February 10, 2024 • 33 mins
Have you ever found yourself swooning over what someone could be, rather than embracing who they are right now? Join Terrance and Sandy as we unpack the intricacies of love, peeking into the delicate balance between nurturing a partner's potential and cherishing their true self. Over a lighthearted lunch, we swap tales about our own relationship journey and upcoming vacation plans, only to find ourselves wading into the deeper waters of romantic expectations. We'll share a laugh over the "Gold Digger" song, but don't be fooled, this episode is about the stark realities of love and personal growth within partnerships, seasoned with our nearly two decades of marital wisdom.
This heart-to-heart isn't just for those with rings on their fingers; whether you're single, dating, or knee-deep in commitment, we're addressing the challenges you face in the quest for a fulfilling relationship. We dissect societal pressures, the dangers of unrealistic expectations, and the temptation to fall for potential rather than reality. Dive into our candid conversation as we confront the illusions of perfection and the art of wise, wholehearted loving. You'll walk away with insights into the true art of partnership—appreciating the present, while holding space for growth, together.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Announcer (00:01):
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrance and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:23):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrance andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we
discuss a number of differenttopics and provide perspective
from two people who've beenmarried for a very, very long
time.
I'm Terrance.
Sandy (00:53):
I'm Sandy.
Terrance (00:55):
And today we're going to chew on what is versus what
could be.
But before we get into that, wejust want to remind everyone to
follow the Lunch with Sandypodcast on your favorite
podcasting app and also be sureto like and follow on all social
media at lunch with Sandy.
Sandy what it is, what it be,how you doing today.
Sandy (01:20):
I'm ready for another vacation.
That's how I am today.
Terrance (01:24):
Well, hopefully well, luckily you don't have too long
to wait for that other vacation,because we have one coming up
soon.
You just got to prepare for it.
Sandy (01:37):
Oh, I'm prepared.
Well now it's just a matter ofwhen I say hurrying up for it to
come.
Terrance (01:42):
When I say prepare for it that means all the stuff
that you got to get done.
You got to get done, so yourmind is right.
When you go on vacation, youcan enjoy the vacation and not
think about the stuff that youdidn't get done.
Sandy (01:54):
Yeah, I'm at the point where I'm ready to pack and it's
still too far away.
Terrance (02:00):
Yeah, I don't think that you can start packing.
Sandy (02:03):
I mean, you can, I could.
Terrance (02:05):
All it's going to do is, if you pack now.
Sandy (02:07):
I might have to change it it's just going to make you
anxious, because no, it'll makeme feel better, Like it's coming
.
Terrance (02:14):
Yeah, but you have to keep saying it's coming, it's
coming, it's coming, it's coming.
Sandy (02:19):
It's till it actually gets here.
Terrance (02:21):
I don't know how that's going to work out for you
.
Sandy (02:23):
I don't know.
It just makes me feel closer tothe vacation if I'm packing for
it, whether or not it's still aminute away.
But at the same point theweather can be fickle.
So I don't want to pack for 60degree weather and then it's
like 70, 80.
So I guess I'll wait.
Terrance (02:44):
I don't think you have any other choice.
But anyway, let's get intotoday's special.
You know we've had a number ofconversations about that.
Fall out of word that word love, and part of that is because at
times love can be so inspiringand so uplifting.
But when you start to talkabout love and falling in love,
(03:06):
you know you got to be careful,because there are some pitfalls
that you can run into when youstart falling for someone, and
one of those pitfalls is when wetend to meet someone and we're
in those initial stages, webegin to fall in love with the
potential of who that person maybe.
(03:27):
So the question that I have foryou is do you believe that we
fall in love more with thepotential of what or who someone
can be, as opposed to who theyactually are?
Sandy (03:45):
For starters, it makes me think about the Gold Diggers
song.
Terrance (03:51):
I don't know, you know , I still don't know why the
pathways of your brains they goin these directions that are
completely unexpected.
But I'm imagining you're goingto bring me there, to where
you're trying to go, because Idon't know how Gold Diggers have
to do with this.
Sandy (04:08):
But well, because I'm trying to remember the exact
lyrics of the song.
Terrance (04:12):
But wait a minute.
Sandy (04:12):
He's, he's a conure.
Terrance (04:14):
He's a conure.
I know who sings the song.
You're referencing a song andyou don't even know the words.
Sandy (04:20):
No, I do, but it's something like he's you know,
dishwasher now, and then hebecomes like famous.
Terrance (04:28):
Next week he's on fries yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sandy (04:33):
And then and then.
Yeah, so that's the potential,right Like that makes me.
Terrance (04:38):
So is that a true story?
You started going out with thisdishwasher.
Sandy (04:43):
No, but it just I don't know why this particular topic
brings me there, watch him.
He going to make a tour ofbands out of that dots and
something like that he gotambitions, but anyway.
Right, so somebody's likepotential like that.
Do you stick with somebody Apotential like that?
Terrance (05:01):
So I'm going to try to get you to answer this question
in a way that everyone's goingto understand.
Have you ever started datingsomeone and was more in tune or
more looking at them for theirpotential as opposed to who they
actually could be?
Sandy (05:17):
Uh no, I personally don't feel like.
Terrance (05:19):
I have, you never have .
Sandy (05:21):
But I feel like there's always some, regardless, right,
you know what I mean.
I wouldn't say specifically forthe potential, but I feel like
you know you're always lookinginto the potential of the person
when you're dating them right,Like if you think this person is
(05:42):
going to not amount too much,like are you going to really
stick with them.
You know what I mean.
Terrance (05:50):
So there has to be that's a double-edged sword,
because then I can flip thatquestion around and say have you
ever been with someone who hasnot amounted too much?
Yes, and I think we all so.
Sandy (06:03):
I think.
But I, like you know, whenyou're dating, you know they
have the potential to be a goodfather and they have a good
potential to be, you know,provider.
You know, I think, that they'reyou're always thinking in some
respect of the potential thatthey can become, and not always
so much the situation thatyou're in at that exact moment.
Terrance (06:27):
I think to an extent, it's normal, but when you look
at the way that I phrased itright?
Well, let me take a step back.
I think it's normal because weall have hopes, dreams and
aspirations and I think innately, when we begin to fall for
someone you know, we'vementioned this before you do
have blinders on, so you startto see a future through your
(06:50):
eyes and right when you seesomething through your eyes, I
think you're picking out thepotential of what your actual
partner can be.
