December 28, 2024 • 23 mins
A few weeks ago, I posted a quick post- "Whatever you do, please don't cancel your plans."
This messaging about the temptation to cancel plans and wait until we feel totally 'on' to participate in community resonated with many of you. I knew I was not alone.
So, I took the conversation to the show to talk about my own tendency to easily cancel, and how saying yes even when I want to just stay home changed the way I see the purpose of community. Through this episode we'll touch on:
• Exploring the tendency to cancel plans when feeling vulnerable
• The significance of showing up as you are, all of it!
• How staying home is actually not the safer option
• The truth about loneliness in our lives, and the empowering truth on the other side
This year can come with a new story for you, for us. For friendship, for community, for our hearts and families. Tune in to this episode, I bet there's something in here that may be just what you need to hear.
-----
Participate in our listener poll for 15 minutes by sending us a quick message @gatherintentionalliving or email Kayty@gatherintentionalliving.com- open to the first 10 of you to reach out! So excited to chat!
Looking to take one of our food styling workshops referenced in this workshop? Find them here!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone.
Wow.
Well, the holidays are behindus and I realized that I never
came on to give you a formalMerry Christmas, happy Holidays,
and so consider this my holidaywish and a Happy New Year.
Something about wishing someonea Merry Christmas.
I always feel like I have tobreak out and like in sync, like
Merry Christmas, merryChristmas, happy Holidays.
(00:22):
So you are welcome for that.
I feel like I had to get it outof my system one last time.
Well, this is a date with Kate,and we haven't done one of these
in a while, and there have beena few things that I've just I
don't know I've been thinkingabout and I want to chat with
you about, and also a fewInstagram posts that you guys
have loved that I wanted to diveinto a little bit further.
(00:43):
But first let's talk aboutFeast and Fettle.
I have chatted about them abunch.
If you've listened to the lastfew months on the show and
here's the deal, guys, if youfollow me at all, you know that
I only give recommendations tothings that my family has
personally vetted, that I fullystand behind.
This is actually a great timefor us to talk about them a
(01:04):
little bit more transparently.
They have gifted us two weeksof their meal delivery service,
two full weeks of meals and Iwouldn't lie to you about food
stuff because I take it tooseriously Every single bite has
been Colby and I look at eachother and say, wow, this is the
(01:26):
best meal delivery service thatwe've had.
It feels like someone made thisat home and delivered it to us.
It feels home, new year goalsetting and like all just
strategizing and resetting forthe new year.
This is one of the best ways toset yourself up for success.
(01:52):
So, whether you just need ameal delivered for one week
because that particular week isbusy, or you want it to be a
regular habit of your household,head on over to
feastandfettlecom F-E-T-T-L-Eand use code gather25 for $25
off your first week, and it'sjust, it's the coolest.
(02:15):
Whatever you need that week,you can customize the box fully
gluten-free, dairy-free, free,all the things, all the things.
Well, I guess let's kick us offwith the show intro, in case
this is your first time here.
(02:37):
Hi, I'm Katie, a hospitalityeducator and the host of Making
Room by Gather podcast.
I am set to see our communitiesget back to the table through
hospitality, but it wasn'talways this way.
My husband and I moved toThailand and through it I
experienced some loneliness andwith it I was given a choice to
sit back and accept it or to dosomething about it.
(02:59):
And for me, that meant twothings that I needed the healing
to learn how to accept aninvitation and the confidence to
know how to extend one.
Through this process, Ideveloped some of the richest
and deepest relationships of mylife.
Through Making Room by Gather,you will hear conversations from
myself and experts in the areasof food, design and
(03:21):
relationships.
You see there are countlessthings trying to keep us from
the table, but can I tell yousomething?
Take a seat because you areready, you are capable, you are
a good host man.
I don't know why I don't dothese more.
This is a lot of fun.
(03:41):
I feel like I'm hanging outwith you guys more casually.
So if you don't already followus on Instagram at gather
intentional living, there mightbe some changes to the username
in the coming year, but that'swhere you can find us for now.
There was a post that I wrotethat said I know you don't want
to go to whatever the plan is, Iget it Cause I've been there.
(04:02):
The plan is I get it becauseI've been there, but please
don't cancel, please don'tcancel your plans.
And the reason I posted this,there was actually a few reasons
.
One of them was there was agathering that I was getting
ready to go to and I was tellingColby, my husband, if you don't
know, that I just am not up forgoing.
(04:24):
And it wasn't like there wasn'tany like very significant, very
obvious reason I was feelingemotionally drained, I was
feeling very tired, worn out,whatever.
And he was like Kate, you'vesaid this before with this very
same gathering.
