February 1, 2025 • 32 mins
Abby is thrilled to introduce my new co-host for Campfire Tales in 2025, Alex Goleman. And thrilled to announce that we will be leaning way more into Campfire Tales this year. Sit back, pretend you're siting around a campfire and prepare to be spooked.
Treatment of The All Consuming Client was written by Joelle Killian and preformed by Denali Bartell. Follow @Joelle_Killian on IG.
Deep Within was written by Travis Mushanski and preformed by Peter Papazoglou. Follow @TravisMushanski on social media.
Abandoned Sweets was written by Josh Clark and preformed by Michael Crosa. Follow josh_of_clark on Instagram. And check out the Podnooga podcast network for more from Michael.
As always, thanks for supporting this podcast and the incredibly talented writers and narrators that we are lucky enough to work with.
Get Lunatics Merch here. Join the discussion on Discord. Check out Abby's book Horror Stories. Available in eBook and paperback. Music by Michaela Papa, Alan Kudan & Jordan Moser. Poster Art by Pilar Keprta @pilar.kep.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of the Lunatics Radio Hourpodcast.
I am Abbey Branker sitting herewith Alex Goldman.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hi everyone.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Hi, alex, we're so excited to have you here today.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh, I'm excited to be here today.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
If you're a Patreon, you might be a tad more familiar
with Alex because he's been onsome episodes of Horror Movie
Club.
But we're very excited becausethis year he is going to be
helping us out on Lunatics RadioHour with our Campfire Tales
series and we're leading a bitmore into Campfire Tales this
year.
I'm really excited.
We've gotten so many reallyamazing story submissions and so
(00:53):
we thought we needed to make alittle bit more space on the
podcast for just general themedstory episodes, and that's what
this is.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
And look, I'm an avid campfire attendee, so I am very
excited to hear some of thestories that Abby's prepared for
all of us.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
He's a pro.
Okay, so without further ado,we have three very spooky
stories to get into today.
Again, if you're new to thisseries, the point is that we all
sort of hypothetically,metaphorically, gather around
the campfire, cozy up and listento three very spooky, haunting
horror stories.
I'm also really excited becausethis episode features three
(01:31):
brand new writers to theLunatics Radio Hour podcast
which is really fulfilling to me, because we want to be able to
feature a huge variety of workfrom different people, and so
I'm really thrilled that we'reable to do that today.
So let's get into the firststory.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Maddie white-knuckled the worn arms of the chair,
stifling a yawn.
As her client monologued abouthis engineering firm's HR
policies, the wall clock ticked.
Only two minutes had passedsince she'd last checked.
Either Nolan was feeding offher life essence or she was the
most incompetent therapist onthe planet.
She rolled her shoulders, thegravel under her scapula
(02:22):
clicking and popping, thenchugged the dregs of her
lukewarm vanilla latte.
Nolan, maybe we can come backto the concerns your boss
mentioned in your referral toour clinic.
He fixed his vacant blue eyeson her.
As I told my lawyer, thereferral form 2139 does not
provide space to dispute themanager's comments, a
(02:43):
discriminatory process which Iintend on addressing.
Fail Maddie's gaze locked onthe generic therapy office photo
of a lotus flower above hishead, as her consciousness,
detached from her body, floatingaway like a balloon.
Not enough caffeine in theworld could keep her anchored.
I'm listening for the emotionbehind his wall of words'.
(03:03):
Maddy confessed two days laterin supervision, her head
throbbing with the onset of amigraine.
"'but I'm struggling to getthrough to him and I leave our
sessions feeling drained anddepleted'.
She also hadn't heard half ofwhat Nolan had said last time,
which might be next-levelunprofessional.
"'it sounds like he's regressedto an oral sadistic state of
(03:25):
infantile development.
Her clinical supervisor peeredover the tortoiseshell glasses
sliding down her nose.
So it's only a matter of timetill he projects the role of his
persecutor onto you andretaliates.
But surviving his attempts toconsume you will help him
internalize the consistencyabsent from his childhood.
Maddie scribbled theseincantations in her notebook
(03:48):
Survive destruction, earn histrust.
But the spell of hersupervisor's brilliance
evaporated by the time shere-read them before Nolan's next
session, rendering thesesuggestions incomprehensible.
What therapeutic sorcery woulddemonstrate her supportive
presence, that she was here forhim?
Clueless, she tossed the notesinto her desk drawer.
(04:09):
Yes, I see she nodded along toNolan's stories like a
bobblehead, scrunching hereyebrows in a simulacrum of
sympathy.
But I'm curious how you feltabout your performance
improvement plan being forced tospeak with a therapist who was
willfully ignorant of our annualreview process as a form of
harassment which I havedocumented in my most recent
(04:31):
grievance to the board.
His jaw moved mechanically, hisstony face unchanging, as
Maddie sensed herself beingdrained by dozens of hungry
little mouths, each of themsucking her vitality through a
straw.
Maybe she was just having ahypoglycemic moment.
Breathing deeply, she clutchedher thighs, willing herself to
(04:57):
stay present.
Her elbow skin flaked ahoneycomb-patterned rash
spreading over her forearms.
Nolan, however, looked moresubstantial and solid, well-fed,
stumbling to her deskafterwards.
Her joints ached and bonescreaked like she'd aged a decade
in the last hour.
She crawled home from work palewith shadowed half-moons carved
beneath her eyes and called herdoctor's office.
From a puddle of Maddie-shapedgoo on the floor, maddie's
(05:21):
doctor flipped through her chartduring their appointment,
concern flickering across herface.
Did you donate a lot of bloodrecently?
Maddie shook her head,clutching the paper gown tight.
Why?
Your hemoglobin is very low.
Her doctor tapped one manicurednail at the normal ranges on
her laps.
Then Maddie's scores You'reacutely anemic right now, yikes.
(05:44):
Then Maddie scores You'reacutely anemic right now, yikes.
Maddie's eyes watered,overpowered by the antiseptic
stink of the office.
So what now?
I'm afraid you'll need to behospitalized.
If you don't get your ironstores up, let's book you for an
infusion on Tuesday.
Her doctor handed her areferral slip.
In the meantime, go eat a steakdinner tonight.
(06:05):
Okay, I don't know what it isabout him.
Maddie told her colleagues athappy hour that evening.
I've had angry clients screamat me, needy clients stalk me
and paranoid clients accuse meof manipulating their dreams,
but I'm not sure I can survivethis one.
She stared down at the hunk ofmeat on her plate, charred on
(06:25):
the outside with an oozing pigcenter.
What am I doing wrong?
Try visualizing an energyshield for psychic protection.
Her co-worker nearly knockedover her margarita as she waved
her arms in a circle, dispersingamber patchouli everywhere.
Smudge the room before hearrives, then open the windows
after to release the toxins.
(06:46):
Maddy suppressed a grimace.
So predictable, but maybe itwas worth a try this time.
Maddy imagined a translucentwhite bubble of light
surrounding her body as shefetched Nolan from the waiting
room, his blonde hair neatlyparted and his shoes shining.
Did his skin have a rosy glownow?
She shut the office door with asoft click.
