June 1, 2024 • 34 mins
Ever felt like your love life should resemble a fairy-tale romance? Sandy and I are here to bust that myth wide open. As we unravel the tangled web of relationships and expectations on the "Lunch with Sandy" podcast, you'll discover that true connection comes from embracing the imperfect, not chasing the storybook ideal. We dissect how the media can distort our view of what a partnership should look like, setting us up for disappointment.
Hold up your relationship to the light of social media, and often it feels like it's lacking that perfect glow. But is that shine real or just a filter? In our heart-to-heart, we talk about the pressures to present a flawless romance to the online world and how this pursuit can leave us feeling inadequate. We dive into the cultural minefield of expectations and gender roles, sharing insights and our own experiences alongside a nod to the rollercoaster ride that is "90 Day Fiancé." Our candid conversation reveals how cultural influences can both challenge and shape our romantic relationships.
Remember that tiff you had over what to eat for dinner last night? Turns out, it's the little things like this that make our connections richer and more genuine. Wrapping up our chat, Sandy and I explore how everyday compromises can lead to stronger bonds, and we highlight the importance of authentic living both online and off. We leave you with this: embrace your own narrative, find joy in your unique journey, and let's stop the endless scroll for a picture-perfect romance that doesn't exist. Tune in and let us guide you through the real, the messy, and the truly beautiful aspects of love and companionship.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Announcer (00:00):
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrence and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:22):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrence andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy
podcast, where we discussvarious topics and provide
insight from the perspective ofa married couple.
I'm Terrence and I'm Sandy, andtoday I wanted to talk about
the impact media and socialplatforms can have on the
expectations when we talk abouta relationship.
But before we get into that,please remember to follow the
(01:07):
Lunch with Sandy podcast on yourfavorite podcasting app.
Also, be sure to follow us onall social media platforms at
Lunch with Sandy.
Sandy (01:20):
Sandy, how was?
Terrance (01:21):
your lunch today.
Sandy (01:23):
It was delicious, that was a nice quick and easy way to
describe what your lunch tastedlike.
Yes, what's going on today?
I'm sitting here realizing that, uh, with jacks I'm not meeting
his expectations on how much hewants to get petted no one's
ever to meet Jax's expectationswhen it comes to how much
(01:45):
affection he feels he deserves.
Terrance (01:51):
So, that's an unrealistic expectation, did you
see?
You probably didn't.
So I was at work yesterday andwell, I had these meetings
yesterday and I ended up goingback to the office and they
didn't expect me there, butPosito was there and he was
showing, ma did his video, andthen he came and he showed me
the video.
So you know your boy and I'mcalling him your boy, even
though I know he's not your boy.
(02:12):
Your boy, p Diddy, has a lot ofcases pending against him, and
so you know, when Cassie broughtthe case against him, he
settled that case within 24hours.
Yeah.
Apparently, there's a video andPlacido showed it to me
yesterday that describes exactlywhat she said happened to her
one incident I think it was backin 2016 where he basically beat
(02:35):
her and held her captive in anactual hotel.
I got to tell you, the videoproves everything that she said.
Correct, cnn was playing thevideo and that's she said.
Correct, cnn was playing thevideo and that's where uh, you
know he was showing it from.
But the thing about that is,you know, I don't want to.
Uh, we sit here, we have theseconversations every week, and I
(02:56):
know that this is a bit of asidestep, but we sit here and
have these conversations everyweek and I don't want people to
get the impression that ourrelationship is perfect, but you
, know you don't beat me andhold me cap.
Nah, I don't take you to nohotels.
I mean, that's just the thing.
You know.
(03:20):
I always mentioned that.
You know it's not realistic tothink that you're going to be in
a relationship that's perfect.
Yeah, I do think that there arepeople who have those
unrealistic expectations when itcomes to being in a
relationship, and I know thatthe whole diddy thing was a
sidestep, and I'm not sayingthat.
What you see is the reality andbehind closed doors you're
getting beat like that.
But why do you think thatpeople have so many unrealistic
(03:45):
expectations when it comes torelationships?
Sandy (03:50):
Well, I think people almost expect other people to
know exactly what they want, andit's so easy to think how I
would treat myself, right, andthen you put that expectation on
(04:11):
somebody else.
Terrance (04:13):
I think there are a number of contributing factors
that lead to an unrealisticexpectation when it comes to
relationships.
Right, I think the very firstone that hits most people is the
traditional media portrayal ofrelationships, and when I say
traditional media, I'm talkingabout movies, tv shows, books
(04:34):
and things like that.
When you see any type ofrelationship portrayed in the
traditional form of media, forthe most part it's very
lovey-dovey.
The traditional form of mediafor the most part it's very
lovey-dovey or it's somethingthat is effortless.
There's not a lot of work thatyou have to put into it, and I
know that there are reasons forthat.
But I think that's the firstpiece where you start to get a
(04:57):
sense of okay, well, this iswhat a relationship.
and for those who can't see me,I put it in, you know in quotes
this is what a relationship andfor those who can't see me, I
put it in, you know, in quotes,this is what a relationship is
supposed to look like.
Sandy (05:10):
Yeah it makes me think back to like the romance novels.
Right, it's so easy to you know, dream up the perfect character
and write about it.
Right, but in real life thatdoesn't necessarily happen.
Terrance (05:29):
No, because there's.
I mean there are a number ofthings that when you start
thinking about the firstrelationship that you saw,
whether it be on TV or in amovie, typically there's some
well, typically there is a bunchof these grand gestures that
happens in these relationships.
I think it can create theexpectation that you know love
should always be exciting,effortless and very little or no
(05:53):
conflict.
I mean love can be romantic.
I mean that's no.
I mean like nonstop.
Oh yeah.
You know, I think one of thethings that happens,
particularly when we starttalking about you know that
depiction in traditional mediais love is commercialized.
And when you, when youcommercialize something, you
(06:15):
want to show all the best parts.
Let's say, and fortunately,well, I'm not going to name
about to name a big brand, butI'm not going to do that.
But let's say you got a productand the spokesman the spokesman
for that product is Diddy.
You think you're going to sella lot of products with him
dragging Cassie through that thehalls of that hotel.
(06:37):
No, you want to.
You want I would hope not.
You want that depiction of loveto be something grand.
You want it to be somethingthat people are going to see
that and say, yeah, I want that,that's what it should be, and
gravitate towards that so yoursales can actually go up.
Sandy (06:57):
Yeah, well, I feel like even in movies and books and
stuff that maybe like it's aromantic story, usually there is
some type of hurdle, but I feellike the hurdle is kind of
minute and they always figure away, you know, over it and then
they live happily ever after.
Terrance (07:18):
Oh yeah, you don't want to do fairy tale.
