October 13, 2024 • 14 mins
Escape the self-deceitful trance that keeps you from living an authentic life. Discover how accountability, vulnerability, and responsibility can empower you to break free from societal pressures and victim mindsets. This episode promises to shed light on how embracing radical honesty and acknowledging your role in shaping your life can lead to personal transformation. We offer insights into challenging the illusions that keep you stuck and show you how to reclaim your individuality and true self.
Embrace the journey of personal growth and transformation without the pressure of seeking perfection. Standing in your truth is a practice, not a destination, and we guide you through how authenticity can lead to greater freedom and fulfillment. Join us as we challenge the notion that you must always have it together and encourage you to step out of your comfort zone. Listen in, and you may find the courage to embrace your true self, heal, and thrive. Don’t forget to share your thoughts by leaving a review and help spread these empowering messages.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, what if I told you that right now
you're living in a trance.
It's a trance of self-deceit,where you've convinced yourself
that everything is fine, thatthe blame lies outside of you
and that staying comfortable isthe path to growth.
But here's the truth the longeryou stay in this trance, the
(00:21):
further you drift from the lifeyou truly meant to live.
Hey everybody, welcome back toman on Cape.
My name is Shane Coyle.
It's nice to be back.
I took a little hiatus doingsome deep dive, and I've really
been doing some inwardperspective in my own life,
(00:41):
because if I am going to ask youto go somewhere, I have to go
there myself, and so I've reallybeen looking at this idea of
where we live in our self-deceitand where we avoid any
responsibility.
If you've been on my Instagram,you've probably seen I've been
doing a lot of posts around thisand I've broken this down into
(01:03):
three pillars.
So today we're going to talkabout these three pillars that
can wake us up from thisillusion, and I broke these
three pillars down intoaccountability, vulnerability
and responsibility.
These are the keys that I havefound that breaking out of the
self-imposed fog and steppinginto our truth and you've
(01:24):
probably heard it before thetruth shall set you free.
If you're ready to break out ofthis cycle of denial and step
into real, raw freedom, let'sdive in First.
Let's start off withaccountability, breaking the
trance with accountability.
Accountability is about beinghonest with ourself.
I'm talking about radicalhonesty, the kind that forces
(01:45):
you to admit you've been hidingfrom your own truth.
This could be very difficult,because the mind tends to live
in more pleasure, less pain.
It wants to avoid all cost.
We can justify, we can minimize, we can rationalize any
behavior in avoidance toactually sit in our own truth.
Most of us spend years blamingour circumstances or other
(02:09):
people for where we are in life.
But that's the trance.
You see, that is the trance.
It's easier to point the fingeroutward than to look in the
mirror and say I am responsiblefor this.
That's a hard pill to swallowfor a lot of it.
I'm telling you I'm not sayingI've mastered this by any means.
I love to stand in my truththat I do struggle with this at
(02:31):
times because I can live in myown trance.
That trance is well, welladapted.
When you're holding yourselfaccountable, you step out of the
trance of self-deceit, you stoplying to yourself about why
things aren't working.
You stop pretending that you'repowerless.
You know we're perfectlyimperfect as human beings.
(02:51):
We make mistakes about 15% ofthe time.
We're never going to be perfect.
Accountability is waking up tothe reality that you have
control over your actions, yourchoices and, ultimately, your
life.
No more excuses, no more victimmindset and let me speak a
little bit about that for aminute, because that idea of the
(03:14):
victim mindset is therelinquishing of self.
It is passing it on to somebodyelse.
There has to be a villain if weare going to be the victim
Passing the blame.
I like to call it blame shift,shame shift.
We pass our behaviors and hidebehind our excuses of why we can
stay small.
And if you've heard of me talkabout this before, it's really
(03:35):
this very childlike state ofbeing that I'm powerless and the
archetypes.
We can look at it from theorphan stage I can't do this,
I'll die if I do this, and wecan stay stuck in there and that
is part of the trance.
So when you fully embrace thisaccountability, you actually
reclaim your power.
See, this idea of the victimconsciousness is I am powerless.
(03:58):
And the great paradox talksabout when we fully embrace our
accountability.
Talks about.
When we fully embrace ouraccountability, we reclaim our
power.
