January 2, 2023 • 31 mins
Episode 54 Mental Health Mondays Holiday Special with Kelli. Special episode with Kelli centered around the holidays and mental health. We all need a little help some time and holidays can be challenging. Kelli will share some extra tips and have the conversation about mental health during the holidays. Join BCC Evolution’s weekly live YouTube show for Mental Health Mondays hosted by the Founder Kelli Melissa where we talk to special guests who are professional mental health experts or guests who experience a mental health challenge or mental health advocates. You can find more here: https://linktr.ee/bccevolution
Want to be a guest? Reach out to support@bccevolution.org and tell us your story. Need more resources? Want to get educated more about mental health and suicide prevention? Check out our programs and website for more info: www.bccevolution.org Support our cause today to help us bridge the gap by educating people to support those who are faced with a mental health challenge. Become a “Warrior for Mental Health” today for only $20 or more per month!
Want to be a guest? Reach out to support@bccevolution.org and tell us your story. Need more resources? Want to get educated more about mental health and suicide prevention? Check out our programs and website for more info: www.bccevolution.org Support our cause today to help us bridge the gap by educating people to support those who are faced with a mental health challenge. Become a “Warrior for Mental Health” today for only $20 or more per month!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Welcome to another episode of Mental Health Mondays, where I
talk to guests who are either professionals in the mental
health space, advocates of mental health, or those that live
with or experience a mental health challenge. And today my
guests unfortunately had to reschedule, so you get me yay.
(00:56):
But it's after the holidays, and I actually don't feel
very very good today, So this may be a pretty
quick mental health Mondays. We'll see, I don't know, We'll
see where this goes. But I thought that since it
is after at least Christmas, and we're going into New
Year's and there's so many holidays that are around this time,
(01:21):
it would be just a good idea to talk about
the holidays in general. And I know that I have eluded,
and I've talked about this over several different mental Health
Mondays where my guests unfortunately don't show up. I've talked
about these things, so I just want to go over
(01:41):
them again. And if you're watching this on YouTube again,
reminder make sure you mash down that subscribe button. If
you're watching this on LinkedIn or Facebook, you probably already
follow us, but if you don't, make sure you follow us.
So again, I'm not feeling the best my throat. I
just woke up and my throat is really really hurting today,
(02:01):
and I don't know, just out of nowhere. I was
fine the rest of the weekend, spending time with family,
and just woke up this morning with a really sore throat.
So my apologies, but we'll get through this together. Also
wearing my glasses because my eyeball is hurt and that's okay. Hey,
you know again, it's not about perfection. It's really about
(02:22):
getting the information out and bringing you the resources that
you possibly need. So the things that I want to share,
and I have alluded to this and I've told you
a couple of times, but bcc evolution is now hosting
free support groups on the Circles app. So it's like
(02:44):
actually called Circles and it's a emotional support app that
people can join to be able to get support around
all kinds. There's so many different categories and so many
amazing people leading rooms on this platform to like during
(03:05):
the holidays, there are grief and loss, there's divorce, there's narcissism,
there is mental health, there are trying to think what
are the other ones? There's so many, so if you
need any extra support around a specific topic. So ours
(03:26):
that I lead today on Mondays is never alone through
grief or loss and then and that's at twelve thirty
Mountain Standard time till one thirty pm. And then I
also do a second group right now on Tuesday nights
at six pm Mountain Stander time till seven pm Mountain
Standard time. And that one is mental wellness through the
(03:48):
holidays and a lot of times. So these groups actually
have been expanding. I don't know, that's not the right word,
but they've been stretching my abilities, especially around my listening
skills and my NLP. Really like so neural linguistic programming.
(04:12):
You probably may or may not know, but I have
my Master Practitioner certification and training and consultant certification in
neuro linguistic programming. So it's a different type of it
can be therapy, it can be coaching. There's so many
different avenues of it, but ultimately it's a way for
me to understand people. So I'm like human trained. And
(04:36):
my mentor reminded me that I have more training under
my belt than a good chunk of counselors and therapists,
So that's pretty cool, but it also it makes me
so these these support groups that I'm running, it really
is somewhat challenging. So for me, my sister passed away.
(04:57):
We're coming up on six years and after she completed suicide.
I know that first year I was just surviving. I
was not even living, and that's part of my story.
