March 29, 2024 • 20 mins
We can all learn from our successes and failures that we experience in our own marriages. But possibly the most powerful way to learn, is through the marriages of others, who are succeeding! Marriage advice abounds in the lives of those who have chosen commitment and vows over wishful thinking or giving up and walking away.
Join hosts, Travis and Dawn Rosinger, as they share their individual experiences of hearing the stories of two very different marriages that both had a profound impact on them. This episode is a chance to learn from those marriage stories and the attitudes that can bring all of our marriages success! Grab a bowl of popcorn, jump on a treadmill, or just go for a walk as you listen to this incredibly relatable episode! You won’t regret it!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
Join hosts, Travis and Dawn Rosinger, as they share their individual experiences of hearing the stories of two very different marriages that both had a profound impact on them. This episode is a chance to learn from those marriage stories and the attitudes that can bring all of our marriages success! Grab a bowl of popcorn, jump on a treadmill, or just go for a walk as you listen to this incredibly relatable episode! You won’t regret it!
Travis and Dawn Rosinger are the Loving The Fight Marriage Podcast Hosts and Authors of the books, Verbalosity - 7 Steps to a Verbally Generous and More Fulfilling Marriage and their newest book, Gripping - What Matters Most | A Life and Relationships That Hold on to You
For more information about Travis and Dawn Rosinger go to Loving The Fight
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Dawn Rosinger (00:12):
Well, hey everyone.
I want to welcome you to theLove and the Fight Marriage
Podcast.
My name is Dawn and I'm sittinghere with my husband and my
co-host, travis.
Travis Rosinger (00:20):
Yeah, we're so glad that you guys are joining
us.
It's good to be here with you,dawn, and just to have a chance
to connect with everyone who'slistening.
We think it's so special thatyou guys have tuned in but also
to talk about marriage, right,one of the easiest relationships
in the world, one of thetoughest, absolutely one of the
(00:40):
most difficult Relationships inthe world.
Dawn Rosinger (00:45):
Why did you look at me that way when you said
that I'm totally kidding,totally kidding, but it is tough
.
Travis Rosinger (00:47):
I'm tough sometimes, you're tough, but man
is it good to really thinkthrough.
Oh wow, what could our marriageneed and how can we implement
that and really make things getbetter?
Dawn Rosinger (00:58):
And, at the end of the day, we just want to
remind you and ourselves to keeploving the fight.
Travis Rosinger (01:03):
Oh man, keep it up, keep loving it and keep
fighting Right, yeah, don't giveup.
Dawn Rosinger (01:09):
Today is an extra good day because today we woke
up and we were feeling great, ohmy gosh, so good.
And the reason that we can saythat is because last week, on
our days off, we woke up and wehad three days off.
We were so excited and I wokeup and I'm like, oh, I don't
feel so well.
Travis Rosinger (01:27):
Yeah, I think I felt like death.
Dawn Rosinger (01:29):
It was not the greatest I'm like man, my
stomach is hurting.
I feel achy.
I felt like we kind of had afever.
I'm like I looked at you, I'mlike I don't feel good.
So that actually determined ournext couple of days.
We laid low to the best of ourability because there were some
things we had to do, but to thebest of our ability we laid low
(01:50):
and just hung out, watched a lotof house hunters.
We love those shows on HGTV.
Travis Rosinger (01:55):
That was so fun yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (01:57):
Took two different naps actually, which
was a lot for a day, and sureenough, that third day we woke
up feeling much better.
So today, on our day off, it'sso exciting to go, we feel great
.
You can totally tell whenyou're sick versus when you're
not sick and I thank you, jesus,for health Like I don't like to
feel nauseous or sick.
Travis Rosinger (02:16):
Right, right, yeah, waking up and getting a
good workout in and eating ahealthy breakfast and just
feeling alive, not feeling likesomebody you know just stuck a
knife in my stomach and twistedit.
Dawn Rosinger (02:28):
We never threw up .
We never threw up and maybethat would have been better.
But I'm like oh, but thingswent south, if you know what I
mean.
Travis Rosinger (02:35):
we didn't throw up, but we went to the bathroom
a lot and that was pretty rough, but so glad that's behind us.
Excuse the pun, but it's gone.
Dawn Rosinger (02:44):
Yes, literally it is gone, which is great and
whatever virus or bug was in ourstomach is gone as well.
But it's cool because the thirdday we woke up and then we were
able to go the following dayand celebrate a birthday.
Like we went to a birthdayparty and it was so much fun.
I love birthday parties, ohit's great.
And such a great turnout.
Everybody was in a good mood,the decor birthday parties.
Travis Rosinger (03:03):
Oh, it was great.
And such a great turnout.
Everybody was in a good mood,the decor was amazing.
Dawn Rosinger (03:08):
We helped with the decor.
We helped, and it was ourgranddaughter's birthday, her
first birthday, so we helped ourdaughter blow up this big
balloon arch.
Travis Rosinger (03:16):
A hundred balloons, but we weren't the
designers.
We can't take credit.
No, we just had to use our air.
Yeah, we just had to use ourair.
Dawn Rosinger (03:22):
Yeah, to use our fingers to tie balloons and
she's incredible at designingthings.
Travis Rosinger (03:25):
Yeah, it was beautiful, that's what I was
going to say.
