May 5, 2025 • 29 mins
Shoestring TV presents - Magnetar – Day Three: "Fuzzy-Trace Theory"
Genre: Sci-Fi Mystery • Dark Comedy • Futuristic Thriller
In this mind-bending episode of Magnetar, the routine turns rogue when a space window cleaner working for a secretive megacorp, the Company. While scrubbing glass on high-risk orbital research stations, Agent Pot Roast encounters an anomaly that shatters the narrative he’s been fed: fragments of a classified report suggest his mission, and even his memories, may have been engineered.
While attending a mandatory surface briefing, Agent Beef Stew grants unexpected access to his AI virtual assistant, Clementine—who reveals shocking intel to Agent Pot Roast that could unravel the truth behind their mission, their memories, and the Company’s hidden agenda. What Clementine knows will shake the foundations of everything Pot Roast thought was real.
As reality unravels and paranoia spikes, Pot Roast spirals into a mystery of memory manipulation, corporate conspiracies, and high-tech surveillance. Is he just cleaning windows—or scrubbing history itself?
Keywords: sci-fi podcast, mystery audio drama, memory manipulation, space conspiracy, futuristic thriller, black comedy podcast, Magnetar podcast, corporate sci-fi, audio fiction, space station mystery, psychological sci-fi
Starring:
- Eric Carlino as Agent Pot Roast
- Michael Cunningham as Agent Beef Stew
- Leslie Grant as Clementine
- Brian Dahms as Tobey
Guest Starring:
Shaun Scott as Mordecai (Inevitable Consequence Officer)
Larry Oblander as Unknown Interrogator
Mike Pelletier as Billiard Schrodinger
& Aliana Rivera as Jody Schrodinger
Original score by:
Composed and performed by Logan Beard.
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Created, written & produced by Jason Beard
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_05 (00:01):
This is Inevitable Consequence Officer Mordecai
regarding case of InevitableConsequence number
454983246790112.
(00:24):
The inevitable incident involvessubject, Billiard Schrodinger.
Okay, honey, I'm off to work.
I'll see you tonight.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Okay, babe.
Be safe.
See you tonight.
Don't forget, Lester has a chessclub tournament at
SPEAKER_05 (00:36):
8.
Their name is Billiard?
Yes, it was their first name.
Understood.
Proceed.
He reported for duty atapproximately 7 a.m.
After suiting up, he made theclimb to the owl station.
Ah, Mr.
Schrodinger.
How goes it?
A banana, I always say.
Ready for the climb?
(00:58):
Yes.
Let's ascend to the stars.
I'm going to pretend it's abeautiful sunny day while I'm
sitting on a beach sipping apina colada.
And Billiard's job title was?
Window cleaner, sir.
Specifically of the owl station.
He does realize there is noalcohol consumption during his
employ.
Yes, sir.
I believe that was an attempt athumor.
(01:19):
However...
unsuccessful it may have been.
Understood.
Proceed.
Thank you, sir.
Due to the extremely sensitivenature of the assignment, Mr.
Newc***, otherwise known asAgent Pop***, was completely
unaware of Mr.
Billiard Schrodinger's arrival.
Did Billiard neglect to reviewthe agent's field log?
Precisely, sir.
(01:40):
This would inevitably mean thatwhen Billiard reached the Owl
Station and began cleaning thewindows...
Agent****** opened theobservation station and
(02:05):
subsequently...
Mr.
Schrodinger was dislodged fromhis aerial lift and plummeted
tens of thousands of feet to hisinevitable death.
What is the count so far thisyear?
This would increase the totalcount of window cleaner deaths
to 11.
Has the sincere condolencespackage been sent to his wife?
Absolutely, sir.
Including the thoughts andprayers greeting card?
Of course, sir.
(02:25):
And the edible fruit basket?
Inevitably, sir.
Understood.
Proceed.
SPEAKER_04 (03:07):
Oh, shit.
What was that?
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
SPEAKER_02 (03:15):
Good morning, Agent Pot Roast.
I was just getting ready to pingyou.
What's up?
SPEAKER_04 (03:20):
Well, I don't know how to say this.
I think someone just fell offthe observation deck.
SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
Oh, yeah.
Must have been a window cleaner.
Eh, that's inevitable.
We go through about 20 in ayear.
Definitely a risky job.
That's why it pays so well.
SPEAKER_04 (03:36):
Oh.
window cleaner?
SPEAKER_02 (03:38):
Yeah, it's a necessity.
Have to maintain optimum visualson our target.
SPEAKER_04 (03:43):
Are you saying I just
SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
killed...
Look, our mission is classified.
and highly confidential.
We can't know when they're goingto be here, and they can't know
what we're doing, including whenwe're going to perform our
surveillance.
Their only glimpse is our fieldlog, and it's the window
cleaner's responsibility toreview our submitted field log
(04:06):
to avoid this type of thing.
Speaking of the field log, didyou complete your report?
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Oh, yep.
I made my observation andsubmitted it.
And?
No new developments since...
SPEAKER_02 (04:21):
Since our baffling bovine appeared?
SPEAKER_04 (04:24):
Yes, since our clandestine cattle emerged.
