January 25, 2024 • 20 mins
What happens when something goes bad? Well, if it's food, we often throw it away. Which makes sense if you don't want something bad in your stomach or mouth. But what about when something goes bad, and actually it get's better? Is that possible? Yes! There are many things that when they go bad, they not only get better, they become amazing!! Would it be great if that happened to your marriage? It can. There are three key ingredients that can deliver the right chemistry to your relationship giving you a chance to have a B.A.D. marriage that becomes a marriage that is better than you ever could have dreamed!!
Join hosts Travis and Dawn Rosinger as they share three important qualities that can truly take any marriage that is struggling and change the relational chemistry forever. Don't miss this episode where you will discover these qualities that will give you the right kind of bad marriage that you will love!!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
There are a lot of things you could be doing right
now, but you're not.
You're listening.
You chose to work on, you spendtime thinking through what
could make your marriage betterand you chose to think about
love.
Whenever you get better, yourmarriage gets better.
With that, I want to welcomeyou to the Love in the Fight
Marriage Podcast.
My name is Dawn and I'm sittinghere with my husband and also
my co-host, travis.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, we're so glad that you guys are tuning in and
it's just fun to be hanging outtogether again, dawn, and
thinking about all those thingsthat make up.
What a great marriage really isyes absolutely and pulling
Jesus into it, because he shouldbe the center of every marriage
.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You know what?
It's funny just to sit here andthink I feel like we just
recorded a podcast last week,but there are so many things
that have happened in betweenright now and our last podcast
we recorded.
Life just gets busier.
It's good.
It's just so many memories.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, like the two bowls of cereal we pulled last
night and the toast that we atewith it, like a lot happened.
But of course I think whatyou're talking about is I had a
couple funerals over the lastweek and a half and, wow, it is
really special to be able to bewith people and to officiate the
funeral of that person thatthey love, and I've just really
(01:26):
been enjoying writing funeralmessages that really celebrate
the person but reflect in whoGod is.
And of course, we're pastors.
We don't just do funerals, weare also married and live life
and play pickleball and eat toomuch chocolate or whatever.
But a lot going on, hasn't therebeen?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's funny because, again I just think of, like you
just said, that you're workingon two funerals and people
listening probably like, wow,like they probably never think
about funerals, but that's partof what we do.
I know this.
Last week we had a big campusleadership meeting and I got a
chance to speak and share andencourage a lot of leaders at
our campus.
Who was just fun to connectwith them, but just something
random but fun to do.
(02:05):
But a lot of people maybe theirjobs are completely different.
So you might be listening going, wow, like that's interesting,
two different things.
But it's just cool what we areable to do in our week and our
job.
But then last night you talkedabout two bowls of cereal.
We each had a bowl.
We did.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, not two each.
Thanks for clarifying that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
It's.
Last night was normally ourdate night and I think we came
home from work and I sat on thecouch and I grabbed a blanket
real quick cause I was cold.
I began to talk about my dayand I was just tired.
We were just looked at eachother like we're kind of gassed
right now, like let's just stayin for the night, eat cereal and
peanut butter toast, sosomething quick and easy.
Oh love it, Watch a movie thatwe wanted to watch on Netflix
(02:46):
and, honestly, just enjoy ourevening, and it was great.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It was something that we needed to do because we move
a lot.
So I woke up this morningfeeling well rested, way above
my alarm.
Yeah, just a good morning.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And now tonight is date night.
Right, I had that.
You know, the fireplace isloaded with wood, tons of flames
just flying out of there.
It was awesome, but, yeah, it'sso fun to just start a new day
and be filled up, but it's beena great week and we're so glad
that everybody's listening.
Well, all right.
Well, on with the episode.
The title of this episode isthree key ingredients for a bad
(03:21):
marriage, and I like that title,but we actually had an
alternate title that we came upwith and it's why every couple
needs a bad marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You told me that title was like wait.
Yeah, I don't know, that's agreat, greatest thing.
To probably not the right title.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, Even though it's true and you guys will be
able to see that at the end ofthe episode why that might be
true we're just going to goahead and stick with three key
ingredients for a bad marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you know we're going to just dig into that word
bad.
So when something is bad, itdoesn't mean that it's no longer
good.
Sometimes something that hasactually gotten bad gets better,
and I can give you a greatexample of this.
It's bread Like, if you thinkabout bread yeast it has this
single cell fungus in it, calledsaccharomyces serovici.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I had to.
Google it, Say I'm not sure howto say that either.
It's pretty scientific.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
There's this yeast in it that it needs this fungus to
make it just delicious.
Or yogurt that has a lactateacid bacteria, Like it needs
this bacteria.
Or cheese Think of all that'sin cheese Like there's something
that's bad in all of thesethings but you have to have them
in order to make thesedelicious food.
(04:36):
I'll have chemical reactions.
