June 9, 2025 • 58 mins
Ever wonder why you're constantly drained, struggling to keep up with life's demands, or finding yourself irritable with the people who matter most? The answer might be simpler than you think.
"We have to stop pouring into people. We must fill ourselves first, and then everyone else catches the overflow," explains psychologist Jonah Bell. This conversation brings him together with Kenneth “Scooter” Reddick, founder of Brothers Brunch Foundation and Marine veteran Kelley Saunders for a raw, unfiltered look at men's mental health—a subject that affects far more of us than we're willing to admit.
Recorded in the authentic setting of U Got Next Barbershop in Douglasville, Georgia, this episode shatters misconceptions about mental health, especially for Black men. You'll discover why mental health isn't a diagnosis but rather a practice—like physical fitness—requiring consistent maintenance. The panelists offer practical strategies anyone can implement, from intentional breathing and proper sleep to understanding how our unresolved traumas manifest in our children.
"You can't cuss, fuss, or beat you out of your child—it's birthed into them," Scooter reveals, highlighting how our unhealed wounds become our children's inheritance. The conversation delves into accountability, purpose-finding, and why even eight-year-olds benefit from having a therapist as a "life coach." For fathers, husbands, sons, and anyone who cares about them, this episode provides the roadmap to better mental wellness without stigma or shame.
Ready to fill your cup first? Press play, take notes, and join us in changing the narrative around men's mental health. Your family, your work, and most importantly—you—deserve nothing less than your mentally healthiest self.
Follow the panelists and please support these wonderful organizations:
IG @brothersbrunchfounddation @soberscooter @old_united_log_llc @100southmetro.org @kelleywsaunders @iam_mrmakeitmakesense
www.brothersbrunchfoundation.com
www.oakandgrey.com
www.ugotnextbarbershop.com
Email us at manhoodmatterspodcast@gmail.com
Follow us on all Socials: Manhood Matters Podcast
Host: StéphaneAlexandre
IG: @stephanealexandreofficial
Music by Liam Weisner
Sponsored by www.OnsiteLabs.net
(833) 878-3323
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So understand, we have to stop pouring into people
.
We must fill ourselves first,right, and then everyone else
catches the overflow.
Because if you're already happy, you're doing everything that
you're doing right You're goingto the gym, you're reading,
you're going to work, you'retaking care of the family right,
you're still pouring intoyourself.
So when you walk outside, youshould be in a good mood and
(00:24):
whatever happens is not going tohurt you because you already
filled yourself up first.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
That's definitely spot on.
You know what I also say to addon to that, what's that?
Don't wait till your cup goesempty to fill it up, man, yeah,
I mean, we always try.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Quick disclaimer guys , this show is for educational
and entertainment purposes only.
We have expert guests, but theyare not your therapist.
If you're struggling withanything, please contact a
licensed professional and knowthat we wish you well, as well
as send you our love andstrength.
This is going to be one of themost impactful episodes we have
(01:09):
yet recorded.
I'm your host, stefan.
We have psychologist Jonah Belljoining Marine veteran Kelly
Saunders and Kenneth ScooterReddick, who is celebrating over
three years of sobriety after a30-year addiction.
Through his Brothers BrunchFoundation, scooter now serves
as the springboard people canstep onto to emerge from the
(01:34):
abyss of addiction, mentalstruggles and despair.
June is National Men's HealthMonth.
Now this is a subject thatoften gets overlooked by the
very people it's designed tohelp.
Trust me when I tell you.
Believe me when I say more ofus are struggling than you know.
Now we're back at thebarbershop.
This time we're being hosted byyou Got Next on Fairburn Road
(01:58):
in Douglasville, georgia.
Janet the owner does a lot ofwork in the community, so stop
by and see her.
You're going to hear scissors,clippers, blow dryers and
general barbershop backgroundnoise, but I promise that will
not take away from this amazing,insightful and extremely
helpful conversation.
Scooters, principles, jonas,key insights, kelly's experience
(02:22):
are absolutely all priceless.
So sit back.
We appreciate you pressing playon this episode and, as always,
welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it.
We are here in the you Got Nextbarbershop over in Douglasville
so grateful that they have ushere today and we're going to
(03:07):
discuss mental health on theManhood Matters podcast.
I'm here with Scooter what's up?
What's up, what's going on,brother, what up, though?
And Kelly's here as well.
Hey, what's good.
My people Appreciate you guysso much for being on the podcast
.
I think today is going to be anextremely important
conversation.
We've talked about mentalhealth and we've just kind of
touched on it, but we've neverdelved into it as much as we're
(03:28):
going to today.
We've never had a professionalon, we've never had someone who
actually works with mentalhealth pretty much as their
niche, and this is exactly whatScooter does.
So before I even dive into itand really just start dissecting
this conversation, I want toask Scooter to introduce himself
.
Man, just give us a little bitof background about who you are,
what you do, man, what led youon this journey and this purpose
(03:51):
that you're on right now?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
All right, all right.
Yeah, I am Kenneth Sober,scooter Reddick II.
I am the founder and CEO ofBrothers Brunch Foundation.
It's not a time to eat, but befed.
Mental health and self-careawareness.
What led me on this journey ismy lived experiences.
I've suffered from mentalhealth challenges, as well as
(04:14):
addiction, for many, many yearsin my life and on purpose, I'm
out here an advocate, activistin the streets, assisting those
that may need some supportthrough my lived experiences.
So it's a pleasure to be heretoday at you Got Next Barbershop
(04:35):
in Douglasville, georgia, beingable to share my journey but
also have the other fellas sharetheir experiences as well, as
we talk about.
Mental health is not adiagnosis.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
You know I'm going to jump right into it, man.
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
What it means is that , if we think about it a lot of
times and I could almost ask youall when somebody says mental
health, what's the first thingthat comes to mind?
Something wrong with you,exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Exactly, and that's the thing about it is.
That's kind of how we've beentrained and that's the stigma,
especially in the blackcommunities, is that mental
health is something that's wrong.
But the reality is is thatmental health is just like
physical health.
We have to make sure that weprotect ourselves from becoming
(05:28):
ill.
And once we start to make thatshift in that mindset of looking
at mental health as not adiagnosis but as a part of
maintenance for our mental andlife, then that's where we don't
face as many mental healthchallenges.
Because if you think about it Iwas riding in this morning, I
was thinking about it you know,it's a lot easier to prevent an
injury from happening than torepair from an injury.
(05:52):
Yes, sir, and we have to lookat it the same way with our
minds.
But we don't look at it thatway.
We take care of our bodies, wetake care of our cars, we do
maintenance on everything else.
We take care of our cars, we domaintenance on everything else
but our mental.
And that's most important,because if we can't think
straight, then we can't make theright decisions.
And that's why I've learned onmy journey, especially living in
(06:16):
purpose, that I must be spiritled and get out my mind, that's
dope man.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
So there's something you said yesterday that I
thought was really, reallycritical because you talked
about when I think about mentalhealth.
Right, the opposite of healthis illness.
So when I think mental health,you know I go straight to these
stigmas.
In conversation with scooter,well, he's mentioned if you got
burned out, if you've gotanxiety, all of these things,
they kind of factor into mentalhealth and I never think of it
that way.
You know, I'm, I am burned out.
I'll admit it.
(06:49):
I am totally burned out.
I got plenty of stress and Idon't think of it as being
mentally unhealthy.
I just think of it as likethat's part of life.
I'm a man, I go to work, thisis what I do, that's what I'm
supposed to deal with, and Idon't think about any of these
other factors at all andconsequently, I end up not being
my best self, the best versionof myself.
I can't show up and be therefor my family the way I want to
(07:10):
be.
There's a portion of me that'sthere.
There's a portion of me that'sgot some resentment.
There's a portion of me thatjust deals with anger.
I regressed to my New York daysof road rage.
I brought that shit here toGeorgia.
That's how it shows up.
Right, it shows up in veryunhealthy ways.
How about yourselves?
I mean Scooter's been workingin the field, helping a lot of
(07:32):
people.
So when you hear mental health,what does it mean to you?
What stands out and whatstigmas do you typically think
of first?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, I think of mental health as having mental
stability and mental management.
In my experience dealing with alot of stuff just like you,
stefan you're dealing with a lotas a man, right?
So you take on everythingeveryone has, you're taking on
(08:00):
the world and you're not reallythinking about managing your
mental health.
You know what I'm saying, yeah,and when you're telling people
like, hey, I'm working on mymental health, know what I'm
saying, yeah, and when you'retelling people like, hey, I'm
working on my mental health,they automatically assume that,
okay, something's wrong with you.
Yeah, you're broken you're crazy, he, he's suffering from major
depression.
But sometimes you know you, youhad a bad day at work.
How do you manage that?
You don't want to take it outon your family, you don't want
(08:22):
to take it out on your friends.
So you, you have to find waysto manage your mental stability.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Maybe I'm part of the problem in that sense, because
a few years ago I would hearmental health and we got to get
well and everything else and myfirst thought was this world has
gotten so soft that everythingis wrong with everybody.
Everything is a nebulous wordthat we just overused and I'm
like maybe something's wrongwith everybody.
Everything is a nebulous wordthat we just overused and I'm
like maybe there's nothing wrongwith you, man.
You just need to get up and goto work.
You know, put less garbage inyour body.
(08:50):
That's what's affecting you.
It's not that you have a mentalhealth issue.
But in talking to Scooter again, you know mental health itself
is the big gamut of it all, andthen there are their different
segments into mental health.
You want to touch on that alittle bit, scooter.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
As far as what I want to do is I want to let Brother
Bell, because he's actually aclinician in the field- mental
health field.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
So he'll recognize that I'm the problem for sure.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me default to him on this one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Thanks, scooter.
Let me introduce myself.
So my name is Jonah Bell.
I am a recent graduate ofNorthwestern University, with my
master's in clinical mentalhealth counseling, actually
studying right now to become aLPC.
So here, within the next coupleof months I'll be fully
licensed and then I'll actuallyhave my own practice.
What's up, bro?
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Congrats, bro, man.
Thank you, man, it was a long,hard road.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Man Trust me.
Mental health.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah right.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Imagine this, right Working on your mental health
while learning about mentalhealth, while teaching people
mental health.
Right, yeah, it's so manylayers, and I enjoyed it,
because the one thing that wereally need to start looking at
when it comes to mental mentalhealth, the real key word is
accountability, because if youactually start thinking about
(10:02):
what issues and traumas that youhave, you had to take
accountability for them.
Now, some of them may be foryourself and some may be because
someone hurt you as well, andso we had to start taking
accountability, becausesometimes the weight that we're
carrying it's not even ours.
Like I said, once I got mydegree, I started working in
outpatient mental health right,so I work with those who've been
(10:24):
diagnosed with schizophrenia,bipolar 1, 2, borderline
personality disorder, autism andalso ADHD.
Right again, the first thing Istarted working with them is
accountability.
The second thing is theiremotions.
Steph talked about anger, so onething that I do is I start
teaching everybody the realdefinitions of the emotions that
(10:49):
we have, and once you actuallyknow the definition, cool.
That's the first step.
The second step is now let'sacknowledge it.
Right, yeah, you were upset andyou cut somebody out, but what
were you really feeling in thatmoment?
Were you feeling ashamed?
Were you feeling guilty forsomething?
Were you feeling ashamed?
Were you feeling guilty forsomething?
Were you frustrated?
And they're telling me this andI'm like doesn't this make a
(11:10):
lot more sense, you having aconversation with me and telling
me that you're frustrated, oryou you feel ashamed, or you
feel disappointed in yourself?
You're like yeah now you'relearning emotional intelligence.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
I like that.
So first you identify it,because we all use these words
it's true.
I just thought about it justnow.
I mean it clicked.
There are words that we'reusing to describe an emotion,
but is it the right descriptionfor what you're actually feeling
at that moment?
So how do you help peopledecipher what's what?
Because I'll just say I'mpissed off, got you, that's all
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
So here's the breakdown of this.
Right, we are, we have kids,yes, cool.
So when your baby is born,right, and they start crying, we
are automatically know.
It's a couple things right,they're hungry, they're wet, uh,
they're irritable, somethinglike that.
So they can't speak, so theycry and cry.
Yeah, so as an adult, if youupset and you mad and angry,
what is that?
Still no different than a kid.
You just don't know the words.
Yeah, you're frustrated, butyou don't know how to articulate
(12:12):
the emotions that you're goingthrough right now.
Right, and so when we realizethat if we talk to each other
again, like this space, likehere, we talk more about our
emotions, man, people will builda connection and then we'll
start building the blackcommunity back, but until then,
it's everyone for themselves.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So do you find that there are, specifically with men
in general, what you justdescribed?
It sounds almost a bitphilosophical.
I hear the truth in it, right,but what about the person you
know who would make the argumentlike no, I'm not angry or
ashamed or dealing with anythingin my past.
I'm mad at you right nowbecause you did this exact thing
(12:52):
.
Sometimes is it just what it is, or is there always something
behind the emotion, based on howthe person reacts?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
There's always something behind it, so I can't
give all my trade secrets, but,uh, you know.
So, um, there's a um, you gotbuilt for that.
Yeah, I do.
Um, it's called the angericeberg, right, this is just a
foundation, and when you seeanger, again it's just a tip of
the iceberg.