So to claim that we'repowerless is actually the
restoration of our power.
It's such a fascinating thing.
You start to see that you havethe ability to create the life
you want because you're nolonger blinded by your own
(04:19):
justifications and your owndenials, the truth that sets you
free.
That's pillar one.
Another pillar that I like totalk about is the stepping into
vulnerability, to get out of ourillusions and our trance.
Now let's talk about thisvulnerability, because stepping
into your truth means showingthe parts of yourself you've
been hiding and I've talkedabout this over and over where
(04:43):
shame is about hiding ourselves.
So when we are shamed ofourself, we go into hiding.
Of course, when we go intohiding, we create facades, we
create roles and, if you know me, these roles become very, very
addictive.
We lose our authenticitybecause we're hiding behind our
roles.
So we live in a world thattells us to keep up appearances,
(05:05):
to wear masks, to pretendeverything is fine.
So that's another form ofself-deceit, because we're
buying into the socialconstructs, into the matrix, if
you will, to live our life inaccordance to this conformity.
So we lose our individuality,to this conformity.
So we lose our individuality.
It's living in this falseversion of yourself, afraid that
(05:28):
people, if they saw the realyou, the imperfect, the
struggling, the human you, youwouldn't be accepted.
And so, again, it goes upagainst not standing in our
truth.
It goes up against the selfdeceit.
See, there's nobody else therelike you.
There's nobody out there thatthinks like you, that does the
(05:51):
things like you, thatcommunicates the way that you do
, that looks like you, that isyou, the uniqueness of you, and
we've lost track of that.
But here's the thingVulnerability is the antidote to
this lie.
It's about being courageous.
Again, if you are looking forfreedom, work or personal
development, this is aboutfreedom, the more free you can
be in this life.
So it's going to take courageand to allow yourself to be seen
(06:20):
in your truth.
When you allow yourself to bevulnerable, you're breaking free
from the need of perfection,you're embracing your humanity.
Speaking of the perfection,perfectionism in itself is a
shame-based.
It's a shame-based trait.
We have to be perfect in orderto feel loved.
(06:40):
We have to be perfect to belongwhich always goes up against
the species to feel validated,to gain approval, admiration.
So this is where healing reallybegins.
The vulnerability cracks openthe shell.
It really cracks open the shellof the self-deceit and it says
I'm here, as I am no more hiding.
(07:01):
See, we're coming out of hiding.
And in doing that, you giveyourself permission to grow, to
connect deeply with others andto start healing those wounds
you've been covering up for solong.
Vulnerability doesn't weakenyou.
It actually frees you.
Now let's take a look at thethird pillar and, by the way,
this is in no particular order.
So I put them in three pillars,not that they have to fall this
(07:28):
order, but these three pillarsare important if you are calling
in personal development,transformation, like I said,
transcendence to get out of yourtrance, to grow.
Now we're going to take a lookat responsibility, the power to
create your truth.
This is beautiful.
Finally we come toresponsibility, and this pillar
is where you stop waiting forsomeone or something to change
your life.
You take responsibility meansyou accept that you are the
(07:52):
creator of your reality andnobody else.
But again, if you're looking atit from a victim consciousness,
or what I refer to as thewounded child aspect, you know
you're looking for the savior.
We'd be looking for somebody orsomething to be our savior.
Of course, that never works.
It's not sustainable becausethere is nobody else to save you
(08:15):
.
We save ourselves.
So it is actually moving inpersonal development and
personal growth, transformationis actually moving from our
child phase to become matureadults.
So we often deceive ourselvesinto thinking that life is
happening to us.
If only this hadn't happened orif only this person would
(08:37):
change again.
See the lack of boundariesthere.
Person would change again.
See the lack of boundariesthere If this person would
change.
So we're lacking responsibility, we're in our self-deceit.
If this person will change, mylife will be better.
Or if this thing would happen,I'll be much happier.
See the deceit in that, see thelies within that.
And I'll talk a little bit aboutthe end, about really this
(09:00):
self-deceit.
For me is the core of where weunderstand disorders, and I'm
going to get back to that at theend, but stay with me for a
second.
But this is the trance I'mtalking about.