Those three things have thesechemical reactions with this
bacteria, this fungus, and youget the chemistry right and you
end up with soft, fluffy breadthat is delicious when served
with hot slathered butter.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Oh my, I can so relate to what you're saying
right there, Because growing up,my mom made homemade bread all
the time and she would pull itout, slice it up and we would
throw butter on there and it wasjust straight up heaven.
Yeah, it was incredible, it wasso, so good.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
You know what I think of Brad.
I think of Texas Roadhouse, Ido.
They have the most amazingrolls, those hot rolls.
When you walk in with cinnamonbutter, oh there you can.
That's the reason we go toTexas Roadhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
That's the reason we go to the gym to work out, to
get rid of all that.
We, you know, ate at TexasRoadhouse, so we can go back and
eat there again.
Their rolls are amazing.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Well, kind of like bread.
You know you have to have thatbacteria in there, that yeast,
that has to be a part of it.
When you get the chemistryright for Greek yogurt as well
like you have to have thatbacteria it becomes creamy and
delicious and can be filled withfruits and honey.
But it's the chemistry.
When the chemistry is right,you end up with a mountain of
(05:50):
amazing food.
Kind of like pizza, like youhave to have that cheese.
It goes bad.
You have to add a badingredient in order for it to
get better, so you can have thisamazing pizza.
Right now Our favorite pizza ismine personally Casey's pizza,
which is just a gas station, butthey have really good cheese.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
People laugh at me when I say that, but it's my
favorite right now, oh it'sexceptional.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
But here's the funny thing I don't think you realize,
don, but we have just endorsedlike 80 different companies or
restaurants or whatever.
But I mean there's some of ourfavorites, right, yeah.
But I think what we're gettingat is when something is bad, it
doesn't mean anything that it'sno longer good.
I mean, sometimes something has, you know, and that's gone bad,
(06:31):
actually gets better, andthat's why those are great
examples, don.
You know the cheese, the yogurt, the bread?
Like, by the way, what's yourfavorite?
If you had to pick yourfavorite out of those three,
like, what's your top number one?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I honestly I'll have to say bread.
I think I'm just a sucker forgood bread.
It never hurts my stomach, itjust sits right in there.
It doesn't give you any sideeffects from.
You know like yogurt and cheesecan sometimes do to your body.
But man bread just is amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Oh, it's so good.
And I'm going to have to sayyogurt.
Although I love bread, it'sdefinitely number two, but
yogurt is just insane.
As you know, I eat multipledishes of yogurt a day.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And it's funny, Travis because you'll look at me
and you're like we need to goto the grocery store, we're out
of food.
And I look at him like no, wehave lots of food, it's because
we're out of yogurt.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Out of yogurt.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, you have to go to the store because you think
we have no food, and I justthink it's funny, it's an
addiction.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, and that's the thing.
What's so cool about the foodsthat we just mentioned is taking
place within them is kind ofwhat you mentioned on a chemical
reaction that allows afermenting and aging or souring,
and those methods that takeplace actually make those you
know breads or foods better, andso like, for instance, some
(07:46):
milk, when it goes bad in yourfridge and it starts to curdle,
well, it's actually halfway tobecoming cheese.
I mean, that's what cheesebecomes.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
We don't drink it, though.
We throw it away.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
We do I can't no-transcript.
Yeah, I can't stand chewing mymilk.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
No, you don't.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I think I did that once when I was a kid.
Through it up, I'm done withthat.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Even if you try to put chocolate sauce in it to
make it chocolate munk, no, itdoesn't get rid of that sour
taste.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh, I, totally it's horrible.
Well then it'd be chocolatecottage cheese, that's what it
would be.
Well, hey, you and I weretalking just a little bit of go
down about this, how it doesn'tjust apply to food.
I mean, when something goes bad, it can actually get better,
and so you'd mentioned thelifting weight.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, we're trying to get our arms a little bit in
shapeful Not you, your arms,your body.
But so, yeah, we want to liftweights.
But what happens?
When you lift the weight, youcan actually rip your muscles
first.
You do and then you have tokeep lifting and then eventually
it repairs the muscle andbuilds them.
It makes you stronger.
But it's where it's.
Something bad has to happenbefore it can become good.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah, the muscle gets damaged.
It does yeah, and that damagingmakes it better.
And we just recently got aweight bench.
We added it to our basement gymand we've been lifting weights
a lot more lately.
Well, all of that comes to anew passion that I have now that
, at least, I think it's apassion.
I'm kind of new into it.
I discovered this thing abouttwo months ago a drink called
(09:09):
kombucha, and somebody had givenme a drink, a one.
I believe.
It was about seven years ago.
They gave me a little sip ofsome kombucha that they had made
at home and I just thought, man, this stuff's weird, I don't
really like it.