The question now becomes Do wefall more for the potential than
who?
That person actually is?
Right, and I'll give you anexample.
(07:10):
Well, I'm not gonna givepersonal stuff.
Let me take a step back.
I can say that there have beentimes where I've got involved
with someone based off a goodportion of their potential, and
by that what I mean is when youfirst start falling for someone
(07:33):
or you get with someone, thereare some things that they're
going to do that you're notgoing to like, but you start to
look at what you envision yourfuture to be and how that person
fits into it.
And inevitably we all do thiswe look to what we can do or how
we can steer somebody and wemove forward.
(07:54):
I gotta tell you I've movedforward with a few people in the
past and you know it don't turnout the way that you always
envision it to be.
Sandy (08:08):
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
So I guess I lied and you'reright.
So in my particular situation,where I was dating someone whose
father was a pastor right, eventhough that person was not on
the trajectory for that, but Ithought maybe there was
(08:30):
potential there, right?
Terrance (08:32):
You wanted a man of the cloth, and the man just had
cloths on.
Sandy (08:42):
Yeah, I don't even know what to say after that one.
Speak the truth he wore nothing, bob cloths oh goodness, I lost
my train of thought there.
But you know, but you're right.
And like that situation was,you know, myself envisioning a
(09:07):
future.
That was a possibility, but atthe end of the day, it was not a
possibility.
Terrance (09:18):
I've had a number of those and sometimes I think.
Sometimes I think that webelieve that there is enough of
us or there's enough in us tochange someone.
You know how I feel aboutchanging people.
(09:39):
Look, I'm much more mature nowand I understand that people
only change based off themwanting to change.
But when you get involved withsomeone and you see that you
potentially have and I'm goingto use this phrase, but it's, I
might be overstating it a littlebit when you see you may have a
(10:01):
diamond in the rough and thehope is that with enough effort
and spit you can polish, you canpolish the unit, that diamond
right up.
Sandy (10:13):
Clear away some of that dirt and make it shine.
Yeah, and I've tried.
Terrance (10:16):
I've tried many times.
Well, now I'm not going to saymany times.
I've tried a number of timesand and it just didn't work out.
And listen, I'm not saying atall at all times I was a diamond
myself, but I think I've alwaysbeen in diamond.
Okay, Um.
Sandy (10:36):
I think.
But I would say, yeah, I thinkit was one of the things I was
going to say.
I think you have to be verycareful that it's strictly
potential that you areenvisioning and that you're not
actually trying to change them.
Terrance (10:53):
Well, the thing, the thing with that is potential is
still just potential.
That's the other part of it.
You can see something insomeone and they don't see it in
themselves.
And it's hard for something tocome to fruition when you're
talking about someone becomingwho you expect them to be if
they can't see it for themselves.
And even if they pretend to getI'm not gonna use the term
(11:16):
pretend even if you believe thatthey reached that goal of what
their potential is.
Again, if it's notself-realized or self-actualized
, then is it real?
So I think it's something thatwe all do to an extent.
Sandy (11:35):
So do you think you're just being an idealist when you
are envisioning this potentialon these multiple locations?
Terrance (11:43):
Well, you know what I'm gonna tell you.
The real part of it is this ashuman beings, we're very shallow
and listen, and I'm beinghonest Are you calling yourself?
Shallow, I'm not anymore.
I told you I was not always thecomplete product that I am
sitting here before you, butwhen you find someone that
(12:05):
you're interested in and theyhave these qualities that you
like, sometimes you overlookcertain qualities.
And it's not so much that youoverlook them.
Well, it's not so much that youoverlook those qualities, but
you begin to prioritize what'simportant to you and then you
say, well, I can work with thosepieces later, or hopefully they
(12:25):
can mature in those particularareas and become all that
they're meant to be, all thatthe potential has for them to
actually reach.
And it don't always work outthat way.
Sandy (12:41):
No, no, it does not.
I guess I saw potential in you.
Terrance (12:46):
Everybody sees potential in me.
Sandy (12:47):
That you'd still look good this late in life later in
life.
Terrance (12:52):
I've said it before black, don't crack.
You know what I mean and youknow there's that whole aspect
of you know I'm vintage.
I'm like a fine wine.
I get better with time.
Sandy (13:06):
Yeah, I guess for me personally, it's been more just,
I guess, living in the moment,like even though, yeah, I
envision a future, I don't thinkI oftentimes try to put
specific potential on otherpeople.
(13:28):
I know there was alwayspotential for myself but not
somebody else, so, which makesme wondered, you know, are we
the oddities or are we the norms?
No, I mean, I don't think thatwe're oddities, I mean like you
did a few times where Idefinitely did it once.
Terrance (13:47):
I'm gonna go on to live and say that you've done it
more than once.
You may not just realize itwhen you say you live in the
moment, right?
So let me ask you this ifyou're only living in a moment,
do you not see a future withthat person?
Because right now everything isgood right now.
Sandy (14:01):
Well, it's funny because I honestly, I honestly didn't
see a real future with anybodyuntil I met you.
But Is that weird?
Terrance (14:13):
I guess that's why I never got married before you.
Well, I mean listen, I thinkyou have to go back and think
about your relationships thatyou've had in the past, and the
reason why I said it is thisyou've been with people for long
periods of time.
Sandy (14:27):
Yeah, I know, it was always this very weird scenario
for me.
It was like, yeah, it is whatit is and it's gonna continue
down this path, but I don't knowif this is ultimately the
person.
Terrance (14:45):
When you say the person.
Sandy (14:47):
Like the person that I just wanted to marry and just
spend the rest of my life with.
Terrance (14:54):
I think there's a situation where you can say,
okay, well, someone's not theperson, but people can be a
person, cause I'm not talkinghere.
When we talk about being withsomeone for their potential,
we're not talking aboutnecessarily this person's going
to be your life partner, becauseultimately, we all make
mistakes, and by that what Imean is we may think we see
(15:17):
potential and that person maynot do anything wrong to cause
us to say, okay, well, enough ofthis.
They just may not be the peoplewho we thought they were.
And by that what I mean is it'sall new when you first meet
somebody, you don't knoweverything about them, and
people are gonna give you signswhen you first meet them.
