April 14, 2025 • 30 mins
Why do some people seem naturally aware of others' needs while we struggle to notice? Josh and Mark tackle this question in a heartfelt exploration of awareness in relationships, revealing that while some have this gift naturally, anyone can develop it with practice and intention.
The episode dives into the seemingly contradictory reality of our digital age—we're more connected than ever yet experiencing unprecedented loneliness. The hosts unpack wisdom from Proverbs 18:24 ("a man who has friends must himself be friendly") and examine Jesus' model of seeing people as individuals rather than faceless crowds.
At the heart of authentic relationships lies the art of active listening. Mark breaks down different listening styles—empathetic, appreciative, comprehensive, and critical—emphasizing that empathetic listening forms the foundation of meaningful connections. The conversation offers practical guidance on asking open-ended questions like "Tell me more about that" or "How did that make you feel?" that invite deeper sharing instead of yes/no responses.
Perhaps most valuable is their discussion of conversational tone and body language. Through contrasting examples, they demonstrate how the same question can either shut down or open up communication depending on delivery. These subtle differences create environments where people feel safe to share authentically.
The hosts leave listeners with a three-part challenge: intentionally check in with someone you don't know well, practice focused empathetic listening, and send a thoughtful message of appreciation. Through these simple actions, we begin building the genuine connections we all desire.
Ready to transform your relationships through awareness? Listen now and discover how small changes in your approach can create meaningful connections in a disconnected world.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Welcome to Made for Good, a podcast where we explore
how to live out our purposethrough good work, guided by
biblical truth.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hey, I'm Josh and I'm Mark.
Today we're talking aboutraising awareness in authentic
relationships.
As followers of Christ, we arecalled to really go beyond
surface level connections, youknow Josh, and truly engage with
the people around us, and webelieve that those relationships
should be motivated by the samelove that Christ had and should
(00:36):
be built on a goal ofencouragement and understanding
and really meaningfulinteractions with other people.
Our goal in this podcast is tostir one another up to love and
good works, and we want to getinto the habit of serving those
around us.
Often we pray Lord, help us tosee the opportunities to do good
(00:56):
.
So we're talking about wantingto see the opportunity, to have
an awareness of those around usand their needs.
And you know, josh, it justseems that some people are just
naturally aware of what's goingon.
I know, for instance, my motherwas always aware of where I was
and what I was doing, even if Iwas in another room or in
(01:19):
another home or even maybe inanother city.
She just had this naturalability to be aware of what I
was doing and just for ourlisteners, that was before.
Live360.
Yes, I was carrying no phoneand she still seemed to know, so
she was naturally aware.
How was she aware?
Well, she had a relationshipwith me, she knew and she cared,
(01:42):
so therefore she had anawareness.
So let me ask you this question, josh, as we start today.
Ok, we've already said somepeople are naturally aware.
Is this natural awareness ofwhat's going on around in the
lives of people near us a giftfrom God?
Is it a talent or is itsomething that can be developed?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Short answer yes.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yes, okay, expand on that.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, I think that it is true.
There are some people who havethe gift from God that's a part
of that, that's their talent,they are aware, they're actively
working in the kingdom.
And then there's other peoplethat it can be developed and
we've seen it happen.
We've seen it happen with someof the young guys here, the
college folks we work with inAuburn.
We've seen some guys who wereunaware and now are aware and
are actively serving.
But if I think we boil thisthing down, there are things
(02:33):
that get in our way of our levelof awareness.
One of them is busyness.
We've talked about that a lotbecause it's just the truth.
If we're overly busy with ourown schedules, our own
responsibilities and here's thething Our own personal struggles
, that can get in the way of usbeing aware.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, yeah, hey, and we have an upcoming episode on
that.
From a personal struggleperspective, we're going to talk
the title is and how does thatmake you feel?
We're going to talk about goodworks and the impact on you
internally, in your psyche, youremotional health and mental
(03:11):
health, and there's a directconnection and it's scientific.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Another obstacle is just flat out disconnection.
It's wild that, in a time wherewe live in a world where
there's constant communication,we know what's going on around
us, that the stats show that weare more lonely than ever.
Isn't it interesting?
When we know what's going onaround us, the stats show that
(03:36):
there are people who are lonely.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, they're not in meaningful relationships.
We have the ability to use allthis technology to build and
support meaningful relationships, but if we're not taking
advantage of it and, as you said, you know the endless scrolling
on social media that I'm sothankful that you and I have
never fallen victim of, we seemto be totally disconnected from
(04:04):
that Mark.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
it takes intentional effort to truly see and connect
with others.
Here's the thing, what I'velearned.
I'm 37.
No matter how old I've been.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I thought we weren't talking about ages.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, life 360 has been a part of most
of my life.
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's still not a part of mine.
You can edit that part out.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
No matter how old or whatever stage of life I've been
, I've always wanted a friendand when I've looked around me,
I can see that people wantfriends.
And what's interesting is, Ithink some people think that
friends are just going to cometo them and they get a little
bit jealous of like, why arethey close friends?
Why are they best friends?
Why don't I have that friend?
Well, you may have thisperception, or maybe people see
(04:46):
you as well.
You're not really friendly, youdon't want a friend?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Well, that goes back to a verse in Proverbs.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Right Proverbs 18, 24 .
We were talking about thisbefore we got recording.
The King James Version says aman who has friends must himself
be friendly, but there is afriend who sits closer than a
brother.
That's the King James Version.
A chapter before that, inchapter 17, verse 17,.
There's a part of it that saysa friend loves at all times.
So what I'm getting at, whatwe're getting at here, is if you
(05:13):
want authentic relationships,you have to be friendly.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know when Paul was writing to the church at
Philippi.
In Philippians 2, 4, he givesthem a direct command.
You know, a lot of what Paultalked about, particularly in
Romans, is a bit of a challengeto understand fully sometimes
Paul's writing.
This is not one of those.
(05:38):
This is really pretty clear.
Philippians 2.4,.
Let each of you look not onlyto his own interest but also to
the interest of others.
So this relationship, awareness, this authentic relationship
really means that we have tochoose, we have to act.