Yeah, it looked so good, butsuch a fun atmosphere and they
had a raging fire in theirbasement and just tons and tons
of great food like snack foodand delicious sweets, and then,
of course, the birthday cake,which was spectacular.
Dawn Rosinger (03:41):
I love birthday parties.
I love people.
I the birthday cake, which wasspectacular.
I love birthday parties.
I love people.
I love the energy man.
I wish we could have a partyevery day, but we should just
have one every day in our house.
Travis Rosinger (03:54):
We should.
We're married, we're surviving,we should celebrate that every
day A birthday party without thefeeling of death and without
getting older.
Dawn Rosinger (03:58):
I mean, every day we get older, but I wouldn't
want to get a year older everyday.
Travis Rosinger (04:01):
That's true.
That would be intense.
No yeah, In like a week I'd beusing a cane.
That would be rough.
Well, hey guys, the title ofthis episode today is two
powerful marriage stories thatjust might make you change the
way you think about yourmarriage.
Dawn Rosinger (04:17):
I love the title but it's kind of long.
It's a mouthful, but it's great.
Yeah, I like what you're tryingto say.
Travis Rosinger (04:23):
I think it's just, you should say, two
powerful marriage stories, butit did change the way that we
think, or at least reinforcedwhat we think and believe, and
also gave us a slightlydifferent perspective from two
different people.
That we are not we're not them,and they shared some really
really cool things.
Dawn Rosinger (04:41):
And it happened about a week apart from each
other and I remember you sharedyour story with me and I shared
my story with you and I'm likethese are really powerful
stories.
Travis Rosinger (04:48):
Really powerful , completely have to do with
marriage and we're like we needto share these stories, yeah,
and I think partly we wanted toshare them was because there
were those conversations wherethe person's sharing their story
and all of a sudden it's likewhoa, like a light bulb from God
just gets flipped on and you'relike no, no, no, I need to
listen to this.
(05:09):
This is a powerful moment, andso I think God was speaking to
me, speaking to you, dawn, butwe also wanted to make sure we
could share it with you guys.
So it's not necessarily ourcontent, it's just an experience
that we had.
So, basically, twoconversations started with me.
I was talking to a lady abouttwo weeks ago and just asking
questions about her and her lifeand her husband and their
(05:32):
marriage, and so I just said,hey, how long have you guys been
married?
And she said 38 years and I waslike oh my gosh, that's a long
time.
I high-fived her.
I'm like way to go, keep thatup, you guys are doing great.
But then she kind of, you know,got a little more vulnerable
and told me a little bit moreabout their story, how they had
gone through some ups and downs,and then she made this
(05:55):
statement and it just kind ofhit me like a ton of bricks.
She said I don't want God torestore my marriage back to what
it was like the first 10 yearsof our marriage, when it was
amazing.
She said no, back to what itwas like the first 10 years of
our marriage, when it wasamazing.
She said no, I want God to giveme a brand new one with my
husband.
Dawn Rosinger (06:09):
Wow, that's an amazing perspective.
Travis Rosinger (06:12):
It was so cool.
It's not exactly the way that Iwould have thought anybody
would have said it, cause I waslike, well, I thought, you know,
having your marriage restored,you know, to the way that it was
, you know, um, it's a positivething, it's a good thing, yeah,
yeah.
But really what she was tryingto communicate was she didn't
want the old one restored, shewanted an even better one, a new
(06:38):
one, one that would be waybetter than, like the first 10
years of their marriage whenthings were going great.
And I just thought, wow, that'sso cool.
And then we continued to talkand she said, yeah, people come
up to me all the time.
You know, 38 years of marriageand I'll be talking to a friend
who's a lady.
And she said, you know, some ofthem will say, hey, you're
lucky, you're still married,you're lucky.
And she said I look at themusually and I tell them there is
no luck in marriage.
(06:59):
It takes hard work to have agreat marriage.
There's no getting around.
That, she said, and I just lovethat.
It's like she's really bluntand she's just like boom.
This is what I believe and it'strue.
You know, some people who maybearen't married any longer, you
know, would look at somebodylike her and say, oh, you're
just lucky.
You're just lucky, you just gotthe perfect husband, or you're
(07:21):
the perfect wife for the perfectmarriage, and I just loved her
candor her honesty.
She's like nope, there's noluck involved at all.
It's all hard work.
Dawn Rosinger (07:37):
Why would you give the credit to?
A good marriage to luck.
I know marriage takes time.
Like I want the credit I don'twant you know, obviously God,
god gets the credit, but I don'twant luck to have the credit
and that is so true.
Travis Rosinger (07:44):
I mean, you know she, she's just really um
wanting to say, hey, my marriageis in the best place it's ever
been and I can't credit luck toit so well, hey, these were
moments that just really made mestop and think.
And so some things that Ilearned from this conversation
with this lady who was marriedto her husband for 38 years.
(08:05):
These things that she saidreminded me of truths that we
all need to remember.
And again, what did she say?
She said I don't want God torestore what I once had.
I want a better one, I want anew one.
And so what did I learn?
It made me realize again thatwe need to stop asking God for
the wrong thing.
What does that mean?
It means we should be askingGod to do a new thing every day,
(08:28):
saying God, give me a newmarriage, a better marriage.
Why ask God to restoresomething that is old and broken
?
