the time
fully.
Why?
Because we're human right andthere are some key reasons why
it's a dirty word in a lot ofmarriages.
I think part of it is becausewe all want to exude strength,
(07:19):
we want to look strong and atthe same time we want to avoid
looking weak.
And so if we are submitting tosomebody else all the time, we
feel like, well, I'm not beingstrong and I look really weak.
But also we don't want to besilenced.
And sometimes, when you submitto somebody else over and over
again, you start to say think toyourself, well, I don't really
have a voice or I don't reallyget what you know, what I want.
(07:41):
So you kind of feel like you'resilenced and you're losing your
own rights to somebody else.
And all of us have that, thatthing inside of us that says no,
no, no, no, no.
It should go my way.
And that is the problem.
We want our way, we are selfish.
Dawn Rosinger (07:58):
You know what I have to agree with you.
Those are definitely potentialdownsize, or at least
stereotypes of someone whosubmits.
But what does that wordactually mean?
And why would Paul write thosewords to Christians back in the
first century?
You know we're living in a verydifferent world than Paul.
Obviously we have all these.
You know technology, and justit's so different yeah.
(08:20):
So what does it mean for yourmarriage?
For right here, right now?
For today, we're going to digin part two into submit.
Travis Rosinger (08:27):
Yeah, what does the word submit mean?
What does it look like inmarriage and why do it?
Why should you, as a wife,submit to your husband, or why
should you, as a husband, submitto your wife?
I mean, what's the point?
Well, I think we first need togo back and we need to remind
ourselves why Paul the apostlewrote these words to the
Christians in Ephesus during thetime of Jesus or right after
(08:51):
the time of Jesus.
And if he is five, yes, it saysthat we're to submit to one
another out of reverence forChrist.
And again, the context is he'sdefinitely talking about
submission and marriage.
But what we need to remember isPaul, at that moment when he
says those words, he actually isabout to also launch into a
teaching on relationships likeother kinds, with the children,
(09:15):
with their parents, employees,with employers and then, of
course, husbands and wives.
Now here's an important thingsubmission.
In this context, in Ephesiansfive, it means that you're
putting the needs of the otherperson above your own.
So we're not talking aboutdomination here.
We're not talking about beatingthe other person up.
It's saying look, I want tosubmit and I want, don, what
(09:38):
you're looking for.
I want to make that happen.
I want to put your needs andfulfill your needs and make sure
that I'm doing a good job withthat.
But let's be honest you can'tactually have a relationship
with anyone who won't submit toyou at least some of the time
and you won't submit to them atleast some of the time.
Dawn Rosinger (09:55):
And that's obviously why he talks about
that, especially in the contextof marriage, because that's
exactly what we need to do foreach other continually in
marriage.
Travis Rosinger (10:02):
We need to.
But there's two S words, rightSubmit, that's what keeps yours
and my relationship, or ahusband and wife relationship
done, working well.
But the other S word isselfishness, and it's the enemy
of submission.
Dawn Rosinger (10:15):
Selfishness says my way, it's my way Kind of like
last night when you went tosplit your sandwich with me, I
think that's it.
Travis Rosinger (10:22):
You wouldn't submit I think that's it.
Dawn Rosinger (10:24):
That's obviously a joke.
Travis Rosinger (10:26):
Fortunately it wasn't a conflict kind of thing
and we had the money to buy ateam.
But yeah, selfishness says myway, submission says your way.
Let me say that again,selfishness says my way, dawn,
but submission says your way.
Submission and marriage is oneof the things that makes
marriage work the most.
It doesn't hurt our marriage tosubmit to our spouse.
Dawn Rosinger (10:48):
It blesses our marriage and if people could
just grasp that concept thatit's actually a blessing on your
marriage if you're willing todo that, rather than look as as
you're losing you know, losingyour rights.
Travis Rosinger (10:57):
Yeah Well, the kind of submission that Paul's
talking about here is when thehusband is submitting to the
wife and the wife is submittingto the husband.
But the point is it's two wayand it's constant.
Dawn Rosinger (11:09):
Yep.
Travis Rosinger (11:09):
That's important, that it's going both
directions.
Let's be honest If there's ahusband and wife relationship of
marriage where the wife alwayssubmits but the husband never
does, that's dysfunctional.
That's not what Paul's talkingabout.
Or if the husband's alwayssubmitting and the wife's not
submitting or giving in, thenthat is dysfunctional,
definitely not what Paul wouldbe talking about.
(11:29):
But he's saying look, submit toone another at a reverence for
Christ, and let it be somethingthat's ongoing.
Yeah, constantly, let it beconstant.
So what does the word submitmean?
We're kind of recapping thatagain.
Submit means to give over ayield to the power or authority
of another.
That's hard, it goes againstour pride.
