March 23, 2024 • 39 mins
Every time we pack our bags and herd the kids into the car, Terrance and I brace for the beautiful chaos that is a family vacation. This episode is no exception, as we recount the whirlwind of emotions and the lessons learned from our latest adventure. We tackle everything from the anticipation of departure to the reality of post-travel blues and sniffles. Listen in as we get real about flying with kids, the unexpected dynamics of bringing new family members along for the ride, and the bittersweet growth of our daughter Aila, whose changing perspectives on travel remind us that these moments are fleeting.
Terrance and I have become quite the maestros of mapping out stress-free family excursions, and in this episode, we’re letting you in on our secrets. We navigate the logistics from timing road trips to perfection, balancing nap schedules, and choosing destinations with family-friendly rhythms in mind. We also reflect on the evolution of our travel methods, trading in the steering wheel for alternative transportation in pursuit of a smoother journey. Join us as we dissect the anatomy of a great vacation, where patience is not just a virtue, but a travel essential.
Remember the days of threatening to turn the car around? We sure do. Our final chapter takes you along on our most memorable road trip escapades, divulging how humor became our saving grace amidst the backseat bickering. We share tips for keeping the peace, like rotating seating arrangements and embracing the unpredictability of the open road. And as Ayla's 14th birthday approaches, we're reminded that these trips aren't just about reaching a destination but creating precious memories with every mile. So tune in, and let's celebrate the journey and the destinations that bring our families closer together.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Announcer (00:00):
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrance and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:22):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrance andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy
podcast, where we discussvarious topics and provide
insights from the perspective ofa married couple.
I'm Terrance and I'm Sandy, andtoday we're going to be talking
about family vacations.
But before we get into that,please remember to follow the
Lunch with Sandy podcast on yourfavorite podcasting app.
(01:03):
Also, be sure to follow us onsocial media at lunch with Sandy
Sandy.
Yes, what it do what it be.
Oh, you know, you a littletired from your party last night
.
Sandy (01:21):
It was just a very rough week this week.
Terrance (01:25):
It was.
Sandy (01:26):
Yeah.
Terrance (01:27):
You have to go through those rough weeks.
Sandy (01:29):
Yeah.
Terrance (01:30):
You know, the funny thing is, it always seems like
after you go on a vacation.
Sandy (01:37):
It's the worst.
Terrance (01:38):
The week when you get back.
It's a very rough week.
Sandy (01:42):
Yeah, and then my personal experience of getting
sick from coming back fromvacation, I should say, and then
getting sick.
It really, really put me behind, but listen.
Terrance (01:56):
You know the opposite, or the alternative to getting
sick when you come back, it'sgetting sick while you're on
vacation.
Sandy (02:03):
Oh yeah, that's that I'd prefer.
Always prefer to get sick aftermy vacation than during.
Terrance (02:13):
Vacations are.
Well, it depends on what thevacation and where it is,
because we both got sick, butthe sickness that I got it was I
was sick in January and thedoctor thought that everything
was cool, but on vacation I wasgood.
Sandy (02:31):
Yeah.
Terrance (02:32):
I had no problems while I was on vacation.
The challenge was coming backto that 23 degree weather and
that that weather just hit me inthe chest and it said welcome
home.
Sandy (02:46):
Yeah right, I know, for me it was the opposite.
I did not feel well on vacationyou know the worst migraine I
had had in a very long time andit just lingered all vacation.
But at least it wasn't to whereI was sick in bed and couldn't
function.
You know, I got that when Icame home.
Terrance (03:08):
Yeah, well, yeah, it was a welcome home present.
Sandy (03:11):
Yeah.
Terrance (03:12):
Rhode Island said we missed you.
Welcome home and now thatyou're here, take this.
Sandy (03:19):
Oh no, I was thinking it was more of a Florida present,
like don't forget about us.
Terrance (03:24):
Well, I mean, don't say that because I got to go
back in June.
I think part of it too is, youknow, you got to keep it.
Well, I don't know if youremember this or if you recall
this.
Here's what I'm thinking.
On the flight back, there weretwo kids behind us and one of
them kept coughing and notcovering his mouth.
Sandy (03:45):
Yeah, and that's the thing, and I think this is why
I'll probably always wear a maskwhile on and going forward
because it's not like we don'tknow that it's just an incubator
of germs while you're on it, solike, why am I not doing it?
(04:08):
Because, honestly, it's beentwice since I've gotten sick
from flying to Florida.
Terrance (04:15):
I want to know what's funny.
So I got back, I had to go tothe doctor and you know the
doctor's assistant.
It's funny because they were inFlorida the exact same time.
We were Differences.
We came back on Friday, theycame back on Monday and she said
the whole time her kids wasfine.
Got back on Monday, her kids goto school, boom, instantly.
Sandy (04:39):
They're sick.
Terrance (04:40):
They're sick.
Sandy (04:41):
Well, honestly, even on the flight down there, I was
like maybe I should wear a maskBecause they're right.
So on the flight down we sattowards the back of the plane.
Terrance (04:50):
Yeah, we had no choice , but yeah.
Sandy (04:51):
Right, but all I could hear is like the coffin, the
sneeze in, like just everythingand I'm like, oh great, like
this is just room for disaster.
But the flight coming home, wewere towards the front of the
plane, so all that coughing andeverything was happening behind
us.
Where the flight down, it wasin front of us.
(05:13):
So yeah, I wouldn't.
Terrance (05:15):
Yeah, well, enough about the downside of vacation.
We had a great vacation.
Sandy (05:21):
We did.
Terrance (05:23):
It was one of those vacations where I think that we
might have did more than we saidwe originally were going to do,
but it still turned out to be apretty good vacation and we
learned something this vacation.
Unfortunately, we learned thatAila is not really big into
vacationing when it's just usanymore.
Sandy (05:42):
Yeah, I don't know, she's at that age now where it's like
eh Well, and I, honestly, Iwent into this vacation not
knowing how it was going to gobecause, you know, we had two
extra individuals with us thatwe've never vacationed with
before.
Terrance (06:00):
Yeah, but I knew that wasn't going to be a problem.
Sandy (06:02):
But you know like we all get along fine, you know, but
having family dinners and justhanging out is much different
than vacationing with people.
So I was like you know, youjust never know how, how well
you're going to mesh duringvacation.
So I was like I think we'll beall right, but just never know
(06:23):
what you're in for it, but itturned out actually to be
wonderful.
Terrance (06:27):
You want to know.
The funny thing is, ourvacation game has definitely
grown since the early days andit's funny that you talk about,
you know, not knowing how thingsare going to go.
I think when we look back andwe start talking about vacations
and how we do it now, there aredifferent phases or different
(06:48):
things that you can do to makesure that you have an enjoyable
experience when you go onvacation and I think the biggest
part of that, or the biggestthing that you can do to make
sure that you have a good time,is planning for the vacation.
And when I say planning for thevacation, I'm not talking about
planning what you're gonna doonce you're down there.
(07:09):
I'm talking about getting yourmind right, getting everything
set up, so when the time comes,it's just go.
Sandy (07:20):
Yeah, well in.
I think practice makes perfect.
Terrance (07:27):
Yeah, learn from your mistakes, and we've had a lot of
practice.
Sandy (07:29):
Yes, we've had a lot of practice.
Learn from your mistakes.
Terrance (07:33):
Absolutely.
Sandy (07:34):
And I think the other one is just kind of know what stage
you're at and what your familyneeds to make it a successful
trip.
Terrance (07:44):
Yeah.
Sandy (07:45):
Is that multiple naps?
I don't know.
Just like you just have tofigure out what's gonna make
everybody happy.
Terrance (07:53):
You just said something right now Multiple
naps.
Sandy (07:56):
And exactly.
Terrance (07:57):
The multiple naps to me for a loop, because our
youngest is 14.
Sandy (08:01):
Well, our youngest is gonna be 14.
I need the naps now and I'mlike multiple naps.
Terrance (08:05):
Who is she talking?
Sandy (08:06):
about Me.
So I'm talking about me.
I need the multiple naps, Ithink they're.
Terrance (08:13):
in the past, I think we've done a very good job for
the most part.
When we started talking aboutvacationing and I'm talking
about from where to go- yeah.
Right, because when you decideto go on a vacation, where
you're going plays a big role inthat.