But about two months ago, forwhatever reason, I bought one
and I'm like I'm going to trythis, and I liked it.
I was like, whoa, wait a second, what is this?
(09:31):
It tastes sour, but yet it'scarbonated, but it's slightly
sweet and it was just delicious.
It's like a drink that we don'treally have.
That's a pop or something else.
And so, as I started to buymore from the store and I go
there on and off, and then itfinally hit me, I'm like, wait a
second.
I've heard of people makingthis in their home, and so I
(09:54):
started watching videos andreading up on it and I'm like,
oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You did your research , yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I can actually make this stuff in my own home and I
love it.
But then I get to control theflavor and I can add whatever it
is and fuse it withstrawberries or infuse it with
maybe kiwis or carrots orwhatever, because it can be
savory or sweet, and so I veryquickly realized that you have
to have bottles to be able tomake it in your home.
(10:22):
But also it ferments.
So you end up putting it in abig glass gallon jar and it
ferments and really it's justsweet tea.
That's all it is.
It's sweet tea and you put thisugly, gross-looking kind of
creature thing in there.
It's called a scoby and itactually looks like an alien.
It's like brown and stringy andgross and rubbery, and I put it
(10:48):
in the jar and that's whatstarts the fermenting process.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I think we need to go back.
I think you need to tell themwhat happened when your scoby
arrived.
I mean, you ordered the scobyon Amazon, amazon, yeah, and
what happened?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I know, can you believe it?
You can order this little alienscoby thing on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
This blob of something.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, to make the kombucha and the Amazon guy.
He drops it off in our mailbox.
He doesn't ring the front door,he doesn't drop it on the front
door step, he just puts it inour mailbox and it's like 40
below zero.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, it was really cold.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Really cold this last couple of weeks and the scoby
is just a lump of bacteria andit can't get cold or it dies and
it won't work.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
It probably lasted one second, I know.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I know so anyway.
So it's.
Hopefully the scoby is going tobe alive.
I'm not sure, but anyway.
And then the other thing is ittakes time for the drink to get
better.
So sure it ferments, but itferments over about seven days.
Now the cool thing is I have myfirst batch.
It's just one level above us.
(11:54):
It's in my closet in the darkwith a towel over it.
It's fermenting.
I can't wait.
It's drinkable today, so I'msuper super excited.
So you guys probably havefigured out.
I'm dialed in.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Can't wait to make my own.
Yeah, must admit I'm not asuper big fan of it.
You kept giving me sips of allthe different flavors you tried.
I'm like I'll stick with mydiet Mondo.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, another endorsement, but anyway.
So here's why I bring up thekombucha Because In our
marriages we need to have amarriage that has the right bad
chemistry to make it better,just like kombucha and yogurt
and cheese and all that stuffmilk.
Here's the thing when we addthe right things, we end up with
(12:37):
a stronger marriage that canthrive daily and over a lifetime
.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What does a word bad mean for us?
Well, we're not saying to havea bad marriage where you're
punching and you're kicking andyou're screaming and hollering?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
We're not talking about that type of bad marriage.
What we're talking about is anacronym for three very important
ingredients that create theright chemistry in a marriage.
So if we break down the wordbad, b for buoyancy, a for
attitude and D for determination, let's look a little closer at
this easily remembered recipefor a great relationship.
(13:10):
So the B is for buoyancy.
What does buoyancy mean?
When we dig into this a littlebit, it means it quickly bounced
back to the surface, kind ofwhen you know if you're boating
and you have a little, even abobber, you can pull it down,
but it manages, bounces rightback up.
Right, there's buoyancy in thisbobber.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
And part of that, too , comes from when I was making
kombucha and I thought of abottle and you put it underwater
.
The bottle, just like you said,the bobber pops back up.
Bottles bobbers yeah, they popback up to the surface.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
When you have buoyancy in your marriage, you
don't say angry or bitter, butyou're actually really quick to
forgive.
Again, something happens, kindof like that bobber goes under
the water but boom, you popright back up.
If you have buoyancy in yourmarriage, you understand that
evil is real and you fight backtogether against it, not against
each other, but you fightagainst the evil.
Matthew 5.23 says this.
(14:02):
Therefore, if you are offeringyour gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother orsister has something against you
, leave your gift there in frontof the altar First.
Go and be reconciled to them,then come and offer your gift.
What Jesus is saying here inMatthew is leave the gift at the
altar and make it right, thengo back and offer your worship.
(14:24):
Jesus was saying don't worshipme with unforgiveness or
conflict in your heart.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yeah, I think what he was trying to get at is have
buoyancy in your relationships,like if you go to worship God
and you think you're a strongChristian and you have a close
relationship with God, and allof a sudden you're like, wait, I
have something against myhusband or I have something
against my wife, stop yourworship, because your worship is
gonna be contaminated.