We know that the iceberg is uphere, but underneath the water
(13:20):
there's a lot more, down there,right?
So again, we have the shame,the guilt.
We have to address these thingsand I'm like, okay, you can be
mad at me, cool.
And then I show them the words.
There's 21 words, brother,please let me know what it is.
What did I do?
And if you can tell me exactlywhat I did, cool, you know, now
we can have dialogue, but if youdon't know the words to
(13:42):
articulate, how can you say thatGood point, good point.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
If I could add on to that part.
One of the things, just likeBrother Bell was just saying, is
that a lot of times when peopleare triggered, are put into a
certain situation, as I like tosay, a setback.
I've heard from apsychotherapist that says that
is healing inside that hasn'ttaken place, because if we've
(14:08):
healed, that's like he talksabout what's under that iceberg.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
You know, and that's where a lot of times we may get
to the root.
But until we truly get to theseed of what's causing us that
reaction, then we're going tocontinue to have those mental
health challenges.
But that's where, even if weback up taking care of your
mental health and another phrasethat I like to say is mental
(14:33):
health fitness what are we doingfor our mental health fitness?
And part of that is thataccountability, as well as that
acknowledgement of anychallenges that we may have.
And the reality is that we allstill suffer from grief.
You know, we all still havecertain burnout, as you talked
(14:53):
about, with jobs, anxiety andthose sorts of things.
But just because you have thosethings doesn't necessarily mean
you have a mental illness.
But it still takes our mentalhealth fitness to make sure that
, when those things arise, thatwe don't get, as I call it,
stuck.
(15:14):
Because for me, as diagnosedbipolar depressed and was a
30-year alcoholic, if I don't dothe work and continuously do
the work on my healing journeyand I'm going to be honest, I
fell short not too long ago,very recent, where I wasn't
doing the work that I needed todo for my mental health and I
started feeling stuck again.
(15:35):
So I had to get back to thosethings that kept me.
Well, it's kind of like goingto the gym.
You know you're going to workout to be stronger, but if you
stop going you might lose someof your strength.
Yeah, and when that next blowhits you, somebody comes up and
they come on, man, come on, man,tighten up, tighten up.
And they grab you.
You can't handle them the sameway.
So what you got to do, you gotto make sure you go back into
(15:57):
the gym.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
But then my other thing is is like mental health
shouldn't stop when you got overan anger spout with your wife
or something went wrong at work.
I'm trying to paint a pictureof you can't stop loving on
yourself, you can't stopproviding that space of peace
for yourself, because when thatstop, then everything else
(16:33):
crumbles on top of you.
So, um, when you're pushingthrough, like let's say
something, going on at work andsaying, damn, I'm going through
all this shit.
It's been two weeks I've beengetting tasks over tasks over
tasks and it's building up, it'sbuilding up, and then I get a
sense of relief and I'm like,okay, I'm done right.
(16:53):
But it shouldn't be that youshould create healthy habits for
yourself to continue yourmental stability journey.
Because, just like what Scootersaid said, if you go to the gym
and you're working out, workingout, working out, and you get
the results and then you stopgoing, results go away the
results go away, you know whatI'm saying.
(17:15):
So you have to consistentlybuild healthy habits to maintain
your mental, mental health tohelp your brothers out.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
This is especially with burnout.
I had to realize that becauseme and my family, we are giving
people and I had to realize thatI had to stop pouring into
people.
Now hear me out when I say thatyou're like wait a minute?
Wait a minute I'm alwayssupposed to pour into people
yeah, but but listen, here's howyou're actually supposed to do
(17:45):
this.
We got to stop pouring intopeople and understanding that
when you understand that youhave boundaries and things of
that nature, people are supposedto catch the overflow.
See, people are not fillingthemselves up first, right.
If I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
That was deep.
Say that again.
It took me a second to catch it.
Listen, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
So understand, we have to stop pouring into people
.
We must fill ourselves first,right, and then everyone else
catches the overflow.
Because if you're already happy, you're doing everything that
you're doing right You're goingto the gym, you're reading,
you're going to work, you'retaking care of the family right,
you're still pouring intoyourself.
(18:24):
So when you walk outside, youshould have a be in a good mood
and whatever happens is alwaysit's not gonna hurt you.
Yeah, because you alreadyfilled yourself up first.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
that makes sense, it makes sense yeah, that's, that's
definitely spot on, you know.
You know what I also say?
To add on to that what thatdon't wait till your cup goes
empty to fill it up, man.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I mean we always trying to refill, say my cup
empty, I got the refill.
No, we should be refilling,right?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
That's that mental health fitness, and that part is
your choice, that part is yourchoice.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yes, All right.
So I got a question.
I'm a layman and I'm going toask for a lot of people.
First, I want to touch on whatyou said a little earlier.
Scooter man.
Congrats, man, for everythingyou've overcome, everything
you've gone through.
Brother.
That's extremely commendableand people listening to this.
That's an example.
But the other thing is I hearphysical fitness.
I understand that.
Do some pushups or some sit-ups.
I get it Makes sense.
(19:19):
I can maintain that.
Four or five days a week orfive days a week, Mental health
or mental fitness, as labeled byScooter here, what does that
mean?
What is doing the work everyday mean?
What does that look like?
I can't wake up and do mentalpush-ups.
So what does that mentally looklike to me?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Man therapy counseling right, Because
there's some real deepconversations that have to be
had.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
So should everybody be on some kind of counseling
and therapy Can?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I be 100% honest, please, for real.
Yeah, absolutely Cool.
Everybody has a diagnosis.
Can we really go here?
Everybody has a diagnosis right.
It's either you know what yourdiagnosis is because you've been
assessed and you know it, oryou go undiagnosed, right, but
when you come see a therapist,guess what the first thing we do
(20:05):
Figure it out and give you adiagnosis.
Everybody has one, yeah, butthe thing is most people don't
know how to point it out.
Now, especially when we talkabout autism.
Right, boy, I can really gointo this, but we have a lot of
autistic people that arehigh-functioning, autistic
people who are the geniuses, andone of my businesses is you
(20:26):
know, you are brilliant, tellingyoung black boys and girls,
right, that they're brilliant,but they don't know it because,
guess what, their families don'tknow what brilliancy looks like
.
However, if you can understandthat, if somebody is a DJ, if
you break down what a DJ does inthe moment in the surroundings,
you're like it's a special typeof person.
(20:48):
Right, you got two turntables,so you're using your left and
your right brain and you'reusing your left and your right
hand.
Sometimes you're using yourfeet, using your brain as your
metrodome.
Right, you got to think aheadof what you're about to mix.
Yeah, you like like mergingthese things, these these
(21:10):
different components of life,really make us who we really are
, and understanding that.
If you look at Robert Kennedy,he wants this autism registry
right, right.
It's for a reason.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
People for a reason, so I don't watch the news enough
.
So I have no clue what you'retalking about here.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So yeah, right now Robert Kennedy is trying to get
a national autism registry.
So those who are alreadydiagnosed with autism, of course
the states have those Again meworking in the state funding a
nonprofit, so he would get thatinformation, say this person
here has autism, this personhere has autism, gotcha has
(21:41):
autism.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
This person here has autism.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
If you understand autism and how to work within it
and how it is a superpower, youcan look for me on
oakandgraycom and, yeah, I canhelp you point those things out.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Let me tell you from a peer perspective, even though
we all peers, because, like hesaid, everybody got something
going on.
For me, my mental healthfitness includes number one
sleeping.
I got to make sure, if I know weall peers because, like he said
, everybody got something goingon.
Yes, we do right.
For me, my mental healthfitness includes number one
sleeping.
I gotta make sure, if I don'tsleep, I'm not gonna function,
I'm gonna be agitated.
Number two is breathingintentionally, not just when I'm
upset, to get the oxygenflowing to my brain okay.
(22:21):
Number three is meditation.
I gotta receive my instructionsthrough the spirit and get out
my head.
So meditation.
And meditation doesn't have tolook like me sitting, the indian
style meditation for me is atnight, every night, listening to
meditation frequencies as I'msleeping to calm my mind.
Okay, number four is exerciseand activity.
(22:42):
You ain't gonna find me in nogym, but you might find me at
yoga.
You might see me get themassage.
You might see me go to theesthetician taking a hike,
whatever it may be, but justhaving some intentional
exercises and activities in mylife, I call them woosah moments
.
And number five, like he saidtherapy.
Therapist, therapeutic, notproblematic, once we start
(23:04):
realizing that therapy is ourmental health life coach yeah
and even if it's not a therapist, if it's a peer, a peer coach,
yeah, if it's a peer group, justsomething that keeps you
focused on your mental health,keep something positive being
fed.
That's mental health fitness,you know.
But the reality is my mentalhealth fitness.
But the reality is my mentalhealth fitness may look
(23:26):
different than yours.
True, because that's what wehave to realize is that
everybody's okay is different.
We can't put each other in thebox.
We can't put a black man in thebox of what is going to make
him successful with his mentalhealth, because each one of us
is unique and each one of us ismade individually through the
(23:47):
spirit.
The way I got sober ain't theway that somebody else gonna get
sober, and I can't give theanswers, but I can share my
experiences and give them hopethat's it and as long as I keep
showing up, even in settingslike this, when I'm sharing my
story, this strengthens me, butthat's a part of that.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Mental health fitness that that was really powerful
and that's what I was asking fora practical answer, because not
everyone has either the funds,therapy is not free Right, or
the time.
I can't take the time.
I can't sit around for an hour,an hour and a half.
Some people feel guilty aboutit.
It's almost like I'm just goingto sit for an hour and a half
and not do work when I, myfamily needs X, y and Z, but you
(24:25):
just dropped some crazy gemshere and people can go back and
rewind and listen to this,because you talked about four
things before you even got totherapy, that they can be doing,
that are very practical, thatanybody could do on their own
right now.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I got to push back just a little bit on that time
thing.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
Go ahead, go ahead.
I know.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Because, you know, we all make time for what we want.
Yeah, but we don't make time forwhat we need, ok, and as you
talk about the professionalthat's working, guess what?
We got benefits.
Everybody's benefits may lookdifferently, but our health
insurance's benefits is not likecar insurance.
(25:06):
We don't save that foremergencies.
We supposed to use that so thatwe can be healthy and
maintained.
So one of the things that I wasdoing when I was working as a
pharmaceutical rep for 25 yearsI looked into my benefits.
Therapy Therapy is a part ofyour benefits.
(25:27):
Sometimes they give you extrabenefits on top of that.
That's a medical appointment,just like you got to go to the
doctor, just like you got to goto the dentist, massage,
chiropractor, physical therapy.
Check your benefits, becausewhat I would do is I would put
it on the calendar just like itwas a medical appointment.
Then it's not looking like Idon't have time to do it.
(25:50):
It's a necessity to do it.
But it goes back to thataccountability.
I took my mental healthseriously and I realized what I
needed to do to do the work tohelp me stay well, and nobody
else couldn't do that for me.
That goes back to pouring intoothers before you pour into
yourself, and one of my goodbrothers shared with me one time
(26:11):
and I always carry this with meabout putting my oxygen mask on
first.
Yeah, even even on the airplanethey say before you even put
your kids oxygen mask on, putyour oxygen mask on first.
Yeah, I still have to checkmyself on that.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, checking myself is part of mental health
fitness as well yeah, Ichallenged you, brothers, right,
this is one thing that I workwith clients and it's the actual
time study.
You can go out on google andprint it out.
It'll basically breakeverything down daily, hourly.
If you actually go in and startputting your time slots for
(26:47):
when you get up, when you got toleave out of the house, you
know when you get to work, whattime you get off work, that time
, from the time you get off workto the time that you go to bed,
how are you really fulfillingyour time?
Because you have time.
We just not using it at, youknow, at its maximum peak.
And so if you really do a timestudy about your actual day and
(27:07):
how you go about your week, youwill find out that you have a
lot more time than you reallythink.
But if you go ahead and do thesleep study and get your
schedule knocked out, you'llbecome very proficient.
Can I add to that?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
This goes out to all of my veterans out there in the
military right, Marine Corps inspecific.
Before we went on missions,before we went in training, we
always sat down in a room.
We had a whiteboard of what's onthat mission laid it out and in
the military we always hadhealth benefits.
So you know, if you go into med, call or hey, something
(27:41):
mentally wrong, you're going toget evaluated, that type of
thing.
But but when you get out, noone's telling you to go x, y and
z.
And for the longest I was usedto that structured.
And when I got out that disccrumbled, you stopped, it
stopped.
So now I was getting more angry, I was just getting more
depressed and all this otherstuff.
And of course you know, um, youknow I had to go see someone.
(28:03):
So I went to the VA and got acounselor and it was like, yeah,
you're suffering from majordepression and anxiety.
Have you ever thought aboutthat?
And I was like, nah, so it gotdeeper into you know, my
childhood and all this otherstuff.
But today I use my whole wallas my schedule.
And like where you was talkingabout that time study, I always
(28:26):
do every day a time study whattasks I need to get done today,
my family needs needs me afterwork, so I have to get these
specific things priorities donebefore I can be off.
That takes all of the pressureyeah off of me.