(07:09):
The white noise machine roaringoutside the hallway.
Welcome, she began.
Where would you like to start?
Hello, maddie.
He perched on the couch acrossfrom her mouth in a smug twist.
You don't look so well today,oh.
She tugged at her shirt sleevestrying to cover her flaky
elbows.
(07:29):
The fading rash Interesting.
Tell me more about that.
Since when did Nolan notice herexistence?
But maybe her therapeutic maskwas slipping, or maybe he was
the only one who could see whatwas really happening to her.
Your supervisor will be verydispleased with your
unprofessional comportment,maddie.
His eyes glittered withparasitic hunger.
(07:51):
As I clearly stated in myall-staff memo about proper
office attire Jesus, not thisagain.
Maddie felt herself collapsing,then refocused her attention,
breathing sunbeams into herbubble, psychic protection check
.
And then Nolan launched into a20-minute rant about the line
(08:12):
changes in the employee handbookthat shattered her defenses,
bones dissolving with eachmicroscopic detail.
He inflated, engorged, like atick on her misery.
She reached for her bubble,struggled to cling to her
corporeal form, but those hungrymouths echoing his invocations,
(08:32):
siphoned her essence, heartshuddering in her chest like the
tick of the wall clock.
The floor dropped out fromunder her, the white noise faded
as she was sucked into ashivering void, silent and empty
.
All that remained were hiswords, multiplying, expanding
(08:59):
into infinity.
Maddie wasn't here for him,because she wasn't anywhere
anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, alex, what did you think?
Wow, is there anything morerelatable than feeling that way
after a day at the office?
I mean, I certainly listeningto that story.
I was brought immediately backto you know, just a horrible day
at the office, crawling backinto my bed and just feeling who
I'm safe.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
And I love taking something like that that feels
on that level so relatable andwriting about it in a way that
feels like a horror.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, I think that's such a fun way to explore
something like that that we allget.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I think it's a.
It's certainly a fun way toaddress the feelings that all of
us feel, to actually put aphysical, you know villain in
the story and be able to say no,it's not just being a human and
feeling tired after a day ofwork, it's actually the result
of, you know, someone suckingactual energy out of us.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yeah, it's very like modern day people who quote,
unquote practice being vampires,right, but the idea is that
they believe in, like thisexchange of energy.
That was the thing that came tomind for me.
Like this exchange of essence,or like this predatory stealing
of essence or lifeblood orwhatever.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It totally reminds me of you watch the TV show what
we Do in the Shadows.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I've seen parts of it , but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Okay, there's a character called Colin Robinson
who is an energy vampire whoessentially bores his potential
victims to essentially death, tosort of draw on their energy
and feed off it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Oh, that is perfect.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, it reminded me exactly of that it.
Oh, that is perfect.
Remind me exactly of thatcharacter.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So, because this is the first time we are featuring
the writing of Joelle, I want totell you a little bit about her
.
Joelle Killian is a queerCanadian living in San Francisco
whose fiction has appeared inFusion, fragment, mythaxis and
Cosmic Horror Monthly.
One of her doppelgangers is apsychologist writing about
psychedelic therapy.
Okay, another was in an undeaddance troupe Very intriguing.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Wow, I need to know more.
Very cool.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And, of course, I'm going to leave all of the ways
that you can follow all of thewriters and narrators today in
the description of this podcast.
So please do check that out,and I encourage everyone to kind
of follow along with some ofthese creators and artists and
we can stay tuned as they createand write more.
I also want to say that notonly was this story incredibly
(11:32):
well written and very, very funto read, I thought the narration
by our dear friend Denali atthis point was so lovely.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Absolutely.
It really brought out theemotion I feel in the story.
You could certainly feel attimes when the energy was
beginning to drain from our leadcharacter.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yes, yeah, I think Denali has such a rich,
beautiful voice and very, verymuch appreciate their
collaborating with us onCampfire Tales this year.
Okay, so let's get into thenext story.
I do want to say quick contentwarning on this next story
before we roll the tape.
It's very body horror, heavy, Iwould say A bit gory.
So if that's something that'snot your scene also a lot of
(12:13):
medical references then justfast forward a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Deep within.
Read by Travis Buschansky.
Read by Peter Mavazaglou.
Red 5 meter.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Babazaglue.
A heavy fog pinned Sarah downto the cold surface of the
stainless steel operating table.
She flailed, fighting to freeherself of bonds.
She couldn't feel, but her bodyrefused to respond.
Bright white light flooded hersenses, making it impossible to
open her eyes.
Machinery beeped and whirled inthe brightness and the murmur
(12:49):
of muffled words fluttered justout of her comprehension.
While she wavered in the emptywhite space, an intrusive aroma
of orange antiseptic envelopedher, followed by a peculiar tug
at her stomach, doctor, I think,the anesthesia's wearing off.
She panicked when a coldnumbness peeled open her stomach
, stretching the skin beyond itsbreaking point.
(13:09):
Her consciousness withdrew deepinto her physical being, a
secret, hidden place where lifedidn't exist.
Nonsense.
Continue with the procedure.
Something slipped into herstomach cavity, a feeling she
could only sense.
Through an odd pressure, it dugthrough her intestines like a
soothsayer, searching for aglimpse of the future.
She moaned, her head swamthrough a wave of pain and the
(13:31):
world went black.
Heart rate is escalating.
Sarah flailed to the surface ofan inky void and grasped at
consciousness.
Her eyes shoot open, blurry andtear-filled, to focus on a
figure in green scrubs toweringover her, examining her
eviscerated torso throughmagnification goggles With an
exaggerated sigh.
He jammed his fingers into herjugular, staring at his watch,
(13:52):
increase propofol and continueto monitor heart rate.
While he eclipsed the lighthovering above her, sarah
noticed blood spattered acrosshis chest.
She wanted to scream butcouldn't force her lungs to
cooperate.
A wave of nausea washed overher and the darkness inched its
way back into her vision.
Sarah's world turned grayscaleand a slow-motion strobe light
accentuated a series ofterrifying vignettes.
(14:14):
Blackness the surgeon studiedmetal rib separators in the
operating light.
Blackness His magnified eyesbulging and his arms disappeared
into her stomach cavity.
Blackness A scalpel lingeredover her stomach, the blade
glistening crimson in the light.
Blackness Strands of bloodysinews stretched from her
stomach.
The blade glistening crimson inthe light.
Blackness Strands of bloodysinews stretched from her
stomach into the light,threatening to snap.
(14:34):
Blackness the doctor'sblood-stained face enveloped
Sarah's reality.
His dilated pupils weresurrounded by broken blood
vessels.
Blackness A bulbous clot oftissue the size of a human brain
is held towards the light.
An offering to the dark gods.
Blackness A clamor of surgicalinstruments broke through the
(14:56):
nothingness.
Crimson light chased thedarkness away and Sarah opened
her eyes to see the operatinglight swaying on loose
electrical wires.
She took short, quick breathsand watched twisted shadows
dance through blood-stainedlight.
The anesthesia loosened itsgrip and a groan gurgled past
her lips.
