June 4, 2025 • 52 mins
Sommer and Jamie talk to Married At First Sight relationship expert Pastor Cal!!
Pastor Cal: https://calvinroberson.com/
https://linktr.ee/Calvinroberson
https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamcalvinlroberson/
Sommer: https://linktr.ee/sommeraustin
Jamie: https://linktr.ee/btbphilosopher
Schuyler-IG @shoey_frederickson
Send us an email at madandfinallysingle18@gmail.com
Pastor Cal: https://calvinroberson.com/
https://linktr.ee/Calvinroberson
https://www.linkedin.com/in/iamcalvinlroberson/
Sommer: https://linktr.ee/sommeraustin
Jamie: https://linktr.ee/btbphilosopher
Schuyler-IG @shoey_frederickson
Send us an email at madandfinallysingle18@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to madd and Finally Single. I'm Jamie Black and.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm Summer Austin.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
I'm Skyler Fast Jokes, and this is a meretivers I
fan podcast where we invite a guest on who's never
watched an episode. Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of
Mad and Finally Single. We have very a bonus episode, yes,
because as you know, season eighteen ended, we had one
(00:30):
on our last episode, but this we have an even
more special guest.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yes, and some aer's going to introduce our guest, you.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Know, I mean, one's very special. So we also have
an additional other special guests. Yes, we're so excited. Jamie
and I are giddy. We're freaking giddy.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
You's how we're of the show.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Let's just get without further ado, we have someone who's
beloved to the show, to us and to the show,
a relationship expert, marriage counselor, or dain minister is pastor
cal Oh so excited to meet you and have you here.
Thank you for doing this, Summer.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
It's my pleasure. It's my pleasure to meet you and Jamie,
I mean when I when when I heard about the podcast?
What is it? Single?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Mad and Finally single.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
And finally single. Wait a minute, how do they come
up with that? What is that all about?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That was Summer? Well, Summer did that.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's the It's the same letters as M A fast.
So it's just a wow.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I just got that.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, because because if we're being honest, Pastor Cal, most
of the couples end up mad and finally right.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I can't even argue with that. That's the sad thing
about it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Why why is that the Now we did have a
creator of on the show. It was she came up
with the idea and it was for in or Week Denmark. Yeah,
and you know like it sounds like, you know, in theory,
(02:18):
it's a great idea, right, like, but yeah, what what
why do you think so many people don't make it?
Pastor Cow, We're just jumping right in.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Yeah, let's let's just go for it. Well, first of all,
let me say that we look, we we have every
intention of everybody making it. However, let me give you
the good before I give you the bad. We are
probably and I think this is I think this is
I think this is. You know, you can probably statistically
prove this that we are probably the most successful marriage
(02:48):
and dating show on TV. We have about fourteen or
fifteen couples, well fifteen couples that are still married. And
oh my god, we have like fifteen babies. Now they
see Breonna Viers theirs. Yeah, yeah, we have so many babies.
It's crazy. I feel like I'm just a grandpa to
everybody's kids.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Yeah, So, now, why people don't make it? Girl, we
don't have enough time. I'm here to tell you that
one reason, the biggest reason they don't make it is
that they don't listen. They don't listen. They they basically
just go rogue wants to show once the show airs.
I mean, if you remember Denver, that's a prime example.
(03:32):
You know, they pretty much just go rogue and think
they know how to how to make it through this
process without instruction, and they always they always crash in fall.
And then some people are just they just deceive themselves
into thinking that they're ready, but they really just are
not ready for marriage. It's not even about ready for
(03:52):
the show. They're not ready to be married to anyone
and under any circumstances. And for some of them, I
don't know when they will be. So, you know, we
do so much vetting to get them ready roughly about
three to four months of vetting all kinds of tests
and they have to answer over five hundred questions and
a questionnaire.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They and it's not multiple choices, it is an essay.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
It's essay some yes and no, like you know, I mean,
have you ever murdered anybody? Like you know, I'm sorry,
I'm alive anybody. But outside of that, you know, yes,
(04:37):
it's very in depth. And with all that, some people
still slip through the cracks.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So you know, we do have yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh,
I forgot to ask you to tell us a little
bit about yourself, pastor call skip that part. What would
you like to tell us let us know?
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Oh my gosh, Well I am I am. I am
an actual pastor. I don't play one on TV. I
live in Atlanta, Georgia. I have been counseling for about
over twenty years, I think going on twenty five years
under the starting as a pastoral counselor, relationship counselor, and
(05:15):
then my wife and I started a counseling organization about
sixteen years ago. Prior to that, even I've spent twelve
years on Wall Street as a Wall Street executive. I
started I work with a company years ago called Smith
Barney somebody. No, people don't remember it anymore, but I
spent twelve years there. Was I spent a little time
(05:35):
in education where I was an adjunct professor at two universities,
and I also was the dean of Arts at Duke
Ellington School of the Arts in Washington, DC. And then
during all that, for at least for twenty five years
of that, I was still counseling. And then more recently,
in the last sixteen years, my wife and I just
(05:57):
really started honing in on relationship count you know, schooled
undergrad grad doctoral studies, all that stuff. But we we've
considered this now a just a great blessing for us,
you know, to have been involved for these many years
talking to I mean countless couples and now married at
(06:19):
First Site and our own efforts have really given us
an opportunity to just reach even so so so many more,
you know. So it's been a great ride.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
How did Mary at First Sight find you? Is it
because of your work that you were doing counseling?
Speaker 4 (06:37):
You know what, Jamie, It was actually we were we
were actually doing a lot of a lot of counseling
we were doing conferences all all over the place, nationally
and some international, and we had an online presence and
we received an email from a casting agent and you know,
(06:58):
we were looking at it. This is SPAN and then
I said, old, wait, no, let's check it out. So
we checked it out and there was They were actually
reaching out to us to ask us to give them
a couple for one of their other shows. So we
did that. They chose the couple and it worked out well.
But while the couple was on there, they were constantly
talking about what they've learned from us. So they wanted
(07:21):
to film us in a session. And I didn't know
anything about TV, so I'm like, look, we'll do this. However,
when you're filming, we don't want you to stop. There's
no cut, there's no redo. This is serious to us.
So we're going to counsel these people and you're gonna
sit there and just do it. An after it's all over, cool,
you can do whatever you want to do with your
TV magic, but right now, okay, right now, you're going
(07:45):
to listen. So we did that, and while we were
doing that, they were texting the EP and they were
testing the texting the president of the company, and nobody
knew that a few people were texting, you know, independently
of themselves into the executive producer and she wanted to
beat us personally. They were like, well, you got to
hear these guys. So then we walked, we talked, and
they want us to work with them on some other things.
(08:06):
And then they asked, well, what would you do differently
on marriage at first site? And I gave them some
very straightforward, you know, council as to what I thought
needed to happen. And so they asked, what would you
consider being an expert on the show? And that was
about sixteen seasons ago. Wow, yeah, that's how that's how
it happened. I didn't I wasn't campaigning or or trying
to be on the show. It just kind of came
(08:28):
to me, which has been a great thing though.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
So then who were the experts? Who was it was
Doctor Pepper already on the show as an expert.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Yeah, from the first I came in on the fourth season.
There were four experts I think during that time. Uh,
they were all involuntarily displaced after those three seasons and
the only one left was Dr Pepper. Okay, got it,
Doctor Pepper joined me and one other counselor what rather,
(08:57):
we joined her and then we were we've been riding
ever since. And then you know, there have been some
other changes from Rachel dialto to uh Jessica, doctor Jessica,
and then uh doctor Viviana and now doctor Pia.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Right, yeah, okay, yes, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
You know I know that they they probably really enjoyed
your counseling style because I know I do. I know
that that no nonsense. And then and then when when
one of the couple disappoints you and you take your
glasses off and shake your head, and.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Troy looked, Damie, I'm telling you, man, this stuff is
not planned. You know. It's funny because my wife says,
why are you looking like that? I'm like, I don't.
I'm not. I'm not trying to. It's like it's like
and I tell them, look, this face, this is the
face that I use on TV. I cannot control it.
These are my expressions, dog Gunnet. And that's what I.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Love you because you're really natural and just honest and
that works really really well for real TV.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Well for anything. Really. Yeah, you can't hide it. Has
your wife ever wanted to do this with you on
the show or you know.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
She she has worked with me in so many of
course off camera, but and she does interviews with me,
et cetera. We did one show together with Meredith First Site.
I think it was in Chicago where we did a
game night and it's somewhere in the internet files where
we did the Chicago game Night at the end of
(10:34):
the season. So we hosted that together. And she's always
been a very close close member of the Meredith First
Sight family. But as far as being on the actual show, no,
she has not. But there are some things that we're
we're going to be doing together.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Oh, we have to hear about that. I'm curious. I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Do you watch any of the other Maritive First Sight,
like the UK or the All one, because we love
those two.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
No, you know what, No, okay, look, okay, I'll be straight.
First of all, Australia, they don't really get married. I
don't think. I don't think England actually, I don't think
they actually marry. I think they Yeah, I think that
they are. They are are they are they're arranged relationships,
(11:25):
but I don't think they're actually married. It's one of
the few shows that actually it's a legally binding marriage.
I don't. I don't think that that's and and you
know that's the case with those shows. So it's kind
of like, but Doctor Pepper has gone to the show
in England and has actually helped out on that show.
So that's But I respect what they do and they
do a great job, you know, so I have no
(11:47):
no hate for any of them.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, they do their like recommitment ceremony or their decision
making every every week.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
On that Yeah. Yeah, it's a big it.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Gets messy, messy.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Oh my god. And they don't have the success rate
that we do. Yeah, sorry, I'm surprised.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, there's much more drama on those shows. So I'm
not surprised.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
We actually try to eliminate as much drama as possible. Look,
I've been accused, We've been accused of creating drama. It
doesn't happen though.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
We simply do not like according to different people, like
mismatching on purpose or something.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I tell everybody, I tell everybody. I say, you know,
if if you were to turned the camera on anyone's
marriage for just twenty four hours and just let the
camera roll, you would see drama you would see comedy,
you would see horror, you'd see suspense, you'd see everything.
So you don't have to create that kind of stuff.
