January 28, 2024 • 48 mins
The rollercoaster of wedding planning emotions, my own story echoes through each decision—from choosing flowers to standing my ground amid a sea of family opinions. My guest, belief hacker Mell 'B' Balment, joins me to share the essentials into maintaining your sanity and self during this testing time. Together, we discuss how setting boundaries and effective communication can keep your dream vision for your wedding intact, despite the push and pull of tradition and family expectations.
Mel and Yvette talk through the customs that have long defined weddings, questioning their relevance in today's celebrations and advocating for personalisation. In this episode, we aim to bolster your courage to challenge the status quo, ensuring your wedding day feels as authentic as the love it's celebrating.
Mel touches on strategies for managing stress and emotions and If you're weaving your way through the wedding prep maze, looking for both logistical and emotional guidance, this episode is your compass to serenity and enjoyable planning your way.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Yvette Sitters (00:00):
Welcome to the Manage my Wedding podcast, where
we believe your wedding is themost important time in your life
and you deserve to feelsupported and organised when
planning the wedding of yourdreams.
I'm your host, yvette Sidders.
Hello, welcome back to theManage my Wedding podcast.
This week is a very differenttype of podcast episode than
(00:23):
normal.
We all know that we get engagedand everything is so super
exciting.
Then we start to plan and thenwe start to deal with family and
friends and opinions and thestress of all of that and
financial stress, justeverything.
It's a lot.
(00:45):
I wanted to bring somebody on tothe podcast this week that
understands, that gets it.
That is she's.
I think she's a powerful womanand I think that she is going to
share so much with you in thisepisode.
She is a deep belief hacker.
She is a game changer in energy, mindset and subconscious
mastery, and her mission isempowering women to conquer
(01:08):
their belief storms to achievetheir hidden dreams.
She's an expert for empaths.
She understands that unlockingsensitivities is the key to
independence and empowerment andcreating lasting legacy and
impact.
So welcome to the podcast, mel.
Mell 'B' Balment (01:27):
I'm so excited about this one.
I've done a lot of podcasts,but this one's so close to my
heart because I'm a fiance too.
Yvette Sitters (01:37):
Congratulations.
When are you getting married?
Mell 'B' Balment (01:41):
We're looking at November 24.
Yvette Sitters (01:43):
Okay, that's fearless.
So that's like a year away fromwhen we're recording.
Mell 'B' Balment (01:50):
Yeah, I am a divorcee and I did the bootstrap
wedding and now I want my dreamwedding.
Yvette Sitters (01:56):
Yes, don't we all?
We deserve it, everyonedeserves it.
Mell 'B' Balment (02:01):
Well, not everybody wants a big, dreamy
wedding and that's okay too,each to their own, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (02:07):
But it's your own dream wedding, right, like
everyone.
What that term is so differentfor everyone.
But yeah, we all deserve tohave what we want.
So true, yeah, one person'sdream is different from another
and is equally amazing andwonderful, and romantic and
gorgeous all the juicy stuff andI said that like what we want,
(02:28):
because everyone knows I talkabout it on a lot of the podcast
episodes actually on most andhow important it is to have what
we want and not what somebodyelse wants, because then we're
not happy on the day, then we'remore stressed in the lead up
and then we look back on the dayhaving some regrets sometimes,
which is super, super sad.
(02:49):
But unfortunately we knowweddings like bring up oh, they
bring up so much for people.
The stress of planning awedding is often mostly brought
on by family opinion, advice andeveryone telling us what we
should and shouldn't do.
It's really disheartening butit just happens.
(03:10):
It brings these people out thatyou didn't know existed before.
It brings out this side youwish you didn't want to see.
Why do you think that is Mel?
Mell 'B' Balment (03:21):
That's a good question.
I'm thinking back to Mikebecause I have the joy of
reflection of what wentdifferently from what I wanted
first time around, but whatcauses?
I think it sounds a cop out,but I think often it's not being
really clear on our ownboundaries and what we will sway
(03:45):
on and what's not, and maybecommunicating that from the
start.
So why is it so stressful?
Sometimes it's the finances andbringing all that together
Absolutely, completely legit,feel it Absolutely, but I think
some of the other times it's howdo we manage these other
opinions or requests or demandsin a way that honours us, and
(04:08):
especially if it's familymembers or in-laws who are being
selfish, I would say, abouttheir expectations on your big
day?
So why does it happen.
What's your question?
I think people have some egosand there's unrealised dreams
that they're trying to perhapsmake sure you fulfil in your day
(04:31):
because they didn't get itthemselves or they wanted
themselves.
So often it's from what I callOPPs, other people's priorities
and as soon as you can discussthose and not let it kind of get
dug under the carpet, perhapsyou can claw it back and go
right.
Well, I know this is reallyimportant to you and I think
that's the key of thecommunication.
(04:51):
I'm hearing you, I'm respondingto you and I'm letting you know
honestly how it lands for me.
I hear inviting anti-Nora'smates who's 100 years old is
really important to you.
That costs me X per head forsomebody who I don't know
(05:15):
probably won't see again.
Is there a way that we canmanage anti-Nora's cousin so
that they can attend Because,quite frankly, there'll probably
be a sleep in the middle of it?
So how do you manage that?
Yvette Sitters (05:27):
by clean discussions, yeah it's actually,
would you say.
I'm right in saying I often sayto brides it's their story, not
yours.
Mell 'B' Balment (05:39):
Absolutely Other people's priorities is
their view of the world.
Like we were saying about thedream at the start, your dream
wedding is not somebody else'sdream wedding, but it's not
wrong, it's just different andthat's often the other people's
priorities is.
I've got different priorities,so I'm not dismissing that's
important to you, but I am goingto discuss it with you because
(06:01):
if we don't talk about it, it'sgoing to go nasty, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (06:06):
So what happens then when they discuss it and
they're like, well, that's whatI want, that's what it's going
to be, because that does happen.
A lot.
Mell 'B' Balment (06:15):
I think it comes back to how you
communicate it and we'll circleback on that and how much you
value this thing enough to put aboundary in line, a line in the
sand.
A boundary in place, sorry, andhold true to whether it really
is important to you or whetheryou're fighting for something
(06:36):
just because you don't like them.
Or if you're like, well, I'venever given it thought, but I
don't want to do it.
You're with some subconsciousthings we actually have been
considered and that can causethat real stuck in the mud, and
I'm not fluid about this.
So how do we do that?
The number one thing I learnedyears ago when I used to be a
dating coach is when you'rehaving conflict, we've got to
(07:04):
remember there's always threetruths, and what I mean by that
is you've got your truth, yourperspective, your reality, the
other party has theirs, and thenthere's something in the middle
.
This is an element of truththat comes from both of you.
So when we come we've heard ita lot put yourself in the other
(07:27):
person's shoes.
Sometimes we have to getourselves in our own shoes of
understanding.
Why am I so hard and fast onthis?
And the way to communicate isthe emotions.
So what I mean by that ismother-in-law, I get that you
want to invite these other fivepeople to the wedding because
(07:48):
they're your lifelong friendsand they helped raise me as a
child or helped raise partnersas a child, but that adds $700,
$800 on to our overall bill andwe would rather spend that
somewhere else.
So that's a logical explanation.
And so like no, they're coming.
(08:09):
You're like, okay, can wecompromise?
And with the emotion saying,well, I really would love to
spend it on this or these peopleinstead.
This is what's important to meand I get there, important to
you.
So can we compromise?
Or are you prepared tounderstand how important it is
(08:29):
to me and the emotion of I'mfeeling really conflicted, I'm
feeling out of alignment withyour decisions and the way I
want to take the wedding or theguest list or whatever is going
on.
It has to be communicating.
This is making me really unhappy, really sad, frustrated and not
(08:49):
blurted out with those emotionsbut calmly, approach going.
This is really stressing me out.
I feel really conflicted withyou wanting this when I want
this.
Can we compromise?
Ultimately, is it worth thepain?
Pick your battles, choose Isimportant for them to be happy
(09:13):
on the day, kind of, because ifthey're going to be whining and
complaining, how do we managethat?
Okay, you know what?
You can have three of yourfriends, not five of your
friends.
We'll put you over the quiet,non-musicy end of the room and
then we'll have our friends.
This is all right or wrong?
Being your truth, being honestabout how you actually feel, is
(09:37):
usually the best strategy,without emotion.
Talk about your emotions.
Don't bring your emotions intothe discussion.
Yvette Sitters (09:44):
Yeah, I like how you worded that too, explaining
to them that this is how I feel.
This is what's important to mefor my wedding getting them to
try and understand that.
What about in the scenario andI don't know why, but this has
come up a lot lately and I'mgetting this actually asked I
can't even.
I think I've had four peoplejust in the last week tell me
(10:05):
this and it's the situationwhere the bride hasn't had much
to do with the father all herlife growing up, but he is
insisting on walking her downthe aisle.
She is so worried about howshe's going to offend him, even
though she's I don't even knowhim, like most people know their
fathers.
So how do I manage that?
(10:26):
It's a really hard thing to letthat bother down.
Mell 'B' Balment (10:30):
Okay, so what?
I should have started at thestart of this whole conversation
with the caveat of I'm highlyindependent.
I left home at 15.
I've never really had tocompromise on family boundaries
being pushed upon me, so I dowant to let people know it's
(10:52):
easier for me to say some ofthese things, but I do help
coach some of my clients throughtheir own issues on these sorts
of things, not specificallyweddings.
Yvette Sitters (11:01):
But we'll get to that later.
Mell 'B' Balment (11:06):
So the family member that's estranged but
wants to come to the wedding.
So there's a couple of thingswhy are they estranged?
What's the dynamic that'scaused that separation?
Because that can be used in thediscussion going like this.
Let me put it this way so I'vegot a couple of people who want
to do my makeup.
I work for myself and there's abunch of people around me who
(11:30):
have their own businesses and Iknow there's a couple of ladies
all want to do my makeup on mywedding day and what it came
down to is how do I want to feelwhile my makeup's being done?
What kind of atmosphere do Iwant to generate?
Who I will literally want in myface on the morning of.
And then I picked that persongoing oh, you're going to make
(11:53):
me feel really relaxed, calm,and it's not that the others
won't, but just that energy iswho I want.
