July 11, 2022 • 44 mins
Back after a break for mental health and professional development, we discuss a few grieving practices around the world, along with more personal stories.
Twitter & Facebook: @macabrepedia
Instagram: @macabrepediapod
Email us at: @Macabrepediapod@gmail.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Marissa (00:00):
Macabrepedia makes light of dark subject matter and
(00:02):
may not be suitable for allaudiences. Listener discretion
is advised.
Matthew (00:15):
Death comes for us all, even at our birth, even at our
birth, death does not standaside a little. And every day,
he looks towards us and musessomewhat to himself, whether
that day or the next, he willdraw an eye. It is the law of
nature and the will of God.
Robert bolt, a man for allseasons, it is said that we all
(00:40):
die alone, and even whensurrounded by loved ones, it is
a journey, we must undertakealone. Those who survive us are
there to pick up the pieces andlearn to live that the grief and
void that we leave as ourlegacy. Every living thing must
face death. And regardless ofhow long you've managed to
(01:02):
escape it, you will be taken. Itis a rarity for someone to feel
that they have had just theright amount of moments when
death does come. There is noright or wrong way for coping
with loss. And we've developedmany different coping mechanisms
and funerary practices that independing on the culture would
(01:23):
be abhorrent to other cultures.
Regardless of a cultural norm,there is no correct way to
grieve or send off a loved one,there is no grief that can truly
be compared to another, we alldie alone. And for the living,
we often grieve alone, as lossis a very, very personal thing.
(01:45):
Join us as we add another entryinto this, our Macabrepedia.
Marissa (02:00):
Hello, and welcome to Macabrepedia a marriage of true
crime and the truly bizarre weare your hosts, Matthew and
Marissa. And today we're doingsomething a little different.
Matthew (02:09):
Yeah, today's entry took a bit of a pivot and kind
of threw us off as we'd actuallytaken a couple of weeks off.
Kind of partially because ofthis and just the weight of
reality, you know, kind oftaking the place of hobbies. But
on Monday, June 20 2022, we kindof had a bit of a change in
(02:35):
direction with where we weregoing with this particular
episode, we were thinking aboutreleasing a completely different
episode, but because of thesituation, I personally kind of
personally felt really that thiskind of desire to share my
experiences, not only with the,the day's events, but there are
(03:01):
some very emotional moments, butalso to compare and contrast,
the funeral that we had justmost recently been been to, with
some of the others, and someother similar events in the last
few years and beyond. Anyways,there was a loss on Marisa side
of the family, which in the lasttwo years, the deaths just seem
(03:23):
far too frequent common Yeah.
And I don't really know exactlywhat is the more respectful
thing to do with this particularloss to give a bunch of details
as to the situation or not? Partof me feels that speaking to the
details is something of amemorial to the person, but
because the void of losses, sostill pretty new. It makes it a
little bit a little bit tougher.
(03:50):
This highlights one of thereasons why we like to pull our
entries with 100 plus yearbuffer. You know, I try to avoid
that. Oh, too soon kind ofrules. Exactly. Yeah, regardless
of the details, I would like todiscuss a little bit of the
impact that the funeral itselfhad on me as an individual,
while the emotions are still abit fresh. And I jotted some of
(04:14):
the ideas down obviously here.
But I also wanted to take thattopic and then bring in some
other traditions, funeral Royfunerary traditions from around
the world that I just kind offind it interesting. It's a
little bit less coherent. It'snot like a top five list
craziest funerary practices oranything like that. But just
kind of have a discussion withMarisa. We kind of touched on
(04:36):
the this kind of topic on thecar ride, which was what seven
hours round trip, give or takefrom the funeral, funeral and
back, a few of which, a few ofthe topics that we touched on
that that we're touching on hereare also things that we may have
(04:56):
touched on in previous entries.
as well, but kind of puttingthem all together in one. One
moment that but please keep inmind, this is a heavy topic
where we will be sharing a fewvery personal stories. And if we
are I not speaking on yourbehalf. But if for some reason
(05:18):
we offer up some gallows humoror levity at some point
throughout this, it's becausethat's what I do. That's not
that's just kind of how some ofus deal with pain and tragedy as
a coping mechanism. Yeah, sodon't don't ask me, hug me. So I
(05:40):
don't know what kind of detailsyou want to provide to the last
the last funeral. I have my takeon it. But I don't know, you
decide you can take the lead asto what you want to talk about
as far as names and whatever, asfar as that goes.
Marissa (05:55):
I mean, I feel like I was close enough for it to
really impact me but not closeenough to really give details
like that. That's kind of whereI figured you'd fall on. Yeah,
that might be a bitdisrespectful. But
Matthew (06:07):
as far as names, I feel like so kind of talk about broad
strokes of the situation.
Marissa (06:13):
Yeah, I mean, that was a family member who basically,
he wrote, he received adiagnosis. And then he went
through the treatment thatknocked out his immune system,
and he ended up getting adifferent virus. And that really
decimated him
Matthew (06:31):
in the diagnosis was was like a cancer of some sort.
And a second bout with cancer.
They thought that completely itwas gone. It was a different,
completely different type ofcancer.
Marissa (06:41):
He's fairly young Tori was fairly young.
Matthew (06:44):
Yeah, I mean, he was definitely I mean, by my
standards, he was a young, ayoung man. Yeah, he's in his
40s 44. So
Marissa (06:53):
but yeah, it was it was it's very sad, you know, he was
in the hospital for a long time.
And he kept going up and downand get updates, they said, Oh,
they think they're gonna, youknow, take him off his life
support that got him on. Andthen he was,
Matthew (07:11):
I feel like, we got to give a little bit more details
just for the sake of the storyhere. But he was on a ventilator
for almost two months, more thantwo months, he was on a
ventilator for more than twomonths. So the life support that
you're referring to is not, it'snot like in the movies and stuff
(07:31):
like he was coming in and out ofconsciousness throughout and
everything too. So he was veryaware of the situation.
Marissa (07:37):
Yeah. And that was very different from my mom's because
she was sedated too heavily theentire time. But he was awake
from my understanding the entiretime, which was quite different.
But he was intubated. So therewas that, but basically, you
know, up and down, thought hewas going to get better body
wasn't. And you know, eventuallythe doctors told him, there's
(07:59):
nothing we can do. So you havethe choice, you can go out
yourself, or you can wait a fewmore days. And he chose to just
go out on his own, on his own,which did in fact, give him the
opportunity to say goodbye tothe people that he loved and
held the dearest and so, I mean,that was just, that whole thing
is so, so sad. And
Matthew (08:19):
yeah, it's, it's incredible. Because, I mean,
it's, it's an opportunity wherelike, you basically know the
moments that that you're goingto that are going to be your
last, like, you basically get tochoose it. And you know what I
mean? So I mean, it's, it's,again, he's, it's so incredibly
powerful to think like this,this man is like, able to have
(08:43):
his family and decide to like,sit there and wait for the
people. He wants to be there.
And then give the word to like,go ahead and let me die at this
point, you know, and
Marissa (08:54):
he sent someone out to get the nurse and
Matthew (08:56):
yeah, yeah, and and they said that because I mean,
his lungs were tattered at thatat that point. And, but he was
able to, like communicate withwith those loved ones kind of
through touch and gesture andwhatnot. all the way till till
the very end. And that's justthat's just crazy. He had a
(09:16):
couple of young adult children.
One was still is still ateenager at the point of this
recording. And then he had hiswife and his, his his living
mother and father were boththere. And his brother was there
and there was like his wholefamily was right there. Yeah.
(09:37):
Which that's all that's all abit of a setup because of what
happens at the funeral that weweren't at this particular going
out. Situation actually died.
Yeah, we weren't we weren'tthere at the time of his death.
But the at the funeral, classickind of funeral and And I don't
(10:02):
think it's too bold of astatement to say that most
funerals that happened in the USfollow very similar structure,
family meats, they pay lastrespects sometimes there's like
a procession that moves past thedeceased, whether that's in a
coffin casket urn, etc, etc.
Often a representative of theimmediate family is like
standing there to greet guestsas they as they either enter
(10:24):
into the building or like atthe, at the casket side. Then
then the you know, this kind ofprocession just kind of moves
through and then passes aroundthe family. And then people are,
there's generally like a view,there's like, you can view the
remains, or pictures of thedeceased depending on the
(10:46):
situation. And after offeringtheir condolences, the family
and friends will take a seat,often designated, broken up by
family over here, friends overhere kind of thing. With the
closest family being seatedclosest to the deceased, a
speaker will then generally comeforward and lead in a prayer or
speak some words of comfort andperhaps read a poem or religious
(11:09):
passage, that remembrance orsomething right and then like a
song will generally be played,which turns out the soundtracks
can range quite a bit. I willsay that you Marisa D did a very
good job with with your mom'ssoundtrack. We even got Rocky
Horror Picture Show and nobodywould even know that's what's so
(11:32):
fun is that like, there are somefun fun nods in there that you
know, you know that your momwould really have appreciated
and and in that particular thingin that that particular Memorial
kind of moment, but if then forthose who are I'm not going to
play the song here for copyrightpurposes, but wasn't even
Marissa (11:58):
the Rocky Horror one.
