What happens when a teenage mom grows up alongside her child? Meet Lisa Hutchinson – nurse, single mother, and woman of faith who doesn't shy away from the messy parts of her story.
In this deeply moving conversation, Lisa speaks with raw honesty about becoming a mother at 18 and the complicated journey that followed. She shares her battles with depression and suicidal ideation while raising her son Bladen, revealing how her darkest moments became pathways to greater faith and resilience.
Lisa's candid discussion about mental health extends beyond her own experience to her teenage son's struggles with bullying and social challenges after returning to public school. Their parallel journeys through therapy illustrate the generational impact of mental health awareness and the courage it takes to seek help.
Perhaps most powerful is Lisa's perspective on faith as both comfort and challenge throughout her life. Her beautiful analogy that "the strength God gives one person to fight a fire is different from what He gives another to grow a garden" offers listeners a fresh way to understand their own struggles without comparison.
For healthcare workers, Lisa's honest reflection on nursing burnout during COVID will resonate deeply, as will her encouragement to consider change when a career no longer brings fulfillment. "If you're not happy, don't stay," she advises, challenging the notion that loyalty must come at the expense of wellbeing.
Whether you're navigating motherhood, mental health challenges, career transitions, or faith questions, Lisa's story reminds us that perfection isn't the goal – persistence is. Her journey showcases the beauty that emerges when we embrace our full story, even the chapters we might wish to rewrite.
Listen, subscribe, and join our community as we continue finding joy in the wild journey of motherhood together.
If you or someone you love is struggling with mental health or suicidal thoughts, please reach out to the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. You can call or text 988 anytime, or visit 988lifeline.org for more information and support. You are not alone, and you are deeply loved and prayed for.
I also highly encourage checking out The Battle Within series by First Church. It's a powerful, faith-filled series that speaks directly to the struggles many of us face with mental health and finding hope in the darkest seasons.
🖥️ YouTube link is included below.
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLuOq3XvyD1g3dyLvBQQWr61hJARSm06oo&si=VmiNgJqkH8mbyDWQ
It would mean the world to me if you would like, subscribe leave a review and/or share with a friend if you enjoyed this episode! Please find me on Instagram, tag me, comment, or DM me. Let me know what you enjoyed and what you’d like to hear next. I love hearing from you!
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XO, Alexis Schmoker
Mama of the Wild Crew
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the
podcast where we embrace themessy, wild, beautiful journey
of motherhood together.
I'm your host, alexa Schmoker,mama of two beautiful kiddos,
wife, nurse and lover of Jesus.
Motherhood is full of hardmoments, unexpected chaos and
(00:27):
those days where you just reallydon't have it all together.
But in the midst of it allthere is so much joy.
On this podcast, we're divinginto the real, honest
conversations about motherhoodthe challenges, the triumphs and
everything in between.
We'll hear the stories ofincredible moms from all walks
(00:47):
of life, share wisdom, laughterand let's be real probably a few
tears, and we're going todiscover how to embrace the joy
in this chaos.
So, whether you're rocking ababy to sleep, folding that
never-ending pile of laundry orsneaking away for a quiet moment
with your coffee, welcome mama.
You're not alone here.
(01:07):
Hit, subscribe and join me onthis wild adventure of
motherhood.
I can't wait to do this journeywith you.
Hey there, wild crew mamas, andwelcome back.
Today I have the most specialguest joining me, someone whose
heart for family resilience andreal-life experience I know will
(01:28):
inspire so many of you.
My sweet friend, lisaHutchinson is a proud mother to
her son Bladen, a dedicatednurse who has spent nearly a
decade caring for others.
That's a long time, lisa, and awoman with an incredible story
of perseverance, faith andgrowth.
Lisa's journey hasn ofperseverance, faith and growth.
(01:48):
Lisa's journey hasn't alwaysbeen easy, from balancing
motherhood at a young age tonavigating ups and downs of her
faith, mental health battles anda career burnout.
But through it all she'scontinued to show up, survive
and raise a respectful, kindyoung man along the way.
Today we're diving intomotherhood, mental health, faith
and even dreams of where lifemight take.
Lisa next.
Lisa, my beautiful friend, myamazing friend, I am so honored
(02:12):
to have you here and excited foryou to share your beautiful
heart with listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Well, my name is Lisa.
I have been a nurse for a while, quite some time, and then I
live in a small town calledChelsea.
I have a son named Bladen.
He is 14.
He is wild.
He's good, but he's wild.
(02:36):
He is very devoted to his FFA.
He's so obsessed with it, whichmakes me sad, because he was so
into sports and now he's not.
I'm like, oh, heart crushing.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And FFA for those who are not from Oklahoma, is
Future Farmers of America.
Yes, my sisters and my mom.
Yeah, both in FFA, all in.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
FFA yes, he loves it.
He shows animals and then hedoes auctioneering, which is so
different because I grew uparound auctions and I hated it
so much.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
But he loves it Really.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
He loves it.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So he said he like talks real fast.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
He's learning more and more, like he's been doing
auctions and it's like gettingbetter, but it was yeah, he's.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Can you give us an example of what an auction would
sound like?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
so it's.
So if you're like you knowabout to be selling something,
you're like one one, one, two,two, two, three, three, three,
and you keep going up and peopleare bidding on it.
so that's how that would go.
Okay, obviously I'm not good atit, but it but he's getting
better at it.
So you know, you just sellthings at the auctions, but yeah
(03:48):
.
So it's very unique and youknow, he is obviously dear, dear
to me.
I love him, even though he canbe a little ornery and just
himself.
I guess I think my mom wouldsay that he's a lot like me and
I'm like, no, like no, no, no, Iwasn't like that but your mom
(04:09):
definitely knows.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Oh yeah, and you're the.
You're the youngest of four.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Four oh, okay three girls.
Yeah, there's three of us girlsand a boy, yeah, okay and your
family lives fairly.
Your parents live yeah, myparents just live like 10
minutes from me by Oolagall Lake, and then my sister Natasha
lives just like five minutesfrom me, and then my brother
Jacob lives literally rightbeside my parents.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You do not get away.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And then my oldest sister, miranda.
Um, she lives off in New Mexico.
Like whenever she got out ofschool she went to the military
and then she met her husband andthey've just always been out
there doing their thing.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah, nice.
So, lisa, as moms, you knowwe're, we're moms together.
So you know this about me.
But we tend to be our own worstcritics.
We can be absolutely crushingit, and one little mom fail can
have us questioning everything.
So, in the spirit of keeping itreal, what is your cringiest,
most mom fail?
(05:11):
You know, the one that stillmakes you laugh or maybe cry
when you think about it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Um.
So growing up, we were alwaysraised to eat everything on our
plate.
So Bladen was like six or sevenand we were out to eat at a
restaurant, just him and I, and,um, he had ordered rice and
something else.
And I told him.
Well, he took a bite of hisrice and he said that it wasn't
good and there was somethingwrong with it.
And I was like no, you're goingto eat all your food, like
(05:39):
you're not going to waste it.
So he ate all of his food andthen 10 minutes later vomit
everywhere on the table and evento this day, he does not live
it down.
Like he will tell me about itwhenever he eats something.
He's like this isn't good.
I'm like okay, and he's likeremember when you made me eat
all the rice?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I'm like, oh yeah, you're like, I do remember that
and I have something similar to.
Okay, so my youngest sister,avery, she is 10 years younger
than me, and so we went to sushiand I love sushi and she does
not like venture out a whole loton food and she, like I said,
she's 10 years younger than me,so I was probably 16.
She was six and I made her trya California roll, like a piece
(06:23):
of sushi, and she did not wantto do it and forced her to and
same thing, like I mean not 10minutes later just vomit, and I
was like what is wrong?
And she's like I just keptthinking about it and I like
could think about it, like in mystomach and in my mouth and
like I just couldn't handle it.
And still to this day, likewe'll still go to that same
restaurant.
It's Akira and Amasa is so good.
I love Akira, yeah, um, butshe's not she.
(06:44):
So she goes there and she getsthe chicken, but she's like I'm
not doing that.
Yeah, so I feel that cause Iforced, I forced her to do it,
like I was honestly getting alittle irritated that she
wouldn't try it Right.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I thought it was blatantly no, you're eating all
that rice, yeah, no, no,something was wrong.
Yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I get it, yeah, oh.
So, lisa, you shared blatant isyour saving grace and a big
part of your journey, obviously,like a huge part of your
journey.
Looking back now, how do youthink becoming a mom at 18
shaped the woman you are todayin ways you maybe didn't realize
until recently?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Oh, that's a really good Um.
So it has changed me in everyway possible.
I, whenever I was 18 and I hadhim, I did not make the best
choices at all.
Um, I was a bit of a partierand I was just wild and I knew I
had a kid at home.
But you know, it's easier to goto work and then hang out with
(07:41):
friends and try to decompressand then go home and, um, I feel
like him coming into my life at18 made me.
It took a, it took a couple ofyears, like I'm not going to lie
, like it wasn't an easy startfor him and I, because I just
(08:04):
didn't make all the best choices.
But, um, I feel like him, likeme having him at 18, just
growing up together andliterally like growing together.
I was a child then and so is he, and it has definitely made me
(08:29):
more resilient to things.
It has made me look at him as ajust I was like oh, I just
totally got it.
I was reading the question, Iwas like, oh no, anyways was
like reading the question, I waslike, oh no, anyways, don't
worry about that, if you missI'll ask you.
(08:49):
I just totally paused, I'm like.
I was like it was my answer itmade me look at him like he was
yeah, so, just start.
And it made me look at him likehe was yeah, so to start, like
so.
And it made me look at him likeas like it was hard to be a kid
(09:11):
and raising a kid and, um,trying to, I'm so off topic, I'm
so, I'm trying to, I can't.
I'm so off topic.
No, um, any Anyway, oh gosh,what's this?
Don't Do you?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
want to start all over.
Yes, Can we just start?
I'm so sorry.
So, Lisa, as moms, we're momstogether.
So you know this about me, butwe tend to be our own worst
critics.
We can be absolutely crushingit, and one little mom fail can
have us questioning everything.
So, in the spirit of keeping itreal, what is your cringiest,
most mom fail?
(09:47):
You know, the one that stillmakes you laugh or maybe cry
when you think about it.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Um.
So, growing up we were alwaysraised to eat everything on our
plate.
So Bladen was like six or sevenand we were out to eat at a
restaurant, just him and I, andhe had ordered rice and
something else.
And I told him.
Well, he took a bite of hisrice and he said that it wasn't
good and there was somethingwrong with it.
And I was like no, you're goingto eat all your food, like
you're not going to waste it.
So he ate all of his food andthen 10 minutes later vomit
(10:21):
everywhere on the table and evento this day he does not live it
down.
Like he will tell me about itwhenever he eats something.
He's like this isn't good.
I'm like okay, and he's likeremember when you made me eat
all the rice.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I'm like, oh yeah, you're like, I do remember that
and I have something similar to.
Okay.
So my youngest sister, avery,she is 10 years younger than me
and so we went to sushi and Ilove sushi and she does not like
venture out a whole lot on foodand she, like I said, she's 10
years younger than me, so I wasprobably 16.
She was six and I made her tryin California roll like a piece
(10:55):
of sushi, and she did not wantto do it and I forced her to and
same thing, like I mean not 10minutes later just vomit, and I
was like what is wrong?
And she was like I just keptthinking about it and I like
could think about it like in mystomach and in my mouth, and
like I just couldn't handle it.
And still to this day, likewe'll still go to that same
restaurant.
It's Akira in Amasa.
(11:15):
It's so good.
I love Akira, yeah, but she'slike I'm not doing that.
Yeah, so I feel that because Iforced her to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Like.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I was honestly getting a little irritated that
she wouldn't try it Right.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I thought it was just blatantly no, you're eating all
that rice.
Yeah, no, yeah, something waswrong.
Yeah, no, I get it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
So, lisa, you shared blatant is your saving grace and
a big part of your journey,obviously like a huge part of
your journey.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Looking back now, how do you think becoming a mom at
18 shaped the woman you aretoday in ways you maybe didn't
realize until recently.
Oh, that's a really good.
So it has changed me in everyway possible.
I, whenever I was 18 and I hadhim, I did not make the best
choices at all.
Um, I was a bit of a partierand I was just wild and I knew I
had a kid at home.
(12:14):
But you know, it's easier to goto work and then hang out with
friends and try to decompressand then go home and, um, I feel
like him coming into my life at18 made me it took a, it took a
couple of years, like I'm notgoing to lie, like it wasn't an
(12:37):
easy start for him and I cause Ijust didn't make all the best
choices, but, um, I just didn'tmake all the best choices, but,
um, I feel like him, like mehaving him at 18, just growing
up together and literally likegrowing up together.
(12:58):
I was a child then and so we'dsee and, um, it has definitely
made me more resilient to things.
Um, it has made me look at umhim as a just oh, I don't even
know like, oh, yeah, um, I waslike, oh, my god yeah reading
(13:23):
the question, I was like oh, Ijust totally got it.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yeah reading the question.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I was like oh no, anyways, um, just yeah, don't
worry about that, if you missthem I'll, I'll ask you.
Okay, yeah, um, I just likepause.
I'm like I was like it was myanswer, right.
It made me look at him like hewas yeah, so to start.
(13:46):
So it made me look at him likeas a like it was hard to be a
kid and raising a kid and tryingto.
I'm so off topic I'm so I'mtrying to.
I can't.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
No, you're fine, I'm so off topic.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
No, anyway, oh gosh Plus it's I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I'm so off topic no Um and you oh gosh, you want to
start all over.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yes, can we just start.
I'm so sorry, okay.
So, lisa, you have the sweetestlittle nieces and nephews.
You have such a special bondwith your nieces and nephews and
they've taught you so muchabout life.
Um, can you share a moment withone of them that really changed
your perspective on somethingimportant.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Okay, well, I mean, I have several nieces and nephews
and I love them all dearly somuch I don't know if I can just
choose one Right.
Let's try to think so.
My nieces and nephews that Ihave are Gus and Gentry and
Tiger and Jetta.
Gus and Gentry they livelocally and they are great.
(14:51):
They are both like graduatedfrom high school.
Gus has his own career and hehas his own business and he has
the two sweetest little girlsever at home, renly and Ruthie.
Renly was born with extrasweetness and she just has some
(15:16):
challenges in life that she hasconquered so far in her life.
She's four and she is soresilient she can do anything
that she sets her little mind to.
She is getting stronger everyday.
She is making big improvementsin her physical ability.
(15:39):
She is the smartest little girl.