I mean, it's a bad idea to askGod to restore something that
just didn't measure up and wasnever quite as good as you would
want it to be Especially yeahwhen in the Bible it says that
God's mercies are new.
Dawn Rosinger (08:47):
Every morning we get a new day.
Why not ask for something neweven in our marriage, every
single day?
Travis Rosinger (08:51):
Yeah, and I agree, Dawn, because that's who
we can go to and he's good forit.
But in our marriage, everysingle day, yeah, and and I
agree, don, because that's whowe can go to and he's good for
it.
But in our culture, I mean, youknow, basically we think that
the only way to start over andget something new or better is
to find another person.
Dawn Rosinger (09:04):
Get rid of the old and bring in the new.
Travis Rosinger (09:06):
Oh, he wasn't what I wanted, or she didn't,
you know, help me to have a goodenough marriage, so I just need
to start over.
Well, that's not true.
We sometimes just need to letthe past die and start with the
same person, and that's reallywhat she was getting at yes,
something new, something better.
And it also reminded me that weneed to start believing God for
(09:28):
something new, having that faithand that was what she was and
is continuing to do, and I couldsee this in her smile and I
could hear it in her voice, andit's really what Isaiah, chapter
43, verse 18 and 19.
It's what the prophet isgetting at when he's talking
about a characteristic of Godgiving us new things.
Here's what it says Forget theformer things, do not dwell on
(09:50):
the past.
See, I am doing a new thing.
Now it springs up, do you notperceive it?
I am making a way in thewilderness and streams in the
wasteland.
That's an amazing verse.
It's incredible.
God is doing a new thing, andthe picture it gives us is that
God is going to bring streams ina desert, in a wilderness, and
(10:14):
so I just love that part.
But again, what else did Ilearn from that conversation?
She said there's no luck inmarriage, and just some
reminders a perfect marriage isa facade.
She's right.
Dawn Rosinger (10:25):
Right, there is no perfect marriage.
It's not true at all.
It doesn't exist.
Travis Rosinger (10:29):
Yeah, we hear from couples sometimes.
They'll say we never fight, youknow, and that's great.
But let's be honest, theirmarriage still isn't perfect.
Dawn Rosinger (10:38):
There's still flaws or issues somewhere
somehow they might just havemore self-control.
Maybe aren't saying the thingsthat they want to say, but
honestly, I look at those andI'm like is there communication
there if you're never fighting,Right?
Travis Rosinger (10:50):
Yeah, are they getting past some of the hurdles
that they should have gottenpast 10 years?
Dawn Rosinger (10:54):
ago.
Travis Rosinger (10:55):
Other things that I learned marriage always
takes work, lots of work, andwhen you have worked on it, you
got to work on it some more ofcourse.
And, of course, you have to makea choice that you won't give up
.
And that's what she's done, andthat's what we're continuing to
do, that's what you guys aredoing that are listening, and
you have to roll up your sleevesand actually do the work on
yourself and your marriage tomake it better.
(11:18):
One of our favorite verses inthe world Ecclesiastes 4, 5
through 6 says fools fold theirhands and ruin themselves.
In other words, they do nothingbut better one handful with
tranquility than two handfulswith toil and chasing after the
wind.
And so we don't want to be onthose far extremes, you know.
We want to be in that middleground where we're content and
(11:40):
we're working on ourselves andour marriage and we're not
facing ruin.
Dawn Rosinger (11:44):
Well, about a week after that you had that
conversation with that lady Imet an elderly gentleman who had
the most welcoming smile andpresence.
He was so kind and we justbegan to chat for a little while
and he began to tell me abouthis wife.
You see, he had been marriedfor 67 years and his wife just
died about two months ago in hisarms at his home.
(12:06):
And he kind of began to unpackhis story with his wife in the
last 67 years and he said now hesits at his kitchen table and
he looks at her chair and thatempty spot and just wishes that
he could hear her voice againand eat with her.
He misses her incredibly.
It was just the love that youcould feel coming from him as
(12:27):
he's talking about his wife andwhat he wished could happen
still, he cherished her andwishes he could have her back.
He did Well.
He went on to tell me that he'dbeen married for 67 years, but
he jumped in as quick aspossible, as quick as he said 67
years he's like not all goodyears, but they stayed together
and they worked at it.
They didn't give up, and he wasso thankful that they never
(12:49):
gave up because he was the onewho was able to hold her when
she died in his arms at theirhome.
Travis Rosinger (12:56):
Incredible oh my gosh.
Dawn Rosinger (12:57):
He went on to say that he's so thankful for their
faith in Jesus and that heknows that he's going to see her
again one day in heaven when hepasses.
But man just listening to hisstory and just seeing his eyes
just full of love, and it justmade me want to cry as he was
just telling me.
Travis Rosinger (13:13):
I don't know how you didn't, it was just
crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (13:15):
One of those moments you just time stops and
you're listening.
You're like I can't believehe's sharing this with me.
What an honor to hear his story, but that he was sharing that
with me.
Well, as I walked away fromthat conversation and I just
began to think about his story,the part that jumped out to me
the most in his story and hislife was when he said quickly
they weren't all good years,that they had to work on their
(13:38):
marriage to make it for those 67years.