We have to choose to lookbeyond ourselves and be present
(06:02):
in the lives of other people.
Today, we're going to talkabout how we can cultivate that
awareness in order to buildcloser relationships and
ultimately be able to servethose around us.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
We can springboard right into our Bible basis of
the week.
Jesus models spiritualawareness throughout his
ministry.
You can read about that in theGospels.
He saw people as individuals,not just a part of the crowd.
Well, one of our favoriteexamples of this is found in
John 4, 35-36, where Jesus tellshis disciples this Don't you
have a saying?
It's still four months untilharvest.
(06:37):
I tell you, open your eyes andlook at the fields.
They are ripe for harvest.
Jesus wasn't talking aboutcrops here.
He was telling them to payattention to the people around
them.
There were people who neededhelp, who needed hope, who
needed to be seen that wholescene there.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
we picked this out.
The fields are white to harvest.
We live in the South.
We've seen fields white toharvest.
We've seen cotton fields.
In this particular case, jesuswas talking to the woman at the
well.
You know he had told her thingsthat she had done that he would
have no way of knowing, and shewas so struck by this she went
(07:14):
back to her community and youknow his apostles are walking up
.
You know they've gone to get toget food and here she's coming
back, not by herself.
So the scene there, it's just,it's so powerful.
If we could see what they wereable to see when Jesus was
(07:35):
saying this the crowds of peoplethat were following this woman
back to the well to hear Jesus.
This woman back to the well tohear Jesus.
That was the harvest that waswhite and ready to be gleaned.
It's people and that's whatJesus is talking about here.
This is such a great example.
(07:57):
If we want to follow Jesus'model, we have to start seeing
people the way he sees, not as adistraction, as you've talked
about, or even an obligation.
Well, I have to do this, butthese are valuable people.
These all people are valuablepeople created in God's image.
(08:18):
The guy with the tattoo, theguy that doesn't look like us,
the guy that doesn't speak ourlanguage they're all created in
God's image and what we need todo is to follow Jesus' example
and, as you've said many times,josh, have compassion and let
that turn us into doingsomething, that compassion
(08:39):
leading to action on our part.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Exactly so.
How do we develop that kind ofawareness in our daily lives?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I think one of the biggest keys to being authentic
in our relationships is maybeit's an overused word, but it's
intentionality.
Right, these deep relationshipsdo not grow by accident.
You refer to the passage inProverbs where if you want to
have a friend, you have to be afriend.
Yeah, and that means that ittakes effort on your part.
(09:10):
It takes effort on my part.
It doesn't happen by accident.
You know the relationship hasto be cared for and attended to,
and you know Paul describesthose types of relationships
that we should build inPhilippians 2, verses 1 and 2.
He's talking aboutencouragement.
So if there is anyencouragement in Christ, any
(09:32):
comfort from love, anyparticipation in the Spirit, any
affection and sympathy,complete my joy by being of the
same mind and having the samelove, being in full accord and
of one mind.
One of the most significantbases of relationship is our
faith.
(09:52):
Yeah, so if you're able toshare your faith with someone,
you've connected it at a deeperlevel than just maybe a social
level.
What Paul is describing here isthis verse is packed we get
encouragement in Christ, we getcomfort from his love and from,
I think, love from others inChrist, and we're all we're
(10:17):
doing things, we'reparticipating in the Spirit.
The Spirit is participating inour lives and we're being
sanctified.
That was a process that we'regoing through, but then here's
something that is preciselyJesus affection and sympathy.
You know, these are things thatJesus demonstrated while he was
(10:41):
here on the earth and somethingthat we should emulate, as we
talked about in our in oursecond episode.
But he says complete my joy bybeing of the same mind and
having the same love and beingfull of core and of one mind.
If we prioritize realrelationships, relationships,
then we can move beyond just thesmall talk about how he has it,
(11:03):
whether you know what'd youthink about that game last night
, or whatever and we can startto build trust and encouragement
.
We can get encouragement andgive encouragement, but there's
a mutual caring for one another.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I love all of that, you know, but there is something
that people want to do and theywant to build deeper
relationships, and there'sprobably some right now who are
thinking, well, how in the worlddo you do that?
Well, one of my favorite thingsthat happened in class is we
took the time to talk aboutlistening, the power of
listening, specifically activelistening, and what that looks
(11:41):
like.
So, mark, just for a minute, Iwant you to touch on how that
can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Okay, well, number one there are different types of
listening, right and kind of.
Each one serves a purpose.
You know, the first thing inour list here is empathetic
listening, and this is listeningtrying to understand and
connect with someone's emotion.
Yeah, trying to understand andconnect with someone's emotion
(12:14):
as they're talking and maybe theexperiences behind that emotion
or what maybe even caused thattype of emotion.
So empathetic listening isseeking listening for the
purposes of understanding wherethe person is emotionally.
And then there's another typeof listening appreciative
listening.
This is I'm just I'm hopingthat some of our listeners are
at this very moment appreciativelistening.
(12:36):
So listening, enjoying, gettingvalue out of what someone is
saying.
You know, podcasts have blown upMotivational speakers.
That's been a thing for a long,long time where you get
enjoyment and value out of itand that's an easy one.
You just kind of sit back andtake it in.
(12:58):
But then there's thiscomprehensive listening and
that's to learn, know to learn.
We do this kind of in classwhere we're trying to learn and
gain knowledge.
So we're, we're really.
It's not.
It's not so much entertainmentor enjoyment, it's, it takes a
lot of effort.
Yeah, you really got to.
You know, internalize what'sbeing said and try to synthesize
(13:21):
it, and so you can buildknowledge.
And then there's a criticallistening, and so this critical
listening is one where we'reevaluating, and in evaluating
that listening, we're looking,and this is what we might do
(13:43):
when we're listening to a friendtalk, you know, keeping your
mind, keeping your mouth closedand and listening to what they
have to say, but when you're,you're thinking and evaluating
so that you can respond, when itcomes your time, thoughtfully
and responsively to what they'resaying.
(14:05):
Not just I'm not listening towhat you're saying right now,
because I'm trying to thinkabout what I'm going to say.