Sandy (07:20):
Yeah.
Terrance (07:21):
I don't want to do fairy tale.
Going back to the, you know theportrayal of love as a commodity
.
What happens is people get thisbelief that material expression
is, you know, necessary for youto be in a successful
relationship.
I got to go out and I got tobuy you things, have you seen?
(07:42):
And we'll get to social mediain a second.
But have you seen?
There are some these videos andthey're called.
I can't remember what they'recalled, but it's all about how
these guys and I think a lot ofit is staged.
But what they do is they filmthemselves and they'll have on
you know, the jacket They'll be,you know, they'll have a leaf
blower and pretend like they'recleaning up leaves and they'll
(08:04):
approach a girl who's walking byand in some cases well, in most
cases the girl wants nothing todo with them until they see
what car they're driving.
But the fact of the matter is,I think people have been
conditioned to believe that, inorder to show someone that you
(08:27):
love them, it takes purchasingstuff for them to show that they
actually really care about you.
Sandy (08:38):
Well, think about Valentine's Day as a whole.
Terrance (08:41):
I don't think about Valentine's Day, because it's a
joke.
Sandy (08:43):
Well, we don't celebrate it, but you know there are many
people that do, you know.
And what is that all about?
That's all about, you know,gifts and dinner.
Terrance (08:55):
I mean you got to eat.
Well, you got to eat.
I mean, I don't mind the dinnerpart, you got to eat?
Sandy (08:59):
No, I do.
That's actually my favoritepart of it is the dinner part,
because you know I love to eat.
But people rack themselves, youknow, consistently in their
brains like, oh well, what am Igoing to get them for
Valentine's Day?
Well, what is Valentine's Day,the one day a year that you're
supposed to show each other howmuch you love?
Terrance (09:19):
each other.
I think somebody needs to lookup what started Valentine's Day.
I do think that when you starttalking about those days and you
start talking about you knowhow love is depicted in the
media.
It does create an unrealisticfinancial expectation between a
couple and it's not to say well,let me take a step back.
(09:42):
It can create an unrealisticexpectation from a financial
aspect.
If you believe that this stuffis necessary for you to have a
successful relationship and youdon't have the means to do all
these things, that can actuallyhave an impact on you, because
now you're in a situation whereyou may not believe you can be
(10:05):
in a successful relationship andthat can affect you in a number
of different ways.
Sandy (10:12):
Well, do you think it's that, or do you think it's more
like?
Oh well, I need to only find asuccessful relationship in my
socioeconomic status group.
What do?
You mean.
Like okay, if I only make thismuch a year?
This is the type of parametersthat I have to find a successful
(10:38):
relationship Somebody who'smaking about the same amount as
me.
I can't go higher, and mostpeople don't want to go lower.
Right, like, do you know what Imean?
Terrance (10:48):
I hear what you're saying, but I'm trying to find
where it's relevant to theportrayal, because that's to me,
that's you, that's not.
You know what I mean.
Sandy (10:57):
That's those parameters are something that you're
creating, that you're sayingokay well, I can't go higher, I
can't go higher, I can't go lowand I want to well, yeah, you're
creating it, but it makes methink, like is to your point
regarding like she's a golddigger and stuff like that.
Yeah, I I just wonder if it kindof almost sets that expectation
too.
Like you know, stay, staywithin your, your means.
(11:20):
I guess you know not that,because you can't have that
grand gesture with somebodywho's making maybe double the
amount of money but yet it seemsgrand maybe for somebody who
makes not as much as you, youknow.
Terrance (11:38):
Yeah, I mean, I think, depending on how much money
you're willing to spend, whetherthat's putting yourself in a
whole mortgage in your house ormortgage in your kid, whatever
you want to do, I mean you cando, I mean you can attempt to do
whatever it is that you, you,you want to do.
I think that you know eachperson is different and and and
I'm trying to- I'm trying to seewhere you were going.
Sandy (12:06):
With that, like, if I've spent a hundred dollars on you,
you know, versus somebody whomight not have it as easy to
spend a hundred dollars, youknow, it might seem more grand
than you know.
Somebody else is kind of whereI'm going.
So it makes me wonder if, like,that expectation is also has to
do with not just how you knowthat relationships have to have
(12:31):
these constant grand gestures,but that almost that grand
gesture has to be defined likewho it's grand for and who it's
not.
Terrance (12:39):
It's possible.
Again, there's a number ofcontributing factors and I think
everyone thinks completelydifferent, so you're never going
to be in the mind of everyone.
Yeah no-transcript influencesociety or the environment has
on them.
(13:00):
It may dictate some of that.
So I mentioned social mediaearlier and I want to talk about
the whole social media platformand how that influence can play
a role and really does in manycases of setting up unrealistic
expectations.
When we talk aboutrelationships, we live in a
(13:23):
comparison culture currently andsocial media plays a huge part
of that.
And I say that because, priorto everyone having all this
access to see what's happeningin someone else's yard, you
literally had to see what washappening in someone else's yard
.
You literally had to see whatwas happening in someone else's
yard.
Let me explain what I mean bythat You're exposed to so many
(13:46):
different people on social media, whether they be right next to
you or a thousand miles away,you get the opportunity to get
insight into what it is that'shappening in their life, and so
many times what happens ispeople compare where they are,
what they're doing, who they'rewith, with what they see on
(14:07):
social media, because they havenow all of this access they
didn't have before.
And the problem with that is,if I'm putting myself out there
on social media, the question isam I being 100% real?
Sandy (14:23):
No, definitely not.
Terrance (14:26):
Well, that was rhetorical for a second.
Let me finish what I was saying.
I'm not going to post the badparts of my relationship on
there, not if I'm trying toStunt, and for all y'all who
don't know what stunt means.
If I'm trying to impress otherpeople, I'm going to make sure
(14:46):
that I only put the good partsout there.
I'm going to put all the funstuff out there.
I'm not going to put, you know,anything negative or anything
that Might detract from Peopleviewing me as being as close to
perfection as possible.
And so when you have asituation like that, people are
(15:07):
viewing it and they're lookingat their situation and they're
comparing their situation towhatever you actually present.
Even though what I presentedhas been carefully crafted to
make sure that my goals areactually met, I want to seem
(15:27):
flawless, so I don't put in noneof that stuff.
That's out there.
Sandy (15:31):
Well, I don't even think it has to be carefully crafted.
I think that's just humannature.
Is that we're not out thereairing our dirty laundry?
Well, there are a few thatdefinitely do, but most people
are just posting about thepositive things in their life.
Very rarely do you see peopleposting about negative things in
(15:53):
their life other than, I wouldsay, unfortunately, an obituary.