But then when I hit like this wall, I was like,
I got to do something about this. I went to
counseling and it was okay for that time, and then
(05:19):
the next year, twenty eighteen, I found NLP and it
was just life changing for me. Hence the reason I've
gotten so many certifications. I'm actually getting my official coaching
ICF certification currently, and because it's been so impactful on
my life that I want to be able to help
it or help share it with other people because it's
(05:43):
so life transforming anyway. So I found NLP and ultimately
it helps with more choice than wholeness and all those
amazing things and so on these circle support rooms. It's
really been challenging my listening skills, and I even in
our mental health first DAID classes, we talk about listening
(06:06):
non judgmentally and how you can do that as a
person for other people, because one, nobody wants any anybody's advice,
like really truly unless they actually ask you, like, hey,
what do you think? But again, we have to be reminded,
it's not about you or me, right, it's not about me,
it's about that other person that I'm helping. And so
(06:28):
again it's not about you, it's about them. And so
listening non judgmentally and silence silence can be the most
powerful tool that you possibly have in your toolbox because one,
it shows that you are truly listening, and then two
you're also able to I call it parrot phrasing, which
(06:49):
is another thing that I learned in NP, but you're
actually using their words back to them and showing that
you're really truly listening to them completely. But it also
helps clarify in their brain what they're saying, which can
be really really helpful, especially for somebody who is experiencing
(07:09):
whether it be depression, anxiety, or bipolar maybe they're on
a high or maybe they're on a low or like schizophrenia,
like actually saying their words back to them like is
that something that they said or is it something that
maybe they heard in their head? Right, So it helps
with that clarification piece. And so with these groups, this
(07:31):
is a long drawn out way of explaining this, but
with these groups, it's really been testing my ability to
listen non judgementally and parrophrase. And that's a really great
thing though. But a lot of things that I hear,
and this is what I want to talk about today,
is as we navigate sorry, I'm all over the place,
(07:55):
as we navigate through the holidays, it can be really
really important the word, the words that we say to
ourselves and the words that we say to others. And
that's the thing that I really want to talk about
today is words. So oftentimes I hear in these groups
that a lot of what comes up is I, well, okay,
(08:19):
So some of the phrases that are said is like
I'm a burden. Why am I really here? Why does
my life matter? I'm so miserable without this person, or
so you also have to understand that grief and loss
are not just the loss of a person. It can
also be the loss of identity. It could be the
(08:42):
loss and when I say identity, that means maybe I
When I was younger, I was like I'm going to
be a teacher, or I'm going to be the president
or whatever I think that my life is supposed to be,
or maybe it's just like, my life's going to be happy.
I'm going to be normal, whatever normal is, and I'm
(09:02):
gonna get married, and I'm gonna have three kids, and
I'm gonna do this and that, and I'm gonna have
this great job and this great car. And then you
get to that point, Like for me, I was like,
I'm gonna get married by thirty, I'm gonna have two kids.
That did not happen. So by the time I hit thirty,
I was like, Uh, this is not how I thought
(09:24):
my life or how I planned it to be. And
so it's that you actually have to like grieve the
loss of that identity that you thought was going to be.
So that's what I mean when I say identity. The
other thing is that there's so many different things that
you can grieve again the loss of an actual person.
(09:47):
It could be a pet, it could be a divorce,
it could be a breakup, it could be like an identity.
It could be so many things. Maybe you got in
a car accident. I know one of my friend friends,
her daughter is going through this right now. Horrific car accident,
but ultimately she's having to relearn how to walk and
(10:09):
talk and all those things that we take for granted, right,
And so it's that like mom as the mom and
my friend, she thought that her daughter, you know, would
be the teenager right and experience things as teenagers do,
but now it's changed their whole world. They had to
move from one state back to Colorado, and they're having
(10:34):
to relearn their life. Like that's a grief, that's a loss.
You still have to process those things. And for me,
like adoption, adoption is a loss, right, it's grief. Like
I actually had to process the loss of my daughter,
although she's still in my life to this day, I still,
when I was sixteen years old, had to process that
(10:56):
loss and that grief or go through the grief. And
so there's a lot of things centered around grief and
loss that ultimately that's what people come in for. So
we've had a lot of conversations about what I thought
was once going to be and is no longer. And
(11:17):
then again I've heard like I'm a burden, I have
suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be alive anymore. I
just wish the holidays would get over I just want
to make it through this time. Like those are the
things that I'm hearing every single week. And but the
(11:37):
best part that I have been hearing is that I
love coming to this platform and I love being here
because I can just be me, Like it's just my voice.
Nobody knows what I look like, nobody knows anything about
me other than my voice, and I can share whatever
I need to and I can go through this experience.
(11:58):
And everybody on this has been so supportive, and that's
really really cool because sometimes all you need is to
go in and talk about it. And that's what I needed,
Like towards the first year, towards the end of the
first year, after I lost my sister is I just
needed somebody to talk to about it, Like I just
(12:19):
kept it in for so long because in my mind
I thought that I had to be strong. I thought
that I just had to keep moving like I had
a year old kid, Like I just had to keep going.
I can't process anything. And I think that's where people
get really wrapped up in what we say, again to
(12:40):
ourselves or to others. I was saying to myself, you
have to be strong for your family, you have to
keep going you can't stop. You just have to be busy.
Those were the things I told myself, and I oftentimes
hear people say, well, if I didn't have bad luck,
I wouldn't have luck at all. That one can be
(13:01):
really damaging, or I'm a burden. I don't know why
I exist. I don't know why I'm here. But if
you think about it from the flip side of that
other person in your life, why would they want you
to be here? What are you offering to them? Is
it support? Is it love? Is it being that person
(13:25):
that maybe they don't have in their life anymore? Are
you family? Are you friends? Whatever it might be? Again,
I know we have to think about ourselves and that's
really really important. We have to be able to take
care of ourselves before we try to take care of
anybody else. And so that's when I talk about I
(13:49):
also like to talk about like the E R syndrome.
Nobody loves me, everybody me. I'm gonna go eat worms. Right,
He's so down in the dumps, but that's where he
kind of lives because that's all he's constantly thinking about,
is the negativity, not the positivity. And so it's really
(14:09):
important as we go through this journey as we go
through the holidays, to really listen and pay attention. What
are the words that we're saying to ourselves, What are
the words that we're saying to others? Is it, Oh, man,
I gotta spend time with my family. Oh gosh, I
don't have enough money to buy presents. Oh my gosh,
everybody's gonna hate me because I didn't show up with presents,
(14:33):
or I didn't do this, or I didn't do that. Well,
you know what, it's not about you. It's about the
other person. And this is a time forgiving, and it
really really matters what you say to yourself and what
you say to others. I can get through this. I
know I'm powerful. I know that I'm strong. I know
(14:56):
it's okay to have emotions. Yeah. Sure, or maybe the
holidays suck, but you know what, there's a lot of
really great things about it too. I do have support,
I do have family, I do have friends. I got
spoiled for Christmas. I have the ability to make the
(15:19):
money that I need to pay for those presents. I
have the ability within myself to do these three things.