I'm coming home.
Matthew (12:00):
I'm coming home coming home, but that's what Yeah. are
going home.
Marissa (12:05):
Yeah, I mean, it's it's the song that plays at the end
of the movie were frankfurters.
Yeah, they they're forcing himto leave and go home basically.
Yeah. And been shot too. Yeah,yeah. But my mom loved that
movie. And it's like,unexpectedly loved it. Yeah.
It's not her norm. And so shethat was actually the last movie
(12:25):
that I think I played for her onDVD when at her house. And she
was just sitting there smilingand laughing and singing along
to it and all that. And so yeah,I put a song in
Matthew (12:38):
that. Yeah. And it was it's great, because it's a very
it is a very sad moving song.
Like, but what if the people inthat room realized that it was
sung by transvestite Yeah,Transylvanian transvestite, it
would have, it would not havegone over as well. But this is a
beautiful song in and of itself.
(12:58):
But it's also has that layer ofcomedy there. But those are
those little moments. They're atyour mom's funeral. We kind of
touch on that a little bit. Buthere, the at this most recent
one. It was I mean, it was itwas a much heavier. Yeah, it was
it was real heavy. Also, I thinka lot of that also has to do
with the, the open the opencasket, it's the open casket,
(13:21):
and it was his youth. Yeah. Andthat was that was the thing that
was so incredible to me. Wasthat there? Well, I'll get to
that in a second. So generally,after this procession goes are
some songs and whatnot. And thenoften between the songs people
come up, they say a few wordshere a few memories. In my
(13:42):
experience, it's at this timethat a lot of people try to
bring some fun and celebrationand cut the somberness from the
part that we witnessed in thismost recent one. We didn't there
wasn't really nobody spokeexcept for the preacher or the
he knew him know, the master ofceremonies. Yeah, but that was
also kind of interesting, too.
Because I mean, at your mom'sChris, I mean, knows knew your
(14:05):
mom too. But that's, that'strue. But this guy, I mean, he
seemed to really speak from theheart and he was pretty choked
up and everything and it wasreally it was it was it was
really cool ceremony, but it washeavy. At your mom's it was very
much more of heaviness that wasthat had some that was cut
through with some some levity onthroughout this one was much
(14:29):
heavier. And part of it thatmade it so heavy for me was
because he was of the age thathe was being in his 40s Both of
his parents are there. And hischildren are there. And you get
to see that there's like amiddle generation that was lost
there, you know, and it was itwas it was it was so because I
(14:53):
don't I didn't really know thatguy. hardly at all. I met him
like twice, but I couldn't helpmyself, I'm just just being
pulled into the emotion becauseI did I do know the other people
that are around him a bit. Butlike watching his mom view that
view that and then his wifeexplain to their kids, you know
(15:13):
that it was it was it was themost one of the heaviest
funerals that I've ever thatI've ever been at.
Marissa (15:23):
We've had a few of these past few years. But I
mean, even my mom's wasn't assad on that level, because I
can't speak for them. But itdefinitely seemed like these
people will not recover fromthis
Matthew (15:37):
right? Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, I mean,
I'm we that we did miss out onlike, what happened at the
actual memorial garden, which wehad left we had dipped out
earlier from that, but there mayhave been some speeches there.
But it did not seem like therewas going to be anybody trying
to make any any jokes oranything to try to lighten the
mood because it was very tragic.
I mean, there was just somethingthere was just something very
(16:02):
powerful with this particularone. And then he was ended, he
was a he was buried at the sameMemorial Garden as pretty much
your whole family. So
Marissa (16:15):
yeah, mom's buried there, all my grandparents are
buried there, etc, etc.
Matthew (16:19):
But it was very heavy.
And, and you and I spoke at yourmother's funeral, as did your
uncle, her brother, who hadshared a wild story of his dad,
your grandfather, putting him ina trunk or boot for European
listeners. So putting him in theboot of a car, of your mother's
car, so he could go and spy onher while she was out with her
(16:40):
friends. And he was like sixyears old or something just to
sit in the back of this car. AndI hope it wasn't a particularly
hot day or well sealed vehiclebecause
Marissa (16:53):
of it because he was like, I don't know if he was
Matthew (16:56):
panicking or something.
And then your friend Mandy, sheshared some stories, and also
snuck in a few lines fromHamilton, which was also a nod
to our wedding, as well
Marissa (17:06):
are we happened one month prior? Well, that was
Matthew (17:09):
part of the reason why it happened one month prior. But
then I my uncle Lee's funeral,which we also had. Around that
same time, my dad read letterson behalf of some of the family
members that were unable toattend the service, which I
believe was actually like, Ithink Uncle Lee's service was
like a second service. Theprelim the primary, the primary
(17:34):
family like his, I think there Ithink it was held. Like we had
ours in Massachusetts, but um,but I assume that there was,
there was a certain there wassomething that happened in Texas
as well, because that's wherethey were actually from. But in
Massachusetts, that's where thefamily reunion happens. And when
there was so big get togetherfor that.
Marissa (17:52):
So we could have that.
But people can come from allover the country for that.
Matthew (17:55):
Right. But it's but yeah, I mean, sometimes there is
a bit of gallows humor that thatis allowed at these types of
things, but via your mom's was,had a very, me it was very sad.
I mean, I was definitely prettyweepy throughout that as well.
But it, it felt it just felt sodifferent. I mean, it's hard.
(18:20):
It's hard to capture, like Isaid, in the opening, you know,
like, grieving and loss is verypersonal, it's very unique per
individual, because therelationship you had with that
person, or that you had with aperson that's connected to that
person is very, is built off ofthe events that only you and
that person had had, right? Soit's very different. And then
(18:42):
yours different from that was atmy mom's funeral, which I
literally cannot rememberanything from, other than I
stood in front of a roomcomprised of a bunch of
faceless, nameless people whodon't remember at all. It may
have been it may have even beenan empty room. I literally
cannot remember hardly anythingexcept for the path that I
(19:04):
walked. And if somebody who'slistening to this was at that
funeral, sorry, I don't rememberyou. You know, I do not know who
was there. I was there. And Itried to speak from the heart
and basically stood up in frontof the whoever was there and
confess that I was a distancedistant, selfish asshole. And I
(19:25):
was just, I was just useless tomy mom, in her time of need. And
I don't think we had asoundtrack. I certainly didn't
put one together. But yeah, thatone,
Marissa (19:38):
there's the beginning of your guilt.
Matthew (19:41):
It's not the beginning.
It wasn't it wasn't a peakmoment, or possibly a valid 18
at the time. Yeah, but that oneI mean, in what's crazy about
that, too. All I can actuallyremember from that, like I
remember the church we were inthe location of the church we
were in It felt so dark. Like inmy mind when I tried to recall
(20:03):
it. It was like all the lightswere off. I don't think that's
true. I highly doubt that it wastrue. But to me, it was at
night, like really dark, andeverything was dark in there. I
remember that I was on the rightside facing, like, if you're
looking towards the pulpit orwhatever, where the preacher is,
(20:25):
I was on the right side, and Igot up from there. And I said a
few words, made NASA myselfbecause of the words that I
chose to use, which was, Ithought I was being funny. I
wasn't I was being I was beinguttered. I didn't what what I
(20:45):
did was I walked up there. And Idon't remember anything else
that I said, except for the factthat I said that my mom told me
that she didn't think that Iwould even cry at her funeral.
And I was inconsolable at thefuneral. And I was I was losing
it in front of all these people.
And I was like I told I provedher wrong. Because look at me,
(21:07):
I'm a wreck, right? And Ithought it was gonna come across
as funny. But then I was like,that also means that my mom was
like, You're a heartless littleshit. You're not gonna cry at my
funeral? You know? I was like,Oh, you're wrong, mom. Ha.
That's not funny, huh? And thenAnd then I remember that was
also the first time that I everwhen we went home, that was the
(21:28):
first time that I realized thatChick fil A had chicken nugget
platters. Okay, which was thebright side of the day.
Marissa (21:37):
There's a silver lining.
Matthew (21:39):
That's all I can remember. But anyway, so that's
the that's, that's, this shouldprobably be the Patreon episode
really. But the but yeah, so anyall ways that's there, there's
there's different, the structurewas still very similar between
(22:02):
all of these different funerals.
And I don't, and I feel likethat's pretty much what happens
at all the funerals I've everbeen to. You have some people
they go, they say their thing.
And that's how that's how itgoes. And then you know,
sometimes if you're going tohave the the actual burial, then
there's like a procession ofcars, that escorts the coffin or
(22:25):
whatever, to the burial site.