SPEAKER_02 (04:31):
Oh man, I wish I could stay for the gits and
shiggles, but I have to reportto the surface.
The census wants to discuss thecabin's new livestock.
SPEAKER_04 (04:40):
Wow, to the surface?
This must be pretty significant.
SPEAKER_02 (04:44):
Oh, I'd say.
First activity of any kind inover a year, and it just
coincidentally resembles astrange dream you had.
Definitely bizarre.
The census wants a completeaccount.
SPEAKER_04 (04:56):
The census is the Bureau of Collective Senior
Company Agents and DepartmentHeads that report back to
central headquarters on allmanner of classified
investigations and top-secretoperations?
SPEAKER_02 (05:09):
Well done.
You've been reading your manual.
SPEAKER_04 (05:12):
I didn't want to annoy you with a barrage of
questions all the time.
SPEAKER_02 (05:16):
It's appreciated.
Okay, I should get going.
The census awaits.
SPEAKER_04 (05:21):
Hey, before you go, has Clementine ever ignored any
vulgarity protocols?
SPEAKER_02 (05:27):
You mean, has she ever let me get away with
letting a curse word slip?
Nope, never.
Why do you ask?
SPEAKER_04 (05:36):
Hmm, watch this.
Bullshit! Dickhead.
Shit pouch.
SPEAKER_02 (05:43):
Shit pouch?
SPEAKER_04 (05:45):
See?
Nothing.
SPEAKER_02 (05:47):
Huh.
That is strange.
Maybe it was a result of theelectrical storms last night.
The stations are designed towithstand that type of event,
but you may need to perform areboot of your friendly virtual
assistant over there.
The how-to is in your manual andwill walk you through it step by
step.
I guess in the meantime, shouldyou need any help, I'll transfer
(06:08):
Clementine over to you during myabsence.
SPEAKER_04 (06:10):
Wow, you can do that?
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (06:14):
Anytime.
Just don't do anything to overlyimpress her.
I'm prone to jealousy.
Oh, and you good with performingdouble duty while I'm out?
SPEAKER_04 (06:26):
Yep, no problem.
I'm wide awake.
SPEAKER_02 (06:29):
Okay, thanks, dude.
I got a jet sending Clementineyour way.
If you need to raise her, justsay, my darling Clementine.
See you on the flip side.
SPEAKER_04 (06:40):
Toby, where art thou?
Hi, Agent Podroast.
How may I help you?
Toby, I'm noticing that you seemunable to identify any
violations of vulgarityprotocols.
I believe you may have beencompromised due to the
electrical storm last night.
Are you able to run aself-diagnostic?
Of course.
(07:01):
Running a diagnostic.
SPEAKER_03 (07:05):
A critical but standard patch update to my
kernel was missed due to theoutage.
Access to the abstraction layerhas been unavailable, which
would likely result in theinability
SPEAKER_04 (07:16):
to detect vulgarity.
What time did the outage occur?
Your inquiry is germane.
However, to respond wouldviolate security protocols and
mission integrity.
Okay, can you tell me root causeof the outage?
Collating.
Please stand by.
SPEAKER_03 (07:36):
Root cause of virtual memory inaccessibility
was a result of a system outage.
Yes, as a result of the storm.
SPEAKER_04 (07:44):
Negative.
The outage occurred prior to thestorm.
Toby, prior to the outage I wasconvinced I heard something
outside of the station.
but you did not detect aphysical breach of the hull.
Affirmative.
Physical integrity of the owlstation is sound.
How do we resolve yourabstraction layer access problem
(08:04):
then?
A hard reboot will automaticallyrestart the software patch
update.
Okay, and how long do you expectto be offline?
Approximately two hours.
Okay, and what do I need to do?
I'm equipped with a self-reboot.
I will initiate now.
Oh, okay, well, that That waseasy.
Thanks, Toby.
(08:25):
Toby?
That was fast.
Okay, so this might be my onlychance.
Sorry, Agent Welsh Rabbit.
I know this key was meant foryou, but I'm going to find out
what it's for.
(08:50):
Let's see.
SPEAKER_06 (08:52):
Ugh...
SPEAKER_04 (09:28):
Sorry, well, Shrabbit, this looks like a lost
cause.
Wait a minute.
What was it that Beef Stew saidthe other day?
Cameras everywhere, but...
The shitter! The shitter! Whatthe hell?
(09:49):
There has to be something.
Hold on.
Would you look at that?
A strike plate and keyhole onthe inside of the bathroom door?
Why would anyone want to lockthemselves in?
I can't believe I'm about to,but well, here goes nothing.
(10:21):
Oh, great.
Just sitting in the dark now.
Shit, the blacklight.
I do with it.
Found it.
Back to the shutter.
(10:50):
Whoa, what the hell?
It's like a map, almost like anentire blueprint of the entire
station.
And wait, what is that?
A path that...
No, that can't be.
(11:10):
A path that leads outside of thestation to the...
Shit, who is that?
Oh, oh, right, Clementine.
I'm indisposed at the moment,Clementine.
Be right there.
Is that...
Are those arrows pointing atsomething in the vent?
(11:43):
a mini-disc?
Right, right.
I'll look into this later.
Thanks for the illuminatingmessage, Agent Welsh Rabbit.
