April 28, 2025 • 40 mins
Inside the buzzing atmosphere of I Heart Barbershop, we drop in with the 100 Black Men of South Metro Atlanta for authentic conversations that cut deeper than any clipper. Three Black men open up about masculinity, mental health, and challenging the toxic expectations society places on men today.
• Mental health in the barbershop - how barbers create safe spaces by opening up first
• Finding therapists who reflect your experiences and understand your cultural context
• The true definition of manhood beyond financial expectations
• Powerful statement: "A man is who you are and nobody can take that from you"
• Unpacking the lies told to men growing up: "men don't cry" and "more women equals more manhood"
• The GOAT debate between Jordan, Kobe, and LeBron and what their legacies teach us
• Building personal legacies through financial responsibility and proper planning
• What we hope people will say about us when we're gone
Support us by sharing this episode with friends and leaving an honest review on Apple Podcasts. It helps the show grow and keeps these essential conversations going.
Email us at manhoodmatterspodcast@gmail.com
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Host: StéphaneAlexandre
IG: @stephanealexandreofficial
Music by Liam Weisner
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Like.
A man is who you are and nobodycan take that from you.
Nobody can define that for you.
The person that says you haveto make a certain amount to be a
man is a person that's notqualified to speak on what
manhood is.
Manhood is walking in a roomand looking at your child and
not having to say a word, andyour child sit down when they've
been jumping around with momall day long.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Man is being able to go through so this is definitely
one of the coolest episodeswe've done so far.
Instead of being at home, wherewe normally record, we were at
the I Heart Barbershop inAtlanta.
I would apologize for thebackground noise the incessant
(00:44):
buzzing of the clippers,scissors, barber chairs being
raised and lowered, and even theinterrupting phone call from my
daughter.
But you know what?
I won't, because it's real man.
That's what happens at thebarbershop.
We were invited by the 100black men of South Metro Atlanta
(01:04):
as they gathered at thisbarbershop to get a fresh cut
and just chop it up, Punintended.
These conversations were heldbetween LaDra Gilbert, the
organizer, Mike Skills, a masterbarber who is reserved and laid
(01:25):
back, and Kelly, a militaryveteran and former firefighter.
We touched on what it means tobe a man and the expectations to
the NBA GOAT debate, to mentalhealth and expressing
vulnerability.
This is a conversation you willthoroughly enjoy and if you
(01:49):
find that I'm right, support usby simply sharing this episode
and this is free.
Just send it to a few friendsand leave us an honest review on
Apple Podcasts.
It helps the show, it helps usgrow and it keeps the
conversation going.
Welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it.
(02:10):
Physical strife, hustling heart, repulsive life, grace, love
and the entrepreneur's climb.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Real talk echoes in fine time, experts and friends a
powerful blend tackling issuesthat never end.
From our perspective, we're alltrue, a podcast for all but our
point of view is I got you, Igot you.
Forgive me, all right.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
So first thing I want to jump into is mental health.
Yeah, we're going to start withyou, Mike.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Okay, jump into is mental health.
Yeah, we're gonna start withyou, mike.
Okay, well, mental health man,the barber shop helped me and I
don't seem to help other people.
Like I don't see people cominghere open up about things they
want to tell their familyfriends, stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
So dre said it earlier too it's about picking
the right barber yeah, yeah,because that's true I was saying
earlier that I don't think thatpeople truly open up in here,
because I know I've beenreserved, I've gone to a barber
shop and I kind of hold mytongue.
I'll say certain things thatare funny, that I can share, but
I don't want to be embarrassed.
So if my girl just cheated onme.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
I'm not going to tell y'all your barber got to open
up to you first something aboutthey self.
And that's most times thatwe'll get the clients to open up
.
And there's most of us in here.
Man, we just keep it 100, wejust whatever going on with us
that day we tell you hey, man, Ijust went home and this
happened, I got caught doingthis or doing that, so and we
(03:37):
talk about it.
So and that make other peopleopen up, because we open up
first and make other peoplecomfortable.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
So really, really.
Yeah, but you're a little clownon people, though.
I mean, if someone sayssomething, I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, man, if they saysomething we'll laugh at them,
but it ain't going to be thatserious.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
We'll let them know that we're just joking around.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Hey because, I'm going to tell you something
embarrassing about me.
To get it off of you, yeahyou're right, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
And, kelly, why don't you tell about your experience
with mental health?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, yeah, I seeked it professionally after, you
know, I lost my job as afirefighter and went through a
divorce.
I think it's very important tohave, you know, a professional,
go to where you could just leteverything out and then focusing
on a person that that lookslike you too, you know.
I think that is an importantaspect of choosing a therapist,
because you want to feelcomfortable, just like going
into a barbershop.
(04:30):
They look like you, you know,and you know that they went
through some similar issue thatyou went through, so hearing it
from them, it makes you feelmore comfortable, like, okay,
it's not the end of the world.
I can move forward on X, y andZ, but it's really good to have
that guidance from an outsidesource to help you push through
(04:53):
the difficult challenges thatyou face.
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I'm hearing also is well, maybe they haven't been
through what you've been throughspecifically, but at least they
can relate to it.
Yes, so I remember like at onepoint I was going through
marriage counseling, you know,with my ex wife.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I knew I was right, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Of course we are.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, so what I wanted to do was to make sure I
was like look.
I want a woman to step in and Iwanted to deal with just a black
woman.
At the time we went through acouple and I went to a black
woman, then we went to a whitelady but at the end of the day
nothing helped because we weresupposed to stay together.
But I do understand thatmindset because today I could
(05:39):
talk to any professional.
But I'm really I'm looking forsomeone who hasn't just read a
book and been through hisdissertation or her dissertation
.
Looking for someone who hasn'tjust read a book and been
through his dissertation or herdissertation.
I'm looking for someone who'skind of lived my experience.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, life experience .
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So I get it.
That makes sense.
And how about yourself, BrotherDre?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yes, sir.
So I actually had anopportunity to go through mental
health therapy for some thingsthat had been going on in life.
Like I said, it was a stigmabefore.
Where I'm from, you know, northFlorida and the country is more
so.
Like you know, you pray aboutit, keep it to yourself, don't
tell people your business.
Yeah, man, but you know, youget to a certain point where you
start going through certainsituations and you start
realizing that like, hey, thesesituations are changing, the
(06:18):
outcomes are the same and I'mthe only like constant that's
here.
So what is it about me toproduce the same situation?
And so I started to do like,use you know therapy to examine
myself on the inside and findout.
You know what my weaknesses are.
And, man, once I started tolearn my weaknesses and accept
(06:38):
those weaknesses and then startto like turn those into
strengths, it just unlocked awhole different level of me.
Like I became like on a basher.
Like I mean, like I don't worryabout.
You know, I'll tell a woman.
Like you know, in the day, youknow, hey, I got narcissistic
tendencies.
You know, I got main charactersyndrome.
You know I'm the only child Imean, I'll tell you, but I'm
working, but these are thethings I'm aware of.
Working on these things so thatI don't try to make everything
(07:02):
about me.
I'm not always viewing thisrelationship through my own lens
.
I'm trying to see yourperspective and hear what you
have to say, you know, eventhough sometimes it still
doesn't make sense, but yeah,but all jokes aside but like,
yeah, knowing yourself and beingable to handle those things
better, man, it like takes youto a whole different level.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, it sounds like a superpower, a superpower
brother.
I mean the second.
You recognize your weaknessesand you understand those and
then you can use them.
But one thing you just said.
Some people might hear that andgo oh, you said you got
narcissistic tendencies, let merun away from you.
But what they don't realize isthat I think most people do in a
very selfish way, but if thereis one person who can tell you
and they can recognize it right,that person is a person you
(07:41):
should run towards and not theother way around.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And that to me because of that superpower you
call it a superpower.
Yeah, that's why I'm thankfulbecause I have saved myself from
so many headaches, because Iwas real and my realness pushed
the other woman.
She took off and I was like, ok, ok, now I know it's not, know,
it's not my loss.
It's like, okay, well, hey, yousaved me a headache, or you
(08:06):
saved me, you know, six monthsof us getting here and then
you're not willing to takeaccountability for yourself or
do the work that I've done formyself.
Okay, so, all right, appreciateyou.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And when do we stop working on ourselves?
Whenever, when they, exactly,when they pull that blow yeah,
we don't stop, right.
So it's just having thatself-awareness to realize that
we are a work in progress, right, we recognize it and we can
articulate it right and it makessense.
So, yeah, I love that very,very powerful stuff.
Next question is what is yourdefinition of being a man?
(08:38):
So, and and the way I like tophrase this is, if a
six-year-old came up to you andsaid uncle dre, uncle kelly,
uncle mike, know what does itmean to be a man?
Or if a struggling 20 year old,who's basically looking for his
own identity, comes to yousaying look, I'm doing things
out here and I'm not really surethat I'm on the right path,
what does it mean to you to be aman?
(08:58):
How do you answer that question?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
to be a man.
How do you answer that question?
I would say, uh, take ownershipof yourself, take ownership of
your life.
When you grow up, there's goingto be plenty of mistakes that
you want to make.
I look at I look at life as likea pop quiz.
