Practical self care during challenging times w/ Steff Gallante

How do you keep showing up to your work when the demands of your life and the horrors of current events are beating you down? Well as much as you might groan when I say this, self care is a big part of it.

This week I am joined by Steff Gallante (she/her) to talk about basic self care practices that might not seem like they will have a profound impact on your work, but if they are neglected, are absolutely negatively impacting how you show up to your business and your ability to keep going.

In this episode we talk about:

1. Why we have to rethink the idea of sustainability and how we create sustainable work practices
2. How to be intentional about what we are using our capacity to show up to
3. Why basic self care practices are so critical to our ability to keep showing up
4. The 4 self care practices to implement first if you are feeling burnt out or overwhelmed
5. The 8 practices to implement if you have the capacity, and are looking for more ways to replenish yourself and keep showing up

Follow Steff on IG: http://www.instagram.com/steffgallante

Steff's website: https://www.steffgallante.com/

Join us for Steff's workshop in December and create a self care plan for yourself in your business http://www.joinfruition.com

Join us in Fruition Growth Network

Website
Instagram

Episode Transcript

Brooke Monaghan (00:09):
Welcome to another episode of Make Your
Business Work For you.
I am Brooke Monaghan I use sheand her pronouns, and today I am
joined by Steff Gallante, whoalso uses she and her pronouns.
I asked Steff to come on theshow today to have a
conversation about basicself-care when you are trying to
manage the demands of the world, the observations of how unjust

(00:33):
the world is, the news, currentevents, taking care of your
family, taking care of all ofyour other obligations in your
life and running a business.
I wanted to have thisconversation with Steff because,
first of all, she is veryskilled in this topic.
She is a liberation-focusedwell-being educator, an Ayurveda

(00:54):
yoga specialist.
She is a self-care coach, amental health and
trauma-informed yoga teacher.
She is an instructor at RutgersUniversity in the Department of
Kinesiology and facilitateswell-being workshops for
businesses, organizations,universities, conferences, yoga
studios, festivals.
Steff's work is all aboutdisrupting the messaging of

(01:17):
white supremacy culture onhealth, self-care, fitness,
mental health.
This is precisely why I wantedto have this conversation today
with Steph, because what sooften happens in our businesses
is that we revert back to thismessaging of productivity and

(01:39):
being able to just achieve orstrive your way out of your
current situation.
The reality is that we are in asituation right now where most
of us that I know anyways arefeeling pretty burnt out.
We are all juggling differentdemands in our lives in addition

(02:01):
to our businesses.
The question that I had forSteph was like what are some of
the practical things that wecould be doing for ourselves
right now to actually take careof ourselves through this?
Because I don't see an end insight.
I really don't.
I think that we are adjustingto a new way of living our lives
and we need to get real withourselves about how we could be

(02:23):
taking care of ourselves rightnow so that every time that one
more thing happens, it doesn'ttotally knock us down and put us
in a position where we have tohalt everything, because the
reality is that most of us don'thave the privilege of being
able to not work.
Most of us don't have theability to say oh well, things

(02:46):
are really hard this week, andso I guess I'm not doing any
work right now.
We have got to figure out a wayto keep going.
My question for Steph was kindof like all right, this is
really hard right now.
What are some things that couldmake it easier to digest
everything that's going onaround us, show up to the things
that are important to us andtake care of ourselves in the
process.
If this conversation iseye-opening for you which I hope

(03:10):
that it is, and honestly ifit's not, then I would listen to
it again, because and Ireferenced this in the
conversation but my observationis that oftentimes people want
to blow past the foundational,really basic things that could

(03:32):
set them up for success and inpursuit of things that seem that
maybe they've never heard ofbefore or are a little bit more
advanced.
The reason that we often dothat is because dealing with the
foundational, basic things areactually hard.
We take it for granted and weact like we're already doing it
and so, yeah, I already know allthat.

(03:52):
Tell me something that I don'tknow.
But if we paused andimplemented the things that are
basic and foundational there's areason that that term
foundational is being used herebecause without that foundation,
a lot of the other things thatyou're trying to do can't really
, don't really square up and arenot really as solid as you

(04:12):
might think that they should be.
So Steph is going to be leadinga workshop in Fruition Growth
Network in December.
It's going to be on December12th.
We are going to be holding aspace for you to check in on
some of these care practicesthat we discuss in today's

(04:34):
episode and to build them intoyour schedule, because the
reality is that nothing that youare doing in your business is
truly sustainable if care foryourself is not built in, and my
experience is that when thesebasic needs are taken care of

(04:57):
and when you treat them asthough they are your job, a part
of your job, everything elsebecomes more clear, everything
else becomes a lot easier tostay grounded, it becomes a lot
easier to make sound, reasonabledecisions and judgments and,
ultimately, it's a lot easier tokeep going.

(05:20):
I hope you enjoy thisconversation with Steph Gallante
.
Come and join us on December12th.
You can go to joinfruition.
com to get registered for that,and if you have not yet left a
rating and a review for the showand you are enjoying it, please
, please, take a minute to go toApple Podcasts and leave your
rating and review.
It makes a really bigdifference.
So I asked you to come on hereand chat with me today because

(05:48):
-- Well, a couple of reasons.
First of all, you're going tobe teaching a session in
Fruition in December and Iwanted people to hear from you,
to hear how brilliant you areand have a little bit of an
intro to your work.
And there's a reason you'reteaching a workshop in Fruition

(06:10):
in December and why I want youon here, and it is because your
work is incredibly important, sorelevant, to people who work
for themselves.
I've been talking a lot abouthow burnt out I think we all are
like collectively.
I don't think this is new, but Iwill say that something about
September and October of thisyear I feel like everyone that I

(06:33):
talk to is like I'm like howare you?
And they're like I'm alive.
I keep getting that response.
I keep hearing people ask thequestion like how do we balance
all of this?
How are we supposed to keepshowing up to our work and keep
running a business when we'realso trying to live normal life

(06:56):
quote, unquote normal life andtake care of our families and
our households and all of that?
And also we are at a really lowstarting point because we are
coming we're now how many yearsinto surviving a pandemic and

(07:19):
then everything else that'sgoing on in the world and how
absolutely devastating the newsis regularly.
I mean to the point that, likehorrific shit is just starting
to blend in and become whitenoise and I think I just I keep
hearing people ask this questionhow do I balance all this from

(07:41):
the perspective of how do youkeep yourself organized?
You know, like how do you keepyourself organized?
[Steff Gallante] Because youcan organize your way out of
this [Brooke Monaghan] Exactly,Exactly.
How do you keep yourselforganized?
How do you set up your Asana?
Will you show me specificallywhat your task management like
you know system is?
How do you stay motivated?