She's a little bit high vibe.
I want to feel excitement andthat's how I chose.
If you want someone else towalk you down the aisle, maybe
that's a way of saying I want areally solid rock, that I know I
(12:15):
can have a little moment oftears or have a stress moment,
and they've got my back.
The other discussion pointperhaps depends on where you are
on the feminist spectrum.
I'm a feminist, proud flagbearing, absolutely is.
I'm not having anybody walk medown the aisle.
No, I have not been given away,I'm not an object, I'm not
(12:39):
being handed over to my fiance.
I just don't subscribe to thatmodel at all.
That's my view, that's myopinion.
But I have had somebody saying,can I?
And he didn't know the word iscan I escort you down the aisle?
Can I assist you down the aisleas well?
We're not actually having anaisle, but yes, you can be that
(13:00):
person there for me who's goingto put all the nerves and you've
got a heart, get goose bumpsthinking about everybody's going
to be watching you in thatmoment.
This is your one moment toshine.
Who do you want standing besideyou?
And for the photos?
Let's be real, let's be alittle bit more about this.
If there's a video, do you wanttheir stony, awkward face next
(13:22):
to you?
Or do you want somebody who'soh, my God, you are a princess,
a queen, you are just, andthey're celebrating with you
because they care about thegroom more than they care about
the status of walking down.
Yvette Sitters (13:35):
Yeah, yeah, so important, so that you and I are
polar opposite, because my dadis like my best friend, I love
that, I love that, and so I waslike I'm having my dad, but I
agree with you on the wholegiving away.
I'm like, oh my gosh, how oldschool as well.
Like my dad did not feel likehe had to give me away.
(13:56):
He just wanted to proudly bewith his daughter and I was like
leaning on him in that momentbecause I was emotionally.
Mell 'B' Balment (14:04):
we're both crying.
We've got to be dressed on.
We can't see because of thefricking veil in her eyes.
Yvette Sitters (14:09):
Yes, yes, and I was leaning on him, not
emotionally, physically,everything and he had me and
imagine doing that with somebodythat's you don't really know
that well, of course.
Mell 'B' Balment (14:21):
It's wrong, I think it's.
Look again, I say it's easiersaid than done, but if we can
lead with a conversation going,look, I just don't have that
heart connection with you that Iwould like on the day.
Is there something else that wecan include you in that makes
you feel special?
But for that aisle I wantsomeone who understands.
(14:45):
We love our big boys, but someof them are a bit clumsy.
I don't want a grandpa orwhatever walking down and
stepping on my train andfricking, pulling my head veil
off, and then we want somebodythat we can really, I should say
, lean on.
So I think if you come to thisdiscussion from that point of
view, it's not that you know youand I don't like you and you've
(15:07):
got no place Like this is whatI need, and I'm not sure you're
the best fit for that because wedon't really know one another
that well.
Would you like to make thespeech?
Would you like to Do some otherkey part in the service?
Yvette Sitters (15:24):
They can sign the registry because that's just
a witness.
Mell 'B' Balment (15:27):
It's just a document, it doesn't matter.
Yvette Sitters (15:29):
Yes, yeah, you can still give them a good seat,
and they can even get up andgive you a kiss at the end of
the aisle and that's it, insteadof walking you Like there's so
many other they can hold theflowers.
Mell 'B' Balment (15:39):
They can actually do something Like this
whole.
Everything must be done thisway.
I'm breaking all my traditions?
Yvette Sitters (15:46):
Oh, totally there's no.
Traditions are glong on.
Traditions are not.
I mean, some things are fun,like something blue.
Some people find that funbecause they're like oh, I like
blue, I can put blue shoes on,or I know that you wear a
fabulous blue with your orangeat your waistwear.
So sometimes, like it suits ussome of these things, but just
thinking that we have to dothings because they're
traditional, it's no, so it'sjust wrong.
(16:08):
It's not how it is anymore.
That is not your own wedding,is it?
That's right.
Mell 'B' Balment (16:15):
I've started looking into all of the
traditions and where they areoriginated from, and there's
many.
Unlike what the actual how didthat ever become a thing that
was accepted by society?
Anyway, says Mel, who might behaving a white dress, I get it.
I get it.
Yvette Sitters (16:35):
I think I did a whole episode on traditions.
Oh, let's do that when theycame from and most of it.
I think I'm laughing throughthe whole thing because it's
just hard to believe.
Mell 'B' Balment (16:43):
But there's a point that we can take back to
them and say do you realize?
The tradition of walking medown the aisle actually means
this, and that is not how youraised me, or not how I've been
living my life, and, sorry, thatdoesn't fit with how we want
the day to go.
So that finding the traditionof what somebody's hard or fast
on can also help.
Yvette Sitters (17:03):
No, I love that.
That's a great piece of advice.
That's fantastic.
You can use that.
That's a good way to get out ofsome of these things too, isn't
it?
The other thing I suppose thatcomes creeps up a lot is my mom
is wonderful.
We've got this greatrelationship.
We've had such a wonderfulrelationship all this time, but
since I got engaged and I'mplanning my wedding, she's
(17:25):
turning into this crazy personand she's having an opinion on
everything and she's become anightmare.
You know that happens a lot.
Yes, I mean again, that's theirstory, but, like you explained,
it's from things, probably fromthe past, right, that creates
that.
Mell 'B' Balment (17:45):
I'll share one that I've got with my
mom-in-law.
So she does Japanese flowerarrangements and she's a teacher
on this, so it's an importantthing.
Live flowers, it's reallyabstract in the containers and
they're really kind of artistic.
Yes, loads, artificial.
We've got a couple ofartificial that look really nice
(18:08):
in the corner Loads, them Likealmost at the point of tutting
and judging it.
It's just hey, girl, that'syour stuff.
I don't care, I like the fakeplans.
But for my bouquet I am havinga brooch bouquet Absolutely
non-negotiable, it's what I want.
More bling and I've made thebridesmaids already.
(18:30):
I am very crafty, I used tomake jewellery, so I'm really
good with the Shrotskycomponents.
And when I told her in a verygentle way, the Convict sessions
, that went something like Jill,I know that real flowers and
your echibana is reallyimportant to you, but I've got
this vision for my outfit and Iprobably won't be having real
(18:52):
flowers.
And she was like whoa Bit oftongue, I have to say, because I
was able to pre-frame her justenough that she didn't snap in
response and she kind of bit hertongue and I said but if
there's a way that we canincorporate my favorite flower,
which is the Kala Lily, into it,then maybe that's an option.
(19:14):
I don't think the two willcombine in different shapes.
I don't think so, but that's mycompromise.
But you can do all the otherflowers Don't care.
These are the concepts.
These are things that, ofcourse, will have discussions,
but flowers are beautifulWhatever they come in.
You can do your thing.
We'll come up with a table.
(19:34):
We're going to have each other.
The table is going to bedifferent.
So, the point being, I foundwhere my hard line and it wasn't
an option.
We didn't discuss it.
I told her gently this is whatI am having, but I know that's
probably not going to be whatyou want.
Here's my compromise.
If we can make it work, itdoesn't.
So you come in with saying thisis actually a discussion.
(19:55):
I'm not asking for your opinion, don't need it, don't want it,
but I'm coming withconsideration for what they
would like to offer.
Like she says, I'm paying forall the flowers.
Great, no problem with that.
Go hard, and I think it's comingfrom respect for the other
person, because they want tocontribute, they want to do
(20:16):
something, especially our moms.
The girl wedding is a dream andremember, they come from a past
generation.
Generally, most of our momscome from still that old school
of what all the traditions are.
They never question it, never.
It's us that have the problem.
We're the ones breaking all thetraditions that they don't even
(20:37):
understand why often.
And so if we're educating them,then I want to have a brooch
bouquet because it's sparkly andthat's me and it's going to
work with my dress.
I might compromise and give itthe toss bouquet could be a real
one, maybe the flower girls orthe bash them.
But I could compromise further.
Maybe on the cake table I couldsay yeah the cake, yeah Table
(21:00):
centerpieces.
Yes, and it's understanding thattraditions are very important
to them.
So how do we honor them,especially if they want to pay
and I know it can be so hard andif they are, for example, mom
or dad's going to pay for thedress, so therefore, they get an
input to it?
I love say yes to the dress andsealing all the conflicts
(21:21):
between well, I'm paying.
Therefore, I get a say and it'swell, you know what.
Honestly, I will pay for itmyself.
You pay for the food, you payfor something?
No, I want to pay for the dress.
Well, no, I have to have thefinal say.
If you're saying you have thefinal say to take off the price,
this is not going to work out.
Perhaps beforehand, or if it'sduring the decision making,
(21:43):
you're going, I'm going to payfor my own dress.
Thank you so much.
We'll find a way.
That's important to you, but Ihave to wear this.
You got to choose your weddingdress, or maybe you didn't.
Is that my problem that youdidn't?
Because grandma interfered withyou?
So it's all about theunderstanding where they're
coming from and deciding what'sworth holding your ground for
(22:07):
yeah, which discussion is wortha battle and which isn't, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (22:13):
So, turning it now on its head and thinking
about the person getting marriedand the emotions that all these
things cause and the stressthat it can do to us, the lack
of sleep, just the overwhelm,and feeling stuck with their
planning, because really they'rejust emotionally caught up in
everything that's going on howcan they best try and manage
(22:38):
their own emotions?
It's a lot for some people.
It's a lot.
Mell 'B' Balment (22:43):
I think the first thing to do is understand
what the primary cause.
Now we can say it's things likemoney.
We can kind of just defaultwithout really exploring.
Why Is it?
Because fundamentally I wantedthis thing and I can't afford it
.
So now I'm feeling compromisedin everything else.
I feel it's not my day becausethis one thing that really was
(23:09):
my personality, my style, all myvalues coming through and that
is actually just taking andadding a shadow to everything
else.
So that could be one thing.
How else can we manage ouremotions and stress?
I'm a project manager by trade.
I love a spreadsheet.
There are apps out there.
(23:32):
I think there's a really goodone called Manage my Wedding and
you use those tools to getstuff out your head.
So how does overwhelm and stresshappen in our mind?
Let's get a little bit kind ofpractical here.