If you can visually seeeverything laid out and not try
(28:46):
to keep everything in your mind,I feel like that is a great
benefit to practice good mentalhealth management.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Yeah, because when you miss something and you
remember it later on and you'relike damn, I didn't take care of
this, then you're beating up onyourself.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Yeah, and it piles up .
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I got to take better care of myself, and I'm telling
you because I fail myself everysingle day Some of you just
mentioned a little while ago Iremember as a sales manager,
right, I was doing this for along time.
I would train my team and Iwould tell them there's 100, I
believe it's 168 hours in a week.
So what we did is we basicallybroke it down 40 hours for work,
right, and we even went to 60.
60.
Then you take a couple hours toeat, grooming, take care of
(29:23):
yourself and things like that,some time with family, dinner
time, leisure time and we stillleft a whole bunch of hours that
were just wide open, and what Iwould get onto them about is
obviously at the time I wasn'tthinking mental health I was
like this is when you becomebetter, you know, this is when
you train.
This is when you do your roleplay and you go back and forth
(29:44):
and go through your books forself-development and things like
that.
But you're right, we have thetime.
We just need to prioritize thisin a way and, to your point,
just put it on the calendar,because I'll go through so many
days when I just like in my head, I have to call this client,
edit the podcast.
It just piles up and piles upand piles up and it compounds to
by the end of the week.
You're like if.
(30:06):
I can just erase everything andstart over and not feel like a
failure.
I would.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yeah, I mean you again.
Making these small adjustments,you'll really figure out that
you have a lot more time foryour family as well.
Right, you can be moreintentional with date night.
Right, you can go home tomorrow.
Baby, guess what?
We need to come out with a date.
What day or how many times arewe going to meet for dinner
(30:31):
every week?
Put it on the books, leave itthere First priority.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
I've been fucking up.
Yeah, I get it.
I've been there too.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
It's accountability, right.
But think about it.
If you say to your wife or asignificant other hey, guess
what?
Every other Tuesday at 7o'clock you need to be dressed
right here.
Now, if you decide to go outand do something else outside of
our date night, there's goingto be a penalty.
But you guys get to have funwith stuff like that, right,
come up with.
The penalty is you know,somebody got to cook breakfast
(31:03):
or whatever it may be, but makeit fun.
But you got to be intentionalwith those date night times for
yourself, your wife, the kids.
Again, I say for yourself, thewife and the kids, for yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
For yourself.
Yeah, this goes back intomaking sure you pour into
yourself so that your family andeveryone else catches the
overflow.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
I got a question for you guys.
So and I know this is not atherapy session but how do you
deal with the, as men, wedefinitely face being inadequate
, because there are things thatwe want to do, there are things
that we want to accomplish andwe never feel it's enough.
Are there certain mentalexercises, affirmations or
(31:45):
different ways of approachingthings where you can stop
feeling less than Because I justkind of feel that I'm not doing
enough or whatever I'm doing isjust not working out?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Great question.
I was just talking to a 27 yearold yesterday and he's, you
know, used to be a footballplayer and he stopped playing
football and he's trying to findhimself and he wants to date.
And I'm like, dude, you need tofind yourself.
So to answer your question, yougotta know your purpose, listen
.
Your purpose drives you towhere you're going.
(32:20):
For the single people that maybe listening to, especially the
single men, the only way mostwomen are going to follow you is
if you have a purpose.
We can go back to the BibleAdam had a purpose, right.
Job had a purpose, jesus had apurpose.
They walked.
They purpose right.
Most of us are walking thisworld, lost in the wilderness.
So the first thing I would sayis find your purpose, know the
(32:43):
direction that you're going into, because there's going to be
some anxiety, there may be somedepression, but if you
understand, you got to takeaccountability for your purpose
and your drive.
That's all on you, damn okay.
Find your passion, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Your passion is this podcast, man, because you were
in podcast for what?
Six, seven months.
This is month number six, soyou've been doing very well.
Like you went from zero to 100real quick.
You know, listening to yourshows, I'm like man and you say
you was, you know, kind ofstruggling with public speaking,
but your speaking is just likeoff the charts, like I'm trying
(33:22):
to get back to a better publicspeaker when I was in the Marine
Corps, talking to Marines andstuff like that.
But I think this concentratingon your passion, the passion is
consistent because you'll neverget tired of doing it.
And next thing, you know youfound your purpose.
Your purpose is to preach tothese young black people.
(33:43):
You're not alone.
Alone you can do it, givingthem words of affirmation.
Your show is like that beaconthat people can come to to find
guidance in their life.
So if you feel like, hey, youknow I'm not, I feel like I'm
not doing enough, look where youare right now.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So be thankful for the timethat you have on this earth in
(34:04):
this present moment.
Appreciate that, kelly.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Real quick, and then you can ask.
I just want to say the samething.
Like the very first time beinga musician, when I heard the
last podcast you know what I'msaying when LaJoy sent it to me,
I was like yo this man's audiois clean, because I do the audio
at my church and it's funnybecause I'm like my audio is
perfect, yours is.
You got to understand thatbecause your pitch is the way
(34:29):
that it is, which meaning thatthe word is getting out in the
purity that it's supposed to getinto.
Appreciate that, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I was just going to say.
One of my other favoritephrases is my purpose is my
peace.
You might disrupt me for themoment, but you're not going to
disrupt my peace.
So when you talk about thosechallenges and understanding and
not feeling enough, you knowwe've been trained mind, body,
spirit.
Why in the world do we put thespirit at?
Speaker 1 (35:02):
the end, I don't know , go ahead, we're going to talk
about it.
Go it, go ahead, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
But the thing about it is is that when I talk about
that meditation okay, and beingspirit led, then that eases my
mind through all thefrustrations and it helps me to
make the decisions that alignwith my purpose, with my body.
And so I think, as we talk abouta lot of these things around
(35:26):
mental health versus mentalillness, programming versus
reprogramming, we can even go toconscious versus unconscious,
but either way, the thing aboutit is is that once we get out of
our heads, have thataccountability, as we talked
about, and understanding thatyou know what, and and then also
understanding are the thingsthat I'm thinking, that I want,
(35:50):
that are for me, is that more ofa external want versus an
internal need, because you know,I I know people that have done
well and I'm gonna use catering,for example.
All right, I'm not a caterer,but there'll be great caterers.
And then they want a restaurant, but then the restaurant
doesn't go the way they want itto, and then I have to remind
(36:13):
them do you remember the specialtouch that you used to give
families and people as being acaterer?
You know, we all have a specialgift and that's our purpose,
and when we understand what ourgift is, I won't say all
frustrations go away, but I'dsay the majority of them have
gone away for me, just becauseI've understood my purpose
(36:33):
greater yeah, scoot, I want togo back to when we talk about
this mind, body, and well, it isthe soul, the spirit, and the
mind and the body.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
See, people want to separate this and of course, in
the Bible we'll go here.
I give it to you First, that'sThessalonians 5 and 23, which is
one of my scriptures that I use.
Do I know of verbatim?
I don't Not going to lie to you, because I got too much other
stuff right.
Because I'm not a Bible thumperlike that.
But people have to understandwe believe that the soul, we
(37:05):
need to go to church for thesoul.
That's wrong.
There's a word in Greek, a psi,which is soul right, which is a
root word for psychology.
So how can we put something,especially with the church,
that's in your spirit, so yourmind and your spirit are one,
right?
Just like I can say thesethings out loud, but I can also
(37:26):
close my mouth and still say thesame things in my head.
So, your mind and your spiritare one, when you really start
understanding that they are one.
And your soul is the counseling, and then you're working on
your body.
If you're doing those threethings at least three or four
times a day, you're talkingabout it, says it, you will find
peace.
Until Jesus comes, it says it'sin there.
Your mind and your spirit areone.
Your body and your soul.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
That's powerful stuff .
So my son's 13 and I juststarted taking him to the gym.
So this is more or less his wayof life for the rest of his
life Because, like we talkedabout, you don't use it, you
lose it, right.
So he's going to keep it up,hopefully, right?
So how early should I start hismental fitness?
You know?
(38:08):
I mean, like, you have theseteenagers, they go through
things, what I've always said,they just being teenagers and
they are looking for themselves,but how early do we intervene
and say he or she needs this?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
I'm just going to tell you from personal
experience.
My son is already proactivelyin therapy and he's been in
therapy for over a year.
And he's eight years old.
Ok, for two reasons.
Number number one that's hislife coach.
Also, that's my coach.
As a parent, I'm generationsremoved from my son.
What happens is we, as parents,think we know what's best, but
(38:46):
then we're still parenting outof trauma.
Yeah, and I jokingly said butI'm serious.
I said we all have p PTSD.
It's called parenting becauseour parents only our parents
only parent what they know andthat's of the past.
Yeah, so now when my son wantsto do something, I could say
(39:07):
let's ask your therapist, and myson loves to go to his
therapist.
But the key thing to that isit's already broken the stigma.
Okay, so if he does have anychallenges that arise, he
already has a life coach inplace, a therapist, to help him
with those problems, versus metrying to figure out, okay, how
is he going to feel, or even mefeeling as though I don't want
(39:30):
them to know everything that'sbeen going on.
So what I say is every childwhen they start school
especially because we as parentshave the least amount of time
with our kids to have the bestopportunity for them to be the
best that they can be, and notwhat we want them to be give
your child a therapist.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, again, it depends on the child and how
they're moving.
One thing that parents don'trealize and I learned this when
I was in school from zero tofive, your kids can't talk, but
they see everything, but itcould be traumatic to them, but
they can't tell you because theycan't talk, can't talk.
The things that we do aroundour kids are traumatic and you
(40:12):
wonder, when they start talking,why they get not.
They've watched you for years,you know, do whatever you did in
front of them and it's a scarysituation.
So these kids are most of themare lost, right, that's why they
have hoodies.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
So again eight years old.
Oh man what.
Speaker 5 (40:29):
Wait okay, so let's go here right Explain that.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
I started sitting down thinking about it.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
I love hoodies.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
I get it, but it's a way for you to hide.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Yeah, really For the kids.
They're hiding.
That's so interesting they'rehiding.
Okay, here's like this Becausemy son we were living in Florida
dude.
It's always hot and he wouldwear hoodies.
And now I will always say himand all of his friends they're
walking around, it's 100 degreesin florida and they got hoodies
on.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah so here's how you gotta look at it, right?
If I'm this highly intelligentkid and I live in the hood and
I've never seen anyone get outof the hood, all I know is to, I
don't know how to act.
My friends that I grew up withthink I'm.
They probably think that I'mbetter than them.
Are you too smart for your owngood type thing?
Right, or you're gonna beoutcast.
(41:18):
So most of the kids now wearhoodies.
So they wearing hoodies to hide.
My nephew just told me thislike he's like man, I wear the
hoodie cuz I don't know who I am.
Wow, they have locks, yeah, cuzthey can hide and I need them.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
That's a lot of self-awareness for a young man
because I mean, I just thoughtit was just style is something
they did early on and eventuallygrew out of it.
Although I still wear hoodiesagain, I get it, it's
comfortable for us too.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Sometimes I hide.
I mean we got beards, ourbeards are hiding Like really
serious.
Most men didn't get attentionuntil hey, I like beers.
I like salt and pepper beers.
So now I'm going to put thebeard on.
Speaker 5 (41:55):
I'm out here.
You know what I'm saying but,it's really not you.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
You know what I'm saying it's a comfort thing.
I was sexy either way, bro.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
But yeah, they're hiding man and it's sad because
we sit back and we talk aboutthem like they out here, it's 90
degrees, they out here, it's 90degrees, but they're hiding.
We hid at one point in time.
Yeah, so eight years old for meas a therapist, that's too
young for me to work with.
I work with adolescents.
So once you get about 12, 13years old, now we can sit down
(42:25):
and talk.
Now I can see and ask youquestions about what your future
looks like.
Speaker 4 (42:29):
It seems to me that this particular generation of 10
to 18 years old, I feel likethey're from a different planet,
you know, because my kids.
They range in age where I wasable to connect to the older
ones more than I can connect tomy younger ones.
Right, what advice would yougive to a parent within the
realm of mental health, tobetter connect and not just
(42:50):
judge them?
The realm of mental health tobetter connect and not just
judge them, because I wouldcriticize, I would think in my
head what the hell's wrong withyou guys, the way you act, the
way you move.
They seem to be in dreamland.
I'll tell my son man, take yourhead out of the clouds.
And I've said some things where,now that we're having this
conversation, I'm rethinking,I'm going damn.
(43:15):
I missed a lot of cues and alot of opportunities to address
something that, because he'sreally quiet, he's an introvert
by nature and it's hard to reachin and grab that stuff.
So parents like myself and Iguess a lot of parents out there
because if you're raising a 13year old in 2025, how do you
reach those kids in that worldeasy?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
man?
Very easy.
I ask them about, like you said, social media.
How much social media are youon?
Oh, five hours, six hours a day, somewhere around there.
It's about to be summertime.
We talked about purpose, right?
How can you sit down?
And this is me as an adult.
I have a 19-year-old.
Well, she'll be 19 in August,right?
I say, how can you watchsomebody's purpose on social
(43:53):
media and you even thought aboutyours?
You're giving somebody all thisenergy and you ain't even
thought about yourself, right?