Sandy (08:32):
Definitely.
Terrance (08:33):
But you know what also plays a big role when you go.
Sandy (08:37):
Yes, yes.
Terrance (08:39):
So if you choose to go to a place for your vacation
and you know it is a high valueplace when I say high value I
mean there are gonna be a lot ofpeople who are going to be at
this spot because it's one ofthose spots you gotta be very
careful when you go.
You gotta plan to go during thenon-peak seasons because if-.
Sandy (09:04):
Unless you like being around all those people.
Terrance (09:06):
Well, I mean the thing about it is people can be very,
very stressful and when youhave a lot of them around, I
think it detracts from yourvacation and I think every
bone's vacation is a littledifferent.
Everyone's idea of what anideal vacation is is a little
different.
But when you look at let's takethe last vacation out, let's
(09:30):
look at one of the places weused to go all the time with
Split Rock.
Sandy (09:33):
Yep.
Terrance (09:34):
We've gone to Split Rock during peak season and
we've gone during off season,and the off season always is
better, and Split Rock is notone of those places where you
get an enormous amount of people, but you do get a lot of people
during their peak season.
The experience that you getwhen it is off season is so much
(09:56):
more relaxing because you havea lot more stuff to yourself.
Right, you're not vying forposition, whether it be at the
indoor water slides, whether itbe at the, you know, the archery
range or whatever.
Sandy (10:11):
Yeah, Wait time and line time is just shorter.
You know the ice cream shop.
You might have a couple ofpeople in front of you.
It's not like a line out thedoor, yeah.
Terrance (10:22):
And you know the other thing that you know.
I said we've stepped ourvacation game up.
A lot of vacations we used togo on, we used to drive.
Now, when you're driving on avacation, there are some things
that you need to factor in oryou need to take into account or
you need to consider in orderfor that drive to be less
(10:44):
stressful.
And I think one of the biggestthings is when you're going to
leave.
Again, it's hard to predictwhat traffic is going to be like
and certain well, let me take astep back Now.
It's much easier to predictwhat traffic is going to be like
in areas that you don'tnormally travel in.
(11:05):
But when the kids were younger,the older kids, when they were
younger, and we would go onvacations, you listen, you get
your map, you print it out,because GPS wasn't readily
available for everyone, and youwould be at the mercy of
whatever traffic you came upon.
So when you left, or when youdecided to leave, it was very
(11:28):
important, because that's howyou would avoid traffic in
specific areas.
Sandy (11:33):
In which way you would go .
Because back then we used to domore of the scenic, non-traffic
routes, just because we knew,if we get stuck in that traffic,
who wants to spend so much timedriving in the car if they
don't have to?
So we used to take a littlelonger, go more of the scenic
(11:54):
route, knowing that it reallywasn't going to be impacted by
traffic.
Terrance (12:01):
Yeah, and that planning that, planning that
route and that scenic routehelped us tremendously.
Because when you planned thatroute, when we used to plan that
route, we knew what everyone'spreference was.
We knew we would be stoppingand so the kids would look
forward to all, right, well, weknow we ain't getting out of the
car here.
Right, when we get here we'regoing to stop and we'll do this.
(12:22):
And now you know.
Sandy (12:25):
Wasn't it like the Pennsylvania Welcome Center?
It was the Welcome Center.
Terrance (12:30):
That was their stop.
That was their stop.
I mean, I would like to driveuntil we got to the Welcome
Center, but then we would alwaysstart depending on the route
that we would go.
We would stop and obviously usethe bathroom and then
eventually we actually had toswitch up that route.
But when you can plan thatroute right and then you can
schedule where you're going toactually have brakes at, it does
(12:51):
break the trip up.
It gives the kids who arealways in the back seat are we
there?
Yet it gives them an idea ofyou know.
Sandy (12:58):
Like a milestone.
Terrance (13:00):
Exactly when we're going to stop, what we're
actually going to do when westop and you said this earlier
you know when you're doing aroad trip, you've got to have
patience Because, again, youcan't predict all the traffic
that you're going to hit.
Sandy (13:18):
You can't predict just everything, like the black bear
that ran in front of our carthat much Well, I mean.
Like and we're like wow.
Terrance (13:26):
That was a situation where I mean the kids were
asleep, but at the same timeyeah.
Sandy (13:31):
There's just a lot of things that you just can't
predict and you have to bepatient and just figure out how
to handle what I will say is andthis is from the, not the.
Terrance (13:44):
I don't know if it was the last New Hampshire trip, no
, it wasn't the last one, theone before you need to pack an
emergency or a preparedness kit.
And when I say a preparednesskit, listen, you never know
what's going to happen.
Just be prepared, have someplastic bags back there, some
(14:04):
towels, some wipes, all of thatstuff, because when, as we've
learned, the road trips thatwe've been doing lately have
involved meeting up with otherfamilies and you know what
happens when kids get together-it's like a peachy, a peachy
dish of just germs.
And it always seems like thegerms actually hit when we're
(14:27):
coming back.
Sandy (14:29):
Yeah.
Terrance (14:31):
So in New Hampshire the last day Ayla gets sick.
Sandy (14:36):
Ah, poor thing.
Terrance (14:37):
Yes, and she's throwing up just before we leave
, then she's throwing up in thecar.
So, being prepared which wewasn't for that trip.
Sandy (14:47):
We were not.
Terrance (14:48):
Being prepared.
Lesson learned with that one.
Yeah, the thing with those roadtrips and I go back to we're
gonna go back to thePennsylvania ones is it's one
thing to prepare for the routeand the stops and the things
like that, but sometimes justgetting out the house was a
(15:13):
challenge, you know, betweengetting everyone's luggage,
getting it in the car.
If you remember when Lexi andShayna was young, just getting
all the stuff in the car was achallenge.
Sandy (15:27):
I, you know, I take it even to step back and just even
packing, because I oh yeah, forthe most part, I was the one
that was packing for all of us.
I packed my own stuff.
Well.
Announcer (15:37):
I didn't mind it, but it was Lexi myself, shayna.
Sandy (15:43):
Yeah, I'm always packing for everybody.
Terrance (15:45):
Well, if you would have taught them to pack for
themselves, we probably wouldn'thave room to fit all their
stuff anyway.
Sandy (15:51):
I'm trying to teach A-Lah and yet I'm still, like you
know.
Terrance (15:56):
Well, the whole packing thing too is there's
always a situation where, okay,did I forget anything?
Yeah, is there something?
That?
Well, there's two things Did Iforget to pack something and did
I leave something?
Yes, because you know, daddy,daddy's rule is whatever time
(16:16):
we're leaving A-I-S ass in seat,that's the time we put, and if
you leave something, you betterdeal with that.
Sandy (16:24):
Well, I feel like we've been more flexible.
I'll say Like I think we usedto stress more about oh my God,
did we leave something?
Did we forget to pack something?
Announcer (16:33):
Yeah.
Sandy (16:34):
Unless it's the necessities, like park tickets,
if you have them in paper orwhatever it is you know.
Other than that, I feel likenow we're like, eh, we'll just
get it when we get down there.
Terrance (16:45):
Yes, that's true.
Well, I mean part of that toois again, when you look at the
trips we're taking now.
Sandy (16:51):
Yeah, it's not where I stress We'll figure it out when
we get there.
Terrance (16:54):
Well, you know wisdom comes with age, and as you get
older you figure out there arecertain things that just aren't
worth worrying about, right?
You know what I mean.
Announcer (17:05):
Look, if you forget, exactly, if you forget your
toothpaste.
Terrance (17:07):
just go buy some toothpaste, because think about
it, think about it.
We went to Italy last year andthey lost our bags for a couple
of days.
Announcer (17:19):
Now, we didn't forget anything Almost a week.
Terrance (17:21):
Yeah well, we didn't forget anything.
But guess what?
We had to go buy toothpaste.
We had to go buy all that stuff, and we could have stressed
about it.
But what was that going to do?
No exactly, it was only goingto detract from the trip.
Sandy (17:36):
Yeah, surprisingly we didn't.
I was irritated, but I wasn'tstressed by it, because once
that first night I had a nicetube of toothpaste and a
toothbrush to clean my teeth.
It was like eh.
Terrance (17:48):
Exactly.
Do you remember the last roadtrip we took with all the girls?