(15:37):
So the question becomes okay,this person may not be the
person, but at some point theywere a person, so you had to see
something in them for them tobe a person.
Sandy (15:50):
True.
Terrance (15:51):
Or was it just you or just shallow, and you were just
looking, looking for love in allthe wrong places.
Don't do that.
And obviously if you were see,if you say you were looking for
love, then it's not so much thatyou were that shallow, because
you've been in long-termrelationships.
(16:12):
So now you gotta ask yourself,okay, if you didn't see
potential and that might be atopic for a whole another
episode because if you didn'tsee potential, what led you to
stay with these people for solong?
You had to have seen something.
Stupidity, I mean, that could beit.
Sandy (16:31):
Maybe a few other reasons , but you know right, it may
take a whole episode.
Terrance (16:35):
Well, it sounds.
I mean it sounds.
It sounds like it may take awhole episode.
All right, so it's okay.
I think it's okay if you lookat a person and decide that you
wanna get involved with them,based off some potential that
(16:56):
you may see within them.
I think that when you starttalking about being in a
relationship, you wanna be ableto see a bright future for
yourself, and sometimes lookingat their potential allows you to
do that.
It allows you to see orenvision what life may be like
(17:16):
with a particular person, andthat's not a bad thing.
I think the challenge comes inwhere you look more at the
potential and not who the personactually is, because when you
ignore who that person is, thenyou're setting up a trap for
yourself.
Sandy (17:36):
Well, who that person is and if you're ignoring the fact
that they don't even see thepotential in themselves, right
Like you, can't give somebodythe ambition to make that
potential into something.
Terrance (17:51):
Yeah, that's in the situation where you may see that
they don't have any ambitionright.
So when I think about thepositive aspects of looking at
someone's potential right Firstoff, you know you work off the
premise that no one is acomplete work of art.
So if they're showing you signsof compatibility, compatibility
(18:15):
, and they're showing you somethings that you think might make
them a Good partner, and andthen it might not be solid, but
they're showing you signs, thenI don't think.
Then I think it's a good ideato explore that, while at the
(18:37):
same time making sure you'regetting to know who they
actually are.
Sandy (18:44):
Yeah, you're right, because I feel like when we
started getting serious rightMaybe there's like
miscommunication and stuff butto me it wasn't as as important
the fact that you know, we wouldSometimes have tiffs, because
(19:05):
of the potential that I sawwithin our relationship, you
know.
Terrance (19:10):
I don't know what tips you talking about.
Sandy (19:11):
I don't know, I can't think of it, specific ones off
the top of my mind, I'm justthinking, for the most part,
right.
We Got along Almost every day,for a lack of a better phrase so
(19:32):
that when we did Argue andmaybe not see eye to eye on
something, it was knowing thatthe potential was there for us
to like work through thosesituations to where you know we
are the blissful marriage thatwe Know your word play yeah, I
(19:56):
get it.
Terrance (19:56):
So, on the flip side, if, if you get involved with
someone solely for I don't wantto say solely, primarily based
off potential, and I don't evenwant to say primarily if you're
looking at someone's potentialbut you ignore all the signs of
(20:17):
who they are, that can bedetrimental, and I say that for
a number of reasons.
When you ignore signs that arebeing shown to you, you're gonna
end up in a dysfunctionalrelationship Because you're
never going to be on the samepage, because you're going to be
living in the world whereyou're living with this person's
potential, but that person isgoing to be who they actually
(20:40):
are and it's not going to lineup and you're gonna have nothing
but problems right.
Sandy (20:44):
So you're kind of living with the painting of the picture
in your mind of what could beVersus what the reality is at
this moment in time.
Terrance (20:56):
Yep, and when it doesn't line up, all that's
going to do is cause frictionand you're gonna be having all
these issues because you'reliving in two different worlds.
I'm most loving someone that'snot Not really real well, and,
and it's going you're not goingto be happy.
Yeah, no how can you be happywith?
How can you be?
(21:16):
How could you be happy whenyou're living in a dream?
Any other person is living inreality.
I guess the sluggish, don't wakeup.
I mean well, the difference,the difference is.
So you are awake, let's let'ssee.
I know, but Mentally You'reliving in a different state.
(21:38):
You'll put it this way mentallyyou're living with a different
person.
Yeah then, who the personactually is.
And the person has done nothingbut show you who they actually
are.
It's just that in your mind,you're seeing the potential and
the expectation is.
Their actions, their words andeverything that they do is based
off potential that you see inyour mind, but they're actually
(22:01):
being who they actually are andit's causing all of these issues
because You're ignoring whothey are.
Yeah that's going to causenothing but issues, and when
that happens you can't build offthat.
The foundation is going to betoo shaky because, again, you're
on two different wavelengths.
So, although it's, it'simportant to be able to envision
(22:24):
and imagine what Potentialcould bring to an actual
relationship.
Sandy (22:30):
Yeah.
Terrance (22:32):
It's also important to realize that potential is just
potential and Not everyone livesup to their potential.
Sandy (22:42):
No, it's well.
I think it's healthy, right forus all to have dreams and these
ideas of potential, right, orelse, I don't know, we would
have really nothing to Strivefor.
But you're right, at some pointyou also need to align those
dreams with Is it true potential, or Is it just this made up
(23:08):
illusion in your mind that'snever going to come to any
fruition.
Terrance (23:11):
Yeah, and I think the other thing that the other thing
that we have to be careful ofis, you know, we live in a time
where there's so much access toso many different things and
when you have all that access,it gives you the ability to
really compare what you have, orwhat you want and what you
(23:35):
expect Unrealistically to somany other things mm-hmm because
Prior to you may not have hadthat access.
and so now, when you starttalking about potential, when
you start talking aboutexpectation, sometimes Our
expectation is a bit unrealistic, and so when we're looking at
(23:56):
someone's potential, we may notbe, we may not be able to
properly judge what thatperson's potential is or is not.
And that can put us in asituation where where, way off
base, when we talk about who itis that we're trying to build
something with, so the goal isjust to envision any potential
(24:20):
in any way.
No, that's not the goal.
The goal is when you startgetting involved with someone,
it's okay to imagine what mightbe, but you need to have a firm
grasp of who that person istoday.
Sandy (24:37):
Yes.
Terrance (24:38):
You need to know what it is that you both bring to the
table today, and then you haveto decide okay, two, three, five
, 10 years from now.
