Totality Wellness Workshop: From Trauma to Transformation

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Warning: This episode mentions suicide. 

What happens when we finally pause to address the part of ourselves we leave on autopilot the most—our minds? In this powerful episode, recorded at a community wellness day in Atlanta, we witness raw conversations about mental health that challenge everything we think we know about strength and vulnerability.
From the projects of Staten Island to Super Bowl glory, Dominique Easley shares how childhood trauma shaped his worldview: "I never thought about anything outside of the next day." Now retired from the NFL, he's pursuing a career as a therapist, transforming his pain into purpose. Alongside him, we meet Floyd Stewart, who faced a stage 4 cancer diagnosis not with defeat but with spiritual determination, creating Divine Luminance Juices to heal himself and others.
The true emotional center comes when Antoinette Roberts speaks about losing her son to suicide 21 years ago. "Resilience is BS," she declares, challenging the myth that has kept so many silent in their suffering. "I watched them put my son in the ground and I didn't crack a tear because of resilience." Her organization, the J Holman House, now supports suicide loss survivors while working to prevent future tragedies.
Stephanie Carnegie, whose Totality Wellness Inc. organized this day of healing, reveals a shocking truth: suicide is the second leading cause of death for Black youth ages 10-14, yet most remain unaware of this crisis. Her upcoming documentary "Butterflies Jump Too" aims to shatter this silence.
Through sound bowl therapy, guided meditation, and honest dialogue, these conversations remind us that vulnerability is our greatest strength. As Coach Munnn puts it: "It's not about making time, it's about creating the life you want to live."
Check on your strong friends. The ones who seem to have it all together might be struggling the most. This episode isn't just about awareness—it's about action, healing, and reclaiming our full humanity.

RESOURCES:

https://www.totalitywellness.org/

https://www.easleyfoundation.org/

https://divineluminancejuices.com/

https://www.thejholmanhouse.org/

https://www.atlantapublicschools.us/jlinvictus

SOCIALS:

Coach Munnn: https://www.instagram.com/coachmunnn?igsh=MWhkaW1vMTRxdmhoeQ==

Dominique Easley: https://www.instagram.com/easie91?igsh=MTl6anBwdWUyZTFrcw==

Steph Carnegie: https://www.instagram.com/steph.carnegie?igsh=OW5lamp6NGl2Ynpz

Totality Wellness: https://www.instagram.com/totality.wellness?igsh=bjg2anY5N2d3ODln

100 Black Men of South Metro Atlanta: https://www.instagram.com/100southmetroatl?igsh=aDRhMGE2MjNkYTJh

The J. Holman House: https://www.facebook.com/share/1C5rHkEvF4/?mibextid=wwXIfr

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Up until my junior year of high school, I never
thought about anything outsideof the next day.
I never thought about whatcould happen five, ten years
from now.
You know what I mean.
We just enjoyed the day,because that's where we came
from, and growing up with thattrauma made me a certain person.
When I left Staten Island, whenI went to the University of
Florida, I wasn't open to people.
I didn't understand whatvulnerability was.

(00:21):
I didn't understand howsuccessful being vulnerable can
make me, so I had a lot of greatopportunities pulled from up
under me because I didn'tunderstand these things.
I didn't have these tools in mytoolbox.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
What's up?
Family?
You're going to love thisepisode.
My friend, stephanie Carnegie,organized a day of community
wellness at the John LewisInvictus Academy in Atlanta.
From guided meditation, soundbowl therapy, stretching and so
much more.
This day was designed to bringacute awareness to the part of

(00:56):
ourselves we leave on autopilotand ignore the most our mind.
June is Men's Mental HealthMonth, but not only are most men
not aware of this, we do noteven take the time to breathe or
even care.
This event, however, focused onevery one of us, and we were
honored to have been invited.