I have the ability to make it through the holidays
and I'm gonna make it as good as I possibly can,
because maybe that person that I lost they want it
(15:40):
to be that way. They don't want me sitting here
being miserable. I don't want to sit here and be miserable.
Our brain doesn't want you to sit here and be miserable.
Our brain wants us to go towards pleasure and away
from pain. That's what it's designed for. Or I know
(16:01):
you've heard of fight or flight before. Our brain is
conditioned to protect us. That's what it's for. So with
that said, I also want to bring in a couple
tools or tips or tricks that you can use as
(16:22):
you navigate through the holidays. I get we just went
through Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe some of
you are still on Hanukkah. Also, New Year's is coming
up next week. Maybe you have birthdays, Like I don't
know about you, but our family has a ton of
birthdays in this timespan, So maybe you have birthdays. Maybe
(16:46):
you have more celebrations that you do. I know that
I have viewers from across the world, and so whatever
holidays you might be celebrating, these are tools that you
can utilize throughout this holiday scene and one of the
easiest and I know I've talked about this before, but
the easiest thing is this thing that's already attached to you.
(17:09):
It's your mouth. You can simply smile. It can be
a fake smile. It doesn't even have to be a
real smile. It can be a fake smile. It is
scientifically proven that when you smile, whether it's real or fake,
it releases your brain's happy juices. That's what I call them,
(17:31):
are your happy juices. And that's your serotonin, your dopamine,
your endorphins, all those good happy juices in your brain.
And so simply smiling, and again it could be totally fake,
but the upward motion of your mouth smiling helps release
(17:55):
those happy juices. The other thing, and I don't know
about you, but I I'm totally a kid at heart.
I am forty two years old, but I love toys
and my family knows that very well about me, and
so it can be those simple, simple things. And I'm
going to show you some of the things that I
(18:16):
got for Christmas that make me really really happy, and
so I hope that they do too for you. But
this is absolutely my favorite toy that I got. This season.
It is a baby Yoda bop it and my husband
he was like, I didn't actually go back and get
that for you. I'm sorry. And then I unwrapped it
(18:37):
and I was like, I got it. But it is
so fun. My son and I have been playing it
the last couple of days and because let's see if
you can hear at the start, Yeah, so you bop it.
So you bop it, turn it, twist it, pull it.
It is very, very fun and very amusing. And then
(19:02):
my son, which we're gonna do a video later to
put up on all of our social media's, he turned
into a live boppet, so he goes boppit, twist it,
pull it, and so I've been using my son as
a live boppet, which is hilarious. So watch out for
(19:24):
the video and hopefully that will make you smile. Stitch
is another one. I Stitch is another one that I
have over the years. I don't know, like I mean,
I love Leaylo and Stitch. Stitch was kind of a weird,
but now they make him look like very cute and
fun to be around, versus the original movie where he
(19:47):
was not not the cutest of them all. But you know,
you gotta love Leylo and stitch. So I even got
a baby Yoda which also turns into a stitch. So
my husband said, whatever mood I'm in, I can put
this on the side of my desk if I'm happy
(20:09):
or if I'm mad, and then when they walk in
the door, they'll know how I'm feeling that day. I
don't know. And then one of the things that have
come about the last couple of years and uh, well
really the last two years is care Bears. So there's
a story behind this. But this is which I love
(20:30):
this one. This one is the belief in your Dreams bear. Yeah,
pretty sure I took the tag off, but the follow
your dreams, Follow your Dreams care bear. So that's just
something that makes me really happy and the reason why
so I bought after my sister passed. So my sister
(20:53):
was actually the one that she was like the care bear,
Like she loves bears, she loves everything bears and me,
and like all the bears that she had in her
house were just like do you need more bears? Like really,
and if she could hug a bear, she totally would
have hugged a bear. But and I was not really
into Bears up until my sister passed. I think we
(21:15):
all like absorbed all the things that she loved over time.
But I had bought this. Hopefully you can kind of
see it, you know, let's see which way there we go.
So I bought this entire care Bear set, and it's
something that I've carried around with me. So I know
most of you know, but my sister Carrie, should we
(21:38):
call it care Bear, And that's where it really started
coming from. But my family has adopted that I really
love care Bears because I do. I love I love
little my little pony care Bears, Rainbow bright like all
the good come on, remember all the good, the good cartoons,
they were all the good cartoons. And so this Christmas
(22:05):
was filled with lots of toys. It always ends up
with lots of toys, and even so much that I
got the fortieth fortieth anniversary Bear from my family. So
it's small things. It can be super small things, just
really really small things. Maybe you like toys, maybe you
(22:28):
don't like toys. Maybe you like books, like I have
a whole bunch of books over here. Maybe you are
really into It's not that way it hits over here.
I'm like the opposite of where you guys are backwards,
but buddhas Maybe it is I have crystals and stones
also back here. It can be really really simple things.