Sandy (24:54):
Yeah.
Terrance (24:55):
This person is still who they are and hopefully and
you want to obviously theexpectation is people are going
to grow and develop and improvethemselves.
But if this person, from thepotential perspective, is not
who you thought they would be,five, 10 years from now, is that
person still going to be enough?
(25:17):
Probably not, that was it was arhetorical question, and what
you've got to make sure isyou've got to make sure that
you're not.
You know the phrase is.
What is it?
It's not accepting or throwingaway.
It has something to do with notaccepting good while waiting
(25:42):
for perfection.
And since I'm trying toremember exactly what the phrase
is, I would just say notaccepting.
It's like throwing away throwingaway the good, waiting for the
perfect perfection, or somethinglike that, and the short of it
is this what you have to becareful of is this If you're
always banking on someone tomeet your potential that you see
, and at the same time, this issomeone who cares for you,
(26:05):
someone who loves you andsomeone who's able to work with
you to build something, you'regoing to decide whether or not
that's good enough for you.
Sandy (26:11):
Yeah Well, as you started this episode with like the four
letter word love, right?
I think ultimately, that's whateverybody's looking for.
Well then the question.
So I think you know it.
I wouldn't say you're sellingyourself short.
I think the person needs todecide.
Do they just need to reevaluatewhat that potential was versus?
Terrance (26:34):
And I didn't say we're selling yourself short.
Sandy (26:36):
I said you know I know, I know, but I mean, like you know
, you're saying, will you stillbe happy?
So I'm just saying, you know, Iguess if I was in that position
it would be like, oh well, allright, well, we might not be
here, but at least we're hereand we're here together, and
that's good enough.
Terrance (26:56):
See, I always look at the positive aspect of it and if
you were used to saying, okay,well, living in the moment, then
if you're doing good in themoment, then that should be
enough.
Sandy (27:06):
Yeah, yeah.
Terrance (27:07):
The challenge for for people, when you start talking
about what is versus what couldbe, is we we talked about this
before when emotions kick in andyou're, you first get involved
with someone.
There is that whole phrase loveis blind when you start falling
for someone.
Sandy (27:25):
Yeah.
Terrance (27:26):
And you can ignore some red flags and that could
put you in a situation.
But as long as you focus onwhat is important and you
understand what it is you have,you can make the proper
decisions.
The other part about that toois and we said this earlier you
know, too often we operate underthe guides that we can change
(27:51):
someone, and that happens allthe time.
People always think, oh well,I'm gonna be able to change him.
And I say I'm gonna be able tochange him because I think
that's more of I think that'smore of a female perspective.
When they talk, when you talkabout changing, I'll take a step
back and say when I wasinvolved in those relationships,
(28:14):
I wasn't trying to changeanyone.
It was at some point they'regonna reach, they're gonna.
You know, I'm doing this and atsome point they're gonna match
my level and then we gonna betaken off and it just didn't
happen.
Sandy (28:28):
They just never matched your level to take off.
Terrance (28:32):
Yeah, where I think you know it's.
I think sometimes it'sdifferent with women.
I think some women and againI'm not generalizing, I'm not
saying all, but I believe somewomen take on the task of trying
to change someone.
Sandy (28:48):
Yeah, he's a player now, but I can change him.
Terrance (28:51):
Well, I wasn't even talking about that, rao, but
yeah, I mean, I think that whenyou, when you get involved with
someone and you believe you havethe ability to change them, you
have a tall task to overcome,because I don't think that
people can change other people.
(29:12):
I think that you can impactsomeone so they can look at
themselves and then decidewhether or not they want to do
things different.
But, I think people can onlychange themselves.
Sandy (29:22):
Yeah, you might be able to give them a little extra
confidence booster or motivation, but they ultimately have to
try to.
They ultimately have to want tochange.
You definitely can't, you know,just put all this time and
energy to changing someonewithout them wanting to put any
(29:42):
energy into it.
That is for sure.
Terrance (29:44):
Yeah.
So the question becomes howmany times?
Sandy (29:48):
Well, it took you a couple of times.
Terrance (29:50):
Have you banked on potential as opposed to who
someone really is?
And that's not a question thatyou actually have to answer.
But I mean, I think that to anextent, it's natural for
everybody to do that?
Sandy (30:06):
Yeah, well, to your point from earlier, right, unless you
see potential in therelationship, then why are you
even in it?
Yeah, so it's not reallyexpected to some degree.
Terrance (30:21):
Yeah, and I think there's a difference between
seeing potential in arelationship.
Sandy (30:26):
Well, I mean like no, no, no, no, no that's a good point.
Terrance (30:28):
I think there's a difference between seeing
potential in a relationship andseeing the potential of who
someone can become.
Sandy (30:36):
Yeah.
Terrance (30:37):
Because I think that every relationship at some point
has potential, right Otherwise,you know, but when you work
under the premise that person Ahas the potential to rule the
world, so I'm gonna stick withhim.
Sandy (30:57):
Yeah.
Terrance (30:57):
And that person can't even rule the house.
You know, that's what you gottabe careful of.
Sandy (31:11):
Because the stories that come up in my own mind are just
completely different.
Well, yeah this guy has thepotential to be a great chef,
which maybe he does become one,but he never cooks for me at
home.
Terrance (31:27):
Well, see, that's, he's reached his potential.
So you gotta be careful,because if the potential is for
him to be a great chef and he'sa great chef he's reached it.
Right, but it's like you knowyou want them to cook for you,
not just for everybody else,well then, your potential
shouldn't have been a great chef, it should have been a great
(31:48):
cook at home.
Words matter.
Sandy (31:51):
Yeah, words matter.
Terrance (31:53):
All right, I think we talked enough about potential
and I think from theconversation you know, it's
clear that when you're trying tobalance between loving a person
for who they are and what theyhave the potential to be, you
know there are some things thatyou're going to have to grapple
with, but you want to make surethat, in all cases, you're
(32:20):
really looking at who the personis Because, again, if you
choose only to see who they arefrom the aspect of what their
potential is, you can be in asituation where you accept
things that you normallywouldn't accept or just be
completely unhappy, and I don'tthink that's the goal of any
(32:44):
relationship.
Now, with that being said,let's get to my weekly
reflection.
Don't be afraid to open thedoor to different experiences
and new places.