It just happens.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely true. Oh yeah, So are there any Jamie,
Do you have any questions that I don't want to
I don't want to, like, you know, talk over. Do
you have anything burning question?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
I just I have I just have a question. And
I don't even know if you can answer. You may
not even know, because you know, you may not be
a decision maker in this, but you could you or
do you know why they don't match gay couples on
the United States version?
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Well, here I can tell you this. It has been
considered on a number of occasions. But the way we
do the matching, I think logistically it would be very
very difficult. First of all, when we are matching, if
you notice at the beginning we have just a group
a room full of men and a room full of women,
(13:44):
and then we we have to talk to them and
then talk to the men women, and it's easy to
keep them separated, separated we're in same sex couples. It's
a little difficult to do that, you know, I mean,
I don't know we don't know exactly how do we
take We would have actually individually just meet people and
(14:04):
talk to them and then put them together. So it's
a whole different dynamic. And the time that we did
consider it, logistically it was very tough. But then in
addition to that, the network that we were on at
that time, I think there was it was just not
it's not something they wanted to tackle. They much more
of a much more can I don't want to say conservative,
(14:27):
but you know, it just wasn't the right timing. I'll
just put it that way. So that's that's the big
reason that it hasn't been And you know that I
think that they were like, look, it's working as it is,
that's just And then there are shows because the same
same production company connected content on Netflix. They have what
(14:50):
is it called the ultimatum the queer addition, and I
think it is or something about yes, yeah, so they
I mean they are trying to compensate in other and
other manner and other ways. Yeah, but I think married
at first, I think wanted to just keep it, keep
it traditional.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
That's is it is it completely off the table though
that I.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Can't know that that I don't know that one is
above my pay grade. You know, I don't know that.
I don't think it's ever off the table. Yeah, I
don't think it's ever off the table. I think it's
something that they may be they may be still considering. Yeah,
now that we're with you know, we're not with Lifetime anymore.
We're with a different network altogether, Peacock. Yeah, with Peacock.
(15:29):
So we have no idea what's going to happen next.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
What about older couples, like like I would like to
be on Marria to first sight. I would like for
you to match me with my forever person.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Okay, Jamie, you are And i'd say, what are you about?
Thirty five?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
U pastor?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Now you know black, don't crack Pastor cow. I am
much older than thirty five.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Messing with It's funny because oh god, I can't I
can't really reveal too much, but I can say that
if you'll notice during our preceding seasons that we have
we've been sort of inching just a little bit further,
a little bit further. I mean we had couples that
(16:21):
we had a couple that were in the early thirties,
I mean early forties, and then you know now, mind you.
Even this last season, we did cast this incredible woman
that we all wanted to match. I think she was
almost fifty. We were really excited about her, really want
but we just couldn't find a match. We just couldn't
(16:42):
find one. So that sometimes is the challenge that if
we find someone, whether they're older or whatever, we'll find
great people. Sometimes we'll say, oh my gosh, we gotta
find somebody, but we don't put them on the show
because if we can't find anyone who's adequate for them,
we still won't match them. And sometimes that happens because honestly,
we get more young people, younger people rather who apply
(17:03):
to older people. Yeah, but you know what, just we'll
see what happens going forward. It might be something in
the Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
You do you ever consider people who've been previously divorced.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we definitely have divorced people.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Now.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Another thing that we will not.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Who've had kids already though have.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
No, we don't. We don't have anybody who's had children,
and the reason for that is because it's just too traumatic.
The only time we would do that is if they
are older and their children are also adults. You know,
because we can't have a five year old calling this
guy daddy and then you know, a decision days like, no,
(17:49):
I want a divorce, daddy.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
What are you doing? You have that, daddy?
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Oh my god, a child?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah, that would be pretty messed up.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
We're not going to do that to kids.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, my goodness, Jamie. Do you have anything else? I
know that I know that you're you're working on something,
uh Cow these days. Would you like to tell us
about it?
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Let's talk about it? Yeah. I actually a few things.
First of all, I have a book that I wrote
called Marriage Jane for Punks, and it's it's been it's
wherever books are sold, uh online and in the in
the Barnes and Noble bookstores, et cetera.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
But I want you to know that I often quote
that when somebody's talking about Mary. I said, listen, pastor
Cow says, marriag Jane for punks.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
That's right, that's right. It ain't you know, And I
tell people, look, marriage doesn't work. People work. You know,
marriage is simply the institution. But people got to get
in there and you got to do what's necessary to
make that thing to make it successful. So there's the
book and then in addition to the book, we started
(19:21):
about in twenty twenty two, we started working on an
app because we got we were receiving so many requests
for counseling and for dating advice and all kinds of things,
and we just couldn't handle all the influx of requests.
So I woke up one morning and I said, I have
an idea. Let's do an app. So we started an
(19:42):
app in twenty twenty two and it's a little unique.
It's very unique. Actually, we call it one app with
three applications. The app actually has marriage resources. It also
has coaching for people who are dating and in relationships,
and then thirdly, it has matchmaking for singles. Now the singles,
(20:03):
we have not launched the matchmaking yet, but on the
marriage and the dating side, we're moving forward with the
resources and we're doing something a little different because, you know,
after having focused groups and doing research, we had a
soft launch last fall, so we're still in beta mode.
But after we did research, we figured that one of
the biggest complaints on dating apps is where are the
(20:26):
quality men? And a lot of people are saying that
a lot of the women were like, we're the quality
men because I mean, we have no problem finding quality women.
Let's just be honest. So what we've done is that
we focused our app on preparing men for life, love
and legacy. So part of a large part of the
app has a section where we're actually giving men a
(20:47):
safe place to land, a place where they can be open,
and a place where they can learn some of the
basic things about how to be their true selves in
a relationship. I think that's much needed. So the app
is actually in the app stores. Uh, Marriage Ain't for Punks.
You can find it under the very loose acronym maps
M A p S. You can type in maps marriage
(21:09):
or maps relationship and it'll come up Marriage Ain't for Punks.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's so great.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
We're excited. We're excited. And then since you got me
on a roll, after that, we're also launching a tour.
It's a sixth city tour. We're starting in Atlanta on
June twenty eighth, and we're so excited about it. Our
first stop is right right here in Atlanta, my hometown,
and then we're going to be going to a five
other cities, Dallas and Houston, the Washington, DC area of Chicago,
(21:36):
and Los Angeles.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You are coming to La. Yea, they just leave La
off off the right.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Well, look, everybody's trying to be a star in La.
It's kind of hard.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's hard. I know it's hard.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Yeah, come on, yeah, I want to be married.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
There's no quality man here whatsoever.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
So oh my god, on summer.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That's not I'm here in La.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I know, right, So what are you going to do
on the tour? What do you What's what's going to
be the content of the tour.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
It's an innovative, transformative tour where we're actually going to
give instruction on relationships, and it's for we're saying it's
a tour for marriage for married people, but also we
were asking if you're single and you want to know
how to prepare yourself for marriage, please you can come
as well. But the during the tour, we're going to
(22:31):
give instruction on communication, instruction on finding out how do
I develop my best self either to get ready for
marriage or in marriage. And then we're going to take
a section where we're actually dealing with and we've done
this in conferences before it and workshops where we actually
deal with real problems that people are having in their
(22:51):
relationships in real time right there. Yes, it's very exciting.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
So do you think that that, you know, you mentioned
that you're high, you have a hard time finding quality men.
Do you think that it's just because some men are
prepared for marriage or they think they're ready and they're
actually not and there just needs to be Do you
think that that there are more men who aren't ready
than women?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
You know what, here's the funny thing. Well, we know
this is this is this is scientific data that you know,
women mature faster than men. We know that, but after
a certain period, you know, we all should be at
the same level. I don't think that we've been given
that men have been given the same kind of preparation
for marriage and for life that women have. I mean,
(23:36):
think about it. When a woman becomes a young girl,
becomes a lady, you know, when her body starts to change,
we tell her you're a woman now, you know, and
she plays with dolls and she does the mothering thing,
and she she's in that mindsets a still play in
with cars and video games and call of duty.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
I mean, we're we're not and themselves, huh, and themselves
as well, Oh god, I'm just sayingselves and themselves.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
So Yeah, so you're absolutely right. So, so what our
goal here is to empower men and to enlighten women.
So it's not just about I want everyone to know
that it's not just a man focused thing. We're not
excluding women by any stretch of the imagination. But we
want men to be empowered and want them to make
be ready to be their best selves and relationships. We
(24:32):
believe that if some of you tell me that, if
you know that you have an app or you have
a place where men are like top quality ready for
this thing, will we have any problem finding women?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (24:46):
No, absolutely not, no, not at all.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, and you know, I think also it sounds like
a great thing. One of the other things too about
a lot of those dating apps is that there's there
aren't real profiles on them.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
No, oh they aren't.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, they have like these fake profiles just floating around.
So and sometimes you're talking to about is what I hear?
I don't know that, that's just what they say, right, So.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah, the difference. The difference is that ours, first of all,
is very values based. Uh, matchmaking and everything that we
do is very values based. And so when people do
their profiles, especially on the matchmaking, which will be launching,
especially that when they do their profiles, we're actually going
in depth to find out what their values are, find out, uh,
you know, what their likes and their dislikes are, and
(25:33):
to find out actually who they are. We don't even
we're not even leading with pictures. We're leading with avatars.
We don't want to be SUPERI yeah, we we don't
want it to be superficial. So you're not swiping, nobody's
swiping none of that. We want to find out who
these people are from the inside out and not just
on the outside.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I like that. That's what I need.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
That's Jams meant, James, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
This is like your opportunity to be on marrit At
first site kind of like in a way.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
You know, married its site adjacent.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
We can all be a part of Pastor Cow's world,
which is what we want. Of course. So this is
so great, This is so exciting and so so when
does the tour kick off?
Speaker 4 (26:20):
You said, well, we kick off on June twenty eighth.
June twenty eighth is the first uh, the first stop,
and you can go to mapsfour reel dot com it
a P S F O R R E A L
dot com and you'll find out all the information, or
you can download the app maps Marriage and the app
has a tab on it which says Relationship Tour. And
(26:43):
we're in the process now if even training coaches to
be a part of our tour. This is just the
first year. We're launching this this year and then next
year we plan to double the stops and we want
this to become a movement. This is a movement to
restore marriage to values and to help people be who
they who they really want to be.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
That's so amazing. And is your wife gonna come on.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Tour with you?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah? Okay? Is it you and your wife or are
there any other folks from Married to First Sight that
are joining you?