She tried to block the lightwith her arm, but she still felt
as if she were trapped beneatha weighted blanket of bricks.
A shuffle of feet and a gurglepulled her gaze to her feet,
(15:17):
where the surgeon's bodycrumpled onto her lower
extremities.
He stared up at her with red,bulged-out eyeballs, desperate
for help she could not provide.
His hands clawed at her barelegs, leaving scratches and
gouges across her bare flesh.
She couldn't feel.
She cringed into herself andmanaged to force her shoulders
into the operating table.
In her semi-anesthetized state,she's forced to watch him claw
(15:39):
at a red mass undulating at histhroat.
Thin tendrils of muscular fleshwrap themselves around the
surgeon's hands and pin them tothe table with a bone-crunching
thud.
Bones cracked and socketspopped.
His body went limp and a milkyhaze glossed over his eyes.
His defeated body exhaled aseries of shallow wheezes.
The clot around his neck pulsedand extended a tentacle along
(16:02):
the back of his green dressinggown, stretching and solidifying
into an 18-inch dagger.
The cyclopean point hoveredabove the base of the surgeon's
spinal column, circling its preyuntil it plunged into his flesh
with deadly accuracy.
A squeal escaped Sarah's lipsand she slammed her eyes closed.
Everything was still for ablissful minute before she felt
the slippery movement of thething's tendrils.
(16:23):
It explored her body, tastingeach ripple of goose flesh,
before it shifted its weight offthe dead man.
Her teeth clattered and hermuscles clenched, mimicking a
state of rigor mortis.
With a wet thwack, the clotforced the corpse off of her
legs and onto the floor with aheavy thud.
This isn't real.
This isn't real.
This isn't real.
(16:44):
Sarah felt the sticky smack of atendril on her leg and the
weight of the bulbous mass beingdragged behind it.
She cracked open her eyes andglanced out at her feet, where
the gelatinous gory thing inchedits way toward her upper torso.
She could feel something of aheartbeat in the mass beating
rapidly while radiating anintense heat.
Tears flowed down Sarah'scheeks and she tried in vain to
(17:05):
wiggle away from the thingcrawling up her paralyzed body.
There was a crackle in herchest and the tension that held
her lungs in place was suddenlygone, giving her the room to
take a deep breath and wail inagony.
Panic and fear overtook her,but just before the blackness of
the void could reclaim her,she'd felt the tendrils pull the
massive clot back into hercarved-open abdomen.
(17:27):
Sarah awoke hours later to agroggy hangover.
Her system, free of thenauseating anesthesia, ached and
burned.
She ran a shaky hand over herface and braced herself on an
elbow.
Agony flared in her stomach andadrenaline shot through her
system.
She tore at her gown and staredwith horror at an inflamed line
running from her pelvis to hersternum.
(17:48):
The flesh the surgeon hadsliced open wasn't stitched or
stapled shut, but rather it washeld firmly closed from the
inside.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Whew.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Intense.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
That had me at the edge of my seat, for sure.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yes, okay, I have to admit medical and like body
horror stuff can be somethingI'm very squeamish about same
absolutely this story was so, sogood, despite being like a,
like you know, hiding behind myfingers metaphorically, while I
was reading it yeah, Idefinitely am glad that we are
listening to this story.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I think watching it would be a whole other
experience too, and let me tellyou, I was, as I said before, I
was at the edge of my seat and Ithought the ending was awesome.
I really felt that he trulyfound a way to end it.
That was totally horrifying andleft a nice punctuation mark on
it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yes, I love the final line.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, definitely it doesn't just leave us hanging.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It tells us yeah, I love that.
Again.
I'm so excited because this isthe first time that we're
featuring Travis's work on thepodcast.
So let me tell you a little bitabout Travis.
He graduated from theUniversity of Virginia's BA
English program.
When he isn't basking in theglow of a word processor, he is
a professional brewer, craftingsome of the best craft beer in
(19:11):
Canada.
He finds solace in a pint ofEnglish Mild at the end of the
day and occasionally findshimself writing short fiction,
exploring the nightmares andhorrors hiding just out of sight
.
Travis's debut novel, man inthe Purple Coat, will be
available early this year fromGrendel Press and of course, I
hope Travis will let us know sothat we can pass it along to all
of you.
(19:31):
His short fiction has also beenfeatured in an anthology series
from Erie River Publishing,hellbound Books and Gravestone
Press.
I also just love all of thedifferent names of the
publications that these horrorwriters have been featured in
Absolutely.
Of course, all of this ispossible because of the support
of his wonderful wife, janelle,and beautiful daughter Emma.
(19:52):
Yay Well, travis, we reallylove your story.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, that was awesome.
Thank you, Travis.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And that was narrated for us by our dear friend Peter
Papazoglou.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Wow, he did a great job.
The tone he really brought outin the story you could just tell
.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I mean, he really he had a good voice for it
absolutely the one thing that Ireally love about campfire tales
in this series is that, just bynature, these are not themed
right.
They're not like around aspecific topic, which is what we
do on a lot of the otherepisodes, and I love the
juxtaposition of like kickingthings off with like an energy
vampire and then findingourselves in like middle of a
(20:29):
horrifying body cosmic horrorsurgery you know it's a great
variety what a journey and howcool that.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Um, these are new writers too that are new to this
not new to writing, but new tothis podcast.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, yeah, new, new, uh, fresh meat for everyone to
go check out exactly and, ofcourse, travis's social handles
will be linked in thedescription of this podcast.
So stay close to his work andkeep an eye out for his upcoming
novel.
But, alex, we have one morestory to get to today.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
All right, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
And I will say this one I would call the cherry on
top.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Abandoned sweets.
Read by Josh Clark.
Read by Michael Grosa.
Speaker 6 (21:18):
Gloria has cupcakes waiting for you.
Join us for Cupcake Thursdaysand get one free with any
purchase.
The paint of the slogan was notas vibrant as it once had been,
but legible on the foodestablishment Glorious Cupcakes,
even though it closed monthsago.
The rest of the windows wereboarded up with splintered wood
planks.
I'd only dare touch with a pairof gloves.
(21:39):
Hector elbowed me Twenty bucksfor you to knock on the door.
Pfft, there's no way.
He kicked a piece of asphaltinto the cracked parking lot.
The building wasn't the onlything falling into disrepair.
There were potholes abound,paired with fading parking lines
, a good-sized lot to be leftbarren.
No other businesses occupiedthe corner, shocking with what
(22:02):
appeared to be prime real estate, or not, since it drove
glorious cupcakes right out ofbusiness.
Perfect space for donuts, ifyou dared get in the vicinity of
the place.
Don't be such a wuss.
I huffed.
Why don't you do it then?
That's not how a dare works,colin.
You don't get to throw what Iwanted you to do back at me.
I kept walking down thesidewalk, picking up my pace,
(22:26):
ready to get the hell out ofhere.
Making the mistake of peeringover my shoulder.
Hector shuffled his feet,rivaling that of a tortoise,
what he mouthed.
Where did he come off?
I didn't care if he came up withthe idea to dare me first.
No one in their right mindwould go up to that business.
I hadn't stepped foot insidewhile it was open.
