February 20, 2024 • 24 mins
Someone forgets to empty the dishwasher or a disagreement breaks out over where to go out to eat and suddenly the "moment" turns into a fight that ends in threats of divorce. Can you feel the heat of a marriage that is on fire, a marriage that is ablaze with conflict and unmet expectations? How can seemingly healthy marriages allow a little spark of conflict to burn their house and their marriage down? What about you? Is your marriage on fire?
Join host, Travis and Dawn Rosinger, as they share a step by step process of how to be a first responder to your own marriage and put the fire of conflict and dissatisfaction out! Whether your marriage is actually on fire right now with the heat of disagreement or you know that it could ignite in your future, this is an episode for you and your spouse, an episode for healthy marriages and struggling marriages alike! Don't miss this one!!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dawn Rosinger (00:12):
Well, welcome to the loving the fight marriage
podcast, where we are fightingfor a marriage just like you.
You're probably wondering whoare we?
Well, my name is Dawn and I'msitting here with my husband and
my co-host, travis.
Travis Rosinger (00:23):
Yeah, we're sitting here at our basement
studio and we are having a greattime.
It's a good night, isn't it?
Yes, should we tell them whyit's a good night?
I don't know if we should giveit away.
Here's the thing we stopped andwe got a 32 ounce fountain
drink, we did.
Here it is.
We'll let you hear the sound.
Dawn Rosinger (00:43):
Yeah, there you go.
Travis Rosinger (00:43):
Oh my gosh, 32 ounces of deliciousness.
Dawn Rosinger (00:47):
I think you just gave away my addiction.
Travis Rosinger (00:49):
I think I did.
Dawn Rosinger (00:51):
I really do like diet Mountain Dew, so much so
that I have a $9.99 subscriptionto holiday gas stations or
circled case or a couple ofdifferent gas stations.
Yeah, that honor this.
But I can get one free popthat's what we call them here.
Are they free?
Yeah, per day, per day, for thewhole month.
(01:12):
So I could get 30 drinks.
You know, it doesn't have to bepop, it can be coffee or
whatever liquid they haveavailable at, you know, at that
store.
But I always pick diet MountainDew.
Travis Rosinger (01:21):
Crazy 30 up to 31 drinks in a month for 10
bucks.
Yeah, that's a good month,that's like on the odd month
like January and March, you knowwhen there is 31 days but this
month there's only what?
Dawn Rosinger (01:33):
28 days or 29.
So I don't get you know exactlythe same amount, but yeah, but
a good night, we're just hangingout and we're actually sharing
this one and we're allowed to dothat.
Travis Rosinger (01:42):
We're married.
But you're right, Don, we arehanging out and loving God,
loving our family and each other, and fighting for love.
And that's why we're on thisepisode in this podcast.
Dawn Rosinger (01:54):
I just have to ask do you guys out there, do
you guys share drinks?
Do you share a straw?
Do you share a toothbrush?
Travis Rosinger (01:59):
I was just going to say that's almost like
sharing a toothbrush when we goto a movie theater.
Dawn Rosinger (02:03):
We share popcorn and we share a pop and we share
the candy, we share everything,Right.
But and then when our kids werelittle, we did like the family
style popcorn and the family pop.
Travis Rosinger (02:13):
But as long as we don't share toilet paper,
that would not be okay.
No, that's gross, that would begross.
Dawn Rosinger (02:19):
We're not going to go there, I'd rather just go
straight into the podcast.
Well, you may have heard me saythis story before, but it goes
great with what we want to talkto you guys about today.
When I was 18 years old, I wasdriving my car and it overheated
, so I didn't want to know whatto do.
So I pulled over to a gasstation and they added some
anti-freeze and some water andthey said I was good to go.
(02:39):
So I just kind of believed them.
I jumped back in my car and Iwas on my way, but I quickly
noticed that the temperaturegauge was slowly getting higher
and higher when, all of a sudden, I heard a popping sound and I
was instantly engulfed in smoke.
At that moment I felt thisintense heat on my feet and my
legs and I thought for sure thatI was going to die.
(03:01):
I quickly knew I needed to getall the cars, so I slammed in
the brakes, but there wasnothing.
So I did what the best Ithought that I should do in that
moment I opened up the car doorand I jumped out in.
Just a few moments later, I waslaying in the middle of the
road with severe burns all overmy feet and legs, road rash on
my left hip from jumping, but Iwas alive and I was not burning
(03:23):
anymore.
Travis Rosinger (03:24):
Crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (03:25):
That is a crazy story Crazy story.
Every time I tell people thatstory to me, it's normal because
it happened to me, but they'relike what happened?
Honestly, it was just a freakaccident, it won't happen to you
.
My heater core exploded.
All the hot anti-freeze cameinside.
The smoke that was smoke wasactually steam as well from the
hot anti-freeze.
Travis Rosinger (03:42):
Yeah, it felt like your car was on fire and in
a way, it kind of was.
But, don, how did you become apastor and not become a stunt
woman?
I know Like you should be inHollywood movies.
You jumped out of a car at 45miles an hour, ended up with
tons of gravel in your hip.
You're like got this boilinghot stuff on your body.
You're rolling around the roadand your car goes and crashes.
Dawn Rosinger (04:04):
Yeah, yeah, that's kind of everyone.
Travis Rosinger (04:06):
Okay, horrible at the time.
Yeah, fun to tell that storynow.
It really happened.
Dawn Rosinger (04:11):
It's good now that the burns on my legs and my
feet.
Because that was probably oneof the most painful things I'd
ever gone through.
Honestly, I have an extremelyhigh pain tolerance because the
healing from burns, especiallychemical burns that were all
over your legs, was horrible.
But again now they're justscars.
My legs are good at a goodplastic surgeon, but anyways,
just kind of a wild, weird story.
(04:32):
But the reason that we tell youthat story today is because
we're kind of going to betalking about fire, right?
Travis Rosinger (04:38):
Yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (04:38):
Bernie, what does , what can fire do?
Fire can burn us right andcause a lot of injuries.
Travis Rosinger (04:43):
It's bad stuff if we're not careful.
Man like fire is hot, fire ifit's close is danger.