Right, I'm listening to whatyou are saying so that I can
help you, yeah, or that I can,you know, impart some knowledge
or give you some level ofinsight that maybe I've had in
my experiences that you haven'thad, but it's you know.
(14:32):
Again, that takes a lot ofeffort as well, and so I think
what we probably ought to do intrying to build these
relationships is synthesizethese together in a lot of ways,
but what do you think the mostimportant one is just to start
off as far as developing a skill.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
For sure.
Out of the things you'vementioned, I would say
empathetic listening.
But before I get there, I justwant to say this just had a
thought while you're talking.
I think that you can tell yourmaturity level and where you are
at in a relationship based offof your ability to listen.
Let me explain.
I walked out.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I'm sorry, could you say that again?
I wasn't listening.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
No, you can rewind that, okay.
One time I was a young guy andthere was a preacher that I
loved I still love and I walkedout of the church building and
he was talking to an older womanand he said you can tell a lot
about young people they want totalk about themselves and they
don't ever want to listen toanything else coming their way.
(15:27):
I had just talked to this guyfor five minutes and I was so
excited Were you younger thanhim?
Oh for sure, okay.
Yeah, I just was telling abouthow excited I was about I don't
even remember, but I was talkingabout me, yeah, but I heard him
say that when I was walking outof the building and I thought,
oh, I didn't even listen to him.
He just listened to me, right?
(15:48):
So, going back to your question, if you're thinking about okay,
we want to build an authenticrelationship, we want to be
mature in this relationship, howdo we get there?
Well, I think it's empatheticlistening.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
James 1.19 tells us you guys know this let every
person be quick to hear, slow tospeak and slow to anger when we
are focused on listening ratherthan just waiting on our turn
to speak, as you talked aboutearlier, we start forming deeper
and more meaningful connections.
Absolutely, I think there's areason he put that in that order
(16:20):
Quick to hear, do that numberone.
Slow to speak and then evenslower to anchor.
So you want to be.
There's one quick and two slows.
Let's slow the speaking down,let's slow the anger down, but
let's first start listening, andI think that if nobody is
(16:40):
saying anything, what's there tolisten to?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
That's a good point.
I think that we have to knowhow to get people talking, and
what we do know is there areextroverts and there are
introverts, and some are notquick to open up, and so some do
need a little bit ofencouragement to get their
thoughts going, or so they feelcomfortable enough to share how
they feel.
So let's just think about acouple of questions that you
(17:06):
could work into a conversation,and what I want you to notice as
you're listening to this iswe're not giving yes or no
responses.
That's not going to help you ina conversation.
Matter of fact, you're going torun out of things to say pretty
quickly.
Or the conversation is going toend, if that's your main focus.
Think about these questions.
Or the conversation is going toend, if that's your main focus.
Think about these questions.
You're in a conversation, you'relistening.
(17:26):
You say you ask this question,tell me more about that.
Well, that is just open-ended.
There's going to be moreconversation.
Or you can tell something'sgetting deeper, someone's
sharing their feelings.
How did that make you feel?
Notice that's not a yes or noquestion.
Or what made you decide to dothat?
Notice that's not a yes or noquestion, or what made you
decide to do that.
So casting judgment is a thing,right, we've got to be careful
(17:47):
what we say.
But maybe if we open a questionlike that, we're building trust
with something like this.
And then the last one how can?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I help you.
Yeah, those are.
They're open-ended questions,right?
They're open-ended and they'redesigned or intended to cause
the person you're talking to toshare more.
And I think that these types ofquestions show a genuine
interest in the person.
(18:16):
Yeah, and the person is goingto have to feel comfortable.
There's got to be a level oftrust.
Person is going to have to feelcomfortable.
There's got to be a level oftrust when they express
something that happened thatobviously could have had an
emotional impact, and you say,man, so how'd that make you feel
?
Yeah, when they said thatthey're telling on somebody,
(18:37):
maybe they're saying somebodysaid something about them in
this example and you go, wow,man, how did that make you feel?
That shows that you genuinelycare for the person that you're
talking to and if they feel thatyou're trustworthy, they may
share that and then you may beable to.
So now that we've gotten someinformation coming in, we're
(19:01):
starting to have this realconversation.
You have an opportunity.
You know, in this podcast we'vetalked about wanting to do good
for others.
You know, a part of that goodwork is not just, you know,
getting to the point where wehelp them, as you stated before,
josh, in our conversations,part of the good work is just
(19:22):
the listening part.
And then, ultimately, you know,when Jesus listened to the rich
young ruler, he listened withempathy, and the other good work
that he did at the end of thatconversation was he told him
what he really needed to do.
Now, those could have beenwords of encouragement, and
(19:45):
turns out that in that case,they were words of
discouragement, because hereally was trusting in his
riches.
So we need to be careful,though, how we phrase the next
part of our conversation.
When they say something like andthen I did this, and you might
(20:07):
be shocked that the person didthis.
You know what?
So I scratched their car.
You did what, instead of going?
Why would you do that?
You could ask the question Imean, that's a pretty extreme
example but what motivated youto do that?
Maybe they said something,maybe it's not something, or
(20:29):
maybe they did something orignored somebody, or whatever,
but instead of saying just theright out, why did you do that?
That's very, almostconfrontational.
You could ask what motivatedyou to do that, and you're
causing them to maybe reflect onwhat they have done.
(20:49):
Another one is well, thatdidn't make any sense at all.
Instead of saying those words,you can still convey the same
thing.
Okay, hold on a second, I'm notfollowing.
Can you explain that?
And just give them a moment,give them some space to maybe
more clearly articulate whatthey're trying to convey.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I just want to interject for a minute.
I've noticed that your tone isdifferent from question to
question.
Yeah, so how?
How we naturally feel fightingoff an urge to say something the
way we want to on the firstpart of your question and then
the way you rephrase that tomake you trying to establish
trust.
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Why are you doing that to make you trying to
establish trust?
Why is that?
Why are you doing that?