(01:17):
So, instead of our typicalliving room dialogue, this will
be a series of conversations.
You will hear from Super Bowlchampion Dominique Easley, who
talks about his childhood trauma, his success in the NFL and now
, as a retired champion.
Instead of sitting back toenjoy his success, he's gone

(01:37):
back to school with a muchhigher calling to become a
therapist Unbelievable.
You will hear from LangstonLongley and Brendan Henderson,
the school principal andcounselor respectively, who both
sacrifice perhaps moreprofitable opportunities to
focus on a community where theyare most needed.
You will also hear from JadelHawkins, aka Coach Munn, whose

(02:01):
philosophy is not just to masterthe body, but to raise our
consciousness to a whole newlevel, as he puts it, finding
higher intelligence in the body.
Then there is Floyd Stewart,who was diagnosed with cancer
four years ago and, instead ofwithering away in a corner, he
has decided to face thisdiagnosis head on through

(02:21):
spirituality, mindfulness,resilience and juicing Yep
juicing.
Also joining us, naeem Warrell,a successful mortician who has
decided to turn his empathy intothe gift of grief counseling.
Then, finally, we will closeout with two giants in the space

(02:43):
Antoinette Roberts, founder ofthe J Holman House, who lost her
son to suicide 21 years ago andhas made it her mission to save
the lives of so many other sons.
And the lady who put this alltogether, stephanie Carnegie,
executive director of TotalityWellness Inc.
She shows the strength of athousand men by using her grief,

(03:05):
her trauma, to help others onthis relentless journey.
She's on changing minds andsaving lives.
So our very first conversationis with school principal
Langston, counselor Brendan andcoach Munn.

(03:35):
Welcome to Manhood Matters.
Let's get to it Again.
I'm Stefan, the host of theManhood Matters podcast.

Speaker 4 (03:44):
Hey Langston Longley, principal John Lewis Invictus
Academy.

Speaker 3 (03:51):
Brandon.

Speaker 5 (03:51):
Henderson.
I'm Langston Longley'scounselor here at John Lewis.
I'm Coach Munn.
I'm the founder of BuildDifferent Wellness Coach.
I find higher intelligence inthe body.
What does that mean?
It means that most people donot know how to master
themselves with personaldevelopment, and so I teach
people through exercise, throughstretching and through small
behaviors, how to changebehaviors about self in order to

(04:12):
find higher intelligence, to bemore cognitive in their health.

Speaker 2 (04:15):
Can you give me a simple example of what that
would be like.
If I came to you and I said hey, man, help me out, I feel stuck
.
What would you do?

Speaker 5 (04:21):
Absolutely so.
Most people come to me becauseI've started as a personal
trainer.
What would you do?
Absolutely so.
Most people come to me becauseI've started as a personal
trainer, but I have over 100,000hours in mastery of the mind
and the body due to anatomy, dueto research of master herbalist
, psychologists, things of thatnature.
So most people come to me in aworkout manner.
Once they come to me, I givethem a consultation Throughout

(04:48):
the workout.
I can typically see whatsomeone's going through and who
they are as a person.
Depending on their age, mostpeople think that they're old
due to their age and notunderstanding that it starts
with their inner dialogue.
So what you're feeding yourbody is what matures your body,
which makes you believe and havea perception that you are older
than you are.
Right, and so, oh, I'm 40, I'm50.
I'm supposed to be stagnant.
No, you've made yourselfstubborn with what you've fed
yourself mentally and physically, and so working on your
emotional intelligence startsfrom personal development,

(05:11):
hobbies, habits and disciplines.
A lot of us just don't createstructure within ourself, but
we'll create structure at workor within a marriage or in a
friendship, which is why wedon't do good with communication
, because we don't.
We believe that it's cocky ifI'm a better person than I used
to be Right, or I'm a betterperson than my environment, but
if I'm the best person in myenvironment because I worked on

(05:33):
it, that's not braggadocious.
Yeah Right, that's just meamplifying who I am.
So I believe that if morepeople amplified who they are,
they would walk in a higherstance and it would lead them to
a better life.

Speaker 2 (05:44):
Not only that, but it puts you in a better position
To serve others, because you'reyour best self, exactly Because
now you're more vulnerable.

Speaker 5 (05:50):
Right.
You start asking more questions, you start putting it out, and
now it's coming back fullthrottle.
That's what's up.

Speaker 3 (05:55):
Man Well, I just feel like I've been set up by
Langston.

Speaker 6 (05:58):
Let me tell you Last week.

Speaker 3 (05:59):
Different.
I was limping last week, man, Iwas in a bad way, okay.
So I had a leg issue, man, Icould barely walk around here,
Langston said come on up heretoday.
Man, come on, I think he set meup.
I need to hear that.
Man, yes, because you're right,I've set up boundaries, I've
set up opportunities, I've donethings right in relationships, I
think, and in business.

(06:20):
But is doing stuff?
But my health?

Speaker 5 (06:22):
Everything external, you're excelling.
That's usually how it goes.
I'm on the back burner.