But fire also, um, is a warninglike something could be very
wrong with that feeling you hadin that car.
I remember when I was a kid, Imean, the house was on fire, at
least that's what our neighbortold us.
So it's like, wow, that freaksyou out and maybe should yeah,
(05:07):
you know, I told that storyrecently and this week.
Dawn Rosinger (05:10):
As we're just thinking about marriages and all
of you that are listening, werealize that there are some of
you right now that yourmarriages are on fire.
For those of you where yourmarriage is, you don't need me
to explain that.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about Because you know
that that's what your marriageis at right now.
Travis Rosinger (05:30):
Yeah, they feel the heat.
You, you see the fire, you,it's danger, right, and you're
thinking Well, this isn't myhouse, it's not my car, it's
literally my marriage and it'son fire.
What am I going to do you?
Dawn Rosinger (05:43):
know, there are times when your marriage is on
fire and you need some immediatehelp, kind of like I did when I
, when my legs were on fire.
I needed someone to call nineand one, and they get the
paramedics and need to go to thehospital.
Um, but maybe with yourmarriage, maybe everything feels
like it's out of control andyour relationship seems doomed
for destruction.
So what do you do when yourmarriage is spiraling out of
(06:04):
control and the flames ofconflict and shattered
expectations are just raging allaround you and there's just
smoke everywhere?
Travis Rosinger (06:11):
Yeah that that's a bad place, that's not a
good thing, and it's time forsolutions.
It's time to be able to dial911 and get that help.
Dawn Rosinger (06:19):
So that is the point of this episode.
We want this episode to be asort of first responder for your
marriage and your own heart.
We, honestly, we just want tohelp you.
Travis Rosinger (06:30):
We do we?
We so want to help and I thinkit's important to be able to
Just stop with everybody that'slistening, even looking at our
own marriage, and saying, hey,is there anything that's smoking
right now?
Do we see little sparks flyingaround or flames, or is
something burning?
Yeah, out of control in ourrelationship.
Dawn Rosinger (06:48):
Well, let me just throw this in there for those
of you that might be tempted tonot listen and turn this off
right now.
We just want to challenge youto keep listening, because much
of what we're going to talkabout May have already applied
to you in your marriage, butwill likely apply to you in your
marriage Sometime in the nearfuture.
Travis Rosinger (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I think what you're saying too,
don, is.
There's so many people that youmight be listening right now.
Maybe you feel like, oh, mymarriage is healthy and
everything's going great, butthe reality is what we're about
to talk about.
Uh, there, there are so manythings that just apply to all of
us every day, but especially tothose where their relationships
are on fire, and that is, again, the title of this episode help
(07:28):
, my marriage is on fire.
So, again, as you're listeningto this, maybe, though, that is
you Maybe you feel that heat inyour marriage, or you feel that
you know that, that that kind ofspark or smoke Swirling around
you, and you're thinking, oh mygosh, like we can't put it out
with our own personal fireextinguisher, we need help.
(07:49):
Maybe that's why you'relistening, yeah, to this podcast
.
Or you're about to reach outfor other kinds of help, and
that is the title of thisepisode help, my marriage is on
fire.
So what do you do to put outthe flames and save your
marriage from future Damage?
Dawn Rosinger (08:06):
that's a great question, because I know we've
all been at that point where wejust need to call 911.
So what can we do in thosemoments?
Travis Rosinger (08:12):
Yeah and Don, you and I have experienced this
before and I think the realityis, if you want to put it out,
you got to first of allrecognize that evil is literally
launching an all-out assault Onyou as individuals and on your
marriage as a couple, that'spart of what's happening.
Dawn Rosinger (08:30):
Yeah, I totally love that.
I love that you want torecognize what is the source.
What is the source of that fire?
And oftentimes, in thebeginning, it's evil.
Travis Rosinger (08:38):
Yeah, we're told as kids not to play with
matches, but the reality is thedemons of hell and and Satan
himself and evil they play withmatches every day and they're
trying to start marriages onfire, trying to discourage you
and trying to destroy you,trying to completely separate
you totally so.
Evil literally wants you to gofrom arguing over what to eat
for supper or over who didn'tput the dishes and the
(08:59):
dishwasher to.
I want a divorce.
That's it.
I want a divorce.
And what's so weird is it didstart with the dishes not being
put in the dishwasher, or it didstart with what to eat for
supper.
And these are crazy thoughtsthat pop up in your mind.
But make no mistake about itJust because their ideas that
pop up in your mind doesn't meanthat they are your thoughts.
(09:23):
In other words, what we'retrying to tell you is, when evil
has an all out assault on youor your marriage, it's the evil
one and it's this fiery dartsand he's trying to put those
thoughts into your mind.
And when we think a thought, wenaturally think well, that's my
thought, but the reality is,many times they're put there by
the devil.
Dawn Rosinger (09:42):
I love how you say that oftentimes, if we have
that idea, that thought, itdoesn't mean that those are your
thoughts.
And just distinguishing.
Is this my thought or is thishonestly the enemy evil?
When we say evil, we're talkingabout the devil, like we
believe in God and we believe inthe devil, and we're talking
about the devil just trying todestroy our marriages.
Travis Rosinger (10:00):
Yeah, and that's why in Ephesians, chapter
six, here's what it says.
It gives us this incredibleadvice that really helps us to
put out the fire in ourmarriages.
It says finally, be strong inthe Lord and in his mighty power
.
And here's how you do it put onthe full armor of God so that
you can take your stand againstthe devil's schemes.
(10:21):
Isn't that interesting that itsays devil's schemes?
Why is it being written to usand talking about his schemes?
Because he's got a strategy.
He's up to no good.
And then it goes on and says inaddition to all this, take up
the shield of faith.
Why?
What will it do, it says, withwhich you can extinguish all the
flaming arrows of the evil?
Dawn Rosinger (10:43):
one.
There's that fire.
That's how you can put it outman.
Travis Rosinger (10:46):
It's the fire and it's the thoughts and he's
shooting them at us.
But how do you do that?
How do you put out those flames?
Certainly by faith, that shieldof faith.
But then it says even this takethe helmet of salvation and the
sword of the spirit, which isthe word of God.