And when you came back, itactually was a few times.
Every time you come back, youalways say I'm so glad I went,
(04:53):
I'm so glad I went, I'm so gladI went.
And he, after him telling methis a few times, I was like,
wow, okay.
First of all, there's a patternhappening here that when I
don't feel perfectly puttogether, when I don't feel
perfectly kind of likeemotionally sharp or to, we
could be honest with myself and,you know, with ourselves, if
you don't feel perfectly puttogether and like presentable or
(05:13):
all of those things that Ididn't want to go, that I don't
want to go to any kind of likesocial plan.
Then, on the other side of thisand if anyone listening was a
part of this situation, pleaseknow that there are no hard
feelings.
It just was kind of like an eyeopener for me.
I was hosting something at myhouse and I just kind of like
(05:36):
threw a wide net.
I invited just like a lot ofpeople, different people from
different walks of life, to thisevent, different people from
different walks of life to thisevent, and people had RSVP'd and
the day of it was a significantnumber.
It was like seven people orsomething, and that's a lot
right.
It wasn't just like one or two.
(05:58):
I got these texts one afteranother and these people are not
related.
They're not, they don't knoweach other, and so it's not like
it was like this strategy.
But they texted and said, hey,I'm emotionally exhausted, I
can't come.
Hey, I'm super tired, I can'tcome.
Hey, work's been hard, I can'tcome.
Um, and someone said, hey, Ijust don't feel like being
around new people and listen.
I feel like it's hard to havethese conversations because
(06:20):
there's not like a one size fitsall.
Obviously, there are timeswhere it is super important to
rest and to recharge.
I just have to look and makesure we were recording, because
that would be something that Iwould do today.
Obviously, there are thosetimes, but I think what happens
is where we have to be carefulis when we only show up for
(06:43):
community when we are feelingperfect isn't the right word but
like totally on, when we cantotally regulate our current
emotional state, when we couldperfectly censor our words and
we could show up perfectlypresentable.
That's when it starts to get alittle bit relationally
(07:04):
dangerous.
Now I want to tell you somethingthat happened.
So one of my friends said it'sbeen a whatever she said.
I don't want to disclose herlife, but basically it's been a
really hard season.
I really think I'm going tostay home Now this friend I knew
in particular.
I said I know it's been hard,but can you, can you please,
(07:25):
please, please still come,because I'll be honest with you,
it's been a hard season for metoo.
Like we just really need eachother, and it took a little
persuading.
I said we both need a littlebit of fun in this season.
We both need a little bit ofconnection.
Let's do this.
So she came.
She was the only one kind oflike in that season that was
(07:48):
able to persuade to still come.
And oh, my goodness, okay.
So like if you have never beenin a community setting where
there has been likevulnerability, when you go first
in your story, when you gofirst in what you're currently
experiencing in life, it is soprofound.
(08:09):
It is so profound and on theother side of it is that
richness and depth of communitythat so many of us are longing
for.
So let me tell you whathappened.
So she came and I forgot how itstarted.
However it started, we startedtalking about what was going on
with her and a few other peoplewere there at that point, and
(08:32):
this depth of conversationstarted this like oh my gosh, I
have totally been there too.
Here's what helps me.
Or just the listening.
And then there were like tearsshared together and laughs
together, and the night endedwith this connection that
(08:52):
everyone that was there was sograteful for because it was so
rich.
It was more than just likehow's the weather and like how
are the kids, more than justthat surface level, and I was
thinking about it.
I was like man, if she stayedhome, she would have just been
(09:12):
stuck in a cycle of, um, thatisolation and spiral that so
many of us know with, like thesocial anxiety spiral or the
whatever the name of it is foryou the depression spiral, the
perfectionism spiral she wouldhave been kept there and we
(09:33):
would have been kept from thatlevel of connection.
That was so valuable to all ofus that were I'll call it a
party like at the party, and soit was so valuable to all of us
that were I'll call it a partylike at the party, and so it was
so important for both of usthat she still came.
And when I look at thesituations where I have been
honestly like socially anxious,emotionally tired, and I'm like
(09:56):
I just want to cancel the timesthat I've gone, it really is so
true Colby is so right that whenI go, I come home so grateful
that I went nine times out of 10.
It's not like a one size fitsall like we're talking about,
but the reality is that when youand I show up when we don't
(10:17):
want to, sometimes all it is isthat we get a laugh that we've
been needing to let out, like weget a laugh that we've needed
to laugh.
Or someone asks a question andsparks a good cry that we've
needed to cry, or maybe there'sa word of encouragement that you
have for someone that theyneeded.