You may be surprised and findnew interests that you didn't
have before.
That's all for the Lunch withSandy podcast this week.
(33:07):
Thank you for joining us.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media.
Until next time, stay well.
Announcer (33:24):
That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch with
Sandy podcast.
Thanks for listening.
We'd love to hear your feedbackand comments on Instagram,
tiktok and Twitter and Lunchwith Sandy, and be sure to
follow us on your favoritepodcast app.
If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe Lunch with Sandy podcast.
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrance and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:23):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrance andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to the Lunch with Sandy podcast, where we
discuss a number of differenttopics and provide perspective
from two people who've beenmarried for a very, very long
time.
I'm Terrance.
Sandy (00:53):
I'm Sandy.
Terrance (00:55):
And today we're going to chew on what is versus what
could be.
But before we get into that, wejust want to remind everyone to
follow the Lunch with Sandypodcast on your favorite
podcasting app and also be sureto like and follow on all social
media at lunch with Sandy.
Sandy what it is, what it be,how you doing today.
Sandy (01:20):
I'm ready for another vacation.
That's how I am today.
Terrance (01:24):
Well, hopefully well, luckily you don't have too long
to wait for that other vacation,because we have one coming up
soon.
You just got to prepare for it.
Sandy (01:37):
Oh, I'm prepared.
Well now it's just a matter ofwhen I say hurrying up for it to
come.
Terrance (01:42):
When I say prepare for it that means all the stuff
that you got to get done.
You got to get done, so yourmind is right.
When you go on vacation, youcan enjoy the vacation and not
think about the stuff that youdidn't get done.
Sandy (01:54):
Yeah, I'm at the point where I'm ready to pack and it's
still too far away.
Terrance (02:00):
Yeah, I don't think that you can start packing.
Sandy (02:03):
I mean, you can, I could.
Terrance (02:05):
All it's going to do is, if you pack now.
Sandy (02:07):
I might have to change it it's just going to make you
anxious, because no, it'll makeme feel better, Like it's coming
.
Terrance (02:14):
Yeah, but you have to keep saying it's coming, it's
coming, it's coming, it's coming.
Sandy (02:19):
It's till it actually gets here.
Terrance (02:21):
I don't know how that's going to work out for you
.
Sandy (02:23):
I don't know.
It just makes me feel closer tothe vacation if I'm packing for
it, whether or not it's still aminute away.
But at the same point theweather can be fickle.
So I don't want to pack for 60degree weather and then it's
like 70, 80.
So I guess I'll wait.
Terrance (02:44):
I don't think you have any other choice.
But anyway, let's get intotoday's special.
You know we've had a number ofconversations about that.
Fall out of word that word love, and part of that is because at
times love can be so inspiringand so uplifting.
But when you start to talkabout love and falling in love,
(03:06):
you know you got to be careful,because there are some pitfalls
that you can run into when youstart falling for someone, and
one of those pitfalls is when wetend to meet someone and we're
in those initial stages, webegin to fall in love with the
potential of who that person maybe.
(03:27):
So the question that I have foryou is do you believe that we
fall in love more with thepotential of what or who someone
can be, as opposed to who theyactually are?
Sandy (03:45):
For starters, it makes me think about the Gold Diggers
song.
Terrance (03:51):
I don't know, you know , I still don't know why the
pathways of your brains they goin these directions that are
completely unexpected.
But I'm imagining you're goingto bring me there, to where
you're trying to go, because Idon't know how Gold Diggers have
to do with this.
Sandy (04:08):
But well, because I'm trying to remember the exact
lyrics of the song.
Terrance (04:12):
But wait a minute.
Sandy (04:12):
He's, he's a conure.
Terrance (04:14):
He's a conure.
I know who sings the song.
You're referencing a song andyou don't even know the words.
Sandy (04:20):
No, I do, but it's something like he's you know,
dishwasher now, and then hebecomes like famous.
Terrance (04:28):
Next week he's on fries yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sandy (04:33):
And then and then.
Yeah, so that's the potential,right Like that makes me.
Terrance (04:38):
So is that a true story?
You started going out with thisdishwasher.
Sandy (04:43):
No, but it just I don't know why this particular topic
brings me there, watch him.
He going to make a tour ofbands out of that dots and
something like that he gotambitions, but anyway.
Right, so somebody's likepotential like that.
Do you stick with somebody Apotential like that?
Terrance (05:01):
So I'm going to try to get you to answer this question
in a way that everyone's goingto understand.
Have you ever started datingsomeone and was more in tune or
more looking at them for theirpotential as opposed to who they
actually could be?
Sandy (05:17):
Uh no, I personally don't feel like.
Terrance (05:19):
I have, you never have .
Sandy (05:21):
But I feel like there's always some, regardless, right,
you know what I mean.
I wouldn't say specifically forthe potential, but I feel like
you know you're always lookinginto the potential of the person
when you're dating them right,Like if you think this person is
(05:42):
going to not amount too much,like are you going to really
stick with them.
You know what I mean.
Terrance (05:50):
So there has to be that's a double-edged sword,
because then I can flip thatquestion around and say have you
ever been with someone who hasnot amounted too much?
Yes, and I think we all so.
Sandy (06:03):
I think.
But I, like you know, whenyou're dating, you know they
have the potential to be a goodfather and they have a good
potential to be, you know,provider.
You know, I think, that they'reyou're always thinking in some
respect of the potential thatthey can become, and not always
so much the situation thatyou're in at that exact moment.
Terrance (06:27):
I think to an extent, it's normal, but when you look
at the way that I phrased itright?
Well, let me take a step back.
I think it's normal because weall have hopes, dreams and
aspirations and I think innately, when we begin to fall for
someone you know, we'vementioned this before you do
have blinders on, so you startto see a future through your
(06:50):
eyes and right when you seesomething through your eyes, I
think you're picking out thepotential of what your actual
partner can be.
The question now becomes Do wefall more for the potential than
who?
That person actually is?
Right, and I'll give you anexample.
(07:10):
Well, I'm not gonna givepersonal stuff.
Let me take a step back.
I can say that there have beentimes where I've got involved
with someone based off a goodportion of their potential, and
by that what I mean is when youfirst start falling for someone
(07:33):
or you get with someone, thereare some things that they're
going to do that you're notgoing to like, but you start to
look at what you envision yourfuture to be and how that person
fits into it.