So you know how you go to classand you don't know the
information.
They just want to see what youknow.
And you take this pop quiz andyou going through, going through
(09:21):
the quiz and you're asking popquiz and you going through,
going through the quiz andyou're answering these questions
and then you know, you turn itinto your teacher and you get it
back.
You're always going to miss atleast one yeah question or two
questions.
That's how life is.
You don't know all the answers,you just you're just making a
choice and it's okay to makethose mistakes, it's okay You're
(09:46):
going to learn from yourmistakes on that pop quiz and
then you're going to ace thetest when you get the next test.
So I just say, go through lifeon a path of taking
responsibility for your actions,of your attitude, being a
provider for your family, foryourself, because, think about
this Men constantly provide forother people, right?
(10:09):
We need to take the time toprovide for ourselves.
And that ties back into themental health aspect.
Right, you know, going to thebarbershop, getting that fresh
cut, feeling good about yourself, going out to the restaurant,
taking your wife or yourgirlfriend out, it gives you a
boost of confidence, right.
Taking yourself on a trip,going to a spa, getting your
(10:31):
nails manicured, pedicured, allthat good stuff.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
So I say this don't be afraid to make a mistake
because all men do, and don't beafraid to take care of yourself
as well.
Exactly, that's something thatwe don't think about.
We just I think we're all onautopilot, Like we just face our
responsibilities and we go gogo, go, go, and we don't really
stop, we don't go no more.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
There's not a me day, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Like we don't have a, that's the me three hours and
shit, because I'll just be outhere trying to go, but then I
end up leaving the course moreupset than I came in.
So I'm not sure, but it's agreat answer.
Are there other examples ofwhat it means to take care of
yourself in that equation?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, I would say, take a moment every day for
yourself, at least 10, 15minutes of just being in silence
, just not worrying about.
Okay, I have to look at socialmedia, I have to look at work
emails and I have to get up, getready for the shopping, cut my
clients hair.
Just take 10 minutes out yourday and just be in the moment in
(11:37):
this existence of life.
Yeah, because once you pick upyour phone head out the door,
you're, you're fast paced, yeah,you're moving.
I will say, you know, providesome time for yourself, awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
How about you, dre?
What is that definition for you, if you had to break it down
for someone who's seeking thatguidance from you which, by the
way, a lot of people are seekingthat guidance from you, right,
because you are one of themembers of the 100 of South
Metro Atlanta 100 Black Men ofSouth Metro Atlanta, which is an
amazing organization, and sowhen you stand there as kind of
that beacon or that lighthouseand you have all these eyes on
(12:12):
you, maybe they're not askingthe question, but if you are
asked directly, how do youanswer it?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
So what I would tell a young man in that position is
the first thing about being aman is understanding, like who
you are and being comfortablewith who you are.
Right.
That's, first and foremost like.
No one on the outside should beable to influence how you feel
about yourself, and being ableto master your own yourself,
your thoughts, your emotions.
Second thing about it is isbeing able to take care of your
(12:40):
responsibilities and own up toyour responsibilities.
Like you know, you havedifferent things that that
belong to you.
About it is being able to takecare of your responsibilities
and own up to yourresponsibilities.
Like you know, you havedifferent things that belong to
you.
For example, I always say aboutmy children, because those are
the best things about me.
When my children came in thisworld, my life changed, the way
that I moved and did thingschange.
I haven't always made the bestdecisions, but I try to do the
best I can.
Like you know me, being here inAtlanta and then being in North
(13:01):
Florida means I got to makesome trips sometimes.
I got to get on the roadsometimes and go down there and
do different things.
But so it's just about makingsure you're managing your
responsibilities.
And also, too, I think one ofthe things about being a man is
that, like, you got to get tothe point of comfortability and
when they ask for help, when youcan't do something, being a man
doesn't mean you have to beSuperman.
Yeah, you know, you don't haveto always have the right answer,
(13:24):
you don't always have to havethe solution.
You can't always do somethingby yourself.
It's okay to like ask for help.
It's okay to look around andlike resources and say, hey,
what can I?
You know, help me get to whereI need to go.
And being okay with thatno-transcript essence of a man.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Yeah, and I think some of the best minds, the most
accomplished people on thisplanet are people who had help.
Right yeah, how about you, mike?
What's your definition of a man?
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Accepting challenges and understanding wins and
failures.
If you winning all the time,you don't really understand
defeat.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
You just know win, but when you understand defeat,
you know how to win andunderstand the win that you're
going through in life.
Yeah, so, accepting yourchallenges and taking them
forward.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
How about when it comes to our financial
expectations in terms of theoutside world looking in, can
you be a man making 60K a year,65k a year?
Can you be a man in today'ssociety and make that kind of
money, when social media hasmade it super popular that
you're not even a man unlessyou're making 150, 200k a year?
Don't ask me out, don't talk tome, right, and all that other
stuff.
So what are your thoughts onthat?
Like, who came up with that?
(14:50):
I think, there's, honestly, Idon't know.
I'm not a conspiracy theorist,but I believe there's some crazy
person playing puppeteerconditioning, you know exactly.
Who's sitting there behind thescenes destroying society.
And there's this gender war.
Right, men versus women reallyis not even a real thing, but it
(15:11):
gets clicks.
But unfortunately, there's asubset of the population,
there's a group of people whobelieve it, because I've seen it
way too many times.
I've seen too many people justnot just women say it, but men
put that pressure on themselves.
You could have a great job.
Maybe your calling is to be aschool teacher.
As far as we are concerned, asfar as men are concerned, the
expectation is you make acertain amount of money.
(15:32):
Can you be a man?
Can you provide making 65K?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I feel like you could be a man at any class level
lower class, middle class,higher class and it all depends
on what your goals are in life.
What is your purpose?
Some men's purpose is not to bea millionaire.
Some men's purpose is to haveand raise a family of three and
just have a nice job as a schoolteacher and have a firefighter.
(16:01):
As a school teacher and have afirefighter, have some time to
spend with his family and that'sit.
Have, you know, littlevacations here and there.
Because life is short.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
You busy trying to get to that million dollars and
you're missing all of your lifein there.
Stroke out, yeah, you're struckout.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
You know, so you know .
Yeah, I say, at any tier level,you can be a man, as long as
you step up to the plate andtake responsibility and be a
beacon of light for the peopleor the men coming after you.
Gotcha Dre, what are your?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
thoughts.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
All right, I've been at both spectrums, like I've
been, you know, a millionaire,and like I told you guys before
I've been living in my car.
I've been on both sides.
I said both sides of that file,right.
But here's the thing Whether Ihad money in my pocket and could
fly anywhere in the world Iwanted to go, or whether I was
at McDonald's trying to scrapesome change together to get a
double cheeseburger, I was a man.
(16:57):
A man is who you are and nobodycan take that from you.
Nobody can define that for you.
The person that says you haveto make a certain amount to be a
man is a person that's notqualified to speak on what
manhood is.
Manhood is walking in a roomand looking at your child and
not having to say a word, andyour child sit down when they've
been jumping around with momall day long.
(17:19):
Man is being able to gosomewhere and just command
respect.
Man is opening the door.
Man is sitting with your back,not facing the door, so that you
see what's going on.
Man is making sure you, whenyou walking with your woman, you
putting yourself between herand cars that are coming, or
when strangers are coming, youposition yourself so if
something were to go wrong.
(17:40):
She has a way.
I remember one time I was on adate and a lady had her door
open and she was sitting in acar and I kind of like cornered
her in the car.
She was like oh wow, you know.
You kind of I said, no, I'mputting myself in a position,
I'm focused on you.
If somebody comes from behindme, if something happens to me,
you have time to now get away.
I'm positioning myself betweenyou and danger.
(18:00):
Get away.
I'm positioning myself betweenyou and danger.
That's being a man, even knowingthat sometimes a man knows when
to be quiet.
Sometimes a man knows whennothing has to be said at all.
And I think that's one of thebiggest lessons that I've
learned.
40 plus is like you don'talways have to speak up, you
don't always have to be seen,you don't always have to get
(18:20):
your point across.
Sometimes you just recognize afool is a fool and you don't
want to confuse anybody as towhich one is which, and you just
let them talk and you just say,okay, fine.
But I think that the essence ofa man can't be defined by
anyone except for who you are asa man, as carrying the essence
Powerfully said Ladre.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
That's what's up, brother.
Yeah, I got a question.
I want like maybe Just onesentence From each of you.
What lies were you told Growingup About manhood?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Hmm, I'll say it Um, men can't cry.
Yep, hell, shit, like my dad.
I only seen my dad cry twice.
Yeah, he had hernia surgery andhe was trying To get up out of
bed and he started.
He wasn't boohoo crying, but Iseen a tear fall down his face
because he was in pain and thenwhen his mom died, he cried.
Other than that, I never seenmy dad.
(19:08):
My mom passed away.
He didn't cry His dad passedaway.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
He didn't cry.
That's how tough it was.
I didn't see him cry.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
I think that, like, crying is release it, Because if
you don't, it's going to comeout one way or another.
Like you said stroke, heartattack, aneurysm it's going to
come out.
So you have to get that emotionout.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Yeah, how about you?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Kelly, you know, growing up I had two parents,
that's police officers.