Sandy (17:54):
That was fun, yeah, I remember.
Terrance (17:58):
It was the Virginia trip.
Sandy (17:59):
It actually wasn't bad, it was just the traffic coming
home.
Terrance (18:03):
Well, the traffic coming home was bad, but if you
remember the ride down now yougot to remember Lexi and Shayna
always had this thing whenthey're in the car.
Yeah, don't touch me, don'ttouch me, don't talk to me, it
was just yeah.
Yeah, and so space with themwas always an issue, and that
(18:25):
last trip it was Especially thetouching.
Sandy (18:28):
You're too close to me.
Terrance (18:30):
Move over that last trip.
I think they were all in thebackseat.
They were all in the backseatand I think at some point they
figured that this whole thingwould end.
But then Ayla comes along.
And then Ayla comes along, andnow you have three in the
backseat again, and so the spaceis limited and now they're back
in this whole.
Oh, she's on my side and Idon't want to sit in the middle,
(18:53):
and it was just Don't make meturn this car around Exactly.
It's so funny that that phrasebecame just such a phrase for
everything.
Don't make me turn this cararound, I'll do it, but I think
(19:19):
in order to survive a trip likethat and we don't do too many
road trips anymore, which, again, I don't have an issue with,
although we got a hit split rockagain but I think the thing
that we probably could have donea better job at was setting the
expectation, and I think we didthat with our actions, like
(19:40):
making those steps, the samesteps, but at the same time
using our words to say, okay,well, here's what we're going to
do, this is where we're gonnastop, this is how I want you to
sit.
I don't wanna hear anythingabout this.
You know what I mean.
And then, at the same time, youknow when we weren't as calm of
(20:04):
parents back then as we are now, because the way we dealt with
the conflicts and disagreementswas just straight.
Listen, don't make me come backthere.
Sandy (20:17):
So two thoughts.
One is you're right Like wealways included the kids in
planning the vacation but wedidn't talk much about, like in
route to the vacation spot.
So we probably didn't kind ofset those expectations and talk
enough about that, and I feellike that would have helped them
(20:40):
.
The other thing is it justmakes me laugh because I think
you're right we definitely didnot have the same patient in
which even this particular tripwhere the I just remember the
looks that Alexi and Shayna weregiving Ayla about I could never
(21:01):
get away with that.
Terrance (21:03):
You know, the thing about it is we're different now,
and what I'm gonna do right nowis I'm gonna say how we're
different.
So right now, as parents excuseme, right now as parents we use
a lot more humor to diffusesituations, we are much more
(21:24):
lenient from the perspective ofthe looks that we give, the tone
in our voice, and we do a lotmore talking, and when I say
talking, I mean having aconversation of a collaborative,
from the collaborativeperspective to deal with the
(21:45):
situations where we would yelland scream.
Sandy (21:47):
That's just stopping at the situation.
Terrance (21:49):
Where we would yell and scream in the past.
Sandy (21:53):
Well, you know she is also the last one, so I think
you just learn right.
Like this stuff isn't that bigof a deal, like the kids are
gonna turn out fine if we don'tdo blank, yeah, yeah but yeah,
going back to the last road trip, there was a couple of things
(22:14):
that I learned.
Terrance (22:16):
Well, hopefully that the kids learned, and I knew
this, if you remember.
So we went down to Virginia and, again, when you start to go
south, it tends to be a lotwarmer than it is when you're up
North.
And so, from the perspective ofbeing prepared, from the dress
perspective, you know,particularly when you're in the
(22:37):
car, you wanna dress comfortablybut at the same time you gotta
be prepared because when you godown, it's warmer.
When you come back it might notbe, but at the same time, too,
it's not always about theweather Going down.
We didn't have any issuesComing back.
We were in that car for a very,very long time.
Yes, we were.
(22:58):
That was the trip that made mesay I am never driving to
Virginia again.
Sandy (23:06):
Well, yeah, we should have left at like one in the
morning, we would have been fine.
Terrance (23:10):
That.
And the other part about that,too, is we should have told them
all right, listen, after acertain amount of time we're
gonna switch, we're gonna stopand switch seats, so we ain't
gotta deal with the she's on myside or she's too close to me
and all those other things.
So for all those people outthere, when you start talking
about these road trips, you knowthere's a couple of things that
we mentioned right, we talkedabout being prepared, making
(23:31):
sure you have that emergencyprepared kit, making sure your
kids dress comfortably and atthe same time, you gotta switch
that seating up, depending onwho you got.
If it's just one back there,that's fine, but have you got
three back there?
Sandy (23:43):
Yeah right, well too.
And the other thing is, likeyou know, like you said,
planning out the, the communion,whatnot, you know, that road
trip we let the girls probablysleep in.
We left later, like notabundantly late, but it was
later, you know.
(24:04):
Had we cause?
They're just cause you wantthem to sleep in the car anyhow?
So, if we had left much earlierwe probably missed out on a lot
of the traffic that we got hit.
Terrance (24:14):
We definitely would cause, if you remember.
Sandy (24:17):
Cause, honestly, I rather do any road trip where I know
that any kid that is in the backseat is gonna be sleeping.
It makes it so much better.
Terrance (24:27):
Yeah, if, if you remember that trip, we got to
exit one in Connecticut at 12 PM, we got home at five, which is
crazy.
That's like two and a halfthree hours longer than it
should have actually taken usand that traffic was ridiculous.
Sandy (24:47):
It was.
But you know what Another thingwe should have learned?
We should have just pulled off.
The highway went in, I don'tknow.
Terrance (24:55):
Well, if you remember, we pulled off and got gas.
Well, we did that, but wedidn't really, and that made it
longer because of getting backon.
Sandy (25:01):
But I mean, like we could have, you know, I guess, like
waited it out a little bit,found something to do, I don't
know even just called it a day,booked a hotel and just spend
the night in.
Connecticut.
Well, you know and said, youknow what, we'll deal with this
in the morning.
Terrance (25:15):
Yeah, and then you know.
So the biggest differencebetween now and then, like, all
of the accessories that areavailable today weren't
available back then, correct?
So when you start talking aboutsurviving that trip, I mean for
the parents it's just all rightwell, you gotta suck it up but
(25:36):
for the kids it was horrible,because I think we might've had
the little DVD things that theycan play, but there were no
iPads, there were no kindles orwhat is the fires and all that
other stuff, the fires, thekindle fires.
There's no tablets, they didn'thave tablets.
Sandy (26:02):
So today what you could do is there's the little
Nintendo DSs and the DVD players.
What was?
Terrance (26:10):
that Well, and you know what.
Actually they did havesomething, but today there are
many more options that wouldhelp survive a actual ride like
this.
Not much for the parents.
The parents gotta suck it upand just enjoy the view of the
traffic if you get caught intoit.
But with kids you can havetheir tablets, books or whatever
(26:33):
.
But you really should planahead of time to make sure that
if there's something from theperspective of movies or
whatever that you need todownload first, you get that
stuff done first.
And so, in a situation whereyour car ride is longer than you
expect now, you got somethingto entertain them a little bit.
What we used to do back in theday.
Sandy (26:56):
Yeah, I think we're gonna go down the same route and I
was gonna say I think the idealsituation would be.
What we used to do was probablystarting off with some of the
games that we used to play inthe car.
And then having the electronicsfor when they start to really
start getting bored.
Terrance (27:13):
Yeah, and I think, depending on the kids, that'll
work.
I mean, I would always startwith some of the games used to
play in the car and what I mean,like the license plate game and
all those other things.
The question becomes whether ornot kids today would be willing
to get into that, and I think alot of them would, because it's
different.
But I think that with theaccessibility of all these
(27:37):
different devices, the socialaspect of what kids were then
and what they are now haveactually changed and I don't
wanna spend too much time onthat.
But I think, besides doing orhaving all those devices and
playing those games and wedidn't, well, actually, you know
(27:58):
, we used to do this I think, ifyou allow for a period of time
and obviously with kids nowadayscan't be too long, but if you
allow for a period of quiet timewhile you're in the car, I used
to play the quiet game.
Listen, yeah, I know we used toplay the quiet game all the time
.
Sandy (28:16):
I'm pretty sure Shayna always lost.
Terrance (28:19):
Oh yeah, shayna lost all the time.
Shayna will lose all the time.