She loves cotton candy.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Oh, I love cotton candy too um, she, she's just
amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And she goes to the little lighthouse in um, tulsa,
which is a great place.
If you want to support thelittle lighthouse, definitely do
that.
Um, she loves it there.
It's her favorite place in thewhole wide world.
She has little friends thereand the teachers are amazing to
her.
Um, she just loves it.
And she has shaped me so muchtoo because I even though she
(16:14):
can't voice it, but I believeshe has so much faith because of
her mom.
Like her mom, cassidy has thebiggest faith that I know that
she is always fighting for Renlyin every way.
She is always there praying forher and for Ruthie, her little
sister.
Um, cassidy is amazing, I'm in.
(16:34):
Her faith is so great for herwhole family.
Um, she just keeps them goingby.
Her faith and all of herprayers, um, and then Renly's
little sister, ruthly.
She's ruthless, she's ruthless,she, she, she will keep you on
your toes, for sure she will.
(16:55):
She loves everything.
She just loves Minnie Mouse, ohyeah, and picking flowers, and
she Will, just like, she'll,keep you young.
She, she is just great, she'sgreat.
So that's Gus's little family.
And then my niece, gentry.
She is wild.
She is so uniquely herself.
(17:17):
I could never be that way, justgoing and doing without a care
in the world, and that's whatshe does every day.
She does not care what anyonethinks, and I love that about
her so much like I envy that inher um.
And then like tiger and jettatiger, he just started a little
family, just had a little boyyes, him and his wife bella.
(17:41):
And um, he's out there weldingin New Mexico just doing the
best ever, just thriving like noone's business, and so I'm so
proud of him.
And then his sister, jetta.
She lives in Texas and she'sjust living her best life.
She's just out there working,living, doing what she wants to
(18:02):
do, and I mean, I couldn't bemore proud of her too.
They're just amazing.
I feel like my nieces andnephews just have shaped me so
much.
I am like so proud to be anaunt.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So much and like her's the best.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
And then I have Lincoln.
That is my bestest friend inthe whole wide world, kimberly's
son, and he is amazing.
I don't get to see him thatoften because they live in
Kansas, but whenever I do it'sjust like any other time.
You know, and whenever I talkto Kimberly and like we FaceTime
and he's there, it's just, he'sso sweet, yeah.
(18:37):
It's the sweetest thing and youknow just that bond that you
have with, like your bestfriend's kid.
It's just that bond that youhave with like your best
friend's kid.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It's just so different.
It's so different.
Yeah, it's so exciting.
Like to see your friends comeinto motherhood and meet their
kids.
Very much so.
It's just the sweetest.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And then there's one more that I, his name's Declan,
and it's a weird situation,cause my people that used to be
in Bladen's life, um, that usedto be like grandparents to him.
It's their son's son that weare still so close to and we
(19:15):
love being around them.
Well, declan, I get to watchhim here and there, and then his
dad coaches and, um, his mom isamazing.
She, um, I think she just sortof like changed from like Grand
Lake to um, working with theIndian nation, but, um, she um
works.
Oh gosh, I don't remember whatit is, but that's okay.
(19:39):
Um, so she just switched jobsand she's amazing.
Her name's Destiny and she islike the best mom ever.
She's had like a lot of heartconditions growing up and so she
wasn't even sure if she wouldhave kids and so, um, having
Declan is like their world andhe is great.
He is so stinking smart, he isevil and he, um, he's just
(20:03):
amazing.
He is absolutely the sweetestthing and gives the best hugs
and just uniquely himself, andwill just come and just be who
he is.
He's just amazing I love that sothose are my nieces and nephews
and I feel like they havereally shaped everything about
me.
I feel like being an aunt islike I love being a mom,
(20:25):
obviously, but being an aunt'sjust different and it's just a
different relationship you haveand it just makes you I think it
just makes you grow more as aperson, it makes you even more
loving and caring and it's just.
It's just a great feeling beingan aunt.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Everything about it.
It is.
It is a great feeling.
So you were an aunt before youhad Bladen too, though.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
You were young, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Do you feel like being an aunt after being a mom
is different?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Yeah, um, I mean, whenever I was an aunt before
Bladen I was still in highschool and I would like watch my
nieces and nephew, um, but itwas just different.
It was just like right, I feellike after having a son, and
like being a mother for a while,um, it has made me love all
those moments even more, likecherish them even more, right
(21:14):
like now, I don't want to missout on anything, I want to be
there, yeah, yeah, it'sdefinitely made me just want to
be more involved and, yeah,watch them grow.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
It's so sweet, it is Well, Lisa, we just kind of
shared.
You had Bladen fairly young youwere 18, right so you've shared
with me that Bladen is yoursaving grace and just such the
pivotal part of your journey.
Looking back, how do you thinkbecoming a mom at 18 has shaped
the woman that you are today inmany ways that maybe you didn't
(21:45):
realize until recently?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Gosh, having a child whenever you're 18, you're a kid
yourself.
You have no business having akid at 18.
Yeah, sometimes things justhappen, you know, and so choices
are made and you have a kid nowand you know, I am so, so
grateful for him and I think ifI had a child whenever I was
(22:12):
older, I don't think I wouldhave survived being 18, 19, 20.
I think I would have been toowild and done even worse things
than I probably did.
And so him being there reallymade me grow up, but it took
some time.
(22:32):
I did not grow up immediatelyLike, yes, I was his mom, yes, I
financially supported him, butI think, a lot more emotionally,
I probably wasn't there becauseI was working all the time and
then, whenever I wasn't working,I was, you know, going out with
friends and trying to um, likerelieve stress and um, I wasn't,
(22:57):
you know, and I will admit ahundred percent, I was not the
best mom at first and I thinkthat has helped me grow so much
now because I look back and hehad so many people that were
there and loving him andsupporting him and just being
that void that I wasn't thereand like that's sometimes hard
to like look back on, because Ialways thought that you know I
(23:22):
was, you know I was his mom andI mean I am his mom, but like it
was just I thought I was doingthe best I could at that time,
and maybe I was, but now it'slike I probably could have made
better choices and been theremore for him.
But you know, being 18, it'shard because you don't your.
(23:45):
Your mind is still trying togrow, your mind is still trying
to develop, and so then you havethis child there that's wanting
(24:10):
your attention and you don'treally know how long time to
realize that.
Until probably two years ago,whenever I started going into
therapy and really digging deepabout things therapy and really
digging deep about things Um, Ithink I've kind of put some of
(24:30):
my traumas and depression ontohim, which is, you know, hard to
like hear, but I think it justkeeps making me grow.
Um, it definitely um has been ajourney trying to um and trying
to be, you know, a young mom,and a single mom at that,
because his dad's never been inthe picture, Like he chose not
(24:52):
to be and then he made badchoices, and it's just.
You know it's hard, but I think, you know, whenever you have
(25:15):
faith in God, he's always therefor you, even when you don't
realize it, because I don'tthink I, whenever I was 18, 19,
and 20, I didn't think God wasthere and that's why I was being
wild and doing what I wanted todo and not making the best
choices for both of us.
But I know now that God wasthere the whole time, because if
he wasn't I would be gone anddead somewhere.
(25:37):
There's no way that I wouldhave survived that without him
and I think that's just fromhaving faith as a like, you know
, as a child, and like learningabout God and knowing.
And then, even though I veeredoff from him, um, he was
definitely still there andhelping me through everything.
And I don't go to church everySunday, but I feel like I'm a
(26:00):
very faithful person.
I feel like I am a Christian.
I don't say like I'm a Baptistor Methodist because I don't
feel like I am, that I just feellike God and I have our own
relationship and we talk and heknows my heart as it is and he
just wants me to do better.
(26:20):
He doesn't want me to followthe devil, but the devil is so
tempting sometimes and it's hardto fight against it.
But you know god's just thereand like he's definitely helped
me through everything, um, evenyou know bad choices I've made,
um yeah, just constantlypursuing you yeah, yeah, yeah,
(26:41):
after you, even when, when youdon't feel it, it's just our.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Our preacher it was just last week he said um like
why do we sin?
And everyone was like, oh, Idon't know.
And he was like because it'sfun, like we wouldn't sin if it
wasn't fun.
And then he said if it's notfun, then you're not.
You're not doing it right likeyou're not sitting right, and I
was like that's such a uniqueperspective, though, too, like
(27:09):
we're, we're human and we aregonna sin.
Obviously, we want to try tonot to, but, like god,
continuously pursuing us eventhrough our sins, and it's the
god that loves usunconditionally, no matter what,
like he's not a god ofconditions.
So I think that's beautiful andit's it's so like nice to hear
(27:29):
you talk, because we've beenfriends for how long now, like
nine.
I think, almost nine years,which that's crazy, but I, like,
have always looked at you asyou've always been an amazing
mom, but such an amazing momlike a mom that I look up to,
because everyone, like you, saidyou're a single mom, but you
are.
You are mom, dad.
(27:50):
Everyone like to blade in, youknow, and you have always shown
to be that way You've alreadyshown to be, like always shown
to be that way, and so like evenhearing you talk about, like
whenever you felt like you werehaving shortcomings as a mom,
like it's hard for me to eventhink that of you or see that in
you, or anything like that,because I've never seen that
(28:12):
side of you.
Yeah, I guess you know.
So it's just like.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I think we hide it really good.
I think whenever you have thoseshortcomings and you are like,
you know you have a child andyou have to be that strong
person.
You know you fall apartwhenever you're alone and you
have all of these negativethoughts about everything
because you want your child togrow up to be successful and
(28:35):
perfect and great, and that'snot life right, that is not life
, not at all.
And it's really hard to realizethat, it's hard to think that
you can't be everything you knowfor your child, because that's
just not how life is and Goddidn't want that.
You know everyone has to maketheir own way.
You know he says you know he'sthere and you can follow him.
(28:58):
If you don't follow him, he'snot mad at you.
You know that's your choice.
He gives everyone that choice.
And um, the devil's just sotempting, he is so tempting.
He's always there trying to betempting yeah of brings in.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I wanted to talk to you about, too.
You've always been really openabout your mental health.
You just kind of said that youwent through therapy and you're
still going to therapy I'mcurrently not because, well, you
went to therapy.
You're open about your mentalhealth and regrets you carry
(29:34):
from Bladen's early years kindof like you shared.
How has your faith been both alifeline and a battleground.
When you think of everythingthat you've walked through, you
know the struggles, thetemptations, the healing.
What has that forgivenesslooked like, both for yourself,
(29:55):
both to yourself yourselfforgiving yourself and the
forgiveness from god?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
um, you know, it's just I, like my best friend, um,
she, whenever I'm having astruggle, I will call her and we
will talk it out and I'm like,oh, I just can't do this, I just
cannot do this another day.
And she's like, well, have youprayed?
Have you prayed?
She's not really big on thepraying type.
(30:18):
You know she believes in God,but she's just had her own
struggles and a lot ofheartbreak and pain and just
unforgiving torture in her life.
And for her to be like, well,have you prayed about Cause?
(30:39):
She knows that that issomething I do.
She knows that that issomething that's going to make
me feel better.
She knows that's something thatum is going to help me get
through the um difficult timeI'm going through.
Uh, and so it's just, it's abattle.
It's a battle every single dayto get up and survive.
(31:02):
Because I mean, if you know meand you know you're my family or
people that might just thinkthey know me.
Well, I try to be a smile, Itry to be a very positive person
, like I can be negative I mean,who can't be negative?
But like I try to be.
I try to be smiley and, youknow just, happy whenever I'm
(31:26):
around people, but whenever it'shard, like I even have to take
medication for depression andanxiety just to um even out
those neurons in my brain, youknow cause sometimes you just
have to and that's okay.
It's okay to take that stuff,um, but I struggled for a long
(31:47):
time with um suicidal ideation,a long, long time, and it has
only been, you know, the lastfew years that I didn't wake up
every day and just have todecide what I was going to do
next, like, am I going to live?
Am I going to get up and beproductive today and make it
(32:10):
through the day, or is this theday that I hopefully, you know,
go to heaven?
Or you know, if you know, if Idid something to myself, you
know I can't go to heaven CauseI was.
I always believed that.
You know, if you commit asuicide, like you know that's,
you can't take your own life.
God doesn't want you to takeyour own life, but it's a hard
(32:30):
struggle, like whenever you havethose intrusive thoughts and um
, even just like driving, Iwould just be like, well, if I
just drive over here or driveoff the road, like it'll be okay
, like you know, blayden can goand um, you know, like live with
my parents or live with mysister, because it would just be
(32:53):
better for him, um, because Ijust that depression and that um
just fear of um failing him.
You know, like raising him andnot having like both parents
there and just not beingeverything that he needs um
would be a struggle and so ittook a long and so it took a
(33:14):
long time.
It took a long time to feelbetter with that.
If I still have days that arerough, I still have times that I
struggle through that, but Ihave a super amazing best friend
that helps me get through itevery time like I can call her
whenever, whenever I'm having abad time, but I also don't think
(33:38):
it makes me a bad mom.
I think it makes me, um, very,uh, just different.
Like I don't even know ifdifference the word, but it just
because I know Blaydenstruggles with things.
So it just kind of it's justyeah, yeah, yeah, it's just.
(34:00):
You know it can be hard, butyou know you keep going through
and I feel like if you're goingthrough a rough time, I mean you
can make it through.
Like it's hard to have supportout there because it's hard to
be vulnerable to people.
People kind of look down onmental health too, like, oh,
it's, it's, you know you'resomething's wrong with you, but
(34:21):
there's nothing wrong, it's.
Things happen like that's.
You know the devil's there andhe is trying to make you feel
like you are not worthy ofsomething.
And he can persuade you in somany ways.
And you know, I think if youhave faith and you have that
relationship with God, evenwhenever you are hurting and you
(34:43):
are barely surviving, I thinkyou know, if you just sit there
and talk to Him just like anormal conversation, it might
sound crazy like you're in yourroom talking to someone, but
that's all he wants.
He just wants you to talk tohim just like a normal
conversation.
It might sound crazy Likeyou're in your room talking to
someone, but that's all he wants.
He just wants you to talk tohim and just tell him all of
your worries and all of yourstruggles so he can be there,
(35:04):
even though he already knows him, he wants to hear it from you.
You know he wants to hear yousay it.
And so I always forget.
I forget it sometimes wheneverI I'm down on myself or I'm just
having that mental break.
I forget, and so I'm just verythankful that I have a friend
that can remind me, like, hey,just talk to him, just pray it
(35:25):
out, just have him help you eventhough she's a great help too,
but it all comes back down togod he's the only one that can
help you get through things howyou need to.
You know he's the only onethat's gonna make you feel
internally better.