Speaker 4 (27:13):
You know, we do occasionally when we go to different cities.
We always invite invite people we we we've gone to
we've had conferences and we in the past and we've
had people to come down. We had Jeffy and Shawnee
from Boston, they came down. We had some other couples.
I just remember them because they were one of my favorites.
(27:33):
I should have said that because now you're going to
ask me who is some of my other favorites.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
But then and you can't remember their names, Like you
can see their face, I know their face, but I
can't remember their name.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
It's not sad, though.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Because all of the people that you have over these seasons. Yeah,
that's a lot of people. I mean I've watched every
episode something.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Like I know you have, Jamie, I can't keep people straight,
so like you're you do a good job with that.
But you have had Chicago two seasons now in Chicago,
so there should be some maybe some more people when
you go to Chicago. That's why Jamie and I used
to live in Chicago. We love Chicago.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I love Chicago. I mean before September October, yeah, after
that you can have it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
But yeah, it's really November now because of global warming,
it stays pretty warm.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
Dude, you know what, You're right? Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah.
I think the last time I was there in the fall,
it was unseasonably warm.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
The summertime is just so great in Chicago best.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
And the food, oh my gosh. Yeah, I still think
Chicago hot dogs are the absolute the best.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I had to ask you, what's doctor Pepper like wait,
what's Doctor p and Doctor Pepper like and tell them
we said, Hi, do they ever want to launch an
app or something?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I know, right, just come on and talk.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Oh absolutely, I'll tell them talk. Doctor Peer would love it.
Doctor Pepper would as well. Pia Pia is is so
she is. She's so real and how you see her
on how you see her on on on the screen
is exactly. In fact, that's how everyone is. But she's
(29:23):
so real. She just had a baby, so we're so
excited about her first baby. So we're so excited. And
she's just really a joy to be around. She's she's
so brilliant. Uh, she has so much to offer and
we're just happy to have her on the show. And
she's just a good friend, Doctor Pepper. What can I
(29:43):
say about my longtime friend Pepper Schwartz, Doctor Pepper is
you know the serious person you see on TV? Uh?
That is? That is who she is, But not all
the time. You know, here's a woman who is you
know easily what is she almost fifteen years my senior,
(30:05):
she still rides horses. She's funny as all get out.
I mean we have some of the funniest times. We
laugh a lot we've we've gone places together. We've done it.
She's inviting me, you know, to their their Hawaii home
every year. I have to go. I know, I know,
(30:25):
I know, I know we have we have gone places
together before. And she's just such a sweetheart. That's that's
my buddy.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
She's such tell me, tell me the truth.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
She she dances on the table at parties us.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
She's a wild one.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Hey, don't put it fast drinks. I'm telling you, she's
gonna hate me so much.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
So now she'll have to come on the podcast and
tell them about you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Will, right, she will.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's a great strategy.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
She loves to have she loves to have fun.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Alast, do you guys take it hard? You know when
these some of these marriages don't work out, or when
someone badly.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Yeah, yeah, I remember one in particular that just floored us.
I think it was in Charlottesville with Oh my gosh,
I can't think of her. She was a virgin and
oh what is there? Oh my god, this is terrible.
Jimmy might remember she was a virgin. Keith Keith Manley
(31:37):
and Iris Iris. So, Keith and Iris, we thought they
were great. We knew there were some challenges, and then
at the reveal the decision day, he said he gave
her all these platitudes and all these compliments and she's
(31:57):
beautiful and this and that, and then he says, but
I think I you there was a collective gasp. Just
it was just it was just crazy. And there have
been others also, They're the first that came to mind,
but there was just others that are, oh my gosh. Yeah,
we we we're sometimes we're floored and we're just frustrated
and it's like, what in what are you doing? This
(32:20):
is this was your shot? This was it. I'm like,
I'm like Tyra Banks, we were rooting for you. You know,
you know, it's like, what the heck are you thinking? Dude?
And I think of what happens sometimes is that people
get on this show and then you know, it's almost like,
you know, they couldn't find anybody before, but then they
started thinking, well, I'm on the show. Then Fomo starts
(32:41):
to kick in, and it's like, what if I just
wait until afterwards, maybe I could find somebody even better. Yeah,
and they don't realize that they I call it. I
call it the Maths curse. It's kind of like this
that once you've been filmed for I don't know, ten
twenty season episodes, however, whatever it is. Now people see
(33:04):
your entire dating and married life and they know everything
about you. They know about how they know how you
handle conflict, they know how you handle a stress, they
know whether you're romantic, they know all that. I mean, look,
if you're dating, you know most of the time we
can google. We google people. I mean, you always google people.
(33:26):
But imagine if you google somebody and the entire the
entire season of your life shows up. So people don't
realize that by being on the show, you're exposing yourself,
exposing yourself, especially if your marriage doesn't work, you're exposing
yourself to an incredible amount of screwiny. But unfortunately they don't.
They don't get it until it's too.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Late, right Rightank?
Speaker 4 (33:47):
Goodness, Wow, that's a lot. I know, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah. Yeah, are some of your I know that you
said we're going to ask you, but who are like
some of the couples that filled you with so much
joy and you were just like, yes'm I'm so happy
about these two.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
I can go back to the earliest Bobby and Danielle.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, you're in Texas, right, yeah, in Dallas, Dallas, Yeah,
Bobby was I.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Tell I mean, just to this day, Bobby has been
one of my favorite because he was so attentive and
just such a gentleman. And uh, I remember whenever either
of us were talking, Bobby would sit there and literally
take notes. He would just take notes and he went
back and just implement it. And now there they've had
(34:36):
two children now and they're just doing so so well.
I'm I'm just so proud of them. Also, I would
say Anthony in Chicago.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yes, an.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Demicos. Yeah, they're they're awesome. They're very awesome. And then
probably you know one who told me, and this is
why I remember her. This young lady told me. She said,
whoever's standing at that altar, we're going to be married forever.
And that was Deanna in Charlottesville. Oh yeah, and Deanna
(35:14):
and Greg they have been together since and they're just
a match made in heaven, I'm telling you. And that
baby they have, Declan is the cutest little guy. Oh
my god, I love it. Declan is just so adorable.
So yeah, so I really I'm really happy. And then
Vinnie and Brianna right here in Atlanta. Oh my god,
(35:36):
I could go on and on and on because I'm saying, yeah, yeah,
they're they're awesome. And I mentioned Jeffy and Shawny, so.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Absolutely, yeah, that's so great.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Well, just.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Oh, I was just gonna ask, do any of them
ever call you when they get into some conflict and
they can't figure it out?
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Did they ever call you up on the pastor cow
you gotta help?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Absolutely? Yeah. I do get calls. I do, and it's okay,
it's okay. I actually I actually enjoy it. Uh. You know,
I just got a phone call just recently, you know,
from a husband. It wasn't a marital issue, but he
just wanted to work out some other things and uh
and I was more than happy to sit down and
and talk with them. So uh that was that was
(36:21):
a lot of fun. Then. Uh yeah, I get a
number of calls from people who just they just want
to talk. And what's her name? There was? Oh god,
this is terrible. Page.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Oh my god, I was just gonna say, Page, she
had it rough.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
She did, she did, bless her heart, Page And I
still keep in contact and and she is such a darling.
She's just had her second baby. Oh she did with
this really great dude. I talked to them, I had
a chance to counsel them a little bit, and they're
doing so well, and she's just she's just so lovely.
(37:02):
Were still talk and people are Look, I'm going to
say this to the to the trolls, because people always
say you should have apologize the page. Look, Paige and
I have had so many conversations since meredith first sight.
She's gone on and she's living an incredibly, incredibly fabulous yea,
and we are just such great.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
How could you have seen what Chris had coming?
Speaker 4 (37:22):
How could we have seen it? Chris has deserved an
Academy award, that's all right. I guess in the beginning,
know what at his core, and this I may get criticized,
So this is I really don't care. At his core,
I don't think he's a bad person. I really don't
think he's a bad person. I think Chris Chritis was
(37:44):
confused about some things that I don't think he was
as ready as he thought he was. That yeah, no
he wasn't. And so you know, he made some mistakes
that unfortunately will follow him. I hope at some point
people forget and he can go on and live his life.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Sure, Yeah, of course, we Yeah, it's it's obviously it's
you're on a big stage here, and you know, we
don't want anyone's lives to be you know, difficult because
of it.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
This is difficult. It is very difficult to marry a stranger.
And there's some people who have done it incredibly well.
Like I mean, we always see oh god, Amani and
yeah they're doing great. Act that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
They're so cute.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
Oh, they're so cute. There are some couples that we
don't see a lot of anymore, but they're still doing
uh from Philly. We had two couples in Philly that
are still doing great.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
It's great, that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Yeah, So you know, I'm just curious. I know that
at the beginning you said, you know that people don't
listen when they don't you know, aren't successful sometimes on
the show. But would that be your advice for how
to make a marriage work or what would you say?
I'm sure you get this question a lot.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
But never think you know it all.
Speaker 6 (39:05):
I mean, even even though you know, my wife and
I have been married, you know, heading towards twenty years now,
and we still need, you know, advice.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
No one knows it all. It's just impossible. I think
that one of the biggest challenges that I've seen on
the show and off the show is when people have
all these preconceived notions of what they think marriage is
going to be, and they come into marriage with all
those notions and all those ideas, and if that person
does not fit up to that standard that they've created,
you know, then they consider it a failure. And what
(39:38):
I tell people is what was told to us when
I for the year and a half that I spent
in law school. But what was told to me was
that on the first day he said, you know, how
many of you all had pre law? How many of
you guys did this and that? How many think you
know the law? And they raw raised a hand, and
then the professor said, I want you to forget about
(39:59):
all of it your minds because you know nothing. You
know absolutely nothing. Schooling does not prepare you for law.
It doesn't. It's the same with marriage. Whatever preconceived notions
you have, whatever checklist you have, erase them, find yourself
a person whose values based and grow together. That's it,
And it's not all. It's not always about the physical,
(40:20):
you know. I mean we find women who always say
I need a man who's six feet tall with you know,
six pack ads and makes six figures, and oh, well,
good luck. You know, you better take someone five to
seven with a one keg and you know, and who's
doing well and be happy because when you both turn seventy,
(40:40):
it makes no difference.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Right, right, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
It's hard to explain that to maybe someone who's like
twenty five or twenty nine years old, and you.