Travis Rosinger (13:42):
I love that, yeah, like his honesty, his
truthfulness, his liketransparency and willing to say
we had 67 great years, but therewasn't perfection in every last
one of them.
Dawn Rosinger (13:54):
And he could have went on and just said you know,
hey, no, 67 years, they'reamazing, they're awesome, but no
, he was just honest.
That marriage takes work, thatmarriage is hard.
Well, there's a couple ofthings that I learned from just
this gentleman and talking tohim.
The first thing is this yourspouse is irreplaceable.
You know what?
I could tell that his wife andthis gentleman's wife was just a
(14:15):
treasure to him and I couldtell by how he cared for her and
loved her until the end andthat was so inspiring to me.
He knows she was a treasure andhe treated her like that and,
honestly, sitting across thetable at an empty chair.
She's irreplaceable.
Travis Rosinger (14:31):
Oh, that's so hard to hear but to know as well
.
You know that he had 67 yearswhere she sat in that chair, and
we don't want to take ourspouses for granted because, one
day they will leave us or wewill leave them.
We all leave this earth.
Dawn Rosinger (14:45):
Yeah, one day the chair will be empty and
hopefully for us.
I'm hoping it's together,hopefully we'll go at the same
time, but we just never know.
But I, man, I just put myself inhis shoes and I'm like I don't
want to see an empty chair crashfrom the table, but I know it
will one day happen.
Something else I learned as Iwas thinking about this
gentleman's story was thatperfect marriages don't finish
(15:06):
well.
Real ones do.
He admitted that.
You know his marriage wasn'tperfect and no marriage is
perfect.
I know we already said thatbefore and he could have just
walked away, but he didn't.
Travis Rosinger (15:18):
No, they stuck with it.
Dawn Rosinger (15:20):
No, and it's the real one.
That's the one that finisheswell.
He was able to cross thatfinish line with her in that
moment of marriage, as she wastaking her last breath.
The last thing that I learnedfrom him and just again just
thinking through this wholestory is giving up isn't an
option in marriage.
They didn't give up In thosehard times 67 years of hard
(15:43):
times, good years and bad yearsthey didn't give up.
They fought for their marriageand, honestly, all the work that
they put in got them to thefinish line.
At the end, like we're runningthis race, we're trying to make
it to the finish line.
And I was able to see he madeit to the finish line with her
and it came down to faith.
Faith was just so important tothem.
(16:04):
Honestly, he said that one dayhe will see her in heaven and he
knew he gave a lot of thatglory to God and just saying
God's the one that helped himget through.
But in heaven, and he knew hegave a lot of that glory to God
and just saying God's the onethat helped him get through.
But they're going to make ittogether now, even though she's
already there, you know he'sgoing to be holding her hand one
day in heaven.
Travis Rosinger (16:19):
Yeah, she's going to be waiting for him.
She probably is, and can't waitto give him a hug when he gets
there.
Dawn Rosinger (16:24):
I found this quote and I was just that's a
great quote it's.
I'm not not even sure who wroteit, but it said this marriage
is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good,
but particularly when they arenot.
That's why we take marriagevows, not wishes.
I love the end of that quote.
(16:44):
That's why we take marriagevows and not wishes Cause if we
did wishes man, we would leteach other down all the time.
Travis Rosinger (16:48):
Well, that's the mic drop.
Yeah, it's not marriage wishes.
It's like, no, I'm here tilldeath, do us part.
And he lived that he did.
She died in his arms and thatsounds sad, but it's actually
the most romantic thing on theplanet to be next to a woman for
67 years, all the way till shebreathed her last breath.
That's not a marriage wish,it's a vow.
Dawn Rosinger (17:09):
And he vowed to stay with her in sickness and in
health, and the good and thebad.
He didn't give up and it paidoff.
Marriagecom says there is nosuch thing as a perfect marriage
, because it is made ofimperfect people.
God is the only one that isperfect, and having him in the
middle of your marriageguarantees perfection in all the
(17:30):
imperfect circumstances.
Travis Rosinger (17:32):
Yeah, yeah, yep .
Dawn Rosinger (17:33):
Again marriage is not perfect, but God, he is the
one.
If he is the center of yourmarriage, he can guarantee
perfection in all the imperfectcircumstances.
I look at our life, Travis, thelast 31 years imperfect
circumstances, but God's been inthe center and we've been able
to take and have so manymemories and just continue to
fight.
And, man, one day we'll belooking at an empty chair.
Travis Rosinger (17:56):
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, that's hard to think
of honestly after all the yearsyou and I have been together.
But man, uh, if it's beenimperfect this last 31 years, a
half of the reason is because ofme.
I'm flawed, I'm imperfect.
I have good days and Lord knows, you know, I have bad days, and
so, anyway, we just want to endwith this thought out of the
(18:17):
book of Romans, chapter 12,verse 10, and this nails it all.
Both of these stories kind ofweaves them together, binds them
together, and that's this bedevoted to one another in love.
Be devoted to one another inlove, be devoted to one another
in love.
Honor one another aboveyourselves.
Dawn Rosinger (18:36):
That's what it takes to have a marriage vow.
Travis Rosinger (18:39):
That's an incredible thought, not some
kind of marriage wish, but no,I'm going to be devoted to you
all the way to the end, throughthe good times and the bad times
.