I feel like that's the onlything that really gets posted
out there.
But you know, if you and I gotinto an argument last night, you
know I'm not gonna go on socialmedia and be like ah, that darn
Terrence, he really upset melast night.
Terrance (16:13):
Nah, because what if I took your phone?
I wouldn't let you go on socialmedia.
Them are just jokes you knowjokes.
The majority of people wouldnot do that.
Sandy (16:23):
Right, most people are posting about, like I said,
positive things, happy thingsthat's going on that they want
to kind of put out there, notnecessarily the negative stuff.
So I completely agree.
I just don't even think it evenhas to get to the level of
carefully crafted.
(16:43):
I think that's just natural.
Human nature is to just do that.
Terrance (16:48):
Yeah, Well, you know what the problem is.
The problem is well, it's notthe problem.
When we look at this, we lookat it from a wealth of
experience, but people coming uptoday aren't necessarily in
that same boat and their use ofthese platforms is far greater
than ours or what we hadavailable when we were that age.
(17:14):
So when you start talking aboutthat comparison, people can feel
very inadequate because theydon't know that either.
This is not something, and Iwill say this social media,
right now and today, a lot ofthat stuff is curated.
It's crafted Absolutely.
And when you don't have theexperience and you're not mature
(17:38):
enough to understand that, thenwhen you see it, it's reality
for you and that can make youfeel inadequate, because now,
when you're looking at what itis that you're doing or the
relationship that you're in, itdoesn't compare.
Sandy (17:54):
I completely agree, even for people who aren't
necessarily we'll call themsocial media influencers.
I know that there's people thatare out there, you know,
videoing like hours of theirlives to get you know a one
minute clip to show like howamazing that their life is.
(18:17):
Um, and for most part, peopledo not post crappy pictures Like
oh, I was in this part of town.
Let me take a picture of this,not just of themselves, but just
a crappy picture in general.
Definitely looks so lookssurroundings.
(18:38):
You know it's all about whatthey want to memorialize per se
versus oh, you know what I wasin the slums today.
Let me go take a picture ofthat real quick, you know.
But people are oh, I was onthis amazing exotic beach.
(18:59):
Like that's what people aregoing to be taking, like the
picture of.
True, true.
Terrance (19:06):
So do you think culture plays a role in setting
unrealistic expectations whenyou talk about relationships?
Sandy (19:15):
I think so.
I think here in the US wedefinitely have a bigger like
keeping up with the Joneses andlike those unrealistic
expectations of what life isabout and what we're striving
for single culture.
(19:38):
But the ones that I've been youknow that I've experienced I'll
say we definitely put morevalue around money here in the
us than a lot of the othercountries do.
Don't get me wrong.
Every country puts value aroundmoney right, yeah you know,
(20:01):
because you need money to likelive.
But I think here in the us wealso tie it to happiness, like
to your point.
Like you know, you have tospend money on me for me to be
happy, and kind of thatunrealistic expectation in a
relationship where I I don knowif, although the cultures really
(20:23):
do that um, at least not theones I've personally seen Like
for me.
If you're going to spend moneyon me honestly, just on an
ordinary day, getting me abouquet of flowers that might
cost you like $15 would be,perfectly fine with me.
Terrance (20:41):
First off, you're being unrealistic because I'm
going to tell you right now nobouquet of flowers is costing
you $15 today, so that'sunrealistic.
Sandy (20:49):
Well, not on around the times of, you know, certain
holidays.
Nah, listen, I'm going to tellyou something right now.
Yeah well, I haven't boughtmyself a bouquet of flowers
Exactly.
Terrance (20:59):
You ain't getting no bouquet of flowers for $15.
See, culture does play a rolein setting unrealistic
expectations.
Right now, for some reason, youfeel you can get a bouquet of
flowers for $15.
That's not realistic.
Sandy (21:10):
I can get it for free.
Just go into the name of yourcousin's flowers and we're good
to go.
Terrance (21:15):
I'm going to go in the opposite direction when I talk
about culture.
I do think there's apossibility that culture can set
an unrealistic expectation, andparticularly I'm talking about
cultures that still to carry ontraditional values.
And let me explain what I meanby that.
There are many cultures where,from a traditional perspective,
(21:38):
the man runs everything right,and so, when you start talking
about gender roles, the man hasspecific roles he has to play.
The woman has specific rolesthat she has to play.
We're not in those timesanymore.
However, there are still somecultures that are very
(21:58):
traditional and as these kidsbegin to grow up, they're
growing up and they're impactedby a lot of things outside of
the actual home, actual home andso in those cases, it's
unrealistic for those childrento find themselves, or let me
(22:24):
rephrase that again, it can beunrealistic for the expectation
to be that those children findthemselves in those traditional
gender roles of the woman'sgoing to stay home and handle
the house while the man goes outand actually works.
Sandy (22:37):
So that's a good perspective.
Terrance (22:39):
That's definitely something I feel like we are
definitely more open here yeah,and, and that's and that's why I
say I want to go the opposite,because I think here in we have
many, many problems here in theus and I'm not saying that this
is a problem in other countriesin.
Sandy (22:52):
In some cases it is Well.
All countries have their ownproblems, yeah.
Terrance (22:55):
But when you start talking about you know, here in
the West, a lot of thosetraditional values have changed
over the years.
Or let me take a step back.
I won't say that they'vechanged, but what I will say is,
as the new generations grow,some of those traditional values
(23:15):
have morphed or have been setaside and they start to develop
and follow their path, their ownpath.
When we start talking about,you know values and you know
what they want to take fromtheir culture.
Sandy (23:31):
Yeah.
Well, it makes me think aboutour, our, one of our favorite
shows 90 Day Fiance yeah weain't going to.
Terrance (23:38):
No plugs for 90 Day Fiance on here.
Sandy (23:41):
We definitely, you know, gravitate towards the drama
sometimes.
Terrance (23:46):
But we don't watch that show that often.
No, we don't.
Sandy (23:49):
But every now and then you just get sucked in.
The thing about it is you know.
Terrance (23:53):
So every now and then you do get sucked in, and you do
.
That is something that youreally can't see when you start
talking about different cultures.
The expectations forrelationships really are
unrealistic.
Sandy (24:04):
Yeah.
Terrance (24:05):
It can be unrealistic.
They have some success on there.
But I've seen a couple episodeswhere you know the pairings
just don't match because from aculture perspective, the
expectation is so far off fromwhere the other person is coming
from and the other personhadn't even considered or is not
willing to actually, you know,come together on that.
Sandy (24:25):
So yeah, I hear what you're saying about the like I'm
an american, you can't tell mewhat to do.
Like we've definitely seenthose personality types on that
show.