Maybe it's about them, maybeit's about you, but I think what
(10:41):
I'm finding is we are in a timein culture where there's a lot
going on.
There's a lot of differentsocial narratives that are said.
There's a lot of hard thingsthat are going on in life.
Whatever state you find yourselfin, I feel like culture right
now is just screaming.
It is safer for you to cancel.
(11:03):
You should just stay home andwe find ourselves lonely and we
ask ourselves why.
Why are we lonely?
I'm surrounded by people and sooften it's because we are just
giving into this belief systemtoo frequently that you need to
wait until you are.
The Thai people have this phrase.
(11:24):
It means like perfectlypresentable, perfectly put
together, um it we and it fits.
It's like a great expressionfor this.
We believe that we need to beperfectly polished in order to
show up and have intentionalcommunity, when actually it's
the opposite.
I think that it is time for somany of us to believe that.
(11:46):
You know, if we find ourselvesin cycles of loneliness, cycles
of isolation, longing forconnection, it often on the
other side of that is theinvitation to show up vulnerably
.
On the other side of that isthe invitation to show up
vulnerably.
And you know this past season,colby and I realized, wow, we
really have a very robustcommunity right now and I'm not
(12:12):
super deep and intimate inrelationship with all of them,
meaning like vulnerable, likethey don't know every not
everyone knows everything aboutme.
That's not what I mean, but wehave people.
Each person has a different.
Each relationship serves adifferent purpose.
In our life there's differentdepths of relationship, but one
way or another there's what am Itrying to say?
(12:33):
We have a widespread bigcommunity and as I look back,
I'm like, wow, how did we gethere?
Wow, guys, that was liketotally mom brain in full effect
.
But how did we get here?
And I look back and there aretimes where I can almost like
cringe in relationship becauseI'm like, wow, I showed up in a
(12:53):
pretty deep depression for a fewyears in this relationship.
Or wow, this person has seen memake some not so great business
decisions but I still showed upin that relationship and
they're still here.
Or wow, this person has, like Idon't know, seen me crying or
seen me laughing, or has seen mea little bit like cheesy and
(13:17):
corny.
Like I think what I am tryingto like conclude here is we
showed up the last few years ina way that I didn't know to show
up growing up, and that has ledto a lot of authentic
relationships.
People have seen me in like mybest, my worst, my messiest, my
(13:44):
corniest, and it has led to arobust community.
And that is available to all ofus if we don't cancel and if we
believe that we can show up inwhatever we have to offer that
(14:04):
day, whatever we're experiencingthat day, and that's important
for us and the people on theother side.
And so here's the deal If youare someone like me who easily
cancels plans, the way to getpast this, the way to get to the
community on the other side, isto practice it like a muscle.
(14:24):
And so if you have a husband ora significant other, you could
say hey, can you hold meaccountable when I'm telling you
that I'm canceling plans?
Can you push me to go?
Oh, just got a phone call so Ihad to pause that for a second.
Oh, just got a phone call so Ihad to pause that for a second,
so can you push me to go.
Or if you have a friend thatyou text often or daily and
(14:48):
you're like, hey, I really wantto get better about community.
When I tell you like allude tothe fact that maybe I'm going to
cancel plans, can you hold meaccountable?
I just feel like there'ssomething here for us, and the
power of this message is thiscould apply to someone who's
(15:09):
like 18, that has a lot ofhomework and sports and wants to
cancel and is experiencingcommunity for the first time, or
someone that's 65.
This applies to all of us,because we are living in a
loneliness epidemic that I thinkis largely because of the
narratives that are fed to us,and so I'm here to tell you
(15:31):
today this is kind of like ashort and a sweet but first of
all, that you do not have to beperfectly emotionally on or
polished to engage in community.
In fact, community should bethe opposite.
It should be raw, it should beauthentic, it should be the
everyday, and so when we'retalking about everyday
(15:53):
hospitality, everyday community,it means exactly that.
It means whatever you bring tothe table that day, and the
beauty about what happened at myhouse with that one friend of
mine that came is she has beenthe comfort and the safe place
and the landing for me when I'vebeen a little bit torn up and
was able to be that for her.
(16:13):
And so it goes, and that thatis authentic community.
That is every day.
So if you are feeling, startingthe year, feeling a little bit
lonely, feeling a little bitdisconnected, my encouragement
(16:35):
to you would be to give yourselfthe permission to show up
however you are, to show up,practice showing up more
authentically, more in themoment, and to get that
accountability to not cancelplans, because I am not saying
this from a position of liketalking down on you or anything
(16:56):
like that, because I had afriendship that ended,
unfortunately, quite a few yearsago and it's before I did all
this heart work and communitywork and it was messy, it was
very messy, and I remember inthe conversation I was like I
feel like you always cancelplans and she was like, well, I
feel like you always cancelplans and I think the reality
(17:17):
was we both did and we bothcanceled too much, and that's
not a friendship and we justneed to be aware of that, aware
of our, our reasoning and ourcommitment levels, because a lot
of us, I think, are lonelybecause of self-inflicted
isolation.