Sometimes they're more wordssaid at the grave site. And if
you want more details on on thehappenings around the burial,
and the decomposition of remainsrevisit the entry, which with
Nicolas White, who has worked inor beside about every aspect of
traditional American deathindustries, or our story on our
(22:47):
entry in the body eating itselfafter death entries, if you need
more on that, but anyways, thatwas a few of the more
traditional funeral servicesthat we have personally
experienced. My college Englishteacher, which we may have, we
may have touched on a coupletimes in the past, but he had
(23:07):
told me about partaking in agreen burial where he and those
at the funeral actually carriedthe linen bound body of their
friend to the burial site wherethey the mourners had also dug
the grave by hand themselves.
(23:28):
And he assuming that he was usedto more traditional burials, I
said that it was like the mosttraumatic experience that he
would, he had and would neverwant to repeat it. Obviously,
the loss of a friend is notsomething that anybody would
want to repeat, but I think hemeant like the process of like
being so connected to deathother than not being preserved
(23:51):
and having to dig your grave byhand or the old school way. I
assume I seem to play more hewas more useful, traditional
burial
Marissa (23:58):
I guess on a lot of ways we're really aren't that
connected to it.
Matthew (24:01):
And that's, it really depends on the culture you're
from, right? Yeah.
Marissa (24:06):
But in Western culture, we're not really Yeah, I mean, I
watched my mom die but she wasstill in hospital and then after
that, it was just never saw itagain. So
Matthew (24:15):
yeah, and well, yeah, cuz she was cremated as was
mine, but but I had the optionbut yeah, but Well, I saw my mom
before the actual thing butthat's, that's that's a story
for another episode. But as faras the when the body is actually
(24:36):
dead. The you know, there's abelief of spirits and stuff and
an afterlife and all that. Andthere there are some there's
obviously some differencesthere. I'm kind of I am. I
believe that I'm one of thosepeople. That is kind of more out
(25:00):
The belief that you're whenyou're dead, your body is just a
hunk of meat. Right? Yeah. Butpart of the impact of of the
most recent funeral was theseeing the coffin close, you
know, on this body. And that's,that's the last time that
anybody will ever look upon thisperson. Yeah. And it was very
(25:21):
heavy. But in that it was it waskind of strange because you
think, Oh, it's just a piece ofmeat. But then when you're
sitting there, it's like, youknow, and then why if if, if I
really, truly believed that,then why would that seem so
impactful? And I'm not sure ifit was just because of the
empathy that I felt for, for theother people that were there.
(25:41):
You know, like, what they mayrealize is the last time
Marissa (25:46):
most people don't believe that, and it is very
important, that body is veryimportant, you know?
Matthew (25:52):
Yeah. And kind of moving on to some of the more
unusual, bizarre, bizarre,meaning different not implying
judgment, funerary practicesfrom around the world. There are
those like the Zoroastrians, andlike, the Tibetan Tibetan
(26:12):
Buddhists, that do just believethat when you're, that you are a
part of nature, and when whenyour essence is no longer within
the body, or within within thecapsule, that they that that
just becomes something thatneeds to be given back to the
earth effectively. So likeZoroastrians there, they will
(26:33):
take the body and they'll justlay it out into the wild
somewhere, and let nature takeits course. And then there's
also a pretty cool one that Ithink is awesome, which is the
Tibetan Sky Burial, where the,they carry the, the deceased to
a higher open area. And theywill, I'm some of my research,
(27:00):
they, they that I saw, theywould take, they take the body
and they basically break thelimbs and then fold it over onto
itself. And, and they cut piecesof the body open and, like
basically carve it up. And thenthere's these huge vaulters that
(27:20):
will come in, rip the bodyapart. And it is when I say huge
vultures like we have we havelike these little buzzards and
vultures that we see on the sideof the road here in South
Carolina. But like these thingslook like you could use these
could these could fly you fromMordor, these things are frickin
huge. And they're just becausethey believe that they just you
(27:42):
just feed it back to to natureand the Earth or the the air or
whatever. As far as that goes,give it back to to nature. That
it's that that is very cool. Ithink that's an interesting
thing. There is some controversyaround it on a couple of
different fronts, one of whichis that it is something that is
(28:06):
still is still a viable optionfor people, Tibetan people, but
there's like you can go thereason I know the vultures are
so big is because you can seefootage of this because it's
like a tourist thing. Now theysell tickets to Yeah, and like,
and that has spurred somecontroversy on its own. Like,
(28:27):
this is a funeral and they'reselling tickets to it. Yeah, to
bring people in. And I mean, butat the same time the monks are
like, it's just we're justfeeding birds, you know, but
then you have that, like, it's aphilosophical thing. It's
humans. Yeah, but they're like,but a human without life is just
meat and we're just feedingbirds. Yeah. So I mean, it is. I
(28:49):
don't know what side you fallon. If I could be eaten by a
condor be pretty cool. Sidenote. They're from years and
years ago, and this may havemade it in the podcast and an
earlier episode. I've I'vealways been like, it would be so
cool to be killed by a pack ofdogs. Yeah, you've said that
(29:10):
before. But when I was out on arun with a couple of guys the
other day or a couple of weeksago, we saw a deer being chased
down by coyotes. Yeah. And I waslike, this might be my moment.
I'm gonna go gonna go scrap withthese coyotes. And, but they
were kind of across a creek. Iwouldn't have gotten there in
(29:30):
time. And I think the deer wasgonna make it regardless. But
anyways, I want to save the deerand it would have been pretty
awesome to fight a pack a packof coyotes, which I didn't even
know they're really random packslike that. But they weren't like
just like neighborhoods.
Marissa (29:42):
I actually never seen a pack of coyotes. I've only ever
seen lone ones.
Matthew (29:46):
Yeah, I don't I don't know. As far as I don't know if
the i I've only ever seen one ortwo coyotes or one coyote at a
time. But this I've also neverseen a deer attack by a pack of
animals. So I have no idea howAs far as how that how that goes
down, but I thought that thatmight be my moment to be to be
eaten by dogs. But on a happiernote, kinda, there are when
(30:12):
there are those people whoduring their, their, their
funerals, they want it to be acelebration of their life or a
celebration and not to be asdark and sad and depressing as
as many funerals are, they tryto get rid of some of the
sadness. So to their there's anindustry that has kind of popped
(30:36):
up from this belief that youshould celebrate. So you may
have seen the viral video from afew years ago where that takes
place. I believe in Ghana, whereyou can hire professional
dancers to dance the coffin tothe grave site. If you look, if
(30:56):
you look it up, he might alsofind another kind of McCobb
video of a of the rapper, goonnew I don't know why I don't
know. It's g o n e. W. Hisfuneral was at a nightclub where
he had been he'd been shot. Andhe was an up and coming rapper.
(31:18):
And for his final farewell theyactually propped him up as is
actual court got dressed uppropped up on stage. And then
they had the concert with him atthis nightclub, which I thought
was an awesome funerarypractice,
Marissa (31:34):
like Weekend at Bernie's.
Matthew (31:35):
Well, they all knew he was dead. I mean, he wasn't. But
it was like his final show. Itwas called the final show. But
anyway, you can look that up.
Sounds good. But that's a reallycool celebration funeral as
well. I don't know what thecircumstances around. And then
I'm, again, we try to keep it100 year buffer. But I did think
that that was an interesting,very interesting tidbit. But as
(31:56):
far as going into Ghana, thatyou can hire, there's a service
where you can hire a group ofprofessional pallbearers who
will dance with the coffin asthey carry it. This is not for
any religious reason. This isnot a tradition. But it has this
it's been available for overlike 100 years. But it's not it
(32:17):
doesn't come from like any kindof spiritual belief. The idea
was that funerals are oftenreally sad. And the people who
come to mourn, may forget tocelebrate the life of the
deceased. So they put the coffinon their shoulders, and they
just kind of bust out some funmoves. And we're talking like
we're talking like some prettyserious moves to these guys are
(32:38):
dancing, they're gyrating,they're changing levels, and
they're there. Really, they're,they're good dancers, it's like
So You Think You Can Dance butthey all have to be holding on
to a coffin at the same time.
And it's, it's pretty awesome.
There's, there's some otherdancing funerary practices as
well, some of them there, I'msure I'm gonna say this
(33:02):
incorrectly. But the fama DHana, which is it's a dancing
ritual that comes fromMadagascar. And it's pretty
unique because they, they burythe body after death. And then
they dig it up periodically tochange its clothes. And to have
(33:26):
a party with a when which theydance with the bodies and stuff
like that. Now, the, when theytake a loved one that they pass
it pass the body around to andthey basically just treat it
like it's a living person forthis time, they change his
clothes, and they dance and theygive it gifts, and they talk to
it as if it's just anotheranother day there. And but this
(33:48):
is this had caused a spreadingof the bubonic plague, which
still does crop up periodically,sometimes. But this had because
of the disease still being inthe bodies, they would be
dancing with these bodies andstuff, and it would spread from
the corpse to, to the to theliving. So it was it's not, it's
(34:10):
not a very hygienic funerarypractice. Yeah. But the idea is
interesting. There's lots ofdifferent cultures that do
definitely tend towards thecelebration of life that can be
found in Jamaica, parts of Southand Central America. So there
(34:34):
are a lot of celebrations oflife that are brought into
funerary practices. But not allcultures think that the life
should be necessarily or thatfuneral should be a happy event,
a celebration something thatit's not quite sad enough.