I think the tone that we'reusing in the first example of
these questions is conveyingmaybe a little bit of anger and
frustration on our part, and ifyou say it differently, you
actually you can use a tonethat's more soft and it's
setting the foundation, for I'mnot judging you harshly, I'm
(21:47):
trying to help you and I'mgenuinely concerned about you.
In this conversation, forinstance, you didn't really mean
to say that did you?
Or there's an emphasis, there'san edge, is the word, there's
an edge on.
You didn't really mean to saythat did you, and instead saying
(22:08):
why did you say that or whatdid you mean by that?
It's a softer question and,again, it keeps the conversation
level, keeps the conversationcalm, and these are
conversations in this wherewe're on the responsive side of
the conversation.
(22:28):
We've already talked aboutlistening and getting them open,
but there comes a time wherewe're going to need to again to
try to do good in theconversation and provide some
feedback, and part of thatfeedback may be asking a
question that causes them toreflect the thing that's
bothering you.
Maybe you don't say thisexplicitly, but what did you do
(22:50):
to put yourself in thissituation, and we may want to
draw that out in theconversation.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, that is also good.
The way we respond just makes ahuge difference and, as you
touched on, our tone is a bigpart of that.
And choosing words that showcuriosity rather than judgment
helps build trust.
And one of the things I'll sayabout myself is I uh, I'm a
relationship person.
I love to have relationshipswith people, but I've used that
as a way out to not do good.
(23:16):
Sometimes I think, well, ittakes time to build a
relationship because they got totrust me.
That that part is true, that'strue.
But also what you've shown isif we're careful in our
conversations, people can get aread on someone really quickly
and they can see that they trustyou quickly and we can act on
those things quickly.
So we just got to be willing tostep into it, not use something
as an excuse.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, and you know, the thing that we're not saying
here, that we should say is yourfacial expression when you're
talking to someone.
You know, you know frowningversus smiling or nodding,
because when you nod you'reyou're giving this nonverbal.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
I hear you.
So here's the deal.
Our mission challenge for thisweek is threefold we want to
(24:00):
check in with some people maybethat we don't have a very close
relationship with yet, and so toreach out to someone to see how
they're really doing.
And we're talking about notjust you know, how's your trip?
Okay, that's a great question.
But then if they say it wasgreat, well, good, have a nice
day, and you walk off, we're nottalking about that Well, what
(24:21):
did you enjoy about it?
And you know, did you, did yousee family or did you see
friends?
And just your show interest.
Be very, very intentional abouttrying to connect with someone
so that you can be there.
Impactful help that we might beable to provide someone might
not start in the firstconversation.
(24:42):
Yeah, it may be the second,third, fifth, 27th conversation
where they finally get to apoint where you see them how are
you doing?
I'm really struggling and whoa,I've never heard that come out,
but there's a there's a levelof trust that's been built up
Over this repeated checking in.
(25:04):
So maybe somebody you see on aregular basis, that you know
tangentially, reach out to them,be intentional about asking how
they're really doing and thenlisten, listen empathetically
Listen to try to understand howthey're feeling and what they're
(25:25):
communicating and focus on thatlistening more than getting
ready to say what you thinkneeds to be said.
Sometimes, when people you letthem talk, they can almost talk
themselves out of the.
I know I really shouldn't letthat bother me, but, okay, what
did I do to help you get to thatpoint?
(25:45):
I did nothing.
I listened and I nodded, andmaybe the person that you're
talking to is looking at you,going, yeah, they wouldn't have
let that bother them, maybe Ishould.
And then it just comes out oftheir mouth yeah, I really
shouldn't have let that botherme.
Yeah, you're right.
Look, you know those people whosaid that may have had some
other stuff going on in theirlife.
They didn some other stuffgoing on in their life.
(26:16):
They didn't really mean it.
Yeah, I think you're right inthat that type of stuff just
needs to roll off and I thinkwhat you're doing is you're
encouraging.
So the last one here is just tosend a thoughtful message.
It could be by text, it couldbe in a conversation, but maybe
a compliment or a note ofappreciation.
We've mentioned these types ofthings before.
It's all in the realm ofencouraging those around us, and
(26:39):
you know.
So these three things we'regoing to do be intentional check
in with someone this week,listen, focus on listening
empathetically and then, youknow, send a message to somebody
and that might actually be theimpetus to start.
You know, that might be the waythat you're checking in with
someone and the listening mightbe.
(26:59):
You can have this conversationclearly.
Yeah, you mentioned at thebeginning of this podcast that
with all this technology and allthis interconnectivity that we
have, that we feel alone, we canuse that technology still to
build relationships.
Now, there may be at some pointwhere you go hey, you know what
, let's grab coffee today andget to that point where you're
(27:22):
in a face-to-face, right.
But you can use the technology.
It's limited, it'stwo-dimensional and you don't
hear tone.
Emojis are not tone.
They do help maybe a little bit,but remember in all this, to
try to ask open-ended questionsthat invite a deeper discussion,
(27:45):
rather than just yes or noquestions.
And so, josh, that reminds memaybe, if we've generated some
questions in these conversations, I'd like to ask an open-ended
question.
Here we go, we're going to askan open-ended question.
Okay, what do you think aboutour podcast?
We're halfway through thisseason one.
What do you think about it?
(28:06):
Be sure to drop us a comment ormaybe a review, on whatever
platform you listen to us on,and give us your feedback.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, we'd love some stars.
It doesn't make a differencehow many of the stars we get, so
just take some time to like andsubscribe.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
You said stars, that was plural.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I was hitting at five would be great.
Yeah, five would be great.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, maybe at least more than that Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
So hey, can I say this?
This is I know we're ending thepodcast now, but we're.
We've been locked in this madefor good studio that you've made
up, you know, also known as thechurch building, for for quite
some time, and we've beenworking on this secret project.
Last week I mentioned it andyou kind of shut me down a
little bit on air.
(28:49):
Uh, what are we?
It's it.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It is so secret that the big red microphone that's
between us, we had to get an ndafrom the microphone.
I mean it is, we're there's,there's nothing out there yet,
but just it needs to stay okay,confidential, okay, but the time
is coming soon where we'll beable to talk about it.