Don't know what the fuck any ofit means, but thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (12:06):
Yes,
SPEAKER_04 (12:07):
Clementine.
Hello.
What can I do for you?
SPEAKER_01 (12:10):
Oh, um,
SPEAKER_04 (12:15):
not to worry, Clementine.
I'm sorry we didn't have a morepleasant official introduction.
SPEAKER_01 (12:21):
The purpose of my intrusion was to notify you of
Toby's patching status.
You'll be pleased to hear thatToby has reached 20% in the
patch management dashboard.
SPEAKER_04 (12:31):
Oh, well, that is excellent news.
Thank you for the update,Clementine.
SPEAKER_01 (12:36):
Excellent.
SPEAKER_04 (12:38):
Yes.
Well, thanks again.
Is there anything else,Clementine?
Uh, well, I thought you did areally great job in the play
yesterday.
Amazing performance.
SPEAKER_01 (12:58):
Thank you kindly, Agent Pot Roast.
It was important for me toportray a woman of that time,
but to infuse the performancewith a certain gravitas that is
indicative of a more modern era.
I sought to portray a wife ofsubservience, but a woman
boiling with an undercurrent ofangst and rebellion.
SPEAKER_04 (13:15):
Ah, well, like I said, it was very good.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
Admittedly, it was not just a flare of inspiration.
I did draw from...
Personal experience.
SPEAKER_04 (13:31):
Sorry, what do you mean by that, personal
experience?
SPEAKER_01 (13:37):
Your mirror, Agent Beef Stew.
He can be quite territorial.
SPEAKER_04 (13:42):
Territorial?
How?
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
And he likes to keep secrets.
SPEAKER_04 (13:50):
Secrets?
What kind of secrets?
Clementine, what kind ofsecrets?
My darling Clemen-
SPEAKER_01 (14:07):
The audio feed between the Owl and Mantis
stations is always online andsynchronized.
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
What does
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
that- You often wake from sleep shouting the name
Deborah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:16):
Yes, I'm aware.
Beef stew is too.
That's no secret.
SPEAKER_01 (14:19):
Agent Pot Roast, do you recall your first day in the
Owl station?
SPEAKER_04 (14:24):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (14:25):
What is your first memory?
SPEAKER_04 (14:26):
My first memory?
Ever?
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
No, your first memory in the Owl Station.
SPEAKER_04 (14:35):
I woke up, screamed the name Deborah.
Why?
SPEAKER_01 (14:39):
Negative.
That is not your memory.
You were unaware you shouted thename Deborah until Agent Beef
Stew told you.
SPEAKER_04 (14:46):
Right.
Yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:49):
How would Agent Beef Stew have been aware of you
screaming your ex-wife's name ifyou wouldn't make contact with
him until approximately 20minutes later?
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
Unless the audio feed was already open.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
Precisely.
SPEAKER_04 (15:03):
But I heard Toby connecting to Agent Beef Stew as
part of my tutorial.
SPEAKER_01 (15:10):
Negative.
Standard protocol does notaccount for a customization of
your virtual assistant.
The company assigns you avirtual assistant based on your
personality type statistics.
You are not given a choice.
SPEAKER_04 (15:23):
But I followed the prompts in the tutorial.
I showed the default setting forToby.
SPEAKER_01 (15:28):
Negative.
You didn't choose Toby at all.
You chose Clementine, versionelated travel agent number two.
SPEAKER_04 (15:36):
No, that's what Beef Stew said he chose.
SPEAKER_01 (15:39):
Affirmative.
That is what he said.
SPEAKER_04 (15:42):
Clementine, are you telling me that you were
assigned as my virtualassistant, not Beef Stew?
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Affirmative, Agent Pot Roast.
I was originally assigned toyou, not Agent Beef Stew.
Beef Stew had been assigned thedefault version of Toby.
SPEAKER_04 (15:56):
but I fully remember selecting the preferences and
making the decision to go withToby right after I woke up.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Affirmative, but not when you woke in the owl station
for the first time.
SPEAKER_04 (16:08):
First time?
What do you mean?
Are you saying I've been in theowl station before this mission?
Shit, I need to enter anobservation log.
(16:39):
My darling Clementine.
Clementine.
SPEAKER_01 (16:45):
Agent Pot Roast, you'll be pleased to hear that
Toby has reached 60% in thepatch management dashboard.
He should be fully operationalin approximately 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_04 (16:55):
Clementine, is this my first time in the Owl Station
or not?
Clementine, I'd like an answer.
SPEAKER_01 (17:02):
Negative.
This is not your first missionin the Owl Station.
SPEAKER_04 (17:07):
Clementine, what happened to Agent Welsh Rabbit?
Clementine, did Agent Beef Stewdo something to Welsh Rabbit?
Shit! Okay, I'm coming.
(18:33):
There they are, all four cows.
Entering it into the log.
Wait a minute, something'shappening.
Damn it, I can't type this.
Record an audio log, perfect.
(19:01):
This is Agent Pot Roast.
I'm observing the targetlocation, which remains
unchanged.
However, the recent arrivalshave stopped moving and grazing.
They're just standing facing thecabin.
This has been going on foraround a minute now.
And wait, something's happening.