I mean, even we used to playwith Aileen.
Aileen will lose all the time.
But if you allow for quiet time, that's one way that the
parents actually can get alittle break and survive a
little easier.
That's why I say kids are sweet.
Sandy (28:35):
But not the endale situation.
I think if we were to go on aroad trip today, obviously our
kids are younger.
But if we had to go on a roadtrip with younger kids, it would
be let's drive at four o'clockin the morning so they can just
sleep.
Terrance (28:52):
Well, you know what I think today we're.
Well, I know for a fact todaythat we're much more different,
right?
So, if we were to go on a roadtrip today, we would know that
everything's not gonna goaccording to plan Just from
history, just from ourexperience, and I think that we
will be much more open.
Like back then I wasn't open tono sightseeing and no detouring
(29:16):
Nah, I need to get where I needto go.
We would be much more open tosightseeing and those things.
So that'd be a little bitdifferent.
Like we're at that stage nowwhere we understand that time is
one of the only things that youknow.
We can't get back, and so ifyou have the opportunity, to go
see something or exploresomething.
(29:38):
Let's go do it.
Sandy (29:40):
Right, like hey, we're stuck in traffic.
I think the Connecticutsituation was unusual because I
don't think we really thought atsome point well, I should say
we probably did think at somepoint this traffic has to
alleviate and it just didn't, itjust didn't, and it didn't.
So right, so like, okay, well,what's around us?
Like to your point, we have somany options for technology,
(30:03):
Like you know.
Just pull up a map, what's nearus, that you know something
we'd like to do, just to get usout of the car, you know, do
something, and then we'll finishattacking this drive home.
But yeah, I think flexibility,I think in going with the flow,
is such a big part of it keepingeverybody sane and happy.
Terrance (30:28):
Yeah, and I think now we look at it different right.
I think now we look at okay,all of it as it's quality time
together, as opposed to you knowwe're going here, we're going
to do this, but getting thereand coming back is not part of
it.
Right yeah, and I think that's abig adjustment in our mindset.
I think now we more look at itfrom the perspective of the
(30:53):
journey is just as important asthe destination.
Yes, the experiences that youhave getting there are only
going to enhance the experiencethat you have while there and
vice versa on the way comingback.
If you have that mindset, thenyour vacation is not just one.
You get to wherever it isyou're going and then that's it,
(31:15):
it's.
You start going down there.
Your mindset is different.
You understand that, hey, somethings may happen Kumbaya, we're
going to deal with it whateverway we can actually deal with it
and just keep it moving.
And I know for a fact I was notlike that when we were going on
vacation.
Sandy (31:32):
I was definitely much more uptight and not flexible
Now.
Like think about it, when wedid the trip to Portugal, we
brought like a deck of cards andall of us were playing cards
while we were waiting in theairport.
Like to your point, it's partof the vacation, so there's no
need to just put yourselfconsistently on stressful
(31:54):
situations.
Just enjoy your time together.
Terrance (31:58):
You know the thing people need to get out and see
the world.
And I'm gonna say why I'msaying that because that trip to
Portugal, that's when westarted to change our mindset.
The first one, that's when westarted to change our mindset.
We brought those cards partiallybecause we knew that in certain
places we weren't going to haveaccess to the internet so we
were going to have to find waysto actually entertain ourselves,
(32:20):
and when you start thinkingabout how we actually interacted
as a family on the trip there,because it was such a long time
to get there, while we werethere in those places that
didn't have internet, if you, ifyou recall, as soon as we got
to a place where we had internet, Everybody was kind of like
everybody was off on their own,except for when we were in Abu
(32:42):
Feta, because that there was somuch going on.
Sandy (32:45):
Yeah.
Terrance (32:46):
You know what I mean.
That was so much of a touristyplace and they had all the shops
, they had the nightclub scenethat the girls went to.
So when you have things likethat and a place where you
haven't been before and it's sovibrant, that can actually draw
your attention.
Sandy (33:03):
Yeah.
Terrance (33:03):
But the other places.
Yeah, I remember when we got toyour mom's place and she had
that little wireless thing andall of a sudden we're all
watching movies on our phonesbecause in that place now again
the difference between thatplace and the other places there
wasn't a lot to do around thereand we went for a lot of walks,
(33:26):
we went to the cafe, you know,we did all that stuff which was
part of our experience, but atas as nightfall came around,
there was nothing to do.
You don't get no TV.
You don't get no you know TVstations or anything over there.
So but that I think that tripreally started us to start
(33:47):
looking at things a littledifferent.
So when, when people plan thesetrips or people, people are
planning vacations, planning thetrip is one thing and there's
some things that you want totake into consideration, but I
think that you know, if you canmake the entirety of the journey
part of the vacation, you'regonna get a much more better
(34:07):
experience out of it.
Sandy (34:11):
Yeah, I know I agreed.
Like you really have to justplan that accordingly too, like
because the worst thing I thinkis, especially when you're
flying right, getting alluptight, getting you know to the
airport too late, runningaround and things of that nature
Not that we ever really didthat, but I feel like that adds
(34:34):
so much stress and pressure toit.
So you just have to recognize,like if I don't want that in my
trip, then whatever I'm gonnaget to the airport, maybe even
an hour earlier than I reallyneed to be, and you know what.
That's fine let's just sitaround and play some card games
while we're waiting.
Terrance (34:53):
Yeah, and that's what we got to start doing because,
again, if you make it you saidit if you make that part of your
plan, yeah then the expectationis okay, this is what we're
actually doing here.
The one thing that we got tofigure out is this, and I've
said this Ayla didn't want avacation with us, no more.
I know she wanted to just bewith her sisters and I think
part of that too is, I thinkthat from a planning perspective
(35:16):
and from a, you know, aninclusivity perspective, we got
to start having conversationswith her and say okay, well,
what do you want to do here?
Or what's your interest in here?
Sandy (35:24):
because again yeah she was gun whole with having her,
her sisters there yeah she wasalso gun whole about having some
other people there, and I thinkthat when that didn't happen,
it was kind of like yeah, well,and it was cute because I think
the girls recognize that withAyla too and they also recognize
like we need to make more of aneffort, yeah, to include her
(35:45):
and do things with her, becauseshe is at that age where she
does want to hang out with themand not mom and dad.
Terrance (35:52):
It's very sad and depressing yeah, I mean listen,
I'm not gonna say that it's, I'mkidding about the sad and
depressing, but it is just like.
No, I mean, it's one of thosethings where you know I'm
mindful of the fact that.
Okay, well, her interests areshifting and you know you always
wish you can hold on a littlelonger yeah, but that's why I
(36:14):
say we have to take advantage ofthe opportunities that are
actually presented to us andmake sure that we take full
advantage, or take advantage tothe full extent that we can,
because, again, eventually, yeah, they grow up and then they're
gone, I mean gone out of thehouse right, right.
Sandy (36:32):
People say it all the time that time flies, and I
think for us it's like you knowit, but then when it happens,
it's like oh my goodness yeah, Ican't believe that much time
has actually already elapsedshe's gonna be 14 in a couple of
weeks.
I know exactly and speakinglike you know what.
Terrance (36:55):
There's just stressors and things that just are not
worth our time and in timeanymore and speaking of, we were
at a particular story yesterdayand she made it clear what she
wants for her birthday.
She mentioned that to me todaywhen I got home and I'm on the
mindset now that you know what,regardless of what's going to
(37:22):
happen in a year or two years,we have to decide if we want to
take the leap and yeah do what?
she's asking and I've been.
Actually, I got a plan and youknow, let's, let's wrap this up
because I'm gonna tell you whatmy plan is afterwards.
But, in short, you know,vacations are a great thing, but
family trips, I mean, they canbe a chaotic experience.
(37:44):
But when you plan and you takeinto account where you're going,
when you're leaving and allthose things, that stuff can
enhance your overall experience.
And now it takes the vacationfrom okay, well, once you arrive
at your destination and onceyou leave your destination to
(38:06):
okay, well, as soon as ourjourney begins.
Yep, our experience begins andwe're gonna enjoy this trip the
whole way.
Sometimes the journey should bethe destination, and having the
ability to share thatexperience in the time, which
your loved ones, fuels thatjourney.
So embrace the twists and turnsand unexpected detours, as it
(38:30):
is those experiences that forgememories that are cherished
forever.