Our lack of responsibility isputting all that responsibility
outside of ourselves.
Responsibility is about wakingup from the mindset and
realizing that you areresponsible for your healing,
(09:22):
your growth and your happiness.
And there's such deep richnessin these three pillars once we
learn to embrace these andembody these in our dailies.
Now, again, it's about apractice, because it's not about
being perfect.
It's about practicing thesetechniques, the idea that no one
(09:43):
is coming to save you, no oneelse is there to do your inner
work.
That's a hard truth, that's ahard pill to swallow, but it's
also the most liberating truth.
Again, this is about freedom,work.
So when you take thisresponsibility, you step fully
into your power.
You realize that you are not avictim of circumstances.
You're the author of the storyand in the truth you find
(10:05):
freedom.
And this is the beautiful workof the understanding.
The truth shall set you freeand, yes, it's the truth of who
we are and what we came here todo and the purpose that we have
on this life.
And I've talked about thisbefore, but I'll say it again
(10:28):
the two most important times inan individual's life, one is
obviously the day you were born.
It was the most important time.
The second most important timein an individual's life is the
day that you realize why youwere born, and that feeds
purpose, it feeds value, itfeeds the invitation to what are
(10:51):
we doing here, what are weresponsible for?
And so really embracing thesethings.
So, at the core of these threepillars accountability,
vulnerability and responsibilityis one profound idea that that
truth shall set you free.
Living in self-deceit keeps ustrapped, it keeps us in this
trance, it keeps us stagnant, itkeeps us unfulfilled because,
(11:12):
with the internal which alsocould lead to resentments,
because the resentments, theinternal anger for ourself, the
soul knows we're not living upin our truest potential, that
we're living in out of alignmentwith our true sense of self.
That's what I'm going to talkabout now.
I'm going to talk about let'sjust take a look at this.
First of all, let's just lookat the word disorder.
(11:36):
Now, if I am living, say, evenin the depression sense of self,
the depressed part of ourself,the depressed emotions, if we
understand repression, pushingemotions, suppression, the too
painful, push it away,depression, long-term, you are
pushing up against the naturalflow of the body or you're
(11:56):
pushing up against the naturalorder of life.
Well, think about that.
Then you're going to be livingin a disorder.
You know these anxieties.
When we push away theseanxieties, we push everything
away.
The body starts to break down.
Now you're living in a disorderof the natural flow of life.
So, looking at that, I tend touse a wide lens around these
(12:18):
disorders and diagnosis.
I think it's really this.
What it comes down to is we'repushing up against the flow of
ourselves, we are in ourself-deceit, we're not standing
in our truth.
And we're not standing in ourtruth, the energy in motion,
these emotions can't flow, andwhen they can't flow, they are
breaking our body down.
We are pushing them into ournervous system.
(12:39):
We become very hypervigilant,and your immune system is
reliant on a well-functioningnervous system.
If I'm pushing down all ofthese emotions past or present
emotions I can't be with theseparts of myself.
I'm pushing those down.
Then what happens is you arealso compromising your immune
(13:00):
system.
So now it's a wider lens.
You've got autoimmune disease.
You've got all of theseelements where the body starts
to fight back.
Now, with that being said, justeven accountability.
It wakes us up to the role inour life.
Vulnerability allows us to liveauthentically.
Responsibility empowers us totake action.
(13:21):
See, these pillars aren't justtools for personal growth.
They're actually keys forbreaking free from the lies
you've told yourself.
If you're feeling stuck, askyourself where am I avoiding
accountability?
Where am I hiding my true selfout of fear?
Where am I refusing to takeresponsibility for my happiness?
Answer these questions honestlyand you'll start to see where
(13:45):
you're trapped in your owntrance.
Because, in the end, healingand the growth aren't about
perfection Remember, we'reperfectly imperfect.
They're about truth.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople have this idea that
transformation and personalgrowth, we have to be these
perfect meditating spiritualbeings always all the time.
It's about standing in ourtruth and we're not going to do
(14:09):
it all the time.
We are going to practice.
But the more that you canpractice, the more free you can
be and isn't that a great placeto live in this life?
The more free we can be.
I just wanted to say that.
Thank you for joining me today.