Speaker 4 (40:51):
Know, it's very difficult. It's very difficult to explain it
to someone like that. But you know what, for those
who have listened, they've become they've gone on to be successful.
And even when people don't succeed and I mentioned page
a moment ago, but even when they don't succeed on
the show and and stay married, they learned so much
about themselves and they become such better people that they
(41:11):
are prepared for something for something better last season, And
I'm so glad you guys didn't say a lot about it, But.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
I did have one question now that you brought it up.
I just had a question about m M and Brandon.
What did you end up did you.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
No, Brandon the.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
New guy.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
You wait, you gotta take your glasses off and take
your head.
Speaker 4 (41:47):
Okay Brandon? Oh wow, yeah, well you know what. Okay,
First of all, let me say I absolutely love him.
I think that she is class personified. He came into
this with the right attitude. She was ready to go,
she had done work on herself, and first off, with KG,
(42:09):
he just wasn't Bless his heart, I mean after two,
after two go rounds, we thought he would be ready
on the second, but he wasn't. My bad. But so
what happened. But what happened was that with Brandon what
kind of set our hearts at ease A little bit
(42:29):
was at the reunion when we found out that they
knew each other actually in the sixth grade, and so
this wasn't a brand new thing, but it was the
sort of like the recreation of an old thing. He's
a lot, and he knows it's a lot. Yeah, you know,
he knows he's a lot. So I'm not saying anything
(42:51):
that he doesn't know. But he's enough for her, and
whatever however much he is, he supplies her with happiness
that she really is craving. And I think that I
think that that's that's good for them. Look, I've learned.
This is what I've learned on the show, is that
and and and just and through all the couples that
(43:13):
we've dealt with, whether they're celebrity couples or whomever, we've
counseled people from all over the spectrum. I don't have
to like your spouse. That's not my job, right, I
don't have to like you, that's not my job. But
you two have to like each other, you know. And
so it's like, not that I don't like Brandon because
I like him. I think he's okay. I think he's
a cool guy, you know. But I think that when
(43:35):
it comes down to it, you know, often we look
at people when we're watching them on the screen and say, oh,
I don't like them, Well that's okay. How many people
do you know in real life who are married and
you're like, I can't stand him, but I love his wife.
I can't stand her, but I love the husband. You know,
it's life. And so with them, I think they're a
great match together. Individually, you may like one or not
(43:57):
like the other, but together they seem to work very well.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
M that's cool, that's great. Love it, love it.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, we didn't. We didn't really mention too much about
about this last season.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
I mean, you know, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
We always want my Chicago teach to do well.
Speaker 4 (44:19):
I know, I know, I know, I know. We had
last season was really we had some twists and turns
and we never experienced before. And you know, even even
with that, you know, you know, I hope and believe
and they still are that the couples that have with
Morgan and dude what's his name? The couple that met
(44:40):
each other, the couple that who are these people? That?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Which was this is fine?
Speaker 4 (44:46):
These people, right, I actually talked to them from the
last season.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Oh, David and gosh, David and Madison.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Right, that's what I was, right, Okay, there's.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
A lot of names, Pastor.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Okay, listen, there's lots of m names and they're all white,
blonde women.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
He was texting.
Speaker 4 (45:13):
Your Madison.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
There was yeh, Paster cal Why.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Do men do that? Why can't?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Why can't My ex husband did that too? He texted
the girl he was supposed to be. He was supposed
to be He texted me something he was because we
both had s names.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Why do you guys do that, pastor because they're not
They're not good cheaters. They're not good che They're horrible.
Men are horrible at being dishonest. They just are you know,
they can't see the nuances they're they're just not good
at it. And you know, they will always be found
out because there's certain little women have this uncanny ability
(45:52):
to know all the details. And it's almost like a
sixth sense that you guys have. You have it, and
it's a it's a beautiful thing. And and in a marriage.
I count on it with my wife, I honestly do.
But we forget that when we're with someone and we're
trying to cheat, that that sixth sense. We'll always find out.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
That's right. Like Michelle Man, she was on a mission.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
I mean, she was on it.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
It was so juicy to watch her. I was like
like she was like a cyber sleuth trying to solve
the Gabby Patito murder. You know, she was like, she
did not relent.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Listen, we need to put her on the John Bennet
Ramsey case.
Speaker 4 (46:37):
And you know what, she is such a sweetheart. I
like her so much, and the people want to criticize
her because at the beginning she was so tough on
him and all this and all that, but she still
didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve it, and she was
beginning to warm up. You know. You remember Jamie and Doug.
She was very much the same way, but they warmed
(46:58):
up and they'd been married now to go on eight
years or nine yar or something or another ten years. Yeah,
I think it is.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, yeah, so three kids.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
Right, so it's possible for that to have turned around,
but you know what it is, what it is, and
now the other two are they seem to be working
on their relationship.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
So it's yeah, let's I'm happy for him too, I
really am.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Yeah really, at the end of the day, we all
just love love and we want people to be in
love and work from themselves and work on the marriage together,
the relationship together, whatever it will be.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
So the next so the next season, season nineteen, has
it started filming.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
Yet or Season nineteen is completed.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
It's done in the can in the can okay.
Speaker 4 (47:49):
We're we're editing and all that stuff. And when the
release date is I cannot tell you. I know it
should be sometime this year, okay, because of the change
in networks et cetera. The slowdowns and reformulations and et cetera,
et cetera, what all the execs do, and but I
can't say that it's it's it's definitely something that that
(48:12):
you're going to be incredibly surprised. Is going to be
so so, so awesome. We've done something that we have
never done. And I know we say that every time,
but this time we've done something that we have never
done on the show, and okay, approach, it's something that's exciting,
something is that's different, and it's going to be awesome.
(48:35):
It's going to be awesome, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
No doubt.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
And we will be watching every episode and talking with
people about the episode every every week.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
And go ahead. Please do you know how we do it.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
On our show, pastor Kel, I don't know. We invite
someone on who's usually a comedian, but not always because
we're both comedians, but someone who's never seen the show before.
We invite them to watch one episode and then they
come on the show and they tell us their opinion
about everything.
Speaker 4 (49:07):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
It's great. We start with the matchmaking episode. We usually
have somebody on who's an actual matchmaker, actually familiar with
the show, and then we invite a comedian or somebody
else who's never seen the show before to watch an episode,
and then they come on and we talk about it together.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
So that's very cool.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
It's really interesting what they can pick up on. Yeah. Yeah,
it's really interesting what they can pick up on just
from watching one episode.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Yeah, that's very cool.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
And so then we're trying to get people all across
this world to watch Merit at First Sight.
Speaker 4 (49:42):
Yes, you guys are the best PR firm. I believe
we have wonderful than you can.
Speaker 5 (49:47):
We get a raise, okay.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Answer yeah, yeah, well faster cow.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
It has been a pleasure and summer has been oh mine. Look,
I can't wait to Uh, you guys are in l A.
I'm looking to see you guys when I come out there. Okay,
so awesome you have.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
We'll just look at the dates online to figure out when.
Speaker 4 (50:13):
Yeah, please, we'll be there. And I would love to
see all the fans whatever city we go into, if
you're fans of the show in that city, please come
out and see us. It'll be awesome.
Speaker 3 (50:22):
Yeah, yeah, come out and see and and is there
a website that can go to you to see all
the different.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Absolutely our different spots maps for reel dot com mapsfrel
dot com or download the app maps Relationship on Google
or Apple and uh. At the opening you will see
the relationship tour tab, so just tap on it. Yep.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Are you on Instagram?
Speaker 4 (50:46):
Pat?
Speaker 5 (50:47):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (50:48):
Are you on Instagram?
Speaker 4 (50:49):
I am? I am Calvin Ruberson on Instagram and also
marriage ain't for pumps on i G as well as
on Twitter and TikTok and Facebook and all the other things.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
I'm going to follow you on on Instagram. Will you
follow me back?
Speaker 4 (51:07):
Yes? Okay, follow me?
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I will definitely follow you.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Follow him too?
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 3 (51:14):
And our podcast Instagram will follow you to and can
you get us on after party?
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Listen?
Speaker 4 (51:26):
I have to ask shot you know what s you
should decide?
Speaker 5 (51:30):
You gotta you have to ask.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
Okay, I would love to ask.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
Okay, I would love to ask because we'd be a
great addition to to after party.
Speaker 4 (51:42):
Oh yeah, she's awesome.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Yeah, I bet she's Yeah, I love her. Oh all right, Well,
we don't want to keep you too much longer.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
So thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (51:56):
Great finally single. I love it.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Thanks so much.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Yay
Welcome to madd and Finally Single. I'm Jamie Black and.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm Summer Austin.
Speaker 3 (00:08):
I'm Skyler Fast Jokes, and this is a meretivers I
fan podcast where we invite a guest on who's never
watched an episode. Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of
Mad and Finally Single. We have very a bonus episode, yes,
because as you know, season eighteen ended, we had one
(00:30):
on our last episode, but this we have an even
more special guest.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Yes, and some aer's going to introduce our guest, you.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Know, I mean, one's very special. So we also have
an additional other special guests. Yes, we're so excited. Jamie
and I are giddy. We're freaking giddy.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
You's how we're of the show.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Let's just get without further ado, we have someone who's
beloved to the show, to us and to the show,
a relationship expert, marriage counselor, or dain minister is pastor
cal Oh so excited to meet you and have you here.
Thank you for doing this, Summer.
Speaker 4 (01:12):
It's my pleasure. It's my pleasure to meet you and Jamie,
I mean when I when when I heard about the podcast?
What is it? Single?
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Mad and Finally single.
Speaker 4 (01:22):
And finally single. Wait a minute, how do they come
up with that? What is that all about?
Speaker 1 (01:28):
That was Summer? Well, Summer did that.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
It's the It's the same letters as M A fast.
So it's just a wow.
Speaker 4 (01:36):
I just got that.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, because because if we're being honest, Pastor Cal, most
of the couples end up mad and finally right.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
I can't even argue with that. That's the sad thing
about it.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Why why is that the Now we did have a
creator of on the show. It was she came up
with the idea and it was for in or Week Denmark. Yeah,
and you know like it sounds like, you know, in theory,
(02:18):
it's a great idea, right, like, but yeah, what what
why do you think so many people don't make it?