(17:38):
But there's an option on theother side.
So that is a little bit of ashort and sweet date with Kate,
because I want to talk to youabout something.
So, going into this new year,you might know that we a few
years launched HospitalityAcademy and as it stands today,
it is a prerecorded workshopdatabase for how to style
(18:03):
beautiful seasonal charcuteries,cake decorating workshops.
You could take those anytimeGatherintentionallivingcom, head
on over to Hospitality Academyand you could purchase those.
But I am very interested inrevamping it this year to focus
on more of the heart and thehome.
So not just equipping you tofood style, but equipping you to
(18:25):
cultivate community, toequipping you to feel confident
in your hospitality.
I'm talking not just the foodbut the relationship side of it,
the menu planning, the heartwork, all of the stuff that
together creates holistichospitality, holistic community,
(18:48):
and that is more what I thinkso many of us crave and so many
of us need.
So here's the deal Before wekick off, I am looking to have
conversations with 10 of you.
I want to schedule a 15-minuteconversation with 10 of you to
hear more of your heart, more ofareas that you think are areas
(19:10):
of you need growth, areas thatcurrently you consider your
strengths and what might behelpful if you were to
participate in something thatwere to launch you well into
confidence in this area.
So here is the deal.
It's going to be available tothe first 10 of you.
We're going to catch a15-minute conversation when when
(19:33):
Wesley is not babbling in thebackground and I have time to
chat, just you and I.
And then, on the other side ofthis, stay tuned, listen to some
future Date with Kate's Dateswith Kate, when I launch what's
coming next, because I'm excitedabout it.
I'm very excited about it andyou should be too.
So head on over to ourInstagram at
(19:54):
gatherintentionalliving and sendme a DM or email, kayty at
gatherintentionallivingcom, andwe will schedule you for this,
because I'm very excited aboutit and I think you will be too.
So, 10 of you, hop on a 15minute call with me just for me
(20:15):
to ask you some questions, hearyour heart a little bit, get to
know you a little bit better,and then we will.
I don't want to disclose toomuch, but something's coming,
something's coming.
Okay, I am going to answer thethree questions that I ask all
of my guests because I thinkthat'd be fun.
So the first question issomething I've eaten recently
(20:37):
and loved Every Christmas Evesince Colby and I first got
married.
We eat arancini, which is anItalian rice ball, and I first
had them on our honeymoon inItaly and yeah, we make them
every Christmas Eve.
They are street food in Italy,but we make them a little bit
more formal when we eat them andI made them with gluten-free
(20:58):
breadcrumbs and I did regularcheese and I'm paying for it,
but they were pretty dang good.
So that's something I've eatenrecently and loved, um something
.
What's the second question?
A gathering I attended thatmade me feel a strong sense of
belonging.
Hmm, I didn't get this one muchthought.
(21:18):
Um, I'm sure there was one morerecently, but you guys probably
know I went to Nashville a fewmonths ago to help with.
We're a part of Think MediaT-H-I-N-Q.
It's faith-based entrepreneurs,leaders, people in like
(21:38):
politics and the arts andbusiness, and it is just such a
healthy organization.
It is a lot of leaders thatjust like know how to support
other leaders and it was fun.
They welcomed Wesley.
We volunteered as a family tolike help make the conference
possible and we stayed withfriends.
(21:59):
We connected with old friends.
It was just like the best formy heart.
It was so good and somethingI've discovered recently that
everyone should know about.
I feel like recently I made anote on my phone which I'm
recording on currently, so Ican't access it, but you've
probably heard me say thisbefore yes Theory, the YouTube
(22:20):
channel.
I can't believe I'm in like myYouTube era, but I am.
It is so phenomenal.
If you're looking for somethingto like binge watch, forget
Netflix right now, go to YouTube.
They used to start, like yearsand years and years ago, as
discovering abandoned places,which I always thought was cool,
but now they just help peopleto like seek discomfort, say yes
(22:42):
to like really big things inlife be spontaneous, learn from
strangers, travel the world like, seek adventure all of these
things.
But it's from such a uniqueperspective and there was a
video recently where they took a102-year-old lady to Australia.
(23:02):
It was the last continent, likethe only continent she hadn't
visited in her lifetime.
Oh, it was just so heartwarmingand just such a good watch.