When I get stupid thoughts thataren't mying, I know they're not
mying, they're evil, they'refrom the devil, like hey, don,
(11:09):
you ticked me off and now I justwanna move out of the house.
Man, it's important to rightaway say but what does the word
of God say and what is the wordof God?
We're married for life and wedo this together.
We don't abandon each other,and so the reality is, the evil
one is the father of lies, andif he can get you to believe his
lies, then he has won.
He has set your house, yourmarriage, your car, he set your
(11:31):
life on fire.
So we also don't wanna assumethat just because we're extra
irritable, that, like you, don,as my spouse, you're just extra
annoying and I'm just having abad day and then that's all
that's going on.
Well, we need to remember thatevil not only tries to hit us
with lies and crazy ideas, butit's also trying to push our
(11:54):
buttons so that we blow up ateach other.
You know those moments, don,when I haven't had enough to eat
.
Dawn Rosinger (11:59):
And I'm getting hangry.
But the devil might try to pushme a little bit further off the
hangry edge right, yep, or onthe days we're just lack of
sleep or we're just extra busyor stresses come in, then that's
when the devil can really comein between us and just throw
those goofy thoughts or ideasinto our head.
Travis Rosinger (12:17):
And when you respond to my stupidity or
something I'm saying or doingand you take it a step further.
Sometimes that's evil justnudging us and prodding us.
And that's the interestingthing is, evil doesn't sleep, it
doesn't give up, it just keepscoming.
And that's why we must stop andpray for God's help,
individually and as couples.
That's why we must stop,sometimes literally in the
(12:38):
middle of a really pettyconflict that's starting to burn
out of control, and acknowledgethat evil may have started the
fire or added an accelerant.
Dawn Rosinger (12:48):
I love that first point.
Just remember, man, that we'refighting against evil, and
oftentimes, when things come in,it's just evil Trying to rip us
apart.
So what do you do when yourmarriage is on fire?
It's important to remember thateveryone is a sinner, even you,
travis, you are a sinner.
Meet Don.
Travis Rosinger (13:06):
Iam Thanks for that reminder, sinner.
Dawn Rosinger (13:08):
You know what we all get to eat dirt on the floor
begging God for forgiveness.
That's the picture that Jesusgave of the man who is righteous
.
He got in the dirt and wouldn'teven walk into the church.
Travis Rosinger (13:20):
Love that story .
Dawn Rosinger (13:21):
In Luke 18, 13,.
It says Instead, he beat hischest and sorrow, saying oh God,
be merciful to me, for I am asinner.
I tell you, this sinner not thePharisee returned home
justified before God, for thosewho exalt themselves will be
humbled and those who humblethemselves will be exalted.
So what does this mean?
It means you're not perfect.
(13:42):
I hate to tell you this, Travis, you're not perfect, but guess
what I have to tell myself?
I'm not perfect.
We all need to get a lot morehumble and lower ourselves.
We forgot to just ask Him forforgiveness for anything we've
done wrong.
We need to do that today,tomorrow every single day in 10
years.
We need to get humble and weneed to stay humble.
Travis Rosinger (14:02):
Yeah, it's never ending.
In other words yeah, that's sogood and just getting in the
dirt and realizing we need to below, god needs to be high and
we need to honor other peopleand just get humble.
I love that from Jesus.
Dawn Rosinger (14:14):
So we're talking about marriages being on fire,
and some of us are in that placewhere our marriage is on fire.
So how do you put out the fire?
So try this stop judging yourspouse and start judging
yourself.
You know why is it so darn easyto see the wrong in someone
else's life, but rarely see ourown glaring flaws?
Jesus was so clear that weshould become much better at
(14:36):
taking out the bad out of ourown lives, our attitudes and
behaviors, than trying to pointout the little issues in other
people's lives.
It's really easy.
I can look at you, try to say,oh yeah, you do this, you do
that, you do that, and just noteven look at all the things that
I do wrong.
Travis Rosinger (14:50):
Yeah, we each have a list of the things that
the other does wrong, but mylist only has one thing on it,
or zero things on it.
Why is that?
Dawn Rosinger (14:59):
You know, man, you're way worse than I am right
.
That's horrible, that's theattitude, but sometimes that's
honestly.
That's how we view each other.
Travis Rosinger (15:06):
It really is yes.
Dawn Rosinger (15:07):
Well, in Matthew 7, 3-5, it says why do you look
at the speck of psalus in yourbrother's eye and pay no
attention to the plank in yourown eye?
How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of
your eye, when all the timethere is a plank in your own eye
?
You hypocrite.
First take the plank out ofyour own eye and then you will
see clearly to remove the speckfrom your brother's eye.
(15:31):
We have to remember these areJesus's words here and he is
using a piece of wood as ametaphor and then looking at the
sawdust in someone's eye.
Just think of the difference insizes and that's the comparison
that he's trying to the picturethat he's trying to give us, and
it's so true.
There's oftentimes that I canlook at you and point out all
the little things and think thatI'm just perfect, when I just
(15:54):
have massive plank in my own eye.
I think the problem withjudging your spouse all the time
is that you really start to seethem as your enemy.
But are they?
Are you my enemy?
No, absolutely not.
They're your friend, your lover, parent of your children,
lifelong companion, fellowadventurer and trusted ally.
Like we're on the same team.
Our spouse is not our enemy.
(16:16):
Jesus started that piece ofadvice with these words do not
judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judgeothers, you will be judged, and
with the measure you use it willbe measured.
Travis Rosinger (16:27):
Yeah, you know, what I think he's trying to say
is, Don, if I'm maybe gonna beharsh with you as my wife and
constantly nitpick and puteverything you do under a
microscope and judge you thatharshly, Jesus is warning me.
He's warning everybody else outthere that's listening.
Hey, if you treat your spouselike that, you're gonna be
judged that way.
Whether it's by your spouse inreturn or by God you're gonna be
(16:48):
held to a higher standard, ahigher level of accountability.
It's better to just give yourspouse grace and overlook it.
Dawn Rosinger (16:55):
Yeah, sure, you know, sometimes I think we're
just either too stressed out ormaybe just over-scheduled, which
can cause us to really justnitpick our spouse, and maybe or
maybe we're just bored and weneed to get more hobbies so that
we don't make judging ornitpicking our spouse just our
hobby.