Terrance (24:33):
Yeah, and the question becomes you know why are those
expectations so unrealistic?
I think there's such a starkdifference between reality and
what's portrayed, whether it beonline, with social media or the
traditional media.
So how do, how do we seethrough those portrayals and get
(24:55):
to what's real?
Sandy (24:59):
Um well, if I think about our relationship, it was, you
know, some bumps.
Terrance (25:06):
There was no unrealistic expectations.
Sandy (25:08):
No, real unrealistic expectation.
But I think you know.
Terrance (25:12):
There's bumps in every relationship.
Keep it relevant.
Sandy (25:17):
But yeah, I am.
Terrance (25:22):
So now you have to answer this question, because
you started to answer thisquestion, you brought something
up that I think is completely.
What unrealistic expectationdid you actually have?
Sandy (25:30):
What unrealistic expectation did you actually
have?
I can't say I had like a realunrealistic expectation, other
than the fact that you know ourpersonality types can be
different at times, you know,and how I want to be treated is
not necessarily the same of howyou behave.
(25:52):
You know what I mean.
Terrance (25:53):
Yeah, but I think that .
Sandy (25:55):
I can't think of an exact situation, but he should know
that I don't want to clean upshoes out of the mudroom.
I don't know, I'm justcompletely.
Terrance (26:10):
Let's get back to the.
We're going to steer this backto the original question that I
asked you, because I don't knowwhere you're going with all of
this.
You know, if the expectation isthat someone's going to read
your mind then yeah, that'sunrealistic.
Exactly Again.
How do we see through all theseportrayals that are in the
media and all these filters thatthese people wear and get to
(26:32):
reality in?
Sandy (26:35):
the media and all these filters that these people wear
and get to reality.
Yeah Well, I think first isunderstanding that you know that
what you see and what you readis unrealistic, to start with.
Terrance (26:46):
I think it does start with recognition, I think
understanding that what you seeis what you see is something
that's portrayed and and notreality.
And then, once you understandthose motives behind what's
being presented, then you canwork towards trying to figure
out, you know, what's authenticand what's not yeah, and then
(27:07):
stop always thinking thateverything's better on the.
Sandy (27:10):
The grass is greener on the other side.
Terrance (27:13):
Well, you really shouldn't start looking at
someone else.
Sandy (27:18):
Stop.
First understand that it'sunrealistic to begin with.
Two stop comparing your life totheir life is really the next
part.
Terrance (27:28):
Well, first I'll say that not all depictions are
unrealistic, right, and I thinkyou have to figure out.
You know, once you develop aneye for figuring out whether or
not there's a motive behind aportrayal, then you can start to
gravitate towards thosedepictions that are more
(27:48):
realistic and stay away from theones that aren't.
But again, that takes somerecognition, right, there are
some relationships that areunrealistic but they portray
some challenge and with thatchallenge they'll also throw in
some problem-solving strategiesand when you have a situation
(28:14):
like that, you can gain someinsight from that, you can
actually learn from it.
But again, you got to make surethat what you're looking at has
the potential to bring you to aresolution that you can
actually learn from or work with.
Sandy (28:28):
Yeah, I'm trying to think of an example of that one, and
it's uh, I can't come up withone.
Terrance (28:35):
Well, I mean, you know , you're in a situation where
you and your partner are.
You have a disagreement aboutwhat to have for dinner.
I'm going to keep it simple,okay, and initially none of you
(28:55):
are budging, but then you starthaving a conversation about what
brought you two together, andthen you remember that you both
like ice cream.
And so after having aconversation and realizing you
both like ice cream, youcompromise.
You go to Ben and Jerry's toget ice cream for dessert and
(29:16):
then you have chicken, becausechicken is just a safe bet
anyway.
It's not the greatest example,but there you go.
Sandy (29:23):
Okay, I like it.
Terrance (29:25):
That's because it works.
You mentioned this earlier too.
When you keep your eye onsomeone else's lawn, all the
crabgrass and all the insectshave all the time in the world
to infect and destroy yours.
Sandy (29:42):
Those damn grubs.
Terrance (29:43):
Yeah, actually I was actually working out in the yard
by the telephone pole the otherday pulling up some weeds in
the pole up and it was a grubthere.
But that's neither here northere, but yeah, so again, if
you spend all your time focusingon what someone else is doing,
then you're going to be in thatsituation, then you're not
focusing on your own.
But I think one of the thingsyou, if you, want to talk about,
(30:07):
how do you get to the real?
You just got to be a leader,and by that what I mean is you
can compare yourself to others.
You can see what's going on inthe media, whether it be on
social media or traditional, andyou can follow and try to mimic
what it is that they're doing.
Yeah.
(30:41):
But you can also just say hey,listen, I'm going to be my best
example for myself and I'm goingto plot a path for myself which
is going to lead me to thedesired outcome that I want,
Right.
So then you're setting your ownexpectations and then whether
or not you do it right, that'sreally based on your actions and
how you see the outcome of whatactions that you actually take.
Sandy (30:57):
You're right, Because you can actually learn from other
people too.
It's not always just about youknow.
Terrance (31:04):
That's a good point.
Sandy (31:06):
Even though people might be portraying their best selves
and stuff, but sometimes theyhave insight as well that you
can also like learn from.
Like you said, that kind of theproblem solving.
People might portray somethingthere and this is how you know
we dealt with this or whatnot.
So I think that helps, at leastmaybe the one positive that
(31:32):
kind of comes out of socialmedia.
Terrance (31:32):
Well, I don't think you get that from something like
that, Because I'm waiting tohear this.
If you started that with saying, well, one of the positives
that comes out of traditionalmedia, whatever.
I was with you.
But then you said social media,and I had to cut you off.
But go ahead.
What's one of the positivesthat comes out of social media?
Sandy (31:47):
No, there are people out there right that are putting
positive energy out into theworld.
That is true, and it's not thatthey're, you know, just always
trying to show the unrealisticside of themselves, but they're
trying to show the positive sideof themselves.
Terrance (32:03):
I think that's true.
I think the challenge isfinding it.
Yeah.
And I think that's where youhave to start turning your
attention to more viable how doI want to say not platforms more
viable options when it comes tomessages that are being put out
there.
So I think, today more than ever, it's essential to cultivate,
(32:27):
you know, the ability todistinguish between fantasy and
reality.
Once we learn to recognizecontributing factors to
unrealistic expectations, we canseek out more authentic
representations of relationships, as you just mentioned when we
were talking about the wholesocial media piece.
Rather than striving forperfection or comparing our
(32:48):
relationships to images andnarratives on social media, we
should be celebrating theuniqueness of our own journeys.
We should value the everydaymoments and connection that are
shared over inside jokes andjust being truly seen and
understood.