Marissa (34:57):
That's true, and that's when they bring in
professionals. Foreigners, orneurologists, I hope I'm saying
correctly, but you know us. Sothey are a thing now. It's
actually pretty common in Chinafor people to pay these mourners
in advance and bring them in, ingreat style, to where the
funerals going to be themourners, usually you're trained
(35:19):
to be singers, and they'll bringa band along to try to help them
you know, back up, whatever. Thefirst step is for them to line
up outside and crawl. And whilethey're doing that, they will
say the name of the person withjust like just great anguish.
Matthew (35:33):
Yeah, like one one.
These people are like, way overthe top like they are rolling on
the floor wailing. These areperformers. Yeah. As a
performance is for sure. Yes.
Marissa (35:44):
So this this, this saying the name and great
anguish. It's symbolic ofdaughters running home from
their families in an effort tosee the body. Hmm. So and then
after that a eulogy isperformed, and it's usually very
loud and dramatic with lots ofcrying and sobbing and all that
and it's also backed up by theband.
Matthew (36:04):
Of course, you need a musical ensemble, of course, and
Marissa (36:07):
this is supposed to make everybody who's in
attendance, start crying,
Matthew (36:12):
often does real tear jerker it is.
Marissa (36:15):
One of the common lines that they use is this in this
is, quote, why did you leave usso soon? The Earth is covered in
a black veil for you, the riversand streams are crying to tell
your story, that of an honestman who sings I shed tears for
your children and grandchildren.
We're so sorry that we could notkeep you here. She croons
between sobs. This was thequote, nice. Then the family is
(36:36):
told to bow in front of thecasket three times. And then a
belly dancer comes out and takesthe stage.
Matthew (36:44):
Oh, yeah.
Marissa (36:46):
The song picks up, lights flash, and everybody is
suddenly happy again.
Matthew (36:52):
See, you go comes back to celebration. All right, get
it all out. That's the That'sthe That's the moral of the
story. Come on, let's all justget have a good cry. And then
there'll be some there'll besome gyrating that'd be good.
Again,
Marissa (37:05):
goal of the professional mourners, the MER
ologists is to remind everybody,that the funeral was a very sad
place, and there's a lot of painassociated with it. So they also
have the job of bringing themood right back up to, you know,
the song and just,
Matthew (37:19):
it almost almost gives them like, like it in a way I
feel like that's probably verycathartic, you know, to have
somebody come in here and tellyou it's, it's, it's the right
thing to do. It's, you'resupposed to be very sad, like,
be sad. Now, don't try to lookstrong for everybody else. This
(37:39):
is licensed to, to just openlyweep, and you know,
Marissa (37:44):
get it don't let it you know, consume you be happy now.
Don't be sad again. Yeah.
Matthew (37:49):
But I mean, I feel like that's the that is something in
a more our western tradition isthat a lot of people try to hold
it in their choking, chokingback tears, you know, they're
trying not to and here's justlike, No, no, no, no. Let it all
out. Let it out. Come on,
Marissa (38:06):
let's bring in the music to try to help that
because you know, music can makeyou feel things sometimes other
things can't. But yeah, that'skind of cool. Actually, in the
UK, there used to be a companycalled Renta mortar, where you
can rent out a mourner, ofcourse, yeah, they were usually
paid between 30 and $120 perfuneral
Matthew (38:26):
that I'm saying you do that you market that with that
with a little bit of sin eating.
Yeah, making bank all tips too.
Yeah. Tips, sit and eat somesin, cry a little bit and then
very end, pull out a pin Yattakind of a little, little
celebration. Could you imagineif you were not normally of that
(38:47):
tradition, and just having thatroll up into your into the
funeral that you're at, like,you're just sitting there, then
all of a sudden someone's justlike, oh, might take you back?
Who is that? Who is? Man? I'venever met this person, but man,
(39:08):
really just crushing them. Butyeah. But we are going to leave
it at that for this week. We'rejust trying to get back into the
swing of things. I do apologize.
I guess we apologize for the twoweek little bit of a break.
There have been a fewprofessional reasons. Some
(39:28):
changes that my job and, youknow, deaths, which shouldn't
really stop a podcast about
Marissa (39:40):
McCobb stuff, but you know, it happens different when
it happens to you and
Matthew (39:45):
Yeah. And it was you know, there was there was also a
lot of travel and everythingthat goes along with that as
well. But the
Marissa (39:54):
just emotional exhaustion Yeah. And
Matthew (39:57):
what regardless of having funeral roles or any
actual outside triggeringevents. I personally just you
know sometimes have a cripplinganxiety and or depression which
makes me completely useless tomost of the outside world. So it
happens on occasion. I doapologize for that. Not I mean,
(40:23):
I don't apologize for havingdepression, but I do apologize
for the interruption in yourregularly scheduled programming.
We're
Marissa (40:30):
just screaming into the void. It's fine.
Matthew (40:33):
But the but anyways, we do appreciate you coming back
here and pick him back up.
Hopefully you do. We won't knowuntil until a few days after
this, this releases but thankyou as always for that and let's
leave you with a Macabrepedia.
Marissa (40:51):
Our McCobb minute today comes from Tokyo, Japan. Mu
Shizuka meaning amount ofinsects. Mount for insects, is a
shrine to slain insects. Thiswas made in 1921. It's a
memorial to the insects killedby Matsuyama Sesay that he
actually killed these insects tobe used as anatomy models and an
(41:15):
illustrated textbook. And he wasa Buddhist so he felt very bad
about it. Quite the conscience.
So this led him to erect thestone shrine the slain insects
that you can go visit I thought
Matthew (41:27):
your this was a pile of dead insects. You're gonna say
this is like the rubber bandball of Japan just bring their
crushed up Beatles be terrible.
I kind of want to make it not. Idon't want to I don't want to
have like I don't want to gokill a ton of insects. Obviously
that's not really my speed.
Mowing the lawn, once again is amoral issue for me every every
(41:49):
week. But it would be prettyawesome to if every time you
felt like could you imagine ifwe just collected all the dead
lizards we find and just hadlike
Marissa (41:58):
a lot of Jas file just the ones that fall off killed.
Matthew (42:01):
Yeah, just just just the ones that are just found.
But anyways, I thought that'swhat that's what I was
envisioning. I'm thinking
Marissa (42:07):
like, no, it's just a legit memorials these insects
Mount Fuji,
Matthew (42:11):
and then there's a huge pile of crickets that near that
whatever I did, that theirexoskeletons would have stayed
forever. Okay, um, that was myvision. Okay.
Marissa (42:24):
I'm sorry, keep going.
No, no, no,
Matthew (42:27):
I'm just saying that was what I was envisioning was a
pile of
Marissa (42:32):
crushed, but it's both bodies. Yeah, it's McCobb. But
it's also kind of sweet. Oh,yeah. Because he's
Matthew (42:37):
like, this is a good idea. This was a terrible idea.
I should not have done this atall. I killed all these little
bugs. But that is a that will doit for us this week. As always,
thank you very much forlistening. If you would like to
support what we do here, andhelp us out a little bit, you
(43:00):
can support us over on Patreonat I believe Patreon slash
Macabrepedia. I say that justhoping is there there's a
there's got to be a linksomewhere in the show notes or
something along those lines. Italways does. Yeah, but the you
can go there. It is. Beliefstill $5 You get access to a
couple other extra episodes. Andthey follow kind of a more
(43:22):
similar path to what we havehere where it's just kind of us
discussing topics and notreading a researched script as
much as just talking from theheart.
Marissa (43:32):
It's much more conversational, just
conversational.
Matthew (43:35):
Anyways, you're there, check it out at the Patreon you
can also reach us on Twitter andFacebook at Macabrepedia.
Marissa (43:45):
We're also on Instagram as always Macabrepediapod and if
you would like you can reach outto us at
macabrepediapod@gmail.com thinkwe're also on Pinterest and
Macabrepedia but anyway
Matthew (43:59):
our social media skills are all over the place or
garage. But anyways, reach outwe like to to hear from you. We
don't we're not we're notgetting social media. I'm not
very good social media. You
Marissa (44:13):
will scroll through so I do scroll through social
media.