Thank you for joining us on thelunch with Sandy podcast.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media.
Announcer (38:45):
Until next time, stay well that's it for this week's
episode of the lunch with Sandypodcast.
Thanks for listening.
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If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe lunch with Sandy podcast.
In a relationship, when is honesty not the best
policy?
How do you balance what youwant versus what you need, and
is there something you need tosay to your spouse but can't
find the right way to say it?
If so, then you're in the rightplace.
This is the Lunch with Sandypodcast.
With nearly 20 years ofmarriage under their belts,
Terrance and Sandy Jacksondiscuss a range of topics,
(00:22):
provide valuable insights onrelationships and talk about the
conversations married couplesneed to have.
So what does lunch have to dowith all of this?
Well, it's a metaphor for howthese conversations originally
started.
Speaking of conversations,let's get one going.
Here's your hosts, Terrance andSandy.
Terrance (00:43):
Welcome to another episode of the Lunch with Sandy
podcast, where we discussvarious topics and provide
insights from the perspective ofa married couple.
I'm Terrance and I'm Sandy, andtoday we're going to be talking
about family vacations.
But before we get into that,please remember to follow the
Lunch with Sandy podcast on yourfavorite podcasting app.
(01:03):
Also, be sure to follow us onsocial media at lunch with Sandy
Sandy.
Yes, what it do what it be.
Oh, you know, you a littletired from your party last night
.
Sandy (01:21):
It was just a very rough week this week.
Terrance (01:25):
It was.
Sandy (01:26):
Yeah.
Terrance (01:27):
You have to go through those rough weeks.
Sandy (01:29):
Yeah.
Terrance (01:30):
You know, the funny thing is, it always seems like
after you go on a vacation.
Sandy (01:37):
It's the worst.
Terrance (01:38):
The week when you get back.
It's a very rough week.
Sandy (01:42):
Yeah, and then my personal experience of getting
sick from coming back fromvacation, I should say, and then
getting sick.
It really, really put me behind, but listen.
Terrance (01:56):
You know the opposite, or the alternative to getting
sick when you come back, it'sgetting sick while you're on
vacation.
Sandy (02:03):
Oh yeah, that's that I'd prefer.
Always prefer to get sick aftermy vacation than during.
Terrance (02:13):
Vacations are.
Well, it depends on what thevacation and where it is,
because we both got sick, butthe sickness that I got it was I
was sick in January and thedoctor thought that everything
was cool, but on vacation I wasgood.
Sandy (02:31):
Yeah.
Terrance (02:32):
I had no problems while I was on vacation.
The challenge was coming backto that 23 degree weather and
that that weather just hit me inthe chest and it said welcome
home.
Sandy (02:46):
Yeah right, I know, for me it was the opposite.
I did not feel well on vacationyou know the worst migraine I
had had in a very long time andit just lingered all vacation.
But at least it wasn't to whereI was sick in bed and couldn't
function.
You know, I got that when Icame home.
Terrance (03:08):
Yeah, well, yeah, it was a welcome home present.
Sandy (03:11):
Yeah.
Terrance (03:12):
Rhode Island said we missed you.
Welcome home and now thatyou're here, take this.
Sandy (03:19):
Oh no, I was thinking it was more of a Florida present,
like don't forget about us.
Terrance (03:24):
Well, I mean, don't say that because I got to go
back in June.
I think part of it too is, youknow, you got to keep it.
Well, I don't know if youremember this or if you recall
this.
Here's what I'm thinking.
On the flight back, there weretwo kids behind us and one of
them kept coughing and notcovering his mouth.
Sandy (03:45):
Yeah, and that's the thing, and I think this is why
I'll probably always wear a maskwhile on and going forward
because it's not like we don'tknow that it's just an incubator
of germs while you're on it, solike, why am I not doing it?
(04:08):
Because, honestly, it's beentwice since I've gotten sick
from flying to Florida.
Terrance (04:15):
I want to know what's funny.
So I got back, I had to go tothe doctor and you know the
doctor's assistant.
It's funny because they were inFlorida the exact same time.
We were Differences.
We came back on Friday, theycame back on Monday and she said
the whole time her kids wasfine.
Got back on Monday, her kids goto school, boom, instantly.
Sandy (04:39):
They're sick.
Terrance (04:40):
They're sick.
Sandy (04:41):
Well, honestly, even on the flight down there, I was
like maybe I should wear a maskBecause they're right.
So on the flight down we sattowards the back of the plane.
Terrance (04:50):
Yeah, we had no choice , but yeah.
Sandy (04:51):
Right, but all I could hear is like the coffin, the
sneeze in, like just everythingand I'm like, oh great, like
this is just room for disaster.
But the flight coming home, wewere towards the front of the
plane, so all that coughing andeverything was happening behind
us.
Where the flight down, it wasin front of us.
(05:13):
So yeah, I wouldn't.
Terrance (05:15):
Yeah, well, enough about the downside of vacation.
We had a great vacation.
Sandy (05:21):
We did.
Terrance (05:23):
It was one of those vacations where I think that we
might have did more than we saidwe originally were going to do,
but it still turned out to be apretty good vacation and we
learned something this vacation.
Unfortunately, we learned thatAila is not really big into
vacationing when it's just usanymore.
Sandy (05:42):
Yeah, I don't know, she's at that age now where it's like
eh Well, and I, honestly, Iwent into this vacation not
knowing how it was going to gobecause, you know, we had two
extra individuals with us thatwe've never vacationed with
before.
Terrance (06:00):
Yeah, but I knew that wasn't going to be a problem.
Sandy (06:02):
But you know like we all get along fine, you know, but
having family dinners and justhanging out is much different
than vacationing with people.
So I was like you know, youjust never know how, how well
you're going to mesh duringvacation.
So I was like I think we'll beall right, but just never know
(06:23):
what you're in for it, but itturned out actually to be
wonderful.
Terrance (06:27):
You want to know.
The funny thing is, ourvacation game has definitely
grown since the early days andit's funny that you talk about,
you know, not knowing how thingsare going to go.
I think when we look back andwe start talking about vacations
and how we do it now, there aredifferent phases or different
(06:48):
things that you can do to makesure that you have an enjoyable
experience when you go onvacation and I think the biggest
part of that, or the biggestthing that you can do to make
sure that you have a good time,is planning for the vacation.
And when I say planning for thevacation, I'm not talking about
planning what you're gonna doonce you're down there.
(07:09):
I'm talking about getting yourmind right, getting everything
set up, so when the time comes,it's just go.
Sandy (07:20):
Yeah, well in.
I think practice makes perfect.
Terrance (07:27):
Yeah, learn from your mistakes, and we've had a lot of
practice.
Sandy (07:29):
Yes, we've had a lot of practice.
Learn from your mistakes.
Terrance (07:33):
Absolutely.
Sandy (07:34):
And I think the other one is just kind of know what stage
you're at and what your familyneeds to make it a successful
trip.
Terrance (07:44):
Yeah.
Sandy (07:45):
Is that multiple naps?
I don't know.
Just like you just have tofigure out what's gonna make
everybody happy.
Terrance (07:53):
You just said something right now Multiple
naps.
Sandy (07:56):
And exactly.
Terrance (07:57):
The multiple naps to me for a loop, because our
youngest is 14.
Sandy (08:01):
Well, our youngest is gonna be 14.
I need the naps now and I'mlike multiple naps.
Terrance (08:05):
Who is she talking?
Sandy (08:06):
about Me.
So I'm talking about me.
I need the multiple naps, Ithink they're.
Terrance (08:13):
in the past, I think we've done a very good job for
the most part.
When we started talking aboutvacationing and I'm talking
about from where to go- yeah.
Right, because when you decideto go on a vacation, where
you're going plays a big role inthat.
Sandy (08:32):
Definitely.
Terrance (08:33):
But you know what also plays a big role when you go.
Sandy (08:37):
Yes, yes.
Terrance (08:39):
So if you choose to go to a place for your vacation
and you know it is a high valueplace when I say high value I
mean there are gonna be a lot ofpeople who are going to be at
this spot because it's one ofthose spots you gotta be very
careful when you go.
You gotta plan to go during thenon-peak seasons because if-.
Sandy (09:04):
Unless you like being around all those people.