Speaker 3 (06:26):
with that man I eat late at night.
I'm struggling.
I need to come here and hearthis conversation today.
I'm struggling.

Speaker 2 (06:32):
Yeah, and Brendan, let me ask you this you know we
can never tell blacks on crack,so I have no clue how old you
are.

Speaker 3 (06:39):
So, if you don't mind , my asking man and I was
limping and I attributed it toage.
I'm like I'm just getting olderman.

Speaker 2 (06:45):
You figured that's what it is.
I'm supposed to feel that way.

Speaker 3 (06:47):
I'm just supposed to feel that way.
But I don't think I am.
I just think I don't eat right.
I'm doing everything wrong.
I mean I pull back on drinking,but I got to get out there and
I got to exercise.
I got to eat right.
Yeah, I'm at the job highstress environment.
When I go home to eat, I eatand I crash out.

Speaker 5 (07:07):
Yeah, After today he won't say he doesn't have time
for himself any longer.

Speaker 4 (07:12):
We're on a wellness journey here, man.
So even when your comments,when you were saying I kind of
was thinking more along thelines of mental health, right,
and what change looks like inyour community, in your circles,
so when you say that's a badthing, people are like, oh man,
you didn't change.
I hope so, I hope I have, Ihope I'm getting better.
But we look at that as always,as negative connotation.
You've changed or you think yougot better.

(07:34):
So in that same space thatBrandon was in, you know, I've
been there for the last coupleof years and I'm now, maybe from
January, coming out of that.
So between January and April Ilost like 35 pounds.
Cool Congrats, thank you, man.
But it started with thereligious fast and then I was
like, well, if I could do thisfor 21 days, let's see if we
keep it going.
And then I went to intermittentfasting and that just happened

(07:56):
to work for me because the highstress, stress, stress, stress
don't eat, starve your bodydidn't put the worst thing in as
fast as you can find it andcrash out.
So you know those things are.
But a lot better now.
Actually.
Just I moved to this building,to this school in april.
Right, haven't only worked outonce since april.
I was on january to april onpopping health, managing things

(08:18):
like new environment reset.
But now it's time to do thatman.
So I kind of inspire peoplearound the building, the little
things, but they think it's forthem, it's only to do that man.
So I kind of inspire peoplearound the building and little
things, but they think it's forthem, it's only partially for
them.
I need people to watch mebecause the same way I'm hey,
put that soda down.
I see you ordered a wings forlunch, you know.
Now I know people are going tolook at me when I do it, like no
, we've been waiting to catchyou.
You always saying something tous Double accountability, you

(08:40):
know, in a fun way.
So I appreciate that.

Speaker 2 (08:42):
Yeah, and so you've been super busy as a new
principal.
Yes, you say you've only takenover here as of April.

Speaker 4 (08:47):
Yeah, I've been a principal for 13,.
No, for 11 years.
But I've only taken over thisbuilding.
Gotcha, it's to get in the layof the land, so I came into this
space because there was anurgent need and so when I came
in at first it was like I wasput to fire a lot of late nights
.
But I'm also victim of whenwe're talking about manhood
Mondays, right A lot of men.
I'm always last on the to-dolist for myself.

(09:09):
I've got the fraternity thingsI'm doing.
I've got 100 black men I'mmentoring.
I got two boys, 15 and 13 yearsold.
I'm at every game, every debate, coaching, training, we outside
, running hurdles, doing thewhole nine.
So my list is I'm very low onmy personal to-do list, yeah
interesting.

Speaker 2 (09:28):
So, in terms of how this event helps other people
and what you guys contribute toit, can you speak to that a
little bit about what yourexpectations are and what you're
bringing to the table here?

Speaker 4 (09:39):
So I'll jump out first.
So Stephanie and I did a paneltogether with 100 Black men just
talking to youth about mentalhealth, mental illness,
self-image, breathing things.
So all throughout my career,even though I'm a school
principal, trauma-informedpractices, conflict resolution,
wellness, self-image are reallyimportant factors.
Right, those are things thathave a lot to do.
The same way, he's married thatwith the physical shape.