Matthew (44:17):
We just don't post we just got great content. Yeah,
we're not. We're terriblecontent creators. Anyways, thank
you as always, for listening tothis show. And join us next week
as we add another entry intothis our Macabrepedia
Macabrepedia makes light of dark subject matter and
(00:02):
may not be suitable for allaudiences. Listener discretion
is advised.
Matthew (00:15):
Death comes for us all, even at our birth, even at our
birth, death does not standaside a little. And every day,
he looks towards us and musessomewhat to himself, whether
that day or the next, he willdraw an eye. It is the law of
nature and the will of God.
Robert bolt, a man for allseasons, it is said that we all
(00:40):
die alone, and even whensurrounded by loved ones, it is
a journey, we must undertakealone. Those who survive us are
there to pick up the pieces andlearn to live that the grief and
void that we leave as ourlegacy. Every living thing must
face death. And regardless ofhow long you've managed to
(01:02):
escape it, you will be taken. Itis a rarity for someone to feel
that they have had just theright amount of moments when
death does come. There is noright or wrong way for coping
with loss. And we've developedmany different coping mechanisms
and funerary practices that independing on the culture would
(01:23):
be abhorrent to other cultures.
Regardless of a cultural norm,there is no correct way to
grieve or send off a loved one,there is no grief that can truly
be compared to another, we alldie alone. And for the living,
we often grieve alone, as lossis a very, very personal thing.
(01:45):
Join us as we add another entryinto this, our Macabrepedia.
Marissa (02:00):
Hello, and welcome to Macabrepedia a marriage of true
crime and the truly bizarre weare your hosts, Matthew and
Marissa. And today we're doingsomething a little different.
Matthew (02:09):
Yeah, today's entry took a bit of a pivot and kind
of threw us off as we'd actuallytaken a couple of weeks off.
Kind of partially because ofthis and just the weight of
reality, you know, kind oftaking the place of hobbies. But
on Monday, June 20 2022, we kindof had a bit of a change in
(02:35):
direction with where we weregoing with this particular
episode, we were thinking aboutreleasing a completely different
episode, but because of thesituation, I personally kind of
personally felt really that thiskind of desire to share my
experiences, not only with the,the day's events, but there are
(03:01):
some very emotional moments, butalso to compare and contrast,
the funeral that we had justmost recently been been to, with
some of the others, and someother similar events in the last
few years and beyond. Anyways,there was a loss on Marisa side
of the family, which in the lasttwo years, the deaths just seem
(03:23):
far too frequent common Yeah.
And I don't really know exactlywhat is the more respectful
thing to do with this particularloss to give a bunch of details
as to the situation or not? Partof me feels that speaking to the
details is something of amemorial to the person, but
because the void of losses, sostill pretty new. It makes it a
little bit a little bit tougher.
(03:50):
This highlights one of thereasons why we like to pull our
entries with 100 plus yearbuffer. You know, I try to avoid
that. Oh, too soon kind ofrules. Exactly. Yeah, regardless
of the details, I would like todiscuss a little bit of the
impact that the funeral itselfhad on me as an individual,
while the emotions are still abit fresh. And I jotted some of
(04:14):
the ideas down obviously here.
But I also wanted to take thattopic and then bring in some
other traditions, funeral Royfunerary traditions from around
the world that I just kind offind it interesting. It's a
little bit less coherent. It'snot like a top five list
craziest funerary practices oranything like that. But just
kind of have a discussion withMarisa. We kind of touched on
(04:36):
the this kind of topic on thecar ride, which was what seven
hours round trip, give or takefrom the funeral, funeral and
back, a few of which, a few ofthe topics that we touched on
that that we're touching on hereare also things that we may have
(04:56):
touched on in previous entries.
as well, but kind of puttingthem all together in one. One
moment that but please keep inmind, this is a heavy topic
where we will be sharing a fewvery personal stories. And if we
are I not speaking on yourbehalf. But if for some reason
(05:18):
we offer up some gallows humoror levity at some point
throughout this, it's becausethat's what I do. That's not
that's just kind of how some ofus deal with pain and tragedy as
a coping mechanism. Yeah, sodon't don't ask me, hug me. So I
(05:40):
don't know what kind of detailsyou want to provide to the last
the last funeral. I have my takeon it. But I don't know, you
decide you can take the lead asto what you want to talk about
as far as names and whatever, asfar as that goes.
Marissa (05:55):
I mean, I feel like I was close enough for it to
really impact me but not closeenough to really give details
like that. That's kind of whereI figured you'd fall on. Yeah,
that might be a bitdisrespectful. But
Matthew (06:07):
as far as names, I feel like so kind of talk about broad
strokes of the situation.
Marissa (06:13):
Yeah, I mean, that was a family member who basically,
he wrote, he received adiagnosis. And then he went
through the treatment thatknocked out his immune system,
and he ended up getting adifferent virus. And that really
decimated him
Matthew (06:31):
in the diagnosis was was like a cancer of some sort.
And a second bout with cancer.
They thought that completely itwas gone. It was a different,
completely different type ofcancer.
Marissa (06:41):
He's fairly young Tori was fairly young.
Matthew (06:44):
Yeah, I mean, he was definitely I mean, by my
standards, he was a young, ayoung man. Yeah, he's in his
40s 44. So
Marissa (06:53):
but yeah, it was it was it's very sad, you know, he was
in the hospital for a long time.
And he kept going up and downand get updates, they said, Oh,
they think they're gonna, youknow, take him off his life
support that got him on. Andthen he was,
Matthew (07:11):
I feel like, we got to give a little bit more details
just for the sake of the storyhere. But he was on a ventilator
for almost two months, more thantwo months, he was on a
ventilator for more than twomonths. So the life support that
you're referring to is not, it'snot like in the movies and stuff
(07:31):
like he was coming in and out ofconsciousness throughout and
everything too. So he was veryaware of the situation.
Marissa (07:37):
Yeah. And that was very different from my mom's because
she was sedated too heavily theentire time. But he was awake
from my understanding the entiretime, which was quite different.
But he was intubated. So therewas that, but basically, you
know, up and down, thought hewas going to get better body
wasn't. And you know, eventuallythe doctors told him, there's
(07:59):
nothing we can do. So you havethe choice, you can go out
yourself, or you can wait a fewmore days. And he chose to just
go out on his own, on his own,which did in fact, give him the
opportunity to say goodbye tothe people that he loved and
held the dearest and so, I mean,that was just, that whole thing
is so, so sad. And
Matthew (08:19):
yeah, it's, it's incredible. Because, I mean,
it's, it's an opportunity wherelike, you basically know the
moments that that you're goingto that are going to be your
last, like, you basically get tochoose it. And you know what I
mean? So I mean, it's, it's,again, he's, it's so incredibly
powerful to think like this,this man is like, able to have
(08:43):
his family and decide to like,sit there and wait for the
people. He wants to be there.
And then give the word to like,go ahead and let me die at this
point, you know, and
Marissa (08:54):
he sent someone out to get the nurse and
Matthew (08:56):
yeah, yeah, and and they said that because I mean,
his lungs were tattered at thatat that point. And, but he was
able to, like communicate withwith those loved ones kind of
through touch and gesture andwhatnot. all the way till till
the very end. And that's justthat's just crazy. He had a
(09:16):
couple of young adult children.
One was still is still ateenager at the point of this
recording. And then he had hiswife and his, his his living
mother and father were boththere. And his brother was there
and there was like his wholefamily was right there. Yeah.
(09:37):
Which that's all that's all abit of a setup because of what
happens at the funeral that weweren't at this particular going
out. Situation actually died.
Yeah, we weren't we weren'tthere at the time of his death.
But the at the funeral, classickind of funeral and And I don't
(10:02):
think it's too bold of astatement to say that most
funerals that happened in the USfollow very similar structure,
family meats, they pay lastrespects sometimes there's like
a procession that moves past thedeceased, whether that's in a
coffin casket urn, etc, etc.
Often a representative of theimmediate family is like
standing there to greet guestsas they as they either enter
(10:24):
into the building or like atthe, at the casket side. Then
then the you know, this kind ofprocession just kind of moves
through and then passes aroundthe family. And then people are,
there's generally like a view,there's like, you can view the
remains, or pictures of thedeceased depending on the
(10:46):
situation. And after offeringtheir condolences, the family
and friends will take a seat,often designated, broken up by
family over here, friends overhere kind of thing. With the
closest family being seatedclosest to the deceased, a
speaker will then generally comeforward and lead in a prayer or
speak some words of comfort andperhaps read a poem or religious
(11:09):
passage, that remembrance orsomething right and then like a
song will generally be played,which turns out the soundtracks
can range quite a bit. I willsay that you Marisa D did a very
good job with with your mom'ssoundtrack. We even got Rocky
Horror Picture Show and nobodywould even know that's what's so
(11:32):
fun is that like, there are somefun fun nods in there that you
know, you know that your momwould really have appreciated
and and in that particular thingin that that particular Memorial
kind of moment, but if then forthose who are I'm not going to
play the song here for copyrightpurposes, but wasn't even
Marissa (11:58):
the Rocky Horror one.