I sure wasn't going to do that.
Now that they weren't, Iflipped him off and stopped by
(22:48):
the nearby fire hydrant.
You seriously won't go up for20 bucks.
All I have to do is walk to thefront door.
Hector's mouth gaped.
I'm not giving you anything todo, only that.
Nothing brave there.
You need to open the door or atthe very least pull on it.
Yeah right, you just said Ineeded to knock on it.
He sneered.
That offer is long gone.
(23:09):
Come on, it's still easy money.
Again, I wanted to tell him todo it, if it was so easy.
One thing, to force things onsomeone else, different matter.
When you had to do it yourself.
He was scared, shitless, like Iwas.
From the thought At least Ithought he was.
His lips snaked into a hideousgrin.
He pulled his phone out andpointed it at me.
(23:30):
Fine, let's see what everyonethinks about how you wouldn't
dare try opening the door of anabandoned sweet shop, because
Colin Ashford is one big-asswuss.
I swiped for his phone.
Would you turn that thing off?
He moved it out of my reach.
Go try the door.
Could you turn that thing off?
He moved it out of my reach.
Go try the door.
This wasn't some idle threat.
He'd post it.
His following, unfortunatelynot only people from school, but
(23:53):
one he'd amassed through hissocial content.
I'm not going to ask again Turnit off.
He shook his head.
Either tell everyone you don'thave the balls to try the door
or go do it.
I flat out knew I wasn't theonly one in this town that
wouldn't go anywhere near it.
I'd seen enough videos ofpeople recording it from across
the street because they didn'twant to get too close.
Yet I'm the one who had Hectorbullying me into doing it.
(24:16):
Fine, I said You're deletingthis video though.
Uh huh yeah.
I didn't have to look over myshoulder to know he'd done no
such thing.
Nor was there an intention to.
I was trapped.
Either way, it was gettingposted.
The option before me Reduce tothe taunts he'd shared with his
audience or disprove them.
I gulped.
(24:38):
As I neared the boarded-updoors, I shook my shoulders and
took a deep breath.
It was fine, totally fine.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
The door would be locked, and that was the end of
it.
Speaker 6 (24:47):
Hector could stop recording and I'd get some money
out of it For way more than atwenty.
He didn't get to embarrass mein front of his audience for
free, no way.
My hands shook as I reached forthe door handle.
It was like every other blackcurved door handle, nothing
scary about that, except theothers didn't belong to an
abandoned businesses.
A cold shiver went up my spineas the door didn't resist to my
(25:10):
yank on the handle.
It opened.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Go in.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Hector said I twisted around.
He was a comfortable distanceaway.
Forget it.
I turned back towards the opendoor.
White and pink icing oozed outof the doorway.
I stepped back as it crepttowards me.
While there was a lowpossibility of it burning me, I
treated it as if it were lavaand gave it a generous amount of
buffer.
(25:34):
It started to flow faster.
I tripped over myself as Itried stepping away backwards.
The icing rushed against me,already covering my shoes and
soaking the butt of my pants.
With my hands covered, I wentto pull one away.
It was stuck.
My legs the same.
I was adhered to the concreteby the thick substance, the shit
(25:54):
that got stuck in your teeth,gumming your mouth shut, but on
a larger scale, twisting my head.
Hector watched from a distance.
Help me, I didn't care howpanicked I sounded Enough.
He'd never let me live it down.
If such an opportunity evenexisted, he'd need a jackhammer
to get through this crud.
Hector stared for a moment,then took one step forward and
(26:15):
froze, the icing raced towardshim.
He gave one last look and wentback down the sidewalk the same
way we'd come.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Coward.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
I yelled after him.
Part of me didn't blame myso-called friend.
Yet were our positions reversed?
I would have tried to save hisstupid ass.
Easier said than done.
Perhaps I'd leave him to sinkinto this sugary paste too.
Out from the doorway ofGloria's cupcakes ebbed a
Clydesdale-sized cupcake on theriver of goop.
(26:45):
Strings of icing dripped fromits top.
It progressed forward like amassive snail excreting slime.
I'd entered into some nightmare, as sprinkled eyes peered at me
and razor-sharp teeth glistenedfrom its open maw.
The creature roared and wet,partially digested cake chunks
hit my face along with itsspittle.
(27:06):
The mouth widened as it glidedtowards me.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
What a finale.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Wow, nothing scarier than a cupcake's maw coming
towards you, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Truly the juxtaposition of something
that's meant to be sweet,obviously, and a horrifying
creature.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Yeah, a terrible nightmare of mine is sweets
doing to me what I like to do tothem.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I think I mean I also just like, can't get over the
stickiness.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Oh yeah, the aftermath.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
You know just like.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I feel like I felt it on my fingers, like as I was
listening to it.
I knew the exact feeling.
Oh yeah, yeah, I love thatstory.
I think it on my fingers likeas I was listening to it.
I knew the exact feeling.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, I love that story.
I think it's super fun and Ilove when writers can play with
horror again in like a spacewhere you don't expect it and to
do something surprising anddifferent and fun, and I think
that story is very much thatvery well written, very fun,
very unexpected.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, and like you said before, this third story
was completely different thanthe other two.
It's very cool that there's somany types of horror that we can
broadcast on this podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, absolutely Okay .
So this story was written byJosh Clark.
Josh is a writer, booksellerand graphic designer.
He's a writer of genre fictionfor both adults and young adults
.
His short fiction has beenpublished by Pike's Peak Writers
, black Hair Press, shackleboundBooks and more and again.
I will, of course, leave all ofthe links to follow Josh in the
(28:35):
description of this podcast.
He also has a story in theanthology Cursed Cooking that
was released in November 2024,which sounds very fun.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Oh yeah, If you have a craving for something more
that Josh written.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
That's right.
Check out Cursed Cooking.
And our very dear friend of thepodcast, michael Krosa,
narrated this story.
Michael is just the epitome ofa fun person and when I read
this story without much thoughtat all, I knew that it had to be
narrated by Michael.
Right, he did a very lovely jobbringing it to life in a
(29:08):
Michael Krosa-esque way.
Michael also runs the PodNugapodcast network out of
Chattanooga, tennessee.
We will link his network andall the information about it,
but he's doing really greatthings, as always, to make a
community for podcasters down inChattanooga.
Well, alex, thank you so muchfor being here.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
It was so fun to have you to talk to you about this
so fun.
It was absolutely my pleasure.
I'm so glad to be included inthis series.
This was an awesome episode.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Amazing.
Well, campfire Tales again.
Like I said, we are going torevisit it a bit more often this
year than we have in previousyears, which I'm really excited
about.
If you are a writer and youwant to submit to the Lunatics
Radio Hour podcast, you can headto our website,
lunaticsprojectcom, click onsubmit and that will tell you
exactly the stories and thetopics and things that we're
(29:56):
looking for right now, andthere's a form to submit on that
page.
So that's the best way to do it.
Email is not the best wayanymore.
So head to lunaticsprojectcomand hit submit, and we hope that
you do, as always.
Thank you all so much for beinghere.