We know we have a monkey mind,an ego, a crazy circus, whatever
(23:55):
new language is.
We know we've got that going on.
Every single human unlessthey're unconscious, in a coma,
and even then it still happenshave drama playing out.
The best way to address thedrama is to write it down, which
is why journal.
(24:16):
I'm not a journaler, but that'swhy journaling is so popular and
common.
But if you write down got tosort the tables or that's what's
running through your head andyou don't do it, or you don't at
least acknowledge it, from leftbrain to right brain you're
thinking about it and you haveto acknowledge it.
It doesn't matter if you'releft or right handed, that is
(24:38):
what acknowledges.
I will get to that.
It's getting out of your headand going.
I'm parking that.
Yes, I hear you.
It's like a annoying teenageror child actually.
Todd, look, got it Shut up.
I will get to it.
When I'm the human, I get tomake the decision.
You're just a frickingenergetic noise Shush.
I talked to myself like that alot when she gets a little bit
(25:01):
out of control.
Yvette Sitters (25:02):
I love it.
I love it.
Mell 'B' Balment (25:04):
When it's documented, when it's literally
transferred from thought tologic.
It's a neurological process.
You're getting it out of yourhead.
Then, when you're ready to lookat it, you're breaking it down
into the tasks.
Sometimes even I'm like oh,I've got all these things to do.
Actually, that's only going totake three minutes.
Why was I making this a thing?
(25:25):
Yes, it's a hard.
Three minutes it's still just athree-minute task.
Why am I putting that off?
Actually, allocate a bit oftime.
My favorite thing to do is youget your calendar and you mark
it somewhere that you're goingto do it.
You might not work on yourfinal table plan, Maybe the week
(25:45):
before, maybe a month before,the numbers, the factors.
You're going to do yourdifferent drafts and you mark it
out.
Then your brain's going okay,logically, we're going to get to
that.
That's one way of managingstress.
Yvette Sitters (26:02):
What about managing the emotions that come
from the family?
Mell 'B' Balment (26:05):
Okay, I'm an empath's empowerer.
What does that mean?
Many of us kind of know we'rean empath, even if we don't know
how it works or why or any ofthat doesn't matter.
It's really important weprotect ourselves.
Now I hear things like being anempath is a curse.
(26:27):
I can't leave the house withouta meltdown when I come back.
What that suggests to me isthat somebody doesn't know how
to protect themselves fromexternal influences.
That also applies to otherpeople's emotions OPE.
So you go, opps and OPEs.
All OPs are bad because there'sother people.
(26:50):
So how do we protect that?
Some people have heard aboutthe parking bubble.
You put a bubble around yourcar when you're parked and it'll
protect it.
We need to do that sort ofapproach for ourselves,
especially when we're havingdiscussions or if we're leading
into a discussion about awedding hot point.
(27:11):
Again, that pre-framing going.
Okay, we're going to talk aboutthis.
We're not necessarily going tosee eye to eye, just saying that
to the other person.
That start is called framing.
It's letting them know there'sgoing to be a bit of an RG bargy
opinion here, a lot of fastresponses.
When it catches people's guard,it's like I'm not having flowers
(27:33):
.
What do you mean?
You're not having flowers thatdoes not respect them, and
actually build rapport with theperson that you're actually,
even if you don't like them.
You still have to build rapportbecause they're going to be
coming to the wedding and youcan't have got to have them at
least pleasant.
Everybody likes a sourpusssitting in the corner of the
room like I didn't like thewedding by including them but
(27:57):
framing them up as this is ourwedding, even though you're
paying for this thing.
This is what we choose.
Please don't take my choiceaway, our word choice.
I'm saying me a lot.
It's us, this is our future,this is how we want to set
ourselves up for the nextchapter of our life.
Those sorts of phrases mighthelp diffuse Navigate
(28:19):
narcissists.
Absolutely, that's a wholedifferent discussion.
We'll park that one.
There's probably a bit moreone-on-one work to help navigate
narcissists.
Yvette Sitters (28:30):
I did have a bride just last week, tell me
her mother is no longer comingto the wedding and is uninvited,
and she is never going to speakto her again.
She's finally done what sheshould have done her whole life
and we're talking narcissisticbehavior, which is a real thing
Very sad.
Mell 'B' Balment (28:48):
It's kind of like a me too movement, changing
topic slightly.
The more we're aware of it, themore we're aware of it.
Sometimes it takes somethinglike a wedding.
You're like I'm actually seeingyou or you're truly showing
your full colors.
(29:08):
I'm aware of that, and she gotto choose.
I'm not accepting that in mylife.
That's not how we operate, andif you're not going to change,
which clearly obviously gets tothat breaking point, then you're
just a person that I don'trespect.
Why would I invite somebody Idon't respect to my own wedding?
(29:31):
Hell, no, no, ladies, gentlemen, no, you don't like them, you
don't respect them.
Why would you spend a couple ofhundred dollars to have them in
the room with you?
Would you pay for the dinner ifit was just a normal night out?
No, why would you pay even moreby the time you work at the
Cosper Head?
(29:51):
No, no.
Yvette Sitters (29:54):
Yeah, did.
I say no, no, I keep saying it.
I agree, I agree, I am all forit.
I agree with you.
I think there's comes a pointwhere you can make that call.
Sometimes it's hard and peopledon't know where that line is.
Mell 'B' Balment (30:10):
I want to add to that.
Yes, it's really easy to bestrong when you're not around
them.
I just got this download ofyeah, I feel like that.
And then we have a conversationand I cave Two things.
How do you back that up?
You have someone with you andyou say this is where I stand,
this is why I believe this orfeel this.
(30:31):
I really want you to back me up, and sometimes it's not your
best friend because they don'tknow how to deal with conflict
themselves.
Sometimes it has to be somebodywho you trust will speak up
with consideration, respect andsay hang on.
What Mel has just said is ABC,and it sounds like you haven't
(30:55):
heard her.
It sounds like you'redisagreeing with her and that's
not really fair for her day.
So you want someone who canback you up.
The second thing is a bit ofpractice saying it to yourself
out loud or in the mirror, andsaying the statement that you
want to make to this person outloud.
Again, you're transferring fromyour thought to your logic.
(31:18):
You're like I don't want realflowers in my bouquet.
You say it with forceful toyourself.
So then, when you say it aloudto the person, you don't have to
use the same force.
You've instilled it intoyourself.
It's called embodiment, Evenbodied, the phrase, the belief,
the value.
You've voiced it, You'vereleased it to the world and
(31:41):
then, when you say it to theperson, it's not like the first
time you've ever articulated it.
Yvette Sitters (31:47):
I like that.
That's great advice.
It's really good, and we alljust have Mel with us to have
these conversations.
Mell 'B' Balment (31:57):
Well, we're working on that aren't we?
Yvette Sitters (31:59):
Because I feel like, yes, we are working on
that, we've got something comingactually, don't we?
We're nice at the end.
Mell 'B' Balment (32:05):
Yes.
Yvette Sitters (32:06):
But I think that some people do need that
support system to help themthrough that, because it's tough
for some people.
I think we get stronger as weget personal growth and as we
get older and as we know morewho we are and what we want, but
sometimes it's a bit of a workin progress to get to that point
(32:26):
right, that's a lot easier saidthan done.
Mell 'B' Balment (32:29):
I'm just going to give you grace again.
It's a lot easier said thandone.
Yvette Sitters (32:33):
Yeah, what about ?
This is going quite extreme now, but sometimes weddings can
raise a lot of childhood trauma,which is something I can really
notice from people who arestruggling to get past issues or
to move forward, or they justwant to give up the wedding
planning.
They're like I don't even wantto do this.
What's the point?
(32:53):
Because it can raise a lot ofthat.
But sometimes it's new to themthat they didn't realise that
it's as heavy as what it wasuntil they get married.
Like we said, weddings bring upeverything.
Mell 'B' Balment (33:08):
Look, I don't want to take it down to the
dragon's den, but I'll go thereand I promise that we won't stay
there.
But I was raised with childabuse.
That's why I left home at 15.
Thankfully that abuser is nolonger alive.
Absolutely would not be invitedto the wedding anyway.
But some of the issues peoplemight be jumping to the
(33:33):
conclusion like oh, that's whyyou're feminist.
No, I'm a feminist because it'simportant that women have
equality and when our childhoodstuff comes up, one obviously
it's a great time to deal withit.
When it's been lifted and thatcan take a professional to help
(33:54):
you with that and it comes upfor a reason, you're actually
ready.
If stuff is niggling andknocking at that vault door that
is being behind, that's theperfect time.
And sometimes clearing it,which doesn't have to be hard
and onerous months of inner workfacing these demons.
(34:18):
If it's coming up and knockingand kind of just scratching your
awareness, perfect, you areready.
It would not be anywhere inyour awareness if it wasn't
ready.
And wouldn't it be wonderful toaddress that stuff and let that
stuff go before your wedding dayso that you can show up in all
(34:44):
of your fine-erying, glowing,gorgeousness of love, which is
what the day is about.
It's about a union betweensomebody that you have chosen
unconditionally to love and toreceive in return.
And if there's something inyour past that was not that,
(35:06):
what a better way to clean thatcloset out like go of those
demons and go.
That no longer serves me.
That's the old me.
They fell in love with me.
Anyway, I'm not damaged, I'mnot flawed.
Whether they know about thisstuff or not, I think it's a
perfect time to bring all thatstuff and release it.
Yvette Sitters (35:29):
Yeah, and release it I can.
I was privileged enough to havea session with you.
Let's just touch on it.
My listeners know I do talkabout the fact that I get
anxiety from time to time.
I had a beautiful upbringingand my parents are wonderful,
but I get anxiety from time totime and it can sometimes be
(35:51):
quite debilitating in the sensethat you can feel so tight and
you don't know why and you don'tthen function properly, which
happens when wedding planning aswell.
And I had one session with youand, oh my gosh, what a release.
Like, honestly, one two hoursession and I haven't only an
(36:11):
hour.
The first one.
Oh, there you go, and I'mtelling you that it's hard to
explain, but I haven't had thatsame anxiety feeling since in
the stomach and the heart andthe chest, that tightness.