(22:51):
That's what I'm trying to get to. That's my whole
entire point is that it can be really simple things.
It can be simple like smiling, laughing at the boppit,
making a human bopit. If you like toys, maybe it's
something very small. Maybe it's something very simple that you
(23:11):
have that you can cuddle with, that you can squeeze,
that you can look at and it makes you happy.
Whatever way you find that you release those happy juices
in your brain. Is my point of this whole entire
thing is that, Yeah, the holidays can really suck because
it brings up a lot of emotion for people, and
(23:33):
it can be really really hard. But it doesn't have
to be. Again, the words that we say are so important.
It doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to
hate it. I can make it through, and I can
be strong, and I can be positive, and I can
you know, whatever I need to do to make me
(23:54):
feel that way, whether it's something stupid or small or simple,
or a toy or whatever it might be it can
be that simple, or maybe you run around your house
and just smile. I don't know, Like whatever that is
for you, it's going to be different for you than
it is for me, because we all experience things differently,
(24:17):
and maybe you just need some extra support. And so
I invite you to come to any of our circles
support groups. You can join them at any point in time.
And so today we have another one. It's at twelve
thirty Mountain Standard time. I will drop the links and
(24:38):
across all of our social media where this video is,
and you can join us and we can support you.
And there's some really fabulous people on there that want
to help support each other. Or maybe you don't want
to talk at all, you can also just listen. That's
the cool part about this is you can log in,
(25:01):
you can listen. You don't actually have to talk unless
it's just you and me in the room. Then it's like, well,
would you like to talk or you want to sit
here in silence. I actually had that happen last Tuesday.
We only had one lady that jumped in, which just
fine because she comes to almost every single one of
my groups, which was awesome. So I'm really learning and
(25:21):
getting to know her story, and we just talked. It
wasn't about her loss. It was for like a couple minutes,
but then we just talked about normal human things, because
sometimes that's what we need instead of repeating that story
over and over and over in our brain of what happened.
(25:43):
Sometimes you just need human connection and somebody that will
really truly listen whatever's coming up. And maybe it's just
a casual conversation not even about what you're going through,
can be really important too. So I invite you, with
(26:04):
all of this said, to pay attention to the words
that you say, the words that you say to others,
and the words that you say to yourself, because you
are important, your life matters, and what you say to
yourself can sometimes be the most hurtful things that we say.
And so if you notice that you're saying more negatives
(26:28):
about yourself, or you're saying more negatives outwardly towards people,
think about it and reframe what you're saying. If it
always comes out I hate the holidays, well what is
one thing? Can be one thing? What's one thing that
(26:48):
you like about the holidays? And let's focus on that,
just the one thing It doesn't have to be everything.
It doesn't have to be big and grand and all
these things. It can simply be one thing. Maybe the
one thing is a Christmas tree. Maybe the one thing
(27:09):
is the toys that you get or the candy that
you get, or maybe the one thing is spending time
with family or watching your kid's open presence, or maybe
it's just sitting on the couch and watching a movie.
Whatever it might be, that's okay. So just pick one
(27:30):
thing and focus on that. And if you need extra support,
whether it be around grief or loss or mental health
or any of those things, join us for our support groups.
You can just come in and listen. Maybe you just
like to listen to this and that's okay too, but
(27:52):
come in and listen or maybe share your story if
something's bubbling up. That's how I run my rooms is
really it's not a It's about you and however I
can support you. That's how I'm going to be or
the other people in the room, because they're really amazing
and I learned something new every single time I do
these rooms. So I'm very blessed by having the Circles
(28:15):
team reach out to me to have me guide these rooms.
So hopefully this helps you as you navigate through the holidays. Again,
the words that we say really really truly matter, and
it only has to be one thing. You don't have
to focus on everything the words right, and that one
(28:37):
thing that will really truly help us is eliminating all
the other stuff. You don't need to worry about it
just one thing, all right, y'all. Well, I hope this
was helpful. If you feel like anybody needs this information,
please feel free to share. Also make sure you mash
(28:59):
down that to subscribe. And I have guests actually booked
up until the end of March, so into April. I
put the podcast on a match thing and now guests
are flooding in so which is great. We will have guests.
Hopefully none of the rest will cancel. But I think
(29:20):
this is really important anyways, as we navigate the holidays,
to really understand you're okay, and you're gonna be okay,
and we can get through this together. And if you
need extra support, there are other options. And you know,
I even have to come into my room. There's so
many other incredible rooms that you can go into. So
however that can help you. And it's a free, free
(29:41):
platform for you if you want to. There is an
option to pay for it, which gives you access to
more things like most apps. But I think it's a
really great platform, and I was actually supposed to have
the owner of the platform on today, and so I
thought it would be a really cool way to just
share the information and not showcase the whole ton of
(30:06):
things we'll get there and through this we can definitely
give resources and all those amazing things. So as a reminder,
BCC Evolution is a five oh one c three nonprofit.
We are still collecting money for our Climb for the Mind.
Simplest way is to text this number. Just text Climb
(30:28):
for Mind to four four three two one. We are
raising sixty thousand dollars. Again, it's legit, it's on. We
are climbing a mountain next August in the name of
mental health and suicide awareness education. All the money that
we collect goes back to BCC evolution, and it will
(30:50):
go towards all of the programs that we offer through
our mental health classes, because I more often than not
have people that really need to get sponsored. It all
also helps us so that we can do these support
groups for free and we don't have to charge for them,
so which is really really amazing, and they want me,
(31:10):
they wanted me to do the second room, so we
have the second room, which is awesome. So Texas number
climb climb for mine to four four three two one.