Terrance (09:06):
Well, I mean the thing about it is people can be very,
very stressful and when youhave a lot of them around, I
think it detracts from yourvacation and I think every
bone's vacation is a littledifferent.
Everyone's idea of what anideal vacation is is a little
different.
But when you look at let's takethe last vacation out, let's
(09:30):
look at one of the places weused to go all the time with
Split Rock.
Sandy (09:33):
Yep.
Terrance (09:34):
We've gone to Split Rock during peak season and
we've gone during off season,and the off season always is
better, and Split Rock is notone of those places where you
get an enormous amount of people, but you do get a lot of people
during their peak season.
The experience that you getwhen it is off season is so much
(09:56):
more relaxing because you havea lot more stuff to yourself.
Right, you're not vying forposition, whether it be at the
indoor water slides, whether itbe at the, you know, the archery
range or whatever.
Sandy (10:11):
Yeah, Wait time and line time is just shorter.
You know the ice cream shop.
You might have a couple ofpeople in front of you.
It's not like a line out thedoor, yeah.
Terrance (10:22):
And you know the other thing that you know.
I said we've stepped ourvacation game up.
A lot of vacations we used togo on, we used to drive.
Now, when you're driving on avacation, there are some things
that you need to factor in oryou need to take into account or
you need to consider in orderfor that drive to be less
(10:44):
stressful.
And I think one of the biggestthings is when you're going to
leave.
Again, it's hard to predictwhat traffic is going to be like
and certain well, let me take astep back Now.
It's much easier to predictwhat traffic is going to be like
in areas that you don'tnormally travel in.
(11:05):
But when the kids were younger,the older kids, when they were
younger, and we would go onvacations, you listen, you get
your map, you print it out,because GPS wasn't readily
available for everyone, and youwould be at the mercy of
whatever traffic you came upon.
So when you left, or when youdecided to leave, it was very
(11:28):
important, because that's howyou would avoid traffic in
specific areas.
Sandy (11:33):
In which way you would go .
Because back then we used to domore of the scenic, non-traffic
routes, just because we knew,if we get stuck in that traffic,
who wants to spend so much timedriving in the car if they
don't have to?
So we used to take a littlelonger, go more of the scenic
(11:54):
route, knowing that it reallywasn't going to be impacted by
traffic.
Terrance (12:01):
Yeah, and that planning that, planning that
route and that scenic routehelped us tremendously.
Because when you planned thatroute, when we used to plan that
route, we knew what everyone'spreference was.
We knew we would be stoppingand so the kids would look
forward to all, right, well, weknow we ain't getting out of the
car here.
Right, when we get here we'regoing to stop and we'll do this.
(12:22):
And now you know.
Sandy (12:25):
Wasn't it like the Pennsylvania Welcome Center?
It was the Welcome Center.
Terrance (12:30):
That was their stop.
That was their stop.
I mean, I would like to driveuntil we got to the Welcome
Center, but then we would alwaysstart depending on the route
that we would go.
We would stop and obviously usethe bathroom and then
eventually we actually had toswitch up that route.
But when you can plan thatroute right and then you can
schedule where you're going toactually have brakes at, it does
(12:51):
break the trip up.
It gives the kids who arealways in the back seat are we
there?
Yet it gives them an idea ofyou know.
Sandy (12:58):
Like a milestone.
Terrance (13:00):
Exactly when we're going to stop, what we're
actually going to do when westop and you said this earlier
you know when you're doing aroad trip, you've got to have
patience Because, again, youcan't predict all the traffic
that you're going to hit.
Sandy (13:18):
You can't predict just everything, like the black bear
that ran in front of our carthat much Well, I mean.
Like and we're like wow.
Terrance (13:26):
That was a situation where I mean the kids were
asleep, but at the same timeyeah.
Sandy (13:31):
There's just a lot of things that you just can't
predict and you have to bepatient and just figure out how
to handle what I will say is andthis is from the, not the.
Terrance (13:44):
I don't know if it was the last New Hampshire trip, no
, it wasn't the last one, theone before you need to pack an
emergency or a preparedness kit.
And when I say a preparednesskit, listen, you never know
what's going to happen.
Just be prepared, have someplastic bags back there, some
(14:04):
towels, some wipes, all of thatstuff, because when, as we've
learned, the road trips thatwe've been doing lately have
involved meeting up with otherfamilies and you know what
happens when kids get together-it's like a peachy, a peachy
dish of just germs.
And it always seems like thegerms actually hit when we're
(14:27):
coming back.
Sandy (14:29):
Yeah.
Terrance (14:31):
So in New Hampshire the last day Ayla gets sick.
Sandy (14:36):
Ah, poor thing.
Terrance (14:37):
Yes, and she's throwing up just before we leave
, then she's throwing up in thecar.
So, being prepared which wewasn't for that trip.
Sandy (14:47):
We were not.
Terrance (14:48):
Being prepared.
Lesson learned with that one.
Yeah, the thing with those roadtrips and I go back to we're
gonna go back to thePennsylvania ones is it's one
thing to prepare for the routeand the stops and the things
like that, but sometimes justgetting out the house was a
(15:13):
challenge, you know, betweengetting everyone's luggage,
getting it in the car.
If you remember when Lexi andShayna was young, just getting
all the stuff in the car was achallenge.
Sandy (15:27):
I, you know, I take it even to step back and just even
packing, because I oh yeah, forthe most part, I was the one
that was packing for all of us.
I packed my own stuff.
Well.
Announcer (15:37):
I didn't mind it, but it was Lexi myself, shayna.
Sandy (15:43):
Yeah, I'm always packing for everybody.
Terrance (15:45):
Well, if you would have taught them to pack for
themselves, we probably wouldn'thave room to fit all their
stuff anyway.
Sandy (15:51):
I'm trying to teach A-Lah and yet I'm still, like you
know.
Terrance (15:56):
Well, the whole packing thing too is there's
always a situation where, okay,did I forget anything?
Yeah, is there something?
That?
Well, there's two things Did Iforget to pack something and did
I leave something?
Yes, because you know, daddy,daddy's rule is whatever time
(16:16):
we're leaving A-I-S ass in seat,that's the time we put, and if
you leave something, you betterdeal with that.
Sandy (16:24):
Well, I feel like we've been more flexible.
I'll say Like I think we usedto stress more about oh my God,
did we leave something?
Did we forget to pack something?
Announcer (16:33):
Yeah.
Sandy (16:34):
Unless it's the necessities, like park tickets,
if you have them in paper orwhatever it is you know.
Other than that, I feel likenow we're like, eh, we'll just
get it when we get down there.
Terrance (16:45):
Yes, that's true.
Well, I mean part of that toois again, when you look at the
trips we're taking now.
Sandy (16:51):
Yeah, it's not where I stress We'll figure it out when
we get there.
Terrance (16:54):
Well, you know wisdom comes with age, and as you get
older you figure out there arecertain things that just aren't
worth worrying about, right?
You know what I mean.
Announcer (17:05):
Look, if you forget, exactly, if you forget your
toothpaste.
Terrance (17:07):
just go buy some toothpaste, because think about
it, think about it.
We went to Italy last year andthey lost our bags for a couple
of days.
Announcer (17:19):
Now, we didn't forget anything Almost a week.
Terrance (17:21):
Yeah well, we didn't forget anything.
But guess what?
We had to go buy toothpaste.
We had to go buy all that stuff, and we could have stressed
about it.
But what was that going to do?
No exactly, it was only goingto detract from the trip.
Sandy (17:36):
Yeah, surprisingly we didn't.
I was irritated, but I wasn'tstressed by it, because once
that first night I had a nicetube of toothpaste and a
toothbrush to clean my teeth.
It was like eh.
Terrance (17:48):
Exactly.
Do you remember the last roadtrip we took with all the girls?
Sandy (17:54):
That was fun, yeah, I remember.
Terrance (17:58):
It was the Virginia trip.
Sandy (17:59):
It actually wasn't bad, it was just the traffic coming
home.
Terrance (18:03):
Well, the traffic coming home was bad, but if you
remember the ride down now yougot to remember Lexi and Shayna
always had this thing whenthey're in the car.
Yeah, don't touch me, don'ttouch me, don't talk to me, it
was just yeah.
Yeah, and so space with themwas always an issue, and that
(18:25):
last trip it was Especially thetouching.