Go and make it right and thengo back to worship God.
(14:54):
So I have that buoyancy of like, okay, something's not right
and below the surface, now I'mgonna get back to where it needs
to be.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I wish there was a little tool that could measure
our buoyancy because, like,honestly think about, are you
buoyant?
Are you gonna pop right back up, or is it like a slow motion
pop up or does it stay down fora really, really long time and
then pop back up?
What is your buoyancy in yourmarriage?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And that's what we need.
And that's what's so cool aboutanything that has air in it and
you try to hold it under thewater.
It's always pushing against you.
It's always saying, nope, I'mgonna get back to the top of the
water.
And that's exactly the way ourmarriages need to be, where
they're getting pushed down bythe devil, they're getting
pushed down by life or conflictor whatever it is, and we're
like, no, we're gonna get backto the surface and we're gonna
(15:35):
get some oxygen into ourmarriage.
Again, we're talking aboutthree key ingredients for a bad
marriage, and B is for buoyancy.
Now A is for attitude, and weall need life giving attitudes
in marriage.
But that's hard.
That's hard, don, because youwake up with me some days and
I'm a grump or I don't get thefood when I need it, so I get to
(15:59):
hangry or whatever it is, ormaybe you come.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I'm definitely a time person and, like man and woman,
we're over on our time.
My attitude kind of adjusts.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yes, yeah, or you come home from work, or maybe
you're tired and you'refrustrated, whatever that is,
and sometimes in life it's justtough to have a good attitude.
But we need to stop and say,okay, what are the right
attitudes that we should all behaving in marriage?
And as we talked about it andthought about it, some of the
ones that are really importantis just being humble.
(16:26):
Being humble in marriage issaying, look, I'm gonna accept
your responsibility.
I know I'm not perfect, I'mgonna work harder on myself.
Or being positive is a greatquality and not thinking that
everything's gonna always benegative.
If your marriage is in a spiraldown, start thinking positively.
Or are grateful, like I'mgrateful for my wife, or I'm
(16:47):
grateful for my husband he wentand mowed the lawn, or my wife
made this amazing meal you knowwhatever that is.
And kindness in marriage.
Or being a good listener,always making sure that you're
hearing and listening.
And then even being a learnersomeone who learns from their
spouse and that just criticizesthem or judges them or, you know
(17:09):
, always trying to coach them,but somebody who's like, wait,
what can I learn from my spouse?
And so those are some, you know, really great attitudes, but
the A is for attitude, andobviously we would on to point
you to the fruits of the spiritand glace in 522.
Cause that really are, you know, is a great place to be able to
find the right attitudes.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So we talked about having a bad marriage, B being
buoyancy, A being attitude and D?
D is for dawn.
No, I'm just kidding, it is fordawn, but it is for
determination.
It's what some have called apre-decision.
Giving up is just not an option.
You are determined, You're notgoing to give up in this moment.
(17:50):
You're saying I won't walk awayfrom important conversations,
even when I don't think thatit's important.
But my spouse does.
It says I won't give up oncommunication and get angry
right away.
I'm going to stick it out andbe determined.
It's honestly playing the longgame looking at marriage and
life and playing the long gamethat you are married for life.
(18:10):
You will be there from death tohis part.
You will be there till the end.
And it's saying we won't runfrom conflict but towards
conflict, so we can findsolutions.
Not looking for conflict butfinding solutions to that
conflict.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, Not name calling or all right, let's just
get together so we can argue.
But those solutions that youmentioned on and that's great
because that really adds to theability of the marriage to be
able to handle it for the longhaul but that commitment-
there's this kind of a grumpyquote that we found, but
honestly we kind of like it, sowe're going to share it.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
As by Robert Barrault , and it says the older I get,
the less time I want to spendwith the part of a human race
that didn't marry me.
I think that's great.
I don't know how grumpy that is, but it's true.
Like man, we just want to get apoint in our marriage where we
just really like hanging out, welike being together, and that's
probably we want to make surethat we're the most important
person in each other's lives,and so I appreciate that quote.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah.
So do you have a bad marriage?
I hope you do, we hope you dothat you have these three
letters, these qualities, inyour marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We need to have a marriage that has the right bad
chemistry to make it better andwhen we add the right things, we
end up with a stronger marriagethat can actually thrive daily
and over a lifetime.
Again, the three ingredients tomake a marriage better bad
buoyancy, attitude anddetermination Like, honestly,
those are three key ingredientsfor a bad marriage but really
(19:36):
ultimately it's going to make itbetter.
Kind of like that sourdough,like that, whatever that
bacteria is that makes it sour,it actually makes the bread
better.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yes, and remember when you get better, your
marriage gets better.
When you work on you, you workon too.
Well, hey everyone, we want tothank you so much for listening
to this episode of the Lovingthe Fight Marriage Podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight, we'llsee you next time.