And inevitably we all do thiswe look to what we can do or how
we can steer somebody and wemove forward.
(07:54):
I gotta tell you I've movedforward with a few people in the
past and you know it don't turnout the way that you always
envision it to be.
Sandy (08:08):
Yeah, I guess that makes sense.
So I guess I lied and you'reright.
So in my particular situation,where I was dating someone whose
father was a pastor right, eventhough that person was not on
the trajectory for that, but Ithought maybe there was
(08:30):
potential there, right?
Terrance (08:32):
You wanted a man of the cloth, and the man just had
cloths on.
Sandy (08:42):
Yeah, I don't even know what to say after that one.
Speak the truth he wore nothing, bob cloths oh goodness, I lost
my train of thought there.
But you know, but you're right.
And like that situation was,you know, myself envisioning a
(09:07):
future.
That was a possibility, but atthe end of the day, it was not a
possibility.
Terrance (09:18):
I've had a number of those and sometimes I think.
Sometimes I think that webelieve that there is enough of
us or there's enough in us tochange someone.
You know how I feel aboutchanging people.
(09:39):
Look, I'm much more mature nowand I understand that people
only change based off themwanting to change.
But when you get involved withsomeone and you see that you
potentially have and I'm goingto use this phrase, but it's, I
might be overstating it a littlebit when you see you may have a
(10:01):
diamond in the rough and thehope is that with enough effort
and spit you can polish, you canpolish the unit, that diamond
right up.
Sandy (10:13):
Clear away some of that dirt and make it shine.
Yeah, and I've tried.
Terrance (10:16):
I've tried many times.
Well, now I'm not going to saymany times.
I've tried a number of timesand and it just didn't work out.
And listen, I'm not saying atall at all times I was a diamond
myself, but I think I've alwaysbeen in diamond.
Okay, Um.
Sandy (10:36):
I think.
But I would say, yeah, I thinkit was one of the things I was
going to say.
I think you have to be verycareful that it's strictly
potential that you areenvisioning and that you're not
actually trying to change them.
Terrance (10:53):
Well, the thing, the thing with that is potential is
still just potential.
That's the other part of it.
You can see something insomeone and they don't see it in
themselves.
And it's hard for something tocome to fruition when you're
talking about someone becomingwho you expect them to be if
they can't see it for themselves.
And even if they pretend to getI'm not gonna use the term
(11:16):
pretend even if you believe thatthey reached that goal of what
their potential is.
Again, if it's notself-realized or self-actualized
, then is it real?
So I think it's something thatwe all do to an extent.
Sandy (11:35):
So do you think you're just being an idealist when you
are envisioning this potentialon these multiple locations?
Terrance (11:43):
Well, you know what I'm gonna tell you.
The real part of it is this ashuman beings, we're very shallow
and listen, and I'm beinghonest Are you calling yourself?
Shallow, I'm not anymore.
I told you I was not always thecomplete product that I am
sitting here before you, butwhen you find someone that
(12:05):
you're interested in and theyhave these qualities that you
like, sometimes you overlookcertain qualities.
And it's not so much that youoverlook them.
Well, it's not so much that youoverlook those qualities, but
you begin to prioritize what'simportant to you and then you
say, well, I can work with thosepieces later, or hopefully they
(12:25):
can mature in those particularareas and become all that
they're meant to be, all thatthe potential has for them to
actually reach.
And it don't always work outthat way.
Sandy (12:41):
No, no, it does not.
I guess I saw potential in you.
Terrance (12:46):
Everybody sees potential in me.
Sandy (12:47):
That you'd still look good this late in life later in
life.
Terrance (12:52):
I've said it before black, don't crack.
You know what I mean and youknow there's that whole aspect
of you know I'm vintage.
I'm like a fine wine.
I get better with time.
Sandy (13:06):
Yeah, I guess for me personally, it's been more just,
I guess, living in the moment,like even though, yeah, I
envision a future, I don't thinkI oftentimes try to put
specific potential on otherpeople.
(13:28):
I know there was alwayspotential for myself but not
somebody else, so, which makesme wondered, you know, are we
the oddities or are we the norms?
No, I mean, I don't think thatwe're oddities, I mean like you
did a few times where Idefinitely did it once.
Terrance (13:47):
I'm gonna go on to live and say that you've done it
more than once.
You may not just realize itwhen you say you live in the
moment, right?
So let me ask you this ifyou're only living in a moment,
do you not see a future withthat person?
Because right now everything isgood right now.
Sandy (14:01):
Well, it's funny because I honestly, I honestly didn't
see a real future with anybodyuntil I met you.
But Is that weird?
Terrance (14:13):
I guess that's why I never got married before you.
Well, I mean listen, I thinkyou have to go back and think
about your relationships thatyou've had in the past, and the
reason why I said it is thisyou've been with people for long
periods of time.
Sandy (14:27):
Yeah, I know, it was always this very weird scenario
for me.
It was like, yeah, it is whatit is and it's gonna continue
down this path, but I don't knowif this is ultimately the
person.
Terrance (14:45):
When you say the person.
Sandy (14:47):
Like the person that I just wanted to marry and just
spend the rest of my life with.
Terrance (14:54):
I think there's a situation where you can say,
okay, well, someone's not theperson, but people can be a
person, cause I'm not talkinghere.
When we talk about being withsomeone for their potential,
we're not talking aboutnecessarily this person's going
to be your life partner, becauseultimately, we all make
mistakes, and by that what Imean is we may think we see
(15:17):
potential and that person maynot do anything wrong to cause
us to say, okay, well, enough ofthis.
They just may not be the peoplewho we thought they were.
And by that what I mean is it'sall new when you first meet
somebody, you don't knoweverything about them, and
people are gonna give you signswhen you first meet them.
(15:37):
So the question becomes okay,this person may not be the
person, but at some point theywere a person, so you had to see
something in them for them tobe a person.
Sandy (15:50):
True.
Terrance (15:51):
Or was it just you or just shallow, and you were just
looking, looking for love in allthe wrong places.
Don't do that.
And obviously if you were see,if you say you were looking for
love, then it's not so much thatyou were that shallow, because
you've been in long-termrelationships.
(16:12):
So now you gotta ask yourself,okay, if you didn't see
potential and that might be atopic for a whole another
episode because if you didn'tsee potential, what led you to
stay with these people for solong?