Ultimately, by embracing thereality of relationships, their
imperfections, challenges andprofound moments of connection,
(33:11):
we pave the way for a deeper,more meaningful connection in
our lives.
Let's rewrite the script,shaping a narrative that
reflects the beauty andauthenticity of love in all
forms.
Thank you for joining us on thelunch with sandy podcast.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media, at lunch with
sandy.
Until next time, stay well.
Announcer (33:37):
That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch With
Sandy podcast.
Thanks for listening.
We'd love to hear your feedbackand comments on Instagram,
TikTok and Twitter at Lunch WithSandy, and be sure to follow us
on your favorite podcast app.
If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe Lunch with Sandy podcast.
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrence and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:22):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrence andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy
podcast, where we discussvarious topics and provide
insight from the perspective ofa married couple.
I'm Terrence and I'm Sandy, andtoday I wanted to talk about
the impact media and socialplatforms can have on the
expectations when we talk abouta relationship.
But before we get into that,please remember to follow the
(01:07):
Lunch with Sandy podcast on yourfavorite podcasting app.
Also, be sure to follow us onall social media platforms at
Lunch with Sandy.
Sandy (01:20):
Sandy, how was?
Terrance (01:21):
your lunch today.
Sandy (01:23):
It was delicious, that was a nice quick and easy way to
describe what your lunch tastedlike.
Yes, what's going on today?
I'm sitting here realizing that, uh, with jacks I'm not meeting
his expectations on how much hewants to get petted no one's
ever to meet Jax's expectationswhen it comes to how much
(01:45):
affection he feels he deserves.
Terrance (01:51):
So, that's an unrealistic expectation, did you
see?
You probably didn't.
So I was at work yesterday andwell, I had these meetings
yesterday and I ended up goingback to the office and they
didn't expect me there, butPosito was there and he was
showing, ma did his video, andthen he came and he showed me
the video.
So you know your boy and I'mcalling him your boy, even
though I know he's not your boy.
(02:12):
Your boy, p Diddy, has a lot ofcases pending against him, and
so you know, when Cassie broughtthe case against him, he
settled that case within 24hours.
Yeah.
Apparently, there's a video andPlacido showed it to me
yesterday that describes exactlywhat she said happened to her
one incident I think it was backin 2016 where he basically beat
(02:35):
her and held her captive in anactual hotel.
I got to tell you, the videoproves everything that she said.
Correct, cnn was playing thevideo and that's she said.
Correct, cnn was playing thevideo and that's where uh, you
know he was showing it from.
But the thing about that is,you know, I don't want to.
Uh, we sit here, we have theseconversations every week, and I
(02:56):
know that this is a bit of asidestep, but we sit here and
have these conversations everyweek and I don't want people to
get the impression that ourrelationship is perfect, but you
, know you don't beat me andhold me cap.
Nah, I don't take you to nohotels.
I mean, that's just the thing.
You know.
(03:20):
I always mentioned that.
You know it's not realistic tothink that you're going to be in
a relationship that's perfect.
Yeah, I do think that there arepeople who have those
unrealistic expectations when itcomes to being in a
relationship, and I know thatthe whole diddy thing was a
sidestep, and I'm not sayingthat.
What you see is the reality andbehind closed doors you're
getting beat like that.
But why do you think thatpeople have so many unrealistic
(03:45):
expectations when it comes torelationships?
Sandy (03:50):
Well, I think people almost expect other people to
know exactly what they want, andit's so easy to think how I
would treat myself, right, andthen you put that expectation on
(04:11):
somebody else.
Terrance (04:13):
I think there are a number of contributing factors
that lead to an unrealisticexpectation when it comes to
relationships.
Right, I think the very firstone that hits most people is the
traditional media portrayal ofrelationships, and when I say
traditional media, I'm talkingabout movies, tv shows, books
(04:34):
and things like that.
When you see any type ofrelationship portrayed in the
traditional form of media, forthe most part it's very
lovey-dovey.
The traditional form of mediafor the most part it's very
lovey-dovey or it's somethingthat is effortless.
There's not a lot of work thatyou have to put into it, and I
know that there are reasons forthat.
But I think that's the firstpiece where you start to get a
(04:57):
sense of okay, well, this iswhat a relationship.
and for those who can't see me,I put it in, you know in quotes
this is what a relationship andfor those who can't see me, I
put it in, you know, in quotes,this is what a relationship is
supposed to look like.
Sandy (05:10):
Yeah it makes me think back to like the romance novels.
Right, it's so easy to you know, dream up the perfect character
and write about it.
Right, but in real life thatdoesn't necessarily happen.
Terrance (05:29):
No, because there's.
I mean there are a number ofthings that when you start
thinking about the firstrelationship that you saw,
whether it be on TV or in amovie, typically there's some
well, typically there is a bunchof these grand gestures that
happens in these relationships.
I think it can create theexpectation that you know love
should always be exciting,effortless and very little or no
(05:53):
conflict.
I mean love can be romantic.
I mean that's no.
I mean like nonstop.
Oh yeah.
You know, I think one of thethings that happens,
particularly when we starttalking about you know that
depiction in traditional mediais love is commercialized.
And when you, when youcommercialize something, you
(06:15):
want to show all the best parts.
Let's say, and fortunately,well, I'm not going to name
about to name a big brand, butI'm not going to do that.
But let's say you got a productand the spokesman the spokesman
for that product is Diddy.
You think you're going to sella lot of products with him
dragging Cassie through that thehalls of that hotel.
(06:37):
No, you want to.
You want I would hope not.
You want that depiction of loveto be something grand.
You want it to be somethingthat people are going to see
that and say, yeah, I want that,that's what it should be, and
gravitate towards that so yoursales can actually go up.
Sandy (06:57):
Yeah, well, I feel like even in movies and books and
stuff that maybe like it's aromantic story, usually there is
some type of hurdle, but I feellike the hurdle is kind of
minute and they always figure away, you know, over it and then
they live happily ever after.
Terrance (07:18):
Oh yeah, you don't want to do fairy tale.
Sandy (07:20):
Yeah.
Terrance (07:21):
I don't want to do fairy tale.
Going back to the, you know theportrayal of love as a commodity
.
What happens is people get thisbelief that material expression
is, you know, necessary for youto be in a successful
relationship.
I got to go out and I got tobuy you things, have you seen?
(07:42):
And we'll get to social mediain a second.
But have you seen?
There are some these videos andthey're called.
I can't remember what they'recalled, but it's all about how
these guys and I think a lot ofit is staged.
But what they do is they filmthemselves and they'll have on
you know, the jacket They'll be,you know, they'll have a leaf
blower and pretend like they'recleaning up leaves and they'll
(08:04):
approach a girl who's walking byand in some cases well, in most
cases the girl wants nothing todo with them until they see
what car they're driving.