But that word submit comes fromthe Greek word hupotaso, and
(11:51):
hupotaso means to place or rankunder, to subject or to obey,
and so it means that I'm placingmyself under, I'm putting
myself under somebody else ortheir power, and so that word
hupotaso actually the first parthupo means under and tasso
(12:13):
means arranged, so it's underGod's arrangement, and what it
really does is this, thisputting under someone, this
arranging.
It means that it brings orderto a relationship, and we
mentioned last week that it alsohas a military context.
It's like you know two officersthat maybe have the same rank,
(12:35):
but one is submitting themselvesunder, putting themselves under
the authority of the rank ofthe other officer.
So there's a lot in this wordbut it's an important word, and
it's really the grease thatkeeps the wheels of the marriage
moving, and you know everythingworking right.
Dawn Rosinger (12:53):
Yeah, absolutely so.
Again, it means that if Isubmit to someone else, I'm
choosing to put myself underthem and I'm going to.
Basically, I'm going to say I'mgoing to work with them, I'm
going to cooperate, I'm going tohelp carry out the
responsibility of whatever it isthat we might be about to
disagree over.
So, for example, I mean we canthink about this even just with
our kids, like when my kidsneeded help with their homework
(13:15):
when they were younger, maybewith their math.
If I would help my son with hismath, I was submitting to him
through helping him, but it wasactually to lift him up to make
sure that he was understanding,to lift him up to make him
better at math.
Travis Rosinger (13:30):
Yeah, let's.
Let's dig into that a littlebit more, because you didn't
need to do math, no you probablywanted to go do something
around the house or go have funor relax.
You're you're smarter, morepowerful than him.
You're the parent, you're moreintelligent.
But you sat down, took time outof what you wanted, you
submitted to his schedule, tohis homework that he had, and
(13:51):
then you were doing that and youinvested in him and made him
smarter.
Dawn Rosinger (13:55):
Yep, absolutely.
The end result was I waslifting him up, making him him
better.
Well, according to Webster'sdictionary, it says submit means
to yield oneself to theauthority or will of another.
It also means to permit oneselfto be subjected to something,
or to defer to or consent toabide by the opinion or
authority of another.
(14:15):
So here's the big question.
You guys, the big question ofthis episode is how do you
submit to your spouse?
We recapped submission, but nowwe're going to talk about the
second half, the how, and itgoes on.
And Paul talks about it inEphesians 5, 21,.
Submit to one another out ofreverence for Christ.
(14:36):
I think if this verse just saidthat we should submit to one
another and and left it at that,you know that was the period it
would actually cause a ton offrustration.
But fortunately it doesn't.
It gives us the why andactually the how behind
submitting to one another.
It goes on to say out ofreverence for Christ.
Travis Rosinger (14:55):
That's so important.
We need to think about that alittle bit more because, again,
in our last episode, we reallyfocused on submitting to one
another.
Again, it needs to be constant,it needs to be, there's needs
to be reciprocity, it needs togo both directions.
But this part out of reverencefor Christ, this is kind of
where the how comes in, or thewhy, and so I I think it's worth
(15:18):
drilling down on.
Dawn Rosinger (15:19):
I think the perfect picture of submission
that we can get from the Bibleis Jesus.
So what did he do?
By going to the cross, he putour needs above his own.
He modeled submission and gaveus a great example.
He is the ultimate example ofsubmission.
So it means following Jesus asan example.
Travis Rosinger (15:38):
Yeah, and I think what we're really trying
to point out here is when hesays out of reverence for Christ
, submitting to one another.
Yeah, Jesus, he just portrayedthis incredible example, but
also there's this deep sense ofgratitude, and that's part of
why he's like when you're,Travis, when you're submitting
(15:59):
to your wife, Don, I want you tohave the gratitude of Jesus in
mind.
That makes sense.
Why?
Because he has given us a giftof salvation and forgiveness.
And so think about it.
I mean, when someone gives youan expensive gift, what do you
do?
You show great appreciation forit.
Well, Jesus's gifts offorgiveness and salvation are
(16:21):
priceless.
So Paul wants us to rememberthat when we're submitting to
our spouse, it's partly out ofgratitude for what Jesus has
done for us.
Personally, it could be like ohmy gosh, you know what, Don?
You're pushing my buttons rightnow.
I don't want to submit to you,but I'm so grateful for what
Jesus did for me.
I'm gonna.
(16:41):
I'm gonna front you this.
I'm gonna submit to you, I'mgonna.
I'm gonna do this because Iremember my Lord.
Dawn Rosinger (16:48):
So true submission is not weakness.
Actually, author Henry Millersays this true strength lies in
submission which permits one todedicate his life through
devotion to something beyondhimself.
That's what true strength islies in submission.
Travis Rosinger (17:06):
Yeah, submit to one another in reverence for
Christ, and so ultimately too,it's for Jesus.
When we submit to our spouse,we're also doing it for Jesus
himself.
So again back to you, don.