There are a lot of things you could be doing right
now, but you're not.
You're listening.
You chose to work on, you spendtime thinking through what
could make your marriage betterand you chose to think about
love.
Whenever you get better, yourmarriage gets better.
With that, I want to welcomeyou to the Love in the Fight
Marriage Podcast.
My name is Dawn and I'm sittinghere with my husband and also
my co-host, travis.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Yeah, we're so glad that you guys are tuning in and
it's just fun to be hanging outtogether again, dawn, and
thinking about all those thingsthat make up.
What a great marriage really isyes absolutely and pulling
Jesus into it, because he shouldbe the center of every marriage
.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
You know what?
It's funny just to sit here andthink I feel like we just
recorded a podcast last week,but there are so many things
that have happened in betweenright now and our last podcast
we recorded.
Life just gets busier.
It's good.
It's just so many memories.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Yeah, like the two bowls of cereal we pulled last
night and the toast that we atewith it, like a lot happened.
But of course I think whatyou're talking about is I had a
couple funerals over the lastweek and a half and, wow, it is
really special to be able to bewith people and to officiate the
funeral of that person thatthey love, and I've just really
(01:26):
been enjoying writing funeralmessages that really celebrate
the person but reflect in whoGod is.
And of course, we're pastors.
We don't just do funerals, weare also married and live life
and play pickleball and eat toomuch chocolate or whatever.
But a lot going on, hasn't therebeen?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's funny because, again I just think of, like you
just said, that you're workingon two funerals and people
listening probably like, wow,like they probably never think
about funerals, but that's partof what we do.
I know this.
Last week we had a big campusleadership meeting and I got a
chance to speak and share andencourage a lot of leaders at
our campus.
Who was just fun to connectwith them, but just something
random but fun to do.
(02:05):
But a lot of people maybe theirjobs are completely different.
So you might be listening going, wow, like that's interesting,
two different things.
But it's just cool what we areable to do in our week and our
job.
But then last night you talkedabout two bowls of cereal.
We each had a bowl.
We did.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Yeah, not two each.
Thanks for clarifying that.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
It's.
Last night was normally ourdate night and I think we came
home from work and I sat on thecouch and I grabbed a blanket
real quick cause I was cold.
I began to talk about my dayand I was just tired.
We were just looked at eachother like we're kind of gassed
right now, like let's just stayin for the night, eat cereal and
peanut butter toast, sosomething quick and easy.
Oh love it, Watch a movie thatwe wanted to watch on Netflix
(02:46):
and, honestly, just enjoy ourevening, and it was great.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
It was something that we needed to do because we move
a lot.
So I woke up this morningfeeling well rested, way above
my alarm.
Yeah, just a good morning.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
And now tonight is date night.
Right, I had that.
You know, the fireplace isloaded with wood, tons of flames
just flying out of there.
It was awesome, but, yeah, it'sso fun to just start a new day
and be filled up, but it's beena great week and we're so glad
that everybody's listening.
Well, all right.
Well, on with the episode.
The title of this episode isthree key ingredients for a bad
(03:21):
marriage, and I like that title,but we actually had an
alternate title that we came upwith and it's why every couple
needs a bad marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
You told me that title was like wait.
Yeah, I don't know, that's agreat, greatest thing.
To probably not the right title.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, Even though it's true and you guys will be
able to see that at the end ofthe episode why that might be
true we're just going to goahead and stick with three key
ingredients for a bad marriage.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
So you know we're going to just dig into that word
bad.
So when something is bad, itdoesn't mean that it's no longer
good.
Sometimes something that hasactually gotten bad gets better,
and I can give you a greatexample of this.
It's bread Like, if you thinkabout bread yeast it has this
single cell fungus in it, calledsaccharomyces serovici.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
I had to.
Google it, Say I'm not sure howto say that either.
It's pretty scientific.
Speaker 1 (04:16):
There's this yeast in it that it needs this fungus to
make it just delicious.
Or yogurt that has a lactateacid bacteria, Like it needs
this bacteria.
Or cheese Think of all that'sin cheese Like there's something
that's bad in all of thesethings but you have to have them
in order to make thesedelicious food.
(04:36):
I'll have chemical reactions.
Those three things have thesechemical reactions with this
bacteria, this fungus, and youget the chemistry right and you
end up with soft, fluffy breadthat is delicious when served
with hot slathered butter.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Oh my, I can so relate to what you're saying
right there, Because growing up,my mom made homemade bread all
the time and she would pull itout, slice it up and we would
throw butter on there and it wasjust straight up heaven.
Yeah, it was incredible, it wasso, so good.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
You know what I think of Brad.
I think of Texas Roadhouse, Ido.
They have the most amazingrolls, those hot rolls.
When you walk in with cinnamonbutter, oh there you can.