All right, moving on.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Okay, well, listen.
That's it for today's episodeof Made for Good.
We really hope thisconversation encouraged you.
Like we said, please take thetime to subscribe and we hope
that you catch us on the nextone.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
If you found this helpful, consider sharing it
with a friend.
Catch us on the next one.
If you found this helpful,consider sharing it with a
friend.
Until next time.
Listen well, build authenticrelationships and remember you
were made for this.
Thank you.
Welcome to Made for Good, a podcast where we explore
how to live out our purposethrough good work, guided by
biblical truth.
Speaker 2 (00:12):
Hey, I'm Josh and I'm Mark.
Today we're talking aboutraising awareness in authentic
relationships.
As followers of Christ, we arecalled to really go beyond
surface level connections, youknow Josh, and truly engage with
the people around us, and webelieve that those relationships
should be motivated by the samelove that Christ had and should
(00:36):
be built on a goal ofencouragement and understanding
and really meaningfulinteractions with other people.
Our goal in this podcast is tostir one another up to love and
good works, and we want to getinto the habit of serving those
around us.
Often we pray Lord, help us tosee the opportunities to do good
(00:56):
.
So we're talking about wantingto see the opportunity, to have
an awareness of those around usand their needs.
And you know, josh, it justseems that some people are just
naturally aware of what's goingon.
I know, for instance, my motherwas always aware of where I was
and what I was doing, even if Iwas in another room or in
(01:19):
another home or even maybe inanother city.
She just had this naturalability to be aware of what I
was doing and just for ourlisteners, that was before.
Live360.
Yes, I was carrying no phoneand she still seemed to know, so
she was naturally aware.
How was she aware?
Well, she had a relationshipwith me, she knew and she cared,
(01:42):
so therefore she had anawareness.
So let me ask you this question, josh, as we start today.
Ok, we've already said somepeople are naturally aware.
Is this natural awareness ofwhat's going on around in the
lives of people near us a giftfrom God?
Is it a talent or is itsomething that can be developed?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Short answer yes.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Yes, okay, expand on that.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
Okay, I think that it is true.
There are some people who havethe gift from God that's a part
of that, that's their talent,they are aware, they're actively
working in the kingdom.
And then there's other peoplethat it can be developed and
we've seen it happen.
We've seen it happen with someof the young guys here, the
college folks we work with inAuburn.
We've seen some guys who wereunaware and now are aware and
are actively serving.
But if I think we boil thisthing down, there are things
(02:33):
that get in our way of our levelof awareness.
One of them is busyness.
We've talked about that a lotbecause it's just the truth.
If we're overly busy with ourown schedules, our own
responsibilities and here's thething Our own personal struggles
, that can get in the way of usbeing aware.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Right, yeah, hey, and we have an upcoming episode on
that.
From a personal struggleperspective, we're going to talk
the title is and how does thatmake you feel?
We're going to talk about goodworks and the impact on you
internally, in your psyche, youremotional health and mental
(03:11):
health, and there's a directconnection and it's scientific.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Another obstacle is just flat out disconnection.
It's wild that, in a time wherewe live in a world where
there's constant communication,we know what's going on around
us, that the stats show that weare more lonely than ever.
Isn't it interesting?
When we know what's going onaround us, the stats show that
(03:36):
there are people who are lonely.
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Yeah, they're not in meaningful relationships.
We have the ability to use allthis technology to build and
support meaningful relationships, but if we're not taking
advantage of it and, as you said, you know the endless scrolling
on social media that I'm sothankful that you and I have
never fallen victim of, we seemto be totally disconnected from
(04:04):
that Mark.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
it takes intentional effort to truly see and connect
with others.
Here's the thing, what I'velearned.
I'm 37.
No matter how old I've been.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
I thought we weren't talking about ages.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
Oh, yeah, yeah yeah, life 360 has been a part of most
of my life.
Okay, sorry.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
It's still not a part of mine.
You can edit that part out.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
No matter how old or whatever stage of life I've been
, I've always wanted a friendand when I've looked around me,
I can see that people wantfriends.
And what's interesting is, Ithink some people think that
friends are just going to cometo them and they get a little
bit jealous of like, why arethey close friends?
Why are they best friends?
Why don't I have that friend?
Well, you may have thisperception, or maybe people see
(04:46):
you as well.
You're not really friendly, youdon't want a friend?
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Well, that goes back to a verse in Proverbs.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
Right Proverbs 18, 24 .
We were talking about thisbefore we got recording.
The King James Version says aman who has friends must himself
be friendly, but there is afriend who sits closer than a
brother.
That's the King James Version.
A chapter before that, inchapter 17, verse 17,.
There's a part of it that saysa friend loves at all times.
So what I'm getting at, whatwe're getting at here, is if you
(05:13):
want authentic relationships,you have to be friendly.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
You know when Paul was writing to the church at
Philippi.
In Philippians 2, 4, he givesthem a direct command.
You know, a lot of what Paultalked about, particularly in
Romans, is a bit of a challengeto understand fully sometimes
Paul's writing.
This is not one of those.
(05:38):
This is really pretty clear.
Philippians 2.4,.
Let each of you look not onlyto his own interest but also to
the interest of others.
So this relationship, awareness, this authentic relationship
really means that we have tochoose, we have to act.
We have to choose to lookbeyond ourselves and be present
(06:02):
in the lives of other people.
Today, we're going to talkabout how we can cultivate that
awareness in order to buildcloser relationships and
ultimately be able to servethose around us.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
We can springboard right into our Bible basis of
the week.
Jesus models spiritualawareness throughout his
ministry.
You can read about that in theGospels.
He saw people as individuals,not just a part of the crowd.
Well, one of our favoriteexamples of this is found in
John 4, 35-36, where Jesus tellshis disciples this Don't you
have a saying?
It's still four months untilharvest.
(06:37):
I tell you, open your eyes andlook at the fields.
They are ripe for harvest.
Jesus wasn't talking aboutcrops here.
He was telling them to payattention to the people around
them.
There were people who neededhelp, who needed hope, who
needed to be seen that wholescene there.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
we picked this out.