(10:02):
That has a lot to do with youracademics.
It has a lot to do with youracademics and your self-image.
So I always believe in communitywellness.
I am a principal, but it's amask, it's a front.
This is my front.
To have government money andresources to rebuild my
community.
Wow, amen.
I'll just be honest with you.
That's fully what my intentionis.
So you know, like the spook whosat by the door, you know, if

(10:23):
you know events like this today,being able to come into this
community, which good luckfinding a grocery store, right,
if you know where you are rightnow we're at John Lewis and
Victus Academy, over onHollowell Parkway.
You can't find a grocery storeanywhere in this community.
Really, between here and thenext two miles, I'll give you
three liquor stores, five wingspots.
There's even a strip club downthe street but you can't find a

(10:50):
grocery store, you can't get anyfresh fruits and vegetables.
It's a wellness desert.
There is one park but it waskind of taken over so there's
not even youth athletics, likenone of these types of healthy
things are in here.
So when I can try to help bringquality events to the community
, that matters and then, youknow, make a lot of connections
with people here, people thatare doing wellness coaching,
that are doing understanding, soI can start working on healthy
eating, start working ongardening, growing things, just
really just trying to educatethe community.

(11:11):
So it's a big space in a funway.
I love that, brother.
How about yourself, brendan?

Speaker 2 (11:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:16):
I just think about the mental health aspect of it.
I just think about my own life.
You forget that sometimes thekids that we serve here have
mental health issues broughtupon by things that may happen
to your family.
When I was a youngster, my momwas on drugs and although I
didn't have a diagnosed mentalhealth issues, I had issues, you

(11:36):
know.

Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:37):
Issues nonetheless, and it was people like Longley
and teachers that I had,principals that made a
difference for me.
They noticed me.
You know it's important that wenotice these kids.
It's important that we noticethe needs of this neighborhood
and Langston has it right onpoint.
You know we are a food desert.
Some of the teachers and I wetalk in our clusters and we talk

(11:58):
about how.
You know there's nothinghealthy around here for the
children.
There's nothing healthy for usaround here.
We're moving so much I don'tever get to uh bring lunch to
school because I'm always doingsomething.
So when I look to go get foodit's always unhealthy food wings
, fries, stuff I don'tnecessarily need, but it's quick

(12:19):
, it's easy it's convenient,yeah, it's convenient.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
So I was driving in, I'm looking around, I'm yeah,
this area needs some help, right.
But then I pull up to thisbuilding and it's like an oasis
in a desert.
It's a beautiful building, it'sa great facility and you guys
are here doing this thing.
It almost feels like thisbuilding was just put here.

Speaker 4 (12:37):
And that's the idea.
So I'm coming from a feederschool, the elementary school.
I was a principal there for thelast 10 years and I tell people
like jokingly, like I've donethis work.
So when I got there, I wasprincipal four in six years.
But in that space, you know, webuilt the trauma-informed
practices.
We built hydroponics,aquaponics, gardening, cooking.

(12:57):
You know robotics, codingthings that you know the
community didn't have.
And now I'm in the middleschool and I can attach more
space to that.
But you know, it is what it isLike.
We're going to be very honest,like, oh, it's down in Hollywood
, the building is amazing, it'sbeautiful, the families are
beautiful, the kids are amazing,but this is real Bankhead.

Speaker 6 (13:12):
This is real Bankhead .

Speaker 4 (13:14):
Bankhead Seafood is across the street.
This is the community of T anda lot of beauty has come out of
this space, but there's a lot oftrauma and a lot of crime and a
lot of victimization that'sstill taking place.

Speaker 3 (13:28):
And we see it every day, we see it every day with
our students Every day.

Speaker 4 (13:32):
Yeah, we see it.
So we have scholars.
We have students who arecurrently unhoused and sometimes
they leave.
They don't know, that's on the.

Speaker 5 (13:40):
This isn't a.

Speaker 4 (13:41):
Some schools you go to like hey, we got that one kid
, we're working on.
We got like three or four perroom.
Wow, where am I going to sleep?

Speaker 3 (13:48):
tonight.
That's real talk.

Speaker 4 (13:49):
Real talk.
Is the police going to kick thedoor in?
Are people going to jail?
But you know, and I'm trying todo reading and math, but I've
got other life challenges, andso the same way.
Hey, you got to live it too,though Anything to add, Coach.