That's the reason we go toTexas Roadhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
That's the reason we go to the gym to work out, to
get rid of all that.
We, you know, ate at TexasRoadhouse, so we can go back and
eat there again.
Their rolls are amazing.
Speaker 1 (05:28):
Well, kind of like bread.
You know you have to have thatbacteria in there, that yeast,
that has to be a part of it.
When you get the chemistryright for Greek yogurt as well
like you have to have thatbacteria it becomes creamy and
delicious and can be filled withfruits and honey.
But it's the chemistry.
When the chemistry is right,you end up with a mountain of
(05:50):
amazing food.
Kind of like pizza, like youhave to have that cheese.
It goes bad.
You have to add a badingredient in order for it to
get better, so you can have thisamazing pizza.
Right now Our favorite pizza ismine personally Casey's pizza,
which is just a gas station, butthey have really good cheese.
Speaker 2 (06:05):
I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1 (06:05):
People laugh at me when I say that, but it's my
favorite right now, oh it'sexceptional.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
But here's the funny thing I don't think you realize,
don, but we have just endorsedlike 80 different companies or
restaurants or whatever.
But I mean there's some of ourfavorites, right, yeah.
But I think what we're gettingat is when something is bad, it
doesn't mean anything that it'sno longer good.
I mean, sometimes something has, you know, and that's gone bad,
(06:31):
actually gets better, andthat's why those are great
examples, don.
You know the cheese, the yogurt, the bread?
Like, by the way, what's yourfavorite?
If you had to pick yourfavorite out of those three,
like, what's your top number one?
Speaker 1 (06:45):
I honestly I'll have to say bread.
I think I'm just a sucker forgood bread.
It never hurts my stomach, itjust sits right in there.
It doesn't give you any sideeffects from.
You know like yogurt and cheesecan sometimes do to your body.
But man bread just is amazing.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Oh, it's so good.
And I'm going to have to sayyogurt.
Although I love bread, it'sdefinitely number two, but
yogurt is just insane.
As you know, I eat multipledishes of yogurt a day.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
And it's funny, Travis because you'll look at me
and you're like we need to goto the grocery store, we're out
of food.
And I look at him like no, wehave lots of food, it's because
we're out of yogurt.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Out of yogurt.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
Yes, you have to go to the store because you think
we have no food, and I justthink it's funny, it's an
addiction.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Yeah, and that's the thing.
What's so cool about the foodsthat we just mentioned is taking
place within them is kind ofwhat you mentioned on a chemical
reaction that allows afermenting and aging or souring,
and those methods that takeplace actually make those you
know breads or foods better, andso like, for instance, some
(07:46):
milk, when it goes bad in yourfridge and it starts to curdle,
well, it's actually halfway tobecoming cheese.
I mean, that's what cheesebecomes.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
We don't drink it, though.
We throw it away.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
We do I can't no-transcript.
Yeah, I can't stand chewing mymilk.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
No, you don't.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
I think I did that once when I was a kid.
Through it up, I'm done withthat.
Speaker 1 (08:07):
Even if you try to put chocolate sauce in it to
make it chocolate munk, no, itdoesn't get rid of that sour
taste.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Oh, I, totally it's horrible.
Well then it'd be chocolatecottage cheese, that's what it
would be.
Well, hey, you and I weretalking just a little bit of go
down about this, how it doesn'tjust apply to food.
I mean, when something goes bad, it can actually get better,
and so you'd mentioned thelifting weight.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Yeah, we're trying to get our arms a little bit in
shapeful Not you, your arms,your body.
But so, yeah, we want to liftweights.
But what happens?
When you lift the weight, youcan actually rip your muscles
first.
You do and then you have tokeep lifting and then eventually
it repairs the muscle andbuilds them.
It makes you stronger.
But it's where it's.
Something bad has to happenbefore it can become good.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
Yeah, the muscle gets damaged.
It does yeah, and that damagingmakes it better.
And we just recently got aweight bench.
We added it to our basement gymand we've been lifting weights
a lot more lately.
Well, all of that comes to anew passion that I have now that
, at least, I think it's apassion.
I'm kind of new into it.
I discovered this thing abouttwo months ago a drink called
(09:09):
kombucha, and somebody had givenme a drink, a one.
I believe.
It was about seven years ago.
They gave me a little sip ofsome kombucha that they had made
at home and I just thought, man, this stuff's weird, I don't
really like it.
But about two months ago, forwhatever reason, I bought one
and I'm like I'm going to trythis, and I liked it.
I was like, whoa, wait a second, what is this?
(09:31):
It tastes sour, but yet it'scarbonated, but it's slightly
sweet and it was just delicious.
It's like a drink that we don'treally have.
That's a pop or something else.
And so, as I started to buymore from the store and I go
there on and off, and then itfinally hit me, I'm like, wait a
second.