Dawn Rosinger (18:47):
Well, it's just crazy to sit back and think that
we weren't looking for thosestories.
Well, it's just crazy to sitback and think that we weren't
looking for those stories.
We were just honestly justbeing friendly, talking to
people and man this wealth ofwisdom that just flooded our
hearts in those stories aboutmarriage and it was just such a
fun thing to be a part of suchan honor.
But people are amazing and Ilove that they didn't give up
(19:10):
they are, and just soencouraging to our marriage to
each of us individually?
Yeah, for sure.
Well, with that, we want tothank you for listening to this
episode of the loving the fightmarriage podcast.
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
Well, hey everyone.
I want to welcome you to theLove and the Fight Marriage
Podcast.
My name is Dawn and I'm sittinghere with my husband and my
co-host, travis.
Travis Rosinger (00:20):
Yeah, we're so glad that you guys are joining
us.
It's good to be here with you,dawn, and just to have a chance
to connect with everyone who'slistening.
We think it's so special thatyou guys have tuned in but also
to talk about marriage, right,one of the easiest relationships
in the world, one of thetoughest, absolutely one of the
(00:40):
most difficult Relationships inthe world.
Dawn Rosinger (00:45):
Why did you look at me that way when you said
that I'm totally kidding,totally kidding, but it is tough
.
Travis Rosinger (00:47):
I'm tough sometimes, you're tough, but man
is it good to really thinkthrough.
Oh wow, what could our marriageneed and how can we implement
that and really make things getbetter?
Dawn Rosinger (00:58):
And, at the end of the day, we just want to
remind you and ourselves to keeploving the fight.
Travis Rosinger (01:03):
Oh man, keep it up, keep loving it and keep
fighting Right, yeah, don't giveup.
Dawn Rosinger (01:09):
Today is an extra good day because today we woke
up and we were feeling great, ohmy gosh, so good.
And the reason that we can saythat is because last week, on
our days off, we woke up and wehad three days off.
We were so excited and I wokeup and I'm like, oh, I don't
feel so well.
Travis Rosinger (01:27):
Yeah, I think I felt like death.
Dawn Rosinger (01:29):
It was not the greatest I'm like man, my
stomach is hurting.
I feel achy.
I felt like we kind of had afever.
I'm like I looked at you, I'mlike I don't feel good.
So that actually determined ournext couple of days.
We laid low to the best of ourability because there were some
things we had to do, but to thebest of our ability we laid low
(01:50):
and just hung out, watched a lotof house hunters.
We love those shows on HGTV.
Travis Rosinger (01:55):
That was so fun yeah.
Dawn Rosinger (01:57):
Took two different naps actually, which
was a lot for a day, and sureenough, that third day we woke
up feeling much better.
So today, on our day off, it'sso exciting to go, we feel great
.
You can totally tell whenyou're sick versus when you're
not sick and I thank you, jesus,for health Like I don't like to
feel nauseous or sick.
Travis Rosinger (02:16):
Right, right, yeah, waking up and getting a
good workout in and eating ahealthy breakfast and just
feeling alive, not feeling likesomebody you know just stuck a
knife in my stomach and twistedit.
Dawn Rosinger (02:28):
We never threw up .
We never threw up and maybethat would have been better.
But I'm like oh, but thingswent south, if you know what I
mean.
Travis Rosinger (02:35):
we didn't throw up, but we went to the bathroom
a lot and that was pretty rough, but so glad that's behind us.
Excuse the pun, but it's gone.
Dawn Rosinger (02:44):
Yes, literally it is gone, which is great and
whatever virus or bug was in ourstomach is gone as well.
But it's cool because the thirdday we woke up and then we were
able to go the following dayand celebrate a birthday.
Like we went to a birthdayparty and it was so much fun.
I love birthday parties, ohit's great.
And such a great turnout.
Everybody was in a good mood,the decor birthday parties.
Travis Rosinger (03:03):
Oh, it was great.
And such a great turnout.
Everybody was in a good mood,the decor was amazing.
Dawn Rosinger (03:08):
We helped with the decor.
We helped, and it was ourgranddaughter's birthday, her
first birthday, so we helped ourdaughter blow up this big
balloon arch.
Travis Rosinger (03:16):
A hundred balloons, but we weren't the
designers.
We can't take credit.
No, we just had to use our air.
Yeah, we just had to use ourair.
Dawn Rosinger (03:22):
Yeah, to use our fingers to tie balloons and
she's incredible at designingthings.
Travis Rosinger (03:25):
Yeah, it was beautiful, that's what I was
going to say.
Yeah, it looked so good, butsuch a fun atmosphere and they
had a raging fire in theirbasement and just tons and tons
of great food like snack foodand delicious sweets, and then,
of course, the birthday cake,which was spectacular.
Dawn Rosinger (03:41):
I love birthday parties.
I love people.
I the birthday cake, which wasspectacular.
I love birthday parties.
I love people.
I love the energy man.
I wish we could have a partyevery day, but we should just
have one every day in our house.
Travis Rosinger (03:54):
We should.
We're married, we're surviving,we should celebrate that every
day A birthday party without thefeeling of death and without
getting older.
Dawn Rosinger (03:58):
I mean, every day we get older, but I wouldn't
want to get a year older everyday.
Travis Rosinger (04:01):
That's true.