I'm coming home.
Matthew (12:00):
I'm coming home coming home, but that's what Yeah. are
going home.
Marissa (12:05):
Yeah, I mean, it's it's the song that plays at the end
of the movie were frankfurters.
Yeah, they they're forcing himto leave and go home basically.
Yeah. And been shot too. Yeah,yeah. But my mom loved that
movie. And it's like,unexpectedly loved it. Yeah.
It's not her norm. And so shethat was actually the last movie
(12:25):
that I think I played for her onDVD when at her house. And she
was just sitting there smilingand laughing and singing along
to it and all that. And so yeah,I put a song in
Matthew (12:38):
that. Yeah. And it was it's great, because it's a very
it is a very sad moving song.
Like, but what if the people inthat room realized that it was
sung by transvestite Yeah,Transylvanian transvestite, it
would have, it would not havegone over as well. But this is a
beautiful song in and of itself.
(12:58):
But it's also has that layer ofcomedy there. But those are
those little moments. They're atyour mom's funeral. We kind of
touch on that a little bit. Buthere, the at this most recent
one. It was I mean, it was itwas a much heavier. Yeah, it was
it was real heavy. Also, I thinka lot of that also has to do
with the, the open the opencasket, it's the open casket,
(13:21):
and it was his youth. Yeah. Andthat was that was the thing that
was so incredible to me. Wasthat there? Well, I'll get to
that in a second. So generally,after this procession goes are
some songs and whatnot. And thenoften between the songs people
come up, they say a few wordshere a few memories. In my
(13:42):
experience, it's at this timethat a lot of people try to
bring some fun and celebrationand cut the somberness from the
part that we witnessed in thismost recent one. We didn't there
wasn't really nobody spokeexcept for the preacher or the
he knew him know, the master ofceremonies. Yeah, but that was
also kind of interesting, too.
Because I mean, at your mom'sChris, I mean, knows knew your
(14:05):
mom too. But that's, that'strue. But this guy, I mean, he
seemed to really speak from theheart and he was pretty choked
up and everything and it wasreally it was it was it was
really cool ceremony, but it washeavy. At your mom's it was very
much more of heaviness that wasthat had some that was cut
through with some some levity onthroughout this one was much
(14:29):
heavier. And part of it thatmade it so heavy for me was
because he was of the age thathe was being in his 40s Both of
his parents are there. And hischildren are there. And you get
to see that there's like amiddle generation that was lost
there, you know, and it was itwas it was it was so because I
(14:53):
don't I didn't really know thatguy. hardly at all. I met him
like twice, but I couldn't helpmyself, I'm just just being
pulled into the emotion becauseI did I do know the other people
that are around him a bit. Butlike watching his mom view that
view that and then his wifeexplain to their kids, you know
(15:13):
that it was it was it was themost one of the heaviest
funerals that I've ever thatI've ever been at.
Marissa (15:23):
We've had a few of these past few years. But I
mean, even my mom's wasn't assad on that level, because I
can't speak for them. But itdefinitely seemed like these
people will not recover fromthis
Matthew (15:37):
right? Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, I mean,
I'm we that we did miss out onlike, what happened at the
actual memorial garden, which wehad left we had dipped out
earlier from that, but there mayhave been some speeches there.
But it did not seem like therewas going to be anybody trying
to make any any jokes oranything to try to lighten the
mood because it was very tragic.
I mean, there was just somethingthere was just something very
(16:02):
powerful with this particularone. And then he was ended, he
was a he was buried at the sameMemorial Garden as pretty much
your whole family. So
Marissa (16:15):
yeah, mom's buried there, all my grandparents are
buried there, etc, etc.
Matthew (16:19):
But it was very heavy.
And, and you and I spoke at yourmother's funeral, as did your
uncle, her brother, who hadshared a wild story of his dad,
your grandfather, putting him ina trunk or boot for European
listeners. So putting him in theboot of a car, of your mother's
car, so he could go and spy onher while she was out with her
(16:40):
friends. And he was like sixyears old or something just to
sit in the back of this car. AndI hope it wasn't a particularly
hot day or well sealed vehiclebecause
Marissa (16:53):
of it because he was like, I don't know if he was
Matthew (16:56):
panicking or something.
And then your friend Mandy, sheshared some stories, and also
snuck in a few lines fromHamilton, which was also a nod
to our wedding, as well
Marissa (17:06):
are we happened one month prior? Well, that was
Matthew (17:09):
part of the reason why it happened one month prior. But
then I my uncle Lee's funeral,which we also had. Around that
same time, my dad read letterson behalf of some of the family
members that were unable toattend the service, which I
believe was actually like, Ithink Uncle Lee's service was
like a second service. Theprelim the primary, the primary
(17:34):
family like his, I think there Ithink it was held. Like we had
ours in Massachusetts, but um,but I assume that there was,
there was a certain there wassomething that happened in Texas
as well, because that's wherethey were actually from. But in
Massachusetts, that's where thefamily reunion happens. And when
there was so big get togetherfor that.
Marissa (17:52):
So we could have that.
But people can come from allover the country for that.
Matthew (17:55):
Right. But it's but yeah, I mean, sometimes there is
a bit of gallows humor that thatis allowed at these types of
things, but via your mom's was,had a very, me it was very sad.
I mean, I was definitely prettyweepy throughout that as well.
But it, it felt it just felt sodifferent. I mean, it's hard.
(18:20):
It's hard to capture, like Isaid, in the opening, you know,
like, grieving and loss is verypersonal, it's very unique per
individual, because therelationship you had with that
person, or that you had with aperson that's connected to that
person is very, is built off ofthe events that only you and
that person had had, right? Soit's very different. And then
(18:42):
yours different from that was atmy mom's funeral, which I
literally cannot rememberanything from, other than I
stood in front of a roomcomprised of a bunch of
faceless, nameless people whodon't remember at all. It may
have been it may have even beenan empty room. I literally
cannot remember hardly anythingexcept for the path that I
(19:04):
walked. And if somebody who'slistening to this was at that
funeral, sorry, I don't rememberyou. You know, I do not know who
was there. I was there. And Itried to speak from the heart
and basically stood up in frontof the whoever was there and
confess that I was a distancedistant, selfish asshole. And I
(19:25):
was just, I was just useless tomy mom, in her time of need. And
I don't think we had asoundtrack. I certainly didn't
put one together. But yeah, thatone,
Marissa (19:38):
there's the beginning of your guilt.
Matthew (19:41):
It's not the beginning.
It wasn't it wasn't a peakmoment, or possibly a valid 18
at the time. Yeah, but that oneI mean, in what's crazy about
that, too. All I can actuallyremember from that, like I
remember the church we were inthe location of the church we
were in It felt so dark. Like inmy mind when I tried to recall
(20:03):
it. It was like all the lightswere off. I don't think that's
true. I highly doubt that it wastrue. But to me, it was at
night, like really dark, andeverything was dark in there. I
remember that I was on the rightside facing, like, if you're
looking towards the pulpit orwhatever, where the preacher is,
(20:25):
I was on the right side, and Igot up from there. And I said a
few words, made NASA myselfbecause of the words that I
chose to use, which was, Ithought I was being funny. I
wasn't I was being I was beinguttered. I didn't what what I
(20:45):
did was I walked up there. And Idon't remember anything else
that I said, except for the factthat I said that my mom told me
that she didn't think that Iwould even cry at her funeral.
And I was inconsolable at thefuneral. And I was I was losing
it in front of all these people.
And I was like I told I provedher wrong. Because look at me,
(21:07):
I'm a wreck, right? And Ithought it was gonna come across
as funny. But then I was like,that also means that my mom was
like, You're a heartless littleshit. You're not gonna cry at my
funeral? You know? I was like,Oh, you're wrong, mom. Ha.
That's not funny, huh? And thenAnd then I remember that was
also the first time that I everwhen we went home, that was the
(21:28):
first time that I realized thatChick fil A had chicken nugget
platters. Okay, which was thebright side of the day.
Marissa (21:37):
There's a silver lining.
Matthew (21:39):
That's all I can remember. But anyway, so that's
the that's, that's, this shouldprobably be the Patreon episode
really. But the but yeah, so anyall ways that's there, there's
there's different, the structurewas still very similar between
(22:02):
all of these different funerals.
And I don't, and I feel likethat's pretty much what happens
at all the funerals I've everbeen to. You have some people
they go, they say their thing.
And that's how that's how itgoes. And then you know,
sometimes if you're going tohave the the actual burial, then
there's like a procession ofcars, that escorts the coffin or
(22:25):
whatever, to the burial site.