I ask him again how do you wantto live If it's up to you, the
average man lives about 72, 75.
Let's think about 65 in today'sday.
When you get 65, are you?
Did you put the work in?
(44:14):
See, we don't never think aboutthe end.
That's where the anxiety comesfrom.
We all, we see the end.
Did you do the work to get whatyou wanted so that you can have
the life that you wanted tolive?
If you haven't thought aboutthat and got there, we got some
work to do what's a practicalapproach, because I don't want
to come off as lecturing sitdown, talk, talk to him.
He's you.
(44:34):
How would you talk to youryounger?
See, and this goes back intothe healing part Some of us need
to have conversation with ouryounger selves to heal, so that
it can fit the broken adult inyou and you can start moving
Right.
So just sit down and talk tohim, have an open conversation.
The thing that gives them whatyou didn't get the thing that
gives them what you didn't get,the thing that most of us, as
(44:57):
men, we won't get right thestories from if we grew up in a
single parent household, you'reonly going to get one side of
the story most times right.
You know what I'm saying At theend of your parent is not here
right Now.
You definitely can't get thatstory, and so it's a lot of men
and women out here that arestuck because there are
conversations that need to behad and they can't Just be open
with them.
You want them to talk.
I'm telling you, if you don'thave that conversation now and
(45:18):
start building it when you putthem in therapy, I tell all my
parents they're coming to talkto you and if they're coming to
talk to you, please be open,Because if you shut them down,
then you're going to lose themto me, and I don't want that.
You know what I'm saying, Causenow that I already got 30, 40,
50, 600, you know a hundredclients that I'm dealing with
when all you had to do is takethe accountability and say you
(45:39):
know what I need to talk to myson, Son, how can I help you?
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Yeah, that's super strong.
Super strong, do you get?
Speaker 3 (45:58):
involved, scooter, when your son is going to
therapy.
I'm pretty sure in the firstsession or two you were there
there, but do you just get outof the space now?
Do you could just get out ofthe way and let him talk to his
therapist, or do you staythrough the session?
Oh no, no he's.
He's always had the freedom toexpress himself with his
therapist so you're not there,I'm not there no no, no, no, I
mean, I don't, I don't want tobe there.
I want him to have that trustfactor.
Uh, same way, when I'm talkingwith people, you know, if I'm
dealing with a young man, I haveto let them know.
Hey, you can feel open to sharewith me, and I'm not going to
(46:21):
go back and tell your parent,you know.
But one of the things thatBrother Bell mentioned, though,
was that parents have tounderstand the process as well,
and that's where thataccountability comes in, because
what can happen is thetherapist can talk to the child
I could talk to the parent orthe child but if the parent
still goes back into the sameenvironment and there is no
(46:42):
change, then everything isfalling on deaf ears.
Yeah, and that's why I say, youknow, for me having him
proactively, but then I alsothat accountability of what is
in me, or what was in me thatcan be in my child, because what
I see is, when we look at theseintergenerational traumas we
look at a lot of times.
(47:02):
We talk about the externalbehaviors, but what's being
birthed into our children?
And if we have generations andgenerations of unbirthed trauma,
that's one of the reasons whymy son is proactively in therapy
, because I'm bipolar, 30 yearalcoholic.
I don't want to be reactive andif there are things that we
know about ourselves, especiallythat weren't healed before we
(47:26):
gave birth, that's our seed.
We want to jump up and saythat's my seed, that's my seed.
But do we really think about?
Speaker 4 (47:32):
what's in that seed's in that sea?
Speaker 3 (47:34):
yeah, and that's why I tell parents you can't cuss
fuss, I beat you out your childoh say that again wait hold on
say that again you can't cussfuss for the people in the back.
You can't cuss fuss, I beat youout your child, it's birth into
them.
Yeah, so we have to give themthe tools.
When we talk about what wedidn't have, I grew up with both
(47:57):
parents.
I grew up very privileged, butthere were some other adverse
childhood experiences thathappened that molded my mind
through my life, and when peopleask me, well, what could your
parents have done differently?
I say the only thing they couldhave possibly done was get me a
therapist.
Yeah, because that, like yousay, there's some things that we
do miss, some things that wewant to miss in our kids because
(48:20):
we see it, but then we have, wetry to handle it our way and
it's time to let go of some ofthis.
Our way, our way, you knowexactly what's crazy?
Speaker 4 (48:28):
my parents you know they are four children, three
boys, one girl and I see myfather in all of us.
My father had a lot of mentalissues.
We had not talked in a longtime, all the way through his
death, and that was due to a lotof the way he handled things
and it affected me greatly.
I would watch myself at timesand recognize something that's
(48:49):
broken and I'd be like that's mydad and I'd see it.
It's not clinically diagnosed,because I haven't been to a
therapist to get it clinicallydiagnosed, but I I'm smart
enough to know what it is, soI'll go.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like I knowthis and I've heard the term, so
I'm like I recognize this.
So what I'm having to do isoutside of therapy for now.
(49:11):
I'm not going to let it win.
So this is how I'm going todeal with it, because I saw what
it did to my dad and I saw howit affected his family.
So I try to have a holisticapproach.
I go back to my spirit.
I try not to be higher thanthat.
I see my two brothers and I seewhat they deal with.
If you want to piss my brotheroff, tell him he's acting like
his dad, tell him he's actinglike his dad.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Tell him he'll want to fight you.
Speaker 4 (49:33):
That's not me, man, I'm like you're doing the angry
thing right now You're pissedoff.
You want to fight.
Speaker 5 (49:39):
You got this.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Napoleon complex.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
AMG strong.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Yeah, man, I'm telling you, I'm like, and I see
it, he'll fight anybody.
I'm like dude, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
When you think about your therapist and a therapist,
it's a relationship.
It's almost like dating yourcounselor, like you really have
to because that person is goingto give you the advice and it
may be unfiltered.
You have to trust them becausewhen you bring something to you
know, bring something to yourcounselor, you want them to put
(50:07):
you in the right direction andso make sure that that person
you get along with them, becausethey're going to be along your
ride.
They're not your best friend,they're not your person that you
call your cousin or aunties orsomething like that.
This person, you know 100%, hasyour best interest at heart and
(50:28):
they're going to help you getthere.
But you got to take theaccountability because as
therapists, our job is to notwork harder than you.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
OK, that's good, All right, so we got Ash, one of the
barbers, over here.
Man, go ahead, ash.
What's your question, brother?
Speaker 5 (50:41):
OK, I had a question real quick about what y'all were
talking about is basicallydoing preventative maintenance.
So you got a situation.
You don't basically wait untilthe situation arises.
You do preventative maintenanceto keep yourself from going to
a place like where you used togo mentally.
What are some of the tools thatyou can use to help you, to
(51:01):
check, to see where you are?
Speaker 4 (51:03):
That's a question for one of those two guys right
here, and I'm not
Speaker 5 (51:06):
trying to.
I'm not trying to get a therapysession, but it is a spark in
my brain.
So I don't want to at least ask?
Speaker 4 (51:12):
Appreciate your question brother, yeah, yeah,
but it just sparked in my brainso I wanted to at least ask.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Appreciate your question, brother.
Yeah, yeah, that's a goodquestion.
Okay, the best thing to do?
You have to find your structureand really what your purpose is
.
Right, You're doing positivethings or you're growing your
business.
You know that's in the positivelight in your life, right?
So move towards there.
But you got to plan it.
We can't keep doing this.
I'm a free spirit, Free.
You got to plan it.
We can't keep doing this.
I'm a free spirit, Free spirit.
(51:34):
Don't get too far in life.
There's never I don't thinkthere's been a millionaire out
here that has no structure, theydon't have a goal.
So you start finding yourstructure.
We talked about it a little bitearlier with the time study.
Right, really, look at how youare really spending every single
hour of your day, from the timethat you wake up to the time
(51:55):
that you go to bed, and look atthe times where you're not doing
anything, where you can be alot more productive.
I don't know, you can beselling merch, you can be, you
know, expanding out however youwant to, maybe going back to
school or something like that.
Speaker 4 (52:12):
Figure that out but you got to make the time and the
space for it.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
You want to add to that Scooter?
I was just going to say, Ash,we're going to make sure you get
in contact with Brothers BrunchFoundation, brother, because
that's what we do.
We help you get kickstarted ona new mental health and
self-care journey, so we'regoing to look out for you.
Okay, my brother.
Speaker 2 (52:25):
I say last words for me is have patience with
yourself and trust your process.
I created a image for myself.
I wrote down what Kelly isgoing to look like in five years
or 10 years and I wrote thatdown.
Stick to that process.
It's not going to be overnight.
You're not going to see sixpack abs overnight.
You're not going to see, youknow, big biceps overnight.
(52:49):
You're going to have to stickto your process.
And what Ash was talking aboutwhen you get knocked off course,
how do you get back on course?
Just remember your goal, yourpurpose and keep it rolling
Scooter.
Speaker 3 (53:01):
I guess I'll close this out.
I want everybody to understandthat this mental health fitness
journey is a holistic approachwith a W.
It's just like a pie If youtake out one piece, it's not
whole anymore.
So we got to make sure thatwe're doing the work.
We talked about therapy, wetalked about meditation, we
talked about sleep and I thinkone of the key things we talked
(53:25):
about is accountability overalland purpose.
Before we close out, I want toleave y'all with a few steps
that might be helpful for you totake, and if anybody needs me
to send this to them, Idefinitely will.
Number one choose one self-carepractice to start this week, as
we talked about.
We all have time.
(53:46):
We just got to take it forourselves.
Number two find anaccountability brother or
partner to check in with.
We all need somebody that's anaccountability partner, but I'll
tell you, the bestaccountability partner is a
therapist.
I ain't going to lie Schedule atherapy, a peer support session
, Even if you don't go totherapy.
We got Brothers BrunchFoundation.
(54:07):
We got other organizationsaround Metro, atl and right here
in Douglasville that we can tapinto to continuously get some
support.
Write down one thing you'rehealing from, getting to the
seed of what has been causing usthe most pain, which also
causes us the reactions that wemay not want to have.
Share this conversation withsomebody else.
(54:29):
Y'all might not realize it, butme coming in, having these
conversations and talking onthese podcasts and different
things this is healing for me.
The more we talk about it, themore we're not suffering in
silence and that's what happensis we suffer in silence so much.
And, last but not least, justset a realistic mental health
goal that you can track.
(54:50):
If it's having that list ofthose things and wondering when
you're off so that you can getback on track.
If it's making sure that you'redoing your therapy once a month
and if you miss it, you knowyou're not on track.
If it's going to the gym,whatever it may be anything that
can help you with your mentalhealth.
Please make sure let's take theaction, set the goals and let's
(55:11):
be successful on our mentalhealth and self-care journeys.
Speaker 4 (55:15):
That's what's up.
That's awesome, kelly.
How did they find you brother?
Speaker 2 (55:18):
So you can follow me on IG, kelly W Saunders, and
then also have a nonprofitcalled ETS Elevate Transitioning
Service Members.
If you're a veteran and you'relooking to transition out of
service or you need a supportgroup, we're a partner with the
veteran support group.
This organization helpsveterans obtain their disability
(55:40):
benefits for free.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
So you can find me at oakandgraycom that is my life
coaching at the moment and youalso can find me on Instagram is
?
Im am dot mr.
That's mr mr.
Make it make sense.
I am cut and dry, right, so I'mgonna make it make sense.
So I am dot mr.
(56:03):
Make it make sense.
That's what's up, man scooter.
Speaker 4 (56:07):
How did he find you, your organization?
Speaker 3 (56:09):
tell us about it all right, uh, you can find me at
brothers brunch foundationFoundation Inc.
On Instagram and Facebook.
Hey, you can Google it.
Also, kenneth Sober Scooteretic, the second peer mental health
coach platform.
As my eight-year-old told meone day, daddy, give me your
phone and he Googled my name andeverything popped right up.
Speaker 4 (56:30):
So it's always easy, does it 's what's up nice?
Speaker 3 (56:33):
janet, thank you for hosting us today.
We at you got next douglasville, fairburn road.
Uh, hey, she, she is about it,about it in the community.
She has a barber academy that'sup and coming.
She has the junior barbers.
We go out into the streetsometimes she gives, gets the
junior barbers to cut hair tothe homeless downtown atlanta
(56:56):
and then I follow along to havea little mental health
conversations every now and then.
So we appreciate you forhosting us today.
Speaker 4 (57:02):
Yes, and much love to you now, the way we
traditionally end the show is weflip a coin in the very
beginning and whoever loses hasto read the outro.
While doing an impersonation ofwhoever the hell you choose,
who are you going to?
Speaker 1 (57:18):
be, I'm going to be Iron.
Speaker 4 (57:19):
Mike Tyson, iron Mike .
Speaker 5 (57:21):
Tyson Iron Mike.
Speaker 4 (57:22):
Tyson.
So LeDray jumped in at the lastsecond to save the day, and
he's going to be Iron Mike Tyson.
Let's get it, brother Readyyeah.
Speaker 5 (57:29):
Please support us by following this show.
Leave us a five star if youwant Apple Podcasts.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll catch you next week whenwe share conversations around
real issues we deal with everyday Manhandle Matters we're out.
Speaker 4 (57:41):
Yeah, baby man, that was damn on.