Like, hey, like I'm gonna findevery single thing wrong with
you and that's gonna be my hobby.
You know, maybe we're sport,maybe we need to.
(17:15):
You know, make sure we'reoccupying ourselves with more
productive things than justnitpicking our spouse.
Travis Rosinger (17:20):
And we do that privately.
But we met couples who do thatpublicly, where they'll just sit
there and it is like they don'thave another hobby and they
just rip on their spouse overand over and over again.
Dawn Rosinger (17:30):
I feel like it can quickly spiral out of
control too, because there canbe one little thing and then
that little thing can lead toother things that you just keep
seeing.
And, man, you just need tobreak that cycle.
Travis Rosinger (17:39):
Yeah.
So it's really all aboutgrabbing the fire extinguisher,
dialing 911 and getting thefirefighters, the firemen, to
come, and what we're talkingabout is putting the fire out in
your marriage.
If your marriage is on fire,how do you do that?
How do you dial 911, get thefire extinguisher?
Well, part of it is justagreeing to stop blaming each
(18:00):
other, and this goes beyondjudging.
This is taking what we shouldn'tbe thinking about our spouses
and then verbalizing it, andthat's a problem.
You know, sometimes we'll havea bad thought and it's probably
from the devil, but we need tolet it go.
Instead, we cross the line andwe verbalize it.
So it's time to wave the whiteflag and decide that your
(18:21):
language of accusing each otherand blaming each other is gonna
take a very long vacation.
In other words, we're done withthat behavior, we're done with
that attitude.
We're gonna pack its bag andtell blaming.
It is no longer allowed in ourhome and in our marriage.
We're gonna get rid of that andit's just okay.
If I'm gonna put the fire out,I gotta stop blaming my spouse.
(18:43):
I gotta start looking at myself.
Dawn Rosinger (18:45):
And honestly just taking responsibility sometimes
for your own actions.
Travis Rosinger (18:48):
Yes, which is so helpful.
Author Elizabeth Gilbert saidthis.
She said you can measure thehappiness of a marriage by the
number of scars that eachpartner carries on their tongues
, earned from years of bitingback angry.
Dawn Rosinger (19:03):
Oh, that's good.
Alright, travis, let's see yourtongue.
Yeah, how many scars do youhave?
Travis Rosinger (19:07):
Hopefully a lot of them yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (19:10):
That's something that we still are working on.
I think we need more.
I think our time needs somemore scars.
Travis Rosinger (19:13):
We are absolutely working out.
We're loving the fight,fighting for our marriage.
So how do you put out thefirewall?
It's also remembering the lovethat used to have for each other
when you first became a couple.
And allow that to be amotivation to open up kind of
the fire hydrant and pour coldwater on the burning flames of
your marriage.
And what does that look like?
It means choosing love and tothink of your love and, of
(19:37):
course, this will start tochange the way you feel about
your spouse.
But we don't want you to stopat thinking about how much you
love your spouse or how greatthat feeling was when you first
got together.
Instead, we want you to startwriting them notes or sending
them texts or telling them howyour love for them is strong and
deep and growing.
Verbalize it, write itelectronically, send it whatever
(20:00):
, but share with them the thingsthat you love the most about
them, and the flames and theheat and the danger is going to
disappear and your marriage isgoing to be restored.
Dawn Rosinger (20:10):
I love that.
I think there's something verypowerful about just reminiscing
about the past.
Not only would I have areminiscing about all the
positive things, especiallyearly on in the relationship,
when we didn't see the flaws ineach other.
It was just, everything wasromantic.
Travis Rosinger (20:24):
Yeah, like back when I had hair right.
Yeah, I know you meant romance,but I did have hair back then.
And it looked pretty darn good.
Dawn Rosinger (20:33):
Well, I think this last key that we're going
to give you, but probably themost important thing, is how do
you put out the fire?
Start praying together for oneanother, for your marriage and
against the evil that isattacking you.
I know we said this earlier,but we can't emphasize it enough
.
Prayer is one of the greatestways we can help our own
marriages.
We can change our own hearts inthe process and we can access
(20:55):
the power of God.
Prayer is just a massive dual.
Travis Rosinger (20:59):
So true.
Dawn Rosinger (20:59):
Powerful.
Travis Rosinger (21:01):
It works.
Dawn Rosinger (21:01):
Yes, we can and should pray that God would drive
away all evil from our ownhearts and from our
relationships, but we also needto just pray to ask God to fill
us with his love.
God's love is the goal, thetarget for the kind of love that
we need in our marriages.
I know commentators Everymorning before we leave, I feel
like we just try to stop andpray.
(21:22):
We do pray for our marriagesbecause we know that there's an
evil one Like.
Let's pray against the evil onewe do, but then just pray for
each other and just encourageeach other, lift each other up.
Travis Rosinger (21:30):
And we did that this morning.
You, just right before you,walked out the door, you just
grabbed me, hugged me and saidhey, let's pray together and
that's just a habit that we have, but it is so good and I think
we would really encourage you aswell.
Get help, find a Christiancounselor or pastor that you can
see either in person or online,but be honest about the flaws
(21:50):
that both of you have.
Don't let any seeking of adviceor help be an opportunity to
kind of you know, point thefinger at your spouse.
Instead, make it a chance foryou to grow and become a better
person and a better husband anda better wife Right, yeah,
absolutely All of you guys.
Dawn Rosinger (22:07):
Time for us to be firefighters, right?
Pull out that fire extinguisherand man, just put out the smoke
, put out the fire and do someof these things that we just
suggested.
Now, you guys, you got toremember, when we do a podcast,
we are talking to ourselves inthe process.
So as we are fighting for ourmarriage, as we're extinguishing
fires, we are doing that in ourown life as well.
(22:28):
But we just so believe in youand we want to make sure that
you are living your best lifeand just enjoying your marriage
along the way.
Travis Rosinger (22:36):
Yeah, and the reason why we're doing it is man
, there was a fire or anexplosion at a house in the
national news just two days agoand there's nothing left and
that's really a picture of whatcan happen to marriages.
We don't want that to happen toour marriage.