You had to have seen something.
Stupidity, I mean, that could beit.
Sandy (16:31):
Maybe a few other reasons , but you know right, it may
take a whole episode.
Terrance (16:35):
Well, it sounds.
I mean it sounds.
It sounds like it may take awhole episode.
All right, so it's okay.
I think it's okay if you lookat a person and decide that you
wanna get involved with them,based off some potential that
(16:56):
you may see within them.
I think that when you starttalking about being in a
relationship, you wanna be ableto see a bright future for
yourself, and sometimes lookingat their potential allows you to
do that.
It allows you to see orenvision what life may be like
(17:16):
with a particular person, andthat's not a bad thing.
I think the challenge comes inwhere you look more at the
potential and not who the personactually is, because when you
ignore who that person is, thenyou're setting up a trap for
yourself.
Sandy (17:36):
Well, who that person is and if you're ignoring the fact
that they don't even see thepotential in themselves, right
Like you, can't give somebodythe ambition to make that
potential into something.
Terrance (17:51):
Yeah, that's in the situation where you may see that
they don't have any ambitionright.
So when I think about thepositive aspects of looking at
someone's potential right Firstoff, you know you work off the
premise that no one is acomplete work of art.
So if they're showing you signsof compatibility, compatibility
(18:15):
, and they're showing you somethings that you think might make
them a Good partner, and andthen it might not be solid, but
they're showing you signs, thenI don't think.
Then I think it's a good ideato explore that, while at the
(18:37):
same time making sure you'regetting to know who they
actually are.
Sandy (18:44):
Yeah, you're right, because I feel like when we
started getting serious rightMaybe there's like
miscommunication and stuff butto me it wasn't as as important
the fact that you know, we wouldSometimes have tiffs, because
(19:05):
of the potential that I sawwithin our relationship, you
know.
Terrance (19:10):
I don't know what tips you talking about.
Sandy (19:11):
I don't know, I can't think of it, specific ones off
the top of my mind, I'm justthinking, for the most part,
right.
We Got along Almost every day,for a lack of a better phrase so
(19:32):
that when we did Argue andmaybe not see eye to eye on
something, it was knowing thatthe potential was there for us
to like work through thosesituations to where you know we
are the blissful marriage thatwe Know your word play yeah, I
(19:56):
get it.
Terrance (19:56):
So, on the flip side, if, if you get involved with
someone solely for I don't wantto say solely, primarily based
off potential, and I don't evenwant to say primarily if you're
looking at someone's potentialbut you ignore all the signs of
(20:17):
who they are, that can bedetrimental, and I say that for
a number of reasons.
When you ignore signs that arebeing shown to you, you're gonna
end up in a dysfunctionalrelationship Because you're
never going to be on the samepage, because you're going to be
living in the world whereyou're living with this person's
potential, but that person isgoing to be who they actually
(20:40):
are and it's not going to lineup and you're gonna have nothing
but problems right.
Sandy (20:44):
So you're kind of living with the painting of the picture
in your mind of what could beVersus what the reality is at
this moment in time.
Terrance (20:56):
Yep, and when it doesn't line up, all that's
going to do is cause frictionand you're gonna be having all
these issues because you'reliving in two different worlds.
I'm most loving someone that'snot Not really real well, and,
and it's going you're not goingto be happy.
Yeah, no how can you be happywith?
How can you be?
(21:16):
How could you be happy whenyou're living in a dream?
Any other person is living inreality.
I guess the sluggish, don't wakeup.
I mean well, the difference,the difference is.
So you are awake, let's let'ssee.
I know, but Mentally You'reliving in a different state.
(21:38):
You'll put it this way mentallyyou're living with a different
person.
Yeah then, who the personactually is.
And the person has done nothingbut show you who they actually
are.
It's just that in your mind,you're seeing the potential and
the expectation is.
Their actions, their words andeverything that they do is based
off potential that you see inyour mind, but they're actually
(22:01):
being who they actually are andit's causing all of these issues
because You're ignoring whothey are.
Yeah that's going to causenothing but issues, and when
that happens you can't build offthat.
The foundation is going to betoo shaky because, again, you're
on two different wavelengths.
So, although it's, it'simportant to be able to envision
(22:24):
and imagine what Potentialcould bring to an actual
relationship.
Sandy (22:30):
Yeah.
Terrance (22:32):
It's also important to realize that potential is just
potential and Not everyone livesup to their potential.
Sandy (22:42):
No, it's well.
I think it's healthy, right forus all to have dreams and these
ideas of potential, right, orelse, I don't know, we would
have really nothing to Strivefor.
But you're right, at some pointyou also need to align those
dreams with Is it true potential, or Is it just this made up
(23:08):
illusion in your mind that'snever going to come to any
fruition.
Terrance (23:11):
Yeah, and I think the other thing that the other thing
that we have to be careful ofis, you know, we live in a time
where there's so much access toso many different things and
when you have all that access,it gives you the ability to
really compare what you have, orwhat you want and what you
(23:35):
expect Unrealistically to somany other things mm-hmm because
Prior to you may not have hadthat access.
and so now, when you starttalking about potential, when
you start talking aboutexpectation, sometimes Our
expectation is a bit unrealistic, and so when we're looking at
(23:56):
someone's potential, we may notbe, we may not be able to
properly judge what thatperson's potential is or is not.
And that can put us in asituation where where, way off
base, when we talk about who itis that we're trying to build
something with, so the goal isjust to envision any potential
(24:20):
in any way.
No, that's not the goal.
The goal is when you startgetting involved with someone,
it's okay to imagine what mightbe, but you need to have a firm
grasp of who that person istoday.
Sandy (24:37):
Yes.
Terrance (24:38):
You need to know what it is that you both bring to the
table today, and then you haveto decide okay, two, three, five
, 10 years from now.
Sandy (24:54):
Yeah.
Terrance (24:55):
This person is still who they are and hopefully and
you want to obviously theexpectation is people are going
to grow and develop and improvethemselves.
But if this person, from thepotential perspective, is not
who you thought they would be,five, 10 years from now, is that
person still going to be enough?
(25:17):
Probably not, that was it was arhetorical question, and what
you've got to make sure isyou've got to make sure that
you're not.
You know the phrase is.
What is it?