I haven't experienced thatfeeling since and it was just
(36:35):
clearing stuff that shouldn'thave been there really.
Isn't it Like those thoughtsthat are like kind of touching
on you but they're not reallyreal and I'm so grateful for
that.
So, thank you, thank you somuch.
It's so nice to not have thatfeeling in your stomach and your
gut often anymore.
(36:55):
It's an amazing feeling torelease that.
Mell 'B' Balment (37:00):
I just want to respond to the statement you
made around.
I shouldn't have had thosefeelings.
You're human and we will feelemotions.
Otherwise we're robots and Idon't know about you.
But I don't wanna live like arobot alien.
I wanna feel everything,because the more I understand my
(37:22):
emotions and feelings, thericher my life is, the deeper I
can love.
And so with my childhood dramabecause I addressed it, it meant
on my wedding day, which waswhy did I get married?
I got married 20, oh my Lord,that's 20 years gonna, wow, feel
(37:45):
old I was able to experiencelove at a deeper level because
I'd started the work.
I've done obviously, a lot morein the last 20 years and we've
gone into this societal kind oflanguage of you shouldn't feel a
certain way.
Don't let the heaviness come,or and I challenged those
(38:09):
statements because withoutunderstanding those heavy, dark,
negative, angry, whatever theemotions, how are we supposed to
move through them?
It's acknowledged them.
I'm spearing anxiety and Ithink I need to manage this.
I need to let go of this.
I need to do something with itso it doesn't keep coming up and
, as you say, debilitating me.
(38:31):
Why would you wanna live a halflife?
Because of a set of energiesemotions in energy, in motion,
emotion.
It doesn't have to be hard ortraumatic and you don't have to
relive the trauma in order toaddress these things.
So I just wanna catch theshoulds and you must and you
shouldn't, and all of thosedemands on ourselves.
(38:54):
We're human, feel you humanists, try not to get stuck in it,
but if you do get some help,anyway, that's bringing it back
to the wedding, especially onthe wedding day feel it,
acknowledge it, give it air time.
But we're not gonna go theretoday.
My darling inner child, we'lllook at this tomorrow.
(39:18):
Today's not the day.
Today's my day.
Your fears, your stuff, Ipromise we will get to that.
Thanks for bringing it to myawareness.
But today is about love.
I'm only available for love,emotion today, thank you, love,
and above joy, happiness, allthe rest of it.
So that can be a way you canmanage yourself in the moment if
(39:39):
it's not appropriate to feelthe feels and process.
Yvette Sitters (39:43):
Yeah, I love that when you're explaining not
today.
I remembered the moment that Igot out of my car when I arrived
to the ceremony and I rememberthe listeners know this but I
called my wedding off six weeksbefore I was meant to get
married with my first beyond.
Say you can do that.
Okay, there you go, six weeksbefore I knew I was knowing the
(40:06):
wrong person and the best thingdecision I ever made.
But I'd been through a lot, I'dexperienced a lot.
I knew what I really want.
I really knew what love was.
When I met James and when thecar pulled up at the ceremony I
couldn't see him or the guestsbecause I had to go up and
around to see them.
I remember the vehicle stoppingand I remember just, I just
(40:29):
burst into tears, like just itwas intense.
It was a lot of emotion, a lot,and all my bridesmaids and my
dad just froze and they alllooked at me and they'll
instantly are you okay?
I think they thought I wascrying.
You're gonna pull it off again,yeah, and I was like I couldn't
(40:53):
speak and then I was explainingand all I could get out was I'm
just so happy to be here, I'mjust so happy to be here and it
was actually just letting outall these emotions.
I swear from all those years aswell where I was unhappy.
I think I was releasing, going.
I'm here, I'm right where Ineed to be right where I should
be in this moment.
(41:14):
That is all gone and it's likea you should see me, I'm like on
electric.
Mell 'B' Balment (41:19):
Oh, beautiful.
Yvette Sitters (41:21):
I get it too when I talk about it.
But it was like a rebirth,right, yeah, right, it was just
an amazing feeling and yeah, Ijust pulled myself together and
I stepped out of that car and Ihad the biggest grin.
It was like that moment hadnever happened.
But yeah, it was just like inthis insane release.
It was weird that it was rightin that moment, or perfect, yeah
(41:45):
, yeah, I think it was meant tobe right.
Everything's where it happens,where it's meant to happen.
Yeah, so emotions are okay,absolutely.
Mell 'B' Balment (41:56):
And yeah, challenge anybody who tries to
make emotions wrong.
Yvette Sitters (42:01):
Yeah, they're good for us.
They're good for us, yeah.
Mell 'B' Balment (42:06):
For me too.
Yvette Sitters (42:07):
Yeah.
Mell 'B' Balment (42:08):
I don't think we have to go from negative in
order to experience the joy.
That's not what I'm saying.
No, but if you have negative,then you can enjoy the joy more
when you clear the negative.
Yvette Sitters (42:23):
Yes, absolutely, I agree, and I'm feeling the
joy from you.
So, thank you, thank you,welcome.
Now.
Mel and I have been talking andwe are very excited that we got
something coming that we thinkcould benefit.
(42:44):
Well, we'll benefit all youbeautiful brides planning.
90% of 95% of my listeners arebrides, so we'll talk to the
bride Room's welcome also.
But we know that we can bothhelp you, and often I believe
that someone like Mel is neededas much as myself, the planner.
So, while I am the spreadsheetsand the checklist and this is
(43:06):
how you do this and this is howyou do that Mel is this
beautiful package of empath andmindset and just all those
moving parts that we needemotionally.
So, mel, where can they join alittle wait list for what's
coming?
Mell 'B' Balment (43:21):
I know.
So we've been since we met.
When you meet someone you'relike oh, you're like the best I
didn't have, I didn't know Ineeded.
But here you are and we gottalking around some of these
challenges that we touched ontoday and we came up with this
concept that we're stillfleshing out between how you can
(43:43):
work with the planner becauseshe's gonna be planning my
wedding too and how I can helpwith the mindset.
As I just explained, how can wemake a little package for that
and you can have there'll be acouple of different point price
points so you can have just getthrough the low challenges.
One icky discussion, help mewith that.
(44:04):
So we'll have a couple of pricepoints so that you can get all
the support you need To help youhave that amazing, beautiful
wedding day that you deserve,absolutely deserve.
So the code is going to bewe'll share it in the link and
we'll put it on there, but it'sMMW for mind manage my wedding,
(44:29):
heighten waitlist.
Mmw heighten waitlist.
I can't remember where thefront part will be.
I don't do all that stuff.
That's my assistant.
We'll get that to you.
We'll probably have it on bothour websites.
That might be easier, but we'llput the links in the show notes
and QR codes is what.
Yvette Sitters (44:48):
I'm trying to point out somewhere.
Yeah, no, we can put them allin the show notes.
Definitely, and I'll definitelyplace it to manage my wedding
academycom.
Slash MW heighten waitlist.
Perfect Done.
Thank you, Mel.
I would really love thelisteners to come and follow you
(45:09):
and find you because you justoh, you just make people feel
amazing.
Truly you do.
You're just radiant.
You've helped me so muchpersonally and I watch you help
so many other people live theirbest life.
Where can they come and findyou?
I'm on.
Mell 'B' Balment (45:28):
Insta Code, I'm on Facebook, I'm on LinkedIn
Because it's Mel B,m-e-l-b-l-m-e-n-t.
That's just too hard to spellsometimes, so I just put the QR
codes for my socials.
Mel Bcom I had to make mywebsite super simple, mel Bcom,
(45:54):
and if you go to contact inthere all of my socials, you can
send me emails, you can send mea WhatsApp, all of the ways you
can reach me are on melbcom.
Forward slash contact and allmy social links are in there as
well.
Yvette Sitters (46:08):
And I'll pop them in the show notes as well,
so they can refer to thoseeasily.
Mell 'B' Balment (46:11):
I think I need to make up some sort of
resource.
Maybe there will be one onthere.
I'll think about that.
Yvette Sitters (46:18):
What's the best way of serving.
Do that, do that Well.
Thank you so much for chattingwith us today.
I'm just such a big believer inthe mind when we're wedding
planning and ensuring that we'rehappy and enjoying the planning
and that we show up on the dayour best self, because that
shows.
It really shows.
It's not just, oh, she's.
(46:40):
That bride is glowing becauseshe lost all that weight.
That is not it.
It is.
She is glowing because shelooks so happy.
That is what gives that glow,is the happiness and that
radiates, and I truly believethat the mind has so much to do
with that as well.
So it's been a pleasure talkingto you today.
(47:00):
Thank you so much for sharingall your beautiful wisdom with
the listeners.
Mell 'B' Balment (47:04):
It's been a delight.
I've really loved it, and if Ican help in any way, just reach
out folks.
Thank you.
Yvette Sitters (47:11):
Hello, it's Yvette just popping back in here
after that amazing conversationwith Mel B.
She truly is incredible.
She just understands how tohelp us navigate stressful times
and anxiety and, honestly, ifyou are looking to foster
harmonious relationships withyour partner, bridal party and
(47:33):
family, you know building like astrong support system that
enhances the joy of yourplanning and your wedding
celebration and you want tolearn mindfulness techniques to
cultivate calmness, allowing youto navigate stress and anxiety
with grace, ensuring that yousave it every moment of the
planning process and honestlytake advantage of Mel's offers.
(47:55):
She has popped into the shownotes.
You can see all the links.
There is some personalizedcoaching sessions and there's a
package that she's giving us atan amazing price If you listen
to the Manage my Wedding podcast, and there's also one off
session.
So if you want to book a sessionwith her and, honestly, you
want to get a resilient mindsetbecause we all know weddings
(48:18):
bring up sometimes the worst inour family and friends as well
but if you want to get reallyeffective at communicating and
feeling inner peace withinyourself during your wedding
planning, but also for yourfuture forever then you really
need to head to the show notes,click on those links, take a
look and book in a session withMel B.
You will not regret it and Iknow this personally because of
(48:40):
the sessions that I have withMel B.
I have them with herfortnightly because they've made
such an impact and a differenceto my life.
And I'm telling you I was ananxious person before doing
sessions with Mel B and now Idon't even remember the last
time I've had anxiety.