(08:02):
Maybe, if I start drinkingmushroom coffee instead of
regular coffee, I'll suddenly,like, I'll be able to optimize
my physiology in a way that willlike maybe I'm just tired
because my body is broken.
Maybe I'm tired because I needto go on a detox.
You know what I mean.
Like.
This is the perspective that somany people are looking at this
from, and when you and I talkabout your work often, as we

(08:26):
often do, it's almost funny,Like I almost can't help but
laugh to just be like oh no,maybe it's like actually, just
like you are, you need toremember to take care of your
basic needs, and so I wanted tohave a real conversation about
it today.

(08:46):
I saw you post something onInstagram the other day that was
tips for like digesting ourcurrent world, and I was like
you know what?
Let's follow that through lineand talk a bit about like as
people who work for ourselves,who are this fried.
It's like what are some of thereally basic things that we can
remember to do that can maybemake this.

(09:08):
At least we're not.
We don't feel like we'rephysiologically shutting down at
the same time.
Physiologically, yeah, you know.

Steff Gallante (09:17):
I mean yes, and two things that you just said
stood out to me and I waswriting notes so that I didn't
forget, because part of the wayI am kind of coping and managing
is with a brain that just kindof has a thought and then it,
and then it leaves.
So if I don't write it downit's probably not going to be
said.
So two things.

(09:38):
First of all, we need torecognize that for those of us
who I can I, since I was, I wasraised in America I can only
comment on American culture, andwhat I know about American
culture is that the informationwe are fed from a very young age
is so tightly and deeply wovenalmost within the fabric of us,

(10:01):
of our being, that we revertback to that.

Brooke Monaghan (10:06):
Oh yeah often.

Steff Gallante (10:08):
And so what you named of people saying like, how
can I stay organized, how can Ibe more efficient, how can I
increase my productivity?
Because literally the world isfalling apart, the world is on
fire, including the literalworld, and also, you know,
humanity, and there's so muchhappening and we revert so many
of us in American culture revertback to, well, if we're just

(10:31):
more efficient and if we arejust more organized and we just
do a better job, this will sucka little less.

Brooke Monaghan (10:41):
Yeah, I mean I see people being like I feel so
not motivated and I feel sotired and I feel so pessimistic
and I feel so hopeless, andclearly that's because I'm just
not.
I'm just not organized enoughand my mindset isn't right.

Steff Gallante (11:02):
Yes, and, and, and, and ever.
Please, everybody who'slistening, please know that any
time it seems like we're judging, it's, it's not.
We're not judging you, we'renot calling you out, right,
because I can say for myselfmost of the things I'm pointing
out are things I do as well.
Oh, I'm sure you're saying thesame thing, right?
[Brooke Monaghan] Oh, yes.
[Steff Gallante] And so I thinkthat it is so important.
The reason I say this is notbecause it's like like a dumb

(11:24):
moment, but it's like I think weare past the point.
We as Americans, especially andI say this not to exclude
anybody, but I can only againlike talk about American culture
and those of us who were raisedin it, because that for me is
is so salient as somebody whowas raised in American culture
and we are hell bent on success.

(11:45):
And that still plays in when weare dealing with unprecedented
times and continue to deal withand navigate through
unprecedented times.
And so somehow, for anybody whois recognizing that something is
off, that they are notexperiencing life the way that

(12:07):
they normally quote, unquotenormally do, and I find myself
questioning myself too, likewhat is going on with you?
It's to the point now where weare past the point of being able
to carry so much in theimaginary backpack that we carry
around with all of our livedexperiences and whatever

(12:28):
hardship or trauma or anythingelse that we are carrying around
with us.
We can't carry it all and someof it needs to get put down and
like placed down, whether wechoose to pick it back up or not
.
That isn't on an individualbasis.
But that brings me to thatpoint about balance.
Because I think for those of uswho grew up in the 90s, we, you

(12:52):
know there, you may have seen,you know that cartoon where, or
possibly like a clown or like acircus act, where there is this
person who has somehow jugglingmultiple balls or plates or have
plates spinning on the stickright and you've got to somehow
keep everything spinning all atthe same time, everything up in

(13:12):
the air.
And that to us, at least for mein my 90s brain, that's what I
view as balance.
Or some people view like ascale, or, you know, multiple
scales, where everything is justevenly balanced, and that's
honestly, yes, that might bewhat balance is theoretically,

(13:33):
but that's not how it plays outin life.
And we are at the point nowwhere, as you said, we continue
to go through more and more andmore, so much that we don't even
have a chance to process all ofit or even acknowledge
something else that has occurred, because we're still trying to
be in what happened before.

(13:55):
We've got to redefine ourdefinition of balance and our
expectation of balance, and wealso have to give ourselves
permission to put down stuffwhen it's really heavy or hard.
We have to redefine how we aremoving through life and what our
expectations are of ourselves,of each other, and also a skill

(14:22):
development needs to happen interms of grace and compassion
for ourselves and for oneanother, because, again, in
American culture we're nottaught that.
We are taught discipline andwillpower and all that other
stuff which is important.
Yes, success is important.
Yes, making money is importantall the things but we also are
humans and I think that that isa big reason why a lot of people

(14:44):
are struggling, like deeplystruggling, because they are
equating, almost how they are,the heaviness that they're
feeling or the uncertaintythey're feeling with their own
success, an ability to movethrough life.
[Brooke Monaghan] Yes.
[Steff Gallante] And that mathdoesn't quite math, no.
.

Brooke Monaghan (15:06):
No.
Hearing you say all of this,like even as you're talking
about balance, I feel like, well, there's two things I mean.
One thing is, I think theconcept of balance is just in
itself confused, I think for allof us.
But speaking specifically toself-employed people, it's like
the expectation that you haveyour life and then you have your

(15:29):
work is a and like that thoseare two things on opposite sides
of a scale is a joke.

Steff Gallante (15:35):
Or a clear boundary between them?