31 years of marriage on to 32.
Right, yes, and we just want tomake sure that all the fires
(22:57):
are put out and we're lovinglife, loving each other.
Dawn Rosinger (22:59):
Right, you guys, honestly, we believe in you.
You can do it.
Well, we just want to thank youfor listening to this episode
of the Love in the FightMarriage Podcast.
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
Well, welcome to the loving the fight marriage
podcast, where we are fightingfor a marriage just like you.
You're probably wondering whoare we?
Well, my name is Dawn and I'msitting here with my husband and
my co-host, travis.
Travis Rosinger (00:23):
Yeah, we're sitting here at our basement
studio and we are having a greattime.
It's a good night, isn't it?
Yes, should we tell them whyit's a good night?
I don't know if we should giveit away.
Here's the thing we stopped andwe got a 32 ounce fountain
drink, we did.
Here it is.
We'll let you hear the sound.
Dawn Rosinger (00:43):
Yeah, there you go.
Travis Rosinger (00:43):
Oh my gosh, 32 ounces of deliciousness.
Dawn Rosinger (00:47):
I think you just gave away my addiction.
Travis Rosinger (00:49):
I think I did.
Dawn Rosinger (00:51):
I really do like diet Mountain Dew, so much so
that I have a $9.99 subscriptionto holiday gas stations or
circled case or a couple ofdifferent gas stations.
Yeah, that honor this.
But I can get one free popthat's what we call them here.
Are they free?
Yeah, per day, per day, for thewhole month.
(01:12):
So I could get 30 drinks.
You know, it doesn't have to bepop, it can be coffee or
whatever liquid they haveavailable at, you know, at that
store.
But I always pick diet MountainDew.
Travis Rosinger (01:21):
Crazy 30 up to 31 drinks in a month for 10
bucks.
Yeah, that's a good month,that's like on the odd month
like January and March, you knowwhen there is 31 days but this
month there's only what?
Dawn Rosinger (01:33):
28 days or 29.
So I don't get you know exactlythe same amount, but yeah, but
a good night, we're just hangingout and we're actually sharing
this one and we're allowed to dothat.
Travis Rosinger (01:42):
We're married.
But you're right, Don, we arehanging out and loving God,
loving our family and each other, and fighting for love.
And that's why we're on thisepisode in this podcast.
Dawn Rosinger (01:54):
I just have to ask do you guys out there, do
you guys share drinks?
Do you share a straw?
Do you share a toothbrush?
Travis Rosinger (01:59):
I was just going to say that's almost like
sharing a toothbrush when we goto a movie theater.
Dawn Rosinger (02:03):
We share popcorn and we share a pop and we share
the candy, we share everything,Right.
But and then when our kids werelittle, we did like the family
style popcorn and the family pop.
Travis Rosinger (02:13):
But as long as we don't share toilet paper,
that would not be okay.
No, that's gross, that would begross.
Dawn Rosinger (02:19):
We're not going to go there, I'd rather just go
straight into the podcast.
Well, you may have heard me saythis story before, but it goes
great with what we want to talkto you guys about today.
When I was 18 years old, I wasdriving my car and it overheated
, so I didn't want to know whatto do.
So I pulled over to a gasstation and they added some
anti-freeze and some water andthey said I was good to go.
(02:39):
So I just kind of believed them.
I jumped back in my car and Iwas on my way, but I quickly
noticed that the temperaturegauge was slowly getting higher
and higher when, all of a sudden, I heard a popping sound and I
was instantly engulfed in smoke.
At that moment I felt thisintense heat on my feet and my
legs and I thought for sure thatI was going to die.
(03:01):
I quickly knew I needed to getall the cars, so I slammed in
the brakes, but there wasnothing.
So I did what the best Ithought that I should do in that
moment I opened up the car doorand I jumped out in.
Just a few moments later, I waslaying in the middle of the
road with severe burns all overmy feet and legs, road rash on
my left hip from jumping, but Iwas alive and I was not burning
(03:23):
anymore.
Travis Rosinger (03:24):
Crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (03:25):
That is a crazy story Crazy story.
Every time I tell people thatstory to me, it's normal because
it happened to me, but they'relike what happened?
Honestly, it was just a freakaccident, it won't happen to you
.
My heater core exploded.
All the hot anti-freeze cameinside.
The smoke that was smoke wasactually steam as well from the
hot anti-freeze.
Travis Rosinger (03:42):
Yeah, it felt like your car was on fire and in
a way, it kind of was.
But, don, how did you become apastor and not become a stunt
woman?
I know Like you should be inHollywood movies.
You jumped out of a car at 45miles an hour, ended up with
tons of gravel in your hip.
You're like got this boilinghot stuff on your body.
You're rolling around the roadand your car goes and crashes.
Dawn Rosinger (04:04):
Yeah, yeah, that's kind of everyone.
Travis Rosinger (04:06):
Okay, horrible at the time.
Yeah, fun to tell that storynow.
It really happened.
Dawn Rosinger (04:11):
It's good now that the burns on my legs and my
feet.
Because that was probably oneof the most painful things I'd
ever gone through.
Honestly, I have an extremelyhigh pain tolerance because the
healing from burns, especiallychemical burns that were all
over your legs, was horrible.
But again now they're justscars.
My legs are good at a goodplastic surgeon, but anyways,
just kind of a wild, weird story.
(04:32):
But the reason that we tell youthat story today is because
we're kind of going to betalking about fire, right?
Travis Rosinger (04:38):
Yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (04:38):
Bernie, what does , what can fire do?
Fire can burn us right andcause a lot of injuries.
Travis Rosinger (04:43):
It's bad stuff if we're not careful.
Man like fire is hot, fire ifit's close is danger.
But fire also, um, is a warninglike something could be very
wrong with that feeling you hadin that car.
I remember when I was a kid, Imean, the house was on fire, at
least that's what our neighbortold us.
So it's like, wow, that freaksyou out and maybe should yeah,
(05:07):
you know, I told that storyrecently and this week.
Dawn Rosinger (05:10):
As we're just thinking about marriages and all
of you that are listening, werealize that there are some of
you right now that yourmarriages are on fire.
For those of you where yourmarriage is, you don't need me
to explain that.