That would be intense.
No yeah, In like a week I'd beusing a cane.
That would be rough.
Well, hey guys, the title ofthis episode today is two
powerful marriage stories thatjust might make you change the
way you think about yourmarriage.
Dawn Rosinger (04:17):
I love the title but it's kind of long.
It's a mouthful, but it's great.
Yeah, I like what you're tryingto say.
Travis Rosinger (04:23):
I think it's just, you should say, two
powerful marriage stories, butit did change the way that we
think, or at least reinforcedwhat we think and believe, and
also gave us a slightlydifferent perspective from two
different people.
That we are not we're not them,and they shared some really
really cool things.
Dawn Rosinger (04:41):
And it happened about a week apart from each
other and I remember you sharedyour story with me and I shared
my story with you and I'm likethese are really powerful
stories.
Travis Rosinger (04:48):
Really powerful , completely have to do with
marriage and we're like we needto share these stories, yeah,
and I think partly we wanted toshare them was because there
were those conversations wherethe person's sharing their story
and all of a sudden it's likewhoa, like a light bulb from God
just gets flipped on and you'relike no, no, no, I need to
listen to this.
(05:09):
This is a powerful moment, andso I think God was speaking to
me, speaking to you, dawn, butwe also wanted to make sure we
could share it with you guys.
So it's not necessarily ourcontent, it's just an experience
that we had.
So, basically, twoconversations started with me.
I was talking to a lady abouttwo weeks ago and just asking
questions about her and her lifeand her husband and their
(05:32):
marriage, and so I just said,hey, how long have you guys been
married?
And she said 38 years and I waslike oh my gosh, that's a long
time.
I high-fived her.
I'm like way to go, keep thatup, you guys are doing great.
But then she kind of, you know,got a little more vulnerable
and told me a little bit moreabout their story, how they had
gone through some ups and downs,and then she made this
(05:55):
statement and it just kind ofhit me like a ton of bricks.
She said I don't want God torestore my marriage back to what
it was like the first 10 yearsof our marriage, when it was
amazing.
She said no, back to what itwas like the first 10 years of
our marriage, when it wasamazing.
She said no, I want God to giveme a brand new one with my
husband.
Dawn Rosinger (06:09):
Wow, that's an amazing perspective.
Travis Rosinger (06:12):
It was so cool.
It's not exactly the way that Iwould have thought anybody
would have said it, cause I waslike, well, I thought, you know,
having your marriage restored,you know, to the way that it was
, you know, um, it's a positivething, it's a good thing, yeah,
yeah.
But really what she was tryingto communicate was she didn't
want the old one restored, shewanted an even better one, a new
(06:38):
one, one that would be waybetter than, like the first 10
years of their marriage whenthings were going great.
And I just thought, wow, that'sso cool.
And then we continued to talkand she said, yeah, people come
up to me all the time.
You know, 38 years of marriageand I'll be talking to a friend
who's a lady.
And she said, you know, some ofthem will say, hey, you're
lucky, you're still married,you're lucky.
And she said I look at themusually and I tell them there is
no luck in marriage.
(06:59):
It takes hard work to have agreat marriage.
There's no getting around.
That, she said, and I just lovethat.
It's like she's really bluntand she's just like boom.
This is what I believe and it'strue.
You know, some people who maybearen't married any longer, you
know, would look at somebodylike her and say, oh, you're
just lucky.
You're just lucky, you just gotthe perfect husband, or you're
(07:21):
the perfect wife for the perfectmarriage, and I just loved her
candor her honesty.
She's like nope, there's noluck involved at all.
It's all hard work.
Dawn Rosinger (07:37):
Why would you give the credit to?
A good marriage to luck.
I know marriage takes time.
Like I want the credit I don'twant you know, obviously God,
god gets the credit, but I don'twant luck to have the credit
and that is so true.
Travis Rosinger (07:44):
I mean, you know she, she's just really um
wanting to say, hey, my marriageis in the best place it's ever
been and I can't credit luck toit so well, hey, these were
moments that just really made mestop and think.
And so some things that Ilearned from this conversation
with this lady who was marriedto her husband for 38 years.
(08:05):
These things that she saidreminded me of truths that we
all need to remember.
And again, what did she say?
She said I don't want God torestore what I once had.
I want a better one, I want anew one.
And so what did I learn?
It made me realize again thatwe need to stop asking God for
the wrong thing.
What does that mean?
It means we should be askingGod to do a new thing every day,
(08:28):
saying God, give me a newmarriage, a better marriage.
Why ask God to restoresomething that is old and broken
?
I mean, it's a bad idea to askGod to restore something that
just didn't measure up and wasnever quite as good as you would
want it to be Especially yeahwhen in the Bible it says that
God's mercies are new.
Dawn Rosinger (08:47):
Every morning we get a new day.
Why not ask for something neweven in our marriage, every
single day?
Travis Rosinger (08:51):
Yeah, and I agree, Dawn, because that's who
we can go to and he's good forit.
But in our marriage, everysingle day, yeah, and and I
agree, don, because that's whowe can go to and he's good for
it.
But in our culture, I mean, youknow, basically we think that
the only way to start over andget something new or better is
to find another person.
Dawn Rosinger (09:04):
Get rid of the old and bring in the new.