Right, and that's how you haveto start.
You have to internally startfeeling better and then it just
(35:48):
works this way out becausepeople can put on a show and
like I feel like I've done thatfor a long time, just whenever
I'm just out and about or aroundpeople, you know I just make
sure that they know that I'mhere and I'm okay, but deep down
, you know, I'm like barelysurviving.
So that's hard, but you know,each day gets better.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, yeah it is.
It's so hard and I recentlyheard I can't remember who it
was but they said like ask himin, like say out loud like holy
spirit, come, I want you in herewith me like I want you to be
here with me, like I want tofeel you here with me.
Yeah, like you said, talking outloud to him.
Um, what are some things thatyou would recommend to someone
(36:39):
that's feeling that way?
Like you said, just pray outloud, talk to him like a
conversation.
Is there anything else?
Having a support system, havinga friend?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
yeah, I mean, and then if you do, if you're able
to go to therapy, it's great.
I feel like it helped me out inso many ways.
But it did open up trauma thatI wasn't.
It's.
Like you know, whenever youhave trauma, things that
happened when you were youngerand you just kind of push that
out of your mind, it can reallyopen up doors that you weren't
(37:12):
didn't know were there, and soit can be scary and but it can
be amazing too, because you cansee where the root of the
problem is.
So I think therapy is a greatthing.
Um, I'm just not the mostconsistent person.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I feel you, I'm a hard follow through person.
I said that before on here.
Like I have great intentions,and if it's for my kids, if it's
for my husbands, my husbands.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Like I, have multiple of them For my husband.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yes, like I'm excellent, like I'll set the
doctor's appointments, I'll makesure they're there.
I'll probably be there too.
When it comes to myself, likeI'm not great about that and I
need to be.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
It's that follow through and that's taking care
of yourself.
Maybe it's a nurse thing too,or bad patients.
Yeah, we're so good abouttaking care of everyone else.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Yeah, it can be so hard and then, like you said,
with medication too, like you goto a doctor, like see a doctor.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
And not one medication is going to be the
same for everyone.
I have had to go throughseveral different ones and one
would work for a long time andthen I would just it would just
didn't feel like it was workingand so it had to change it.
And then some just make youfeel yucky.
You're like, oh, that's notgoing to work either, and it's
okay to like change thingsaround.
It's okay if something doesn'twork for one person.
I mean, that's why we're allmade differently.
He did not make us the same inany way, right, because that's
(38:37):
not how he is, and somedications aren't going to work
the same for anyone.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You know right and it's not the answer for everyone
, but I don't ever want someoneto feel like like you're sin, I
mean, I guess saying I guess I'dsay sinning like for taking
medication, because that's notthe truth yeah, um so, and it's
not something to be ashamedabout.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It's not like taking medication, but I feel like
people see it and they're like,oh, this is a like a mental
medication, like it is, but it'sokay, like you have to take
care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
You have high blood pressure you take you know
anti-hypertensive medication,yeah, so I think people struggle
with you know antihypertensivemedication.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yeah, so I think people struggle with you know
asking for that help or justeven you know putting it out
there, because they're afraid ofthe judgment.
But you know.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
On the flip side, what would you say to someone
who maybe has someone in theirlife that struggles with mental
health?
How is the best way that theycan support that person?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Just talking to them really.
I mean, it's hard because theperson that's struggling they're
not going to admit it untilthey're ready, they're not going
to admit that something's wrong.
They're not going to come outand be like, oh yeah, well, I am
struggling like this becausethat's just not how it works.
(39:52):
It's not, you don't want totalk about it.
You don't want to talk about itbecause you are struggling.
But then it's like embarrassingto you because you're like why
am I struggling whenever there'speople out there that are
struggling 10 times worse?
But I think everyone's struggleis so hard for them.
Like you know, god puts stuffin front of us and like
(40:17):
everyone's, trials andtribulations are like different.
You know it's not no one's thesame.
And so the strength he gives toone person, they might be able
to fight a fire, but thestrength they give to someone
else, you know they can onlygrow a garden, but that person
that fights the fire cannot growthat garden.
And so you know it's just.
Everyone is so different.
And so if you sit there andstruggling so hard mentally,
(40:45):
you're not going to just go outthere and tell people you're not
going to, you're going to keepit to yourself and until it's
too much.
You're going to keep it toyourself until it's too much,
until it's just the worst thingthat's happening to you and your
struggle you're having isimportant.
It doesn't matter how littleyou think it is or how big you
think someone might think it is.
(41:05):
That's your struggle and it'sthere, and God gives you the
strength to fight things.
But it's hard whenever thedevil's sitting there and
tempting you.
It's just difficult, and so Idon't.
I think you know just try tofind someone that you trust and
(41:26):
don't be afraid to talk to them.
Like but don't push someone.
If someone says they're okay,just be like okay, and then
maybe check on them here andthere, but don't, don't push it,
because if they're not ready,then they're never going to
trust you because they're goingto think that you're being
intrusive.
Right, you know, you have to,you have to be it.
You have to go at it easily.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
You can't just force your way.
Yeah, kind of let them know.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I guess that you're open to talk yeah, just like you
know I'm here, just kind ofjust remind them like I'm here,
you know.
If you need anything, just youknow you can talk to me and just
don't just say that and then goon like check on them again so
they know it's just.
Whenever people are strugglingmentally, I feel like they need
that validation that it is okayto talk to you like you know you
(42:12):
have.
You have to be consistent, youknow, but not too consistent.
Like you know, not every singleday.
Like every couple days or youknow.
But if you feel like they'restruggling and they're like on
that verge, then just be therephysically for them, like be
present, like show up at theirhouse.
Yeah, like be there, don't justlike like avoid it, you know,
(42:34):
just if you feel like they'restruggling, that bad, yeah, be
present.
Yeah, be up in their business,be up in their business.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
No, I feel that I mean I've shared with everyone
on here too, that I've, like,had anxiety on and off
throughout my life, or struggledwith anxiety on and off
throughout my life, so I canunderstand that and it's so hard
whenever you kind of get inthose spirals.
Like now.
I have like really, I think,honed in on what helps me get
out of those spirals or stopthem whenever I recognize them
(43:05):
coming on.
But it has not always been thatway and so I feel like kind of
teenage years, young adult years, like I really would struggle
and get spiraled in and kind oflike you're saying, like I think
that I hit it well Sometimesmaybe some people would be like
I don't think so, honey, butyeah, so that can be difficult
(43:26):
and I had to get on medicationand to where I could feel get
myself together.
But mine's so situational too.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
And maybe some people have that, maybe some people
don't, but like I know, likewhenever I'm in certain
situations, that's when I getanxious, and so I avoid those.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah, hard Like not happening, I know Like even
working through COVID wassomething.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I mean, you worked through COVID was something that
really got me Like working inthe ER and seeing all that
horrible stuff and like I usedto love, like Grey's Anatomy and
you know all the things I don'teven watch it.
I stopped watching them and Ihave not watched like a medical
show since then.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
It's like a trigger for you.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yes, and that used to be like my jam, yeah, so things
can change so fast, so fast,and I think it's also like
recognizing those things andmaking that change too.
So like, maybe, if you're, ifyou find something that does
like trigger you or send youinto those kind of spirals, like
stay away from it, yeah, ortell someone that, and sometimes
(44:29):
, if you're feeling weak andyou're starting to do that, like
have that accountabilitypartner kind of like you're
talking about, to say like eh,not a good idea yeah.
Like we're not going to do that,right?
Yeah, so that was really.
And that beautiful analogy yousaid about the fire in the
garden, I loved that.
That was so sweet, okay, so youkind of said a little bit that
(44:54):
Blayden's had his own struggles.
So mental health, especiallyfor mothers and teenagers, is
something that you've lived, youfelt, you've carried so deeply
with you.
I would love for you to share alittle bit about your journey,
for you and Blayden.
When you think of your ownjourney the hard days, the
silent battles, everythingyou've seen as a mom and a nurse
when you think of your ownjourney the hard days, the
silent battles, everythingyou've seen as a mom and a nurse
(45:15):
if you could change one thingabout how the world understands
or supports mental health, whatwould you want to change and
what do you wish more peopleknew about?
The daily reality behind thesmiles and the strong faces?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
Um, you know, just, I feel like, whenever COVID came
around, you know it was astruggle and you know people
couldn't be there for theirloved ones and, um, I think it
takes a toll on people, even ifit doesn't matter the setting.
You were in.
I think anything medical thatyou were in during COVID, um,
(45:51):
you just seen all you know allsorts of things.
People were dying, people arejust sick and they couldn't have
, um, like their loved onesthere, you know, to support them
and be present and just lovethem and care of them, Cause
that's all we want in life issomeone to love us and care for
us and, you know, nurse us backto health whenever we're not
feeling well.
(46:11):
Um, so, you know it's that hasdefinitely changed a lot of
things and I feel like at somepoint it made me like mentally
weak, but then over time it hasmade me more stronger in that
aspect, like it has made me,with the patients, just
(46:33):
understanding why they wanttheir family there all the time,
even if it doesn't feelconvenient for you.
You know you're like, yeah,just working back.
Yeah, yes, very much so.
But you know, during COVID Iworked a lot, which I feel like
this is a common thing.
I say I work a lot, but I meanwhenever you are just you and
your son, you know you have thesupport and life is not cheap.
(46:55):
It's so not cheap.
And so he does all the things.
He does everything, everything.
And so, you know, during COVIDhe stayed a lot with my parents
and my sister and brother-in-lawand so I feel like during that
time there was a lot of mentalstrain, because mental strain
because I wasn't, you know therea lot, and so we would just
(47:16):
like really talk on the phonebecause I wouldn't go and pick
him up, like he would staywherever he was staying whenever
I'd work my days because Ididn't want to expose him.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, exposure.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Yeah, I didn't want to be there and you know, give
him anything.
So you know we were apart for alot at that time and you know
give him anything.
So, um, you know we were apartfor a lot at that time and I
feel like, um, you know, we kindof um, you know, mentally it
was just like a challenge, um,and so I don't know Um, yeah,
and then from there though youguys traveled.
(47:47):
Yes, we did.
We traveled, um.
We went to Wisconsin and SouthDakota and it was just him and I
, and so whenever I would go andwork my shifts which were just
like eight hour shifts, um, hewould stay where we were living
at that time and dohomeschooling, which we loved
(48:08):
traveling.
It was a great experience.
I feel like I learned so muchand I feel like we needed that
break.
I feel like we needed to getout and go and be away from
everyone, um, and just try tofind what we needed in life,
because I feel like we werestuck and nothing was going the
way that we wanted it to, and soI think we needed to get away
from just Oklahoma and get awayfrom people and just be us.
(48:31):
Whenever we first started,that's how I was feeling.
I was like we just need to getaway, like we've got to be away
from everyone Well and you wentthrough a hard loss during COVID
.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
And so that really initiated us leaving and going
traveling and me working.
Um was that loss, um, after umLacey passed away.
It was just, she passed away inAugust and I started traveling,
now October, and so, um, youknow, that was a very hard loss
(49:09):
and very devastating and it wasjust I feel like it's something
that could have been avoided,you know.
But you know I can't.
I mean I say that but thenthat's whatever.
Me and God have strugglesbecause it's all on his time.
You know everything happens howhe wants it to happen, but then
you know it's hard tounderstand it sometimes.
You know, like we don't wantpeople to pass away that still
(49:32):
has a whole life in front ofthem and kids to raise, and you
know, so I struggle with that,sometimes still like to.
You know why this happened, whyall that happened.
And so me and God still have alittle conflict on that.
But, yeah, you're still workingthrough that.
So you know, we startedtraveling and you know I felt
(49:52):
like getting away was the bestthing for us and at first it was
, but then, whenever we isolatedourselves from everyone, it was
rough, it was hard.
You know, blayden did not wantto do his work, it was just a
struggle because we weren'taround everyone that we, you
know he grew up around.
I literally stripped him fromeverything because I thought
(50:15):
that's what we needed.
And you know, at the end Ithink we had great experiences
and we got to do so many thingsand see so many things.
But I think I kind of um messedup, you know, taking him away
from everyone, because I thinkas a kid he still needed to have
that socialism.
(50:36):
You know, being out and beingwith people and talking.
Because whenever I put him backin public schools, it has been
a struggle, Because he is sogood to talk to adults, he can
go and talk to adults all daylong.
Sometimes he gets too nosybecause he thinks he could be an
adult, but he's not quite thereyet.
But you know, I feel like I,you know, put him in that
(51:00):
situation because I thought weneeded to leave and so coming
back into public schools and thestruggle of talking to kids and
being friends with kids andtrying to like get back in that
groove of hanging out with themand talking as kids and being
friends with kids and trying tolike get back in that groove of
hanging out with them andtalking as kids.
You know, um has been a hugestruggle because kids are not
(51:20):
nice, you know, and it's just.
And even you know I know Blainehas his struggles.
Um, you know he's not perfect.
No, I know kid is perfect.
You know's not perfect.
No, I know kid is perfect, youknow, and they make mistakes
just like everyone else.
But, um, I feel like him goingback there and just trying to
(51:44):
socialize and be back in, likeyou know the clicks and the
grooves and you know, being apart of, you know, kids.
Um has been such a struggle forhim because kids are not so
accepting, you know, coming backin, and so he's struggled, you
know, mentally with that andjust, we've had our, you know,
(52:08):
ups and downs and he started intherapy for a little bit for a
real consistent um and then, youknow, life happened and he got
busy with like sports and stuffand then, um, it was things
weren't lining up and then, um,we had a big thing happen this
last november, um, where youknow, bullying just happens and
(52:31):
bladen just wasn't sure what hewanted to do.
He was just very depressedbecause kids are just not nice
nature Not all the time, butsometimes they are.
So we got him in with apsychologist and therapy now and
(52:53):
it's been a lot of change,because he felt like he couldn't
talk to me.
He felt like I wasn't listeningto him.
Um, and it took a big thinghappening at school, um, for me
to see that that I wasn't, thatI was just going through the
motions, um, every day and Iwasn't being there emotionally
for him again, which is, youknow, it's just a struggle, it's
(53:15):
so back and forth but, um, it's, you know, and you know it's
just.
I think it's just part of it.
It's part of being a mom andlike, whenever you do get busy
with life and then trying toraise a child that's of a
different sex even too you know,like you don't know what they
need and their emotional supportthat they need, like you can be
(53:35):
loving, but then whenever youknow you guys are bickering back
and forth and just can't get onthe same wavelength.