You know exactly what I'mtalking about Because you know
that that's what your marriageis at right now.
Travis Rosinger (05:30):
Yeah, they feel the heat.
You, you see the fire, you,it's danger, right, and you're
thinking Well, this isn't myhouse, it's not my car, it's
literally my marriage and it'son fire.
What am I going to do you?
Dawn Rosinger (05:43):
know, there are times when your marriage is on
fire and you need some immediatehelp, kind of like I did when I
, when my legs were on fire.
I needed someone to call nineand one, and they get the
paramedics and need to go to thehospital.
Um, but maybe with yourmarriage, maybe everything feels
like it's out of control andyour relationship seems doomed
for destruction.
So what do you do when yourmarriage is spiraling out of
(06:04):
control and the flames ofconflict and shattered
expectations are just raging allaround you and there's just
smoke everywhere?
Travis Rosinger (06:11):
Yeah that that's a bad place, that's not a
good thing, and it's time forsolutions.
It's time to be able to dial911 and get that help.
Dawn Rosinger (06:19):
So that is the point of this episode.
We want this episode to be asort of first responder for your
marriage and your own heart.
We, honestly, we just want tohelp you.
Travis Rosinger (06:30):
We do we?
We so want to help and I thinkit's important to be able to
Just stop with everybody that'slistening, even looking at our
own marriage, and saying, hey,is there anything that's smoking
right now?
Do we see little sparks flyingaround or flames, or is
something burning?
Yeah, out of control in ourrelationship.
Dawn Rosinger (06:48):
Well, let me just throw this in there for those
of you that might be tempted tonot listen and turn this off
right now.
We just want to challenge youto keep listening, because much
of what we're going to talkabout May have already applied
to you in your marriage, butwill likely apply to you in your
marriage Sometime in the nearfuture.
Travis Rosinger (07:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I think what you're saying too,
don, is.
There's so many people that youmight be listening right now.
Maybe you feel like, oh, mymarriage is healthy and
everything's going great, butthe reality is what we're about
to talk about.
Uh, there, there are so manythings that just apply to all of
us every day, but especially tothose where their relationships
are on fire, and that is, again, the title of this episode help
(07:28):
, my marriage is on fire.
So, again, as you're listeningto this, maybe, though, that is
you Maybe you feel that heat inyour marriage, or you feel that
you know that, that that kind ofspark or smoke Swirling around
you, and you're thinking, oh mygosh, like we can't put it out
with our own personal fireextinguisher, we need help.
(07:49):
Maybe that's why you'relistening, yeah, to this podcast
.
Or you're about to reach outfor other kinds of help, and
that is the title of thisepisode help, my marriage is on
fire.
So what do you do to put outthe flames and save your
marriage from future Damage?
Dawn Rosinger (08:06):
that's a great question, because I know we've
all been at that point where wejust need to call 911.
So what can we do in thosemoments?
Travis Rosinger (08:12):
Yeah and Don, you and I have experienced this
before and I think the realityis, if you want to put it out,
you got to first of allrecognize that evil is literally
launching an all-out assault Onyou as individuals and on your
marriage as a couple, that'spart of what's happening.
Dawn Rosinger (08:30):
Yeah, I totally love that.
I love that you want torecognize what is the source.
What is the source of that fire?
And oftentimes, in thebeginning, it's evil.
Travis Rosinger (08:38):
Yeah, we're told as kids not to play with
matches, but the reality is thedemons of hell and and Satan
himself and evil they play withmatches every day and they're
trying to start marriages onfire, trying to discourage you
and trying to destroy you,trying to completely separate
you totally so.
Evil literally wants you to gofrom arguing over what to eat
for supper or over who didn'tput the dishes and the
(08:59):
dishwasher to.
I want a divorce.
That's it.
I want a divorce.
And what's so weird is it didstart with the dishes not being
put in the dishwasher, or it didstart with what to eat for
supper.
And these are crazy thoughtsthat pop up in your mind.
But make no mistake about itJust because their ideas that
pop up in your mind doesn't meanthat they are your thoughts.
(09:23):
In other words, what we'retrying to tell you is, when evil
has an all out assault on youor your marriage, it's the evil
one and it's this fiery dartsand he's trying to put those
thoughts into your mind.
And when we think a thought, wenaturally think well, that's my
thought, but the reality is,many times they're put there by
the devil.
Dawn Rosinger (09:42):
I love how you say that oftentimes, if we have
that idea, that thought, itdoesn't mean that those are your
thoughts.
And just distinguishing.
Is this my thought or is thishonestly the enemy evil?
When we say evil, we're talkingabout the devil, like we
believe in God and we believe inthe devil, and we're talking
about the devil just trying todestroy our marriages.
Travis Rosinger (10:00):
Yeah, and that's why in Ephesians, chapter
six, here's what it says.
It gives us this incredibleadvice that really helps us to
put out the fire in ourmarriages.
It says finally, be strong inthe Lord and in his mighty power
.
And here's how you do it put onthe full armor of God so that
you can take your stand againstthe devil's schemes.
(10:21):
Isn't that interesting that itsays devil's schemes?
Why is it being written to usand talking about his schemes?
Because he's got a strategy.
He's up to no good.
And then it goes on and says inaddition to all this, take up
the shield of faith.
Why?
What will it do, it says, withwhich you can extinguish all the
flaming arrows of the evil?
Dawn Rosinger (10:43):
one.
There's that fire.
That's how you can put it outman.
Travis Rosinger (10:46):
It's the fire and it's the thoughts and he's
shooting them at us.
But how do you do that?
How do you put out those flames?
Certainly by faith, that shieldof faith.
But then it says even this takethe helmet of salvation and the
sword of the spirit, which isthe word of God.
When I get stupid thoughts thataren't mying, I know they're not
mying, they're evil, they'refrom the devil, like hey, don,
(11:09):
you ticked me off and now I justwanna move out of the house.
Man, it's important to rightaway say but what does the word
of God say and what is the wordof God?
We're married for life and wedo this together.
We don't abandon each other,and so the reality is, the evil
one is the father of lies, andif he can get you to believe his
lies, then he has won.
He has set your house, yourmarriage, your car, he set your
(11:31):
life on fire.