But the fact of the matter is,I think people have been
conditioned to believe that, inorder to show someone that you
(08:27):
love them, it takes purchasingstuff for them to show that they
actually really care about you.
Sandy (08:38):
Well, think about Valentine's Day as a whole.
Terrance (08:41):
I don't think about Valentine's Day, because it's a
joke.
Sandy (08:43):
Well, we don't celebrate it, but you know there are many
people that do, you know.
And what is that all about?
That's all about, you know,gifts and dinner.
Terrance (08:55):
I mean you got to eat.
Well, you got to eat.
I mean, I don't mind the dinnerpart, you got to eat?
Sandy (08:59):
No, I do.
That's actually my favoritepart of it is the dinner part,
because you know I love to eat.
But people rack themselves, youknow, consistently in their
brains like, oh well, what am Igoing to get them for
Valentine's Day?
Well, what is Valentine's Day,the one day a year that you're
supposed to show each other howmuch you love?
Terrance (09:19):
each other.
I think somebody needs to lookup what started Valentine's Day.
I do think that when you starttalking about those days and you
start talking about you knowhow love is depicted in the
media.
It does create an unrealisticfinancial expectation between a
couple and it's not to say well,let me take a step back.
(09:42):
It can create an unrealisticexpectation from a financial
aspect.
If you believe that this stuffis necessary for you to have a
successful relationship and youdon't have the means to do all
these things, that can actuallyhave an impact on you, because
now you're in a situation whereyou may not believe you can be
(10:05):
in a successful relationship andthat can affect you in a number
of different ways.
Sandy (10:12):
Well, do you think it's that, or do you think it's more
like?
Oh well, I need to only find asuccessful relationship in my
socioeconomic status group.
What do?
You mean.
Like okay, if I only make thismuch a year?
This is the type of parametersthat I have to find a successful
(10:38):
relationship Somebody who'smaking about the same amount as
me.
I can't go higher, and mostpeople don't want to go lower.
Right, like, do you know what Imean?
Terrance (10:48):
I hear what you're saying, but I'm trying to find
where it's relevant to theportrayal, because that's to me,
that's you, that's not.
You know what I mean.
Sandy (10:57):
That's those parameters are something that you're
creating, that you're sayingokay well, I can't go higher, I
can't go higher, I can't go lowand I want to well, yeah, you're
creating it, but it makes methink, like is to your point
regarding like she's a golddigger and stuff like that.
Yeah, I I just wonder if it kindof almost sets that expectation
too.
Like you know, stay, staywithin your, your means.
(11:20):
I guess you know not that,because you can't have that
grand gesture with somebodywho's making maybe double the
amount of money but yet it seemsgrand maybe for somebody who
makes not as much as you, youknow.
Terrance (11:38):
Yeah, I mean, I think, depending on how much money
you're willing to spend, whetherthat's putting yourself in a
whole mortgage in your house ormortgage in your kid, whatever
you want to do, I mean you cando, I mean you can attempt to do
whatever it is that you, you,you want to do.
I think that you know eachperson is different and and and
I'm trying to- I'm trying to seewhere you were going.
Sandy (12:06):
With that, like, if I've spent a hundred dollars on you,
you know, versus somebody whomight not have it as easy to
spend a hundred dollars, youknow, it might seem more grand
than you know.
Somebody else is kind of whereI'm going.
So it makes me wonder if, like,that expectation is also has to
do with not just how you knowthat relationships have to have
(12:31):
these constant grand gestures,but that almost that grand
gesture has to be defined likewho it's grand for and who it's
not.
Terrance (12:39):
It's possible.
Again, there's a number ofcontributing factors and I think
everyone thinks completelydifferent, so you're never going
to be in the mind of everyone.
Yeah no-transcript influencesociety or the environment has
on them.
(13:00):
It may dictate some of that.
So I mentioned social mediaearlier and I want to talk about
the whole social media platformand how that influence can play
a role and really does in manycases of setting up unrealistic
expectations.
When we talk aboutrelationships, we live in a
(13:23):
comparison culture currently andsocial media plays a huge part
of that.
And I say that because, priorto everyone having all this
access to see what's happeningin someone else's yard, you
literally had to see what washappening in someone else's yard
.
You literally had to see whatwas happening in someone else's
yard.
Let me explain what I mean bythat You're exposed to so many
(13:46):
different people on social media, whether they be right next to
you or a thousand miles away,you get the opportunity to get
insight into what it is that'shappening in their life, and so
many times what happens ispeople compare where they are,
what they're doing, who they'rewith, with what they see on
(14:07):
social media, because they havenow all of this access they
didn't have before.
And the problem with that is,if I'm putting myself out there
on social media, the question isam I being 100% real?
Sandy (14:23):
No, definitely not.
Terrance (14:26):
Well, that was rhetorical for a second.
Let me finish what I was saying.
I'm not going to post the badparts of my relationship on
there, not if I'm trying toStunt, and for all y'all who
don't know what stunt means.
If I'm trying to impress otherpeople, I'm going to make sure
(14:46):
that I only put the good partsout there.
I'm going to put all the funstuff out there.
I'm not going to put, you know,anything negative or anything
that Might detract from Peopleviewing me as being as close to
perfection as possible.
And so when you have asituation like that, people are
(15:07):
viewing it and they're lookingat their situation and they're
comparing their situation towhatever you actually present.
Even though what I presentedhas been carefully crafted to
make sure that my goals areactually met, I want to seem
(15:27):
flawless, so I don't put in noneof that stuff.
That's out there.
Sandy (15:31):
Well, I don't even think it has to be carefully crafted.
I think that's just humannature.
Is that we're not out thereairing our dirty laundry?
Well, there are a few thatdefinitely do, but most people
are just posting about thepositive things in their life.
Very rarely do you see peopleposting about negative things in
(15:53):
their life other than, I wouldsay, unfortunately, an obituary.
I feel like that's the onlything that really gets posted
out there.
But you know, if you and I gotinto an argument last night, you
know I'm not gonna go on socialmedia and be like ah, that darn
Terrence, he really upset melast night.
Terrance (16:13):
Nah, because what if I took your phone?
I wouldn't let you go on socialmedia.
Them are just jokes you knowjokes.
The majority of people wouldnot do that.
Sandy (16:23):
Right, most people are posting about, like I said,
positive things, happy thingsthat's going on that they want
to kind of put out there, notnecessarily the negative stuff.
So I completely agree.
I just don't even think it evenhas to get to the level of
carefully crafted.
(16:43):
I think that's just natural.
Human nature is to just do that.