I thought you was doing animpersonation.
Speaker 3 (57:45):
Hey this, how did you even?
Buy me the spirit of this mantalking about.
Speaker 2 (57:52):
I thought we was supposed to be doing that
impersonation.
So understand, we have to stop pouring into people
.
We must fill ourselves first,right, and then everyone else
catches the overflow.
Because if you're already happy, you're doing everything that
you're doing right You're goingto the gym, you're reading,
you're going to work, you'retaking care of the family right,
you're still pouring intoyourself.
So when you walk outside, youshould be in a good mood and
(00:24):
whatever happens is not going tohurt you because you already
filled yourself up first.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
That's definitely spot on.
You know what I also say to addon to that, what's that?
Don't wait till your cup goesempty to fill it up, man, yeah,
I mean, we always try.
Speaker 4 (00:40):
Quick disclaimer guys , this show is for educational
and entertainment purposes only.
We have expert guests, but theyare not your therapist.
If you're struggling withanything, please contact a
licensed professional and knowthat we wish you well, as well
as send you our love andstrength.
This is going to be one of themost impactful episodes we have
(01:09):
yet recorded.
I'm your host, stefan.
We have psychologist Jonah Belljoining Marine veteran Kelly
Saunders and Kenneth ScooterReddick, who is celebrating over
three years of sobriety after a30-year addiction.
Through his Brothers BrunchFoundation, scooter now serves
as the springboard people canstep onto to emerge from the
(01:34):
abyss of addiction, mentalstruggles and despair.
June is National Men's HealthMonth.
Now this is a subject thatoften gets overlooked by the
very people it's designed tohelp.
Trust me when I tell you.
Believe me when I say more ofus are struggling than you know.
Now we're back at thebarbershop.
This time we're being hosted byyou Got Next on Fairburn Road
(01:58):
in Douglasville, georgia.
Janet the owner does a lot ofwork in the community, so stop
by and see her.
You're going to hear scissors,clippers, blow dryers and
general barbershop backgroundnoise, but I promise that will
not take away from this amazing,insightful and extremely
helpful conversation.
Scooters, principles, jonas,key insights, kelly's experience
(02:22):
are absolutely all priceless.
So sit back.
We appreciate you pressing playon this episode and, as always,
welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it.
We are here in the you Got Nextbarbershop over in Douglasville
so grateful that they have ushere today and we're going to
(03:07):
discuss mental health on theManhood Matters podcast.
I'm here with Scooter what's up?
What's up, what's going on,brother, what up, though?
And Kelly's here as well.
Hey, what's good.
My people Appreciate you guysso much for being on the podcast
.
I think today is going to be anextremely important
conversation.
We've talked about mentalhealth and we've just kind of
touched on it, but we've neverdelved into it as much as we're
(03:28):
going to today.
We've never had a professionalon, we've never had someone who
actually works with mentalhealth pretty much as their
niche, and this is exactly whatScooter does.
So before I even dive into itand really just start dissecting
this conversation, I want toask Scooter to introduce himself
.
Man, just give us a little bitof background about who you are,
what you do, man, what led youon this journey and this purpose
(03:51):
that you're on right now?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
All right, all right.
Yeah, I am Kenneth Sober,scooter Reddick II.
I am the founder and CEO ofBrothers Brunch Foundation.
It's not a time to eat, but befed.
Mental health and self-careawareness.
What led me on this journey ismy lived experiences.
I've suffered from mentalhealth challenges, as well as
(04:14):
addiction, for many, many yearsin my life and on purpose, I'm
out here an advocate, activistin the streets, assisting those
that may need some supportthrough my lived experiences.
So it's a pleasure to be heretoday at you Got Next Barbershop
(04:35):
in Douglasville, georgia, beingable to share my journey but
also have the other fellas sharetheir experiences as well, as
we talk about.
Mental health is not adiagnosis.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
You know I'm going to jump right into it, man.
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (04:53):
What it means is that , if we think about it a lot of
times and I could almost ask youall when somebody says mental
health, what's the first thingthat comes to mind?
Something wrong with you,exactly.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
Exactly, and that's the thing about it is.
That's kind of how we've beentrained and that's the stigma,
especially in the blackcommunities, is that mental
health is something that's wrong.
But the reality is is thatmental health is just like
physical health.
We have to make sure that weprotect ourselves from becoming
(05:28):
ill.
And once we start to make thatshift in that mindset of looking
at mental health as not adiagnosis but as a part of
maintenance for our mental andlife, then that's where we don't
face as many mental healthchallenges.
Because if you think about it Iwas riding in this morning, I
was thinking about it you know,it's a lot easier to prevent an
injury from happening than torepair from an injury.
(05:52):
Yes, sir, and we have to lookat it the same way with our
minds.
But we don't look at it thatway.
We take care of our bodies, wetake care of our cars, we do
maintenance on everything else.
We take care of our cars, we domaintenance on everything else
but our mental.
And that's most important,because if we can't think
straight, then we can't make theright decisions.
And that's why I've learned onmy journey, especially living in
(06:16):
purpose, that I must be spiritled and get out my mind, that's
dope man.
Speaker 4 (06:29):
So there's something you said yesterday that I
thought was really, reallycritical because you talked
about when I think about mentalhealth.
Right, the opposite of healthis illness.
So when I think mental health,you know I go straight to these
stigmas.
In conversation with scooter,well, he's mentioned if you got
burned out, if you've gotanxiety, all of these things,
they kind of factor into mentalhealth and I never think of it
that way.
You know, I'm, I am burned out.
I'll admit it.
(06:49):
I am totally burned out.
I got plenty of stress and Idon't think of it as being
mentally unhealthy.
I just think of it as likethat's part of life.
I'm a man, I go to work, thisis what I do, that's what I'm
supposed to deal with, and Idon't think about any of these
other factors at all andconsequently, I end up not being
my best self, the best versionof myself.
I can't show up and be therefor my family the way I want to
(07:10):
be.
There's a portion of me that'sthere.
There's a portion of me that'sgot some resentment.
There's a portion of me thatjust deals with anger.
I regressed to my New York daysof road rage.
I brought that shit here toGeorgia.
That's how it shows up.
Right, it shows up in veryunhealthy ways.
How about yourselves?
I mean Scooter's been workingin the field, helping a lot of
(07:32):
people.
So when you hear mental health,what does it mean to you?
What stands out and whatstigmas do you typically think
of first?
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Well, I think of mental health as having mental
stability and mental management.
In my experience dealing with alot of stuff just like you,
stefan you're dealing with a lotas a man, right?
So you take on everythingeveryone has, you're taking on
(08:00):
the world and you're not reallythinking about managing your
mental health.
You know what I'm saying, yeah,and when you're telling people
like, hey, I'm working on mymental health, know what I'm
saying, yeah, and when you'retelling people like, hey, I'm
working on my mental health,they automatically assume that,
okay, something's wrong with you.
Yeah, you're broken you're crazy, he, he's suffering from major
depression.
But sometimes you know you, youhad a bad day at work.
How do you manage that?
You don't want to take it outon your family, you don't want
(08:22):
to take it out on your friends.
So you, you have to find waysto manage your mental stability.
Speaker 4 (08:28):
Maybe I'm part of the problem in that sense, because
a few years ago I would hearmental health and we got to get
well and everything else and myfirst thought was this world has
gotten so soft that everythingis wrong with everybody.
Everything is a nebulous wordthat we just overused and I'm
like maybe something's wrongwith everybody.
Everything is a nebulous wordthat we just overused and I'm
like maybe there's nothing wrongwith you, man.
You just need to get up and goto work.
You know, put less garbage inyour body.
(08:50):
That's what's affecting you.
It's not that you have a mentalhealth issue.
But in talking to Scooter again, you know mental health itself
is the big gamut of it all, andthen there are their different
segments into mental health.
You want to touch on that alittle bit, scooter.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
As far as what I want to do is I want to let Brother
Bell, because he's actually aclinician in the field- mental
health field.
Speaker 4 (09:10):
So he'll recognize that I'm the problem for sure.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let me default to him on this one.
Speaker 1 (09:14):
Thanks, scooter.
Let me introduce myself.
So my name is Jonah Bell.
I am a recent graduate ofNorthwestern University, with my
master's in clinical mentalhealth counseling, actually
studying right now to become aLPC.
So here, within the next coupleof months I'll be fully
licensed and then I'll actuallyhave my own practice.
What's up, bro?
Speaker 4 (09:32):
Congrats, bro, man.
Thank you, man, it was a long,hard road.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Man Trust me.
Mental health.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yeah right.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
Imagine this, right Working on your mental health
while learning about mentalhealth, while teaching people
mental health.
Right, yeah, it's so manylayers, and I enjoyed it,
because the one thing that wereally need to start looking at
when it comes to mental mentalhealth, the real key word is
accountability, because if youactually start thinking about
(10:02):
what issues and traumas that youhave, you had to take
accountability for them.
Now, some of them may be foryourself and some may be because
someone hurt you as well, andso we had to start taking
accountability, becausesometimes the weight that we're
carrying it's not even ours.
Like I said, once I got mydegree, I started working in
outpatient mental health right,so I work with those who've been
(10:24):
diagnosed with schizophrenia,bipolar 1, 2, borderline
personality disorder, autism andalso ADHD.
Right again, the first thing Istarted working with them is
accountability.
The second thing is theiremotions.
Steph talked about anger, so onething that I do is I start
teaching everybody the realdefinitions of the emotions that
(10:49):
we have, and once you actuallyknow the definition, cool.
That's the first step.
The second step is now let'sacknowledge it.
Right, yeah, you were upset andyou cut somebody out, but what
were you really feeling in thatmoment?
Were you feeling ashamed?
Were you feeling guilty forsomething?
Were you feeling ashamed?
Were you feeling guilty forsomething?
Were you frustrated?
And they're telling me this andI'm like doesn't this make a
(11:10):
lot more sense, you having aconversation with me and telling
me that you're frustrated, oryou you feel ashamed, or you
feel disappointed in yourself?
You're like yeah now you'relearning emotional intelligence.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
I like that.
So first you identify it,because we all use these words
it's true.
I just thought about it justnow.
I mean it clicked.
There are words that we'reusing to describe an emotion,
but is it the right descriptionfor what you're actually feeling
at that moment?
So how do you help peopledecipher what's what?
Because I'll just say I'mpissed off, got you, that's all
I know.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
So here's the breakdown of this.
Right, we are, we have kids,yes, cool.
So when your baby is born,right, and they start crying, we
are automatically know.
It's a couple things right,they're hungry, they're wet, uh,
they're irritable, somethinglike that.
So they can't speak, so theycry and cry.
Yeah, so as an adult, if youupset and you mad and angry,
what is that?
Still no different than a kid.
You just don't know the words.
Yeah, you're frustrated, butyou don't know how to articulate
(12:12):
the emotions that you're goingthrough right now.
Right, and so when we realizethat if we talk to each other
again, like this space, likehere, we talk more about our
emotions, man, people will builda connection and then we'll
start building the blackcommunity back, but until then,
it's everyone for themselves.
Speaker 4 (12:31):
So do you find that there are, specifically with men
in general, what you justdescribed?
It sounds almost a bitphilosophical.
I hear the truth in it, right,but what about the person you
know who would make the argumentlike no, I'm not angry or
ashamed or dealing with anythingin my past.
I'm mad at you right nowbecause you did this exact thing
(12:52):
.
Sometimes is it just what it is, or is there always something
behind the emotion, based on howthe person reacts?
Speaker 1 (12:59):
There's always something behind it, so I can't
give all my trade secrets, but,uh, you know.
So, um, there's a um, you gotbuilt for that.
Yeah, I do.
Um, it's called the angericeberg, right, this is just a
foundation, and when you seeanger, again it's just a tip of
the iceberg.
We know that the iceberg is uphere, but underneath the water
(13:20):
there's a lot more, down there,right?
So again, we have the shame,the guilt.
We have to address these thingsand I'm like, okay, you can be
mad at me, cool.
And then I show them the words.
There's 21 words, brother,please let me know what it is.
What did I do?
And if you can tell me exactlywhat I did, cool, you know, now
we can have dialogue, but if youdon't know the words to
(13:42):
articulate, how can you say thatGood point, good point.
Speaker 3 (13:46):
If I could add on to that part.
One of the things, just likeBrother Bell was just saying, is
that a lot of times when peopleare triggered, are put into a
certain situation, as I like tosay, a setback.
I've heard from apsychotherapist that says that
is healing inside that hasn'ttaken place, because if we've
(14:08):
healed, that's like he talksabout what's under that iceberg.
Speaker 5 (14:11):
Right.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
You know, and that's where a lot of times we may get
to the root.
But until we truly get to theseed of what's causing us that
reaction, then we're going tocontinue to have those mental
health challenges.
But that's where, even if weback up taking care of your
mental health and another phrasethat I like to say is mental
(14:33):
health fitness what are we doingfor our mental health fitness?
And part of that is thataccountability, as well as that
acknowledgement of anychallenges that we may have.
And the reality is that we allstill suffer from grief.
You know, we all still havecertain burnout, as you talked
(14:53):
about, with jobs, anxiety andthose sorts of things.
But just because you have thosethings doesn't necessarily mean
you have a mental illness.