I hope this episode sparkedsomething inside of you to step
out of the illusions and intoyour truth of who you really are
.
Until next time, remember, weneed to come out of hiding.
(14:32):
You have the power to liveauthentically, to heal and to
thrive.
And if you do like this episode, please share it with people.
And if you do like this episode, please give it reviews.
It helps it get out there Again.
My name is Shane.
Welcome to man Uncaved.
Hey everybody, what if I told you that right now
you're living in a trance.
It's a trance of self-deceit,where you've convinced yourself
that everything is fine, thatthe blame lies outside of you
and that staying comfortable isthe path to growth.
But here's the truth the longeryou stay in this trance, the
(00:21):
further you drift from the lifeyou truly meant to live.
Hey everybody, welcome back toman on Cape.
My name is Shane Coyle.
It's nice to be back.
I took a little hiatus doingsome deep dive, and I've really
been doing some inwardperspective in my own life,
(00:41):
because if I am going to ask youto go somewhere, I have to go
there myself, and so I've reallybeen looking at this idea of
where we live in our self-deceitand where we avoid any
responsibility.
If you've been on my Instagram,you've probably seen I've been
doing a lot of posts around thisand I've broken this down into
(01:03):
three pillars.
So today we're going to talkabout these three pillars that
can wake us up from thisillusion, and I broke these
three pillars down intoaccountability, vulnerability
and responsibility.
These are the keys that I havefound that breaking out of the
self-imposed fog and steppinginto our truth and you've
(01:24):
probably heard it before thetruth shall set you free.
If you're ready to break out ofthis cycle of denial and step
into real, raw freedom, let'sdive in First.
Let's start off withaccountability, breaking the
trance with accountability.
Accountability is about beinghonest with ourself.
I'm talking about radicalhonesty, the kind that forces
(01:45):
you to admit you've been hidingfrom your own truth.
This could be very difficult,because the mind tends to live
in more pleasure, less pain.
It wants to avoid all cost.
We can justify, we can minimize, we can rationalize any
behavior in avoidance toactually sit in our own truth.
Most of us spend years blamingour circumstances or other
(02:09):
people for where we are in life.
But that's the trance.
You see, that is the trance.
It's easier to point the fingeroutward than to look in the
mirror and say I am responsiblefor this.
That's a hard pill to swallowfor a lot of it.
I'm telling you I'm not sayingI've mastered this by any means.
I love to stand in my truththat I do struggle with this at
(02:31):
times because I can live in myown trance.
That trance is well, welladapted.
When you're holding yourselfaccountable, you step out of the
trance of self-deceit, you stoplying to yourself about why
things aren't working.
You stop pretending that you'repowerless.
You know we're perfectlyimperfect as human beings.
(02:51):
We make mistakes about 15% ofthe time.
We're never going to be perfect.
Accountability is waking up tothe reality that you have
control over your actions, yourchoices and, ultimately, your
life.
No more excuses, no more victimmindset and let me speak a
little bit about that for aminute, because that idea of the
(03:14):
victim mindset is therelinquishing of self.
It is passing it on to somebodyelse.
There has to be a villain if weare going to be the victim
Passing the blame.
I like to call it blame shift,shame shift.
We pass our behaviors and hidebehind our excuses of why we can
stay small.
And if you've heard of me talkabout this before, it's really
(03:35):
this very childlike state ofbeing that I'm powerless and the
archetypes.
We can look at it from theorphan stage I can't do this,
I'll die if I do this, and wecan stay stuck in there and that
is part of the trance.
So when you fully embrace thisaccountability, you actually
reclaim your power.
See, this idea of the victimconsciousness is I am powerless.
(03:58):
And the great paradox talksabout when we fully embrace our
accountability.
Talks about.
When we fully embrace ouraccountability, we reclaim our
power.
So to claim that we'repowerless is actually the
restoration of our power.
It's such a fascinating thing.
You start to see that you havethe ability to create the life
you want because you're nolonger blinded by your own
(04:19):
justifications and your owndenials, the truth that sets you
free.
That's pillar one.
Another pillar that I like totalk about is the stepping into
vulnerability, to get out of ourillusions and our trance.