Brooke Monaghan (15:37):
Right?
Of course not.
That's not how it works.
Everything that happens to youin your life affects how you
show up to your work and formost of us, we're thinking about
our work all the time and we'rebringing things from our life
into our work.
You know.
But the other piece of this isand I hope that this I want to
say this as like a way of sortof grounding this whole

(15:58):
conversation and why this is notjust another conversation about
this, is not just anotherconversation about the basics of
self-care that you think youalready understand.
The reason I want to have thisconversation is because the way
that, as people who are doingmeaningful work in the world and
creating our own work in theworld, and who want to stay

(16:21):
aligned with our values andbuild something that challenges
systems rather than continues toperpetuate the same thing that
we're seeing most of the peoplewho are listening to my show are
people who want to create somekind of difference through the
work that they're creating.

Steff Gallante (16:36):
Mm-hmm.

Brooke Monaghan (16:38):
You are not going to be able to do that if
the way that you are dealingwith challenging times is to
disconnect from yourself, fromyour body, from reality, in
order to push through your work.
Like you're literallydisconnecting yourself from the

(17:00):
place where your values live,from the place where your
curiosity lives, like you aregetting further away.
Our pursuit to be moreproductive at a time like this
brings, it, takes us furtheraway from the kind of difference
that we want to make or thekind of work that we really want
to be bringing to life.
And so listen to us people.

(17:23):
Listen, because I know it'salways the stuff that's like it
sounds so basic that people wantto like skip over and get to
the other stuff, and what we'resaying is like no, no, no, no,
no, no.
Stop doing that and come backto yourself in this moment and
understand what you're actuallygoing through and some things

(17:43):
that you could be doing foryourself.
That will be a lot more,actually a lot more productive
in the sense of the term thatwe're interested in here.

Steff Gallante (17:53):
A case for basic self-care is that, you know,
the more dire things are, yes,the worse things feel.
[Brooke Monaghan] Yes.
[Steff Gallante] we need to.
We need to again redefine,learn, unlearn, relearn what we
perceive as self-care or enoughright.

(18:14):
Or what is going to besignificant right.
And so I always say to clientslike the bigger life is, the
bigger life is, the smaller andmore basic the self-care
practice needs to be, becausethere's just not enough space
for big on both sides.
And then what happens isoftentimes our big self-care is

(18:39):
the flashy stuff, the stuff thatcosts a lot of money, the stuff
that also costs us a lot oftime, that requires a huge ass
amount of support or space, andwe don't have that yeah.

Brooke Monaghan (18:53):
And so you know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to go and get amembership to this yoga studio
and I'm going to start going tofive yoga classes a week and I'm
going to invest in this and beserious about it, and it's like,
mmm.

Steff Gallante (19:06):
Right.
Yeah, or thinking that andhere's the thing, like no way am
I poo-pooing that, yes, moveyour body right or take the
vacation if you are resourced toand privileged enough to be
able to do that, whatever it is.
But the reality is that alsotakes work, time, energy, money
right, and you may not beresourced to do that.

(19:26):
And also, does it fixeverything?
Or is the impact really goingto be enough?
Because in the times we'reliving in, you know, basic has
never been insignificant.
Basic has always beensignificant.
We have just taken the meaningaway and given it to something
else.
Because, again, in Americanculture, if something costs more

(19:48):
or more time is involved, thento us that means it's more
valuable, and so we have toredefine what we view as
valuable.

Brooke Monaghan (19:56):
I just have to say, like when you what you're
talking about Steff foreverybody listening, please
understand that part of whatSteff is saying is that you are
setting yourself up for thisfeeling of why can I never
follow through on the thingsthat I say I'm going to do for
myself, because that's anotherplace where we start to judge
ourselves.
Well, the reason that you can'tfollow through on it is because

(20:18):
your expectation of yourself,of what you're going to put into
your self-care practices, areway too fucking high,
considering what you're goingthrough.

Steff Gallante (20:26):
Exactly.
Yes, and then the other thingthat I wanted to say too and
this was actually a conversationI just had this morning with my
best friend on kind of anepiphany that I had this morning
was, as I was, you know, ofcourse, berating myself for how
tired I am.
ri ght, because you're goingto, you know, because that helps
and that's fair.
I realized I was like you know,it's November and I reflected a

(20:52):
bit yesterday on some of thehard things I did this week.
Hard things around money andplanning and hard conversations
about things and also reflecthave been I'm a big reflector
and I reflected on wow, we arein, you know, month 11 now of 12
, if we're following you knowthe calendar and as I look back

(21:13):
I'm like shit, I've been doinghard stuff.
This whole year has been myfocus has been doing some really
hard things and every singleweek having hard conversations
or doing uncomfortable things.
No wonder why I'm exhausted ontop of everything else.
And what I realized and what Iwas able to name in words was to

(21:36):
avoid things, whether it's hardemotions or hard experiences or
hard conversations or hard, youknow, considerations.
That takes energy, it doesabsolutely 100%, but to actually
show up and face it.
To be in it requires even moreenergy, cause the doing of it is

(22:01):
hard and the being in it ishard and the soothing of
yourself is hard.
And that's why we avoid,because we know what that takes
Like it's it's hard, it'suncomfortable, it's vulnerable.

Brooke Monaghan (22:16):
Yeah, it's like Kat Sleadd says, like anything
that requires, like anytimethat we're faced with change.
We both want it and don't wantit.

Steff Gallante (22:25):
Exactly, exactly .
And so you know, we keepwanting, wanting change, we keep
wanting things to be different,but we're unwilling because and
it's an, it's a vicious cycle,right Because if you don't have
the support, if you, you know,you don't have the space, if you
don't have the time, if youdon't have the resources right
to support you through this, yes, of course, you're going to
bottle things up and you'regoing to avoid things and you're

(22:45):
just going to push it away, ofcourse, but then that's when
this just continues to go on forlonger time and also feels even
bigger and more impossible andawful.
And so when you were saying,you know, like having trying not
to avoid things, not trying topush through all the time, like

(23:06):
we've got to be in the hard,we've got to be in the tough
stuff, we've got to be in thehorrific stuff, we've got to be
in all of it because that's theonly way through it.