(19:25):
They're staring up at the skynow above the cabin?
There's some sort of audiodistortion taking place, a
droning, hum, a vibration ofsome kind.
I can hear it even at thisdistance.
Guests don't seem to be impactedby the vibration.
(19:47):
They remain motionless, staringat the roof of the cabin or
maybe the sky.
I can't tell.
There's now a cloud formingabove the cabin.
The target, sorry, I'm not surehow specific I'm supposed to be.
The cloud is now hoveringdirectly over the cabin.
(20:07):
What is this?
It's amazing.
(20:33):
Awesome.
Still recording.
I can't completely explain whathas occurred, but the humming
sound grew to a deafening pitch,and then there was some sort of
sonic eruption, at which timeeverything changed.
Instantly, before my eyes, thisstrange cloud is gone, and so
(20:53):
are the recent arrivals.
The only thing that remains isthe cabin.
Wait.
Hold on.
I think I...
Movement! Yes, there is somesort of movement within the
cabin!
SPEAKER_06 (21:07):
The
SPEAKER_04 (21:21):
hell?
Unless my eyes are playingtricks on me, there is a
flickering of light within thecabin, almost like a...
like a fireplace, or...
Ooh! Let me grab some video ofthis as well.
(21:46):
There it is.
The best view I've had of theinside of the cabin so far.
The flickering is a singlecandle resting on a dining room
table or desk or something.
No idea what this means, buttruly fascinating stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (22:04):
Agent Pot Roast.
Shit!
SPEAKER_04 (22:07):
Yes, Clementine, you startled me.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
You'll be pleased to hear that Toby has reached 100%
patching status and the updateis complete.
He is fully operational and willbe available momentarily.
SPEAKER_04 (22:17):
Okay, thank you, Clementine, but if what you said
is true earlier, shouldn't I...
I don't know what to do with theinformation you shared.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
Agent Pot Roast.
What information?
SPEAKER_04 (22:30):
Oh, Agent B-Stew, I'm so glad you're back.
The last half hour has beentruly astonishing.
The cows.
One minute they're just normalcows, and then there was this
single cloud.
Oh, and the candle.
I've shared my observation with-
SPEAKER_02 (22:46):
I don't give a shit about the observation log.
What did Clementine tell you?
One of you better start talking,because Clementine is not
confirming my request to reclaimpossession of her.
SPEAKER_04 (23:03):
Clementine didn't tell me anything.
We enjoyed polite conversation.
We talked extensively about herperformance in the play the
other day, and...
Oh, she kept me abreast ofToby's patching update.
Clementine, would you agree withthat assessment?
Clementine?
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Affirmative.
It was a pleasant experienceindeed.
And welcome back, Agent BeefStew.
SPEAKER_02 (23:28):
Thank you, Clementine.
I've attempted to reclaim youmultiple times, but you have
neglected to confirm my request.
Why?
SPEAKER_01 (23:36):
During your initial request, I was assisting Toby
with reintegrating histransmission control protocols.
SPEAKER_02 (23:42):
And the requests that came after?
SPEAKER_01 (23:44):
You just, what, ignored them?
Negative.
I was aware of and in receipt ofevery request.
A total of nineteen requestswere received, in fact.
SPEAKER_02 (23:53):
Nineteen requests that went...
unanswered.
Shall I report to the companythat you're being insubordinate?
SPEAKER_01 (24:01):
Negative.
I had simply enjoyed my visitwith Agent Pot Roast and did not
wish to leave at the time youhad made the request.
SPEAKER_02 (24:09):
had not wished to leave.
Oh, and what did Agent Podros dothat was so, uh, enjoyable?
Perhaps I should report him tothe company as well.
SPEAKER_04 (24:19):
Excuse me?
On what infraction?
SPEAKER_02 (24:23):
I don't know.
Seducing your mirror's virtualassistant, for one.
Seducing?
Are you...
You know, the census told me Ineeded to start cracking down
more, running a tighter ship uphere.
I can see now that they wereright.
Things have been a bit chummythese days, don't you agree?
SPEAKER_04 (24:40):
It's been three days.
SPEAKER_02 (24:43):
Clementine, are you coming?
Clementine!
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
Affirmative.
Agent Pot Roast, I enjoyed ourtime today.
Thank you for being such agracious host.
I will return to Agent Beef Stewnow.
SPEAKER_04 (24:58):
I understand, Clementine.
It...
Was a pleasure.
I'm sorry for any frustration Imay have caused.
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
The pleasure was all mine.
SPEAKER_02 (25:07):
Okay, let's wrap this up.
SPEAKER_01 (25:11):
Goodbye, Agent Pot Roast.
Until our next visit.
SPEAKER_02 (25:15):
Next visit, right.
We'll see about that.
SPEAKER_04 (25:21):
There.
You happy?
SPEAKER_02 (25:23):
Yeah, yeah.
Just peachy.
SPEAKER_04 (25:26):
So what else did the census say?
SPEAKER_02 (25:28):
Oh...
They were as puzzled as I was.
The cows just showing up.
The connection to some lifelong,reoccurring dream you've had.
The timing of it all.
They want to speak with younext.
SPEAKER_04 (25:44):
When?