Um, it can definitely be astruggle but as of now, bladen's
doing a lot better and, um, youknow, I think the therapy and
everything has helped him a lotbecause, you know, I realized
(53:57):
too that I wasn't listening tohim and what was going on, and
you know the anger he wasfeeling and you know he was just
so angry at kids at school, um,because you know, no one's
listening to him and they'rejust not as friendly, um, and I
just wasn't hearing that and hewould come home and just be mad
and wouldn't listen and wouldn'tdo.
(54:18):
And so after, you know, wefigured out what was going on
and, like, just you know, hisanger wasn't towards me, it was
just because he wasn't trying tobe angry at school, he wasn't
trying to be angry at these kidsand he was just taking it all
and not, you know it was a safeplace, yeah yeah, and so I just,
you know, it was like we werefeeding off of each other a lot,
(54:41):
um, because I would just bestressed from work and then he
would just be mad coming homefrom school and then it was just
on.
You know, it was just like itwas just not pretty and it was a
struggle.
But, um, you know, and it's notgoing to be perfect, it's.
I'm not saying everything'sgreat now, because tomorrow it
could be a new day and we havethe same struggles, and but I
(55:03):
think it's okay, because I thinkwe're learning each time.
I think, you know, we learnthis and we're just growing from
it and each day is going to bebetter, because I just want him,
I want him to be successful, Iwant him to be mentally okay and
know that it's okay to havehard days, it's okay to have sad
days, because everyone does andit's nothing to be ashamed
about.
(55:23):
You.
It's okay to have sad daysbecause everyone does and it's
nothing to be ashamed about.
You know, we're all here justtrying to survive and we're just
trying to make it through theday and be as happy as we can,
because the ultimate goal is wewon't get up to heaven.
And so, you know, we just got tokeep fighting for that, and I
think all these temptations andall these negative things that
happen is definitely just thedevil fighting us.
(55:46):
And I feel like the closer weget to God, the more the devil
is sitting there pounding at ourdoor right, like, hey, let me
in, let me in.
And then sometimes we open itbecause you know, we're just
like, well, things are goinggood, like it's okay to let them
in, but you know, and thenthat's when we have to start
back over, because then we'relike, oh, everything's falling
apart again, but it's, it'sreally not.
You know, it's okay to let themin, but you know, and then
that's when we have to startback over, because then we're
like, oh, everything's fallingapart again, but it's really not
.
You know, it's just us fallingfor that temptation, and then we
(56:09):
just have to pick it back upand then go start.
You know, start back fresh,because God's there, he's not
leaving us.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
You know he's like okay, you want to.
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, I'll just send it to you.
It's really good.
And it kind of starts outsaying like um, have you ever
something?
About like have you ever lookedup at a night full of stars and
like felt an aching in yourheart and like felt like you
don't belong here?
um pretty much just because youdon't like, you're made for
heaven yeah, and it's reallygood, but it's kind of like yeah
(56:44):
, I like it, I think you like it, like I'm gonna check that out
I'll have to.
I'll listen to you, you canlisten to it on your ride home.
Yes, yeah, oh, thank you forsharing that.
Yeah, played in and you know,because I know that that's
that's hard to share and be sovulnerable and I feel like hard
to recognize things that youcould do better.
That's always hard in everysituation, not just like in
(57:06):
motherhood or just in life ingeneral Like it's hard to like
own those and confess.
I guess is what I'm saying.
I've been recently listening towell, I'm always listening to
the Whoa that's Good podcast bySadie Robertson, but she just
had an episode about likeconfession with your friends and
like having a group of friendsthat you like trust and you can
(57:28):
honestly like go in and confessand talk about things.
I was like, whoa, yeah, Icannot imagine doing that.
Speaker 2 (57:34):
No, is that so scary?
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Yes, I was like I bet that is so freeing.
Speaker 2 (57:39):
Right Cause I feel like you know whenever, if you
do that, you're just likeworried that people are going to
start saying things, or are youtalking about what was said, or
you know gossiping or something.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
So I mean, obviously you like have to have
discernment and people that youwould trust to do that with.
But I was like that's.
I thought to myself like that'spretty cool, and then I just
like went on about my day butI'm like, wait, maybe.
Then I just like went on aboutmy day but I'm like, wait, maybe
I should start doing that forreal, because I think, yeah,
(58:09):
that would be awesome.
You know, I grew up Catholicand so we went to confession,
but that was scary to me, but Ithink this would still be scary,
but in a different way.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
I've never done confession.
I've never.
I'm not a Catholic person.
Speaker 1 (58:17):
I'm like, oh, I think it would be scary.
I always thought it was wasscary.
Like I literally remember myfirst confession like what am I
gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
I was like I fight with mysister yeah, that's all I do.
I'm perfect, yeah, yeah no, butit is scary, but I'm like that
would be so just like powerfuland freeing.
I think just yeah, talkingthrough those things and getting
(58:37):
them out, because with me too,like I said, I can get things
like on the loop in my head yeah, too and I'm like I wonder
sometimes I'll write them downto try and get them out, or like
just say them out loud, or alot of times I'll like tell
jordan, you know, but just likehaving that confession, yeah
just get it out and talk it out.
Yeah, maybe get their opinionlike yeah, how do you feel about
(58:58):
this?
Yeah, or someone that can speaklike biblical truth into you
too, because sometimes you justneed that, that truth.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
Just reminders.
Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yeah, reminders, yeah , you always know like.
You know that, like kind oflike you were saying, like I
know God is there and I knowthis, but the devil, you know
he's founded.
Yeah, you, okay.
So you have mentioned feelingburnt out a little bit from
nursing after COVID and you'vehad to make some changes.
I feel that I obviously, too,got super burnt out with nursing
(59:30):
after COVID, and if you're anurse out there that felt burnt
out after COVID, let us know.
We'll talk about it, because ityeah, it was hard, but you said
that you're dreaming aboutsomeday being a flight attendant
.
I didn't know that.
Um, if you could give advice tosomeone out there feeling stuck
or questioning their path, whatwould you tell them?
Speaker 2 (59:52):
Hmm, go for it.
I mean I've been a nurse forgoing on nine, 10 years,
something like that, so it'sjust um, go for it.
I mean sometimes you needchange and I keep thinking
whenever Bladen graduates, um, Iwant to go to flight attendant
(01:00:12):
school, which is um, like Delta,has one in, like Georgia or
Alabama I've listened to itYou're like I've already started
my application.
It's like hard to get into, butI mean, go for it.
I mean, if you're burnt out andit's just not for you, it's not
feeling right, you have tostruggle to get up and go to
work every day and you're justnot happy there.
(01:00:33):
I mean, find something, make achange, because it's not always.
You know, just because you wentto school and that was a career
path you chose, you don't haveto do it forever.
Or maybe just don't do bedside.
You know, try somethingdifferent.
There's so many differentavenues you can go through.
I mean there's home health, butjust still technically bedside,
(01:00:53):
if you're, like, you know, outin the community, but it's just
different.
You know you're out there justseeing one patient at a time and
not having, you know, five, six, eight patients on your load
that you have to be responsiblefor, and you know that's a big
deal, and so I mean, but there'slike there's so many different
things you could do and, um, Idon't.
(01:01:23):
You know, just just don't.
If you're not happy, don't stay, even if it's the same company,
like I feel.
People you know, even like theolder generation, you know
they're loyal, you know theyfeel like you have to stay, you
have to be loyal to one thing,but people are not.
It's just not like that.
You know you have to do what'sgoing to be best for you and
your family and what's going tomake you feel good about getting
up every day, because if you'remiserable, then your mental
health is not going to be happyfor you.
(01:01:45):
It's going to be miserable too.
Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Yeah, yeah definitely , and I mean I definitely agree
there's.
There is something to be saidabout like hard work.
We're not talking about beingnot working hard or being lazy
that we are not talking aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
We are talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
You are giving it your all every day, every day,
all the time, and it is just.
It's just struggle rough, yeah,and I've been there and you've
been there, and so I get it, andit's scary to make a change.
Yeah, um, but whenever I lovedbedside and I'm not saying that
I would never go back tobedside- yeah.
But it was Jordan, my husband,that kind of put, I don't want
(01:02:26):
to say put his foot down.
That sounds firm, but said likeI need you to hear me.
Like you need to change jobs.
Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Like you are not happy and I can tell, and I did.
And like, even whenever I didit, it was like I was so
reluctant.
Like it was like a toxicbreakup or something, yeah, like
a bad relationship like I knewI needed to, but I didn't want
to.
I loved it so much you know, andit's like once I pulled myself
out of there and got away andlike looked back I was like how
(01:02:55):
was I living?
Like that, like I don't knowthat I would say I was living.
How was I surviving?
Yeah, like that, because manand it don't know that I would
say I was living.
How was I surviving?
Yeah, like that, because manand it's hard to, I mean you.
Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
I think you get in this routine every day of just
getting up and going and doingthe job um, and you know, doing
the best you can at that job andthen you just feel like that's
all you can do, you can't change.
You know you're like you'restuck here and this is all you
can do, and but it's not.
You know you can definitelymake changes, but it's hard too
and it's scary.
It's scary to be somewhere andknow that job like the back of
(01:03:32):
your hand and you just can gothere and just do the job every
day and you're good at it.
Yes, and you're good at it andyou can just do it.
And it's scary to change fromthat to something that you're
not familiar with.
That you have to learn all overagain, even though, um, you
know nursing, you know it'sdifferent everywhere.
Everything's different.
You know just different areasand so it's scary.
(01:03:53):
It can be scary, but don't letthat scare like make you not
want to do it or make you veeroff from it.
You know, and even if you, youknow change and you're like,
yeah, this is not for me, I meanjust what?
If you leave somewhere, leaveit in good terms.
Speaker 1 (01:04:10):
Don't just be like abrupt about things you know
yeah, absolutely, because youalways want to leave everything
in good terms yeah definitelyand where.
If you love bedside and you'rethinking about going into
bedside, do that too.
Don't let like our obviously wehave been there too, like we're
so on fire about bedside too.
Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
Oh yeah, I mean I still do bedside.
I mean I do home health, andthen twice a month on the
weekends, you know, I do bedside, and so I'm not downing it for
sure, like, obviously I'm stillthere, I'm still there, I'm
still there, I mean, we'vebroken up, but we're still
seeing each other yeah, we'rejust like broke up on the side
and I just like go over it oncein a while, you know but maybe
(01:04:53):
they're not all the toxic allthe time.
You know, not an everyday toxic.
You have your, your boundaries.
Yes, yes, they're posted.
Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
They're there.
Well, lisa, thank you so muchfor being here and sharing your
heart so openly.
You are so honest and yourstrength and your deep love for
Bladen are such reminders ofeven through the hardest battles
, there's always beauty andpurpose waiting on the other
side.
I know your story will speak toso many mamas and women out
(01:05:25):
there who are trying to navigatetheir own journeys.
You are such a light, even onthe days when you feel like you
might not be, and we are allbetter for hearing your story
today.
I can't wait to see where Godcontinues to lead you, and I'm
cheering you on every step ofthe way.
Thank you again for being apart of this wild crew family.
Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
It was great, it was.
Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
Thank you.
Hey there, wild crew mamas, andwelcome back.
Today I have the most specialguest joining me, someone whose
heart for family resilience andreal life experience I know will
inspire so many of you.
My sweet friend Lisa Hutchinsonis a proud mother to her son
Bladen.
A dedicated nurse who has spentnearly a decade caring for
(01:06:08):
others.
That's a long time, lisa, and awoman with an incredible story
of perseverance, faith andgrowth.
Lisa's journey hasn't alwaysbeen easy, from balancing
motherhood at a young age tonavigating ups and downs of her
faith, mental health battles anda career burnout.
But through it all she'scontinued to show up, survive
(01:06:29):
and raise a respectful, kindyoung man along the way.
Today we're diving intomotherhood, mental health, faith
and even dreams of where lifemight take Lisa next, lisa, my
beautiful friend, my amazingfriend.
I am so honored to have youhere and excited for you to
share your beautiful heart withlisteners.
Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Well, my name is Lisa.
Um, I have been a nurse for awhile, quite some time, um, and
then I live in a small towncalled Chelsea.
I have a son named Bladen.
He is 14.
He is wild.
He's good, but he's wild.
(01:07:07):
He is very devoted to his FFA.
He's so obsessed with it, whichmakes me sad, because he was so
into sports and now he's not.
I'm like, oh, heart crushing.
Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
And FFA for those who are not from oblahoma is future
farmers of america.
Yes, my sisters and my mom.
Yeah, both in ff, all in ffayes, he loves it.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
He shows animals and then he does auctioneering,
which is oh so different,because I grew up around
auctions and I hated it so much,but he loves it Really.
Loves it.
Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
So he said he like talks real fast.
Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
Well, he's learning more and more, Like he's been
doing auctions and it's likegetting better, but it was yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
Can you give us an example of what an auction would
sound like?
Speaker 2 (01:07:59):
So if you're like you , you know about to be selling
something.
You're like one one, one, two,two, two, three, three, three
and you keep going up and peopleare bidding on it.
So that's how that would go.
Obviously I'm not good at it,but he's getting, he's getting
better at it.
So you know, you just sellthings at the auctions, but yeah
(01:08:19):
, so it's very unique and youknow, he is obviously dear, dear
to me.
I love him, even though he canbe a little ornery and just
himself.
I guess I think, um, my momwould say that he's a lot like
me and I'm like no, no, no, Iwasn't like that but your mom
(01:08:40):
definitely knows oh yeah, andyou're the.
Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
You're the youngest of four, four, oh okay, three
girls yeah, there's three of usgirls and a boy.
Yeah, okay and your familylives fairly.
Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
Your parents live yeah, my parents just live like
10 minutes from me by oolagalllake, and then my sister natasha
lives just like five minutesfrom me, and then my brother
Jacob lives literally rightbeside my parents you do not get
away and then my oldest sister,miranda.
Um, she lives off in New Mexico.
(01:09:13):
Like whenever she got out ofschool she went to the military
and then she met her husband andthey've just always been out
there doing their thing.
Yeah, nice, nice, and they'vejust always been out there doing
their thing.
Speaker 1 (01:09:21):
Yeah, nice.
Mama, I'm so grateful that youtook time out of your busy
schedule today to listen to Mamaof the Wild Crew podcast.
I'm Alexa Schmoker and I hopeyou love this conversation and
(01:09:43):
that it resonated with you.
Thank you so much for openingup your circle and letting us in
as we walk through this wildride of motherhood together.
Remember, in the chaos ofmotherhood, there is always joy
to be found, so keep looking inthose little moments that make
it all worth it.
Be sure to follow along onInstagram at Mama of the Wild
Crew underscore podcast.