Brooke Monaghan (23:16):
Yeah, absolutely.
I was listening to a podcastepisode this morning with this
behavioral economist who wastalking about what we understand
about why people buy intoconspiracy theories.
And the actual psychology andthe sociology and the science

(23:46):
that's been done about this, tounderstand the ways that our
brain works and that we need tounderstand that when people are
he was talking about how it kindof is like a vicious cycle,
because people are more likelyto buy into something like this
when they have been alienated.
So if you feel like you arereally being pushed aside,

(24:07):
marginalized, left behind, youknow people think that you don't
matter or whatever it's like,you're going to look to how to
make sense of that and, like,when you're more stressed, your
brain starts looking forpatterns more.
So, like they've literallyapparently they have literally
looked at people who they landfrom skydiving and they show

(24:28):
them an image and it's like abunch of like dots on a piece of
paper and they just likeimmediately can see a bunch of
patterns where, when theirnervous system is totally calm,
they don't see any patterns.
Like it's an evolutionary thingthat we start looking for it
when we're really stressed.
Anyways, the point is he wastalking about how, anytime that
you're stressed, you're going togo back to mental shortcuts,

(24:49):
right?
So you're going to go back toin this instant like your brain
is going to try to save capacity.
It's like you're running out ofRAM, you know.
And so the only way for yourbrain to deal with it is to just
go back to all of these mentalshortcuts that you've created
for yourself to try to get outof it, because it's the only

(25:10):
thing you have the capacity for.
And so when I'm hearing you sayall this, I'm hearing, yeah, of
course, when our capacity isdiminished because of everything
that we're going through,facing all of it is going to
feel nearly impossible.
And so what are we going to do?
We are going to try to escapeit by going back to those

(25:33):
cultural narratives that wetalked about in the beginning of
this, that most of our parentstaught us that it's like yeah, I
know you don't want to and youhave to, because this is the way
that the world works.
Get your shit together and goand do the thing.
Why are you laying down?
Still, it's 11 o'clock.
Why are you still sleeping?
You know what I mean.
Like I know I'm not the onlyone who still hears my parents

(25:54):
being like why are you layingdown?
You know what I mean.
So, of course, we're going to goback to those shortcuts and of
course, we're going to try toescape the thing that's going to
require so much more capacity,because we don't have the
capacity.
So then I hear you stuff sayingwe have to be able to set

(26:15):
things down, and the connectionthat I make, and I would love to
hear if this is kind of whatyou mean by this or if this is
just what my brain does and Istart putting things together.
But then I hear okay, so wehave two choices.
We can continue to do whatwe've been doing, which is to
try to escape this feeling byachieving our way through it,

(26:35):
pushing our way through it,organizing our way through it,
berating ourselves for beingtired, making ourselves wrong
for it, so that we can try tocreate a different situation
where, in our minds,everything's going to be
different and we're finallygoing to have things together
and we're not going to feel thisway anymore.
Or what if we said, okay, I'mdoing this because my capacity

(26:56):
is really limited?
I know that the way out of thisis to actually face and deal
with this stuff, so what am Igoing to be intentional about
setting down so that I have thecapacity to do that?
Great, I get it now.
Thank you, steph.

Steff Gallante (27:13):
Well, because I think also.
I mean, I feel, I mean, I knowfor me and maybe other people,
but there's this feeling that wehave to keep carrying
everything.

Brooke Monaghan (27:23):
Oh, of course.

Steff Gallante (27:24):
And that everything has to be important
and we all have so manypriorities, so many
responsibilities, so many thingsthat we've been told we need to
do or we have decided we needto do that it's just too much.
We just cannot.
Under not horrificcircumstances, we all had too
much on our plate anyway, and wesaw that when things shut down

(27:44):
with COVID and we saw the holyshit.
There was way too much that Iwas responsible for, that I was
trying to do, and it just is.
It just is too much.
And so I think we need to getmore comfortable with saying no,
I cannot do that, and decidingwhat truly the priority is,

(28:04):
because the reality is we cannotshow up to as many priorities
as we are trying to, or the waythat we are trying to show up to
them, right.
So we have to, we have to getcomfortable in that Like when.
So when I say, put somethingdown, it's like okay, well,
either I don't have the capacityto deal with this right now
emotionally or mentally, sothat's got to have, that's going

(28:26):
to have to pause, because thisneeds, this other thing needs my
attention, or I know I wantedto do this today.
It is, you know, not timesensitive, right.
Somebody may be sad ordisappointed, right, but the
world is not going to end.
Shit's not going to hit the fan.
I'm just not going to do it.
And have that decision not betied to you didn't do enough or

(28:47):
you are not amazing enough,right, because you had to say no
or or or decide not to dosomething, yeah, so that's,
that's the first thing.
And the second thing you know, Ithink that too is we're living
in a pressure cooker.
At least I feel like that.
We're like maybe for everybodyit's a different feeling, but I
feel like it's just I'm in thisvessel and the pressure just

(29:08):
keeps getting turned up, andturned up, and turned up, and
all I want is to reduce orrelease the pressure.
And sometimes, I know, for meit feels like if I do that, then
everything's going to explode,yes, or implode.
I, you know, I guess dependingyeah, right, and so then it's
like you just okay, then I'mlike okay, then I just got to
get comfortable in this, becauseeverything can't explode, right

(29:32):
, there's not enough space toput it all together, back
together, like I just don't havethe capacity to deal with it if
it does do that.
And so something that I'vereally been turning to and that
in in my own life, but is reallythe?
The foundation of the work thatI do with with clients is, come
back to the basics.
So can we give some love toeating?

(29:54):
Because it's when we getstressed and when we're
overwhelmed that the basicthings fall off.
Yes, because they probablyweren't all that set anyway,
because, I mean, you know, thereality is we're not, we don't
have enough space and time totake, you know, the care of
ourselves that we wish we couldRight.

Brooke Monaghan (30:12):
Yeah.

Steff Gallante (30:13):
And so so.
So there are four things thatI'm always like okay, can you
just do these things?