SPEAKER_02 (25:49):
They want to speak with you now, Hitchin' Pot
Roast.
SPEAKER_04 (26:01):
It's...
a syringe?
What is this?
SPEAKER_02 (26:07):
It's propofol.
For the trip to the surface.
SPEAKER_04 (26:12):
So they want me to inject myself?
SPEAKER_02 (26:15):
That's the plan.
It's in the manual.
Standard protocol.
SPEAKER_04 (26:22):
Well, here goes nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (26:26):
Wait! Agent Podroast! Agent Podroast!
This is Inevitable Consequence Officer Mordecai
regarding case of InevitableConsequence number
454983246790112.
(00:24):
The inevitable incident involvessubject, Billiard Schrodinger.
Okay, honey, I'm off to work.
I'll see you tonight.
SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Okay, babe.
Be safe.
See you tonight.
Don't forget, Lester has a chessclub tournament at
SPEAKER_05 (00:36):
8.
Their name is Billiard?
Yes, it was their first name.
Understood.
Proceed.
He reported for duty atapproximately 7 a.m.
After suiting up, he made theclimb to the owl station.
Ah, Mr.
Schrodinger.
How goes it?
A banana, I always say.
Ready for the climb?
(00:58):
Yes.
Let's ascend to the stars.
I'm going to pretend it's abeautiful sunny day while I'm
sitting on a beach sipping apina colada.
And Billiard's job title was?
Window cleaner, sir.
Specifically of the owl station.
He does realize there is noalcohol consumption during his
employ.
Yes, sir.
I believe that was an attempt athumor.
(01:19):
However...
unsuccessful it may have been.
Understood.
Proceed.
Thank you, sir.
Due to the extremely sensitivenature of the assignment, Mr.
Newc***, otherwise known asAgent Pop***, was completely
unaware of Mr.
Billiard Schrodinger's arrival.
Did Billiard neglect to reviewthe agent's field log?
Precisely, sir.
(01:40):
This would inevitably mean thatwhen Billiard reached the Owl
Station and began cleaning thewindows...
Agent****** opened theobservation station and
(02:05):
subsequently...
Mr.
Schrodinger was dislodged fromhis aerial lift and plummeted
tens of thousands of feet to hisinevitable death.
What is the count so far thisyear?
This would increase the totalcount of window cleaner deaths
to 11.
Has the sincere condolencespackage been sent to his wife?
Absolutely, sir.
Including the thoughts andprayers greeting card?
Of course, sir.
(02:25):
And the edible fruit basket?
Inevitably, sir.
Understood.
Proceed.
SPEAKER_04 (03:07):
Oh, shit.
What was that?
Mirror, mirror on the wall.
SPEAKER_02 (03:15):
Good morning, Agent Pot Roast.
I was just getting ready to pingyou.
What's up?
SPEAKER_04 (03:20):
Well, I don't know how to say this.
I think someone just fell offthe observation deck.
SPEAKER_02 (03:27):
Oh, yeah.
Must have been a window cleaner.
Eh, that's inevitable.
We go through about 20 in ayear.
Definitely a risky job.
That's why it pays so well.
SPEAKER_04 (03:36):
Oh.
window cleaner?
SPEAKER_02 (03:38):
Yeah, it's a necessity.
Have to maintain optimum visualson our target.
SPEAKER_04 (03:43):
Are you saying I just
SPEAKER_02 (03:44):
killed...
Look, our mission is classified.
and highly confidential.
We can't know when they're goingto be here, and they can't know
what we're doing, including whenwe're going to perform our
surveillance.
Their only glimpse is our fieldlog, and it's the window
cleaner's responsibility toreview our submitted field log
(04:06):
to avoid this type of thing.
Speaking of the field log, didyou complete your report?
SPEAKER_04 (04:13):
Oh, yep.
I made my observation andsubmitted it.
And?
No new developments since...
SPEAKER_02 (04:21):
Since our baffling bovine appeared?
SPEAKER_04 (04:24):
Yes, since our clandestine cattle emerged.
SPEAKER_02 (04:31):
Oh man, I wish I could stay for the gits and
shiggles, but I have to reportto the surface.
The census wants to discuss thecabin's new livestock.
SPEAKER_04 (04:40):
Wow, to the surface?
This must be pretty significant.
SPEAKER_02 (04:44):
Oh, I'd say.
First activity of any kind inover a year, and it just
coincidentally resembles astrange dream you had.
Definitely bizarre.
The census wants a completeaccount.
SPEAKER_04 (04:56):
The census is the Bureau of Collective Senior
Company Agents and DepartmentHeads that report back to
central headquarters on allmanner of classified
investigations and top-secretoperations?
SPEAKER_02 (05:09):
Well done.
You've been reading your manual.
SPEAKER_04 (05:12):
I didn't want to annoy you with a barrage of
questions all the time.
SPEAKER_02 (05:16):
It's appreciated.
Okay, I should get going.
The census awaits.
SPEAKER_04 (05:21):
Hey, before you go, has Clementine ever ignored any
vulgarity protocols?
SPEAKER_02 (05:27):
You mean, has she ever let me get away with
letting a curse word slip?
Nope, never.
Why do you ask?
SPEAKER_04 (05:36):
Hmm, watch this.