It might be me like thinking tomyself I don't feel like
submitting to you right now inthis little area, but because I
(17:30):
can do this as if I'm doing itfor Jesus yeah that's good.
So it's like we're giving a giftback to Jesus.
When I submit to you, don, it'slike worship to God and I'm
able to show that submission tothe people around us.
Dawn Rosinger (17:45):
I think, honestly , if we keep that mindset, if we
remind ourselves that, man, weare actually doing this for God.
On those times when it's harderto submit, when there's hey,
there's two different opinionscoming and you're like I don't
want to, or that selfishnesscreeps up, if we remind
ourselves we are actually doingthis for God, it's way easier to
submit.
Oh, man.
Travis Rosinger (18:03):
It makes a huge difference, but I think part of
it is walking in the spirit andwalking close to God.
The Bible says that we shouldpray continually, like all the
time, throughout our days, andso we're constantly thinking
about Jesus and staying close toGod.
Then, when somebody our spouseis pushing our buttons and we
don't want to submit, we're likewait, if I submit to you right
now, I'm doing it for Jesus.
Dawn Rosinger (18:24):
Absolutely yep.
Travis Rosinger (18:25):
It's so good.
Dawn Rosinger (18:26):
When you have conflict with your spouse and
someone needs to submit, here'show to do it.
You have to remember honestlyfirst, it just blesses your
marriage, Travis, when we are ina place where, hey, we both
have two different opinions andyou look at me and you say you
know what I'm going to submit toyou Honestly, it builds trust.
It really does it and thathelps our marriage.
It actually blesses ourmarriage.
(18:47):
We need to remember it's forJesus.
It's not a scorecard.
We're not saying, hey, one foryou, one for me, it's for Jesus.
We also need to remember thatit kills selfishness in you, man
, when I say, hey, yep, Travis,absolutely, we're going to do
what you want, it's taking thatselfishness and just killing it,
Because we all honestly wantour own way.
(19:08):
We were kind of born selfish.
We're in the sandbox as alittle kid and we're stealing
the shovel or something fromanyone or we want to keep it,
Because we're kind of selfish,naturally.
But it helps kill selfishness.
Travis Rosinger (19:20):
I think most humans first, you know it could
be in different languages, buttheir first sentence is give me,
give me, or mine, or mine, ormine, mine, yeah, Okay again.
So how do you submit?
Well, you got to remember thatit grows your character by
showing moral strength andpatience.
So in the middle of conflict,tell yourself like, hey, wait a
(19:41):
second, if I submit right now,I'm growing in character, I'm
growing in patience and I'm theone becoming stronger.
Not that you're trying to outdoyour spouse, but I could do
this, but instead I'm going todo this.
And so you're showingself-control.
But it also allows you todecide what really matters most
(20:02):
in conflict.
I mean, think about it Mostconflict is petty.
Dawn Rosinger (20:06):
It absolutely is we have argued or had conflict
over the goofyest little things.
Some of the dumbest things Like.
Travis Rosinger (20:12):
so you know.
Basically it's just stoppingand saying is this a hill to die
on?
If I submit, if I give in rightnow, I'm saying no, it's not a
hill worth dying on it.
So really beginning to just itallows you to kind of think that
through and to decide.
But it also will plant a seedfor a long-term marriage, growth
and longevity.
(20:33):
And so when you submit, you'resaying that you want your
marriage to be healthy andstrong for a lifetime, not just
in this moment when you get yourway and then your spouse is
frustrated and it kind of blowsup your night or week.
No, you submit and you're likethis is not my hill to die in.
I love this person, I want todo it for Jesus.
I want to put that seed in theground for a lifelong marriage.
(20:58):
So, these are some of the thingsof the why's or the I should
say the how's, of how to do it.
Dawn Rosinger (21:02):
I think I just want to add something.
I honestly think that when yousubmit to your spouse, you're
actually building trust Causeyou're saying, okay, I trust you
and then honestly, most of thetime it actually goes the better
way, it's the better direction.
So you're beginning to trustyour spouse.
You can see the results of thatsubmission and ultimately it
just helps your marriage tobecome way stronger.
Travis Rosinger (21:24):
And the opposite of that is selfishness
which depletes trust.
Dawn Rosinger (21:26):
It does, it's like oh.
Travis Rosinger (21:28):
I'm just looking out for myself.
No wonder why my spouse doesn'ttrust me.
Dawn Rosinger (21:32):
I think it's time to make sure that we help
change the dirty word.
It doesn't have to be submit.
If we actually look at the rootand what is submission, what
does it mean to submit?
Honestly, it's greater for ourmarriage.
We should be excited.
That should be next to love,love, let's submit.
Travis Rosinger (21:49):
Yeah, it's my chance to be like Jesus.
That's what submitting is.
Dawn Rosinger (21:53):
All right, we just want to thank you for
listening to this episode of theLove in the Fight Marriage
Podcast.
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight, we'llsee you next time.
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