We are very, very excited toget into some of the topics as
the weather gets a little bitwarmer and spring is around the
corner.
Some very exciting things tocome on Lunatics Radio Hour.
(30:17):
Stay well, stay spooky, andwe'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Bye.
Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode
of the Lunatics Radio Hourpodcast.
I am Abbey Branker sitting herewith Alex Goldman.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hi everyone.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Hi, alex, we're so excited to have you here today.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Oh, I'm excited to be here today.
Speaker 1 (00:32):
If you're a Patreon, you might be a tad more familiar
with Alex because he's been onsome episodes of Horror Movie
Club.
But we're very excited becausethis year he is going to be
helping us out on Lunatics RadioHour with our Campfire Tales
series and we're leading a bitmore into Campfire Tales this
year.
I'm really excited.
We've gotten so many reallyamazing story submissions and so
(00:53):
we thought we needed to make alittle bit more space on the
podcast for just general themedstory episodes, and that's what
this is.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
And look, I'm an avid campfire attendee, so I am very
excited to hear some of thestories that Abby's prepared for
all of us.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
He's a pro.
Okay, so without further ado,we have three very spooky
stories to get into today.
Again, if you're new to thisseries, the point is that we all
sort of hypothetically,metaphorically, gather around
the campfire, cozy up and listento three very spooky, haunting
horror stories.
I'm also really excited becausethis episode features three
(01:31):
brand new writers to theLunatics Radio Hour podcast
which is really fulfilling to me, because we want to be able to
feature a huge variety of workfrom different people, and so
I'm really thrilled that we'reable to do that today.
So let's get into the firststory.
Speaker 4 (02:01):
Maddie white-knuckled the worn arms of the chair,
stifling a yawn.
As her client monologued abouthis engineering firm's HR
policies, the wall clock ticked.
Only two minutes had passedsince she'd last checked.
Either Nolan was feeding offher life essence or she was the
most incompetent therapist onthe planet.
She rolled her shoulders, thegravel under her scapula
(02:22):
clicking and popping, thenchugged the dregs of her
lukewarm vanilla latte.
Nolan, maybe we can come backto the concerns your boss
mentioned in your referral toour clinic.
He fixed his vacant blue eyeson her.
As I told my lawyer, thereferral form 2139 does not
provide space to dispute themanager's comments, a
(02:43):
discriminatory process which Iintend on addressing.
Fail Maddie's gaze locked onthe generic therapy office photo
of a lotus flower above hishead, as her consciousness,
detached from her body, floatingaway like a balloon.
Not enough caffeine in theworld could keep her anchored.
I'm listening for the emotionbehind his wall of words'.
(03:03):
Maddy confessed two days laterin supervision, her head
throbbing with the onset of amigraine.
"'but I'm struggling to getthrough to him and I leave our
sessions feeling drained anddepleted'.
She also hadn't heard half ofwhat Nolan had said last time,
which might be next-levelunprofessional.
"'it sounds like he's regressedto an oral sadistic state of
(03:25):
infantile development.
Her clinical supervisor peeredover the tortoiseshell glasses
sliding down her nose.
So it's only a matter of timetill he projects the role of his
persecutor onto you andretaliates.
But surviving his attempts toconsume you will help him
internalize the consistencyabsent from his childhood.
Maddie scribbled theseincantations in her notebook
(03:48):
Survive destruction, earn histrust.
But the spell of hersupervisor's brilliance
evaporated by the time shere-read them before Nolan's next
session, rendering thesesuggestions incomprehensible.
What therapeutic sorcery woulddemonstrate her supportive
presence, that she was here forhim?
Clueless, she tossed the notesinto her desk drawer.
(04:09):
Yes, I see she nodded along toNolan's stories like a
bobblehead, scrunching hereyebrows in a simulacrum of
sympathy.
But I'm curious how you feltabout your performance
improvement plan being forced tospeak with a therapist who was
willfully ignorant of our annualreview process as a form of
harassment which I havedocumented in my most recent
(04:31):
grievance to the board.
His jaw moved mechanically, hisstony face unchanging, as
Maddie sensed herself beingdrained by dozens of hungry
little mouths, each of themsucking her vitality through a
straw.
Maybe she was just having ahypoglycemic moment.
Breathing deeply, she clutchedher thighs, willing herself to
(04:57):
stay present.
Her elbow skin flaked ahoneycomb-patterned rash
spreading over her forearms.
Nolan, however, looked moresubstantial and solid, well-fed,
stumbling to her deskafterwards.
Her joints ached and bonescreaked like she'd aged a decade
in the last hour.
She crawled home from work palewith shadowed half-moons carved
beneath her eyes and called herdoctor's office.
From a puddle of Maddie-shapedgoo on the floor, maddie's
(05:21):
doctor flipped through her chartduring their appointment,
concern flickering across herface.
Did you donate a lot of bloodrecently?
Maddie shook her head,clutching the paper gown tight.
Why?
Your hemoglobin is very low.
Her doctor tapped one manicurednail at the normal ranges on
her laps.
Then Maddie's scores You'reacutely anemic right now, yikes.
(05:44):
Then Maddie scores You'reacutely anemic right now, yikes.
Maddie's eyes watered,overpowered by the antiseptic
stink of the office.
So what now?
I'm afraid you'll need to behospitalized.
If you don't get your ironstores up, let's book you for an
infusion on Tuesday.
Her doctor handed her areferral slip.
In the meantime, go eat a steakdinner tonight.
(06:05):
Okay, I don't know what it isabout him.
Maddie told her colleagues athappy hour that evening.
I've had angry clients screamat me, needy clients stalk me
and paranoid clients accuse meof manipulating their dreams,
but I'm not sure I can survivethis one.
She stared down at the hunk ofmeat on her plate, charred on
(06:25):
the outside with an oozing pigcenter.
What am I doing wrong?
Try visualizing an energyshield for psychic protection.
Her co-worker nearly knockedover her margarita as she waved
her arms in a circle, dispersingamber patchouli everywhere.
Smudge the room before hearrives, then open the windows
after to release the toxins.
(06:46):
Maddy suppressed a grimace.
So predictable, but maybe itwas worth a try this time.
Maddy imagined a translucentwhite bubble of light
surrounding her body as shefetched Nolan from the waiting
room, his blonde hair neatlyparted and his shoes shining.
Did his skin have a rosy glownow?
She shut the office door with asoft click.
(07:09):
The white noise machine roaringoutside the hallway.
Welcome, she began.
Where would you like to start?
Hello, maddie.
He perched on the couch acrossfrom her mouth in a smug twist.
You don't look so well today,oh.
She tugged at her shirt sleevestrying to cover her flaky
elbows.
(07:29):
The fading rash Interesting.
Tell me more about that.
Since when did Nolan notice herexistence?
But maybe her therapeutic maskwas slipping, or maybe he was
the only one who could see whatwas really happening to her.
Your supervisor will be verydispleased with your
unprofessional comportment,maddie.
His eyes glittered withparasitic hunger.
(07:51):
As I clearly stated in myall-staff memo about proper
office attire Jesus, not thisagain.