So we also don't wanna assumethat just because we're extra
irritable, that, like you, don,as my spouse, you're just extra
annoying and I'm just having abad day and then that's all
that's going on.
Well, we need to remember thatevil not only tries to hit us
with lies and crazy ideas, butit's also trying to push our
(11:54):
buttons so that we blow up ateach other.
You know those moments, don,when I haven't had enough to eat
.
Dawn Rosinger (11:59):
And I'm getting hangry.
But the devil might try to pushme a little bit further off the
hangry edge right, yep, or onthe days we're just lack of
sleep or we're just extra busyor stresses come in, then that's
when the devil can really comein between us and just throw
those goofy thoughts or ideasinto our head.
Travis Rosinger (12:17):
And when you respond to my stupidity or
something I'm saying or doingand you take it a step further.
Sometimes that's evil justnudging us and prodding us.
And that's the interestingthing is, evil doesn't sleep, it
doesn't give up, it just keepscoming.
And that's why we must stop andpray for God's help,
individually and as couples.
That's why we must stop,sometimes literally in the
(12:38):
middle of a really pettyconflict that's starting to burn
out of control, and acknowledgethat evil may have started the
fire or added an accelerant.
Dawn Rosinger (12:48):
I love that first point.
Just remember, man, that we'refighting against evil, and
oftentimes, when things come in,it's just evil Trying to rip us
apart.
So what do you do when yourmarriage is on fire?
It's important to remember thateveryone is a sinner, even you,
travis, you are a sinner.
Meet Don.
Travis Rosinger (13:06):
Iam Thanks for that reminder, sinner.
Dawn Rosinger (13:08):
You know what we all get to eat dirt on the floor
begging God for forgiveness.
That's the picture that Jesusgave of the man who is righteous
.
He got in the dirt and wouldn'teven walk into the church.
Travis Rosinger (13:20):
Love that story .
Dawn Rosinger (13:21):
In Luke 18, 13,.
It says Instead, he beat hischest and sorrow, saying oh God,
be merciful to me, for I am asinner.
I tell you, this sinner not thePharisee returned home
justified before God, for thosewho exalt themselves will be
humbled and those who humblethemselves will be exalted.
So what does this mean?
It means you're not perfect.
(13:42):
I hate to tell you this, Travis, you're not perfect, but guess
what I have to tell myself?
I'm not perfect.
We all need to get a lot morehumble and lower ourselves.
We forgot to just ask Him forforgiveness for anything we've
done wrong.
We need to do that today,tomorrow every single day in 10
years.
We need to get humble and weneed to stay humble.
Travis Rosinger (14:02):
Yeah, it's never ending.
In other words yeah, that's sogood and just getting in the
dirt and realizing we need to below, god needs to be high and
we need to honor other peopleand just get humble.
I love that from Jesus.
Dawn Rosinger (14:14):
So we're talking about marriages being on fire,
and some of us are in that placewhere our marriage is on fire.
So how do you put out the fire?
So try this stop judging yourspouse and start judging
yourself.
You know why is it so darn easyto see the wrong in someone
else's life, but rarely see ourown glaring flaws?
Jesus was so clear that weshould become much better at
(14:36):
taking out the bad out of ourown lives, our attitudes and
behaviors, than trying to pointout the little issues in other
people's lives.
It's really easy.
I can look at you, try to say,oh yeah, you do this, you do
that, you do that, and just noteven look at all the things that
I do wrong.
Travis Rosinger (14:50):
Yeah, we each have a list of the things that
the other does wrong, but mylist only has one thing on it,
or zero things on it.
Why is that?
Dawn Rosinger (14:59):
You know, man, you're way worse than I am right
.
That's horrible, that's theattitude, but sometimes that's
honestly.
That's how we view each other.
Travis Rosinger (15:06):
It really is yes.
Dawn Rosinger (15:07):
Well, in Matthew 7, 3-5, it says why do you look
at the speck of psalus in yourbrother's eye and pay no
attention to the plank in yourown eye?
How can you say to your brother, let me take the speck out of
your eye, when all the timethere is a plank in your own eye
?
You hypocrite.
First take the plank out ofyour own eye and then you will
see clearly to remove the speckfrom your brother's eye.
(15:31):
We have to remember these areJesus's words here and he is
using a piece of wood as ametaphor and then looking at the
sawdust in someone's eye.
Just think of the difference insizes and that's the comparison
that he's trying to the picturethat he's trying to give us, and
it's so true.
There's oftentimes that I canlook at you and point out all
the little things and think thatI'm just perfect, when I just
(15:54):
have massive plank in my own eye.
I think the problem withjudging your spouse all the time
is that you really start to seethem as your enemy.
But are they?
Are you my enemy?
No, absolutely not.
They're your friend, your lover, parent of your children,
lifelong companion, fellowadventurer and trusted ally.
Like we're on the same team.
Our spouse is not our enemy.
(16:16):
Jesus started that piece ofadvice with these words do not
judge, or you too will be judged.
For in the same way you judgeothers, you will be judged, and
with the measure you use it willbe measured.
Travis Rosinger (16:27):
Yeah, you know, what I think he's trying to say
is, Don, if I'm maybe gonna beharsh with you as my wife and
constantly nitpick and puteverything you do under a
microscope and judge you thatharshly, Jesus is warning me.
He's warning everybody else outthere that's listening.
Hey, if you treat your spouselike that, you're gonna be
judged that way.
Whether it's by your spouse inreturn or by God you're gonna be
(16:48):
held to a higher standard, ahigher level of accountability.
It's better to just give yourspouse grace and overlook it.
Dawn Rosinger (16:55):
Yeah, sure, you know, sometimes I think we're
just either too stressed out ormaybe just over-scheduled, which
can cause us to really justnitpick our spouse, and maybe or
maybe we're just bored and weneed to get more hobbies so that
we don't make judging ornitpicking our spouse just our
hobby.
Like, hey, like I'm gonna findevery single thing wrong with
you and that's gonna be my hobby.
You know, maybe we're sport,maybe we need to.
(17:15):
You know, make sure we'reoccupying ourselves with more
productive things than justnitpicking our spouse.