Now let's talk about thisvulnerability, because stepping
into your truth means showingthe parts of yourself you've
been hiding and I've talkedabout this over and over where
(04:43):
shame is about hiding ourselves.
So when we are shamed ofourself, we go into hiding.
Of course, when we go intohiding, we create facades, we
create roles and, if you know me, these roles become very, very
addictive.
We lose our authenticitybecause we're hiding behind our
roles.
So we live in a world thattells us to keep up appearances,
(05:05):
to wear masks, to pretendeverything is fine.
So that's another form ofself-deceit, because we're
buying into the socialconstructs, into the matrix, if
you will, to live our life inaccordance to this conformity.
So we lose our individuality,to this conformity.
So we lose our individuality.
It's living in this falseversion of yourself, afraid that
(05:28):
people, if they saw the realyou, the imperfect, the
struggling, the human you, youwouldn't be accepted.
And so, again, it goes upagainst not standing in our
truth.
It goes up against the selfdeceit.
See, there's nobody else therelike you.
There's nobody out there thatthinks like you, that does the
(05:51):
things like you, thatcommunicates the way that you do
, that looks like you, that isyou, the uniqueness of you, and
we've lost track of that.
But here's the thingVulnerability is the antidote to
this lie.
It's about being courageous.
Again, if you are looking forfreedom, work or personal
development, this is aboutfreedom, the more free you can
be in this life.
So it's going to take courageand to allow yourself to be seen
(06:20):
in your truth.
When you allow yourself to bevulnerable, you're breaking free
from the need of perfection,you're embracing your humanity.
Speaking of the perfection,perfectionism in itself is a
shame-based.
It's a shame-based trait.
We have to be perfect in orderto feel loved.
(06:40):
We have to be perfect to belongwhich always goes up against
the species to feel validated,to gain approval, admiration.
So this is where healing reallybegins.
The vulnerability cracks openthe shell.
It really cracks open the shellof the self-deceit and it says
I'm here, as I am no more hiding.
(07:01):
See, we're coming out of hiding.
And in doing that, you giveyourself permission to grow, to
connect deeply with others andto start healing those wounds
you've been covering up for solong.
Vulnerability doesn't weakenyou.
It actually frees you.
Now let's take a look at thethird pillar and, by the way,
this is in no particular order.
So I put them in three pillars,not that they have to fall this
(07:28):
order, but these three pillarsare important if you are calling
in personal development,transformation, like I said,
transcendence to get out of yourtrance, to grow.
Now we're going to take a lookat responsibility, the power to
create your truth.
This is beautiful.
Finally we come toresponsibility, and this pillar
is where you stop waiting forsomeone or something to change
your life.
You take responsibility meansyou accept that you are the
(07:52):
creator of your reality andnobody else.
But again, if you're looking atit from a victim consciousness,
or what I refer to as thewounded child aspect, you know
you're looking for the savior.
We'd be looking for somebody orsomething to be our savior.
Of course, that never works.
It's not sustainable becausethere is nobody else to save you
(08:15):
.
We save ourselves.
So it is actually moving inpersonal development and
personal growth, transformationis actually moving from our
child phase to become matureadults.
So we often deceive ourselvesinto thinking that life is
happening to us.
If only this hadn't happened orif only this person would
(08:37):
change again.
See the lack of boundariesthere.
Person would change again.
See the lack of boundariesthere If this person would
change.
So we're lacking responsibility, we're in our self-deceit.
If this person will change, mylife will be better.
Or if this thing would happen,I'll be much happier.
See the deceit in that, see thelies within that.
And I'll talk a little bit aboutthe end, about really this
(09:00):
self-deceit.
For me is the core of where weunderstand disorders, and I'm
going to get back to that at theend, but stay with me for a
second.
But this is the trance I'mtalking about.
Our lack of responsibility isputting all that responsibility
outside of ourselves.
Responsibility is about wakingup from the mindset and
realizing that you areresponsible for your healing,
(09:22):
your growth and your happiness.
And there's such deep richnessin these three pillars once we
learn to embrace these andembody these in our dailies.
Now, again, it's about apractice, because it's not about
being perfect.
It's about practicing thesetechniques, the idea that no one
(09:43):
is coming to save you, no oneelse is there to do your inner
work.