Travis Rosinger (09:06):
Oh, he wasn't what I wanted, or she didn't,
you know, help me to have a goodenough marriage, so I just need
to start over.
Well, that's not true.
We sometimes just need to letthe past die and start with the
same person, and that's reallywhat she was getting at yes,
something new, something better.
And it also reminded me that weneed to start believing God for
(09:28):
something new, having that faithand that was what she was and
is continuing to do, and I couldsee this in her smile and I
could hear it in her voice, andit's really what Isaiah, chapter
43, verse 18 and 19.
It's what the prophet isgetting at when he's talking
about a characteristic of Godgiving us new things.
Here's what it says Forget theformer things, do not dwell on
(09:50):
the past.
See, I am doing a new thing.
Now it springs up, do you notperceive it?
I am making a way in thewilderness and streams in the
wasteland.
That's an amazing verse.
It's incredible.
God is doing a new thing, andthe picture it gives us is that
God is going to bring streams ina desert, in a wilderness, and
(10:14):
so I just love that part.
But again, what else did Ilearn from that conversation?
She said there's no luck inmarriage, and just some
reminders a perfect marriage isa facade.
She's right.
Dawn Rosinger (10:25):
Right, there is no perfect marriage.
It's not true at all.
It doesn't exist.
Travis Rosinger (10:29):
Yeah, we hear from couples sometimes.
They'll say we never fight, youknow, and that's great.
But let's be honest, theirmarriage still isn't perfect.
Dawn Rosinger (10:38):
There's still flaws or issues somewhere
somehow they might just havemore self-control.
Maybe aren't saying the thingsthat they want to say, but
honestly, I look at those andI'm like is there communication
there if you're never fighting,Right?
Travis Rosinger (10:50):
Yeah, are they getting past some of the hurdles
that they should have gottenpast 10 years?
Dawn Rosinger (10:54):
ago.
Travis Rosinger (10:55):
Other things that I learned marriage always
takes work, lots of work, andwhen you have worked on it, you
got to work on it some more ofcourse.
And, of course, you have to makea choice that you won't give up
.
And that's what she's done, andthat's what we're continuing to
do, that's what you guys aredoing that are listening, and
you have to roll up your sleevesand actually do the work on
yourself and your marriage tomake it better.
(11:18):
One of our favorite verses inthe world Ecclesiastes 4, 5
through 6 says fools fold theirhands and ruin themselves.
In other words, they do nothingbut better one handful with
tranquility than two handfulswith toil and chasing after the
wind.
And so we don't want to be onthose far extremes, you know.
We want to be in that middleground where we're content and
(11:40):
we're working on ourselves andour marriage and we're not
facing ruin.
Dawn Rosinger (11:44):
Well, about a week after that you had that
conversation with that lady Imet an elderly gentleman who had
the most welcoming smile andpresence.
He was so kind and we justbegan to chat for a little while
and he began to tell me abouthis wife.
You see, he had been marriedfor 67 years and his wife just
died about two months ago in hisarms at his home.
(12:06):
And he kind of began to unpackhis story with his wife in the
last 67 years and he said now hesits at his kitchen table and
he looks at her chair and thatempty spot and just wishes that
he could hear her voice againand eat with her.
He misses her incredibly.
It was just the love that youcould feel coming from him as
(12:27):
he's talking about his wife andwhat he wished could happen
still, he cherished her andwishes he could have her back.
He did Well.
He went on to tell me that he'dbeen married for 67 years, but
he jumped in as quick aspossible, as quick as he said 67
years he's like not all goodyears, but they stayed together
and they worked at it.
They didn't give up, and he wasso thankful that they never
(12:49):
gave up because he was the onewho was able to hold her when
she died in his arms at theirhome.
Travis Rosinger (12:56):
Incredible oh my gosh.
Dawn Rosinger (12:57):
He went on to say that he's so thankful for their
faith in Jesus and that heknows that he's going to see her
again one day in heaven when hepasses.
But man just listening to hisstory and just seeing his eyes
just full of love, and it justmade me want to cry as he was
just telling me.
Travis Rosinger (13:13):
I don't know how you didn't, it was just
crazy.
Dawn Rosinger (13:15):
One of those moments you just time stops and
you're listening.
You're like I can't believehe's sharing this with me.
What an honor to hear his story, but that he was sharing that
with me.
Well, as I walked away fromthat conversation and I just
began to think about his story,the part that jumped out to me
the most in his story and hislife was when he said quickly
they weren't all good years,that they had to work on their
(13:38):
marriage to make it for those 67years.
Travis Rosinger (13:42):
I love that, yeah, like his honesty, his
truthfulness, his liketransparency and willing to say
we had 67 great years, but therewasn't perfection in every last
one of them.
Dawn Rosinger (13:54):
And he could have went on and just said you know,
hey, no, 67 years, they'reamazing, they're awesome, but no
, he was just honest.
That marriage takes work, thatmarriage is hard.
Well, there's a couple ofthings that I learned from just
this gentleman and talking tohim.
The first thing is this yourspouse is irreplaceable.
You know what?
I could tell that his wife andthis gentleman's wife was just a
(14:15):
treasure to him and I couldtell by how he cared for her and
loved her until the end andthat was so inspiring to me.
He knows she was a treasure andhe treated her like that and,
honestly, sitting across thetable at an empty chair.