Please don't forget to like,subscribe and share our podcast.
(01:10:05):
I'd love to hear from you, socomment, tag me, dm me, let me
know what you think and let meknow what you'd like to hear
next.
Mama, I am praying for you, Ilove you and I cannot wait to
see you next time.
Welcome to Mama of the Wild Crew podcast, the
podcast where we embrace themessy, wild, beautiful journey
of motherhood together.
I'm your host, alexa Schmoker,mama of two beautiful kiddos,
wife, nurse and lover of Jesus.
Motherhood is full of hardmoments, unexpected chaos and
(00:27):
those days where you just reallydon't have it all together.
But in the midst of it allthere is so much joy.
On this podcast, we're divinginto the real, honest
conversations about motherhoodthe challenges, the triumphs and
everything in between.
We'll hear the stories ofincredible moms from all walks
(00:47):
of life, share wisdom, laughterand let's be real probably a few
tears, and we're going todiscover how to embrace the joy
in this chaos.
So, whether you're rocking ababy to sleep, folding that
never-ending pile of laundry orsneaking away for a quiet moment
with your coffee, welcome mama.
You're not alone here.
(01:07):
Hit, subscribe and join me onthis wild adventure of
motherhood.
I can't wait to do this journeywith you.
Hey there, wild crew mamas, andwelcome back.
Today I have the most specialguest joining me, someone whose
heart for family resilience andreal-life experience I know will
(01:28):
inspire so many of you.
My sweet friend, lisaHutchinson is a proud mother to
her son Bladen, a dedicatednurse who has spent nearly a
decade caring for others.
That's a long time, lisa, and awoman with an incredible story
of perseverance, faith andgrowth.
Lisa's journey hasn ofperseverance, faith and growth.
(01:48):
Lisa's journey hasn't alwaysbeen easy, from balancing
motherhood at a young age tonavigating ups and downs of her
faith, mental health battles anda career burnout.
But through it all she'scontinued to show up, survive
and raise a respectful, kindyoung man along the way.
Today we're diving intomotherhood, mental health, faith
and even dreams of where lifemight take.
Lisa next.
Lisa, my beautiful friend, myamazing friend, I am so honored
(02:12):
to have you here and excited foryou to share your beautiful
heart with listeners.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Well, my name is Lisa.
I have been a nurse for a while, quite some time, and then I
live in a small town calledChelsea.
I have a son named Bladen.
He is 14.
He is wild.
He's good, but he's wild.
(02:36):
He is very devoted to his FFA.
He's so obsessed with it, whichmakes me sad, because he was so
into sports and now he's not.
I'm like, oh, heart crushing.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
And FFA for those who are not from Oklahoma, is
Future Farmers of America.
Yes, my sisters and my mom.
Yeah, both in FFA, all in.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
FFA yes, he loves it.
He shows animals and then hedoes auctioneering, which is so
different because I grew uparound auctions and I hated it
so much.
Speaker 1 (03:12):
But he loves it Really.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
He loves it.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
So he said he like talks real fast.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
He's learning more and more, like he's been doing
auctions and it's like gettingbetter, but it was yeah, he's.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Can you give us an example of what an auction would
sound like?
Speaker 2 (03:28):
so it's.
So if you're like you knowabout to be selling something,
you're like one one, one, two,two, two, three, three, three,
and you keep going up and peopleare bidding on it.
so that's how that would go.
Okay, obviously I'm not good atit, but it but he's getting
better at it.
So you know, you just sellthings at the auctions, but yeah
(03:48):
.
So it's very unique and youknow, he is obviously dear, dear
to me.
I love him, even though he canbe a little ornery and just
himself.
I guess I think my mom wouldsay that he's a lot like me and
I'm like, no, like no, no, no, Iwasn't like that but your mom
(04:09):
definitely knows.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
Oh yeah, and you're the.
You're the youngest of four.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Four oh, okay three girls.
Yeah, there's three of us girlsand a boy, yeah, okay and your
family lives fairly.
Your parents live yeah, myparents just live like 10
minutes from me by Oolagall Lake, and then my sister Natasha
lives just like five minutesfrom me, and then my brother
Jacob lives literally rightbeside my parents.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
You do not get away.
Speaker 2 (04:37):
And then my oldest sister, miranda.
Um, she lives off in New Mexico.
Like whenever she got out ofschool she went to the military
and then she met her husband andthey've just always been out
there doing their thing.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
Yeah, nice.
So, lisa, as moms, you knowwe're, we're moms together.
So you know this about me.
But we tend to be our own worstcritics.
We can be absolutely crushingit, and one little mom fail can
have us questioning everything.
So, in the spirit of keeping itreal, what is your cringiest,
most mom fail?
(05:11):
You know, the one that stillmakes you laugh or maybe cry
when you think about it.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Um.
So growing up, we were alwaysraised to eat everything on our
plate.
So Bladen was like six or sevenand we were out to eat at a
restaurant, just him and I, and,um, he had ordered rice and
something else.
And I told him.
Well, he took a bite of hisrice and he said that it wasn't
good and there was somethingwrong with it.
And I was like no, you're goingto eat all your food, like
(05:39):
you're not going to waste it.
So he ate all of his food andthen 10 minutes later vomit
everywhere on the table and evento this day, he does not live
it down.
Like he will tell me about itwhenever he eats something.
He's like this isn't good.
I'm like okay, and he's likeremember when you made me eat
all the rice?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
I'm like, oh yeah, you're like, I do remember that
and I have something similar to.
Okay, so my youngest sister,avery, she is 10 years younger
than me, and so we went to sushiand I love sushi and she does
not like venture out a whole loton food and she, like I said,
she's 10 years younger than me,so I was probably 16.
She was six and I made her trya California roll, like a piece
(06:23):
of sushi, and she did not wantto do it and forced her to and
same thing, like I mean not 10minutes later just vomit, and I
was like what is wrong?
And she's like I just keptthinking about it and I like
could think about it, like in mystomach and in my mouth and
like I just couldn't handle it.
And still to this day, likewe'll still go to that same
restaurant.
It's Akira and Amasa is so good.
I love Akira, yeah, um, butshe's not she.
(06:44):
So she goes there and she getsthe chicken, but she's like I'm
not doing that.
Yeah, so I feel that cause Iforced, I forced her to do it,
like I was honestly getting alittle irritated that she
wouldn't try it Right.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
I thought it was blatantly no, you're eating all
that rice, yeah, no, no,something was wrong.
Yeah, no.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
I get it, yeah, oh.
So, lisa, you shared blatant isyour saving grace and a big
part of your journey, obviously,like a huge part of your
journey.
Looking back now, how do youthink becoming a mom at 18
shaped the woman you are todayin ways you maybe didn't realize
until recently?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Oh, that's a really good Um.
So it has changed me in everyway possible.
I, whenever I was 18 and I hadhim, I did not make the best
choices at all.
Um, I was a bit of a partierand I was just wild and I knew I
had a kid at home.
But you know, it's easier to goto work and then hang out with
(07:41):
friends and try to decompressand then go home and, um, I feel
like him coming into my life at18 made me.
It took a, it took a couple ofyears, like I'm not going to lie
, like it wasn't an easy startfor him and I, because I just
(08:04):
didn't make all the best choices.
But, um, I feel like him, likeme having him at 18, just
growing up together andliterally like growing together.
I was a child then and so is he, and it has definitely made me
(08:29):
more resilient to things.
It has made me look at him as ajust I was like oh, I just
totally got it.
I was reading the question, Iwas like, oh no, anyways was
like reading the question, I waslike, oh no, anyways, don't
worry about that, if you missI'll ask you.
(08:49):
I just totally paused, I'm like.
I was like it was my answer itmade me look at him like he was
yeah, so, just start.
And it made me look at him likehe was yeah, so to start, like
so.
And it made me look at him likeas like it was hard to be a kid
(09:11):
and raising a kid and, um,trying to, I'm so off topic, I'm
so, I'm trying to, I can't.
I'm so off topic.
No, um, any Anyway, oh gosh,what's this?
Don't Do you?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
want to start all over.
Yes, Can we just start?
I'm so sorry.
So, Lisa, as moms, we're momstogether.
So you know this about me, butwe tend to be our own worst
critics.
We can be absolutely crushingit, and one little mom fail can
have us questioning everything.
So, in the spirit of keeping itreal, what is your cringiest,
most mom fail?
(09:47):
You know, the one that stillmakes you laugh or maybe cry
when you think about it.
Speaker 2 (09:59):
Um.
So, growing up we were alwaysraised to eat everything on our
plate.
So Bladen was like six or sevenand we were out to eat at a
restaurant, just him and I, andhe had ordered rice and
something else.
And I told him.
Well, he took a bite of hisrice and he said that it wasn't
good and there was somethingwrong with it.
And I was like no, you're goingto eat all your food, like
you're not going to waste it.
So he ate all of his food andthen 10 minutes later vomit
(10:21):
everywhere on the table and evento this day he does not live it
down.
Like he will tell me about itwhenever he eats something.
He's like this isn't good.
I'm like okay, and he's likeremember when you made me eat
all the rice.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
I'm like, oh yeah, you're like, I do remember that
and I have something similar to.
Okay.
So my youngest sister, avery,she is 10 years younger than me
and so we went to sushi and Ilove sushi and she does not like
venture out a whole lot on foodand she, like I said, she's 10
years younger than me, so I wasprobably 16.
She was six and I made her tryin California roll like a piece
(10:55):
of sushi, and she did not wantto do it and I forced her to and
same thing, like I mean not 10minutes later just vomit, and I
was like what is wrong?
And she was like I just keptthinking about it and I like
could think about it like in mystomach and in my mouth, and
like I just couldn't handle it.
And still to this day, likewe'll still go to that same
restaurant.
It's Akira in Amasa.
(11:15):
It's so good.
I love Akira, yeah, but she'slike I'm not doing that.
Yeah, so I feel that because Iforced her to do it.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Like.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
I was honestly getting a little irritated that
she wouldn't try it Right.
Speaker 2 (11:31):
I thought it was just blatantly no, you're eating all
that rice.
Yeah, no, yeah, something waswrong.
Yeah, no, I get it, yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
So, lisa, you shared blatant is your saving grace and
a big part of your journey,obviously like a huge part of
your journey.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
Looking back now, how do you think becoming a mom at
18 shaped the woman you aretoday in ways you maybe didn't
realize until recently.
Oh, that's a really good.
So it has changed me in everyway possible.
I, whenever I was 18 and I hadhim, I did not make the best
choices at all.
Um, I was a bit of a partierand I was just wild and I knew I
had a kid at home.
(12:14):
But you know, it's easier to goto work and then hang out with
friends and try to decompressand then go home and, um, I feel
like him coming into my life at18 made me it took a, it took a
couple of years, like I'm notgoing to lie, like it wasn't an
(12:37):
easy start for him and I cause Ijust didn't make all the best
choices, but, um, I just didn'tmake all the best choices, but,
um, I feel like him, like mehaving him at 18, just growing
up together and literally likegrowing up together.
(12:58):
I was a child then and so we'dsee and, um, it has definitely
made me more resilient to things.
Um, it has made me look at umhim as a just oh, I don't even
know like, oh, yeah, um, I waslike, oh, my god yeah reading
(13:23):
the question, I was like oh, Ijust totally got it.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
Yeah reading the question.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
I was like oh no, anyways, um, just yeah, don't
worry about that, if you missthem I'll, I'll ask you.
Okay, yeah, um, I just likepause.
I'm like I was like it was myanswer, right.
It made me look at him like hewas yeah, so to start.
(13:46):
So it made me look at him likeas a like it was hard to be a
kid and raising a kid and tryingto.
I'm so off topic I'm so I'mtrying to.
I can't.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
No, you're fine, I'm so off topic.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
No, anyway, oh gosh Plus it's I'm trying to.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
I can't.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
I'm so off topic no Um and you oh gosh, you want to
start all over.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
Yes, can we just start.
I'm so sorry, okay.
So, lisa, you have the sweetestlittle nieces and nephews.
You have such a special bondwith your nieces and nephews and
they've taught you so muchabout life.
Um, can you share a moment withone of them that really changed
your perspective on somethingimportant.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Okay, well, I mean, I have several nieces and nephews
and I love them all dearly somuch I don't know if I can just
choose one Right.
Let's try to think so.
My nieces and nephews that Ihave are Gus and Gentry and
Tiger and Jetta.
Gus and Gentry they livelocally and they are great.
(14:51):
They are both like graduatedfrom high school.
Gus has his own career and hehas his own business and he has
the two sweetest little girlsever at home, renly and Ruthie.
Renly was born with extrasweetness and she just has some
(15:16):
challenges in life that she hasconquered so far in her life.
She's four and she is soresilient she can do anything
that she sets her little mind to.
She is getting stronger everyday.
She is making big improvementsin her physical ability.
(15:39):
She is the smartest little girl.
She loves cotton candy.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
Oh, I love cotton candy too um, she, she's just
amazing.
Speaker 2 (15:49):
And she goes to the little lighthouse in um, tulsa,
which is a great place.
If you want to support thelittle lighthouse, definitely do
that.
Um, she loves it there.
It's her favorite place in thewhole wide world.
She has little friends thereand the teachers are amazing to
her.
Um, she just loves it.
And she has shaped me so muchtoo because I even though she
(16:14):
can't voice it, but I believeshe has so much faith because of
her mom.
Like her mom, cassidy has thebiggest faith that I know that
she is always fighting for Renlyin every way.
She is always there praying forher and for Ruthie, her little
sister.
Um, cassidy is amazing, I'm in.
(16:34):
Her faith is so great for herwhole family.
Um, she just keeps them goingby.
Her faith and all of herprayers, um, and then Renly's
little sister, ruthly.
She's ruthless, she's ruthless,she, she, she will keep you on
your toes, for sure she will.
(16:55):
She loves everything.
She just loves Minnie Mouse, ohyeah, and picking flowers, and
she Will, just like, she'll,keep you young.
She, she is just great, she'sgreat.
So that's Gus's little family.
And then my niece, gentry.
She is wild.
She is so uniquely herself.
(17:17):
I could never be that way, justgoing and doing without a care
in the world, and that's whatshe does every day.
She does not care what anyonethinks, and I love that about
her so much like I envy that inher um.
And then like tiger and jettatiger, he just started a little
family, just had a little boyyes, him and his wife bella.
(17:41):
And um, he's out there weldingin New Mexico just doing the
best ever, just thriving like noone's business, and so I'm so
proud of him.
And then his sister, jetta.
She lives in Texas and she'sjust living her best life.
She's just out there working,living, doing what she wants to
(18:02):
do, and I mean, I couldn't bemore proud of her too.