And I really really hope that all of you have
incredible holidays. And if you need any extra support, please
make sure you go to bcc evolution dot org and
you can send a message message to myself or any
(31:33):
member on our team and we will reach out to you.
So thank you so much for watching. Make sure you're
join us back next Monday, same time, same place, Monday's
eleven am Mountain Standard time, and we'll see you next time.
Buy yelt
Welcome to another episode of Mental Health Mondays, where I
talk to guests who are either professionals in the mental
health space, advocates of mental health, or those that live
with or experience a mental health challenge. And today my
guests unfortunately had to reschedule, so you get me yay.
(00:56):
But it's after the holidays, and I actually don't feel
very very good today, So this may be a pretty
quick mental health Mondays. We'll see, I don't know, We'll
see where this goes. But I thought that since it
is after at least Christmas, and we're going into New
Year's and there's so many holidays that are around this time,
(01:21):
it would be just a good idea to talk about
the holidays in general. And I know that I have eluded,
and I've talked about this over several different mental Health
Mondays where my guests unfortunately don't show up. I've talked
about these things, so I just want to go over
(01:41):
them again. And if you're watching this on YouTube again,
reminder make sure you mash down that subscribe button. If
you're watching this on LinkedIn or Facebook, you probably already
follow us, but if you don't, make sure you follow us.
So again, I'm not feeling the best my throat. I
just woke up and my throat is really really hurting today,
(02:01):
and I don't know, just out of nowhere. I was
fine the rest of the weekend, spending time with family,
and just woke up this morning with a really sore throat.
So my apologies, but we'll get through this together. Also
wearing my glasses because my eyeball is hurt and that's okay. Hey,
you know again, it's not about perfection. It's really about
(02:22):
getting the information out and bringing you the resources that
you possibly need. So the things that I want to share,
and I have alluded to this and I've told you
a couple of times, but bcc evolution is now hosting
free support groups on the Circles app. So it's like
(02:44):
actually called Circles and it's a emotional support app that
people can join to be able to get support around
all kinds. There's so many different categories and so many
amazing people leading rooms on this platform to like during
(03:05):
the holidays, there are grief and loss, there's divorce, there's narcissism,
there is mental health, there are trying to think what
are the other ones? There's so many, so if you
need any extra support around a specific topic. So ours
(03:26):
that I lead today on Mondays is never alone through
grief or loss and then and that's at twelve thirty
Mountain Standard time till one thirty pm. And then I
also do a second group right now on Tuesday nights
at six pm Mountain Stander time till seven pm Mountain
Standard time. And that one is mental wellness through the
(03:48):
holidays and a lot of times. So these groups actually
have been expanding. I don't know, that's not the right word,
but they've been stretching my abilities, especially around my listening
skills and my NLP. Really like so neural linguistic programming.
(04:12):
You probably may or may not know, but I have
my Master Practitioner certification and training and consultant certification in
neuro linguistic programming. So it's a different type of it
can be therapy, it can be coaching. There's so many
different avenues of it, but ultimately it's a way for
me to understand people. So I'm like human trained. And
(04:36):
my mentor reminded me that I have more training under
my belt than a good chunk of counselors and therapists,
So that's pretty cool, but it also it makes me
so these these support groups that I'm running, it really
is somewhat challenging. So for me, my sister passed away.
(04:57):
We're coming up on six years and after she completed suicide.
I know that first year I was just surviving. I
was not even living, and that's part of my story.
But then when I hit like this wall, I was like,
I got to do something about this. I went to
counseling and it was okay for that time, and then
(05:19):
the next year, twenty eighteen, I found NLP and it
was just life changing for me. Hence the reason I've
gotten so many certifications. I'm actually getting my official coaching
ICF certification currently, and because it's been so impactful on
my life that I want to be able to help
it or help share it with other people because it's
(05:43):
so life transforming anyway. So I found NLP and ultimately
it helps with more choice than wholeness and all those
amazing things and so on these circle support rooms. It's
really been challenging my listening skills, and I even in
our mental health first DAID classes, we talk about listening
(06:06):
non judgmentally and how you can do that as a
person for other people, because one, nobody wants any anybody's advice,
like really truly unless they actually ask you, like, hey,
what do you think? But again, we have to be reminded,
it's not about you or me, right, it's not about me,
it's about that other person that I'm helping. And so
(06:28):
again it's not about you, it's about them. And so
listening non judgmentally and silence silence can be the most
powerful tool that you possibly have in your toolbox because one,
it shows that you are truly listening, and then two
you're also able to I call it parrot phrasing, which
(06:49):
is another thing that I learned in NP, but you're
actually using their words back to them and showing that
you're really truly listening to them completely. But it also
helps clarify in their brain what they're saying, which can
be really really helpful, especially for somebody who is experiencing
(07:09):
whether it be depression, anxiety, or bipolar maybe they're on
a high or maybe they're on a low or like schizophrenia,
like actually saying their words back to them like is
that something that they said or is it something that
maybe they heard in their head? Right, So it helps
with that clarification piece. And so with these groups, this
(07:31):
is a long drawn out way of explaining this, but
with these groups, it's really been testing my ability to
listen non judgementally and parrophrase. And that's a really great
thing though. But a lot of things that I hear,
and this is what I want to talk about today,
is as we navigate sorry, I'm all over the place,
(07:55):
as we navigate through the holidays, it can be really
really important the word, the words that we say to
ourselves and the words that we say to others. And
that's the thing that I really want to talk about
today is words. So oftentimes I hear in these groups
that a lot of what comes up is I, well, okay,
(08:19):
So some of the phrases that are said is like
I'm a burden. Why am I really here? Why does
my life matter? I'm so miserable without this person, or
so you also have to understand that grief and loss
are not just the loss of a person. It can
also be the loss of identity. It could be the
(08:42):
loss and when I say identity, that means maybe I
When I was younger, I was like I'm going to
be a teacher, or I'm going to be the president
or whatever I think that my life is supposed to be,
or maybe it's just like, my life's going to be happy.