The fields are white to harvest.
We live in the South.
We've seen fields white toharvest.
We've seen cotton fields.
In this particular case, jesuswas talking to the woman at the
well.
You know he had told her thingsthat she had done that he would
have no way of knowing, and shewas so struck by this she went
(07:14):
back to her community and youknow his apostles are walking up
.
You know they've gone to get toget food and here she's coming
back, not by herself.
So the scene there, it's just,it's so powerful.
If we could see what they wereable to see when Jesus was
(07:35):
saying this the crowds of peoplethat were following this woman
back to the well to hear Jesus.
This woman back to the well tohear Jesus.
That was the harvest that waswhite and ready to be gleaned.
It's people and that's whatJesus is talking about here.
This is such a great example.
(07:57):
If we want to follow Jesus'model, we have to start seeing
people the way he sees, not as adistraction, as you've talked
about, or even an obligation.
Well, I have to do this, butthese are valuable people.
These all people are valuablepeople created in God's image.
(08:18):
The guy with the tattoo, theguy that doesn't look like us,
the guy that doesn't speak ourlanguage they're all created in
God's image and what we need todo is to follow Jesus' example
and, as you've said many times,josh, have compassion and let
that turn us into doingsomething, that compassion
(08:39):
leading to action on our part.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
Exactly so.
How do we develop that kind ofawareness in our daily lives?
Speaker 2 (08:47):
I think one of the biggest keys to being authentic
in our relationships is maybeit's an overused word, but it's
intentionality.
Right, these deep relationshipsdo not grow by accident.
You refer to the passage inProverbs where if you want to
have a friend, you have to be afriend.
Yeah, and that means that ittakes effort on your part.
(09:10):
It takes effort on my part.
It doesn't happen by accident.
You know the relationship hasto be cared for and attended to,
and you know Paul describesthose types of relationships
that we should build inPhilippians 2, verses 1 and 2.
He's talking aboutencouragement.
So if there is anyencouragement in Christ, any
(09:32):
comfort from love, anyparticipation in the Spirit, any
affection and sympathy,complete my joy by being of the
same mind and having the samelove, being in full accord and
of one mind.
One of the most significantbases of relationship is our
faith.
(09:52):
Yeah, so if you're able toshare your faith with someone,
you've connected it at a deeperlevel than just maybe a social
level.
What Paul is describing here isthis verse is packed we get
encouragement in Christ, we getcomfort from his love and from,
I think, love from others inChrist, and we're all we're
(10:17):
doing things, we'reparticipating in the Spirit.
The Spirit is participating inour lives and we're being
sanctified.
That was a process that we'regoing through, but then here's
something that is preciselyJesus affection and sympathy.
You know, these are things thatJesus demonstrated while he was
(10:41):
here on the earth and somethingthat we should emulate, as we
talked about in our in oursecond episode.
But he says complete my joy bybeing of the same mind and
having the same love and beingfull of core and of one mind.
If we prioritize realrelationships, relationships,
then we can move beyond just thesmall talk about how he has it,
(11:03):
whether you know what'd youthink about that game last night
, or whatever and we can startto build trust and encouragement
.
We can get encouragement andgive encouragement, but there's
a mutual caring for one another.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I love all of that, you know, but there is something
that people want to do and theywant to build deeper
relationships, and there'sprobably some right now who are
thinking, well, how in the worlddo you do that?
Well, one of my favorite thingsthat happened in class is we
took the time to talk aboutlistening, the power of
listening, specifically activelistening, and what that looks
(11:41):
like.
So, mark, just for a minute, Iwant you to touch on how that
can be helpful.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Okay, well, number one there are different types of
listening, right and kind of.
Each one serves a purpose.
You know, the first thing inour list here is empathetic
listening, and this is listeningtrying to understand and
connect with someone's emotion.
Yeah, trying to understand andconnect with someone's emotion
(12:14):
as they're talking and maybe theexperiences behind that emotion
or what maybe even caused thattype of emotion.
So empathetic listening isseeking listening for the
purposes of understanding wherethe person is emotionally.
And then there's another typeof listening appreciative
listening.
This is I'm just I'm hopingthat some of our listeners are
at this very moment appreciativelistening.
(12:36):
So listening, enjoying, gettingvalue out of what someone is
saying.
You know, podcasts have blown upMotivational speakers.
That's been a thing for a long,long time where you get
enjoyment and value out of itand that's an easy one.
You just kind of sit back andtake it in.
(12:58):
But then there's thiscomprehensive listening and
that's to learn, know to learn.
We do this kind of in classwhere we're trying to learn and
gain knowledge.
So we're, we're really.
It's not.
It's not so much entertainmentor enjoyment, it's, it takes a
lot of effort.
Yeah, you really got to.
You know, internalize what'sbeing said and try to synthesize
(13:21):
it, and so you can buildknowledge.
And then there's a criticallistening, and so this critical
listening is one where we'reevaluating, and in evaluating
that listening, we're looking,and this is what we might do
(13:43):
when we're listening to a friendtalk, you know, keeping your
mind, keeping your mouth closedand and listening to what they
have to say, but when you're,you're thinking and evaluating
so that you can respond, when itcomes your time, thoughtfully
and responsively to what they'resaying.
(14:05):
Not just I'm not listening towhat you're saying right now,
because I'm trying to thinkabout what I'm going to say.
Right, I'm listening to whatyou are saying so that I can
help you, yeah, or that I can,you know, impart some knowledge
or give you some level ofinsight that maybe I've had in
my experiences that you haven'thad, but it's you know.
(14:32):
Again, that takes a lot ofeffort as well, and so I think
what we probably ought to do intrying to build these
relationships is synthesizethese together in a lot of ways,
but what do you think the mostimportant one is just to start
off as far as developing a skill.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
For sure.
Out of the things you'vementioned, I would say
empathetic listening.
But before I get there, I justwant to say this just had a
thought while you're talking.
I think that you can tell yourmaturity level and where you are
at in a relationship based offof your ability to listen.
Let me explain.
I walked out.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
I'm sorry, could you say that again?