Sometimes they're more wordssaid at the grave site. And if
you want more details on on thehappenings around the burial,
and the decomposition of remainsrevisit the entry, which with
Nicolas White, who has worked inor beside about every aspect of
traditional American deathindustries, or our story on our
(22:47):
entry in the body eating itselfafter death entries, if you need
more on that, but anyways, thatwas a few of the more
traditional funeral servicesthat we have personally
experienced. My college Englishteacher, which we may have, we
may have touched on a coupletimes in the past, but he had
(23:07):
told me about partaking in agreen burial where he and those
at the funeral actually carriedthe linen bound body of their
friend to the burial site wherethey the mourners had also dug
the grave by hand themselves.
(23:28):
And he assuming that he was usedto more traditional burials, I
said that it was like the mosttraumatic experience that he
would, he had and would neverwant to repeat it. Obviously,
the loss of a friend is notsomething that anybody would
want to repeat, but I think hemeant like the process of like
being so connected to deathother than not being preserved
(23:51):
and having to dig your grave byhand or the old school way. I
assume I seem to play more hewas more useful, traditional
burial
Marissa (23:58):
I guess on a lot of ways we're really aren't that
connected to it.
Matthew (24:01):
And that's, it really depends on the culture you're
from, right? Yeah.
Marissa (24:06):
But in Western culture, we're not really Yeah, I mean, I
watched my mom die but she wasstill in hospital and then after
that, it was just never saw itagain. So
Matthew (24:15):
yeah, and well, yeah, cuz she was cremated as was
mine, but but I had the optionbut yeah, but Well, I saw my mom
before the actual thing butthat's, that's that's a story
for another episode. But as faras the when the body is actually
(24:36):
dead. The you know, there's abelief of spirits and stuff and
an afterlife and all that. Andthere there are some there's
obviously some differencesthere. I'm kind of I am. I
believe that I'm one of thosepeople. That is kind of more out
(25:00):
The belief that you're whenyou're dead, your body is just a
hunk of meat. Right? Yeah. Butpart of the impact of of the
most recent funeral was theseeing the coffin close, you
know, on this body. And that's,that's the last time that
anybody will ever look upon thisperson. Yeah. And it was very
(25:21):
heavy. But in that it was it waskind of strange because you
think, Oh, it's just a piece ofmeat. But then when you're
sitting there, it's like, youknow, and then why if if, if I
really, truly believed that,then why would that seem so
impactful? And I'm not sure ifit was just because of the
empathy that I felt for, for theother people that were there.
(25:41):
You know, like, what they mayrealize is the last time
Marissa (25:46):
most people don't believe that, and it is very
important, that body is veryimportant, you know?
Matthew (25:52):
Yeah. And kind of moving on to some of the more
unusual, bizarre, bizarre,meaning different not implying
judgment, funerary practicesfrom around the world. There are
those like the Zoroastrians, andlike, the Tibetan Tibetan
(26:12):
Buddhists, that do just believethat when you're, that you are a
part of nature, and when whenyour essence is no longer within
the body, or within within thecapsule, that they that that
just becomes something thatneeds to be given back to the
earth effectively. So likeZoroastrians there, they will
(26:33):
take the body and they'll justlay it out into the wild
somewhere, and let nature takeits course. And then there's
also a pretty cool one that Ithink is awesome, which is the
Tibetan Sky Burial, where the,they carry the, the deceased to
a higher open area. And theywill, I'm some of my research,
(27:00):
they, they that I saw, theywould take, they take the body
and they basically break thelimbs and then fold it over onto
itself. And, and they cut piecesof the body open and, like
basically carve it up. And thenthere's these huge vaulters that
(27:20):
will come in, rip the bodyapart. And it is when I say huge
vultures like we have we havelike these little buzzards and
vultures that we see on the sideof the road here in South
Carolina. But like these thingslook like you could use these
could these could fly you fromMordor, these things are frickin
huge. And they're just becausethey believe that they just you
(27:42):
just feed it back to to natureand the Earth or the the air or
whatever. As far as that goes,give it back to to nature. That
it's that that is very cool. Ithink that's an interesting
thing. There is some controversyaround it on a couple of
different fronts, one of whichis that it is something that is
(28:06):
still is still a viable optionfor people, Tibetan people, but
there's like you can go thereason I know the vultures are
so big is because you can seefootage of this because it's
like a tourist thing. Now theysell tickets to Yeah, and like,
and that has spurred somecontroversy on its own. Like,
(28:27):
this is a funeral and they'reselling tickets to it. Yeah, to
bring people in. And I mean, butat the same time the monks are
like, it's just we're justfeeding birds, you know, but
then you have that, like, it's aphilosophical thing. It's
humans. Yeah, but they're like,but a human without life is just
meat and we're just feedingbirds. Yeah. So I mean, it is. I
(28:49):
don't know what side you fallon. If I could be eaten by a
condor be pretty cool. Sidenote. They're from years and
years ago, and this may havemade it in the podcast and an
earlier episode. I've I'vealways been like, it would be so
cool to be killed by a pack ofdogs. Yeah, you've said that
(29:10):
before. But when I was out on arun with a couple of guys the
other day or a couple of weeksago, we saw a deer being chased
down by coyotes. Yeah. And I waslike, this might be my moment.
I'm gonna go gonna go scrap withthese coyotes. And, but they
were kind of across a creek. Iwouldn't have gotten there in
(29:30):
time. And I think the deer wasgonna make it regardless. But
anyways, I want to save the deerand it would have been pretty
awesome to fight a pack a packof coyotes, which I didn't even
know they're really random packslike that. But they weren't like
just like neighborhoods.
Marissa (29:42):
I actually never seen a pack of coyotes. I've only ever
seen lone ones.
Matthew (29:46):
Yeah, I don't I don't know. As far as I don't know if
the i I've only ever seen one ortwo coyotes or one coyote at a
time. But this I've also neverseen a deer attack by a pack of
animals. So I have no idea howAs far as how that how that goes
down, but I thought that thatmight be my moment to be to be
eaten by dogs. But on a happiernote, kinda, there are when
(30:12):
there are those people whoduring their, their, their
funerals, they want it to be acelebration of their life or a
celebration and not to be asdark and sad and depressing as
as many funerals are, they tryto get rid of some of the
sadness. So to their there's anindustry that has kind of popped
(30:36):
up from this belief that youshould celebrate. So you may
have seen the viral video from afew years ago where that takes
place. I believe in Ghana, whereyou can hire professional
dancers to dance the coffin tothe grave site. If you look, if
(30:56):
you look it up, he might alsofind another kind of McCobb
video of a of the rapper, goonnew I don't know why I don't
know. It's g o n e. W. Hisfuneral was at a nightclub where
he had been he'd been shot. Andhe was an up and coming rapper.
(31:18):
And for his final farewell theyactually propped him up as is
actual court got dressed uppropped up on stage. And then
they had the concert with him atthis nightclub, which I thought
was an awesome funerarypractice,
Marissa (31:34):
like Weekend at Bernie's.
Matthew (31:35):
Well, they all knew he was dead. I mean, he wasn't. But
it was like his final show. Itwas called the final show. But
anyway, you can look that up.
Sounds good. But that's a reallycool celebration funeral as
well. I don't know what thecircumstances around. And then
I'm, again, we try to keep it100 year buffer. But I did think
that that was an interesting,very interesting tidbit. But as
(31:56):
far as going into Ghana, thatyou can hire, there's a service
where you can hire a group ofprofessional pallbearers who
will dance with the coffin asthey carry it. This is not for
any religious reason. This isnot a tradition. But it has this
it's been available for overlike 100 years. But it's not it
(32:17):
doesn't come from like any kindof spiritual belief. The idea
was that funerals are oftenreally sad. And the people who
come to mourn, may forget tocelebrate the life of the
deceased. So they put the coffinon their shoulders, and they
just kind of bust out some funmoves. And we're talking like
we're talking like some prettyserious moves to these guys are
(32:38):
dancing, they're gyrating,they're changing levels, and
they're there. Really, they're,they're good dancers, it's like
So You Think You Can Dance butthey all have to be holding on
to a coffin at the same time.
And it's, it's pretty awesome.
There's, there's some otherdancing funerary practices as
well, some of them there, I'msure I'm gonna say this
(33:02):
incorrectly. But the fama DHana, which is it's a dancing
ritual that comes fromMadagascar. And it's pretty
unique because they, they burythe body after death. And then
they dig it up periodically tochange its clothes. And to have
(33:26):
a party with a when which theydance with the bodies and stuff
like that. Now, the, when theytake a loved one that they pass
it pass the body around to andthey basically just treat it
like it's a living person forthis time, they change his
clothes, and they dance and theygive it gifts, and they talk to
it as if it's just anotheranother day there. And but this
(33:48):
is this had caused a spreadingof the bubonic plague, which
still does crop up periodically,sometimes. But this had because
of the disease still being inthe bodies, they would be
dancing with these bodies andstuff, and it would spread from
the corpse to, to the to theliving. So it was it's not, it's
(34:10):
not a very hygienic funerarypractice. Yeah. But the idea is
interesting. There's lots ofdifferent cultures that do
definitely tend towards thecelebration of life that can be
found in Jamaica, parts of Southand Central America. So there
(34:34):
are a lot of celebrations oflife that are brought into
funerary practices. But not allcultures think that the life
should be necessarily or thatfuneral should be a happy event,
a celebration something thatit's not quite sad enough.