She's irreplaceable.
Travis Rosinger (14:31):
Oh, that's so hard to hear but to know as well
.
You know that he had 67 yearswhere she sat in that chair, and
we don't want to take ourspouses for granted because, one
day they will leave us or wewill leave them.
We all leave this earth.
Dawn Rosinger (14:45):
Yeah, one day the chair will be empty and
hopefully for us.
I'm hoping it's together,hopefully we'll go at the same
time, but we just never know.
But I, man, I just put myself inhis shoes and I'm like I don't
want to see an empty chair crashfrom the table, but I know it
will one day happen.
Something else I learned as Iwas thinking about this
gentleman's story was thatperfect marriages don't finish
(15:06):
well.
Real ones do.
He admitted that.
You know his marriage wasn'tperfect and no marriage is
perfect.
I know we already said thatbefore and he could have just
walked away, but he didn't.
Travis Rosinger (15:18):
No, they stuck with it.
Dawn Rosinger (15:20):
No, and it's the real one.
That's the one that finisheswell.
He was able to cross thatfinish line with her in that
moment of marriage, as she wastaking her last breath.
The last thing that I learnedfrom him and just again just
thinking through this wholestory is giving up isn't an
option in marriage.
They didn't give up In thosehard times 67 years of hard
(15:43):
times, good years and bad yearsthey didn't give up.
They fought for their marriageand, honestly, all the work that
they put in got them to thefinish line.
At the end, like we're runningthis race, we're trying to make
it to the finish line.
And I was able to see he madeit to the finish line with her
and it came down to faith.
Faith was just so important tothem.
(16:04):
Honestly, he said that one dayhe will see her in heaven and he
knew he gave a lot of thatglory to God and just saying
God's the one that helped himget through.
But in heaven, and he knew hegave a lot of that glory to God
and just saying God's the onethat helped him get through.
But they're going to make ittogether now, even though she's
already there, you know he'sgoing to be holding her hand one
day in heaven.
Travis Rosinger (16:19):
Yeah, she's going to be waiting for him.
She probably is, and can't waitto give him a hug when he gets
there.
Dawn Rosinger (16:24):
I found this quote and I was just that's a
great quote it's.
I'm not not even sure who wroteit, but it said this marriage
is meant to keep people together, not just when things are good,
but particularly when they arenot.
That's why we take marriagevows, not wishes.
I love the end of that quote.
(16:44):
That's why we take marriagevows and not wishes Cause if we
did wishes man, we would leteach other down all the time.
Travis Rosinger (16:48):
Well, that's the mic drop.
Yeah, it's not marriage wishes.
It's like, no, I'm here tilldeath, do us part.
And he lived that he did.
She died in his arms and thatsounds sad, but it's actually
the most romantic thing on theplanet to be next to a woman for
67 years, all the way till shebreathed her last breath.
That's not a marriage wish,it's a vow.
Dawn Rosinger (17:09):
And he vowed to stay with her in sickness and in
health, and the good and thebad.
He didn't give up and it paidoff.
Marriagecom says there is nosuch thing as a perfect marriage
, because it is made ofimperfect people.
God is the only one that isperfect, and having him in the
middle of your marriageguarantees perfection in all the
(17:30):
imperfect circumstances.
Travis Rosinger (17:32):
Yeah, yeah, yep .
Dawn Rosinger (17:33):
Again marriage is not perfect, but God, he is the
one.
If he is the center of yourmarriage, he can guarantee
perfection in all the imperfectcircumstances.
I look at our life, Travis, thelast 31 years imperfect
circumstances, but God's been inthe center and we've been able
to take and have so manymemories and just continue to
fight.
And, man, one day we'll belooking at an empty chair.
Travis Rosinger (17:56):
Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, that's hard to think
of honestly after all the yearsyou and I have been together.
But man, uh, if it's beenimperfect this last 31 years, a
half of the reason is because ofme.
I'm flawed, I'm imperfect.
I have good days and Lord knows, you know, I have bad days, and
so, anyway, we just want to endwith this thought out of the
(18:17):
book of Romans, chapter 12,verse 10, and this nails it all.
Both of these stories kind ofweaves them together, binds them
together, and that's this bedevoted to one another in love.
Be devoted to one another inlove, be devoted to one another
in love.
Honor one another aboveyourselves.
Dawn Rosinger (18:36):
That's what it takes to have a marriage vow.
Travis Rosinger (18:39):
That's an incredible thought, not some
kind of marriage wish, but no,I'm going to be devoted to you
all the way to the end, throughthe good times and the bad times
.
Dawn Rosinger (18:47):
Well, it's just crazy to sit back and think that
we weren't looking for thosestories.
Well, it's just crazy to sitback and think that we weren't
looking for those stories.
We were just honestly justbeing friendly, talking to
people and man this wealth ofwisdom that just flooded our
hearts in those stories aboutmarriage and it was just such a
fun thing to be a part of suchan honor.
But people are amazing and Ilove that they didn't give up
(19:10):
they are, and just soencouraging to our marriage to
each of us individually?
Yeah, for sure.
Well, with that, we want tothank you for listening to this
episode of the loving the fightmarriage podcast.
Remember, guys, you can do it.
You got this.
Keep loving the fight.
We'll see you next time.
Thank you.
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