Pastor Cow, We're just jumping right in.
Speaker 4 (02:27):
Yeah, let's let's just go for it. Well, first of all,
let me say that we look, we we have every
intention of everybody making it. However, let me give you
the good before I give you the bad. We are
probably and I think this is I think this is
I think this is. You know, you can probably statistically
prove this that we are probably the most successful marriage
(02:48):
and dating show on TV. We have about fourteen or
fifteen couples, well fifteen couples that are still married. And
oh my god, we have like fifteen babies. Now they
see Breonna Viers theirs. Yeah, yeah, we have so many babies.
It's crazy. I feel like I'm just a grandpa to
everybody's kids.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Yeah, So, now, why people don't make it? Girl, we
don't have enough time. I'm here to tell you that
one reason, the biggest reason they don't make it is
that they don't listen. They don't listen. They they basically
just go rogue wants to show once the show airs.
I mean, if you remember Denver, that's a prime example.
(03:32):
You know, they pretty much just go rogue and think
they know how to how to make it through this
process without instruction, and they always they always crash in fall.
And then some people are just they just deceive themselves
into thinking that they're ready, but they really just are
not ready for marriage. It's not even about ready for
(03:52):
the show. They're not ready to be married to anyone
and under any circumstances. And for some of them, I
don't know when they will be. So, you know, we
do so much vetting to get them ready roughly about
three to four months of vetting all kinds of tests
and they have to answer over five hundred questions and
a questionnaire.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
They and it's not multiple choices, it is an essay.
Speaker 4 (04:15):
It's essay some yes and no, like you know, I mean,
have you ever murdered anybody? Like you know, I'm sorry,
I'm alive anybody. But outside of that, you know, yes,
(04:37):
it's very in depth. And with all that, some people
still slip through the cracks.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
So you know, we do have yeah, yeah, yeah, Oh,
I forgot to ask you to tell us a little
bit about yourself, pastor call skip that part. What would
you like to tell us let us know?
Speaker 4 (04:54):
Oh my gosh, Well I am I am. I am
an actual pastor. I don't play one on TV. I
live in Atlanta, Georgia. I have been counseling for about
over twenty years, I think going on twenty five years
under the starting as a pastoral counselor, relationship counselor, and
(05:15):
then my wife and I started a counseling organization about
sixteen years ago. Prior to that, even I've spent twelve
years on Wall Street as a Wall Street executive. I
started I work with a company years ago called Smith
Barney somebody. No, people don't remember it anymore, but I
spent twelve years there. Was I spent a little time
(05:35):
in education where I was an adjunct professor at two universities,
and I also was the dean of Arts at Duke
Ellington School of the Arts in Washington, DC. And then
during all that, for at least for twenty five years
of that, I was still counseling. And then more recently,
in the last sixteen years, my wife and I just
(05:57):
really started honing in on relationship count you know, schooled
undergrad grad doctoral studies, all that stuff. But we we've
considered this now a just a great blessing for us,
you know, to have been involved for these many years
talking to I mean countless couples and now married at
(06:19):
First Site and our own efforts have really given us
an opportunity to just reach even so so so many more,
you know. So it's been a great ride.
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
How did Mary at First Sight find you? Is it
because of your work that you were doing counseling?
Speaker 4 (06:37):
You know what, Jamie, It was actually we were we
were actually doing a lot of a lot of counseling
we were doing conferences all all over the place, nationally
and some international, and we had an online presence and
we received an email from a casting agent and you know,
(06:58):
we were looking at it. This is SPAN and then
I said, old, wait, no, let's check it out. So
we checked it out and there was They were actually
reaching out to us to ask us to give them
a couple for one of their other shows. So we
did that. They chose the couple and it worked out well.
But while the couple was on there, they were constantly
talking about what they've learned from us. So they wanted
(07:21):
to film us in a session. And I didn't know
anything about TV, so I'm like, look, we'll do this. However,
when you're filming, we don't want you to stop. There's
no cut, there's no redo. This is serious to us.
So we're going to counsel these people and you're gonna
sit there and just do it. An after it's all over, cool,
you can do whatever you want to do with your
TV magic, but right now, okay, right now, you're going
(07:45):
to listen. So we did that, and while we were
doing that, they were texting the EP and they were
testing the texting the president of the company, and nobody
knew that a few people were texting, you know, independently
of themselves into the executive producer and she wanted to
beat us personally. They were like, well, you got to
hear these guys. So then we walked, we talked, and
they want us to work with them on some other things.
(08:06):
And then they asked, well, what would you do differently
on marriage at first site? And I gave them some
very straightforward, you know, council as to what I thought
needed to happen. And so they asked, what would you
consider being an expert on the show? And that was
about sixteen seasons ago. Wow, yeah, that's how that's how
it happened. I didn't I wasn't campaigning or or trying
to be on the show. It just kind of came
(08:28):
to me, which has been a great thing though.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
So then who were the experts? Who was it was
Doctor Pepper already on the show as an expert.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Yeah, from the first I came in on the fourth season.
There were four experts I think during that time. Uh,
they were all involuntarily displaced after those three seasons and
the only one left was Dr Pepper. Okay, got it,
Doctor Pepper joined me and one other counselor what rather,
(08:57):
we joined her and then we were we've been riding
ever since. And then you know, there have been some
other changes from Rachel dialto to uh Jessica, doctor Jessica,
and then uh doctor Viviana and now doctor Pia.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Right, yeah, okay, yes, my goodness.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
You know I know that they they probably really enjoyed
your counseling style because I know I do. I know
that that no nonsense. And then and then when when
one of the couple disappoints you and you take your
glasses off and shake your head, and.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
Troy looked, Damie, I'm telling you, man, this stuff is
not planned. You know. It's funny because my wife says,
why are you looking like that? I'm like, I don't.
I'm not. I'm not trying to. It's like it's like
and I tell them, look, this face, this is the
face that I use on TV. I cannot control it.
These are my expressions, dog Gunnet. And that's what I.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Love you because you're really natural and just honest and
that works really really well for real TV.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
Yeah, it does.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Well for anything. Really. Yeah, you can't hide it. Has
your wife ever wanted to do this with you on
the show or you know.
Speaker 4 (10:14):
She she has worked with me in so many of
course off camera, but and she does interviews with me,
et cetera. We did one show together with Meredith First Site.
I think it was in Chicago where we did a
game night and it's somewhere in the internet files where
we did the Chicago game Night at the end of
(10:34):
the season. So we hosted that together. And she's always
been a very close close member of the Meredith First
Sight family. But as far as being on the actual show, no,
she has not. But there are some things that we're
we're going to be doing together.
Speaker 1 (10:49):
Oh, we have to hear about that. I'm curious. I'm curious.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
Do you watch any of the other Maritive First Sight,
like the UK or the All one, because we love
those two.
Speaker 4 (11:02):
No, you know what, No, okay, look, okay, I'll be straight.
First of all, Australia, they don't really get married. I
don't think. I don't think England actually, I don't think
they actually marry. I think they Yeah, I think that
they are. They are are they are they're arranged relationships,
(11:25):
but I don't think they're actually married. It's one of
the few shows that actually it's a legally binding marriage.
I don't. I don't think that that's and and you
know that's the case with those shows. So it's kind
of like, but Doctor Pepper has gone to the show
in England and has actually helped out on that show.
So that's But I respect what they do and they
do a great job, you know, so I have no
(11:47):
no hate for any of them.
Speaker 2 (11:49):
Yeah, they do their like recommitment ceremony or their decision
making every every week.
Speaker 4 (11:57):
On that Yeah. Yeah, it's a big it.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Gets messy, messy.
Speaker 4 (12:02):
Oh my god. And they don't have the success rate
that we do. Yeah, sorry, I'm surprised.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, there's much more drama on those shows. So I'm
not surprised.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
We actually try to eliminate as much drama as possible. Look,
I've been accused, We've been accused of creating drama. It
doesn't happen though.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
We simply do not like according to different people, like
mismatching on purpose or something.
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:32):
I tell everybody, I tell everybody. I say, you know,
if if you were to turned the camera on anyone's
marriage for just twenty four hours and just let the
camera roll, you would see drama you would see comedy,
you would see horror, you'd see suspense, you'd see everything.
So you don't have to create that kind of stuff.
It just happens.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely true. Oh yeah, So are there any Jamie,
Do you have any questions that I don't want to
I don't want to, like, you know, talk over. Do
you have anything burning question?
Speaker 3 (13:03):
I just I have I just have a question. And
I don't even know if you can answer. You may
not even know, because you know, you may not be
a decision maker in this, but you could you or
do you know why they don't match gay couples on
the United States version?
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Well, here I can tell you this. It has been
considered on a number of occasions. But the way we
do the matching, I think logistically it would be very
very difficult. First of all, when we are matching, if
you notice at the beginning we have just a group
a room full of men and a room full of women,
(13:44):
and then we we have to talk to them and
then talk to the men women, and it's easy to
keep them separated, separated we're in same sex couples. It's
a little difficult to do that, you know, I mean,
I don't know we don't know exactly how do we
take We would have actually individually just meet people and
(14:04):
talk to them and then put them together. So it's
a whole different dynamic. And the time that we did
consider it, logistically it was very tough. But then in
addition to that, the network that we were on at
that time, I think there was it was just not
it's not something they wanted to tackle. They much more
of a much more can I don't want to say conservative,
(14:27):
but you know, it just wasn't the right timing. I'll
just put it that way. So that's that's the big
reason that it hasn't been And you know that I
think that they were like, look, it's working as it is,
that's just And then there are shows because the same
same production company connected content on Netflix. They have what
(14:50):
is it called the ultimatum the queer addition, and I
think it is or something about yes, yeah, so they
I mean they are trying to compensate in other and
other manner and other ways. Yeah, but I think married
at first, I think wanted to just keep it, keep
it traditional.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
That's is it is it completely off the table though
that I.
Speaker 4 (15:09):
Can't know that that I don't know that one is
above my pay grade. You know, I don't know that.
I don't think it's ever off the table. Yeah, I
don't think it's ever off the table. I think it's
something that they may be they may be still considering. Yeah,
now that we're with you know, we're not with Lifetime anymore.