My uncle, he told me to whenyou're out in the community you
have to put on this like almostlike a mask, you know, to shield
your emotion.
And every time he went out forlike a police officer's funeral
(19:48):
or firefighters funeral or orsomeone who who's close to him,
he had to speak about that.
He never cried.
He never cried, he never showedlike he was hurt.
But you can hear it in hisspeech.
But with me I'm like I do cry.
I'm not going to say I'm a crybaby but, I do
I do cry, but I got to a pointwhere damn I'm.
(20:12):
I'm like my uncle now, like I'mholding that in and masking it.
But it is a lie, because evenwith Obama he started crying and
that was the first time Iactually seen the president like
cry like that on some issues.
I forget the speech it was Ithink it was someone who passed
(20:34):
away that sticks with me tillthis day ever get to a point
where I have to public speak orat a funeral or something like
that.
I can now tell myself like it'sokay to share the tear or two,
correct?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
it's okay to connect with people on a human level.
Yeah, for me, the biggest liethat I got growing up as a man
was the more women you have, themore of a man you are, oh yeah,
it was about that and you knowwhat's crazy is?
I believed it to so much, butthen you start lying about it to
you know, your teens.
You like I got this girl, I gotthis girl, no, you don't Right.
(21:10):
And and I found that I startedliving that lie.
So, when I was in a position to, I started living that life,
only to realize that's not who Iam.
Yeah Right, I'm a monogamousman.
I want to be in one relationship, but I forced myself to be
something I was not because Ithought that was the expectation
.
And when other men would lookat me, I would feel like I'm
more of a man, because I'm lyingto my girl here, cause I got
(21:32):
this other girl here and it wasjust the stupidest thing.
Yeah, mike, what's?
What's a one lie that you weretold as a man growing up?
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Well, they kind of cover the keeping feelings to
yourself and not crying, becausemost times they say men don't
cry, men don't show theirfeelings.
But when men don't show theirfeelings and don't cry and open
up, men explode.
So, and one thing I learnedlike when I got older I started
opening up, I started feelingbetter about life, everything.
(22:01):
But the more I kept it in, themore anger I was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Can I add one more thing to what you said about
that lie?
Yeah, man, just think about howmuch time, energy and
opportunity you wasted Big time.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Because I can look at myself man and just be like man
.
I've been engaged twice.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Right Married once and because of that thought
process was a big contributivefactor to you know why I'm not
married now and how I had to goback and reset and understand
like the energy transfer, likeit's more, it's more than just
you know like you sleep withthese energy transfer and what
you're giving up man.
So you had to go back to hit areset on that lie.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, because that's definitely a lie, because I
still have kids at 16.
Yeah, I mean think about theway we treat our young boys
versus our daughters.
I have both boys, sons anddaughters.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
There is something that is still a double standard,
that is, you know, it's animplicit bias and it's in me,
and what I mean is I'm a lotmore protective of my daughters,
right, it's just that I'm lessconcerned.
So still, there's somethingleft in me if that makes sense,
you know what I mean when Istill feel like men can get away
with certain things that womencan't.
(23:10):
So I still have that lie thatI'm telling myself and I have to
learn to.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I guess I need some deprogramming about that lie
that we talk about Deprogramming.
That's a good one.
I'll follow my son too.
Hey, both of them, oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
I want to see how my son conducts himself as a man
while he's out on his date Righton.
So I want to tell him I ain'tgoing to let him know I'm there,
but when he get home I'm goingto let him know how he conducts
himself.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Oh, now, now he knows it would not be a barbershop if
we did not talk about the GOAT.
Yes, sir, so it ain't funnythat we'll say who's the GOAT
and no one has to question whichsport we're talking about.
Nope, nope.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Already know no sport Already know, we already know
why LeBron he's an all-aroundplayer and an all-around person,
so that's why I don't see allthree of them play.
But when it came to LeBron, hewas more visual with the things
he did and stuff like that, andon the basketball court shoot,
(24:15):
he could play almost all fivepositions.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
He's a freak athlete, right?
Yes, and that's why I gave himthe gold.
Yeah, it's very hard to arguethat point.
Yeah, yeah, but I know somebodywill Go ahead, dre.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
What made you guys think that way?
So we're blessed to have beenin that generation to be able to
see all three play.
So when I think of the Goats, Ithink of Michael Jordan, I
think of Kobe Bryant and I thinkof LeBron James.
And for a while I would makethat argument for LeBron James
only because LeBron James wasborn to be what he is Like.
(24:52):
He was given all the gifts tobe what he is.
He came out the womb to be whathe is.
Mike had to work at it, kobe hadto work at it Very hard, but
LeBron was, you know, as long ashe did what he was supposed to
do.
He was going to do that and soI was watching him and, like you
, I was like you know what man Isee Mike and Magic, I just see
(25:13):
it all the complete basketballplayer.
But that one thing, man, it wasan all-star game where I think
it was like at the end of thegame and it was like Kobe was
like begging LeBron, like takethe last shot, come on, come at
me, come at me, come at me.
I saw it, I saw it and he justlike he didn't.
And at that point I had to goback and like, wait a minute,
(25:34):
you know.
And the last dance didn't doany favors to the other side.
But I think at the end of theday, man, like I watched Michael
Jordan night after night afternight after night get to a
certain point in the game.
It might be like you know whatF it we're about to win and
nobody could do anything aboutit.
Like either you know, histeammates backed up because they
(25:56):
knew, mike, we're about to win.
And so just watching somebodycontrol to that level of the
game, you know Kobe was likealmost there, like he was almost
there, but I didn't quite seehim get to that level.
Lebron has won and he's gottenthe records and he's gotten the
points and those type of things,but he just didn't have that
(26:20):
killer, animalistic, like I'mgoing to destroy you.
Kobe had it, but Mike just hada whole different aspect.
So that's why I'm going toalways say Michael Jeffrey
Jordan, not just because he's myfrat brother but I really truly
believe that Michael Jordan isthe greatest basketball player
to ever play the game.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Yeah, and LeBron was always interesting with his size
, as impressive as he is as ahuman specimen, that he's not
going to say he's soft, but he'snot as tough as the other guys
were.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
It's almost like you kind of are glad that he isn't,
because if LeBron had thatmentality that Kobe had for like
man the league.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
That's what I'm saying.
Let's say he had that Carmelonetoughness in him, yeah, it
would have been over, it wouldhave been a whole yeah, how
about you.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Kelly, hey Kobe, yeah Kobe, all the way.
And, like you said, that killerass game he had man he came to
the game to play.
Yeah, and that was it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
To me it's a question of impact more off the court
than it was on the court.
So in that sense, to me, on apersonal level, it was Kobe.
I've always admired Kobe.
I've listened to the lecturesand watched the interviews and,
as an entrepreneur and someonewho's always aspiring to better
myself, I always look to him.
(27:36):
If you told your son, hey, lookat this person, it wouldn't be
a bad example, right, I feel thesame way about LeBron, for
social issues and things likethat.
But as far as the game itself,I'm going to be with you, dre.
I'm going to say it's got to beMike man.
Yeah, you know, because therewas something about me showing
up and watching those games andthe 90s.
I'm watching the game.
You get a certain level ofexcitement, right, that I just
(27:57):
don't get today.
I don't care who I'm watching,right, I don't even watch
basketball until the Conferencefinals.
Exactly that's what I'mwatching.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
But bro, you know like one more thing really quick
.
I know we got to move on, but Ijust wanted to say I've been
waiting on this conversation,man, but like, when you start
looking at, like Mike'sopponents, the way they talk
about him, like how they fearedhim, like how they had names for
him, how, like thepsychological warfare they had
to prepare themselves, we cameyeah, he took me out to dinner
one time and he came back andbust us for 45.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
No, I ain't going out to dinner with you, no more.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
No, I'm not going to play golf.
You know, like you had to stayaway from him until the
offseason because he was justthat competitive, right, that's
right.
But like and then I see catsdisrespect LeBron man on the
court, you know, oh yeah, nobodycan do that to Kobe.
Right In that documentary wherethey were talking about the
Redeem team and Kobe Bryant,everybody had gone out to party
(28:51):
the night before and everybodywas coming in at 4 o'clock and
Kobe was lacing them up gettingready to go to the gym at 4
o'clock when they came back infrom the club it took me to a
whole other, different level ofrespect for Kobe Bryant.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Exactly, speaking of legacy, what is one habit you're
trying to build that wouldsupport a legacy that you're
trying to create?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
So what I'm doing now is I'm being more cognizant of
how I am with my finances,because the legacy that I want
to live for my kids and forother people is not gonna say
solely, but it's based a lot infinancial things, things, and so
I'm being cognizant about how Ispend my money, how I invest,
(29:33):
what my dollar does for me, howcan I put my dollar to work, and
so I'm just being morecognizant in the way that I
spend a dollar so that you know,down the line, my children have
something that I'm leaving tothem as well, as you know,
preparing for my grandkids aswell that's what.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
What's up?
One habit, kelly, I would say,or even a mindset or principle,
rather A principle that you'renow adopting, or a habit.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Proper planning prevents piss-poor performance.