Brooke Monaghan (30:18):
Okay, great, I was going to say so, what needs
our, our attention?
Like, if we are, because I knowpeople are going to have so
many things to say about, like,but I can't put anything down,
right?
Yeah, first of all, I just wantto underscore what you said
about when you feel like you'rein this pressure cooker, and
what I'm hearing you say is,like, when you need to release
the pressure the most is whenit's going to feel the most

(30:40):
impossible.
Yes, right, so when you reallyreally need to do this, it's
going to be at the time whenyour brain is going to be
telling you you couldn'tpossibly.
And what I would love to justunderline, there is anytime that
you are making up a story abouthow, if you simply set
something down, if you simplygive yourself some space, if you

(31:00):
simply take care of yourself,your whole business is going to
fall apart, or all of yourclients are going to leave, or
you're never going to achievethe thing that -- that is an
outsized.
That is you jumping to a, to apretty major conclusion, which
is a pretty good sign of thefact that you're probably really
tired and doing one of thosemental shortcut things Like it's

(31:23):
almost.
It's almost like you're.
You're triggered because you'reso activated.
I don't know.
I don't know how that shitworks.
You know better than I do.
But anyways that's a goodindicator that, like, now's the
time to do this audit.
So I would love for you toshare, like what are the four
things to come back to that wecould maybe together, if you're

(31:45):
listening, maybe you like reallypay extra close attention right
now, as stuff is talking andyou just ask yourself, like are
these four things?
How could you take better careof these four things?

Steff Gallante (31:55):
Yeah, and and.
And I want to be very clearbefore I continue is that we've
got to let go of perfection,We've got to let go of like what
this needs to look like Rightand so like.
The first thing is each like,and I understand that that is a
really really hard topic formany people, for many reasons,

(32:17):
including food insecurity.
Of course, eating disorders, theway that dominant culture views
food and demonizes food andhealthifies or puts food on a
pedestal so many people arewalking around with, with really
hard relationships with foodand with eating, and whether

(32:38):
it's cultural, you know, beyondAmerican culture, and it's to,
you know, whatever culture it isthat their family origin has.
Like it's so hard and so muchof it is given to us right From
from others, and so I want toacknowledge that.
So please take this with agrain of salt if this is

(32:58):
something that's very, veryemotional, flammable for you,
but but eat, because becausethere are a lot of people who
who, when they get stressed,they just don't eat, and I'm not
going to tell you what to eat,just eat please.

Brooke Monaghan (33:12):
I was having a conversation with a good friend
recently and I said it was likein the morning, I think, and I
was going on about I just feellike if this happens and this is
going to happen, and then thisis going to happen, and then I'm
just never gonna blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah and I was just liketotally venting like all of my
fears and stuff, and then Iended up eating something after
that and then I texted them andI said it turns out I just

(33:34):
needed to eat a piece of bread.
I was like I just needed carbs.
I think it's going to be okaynow.

Steff Gallante (33:44):
Yes, sometimes, yes, that's all we needed, right
, and I mean, like you thinkabout it and I always and I
don't mean to take away from thehuman experience or the adult
experience but I always thinkback, you know, in the moments
that that I have that kind ofclarity and it's like oh, so,
like, what does a tantrum looklike from my child?

(34:08):
What about when your animal islike acting out?
Right, they're so basic.
Yeah, animals and kids, right.
Like, obviously, their emotionsare complex, don't get me wrong
.
Yeah, but it's so much, so muchof dysregulation when we're
seeing it comes back to likehave you had enough water?
Have you eaten?

(34:29):
Do you need a hug?
Right, do you need to go to thebathroom?
Yes, oh, and I'm not making funat all, I'm just like I don't
know why we feel like we, asadults who have competing
priorities and we have so muchshit on our plate like that we
don't need these things.
Yeah, right, like, why is itokay for your dog to have all

(34:52):
those things or your child tohave all those things, but you
think that you don't need that?

Brooke Monaghan (34:56):
Yeah.

Steff Gallante (34:58):
Right, and how, then, can you come to your
business?
How can you come to thesethings, your clients and all
these people and things thatneed you, these decisions?
Without that yeah Right.
We view basic as in likeinsignificant, but it's not.
So eat.

Brooke Monaghan (35:13):
It's the most significant.
Drink water right.

Steff Gallante (35:16):
It is the most significant.
[Brooke Monaghan] You can't doanything if you're not nourished
.
[Steff Gallante] Yeah, right,it's true.
And nourished in different ways, right, like, drink your water,
drink your tea.
I mean, if you're havingcaffeine, I encourage you to
like, maybe limit it past 10 am,because you know it does take
quite a while for caffeine toget through our system, and so I

(35:37):
know that's really hard forsome people.
But the reality is like, ifwe're leaning on, if you keep
normal hours in terms of like,you're up somewhere between like
6 and 8 am and you're in bed Idon't know, sleeping by like
midnight or so.
If you're keeping that type ofhours, you're not working
overnight per se or some reasonwhy you're up overnight all the

(35:58):
time, like allow that thecaffeine to come out of your
system so that you can, you havethe best chance at getting to
sleep.
And the reality is, if you'reneeding, if, within that
schedule, you're needing thatcaffeine in the afternoon,
that's an indicator thatsomething else has got to change
.
And I know that's hard, yeahRight, that is hard, it's really
hard.
And because we know so manypeople who are having that

(36:20):
afternoon cup of coffee, it'slike it's become normalized,
right, because, again, Americanculture, the hustle and the
grind.
How do we get through it, right?
But hydrate.
I mean, we do a good job ofdiscounting how important that
is and we think, oh well, I'mworking out, so I need to drink
more water or whatever.
No, no, no.
Like everybody, whether you'removing your body or not, please
keep yourself hydrated, likewhen you water your plants.

(36:41):
Make sure you remind yourselfthat you need to drink some
water.
Or when you put water in thedog bowl, right, like all the
things.

Brooke Monaghan (36:43):
You could do what I do and just carry around
an emotional support waterbottle all the time.
[Steff Gallante] Yes.
[Brooke Monaghan] Everyoneknows I got this white hydro
flask.
It comes with me everywhere.