But it still takes our mentalhealth fitness to make sure that
, when those things arise, thatwe don't get, as I call it,
stuck.
(15:14):
Because for me, as diagnosedbipolar depressed and was a
30-year alcoholic, if I don't dothe work and continuously do
the work on my healing journeyand I'm going to be honest, I
fell short not too long ago,very recent, where I wasn't
doing the work that I needed todo for my mental health and I
started feeling stuck again.
(15:35):
So I had to get back to thosethings that kept me.
Well, it's kind of like goingto the gym.
You know you're going to workout to be stronger, but if you
stop going you might lose someof your strength.
Yeah, and when that next blowhits you, somebody comes up and
they come on, man, come on, man,tighten up, tighten up.
And they grab you.
You can't handle them the sameway.
So what you got to do, you gotto make sure you go back into
(15:57):
the gym.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
But then my other thing is is like mental health
shouldn't stop when you got overan anger spout with your wife
or something went wrong at work.
I'm trying to paint a pictureof you can't stop loving on
yourself, you can't stopproviding that space of peace
for yourself, because when thatstop, then everything else
(16:33):
crumbles on top of you.
So, um, when you're pushingthrough, like let's say
something, going on at work andsaying, damn, I'm going through
all this shit.
It's been two weeks I've beengetting tasks over tasks over
tasks and it's building up, it'sbuilding up, and then I get a
sense of relief and I'm like,okay, I'm done right.
(16:53):
But it shouldn't be that youshould create healthy habits for
yourself to continue yourmental stability journey.
Because, just like what Scootersaid said, if you go to the gym
and you're working out, workingout, working out, and you get
the results and then you stopgoing, results go away the
results go away, you know whatI'm saying.
(17:15):
So you have to consistentlybuild healthy habits to maintain
your mental, mental health tohelp your brothers out.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
This is especially with burnout.
I had to realize that becauseme and my family, we are giving
people and I had to realize thatI had to stop pouring into
people.
Now hear me out when I say thatyou're like wait a minute?
Wait a minute I'm alwayssupposed to pour into people
yeah, but but listen, here's howyou're actually supposed to do
(17:45):
this.
We got to stop pouring intopeople and understanding that
when you understand that youhave boundaries and things of
that nature, people are supposedto catch the overflow.
See, people are not fillingthemselves up first, right.
If I'm happy.
Speaker 4 (18:00):
That was deep.
Say that again.
It took me a second to catch it.
Listen, yeah.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
So understand, we have to stop pouring into people
.
We must fill ourselves first,right, and then everyone else
catches the overflow.
Because if you're already happy, you're doing everything that
you're doing right You're goingto the gym, you're reading,
you're going to work, you'retaking care of the family right,
you're still pouring intoyourself.
(18:24):
So when you walk outside, youshould have a be in a good mood
and whatever happens is alwaysit's not gonna hurt you.
Yeah, because you alreadyfilled yourself up first.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
that makes sense, it makes sense yeah, that's, that's
definitely spot on, you know.
You know what I also say?
To add on to that what thatdon't wait till your cup goes
empty to fill it up, man.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
I mean we always trying to refill, say my cup
empty, I got the refill.
No, we should be refilling,right?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
That's that mental health fitness, and that part is
your choice, that part is yourchoice.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
Yes, All right.
So I got a question.
I'm a layman and I'm going toask for a lot of people.
First, I want to touch on whatyou said a little earlier.
Scooter man.
Congrats, man, for everythingyou've overcome, everything
you've gone through.
Brother.
That's extremely commendableand people listening to this.
That's an example.
But the other thing is I hearphysical fitness.
I understand that.
Do some pushups or some sit-ups.
I get it Makes sense.
(19:19):
I can maintain that.
Four or five days a week orfive days a week, Mental health
or mental fitness, as labeled byScooter here, what does that
mean?
What is doing the work everyday mean?
What does that look like?
I can't wake up and do mentalpush-ups.
So what does that mentally looklike to me?
Speaker 1 (19:32):
Man therapy counseling right, Because
there's some real deepconversations that have to be
had.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
So should everybody be on some kind of counseling
and therapy Can?
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I be 100% honest, please, for real.
Yeah, absolutely Cool.
Everybody has a diagnosis.
Can we really go here?
Everybody has a diagnosis right.
It's either you know what yourdiagnosis is because you've been
assessed and you know it, oryou go undiagnosed, right, but
when you come see a therapist,guess what the first thing we do
(20:05):
Figure it out and give you adiagnosis.
Everybody has one, yeah, butthe thing is most people don't
know how to point it out.
Now, especially when we talkabout autism.
Right, boy, I can really gointo this, but we have a lot of
autistic people that arehigh-functioning, autistic
people who are the geniuses, andone of my businesses is you
(20:26):
know, you are brilliant, tellingyoung black boys and girls,
right, that they're brilliant,but they don't know it because,
guess what, their families don'tknow what brilliancy looks like
.
However, if you can understandthat, if somebody is a DJ, if
you break down what a DJ does inthe moment in the surroundings,
you're like it's a special typeof person.
(20:48):
Right, you got two turntables,so you're using your left and
your right brain and you'reusing your left and your right
hand.
Sometimes you're using yourfeet, using your brain as your
metrodome.
Right, you got to think aheadof what you're about to mix.
Yeah, you like like mergingthese things, these these
(21:10):
different components of life,really make us who we really are
, and understanding that.
If you look at Robert Kennedy,he wants this autism registry
right, right.
It's for a reason.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
People for a reason, so I don't watch the news enough
.
So I have no clue what you'retalking about here.
Speaker 1 (21:21):
So yeah, right now Robert Kennedy is trying to get
a national autism registry.
So those who are alreadydiagnosed with autism, of course
the states have those Again meworking in the state funding a
nonprofit, so he would get thatinformation, say this person
here has autism, this personhere has autism, gotcha has
(21:41):
autism.
Speaker 5 (21:42):
This person here has autism.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
If you understand autism and how to work within it
and how it is a superpower, youcan look for me on
oakandgraycom and, yeah, I canhelp you point those things out.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Let me tell you from a peer perspective, even though
we all peers, because, like hesaid, everybody got something
going on.
For me, my mental healthfitness includes number one
sleeping.
I got to make sure, if I know weall peers because, like he said
, everybody got something goingon.
Yes, we do right.
For me, my mental healthfitness includes number one
sleeping.
I gotta make sure, if I don'tsleep, I'm not gonna function,
I'm gonna be agitated.
Number two is breathingintentionally, not just when I'm
upset, to get the oxygenflowing to my brain okay.
(22:21):
Number three is meditation.
I gotta receive my instructionsthrough the spirit and get out
my head.
So meditation.
And meditation doesn't have tolook like me sitting, the indian
style meditation for me is atnight, every night, listening to
meditation frequencies as I'msleeping to calm my mind.
Okay, number four is exerciseand activity.
(22:42):
You ain't gonna find me in nogym, but you might find me at
yoga.
You might see me get themassage.
You might see me go to theesthetician taking a hike,
whatever it may be, but justhaving some intentional
exercises and activities in mylife, I call them woosah moments
.
And number five, like he saidtherapy.
Therapist, therapeutic, notproblematic, once we start
(23:04):
realizing that therapy is ourmental health life coach yeah
and even if it's not a therapist, if it's a peer, a peer coach,
yeah, if it's a peer group, justsomething that keeps you
focused on your mental health,keep something positive being
fed.
That's mental health fitness,you know.
But the reality is my mentalhealth fitness.
But the reality is my mentalhealth fitness may look
(23:26):
different than yours.
True, because that's what wehave to realize is that
everybody's okay is different.
We can't put each other in thebox.
We can't put a black man in thebox of what is going to make
him successful with his mentalhealth, because each one of us
is unique and each one of us ismade individually through the
(23:47):
spirit.
The way I got sober ain't theway that somebody else gonna get
sober, and I can't give theanswers, but I can share my
experiences and give them hopethat's it and as long as I keep
showing up, even in settingslike this, when I'm sharing my
story, this strengthens me, butthat's a part of that.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Mental health fitness that that was really powerful
and that's what I was asking fora practical answer, because not
everyone has either the funds,therapy is not free Right, or
the time.
I can't take the time.
I can't sit around for an hour,an hour and a half.
Some people feel guilty aboutit.
It's almost like I'm just goingto sit for an hour and a half
and not do work when I, myfamily needs X, y and Z, but you
(24:25):
just dropped some crazy gemshere and people can go back and
rewind and listen to this,because you talked about four
things before you even got totherapy, that they can be doing,
that are very practical, thatanybody could do on their own
right now.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
I got to push back just a little bit on that time
thing.
Speaker 4 (24:43):
Go ahead, go ahead.
I know.
Speaker 3 (24:45):
Because, you know, we all make time for what we want.
Yeah, but we don't make time forwhat we need, ok, and as you
talk about the professionalthat's working, guess what?
We got benefits.
Everybody's benefits may lookdifferently, but our health
insurance's benefits is not likecar insurance.
(25:06):
We don't save that foremergencies.
We supposed to use that so thatwe can be healthy and
maintained.
So one of the things that I wasdoing when I was working as a
pharmaceutical rep for 25 yearsI looked into my benefits.
Therapy Therapy is a part ofyour benefits.
(25:27):
Sometimes they give you extrabenefits on top of that.
That's a medical appointment,just like you got to go to the
doctor, just like you got to goto the dentist, massage,
chiropractor, physical therapy.
Check your benefits, becausewhat I would do is I would put
it on the calendar just like itwas a medical appointment.
Then it's not looking like Idon't have time to do it.
(25:50):
It's a necessity to do it.
But it goes back to thataccountability.
I took my mental healthseriously and I realized what I
needed to do to do the work tohelp me stay well, and nobody
else couldn't do that for me.
That goes back to pouring intoothers before you pour into
yourself, and one of my goodbrothers shared with me one time
(26:11):
and I always carry this with meabout putting my oxygen mask on
first.
Yeah, even even on the airplanethey say before you even put
your kids oxygen mask on, putyour oxygen mask on first.
Yeah, I still have to checkmyself on that.
Speaker 1 (26:26):
Yeah, checking myself is part of mental health
fitness as well yeah, Ichallenged you, brothers, right,
this is one thing that I workwith clients and it's the actual
time study.
You can go out on google andprint it out.
It'll basically breakeverything down daily, hourly.
If you actually go in and startputting your time slots for
(26:47):
when you get up, when you got toleave out of the house, you
know when you get to work, whattime you get off work, that time
, from the time you get off workto the time that you go to bed,
how are you really fulfillingyour time?
Because you have time.
We just not using it at, youknow, at its maximum peak.
And so if you really do a timestudy about your actual day and
(27:07):
how you go about your week, youwill find out that you have a
lot more time than you reallythink.
But if you go ahead and do thesleep study and get your
schedule knocked out, you'llbecome very proficient.
Can I add to that?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
This goes out to all of my veterans out there in the
military right, Marine Corps inspecific.
Before we went on missions,before we went in training, we
always sat down in a room.
We had a whiteboard of what's onthat mission laid it out and in
the military we always hadhealth benefits.
So you know, if you go into med, call or hey, something
(27:41):
mentally wrong, you're going toget evaluated, that type of
thing.
But but when you get out, noone's telling you to go x, y and
z.
And for the longest I was usedto that structured.
And when I got out that disccrumbled, you stopped, it
stopped.
So now I was getting more angry, I was just getting more
depressed and all this otherstuff.
And of course you know, um, youknow I had to go see someone.
(28:03):
So I went to the VA and got acounselor and it was like, yeah,
you're suffering from majordepression and anxiety.
Have you ever thought aboutthat?
And I was like, nah, so it gotdeeper into you know, my
childhood and all this otherstuff.
But today I use my whole wallas my schedule.
And like where you was talkingabout that time study, I always
(28:26):
do every day a time study whattasks I need to get done today,
my family needs needs me afterwork, so I have to get these
specific things priorities donebefore I can be off.
That takes all of the pressureyeah off of me.
If you can visually seeeverything laid out and not try
(28:46):
to keep everything in your mind,I feel like that is a great
benefit to practice good mentalhealth management.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
Yeah, because when you miss something and you
remember it later on and you'relike damn, I didn't take care of
this, then you're beating up onyourself.
Speaker 2 (28:59):
Yeah, and it piles up .
Speaker 4 (29:01):
I got to take better care of myself, and I'm telling
you because I fail myself everysingle day Some of you just
mentioned a little while ago Iremember as a sales manager,
right, I was doing this for along time.
I would train my team and Iwould tell them there's 100, I
believe it's 168 hours in a week.
So what we did is we basicallybroke it down 40 hours for work,
right, and we even went to 60.
60.
Then you take a couple hours toeat, grooming, take care of
(29:23):
yourself and things like that,some time with family, dinner
time, leisure time and we stillleft a whole bunch of hours that
were just wide open, and what Iwould get onto them about is
obviously at the time I wasn'tthinking mental health I was
like this is when you becomebetter, you know, this is when
you train.
This is when you do your roleplay and you go back and forth
(29:44):
and go through your books forself-development and things like
that.
But you're right, we have thetime.
We just need to prioritize thisin a way and, to your point,
just put it on the calendar,because I'll go through so many
days when I just like in my head, I have to call this client,
edit the podcast.