And if anyone is connected toyes Theory, they are on my list
of people that I want to have onthe show in the coming year and
so if you could help me get intouch with them, I would love
(23:23):
you for that and send you a bigvirtual hug and maybe a cheese
board or something.
Thank you, but that is all fromthe date with Kate today.
Love you, guys, so excited forthis year ahead.
We have a really sweet lineupmore dates with Kate, more
guests that you love, and it'sgoing to be a really sweet year
(23:46):
Until next time.
See you next week, guys.
Hey everyone.
Wow.
Well, the holidays are behindus and I realized that I never
came on to give you a formalMerry Christmas, happy Holidays,
and so consider this my holidaywish and a Happy New Year.
Something about wishing someonea Merry Christmas.
I always feel like I have tobreak out and like in sync, like
Merry Christmas, merryChristmas, happy Holidays.
(00:22):
So you are welcome for that.
I feel like I had to get it outof my system one last time.
Well, this is a date with Kate,and we haven't done one of these
in a while, and there have beena few things that I've just I
don't know I've been thinkingabout and I want to chat with
you about, and also a fewInstagram posts that you guys
have loved that I wanted to diveinto a little bit further.
(00:43):
But first let's talk aboutFeast and Fettle.
I have chatted about them abunch.
If you've listened to the lastfew months on the show and
here's the deal, guys, if youfollow me at all, you know that
I only give recommendations tothings that my family has
personally vetted, that I fullystand behind.
This is actually a great timefor us to talk about them a
(01:04):
little bit more transparently.
They have gifted us two weeksof their meal delivery service,
two full weeks of meals and Iwouldn't lie to you about food
stuff because I take it tooseriously Every single bite has
been Colby and I look at eachother and say, wow, this is the
(01:26):
best meal delivery service thatwe've had.
It feels like someone made thisat home and delivered it to us.
It feels home, new year goalsetting and like all just
strategizing and resetting forthe new year.
This is one of the best ways toset yourself up for success.
(01:52):
So, whether you just need ameal delivered for one week
because that particular week isbusy, or you want it to be a
regular habit of your household,head on over to
feastandfettlecom F-E-T-T-L-Eand use code gather25 for $25
off your first week, and it'sjust, it's the coolest.
(02:15):
Whatever you need that week,you can customize the box fully
gluten-free, dairy-free, free,all the things, all the things.
Well, I guess let's kick us offwith the show intro, in case
this is your first time here.
(02:37):
Hi, I'm Katie, a hospitalityeducator and the host of Making
Room by Gather podcast.
I am set to see our communitiesget back to the table through
hospitality, but it wasn'talways this way.
My husband and I moved toThailand and through it I
experienced some loneliness andwith it I was given a choice to
sit back and accept it or to dosomething about it.
(02:59):
And for me, that meant twothings that I needed the healing
to learn how to accept aninvitation and the confidence to
know how to extend one.
Through this process, Ideveloped some of the richest
and deepest relationships of mylife.
Through Making Room by Gather,you will hear conversations from
myself and experts in the areasof food, design and
(03:21):
relationships.
You see there are countlessthings trying to keep us from
the table, but can I tell yousomething?
Take a seat because you areready, you are capable, you are
a good host man.
I don't know why I don't dothese more.
This is a lot of fun.
(03:41):
I feel like I'm hanging outwith you guys more casually.
So if you don't already followus on Instagram at gather
intentional living, there mightbe some changes to the username
in the coming year, but that'swhere you can find us for now.
There was a post that I wrotethat said I know you don't want
to go to whatever the plan is, Iget it Cause I've been there.
(04:02):
The plan is I get it becauseI've been there, but please
don't cancel, please don'tcancel your plans.
And the reason I posted this,there was actually a few reasons
.
One of them was there was agathering that I was getting
ready to go to and I was tellingColby, my husband, if you don't
know, that I just am not up forgoing.
(04:24):
And it wasn't like there wasn'tany like very significant, very
obvious reason I was feelingemotionally drained, I was
feeling very tired, worn out,whatever.
And he was like Kate, you'vesaid this before with this very
same gathering.
And when you came back, itactually was a few times.
Every time you come back, youalways say I'm so glad I went,
(04:53):
I'm so glad I went, I'm so gladI went.
And he, after him telling methis a few times, I was like,
wow, okay.
First of all, there's a patternhappening here that when I
don't feel perfectly puttogether, when I don't feel
perfectly kind of likeemotionally sharp or to, we
could be honest with myself and,you know, with ourselves, if
you don't feel perfectly puttogether and like presentable or
(05:13):
all of those things that Ididn't want to go, that I don't
want to go to any kind of likesocial plan.