Steff Gallante (36:53):
Everywhere, everywhere, do it, do it, and
then you know.
The third thing is move yourbody.
Again, exercise is also verycomplicated for people.
That's why I typically don'tuse that word.
But move your body, you know,do whatever feels good, whatever
you like.
Right, Like dominant culturehas all the you know guidelines

(37:14):
and stuff.
Fine, but do what you like, dowhat's going to feel good, and
if today your hard ass cardioworkout or your hard ass
strength training workout is notit, then do something else, and
that is going to be met with alot of like oh, that doesn't
feel good, and I know thatbecause I have been there and
I'm in the process of healing myrelationship with exercise

(37:37):
after being in this industry forso many years.
Right, but we have to do whatfeels good and we cannot guilt
and should and shame ourselvesand judge ourselves for a
workout we didn't do or wedidn't go the way we wanted it
to or whatever else it is.
Move your body and if what youneed to do is kind of beat
yourself up a little bit througha workout, I understand that
and sometimes we do need that.
But there come a point where,like, that's just not it and

(38:03):
doing it for the sake of doingit, because that's what dominant
culture says, or that's whatwhoever says, or whoever's doing
it.
No, just, in these times, just,freaking move your body,
whether that's a walk, whetherthat is gently stretching,
whether that is rolling aroundon the ground like your favorite
animal, like I don't care, justmove your body.
Yeah, please.
And sometimes just doing that,whether it's dancing around to

(38:25):
your favorite song, right, likeit doesn't matter.
You could twerk it out, like,imagine you're in the club
whenever you are at the heightof doing the club, and if that's
you now as an adult, pleasetake me with you, right.
But like, do it.
Yeah, like, just do it.
And then then back to sleep.

(38:45):
Like you know, I know it'sreally hard because when you're
dealing with a lot of emotionaland mental stuff, sleep gets
interrupted so much.
But also sleep gets interruptedor messed with because of the
way we're going through the day.
Sleep is not only or solelyimpacted by our caffeine or by

(39:07):
the stuff that we're carryingaround.
It's also by the pace of ourday and how much discomfort
we're holding.
And so these simple things ofeating and drinking water,
nourishing the body, so it couldbe a little bit more soothed,
but allowing yourself to move,to create space for some of
these very basic practices thatnormally we may just omit all

(39:28):
together, that is going tonourish our sleep.
And so trying to maybe fallasleep and wake up at the same
time each day, or most days,just trying to come back, just
like whoever it is that you carefor, even plants out in nature.
So sleep cycle to things everyday.

Brooke Monaghan (39:48):
Yeah, one of the things that I tell clients
often who are like you, stufflike really focusing on doing
some really hard things is partof what you're trying to do is
you're trying to build newhabits and like build new
patterns and stuff, and what weknow is that neuroplasticity

(40:09):
which is what we are trying totake advantage of when we do
that, works when you're sleeping.
Like your brain is what we knowabout neuroplasticity and the
way that your brain literallychanges shape as you do new
things.
So we face challenges, we gothrough the hard parts, we try
new things.
Eventually, those things becomesecond nature.

(40:31):
They become second naturebecause your brain literally
changes shape and that happenswhen you're sleeping.
So I am saying this justbecause I know that there are
people who listen to this, whoare like hardcore.
Like you know, I don't want todo all of this, but tell me the
business case, Brooke.
That's what they want.
They want the business case.

(40:51):
The business case is none ofthe shit that you're learning
how to do from any of theprograms that you're in or any
of the people that you'refollowing, or any of the things
that you're doing daily orweekly or whatever to build new
habits.
It's not going to stick ifyou're not sleeping.
You would be better off settingdown.
If we're talking about whatyou're going to set down, set
down the creation of new habitsin your business and prioritize

(41:16):
the creation of better sleephabits.
As your business coach, this ismy advice.

Steff Gallante (41:23):
It's so true.
I mean, there's so much thathappens during sleep, including
that, right?
Yeah, I mean, we're talkingcell regeneration, we're talking
about digestion, you know, andwhen we think about digestion,
we're always thinking about okay, well, you know, how is my gut
right?
How is digestion going?
Am I, is food agreeing with me,right?

(41:44):
Like, how do I feel after I eat, et cetera?
What is my energy like after Ieat?
All those things, right?
That's what we associatedigestion with.
But there's also digestionthat's happening overnight that
can only happen when we'resleeping.
Cell regeneration can onlyhappen when we're sleeping.
There are hormones that we needthat are only secreted when
we're sleeping.
And so if, for those of you whowant to be more productive, for

(42:07):
those of you who want to bemore organized and more
efficient and just fuckingcrushing life right now, sleep.

Brooke Monaghan (42:15):
Sleep.
Yeah, Totally.
One of the things that I'mrecognizing as we're talking
about this because, again, Italk to clients sometimes about
sleep.
I mean, oftentimes it will belike someone will come to me and
be like there is this massiveproblem that we need to fix.
I am in serious trouble.
I'm in serious trouble.
Everything is going downhill.
This is bad, bad, bad.

(42:36):
Help me, and I usually willstart with like how are you
sleeping and what's going likebasic stuff, because I'm like if
these basic things are not met,I don't even want to have a
conversation about this, becausethe reality is you're actually
just tired and like burnt outand we're going to go down this
whole rabbit hole of chasingthis thing that actually, if you

(42:57):
took a nap, then like in twohours you'd be like actually
maybe it's not that bad, youknow.
And but what I get from peoplea lot, it's so funny Because
it's the same thing as whathappens with the business
strategy stuff when we talkabout basic things.

So great example (43:14):
Know who your ideal client is.
This is like everyone talksabout knowing who your ideal
client is.
Guess what.
There's a reason why everyonetalks about it and it's because
you need to know who yourfucking ideal client is.
I'm sorry, I am sorry, Don'tcome for me.
I'm just telling you this iswhat we know.
So you can either be like, butit's so hard, what else can I do

(43:36):
?
Or you can spend some timetrying to figure out why you
might not be able to get clearon this.
Your time would be better spentslowing down and, instead of
like rushing past knowing whoyour ideal client is, to do the
other things to try to find away out of it because it's so
hard for you.
Slow down and figure out why itmight be hard for you, why you

(43:59):
keep trying to do a million anda half other things to avoid
this one thing that almosteveryone agrees is so important
and basic.
The same thing happens when Italk to people about things like
these basic you know, theselike basic self-care things is
it's just like I know, I know,but it's so hard for me, and so
what else can I do Exactly?

Steff Gallante (44:20):
And if you find yourself there, yes, I have four
other things [Brooke Monaghan]Great! [Steff Gallante] But
they're not, and so maybe it'slike more accessible, I don't
know, right.
Because here's the thing.

Brooke Monaghan (44:29):
Maybe, or maybe it's like, instead of
constantly looking for the otherthing you actually like, take a
beat and be like.
I keep skipping over these andthat's why I keep finding myself
here.
Yes.