I'm going to be normal, whatever normal is, and I'm
(09:02):
gonna get married, and I'm gonna have three kids, and
I'm gonna do this and that, and I'm gonna have
this great job and this great car. And then you
get to that point, Like for me, I was like,
I'm gonna get married by thirty, I'm gonna have two kids.
That did not happen. So by the time I hit thirty,
I was like, Uh, this is not how I thought
(09:24):
my life or how I planned it to be. And
so it's that you actually have to like grieve the
loss of that identity that you thought was going to be.
So that's what I mean when I say identity. The
other thing is that there's so many different things that
you can grieve again the loss of an actual person.
(09:47):
It could be a pet, it could be a divorce,
it could be a breakup, it could be like an identity.
It could be so many things. Maybe you got in
a car accident. I know one of my friend friends,
her daughter is going through this right now. Horrific car accident,
but ultimately she's having to relearn how to walk and
(10:09):
talk and all those things that we take for granted, right,
And so it's that like mom as the mom and
my friend, she thought that her daughter, you know, would
be the teenager right and experience things as teenagers do,
but now it's changed their whole world. They had to
move from one state back to Colorado, and they're having
(10:34):
to relearn their life. Like that's a grief, that's a loss.
You still have to process those things. And for me,
like adoption, adoption is a loss, right, it's grief. Like
I actually had to process the loss of my daughter,
although she's still in my life to this day, I still,
when I was sixteen years old, had to process that
(10:56):
loss and that grief or go through the grief. And
so there's a lot of things centered around grief and
loss that ultimately that's what people come in for. So
we've had a lot of conversations about what I thought
was once going to be and is no longer. And
(11:17):
then again I've heard like I'm a burden, I have
suicidal thoughts. I don't want to be alive anymore. I
just wish the holidays would get over I just want
to make it through this time. Like those are the
things that I'm hearing every single week. And but the
(11:37):
best part that I have been hearing is that I
love coming to this platform and I love being here
because I can just be me, Like it's just my voice.
Nobody knows what I look like, nobody knows anything about
me other than my voice, and I can share whatever
I need to and I can go through this experience.
(11:58):
And everybody on this has been so supportive, and that's
really really cool because sometimes all you need is to
go in and talk about it. And that's what I needed,
Like towards the first year, towards the end of the
first year, after I lost my sister is I just
needed somebody to talk to about it, Like I just
(12:19):
kept it in for so long because in my mind
I thought that I had to be strong. I thought
that I just had to keep moving like I had
a year old kid, Like I just had to keep going.
I can't process anything. And I think that's where people
get really wrapped up in what we say, again to
(12:40):
ourselves or to others. I was saying to myself, you
have to be strong for your family, you have to
keep going you can't stop. You just have to be busy.
Those were the things I told myself, and I oftentimes
hear people say, well, if I didn't have bad luck,
I wouldn't have luck at all. That one can be
(13:01):
really damaging, or I'm a burden. I don't know why
I exist. I don't know why I'm here. But if
you think about it from the flip side of that
other person in your life, why would they want you
to be here? What are you offering to them? Is
it support? Is it love? Is it being that person
(13:25):
that maybe they don't have in their life anymore? Are
you family? Are you friends? Whatever it might be? Again,
I know we have to think about ourselves and that's
really really important. We have to be able to take
care of ourselves before we try to take care of
anybody else. And so that's when I talk about I
(13:49):
also like to talk about like the E R syndrome.
Nobody loves me, everybody me. I'm gonna go eat worms. Right,
He's so down in the dumps, but that's where he
kind of lives because that's all he's constantly thinking about,
is the negativity, not the positivity. And so it's really
(14:09):
important as we go through this journey as we go
through the holidays, to really listen and pay attention. What
are the words that we're saying to ourselves, What are
the words that we're saying to others? Is it, Oh, man,
I gotta spend time with my family. Oh gosh, I
don't have enough money to buy presents. Oh my gosh,
everybody's gonna hate me because I didn't show up with presents,
(14:33):
or I didn't do this, or I didn't do that. Well,
you know what, it's not about you. It's about the
other person. And this is a time forgiving, and it
really really matters what you say to yourself and what
you say to others. I can get through this. I
know I'm powerful. I know that I'm strong. I know
(14:56):
it's okay to have emotions. Yeah. Sure, or maybe the
holidays suck, but you know what, there's a lot of
really great things about it too. I do have support,
I do have family, I do have friends. I got
spoiled for Christmas. I have the ability to make the
(15:19):
money that I need to pay for those presents. I
have the ability within myself to do these three things.