Sandy (18:28):
You're too close to me.
Terrance (18:30):
Move over that last trip.
I think they were all in thebackseat.
They were all in the backseatand I think at some point they
figured that this whole thingwould end.
But then Ayla comes along.
And then Ayla comes along, andnow you have three in the
backseat again, and so the spaceis limited and now they're back
in this whole.
Oh, she's on my side and Idon't want to sit in the middle,
(18:53):
and it was just Don't make meturn this car around Exactly.
It's so funny that that phrasebecame just such a phrase for
everything.
Don't make me turn this cararound, I'll do it, but I think
(19:19):
in order to survive a trip likethat and we don't do too many
road trips anymore, which, again, I don't have an issue with,
although we got a hit split rockagain but I think the thing
that we probably could have donea better job at was setting the
expectation, and I think we didthat with our actions, like
(19:40):
making those steps, the samesteps, but at the same time
using our words to say, okay,well, here's what we're going to
do, this is where we're gonnastop, this is how I want you to
sit.
I don't wanna hear anythingabout this.
You know what I mean.
And then, at the same time, youknow when we weren't as calm of
(20:04):
parents back then as we are now, because the way we dealt with
the conflicts and disagreementswas just straight.
Listen, don't make me come backthere.
Sandy (20:17):
So two thoughts.
One is you're right Like wealways included the kids in
planning the vacation but wedidn't talk much about, like in
route to the vacation spot.
So we probably didn't kind ofset those expectations and talk
enough about that, and I feellike that would have helped them
(20:40):
.
The other thing is it justmakes me laugh because I think
you're right we definitely didnot have the same patient in
which even this particular tripwhere the I just remember the
looks that Alexi and Shayna weregiving Ayla about I could never
(21:01):
get away with that.
Terrance (21:03):
You know, the thing about it is we're different now,
and what I'm gonna do right nowis I'm gonna say how we're
different.
So right now, as parents excuseme, right now as parents we use
a lot more humor to diffusesituations, we are much more
(21:24):
lenient from the perspective ofthe looks that we give, the tone
in our voice, and we do a lotmore talking, and when I say
talking, I mean having aconversation of a collaborative,
from the collaborativeperspective to deal with the
(21:45):
situations where we would yelland scream.
Sandy (21:47):
That's just stopping at the situation.
Terrance (21:49):
Where we would yell and scream in the past.
Sandy (21:53):
Well, you know she is also the last one, so I think
you just learn right.
Like this stuff isn't that bigof a deal, like the kids are
gonna turn out fine if we don'tdo blank, yeah, yeah but yeah,
going back to the last road trip, there was a couple of things
(22:14):
that I learned.
Terrance (22:16):
Well, hopefully that the kids learned, and I knew
this, if you remember.
So we went down to Virginia and, again, when you start to go
south, it tends to be a lotwarmer than it is when you're up
North.
And so, from the perspective ofbeing prepared, from the dress
perspective, you know,particularly when you're in the
(22:37):
car, you wanna dress comfortablybut at the same time you gotta
be prepared because when you godown, it's warmer.
When you come back it might notbe, but at the same time, too,
it's not always about theweather Going down.
We didn't have any issuesComing back.
We were in that car for a very,very long time.
Yes, we were.
(22:58):
That was the trip that made mesay I am never driving to
Virginia again.
Sandy (23:06):
Well, yeah, we should have left at like one in the
morning, we would have been fine.
Terrance (23:10):
That.
And the other part about that,too, is we should have told them
all right, listen, after acertain amount of time we're
gonna switch, we're gonna stopand switch seats, so we ain't
gotta deal with the she's on myside or she's too close to me
and all those other things.
So for all those people outthere, when you start talking
about these road trips, you knowthere's a couple of things that
we mentioned right, we talkedabout being prepared, making
(23:31):
sure you have that emergencyprepared kit, making sure your
kids dress comfortably and atthe same time, you gotta switch
that seating up, depending onwho you got.
If it's just one back there,that's fine, but have you got
three back there?
Sandy (23:43):
Yeah right, well too.
And the other thing is, likeyou know, like you said,
planning out the, the communion,whatnot, you know, that road
trip we let the girls probablysleep in.
We left later, like notabundantly late, but it was
later, you know.
(24:04):
Had we cause?
They're just cause you wantthem to sleep in the car anyhow?
So, if we had left much earlierwe probably missed out on a lot
of the traffic that we got hit.
Terrance (24:14):
We definitely would cause, if you remember.
Sandy (24:17):
Cause, honestly, I rather do any road trip where I know
that any kid that is in the backseat is gonna be sleeping.
It makes it so much better.
Terrance (24:27):
Yeah, if, if you remember that trip, we got to
exit one in Connecticut at 12 PM, we got home at five, which is
crazy.
That's like two and a halfthree hours longer than it
should have actually taken usand that traffic was ridiculous.
Sandy (24:47):
It was.
But you know what Another thingwe should have learned?
We should have just pulled off.
The highway went in, I don'tknow.
Terrance (24:55):
Well, if you remember, we pulled off and got gas.
Well, we did that, but wedidn't really, and that made it
longer because of getting backon.
Sandy (25:01):
But I mean, like we could have, you know, I guess, like
waited it out a little bit,found something to do, I don't
know even just called it a day,booked a hotel and just spend
the night in.
Connecticut.
Well, you know and said, youknow what, we'll deal with this
in the morning.
Terrance (25:15):
Yeah, and then you know.
So the biggest differencebetween now and then, like, all
of the accessories that areavailable today weren't
available back then, correct?
So when you start talking aboutsurviving that trip, I mean for
the parents it's just all rightwell, you gotta suck it up but
(25:36):
for the kids it was horrible,because I think we might've had
the little DVD things that theycan play, but there were no
iPads, there were no kindles orwhat is the fires and all that
other stuff, the fires, thekindle fires.
There's no tablets, they didn'thave tablets.
Sandy (26:02):
So today what you could do is there's the little
Nintendo DSs and the DVD players.
What was?
Terrance (26:10):
that Well, and you know what.
Actually they did havesomething, but today there are
many more options that wouldhelp survive a actual ride like
this.
Not much for the parents.
The parents gotta suck it upand just enjoy the view of the
traffic if you get caught intoit.
But with kids you can havetheir tablets, books or whatever
(26:33):
.
But you really should planahead of time to make sure that
if there's something from theperspective of movies or
whatever that you need todownload first, you get that
stuff done first.
And so, in a situation whereyour car ride is longer than you
expect now, you got somethingto entertain them a little bit.
What we used to do back in theday.
Sandy (26:56):
Yeah, I think we're gonna go down the same route and I
was gonna say I think the idealsituation would be.
What we used to do was probablystarting off with some of the
games that we used to play inthe car.
And then having the electronicsfor when they start to really
start getting bored.
Terrance (27:13):
Yeah, and I think, depending on the kids, that'll
work.
I mean, I would always startwith some of the games used to
play in the car and what I mean,like the license plate game and
all those other things.
The question becomes whether ornot kids today would be willing
to get into that, and I think alot of them would, because it's
different.
But I think that with theaccessibility of all these
(27:37):
different devices, the socialaspect of what kids were then
and what they are now haveactually changed and I don't
wanna spend too much time onthat.
But I think, besides doing orhaving all those devices and
playing those games and wedidn't, well, actually, you know
(27:58):
, we used to do this I think, ifyou allow for a period of time
and obviously with kids nowadayscan't be too long, but if you
allow for a period of quiet timewhile you're in the car, I used
to play the quiet game.
Listen, yeah, I know we used toplay the quiet game all the time
.
Sandy (28:16):
I'm pretty sure Shayna always lost.
Terrance (28:19):
Oh yeah, shayna lost all the time.
Shayna will lose all the time.
I mean, even we used to playwith Aileen.
Aileen will lose all the time.
But if you allow for quiet time, that's one way that the
parents actually can get alittle break and survive a
little easier.
That's why I say kids are sweet.
Sandy (28:35):
But not the endale situation.
I think if we were to go on aroad trip today, obviously our
kids are younger.
But if we had to go on a roadtrip with younger kids, it would
be let's drive at four o'clockin the morning so they can just
sleep.
Terrance (28:52):
Well, you know what I think today we're.
Well, I know for a fact todaythat we're much more different,
right?