It's not accepting or throwingaway.
It has something to do with notaccepting good while waiting
(25:42):
for perfection.
And since I'm trying toremember exactly what the phrase
is, I would just say notaccepting.
It's like throwing away throwingaway the good, waiting for the
perfect perfection, or somethinglike that, and the short of it
is this what you have to becareful of is this If you're
always banking on someone tomeet your potential that you see
, and at the same time, this issomeone who cares for you,
(26:05):
someone who loves you andsomeone who's able to work with
you to build something, you'regoing to decide whether or not
that's good enough for you.
Sandy (26:11):
Yeah Well, as you started this episode with like the four
letter word love, right?
I think ultimately, that's whateverybody's looking for.
Well then the question.
So I think you know it.
I wouldn't say you're sellingyourself short.
I think the person needs todecide.
Do they just need to reevaluatewhat that potential was versus?
Terrance (26:34):
And I didn't say we're selling yourself short.
Sandy (26:36):
I said you know I know, I know, but I mean, like you know
, you're saying, will you stillbe happy?
So I'm just saying, you know, Iguess if I was in that position
it would be like, oh well, allright, well, we might not be
here, but at least we're hereand we're here together, and
that's good enough.
Terrance (26:56):
See, I always look at the positive aspect of it and if
you were used to saying, okay,well, living in the moment, then
if you're doing good in themoment, then that should be
enough.
Sandy (27:06):
Yeah, yeah.
Terrance (27:07):
The challenge for for people, when you start talking
about what is versus what couldbe, is we we talked about this
before when emotions kick in andyou're, you first get involved
with someone.
There is that whole phrase loveis blind when you start falling
for someone.
Sandy (27:25):
Yeah.
Terrance (27:26):
And you can ignore some red flags and that could
put you in a situation.
But as long as you focus onwhat is important and you
understand what it is you have,you can make the proper
decisions.
The other part about that toois and we said this earlier you
know, too often we operate underthe guides that we can change
(27:51):
someone, and that happens allthe time.
People always think, oh well,I'm gonna be able to change him.
And I say I'm gonna be able tochange him because I think
that's more of I think that'smore of a female perspective.
When they talk, when you talkabout changing, I'll take a step
back and say when I wasinvolved in those relationships,
(28:14):
I wasn't trying to changeanyone.
It was at some point they'regonna reach, they're gonna.
You know, I'm doing this and atsome point they're gonna match
my level and then we gonna betaken off and it just didn't
happen.
Sandy (28:28):
They just never matched your level to take off.
Terrance (28:32):
Yeah, where I think you know it's.
I think sometimes it'sdifferent with women.
I think some women and againI'm not generalizing, I'm not
saying all, but I believe somewomen take on the task of trying
to change someone.
Sandy (28:48):
Yeah, he's a player now, but I can change him.
Terrance (28:51):
Well, I wasn't even talking about that, rao, but
yeah, I mean, I think that whenyou, when you get involved with
someone and you believe you havethe ability to change them, you
have a tall task to overcome,because I don't think that
people can change other people.
(29:12):
I think that you can impactsomeone so they can look at
themselves and then decidewhether or not they want to do
things different.
But, I think people can onlychange themselves.
Sandy (29:22):
Yeah, you might be able to give them a little extra
confidence booster or motivation, but they ultimately have to
try to.
They ultimately have to want tochange.
You definitely can't, you know,just put all this time and
energy to changing someonewithout them wanting to put any
(29:42):
energy into it.
That is for sure.
Terrance (29:44):
Yeah.
So the question becomes howmany times?
Sandy (29:48):
Well, it took you a couple of times.
Terrance (29:50):
Have you banked on potential as opposed to who
someone really is?
And that's not a question thatyou actually have to answer.
But I mean, I think that to anextent, it's natural for
everybody to do that?
Sandy (30:06):
Yeah, well, to your point from earlier, right, unless you
see potential in therelationship, then why are you
even in it?
Yeah, so it's not reallyexpected to some degree.
Terrance (30:21):
Yeah, and I think there's a difference between
seeing potential in arelationship.
Sandy (30:26):
Well, I mean like no, no, no, no, no that's a good point.
Terrance (30:28):
I think there's a difference between seeing
potential in a relationship andseeing the potential of who
someone can become.
Sandy (30:36):
Yeah.
Terrance (30:37):
Because I think that every relationship at some point
has potential, right Otherwise,you know, but when you work
under the premise that person Ahas the potential to rule the
world, so I'm gonna stick withhim.
Sandy (30:57):
Yeah.
Terrance (30:57):
And that person can't even rule the house.
You know, that's what you gottabe careful of.
Sandy (31:11):
Because the stories that come up in my own mind are just
completely different.
Well, yeah this guy has thepotential to be a great chef,
which maybe he does become one,but he never cooks for me at
home.
Terrance (31:27):
Well, see, that's, he's reached his potential.
So you gotta be careful,because if the potential is for
him to be a great chef and he'sa great chef he's reached it.
Right, but it's like you knowyou want them to cook for you,
not just for everybody else,well then, your potential
shouldn't have been a great chef, it should have been a great
(31:48):
cook at home.
Words matter.
Sandy (31:51):
Yeah, words matter.
Terrance (31:53):
All right, I think we talked enough about potential
and I think from theconversation you know, it's
clear that when you're trying tobalance between loving a person
for who they are and what theyhave the potential to be, you
know there are some things thatyou're going to have to grapple
with, but you want to make surethat, in all cases, you're
(32:20):
really looking at who the personis Because, again, if you
choose only to see who they arefrom the aspect of what their
potential is, you can be in asituation where you accept
things that you normallywouldn't accept or just be
completely unhappy, and I don'tthink that's the goal of any
(32:44):
relationship.
Now, with that being said,let's get to my weekly
reflection.
Don't be afraid to open thedoor to different experiences
and new places.
You may be surprised and findnew interests that you didn't
have before.
That's all for the Lunch withSandy podcast this week.
(33:07):
Thank you for joining us.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media.
Until next time, stay well.
Announcer (33:24):
That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch with
Sandy podcast.
Thanks for listening.
We'd love to hear your feedbackand comments on Instagram,
tiktok and Twitter and Lunchwith Sandy, and be sure to
follow us on your favoritepodcast app.
If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe Lunch with Sandy podcast.
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.