Let's go 12 Ps, yeah.
So when you properly plan youshow up on time.
There's a sense of respect,right.
So in showing that to yourchildren is only going to set
(30:18):
them up for success in thefuture.
Because if you show up late andyou saying things like hey, I'm
going to do this and don't doit, then you're creating a
reputation for yourself of noone's going to trust you to do
anything.
You know you're not even goingto trust yourself.
I got that from my uncle.
He taught me that because youknow, my background is coming
(30:42):
from a single parent householdwho was disabled.
She has sickle cell anemia andof course I had my brother, my
older brother, my older sister.
They moved out.
My sister moved to Minnesotafor college and my brother went
to the Navy.
And I was 12 years old, stuckdown in Miami taking care of a
(31:02):
sick parent.
My father was never in my life,wow.
So I used to walk home fromschool instead of taking the bus
home, just to save a bus fareto get us food.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
You know what I'm saying.
So, coming from that and I wasI was always bad with my grades,
I was always late, all thisother stuff.
Moving from that to astructured household it was like
it changed my life forever,like he always taught me proper
planning prevents piss, poorperformance.
He was in the military, he wasin the army, and I just adopted
(31:38):
that throughout my life and itjust molded me to who I am today
.
So, no matter what situationthat I'm going through, if you
have the proper peace, you willalways find your way back on
your path.
That's what's up.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Great answer, brother .
Thank you for sharing that.
All right, just a couple morequestions we have.
Oh, my God, I need to tell her.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I'm sorry, I got to, um, I gotto call you back, okay.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
I'm working.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
I'm working, working so if your life ended tomorrow,
if you know it's gonna end, whatare three things the people
closest to you would say aboutyou?
Speaker 4 (32:18):
well, that was caring , loving.
I always showed support, I wasalways there for people and I
always was the center ofattention caring loving showed
support and was the center ofattention.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Caring loving showed support and definitely the
center of attention.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Oh yeah, all right, and you said all the good ones,
man.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
I mean, you could repeat them.
That's you, that's you.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Caring, loving, I'd say self-sacrificing discipline.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Always on time.
Yeah, I don't see that.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
See, that's a hard one To stay on top of man.
That discipline, brother, yeah,it does the most Challenging
thing.
It is yeah, how about you, dre?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Man, I would pray, man.
I pray that when I die, man,somebody get up at my funeral
and say one, that he was a manof God and he lived it.
I would pray that Somebodywould say that you know he was a
decent guy, like he was a goodguy.
He really you know was.
You could depend on him.
His word meant something.
And three, I pray that somebodyhas something to say about how
(33:17):
I impacted their life in apositive way beautiful beautiful
what is something that you guyswould like to unlearn before
it's too late?
I'm gonna say this because we'vealready touched on it, man, go
for it.
Like I'm going to say thisbecause we've already touched on
it, man, go for it.
I'm 43.
Yeah, like I said, I've beenmarried once, engaged twice, and
I'm at the point now where I'mready to get married.
I'm ready to settle down andspend these next prayerfully 40
(33:40):
years with the woman that Godcreated for me to be with right.
I have to unlearn what hashappened over the last 15 years
of what dating looks like.
Now.
When, I you know, we grew up,you had to go up to a girl and
get a phone number and then youhad to call the house and then
(34:02):
you had to talk to grandmama oryou had to talk to mom and then,
when you got her on the phone,they were listening on the other
line.
So it was like a process ofhaving to actually get to know,
but like just the interaction.
Like I had to have somethinginteresting to say to this girl
when I saw her so that she waswilling to give me her phone
number in the first place.
Yeah, now it's just so much.
Access is so much.
(34:22):
I feel like it just diluted theentire courting process.
So I have to unlearn all ofthis toxicity on both sides,
like we said, that personsitting behind that keyboard,
that person sitting and it'scontrolling everything, all that
toxicity has been created likeand believe the light my wife is
still there and that when Ifind her she's going to be the
(34:43):
woman that God created for meand been preparing me for her,
and that I am entitled to those40 years of love, happiness and
just family and peace yeah, soyeah, I got to put this, some of
this stuff that's online datingand all the other stuff, man, I
got, I got, I got to unlearnthat toxicity, man, that's been
(35:03):
created between black men andblack women.
Man, I do say black womenbecause I love my sisters, but
I'm all about my sisters, athousand percent, never giving
up on them, no matter what hey,man, they haven't given up on us
, bro, that's right on.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Yeah, you know, and we haven't always earned it shit
right, you know right, that'sright, that's true.
Some dudes out here is justsaying some crazy stuff about
black women.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, listen to that stuff.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah, that's pretty insane yeah, you know they who
we want, whatever, but maybejust maybe shut up about that.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Yeah, don't do that, you're right.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
But yeah, I feel like there's a puppeteer, whether
it's on purpose, but you knowwhat Stupidity catches on.
An individual is intelligent.
A group of people is usuallypretty stupid.
You know, I have a friend whosaid this on a previous podcast
where he said you look at agroup of people rioting.
If you pluck someone out ofthat group and you pull them out
and say what are you doing,more likely to be like yeah,
(35:49):
you're right, that shit isstupid.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Right, right.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
But in the group they're going crazy, right.
Right.
So there's, like this puppeteerand I don't know if it's one
person or however the agendastarted, but now it's so much,
like you said, so much accesswhere it's so easy to propagate
nonsense, right?
So they created this idea ofthere's a war between men and
women from talking about roles,from talking about the
expectation, about the whole.
(36:13):
Do you make enough money?
What's the standard for certainpeople, et cetera, et cetera,
and it doesn't really make awhole lot of sense and it's
stopping some good qualitypeople getting together.
My wife said this on a podcast.
She said your soulmate said hito you two years ago, right, but
you were too busy looking forthat dude who's six feet tall.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
So you missed it.
Right, right, right.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
So, whatever it is, you missed it because he was
only making $50,000 a time,right.
That was then.
You don't know his growth andhis path, right?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
right.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
So there's a lot of that going on.
So I I I like what you say whenyou talk about just unlearning,
but it's really watching justwhat people are putting out out
there right now into the etherand you just have to maybe
unlearn but also block it allout.
All right, anybody else?
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Well, I'm already married, so but for the, the
ones that's out there, likeevery pretty face is not the one
, it's a thousand of them outthere.
But all because they have apretty face doesn't mean that
(37:21):
you have like this fantasy of ifwe get this sexy woman and we
get with them, we have theseexpectations of, yeah, they're
going to do this for me, they'regoing to be there for me,
they're going to do this for me.
But we have to guard ourselveswhen it comes to that, because
yeah, they're going to do thisfor me, they're going to be
there for me, they're going todo this for me.
But we have to guard ourselveswhen it comes to that, because
yeah, they look good andeverything, but do they make you
feel good?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
What's a final message, keeping in mind that
this is Barbershop Venter?
What are we missing, mike?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Goals in life.
Yeah, that's really what I tryto give people.
Man set their goals to get outhere.
Man live life, love yourself,man create new things to do,
don't stay just in the box.
So most of the time when peoplecome in here, I'm just trying
to make them venture out to newthings, because new things open
(38:08):
up your mind to better things.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
I appreciate that, brother.
So something that I dotraditionally on the show is on
the outro we have one of us.
We normally flip a coin.
You know, when I'm home in thestudio, we flip a coin and
whoever loses out of the four ofus is a person who had to, who
has to read the outgoing message.
(38:30):
Right, okay, that'd be easy.
You got to read the outgoingmessage doing an impersonation
of someone so what are you?
Speaker 4 (38:39):
you could be denzel.
You could be kevin hart youcould be the rock.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
I don't care who you are.
You could could be MichelleObama, it could be Barack, okay.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
If I get big, I try my best, I just do it.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Oh yes, what's up hey ?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
why not?
I'll try to do Denzel.
You're going to do Denzel, I'mgoing to try it, all right Go
for it, man.
I like that Fellas.
Today wasn't just about fadesand fresh cuts.
It was about getting a trim onyour pride, a shape up on our
(39:20):
purpose and a little off the topof the weight we carry around
every day.
We laugh, we challenge eachother, we got real, and that's
what brotherhood is about.
Remember vulnerability ain'tweakness, leadership ain't loud.
(39:47):
And manhood.
Manhood is about showing up foryour people, even when you're
still figuring it out foryourself.
So, whatever you're in, whetherit's a barbershop, boardroom or
porch, speak your truth.
Boardroom or porch, speak yourtruth.
(40:08):
Lift another brother up andnever forget.
This is manhood manners.
Yeah, baby let's go.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
I tried.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Hey, I'm not, no, chad LeBosman appreciate you,
appreciate you y'all gonna befamous.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
We'll be back.
Peace, I pointed you.
Like.
A man is who you are and nobodycan take that from you.
Nobody can define that for you.
The person that says you haveto make a certain amount to be a
man is a person that's notqualified to speak on what
manhood is.
Manhood is walking in a roomand looking at your child and
not having to say a word, andyour child sit down when they've
been jumping around with momall day long.
Speaker 3 (00:23):
Man is being able to go through so this is definitely
one of the coolest episodeswe've done so far.
Instead of being at home, wherewe normally record, we were at
the I Heart Barbershop inAtlanta.