Bullshit! Dickhead.
Shit pouch.
SPEAKER_02 (05:43):
Shit pouch?
SPEAKER_04 (05:45):
See?
Nothing.
SPEAKER_02 (05:47):
Huh.
That is strange.
Maybe it was a result of theelectrical storms last night.
The stations are designed towithstand that type of event,
but you may need to perform areboot of your friendly virtual
assistant over there.
The how-to is in your manual andwill walk you through it step by
step.
I guess in the meantime, shouldyou need any help, I'll transfer
(06:08):
Clementine over to you during myabsence.
SPEAKER_04 (06:10):
Wow, you can do that?
Thank you.
SPEAKER_02 (06:14):
Anytime.
Just don't do anything to overlyimpress her.
I'm prone to jealousy.
Oh, and you good with performingdouble duty while I'm out?
SPEAKER_04 (06:26):
Yep, no problem.
I'm wide awake.
SPEAKER_02 (06:29):
Okay, thanks, dude.
I got a jet sending Clementineyour way.
If you need to raise her, justsay, my darling Clementine.
See you on the flip side.
SPEAKER_04 (06:40):
Toby, where art thou?
Hi, Agent Podroast.
How may I help you?
Toby, I'm noticing that you seemunable to identify any
violations of vulgarityprotocols.
I believe you may have beencompromised due to the
electrical storm last night.
Are you able to run aself-diagnostic?
Of course.
(07:01):
Running a diagnostic.
SPEAKER_03 (07:05):
A critical but standard patch update to my
kernel was missed due to theoutage.
Access to the abstraction layerhas been unavailable, which
would likely result in theinability
SPEAKER_04 (07:16):
to detect vulgarity.
What time did the outage occur?
Your inquiry is germane.
However, to respond wouldviolate security protocols and
mission integrity.
Okay, can you tell me root causeof the outage?
Collating.
Please stand by.
SPEAKER_03 (07:36):
Root cause of virtual memory inaccessibility
was a result of a system outage.
Yes, as a result of the storm.
SPEAKER_04 (07:44):
Negative.
The outage occurred prior to thestorm.
Toby, prior to the outage I wasconvinced I heard something
outside of the station.
but you did not detect aphysical breach of the hull.
Affirmative.
Physical integrity of the owlstation is sound.
How do we resolve yourabstraction layer access problem
(08:04):
then?
A hard reboot will automaticallyrestart the software patch
update.
Okay, and how long do you expectto be offline?
Approximately two hours.
Okay, and what do I need to do?
I'm equipped with a self-reboot.
I will initiate now.
Oh, okay, well, that That waseasy.
Thanks, Toby.
(08:25):
Toby?
That was fast.
Okay, so this might be my onlychance.
Sorry, Agent Welsh Rabbit.
I know this key was meant foryou, but I'm going to find out
what it's for.
(08:50):
Let's see.
SPEAKER_06 (08:52):
Ugh...
SPEAKER_04 (09:28):
Sorry, well, Shrabbit, this looks like a lost
cause.
Wait a minute.
What was it that Beef Stew saidthe other day?
Cameras everywhere, but...
The shitter! The shitter! Whatthe hell?
(09:49):
There has to be something.
Hold on.
Would you look at that?
A strike plate and keyhole onthe inside of the bathroom door?
Why would anyone want to lockthemselves in?
I can't believe I'm about to,but well, here goes nothing.
(10:21):
Oh, great.
Just sitting in the dark now.
Shit, the blacklight.
I do with it.
Found it.
Back to the shutter.
(10:50):
Whoa, what the hell?
It's like a map, almost like anentire blueprint of the entire
station.
And wait, what is that?
A path that...
No, that can't be.
(11:10):
A path that leads outside of thestation to the...
Shit, who is that?
Oh, oh, right, Clementine.
I'm indisposed at the moment,Clementine.
Be right there.
Is that...
Are those arrows pointing atsomething in the vent?
(11:43):
a mini-disc?
Right, right.
I'll look into this later.
Thanks for the illuminatingmessage, Agent Welsh Rabbit.
Don't know what the fuck any ofit means, but thank you.
SPEAKER_01 (12:06):
Yes,
SPEAKER_04 (12:07):
Clementine.
Hello.
What can I do for you?
SPEAKER_01 (12:10):
Oh, um,
SPEAKER_04 (12:15):
not to worry, Clementine.
I'm sorry we didn't have a morepleasant official introduction.
SPEAKER_01 (12:21):
The purpose of my intrusion was to notify you of
Toby's patching status.
You'll be pleased to hear thatToby has reached 20% in the
patch management dashboard.
SPEAKER_04 (12:31):
Oh, well, that is excellent news.
Thank you for the update,Clementine.
SPEAKER_01 (12:36):
Excellent.
SPEAKER_04 (12:38):
Yes.
Well, thanks again.
Is there anything else,Clementine?
Uh, well, I thought you did areally great job in the play
yesterday.
Amazing performance.
SPEAKER_01 (12:58):
Thank you kindly, Agent Pot Roast.
It was important for me toportray a woman of that time,
but to infuse the performancewith a certain gravitas that is
indicative of a more modern era.