So, yeah, it's a prettyincredible feeling.
So, anyway, I hope you enjoyedthat podcast episode.
(49:03):
I absolutely love bringing toevery week really solid gold
information that is really goingto help you with your wedding
planning and I feel like thisweek's episode is just one of
those that is in like my top 5%of favourites that I know is
going to really help you.
So everyone, until next time,enjoy being engaged and staying
(49:23):
stress free and organised whileplanning the wedding of your
dreams.
Welcome to the Manage my Wedding podcast, where
we believe your wedding is themost important time in your life
and you deserve to feelsupported and organised when
planning the wedding of yourdreams.
I'm your host, yvette Sidders.
Hello, welcome back to theManage my Wedding podcast.
This week is a very differenttype of podcast episode than
(00:23):
normal.
We all know that we get engagedand everything is so super
exciting.
Then we start to plan and thenwe start to deal with family and
friends and opinions and thestress of all of that and
financial stress, justeverything.
It's a lot.
(00:45):
I wanted to bring somebody on tothe podcast this week that
understands, that gets it.
That is she's.
I think she's a powerful womanand I think that she is going to
share so much with you in thisepisode.
She is a deep belief hacker.
She is a game changer in energy, mindset and subconscious
mastery, and her mission isempowering women to conquer
(01:08):
their belief storms to achievetheir hidden dreams.
She's an expert for empaths.
She understands that unlockingsensitivities is the key to
independence and empowerment andcreating lasting legacy and
impact.
So welcome to the podcast, mel.
Mell 'B' Balment (01:27):
I'm so excited about this one.
I've done a lot of podcasts,but this one's so close to my
heart because I'm a fiance too.
Yvette Sitters (01:37):
Congratulations.
When are you getting married?
Mell 'B' Balment (01:41):
We're looking at November 24.
Yvette Sitters (01:43):
Okay, that's fearless.
So that's like a year away fromwhen we're recording.
Mell 'B' Balment (01:50):
Yeah, I am a divorcee and I did the bootstrap
wedding and now I want my dreamwedding.
Yvette Sitters (01:56):
Yes, don't we all?
We deserve it, everyonedeserves it.
Mell 'B' Balment (02:01):
Well, not everybody wants a big, dreamy
wedding and that's okay too,each to their own, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (02:07):
But it's your own dream wedding, right, like
everyone.
What that term is so differentfor everyone.
But yeah, we all deserve tohave what we want.
So true, yeah, one person'sdream is different from another
and is equally amazing andwonderful, and romantic and
gorgeous all the juicy stuff andI said that like what we want,
(02:28):
because everyone knows I talkabout it on a lot of the podcast
episodes actually on most andhow important it is to have what
we want and not what somebodyelse wants, because then we're
not happy on the day, then we'remore stressed in the lead up
and then we look back on the dayhaving some regrets sometimes,
which is super, super sad.
(02:49):
But unfortunately we knowweddings like bring up oh, they
bring up so much for people.
The stress of planning awedding is often mostly brought
on by family opinion, advice andeveryone telling us what we
should and shouldn't do.
It's really disheartening butit just happens.
(03:10):
It brings these people out thatyou didn't know existed before.
It brings out this side youwish you didn't want to see.
Why do you think that is Mel?
Mell 'B' Balment (03:21):
That's a good question.
I'm thinking back to Mikebecause I have the joy of
reflection of what wentdifferently from what I wanted
first time around, but whatcauses?
I think it sounds a cop out,but I think often it's not being
really clear on our ownboundaries and what we will sway
(03:45):
on and what's not, and maybecommunicating that from the
start.
So why is it so stressful?
Sometimes it's the finances andbringing all that together
Absolutely, completely legit,feel it Absolutely, but I think
some of the other times it's howdo we manage these other
opinions or requests or demandsin a way that honours us, and
(04:08):
especially if it's familymembers or in-laws who are being
selfish, I would say, abouttheir expectations on your big
day?
So why does it happen.
What's your question?
I think people have some egosand there's unrealised dreams
that they're trying to perhapsmake sure you fulfil in your day
(04:31):
because they didn't get itthemselves or they wanted
themselves.
So often it's from what I callOPPs, other people's priorities
and as soon as you can discussthose and not let it kind of get
dug under the carpet, perhapsyou can claw it back and go
right.
Well, I know this is reallyimportant to you and I think
that's the key of thecommunication.
(04:51):
I'm hearing you, I'm respondingto you and I'm letting you know
honestly how it lands for me.
I hear inviting anti-Nora'smates who's 100 years old is
really important to you.
That costs me X per head forsomebody who I don't know
(05:15):
probably won't see again.
Is there a way that we canmanage anti-Nora's cousin so
that they can attend Because,quite frankly, there'll probably
be a sleep in the middle of it?
So how do you manage that?
Yvette Sitters (05:27):
by clean discussions, yeah it's actually,
would you say.
I'm right in saying I often sayto brides it's their story, not
yours.
Mell 'B' Balment (05:39):
Absolutely Other people's priorities is
their view of the world.
Like we were saying about thedream at the start, your dream
wedding is not somebody else'sdream wedding, but it's not
wrong, it's just different andthat's often the other people's
priorities is.
I've got different priorities,so I'm not dismissing that's
important to you, but I am goingto discuss it with you because
(06:01):
if we don't talk about it, it'sgoing to go nasty, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (06:06):
So what happens then when they discuss it and
they're like, well, that's whatI want, that's what it's going
to be, because that does happen.
A lot.
Mell 'B' Balment (06:15):
I think it comes back to how you
communicate it and we'll circleback on that and how much you
value this thing enough to put aboundary in line, a line in the
sand.
A boundary in place, sorry, andhold true to whether it really
is important to you or whetheryou're fighting for something
(06:36):
just because you don't like them.
Or if you're like, well, I'venever given it thought, but I
don't want to do it.
You're with some subconsciousthings we actually have been
considered and that can causethat real stuck in the mud, and
I'm not fluid about this.
So how do we do that?
The number one thing I learnedyears ago when I used to be a
dating coach is when you'rehaving conflict, we've got to
(07:04):
remember there's always threetruths, and what I mean by that
is you've got your truth, yourperspective, your reality, the
other party has theirs, and thenthere's something in the middle
.
This is an element of truththat comes from both of you.
So when we come we've heard ita lot put yourself in the other
(07:27):
person's shoes.
Sometimes we have to getourselves in our own shoes of
understanding.
Why am I so hard and fast onthis?
And the way to communicate isthe emotions.
So what I mean by that ismother-in-law, I get that you
want to invite these other fivepeople to the wedding because
(07:48):
they're your lifelong friendsand they helped raise me as a
child or helped raise partnersas a child, but that adds $700,
$800 on to our overall bill andwe would rather spend that
somewhere else.
So that's a logical explanation.
And so like no, they're coming.
(08:09):
You're like, okay, can wecompromise?
And with the emotion saying,well, I really would love to
spend it on this or these peopleinstead.
This is what's important to meand I get there, important to
you.
So can we compromise?
Or are you prepared tounderstand how important it is
(08:29):
to me and the emotion of I'mfeeling really conflicted, I'm
feeling out of alignment withyour decisions and the way I
want to take the wedding or theguest list or whatever is going
on.
It has to be communicating.
This is making me really unhappy, really sad, frustrated and not
(08:49):
blurted out with those emotionsbut calmly, approach going.
This is really stressing me out.
I feel really conflicted withyou wanting this when I want
this.
Can we compromise?
Ultimately, is it worth thepain?
Pick your battles, choose Isimportant for them to be happy
(09:13):
on the day, kind of, because ifthey're going to be whining and
complaining, how do we managethat?
Okay, you know what?
You can have three of yourfriends, not five of your
friends.
We'll put you over the quiet,non-musicy end of the room and
then we'll have our friends.
This is all right or wrong?
Being your truth, being honestabout how you actually feel, is
(09:37):
usually the best strategy,without emotion.
Talk about your emotions.
Don't bring your emotions intothe discussion.
Yvette Sitters (09:44):
Yeah, I like how you worded that too, explaining
to them that this is how I feel.
This is what's important to mefor my wedding getting them to
try and understand that.
What about in the scenario andI don't know why, but this has
come up a lot lately and I'mgetting this actually asked I
can't even.
I think I've had four peoplejust in the last week tell me
(10:05):
this and it's the situationwhere the bride hasn't had much
to do with the father all herlife growing up, but he is
insisting on walking her downthe aisle.
She is so worried about howshe's going to offend him, even
though she's I don't even knowhim, like most people know their
fathers.
So how do I manage that?
(10:26):
It's a really hard thing to letthat bother down.
Mell 'B' Balment (10:30):
Okay, so what?
I should have started at thestart of this whole conversation
with the caveat of I'm highlyindependent.
I left home at 15.
I've never really had tocompromise on family boundaries
being pushed upon me, so I dowant to let people know it's
(10:52):
easier for me to say some ofthese things, but I do help
coach some of my clients throughtheir own issues on these sorts
of things, not specificallyweddings.
Yvette Sitters (11:01):
But we'll get to that later.
Mell 'B' Balment (11:06):
So the family member that's estranged but
wants to come to the wedding.
So there's a couple of thingswhy are they estranged?
What's the dynamic that'scaused that separation?
Because that can be used in thediscussion going like this.
Let me put it this way so I'vegot a couple of people who want
to do my makeup.
I work for myself and there's abunch of people around me who
(11:30):
have their own businesses and Iknow there's a couple of ladies
all want to do my makeup on mywedding day and what it came
down to is how do I want to feelwhile my makeup's being done?
What kind of atmosphere do Iwant to generate?
Who I will literally want in myface on the morning of.
And then I picked that persongoing oh, you're going to make
(11:53):
me feel really relaxed, calm,and it's not that the others
won't, but just that energy iswho I want.
She's a little bit high vibe.
I want to feel excitement andthat's how I chose.
If you want someone else towalk you down the aisle, maybe
that's a way of saying I want areally solid rock, that I know I
(12:15):
can have a little moment oftears or have a stress moment,
and they've got my back.
The other discussion pointperhaps depends on where you are
on the feminist spectrum.
I'm a feminist, proud flagbearing, absolutely is.
I'm not having anybody walk medown the aisle.