We're with a different network altogether, Peacock. Yeah, with Peacock.
(15:29):
So we have no idea what's going to happen next.
Speaker 3 (15:33):
What about older couples, like like I would like to
be on Marria to first sight. I would like for
you to match me with my forever person.
Speaker 4 (15:42):
Okay, Jamie, you are And i'd say, what are you about?
Thirty five?
Speaker 1 (15:48):
U pastor?
Speaker 3 (15:49):
Now you know black, don't crack Pastor cow. I am
much older than thirty five.
Speaker 4 (15:59):
Messing with It's funny because oh god, I can't I
can't really reveal too much, but I can say that
if you'll notice during our preceding seasons that we have
we've been sort of inching just a little bit further,
a little bit further. I mean we had couples that
(16:21):
we had a couple that were in the early thirties,
I mean early forties, and then you know now, mind you.
Even this last season, we did cast this incredible woman
that we all wanted to match. I think she was
almost fifty. We were really excited about her, really want
but we just couldn't find a match. We just couldn't
(16:42):
find one. So that sometimes is the challenge that if
we find someone, whether they're older or whatever, we'll find
great people. Sometimes we'll say, oh my gosh, we gotta
find somebody, but we don't put them on the show
because if we can't find anyone who's adequate for them,
we still won't match them. And sometimes that happens because honestly,
we get more young people, younger people rather who apply
(17:03):
to older people. Yeah, but you know what, just we'll
see what happens going forward. It might be something in
the Yeah, and.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
You do you ever consider people who've been previously divorced.
Speaker 4 (17:15):
Or yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we definitely have divorced people.
Speaker 1 (17:22):
Now.
Speaker 4 (17:23):
Another thing that we will not.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Who've had kids already though have.
Speaker 4 (17:28):
No, we don't. We don't have anybody who's had children,
and the reason for that is because it's just too traumatic.
The only time we would do that is if they
are older and their children are also adults. You know,
because we can't have a five year old calling this
guy daddy and then you know, a decision days like, no,
(17:49):
I want a divorce, daddy.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
What are you doing? You have that, daddy?
Speaker 4 (18:05):
Oh my god, a child?
Speaker 2 (18:14):
Yeah, that would be pretty messed up.
Speaker 4 (18:19):
We're not going to do that to kids.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Yeah, my goodness, Jamie. Do you have anything else? I
know that I know that you're you're working on something,
uh Cow these days. Would you like to tell us
about it?
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Let's talk about it? Yeah. I actually a few things.
First of all, I have a book that I wrote
called Marriage Jane for Punks, and it's it's been it's
wherever books are sold, uh online and in the in
the Barnes and Noble bookstores, et cetera.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
But I want you to know that I often quote
that when somebody's talking about Mary. I said, listen, pastor
Cow says, marriag Jane for punks.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
That's right, that's right. It ain't you know, And I
tell people, look, marriage doesn't work. People work. You know,
marriage is simply the institution. But people got to get
in there and you got to do what's necessary to
make that thing to make it successful. So there's the
book and then in addition to the book, we started
(19:21):
about in twenty twenty two, we started working on an
app because we got we were receiving so many requests
for counseling and for dating advice and all kinds of things,
and we just couldn't handle all the influx of requests.
So I woke up one morning and I said, I have
an idea. Let's do an app. So we started an
(19:42):
app in twenty twenty two and it's a little unique.
It's very unique. Actually, we call it one app with
three applications. The app actually has marriage resources. It also
has coaching for people who are dating and in relationships,
and then thirdly, it has matchmaking for singles. Now the singles,
(20:03):
we have not launched the matchmaking yet, but on the
marriage and the dating side, we're moving forward with the
resources and we're doing something a little different because, you know,
after having focused groups and doing research, we had a
soft launch last fall, so we're still in beta mode.
But after we did research, we figured that one of
the biggest complaints on dating apps is where are the
(20:26):
quality men? And a lot of people are saying that
a lot of the women were like, we're the quality
men because I mean, we have no problem finding quality women.
Let's just be honest. So what we've done is that
we focused our app on preparing men for life, love
and legacy. So part of a large part of the
app has a section where we're actually giving men a
(20:47):
safe place to land, a place where they can be open,
and a place where they can learn some of the
basic things about how to be their true selves in
a relationship. I think that's much needed. So the app
is actually in the app stores. Uh, Marriage Ain't for Punks.
You can find it under the very loose acronym maps
M A p S. You can type in maps marriage
(21:09):
or maps relationship and it'll come up Marriage Ain't for Punks.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's so great.
Speaker 4 (21:14):
We're excited. We're excited. And then since you got me
on a roll, after that, we're also launching a tour.
It's a sixth city tour. We're starting in Atlanta on
June twenty eighth, and we're so excited about it. Our
first stop is right right here in Atlanta, my hometown,
and then we're going to be going to a five
other cities, Dallas and Houston, the Washington, DC area of Chicago,
(21:36):
and Los Angeles.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
You are coming to La. Yea, they just leave La
off off the right.
Speaker 4 (21:45):
Well, look, everybody's trying to be a star in La.
It's kind of hard.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's hard. I know it's hard.
Speaker 4 (21:50):
Yeah, come on, yeah, I want to be married.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
There's no quality man here whatsoever.
Speaker 4 (21:55):
So oh my god, on summer.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
That's not I'm here in La.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I know, right, So what are you going to do
on the tour? What do you What's what's going to
be the content of the tour.
Speaker 4 (22:10):
It's an innovative, transformative tour where we're actually going to
give instruction on relationships, and it's for we're saying it's
a tour for marriage for married people, but also we
were asking if you're single and you want to know
how to prepare yourself for marriage, please you can come
as well. But the during the tour, we're going to
(22:31):
give instruction on communication, instruction on finding out how do
I develop my best self either to get ready for
marriage or in marriage. And then we're going to take
a section where we're actually dealing with and we've done
this in conferences before it and workshops where we actually
deal with real problems that people are having in their
(22:51):
relationships in real time right there. Yes, it's very exciting.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
So do you think that that, you know, you mentioned
that you're high, you have a hard time finding quality men.
Do you think that it's just because some men are
prepared for marriage or they think they're ready and they're
actually not and there just needs to be Do you
think that that there are more men who aren't ready
than women?
Speaker 4 (23:15):
You know what, here's the funny thing. Well, we know
this is this is this is scientific data that you know,
women mature faster than men. We know that, but after
a certain period, you know, we all should be at
the same level. I don't think that we've been given
that men have been given the same kind of preparation
for marriage and for life that women have. I mean,
(23:36):
think about it. When a woman becomes a young girl,
becomes a lady, you know, when her body starts to change,
we tell her you're a woman now, you know, and
she plays with dolls and she does the mothering thing,
and she she's in that mindsets a still play in
with cars and video games and call of duty.
Speaker 3 (23:57):
I mean, we're we're not and themselves, huh, and themselves
as well, Oh god, I'm just sayingselves and themselves.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
So Yeah, so you're absolutely right. So, so what our
goal here is to empower men and to enlighten women.
So it's not just about I want everyone to know
that it's not just a man focused thing. We're not
excluding women by any stretch of the imagination. But we
want men to be empowered and want them to make
be ready to be their best selves and relationships. We
(24:32):
believe that if some of you tell me that, if
you know that you have an app or you have
a place where men are like top quality ready for
this thing, will we have any problem finding women?
Speaker 2 (24:44):
No?
Speaker 4 (24:46):
No, absolutely not, no, not at all.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Yeah, and you know, I think also it sounds like
a great thing. One of the other things too about
a lot of those dating apps is that there's there
aren't real profiles on them.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
No, oh they aren't.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
Yeah, they have like these fake profiles just floating around.
So and sometimes you're talking to about is what I hear?
I don't know that, that's just what they say, right, So.
Speaker 4 (25:11):
Yeah, the difference. The difference is that ours, first of all,
is very values based. Uh, matchmaking and everything that we
do is very values based. And so when people do
their profiles, especially on the matchmaking, which will be launching,
especially that when they do their profiles, we're actually going
in depth to find out what their values are, find out, uh,
you know, what their likes and their dislikes are, and
(25:33):
to find out actually who they are. We don't even
we're not even leading with pictures. We're leading with avatars.
We don't want to be SUPERI yeah, we we don't
want it to be superficial. So you're not swiping, nobody's
swiping none of that. We want to find out who
these people are from the inside out and not just
on the outside.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yeah, that's wonderful.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
I like that. That's what I need.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
That's Jams meant, James, I'm gonna I'm gonna have to.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
This is like your opportunity to be on marrit At
first site kind of like in a way.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
You know, married its site adjacent.
Speaker 2 (26:08):
We can all be a part of Pastor Cow's world,
which is what we want. Of course. So this is
so great, This is so exciting and so so when
does the tour kick off?
Speaker 4 (26:20):
You said, well, we kick off on June twenty eighth.
June twenty eighth is the first uh, the first stop,
and you can go to mapsfour reel dot com it
a P S F O R R E A L
dot com and you'll find out all the information, or
you can download the app maps Marriage and the app
has a tab on it which says Relationship Tour. And
(26:43):
we're in the process now if even training coaches to
be a part of our tour. This is just the
first year. We're launching this this year and then next
year we plan to double the stops and we want
this to become a movement. This is a movement to
restore marriage to values and to help people be who
they who they really want to be.
Speaker 2 (27:02):
That's so amazing. And is your wife gonna come on.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
Tour with you?
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Yeah? Okay? Is it you and your wife or are
there any other folks from Married to First Sight that
are joining you?
Speaker 4 (27:13):
You know, we do occasionally when we go to different cities.
We always invite invite people we we we've gone to
we've had conferences and we in the past and we've
had people to come down. We had Jeffy and Shawnee
from Boston, they came down. We had some other couples.
I just remember them because they were one of my favorites.
(27:33):
I should have said that because now you're going to
ask me who is some of my other favorites.
Speaker 3 (27:37):
But then and you can't remember their names, Like you
can see their face, I know their face, but I
can't remember their name.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
It's not sad, though.
Speaker 3 (27:48):
Because all of the people that you have over these seasons. Yeah,
that's a lot of people. I mean I've watched every
episode something.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
Like I know you have, Jamie, I can't keep people straight,
so like you're you do a good job with that.