So, if we were to go on a roadtrip today, we would know that
everything's not gonna goaccording to plan Just from
history, just from ourexperience, and I think that we
will be much more open.
Like back then I wasn't open tono sightseeing and no detouring
(29:16):
Nah, I need to get where I needto go.
We would be much more open tosightseeing and those things.
So that'd be a little bitdifferent.
Like we're at that stage nowwhere we understand that time is
one of the only things that youknow.
We can't get back, and so ifyou have the opportunity, to go
see something or exploresomething.
(29:38):
Let's go do it.
Sandy (29:40):
Right, like hey, we're stuck in traffic.
I think the Connecticutsituation was unusual because I
don't think we really thought atsome point well, I should say
we probably did think at somepoint this traffic has to
alleviate and it just didn't, itjust didn't, and it didn't.
So right, so like, okay, well,what's around us?
Like to your point, we have somany options for technology,
(30:03):
Like you know.
Just pull up a map, what's nearus, that you know something
we'd like to do, just to get usout of the car, you know, do
something, and then we'll finishattacking this drive home.
But yeah, I think flexibility,I think in going with the flow,
is such a big part of it keepingeverybody sane and happy.
Terrance (30:28):
Yeah, and I think now we look at it different right.
I think now we look at okay,all of it as it's quality time
together, as opposed to you knowwe're going here, we're going
to do this, but getting thereand coming back is not part of
it.
Right yeah, and I think that's abig adjustment in our mindset.
I think now we more look at itfrom the perspective of the
(30:53):
journey is just as important asthe destination.
Yes, the experiences that youhave getting there are only
going to enhance the experiencethat you have while there and
vice versa on the way comingback.
If you have that mindset, thenyour vacation is not just one.
You get to wherever it isyou're going and then that's it,
(31:15):
it's.
You start going down there.
Your mindset is different.
You understand that, hey, somethings may happen Kumbaya, we're
going to deal with it whateverway we can actually deal with it
and just keep it moving.
And I know for a fact I was notlike that when we were going on
vacation.
Sandy (31:32):
I was definitely much more uptight and not flexible
Now.
Like think about it, when wedid the trip to Portugal, we
brought like a deck of cards andall of us were playing cards
while we were waiting in theairport.
Like to your point, it's partof the vacation, so there's no
need to just put yourselfconsistently on stressful
(31:54):
situations.
Just enjoy your time together.
Terrance (31:58):
You know the thing people need to get out and see
the world.
And I'm gonna say why I'msaying that because that trip to
Portugal, that's when westarted to change our mindset.
The first one, that's when westarted to change our mindset.
We brought those cards partiallybecause we knew that in certain
places we weren't going to haveaccess to the internet so we
were going to have to find waysto actually entertain ourselves,
(32:20):
and when you start thinkingabout how we actually interacted
as a family on the trip there,because it was such a long time
to get there, while we werethere in those places that
didn't have internet, if you, ifyou recall, as soon as we got
to a place where we had internet, Everybody was kind of like
everybody was off on their own,except for when we were in Abu
(32:42):
Feta, because that there was somuch going on.
Sandy (32:45):
Yeah.
Terrance (32:46):
You know what I mean.
That was so much of a touristyplace and they had all the shops
, they had the nightclub scenethat the girls went to.
So when you have things likethat and a place where you
haven't been before and it's sovibrant, that can actually draw
your attention.
Sandy (33:03):
Yeah.
Terrance (33:03):
But the other places.
Yeah, I remember when we got toyour mom's place and she had
that little wireless thing andall of a sudden we're all
watching movies on our phonesbecause in that place now again
the difference between thatplace and the other places there
wasn't a lot to do around thereand we went for a lot of walks,
(33:26):
we went to the cafe, you know,we did all that stuff which was
part of our experience, but atas as nightfall came around,
there was nothing to do.
You don't get no TV.
You don't get no you know TVstations or anything over there.
So but that I think that tripreally started us to start
(33:47):
looking at things a littledifferent.
So when, when people plan thesetrips or people, people are
planning vacations, planning thetrip is one thing and there's
some things that you want totake into consideration, but I
think that you know, if you canmake the entirety of the journey
part of the vacation, you'regonna get a much more better
(34:07):
experience out of it.
Sandy (34:11):
Yeah, I know I agreed.
Like you really have to justplan that accordingly too, like
because the worst thing I thinkis, especially when you're
flying right, getting alluptight, getting you know to the
airport too late, runningaround and things of that nature
Not that we ever really didthat, but I feel like that adds
(34:34):
so much stress and pressure toit.
So you just have to recognize,like if I don't want that in my
trip, then whatever I'm gonnaget to the airport, maybe even
an hour earlier than I reallyneed to be, and you know what.
That's fine let's just sitaround and play some card games
while we're waiting.
Terrance (34:53):
Yeah, and that's what we got to start doing because,
again, if you make it you saidit if you make that part of your
plan, yeah then the expectationis okay, this is what we're
actually doing here.
The one thing that we got tofigure out is this, and I've
said this Ayla didn't want avacation with us, no more.
I know she wanted to just bewith her sisters and I think
part of that too is, I thinkthat from a planning perspective
(35:16):
and from a, you know, aninclusivity perspective, we got
to start having conversationswith her and say okay, well,
what do you want to do here?
Or what's your interest in here?
Sandy (35:24):
because again yeah she was gun whole with having her,
her sisters there yeah she wasalso gun whole about having some
other people there, and I thinkthat when that didn't happen,
it was kind of like yeah, well,and it was cute because I think
the girls recognize that withAyla too and they also recognize
like we need to make more of aneffort, yeah, to include her
(35:45):
and do things with her, becauseshe is at that age where she
does want to hang out with themand not mom and dad.
Terrance (35:52):
It's very sad and depressing yeah, I mean listen,
I'm not gonna say that it's, I'mkidding about the sad and
depressing, but it is just like.
No, I mean, it's one of thosethings where you know I'm
mindful of the fact that.
Okay, well, her interests areshifting and you know you always
wish you can hold on a littlelonger yeah, but that's why I
(36:14):
say we have to take advantage ofthe opportunities that are
actually presented to us andmake sure that we take full
advantage, or take advantage tothe full extent that we can,
because, again, eventually, yeah, they grow up and then they're
gone, I mean gone out of thehouse right, right.
Sandy (36:32):
People say it all the time that time flies, and I
think for us it's like you knowit, but then when it happens,
it's like oh my goodness yeah, Ican't believe that much time
has actually already elapsedshe's gonna be 14 in a couple of
weeks.
I know exactly and speakinglike you know what.
Terrance (36:55):
There's just stressors and things that just are not
worth our time and in timeanymore and speaking of, we were
at a particular story yesterdayand she made it clear what she
wants for her birthday.
She mentioned that to me todaywhen I got home and I'm on the
mindset now that you know what,regardless of what's going to
(37:22):
happen in a year or two years,we have to decide if we want to
take the leap and yeah do what?
she's asking and I've been.
Actually, I got a plan and youknow, let's, let's wrap this up
because I'm gonna tell you whatmy plan is afterwards.
But, in short, you know,vacations are a great thing, but
family trips, I mean, they canbe a chaotic experience.
(37:44):
But when you plan and you takeinto account where you're going,
when you're leaving and allthose things, that stuff can
enhance your overall experience.
And now it takes the vacationfrom okay, well, once you arrive
at your destination and onceyou leave your destination to
(38:06):
okay, well, as soon as ourjourney begins.
Yep, our experience begins andwe're gonna enjoy this trip the
whole way.
Sometimes the journey should bethe destination, and having the
ability to share thatexperience in the time, which
your loved ones, fuels thatjourney.
So embrace the twists and turnsand unexpected detours, as it
(38:30):
is those experiences that forgememories that are cherished
forever.
Thank you for joining us on thelunch with Sandy podcast.
Please be sure to follow us andleave feedback on your favorite
podcasting app, as well associal media.
Announcer (38:45):
Until next time, stay well that's it for this week's
episode of the lunch with Sandypodcast.
Thanks for listening.
We'd love to hear your feedbackand comments on Instagram,
tiktok and Twitter at Lunch withSandy, and be sure to follow us
on your favorite podcast app.
If you enjoyed the show, don'tforget to rate and review us.
Thanks again for listening tothe lunch with Sandy podcast.
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