They're just amazing.
I feel like my nieces andnephews just have shaped me so
much.
I am like so proud to be anaunt.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:13):
So much and like her's the best.
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
And then I have Lincoln.
That is my bestest friend inthe whole wide world, kimberly's
son, and he is amazing.
I don't get to see him thatoften because they live in
Kansas, but whenever I do it'sjust like any other time.
You know, and whenever I talkto Kimberly and like we FaceTime
and he's there, it's just, he'sso sweet, yeah.
(18:37):
It's the sweetest thing and youknow just that bond that you
have with, like your bestfriend's kid.
It's just that bond that youhave with like your best
friend's kid.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
It's just so different.
It's so different.
Yeah, it's so exciting.
Like to see your friends comeinto motherhood and meet their
kids.
Very much so.
It's just the sweetest.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
And then there's one more that I, his name's Declan,
and it's a weird situation,cause my people that used to be
in Bladen's life, um, that usedto be like grandparents to him.
It's their son's son that weare still so close to and we
(19:15):
love being around them.
Well, declan, I get to watchhim here and there, and then his
dad coaches and, um, his mom isamazing.
She, um, I think she just sortof like changed from like Grand
Lake to um, working with theIndian nation, but, um, she um
works.
Oh gosh, I don't remember whatit is, but that's okay.
(19:39):
Um, so she just switched jobsand she's amazing.
Her name's Destiny and she islike the best mom ever.
She's had like a lot of heartconditions growing up and so she
wasn't even sure if she wouldhave kids and so, um, having
Declan is like their world andhe is great.
He is so stinking smart, he isevil and he, um, he's just
(20:03):
amazing.
He is absolutely the sweetestthing and gives the best hugs
and just uniquely himself, andwill just come and just be who
he is.
He's just amazing I love that sothose are my nieces and nephews
and I feel like they havereally shaped everything about
me.
I feel like being an aunt islike I love being a mom,
(20:25):
obviously, but being an aunt'sjust different and it's just a
different relationship you haveand it just makes you I think it
just makes you grow more as aperson, it makes you even more
loving and caring and it's just.
It's just a great feeling beingan aunt.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
Everything about it.
It is.
It is a great feeling.
So you were an aunt before youhad Bladen too, though.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
You were young, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Do you feel like being an aunt after being a mom
is different?
Speaker 2 (20:51):
Yeah, um, I mean, whenever I was an aunt before
Bladen I was still in highschool and I would like watch my
nieces and nephew, um, but itwas just different.
It was just like right, I feellike after having a son, and
like being a mother for a while,um, it has made me love all
those moments even more, likecherish them even more, right
(21:14):
like now, I don't want to missout on anything, I want to be
there, yeah, yeah, it'sdefinitely made me just want to
be more involved and, yeah,watch them grow.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
It's so sweet, it is Well, Lisa, we just kind of
shared.
You had Bladen fairly young youwere 18, right so you've shared
with me that Bladen is yoursaving grace and just such the
pivotal part of your journey.
Looking back, how do you thinkbecoming a mom at 18 has shaped
the woman that you are today inmany ways that maybe you didn't
(21:45):
realize until recently?
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Gosh, having a child whenever you're 18, you're a kid
yourself.
You have no business having akid at 18.
Yeah, sometimes things justhappen, you know, and so choices
are made and you have a kid nowand you know, I am so, so
grateful for him and I think ifI had a child whenever I was
(22:12):
older, I don't think I wouldhave survived being 18, 19, 20.
I think I would have been toowild and done even worse things
than I probably did.
And so him being there reallymade me grow up, but it took
some time.
(22:32):
I did not grow up immediatelyLike, yes, I was his mom, yes, I
financially supported him, butI think, a lot more emotionally,
I probably wasn't there becauseI was working all the time and
then, whenever I wasn't working,I was, you know, going out with
friends and trying to um, likerelieve stress and um, I wasn't,
(22:57):
you know, and I will admit ahundred percent, I was not the
best mom at first and I thinkthat has helped me grow so much
now because I look back and hehad so many people that were
there and loving him andsupporting him and just being
that void that I wasn't thereand like that's sometimes hard
to like look back on, because Ialways thought that you know I
(23:22):
was, you know I was his mom andI mean I am his mom, but like it
was just I thought I was doingthe best I could at that time,
and maybe I was, but now it'slike I probably could have made
better choices and been theremore for him.
But you know, being 18, it'shard because you don't your.
(23:45):
Your mind is still trying togrow, your mind is still trying
to develop, and so then you havethis child there that's wanting
(24:10):
your attention and you don'treally know how long time to
realize that.
Until probably two years ago,whenever I started going into
therapy and really digging deepabout things therapy and really
digging deep about things Um, Ithink I've kind of put some of
(24:30):
my traumas and depression ontohim, which is, you know, hard to
like hear, but I think it justkeeps making me grow.
Um, it definitely um has been ajourney trying to um and trying
to be, you know, a young mom,and a single mom at that,
because his dad's never been inthe picture, Like he chose not
(24:52):
to be and then he made badchoices, and it's just.
You know it's hard, but I think, you know, whenever you have
(25:15):
faith in God, he's always therefor you, even when you don't
realize it, because I don'tthink I, whenever I was 18, 19,
and 20, I didn't think God wasthere and that's why I was being
wild and doing what I wanted todo and not making the best
choices for both of us.
But I know now that God wasthere the whole time, because if
he wasn't I would be gone anddead somewhere.
(25:37):
There's no way that I wouldhave survived that without him
and I think that's just fromhaving faith as a like, you know
, as a child, and like learningabout God and knowing.
And then, even though I veeredoff from him, um, he was
definitely still there andhelping me through everything.
And I don't go to church everySunday, but I feel like I'm a
(26:00):
very faithful person.
I feel like I am a Christian.
I don't say like I'm a Baptistor Methodist because I don't
feel like I am, that I just feellike God and I have our own
relationship and we talk and heknows my heart as it is and he
just wants me to do better.
(26:20):
He doesn't want me to followthe devil, but the devil is so
tempting sometimes and it's hardto fight against it.
But you know god's just thereand like he's definitely helped
me through everything, um, evenyou know bad choices I've made,
um yeah, just constantlypursuing you yeah, yeah, yeah,
(26:41):
after you, even when, when youdon't feel it, it's just our.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Our preacher it was just last week he said um like
why do we sin?
And everyone was like, oh, Idon't know.
And he was like because it'sfun, like we wouldn't sin if it
wasn't fun.
And then he said if it's notfun, then you're not.
You're not doing it right likeyou're not sitting right, and I
was like that's such a uniqueperspective, though, too, like
(27:09):
we're, we're human and we aregonna sin.
Obviously, we want to try tonot to, but, like god,
continuously pursuing us eventhrough our sins, and it's the
god that loves usunconditionally, no matter what,
like he's not a god ofconditions.
So I think that's beautiful andit's it's so like nice to hear
(27:29):
you talk, because we've beenfriends for how long now, like
nine.
I think, almost nine years,which that's crazy, but I, like,
have always looked at you asyou've always been an amazing
mom, but such an amazing momlike a mom that I look up to,
because everyone, like you, saidyou're a single mom, but you
are.
You are mom, dad.
(27:50):
Everyone like to blade in, youknow, and you have always shown
to be that way You've alreadyshown to be, like always shown
to be that way, and so like evenhearing you talk about, like
whenever you felt like you werehaving shortcomings as a mom,
like it's hard for me to eventhink that of you or see that in
you, or anything like that,because I've never seen that
(28:12):
side of you.
Yeah, I guess you know.
So it's just like.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I think we hide it really good.
I think whenever you have thoseshortcomings and you are like,
you know you have a child andyou have to be that strong
person.
You know you fall apartwhenever you're alone and you
have all of these negativethoughts about everything
because you want your child togrow up to be successful and
(28:35):
perfect and great, and that'snot life right, that is not life
, not at all.
And it's really hard to realizethat, it's hard to think that
you can't be everything you knowfor your child, because that's
just not how life is and Goddidn't want that.
You know everyone has to maketheir own way.
You know he says you know he'sthere and you can follow him.
(28:58):
If you don't follow him, he'snot mad at you.
You know that's your choice.
He gives everyone that choice.
And um, the devil's just sotempting, he is so tempting.
He's always there trying to betempting yeah of brings in.
Speaker 1 (29:12):
I wanted to talk to you about, too.
You've always been really openabout your mental health.
You just kind of said that youwent through therapy and you're
still going to therapy I'mcurrently not because, well, you
went to therapy.
You're open about your mentalhealth and regrets you carry
(29:34):
from Bladen's early years kindof like you shared.
How has your faith been both alifeline and a battleground.
When you think of everythingthat you've walked through, you
know the struggles, thetemptations, the healing.
What has that forgivenesslooked like, both for yourself,
(29:55):
both to yourself yourselfforgiving yourself and the
forgiveness from god?
Speaker 2 (29:57):
um, you know, it's just I, like my best friend, um,
she, whenever I'm having astruggle, I will call her and we
will talk it out and I'm like,oh, I just can't do this, I just
cannot do this another day.
And she's like, well, have youprayed?
Have you prayed?
She's not really big on thepraying type.
(30:18):
You know she believes in God,but she's just had her own
struggles and a lot ofheartbreak and pain and just
unforgiving torture in her life.
And for her to be like, well,have you prayed about Cause?
(30:39):
She knows that that issomething I do.
She knows that that issomething that's going to make
me feel better.
She knows that's something thatum is going to help me get
through the um difficult timeI'm going through.
Uh, and so it's just, it's abattle.
It's a battle every single dayto get up and survive.
(31:02):
Because I mean, if you know meand you know you're my family or
people that might just thinkthey know me.
Well, I try to be a smile, Itry to be a very positive person
, like I can be negative I mean,who can't be negative?
But like I try to be.
I try to be smiley and, youknow just, happy whenever I'm
(31:26):
around people, but whenever it'shard, like I even have to take
medication for depression andanxiety just to um even out
those neurons in my brain, youknow cause sometimes you just
have to and that's okay.
It's okay to take that stuff,um, but I struggled for a long
(31:47):
time with um suicidal ideation,a long, long time, and it has
only been, you know, the lastfew years that I didn't wake up
every day and just have todecide what I was going to do
next, like, am I going to live?
Am I going to get up and beproductive today and make it
(32:10):
through the day, or is this theday that I hopefully, you know,
go to heaven?
Or you know, if you know, if Idid something to myself, you
know I can't go to heaven CauseI was.
I always believed that.
You know, if you commit asuicide, like you know that's,
you can't take your own life.
God doesn't want you to takeyour own life, but it's a hard
(32:30):
struggle, like whenever you havethose intrusive thoughts and um
, even just like driving, Iwould just be like, well, if I
just drive over here or driveoff the road, like it'll be okay
, like you know, blayden can goand um, you know, like live with
my parents or live with mysister, because it would just be
(32:53):
better for him, um, because Ijust that depression and that um
just fear of um failing him.
You know, like raising him andnot having like both parents
there and just not beingeverything that he needs um
would be a struggle and so ittook a long and so it took a
(33:14):
long time.
It took a long time to feelbetter with that.
If I still have days that arerough, I still have times that I
struggle through that, but Ihave a super amazing best friend
that helps me get through itevery time like I can call her
whenever, whenever I'm having abad time, but I also don't think
(33:38):
it makes me a bad mom.
I think it makes me, um, very,uh, just different.
Like I don't even know ifdifference the word, but it just
because I know Blaydenstruggles with things.
So it just kind of it's justyeah, yeah, yeah, it's just.
(34:00):
You know it can be hard, butyou know you keep going through
and I feel like if you're goingthrough a rough time, I mean you
can make it through.
Like it's hard to have supportout there because it's hard to
be vulnerable to people.
People kind of look down onmental health too, like, oh,
it's, it's, you know you'resomething's wrong with you, but
(34:21):
there's nothing wrong, it's.
Things happen like that's.
You know the devil's there andhe is trying to make you feel
like you are not worthy ofsomething.
And he can persuade you in somany ways.
And you know, I think if youhave faith and you have that
relationship with God, evenwhenever you are hurting and you
(34:43):
are barely surviving, I thinkyou know, if you just sit there
and talk to Him just like anormal conversation, it might
sound crazy like you're in yourroom talking to someone, but
that's all he wants.
He just wants you to talk tohim just like a normal
conversation.
It might sound crazy Likeyou're in your room talking to
someone, but that's all he wants.
He just wants you to talk tohim and just tell him all of
your worries and all of yourstruggles so he can be there,
(35:04):
even though he already knows him, he wants to hear it from you.
You know he wants to hear yousay it.
And so I always forget.
I forget it sometimes wheneverI I'm down on myself or I'm just
having that mental break.
I forget, and so I'm just verythankful that I have a friend
that can remind me, like, hey,just talk to him, just pray it
(35:25):
out, just have him help you eventhough she's a great help too,
but it all comes back down togod he's the only one that can
help you get through things howyou need to.
You know he's the only onethat's gonna make you feel
internally better.
Right, and that's how you haveto start.
You have to internally startfeeling better and then it just
(35:48):
works this way out becausepeople can put on a show and
like I feel like I've done thatfor a long time, just whenever
I'm just out and about or aroundpeople, you know I just make
sure that they know that I'mhere and I'm okay, but deep down
, you know, I'm like barelysurviving.
So that's hard, but you know,each day gets better.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, yeah it is.
It's so hard and I recentlyheard I can't remember who it
was but they said like ask himin, like say out loud like holy
spirit, come, I want you in herewith me like I want you to be
here with me, like I want tofeel you here with me.
Yeah, like you said, talking outloud to him.
Um, what are some things thatyou would recommend to someone
(36:39):
that's feeling that way?
Like you said, just pray outloud, talk to him like a
conversation.
Is there anything else?
Having a support system, havinga friend?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
yeah, I mean, and then if you do, if you're able
to go to therapy, it's great.
I feel like it helped me out inso many ways.
But it did open up trauma thatI wasn't.
It's.
Like you know, whenever youhave trauma, things that
happened when you were youngerand you just kind of push that
out of your mind, it can reallyopen up doors that you weren't
(37:12):
didn't know were there, and soit can be scary and but it can
be amazing too, because you cansee where the root of the
problem is.
So I think therapy is a greatthing.
Um, I'm just not the mostconsistent person.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
I feel you, I'm a hard follow through person.
I said that before on here.
Like I have great intentions,and if it's for my kids, if it's
for my husbands, my husbands.
Speaker 2 (37:39):
Like I, have multiple of them For my husband.