Maddie felt herself collapsing,then refocused her attention,
breathing sunbeams into herbubble, psychic protection check
.
And then Nolan launched into a20-minute rant about the line
(08:12):
changes in the employee handbookthat shattered her defenses,
bones dissolving with eachmicroscopic detail.
He inflated, engorged, like atick on her misery.
She reached for her bubble,struggled to cling to her
corporeal form, but those hungrymouths echoing his invocations,
(08:32):
siphoned her essence, heartshuddering in her chest like the
tick of the wall clock.
The floor dropped out fromunder her, the white noise faded
as she was sucked into ashivering void, silent and empty
.
All that remained were hiswords, multiplying, expanding
(08:59):
into infinity.
Maddie wasn't here for him,because she wasn't anywhere
anymore.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Okay, alex, what did you think?
Wow, is there anything morerelatable than feeling that way
after a day at the office?
I mean, I certainly listeningto that story.
I was brought immediately backto you know, just a horrible day
at the office, crawling backinto my bed and just feeling who
I'm safe.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
And I love taking something like that that feels
on that level so relatable andwriting about it in a way that
feels like a horror.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Yeah, I think that's such a fun way to explore
something like that that we allget.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I think it's a.
It's certainly a fun way toaddress the feelings that all of
us feel, to actually put aphysical, you know villain in
the story and be able to say no,it's not just being a human and
feeling tired after a day ofwork, it's actually the result
of, you know, someone suckingactual energy out of us.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Yeah, it's very like modern day people who quote,
unquote practice being vampires,right, but the idea is that
they believe in, like thisexchange of energy.
That was the thing that came tomind for me.
Like this exchange of essence,or like this predatory stealing
of essence or lifeblood orwhatever.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
It totally reminds me of you watch the TV show what
we Do in the Shadows.
Speaker 1 (10:27):
I've seen parts of it , but go ahead.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Okay, there's a character called Colin Robinson
who is an energy vampire whoessentially bores his potential
victims to essentially death, tosort of draw on their energy
and feed off it.
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Oh, that is perfect.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Yeah, it reminded me exactly of that it.
Oh, that is perfect.
Remind me exactly of thatcharacter.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
So, because this is the first time we are featuring
the writing of Joelle, I want totell you a little bit about her
.
Joelle Killian is a queerCanadian living in San Francisco
whose fiction has appeared inFusion, fragment, mythaxis and
Cosmic Horror Monthly.
One of her doppelgangers is apsychologist writing about
psychedelic therapy.
Okay, another was in an undeaddance troupe Very intriguing.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
Wow, I need to know more.
Very cool.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
And, of course, I'm going to leave all of the ways
that you can follow all of thewriters and narrators today in
the description of this podcast.
So please do check that out,and I encourage everyone to kind
of follow along with some ofthese creators and artists and
we can stay tuned as they createand write more.
I also want to say that notonly was this story incredibly
(11:32):
well written and very, very funto read, I thought the narration
by our dear friend Denali atthis point was so lovely.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
Absolutely.
It really brought out theemotion I feel in the story.
You could certainly feel attimes when the energy was
beginning to drain from our leadcharacter.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
Yes, yeah, I think Denali has such a rich,
beautiful voice and very, verymuch appreciate their
collaborating with us onCampfire Tales this year.
Okay, so let's get into thenext story.
I do want to say quick contentwarning on this next story
before we roll the tape.
It's very body horror, heavy, Iwould say A bit gory.
So if that's something that'snot your scene also a lot of
(12:13):
medical references then justfast forward a few minutes.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
Deep within.
Read by Travis Buschansky.
Read by Peter Mavazaglou.
Red 5 meter.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Babazaglue.
A heavy fog pinned Sarah downto the cold surface of the
stainless steel operating table.
She flailed, fighting to freeherself of bonds.
She couldn't feel, but her bodyrefused to respond.
Bright white light flooded hersenses, making it impossible to
open her eyes.
Machinery beeped and whirled inthe brightness and the murmur
(12:49):
of muffled words fluttered justout of her comprehension.
While she wavered in the emptywhite space, an intrusive aroma
of orange antiseptic envelopedher, followed by a peculiar tug
at her stomach, doctor, I think,the anesthesia's wearing off.
She panicked when a coldnumbness peeled open her stomach
, stretching the skin beyond itsbreaking point.
(13:09):
Her consciousness withdrew deepinto her physical being, a
secret, hidden place where lifedidn't exist.
Nonsense.
Continue with the procedure.
Something slipped into herstomach cavity, a feeling she
could only sense.
Through an odd pressure, it dugthrough her intestines like a
soothsayer, searching for aglimpse of the future.
She moaned, her head swamthrough a wave of pain and the
(13:31):
world went black.
Heart rate is escalating.
Sarah flailed to the surface ofan inky void and grasped at
consciousness.
Her eyes shoot open, blurry andtear-filled, to focus on a
figure in green scrubs toweringover her, examining her
eviscerated torso throughmagnification goggles With an
exaggerated sigh.
He jammed his fingers into herjugular, staring at his watch,
(13:52):
increase propofol and continueto monitor heart rate.
While he eclipsed the lighthovering above her, sarah
noticed blood spattered acrosshis chest.
She wanted to scream butcouldn't force her lungs to
cooperate.
A wave of nausea washed overher and the darkness inched its
way back into her vision.
Sarah's world turned grayscaleand a slow-motion strobe light
accentuated a series ofterrifying vignettes.
(14:14):
Blackness the surgeon studiedmetal rib separators in the
operating light.
Blackness His magnified eyesbulging and his arms disappeared
into her stomach cavity.
Blackness A scalpel lingeredover her stomach, the blade
glistening crimson in the light.
Blackness Strands of bloodysinews stretched from her
stomach.
The blade glistening crimson inthe light.
Blackness Strands of bloodysinews stretched from her
stomach into the light,threatening to snap.
(14:34):
Blackness the doctor'sblood-stained face enveloped
Sarah's reality.
His dilated pupils weresurrounded by broken blood
vessels.
Blackness A bulbous clot oftissue the size of a human brain
is held towards the light.
An offering to the dark gods.
Blackness A clamor of surgicalinstruments broke through the
(14:56):
nothingness.
Crimson light chased thedarkness away and Sarah opened
her eyes to see the operatinglight swaying on loose
electrical wires.
She took short, quick breathsand watched twisted shadows
dance through blood-stainedlight.
The anesthesia loosened itsgrip and a groan gurgled past
her lips.
She tried to block the lightwith her arm, but she still felt
as if she were trapped beneatha weighted blanket of bricks.
A shuffle of feet and a gurglepulled her gaze to her feet,
(15:17):
where the surgeon's bodycrumpled onto her lower
extremities.
He stared up at her with red,bulged-out eyeballs, desperate
for help she could not provide.
His hands clawed at her barelegs, leaving scratches and
gouges across her bare flesh.
She couldn't feel.
She cringed into herself andmanaged to force her shoulders
into the operating table.
In her semi-anesthetized state,she's forced to watch him claw
(15:39):
at a red mass undulating at histhroat.
Thin tendrils of muscular fleshwrap themselves around the
surgeon's hands and pin them tothe table with a bone-crunching
thud.