Terrance (16:48):
Yeah, Well, you know what the problem is.
The problem is well, it's notthe problem.
When we look at this, we lookat it from a wealth of
experience, but people coming uptoday aren't necessarily in
that same boat and their use ofthese platforms is far greater
than ours or what we hadavailable when we were that age.
(17:14):
So when you start talking aboutthat comparison, people can feel
very inadequate because theydon't know that either.
This is not something, and Iwill say this social media,
right now and today, a lot ofthat stuff is curated.
It's crafted Absolutely.
And when you don't have theexperience and you're not mature
(17:38):
enough to understand that, thenwhen you see it, it's reality
for you and that can make youfeel inadequate, because now,
when you're looking at what itis that you're doing or the
relationship that you're in, itdoesn't compare.
Sandy (17:54):
I completely agree, even for people who aren't
necessarily we'll call themsocial media influencers.
I know that there's people thatare out there, you know,
videoing like hours of theirlives to get you know a one
minute clip to show like howamazing that their life is.
(18:17):
Um, and for most part, peopledo not post crappy pictures Like
oh, I was in this part of town.
Let me take a picture of this,not just of themselves, but just
a crappy picture in general.
Definitely looks so lookssurroundings.
(18:38):
You know it's all about whatthey want to memorialize per se
versus oh, you know what I wasin the slums today.
Let me go take a picture ofthat real quick, you know.
But people are oh, I was onthis amazing exotic beach.
(18:59):
Like that's what people aregoing to be taking, like the
picture of.
True, true.
Terrance (19:06):
So do you think culture plays a role in setting
unrealistic expectations whenyou talk about relationships?
Sandy (19:15):
I think so.
I think here in the US wedefinitely have a bigger like
keeping up with the Joneses andlike those unrealistic
expectations of what life isabout and what we're striving
for single culture.
(19:38):
But the ones that I've been youknow that I've experienced I'll
say we definitely put morevalue around money here in the
us than a lot of the othercountries do.
Don't get me wrong.
Every country puts value aroundmoney right, yeah you know,
(20:01):
because you need money to likelive.
But I think here in the us wealso tie it to happiness, like
to your point.
Like you know, you have tospend money on me for me to be
happy, and kind of thatunrealistic expectation in a
relationship where I I don knowif, although the cultures really
(20:23):
do that um, at least not theones I've personally seen Like
for me.
If you're going to spend moneyon me honestly, just on an
ordinary day, getting me abouquet of flowers that might
cost you like $15 would be,perfectly fine with me.
Terrance (20:41):
First off, you're being unrealistic because I'm
going to tell you right now nobouquet of flowers is costing
you $15 today, so that'sunrealistic.
Sandy (20:49):
Well, not on around the times of, you know, certain
holidays.
Nah, listen, I'm going to tellyou something right now.
Yeah well, I haven't boughtmyself a bouquet of flowers
Exactly.
Terrance (20:59):
You ain't getting no bouquet of flowers for $15.
See, culture does play a rolein setting unrealistic
expectations.
Right now, for some reason, youfeel you can get a bouquet of
flowers for $15.
That's not realistic.
Sandy (21:10):
I can get it for free.
Just go into the name of yourcousin's flowers and we're good
to go.
Terrance (21:15):
I'm going to go in the opposite direction when I talk
about culture.
I do think there's apossibility that culture can set
an unrealistic expectation, andparticularly I'm talking about
cultures that still to carry ontraditional values.
And let me explain what I meanby that.
There are many cultures where,from a traditional perspective,
(21:38):
the man runs everything right,and so, when you start talking
about gender roles, the man hasspecific roles he has to play.
The woman has specific rolesthat she has to play.
We're not in those timesanymore.
However, there are still somecultures that are very
(21:58):
traditional and as these kidsbegin to grow up, they're
growing up and they're impactedby a lot of things outside of
the actual home, actual home andso in those cases, it's
unrealistic for those childrento find themselves, or let me
(22:24):
rephrase that again, it can beunrealistic for the expectation
to be that those children findthemselves in those traditional
gender roles of the woman'sgoing to stay home and handle
the house while the man goes outand actually works.
Sandy (22:37):
So that's a good perspective.
Terrance (22:39):
That's definitely something I feel like we are
definitely more open here yeah,and, and that's and that's why I
say I want to go the opposite,because I think here in we have
many, many problems here in theus and I'm not saying that this
is a problem in other countriesin.
Sandy (22:52):
In some cases it is Well.
All countries have their ownproblems, yeah.
Terrance (22:55):
But when you start talking about you know, here in
the West, a lot of thosetraditional values have changed
over the years.
Or let me take a step back.
I won't say that they'vechanged, but what I will say is,
as the new generations grow,some of those traditional values
(23:15):
have morphed or have been setaside and they start to develop
and follow their path, their ownpath.
When we start talking about,you know values and you know
what they want to take fromtheir culture.
Sandy (23:31):
Yeah.
Well, it makes me think aboutour, our, one of our favorite
shows 90 Day Fiance yeah weain't going to.
Terrance (23:38):
No plugs for 90 Day Fiance on here.
Sandy (23:41):
We definitely, you know, gravitate towards the drama
sometimes.
Terrance (23:46):
But we don't watch that show that often.
No, we don't.
Sandy (23:49):
But every now and then you just get sucked in.
The thing about it is you know.
Terrance (23:53):
So every now and then you do get sucked in, and you do
.
That is something that youreally can't see when you start
talking about different cultures.
The expectations forrelationships really are
unrealistic.
Sandy (24:04):
Yeah.
Terrance (24:05):
It can be unrealistic.
They have some success on there.
But I've seen a couple episodeswhere you know the pairings
just don't match because from aculture perspective, the
expectation is so far off fromwhere the other person is coming
from and the other personhadn't even considered or is not
willing to actually, you know,come together on that.
Sandy (24:25):
So yeah, I hear what you're saying about the like I'm
an american, you can't tell mewhat to do.
Like we've definitely seenthose personality types on that
show.
Terrance (24:33):
Yeah, and the question becomes you know why are those
expectations so unrealistic?
I think there's such a starkdifference between reality and
what's portrayed, whether it beonline, with social media or the
traditional media.
So how do, how do we seethrough those portrayals and get
(24:55):
to what's real?
Sandy (24:59):
Um well, if I think about our relationship, it was, you
know, some bumps.
Terrance (25:06):
There was no unrealistic expectations.
Sandy (25:08):
No, real unrealistic expectation.
But I think you know.
Terrance (25:12):
There's bumps in every relationship.
Keep it relevant.
Sandy (25:17):
But yeah, I am.
Terrance (25:22):
So now you have to answer this question, because
you started to answer thisquestion, you brought something
up that I think is completely.