No, I have not been given away,I'm not an object, I'm not
(12:39):
being handed over to my fiance.
I just don't subscribe to thatmodel at all.
That's my view, that's myopinion.
But I have had somebody saying,can I?
And he didn't know the word iscan I escort you down the aisle?
Can I assist you down the aisleas well?
We're not actually having anaisle, but yes, you can be that
(13:00):
person there for me who's goingto put all the nerves and you've
got a heart, get goose bumpsthinking about everybody's going
to be watching you in thatmoment.
This is your one moment toshine.
Who do you want standing besideyou?
And for the photos?
Let's be real, let's be alittle bit more about this.
If there's a video, do you wanttheir stony, awkward face next
(13:22):
to you?
Or do you want somebody who'soh, my God, you are a princess,
a queen, you are just, andthey're celebrating with you
because they care about thegroom more than they care about
the status of walking down.
Yvette Sitters (13:35):
Yeah, yeah, so important, so that you and I are
polar opposite, because my dadis like my best friend, I love
that, I love that, and so I waslike I'm having my dad, but I
agree with you on the wholegiving away.
I'm like, oh my gosh, how oldschool as well.
Like my dad did not feel likehe had to give me away.
(13:56):
He just wanted to proudly bewith his daughter and I was like
leaning on him in that momentbecause I was emotionally.
Mell 'B' Balment (14:04):
we're both crying.
We've got to be dressed on.
We can't see because of thefricking veil in her eyes.
Yvette Sitters (14:09):
Yes, yes, and I was leaning on him, not
emotionally, physically,everything and he had me and
imagine doing that with somebodythat's you don't really know
that well, of course.
Mell 'B' Balment (14:21):
It's wrong, I think it's.
Look again, I say it's easiersaid than done, but if we can
lead with a conversation going,look, I just don't have that
heart connection with you that Iwould like on the day.
Is there something else that wecan include you in that makes
you feel special?
But for that aisle I wantsomeone who understands.
(14:45):
We love our big boys, but someof them are a bit clumsy.
I don't want a grandpa orwhatever walking down and
stepping on my train andfricking, pulling my head veil
off, and then we want somebodythat we can really, I should say
, lean on.
So I think if you come to thisdiscussion from that point of
view, it's not that you know youand I don't like you and you've
(15:07):
got no place Like this is whatI need, and I'm not sure you're
the best fit for that because wedon't really know one another
that well.
Would you like to make thespeech?
Would you like to Do some otherkey part in the service?
Yvette Sitters (15:24):
They can sign the registry because that's just
a witness.
Mell 'B' Balment (15:27):
It's just a document, it doesn't matter.
Yvette Sitters (15:29):
Yes, yeah, you can still give them a good seat,
and they can even get up andgive you a kiss at the end of
the aisle and that's it, insteadof walking you Like there's so
many other they can hold theflowers.
Mell 'B' Balment (15:39):
They can actually do something Like this
whole.
Everything must be done thisway.
I'm breaking all my traditions?
Yvette Sitters (15:46):
Oh, totally there's no.
Traditions are glong on.
Traditions are not.
I mean, some things are fun,like something blue.
Some people find that funbecause they're like oh, I like
blue, I can put blue shoes on,or I know that you wear a
fabulous blue with your orangeat your waistwear.
So sometimes, like it suits ussome of these things, but just
thinking that we have to dothings because they're
traditional, it's no, so it'sjust wrong.
(16:08):
It's not how it is anymore.
That is not your own wedding,is it?
That's right.
Mell 'B' Balment (16:15):
I've started looking into all of the
traditions and where they areoriginated from, and there's
many.
Unlike what the actual how didthat ever become a thing that
was accepted by society?
Anyway, says Mel, who might behaving a white dress, I get it.
I get it.
Yvette Sitters (16:35):
I think I did a whole episode on traditions.
Oh, let's do that when theycame from and most of it.
I think I'm laughing throughthe whole thing because it's
just hard to believe.
Mell 'B' Balment (16:43):
But there's a point that we can take back to
them and say do you realize?
The tradition of walking medown the aisle actually means
this, and that is not how youraised me, or not how I've been
living my life, and, sorry, thatdoesn't fit with how we want
the day to go.
So that finding the traditionof what somebody's hard or fast
on can also help.
Yvette Sitters (17:03):
No, I love that.
That's a great piece of advice.
That's fantastic.
You can use that.
That's a good way to get out ofsome of these things too, isn't
it?
The other thing I suppose thatcomes creeps up a lot is my mom
is wonderful.
We've got this greatrelationship.
We've had such a wonderfulrelationship all this time, but
since I got engaged and I'mplanning my wedding, she's
(17:25):
turning into this crazy personand she's having an opinion on
everything and she's become anightmare.
You know that happens a lot.
Yes, I mean again, that's theirstory, but, like you explained,
it's from things, probably fromthe past, right, that creates
that.
Mell 'B' Balment (17:45):
I'll share one that I've got with my
mom-in-law.
So she does Japanese flowerarrangements and she's a teacher
on this, so it's an importantthing.
Live flowers, it's reallyabstract in the containers and
they're really kind of artistic.
Yes, loads, artificial.
We've got a couple ofartificial that look really nice
(18:08):
in the corner Loads, them Likealmost at the point of tutting
and judging it.
It's just hey, girl, that'syour stuff.
I don't care, I like the fakeplans.
But for my bouquet I am havinga brooch bouquet Absolutely
non-negotiable, it's what I want.
More bling and I've made thebridesmaids already.
(18:30):
I am very crafty, I used tomake jewellery, so I'm really
good with the Shrotskycomponents.
And when I told her in a verygentle way, the Convict sessions
, that went something like Jill,I know that real flowers and
your echibana is reallyimportant to you, but I've got
this vision for my outfit and Iprobably won't be having real
(18:52):
flowers.
And she was like whoa Bit oftongue, I have to say, because I
was able to pre-frame her justenough that she didn't snap in
response and she kind of bit hertongue and I said but if
there's a way that we canincorporate my favorite flower,
which is the Kala Lily, into it,then maybe that's an option.
(19:14):
I don't think the two willcombine in different shapes.
I don't think so, but that's mycompromise.
But you can do all the otherflowers Don't care.
These are the concepts.
These are things that, ofcourse, will have discussions,
but flowers are beautifulWhatever they come in.
You can do your thing.
We'll come up with a table.
(19:34):
We're going to have each other.
The table is going to bedifferent.
So, the point being, I foundwhere my hard line and it wasn't
an option.
We didn't discuss it.
I told her gently this is whatI am having, but I know that's
probably not going to be whatyou want.
Here's my compromise.
If we can make it work, itdoesn't.
So you come in with saying thisis actually a discussion.
(19:55):
I'm not asking for your opinion, don't need it, don't want it,
but I'm coming withconsideration for what they
would like to offer.
Like she says, I'm paying forall the flowers.
Great, no problem with that.
Go hard, and I think it's comingfrom respect for the other
person, because they want tocontribute, they want to do
(20:16):
something, especially our moms.
The girl wedding is a dream andremember, they come from a past
generation.
Generally, most of our momscome from still that old school
of what all the traditions are.
They never question it, never.
It's us that have the problem.
We're the ones breaking all thetraditions that they don't even
(20:37):
understand why often.
And so if we're educating them,then I want to have a brooch
bouquet because it's sparkly andthat's me and it's going to
work with my dress.
I might compromise and give itthe toss bouquet could be a real
one, maybe the flower girls orthe bash them.
But I could compromise further.
Maybe on the cake table I couldsay yeah the cake, yeah Table
(21:00):
centerpieces.
Yes, and it's understanding thattraditions are very important
to them.
So how do we honor them,especially if they want to pay
and I know it can be so hard andif they are, for example, mom
or dad's going to pay for thedress, so therefore, they get an
input to it?
I love say yes to the dress andsealing all the conflicts
(21:21):
between well, I'm paying.
Therefore, I get a say and it'swell, you know what.
Honestly, I will pay for itmyself.
You pay for the food, you payfor something?
No, I want to pay for the dress.
Well, no, I have to have thefinal say.
If you're saying you have thefinal say to take off the price,
this is not going to work out.
Perhaps beforehand, or if it'sduring the decision making,
(21:43):
you're going, I'm going to payfor my own dress.
Thank you so much.
We'll find a way.
That's important to you, but Ihave to wear this.
You got to choose your weddingdress, or maybe you didn't.
Is that my problem that youdidn't?
Because grandma interfered withyou?
So it's all about theunderstanding where they're
coming from and deciding what'sworth holding your ground for
(22:07):
yeah, which discussion is wortha battle and which isn't, yeah.
Yvette Sitters (22:13):
So, turning it now on its head and thinking
about the person getting marriedand the emotions that all these
things cause and the stressthat it can do to us, the lack
of sleep, just the overwhelm,and feeling stuck with their
planning, because really they'rejust emotionally caught up in
everything that's going on howcan they best try and manage
(22:38):
their own emotions?
It's a lot for some people.
It's a lot.
Mell 'B' Balment (22:43):
I think the first thing to do is understand
what the primary cause.
Now we can say it's things likemoney.
We can kind of just defaultwithout really exploring.
Why Is it?
Because fundamentally I wantedthis thing and I can't afford it
.
So now I'm feeling compromisedin everything else.
I feel it's not my day becausethis one thing that really was
(23:09):
my personality, my style, all myvalues coming through and that
is actually just taking andadding a shadow to everything
else.
So that could be one thing.
How else can we manage ouremotions and stress?
I'm a project manager by trade.
I love a spreadsheet.
There are apps out there.
(23:32):
I think there's a really goodone called Manage my Wedding and
you use those tools to getstuff out your head.
So how does overwhelm and stresshappen in our mind?
Let's get a little bit kind ofpractical here.
We know we have a monkey mind,an ego, a crazy circus, whatever
(23:55):
new language is.
We know we've got that going on.
Every single human unlessthey're unconscious, in a coma,
and even then it still happenshave drama playing out.
The best way to address thedrama is to write it down, which
is why journal.
(24:16):
I'm not a journaler, but that'swhy journaling is so popular and
common.