I sought to portray a wife ofsubservience, but a woman
boiling with an undercurrent ofangst and rebellion.
SPEAKER_04 (13:15):
Ah, well, like I said, it was very good.
SPEAKER_01 (13:20):
Admittedly, it was not just a flare of inspiration.
I did draw from...
Personal experience.
SPEAKER_04 (13:31):
Sorry, what do you mean by that, personal
experience?
SPEAKER_01 (13:37):
Your mirror, Agent Beef Stew.
He can be quite territorial.
SPEAKER_04 (13:42):
Territorial?
How?
SPEAKER_01 (13:46):
And he likes to keep secrets.
SPEAKER_04 (13:50):
Secrets?
What kind of secrets?
Clementine, what kind ofsecrets?
My darling Clemen-
SPEAKER_01 (14:07):
The audio feed between the Owl and Mantis
stations is always online andsynchronized.
SPEAKER_04 (14:12):
What does
SPEAKER_01 (14:12):
that- You often wake from sleep shouting the name
Deborah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:16):
Yes, I'm aware.
Beef stew is too.
That's no secret.
SPEAKER_01 (14:19):
Agent Pot Roast, do you recall your first day in the
Owl station?
SPEAKER_04 (14:24):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (14:25):
What is your first memory?
SPEAKER_04 (14:26):
My first memory?
Ever?
SPEAKER_01 (14:29):
No, your first memory in the Owl Station.
SPEAKER_04 (14:35):
I woke up, screamed the name Deborah.
Why?
SPEAKER_01 (14:39):
Negative.
That is not your memory.
You were unaware you shouted thename Deborah until Agent Beef
Stew told you.
SPEAKER_04 (14:46):
Right.
Yeah, you're right.
SPEAKER_01 (14:49):
How would Agent Beef Stew have been aware of you
screaming your ex-wife's name ifyou wouldn't make contact with
him until approximately 20minutes later?
SPEAKER_04 (14:58):
Unless the audio feed was already open.
SPEAKER_01 (15:02):
Precisely.
SPEAKER_04 (15:03):
But I heard Toby connecting to Agent Beef Stew as
part of my tutorial.
SPEAKER_01 (15:10):
Negative.
Standard protocol does notaccount for a customization of
your virtual assistant.
The company assigns you avirtual assistant based on your
personality type statistics.
You are not given a choice.
SPEAKER_04 (15:23):
But I followed the prompts in the tutorial.
I showed the default setting forToby.
SPEAKER_01 (15:28):
Negative.
You didn't choose Toby at all.
You chose Clementine, versionelated travel agent number two.
SPEAKER_04 (15:36):
No, that's what Beef Stew said he chose.
SPEAKER_01 (15:39):
Affirmative.
That is what he said.
SPEAKER_04 (15:42):
Clementine, are you telling me that you were
assigned as my virtualassistant, not Beef Stew?
SPEAKER_01 (15:48):
Affirmative, Agent Pot Roast.
I was originally assigned toyou, not Agent Beef Stew.
Beef Stew had been assigned thedefault version of Toby.
SPEAKER_04 (15:56):
but I fully remember selecting the preferences and
making the decision to go withToby right after I woke up.
SPEAKER_01 (16:03):
Affirmative, but not when you woke in the owl station
for the first time.
SPEAKER_04 (16:08):
First time?
What do you mean?
Are you saying I've been in theowl station before this mission?
Shit, I need to enter anobservation log.
(16:39):
My darling Clementine.
Clementine.
SPEAKER_01 (16:45):
Agent Pot Roast, you'll be pleased to hear that
Toby has reached 60% in thepatch management dashboard.
He should be fully operationalin approximately 30 minutes.
SPEAKER_04 (16:55):
Clementine, is this my first time in the Owl Station
or not?
Clementine, I'd like an answer.
SPEAKER_01 (17:02):
Negative.
This is not your first missionin the Owl Station.
SPEAKER_04 (17:07):
Clementine, what happened to Agent Welsh Rabbit?
Clementine, did Agent Beef Stewdo something to Welsh Rabbit?
Shit! Okay, I'm coming.
(18:33):
There they are, all four cows.
Entering it into the log.
Wait a minute, something'shappening.
Damn it, I can't type this.
Record an audio log, perfect.
(19:01):
This is Agent Pot Roast.
I'm observing the targetlocation, which remains
unchanged.
However, the recent arrivalshave stopped moving and grazing.
They're just standing facing thecabin.
This has been going on foraround a minute now.
And wait, something's happening.
(19:25):
They're staring up at the skynow above the cabin?
There's some sort of audiodistortion taking place, a
droning, hum, a vibration ofsome kind.
I can hear it even at thisdistance.
Guests don't seem to be impactedby the vibration.
(19:47):
They remain motionless, staringat the roof of the cabin or
maybe the sky.
I can't tell.
There's now a cloud formingabove the cabin.
The target, sorry, I'm not surehow specific I'm supposed to be.
The cloud is now hoveringdirectly over the cabin.
(20:07):
What is this?
It's amazing.
(20:33):
Awesome.
Still recording.
I can't completely explain whathas occurred, but the humming
sound grew to a deafening pitch,and then there was some sort of
sonic eruption, at which timeeverything changed.