What unrealistic expectationdid you actually have?
Sandy (25:30):
What unrealistic expectation did you actually
have?
I can't say I had like a realunrealistic expectation, other
than the fact that you know ourpersonality types can be
different at times, you know,and how I want to be treated is
not necessarily the same of howyou behave.
(25:52):
You know what I mean.
Terrance (25:53):
Yeah, but I think that .
Sandy (25:55):
I can't think of an exact situation, but he should know
that I don't want to clean upshoes out of the mudroom.
I don't know, I'm justcompletely.
Terrance (26:10):
Let's get back to the.
We're going to steer this backto the original question that I
asked you, because I don't knowwhere you're going with all of
this.
You know, if the expectation isthat someone's going to read
your mind then yeah, that'sunrealistic.
Exactly Again.
How do we see through all theseportrayals that are in the
media and all these filters thatthese people wear and get to
(26:32):
reality in?
Sandy (26:35):
the media and all these filters that these people wear
and get to reality.
Yeah Well, I think first isunderstanding that you know that
what you see and what you readis unrealistic, to start with.
Terrance (26:46):
I think it does start with recognition, I think
understanding that what you seeis what you see is something
that's portrayed and and notreality.
And then, once you understandthose motives behind what's
being presented, then you canwork towards trying to figure
out, you know, what's authenticand what's not yeah, and then
(27:07):
stop always thinking thateverything's better on the.
Sandy (27:10):
The grass is greener on the other side.
Terrance (27:13):
Well, you really shouldn't start looking at
someone else.
Sandy (27:18):
Stop.
First understand that it'sunrealistic to begin with.
Two stop comparing your life totheir life is really the next
part.
Terrance (27:28):
Well, first I'll say that not all depictions are
unrealistic, right, and I thinkyou have to figure out.
You know, once you develop aneye for figuring out whether or
not there's a motive behind aportrayal, then you can start to
gravitate towards thosedepictions that are more
(27:48):
realistic and stay away from theones that aren't.
But again, that takes somerecognition, right, there are
some relationships that areunrealistic but they portray
some challenge and with thatchallenge they'll also throw in
some problem-solving strategiesand when you have a situation
(28:14):
like that, you can gain someinsight from that, you can
actually learn from it.
But again, you got to make surethat what you're looking at has
the potential to bring you to aresolution that you can
actually learn from or work with.
Sandy (28:28):
Yeah, I'm trying to think of an example of that one, and
it's uh, I can't come up withone.
Terrance (28:35):
Well, I mean, you know , you're in a situation where
you and your partner are.
You have a disagreement aboutwhat to have for dinner.
I'm going to keep it simple,okay, and initially none of you
(28:55):
are budging, but then you starthaving a conversation about what
brought you two together, andthen you remember that you both
like ice cream.
And so after having aconversation and realizing you
both like ice cream, youcompromise.
You go to Ben and Jerry's toget ice cream for dessert and
(29:16):
then you have chicken, becausechicken is just a safe bet
anyway.
It's not the greatest example,but there you go.
Sandy (29:23):
Okay, I like it.
Terrance (29:25):
That's because it works.
You mentioned this earlier too.
When you keep your eye onsomeone else's lawn, all the
crabgrass and all the insectshave all the time in the world
to infect and destroy yours.
Sandy (29:42):
Those damn grubs.
Terrance (29:43):
Yeah, actually I was actually working out in the yard
by the telephone pole the otherday pulling up some weeds in
the pole up and it was a grubthere.
But that's neither here northere, but yeah, so again, if
you spend all your time focusingon what someone else is doing,
then you're going to be in thatsituation, then you're not
focusing on your own.
But I think one of the thingsyou, if you, want to talk about,
(30:07):
how do you get to the real?
You just got to be a leader,and by that what I mean is you
can compare yourself to others.
You can see what's going on inthe media, whether it be on
social media or traditional, andyou can follow and try to mimic
what it is that they're doing.
Yeah.
(30:41):
But you can also just say hey,listen, I'm going to be my best
example for myself and I'm goingto plot a path for myself which
is going to lead me to thedesired outcome that I want,
Right.
So then you're setting your ownexpectations and then whether
or not you do it right, that'sreally based on your actions and
how you see the outcome of whatactions that you actually take.
Sandy (30:57):
You're right, Because you can actually learn from other
people too.
It's not always just about youknow.
Terrance (31:04):
That's a good point.
Sandy (31:06):
Even though people might be portraying their best selves
and stuff, but sometimes theyhave insight as well that you
can also like learn from.
Like you said, that kind of theproblem solving.
People might portray somethingthere and this is how you know
we dealt with this or whatnot.
So I think that helps, at leastmaybe the one positive that
(31:32):
kind of comes out of socialmedia.
Terrance (31:32):
Well, I don't think you get that from something like
that, Because I'm waiting tohear this.
If you started that with saying, well, one of the positives
that comes out of traditionalmedia, whatever.
I was with you.
But then you said social media,and I had to cut you off.
But go ahead.
What's one of the positivesthat comes out of social media?
Sandy (31:47):
No, there are people out there right that are putting
positive energy out into theworld.
That is true, and it's not thatthey're, you know, just always
trying to show the unrealisticside of themselves, but they're
trying to show the positive sideof themselves.
Terrance (32:03):
I think that's true.
I think the challenge isfinding it.
Yeah.
And I think that's where youhave to start turning your
attention to more viable how doI want to say not platforms more
viable options when it comes tomessages that are being put out
there.
So I think, today more than ever, it's essential to cultivate,
(32:27):
you know, the ability todistinguish between fantasy and
reality.
Once we learn to recognizecontributing factors to
unrealistic expectations, we canseek out more authentic
representations of relationships, as you just mentioned when we
were talking about the wholesocial media piece.
Rather than striving forperfection or comparing our
(32:48):
relationships to images andnarratives on social media, we
should be celebrating theuniqueness of our own journeys.
We should value the everydaymoments and connection that are
shared over inside jokes andjust being truly seen and
understood.
Ultimately, by embracing thereality of relationships, their
imperfections, challenges andprofound moments of connection,
(33:11):
we pave the way for a deeper,more meaningful connection in
our lives.
Let's rewrite the script,shaping a narrative that
reflects the beauty andauthenticity of love in all
forms.
Thank you for joining us on thelunch with sandy podcast.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media, at lunch with
sandy.
Until next time, stay well.
Announcer (33:37):
That's it for this week's episode of the Lunch With
Sandy podcast.
Thanks for listening.
We'd love to hear your feedbackand comments on Instagram,
TikTok and Twitter at Lunch WithSandy, and be sure to follow us
on your favorite podcast app.
If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe Lunch with Sandy podcast.
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