Speaker 1 (37:43):
Yes, like I'm excellent, like I'll set the
doctor's appointments, I'll makesure they're there.
I'll probably be there too.
When it comes to myself, likeI'm not great about that and I
need to be.
Speaker 2 (37:53):
It's that follow through and that's taking care
of yourself.
Maybe it's a nurse thing too,or bad patients.
Yeah, we're so good abouttaking care of everyone else.
Speaker 1 (38:01):
Yeah, it can be so hard and then, like you said,
with medication too, like you goto a doctor, like see a doctor.
Speaker 2 (38:14):
And not one medication is going to be the
same for everyone.
I have had to go throughseveral different ones and one
would work for a long time andthen I would just it would just
didn't feel like it was workingand so it had to change it.
And then some just make youfeel yucky.
You're like, oh, that's notgoing to work either, and it's
okay to like change thingsaround.
It's okay if something doesn'twork for one person.
I mean, that's why we're allmade differently.
He did not make us the same inany way, right, because that's
(38:37):
not how he is, and somedications aren't going to work
the same for anyone.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
You know right and it's not the answer for everyone
, but I don't ever want someoneto feel like like you're sin, I
mean, I guess saying I guess I'dsay sinning like for taking
medication, because that's notthe truth yeah, um so, and it's
not something to be ashamedabout.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
It's not like taking medication, but I feel like
people see it and they're like,oh, this is a like a mental
medication, like it is, but it'sokay, like you have to take
care of yourself.
Speaker 1 (39:06):
You have high blood pressure you take you know
anti-hypertensive medication,yeah, so I think people struggle
with you know antihypertensivemedication.
Speaker 2 (39:11):
Yeah, so I think people struggle with you know
asking for that help or justeven you know putting it out
there, because they're afraid ofthe judgment.
But you know.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
On the flip side, what would you say to someone
who maybe has someone in theirlife that struggles with mental
health?
How is the best way that theycan support that person?
Speaker 2 (39:31):
Just talking to them really.
I mean, it's hard because theperson that's struggling they're
not going to admit it untilthey're ready, they're not going
to admit that something's wrong.
They're not going to come outand be like, oh yeah, well, I am
struggling like this becausethat's just not how it works.
(39:52):
It's not, you don't want totalk about it.
You don't want to talk about itbecause you are struggling.
But then it's like embarrassingto you because you're like why
am I struggling whenever there'speople out there that are
struggling 10 times worse?
But I think everyone's struggleis so hard for them.
Like you know, god puts stuffin front of us and like
(40:17):
everyone's, trials andtribulations are like different.
You know it's not no one's thesame.
And so the strength he gives toone person, they might be able
to fight a fire, but thestrength they give to someone
else, you know they can onlygrow a garden, but that person
that fights the fire cannot growthat garden.
And so you know it's just.
Everyone is so different.
And so if you sit there andstruggling so hard mentally,
(40:45):
you're not going to just go outthere and tell people you're not
going to, you're going to keepit to yourself and until it's
too much.
You're going to keep it toyourself until it's too much,
until it's just the worst thingthat's happening to you and your
struggle you're having isimportant.
It doesn't matter how littleyou think it is or how big you
think someone might think it is.
(41:05):
That's your struggle and it'sthere, and God gives you the
strength to fight things.
But it's hard whenever thedevil's sitting there and
tempting you.
It's just difficult, and so Idon't.
I think you know just try tofind someone that you trust and
(41:26):
don't be afraid to talk to them.
Like but don't push someone.
If someone says they're okay,just be like okay, and then
maybe check on them here andthere, but don't, don't push it,
because if they're not ready,then they're never going to
trust you because they're goingto think that you're being
intrusive.
Right, you know, you have to,you have to be it.
You have to go at it easily.
Speaker 1 (41:46):
You can't just force your way.
Yeah, kind of let them know.
Speaker 2 (41:49):
I guess that you're open to talk yeah, just like you
know I'm here, just kind ofjust remind them like I'm here,
you know.
If you need anything, just youknow you can talk to me and just
don't just say that and then goon like check on them again so
they know it's just.
Whenever people are strugglingmentally, I feel like they need
that validation that it is okayto talk to you like you know you
(42:12):
have.
You have to be consistent, youknow, but not too consistent.
Like you know, not every singleday.
Like every couple days or youknow.
But if you feel like they'restruggling and they're like on
that verge, then just be therephysically for them, like be
present, like show up at theirhouse.
Yeah, like be there, don't justlike like avoid it, you know,
(42:34):
just if you feel like they'restruggling, that bad, yeah, be
present.
Yeah, be up in their business,be up in their business.
Speaker 1 (42:42):
No, I feel that I mean I've shared with everyone
on here too, that I've, like,had anxiety on and off
throughout my life, or struggledwith anxiety on and off
throughout my life, so I canunderstand that and it's so hard
whenever you kind of get inthose spirals.
Like now.
I have like really, I think,honed in on what helps me get
out of those spirals or stopthem whenever I recognize them
(43:05):
coming on.
But it has not always been thatway and so I feel like kind of
teenage years, young adult years, like I really would struggle
and get spiraled in and kind oflike you're saying, like I think
that I hit it well Sometimesmaybe some people would be like
I don't think so, honey, butyeah, so that can be difficult
(43:26):
and I had to get on medicationand to where I could feel get
myself together.
But mine's so situational too.
Speaker 2 (43:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
And maybe some people have that, maybe some people
don't, but like I know, likewhenever I'm in certain
situations, that's when I getanxious, and so I avoid those.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Yeah, hard Like not happening, I know Like even
working through COVID wassomething.
Speaker 1 (43:51):
I mean, you worked through COVID was something that
really got me Like working inthe ER and seeing all that
horrible stuff and like I usedto love, like Grey's Anatomy and
you know all the things I don'teven watch it.
I stopped watching them and Ihave not watched like a medical
show since then.
Speaker 2 (44:07):
It's like a trigger for you.
Speaker 1 (44:08):
Yes, and that used to be like my jam, yeah, so things
can change so fast, so fast,and I think it's also like
recognizing those things andmaking that change too.
So like, maybe, if you're, ifyou find something that does
like trigger you or send youinto those kind of spirals, like
stay away from it, yeah, ortell someone that, and sometimes
(44:29):
, if you're feeling weak andyou're starting to do that, like
have that accountabilitypartner kind of like you're
talking about, to say like eh,not a good idea yeah.
Like we're not going to do that,right?
Yeah, so that was really.
And that beautiful analogy yousaid about the fire in the
garden, I loved that.
That was so sweet, okay, so youkind of said a little bit that
(44:54):
Blayden's had his own struggles.
So mental health, especiallyfor mothers and teenagers, is
something that you've lived, youfelt, you've carried so deeply
with you.
I would love for you to share alittle bit about your journey,
for you and Blayden.
When you think of your ownjourney the hard days, the
silent battles, everythingyou've seen as a mom and a nurse
when you think of your ownjourney the hard days, the
silent battles, everythingyou've seen as a mom and a nurse
(45:15):
if you could change one thingabout how the world understands
or supports mental health, whatwould you want to change and
what do you wish more peopleknew about?
The daily reality behind thesmiles and the strong faces?
Speaker 2 (45:27):
Um, you know, just, I feel like, whenever COVID came
around, you know it was astruggle and you know people
couldn't be there for theirloved ones and, um, I think it
takes a toll on people, even ifit doesn't matter the setting.
You were in.
I think anything medical thatyou were in during COVID, um,
(45:51):
you just seen all you know allsorts of things.
People were dying, people arejust sick and they couldn't have
, um, like their loved onesthere, you know, to support them
and be present and just lovethem and care of them, Cause
that's all we want in life issomeone to love us and care for
us and, you know, nurse us backto health whenever we're not
feeling well.
(46:11):
Um, so, you know it's that hasdefinitely changed a lot of
things and I feel like at somepoint it made me like mentally
weak, but then over time it hasmade me more stronger in that
aspect, like it has made me,with the patients, just
(46:33):
understanding why they wanttheir family there all the time,
even if it doesn't feelconvenient for you.
You know you're like, yeah,just working back.
Yeah, yes, very much so.
But you know, during COVID Iworked a lot, which I feel like
this is a common thing.
I say I work a lot, but I meanwhenever you are just you and
your son, you know you have thesupport and life is not cheap.
(46:55):
It's so not cheap.
And so he does all the things.
He does everything, everything.
And so, you know, during COVIDhe stayed a lot with my parents
and my sister and brother-in-lawand so I feel like during that
time there was a lot of mentalstrain, because mental strain
because I wasn't, you know therea lot, and so we would just
(47:16):
like really talk on the phonebecause I wouldn't go and pick
him up, like he would staywherever he was staying whenever
I'd work my days because Ididn't want to expose him.
Speaker 1 (47:25):
Yeah, exposure.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
Yeah, I didn't want to be there and you know, give
him anything.
So you know we were apart for alot at that time and you know
give him anything.
So, um, you know we were apartfor a lot at that time and I
feel like, um, you know, we kindof um, you know, mentally it
was just like a challenge, um,and so I don't know Um, yeah,
and then from there though youguys traveled.
(47:47):
Yes, we did.
We traveled, um.
We went to Wisconsin and SouthDakota and it was just him and I
, and so whenever I would go andwork my shifts which were just
like eight hour shifts, um, hewould stay where we were living
at that time and dohomeschooling, which we loved
(48:08):
traveling.
It was a great experience.
I feel like I learned so muchand I feel like we needed that
break.
I feel like we needed to getout and go and be away from
everyone, um, and just try tofind what we needed in life,
because I feel like we werestuck and nothing was going the
way that we wanted it to, and soI think we needed to get away
from just Oklahoma and get awayfrom people and just be us.
(48:31):
Whenever we first started,that's how I was feeling.
I was like we just need to getaway, like we've got to be away
from everyone Well and you wentthrough a hard loss during COVID
.
Speaker 1 (48:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:44):
And so that really initiated us leaving and going
traveling and me working.
Um was that loss, um, after umLacey passed away.
It was just, she passed away inAugust and I started traveling,
now October, and so, um, youknow, that was a very hard loss
(49:09):
and very devastating and it wasjust I feel like it's something
that could have been avoided,you know.
But you know I can't.
I mean I say that but thenthat's whatever.
Me and God have strugglesbecause it's all on his time.
You know everything happens howhe wants it to happen, but then
you know it's hard tounderstand it sometimes.
You know, like we don't wantpeople to pass away that still
(49:32):
has a whole life in front ofthem and kids to raise, and you
know, so I struggle with that,sometimes still like to.
You know why this happened, whyall that happened.
And so me and God still have alittle conflict on that.
But, yeah, you're still workingthrough that.
So you know, we startedtraveling and you know I felt
(49:52):
like getting away was the bestthing for us and at first it was
, but then, whenever we isolatedourselves from everyone, it was
rough, it was hard.
You know, blayden did not wantto do his work, it was just a
struggle because we weren'taround everyone that we, you
know he grew up around.
I literally stripped him fromeverything because I thought
(50:15):
that's what we needed.
And you know, at the end Ithink we had great experiences
and we got to do so many thingsand see so many things.
But I think I kind of um messedup, you know, taking him away
from everyone, because I thinkas a kid he still needed to have
that socialism.
(50:36):
You know, being out and beingwith people and talking.
Because whenever I put him backin public schools, it has been
a struggle, Because he is sogood to talk to adults, he can
go and talk to adults all daylong.
Sometimes he gets too nosybecause he thinks he could be an
adult, but he's not quite thereyet.
But you know, I feel like I,you know, put him in that
(51:00):
situation because I thought weneeded to leave and so coming
back into public schools and thestruggle of talking to kids and
being friends with kids andtrying to like get back in that
groove of hanging out with themand talking as kids and being
friends with kids and trying tolike get back in that groove of
hanging out with them andtalking as kids.
You know, um has been a hugestruggle because kids are not
(51:20):
nice, you know, and it's just.
And even you know I know Blainehas his struggles.
Um, you know he's not perfect.
No, I know kid is perfect.
You know's not perfect.
No, I know kid is perfect, youknow, and they make mistakes
just like everyone else.
But, um, I feel like him goingback there and just trying to
(51:44):
socialize and be back in, likeyou know the clicks and the
grooves and you know, being apart of, you know, kids.
Um has been such a struggle forhim because kids are not so
accepting, you know, coming backin, and so he's struggled, you
know, mentally with that andjust, we've had our, you know,
(52:08):
ups and downs and he started intherapy for a little bit for a
real consistent um and then, youknow, life happened and he got
busy with like sports and stuffand then, um, it was things
weren't lining up and then, um,we had a big thing happen this
last november, um, where youknow, bullying just happens and
(52:31):
bladen just wasn't sure what hewanted to do.
He was just very depressedbecause kids are just not nice
nature Not all the time, butsometimes they are.
So we got him in with apsychologist and therapy now and
(52:53):
it's been a lot of change,because he felt like he couldn't
talk to me.
He felt like I wasn't listeningto him.
Um, and it took a big thinghappening at school, um, for me
to see that that I wasn't, thatI was just going through the
motions, um, every day and Iwasn't being there emotionally
for him again, which is, youknow, it's just a struggle, it's
(53:15):
so back and forth but, um, it's, you know, and you know it's
just.
I think it's just part of it.
It's part of being a mom andlike, whenever you do get busy
with life and then trying toraise a child that's of a
different sex even too you know,like you don't know what they
need and their emotional supportthat they need, like you can be
(53:35):
loving, but then whenever youknow you guys are bickering back
and forth and just can't get onthe same wavelength.
Um, it can definitely be astruggle but as of now, bladen's
doing a lot better and, um, youknow, I think the therapy and
everything has helped him a lotbecause, you know, I realized
(53:57):
too that I wasn't listening tohim and what was going on, and
you know the anger he wasfeeling and you know he was just
so angry at kids at school, um,because you know, no one's
listening to him and they'rejust not as friendly, um, and I
just wasn't hearing that and hewould come home and just be mad
and wouldn't listen and wouldn'tdo.
(54:18):
And so after, you know, wefigured out what was going on
and, like, just you know, hisanger wasn't towards me, it was
just because he wasn't trying tobe angry at school, he wasn't
trying to be angry at these kidsand he was just taking it all
and not, you know it was a safeplace, yeah yeah, and so I just,
you know, it was like we werefeeding off of each other a lot,
(54:41):
um, because I would just bestressed from work and then he
would just be mad coming homefrom school and then it was just
on.
You know, it was just like itwas just not pretty and it was a
struggle.
But, um, you know, and it's notgoing to be perfect, it's.