I have the ability to make it through the holidays
and I'm gonna make it as good as I possibly can,
because maybe that person that I lost they want it
(15:40):
to be that way. They don't want me sitting here
being miserable. I don't want to sit here and be miserable.
Our brain doesn't want you to sit here and be miserable.
Our brain wants us to go towards pleasure and away
from pain. That's what it's designed for. Or I know
(16:01):
you've heard of fight or flight before. Our brain is
conditioned to protect us. That's what it's for. So with
that said, I also want to bring in a couple
tools or tips or tricks that you can use as
(16:22):
you navigate through the holidays. I get we just went
through Halloween and Thanksgiving and Christmas, and maybe some of
you are still on Hanukkah. Also, New Year's is coming
up next week. Maybe you have birthdays, Like I don't
know about you, but our family has a ton of
birthdays in this timespan, So maybe you have birthdays. Maybe
(16:46):
you have more celebrations that you do. I know that
I have viewers from across the world, and so whatever
holidays you might be celebrating, these are tools that you
can utilize throughout this holiday scene and one of the
easiest and I know I've talked about this before, but
the easiest thing is this thing that's already attached to you.
(17:09):
It's your mouth. You can simply smile. It can be
a fake smile. It doesn't even have to be a
real smile. It can be a fake smile. It is
scientifically proven that when you smile, whether it's real or fake,
it releases your brain's happy juices. That's what I call them,
(17:31):
are your happy juices. And that's your serotonin, your dopamine,
your endorphins, all those good happy juices in your brain.
And so simply smiling, and again it could be totally fake,
but the upward motion of your mouth smiling helps release
(17:55):
those happy juices. The other thing, and I don't know
about you, but I I'm totally a kid at heart.
I am forty two years old, but I love toys
and my family knows that very well about me, and
so it can be those simple, simple things. And I'm
going to show you some of the things that I
(18:16):
got for Christmas that make me really really happy, and
so I hope that they do too for you. But
this is absolutely my favorite toy that I got. This season.
It is a baby Yoda bop it and my husband
he was like, I didn't actually go back and get
that for you. I'm sorry. And then I unwrapped it
(18:37):
and I was like, I got it. But it is
so fun. My son and I have been playing it
the last couple of days and because let's see if
you can hear at the start, Yeah, so you bop it.
So you bop it, turn it, twist it, pull it.
It is very, very fun and very amusing. And then
(19:02):
my son, which we're gonna do a video later to
put up on all of our social media's, he turned
into a live boppet, so he goes boppit, twist it,
pull it, and so I've been using my son as
a live boppet, which is hilarious. So watch out for
(19:24):
the video and hopefully that will make you smile. Stitch
is another one. I Stitch is another one that I
have over the years. I don't know, like I mean,
I love Leaylo and Stitch. Stitch was kind of a weird,
but now they make him look like very cute and
fun to be around, versus the original movie where he
(19:47):
was not not the cutest of them all. But you know,
you gotta love Leylo and stitch. So I even got
a baby Yoda which also turns into a stitch. So
my husband said, whatever mood I'm in, I can put
this on the side of my desk if I'm happy
(20:09):
or if I'm mad, and then when they walk in
the door, they'll know how I'm feeling that day. I
don't know. And then one of the things that have
come about the last couple of years and uh, well
really the last two years is care Bears. So there's
a story behind this. But this is which I love
(20:30):
this one. This one is the belief in your Dreams bear. Yeah,
pretty sure I took the tag off, but the follow
your dreams, Follow your Dreams care bear. So that's just
something that makes me really happy and the reason why
so I bought after my sister passed. So my sister
(20:53):
was actually the one that she was like the care bear,
Like she loves bears, she loves everything bears and me,
and like all the bears that she had in her
house were just like do you need more bears? Like really,
and if she could hug a bear, she totally would
have hugged a bear. But and I was not really
into Bears up until my sister passed. I think we
(21:15):
all like absorbed all the things that she loved over time.
But I had bought this. Hopefully you can kind of
see it, you know, let's see which way there we go.
So I bought this entire care Bear set, and it's
something that I've carried around with me. So I know
most of you know, but my sister Carrie, should we
(21:38):
call it care Bear, And that's where it really started
coming from. But my family has adopted that I really
love care Bears because I do. I love I love
little my little pony care Bears, Rainbow bright like all
the good come on, remember all the good, the good cartoons,
they were all the good cartoons. And so this Christmas
(22:05):
was filled with lots of toys. It always ends up
with lots of toys, and even so much that I
got the fortieth fortieth anniversary Bear from my family. So
it's small things. It can be super small things, just
really really small things. Maybe you like toys, maybe you
(22:28):
don't like toys. Maybe you like books, like I have
a whole bunch of books over here. Maybe you are
really into It's not that way it hits over here.
I'm like the opposite of where you guys are backwards,
but buddhas Maybe it is I have crystals and stones
also back here. It can be really really simple things.
(22:51):
That's what I'm trying to get to. That's my whole
entire point is that it can be really simple things.
It can be simple like smiling, laughing at the boppit,
making a human bopit. If you like toys, maybe it's
something very small. Maybe it's something very simple that you
(23:11):
have that you can cuddle with, that you can squeeze,
that you can look at and it makes you happy.
Whatever way you find that you release those happy juices
in your brain. Is my point of this whole entire
thing is that, Yeah, the holidays can really suck because
it brings up a lot of emotion for people, and
(23:33):
it can be really really hard. But it doesn't have
to be. Again, the words that we say are so important.