Steff Gallante (44:47):
Exactly, exactly , yes.
And so I want to say, becauseyou know, like the four things

that I need (44:52):
eat, you know, hydrate, move your body, sleep,
I mean these are things thatliterally the body needs, like
your body needs this, yes, thereis no other way, yes, period.
However, there are other things, too, that you could maybe use
as your gateway.
Maybe these feel a little biteasier, right, and so one, if

(45:15):
you are safe to do so connectwith nature you could look
outside a window if you haveaccess to one.
If you work in a building whereyour office does not have a
window, then maybe moving atsome point in the day just to be
able to see outside.
If you are safe to go outside,go outside for a little while,
and I'm not talking about somemeadow full of flowers.

(45:35):
If you are on concrete, gooutside and stand on the damn
concrete with your shoes onright?
It doesn't have to be pretty,yeah, but as long as you're safe
, right?
So you know, because we oftenthink, like it's got to be this
picturesque thing I mean greatif it is, but it doesn't have to
be.
But just to get fresh air or atleast feel the sun on your face
, especially if you're headinginto you know the time of being

(45:59):
cold and, like you know,sunlight is waning like connect
with nature.
There is so much research outthere that shows the benefit of
being outside in nature.
Bonus if you can hear some, youknow birds and things like that
happening.
Right.
So so allowing ourselves,because you were talking about
getting clarity, let me tell youI mean there's a lot of clarity

(46:22):
that comes from taking thatpause to look outside or be
outside, that then, all of asudden, this answer you were
searching for for the last fourhours comes to you.
You can problem solve.
You have flexibility withinyour mind now.
So, for those of you who arereally in the thick of
productivity or the thick ofproblem solving, get outside for
a while, little while and thatwill change things for you.

(46:45):
That leads to another thing ofpausing throughout the day, and
this is very hard for a lot ofpeople because time is of the
essence.
Right, we are strapped for time, and that could be literally
pausing between emails.
It could be doing something forself love.
Could be eating.
It could be drinking water.
It could be the things we justtalked about.
Right, keep it short and simple.
It could be using the bathroomwhen you have to go to the

(47:07):
bathroom and not waiting.
Right, not putting that kind ofstress on your body, because
your body is going throughenough stress.
T o breathe, to exhale, whenyou feel like I cannot even take
a deep breath becauseeverything will come unraveled.
Right, breathe just a littlebit, check in just to see what's
present.
Right, like when you have Idon't know if it happens to you,

(47:30):
Brooke, or anybody who'slistening.
But when you've got that loop,whatever the loop is on your
mind, that just continues goingon and on, and on, and on, and
on and on and on and will notstop.
Sometimes, when we just pauseand we do a check in, that slows
the loop down or it quiets thevoice a little bit, like lessens
the volume, or you can callbullshit on it, right, like so

(47:51):
sometimes it just stops things alittle bit and it's like a
reset button and so taking thosepauses, but keep it super short
and keep it super simple and ifyou've got to put it into your
calendar, put it into yourcalendar.

Brooke Monaghan (48:03):
Well, yeah, lunch break.

Steff Gallante (48:06):
Yes, yeah, put the break in, absolutely.
And then the last twomeaningful connections, right of
your choosing, choose who youare spending your time with.
Obviously, there are somethings that are out of our
control, but maybe we can shift.
If we, if we can't altogethernot see someone, maybe we could
shift how we are in contact withthem, how much space and time,

(48:29):
I don't know.
I mean, we can be very flexiblewith this and get comfortable
with saying no.
I mean, this time of year, Idon't know when this is going to
air, but you know, we areforced to sometimes be with
people we don't want to be withright, and we have to say yes to
obligations, with holidays andall the things and gatherings.
You can say no as long as,hopefully, there's not going to
be any sort of repercussion andif there is, maybe that's

(48:51):
something you got to deal withtoo.
But, like, say no and also, inthe same vein, say yes.
Like, if you want to say yesbut you're like everything is
telling me not to because ofthis and this and this, oh my
gosh, say yes, say yes toyourself.

Brooke Monaghan (49:07):
How am I supposed to make time?
Yeah, like, how am I supposedto make time to just like go out
with a friend when, like, Ihave all this stuff to do?

Steff Gallante (49:14):
Yes, say yes.
I mean, and I want you to beginto do this without guilt,
without shame, without judgment,and if you figure out after you
make the decision that it wasthe wrong one, then change it
for the next time, right.
Like that's the thing aboutlife, like you can decide the
next time to say yes if you saidno, or vice versa, you can
decide again, right.

(49:35):
And then the last thing is metime.
I cannot say this enough.
Me time is so, so, so important.
I know, right dominant culturewhen we say me time, you
immediately possibly get theimage in your head of the bubble
bath, you know, maybe with aglass of wine, water, whatever
it is, is your thing.
You know Netflix, I don't know.

(49:56):
Whatever.
Your thing is right.
And these things are me time,yep.
But I want to be very clearabout what I think me time is
and what I need it for to be foryou.
Right it's where you get tochoose what the fuck you're
doing.
[Brooke Monaghan] I love that.
[Steff Gallante] Period.
Yep, right, number one.
And I, alone time.
Now, I know alone time is hardfor people because that's when,

(50:17):
like your mind is racing, likeyour mind is never so loud as
when you are by yourself.
I know that's hard, but we needit, like we need time alone.
Or if you are in a group, thenyou need to get to decide what
you want to do.
Yeah, for instance, thismorning I told my kids I feel

(50:38):
like having pizza.
Quincy, my little one says Idon't want pizza, I want
hamburgers.
I said that's fine, but I'msaying what I want, I want pizza
.
And that is significant andthat means something.

Brooke Monaghan (50:49):
I love it yeah.

Steff Gallante (50:54):
Yeah, right, like like, whether you are a
person who has children, whetheryou are a caregiver, whether
you live with other people,whatever your life circumstances
, I don't think enough of usreally actively choose what we
want to do.
Yeah, whether it's peoplepleasing I mean, this can go
back decades right, for whateverit is why we are the way we are

(51:15):
and why we show up the way weshow up Right.
But there's so much importancein you getting to choose what
you want to do, yeah, and doingthat thing.