But you have had Chicago two seasons now in Chicago,
so there should be some maybe some more people when
you go to Chicago. That's why Jamie and I used
to live in Chicago. We love Chicago.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
I love Chicago. I mean before September October, yeah, after
that you can have it.
Speaker 3 (28:18):
But yeah, it's really November now because of global warming,
it stays pretty warm.
Speaker 4 (28:27):
Dude, you know what, You're right? Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah.
I think the last time I was there in the fall,
it was unseasonably warm.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
The summertime is just so great in Chicago best.
Speaker 4 (28:40):
And the food, oh my gosh. Yeah, I still think
Chicago hot dogs are the absolute the best.
Speaker 2 (28:46):
I had to ask you, what's doctor Pepper like wait,
what's Doctor p and Doctor Pepper like and tell them
we said, Hi, do they ever want to launch an
app or something?
Speaker 1 (28:58):
I know, right, just come on and talk.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Oh absolutely, I'll tell them talk. Doctor Peer would love it.
Doctor Pepper would as well. Pia Pia is is so
she is. She's so real and how you see her
on how you see her on on on the screen
is exactly. In fact, that's how everyone is. But she's
(29:23):
so real. She just had a baby, so we're so
excited about her first baby. So we're so excited. And
she's just really a joy to be around. She's she's
so brilliant. Uh, she has so much to offer and
we're just happy to have her on the show. And
she's just a good friend, Doctor Pepper. What can I
(29:43):
say about my longtime friend Pepper Schwartz, Doctor Pepper is
you know the serious person you see on TV? Uh?
That is? That is who she is, But not all
the time. You know, here's a woman who is you
know easily what is she almost fifteen years my senior,
(30:05):
she still rides horses. She's funny as all get out.
I mean we have some of the funniest times. We
laugh a lot we've we've gone places together. We've done it.
She's inviting me, you know, to their their Hawaii home
every year. I have to go. I know, I know,
(30:25):
I know, I know we have we have gone places
together before. And she's just such a sweetheart. That's that's
my buddy.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
She's such tell me, tell me the truth.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
She she dances on the table at parties us.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
She's a wild one.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Hey, don't put it fast drinks. I'm telling you, she's
gonna hate me so much.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
So now she'll have to come on the podcast and
tell them about you.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Will, right, she will.
Speaker 2 (31:01):
That's a great strategy.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
She loves to have she loves to have fun.
Speaker 2 (31:06):
Alast, do you guys take it hard? You know when
these some of these marriages don't work out, or when
someone badly.
Speaker 4 (31:13):
Yeah, yeah, I remember one in particular that just floored us.
I think it was in Charlottesville with Oh my gosh,
I can't think of her. She was a virgin and
oh what is there? Oh my god, this is terrible.
Jimmy might remember she was a virgin. Keith Keith Manley
(31:37):
and Iris Iris. So, Keith and Iris, we thought they
were great. We knew there were some challenges, and then
at the reveal the decision day, he said he gave
her all these platitudes and all these compliments and she's
(31:57):
beautiful and this and that, and then he says, but
I think I you there was a collective gasp. Just
it was just it was just crazy. And there have
been others also, They're the first that came to mind,
but there was just others that are, oh my gosh. Yeah,
we we we're sometimes we're floored and we're just frustrated
and it's like, what in what are you doing? This
(32:20):
is this was your shot? This was it. I'm like,
I'm like Tyra Banks, we were rooting for you. You know,
you know, it's like, what the heck are you thinking? Dude?
And I think of what happens sometimes is that people
get on this show and then you know, it's almost like,
you know, they couldn't find anybody before, but then they
started thinking, well, I'm on the show. Then Fomo starts
(32:41):
to kick in, and it's like, what if I just
wait until afterwards, maybe I could find somebody even better. Yeah,
and they don't realize that they I call it. I
call it the Maths curse. It's kind of like this
that once you've been filmed for I don't know, ten
twenty season episodes, however, whatever it is. Now people see
(33:04):
your entire dating and married life and they know everything
about you. They know about how they know how you
handle conflict, they know how you handle a stress, they
know whether you're romantic, they know all that. I mean, look,
if you're dating, you know most of the time we
can google. We google people. I mean, you always google people.
(33:26):
But imagine if you google somebody and the entire the
entire season of your life shows up. So people don't
realize that by being on the show, you're exposing yourself,
exposing yourself, especially if your marriage doesn't work, you're exposing
yourself to an incredible amount of screwiny. But unfortunately they don't.
They don't get it until it's too.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Late, right Rightank?
Speaker 4 (33:47):
Goodness, Wow, that's a lot. I know, that's a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
Yeah. Yeah, are some of your I know that you
said we're going to ask you, but who are like
some of the couples that filled you with so much
joy and you were just like, yes'm I'm so happy
about these two.
Speaker 4 (34:05):
I can go back to the earliest Bobby and Danielle.
Speaker 3 (34:09):
Yeah, Oh my gosh, you're in Texas, right, yeah, in Dallas, Dallas, Yeah,
Bobby was I.
Speaker 4 (34:16):
Tell I mean, just to this day, Bobby has been
one of my favorite because he was so attentive and
just such a gentleman. And uh, I remember whenever either
of us were talking, Bobby would sit there and literally
take notes. He would just take notes and he went
back and just implement it. And now there they've had
(34:36):
two children now and they're just doing so so well.
I'm I'm just so proud of them. Also, I would
say Anthony in Chicago.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Yes, an.
Speaker 4 (34:51):
Demicos. Yeah, they're they're awesome. They're very awesome. And then
probably you know one who told me, and this is
why I remember her. This young lady told me. She said,
whoever's standing at that altar, we're going to be married forever.
And that was Deanna in Charlottesville. Oh yeah, and Deanna
(35:14):
and Greg they have been together since and they're just
a match made in heaven, I'm telling you. And that
baby they have, Declan is the cutest little guy. Oh
my god, I love it. Declan is just so adorable.
So yeah, so I really I'm really happy. And then
Vinnie and Brianna right here in Atlanta. Oh my god,
(35:36):
I could go on and on and on because I'm saying, yeah, yeah,
they're they're awesome. And I mentioned Jeffy and Shawny, so.
Speaker 2 (35:44):
Absolutely, yeah, that's so great.
Speaker 4 (35:46):
Well, just.
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Oh, I was just gonna ask, do any of them
ever call you when they get into some conflict and
they can't figure it out?
Speaker 1 (35:55):
Did they ever call you up on the pastor cow
you gotta help?
Speaker 4 (35:58):
Absolutely? Yeah. I do get calls. I do, and it's okay,
it's okay. I actually I actually enjoy it. Uh. You know,
I just got a phone call just recently, you know,
from a husband. It wasn't a marital issue, but he
just wanted to work out some other things and uh
and I was more than happy to sit down and
and talk with them. So uh that was that was
(36:21):
a lot of fun. Then. Uh yeah, I get a
number of calls from people who just they just want
to talk. And what's her name? There was? Oh god,
this is terrible. Page.
Speaker 2 (36:34):
Oh my god, I was just gonna say, Page, she
had it rough.
Speaker 4 (36:38):
She did, she did, bless her heart, Page And I
still keep in contact and and she is such a darling.
She's just had her second baby. Oh she did with
this really great dude. I talked to them, I had
a chance to counsel them a little bit, and they're
doing so well, and she's just she's just so lovely.
(37:02):
Were still talk and people are Look, I'm going to
say this to the to the trolls, because people always
say you should have apologize the page. Look, Paige and
I have had so many conversations since meredith first sight.
She's gone on and she's living an incredibly, incredibly fabulous yea,
and we are just such great.
Speaker 2 (37:18):
How could you have seen what Chris had coming?
Speaker 4 (37:22):
How could we have seen it? Chris has deserved an
Academy award, that's all right. I guess in the beginning,
know what at his core, and this I may get criticized,
So this is I really don't care. At his core,
I don't think he's a bad person. I really don't
think he's a bad person. I think Chris Chritis was
(37:44):
confused about some things that I don't think he was
as ready as he thought he was. That yeah, no
he wasn't. And so you know, he made some mistakes
that unfortunately will follow him. I hope at some point
people forget and he can go on and live his life.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Sure, Yeah, of course, we Yeah, it's it's obviously it's
you're on a big stage here, and you know, we
don't want anyone's lives to be you know, difficult because
of it.
Speaker 4 (38:12):
This is difficult. It is very difficult to marry a stranger.
And there's some people who have done it incredibly well.
Like I mean, we always see oh god, Amani and
yeah they're doing great. Act that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
They're so cute.
Speaker 4 (38:30):
Oh, they're so cute. There are some couples that we
don't see a lot of anymore, but they're still doing
uh from Philly. We had two couples in Philly that
are still doing great.
Speaker 1 (38:41):
It's great, that's great.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Yeah, So you know, I'm just curious. I know that
at the beginning you said, you know that people don't
listen when they don't you know, aren't successful sometimes on
the show. But would that be your advice for how
to make a marriage work or what would you say?
I'm sure you get this question a lot.
Speaker 4 (39:01):
But never think you know it all.
Speaker 6 (39:05):
I mean, even even though you know, my wife and
I have been married, you know, heading towards twenty years now,
and we still need, you know, advice.
Speaker 4 (39:16):
No one knows it all. It's just impossible. I think
that one of the biggest challenges that I've seen on
the show and off the show is when people have
all these preconceived notions of what they think marriage is
going to be, and they come into marriage with all
those notions and all those ideas, and if that person
does not fit up to that standard that they've created,
you know, then they consider it a failure. And what
(39:38):
I tell people is what was told to us when
I for the year and a half that I spent
in law school. But what was told to me was
that on the first day he said, you know, how
many of you all had pre law? How many of
you guys did this and that? How many think you
know the law? And they raw raised a hand, and
then the professor said, I want you to forget about
(39:59):
all of it your minds because you know nothing. You
know absolutely nothing. Schooling does not prepare you for law.
It doesn't. It's the same with marriage. Whatever preconceived notions
you have, whatever checklist you have, erase them, find yourself
a person whose values based and grow together. That's it,
And it's not all. It's not always about the physical,
(40:20):
you know. I mean we find women who always say
I need a man who's six feet tall with you know,
six pack ads and makes six figures, and oh, well,
good luck. You know, you better take someone five to
seven with a one keg and you know, and who's
doing well and be happy because when you both turn seventy,
(40:40):
it makes no difference.