Then, on the other side of thisand if anyone listening was a
part of this situation, pleaseknow that there are no hard
feelings.
It just was kind of like an eyeopener for me.
I was hosting something at myhouse and I just kind of like
(05:36):
threw a wide net.
I invited just like a lot ofpeople, different people from
different walks of life, to thisevent, different people from
different walks of life to thisevent, and people had RSVP'd and
the day of it was a significantnumber.
It was like seven people orsomething, and that's a lot
right.
It wasn't just like one or two.
(05:58):
I got these texts one afteranother and these people are not
related.
They're not, they don't knoweach other, and so it's not like
it was like this strategy.
But they texted and said, hey,I'm emotionally exhausted, I
can't come.
Hey, I'm super tired, I can'tcome.
Hey, work's been hard, I can'tcome.
Um, and someone said, hey, Ijust don't feel like being
around new people and listen.
I feel like it's hard to havethese conversations because
(06:20):
there's not like a one size fitsall.
Obviously, there are timeswhere it is super important to
rest and to recharge.
I just have to look and makesure we were recording, because
that would be something that Iwould do today.
Obviously, there are thosetimes, but I think what happens
is where we have to be carefulis when we only show up for
(06:43):
community when we are feelingperfect isn't the right word but
like totally on, when we cantotally regulate our current
emotional state, when we couldperfectly censor our words and
we could show up perfectlypresentable.
That's when it starts to get alittle bit relationally
(07:04):
dangerous.
Now I want to tell you somethingthat happened.
So one of my friends said it'sbeen a whatever she said.
I don't want to disclose herlife, but basically it's been a
really hard season.
I really think I'm going tostay home Now this friend I knew
in particular.
I said I know it's been hard,but can you, can you please,
(07:25):
please, please still come,because I'll be honest with you,
it's been a hard season for metoo.
Like we just really need eachother, and it took a little
persuading.
I said we both need a littlebit of fun in this season.
We both need a little bit ofconnection.
Let's do this.
So she came.
She was the only one kind oflike in that season that was
(07:48):
able to persuade to still come.
And oh, my goodness, okay.
So like if you have never beenin a community setting where
there has been likevulnerability, when you go first
in your story, when you gofirst in what you're currently
experiencing in life, it is soprofound.
(08:09):
It is so profound and on theother side of it is that
richness and depth of communitythat so many of us are longing
for.
So let me tell you whathappened.
So she came and I forgot how itstarted.
However it started, we startedtalking about what was going on
with her and a few other peoplewere there at that point, and
(08:32):
this depth of conversationstarted this like oh my gosh, I
have totally been there too.
Here's what helps me.
Or just the listening.
And then there were like tearsshared together and laughs
together, and the night endedwith this connection that
(08:52):
everyone that was there was sograteful for because it was so
rich.
It was more than just likehow's the weather and like how
are the kids, more than justthat surface level, and I was
thinking about it.
I was like man, if she stayedhome, she would have just been
(09:12):
stuck in a cycle of, um, thatisolation and spiral that so
many of us know with, like thesocial anxiety spiral or the
whatever the name of it is foryou the depression spiral, the
perfectionism spiral she wouldhave been kept there and we
(09:33):
would have been kept from thatlevel of connection.
That was so valuable to all ofus that were I'll call it a
party like at the party, and soit was so valuable to all of us
that were I'll call it a partylike at the party, and so it was
so important for both of usthat she still came.
And when I look at thesituations where I have been
honestly like socially anxious,emotionally tired, and I'm like
(09:56):
I just want to cancel the timesthat I've gone, it really is so
true Colby is so right that whenI go, I come home so grateful
that I went nine times out of 10.
It's not like a one size fitsall like we're talking about,
but the reality is that when youand I show up when we don't
(10:17):
want to, sometimes all it is isthat we get a laugh that we've
been needing to let out, like weget a laugh that we've needed
to laugh.
Or someone asks a question andsparks a good cry that we've
needed to cry, or maybe there'sa word of encouragement that you
have for someone that theyneeded.
Maybe it's about them, maybeit's about you, but I think what
(10:41):
I'm finding is we are in a timein culture where there's a lot
going on.
There's a lot of differentsocial narratives that are said.
There's a lot of hard thingsthat are going on in life.
Whatever state you find yourselfin, I feel like culture right
now is just screaming.
It is safer for you to cancel.
(11:03):
You should just stay home andwe find ourselves lonely and we
ask ourselves why.
Why are we lonely?
I'm surrounded by people and sooften it's because we are just
giving into this belief systemtoo frequently that you need to
wait until you are.