That's a hard truth, that's ahard pill to swallow, but it's
also the most liberating truth.
Again, this is about freedom,work.
So when you take thisresponsibility, you step fully
into your power.
You realize that you are not avictim of circumstances.
You're the author of the storyand in the truth you find
(10:05):
freedom.
And this is the beautiful workof the understanding.
The truth shall set you freeand, yes, it's the truth of who
we are and what we came here todo and the purpose that we have
on this life.
And I've talked about thisbefore, but I'll say it again
(10:28):
the two most important times inan individual's life, one is
obviously the day you were born.
It was the most important time.
The second most important timein an individual's life is the
day that you realize why youwere born, and that feeds
purpose, it feeds value, itfeeds the invitation to what are
(10:51):
we doing here, what are weresponsible for?
And so really embracing thesethings.
So, at the core of these threepillars accountability,
vulnerability and responsibilityis one profound idea that that
truth shall set you free.
Living in self-deceit keeps ustrapped, it keeps us in this
trance, it keeps us stagnant, itkeeps us unfulfilled because,
(11:12):
with the internal which alsocould lead to resentments,
because the resentments, theinternal anger for ourself, the
soul knows we're not living upin our truest potential, that
we're living in out of alignmentwith our true sense of self.
That's what I'm going to talkabout now.
I'm going to talk about let'sjust take a look at this.
First of all, let's just lookat the word disorder.
(11:36):
Now, if I am living, say, evenin the depression sense of self,
the depressed part of ourself,the depressed emotions, if we
understand repression, pushingemotions, suppression, the too
painful, push it away,depression, long-term, you are
pushing up against the naturalflow of the body or you're
(11:56):
pushing up against the naturalorder of life.
Well, think about that.
Then you're going to be livingin a disorder.
You know these anxieties.
When we push away theseanxieties, we push everything
away.
The body starts to break down.
Now you're living in a disorderof the natural flow of life.
So, looking at that, I tend touse a wide lens around these
(12:18):
disorders and diagnosis.
I think it's really this.
What it comes down to is we'repushing up against the flow of
ourselves, we are in ourself-deceit, we're not standing
in our truth.
And we're not standing in ourtruth, the energy in motion,
these emotions can't flow, andwhen they can't flow, they are
breaking our body down.
We are pushing them into ournervous system.
(12:39):
We become very hypervigilant,and your immune system is
reliant on a well-functioningnervous system.
If I'm pushing down all ofthese emotions past or present
emotions I can't be with theseparts of myself.
I'm pushing those down.
Then what happens is you arealso compromising your immune
(13:00):
system.
So now it's a wider lens.
You've got autoimmune disease.
You've got all of theseelements where the body starts
to fight back.
Now, with that being said, justeven accountability.
It wakes us up to the role inour life.
Vulnerability allows us to liveauthentically.
Responsibility empowers us totake action.
(13:21):
See, these pillars aren't justtools for personal growth.
They're actually keys forbreaking free from the lies
you've told yourself.
If you're feeling stuck, askyourself where am I avoiding
accountability?
Where am I hiding my true selfout of fear?
Where am I refusing to takeresponsibility for my happiness?
Answer these questions honestlyand you'll start to see where
(13:45):
you're trapped in your owntrance.
Because, in the end, healingand the growth aren't about
perfection Remember, we'reperfectly imperfect.
They're about truth.
You know, I think a lot ofpeople have this idea that
transformation and personalgrowth, we have to be these
perfect meditating spiritualbeings always all the time.
It's about standing in ourtruth and we're not going to do
(14:09):
it all the time.
We are going to practice.
But the more that you canpractice, the more free you can
be and isn't that a great placeto live in this life?
The more free we can be.
I just wanted to say that.
Thank you for joining me today.
I hope this episode sparkedsomething inside of you to step
out of the illusions and intoyour truth of who you really are
.
Until next time, remember, weneed to come out of hiding.
(14:32):
You have the power to liveauthentically, to heal and to
thrive.
And if you do like this episode, please share it with people.
And if you do like this episode, please give it reviews.
It helps it get out there Again.
My name is Shane.
Welcome to man Uncaved.
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