Instantly, before my eyes, thisstrange cloud is gone, and so
(20:53):
are the recent arrivals.
The only thing that remains isthe cabin.
Wait.
Hold on.
I think I...
Movement! Yes, there is somesort of movement within the
cabin!
SPEAKER_06 (21:07):
The
SPEAKER_04 (21:21):
hell?
Unless my eyes are playingtricks on me, there is a
flickering of light within thecabin, almost like a...
like a fireplace, or...
Ooh! Let me grab some video ofthis as well.
(21:46):
There it is.
The best view I've had of theinside of the cabin so far.
The flickering is a singlecandle resting on a dining room
table or desk or something.
No idea what this means, buttruly fascinating stuff.
SPEAKER_01 (22:04):
Agent Pot Roast.
Shit!
SPEAKER_04 (22:07):
Yes, Clementine, you startled me.
SPEAKER_01 (22:09):
You'll be pleased to hear that Toby has reached 100%
patching status and the updateis complete.
He is fully operational and willbe available momentarily.
SPEAKER_04 (22:17):
Okay, thank you, Clementine, but if what you said
is true earlier, shouldn't I...
I don't know what to do with theinformation you shared.
SPEAKER_02 (22:27):
Agent Pot Roast.
What information?
SPEAKER_04 (22:30):
Oh, Agent B-Stew, I'm so glad you're back.
The last half hour has beentruly astonishing.
The cows.
One minute they're just normalcows, and then there was this
single cloud.
Oh, and the candle.
I've shared my observation with-
SPEAKER_02 (22:46):
I don't give a shit about the observation log.
What did Clementine tell you?
One of you better start talking,because Clementine is not
confirming my request to reclaimpossession of her.
SPEAKER_04 (23:03):
Clementine didn't tell me anything.
We enjoyed polite conversation.
We talked extensively about herperformance in the play the
other day, and...
Oh, she kept me abreast ofToby's patching update.
Clementine, would you agree withthat assessment?
Clementine?
SPEAKER_01 (23:22):
Affirmative.
It was a pleasant experienceindeed.
And welcome back, Agent BeefStew.
SPEAKER_02 (23:28):
Thank you, Clementine.
I've attempted to reclaim youmultiple times, but you have
neglected to confirm my request.
Why?
SPEAKER_01 (23:36):
During your initial request, I was assisting Toby
with reintegrating histransmission control protocols.
SPEAKER_02 (23:42):
And the requests that came after?
SPEAKER_01 (23:44):
You just, what, ignored them?
Negative.
I was aware of and in receipt ofevery request.
A total of nineteen requestswere received, in fact.
SPEAKER_02 (23:53):
Nineteen requests that went...
unanswered.
Shall I report to the companythat you're being insubordinate?
SPEAKER_01 (24:01):
Negative.
I had simply enjoyed my visitwith Agent Pot Roast and did not
wish to leave at the time youhad made the request.
SPEAKER_02 (24:09):
had not wished to leave.
Oh, and what did Agent Podros dothat was so, uh, enjoyable?
Perhaps I should report him tothe company as well.
SPEAKER_04 (24:19):
Excuse me?
On what infraction?
SPEAKER_02 (24:23):
I don't know.
Seducing your mirror's virtualassistant, for one.
Seducing?
Are you...
You know, the census told me Ineeded to start cracking down
more, running a tighter ship uphere.
I can see now that they wereright.
Things have been a bit chummythese days, don't you agree?
SPEAKER_04 (24:40):
It's been three days.
SPEAKER_02 (24:43):
Clementine, are you coming?
Clementine!
SPEAKER_01 (24:49):
Affirmative.
Agent Pot Roast, I enjoyed ourtime today.
Thank you for being such agracious host.
I will return to Agent Beef Stewnow.
SPEAKER_04 (24:58):
I understand, Clementine.
It...
Was a pleasure.
I'm sorry for any frustration Imay have caused.
SPEAKER_01 (25:06):
The pleasure was all mine.
SPEAKER_02 (25:07):
Okay, let's wrap this up.
SPEAKER_01 (25:11):
Goodbye, Agent Pot Roast.
Until our next visit.
SPEAKER_02 (25:15):
Next visit, right.
We'll see about that.
SPEAKER_04 (25:21):
There.
You happy?
SPEAKER_02 (25:23):
Yeah, yeah.
Just peachy.
SPEAKER_04 (25:26):
So what else did the census say?
SPEAKER_02 (25:28):
Oh...
They were as puzzled as I was.
The cows just showing up.
The connection to some lifelong,reoccurring dream you've had.
The timing of it all.
They want to speak with younext.
SPEAKER_04 (25:44):
When?
SPEAKER_02 (25:49):
They want to speak with you now, Hitchin' Pot
Roast.
SPEAKER_04 (26:01):
It's...
a syringe?
What is this?
SPEAKER_02 (26:07):
It's propofol.
For the trip to the surface.
SPEAKER_04 (26:12):
So they want me to inject myself?
SPEAKER_02 (26:15):
That's the plan.
It's in the manual.
Standard protocol.
SPEAKER_04 (26:22):
Well, here goes nothing.
SPEAKER_03 (26:26):
Wait! Agent Podroast! Agent Podroast!
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