The Thai people have this phrase.
(11:24):
It means like perfectlypresentable, perfectly put
together, um it we and it fits.
It's like a great expressionfor this.
We believe that we need to beperfectly polished in order to
show up and have intentionalcommunity, when actually it's
the opposite.
I think that it is time for somany of us to believe that.
(11:46):
You know, if we find ourselvesin cycles of loneliness, cycles
of isolation, longing forconnection, it often on the
other side of that is theinvitation to show up vulnerably
.
On the other side of that isthe invitation to show up
vulnerably.
And you know this past season,colby and I realized, wow, we
really have a very robustcommunity right now and I'm not
(12:12):
super deep and intimate inrelationship with all of them,
meaning like vulnerable, likethey don't know every not
everyone knows everything aboutme.
That's not what I mean, but wehave people.
Each person has a different.
Each relationship serves adifferent purpose.
In our life there's differentdepths of relationship, but one
way or another there's what am Itrying to say?
(12:33):
We have a widespread bigcommunity and as I look back,
I'm like, wow, how did we gethere?
Wow, guys, that was liketotally mom brain in full effect
.
But how did we get here?
And I look back and there aretimes where I can almost like
cringe in relationship becauseI'm like, wow, I showed up in a
(12:53):
pretty deep depression for a fewyears in this relationship.
Or wow, this person has seen memake some not so great business
decisions but I still showed upin that relationship and
they're still here.
Or wow, this person has, like Idon't know, seen me crying or
seen me laughing, or has seen mea little bit like cheesy and
(13:17):
corny.
Like I think what I am tryingto like conclude here is we
showed up the last few years ina way that I didn't know to show
up growing up, and that has ledto a lot of authentic
relationships.
People have seen me in like mybest, my worst, my messiest, my
(13:44):
corniest, and it has led to arobust community.
And that is available to all ofus if we don't cancel and if we
believe that we can show up inwhatever we have to offer that
(14:04):
day, whatever we're experiencingthat day, and that's important
for us and the people on theother side.
And so here's the deal If youare someone like me who easily
cancels plans, the way to getpast this, the way to get to the
community on the other side, isto practice it like a muscle.
(14:24):
And so if you have a husband ora significant other, you could
say hey, can you hold meaccountable when I'm telling you
that I'm canceling plans?
Can you push me to go?
Oh, just got a phone call so Ihad to pause that for a second.
Oh, just got a phone call so Ihad to pause that for a second,
so can you push me to go.
Or if you have a friend thatyou text often or daily and
(14:48):
you're like, hey, I really wantto get better about community.
When I tell you like allude tothe fact that maybe I'm going to
cancel plans, can you hold meaccountable?
I just feel like there'ssomething here for us, and the
power of this message is thiscould apply to someone who's
(15:09):
like 18, that has a lot ofhomework and sports and wants to
cancel and is experiencingcommunity for the first time, or
someone that's 65.
This applies to all of us,because we are living in a
loneliness epidemic that I thinkis largely because of the
narratives that are fed to us,and so I'm here to tell you
(15:31):
today this is kind of like ashort and a sweet but first of
all, that you do not have to beperfectly emotionally on or
polished to engage in community.
In fact, community should bethe opposite.
It should be raw, it should beauthentic, it should be the
everyday, and so when we'retalking about everyday
(15:53):
hospitality, everyday community,it means exactly that.
It means whatever you bring tothe table that day, and the
beauty about what happened at myhouse with that one friend of
mine that came is she has beenthe comfort and the safe place
and the landing for me when I'vebeen a little bit torn up and
was able to be that for her.
(16:13):
And so it goes, and that thatis authentic community.
That is every day.
So if you are feeling, startingthe year, feeling a little bit
lonely, feeling a little bitdisconnected, my encouragement
(16:35):
to you would be to give yourselfthe permission to show up
however you are, to show up,practice showing up more
authentically, more in themoment, and to get that
accountability to not cancelplans, because I am not saying
this from a position of liketalking down on you or anything
(16:56):
like that, because I had afriendship that ended,
unfortunately, quite a few yearsago and it's before I did all
this heart work and communitywork and it was messy, it was
very messy, and I remember inthe conversation I was like I
feel like you always cancelplans and she was like, well, I
feel like you always cancelplans and I think the reality
(17:17):
was we both did and we bothcanceled too much, and that's
not a friendship and we justneed to be aware of that, aware
of our, our reasoning and ourcommitment levels, because a lot
of us, I think, are lonelybecause of self-inflicted
isolation.
(17:38):
But there's an option on theother side.
So that is a little bit of ashort and sweet date with Kate,
because I want to talk to youabout something.