It doesn't have to be hard. I don't have to
hate it. I can make it through, and I can
be strong, and I can be positive, and I can
you know, whatever I need to do to make me
(23:54):
feel that way, whether it's something stupid or small or simple,
or a toy or whatever it might be it can
be that simple, or maybe you run around your house
and just smile. I don't know, Like whatever that is
for you, it's going to be different for you than
it is for me, because we all experience things differently,
(24:17):
and maybe you just need some extra support. And so
I invite you to come to any of our circles
support groups. You can join them at any point in time.
And so today we have another one. It's at twelve
thirty Mountain Standard time. I will drop the links and
(24:38):
across all of our social media where this video is,
and you can join us and we can support you.
And there's some really fabulous people on there that want
to help support each other. Or maybe you don't want
to talk at all, you can also just listen. That's
the cool part about this is you can log in,
(25:01):
you can listen. You don't actually have to talk unless
it's just you and me in the room. Then it's like, well,
would you like to talk or you want to sit
here in silence. I actually had that happen last Tuesday.
We only had one lady that jumped in, which just
fine because she comes to almost every single one of
my groups, which was awesome. So I'm really learning and
(25:21):
getting to know her story, and we just talked. It
wasn't about her loss. It was for like a couple minutes,
but then we just talked about normal human things, because
sometimes that's what we need instead of repeating that story
over and over and over in our brain of what happened.
(25:43):
Sometimes you just need human connection and somebody that will
really truly listen whatever's coming up. And maybe it's just
a casual conversation not even about what you're going through,
can be really important too. So I invite you, with
(26:04):
all of this said, to pay attention to the words
that you say, the words that you say to others,
and the words that you say to yourself, because you
are important, your life matters, and what you say to
yourself can sometimes be the most hurtful things that we say.
And so if you notice that you're saying more negatives
(26:28):
about yourself, or you're saying more negatives outwardly towards people,
think about it and reframe what you're saying. If it
always comes out I hate the holidays, well what is
one thing? Can be one thing? What's one thing that
(26:48):
you like about the holidays? And let's focus on that,
just the one thing It doesn't have to be everything.
It doesn't have to be big and grand and all
these things. It can simply be one thing. Maybe the
one thing is a Christmas tree. Maybe the one thing
(27:09):
is the toys that you get or the candy that
you get, or maybe the one thing is spending time
with family or watching your kid's open presence, or maybe
it's just sitting on the couch and watching a movie.
Whatever it might be, that's okay. So just pick one
(27:30):
thing and focus on that. And if you need extra support,
whether it be around grief or loss or mental health
or any of those things, join us for our support groups.
You can just come in and listen. Maybe you just
like to listen to this and that's okay too, but
(27:52):
come in and listen or maybe share your story if
something's bubbling up. That's how I run my rooms is
really it's not a It's about you and however I
can support you. That's how I'm going to be or
the other people in the room, because they're really amazing
and I learned something new every single time I do
these rooms. So I'm very blessed by having the Circles
(28:15):
team reach out to me to have me guide these rooms.
So hopefully this helps you as you navigate through the holidays. Again,
the words that we say really really truly matter, and
it only has to be one thing. You don't have
to focus on everything the words right, and that one
(28:37):
thing that will really truly help us is eliminating all
the other stuff. You don't need to worry about it
just one thing, all right, y'all. Well, I hope this
was helpful. If you feel like anybody needs this information,
please feel free to share. Also make sure you mash
(28:59):
down that to subscribe. And I have guests actually booked
up until the end of March, so into April. I
put the podcast on a match thing and now guests
are flooding in so which is great. We will have guests.
Hopefully none of the rest will cancel. But I think
(29:20):
this is really important anyways, as we navigate the holidays,
to really understand you're okay, and you're gonna be okay,
and we can get through this together. And if you
need extra support, there are other options. And you know,
I even have to come into my room. There's so
many other incredible rooms that you can go into. So
however that can help you. And it's a free, free
(29:41):
platform for you if you want to. There is an
option to pay for it, which gives you access to
more things like most apps. But I think it's a
really great platform, and I was actually supposed to have
the owner of the platform on today, and so I
thought it would be a really cool way to just
share the information and not showcase the whole ton of
(30:06):
things we'll get there and through this we can definitely
give resources and all those amazing things. So as a reminder,
BCC Evolution is a five oh one c three nonprofit.
We are still collecting money for our Climb for the Mind.
Simplest way is to text this number. Just text Climb
(30:28):
for Mind to four four three two one. We are
raising sixty thousand dollars. Again, it's legit, it's on. We
are climbing a mountain next August in the name of
mental health and suicide awareness education. All the money that
we collect goes back to BCC evolution, and it will
(30:50):
go towards all of the programs that we offer through
our mental health classes, because I more often than not
have people that really need to get sponsored. It all
also helps us so that we can do these support
groups for free and we don't have to charge for them,
so which is really really amazing, and they want me,
(31:10):
they wanted me to do the second room, so we
have the second room, which is awesome. So Texas number
climb climb for mine to four four three two one.
And I really really hope that all of you have
incredible holidays. And if you need any extra support, please
make sure you go to bcc evolution dot org and
you can send a message message to myself or any
(31:33):
member on our team and we will reach out to you.
So thank you so much for watching. Make sure you're
join us back next Monday, same time, same place, Monday's
eleven am Mountain Standard time, and we'll see you next time.
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