I would apologize for thebackground noise the incessant
(00:44):
buzzing of the clippers,scissors, barber chairs being
raised and lowered, and even theinterrupting phone call from my
daughter.
But you know what?
I won't, because it's real man.
That's what happens at thebarbershop.
We were invited by the 100black men of South Metro Atlanta
(01:04):
as they gathered at thisbarbershop to get a fresh cut
and just chop it up, Punintended.
These conversations were heldbetween LaDra Gilbert, the
organizer, Mike Skills, a masterbarber who is reserved and laid
(01:25):
back, and Kelly, a militaryveteran and former firefighter.
We touched on what it means tobe a man and the expectations to
the NBA GOAT debate, to mentalhealth and expressing
vulnerability.
This is a conversation you willthoroughly enjoy and if you
(01:49):
find that I'm right, support usby simply sharing this episode
and this is free.
Just send it to a few friendsand leave us an honest review on
Apple Podcasts.
It helps the show, it helps usgrow and it keeps the
conversation going.
Welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it.
(02:10):
Physical strife, hustling heart, repulsive life, grace, love
and the entrepreneur's climb.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Real talk echoes in fine time, experts and friends a
powerful blend tackling issuesthat never end.
From our perspective, we're alltrue, a podcast for all but our
point of view is I got you, Igot you.
Forgive me, all right.
Speaker 3 (02:39):
So first thing I want to jump into is mental health.
Yeah, we're going to start withyou, Mike.
Speaker 4 (02:43):
Okay, jump into is mental health.
Yeah, we're gonna start withyou, mike.
Okay, well, mental health man,the barber shop helped me and I
don't seem to help other people.
Like I don't see people cominghere open up about things they
want to tell their familyfriends, stuff like that.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
So dre said it earlier too it's about picking
the right barber yeah, yeah,because that's true I was saying
earlier that I don't think thatpeople truly open up in here,
because I know I've beenreserved, I've gone to a barber
shop and I kind of hold mytongue.
I'll say certain things thatare funny, that I can share, but
I don't want to be embarrassed.
So if my girl just cheated onme.
Speaker 4 (03:14):
I'm not going to tell y'all your barber got to open
up to you first something aboutthey self.
And that's most times thatwe'll get the clients to open up
.
And there's most of us in here.
Man, we just keep it 100, wejust whatever going on with us
that day we tell you hey, man, Ijust went home and this
happened, I got caught doingthis or doing that, so and we
(03:37):
talk about it.
So and that make other peopleopen up, because we open up
first and make other peoplecomfortable.
Speaker 3 (03:43):
So really, really.
Yeah, but you're a little clownon people, though.
I mean, if someone sayssomething, I'd be embarrassed.
Yeah, man, if they saysomething we'll laugh at them,
but it ain't going to be thatserious.
Speaker 4 (03:51):
We'll let them know that we're just joking around.
Speaker 3 (03:53):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:54):
Hey because, I'm going to tell you something
embarrassing about me.
To get it off of you, yeahyou're right, that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
And, kelly, why don't you tell about your experience
with mental health?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, yeah, I seeked it professionally after, you
know, I lost my job as afirefighter and went through a
divorce.
I think it's very important tohave, you know, a professional,
go to where you could just leteverything out and then focusing
on a person that that lookslike you too, you know.
I think that is an importantaspect of choosing a therapist,
because you want to feelcomfortable, just like going
into a barbershop.
(04:30):
They look like you, you know,and you know that they went
through some similar issue thatyou went through, so hearing it
from them, it makes you feelmore comfortable, like, okay,
it's not the end of the world.
I can move forward on X, y andZ, but it's really good to have
that guidance from an outsidesource to help you push through
(04:53):
the difficult challenges thatyou face.
Yeah, so what?
Speaker 3 (04:57):
I'm hearing also is well, maybe they haven't been
through what you've been throughspecifically, but at least they
can relate to it.
Yes, so I remember like at onepoint I was going through
marriage counseling, you know,with my ex wife.
Speaker 1 (05:11):
I knew I was right, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
Of course we are.
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
Yeah, so what I wanted to do was to make sure I
was like look.
I want a woman to step in and Iwanted to deal with just a black
woman.
At the time we went through acouple and I went to a black
woman, then we went to a whitelady but at the end of the day
nothing helped because we weresupposed to stay together.
But I do understand thatmindset because today I could
(05:39):
talk to any professional.
But I'm really I'm looking forsomeone who hasn't just read a
book and been through hisdissertation or her dissertation
.
Looking for someone who hasn'tjust read a book and been
through his dissertation or herdissertation.
I'm looking for someone who'skind of lived my experience.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
Yeah, life experience .
Speaker 3 (05:51):
So I get it.
That makes sense.
And how about yourself, BrotherDre?
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yes, sir.
So I actually had anopportunity to go through mental
health therapy for some thingsthat had been going on in life.
Like I said, it was a stigmabefore.
Where I'm from, you know, northFlorida and the country is more
so.
Like you know, you pray aboutit, keep it to yourself, don't
tell people your business.
Yeah, man, but you know, youget to a certain point where you
start going through certainsituations and you start
realizing that like, hey, thesesituations are changing, the
(06:18):
outcomes are the same and I'mthe only like constant that's
here.
So what is it about me toproduce the same situation?
And so I started to do like,use you know therapy to examine
myself on the inside and findout.
You know what my weaknesses are.
And, man, once I started tolearn my weaknesses and accept
(06:38):
those weaknesses and then startto like turn those into
strengths, it just unlocked awhole different level of me.
Like I became like on a basher.
Like I mean, like I don't worryabout.
You know, I'll tell a woman.
Like you know, in the day, youknow, hey, I got narcissistic
tendencies.
You know, I got main charactersyndrome.
You know I'm the only child Imean, I'll tell you, but I'm
working, but these are thethings I'm aware of.
Working on these things so thatI don't try to make everything
(07:02):
about me.
I'm not always viewing thisrelationship through my own lens
.
I'm trying to see yourperspective and hear what you
have to say, you know, eventhough sometimes it still
doesn't make sense, but yeah,but all jokes aside but like,
yeah, knowing yourself and beingable to handle those things
better, man, it like takes youto a whole different level.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, it sounds like a superpower, a superpower
brother.
I mean the second.
You recognize your weaknessesand you understand those and
then you can use them.
But one thing you just said.
Some people might hear that andgo oh, you said you got
narcissistic tendencies, let merun away from you.
But what they don't realize isthat I think most people do in a
very selfish way, but if thereis one person who can tell you
and they can recognize it right,that person is a person you
(07:41):
should run towards and not theother way around.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
And that to me because of that superpower you
call it a superpower.
Yeah, that's why I'm thankfulbecause I have saved myself from
so many headaches, because Iwas real and my realness pushed
the other woman.
She took off and I was like, ok, ok, now I know it's not, know,
it's not my loss.
It's like, okay, well, hey, yousaved me a headache, or you
(08:06):
saved me, you know, six monthsof us getting here and then
you're not willing to takeaccountability for yourself or
do the work that I've done formyself.
Okay, so, all right, appreciateyou.
Speaker 3 (08:15):
And when do we stop working on ourselves?
Whenever, when they, exactly,when they pull that blow yeah,
we don't stop, right.
So it's just having thatself-awareness to realize that
we are a work in progress, right, we recognize it and we can
articulate it right and it makessense.
So, yeah, I love that very,very powerful stuff.
Next question is what is yourdefinition of being a man?
(08:38):
So, and and the way I like tophrase this is, if a
six-year-old came up to you andsaid uncle dre, uncle kelly,
uncle mike, know what does itmean to be a man?
Or if a struggling 20 year old,who's basically looking for his
own identity, comes to yousaying look, I'm doing things
out here and I'm not really surethat I'm on the right path,
what does it mean to you to be aman?
(08:58):
How do you answer that question?
Speaker 2 (08:59):
to be a man.
How do you answer that question?
I would say, uh, take ownershipof yourself, take ownership of
your life.
When you grow up, there's goingto be plenty of mistakes that
you want to make.
I look at I look at life as likea pop quiz.
So you know how you go to classand you don't know the
information.
They just want to see what youknow.
And you take this pop quiz andyou going through, going through
(09:21):
the quiz and you're asking popquiz and you going through,
going through the quiz andyou're answering these questions
and then you know, you turn itinto your teacher and you get it
back.
You're always going to miss atleast one yeah question or two
questions.
That's how life is.
You don't know all the answers,you just you're just making a
choice and it's okay to makethose mistakes, it's okay You're
(09:46):
going to learn from yourmistakes on that pop quiz and
then you're going to ace thetest when you get the next test.
So I just say, go through lifeon a path of taking
responsibility for your actions,of your attitude, being a
provider for your family, foryourself, because, think about
this Men constantly provide forother people, right?
(10:09):
We need to take the time toprovide for ourselves.
And that ties back into themental health aspect.
Right, you know, going to thebarbershop, getting that fresh
cut, feeling good about yourself, going out to the restaurant,
taking your wife or yourgirlfriend out, it gives you a
boost of confidence, right.