But if you write down got tosort the tables or that's what's
running through your head andyou don't do it, or you don't at
least acknowledge it, from leftbrain to right brain you're
thinking about it and you haveto acknowledge it.
It doesn't matter if you'releft or right handed, that is
(24:38):
what acknowledges.
I will get to that.
It's getting out of your headand going.
I'm parking that.
Yes, I hear you.
It's like a annoying teenageror child actually.
Todd, look, got it Shut up.
I will get to it.
When I'm the human, I get tomake the decision.
You're just a frickingenergetic noise Shush.
I talked to myself like that alot when she gets a little bit
(25:01):
out of control.
Yvette Sitters (25:02):
I love it.
I love it.
Mell 'B' Balment (25:04):
When it's documented, when it's literally
transferred from thought tologic.
It's a neurological process.
You're getting it out of yourhead.
Then, when you're ready to lookat it, you're breaking it down
into the tasks.
Sometimes even I'm like oh,I've got all these things to do.
Actually, that's only going totake three minutes.
Why was I making this a thing?
(25:25):
Yes, it's a hard.
Three minutes it's still just athree-minute task.
Why am I putting that off?
Actually, allocate a bit oftime.
My favorite thing to do is youget your calendar and you mark
it somewhere that you're goingto do it.
You might not work on yourfinal table plan, Maybe the week
(25:45):
before, maybe a month before,the numbers, the factors.
You're going to do yourdifferent drafts and you mark it
out.
Then your brain's going okay,logically, we're going to get to
that.
That's one way of managingstress.
Yvette Sitters (26:02):
What about managing the emotions that come
from the family?
Mell 'B' Balment (26:05):
Okay, I'm an empath's empowerer.
What does that mean?
Many of us kind of know we'rean empath, even if we don't know
how it works or why or any ofthat doesn't matter.
It's really important weprotect ourselves.
Now I hear things like being anempath is a curse.
(26:27):
I can't leave the house withouta meltdown when I come back.
What that suggests to me isthat somebody doesn't know how
to protect themselves fromexternal influences.
That also applies to otherpeople's emotions OPE.
So you go, opps and OPEs.
All OPs are bad because there'sother people.
(26:50):
So how do we protect that?
Some people have heard aboutthe parking bubble.
You put a bubble around yourcar when you're parked and it'll
protect it.
We need to do that sort ofapproach for ourselves,
especially when we're havingdiscussions or if we're leading
into a discussion about awedding hot point.
(27:11):
Again, that pre-framing going.
Okay, we're going to talk aboutthis.
We're not necessarily going tosee eye to eye, just saying that
to the other person.
That start is called framing.
It's letting them know there'sgoing to be a bit of an RG bargy
opinion here, a lot of fastresponses.
When it catches people's guard,it's like I'm not having flowers
(27:33):
.
What do you mean?
You're not having flowers thatdoes not respect them, and
actually build rapport with theperson that you're actually,
even if you don't like them.
You still have to build rapportbecause they're going to be
coming to the wedding and youcan't have got to have them at
least pleasant.
Everybody likes a sourpusssitting in the corner of the
room like I didn't like thewedding by including them but
(27:57):
framing them up as this is ourwedding, even though you're
paying for this thing.
This is what we choose.
Please don't take my choiceaway, our word choice.
I'm saying me a lot.
It's us, this is our future,this is how we want to set
ourselves up for the nextchapter of our life.
Those sorts of phrases mighthelp diffuse Navigate
(28:19):
narcissists.
Absolutely, that's a wholedifferent discussion.
We'll park that one.
There's probably a bit moreone-on-one work to help navigate
narcissists.
Yvette Sitters (28:30):
I did have a bride just last week, tell me
her mother is no longer comingto the wedding and is uninvited,
and she is never going to speakto her again.
She's finally done what sheshould have done her whole life
and we're talking narcissisticbehavior, which is a real thing
Very sad.
Mell 'B' Balment (28:48):
It's kind of like a me too movement, changing
topic slightly.
The more we're aware of it, themore we're aware of it.
Sometimes it takes somethinglike a wedding.
You're like I'm actually seeingyou or you're truly showing
your full colors.
(29:08):
I'm aware of that, and she gotto choose.
I'm not accepting that in mylife.
That's not how we operate, andif you're not going to change,
which clearly obviously gets tothat breaking point, then you're
just a person that I don'trespect.
Why would I invite somebody Idon't respect to my own wedding?
(29:31):
Hell, no, no, ladies, gentlemen, no, you don't like them, you
don't respect them.
Why would you spend a couple ofhundred dollars to have them in
the room with you?
Would you pay for the dinner ifit was just a normal night out?
No, why would you pay even moreby the time you work at the
Cosper Head?
(29:51):
No, no.
Yvette Sitters (29:54):
Yeah, did.
I say no, no, I keep saying it.
I agree, I agree, I am all forit.
I agree with you.
I think there's comes a pointwhere you can make that call.
Sometimes it's hard and peopledon't know where that line is.
Mell 'B' Balment (30:10):
I want to add to that.
Yes, it's really easy to bestrong when you're not around
them.
I just got this download ofyeah, I feel like that.
And then we have a conversationand I cave Two things.
How do you back that up?
You have someone with you andyou say this is where I stand,
this is why I believe this orfeel this.
(30:31):
I really want you to back me up, and sometimes it's not your
best friend because they don'tknow how to deal with conflict
themselves.
Sometimes it has to be somebodywho you trust will speak up
with consideration, respect andsay hang on.
What Mel has just said is ABC,and it sounds like you haven't
(30:55):
heard her.
It sounds like you'redisagreeing with her and that's
not really fair for her day.
So you want someone who canback you up.
The second thing is a bit ofpractice saying it to yourself
out loud or in the mirror, andsaying the statement that you
want to make to this person outloud.
Again, you're transferring fromyour thought to your logic.
(31:18):
You're like I don't want realflowers in my bouquet.
You say it with forceful toyourself.
So then, when you say it aloudto the person, you don't have to
use the same force.
You've instilled it intoyourself.
It's called embodiment, Evenbodied, the phrase, the belief,
the value.
You've voiced it, You'vereleased it to the world and
(31:41):
then, when you say it to theperson, it's not like the first
time you've ever articulated it.
Yvette Sitters (31:47):
I like that.
That's great advice.
It's really good, and we alljust have Mel with us to have
these conversations.
Mell 'B' Balment (31:57):
Well, we're working on that aren't we?
Yvette Sitters (31:59):
Because I feel like, yes, we are working on
that, we've got something comingactually, don't we?
We're nice at the end.
Mell 'B' Balment (32:05):
Yes.
Yvette Sitters (32:06):
But I think that some people do need that
support system to help themthrough that, because it's tough
for some people.
I think we get stronger as weget personal growth and as we
get older and as we know morewho we are and what we want, but
sometimes it's a bit of a workin progress to get to that point
(32:26):
right, that's a lot easier saidthan done.
Mell 'B' Balment (32:29):
I'm just going to give you grace again.
It's a lot easier said thandone.
Yvette Sitters (32:33):
Yeah, what about ?
This is going quite extreme now, but sometimes weddings can
raise a lot of childhood trauma,which is something I can really
notice from people who arestruggling to get past issues or
to move forward, or they justwant to give up the wedding
planning.
They're like I don't even wantto do this.
What's the point?
(32:53):
Because it can raise a lot ofthat.
But sometimes it's new to themthat they didn't realise that
it's as heavy as what it wasuntil they get married.
Like we said, weddings bring upeverything.
Mell 'B' Balment (33:08):
Look, I don't want to take it down to the
dragon's den, but I'll go thereand I promise that we won't stay
there.
But I was raised with childabuse.
That's why I left home at 15.
Thankfully that abuser is nolonger alive.
Absolutely would not be invitedto the wedding anyway.
But some of the issues peoplemight be jumping to the
(33:33):
conclusion like oh, that's whyyou're feminist.
No, I'm a feminist because it'simportant that women have
equality and when our childhoodstuff comes up, one obviously
it's a great time to deal withit.
When it's been lifted and thatcan take a professional to help
(33:54):
you with that and it comes upfor a reason, you're actually
ready.
If stuff is niggling andknocking at that vault door that
is being behind, that's theperfect time.
And sometimes clearing it,which doesn't have to be hard
and onerous months of inner workfacing these demons.
(34:18):
If it's coming up and knockingand kind of just scratching your
awareness, perfect, you areready.
It would not be anywhere inyour awareness if it wasn't
ready.
And wouldn't it be wonderful toaddress that stuff and let that
stuff go before your wedding dayso that you can show up in all
(34:44):
of your fine-erying, glowing,gorgeousness of love, which is
what the day is about.
It's about a union betweensomebody that you have chosen
unconditionally to love and toreceive in return.
And if there's something inyour past that was not that,
(35:06):
what a better way to clean thatcloset out like go of those
demons and go.
That no longer serves me.
That's the old me.
They fell in love with me.
Anyway, I'm not damaged, I'mnot flawed.
Whether they know about thisstuff or not, I think it's a
perfect time to bring all thatstuff and release it.
Yvette Sitters (35:29):
Yeah, and release it I can.
I was privileged enough to havea session with you.
Let's just touch on it.
My listeners know I do talkabout the fact that I get
anxiety from time to time.
I had a beautiful upbringingand my parents are wonderful,
but I get anxiety from time totime and it can sometimes be
(35:51):
quite debilitating in the sensethat you can feel so tight and
you don't know why and you don'tthen function properly, which
happens when wedding planning aswell.
And I had one session with youand, oh my gosh, what a release.
Like, honestly, one two hoursession and I haven't only an
(36:11):
hour.
The first one.
Oh, there you go, and I'mtelling you that it's hard to
explain, but I haven't had thatsame anxiety feeling since in
the stomach and the heart andthe chest, that tightness.
I haven't experienced thatfeeling since and it was just
(36:35):
clearing stuff that shouldn'thave been there really.
Isn't it Like those thoughtsthat are like kind of touching
on you but they're not reallyreal and I'm so grateful for
that.
So, thank you, thank you somuch.
It's so nice to not have thatfeeling in your stomach and your
gut often anymore.
(36:55):
It's an amazing feeling torelease that.
Mell 'B' Balment (37:00):
I just want to respond to the statement you
made around.