I've heard of people makingthis in their home, and so I
(09:54):
started watching videos andreading up on it and I'm like,
oh my gosh.
Speaker 1 (09:58):
You did your research , yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I can actually make this stuff in my own home and I
love it.
But then I get to control theflavor and I can add whatever it
is and fuse it withstrawberries or infuse it with
maybe kiwis or carrots orwhatever, because it can be
savory or sweet, and so I veryquickly realized that you have
to have bottles to be able tomake it in your home.
(10:22):
But also it ferments.
So you end up putting it in abig glass gallon jar and it
ferments and really it's justsweet tea.
That's all it is.
It's sweet tea and you put thisugly, gross-looking kind of
creature thing in there.
It's called a scoby and itactually looks like an alien.
It's like brown and stringy andgross and rubbery, and I put it
(10:48):
in the jar and that's whatstarts the fermenting process.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
I think we need to go back.
I think you need to tell themwhat happened when your scoby
arrived.
I mean, you ordered the scobyon Amazon, amazon, yeah, and
what happened?
Speaker 2 (11:00):
I know, can you believe it?
You can order this little alienscoby thing on Amazon.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
This blob of something.
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Yeah, to make the kombucha and the Amazon guy.
He drops it off in our mailbox.
He doesn't ring the front door,he doesn't drop it on the front
door step, he just puts it inour mailbox and it's like 40
below zero.
Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, it was really cold.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Really cold this last couple of weeks and the scoby
is just a lump of bacteria andit can't get cold or it dies and
it won't work.
Speaker 1 (11:30):
It probably lasted one second, I know.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
I know so anyway.
So it's.
Hopefully the scoby is going tobe alive.
I'm not sure, but anyway.
And then the other thing is ittakes time for the drink to get
better.
So sure it ferments, but itferments over about seven days.
Now the cool thing is I have myfirst batch.
It's just one level above us.
(11:54):
It's in my closet in the darkwith a towel over it.
It's fermenting.
I can't wait.
It's drinkable today, so I'msuper super excited.
So you guys probably havefigured out.
I'm dialed in.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Can't wait to make my own.
Yeah, must admit I'm not asuper big fan of it.
You kept giving me sips of allthe different flavors you tried.
I'm like I'll stick with mydiet Mondo.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, another endorsement, but anyway.
So here's why I bring up thekombucha Because In our
marriages we need to have amarriage that has the right bad
chemistry to make it better,just like kombucha and yogurt
and cheese and all that stuffmilk.
Here's the thing when we addthe right things, we end up with
(12:37):
a stronger marriage that canthrive daily and over a lifetime
.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
What does a word bad mean for us?
Well, we're not saying to havea bad marriage where you're
punching and you're kicking andyou're screaming and hollering?
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Not at all.
Speaker 1 (12:50):
We're not talking about that type of bad marriage.
What we're talking about is anacronym for three very important
ingredients that create theright chemistry in a marriage.
So if we break down the wordbad, b for buoyancy, a for
attitude and D for determination, let's look a little closer at
this easily remembered recipefor a great relationship.
(13:10):
So the B is for buoyancy.
What does buoyancy mean?
When we dig into this a littlebit, it means it quickly bounced
back to the surface, kind ofwhen you know if you're boating
and you have a little, even abobber, you can pull it down,
but it manages, bounces rightback up.
Right, there's buoyancy in thisbobber.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
And part of that, too , comes from when I was making
kombucha and I thought of abottle and you put it underwater
.
The bottle, just like you said,the bobber pops back up.
Bottles bobbers yeah, they popback up to the surface.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
When you have buoyancy in your marriage, you
don't say angry or bitter, butyou're actually really quick to
forgive.
Again, something happens, kindof like that bobber goes under
the water but boom, you popright back up.
If you have buoyancy in yourmarriage, you understand that
evil is real and you fight backtogether against it, not against
each other, but you fightagainst the evil.
Matthew 5.23 says this.
(14:02):
Therefore, if you are offeringyour gift at the altar and there
remember that your brother orsister has something against you
, leave your gift there in frontof the altar First.
Go and be reconciled to them,then come and offer your gift.
What Jesus is saying here inMatthew is leave the gift at the
altar and make it right, thengo back and offer your worship.
(14:24):
Jesus was saying don't worshipme with unforgiveness or
conflict in your heart.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yeah, I think what he was trying to get at is have
buoyancy in your relationships,like if you go to worship God
and you think you're a strongChristian and you have a close
relationship with God, and allof a sudden you're like, wait, I
have something against myhusband or I have something
against my wife, stop yourworship, because your worship is
gonna be contaminated.
Go and make it right and thengo back to worship God.
(14:54):
So I have that buoyancy of like, okay, something's not right
and below the surface, now I'mgonna get back to where it needs
to be.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
I wish there was a little tool that could measure
our buoyancy because, like,honestly think about, are you
buoyant?