Taking yourself on a trip,going to a spa, getting your
(10:31):
nails manicured, pedicured, allthat good stuff.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
So I say this don't be afraid to make a mistake
because all men do, and don't beafraid to take care of yourself
as well.
Exactly, that's something thatwe don't think about.
We just I think we're all onautopilot, Like we just face our
responsibilities and we go gogo, go, go, and we don't really
stop, we don't go no more.
Speaker 1 (10:52):
There's not a me day, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Like we don't have a, that's the me three hours and
shit, because I'll just be outhere trying to go, but then I
end up leaving the course moreupset than I came in.
So I'm not sure, but it's agreat answer.
Are there other examples ofwhat it means to take care of
yourself in that equation?
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Yeah, I would say, take a moment every day for
yourself, at least 10, 15minutes of just being in silence
, just not worrying about.
Okay, I have to look at socialmedia, I have to look at work
emails and I have to get up, getready for the shopping, cut my
clients hair.
Just take 10 minutes out yourday and just be in the moment in
(11:37):
this existence of life.
Yeah, because once you pick upyour phone head out the door,
you're, you're fast paced, yeah,you're moving.
I will say, you know, providesome time for yourself, awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:49):
How about you, dre?
What is that definition for you, if you had to break it down
for someone who's seeking thatguidance from you which, by the
way, a lot of people are seekingthat guidance from you, right,
because you are one of themembers of the 100 of South
Metro Atlanta 100 Black Men ofSouth Metro Atlanta, which is an
amazing organization, and sowhen you stand there as kind of
that beacon or that lighthouseand you have all these eyes on
(12:12):
you, maybe they're not askingthe question, but if you are
asked directly, how do youanswer it?
Speaker 1 (12:18):
So what I would tell a young man in that position is
the first thing about being aman is understanding, like who
you are and being comfortablewith who you are.
Right.
That's, first and foremost like.
No one on the outside should beable to influence how you feel
about yourself, and being ableto master your own yourself,
your thoughts, your emotions.
Second thing about it is isbeing able to take care of your
(12:40):
responsibilities and own up toyour responsibilities.
Like you know, you havedifferent things that that
belong to you.
About it is being able to takecare of your responsibilities
and own up to yourresponsibilities.
Like you know, you havedifferent things that belong to
you.
For example, I always say aboutmy children, because those are
the best things about me.
When my children came in thisworld, my life changed, the way
that I moved and did thingschange.
I haven't always made the bestdecisions, but I try to do the
best I can.
Like you know me, being here inAtlanta and then being in North
(13:01):
Florida means I got to makesome trips sometimes.
I got to get on the roadsometimes and go down there and
do different things.
But so it's just about makingsure you're managing your
responsibilities.
And also, too, I think one ofthe things about being a man is
that, like, you got to get tothe point of comfortability and
when they ask for help, when youcan't do something, being a man
doesn't mean you have to beSuperman.
Yeah, you know, you don't haveto always have the right answer,
(13:24):
you don't always have to havethe solution.
You can't always do somethingby yourself.
It's okay to like ask for help.
It's okay to look around andlike resources and say, hey,
what can I?
You know, help me get to whereI need to go.
And being okay with thatno-transcript essence of a man.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Yeah, and I think some of the best minds, the most
accomplished people on thisplanet are people who had help.
Right yeah, how about you, mike?
What's your definition of a man?
Speaker 4 (14:03):
Accepting challenges and understanding wins and
failures.
If you winning all the time,you don't really understand
defeat.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (14:12):
You just know win, but when you understand defeat,
you know how to win andunderstand the win that you're
going through in life.
Yeah, so, accepting yourchallenges and taking them
forward.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
How about when it comes to our financial
expectations in terms of theoutside world looking in, can
you be a man making 60K a year,65k a year?
Can you be a man in today'ssociety and make that kind of
money, when social media hasmade it super popular that
you're not even a man unlessyou're making 150, 200k a year?
Don't ask me out, don't talk tome, right, and all that other
stuff.
So what are your thoughts onthat?
Like, who came up with that?
(14:50):
I think, there's, honestly, Idon't know.
I'm not a conspiracy theorist,but I believe there's some crazy
person playing puppeteerconditioning, you know exactly.
Who's sitting there behind thescenes destroying society.
And there's this gender war.
Right, men versus women reallyis not even a real thing, but it
(15:11):
gets clicks.
But unfortunately, there's asubset of the population,
there's a group of people whobelieve it, because I've seen it
way too many times.
I've seen too many people justnot just women say it, but men
put that pressure on themselves.
You could have a great job.
Maybe your calling is to be aschool teacher.
As far as we are concerned, asfar as men are concerned, the
expectation is you make acertain amount of money.
(15:32):
Can you be a man?
Can you provide making 65K?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I feel like you could be a man at any class level
lower class, middle class,higher class and it all depends
on what your goals are in life.
What is your purpose?
Some men's purpose is not to bea millionaire.
Some men's purpose is to haveand raise a family of three and
just have a nice job as a schoolteacher and have a firefighter.
(16:01):
As a school teacher and have afirefighter, have some time to
spend with his family and that'sit.
Have, you know, littlevacations here and there.
Because life is short.
Speaker 3 (16:13):
You busy trying to get to that million dollars and
you're missing all of your lifein there.
Stroke out, yeah, you're struckout.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
You know, so you know .
Yeah, I say, at any tier level,you can be a man, as long as
you step up to the plate andtake responsibility and be a
beacon of light for the peopleor the men coming after you.
Gotcha Dre, what are your?
Speaker 3 (16:35):
thoughts.
Speaker 1 (16:36):
All right, I've been at both spectrums, like I've
been, you know, a millionaire,and like I told you guys before
I've been living in my car.
I've been on both sides.
I said both sides of that file,right.
But here's the thing Whether Ihad money in my pocket and could
fly anywhere in the world Iwanted to go, or whether I was
at McDonald's trying to scrapesome change together to get a
double cheeseburger, I was a man.
(16:57):
A man is who you are and nobodycan take that from you.
Nobody can define that for you.
The person that says you haveto make a certain amount to be a
man is a person that's notqualified to speak on what
manhood is.
Manhood is walking in a roomand looking at your child and
not having to say a word, andyour child sit down when they've
been jumping around with momall day long.
(17:19):
Man is being able to gosomewhere and just command
respect.
Man is opening the door.
Man is sitting with your back,not facing the door, so that you
see what's going on.
Man is making sure you, whenyou walking with your woman, you
putting yourself between herand cars that are coming, or
when strangers are coming, youposition yourself so if
something were to go wrong.
(17:40):
She has a way.
I remember one time I was on adate and a lady had her door
open and she was sitting in acar and I kind of like cornered
her in the car.
She was like oh wow, you know.
You kind of I said, no, I'mputting myself in a position,
I'm focused on you.
If somebody comes from behindme, if something happens to me,
you have time to now get away.
I'm positioning myself betweenyou and danger.
(18:00):
Get away.
I'm positioning myself betweenyou and danger.
That's being a man, even knowingthat sometimes a man knows when
to be quiet.
Sometimes a man knows whennothing has to be said at all.
And I think that's one of thebiggest lessons that I've
learned.
40 plus is like you don'talways have to speak up, you
don't always have to be seen,you don't always have to get
(18:20):
your point across.
Sometimes you just recognize afool is a fool and you don't
want to confuse anybody as towhich one is which, and you just
let them talk and you just say,okay, fine.
But I think that the essence ofa man can't be defined by
anyone except for who you are asa man, as carrying the essence
Powerfully said Ladre.
Speaker 3 (18:38):
That's what's up, brother.
Yeah, I got a question.
I want like maybe Just onesentence From each of you.
What lies were you told Growingup About manhood?
Speaker 1 (18:47):
Hmm, I'll say it Um, men can't cry.
Yep, hell, shit, like my dad.
I only seen my dad cry twice.
Yeah, he had hernia surgery andhe was trying To get up out of
bed and he started.
He wasn't boohoo crying, but Iseen a tear fall down his face
because he was in pain and thenwhen his mom died, he cried.
Other than that, I never seenmy dad.
(19:08):
My mom passed away.
He didn't cry His dad passedaway.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
He didn't cry.
That's how tough it was.
I didn't see him cry.
Speaker 1 (19:13):
I think that, like, crying is release it, Because if
you don't, it's going to comeout one way or another.
Like you said stroke, heartattack, aneurysm it's going to
come out.
So you have to get that emotionout.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Yeah, how about you?
Speaker 2 (19:27):
Kelly, you know, growing up I had two parents,
that's police officers.
My uncle, he told me to whenyou're out in the community you
have to put on this like almostlike a mask, you know, to shield
your emotion.
And every time he went out forlike a police officer's funeral
(19:48):
or firefighters funeral or orsomeone who who's close to him,
he had to speak about that.
He never cried.
He never cried, he never showedlike he was hurt.
But you can hear it in hisspeech.
But with me I'm like I do cry.
I'm not going to say I'm a crybaby but, I do
I do cry, but I got to a pointwhere damn I'm.
(20:12):
I'm like my uncle now, like I'mholding that in and masking it.
But it is a lie, because evenwith Obama he started crying and
that was the first time Iactually seen the president like
cry like that on some issues.