I wasn't listening.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
No, you can rewind that, okay.
One time I was a young guy andthere was a preacher that I
loved I still love and I walkedout of the church building and
he was talking to an older womanand he said you can tell a lot
about young people they want totalk about themselves and they
don't ever want to listen toanything else coming their way.
(15:27):
I had just talked to this guyfor five minutes and I was so
excited Were you younger thanhim?
Oh for sure, okay.
Yeah, I just was telling abouthow excited I was about I don't
even remember, but I was talkingabout me, yeah, but I heard him
say that when I was walking outof the building and I thought,
oh, I didn't even listen to him.
He just listened to me, right?
(15:48):
So, going back to your question, if you're thinking about okay,
we want to build an authenticrelationship, we want to be
mature in this relationship, howdo we get there?
Well, I think it's empatheticlistening.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
James 1.19 tells us you guys know this let every
person be quick to hear, slow tospeak and slow to anger when we
are focused on listening ratherthan just waiting on our turn
to speak, as you talked aboutearlier, we start forming deeper
and more meaningful connections.
Absolutely, I think there's areason he put that in that order
(16:20):
Quick to hear, do that numberone.
Slow to speak and then evenslower to anchor.
So you want to be.
There's one quick and two slows.
Let's slow the speaking down,let's slow the anger down, but
let's first start listening, andI think that if nobody is
(16:40):
saying anything, what's there tolisten to?
Speaker 1 (16:43):
That's a good point.
I think that we have to knowhow to get people talking, and
what we do know is there areextroverts and there are
introverts, and some are notquick to open up, and so some do
need a little bit ofencouragement to get their
thoughts going, or so they feelcomfortable enough to share how
they feel.
So let's just think about acouple of questions that you
(17:06):
could work into a conversation,and what I want you to notice as
you're listening to this iswe're not giving yes or no
responses.
That's not going to help you ina conversation.
Matter of fact, you're going torun out of things to say pretty
quickly.
Or the conversation is going toend, if that's your main focus.
Think about these questions.
Or the conversation is going toend, if that's your main focus.
Think about these questions.
You're in a conversation, you'relistening.
(17:26):
You say you ask this question,tell me more about that.
Well, that is just open-ended.
There's going to be moreconversation.
Or you can tell something'sgetting deeper, someone's
sharing their feelings.
How did that make you feel?
Notice that's not a yes or noquestion.
Or what made you decide to dothat?
Notice that's not a yes or noquestion, or what made you
decide to do that.
So casting judgment is a thing,right, we've got to be careful
(17:47):
what we say.
But maybe if we open a questionlike that, we're building trust
with something like this.
And then the last one how can?
Speaker 2 (17:56):
I help you.
Yeah, those are.
They're open-ended questions,right?
They're open-ended and they'redesigned or intended to cause
the person you're talking to toshare more.
And I think that these types ofquestions show a genuine
interest in the person.
(18:16):
Yeah, and the person is goingto have to feel comfortable.
There's got to be a level oftrust.
Person is going to have to feelcomfortable.
There's got to be a level oftrust when they express
something that happened thatobviously could have had an
emotional impact, and you say,man, so how'd that make you feel
?
Yeah, when they said thatthey're telling on somebody,
(18:37):
maybe they're saying somebodysaid something about them in
this example and you go, wow,man, how did that make you feel?
That shows that you genuinelycare for the person that you're
talking to and if they feel thatyou're trustworthy, they may
share that and then you may beable to.
So now that we've gotten someinformation coming in, we're
(19:01):
starting to have this realconversation.
You have an opportunity.
You know, in this podcast we'vetalked about wanting to do good
for others.
You know, a part of that goodwork is not just, you know,
getting to the point where wehelp them, as you stated before,
josh, in our conversations,part of the good work is just
(19:22):
the listening part.
And then, ultimately, you know,when Jesus listened to the rich
young ruler, he listened withempathy, and the other good work
that he did at the end of thatconversation was he told him
what he really needed to do.
Now, those could have beenwords of encouragement, and
(19:45):
turns out that in that case,they were words of
discouragement, because hereally was trusting in his
riches.
So we need to be careful,though, how we phrase the next
part of our conversation.
When they say something like andthen I did this, and you might
(20:07):
be shocked that the person didthis.
You know what?
So I scratched their car.
You did what, instead of going?
Why would you do that?
You could ask the question Imean, that's a pretty extreme
example but what motivated youto do that?
Maybe they said something,maybe it's not something, or
(20:29):
maybe they did something orignored somebody, or whatever,
but instead of saying just theright out, why did you do that?
That's very, almostconfrontational.
You could ask what motivatedyou to do that, and you're
causing them to maybe reflect onwhat they have done.
(20:49):
Another one is well, thatdidn't make any sense at all.
Instead of saying those words,you can still convey the same
thing.
Okay, hold on a second, I'm notfollowing.
Can you explain that?
And just give them a moment,give them some space to maybe
more clearly articulate whatthey're trying to convey.
Speaker 1 (21:09):
I just want to interject for a minute.
I've noticed that your tone isdifferent from question to
question.
Yeah, so how?
How we naturally feel fightingoff an urge to say something the
way we want to on the firstpart of your question and then
the way you rephrase that tomake you trying to establish
trust.
Why is that?
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Why are you doing that to make you trying to
establish trust?
Why is that?
Why are you doing that?
I think the tone that we'reusing in the first example of
these questions is conveyingmaybe a little bit of anger and
frustration on our part, and ifyou say it differently, you
actually you can use a tonethat's more soft and it's
setting the foundation, for I'mnot judging you harshly, I'm
(21:47):
trying to help you and I'mgenuinely concerned about you.
In this conversation, forinstance, you didn't really mean
to say that did you?
Or there's an emphasis, there'san edge, is the word, there's
an edge on.
You didn't really mean to saythat did you, and instead saying
(22:08):
why did you say that or whatdid you mean by that?
It's a softer question and,again, it keeps the conversation
level, keeps the conversationcalm, and these are
conversations in this wherewe're on the responsive side of
the conversation.