Are you gonna pop right back up, or is it like a slow motion
pop up or does it stay down fora really, really long time and
then pop back up?
What is your buoyancy in yourmarriage?
Speaker 2 (15:14):
And that's what we need.
And that's what's so cool aboutanything that has air in it and
you try to hold it under thewater.
It's always pushing against you.
It's always saying, nope, I'mgonna get back to the top of the
water.
And that's exactly the way ourmarriages need to be, where
they're getting pushed down bythe devil, they're getting
pushed down by life or conflictor whatever it is, and we're
like, no, we're gonna get backto the surface and we're gonna
(15:35):
get some oxygen into ourmarriage.
Again, we're talking aboutthree key ingredients for a bad
marriage, and B is for buoyancy.
Now A is for attitude, and weall need life giving attitudes
in marriage.
But that's hard.
That's hard, don, because youwake up with me some days and
I'm a grump or I don't get thefood when I need it, so I get to
(15:59):
hangry or whatever it is, ormaybe you come.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I'm definitely a time person and, like man and woman,
we're over on our time.
My attitude kind of adjusts.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Yes, yeah, or you come home from work, or maybe
you're tired and you'refrustrated, whatever that is,
and sometimes in life it's justtough to have a good attitude.
But we need to stop and say,okay, what are the right
attitudes that we should all behaving in marriage?
And as we talked about it andthought about it, some of the
ones that are really importantis just being humble.
(16:26):
Being humble in marriage issaying, look, I'm gonna accept
your responsibility.
I know I'm not perfect, I'mgonna work harder on myself.
Or being positive is a greatquality and not thinking that
everything's gonna always benegative.
If your marriage is in a spiraldown, start thinking positively.
Or are grateful, like I'mgrateful for my wife, or I'm
(16:47):
grateful for my husband he wentand mowed the lawn, or my wife
made this amazing meal you knowwhatever that is.
And kindness in marriage.
Or being a good listener,always making sure that you're
hearing and listening.
And then even being a learnersomeone who learns from their
spouse and that just criticizesthem or judges them or, you know
(17:09):
, always trying to coach them,but somebody who's like, wait,
what can I learn from my spouse?
And so those are some, you know, really great attitudes, but
the A is for attitude, andobviously we would on to point
you to the fruits of the spiritand glace in 522.
Cause that really are, you know, is a great place to be able to
find the right attitudes.
Speaker 1 (17:28):
So we talked about having a bad marriage, B being
buoyancy, A being attitude and D?
D is for dawn.
No, I'm just kidding, it is fordawn, but it is for
determination.
It's what some have called apre-decision.
Giving up is just not an option.
You are determined, You're notgoing to give up in this moment.
(17:50):
You're saying I won't walk awayfrom important conversations,
even when I don't think thatit's important.
But my spouse does.
It says I won't give up oncommunication and get angry
right away.
I'm going to stick it out andbe determined.
It's honestly playing the longgame looking at marriage and
life and playing the long gamethat you are married for life.
(18:10):
You will be there from death tohis part.
You will be there till the end.
And it's saying we won't runfrom conflict but towards
conflict, so we can findsolutions.
Not looking for conflict butfinding solutions to that
conflict.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
Yeah, Not name calling or all right, let's just
get together so we can argue.
But those solutions that youmentioned on and that's great
because that really adds to theability of the marriage to be
able to handle it for the longhaul but that commitment-
there's this kind of a grumpyquote that we found, but
honestly we kind of like it, sowe're going to share it.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
As by Robert Barrault , and it says the older I get,
the less time I want to spendwith the part of a human race
that didn't marry me.
I think that's great.
I don't know how grumpy that is, but it's true.
Like man, we just want to get apoint in our marriage where we
just really like hanging out, welike being together, and that's
probably we want to make surethat we're the most important
person in each other's lives,and so I appreciate that quote.
Speaker 2 (19:05):
Yeah.
So do you have a bad marriage?
I hope you do, we hope you dothat you have these three
letters, these qualities, inyour marriage.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
We need to have a marriage that has the right bad
chemistry to make it better andwhen we add the right things, we
end up with a stronger marriagethat can actually thrive daily
and over a lifetime.
Again, the three ingredients tomake a marriage better bad
buoyancy, attitude anddetermination Like, honestly,
those are three key ingredientsfor a bad marriage but really
(19:36):
ultimately it's going to make itbetter.
Kind of like that sourdough,like that, whatever that
bacteria is that makes it sour,it actually makes the bread
better.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Yes, and remember when you get better, your
marriage gets better.
When you work on you, you workon too.
Well, hey everyone, we want tothank you so much for listening
to this episode of the Lovingthe Fight Marriage Podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight, we'llsee you next time.
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