Bones cracked and socketspopped.
His body went limp and a milkyhaze glossed over his eyes.
His defeated body exhaled aseries of shallow wheezes.
The clot around his neck pulsedand extended a tentacle along
(16:02):
the back of his green dressinggown, stretching and solidifying
into an 18-inch dagger.
The cyclopean point hoveredabove the base of the surgeon's
spinal column, circling its preyuntil it plunged into his flesh
with deadly accuracy.
A squeal escaped Sarah's lipsand she slammed her eyes closed.
Everything was still for ablissful minute before she felt
the slippery movement of thething's tendrils.
(16:23):
It explored her body, tastingeach ripple of goose flesh,
before it shifted its weight offthe dead man.
Her teeth clattered and hermuscles clenched, mimicking a
state of rigor mortis.
With a wet thwack, the clotforced the corpse off of her
legs and onto the floor with aheavy thud.
This isn't real.
This isn't real.
This isn't real.
(16:44):
Sarah felt the sticky smack of atendril on her leg and the
weight of the bulbous mass beingdragged behind it.
She cracked open her eyes andglanced out at her feet, where
the gelatinous gory thing inchedits way toward her upper torso.
She could feel something of aheartbeat in the mass beating
rapidly while radiating anintense heat.
Tears flowed down Sarah'scheeks and she tried in vain to
(17:05):
wiggle away from the thingcrawling up her paralyzed body.
There was a crackle in herchest and the tension that held
her lungs in place was suddenlygone, giving her the room to
take a deep breath and wail inagony.
Panic and fear overtook her,but just before the blackness of
the void could reclaim her,she'd felt the tendrils pull the
massive clot back into hercarved-open abdomen.
(17:27):
Sarah awoke hours later to agroggy hangover.
Her system, free of thenauseating anesthesia, ached and
burned.
She ran a shaky hand over herface and braced herself on an
elbow.
Agony flared in her stomach andadrenaline shot through her
system.
She tore at her gown and staredwith horror at an inflamed line
running from her pelvis to hersternum.
(17:48):
The flesh the surgeon hadsliced open wasn't stitched or
stapled shut, but rather it washeld firmly closed from the
inside.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Whew.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Intense.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
That had me at the edge of my seat, for sure.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
Yes, okay, I have to admit medical and like body
horror stuff can be somethingI'm very squeamish about same
absolutely this story was so, sogood, despite being like a,
like you know, hiding behind myfingers metaphorically, while I
was reading it yeah, Idefinitely am glad that we are
listening to this story.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
I think watching it would be a whole other
experience too, and let me tellyou, I was, as I said before, I
was at the edge of my seat and Ithought the ending was awesome.
I really felt that he trulyfound a way to end it.
That was totally horrifying andleft a nice punctuation mark on
it.
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Yes, I love the final line.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
Yeah, definitely it doesn't just leave us hanging.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It tells us yeah, I love that.
Again.
I'm so excited because this isthe first time that we're
featuring Travis's work on thepodcast.
So let me tell you a little bitabout Travis.
He graduated from theUniversity of Virginia's BA
English program.
When he isn't basking in theglow of a word processor, he is
a professional brewer, craftingsome of the best craft beer in
(19:11):
Canada.
He finds solace in a pint ofEnglish Mild at the end of the
day and occasionally findshimself writing short fiction,
exploring the nightmares andhorrors hiding just out of sight
.
Travis's debut novel, man inthe Purple Coat, will be
available early this year fromGrendel Press and of course, I
hope Travis will let us know sothat we can pass it along to all
of you.
(19:31):
His short fiction has also beenfeatured in an anthology series
from Erie River Publishing,hellbound Books and Gravestone
Press.
I also just love all of thedifferent names of the
publications that these horrorwriters have been featured in
Absolutely.
Of course, all of this ispossible because of the support
of his wonderful wife, janelle,and beautiful daughter Emma.
(19:52):
Yay Well, travis, we reallylove your story.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
Yeah, that was awesome.
Thank you, Travis.
Speaker 1 (19:57):
And that was narrated for us by our dear friend Peter
Papazoglou.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
Wow, he did a great job.
The tone he really brought outin the story you could just tell
.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
I mean, he really he had a good voice for it
absolutely the one thing that Ireally love about campfire tales
in this series is that, just bynature, these are not themed
right.
They're not like around aspecific topic, which is what we
do on a lot of the otherepisodes, and I love the
juxtaposition of like kickingthings off with like an energy
vampire and then findingourselves in like middle of a
(20:29):
horrifying body cosmic horrorsurgery you know it's a great
variety what a journey and howcool that.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Um, these are new writers too that are new to this
not new to writing, but new tothis podcast.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Yeah, yeah, new, new, uh, fresh meat for everyone to
go check out exactly and, ofcourse, travis's social handles
will be linked in thedescription of this podcast.
So stay close to his work andkeep an eye out for his upcoming
novel.
But, alex, we have one morestory to get to today.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
All right, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
And I will say this one I would call the cherry on
top.
Speaker 3 (21:08):
Abandoned sweets.
Read by Josh Clark.
Read by Michael Grosa.
Speaker 6 (21:18):
Gloria has cupcakes waiting for you.
Join us for Cupcake Thursdaysand get one free with any
purchase.
The paint of the slogan was notas vibrant as it once had been,
but legible on the foodestablishment Glorious Cupcakes,
even though it closed monthsago.
The rest of the windows wereboarded up with splintered wood
planks.
I'd only dare touch with a pairof gloves.
(21:39):
Hector elbowed me Twenty bucksfor you to knock on the door.
Pfft, there's no way.
He kicked a piece of asphaltinto the cracked parking lot.
The building wasn't the onlything falling into disrepair.
There were potholes abound,paired with fading parking lines
, a good-sized lot to be leftbarren.
No other businesses occupiedthe corner, shocking with what
(22:02):
appeared to be prime real estate, or not, since it drove
glorious cupcakes right out ofbusiness.
Perfect space for donuts, ifyou dared get in the vicinity of
the place.
Don't be such a wuss.
I huffed.
Why don't you do it then?
That's not how a dare works,colin.
You don't get to throw what Iwanted you to do back at me.
I kept walking down thesidewalk, picking up my pace,
(22:26):
ready to get the hell out ofhere.
Making the mistake of peeringover my shoulder.
Hector shuffled his feet,rivaling that of a tortoise,
what he mouthed.
Where did he come off?
I didn't care if he came up withthe idea to dare me first.
No one in their right mindwould go up to that business.
I hadn't stepped foot insidewhile it was open.
I sure wasn't going to do that.
Now that they weren't, Iflipped him off and stopped by
(22:48):
the nearby fire hydrant.
You seriously won't go up for20 bucks.
All I have to do is walk to thefront door.
Hector's mouth gaped.
I'm not giving you anything todo, only that.
Nothing brave there.
You need to open the door or atthe very least pull on it.
Yeah right, you just said Ineeded to knock on it.
He sneered.
That offer is long gone.
(23:09):
Come on, it's still easy money.