So, going into this new year,you might know that we a few
years launched HospitalityAcademy and as it stands today,
it is a prerecorded workshopdatabase for how to style
(18:03):
beautiful seasonal charcuteries,cake decorating workshops.
You could take those anytimeGatherintentionallivingcom, head
on over to Hospitality Academyand you could purchase those.
But I am very interested inrevamping it this year to focus
on more of the heart and thehome.
So not just equipping you tofood style, but equipping you to
(18:25):
cultivate community, toequipping you to feel confident
in your hospitality.
I'm talking not just the foodbut the relationship side of it,
the menu planning, the heartwork, all of the stuff that
together creates holistichospitality, holistic community,
(18:48):
and that is more what I thinkso many of us crave and so many
of us need.
So here's the deal Before wekick off, I am looking to have
conversations with 10 of you.
I want to schedule a 15-minuteconversation with 10 of you to
hear more of your heart, more ofareas that you think are areas
(19:10):
of you need growth, areas thatcurrently you consider your
strengths and what might behelpful if you were to
participate in something thatwere to launch you well into
confidence in this area.
So here is the deal.
It's going to be available tothe first 10 of you.
We're going to catch a15-minute conversation when when
(19:33):
Wesley is not babbling in thebackground and I have time to
chat, just you and I.
And then, on the other side ofthis, stay tuned, listen to some
future Date with Kate's Dateswith Kate, when I launch what's
coming next, because I'm excitedabout it.
I'm very excited about it andyou should be too.
So head on over to ourInstagram at
(19:54):
gatherintentionalliving and sendme a DM or email, kayty at
gatherintentionallivingcom, andwe will schedule you for this,
because I'm very excited aboutit and I think you will be too.
So, 10 of you, hop on a 15minute call with me just for me
(20:15):
to ask you some questions, hearyour heart a little bit, get to
know you a little bit better,and then we will.
I don't want to disclose toomuch, but something's coming,
something's coming.
Okay, I am going to answer thethree questions that I ask all
of my guests because I thinkthat'd be fun.
So the first question issomething I've eaten recently
(20:37):
and loved Every Christmas Evesince Colby and I first got
married.
We eat arancini, which is anItalian rice ball, and I first
had them on our honeymoon inItaly and yeah, we make them
every Christmas Eve.
They are street food in Italy,but we make them a little bit
more formal when we eat them andI made them with gluten-free
(20:58):
breadcrumbs and I did regularcheese and I'm paying for it,
but they were pretty dang good.
So that's something I've eatenrecently and loved, um something
.
What's the second question?
A gathering I attended thatmade me feel a strong sense of
belonging.
Hmm, I didn't get this one muchthought.
(21:18):
Um, I'm sure there was one morerecently, but you guys probably
know I went to Nashville a fewmonths ago to help with.
We're a part of Think MediaT-H-I-N-Q.
It's faith-based entrepreneurs,leaders, people in like
(21:38):
politics and the arts andbusiness, and it is just such a
healthy organization.
It is a lot of leaders thatjust like know how to support
other leaders and it was fun.
They welcomed Wesley.
We volunteered as a family tolike help make the conference
possible and we stayed withfriends.
(21:59):
We connected with old friends.
It was just like the best formy heart.
It was so good and somethingI've discovered recently that
everyone should know about.
I feel like recently I made anote on my phone which I'm
recording on currently, so Ican't access it, but you've
probably heard me say thisbefore yes Theory, the YouTube
(22:20):
channel.
I can't believe I'm in like myYouTube era, but I am.
It is so phenomenal.
If you're looking for somethingto like binge watch, forget
Netflix right now, go to YouTube.
They used to start, like yearsand years and years ago, as
discovering abandoned places,which I always thought was cool,
but now they just help peopleto like seek discomfort, say yes
(22:42):
to like really big things inlife be spontaneous, learn from
strangers, travel the world like, seek adventure all of these
things.
But it's from such a uniqueperspective and there was a
video recently where they took a102-year-old lady to Australia.
(23:02):
It was the last continent, likethe only continent she hadn't
visited in her lifetime.
Oh, it was just so heartwarmingand just such a good watch.
And if anyone is connected toyes Theory, they are on my list
of people that I want to have onthe show in the coming year and
so if you could help me get intouch with them, I would love
(23:23):
you for that and send you a bigvirtual hug and maybe a cheese
board or something.
Thank you, but that is all fromthe date with Kate today.
Love you, guys, so excited forthis year ahead.
We have a really sweet lineupmore dates with Kate, more
guests that you love, and it'sgoing to be a really sweet year
(23:46):
Until next time.
See you next week, guys.
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