I shouldn't have had thosefeelings.
You're human and we will feelemotions.
Otherwise we're robots and Idon't know about you.
But I don't wanna live like arobot alien.
I wanna feel everything,because the more I understand my
(37:22):
emotions and feelings, thericher my life is, the deeper I
can love.
And so with my childhood dramabecause I addressed it, it meant
on my wedding day, which waswhy did I get married?
I got married 20, oh my Lord,that's 20 years gonna, wow, feel
(37:45):
old I was able to experiencelove at a deeper level because
I'd started the work.
I've done obviously, a lot morein the last 20 years and we've
gone into this societal kind oflanguage of you shouldn't feel a
certain way.
Don't let the heaviness come,or and I challenged those
(38:09):
statements because withoutunderstanding those heavy, dark,
negative, angry, whatever theemotions, how are we supposed to
move through them?
It's acknowledged them.
I'm spearing anxiety and Ithink I need to manage this.
I need to let go of this.
I need to do something with itso it doesn't keep coming up and
, as you say, debilitating me.
(38:31):
Why would you wanna live a halflife?
Because of a set of energiesemotions in energy, in motion,
emotion.
It doesn't have to be hard ortraumatic and you don't have to
relive the trauma in order toaddress these things.
So I just wanna catch theshoulds and you must and you
shouldn't, and all of thosedemands on ourselves.
(38:54):
We're human, feel you humanists, try not to get stuck in it,
but if you do get some help,anyway, that's bringing it back
to the wedding, especially onthe wedding day feel it,
acknowledge it, give it air time.
But we're not gonna go theretoday.
My darling inner child, we'lllook at this tomorrow.
(39:18):
Today's not the day.
Today's my day.
Your fears, your stuff, Ipromise we will get to that.
Thanks for bringing it to myawareness.
But today is about love.
I'm only available for love,emotion today, thank you, love,
and above joy, happiness, allthe rest of it.
So that can be a way you canmanage yourself in the moment if
(39:39):
it's not appropriate to feelthe feels and process.
Yvette Sitters (39:43):
Yeah, I love that when you're explaining not
today.
I remembered the moment that Igot out of my car when I arrived
to the ceremony and I rememberthe listeners know this but I
called my wedding off six weeksbefore I was meant to get
married with my first beyond.
Say you can do that.
Okay, there you go, six weeksbefore I knew I was knowing the
(40:06):
wrong person and the best thingdecision I ever made.
But I'd been through a lot, I'dexperienced a lot.
I knew what I really want.
I really knew what love was.
When I met James and when thecar pulled up at the ceremony I
couldn't see him or the guestsbecause I had to go up and
around to see them.
I remember the vehicle stoppingand I remember just, I just
(40:29):
burst into tears, like just itwas intense.
It was a lot of emotion, a lot,and all my bridesmaids and my
dad just froze and they alllooked at me and they'll
instantly are you okay?
I think they thought I wascrying.
You're gonna pull it off again,yeah, and I was like I couldn't
(40:53):
speak and then I was explainingand all I could get out was I'm
just so happy to be here, I'mjust so happy to be here and it
was actually just letting outall these emotions.
I swear from all those years aswell where I was unhappy.
I think I was releasing, going.
I'm here, I'm right where Ineed to be right where I should
be in this moment.
(41:14):
That is all gone and it's likea you should see me, I'm like on
electric.
Mell 'B' Balment (41:19):
Oh, beautiful.
Yvette Sitters (41:21):
I get it too when I talk about it.
But it was like a rebirth,right, yeah, right, it was just
an amazing feeling and yeah, Ijust pulled myself together and
I stepped out of that car and Ihad the biggest grin.
It was like that moment hadnever happened.
But yeah, it was just like inthis insane release.
It was weird that it was rightin that moment, or perfect, yeah
(41:45):
, yeah, I think it was meant tobe right.
Everything's where it happens,where it's meant to happen.
Yeah, so emotions are okay,absolutely.
Mell 'B' Balment (41:56):
And yeah, challenge anybody who tries to
make emotions wrong.
Yvette Sitters (42:01):
Yeah, they're good for us.
They're good for us, yeah.
Mell 'B' Balment (42:06):
For me too.
Yvette Sitters (42:07):
Yeah.
Mell 'B' Balment (42:08):
I don't think we have to go from negative in
order to experience the joy.
That's not what I'm saying.
No, but if you have negative,then you can enjoy the joy more
when you clear the negative.
Yvette Sitters (42:23):
Yes, absolutely, I agree, and I'm feeling the
joy from you.
So, thank you, thank you,welcome.
Now.
Mel and I have been talking andwe are very excited that we got
something coming that we thinkcould benefit.
(42:44):
Well, we'll benefit all youbeautiful brides planning.
90% of 95% of my listeners arebrides, so we'll talk to the
bride Room's welcome also.
But we know that we can bothhelp you, and often I believe
that someone like Mel is neededas much as myself, the planner.
So, while I am the spreadsheetsand the checklist and this is
(43:06):
how you do this and this is howyou do that Mel is this
beautiful package of empath andmindset and just all those
moving parts that we needemotionally.
So, mel, where can they join alittle wait list for what's
coming?
Mell 'B' Balment (43:21):
I know.
So we've been since we met.
When you meet someone you'relike oh, you're like the best I
didn't have, I didn't know Ineeded.
But here you are and we gottalking around some of these
challenges that we touched ontoday and we came up with this
concept that we're stillfleshing out between how you can
(43:43):
work with the planner becauseshe's gonna be planning my
wedding too and how I can helpwith the mindset.
As I just explained, how can wemake a little package for that
and you can have there'll be acouple of different point price
points so you can have just getthrough the low challenges.
One icky discussion, help mewith that.
(44:04):
So we'll have a couple of pricepoints so that you can get all
the support you need To help youhave that amazing, beautiful
wedding day that you deserve,absolutely deserve.
So the code is going to bewe'll share it in the link and
we'll put it on there, but it'sMMW for mind manage my wedding,
(44:29):
heighten waitlist.
Mmw heighten waitlist.
I can't remember where thefront part will be.
I don't do all that stuff.
That's my assistant.
We'll get that to you.
We'll probably have it on bothour websites.
That might be easier, but we'llput the links in the show notes
and QR codes is what.
Yvette Sitters (44:48):
I'm trying to point out somewhere.
Yeah, no, we can put them allin the show notes.
Definitely, and I'll definitelyplace it to manage my wedding
academycom.
Slash MW heighten waitlist.
Perfect Done.
Thank you, Mel.
I would really love thelisteners to come and follow you
(45:09):
and find you because you justoh, you just make people feel
amazing.
Truly you do.
You're just radiant.
You've helped me so muchpersonally and I watch you help
so many other people live theirbest life.
Where can they come and findyou?
I'm on.
Mell 'B' Balment (45:28):
Insta Code, I'm on Facebook, I'm on LinkedIn
Because it's Mel B,m-e-l-b-l-m-e-n-t.
That's just too hard to spellsometimes, so I just put the QR
codes for my socials.
Mel Bcom I had to make mywebsite super simple, mel Bcom,
(45:54):
and if you go to contact inthere all of my socials, you can
send me emails, you can send mea WhatsApp, all of the ways you
can reach me are on melbcom.
Forward slash contact and allmy social links are in there as
well.
Yvette Sitters (46:08):
And I'll pop them in the show notes as well,
so they can refer to thoseeasily.
Mell 'B' Balment (46:11):
I think I need to make up some sort of
resource.
Maybe there will be one onthere.
I'll think about that.
Yvette Sitters (46:18):
What's the best way of serving.
Do that, do that Well.
Thank you so much for chattingwith us today.
I'm just such a big believer inthe mind when we're wedding
planning and ensuring that we'rehappy and enjoying the planning
and that we show up on the dayour best self, because that
shows.
It really shows.
It's not just, oh, she's.
(46:40):
That bride is glowing becauseshe lost all that weight.
That is not it.
It is.
She is glowing because shelooks so happy.
That is what gives that glow,is the happiness and that
radiates, and I truly believethat the mind has so much to do
with that as well.
So it's been a pleasure talkingto you today.
(47:00):
Thank you so much for sharingall your beautiful wisdom with
the listeners.
Mell 'B' Balment (47:04):
It's been a delight.
I've really loved it, and if Ican help in any way, just reach
out folks.
Thank you.
Yvette Sitters (47:11):
Hello, it's Yvette just popping back in here
after that amazing conversationwith Mel B.
She truly is incredible.
She just understands how tohelp us navigate stressful times
and anxiety and, honestly, ifyou are looking to foster
harmonious relationships withyour partner, bridal party and
(47:33):
family, you know building like astrong support system that
enhances the joy of yourplanning and your wedding
celebration and you want tolearn mindfulness techniques to
cultivate calmness, allowing youto navigate stress and anxiety
with grace, ensuring that yousave it every moment of the
planning process and honestlytake advantage of Mel's offers.
(47:55):
She has popped into the shownotes.
You can see all the links.
There is some personalizedcoaching sessions and there's a
package that she's giving us atan amazing price If you listen
to the Manage my Wedding podcast, and there's also one off
session.
So if you want to book a sessionwith her and, honestly, you
want to get a resilient mindsetbecause we all know weddings
(48:18):
bring up sometimes the worst inour family and friends as well
but if you want to get reallyeffective at communicating and
feeling inner peace withinyourself during your wedding
planning, but also for yourfuture forever then you really
need to head to the show notes,click on those links, take a
look and book in a session withMel B.
You will not regret it and Iknow this personally because of
(48:40):
the sessions that I have withMel B.
I have them with herfortnightly because they've made
such an impact and a differenceto my life.
And I'm telling you I was ananxious person before doing
sessions with Mel B and now Idon't even remember the last
time I've had anxiety.
So, yeah, it's a prettyincredible feeling.
So, anyway, I hope you enjoyedthat podcast episode.
(49:03):
I absolutely love bringing toevery week really solid gold
information that is really goingto help you with your wedding
planning and I feel like thisweek's episode is just one of
those that is in like my top 5%of favourites that I know is
going to really help you.
So everyone, until next time,enjoy being engaged and staying
(49:23):
stress free and organised whileplanning the wedding of your
dreams.
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