I forget the speech it was Ithink it was someone who passed
(20:34):
away that sticks with me tillthis day ever get to a point
where I have to public speak orat a funeral or something like
that.
I can now tell myself like it'sokay to share the tear or two,
correct?
Speaker 3 (20:49):
it's okay to connect with people on a human level.
Yeah, for me, the biggest liethat I got growing up as a man
was the more women you have, themore of a man you are, oh yeah,
it was about that and you knowwhat's crazy is?
I believed it to so much, butthen you start lying about it to
you know, your teens.
You like I got this girl, I gotthis girl, no, you don't Right.
(21:10):
And and I found that I startedliving that lie.
So, when I was in a position to, I started living that life,
only to realize that's not who Iam.
Yeah Right, I'm a monogamousman.
I want to be in one relationship, but I forced myself to be
something I was not because Ithought that was the expectation
.
And when other men would lookat me, I would feel like I'm
more of a man, because I'm lyingto my girl here, cause I got
(21:32):
this other girl here and it wasjust the stupidest thing.
Yeah, mike, what's?
What's a one lie that you weretold as a man growing up?
Speaker 4 (21:40):
Well, they kind of cover the keeping feelings to
yourself and not crying, becausemost times they say men don't
cry, men don't show theirfeelings.
But when men don't show theirfeelings and don't cry and open
up, men explode.
So, and one thing I learnedlike when I got older I started
opening up, I started feelingbetter about life, everything.
(22:01):
But the more I kept it in, themore anger I was.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Can I add one more thing to what you said about
that lie?
Yeah, man, just think about howmuch time, energy and
opportunity you wasted Big time.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Oh, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
Because I can look at myself man and just be like man
.
I've been engaged twice.
Speaker 3 (22:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Right Married once and because of that thought
process was a big contributivefactor to you know why I'm not
married now and how I had to goback and reset and understand
like the energy transfer, likeit's more, it's more than just
you know like you sleep withthese energy transfer and what
you're giving up man.
So you had to go back to hit areset on that lie.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Yeah, because that's definitely a lie, because I
still have kids at 16.
Yeah, I mean think about theway we treat our young boys
versus our daughters.
I have both boys, sons anddaughters.
Speaker 1 (22:50):
Right.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
There is something that is still a double standard,
that is, you know, it's animplicit bias and it's in me,
and what I mean is I'm a lotmore protective of my daughters,
right, it's just that I'm lessconcerned.
So still, there's somethingleft in me if that makes sense,
you know what I mean when Istill feel like men can get away
with certain things that womencan't.
(23:10):
So I still have that lie thatI'm telling myself and I have to
learn to.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
I guess I need some deprogramming about that lie
that we talk about Deprogramming.
That's a good one.
I'll follow my son too.
Hey, both of them, oh yeah.
Speaker 4 (23:26):
I want to see how my son conducts himself as a man
while he's out on his date Righton.
So I want to tell him I ain'tgoing to let him know I'm there,
but when he get home I'm goingto let him know how he conducts
himself.
Speaker 3 (23:35):
Oh, now, now he knows it would not be a barbershop if
we did not talk about the GOAT.
Yes, sir, so it ain't funnythat we'll say who's the GOAT
and no one has to question whichsport we're talking about.
Nope, nope.
Speaker 4 (23:54):
Already know no sport Already know, we already know
why LeBron he's an all-aroundplayer and an all-around person,
so that's why I don't see allthree of them play.
But when it came to LeBron, hewas more visual with the things
he did and stuff like that, andon the basketball court shoot,
(24:15):
he could play almost all fivepositions.
Speaker 3 (24:18):
He's a freak athlete, right?
Yes, and that's why I gave himthe gold.
Yeah, it's very hard to arguethat point.
Yeah, yeah, but I know somebodywill Go ahead, dre.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
What made you guys think that way?
So we're blessed to have beenin that generation to be able to
see all three play.
So when I think of the Goats, Ithink of Michael Jordan, I
think of Kobe Bryant and I thinkof LeBron James.
And for a while I would makethat argument for LeBron James
only because LeBron James wasborn to be what he is Like.
(24:52):
He was given all the gifts tobe what he is.
He came out the womb to be whathe is.
Mike had to work at it, kobe hadto work at it Very hard, but
LeBron was, you know, as long ashe did what he was supposed to
do.
He was going to do that and soI was watching him and, like you
, I was like you know what man Isee Mike and Magic, I just see
(25:13):
it all the complete basketballplayer.
But that one thing, man, it wasan all-star game where I think
it was like at the end of thegame and it was like Kobe was
like begging LeBron, like takethe last shot, come on, come at
me, come at me, come at me.
I saw it, I saw it and he justlike he didn't.
And at that point I had to goback and like, wait a minute,
(25:34):
you know.
And the last dance didn't doany favors to the other side.
But I think at the end of theday, man, like I watched Michael
Jordan night after night afternight after night get to a
certain point in the game.
It might be like you know whatF it we're about to win and
nobody could do anything aboutit.
Like either you know, histeammates backed up because they
(25:56):
knew, mike, we're about to win.
And so just watching somebodycontrol to that level of the
game, you know Kobe was likealmost there, like he was almost
there, but I didn't quite seehim get to that level.
Lebron has won and he's gottenthe records and he's gotten the
points and those type of things,but he just didn't have that
(26:20):
killer, animalistic, like I'mgoing to destroy you.
Kobe had it, but Mike just hada whole different aspect.
So that's why I'm going toalways say Michael Jeffrey
Jordan, not just because he's myfrat brother but I really truly
believe that Michael Jordan isthe greatest basketball player
to ever play the game.
Speaker 3 (26:38):
Yeah, and LeBron was always interesting with his size
, as impressive as he is as ahuman specimen, that he's not
going to say he's soft, but he'snot as tough as the other guys
were.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
It's almost like you kind of are glad that he isn't,
because if LeBron had thatmentality that Kobe had for like
man the league.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
That's what I'm saying.
Let's say he had that Carmelonetoughness in him, yeah, it
would have been over, it wouldhave been a whole yeah, how
about you.
Speaker 2 (27:05):
Kelly, hey Kobe, yeah Kobe, all the way.
And, like you said, that killerass game he had man he came to
the game to play.
Yeah, and that was it.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
To me it's a question of impact more off the court
than it was on the court.
So in that sense, to me, on apersonal level, it was Kobe.
I've always admired Kobe.
I've listened to the lecturesand watched the interviews and,
as an entrepreneur and someonewho's always aspiring to better
myself, I always look to him.
(27:36):
If you told your son, hey, lookat this person, it wouldn't be
a bad example, right, I feel thesame way about LeBron, for
social issues and things likethat.
But as far as the game itself,I'm going to be with you, dre.
I'm going to say it's got to beMike man.
Yeah, you know, because therewas something about me showing
up and watching those games andthe 90s.
I'm watching the game.
You get a certain level ofexcitement, right, that I just
(27:57):
don't get today.
I don't care who I'm watching,right, I don't even watch
basketball until the Conferencefinals.
Exactly that's what I'mwatching.
Speaker 1 (28:05):
But bro, you know like one more thing really quick
.
I know we got to move on, but Ijust wanted to say I've been
waiting on this conversation,man, but like, when you start
looking at, like Mike'sopponents, the way they talk
about him, like how they fearedhim, like how they had names for
him, how, like thepsychological warfare they had
to prepare themselves, we cameyeah, he took me out to dinner
one time and he came back andbust us for 45.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
No, I ain't going out to dinner with you, no more.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
No, I'm not going to play golf.
You know, like you had to stayaway from him until the
offseason because he was justthat competitive, right, that's
right.
But like and then I see catsdisrespect LeBron man on the
court, you know, oh yeah, nobodycan do that to Kobe.
Right In that documentary wherethey were talking about the
Redeem team and Kobe Bryant,everybody had gone out to party
(28:51):
the night before and everybodywas coming in at 4 o'clock and
Kobe was lacing them up gettingready to go to the gym at 4
o'clock when they came back infrom the club it took me to a
whole other, different level ofrespect for Kobe Bryant.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Exactly, speaking of legacy, what is one habit you're
trying to build that wouldsupport a legacy that you're
trying to create?
Speaker 1 (29:12):
So what I'm doing now is I'm being more cognizant of
how I am with my finances,because the legacy that I want
to live for my kids and forother people is not gonna say
solely, but it's based a lot infinancial things, things, and so
I'm being cognizant about how Ispend my money, how I invest,
(29:33):
what my dollar does for me, howcan I put my dollar to work, and
so I'm just being morecognizant in the way that I
spend a dollar so that you know,down the line, my children have
something that I'm leaving tothem as well, as you know,
preparing for my grandkids aswell that's what.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
What's up?
One habit, kelly, I would say,or even a mindset or principle,
rather A principle that you'renow adopting, or a habit.
Speaker 2 (29:58):
Proper planning prevents piss-poor performance.
Let's go 12 Ps, yeah.
So when you properly plan youshow up on time.
There's a sense of respect,right.
So in showing that to yourchildren is only going to set
(30:18):
them up for success in thefuture.
Because if you show up late andyou saying things like hey, I'm
going to do this and don't doit, then you're creating a
reputation for yourself of noone's going to trust you to do
anything.