It just piles up and piles upand piles up and it compounds to
by the end of the week.
You're like if.
(30:06):
I can just erase everything andstart over and not feel like a
failure.
I would.
Speaker 1 (30:11):
Yeah, I mean you again.
Making these small adjustments,you'll really figure out that
you have a lot more time foryour family as well.
Right, you can be moreintentional with date night.
Right, you can go home tomorrow.
Baby, guess what?
We need to come out with a date.
What day or how many times arewe going to meet for dinner
(30:31):
every week?
Put it on the books, leave itthere First priority.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
I've been fucking up.
Yeah, I get it.
I've been there too.
Speaker 1 (30:43):
It's accountability, right.
But think about it.
If you say to your wife or asignificant other hey, guess
what?
Every other Tuesday at 7o'clock you need to be dressed
right here.
Now, if you decide to go outand do something else outside of
our date night, there's goingto be a penalty.
But you guys get to have funwith stuff like that, right,
come up with.
The penalty is you know,somebody got to cook breakfast
(31:03):
or whatever it may be, but makeit fun.
But you got to be intentionalwith those date night times for
yourself, your wife, the kids.
Again, I say for yourself, thewife and the kids, for yourself.
Speaker 4 (31:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:16):
For yourself.
Yeah, this goes back intomaking sure you pour into
yourself so that your family andeveryone else catches the
overflow.
Speaker 4 (31:24):
I got a question for you guys.
So and I know this is not atherapy session but how do you
deal with the, as men, wedefinitely face being inadequate
, because there are things thatwe want to do, there are things
that we want to accomplish andwe never feel it's enough.
Are there certain mentalexercises, affirmations or
(31:45):
different ways of approachingthings where you can stop
feeling less than Because I justkind of feel that I'm not doing
enough or whatever I'm doing isjust not working out?
Speaker 1 (31:56):
Great question.
I was just talking to a 27 yearold yesterday and he's, you
know, used to be a footballplayer and he stopped playing
football and he's trying to findhimself and he wants to date.
And I'm like, dude, you need tofind yourself.
So to answer your question, yougotta know your purpose, listen
.
Your purpose drives you towhere you're going.
(32:20):
For the single people that maybe listening to, especially the
single men, the only way mostwomen are going to follow you is
if you have a purpose.
We can go back to the BibleAdam had a purpose, right.
Job had a purpose, jesus had apurpose.
They walked.
They purpose right.
Most of us are walking thisworld, lost in the wilderness.
So the first thing I would sayis find your purpose, know the
(32:43):
direction that you're going into, because there's going to be
some anxiety, there may be somedepression, but if you
understand, you got to takeaccountability for your purpose
and your drive.
That's all on you, damn okay.
Find your passion, yeah.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Your passion is this podcast, man, because you were
in podcast for what?
Six, seven months.
This is month number six, soyou've been doing very well.
Like you went from zero to 100real quick.
You know, listening to yourshows, I'm like man and you say
you was, you know, kind ofstruggling with public speaking,
but your speaking is just likeoff the charts, like I'm trying
(33:22):
to get back to a better publicspeaker when I was in the Marine
Corps, talking to Marines andstuff like that.
But I think this concentratingon your passion, the passion is
consistent because you'll neverget tired of doing it.
And next thing, you know youfound your purpose.
Your purpose is to preach tothese young black people.
(33:43):
You're not alone.
Alone you can do it, givingthem words of affirmation.
Your show is like that beaconthat people can come to to find
guidance in their life.
So if you feel like, hey, youknow I'm not, I feel like I'm
not doing enough, look where youare right now.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.
So be thankful for the timethat you have on this earth in
(34:04):
this present moment.
Appreciate that, kelly.
Speaker 1 (34:06):
Real quick, and then you can ask.
I just want to say the samething.
Like the very first time beinga musician, when I heard the
last podcast you know what I'msaying when LaJoy sent it to me,
I was like yo this man's audiois clean, because I do the audio
at my church and it's funnybecause I'm like my audio is
perfect, yours is.
You got to understand thatbecause your pitch is the way
(34:29):
that it is, which meaning thatthe word is getting out in the
purity that it's supposed to getinto.
Appreciate that, thank you.
Speaker 3 (34:37):
I was just going to say.
One of my other favoritephrases is my purpose is my
peace.
You might disrupt me for themoment, but you're not going to
disrupt my peace.
So when you talk about thosechallenges and understanding and
not feeling enough, you knowwe've been trained mind, body,
spirit.
Why in the world do we put thespirit at?
Speaker 1 (35:02):
the end, I don't know , go ahead, we're going to talk
about it.
Go it, go ahead, you know.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
But the thing about it is is that when I talk about
that meditation okay, and beingspirit led, then that eases my
mind through all thefrustrations and it helps me to
make the decisions that alignwith my purpose, with my body.
And so I think, as we talk abouta lot of these things around
(35:26):
mental health versus mentalillness, programming versus
reprogramming, we can even go toconscious versus unconscious,
but either way, the thing aboutit is is that once we get out of
our heads, have thataccountability, as we talked
about, and understanding thatyou know what, and and then also
understanding are the thingsthat I'm thinking, that I want,
(35:50):
that are for me, is that more ofa external want versus an
internal need, because you know,I I know people that have done
well and I'm gonna use catering,for example.
All right, I'm not a caterer,but there'll be great caterers.
And then they want a restaurant, but then the restaurant
doesn't go the way they want itto, and then I have to remind
(36:13):
them do you remember the specialtouch that you used to give
families and people as being acaterer?
You know, we all have a specialgift and that's our purpose,
and when we understand what ourgift is, I won't say all
frustrations go away, but I'dsay the majority of them have
gone away for me, just becauseI've understood my purpose
(36:33):
greater yeah, scoot, I want togo back to when we talk about
this mind, body, and well, it isthe soul, the spirit, and the
mind and the body.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
See, people want to separate this and of course, in
the Bible we'll go here.
I give it to you First, that'sThessalonians 5 and 23, which is
one of my scriptures that I use.
Do I know of verbatim?
I don't Not going to lie to you, because I got too much other
stuff right.
Because I'm not a Bible thumperlike that.
But people have to understandwe believe that the soul, we
(37:05):
need to go to church for thesoul.
That's wrong.
There's a word in Greek, a psi,which is soul right, which is a
root word for psychology.
So how can we put something,especially with the church,
that's in your spirit, so yourmind and your spirit are one,
right?
Just like I can say thesethings out loud, but I can also
(37:26):
close my mouth and still say thesame things in my head.
So, your mind and your spiritare one, when you really start
understanding that they are one.
And your soul is the counseling, and then you're working on
your body.
If you're doing those threethings at least three or four
times a day, you're talkingabout it, says it, you will find
peace.
Until Jesus comes, it says it'sin there.
Your mind and your spirit areone.
Your body and your soul.
Speaker 4 (37:48):
That's powerful stuff .
So my son's 13 and I juststarted taking him to the gym.
So this is more or less his wayof life for the rest of his
life Because, like we talkedabout, you don't use it, you
lose it, right.
So he's going to keep it up,hopefully, right?
So how early should I start hismental fitness?
You know?
(38:08):
I mean, like, you have theseteenagers, they go through
things, what I've always said,they just being teenagers and
they are looking for themselves,but how early do we intervene
and say he or she needs this?
Speaker 3 (38:22):
I'm just going to tell you from personal
experience.
My son is already proactivelyin therapy and he's been in
therapy for over a year.
And he's eight years old.
Ok, for two reasons.
Number number one that's hislife coach.
Also, that's my coach.
As a parent, I'm generationsremoved from my son.
What happens is we, as parents,think we know what's best, but
(38:46):
then we're still parenting outof trauma.
Yeah, and I jokingly said butI'm serious.
I said we all have p PTSD.
It's called parenting becauseour parents only our parents
only parent what they know andthat's of the past.
Yeah, so now when my son wantsto do something, I could say
(39:07):
let's ask your therapist, and myson loves to go to his
therapist.
But the key thing to that isit's already broken the stigma.
Okay, so if he does have anychallenges that arise, he
already has a life coach inplace, a therapist, to help him
with those problems, versus metrying to figure out, okay, how
is he going to feel, or even mefeeling as though I don't want
(39:30):
them to know everything that'sbeen going on.
So what I say is every childwhen they start school
especially because we as parentshave the least amount of time
with our kids to have the bestopportunity for them to be the
best that they can be, and notwhat we want them to be give
your child a therapist.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
Yeah, again, it depends on the child and how
they're moving.
One thing that parents don'trealize and I learned this when
I was in school from zero tofive, your kids can't talk, but
they see everything, but itcould be traumatic to them, but
they can't tell you because theycan't talk, can't talk.
The things that we do aroundour kids are traumatic and you
(40:12):
wonder, when they start talking,why they get not.
They've watched you for years,you know, do whatever you did in
front of them and it's a scarysituation.
So these kids are most of themare lost, right, that's why they
have hoodies.
Speaker 2 (40:24):
So again eight years old.
Oh man what.
Speaker 5 (40:29):
Wait okay, so let's go here right Explain that.
Speaker 4 (40:32):
It's funny.
Speaker 1 (40:33):
I started sitting down thinking about it.
Speaker 4 (40:35):
I love hoodies.
Speaker 1 (40:35):
I get it, but it's a way for you to hide.
Speaker 4 (40:38):
Yeah, really For the kids.
They're hiding.
That's so interesting they'rehiding.
Okay, here's like this Becausemy son we were living in Florida
dude.
It's always hot and he wouldwear hoodies.
And now I will always say himand all of his friends they're
walking around, it's 100 degreesin florida and they got hoodies
on.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Yeah so here's how you gotta look at it, right?
If I'm this highly intelligentkid and I live in the hood and
I've never seen anyone get outof the hood, all I know is to, I
don't know how to act.
My friends that I grew up withthink I'm.
They probably think that I'mbetter than them.
Are you too smart for your owngood type thing?
Right, or you're gonna beoutcast.
(41:18):
So most of the kids now wearhoodies.
So they wearing hoodies to hide.
My nephew just told me thislike he's like man, I wear the
hoodie cuz I don't know who I am.
Wow, they have locks, yeah, cuzthey can hide and I need them.
Speaker 4 (41:31):
That's a lot of self-awareness for a young man
because I mean, I just thoughtit was just style is something
they did early on and eventuallygrew out of it.
Although I still wear hoodiesagain, I get it, it's
comfortable for us too.
Speaker 1 (41:44):
Sometimes I hide.
I mean we got beards, ourbeards are hiding Like really
serious.
Most men didn't get attentionuntil hey, I like beers.
I like salt and pepper beers.
So now I'm going to put thebeard on.
Speaker 5 (41:55):
I'm out here.
You know what I'm saying but,it's really not you.
Speaker 4 (41:58):
You know what I'm saying it's a comfort thing.
I was sexy either way, bro.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
But yeah, they're hiding man and it's sad because
we sit back and we talk aboutthem like they out here, it's 90
degrees, they out here, it's 90degrees, but they're hiding.
We hid at one point in time.
Yeah, so eight years old for meas a therapist, that's too
young for me to work with.
I work with adolescents.
So once you get about 12, 13years old, now we can sit down
(42:25):
and talk.
Now I can see and ask youquestions about what your future
looks like.
Speaker 4 (42:29):
It seems to me that this particular generation of 10
to 18 years old, I feel likethey're from a different planet,
you know, because my kids.
They range in age where I wasable to connect to the older
ones more than I can connect tomy younger ones.
Right, what advice would yougive to a parent within the
realm of mental health, tobetter connect and not just
(42:50):
judge them?
The realm of mental health tobetter connect and not just
judge them, because I wouldcriticize, I would think in my
head what the hell's wrong withyou guys, the way you act, the
way you move.
They seem to be in dreamland.
I'll tell my son man, take yourhead out of the clouds.
And I've said some things where,now that we're having this
conversation, I'm rethinking,I'm going damn.
(43:15):
I missed a lot of cues and alot of opportunities to address
something that, because he'sreally quiet, he's an introvert
by nature and it's hard to reachin and grab that stuff.
So parents like myself and Iguess a lot of parents out there
because if you're raising a 13year old in 2025, how do you
reach those kids in that worldeasy?
Speaker 1 (43:30):
man?
Very easy.
I ask them about, like you said, social media.
How much social media are youon?
Oh, five hours, six hours a day, somewhere around there.
It's about to be summertime.
We talked about purpose, right?
How can you sit down?
And this is me as an adult.
I have a 19-year-old.
Well, she'll be 19 in August,right?
I say, how can you watchsomebody's purpose on social
(43:53):
media and you even thought aboutyours?
You're giving somebody all thisenergy and you ain't even
thought about yourself, right?
I ask him again how do you wantto live If it's up to you, the
average man lives about 72, 75.
Let's think about 65 in today'sday.
When you get 65, are you?
Did you put the work in?
(44:14):
See, we don't never think aboutthe end.
That's where the anxiety comesfrom.
We all, we see the end.
Did you do the work to get whatyou wanted so that you can have
the life that you wanted tolive?
If you haven't thought aboutthat and got there, we got some
work to do what's a practicalapproach, because I don't want
to come off as lecturing sitdown, talk, talk to him.