I'm not saying everything'sgreat now, because tomorrow it
could be a new day and we havethe same struggles, and but I
(55:03):
think it's okay, because I thinkwe're learning each time.
I think, you know, we learnthis and we're just growing from
it and each day is going to bebetter, because I just want him,
I want him to be successful, Iwant him to be mentally okay and
know that it's okay to havehard days, it's okay to have sad
days, because everyone does andit's nothing to be ashamed
about.
(55:23):
You.
It's okay to have sad daysbecause everyone does and it's
nothing to be ashamed about.
You know, we're all here justtrying to survive and we're just
trying to make it through theday and be as happy as we can,
because the ultimate goal is wewon't get up to heaven.
And so, you know, we just got tokeep fighting for that, and I
think all these temptations andall these negative things that
happen is definitely just thedevil fighting us.
(55:46):
And I feel like the closer weget to God, the more the devil
is sitting there pounding at ourdoor right, like, hey, let me
in, let me in.
And then sometimes we open itbecause you know, we're just
like, well, things are goinggood, like it's okay to let them
in, but you know, and thenthat's when we have to start
back over, because then we'relike, oh, everything's falling
apart again, but it's, it'sreally not.
You know, it's okay to let themin, but you know, and then
that's when we have to startback over, because then we're
like, oh, everything's fallingapart again, but it's really not
.
You know, it's just us fallingfor that temptation, and then we
(56:09):
just have to pick it back upand then go start.
You know, start back fresh,because God's there, he's not
leaving us.
Speaker 1 (56:22):
You know he's like okay, you want to.
Oh, I don't think so.
Oh, I'll just send it to you.
It's really good.
And it kind of starts outsaying like um, have you ever
something?
About like have you ever lookedup at a night full of stars and
like felt an aching in yourheart and like felt like you
don't belong here?
um pretty much just because youdon't like, you're made for
heaven yeah, and it's reallygood, but it's kind of like yeah
(56:44):
, I like it, I think you like it, like I'm gonna check that out
I'll have to.
I'll listen to you, you canlisten to it on your ride home.
Yes, yeah, oh, thank you forsharing that.
Yeah, played in and you know,because I know that that's
that's hard to share and be sovulnerable and I feel like hard
to recognize things that youcould do better.
That's always hard in everysituation, not just like in
(57:06):
motherhood or just in life ingeneral Like it's hard to like
own those and confess.
I guess is what I'm saying.
I've been recently listening towell, I'm always listening to
the Whoa that's Good podcast bySadie Robertson, but she just
had an episode about likeconfession with your friends and
like having a group of friendsthat you like trust and you can
(57:28):
honestly like go in and confessand talk about things.
I was like, whoa, yeah, Icannot imagine doing that.
Speaker 2 (57:34):
No, is that so scary?
Speaker 1 (57:36):
Yes, I was like I bet that is so freeing.
Speaker 2 (57:39):
Right Cause I feel like you know whenever, if you
do that, you're just likeworried that people are going to
start saying things, or are youtalking about what was said, or
you know gossiping or something.
Speaker 1 (57:49):
So I mean, obviously you like have to have
discernment and people that youwould trust to do that with.
But I was like that's.
I thought to myself like that'spretty cool, and then I just
like went on about my day butI'm like, wait, maybe.
Then I just like went on aboutmy day but I'm like, wait, maybe
I should start doing that forreal, because I think, yeah,
(58:09):
that would be awesome.
You know, I grew up Catholicand so we went to confession,
but that was scary to me, but Ithink this would still be scary,
but in a different way.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
I've never done confession.
I've never.
I'm not a Catholic person.
Speaker 1 (58:17):
I'm like, oh, I think it would be scary.
I always thought it was wasscary.
Like I literally remember myfirst confession like what am I
gonna say?
What am I gonna say?
I was like I fight with mysister yeah, that's all I do.
I'm perfect, yeah, yeah no, butit is scary, but I'm like that
would be so just like powerfuland freeing.
I think just yeah, talkingthrough those things and getting
(58:37):
them out, because with me too,like I said, I can get things
like on the loop in my head yeah, too and I'm like I wonder
sometimes I'll write them downto try and get them out, or like
just say them out loud, or alot of times I'll like tell
jordan, you know, but just likehaving that confession, yeah
just get it out and talk it out.
Yeah, maybe get their opinionlike yeah, how do you feel about
(58:58):
this?
Yeah, or someone that can speaklike biblical truth into you
too, because sometimes you justneed that, that truth.
Speaker 2 (59:05):
Just reminders.
Speaker 1 (59:06):
Yeah, reminders, yeah , you always know like.
You know that, like kind oflike you were saying, like I
know God is there and I knowthis, but the devil, you know
he's founded.
Yeah, you, okay.
So you have mentioned feelingburnt out a little bit from
nursing after COVID and you'vehad to make some changes.
I feel that I obviously, too,got super burnt out with nursing
(59:30):
after COVID, and if you're anurse out there that felt burnt
out after COVID, let us know.
We'll talk about it, because ityeah, it was hard, but you said
that you're dreaming aboutsomeday being a flight attendant
.
I didn't know that.
Um, if you could give advice tosomeone out there feeling stuck
or questioning their path, whatwould you tell them?
Speaker 2 (59:52):
Hmm, go for it.
I mean I've been a nurse forgoing on nine, 10 years,
something like that, so it'sjust um, go for it.
I mean sometimes you needchange and I keep thinking
whenever Bladen graduates, um, Iwant to go to flight attendant
(01:00:12):
school, which is um, like Delta,has one in, like Georgia or
Alabama I've listened to itYou're like I've already started
my application.
It's like hard to get into, butI mean, go for it.
I mean, if you're burnt out andit's just not for you, it's not
feeling right, you have tostruggle to get up and go to
work every day and you're justnot happy there.
(01:00:33):
I mean, find something, make achange, because it's not always.
You know, just because you wentto school and that was a career
path you chose, you don't haveto do it forever.
Or maybe just don't do bedside.
You know, try somethingdifferent.
There's so many differentavenues you can go through.
I mean there's home health, butjust still technically bedside,
(01:00:53):
if you're, like, you know, outin the community, but it's just
different.
You know you're out there justseeing one patient at a time and
not having, you know, five, six, eight patients on your load
that you have to be responsiblefor, and you know that's a big
deal, and so I mean, but there'slike there's so many different
things you could do and, um, Idon't.
(01:01:23):
You know, just just don't.
If you're not happy, don't stay, even if it's the same company,
like I feel.
People you know, even like theolder generation, you know
they're loyal, you know theyfeel like you have to stay, you
have to be loyal to one thing,but people are not.
It's just not like that.
You know you have to do what'sgoing to be best for you and
your family and what's going tomake you feel good about getting
up every day, because if you'remiserable, then your mental
health is not going to be happyfor you.
(01:01:45):
It's going to be miserable too.
Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Yeah, yeah definitely , and I mean I definitely agree
there's.
There is something to be saidabout like hard work.
We're not talking about beingnot working hard or being lazy
that we are not talking aboutthat.
Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
We are talking about.
Speaker 1 (01:02:01):
You are giving it your all every day, every day,
all the time, and it is just.
It's just struggle rough, yeah,and I've been there and you've
been there, and so I get it, andit's scary to make a change.
Yeah, um, but whenever I lovedbedside and I'm not saying that
I would never go back tobedside- yeah.
But it was Jordan, my husband,that kind of put, I don't want
(01:02:26):
to say put his foot down.
That sounds firm, but said likeI need you to hear me.
Like you need to change jobs.
Speaker 2 (01:02:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:02:35):
Like you are not happy and I can tell, and I did.
And like, even whenever I didit, it was like I was so
reluctant.
Like it was like a toxicbreakup or something, yeah, like
a bad relationship like I knewI needed to, but I didn't want
to.
I loved it so much you know, andit's like once I pulled myself
out of there and got away andlike looked back I was like how
(01:02:55):
was I living?
Like that, like I don't knowthat I would say I was living.
How was I surviving?
Yeah, like that, because manand it don't know that I would
say I was living.
How was I surviving?
Yeah, like that, because manand it's hard to, I mean you.
Speaker 2 (01:03:07):
I think you get in this routine every day of just
getting up and going and doingthe job um, and you know, doing
the best you can at that job andthen you just feel like that's
all you can do, you can't change.
You know you're like you'restuck here and this is all you
can do, and but it's not.
You know you can definitelymake changes, but it's hard too
and it's scary.
It's scary to be somewhere andknow that job like the back of
(01:03:32):
your hand and you just can gothere and just do the job every
day and you're good at it.
Yes, and you're good at it andyou can just do it.
And it's scary to change fromthat to something that you're
not familiar with.
That you have to learn all overagain, even though, um, you
know nursing, you know it'sdifferent everywhere.
Everything's different.
You know just different areasand so it's scary.
(01:03:53):
It can be scary, but don't letthat scare like make you not
want to do it or make you veeroff from it.
You know, and even if you, youknow change and you're like,
yeah, this is not for me, I meanjust what?
If you leave somewhere, leaveit in good terms.
Speaker 1 (01:04:10):
Don't just be like abrupt about things you know
yeah, absolutely, because youalways want to leave everything
in good terms yeah definitelyand where.
If you love bedside and you'rethinking about going into
bedside, do that too.
Don't let like our obviously wehave been there too, like we're
so on fire about bedside too.
Speaker 2 (01:04:30):
Oh yeah, I mean I still do bedside.
I mean I do home health, andthen twice a month on the
weekends, you know, I do bedside, and so I'm not downing it for
sure, like, obviously I'm stillthere, I'm still there, I'm
still there, I mean, we'vebroken up, but we're still
seeing each other yeah, we'rejust like broke up on the side
and I just like go over it oncein a while, you know but maybe
(01:04:53):
they're not all the toxic allthe time.
You know, not an everyday toxic.
You have your, your boundaries.
Yes, yes, they're posted.
Speaker 1 (01:05:04):
They're there.
Well, lisa, thank you so muchfor being here and sharing your
heart so openly.
You are so honest and yourstrength and your deep love for
Bladen are such reminders ofeven through the hardest battles
, there's always beauty andpurpose waiting on the other
side.
I know your story will speak toso many mamas and women out
(01:05:25):
there who are trying to navigatetheir own journeys.
You are such a light, even onthe days when you feel like you
might not be, and we are allbetter for hearing your story
today.
I can't wait to see where Godcontinues to lead you, and I'm
cheering you on every step ofthe way.
Thank you again for being apart of this wild crew family.
Speaker 2 (01:05:46):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
It was great, it was.
Speaker 1 (01:05:47):
Thank you.
Hey there, wild crew mamas, andwelcome back.
Today I have the most specialguest joining me, someone whose
heart for family resilience andreal life experience I know will
inspire so many of you.
My sweet friend Lisa Hutchinsonis a proud mother to her son
Bladen.
A dedicated nurse who has spentnearly a decade caring for
(01:06:08):
others.
That's a long time, lisa, and awoman with an incredible story
of perseverance, faith andgrowth.
Lisa's journey hasn't alwaysbeen easy, from balancing
motherhood at a young age tonavigating ups and downs of her
faith, mental health battles anda career burnout.
But through it all she'scontinued to show up, survive
(01:06:29):
and raise a respectful, kindyoung man along the way.
Today we're diving intomotherhood, mental health, faith
and even dreams of where lifemight take Lisa next, lisa, my
beautiful friend, my amazingfriend.
I am so honored to have youhere and excited for you to
share your beautiful heart withlisteners.
Speaker 2 (01:06:47):
Well, thank you so much for having me.
Well, my name is Lisa.
Um, I have been a nurse for awhile, quite some time, um, and
then I live in a small towncalled Chelsea.
I have a son named Bladen.
He is 14.
He is wild.
He's good, but he's wild.
(01:07:07):
He is very devoted to his FFA.
He's so obsessed with it, whichmakes me sad, because he was so
into sports and now he's not.
I'm like, oh, heart crushing.
Speaker 1 (01:07:21):
And FFA for those who are not from oblahoma is future
farmers of america.
Yes, my sisters and my mom.
Yeah, both in ff, all in ffayes, he loves it.
Speaker 2 (01:07:33):
He shows animals and then he does auctioneering,
which is oh so different,because I grew up around
auctions and I hated it so much,but he loves it Really.
Loves it.
Speaker 1 (01:07:45):
So he said he like talks real fast.
Speaker 2 (01:07:48):
Well, he's learning more and more, Like he's been
doing auctions and it's likegetting better, but it was yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:07:54):
Can you give us an example of what an auction would
sound like?
Speaker 2 (01:07:59):
So if you're like you , you know about to be selling
something.
You're like one one, one, two,two, two, three, three, three
and you keep going up and peopleare bidding on it.
So that's how that would go.
Obviously I'm not good at it,but he's getting, he's getting
better at it.
So you know, you just sellthings at the auctions, but yeah
(01:08:19):
, so it's very unique and youknow, he is obviously dear, dear
to me.
I love him, even though he canbe a little ornery and just
himself.
I guess I think, um, my momwould say that he's a lot like
me and I'm like no, no, no, Iwasn't like that but your mom
(01:08:40):
definitely knows oh yeah, andyou're the.
Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
You're the youngest of four, four, oh okay, three
girls yeah, there's three of usgirls and a boy.
Yeah, okay and your familylives fairly.
Speaker 2 (01:08:50):
Your parents live yeah, my parents just live like
10 minutes from me by oolagalllake, and then my sister natasha
lives just like five minutesfrom me, and then my brother
Jacob lives literally rightbeside my parents you do not get
away and then my oldest sister,miranda.
Um, she lives off in New Mexico.
(01:09:13):
Like whenever she got out ofschool she went to the military
and then she met her husband andthey've just always been out
there doing their thing.
Yeah, nice, nice, and they'vejust always been out there doing
their thing.
Speaker 1 (01:09:21):
Yeah, nice.
Mama, I'm so grateful that youtook time out of your busy
schedule today to listen to Mamaof the Wild Crew podcast.
I'm Alexa Schmoker and I hopeyou love this conversation and
(01:09:43):
that it resonated with you.
Thank you so much for openingup your circle and letting us in
as we walk through this wildride of motherhood together.
Remember, in the chaos ofmotherhood, there is always joy
to be found, so keep looking inthose little moments that make
it all worth it.
Be sure to follow along onInstagram at Mama of the Wild
Crew underscore podcast.
Please don't forget to like,subscribe and share our podcast.
(01:10:05):
I'd love to hear from you, socomment, tag me, dm me, let me
know what you think and let meknow what you'd like to hear
next.
Mama, I am praying for you, Ilove you and I cannot wait to
see you next time.
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