(22:28):
We've already talked aboutlistening and getting them open,
but there comes a time wherewe're going to need to again to
try to do good in theconversation and provide some
feedback, and part of thatfeedback may be asking a
question that causes them toreflect the thing that's
bothering you.
Maybe you don't say thisexplicitly, but what did you do
(22:50):
to put yourself in thissituation, and we may want to
draw that out in theconversation.
Speaker 1 (22:56):
Yeah, that is also good.
The way we respond just makes ahuge difference and, as you
touched on, our tone is a bigpart of that.
And choosing words that showcuriosity rather than judgment
helps build trust.
And one of the things I'll sayabout myself is I uh, I'm a
relationship person.
I love to have relationshipswith people, but I've used that
as a way out to not do good.
(23:16):
Sometimes I think, well, ittakes time to build a
relationship because they got totrust me.
That that part is true, that'strue.
But also what you've shown isif we're careful in our
conversations, people can get aread on someone really quickly
and they can see that they trustyou quickly and we can act on
those things quickly.
So we just got to be willing tostep into it, not use something
as an excuse.
Speaker 2 (23:36):
Yeah, and you know, the thing that we're not saying
here, that we should say is yourfacial expression when you're
talking to someone.
You know, you know frowningversus smiling or nodding,
because when you nod you'reyou're giving this nonverbal.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you.
I hear you.
So here's the deal.
Our mission challenge for thisweek is threefold we want to
(24:00):
check in with some people maybethat we don't have a very close
relationship with yet, and so toreach out to someone to see how
they're really doing.
And we're talking about notjust you know, how's your trip?
Okay, that's a great question.
But then if they say it wasgreat, well, good, have a nice
day, and you walk off, we're nottalking about that Well, what
(24:21):
did you enjoy about it?
And you know, did you, did yousee family or did you see
friends?
And just your show interest.
Be very, very intentional abouttrying to connect with someone
so that you can be there.
Impactful help that we might beable to provide someone might
not start in the firstconversation.
(24:42):
Yeah, it may be the second,third, fifth, 27th conversation
where they finally get to apoint where you see them how are
you doing?
I'm really struggling and whoa,I've never heard that come out,
but there's a there's a levelof trust that's been built up
Over this repeated checking in.
(25:04):
So maybe somebody you see on aregular basis, that you know
tangentially, reach out to them,be intentional about asking how
they're really doing and thenlisten, listen empathetically
Listen to try to understand howthey're feeling and what they're
(25:25):
communicating and focus on thatlistening more than getting
ready to say what you thinkneeds to be said.
Sometimes, when people you letthem talk, they can almost talk
themselves out of the.
I know I really shouldn't letthat bother me, but, okay, what
did I do to help you get to thatpoint?
(25:45):
I did nothing.
I listened and I nodded, andmaybe the person that you're
talking to is looking at you,going, yeah, they wouldn't have
let that bother them, maybe Ishould.
And then it just comes out oftheir mouth yeah, I really
shouldn't have let that botherme.
Yeah, you're right.
Look, you know those people whosaid that may have had some
other stuff going on in theirlife.
They didn some other stuffgoing on in their life.
(26:16):
They didn't really mean it.
Yeah, I think you're right inthat that type of stuff just
needs to roll off and I thinkwhat you're doing is you're
encouraging.
So the last one here is just tosend a thoughtful message.
It could be by text, it couldbe in a conversation, but maybe
a compliment or a note ofappreciation.
We've mentioned these types ofthings before.
It's all in the realm ofencouraging those around us, and
(26:39):
you know.
So these three things we'regoing to do be intentional check
in with someone this week,listen, focus on listening
empathetically and then, youknow, send a message to somebody
and that might actually be theimpetus to start.
You know, that might be the waythat you're checking in with
someone and the listening mightbe.
(26:59):
You can have this conversationclearly.
Yeah, you mentioned at thebeginning of this podcast that
with all this technology and allthis interconnectivity that we
have, that we feel alone, we canuse that technology still to
build relationships.
Now, there may be at some pointwhere you go hey, you know what
, let's grab coffee today andget to that point where you're
(27:22):
in a face-to-face, right.
But you can use the technology.
It's limited, it'stwo-dimensional and you don't
hear tone.
Emojis are not tone.
They do help maybe a little bit,but remember in all this, to
try to ask open-ended questionsthat invite a deeper discussion,
(27:45):
rather than just yes or noquestions.
And so, josh, that reminds memaybe, if we've generated some
questions in these conversations, I'd like to ask an open-ended
question.
Here we go, we're going to askan open-ended question.
Okay, what do you think aboutour podcast?
We're halfway through thisseason one.
What do you think about it?
(28:06):
Be sure to drop us a comment ormaybe a review, on whatever
platform you listen to us on,and give us your feedback.
Speaker 1 (28:14):
Yeah, we'd love some stars.
It doesn't make a differencehow many of the stars we get, so
just take some time to like andsubscribe.
Speaker 2 (28:20):
You said stars, that was plural.
Speaker 1 (28:22):
I was hitting at five would be great.
Yeah, five would be great.
Speaker 2 (28:27):
Well, maybe at least more than that Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
So hey, can I say this?
This is I know we're ending thepodcast now, but we're.
We've been locked in this madefor good studio that you've made
up, you know, also known as thechurch building, for for quite
some time, and we've beenworking on this secret project.
Last week I mentioned it andyou kind of shut me down a
little bit on air.
(28:49):
Uh, what are we?
It's it.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It is so secret that the big red microphone that's
between us, we had to get an ndafrom the microphone.
I mean it is, we're there's,there's nothing out there yet,
but just it needs to stay okay,confidential, okay, but the time
is coming soon where we'll beable to talk about it.
All right, moving on.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
Okay, well, listen.
That's it for today's episodeof Made for Good.
We really hope thisconversation encouraged you.
Like we said, please take thetime to subscribe and we hope
that you catch us on the nextone.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
If you found this helpful, consider sharing it
with a friend.
Catch us on the next one.
If you found this helpful,consider sharing it with a
friend.
Until next time.
Listen well, build authenticrelationships and remember you
were made for this.
Thank you.
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