Marissa (34:57):
That's true, and that's when they bring in
professionals. Foreigners, orneurologists, I hope I'm saying
correctly, but you know us. Sothey are a thing now. It's
actually pretty common in Chinafor people to pay these mourners
in advance and bring them in, ingreat style, to where the
funerals going to be themourners, usually you're trained
(35:19):
to be singers, and they'll bringa band along to try to help them
you know, back up, whatever. Thefirst step is for them to line
up outside and crawl. And whilethey're doing that, they will
say the name of the person withjust like just great anguish.
Matthew (35:33):
Yeah, like one one.
These people are like, way overthe top like they are rolling on
the floor wailing. These areperformers. Yeah. As a
performance is for sure. Yes.
Marissa (35:44):
So this this, this saying the name and great
anguish. It's symbolic ofdaughters running home from
their families in an effort tosee the body. Hmm. So and then
after that a eulogy isperformed, and it's usually very
loud and dramatic with lots ofcrying and sobbing and all that
and it's also backed up by theband.
Matthew (36:04):
Of course, you need a musical ensemble, of course, and
Marissa (36:07):
this is supposed to make everybody who's in
attendance, start crying,
Matthew (36:12):
often does real tear jerker it is.
Marissa (36:15):
One of the common lines that they use is this in this
is, quote, why did you leave usso soon? The Earth is covered in
a black veil for you, the riversand streams are crying to tell
your story, that of an honestman who sings I shed tears for
your children and grandchildren.
We're so sorry that we could notkeep you here. She croons
between sobs. This was thequote, nice. Then the family is
(36:36):
told to bow in front of thecasket three times. And then a
belly dancer comes out and takesthe stage.
Matthew (36:44):
Oh, yeah.
Marissa (36:46):
The song picks up, lights flash, and everybody is
suddenly happy again.
Matthew (36:52):
See, you go comes back to celebration. All right, get
it all out. That's the That'sthe That's the moral of the
story. Come on, let's all justget have a good cry. And then
there'll be some there'll besome gyrating that'd be good.
Again,
Marissa (37:05):
goal of the professional mourners, the MER
ologists is to remind everybody,that the funeral was a very sad
place, and there's a lot of painassociated with it. So they also
have the job of bringing themood right back up to, you know,
the song and just,
Matthew (37:19):
it almost almost gives them like, like it in a way I
feel like that's probably verycathartic, you know, to have
somebody come in here and tellyou it's, it's, it's the right
thing to do. It's, you'resupposed to be very sad, like,
be sad. Now, don't try to lookstrong for everybody else. This
(37:39):
is licensed to, to just openlyweep, and you know,
Marissa (37:44):
get it don't let it you know, consume you be happy now.
Don't be sad again. Yeah.
Matthew (37:49):
But I mean, I feel like that's the that is something in
a more our western tradition isthat a lot of people try to hold
it in their choking, chokingback tears, you know, they're
trying not to and here's justlike, No, no, no, no. Let it all
out. Let it out. Come on,
Marissa (38:06):
let's bring in the music to try to help that
because you know, music can makeyou feel things sometimes other
things can't. But yeah, that'skind of cool. Actually, in the
UK, there used to be a companycalled Renta mortar, where you
can rent out a mourner, ofcourse, yeah, they were usually
paid between 30 and $120 perfuneral
Matthew (38:26):
that I'm saying you do that you market that with that
with a little bit of sin eating.
Yeah, making bank all tips too.
Yeah. Tips, sit and eat somesin, cry a little bit and then
very end, pull out a pin Yattakind of a little, little
celebration. Could you imagineif you were not normally of that
(38:47):
tradition, and just having thatroll up into your into the
funeral that you're at, like,you're just sitting there, then
all of a sudden someone's justlike, oh, might take you back?
Who is that? Who is? Man? I'venever met this person, but man,
(39:08):
really just crushing them. Butyeah. But we are going to leave
it at that for this week. We'rejust trying to get back into the
swing of things. I do apologize.
I guess we apologize for the twoweek little bit of a break.
There have been a fewprofessional reasons. Some
(39:28):
changes that my job and, youknow, deaths, which shouldn't
really stop a podcast about
Marissa (39:40):
McCobb stuff, but you know, it happens different when
it happens to you and
Matthew (39:45):
Yeah. And it was you know, there was there was also a
lot of travel and everythingthat goes along with that as
well. But the
Marissa (39:54):
just emotional exhaustion Yeah. And
Matthew (39:57):
what regardless of having funeral roles or any
actual outside triggeringevents. I personally just you
know sometimes have a cripplinganxiety and or depression which
makes me completely useless tomost of the outside world. So it
happens on occasion. I doapologize for that. Not I mean,
(40:23):
I don't apologize for havingdepression, but I do apologize
for the interruption in yourregularly scheduled programming.
We're
Marissa (40:30):
just screaming into the void. It's fine.
Matthew (40:33):
But the but anyways, we do appreciate you coming back
here and pick him back up.
Hopefully you do. We won't knowuntil until a few days after
this, this releases but thankyou as always for that and let's
leave you with a Macabrepedia.
Marissa (40:51):
Our McCobb minute today comes from Tokyo, Japan. Mu
Shizuka meaning amount ofinsects. Mount for insects, is a
shrine to slain insects. Thiswas made in 1921. It's a
memorial to the insects killedby Matsuyama Sesay that he
actually killed these insects tobe used as anatomy models and an
(41:15):
illustrated textbook. And he wasa Buddhist so he felt very bad
about it. Quite the conscience.
So this led him to erect thestone shrine the slain insects
that you can go visit I thought
Matthew (41:27):
your this was a pile of dead insects. You're gonna say
this is like the rubber bandball of Japan just bring their
crushed up Beatles be terrible.
I kind of want to make it not. Idon't want to I don't want to
have like I don't want to gokill a ton of insects. Obviously
that's not really my speed.
Mowing the lawn, once again is amoral issue for me every every
(41:49):
week. But it would be prettyawesome to if every time you
felt like could you imagine ifwe just collected all the dead
lizards we find and just hadlike
Marissa (41:58):
a lot of Jas file just the ones that fall off killed.
Matthew (42:01):
Yeah, just just just the ones that are just found.
But anyways, I thought that'swhat that's what I was
envisioning. I'm thinking
Marissa (42:07):
like, no, it's just a legit memorials these insects
Mount Fuji,
Matthew (42:11):
and then there's a huge pile of crickets that near that
whatever I did, that theirexoskeletons would have stayed
forever. Okay, um, that was myvision. Okay.
Marissa (42:24):
I'm sorry, keep going.
No, no, no,
Matthew (42:27):
I'm just saying that was what I was envisioning was a
pile of
Marissa (42:32):
crushed, but it's both bodies. Yeah, it's McCobb. But
it's also kind of sweet. Oh,yeah. Because he's
Matthew (42:37):
like, this is a good idea. This was a terrible idea.
I should not have done this atall. I killed all these little
bugs. But that is a that will doit for us this week. As always,
thank you very much forlistening. If you would like to
support what we do here, andhelp us out a little bit, you
(43:00):
can support us over on Patreonat I believe Patreon slash
Macabrepedia. I say that justhoping is there there's a
there's got to be a linksomewhere in the show notes or
something along those lines. Italways does. Yeah, but the you
can go there. It is. Beliefstill $5 You get access to a
couple other extra episodes. Andthey follow kind of a more
(43:22):
similar path to what we havehere where it's just kind of us
discussing topics and notreading a researched script as
much as just talking from theheart.
Marissa (43:32):
It's much more conversational, just
conversational.
Matthew (43:35):
Anyways, you're there, check it out at the Patreon you
can also reach us on Twitter andFacebook at Macabrepedia.
Marissa (43:45):
We're also on Instagram as always Macabrepediapod and if
you would like you can reach outto us at
macabrepediapod@gmail.com thinkwe're also on Pinterest and
Macabrepedia but anyway
Matthew (43:59):
our social media skills are all over the place or
garage. But anyways, reach outwe like to to hear from you. We
don't we're not we're notgetting social media. I'm not
very good social media. You
Marissa (44:13):
will scroll through so I do scroll through social
media.
Matthew (44:17):
We just don't post we just got great content. Yeah,
we're not. We're terriblecontent creators. Anyways, thank
you as always, for listening tothis show. And join us next week
as we add another entry intothis our Macabrepedia
Popular Podcasts
Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club
Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com