He's you.
(44:34):
How would you talk to youryounger?
See, and this goes back intothe healing part Some of us need
to have conversation with ouryounger selves to heal, so that
it can fit the broken adult inyou and you can start moving
Right.
So just sit down and talk tohim, have an open conversation.
The thing that gives them whatyou didn't get the thing that
gives them what you didn't get,the thing that most of us, as
(44:57):
men, we won't get right thestories from if we grew up in a
single parent household, you'reonly going to get one side of
the story most times right.
You know what I'm saying At theend of your parent is not here
right Now.
You definitely can't get thatstory, and so it's a lot of men
and women out here that arestuck because there are
conversations that need to behad and they can't Just be open
with them.
You want them to talk.
I'm telling you, if you don'thave that conversation now and
(45:18):
start building it when you putthem in therapy, I tell all my
parents they're coming to talkto you and if they're coming to
talk to you, please be open,Because if you shut them down,
then you're going to lose themto me, and I don't want that.
You know what I'm saying, Causenow that I already got 30, 40,
50, 600, you know a hundredclients that I'm dealing with
when all you had to do is takethe accountability and say you
(45:39):
know what I need to talk to myson, Son, how can I help you?
Speaker 4 (45:43):
Yeah, that's super strong.
Super strong, do you get?
Speaker 3 (45:58):
involved, scooter, when your son is going to
therapy.
I'm pretty sure in the firstsession or two you were there
there, but do you just get outof the space now?
Do you could just get out ofthe way and let him talk to his
therapist, or do you staythrough the session?
Oh no, no he's.
He's always had the freedom toexpress himself with his
therapist so you're not there,I'm not there no no, no, no, I
mean, I don't, I don't want tobe there.
I want him to have that trustfactor.
Uh, same way, when I'm talkingwith people, you know, if I'm
dealing with a young man, I haveto let them know.
Hey, you can feel open to sharewith me, and I'm not going to
(46:21):
go back and tell your parent,you know.
But one of the things thatBrother Bell mentioned, though,
was that parents have tounderstand the process as well,
and that's where thataccountability comes in, because
what can happen is thetherapist can talk to the child
I could talk to the parent orthe child but if the parent
still goes back into the sameenvironment and there is no
(46:42):
change, then everything isfalling on deaf ears.
Yeah, and that's why I say, youknow, for me having him
proactively, but then I alsothat accountability of what is
in me, or what was in me thatcan be in my child, because what
I see is, when we look at theseintergenerational traumas we
look at a lot of times.
(47:02):
We talk about the externalbehaviors, but what's being
birthed into our children?
And if we have generations andgenerations of unbirthed trauma,
that's one of the reasons whymy son is proactively in therapy
, because I'm bipolar, 30 yearalcoholic.
I don't want to be reactive andif there are things that we
know about ourselves, especiallythat weren't healed before we
(47:26):
gave birth, that's our seed.
We want to jump up and saythat's my seed, that's my seed.
But do we really think about?
Speaker 4 (47:32):
what's in that seed's in that sea?
Speaker 3 (47:34):
yeah, and that's why I tell parents you can't cuss
fuss, I beat you out your childoh say that again wait hold on
say that again you can't cussfuss for the people in the back.
You can't cuss fuss, I beat youout your child, it's birth into
them.
Yeah, so we have to give themthe tools.
When we talk about what wedidn't have, I grew up with both
(47:57):
parents.
I grew up very privileged, butthere were some other adverse
childhood experiences thathappened that molded my mind
through my life, and when peopleask me, well, what could your
parents have done differently?
I say the only thing they couldhave possibly done was get me a
therapist.
Yeah, because that, like yousay, there's some things that we
do miss, some things that wewant to miss in our kids because
(48:20):
we see it, but then we have, wetry to handle it our way and
it's time to let go of some ofthis.
Our way, our way, you knowexactly what's crazy?
Speaker 4 (48:28):
my parents you know they are four children, three
boys, one girl and I see myfather in all of us.
My father had a lot of mentalissues.
We had not talked in a longtime, all the way through his
death, and that was due to a lotof the way he handled things
and it affected me greatly.
I would watch myself at timesand recognize something that's
(48:49):
broken and I'd be like that's mydad and I'd see it.
It's not clinically diagnosed,because I haven't been to a
therapist to get it clinicallydiagnosed, but I I'm smart
enough to know what it is, soI'll go.
Yeah, yeah, I'm like I knowthis and I've heard the term, so
I'm like I recognize this.
So what I'm having to do isoutside of therapy for now.
(49:11):
I'm not going to let it win.
So this is how I'm going todeal with it, because I saw what
it did to my dad and I saw howit affected his family.
So I try to have a holisticapproach.
I go back to my spirit.
I try not to be higher thanthat.
I see my two brothers and I seewhat they deal with.
If you want to piss my brotheroff, tell him he's acting like
his dad, tell him he's actinglike his dad.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Tell him he'll want to fight you.
Speaker 4 (49:33):
That's not me, man, I'm like you're doing the angry
thing right now You're pissedoff.
You want to fight.
Speaker 5 (49:39):
You got this.
Speaker 4 (49:39):
Napoleon complex.
Speaker 3 (49:40):
AMG strong.
Speaker 4 (49:40):
Yeah, man, I'm telling you, I'm like, and I see
it, he'll fight anybody.
I'm like dude, that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (49:47):
When you think about your therapist and a therapist,
it's a relationship.
It's almost like dating yourcounselor, like you really have
to because that person is goingto give you the advice and it
may be unfiltered.
You have to trust them becausewhen you bring something to you
know, bring something to yourcounselor, you want them to put
(50:07):
you in the right direction andso make sure that that person
you get along with them, becausethey're going to be along your
ride.
They're not your best friend,they're not your person that you
call your cousin or aunties orsomething like that.
This person, you know 100%, hasyour best interest at heart and
(50:28):
they're going to help you getthere.
But you got to take theaccountability because as
therapists, our job is to notwork harder than you.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
OK, that's good, All right, so we got Ash, one of the
barbers, over here.
Man, go ahead, ash.
What's your question, brother?
Speaker 5 (50:41):
OK, I had a question real quick about what y'all were
talking about is basicallydoing preventative maintenance.
So you got a situation.
You don't basically wait untilthe situation arises.
You do preventative maintenanceto keep yourself from going to
a place like where you used togo mentally.
What are some of the tools thatyou can use to help you, to
(51:01):
check, to see where you are?
Speaker 4 (51:03):
That's a question for one of those two guys right
here, and I'm not
Speaker 5 (51:06):
trying to.
I'm not trying to get a therapysession, but it is a spark in
my brain.
So I don't want to at least ask?
Speaker 4 (51:12):
Appreciate your question brother, yeah, yeah,
but it just sparked in my brainso I wanted to at least ask.
Speaker 1 (51:14):
Appreciate your question, brother.
Yeah, yeah, that's a goodquestion.
Okay, the best thing to do?
You have to find your structureand really what your purpose is
.
Right, You're doing positivethings or you're growing your
business.
You know that's in the positivelight in your life, right?
So move towards there.
But you got to plan it.
We can't keep doing this.
I'm a free spirit, Free.
You got to plan it.
We can't keep doing this.
I'm a free spirit, Free spirit.
(51:34):
Don't get too far in life.
There's never I don't thinkthere's been a millionaire out
here that has no structure, theydon't have a goal.
So you start finding yourstructure.
We talked about it a little bitearlier with the time study.
Right, really, look at how youare really spending every single
hour of your day, from the timethat you wake up to the time
(51:55):
that you go to bed, and look atthe times where you're not doing
anything, where you can be alot more productive.
I don't know, you can beselling merch, you can be, you
know, expanding out however youwant to, maybe going back to
school or something like that.
Speaker 4 (52:12):
Figure that out but you got to make the time and the
space for it.
Speaker 3 (52:13):
You want to add to that Scooter?
I was just going to say, Ash,we're going to make sure you get
in contact with Brothers BrunchFoundation, brother, because
that's what we do.
We help you get kickstarted ona new mental health and
self-care journey, so we'regoing to look out for you.
Okay, my brother.
Speaker 2 (52:25):
I say last words for me is have patience with
yourself and trust your process.
I created a image for myself.
I wrote down what Kelly isgoing to look like in five years
or 10 years and I wrote thatdown.
Stick to that process.
It's not going to be overnight.
You're not going to see sixpack abs overnight.
You're not going to see, youknow, big biceps overnight.
(52:49):
You're going to have to stickto your process.
And what Ash was talking aboutwhen you get knocked off course,
how do you get back on course?
Just remember your goal, yourpurpose and keep it rolling
Scooter.
Speaker 3 (53:01):
I guess I'll close this out.
I want everybody to understandthat this mental health fitness
journey is a holistic approachwith a W.
It's just like a pie If youtake out one piece, it's not
whole anymore.
So we got to make sure thatwe're doing the work.
We talked about therapy, wetalked about meditation, we
talked about sleep and I thinkone of the key things we talked
(53:25):
about is accountability overalland purpose.
Before we close out, I want toleave y'all with a few steps
that might be helpful for you totake, and if anybody needs me
to send this to them, Idefinitely will.
Number one choose one self-carepractice to start this week, as
we talked about.
We all have time.
(53:46):
We just got to take it forourselves.
Number two find anaccountability brother or
partner to check in with.
We all need somebody that's anaccountability partner, but I'll
tell you, the bestaccountability partner is a
therapist.
I ain't going to lie Schedule atherapy, a peer support session
, Even if you don't go totherapy.
We got Brothers BrunchFoundation.
(54:07):
We got other organizationsaround Metro, atl and right here
in Douglasville that we can tapinto to continuously get some
support.
Write down one thing you'rehealing from, getting to the
seed of what has been causing usthe most pain, which also
causes us the reactions that wemay not want to have.
Share this conversation withsomebody else.
(54:29):
Y'all might not realize it, butme coming in, having these
conversations and talking onthese podcasts and different
things this is healing for me.
The more we talk about it, themore we're not suffering in
silence and that's what happensis we suffer in silence so much.
And, last but not least, justset a realistic mental health
goal that you can track.
(54:50):
If it's having that list ofthose things and wondering when
you're off so that you can getback on track.
If it's making sure that you'redoing your therapy once a month
and if you miss it, you knowyou're not on track.
If it's going to the gym,whatever it may be anything that
can help you with your mentalhealth.
Please make sure let's take theaction, set the goals and let's
(55:11):
be successful on our mentalhealth and self-care journeys.
Speaker 4 (55:15):
That's what's up.
That's awesome, kelly.
How did they find you brother?
Speaker 2 (55:18):
So you can follow me on IG, kelly W Saunders, and
then also have a nonprofitcalled ETS Elevate Transitioning
Service Members.
If you're a veteran and you'relooking to transition out of
service or you need a supportgroup, we're a partner with the
veteran support group.
This organization helpsveterans obtain their disability
(55:40):
benefits for free.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
So you can find me at oakandgraycom that is my life
coaching at the moment and youalso can find me on Instagram is
?
Im am dot mr.
That's mr mr.
Make it make sense.
I am cut and dry, right, so I'mgonna make it make sense.
So I am dot mr.
(56:03):
Make it make sense.
That's what's up, man scooter.
Speaker 4 (56:07):
How did he find you, your organization?
Speaker 3 (56:09):
tell us about it all right, uh, you can find me at
brothers brunch foundationFoundation Inc.
On Instagram and Facebook.
Hey, you can Google it.
Also, kenneth Sober Scooteretic, the second peer mental health
coach platform.
As my eight-year-old told meone day, daddy, give me your
phone and he Googled my name andeverything popped right up.
Speaker 4 (56:30):
So it's always easy, does it 's what's up nice?
Speaker 3 (56:33):
janet, thank you for hosting us today.
We at you got next douglasville, fairburn road.
Uh, hey, she, she is about it,about it in the community.
She has a barber academy that'sup and coming.
She has the junior barbers.
We go out into the streetsometimes she gives, gets the
junior barbers to cut hair tothe homeless downtown atlanta
(56:56):
and then I follow along to havea little mental health
conversations every now and then.
So we appreciate you forhosting us today.
Speaker 4 (57:02):
Yes, and much love to you now, the way we
traditionally end the show is weflip a coin in the very
beginning and whoever loses hasto read the outro.
While doing an impersonation ofwhoever the hell you choose,
who are you going to?
Speaker 1 (57:18):
be, I'm going to be Iron.
Speaker 4 (57:19):
Mike Tyson, iron Mike .
Speaker 5 (57:21):
Tyson Iron Mike.
Speaker 4 (57:22):
Tyson.
So LeDray jumped in at the lastsecond to save the day, and
he's going to be Iron Mike Tyson.
Let's get it, brother Readyyeah.
Speaker 5 (57:29):
Please support us by following this show.
Leave us a five star if youwant Apple Podcasts.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll catch you next week whenwe share conversations around
real issues we deal with everyday Manhandle Matters we're out.
Speaker 4 (57:41):
Yeah, baby man, that was damn on.
I thought you was doing animpersonation.
Speaker 3 (57:45):
Hey this, how did you even?
Buy me the spirit of this mantalking about.
Speaker 2 (57:52):
I thought we was supposed to be doing that
impersonation.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com