Again, I wanted to tell him todo it, if it was so easy.
One thing, to force things onsomeone else, different matter.
When you had to do it yourself.
He was scared, shitless, like Iwas.
From the thought At least Ithought he was.
His lips snaked into a hideousgrin.
He pulled his phone out andpointed it at me.
(23:30):
Fine, let's see what everyonethinks about how you wouldn't
dare try opening the door of anabandoned sweet shop, because
Colin Ashford is one big-asswuss.
I swiped for his phone.
Would you turn that thing off?
He moved it out of my reach.
Go try the door.
Could you turn that thing off?
He moved it out of my reach.
Go try the door.
This wasn't some idle threat.
He'd post it.
His following, unfortunatelynot only people from school, but
(23:53):
one he'd amassed through hissocial content.
I'm not going to ask again Turnit off.
He shook his head.
Either tell everyone you don'thave the balls to try the door
or go do it.
I flat out knew I wasn't theonly one in this town that
wouldn't go anywhere near it.
I'd seen enough videos ofpeople recording it from across
the street because they didn'twant to get too close.
Yet I'm the one who had Hectorbullying me into doing it.
(24:16):
Fine, I said You're deletingthis video though.
Uh huh yeah.
I didn't have to look over myshoulder to know he'd done no
such thing.
Nor was there an intention to.
I was trapped.
Either way, it was gettingposted.
The option before me Reduce tothe taunts he'd shared with his
audience or disprove them.
I gulped.
(24:38):
As I neared the boarded-updoors, I shook my shoulders and
took a deep breath.
It was fine, totally fine.
Speaker 3 (24:44):
The door would be locked, and that was the end of
it.
Speaker 6 (24:47):
Hector could stop recording and I'd get some money
out of it For way more than atwenty.
He didn't get to embarrass mein front of his audience for
free, no way.
My hands shook as I reached forthe door handle.
It was like every other blackcurved door handle, nothing
scary about that, except theothers didn't belong to an
abandoned businesses.
A cold shiver went up my spineas the door didn't resist to my
(25:10):
yank on the handle.
It opened.
Speaker 3 (25:12):
Go in.
Speaker 6 (25:13):
Hector said I twisted around.
He was a comfortable distanceaway.
Forget it.
I turned back towards the opendoor.
White and pink icing oozed outof the doorway.
I stepped back as it crepttowards me.
While there was a lowpossibility of it burning me, I
treated it as if it were lavaand gave it a generous amount of
buffer.
(25:34):
It started to flow faster.
I tripped over myself as Itried stepping away backwards.
The icing rushed against me,already covering my shoes and
soaking the butt of my pants.
With my hands covered, I wentto pull one away.
It was stuck.
My legs the same.
I was adhered to the concreteby the thick substance, the shit
(25:54):
that got stuck in your teeth,gumming your mouth shut, but on
a larger scale, twisting my head.
Hector watched from a distance.
Help me, I didn't care howpanicked I sounded Enough.
He'd never let me live it down.
If such an opportunity evenexisted, he'd need a jackhammer
to get through this crud.
Hector stared for a moment,then took one step forward and
(26:15):
froze, the icing raced towardshim.
He gave one last look and wentback down the sidewalk the same
way we'd come.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Coward.
Speaker 6 (26:24):
I yelled after him.
Part of me didn't blame myso-called friend.
Yet were our positions reversed?
I would have tried to save hisstupid ass.
Easier said than done.
Perhaps I'd leave him to sinkinto this sugary paste too.
Out from the doorway ofGloria's cupcakes ebbed a
Clydesdale-sized cupcake on theriver of goop.
(26:45):
Strings of icing dripped fromits top.
It progressed forward like amassive snail excreting slime.
I'd entered into some nightmare, as sprinkled eyes peered at me
and razor-sharp teeth glistenedfrom its open maw.
The creature roared and wet,partially digested cake chunks
hit my face along with itsspittle.
(27:06):
The mouth widened as it glidedtowards me.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
What a finale.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Wow, nothing scarier than a cupcake's maw coming
towards you, I think.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
Truly the juxtaposition of something
that's meant to be sweet,obviously, and a horrifying
creature.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
Yeah, a terrible nightmare of mine is sweets
doing to me what I like to do tothem.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I think I mean I also just like, can't get over the
stickiness.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Oh yeah, the aftermath.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
You know just like.
Speaker 2 (27:41):
I feel like I felt it on my fingers, like as I was
listening to it.
I knew the exact feeling.
Oh yeah, yeah, I love thatstory.
I think it on my fingers likeas I was listening to it.
I knew the exact feeling.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Oh yeah, yeah, I love that story.
I think it's super fun and Ilove when writers can play with
horror again in like a spacewhere you don't expect it and to
do something surprising anddifferent and fun, and I think
that story is very much thatvery well written, very fun,
very unexpected.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, and like you said before, this third story
was completely different thanthe other two.
It's very cool that there's somany types of horror that we can
broadcast on this podcast.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, absolutely Okay .
So this story was written byJosh Clark.
Josh is a writer, booksellerand graphic designer.
He's a writer of genre fictionfor both adults and young adults
.
His short fiction has beenpublished by Pike's Peak Writers
, black Hair Press, shackleboundBooks and more and again.
I will, of course, leave all ofthe links to follow Josh in the
(28:35):
description of this podcast.
He also has a story in theanthology Cursed Cooking that
was released in November 2024,which sounds very fun.
Speaker 2 (28:43):
Oh yeah, If you have a craving for something more
that Josh written.
Speaker 1 (28:46):
That's right.
Check out Cursed Cooking.
And our very dear friend of thepodcast, michael Krosa,
narrated this story.
Michael is just the epitome ofa fun person and when I read
this story without much thoughtat all, I knew that it had to be
narrated by Michael.
Right, he did a very lovely jobbringing it to life in a
(29:08):
Michael Krosa-esque way.
Michael also runs the PodNugapodcast network out of
Chattanooga, tennessee.
We will link his network andall the information about it,
but he's doing really greatthings, as always, to make a
community for podcasters down inChattanooga.
Well, alex, thank you so muchfor being here.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
It was so fun to have you to talk to you about this
so fun.
It was absolutely my pleasure.
I'm so glad to be included inthis series.
This was an awesome episode.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
Amazing.
Well, campfire Tales again.
Like I said, we are going torevisit it a bit more often this
year than we have in previousyears, which I'm really excited
about.
If you are a writer and youwant to submit to the Lunatics
Radio Hour podcast, you can headto our website,
lunaticsprojectcom, click onsubmit and that will tell you
exactly the stories and thetopics and things that we're
(29:56):
looking for right now, andthere's a form to submit on that
page.
So that's the best way to do it.
Email is not the best wayanymore.
So head to lunaticsprojectcomand hit submit, and we hope that
you do, as always.
Thank you all so much for beinghere.
We are very, very excited toget into some of the topics as
the weather gets a little bitwarmer and spring is around the
corner.
Some very exciting things tocome on Lunatics Radio Hour.
(30:17):
Stay well, stay spooky, andwe'll talk to you soon.
Bye.
Speaker 6 (30:21):
Bye.
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