Brooke Monaghan (51:31):
[My husband is out of town right now and so I'm
alone.
By the way, I'm alone in myhouse, without a dog or a person
, for like days at a time.
For the first time in my entirelife I've now I realized.
that has to be a littledisappointing, [for it's very
strange, like it's very strange,but anyways, I was talking to a
friend the last time that hewas out of town actually, and we

(51:52):
were both saying I was sayingto them they were like you know
how, how are you doing?
And I was like Jake's out oftown and so, like you know, I'm
just like doing whatever it isthat I feel like at any moment,
and it's so funny because youdon't realize when you're.
You know, ake and I have beentogether since we were 13.
We've lived together.
We literally moved out of ourparents' houses into into an

(52:12):
apartment together when we were18.
So I was like it's so funnythat, like you don't realize
that, even if you have a partnerwho you get along with really
well and you love doing the samethings, that every moment of
the day you're thinking that,like you're weighing what you
want to do against what some,what they might want to do, or

(52:35):
how you usually spend your timetogether, and I was like you
know it's, and they were sayingthe same thing.
They were like, yeah, I love mypartner so much and also I know
exactly what you mean that likewhen they're out of town.
It's like you don't evenrealize that there was some kind
of mental load of constantlyassessing what they might want,
or like what you usually do foreach other, and like, oh, I have

(52:57):
to do this thing because thisis an agreement between the two
of us.
Right, like, this is the thingthat I do for us, and so I have
to do it now, because it's likemy part of the and there's this
thing that happens where you'realone.
That's just like wait, I canjust like.
Like I can watch literallywhatever I want and not even
give a shit about whether or notyou want to watch it or you
know whatever.
My husband and I also had aconversation recently about how

(53:20):
I oftentimes am walking aroundthe house with AirPods in
listening to a podcast orsomething, and he's like you
know, even when we're together,you're like listening to a
podcast and I'm like listen.
Sometimes I'm not evenlistening to a podcast, I just
have AirPods in to signal to youthat this is my time, that I
don't want anyone to talk to me,I'm doing something.

(53:41):
That's what it is.
So I understand and also likewe need to set some boundaries
on, or be intentional around,what is us quality, us time, and
what is the time when there noone has any demand on my time.
Cause, on days when I'm home,because I work from home, and on

(54:01):
days when he works from home,which he sometimes does I
absolutely cannot function withthe expectation that anytime you
want to have a conversation,I'm just supposed to be
available for it.
Nope, can't do it, I do not andI don't have children.

Steff Gallante (54:16):
And to your point, though, about, like the
mental conversation, the mentalgymnastics you do.
Sometimes it's also like Ireally want to do this thing,
but what are they going to sayabout it what's the fight going
to be?
Or, I know, for me as a parentit's like, okay, well, how much
am I going to have to get doneahead of time?
Or what's the load going to belike afterward, when I come back
?
And that's hard, that is reallyhard, and I'm not here to

(54:38):
discount any of those things,because that is real.
At the same time, you know, andthis may be something that takes
you some time to start doing,right, because it may take a
little bit of like, wrappingyour mind around it, but the
reality is like doing thingsthat bring you joy, doing things
that bring you ease and comfort, and something I've been really

(55:00):
, you know, interrogating withinmyself is something that brings
you soothing.
These things are necessary, it'snecessary, and so I find that
the action of creating space forsomething I want to do, even if

(55:20):
it's just for a few minutes itdoes not have to be something
big right.
The action of me saying no oryes, right, when it's aligned,
that those three things, in andof itself release that pressure
for me.
It creates space for me to dothe thing that I'm should-ing

(55:42):
myself over in terms of work orthe to-do list or something like
that.
And so I know it doesn't seemmaybe like on first glance it
doesn't seem connected, and itreally is, because, like you
said earlier, every part of ourlife is interconnected, no
matter how much we want tocreate boxes or boundaries
around them.
It's just not, and so we onlyhave one gas tank that we're

(56:06):
fueling ourselves with.
That's the reality, right, andeven just the mental
conversations.
Forget the conversations we'rehaving out in the world, but the
conversations we haveinternally is taxing us, just
like you said, like that demandon your brain is so much.
And the other thing that I alsowant to make sure to say is we
know self-care isn't selfish,but I also want to say that that

(56:28):
me time, those no's, thoseyeses, whenever you decide to
eat, whenever you decide todrink some water, whenever you
decide to sleep or it's adifferent kind of rest whenever
you are making those meaningfulconnections, that is community
care.
So, whoever you hold in yourcommunity, whatever work you're

(56:51):
doing in the world, however,you're showing up in the name
and fate, like in the face ofinjustice and then the name of
justice.
This is community care period.

Brooke Monaghan (57:06):
Thank you.
We need that reminder Steff.
We could talk for the rest ofthe day.
Sometimes we do talk most ofthe day on the Voxer.
Tell people where they can findyou.
I mean, in addition to,obviously, you're doing this
workshop in December, inFruition, which we're going to
tell people all about, but howabout your work?

(57:28):
Where should people find you?
And if people are like you knowwhat, I need a little bit of
Steff Gallante in my life, likewhere have you been my whole
life?
I got to like get serious aboutthis.
Maybe, instead of investing inthe gym membership, right, we
put some resources into actualcare for yourself.
Where should people do that?

Steff Gallante (57:48):
Yeah, you can find me on Instagram
@SteffGallante that'sS-T-E-F-F-G-A-L-L-A-N-T-E, and
also my website is SteffGallante.
com, and there you can click onwork with me and you'll find out
all the information to you know.
Book a one-on-one call that youget to release the pressure a
little bit.
For you.

Brooke Monaghan (58:10):
So it starts with that for you and then I
know that you do have a like acommunity kind of space that you
hold with some variety ofself-care help space, help for
self-care practices, formovement, for checking in around
these basics.
But it all starts with justthat one-on-one conversation
with you, and so.

Steff Gallante (58:31):
And if podcasts is your thing then also, you can
hear more about you know, allof my eff bombs and feelings
about all the things that arewrong.

Humaning (58:34):
The Shit We Need to Talk About.

Brooke Monaghan (58:41):
Humaning
Find it wherever you'relistening to this show.
Steff, this was so fun and soneeded, and I needed to hear it
myself.
So thank you so much.
I really enjoyed it and I can'twait for people to listen.

Steff Gallante (58:54):
Thank you for having me always.
I appreciate you.