Speaker 1 (40:42):
Right, right, that's so true.
Speaker 2 (40:45):
It's hard to explain that to maybe someone who's like
twenty five or twenty nine years old, and you.
Speaker 4 (40:51):
Know, it's very difficult. It's very difficult to explain it
to someone like that. But you know what, for those
who have listened, they've become they've gone on to be successful.
And even when people don't succeed and I mentioned page
a moment ago, but even when they don't succeed on
the show and and stay married, they learned so much
about themselves and they become such better people that they
(41:11):
are prepared for something for something better last season, And
I'm so glad you guys didn't say a lot about it, But.
Speaker 3 (41:21):
I did have one question now that you brought it up.
I just had a question about m M and Brandon.
What did you end up did you.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
No, Brandon the.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
New guy.
Speaker 1 (41:42):
You wait, you gotta take your glasses off and take
your head.
Speaker 4 (41:47):
Okay Brandon? Oh wow, yeah, well you know what. Okay,
First of all, let me say I absolutely love him.
I think that she is class personified. He came into
this with the right attitude. She was ready to go,
she had done work on herself, and first off, with KG,
(42:09):
he just wasn't Bless his heart, I mean after two,
after two go rounds, we thought he would be ready
on the second, but he wasn't. My bad. But so
what happened. But what happened was that with Brandon what
kind of set our hearts at ease A little bit
(42:29):
was at the reunion when we found out that they
knew each other actually in the sixth grade, and so
this wasn't a brand new thing, but it was the
sort of like the recreation of an old thing. He's
a lot, and he knows it's a lot. Yeah, you know,
he knows he's a lot. So I'm not saying anything
(42:51):
that he doesn't know. But he's enough for her, and
whatever however much he is, he supplies her with happiness
that she really is craving. And I think that I
think that that's that's good for them. Look, I've learned.
This is what I've learned on the show, is that
and and and just and through all the couples that
(43:13):
we've dealt with, whether they're celebrity couples or whomever, we've
counseled people from all over the spectrum. I don't have
to like your spouse. That's not my job, right, I
don't have to like you, that's not my job. But
you two have to like each other, you know. And
so it's like, not that I don't like Brandon because
I like him. I think he's okay. I think he's
a cool guy, you know. But I think that when
(43:35):
it comes down to it, you know, often we look
at people when we're watching them on the screen and say, oh,
I don't like them, Well that's okay. How many people
do you know in real life who are married and
you're like, I can't stand him, but I love his wife.
I can't stand her, but I love the husband. You know,
it's life. And so with them, I think they're a
great match together. Individually, you may like one or not
(43:57):
like the other, but together they seem to work very well.
Speaker 1 (44:00):
M that's cool, that's great. Love it, love it.
Speaker 2 (44:03):
Yeah, we didn't. We didn't really mention too much about
about this last season.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
I mean, you know, it's fine.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
It's fine.
Speaker 1 (44:16):
We always want my Chicago teach to do well.
Speaker 4 (44:19):
I know, I know, I know, I know. We had
last season was really we had some twists and turns
and we never experienced before. And you know, even even
with that, you know, you know, I hope and believe
and they still are that the couples that have with
Morgan and dude what's his name? The couple that met
(44:40):
each other, the couple that who are these people? That?
Speaker 2 (44:44):
Which was this is fine?
Speaker 4 (44:46):
These people, right, I actually talked to them from the
last season.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
Oh, David and gosh, David and Madison.
Speaker 1 (44:55):
Right, that's what I was, right, Okay, there's.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
A lot of names, Pastor.
Speaker 3 (45:04):
Okay, listen, there's lots of m names and they're all white,
blonde women.
Speaker 2 (45:10):
He was texting.
Speaker 4 (45:13):
Your Madison.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
There was yeh, Paster cal Why.
Speaker 1 (45:18):
Do men do that? Why can't?
Speaker 2 (45:21):
Why can't My ex husband did that too? He texted
the girl he was supposed to be. He was supposed
to be He texted me something he was because we
both had s names.
Speaker 4 (45:31):
Why do you guys do that, pastor because they're not
They're not good cheaters. They're not good che They're horrible.
Men are horrible at being dishonest. They just are you know,
they can't see the nuances they're they're just not good
at it. And you know, they will always be found
out because there's certain little women have this uncanny ability
(45:52):
to know all the details. And it's almost like a
sixth sense that you guys have. You have it, and
it's a it's a beautiful thing. And and in a marriage.
I count on it with my wife, I honestly do.
But we forget that when we're with someone and we're
trying to cheat, that that sixth sense. We'll always find out.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
That's right. Like Michelle Man, she was on a mission.
Speaker 5 (46:16):
I mean, she was on it.
Speaker 2 (46:19):
It was so juicy to watch her. I was like
like she was like a cyber sleuth trying to solve
the Gabby Patito murder. You know, she was like, she
did not relent.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Listen, we need to put her on the John Bennet
Ramsey case.
Speaker 4 (46:37):
And you know what, she is such a sweetheart. I
like her so much, and the people want to criticize
her because at the beginning she was so tough on
him and all this and all that, but she still
didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve it, and she was
beginning to warm up. You know. You remember Jamie and Doug.
She was very much the same way, but they warmed
(46:58):
up and they'd been married now to go on eight
years or nine yar or something or another ten years. Yeah,
I think it is.
Speaker 1 (47:05):
Yeah, yeah, so three kids.
Speaker 4 (47:08):
Right, so it's possible for that to have turned around,
but you know what it is, what it is, and
now the other two are they seem to be working
on their relationship.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
So it's yeah, let's I'm happy for him too, I
really am.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
Yeah really, at the end of the day, we all
just love love and we want people to be in
love and work from themselves and work on the marriage together,
the relationship together, whatever it will be.
Speaker 1 (47:35):
So the next so the next season, season nineteen, has
it started filming.
Speaker 4 (47:41):
Yet or Season nineteen is completed.
Speaker 1 (47:44):
It's done in the can in the can okay.
Speaker 4 (47:49):
We're we're editing and all that stuff. And when the
release date is I cannot tell you. I know it
should be sometime this year, okay, because of the change
in networks et cetera. The slowdowns and reformulations and et cetera,
et cetera, what all the execs do, and but I
can't say that it's it's it's definitely something that that
(48:12):
you're going to be incredibly surprised. Is going to be
so so, so awesome. We've done something that we have
never done. And I know we say that every time,
but this time we've done something that we have never
done on the show, and okay, approach, it's something that's exciting,
something is that's different, and it's going to be awesome.
(48:35):
It's going to be awesome, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:37):
No doubt.
Speaker 3 (48:38):
And we will be watching every episode and talking with
people about the episode every every week.
Speaker 4 (48:46):
And go ahead. Please do you know how we do it.
Speaker 2 (48:49):
On our show, pastor Kel, I don't know. We invite
someone on who's usually a comedian, but not always because
we're both comedians, but someone who's never seen the show before.
We invite them to watch one episode and then they
come on the show and they tell us their opinion
about everything.
Speaker 4 (49:07):
I love it.
Speaker 2 (49:08):
It's great. We start with the matchmaking episode. We usually
have somebody on who's an actual matchmaker, actually familiar with
the show, and then we invite a comedian or somebody
else who's never seen the show before to watch an episode,
and then they come on and we talk about it together.
Speaker 4 (49:25):
So that's very cool.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
It's really interesting what they can pick up on. Yeah. Yeah,
it's really interesting what they can pick up on just
from watching one episode.
Speaker 4 (49:35):
Yeah, that's very cool.
Speaker 2 (49:36):
And so then we're trying to get people all across
this world to watch Merit at First Sight.
Speaker 4 (49:42):
Yes, you guys are the best PR firm. I believe
we have wonderful than you can.
Speaker 5 (49:47):
We get a raise, okay.
Speaker 1 (49:54):
Answer yeah, yeah, well faster cow.
Speaker 4 (49:58):
It has been a pleasure and summer has been oh mine. Look,
I can't wait to Uh, you guys are in l A.
I'm looking to see you guys when I come out there. Okay,
so awesome you have.
Speaker 2 (50:10):
We'll just look at the dates online to figure out when.
Speaker 4 (50:13):
Yeah, please, we'll be there. And I would love to
see all the fans whatever city we go into, if
you're fans of the show in that city, please come
out and see us. It'll be awesome.
Speaker 3 (50:22):
Yeah, yeah, come out and see and and is there
a website that can go to you to see all
the different.
Speaker 4 (50:28):
Absolutely our different spots maps for reel dot com mapsfrel
dot com or download the app maps Relationship on Google
or Apple and uh. At the opening you will see
the relationship tour tab, so just tap on it. Yep.
Speaker 1 (50:45):
Are you on Instagram?
Speaker 4 (50:46):
Pat?
Speaker 5 (50:47):
Huh?
Speaker 1 (50:48):
Are you on Instagram?
Speaker 4 (50:49):
I am? I am Calvin Ruberson on Instagram and also
marriage ain't for pumps on i G as well as
on Twitter and TikTok and Facebook and all the other things.
Speaker 1 (51:03):
I'm going to follow you on on Instagram. Will you
follow me back?
Speaker 4 (51:07):
Yes? Okay, follow me?
Speaker 1 (51:10):
I will definitely follow you.
Speaker 2 (51:12):
Follow him too?
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 3 (51:14):
And our podcast Instagram will follow you to and can
you get us on after party?
Speaker 1 (51:25):
Listen?
Speaker 4 (51:26):
I have to ask shot you know what s you
should decide?
Speaker 5 (51:30):
You gotta you have to ask.
Speaker 4 (51:32):
Okay, I would love to ask.
Speaker 3 (51:36):
Okay, I would love to ask because we'd be a
great addition to to after party.
Speaker 4 (51:42):
Oh yeah, she's awesome.
Speaker 3 (51:44):
Yeah, I bet she's Yeah, I love her. Oh all right, Well,
we don't want to keep you too much longer.
Speaker 1 (51:51):
So thank you very much.
Speaker 4 (51:56):
Great finally single. I love it.
Speaker 1 (52:01):
Thanks so much.
Speaker 4 (52:02):
Yay
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