Travis Rosinger (17:20):
And we do that privately.
But we met couples who do thatpublicly, where they'll just sit
there and it is like they don'thave another hobby and they
just rip on their spouse overand over and over again.
Dawn Rosinger (17:30):
I feel like it can quickly spiral out of
control too, because there canbe one little thing and then
that little thing can lead toother things that you just keep
seeing.
And, man, you just need tobreak that cycle.
Travis Rosinger (17:39):
Yeah.
So it's really all aboutgrabbing the fire extinguisher,
dialing 911 and getting thefirefighters, the firemen, to
come, and what we're talkingabout is putting the fire out in
your marriage.
If your marriage is on fire,how do you do that?
How do you dial 911, get thefire extinguisher?
Well, part of it is justagreeing to stop blaming each
(18:00):
other, and this goes beyondjudging.
This is taking what we shouldn'tbe thinking about our spouses
and then verbalizing it, andthat's a problem.
You know, sometimes we'll havea bad thought and it's probably
from the devil, but we need tolet it go.
Instead, we cross the line andwe verbalize it.
So it's time to wave the whiteflag and decide that your
(18:21):
language of accusing each otherand blaming each other is gonna
take a very long vacation.
In other words, we're done withthat behavior, we're done with
that attitude.
We're gonna pack its bag andtell blaming.
It is no longer allowed in ourhome and in our marriage.
We're gonna get rid of that andit's just okay.
If I'm gonna put the fire out,I gotta stop blaming my spouse.
(18:43):
I gotta start looking at myself.
Dawn Rosinger (18:45):
And honestly just taking responsibility sometimes
for your own actions.
Travis Rosinger (18:48):
Yes, which is so helpful.
Author Elizabeth Gilbert saidthis.
She said you can measure thehappiness of a marriage by the
number of scars that eachpartner carries on their tongues
, earned from years of bitingback angry.
Dawn Rosinger (19:03):
Oh, that's good.
Alright, travis, let's see yourtongue.
Yeah, how many scars do youhave?
Travis Rosinger (19:07):
Hopefully a lot of them yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (19:10):
That's something that we still are working on.
I think we need more.
I think our time needs somemore scars.
Travis Rosinger (19:13):
We are absolutely working out.
We're loving the fight,fighting for our marriage.
So how do you put out thefirewall?
It's also remembering the lovethat used to have for each other
when you first became a couple.
And allow that to be amotivation to open up kind of
the fire hydrant and pour coldwater on the burning flames of
your marriage.
And what does that look like?
It means choosing love and tothink of your love and, of
(19:37):
course, this will start tochange the way you feel about
your spouse.
But we don't want you to stopat thinking about how much you
love your spouse or how greatthat feeling was when you first
got together.
Instead, we want you to startwriting them notes or sending
them texts or telling them howyour love for them is strong and
deep and growing.
Verbalize it, write itelectronically, send it whatever
(20:00):
, but share with them the thingsthat you love the most about
them, and the flames and theheat and the danger is going to
disappear and your marriage isgoing to be restored.
Dawn Rosinger (20:10):
I love that.
I think there's something verypowerful about just reminiscing
about the past.
Not only would I have areminiscing about all the
positive things, especiallyearly on in the relationship,
when we didn't see the flaws ineach other.
It was just, everything wasromantic.
Travis Rosinger (20:24):
Yeah, like back when I had hair right.
Yeah, I know you meant romance,but I did have hair back then.
And it looked pretty darn good.
Dawn Rosinger (20:33):
Well, I think this last key that we're going
to give you, but probably themost important thing, is how do
you put out the fire?
Start praying together for oneanother, for your marriage and
against the evil that isattacking you.
I know we said this earlier,but we can't emphasize it enough
.
Prayer is one of the greatestways we can help our own
marriages.
We can change our own hearts inthe process and we can access
(20:55):
the power of God.
Prayer is just a massive dual.
Travis Rosinger (20:59):
So true.
Dawn Rosinger (20:59):
Powerful.
Travis Rosinger (21:01):
It works.
Dawn Rosinger (21:01):
Yes, we can and should pray that God would drive
away all evil from our ownhearts and from our
relationships, but we also needto just pray to ask God to fill
us with his love.
God's love is the goal, thetarget for the kind of love that
we need in our marriages.
I know commentators Everymorning before we leave, I feel
like we just try to stop andpray.
(21:22):
We do pray for our marriagesbecause we know that there's an
evil one Like.
Let's pray against the evil onewe do, but then just pray for
each other and just encourageeach other, lift each other up.
Travis Rosinger (21:30):
And we did that this morning.
You, just right before you,walked out the door, you just
grabbed me, hugged me and saidhey, let's pray together and
that's just a habit that we have, but it is so good and I think
we would really encourage you aswell.
Get help, find a Christiancounselor or pastor that you can
see either in person or online,but be honest about the flaws
(21:50):
that both of you have.
Don't let any seeking of adviceor help be an opportunity to
kind of you know, point thefinger at your spouse.
Instead, make it a chance foryou to grow and become a better
person and a better husband anda better wife Right, yeah,
absolutely All of you guys.
Dawn Rosinger (22:07):
Time for us to be firefighters, right?
Pull out that fire extinguisherand man, just put out the smoke
, put out the fire and do someof these things that we just
suggested.
Now, you guys, you got toremember, when we do a podcast,
we are talking to ourselves inthe process.
So as we are fighting for ourmarriage, as we're extinguishing
fires, we are doing that in ourown life as well.
(22:28):
But we just so believe in youand we want to make sure that
you are living your best lifeand just enjoying your marriage
along the way.
Travis Rosinger (22:36):
Yeah, and the reason why we're doing it is man
, there was a fire or anexplosion at a house in the
national news just two days agoand there's nothing left and
that's really a picture of whatcan happen to marriages.
We don't want that to happen toour marriage.
31 years of marriage on to 32.
Right, yes, and we just want tomake sure that all the fires
(22:57):
are put out and we're lovinglife, loving each other.
Dawn Rosinger (22:59):
Right, you guys, honestly, we believe in you.
You can do it.
Well, we just want to thank youfor listening to this episode
of the Love in the FightMarriage Podcast.
Remember, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
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