You know you're not even goingto trust yourself.
I got that from my uncle.
He taught me that because youknow, my background is coming
(30:42):
from a single parent householdwho was disabled.
She has sickle cell anemia andof course I had my brother, my
older brother, my older sister.
They moved out.
My sister moved to Minnesotafor college and my brother went
to the Navy.
And I was 12 years old, stuckdown in Miami taking care of a
(31:02):
sick parent.
My father was never in my life,wow.
So I used to walk home fromschool instead of taking the bus
home, just to save a bus fareto get us food.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
You know what I'm saying.
So, coming from that and I wasI was always bad with my grades,
I was always late, all thisother stuff.
Moving from that to astructured household it was like
it changed my life forever,like he always taught me proper
planning prevents piss, poorperformance.
He was in the military, he wasin the army, and I just adopted
(31:38):
that throughout my life and itjust molded me to who I am today
.
So, no matter what situationthat I'm going through, if you
have the proper peace, you willalways find your way back on
your path.
That's what's up.
Speaker 3 (31:52):
Great answer, brother .
Thank you for sharing that.
All right, just a couple morequestions we have.
Oh, my God, I need to tell her.
I'm so sorry, sweetheart.
I'm sorry, I got to, um, I gotto call you back, okay.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
I'm working.
Speaker 3 (32:07):
I'm working, working so if your life ended tomorrow,
if you know it's gonna end, whatare three things the people
closest to you would say aboutyou?
Speaker 4 (32:18):
well, that was caring , loving.
I always showed support, I wasalways there for people and I
always was the center ofattention caring loving showed
support and was the center ofattention.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Caring loving showed support and definitely the
center of attention.
Speaker 2 (32:34):
Oh yeah, all right, and you said all the good ones,
man.
Speaker 3 (32:36):
I mean, you could repeat them.
That's you, that's you.
Speaker 2 (32:38):
Caring, loving, I'd say self-sacrificing discipline.
Speaker 3 (32:44):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:45):
Always on time.
Yeah, I don't see that.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
See, that's a hard one To stay on top of man.
That discipline, brother, yeah,it does the most Challenging
thing.
It is yeah, how about you, dre?
Speaker 1 (32:55):
Man, I would pray, man.
I pray that when I die, man,somebody get up at my funeral
and say one, that he was a manof God and he lived it.
I would pray that Somebodywould say that you know he was a
decent guy, like he was a goodguy.
He really you know was.
You could depend on him.
His word meant something.
And three, I pray that somebodyhas something to say about how
(33:17):
I impacted their life in apositive way beautiful beautiful
what is something that you guyswould like to unlearn before
it's too late?
I'm gonna say this because we'vealready touched on it, man, go
for it.
Like I'm going to say thisbecause we've already touched on
it, man, go for it.
I'm 43.
Yeah, like I said, I've beenmarried once, engaged twice, and
I'm at the point now where I'mready to get married.
I'm ready to settle down andspend these next prayerfully 40
(33:40):
years with the woman that Godcreated for me to be with right.
I have to unlearn what hashappened over the last 15 years
of what dating looks like.
Now.
When, I you know, we grew up,you had to go up to a girl and
get a phone number and then youhad to call the house and then
(34:02):
you had to talk to grandmama oryou had to talk to mom and then,
when you got her on the phone,they were listening on the other
line.
So it was like a process ofhaving to actually get to know,
but like just the interaction.
Like I had to have somethinginteresting to say to this girl
when I saw her so that she waswilling to give me her phone
number in the first place.
Yeah, now it's just so much.
Access is so much.
(34:22):
I feel like it just diluted theentire courting process.
So I have to unlearn all ofthis toxicity on both sides,
like we said, that personsitting behind that keyboard,
that person sitting and it'scontrolling everything, all that
toxicity has been created likeand believe the light my wife is
still there and that when Ifind her she's going to be the
(34:43):
woman that God created for meand been preparing me for her,
and that I am entitled to those40 years of love, happiness and
just family and peace yeah, soyeah, I got to put this, some of
this stuff that's online datingand all the other stuff, man, I
got, I got, I got to unlearnthat toxicity, man, that's been
(35:03):
created between black men andblack women.
Man, I do say black womenbecause I love my sisters, but
I'm all about my sisters, athousand percent, never giving
up on them, no matter what hey,man, they haven't given up on us
, bro, that's right on.
Speaker 3 (35:13):
Yeah, you know, and we haven't always earned it shit
right, you know right, that'sright, that's true.
Some dudes out here is justsaying some crazy stuff about
black women.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, listen to that stuff.
Speaker 3 (35:21):
Yeah, that's pretty insane yeah, you know they who
we want, whatever, but maybejust maybe shut up about that.
Speaker 1 (35:27):
Yeah, don't do that, you're right.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
But yeah, I feel like there's a puppeteer, whether
it's on purpose, but you knowwhat Stupidity catches on.
An individual is intelligent.
A group of people is usuallypretty stupid.
You know, I have a friend whosaid this on a previous podcast
where he said you look at agroup of people rioting.
If you pluck someone out ofthat group and you pull them out
and say what are you doing,more likely to be like yeah,
(35:49):
you're right, that shit isstupid.
Speaker 2 (35:50):
Right, right.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
But in the group they're going crazy, right.
Right.
So there's, like this puppeteerand I don't know if it's one
person or however the agendastarted, but now it's so much,
like you said, so much accesswhere it's so easy to propagate
nonsense, right?
So they created this idea ofthere's a war between men and
women from talking about roles,from talking about the
expectation, about the whole.
(36:13):
Do you make enough money?
What's the standard for certainpeople, et cetera, et cetera,
and it doesn't really make awhole lot of sense and it's
stopping some good qualitypeople getting together.
My wife said this on a podcast.
She said your soulmate said hito you two years ago, right, but
you were too busy looking forthat dude who's six feet tall.
Speaker 1 (36:36):
So you missed it.
Right, right, right.
Speaker 3 (36:37):
So, whatever it is, you missed it because he was
only making $50,000 a time,right.
That was then.
You don't know his growth andhis path, right?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
right.
Speaker 3 (36:46):
So there's a lot of that going on.
So I I I like what you say whenyou talk about just unlearning,
but it's really watching justwhat people are putting out out
there right now into the etherand you just have to maybe
unlearn but also block it allout.
All right, anybody else?
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Well, I'm already married, so but for the, the
ones that's out there, likeevery pretty face is not the one
, it's a thousand of them outthere.
But all because they have apretty face doesn't mean that
(37:21):
you have like this fantasy of ifwe get this sexy woman and we
get with them, we have theseexpectations of, yeah, they're
going to do this for me, they'regoing to be there for me,
they're going to do this for me.
But we have to guard ourselveswhen it comes to that, because
yeah, they're going to do thisfor me, they're going to be
there for me, they're going todo this for me.
But we have to guard ourselveswhen it comes to that, because
yeah, they look good andeverything, but do they make you
feel good?
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 3 (37:39):
What's a final message, keeping in mind that
this is Barbershop Venter?
What are we missing, mike?
Speaker 4 (37:47):
Goals in life.
Yeah, that's really what I tryto give people.
Man set their goals to get outhere.
Man live life, love yourself,man create new things to do,
don't stay just in the box.
So most of the time when peoplecome in here, I'm just trying
to make them venture out to newthings, because new things open
(38:08):
up your mind to better things.
Speaker 3 (38:10):
I appreciate that, brother.
So something that I dotraditionally on the show is on
the outro we have one of us.
We normally flip a coin.
You know, when I'm home in thestudio, we flip a coin and
whoever loses out of the four ofus is a person who had to, who
has to read the outgoing message.
(38:30):
Right, okay, that'd be easy.
You got to read the outgoingmessage doing an impersonation
of someone so what are you?
Speaker 4 (38:39):
you could be denzel.
You could be kevin hart youcould be the rock.
Speaker 3 (38:44):
I don't care who you are.
You could could be MichelleObama, it could be Barack, okay.
Speaker 2 (38:53):
If I get big, I try my best, I just do it.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Oh yes, what's up hey ?
Speaker 2 (38:57):
why not?
I'll try to do Denzel.
You're going to do Denzel, I'mgoing to try it, all right Go
for it, man.
I like that Fellas.
Today wasn't just about fadesand fresh cuts.
It was about getting a trim onyour pride, a shape up on our
(39:20):
purpose and a little off the topof the weight we carry around
every day.
We laugh, we challenge eachother, we got real, and that's
what brotherhood is about.
Remember vulnerability ain'tweakness, leadership ain't loud.
(39:47):
And manhood.
Manhood is about showing up foryour people, even when you're
still figuring it out foryourself.
So, whatever you're in, whetherit's a barbershop, boardroom or
porch, speak your truth.
Boardroom or porch, speak yourtruth.
(40:08):
Lift another brother up andnever forget.
This is manhood manners.
Yeah, baby let's go.
Speaker 4 (40:17):
I tried.
Speaker 2 (40:19):
Hey, I'm not, no, chad LeBosman appreciate you,
appreciate you y'all gonna befamous.
Speaker 3 (40:38):
We'll be back.
Peace, I pointed you.
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