Speaker 5 (14:09):
I heard you twice say something about diet.
You all are an influence at ahigh level for these children,
right, when it comes to diet.
It's about influence, right,and it's about moderations.
So what, we're watching whowe're around in proximity.
So what, we're watching whowe're around in proximity.
So if we're going to helppeople, we have to help them to
accept where they are and acceptthat this is the environment

(14:31):
that we're in.
These are the influences thatcome with that, and so we have
to have moderations.
If you learned how to eat bad,then it wouldn't be so bad for
you to eat bad.
Right If you fasted,intermittent fasting.
Right If you upped your waterintake.
It's not about making time,it's about creating the life you
want to live, and it starts atthe moment that you decide okay,

(14:54):
I'm gonna drink all waterthrough the week and then drink
Kool-Aid on the weekend.
Right, that's a moderation,that's a start, that's getting
going creating new habits right,and going creating new habits
right.
And then that's what helps themind.
That's when you start to createstructure, that's when you
start to learn oh, I'm moreangry when I don't eat around
this time.
Let's work on that.
Once you start to do that, youdon't really have to tell people
what to do, because now peopleare, you're attracting it.
So look, there's a book calledAtomic Habits.

Speaker 6 (15:17):
I've read it.

Speaker 5 (15:17):
It talks about patterns, and so if you created
a system for when you you knowthat, let's just say, for
example, at nine o'clock, whenyou're home, you're resting,
right, you have a routine of Iwant to snack around this time,
If you had a system, a faceroutine, a book you're going to
read, right, the system wouldcreate the habit which would
create a pattern which wouldhelp you get off of and then so

(15:38):
you.
What I'm saying is that,whatever it is we want to master
, if you created a system aroundthat, that's what will help.

Speaker 4 (15:45):
I feel like there's so many of us who keep learning
this on our own Every time webecome an adult now we 25, 30,
35, learning to take care ofourselves, learning to have
wellness, learning to eat better.
We have this grind mentalitythat we reinforce through the
years, which is good for somethings, but I kind of feel like
there's a lot of black men whoalways have to figure it out on

(16:05):
their own because there areconversations that we don't have
.

Speaker 2 (16:07):
Yeah, as they age, and they're trying to figure it
out.
Yeah, so, and you know, peoplealways say there is no playbook
for parenting, there is noplaybook for life.
But at the end of the day, whatif there was?
Isn't that kind of what we'redesigning here?
Right, in a sense?
Right, maybe, if you look at awhite kid and there's no
playbook.
You look at a black kid, butthere's no playbook.
But they don't have ingrainedin them the trauma through their

(16:28):
DNA.
They don't have the soul.
And then I started from thesame.
You know, starting line.
Starting line.
Even if they might have grownup privileged, they have two
parent household or they haveeven it's just the one.
I don't like to say two parenthousehold is necessarily
privileged privilege.
But because you still havecrazy trauma there as well.
But having mentors, teachers,life coaches, guys like you
stepping in to do that, I thinkis amazing.

(16:51):
How do we scale that?

Speaker 5 (16:53):
So I love that I have a movement right.
I have an event coming up June29th self-love in a safe space
men's edition.
So my events are about learningwhat you are accumulating, what
are you doing the most of.
Success is an effort, right.
And so when you come to eventswhere people are better than you
, people are learning more thanyou or just as much, that effort

(17:16):
in itself is going toaccumulate to you being able to
become and remember like okay,that is my, let me work on my
posture, okay, you know what,let me work on my communication,
versus trying to do it alone.
Like you just said, we have to.
We have to as black men, wehave learned to, to not be
influenced because of thejealousy or the insecurity,

(17:39):
right, and they wouldn't.
We wouldn't label it as that.
We would label it as oh, ok,like that, he's nice, oh okay,
that's cool, but it's like no,you have to borrow my confidence
, because what I did and what Ipersevered through, you can
actually borrow for yourself andimplement it into your own
success and learn how to bebetter.
And so, once we start to seesuccessful black men and we go

(17:59):
towards it, it's impossible tobe your own mentor If you, if
you haven't had the experienceof someone else who's already
been where you're going, Is itfor the person who would receive
to know that they should walkup to people and just ask?

Speaker 2 (18:14):
And is it always a message for the person who has
it to give that it can pour intoothers, to be more proactively
doing so?

Speaker 3 (18:22):
And it may be the space you're into.
We're educators.
It's up to us to always reachfor the key at first, because
that's the environment thatwe're in.

Speaker 4 (18:31):
Also being a part of organizations helps me.
Some people aren't organizationpeople but when we talk about
facilitating this movement,there's a lot of conversation
around fraternities and thosegroups and those, whatever up
and down.
But I can say at least for likefor the Qs, for the Omegas,
there's a fatherhood movementthat is national now that every
chapter must do in terms ofhelping people fatherhood and

(18:54):
doing that, mentoring, and thewhole purpose of 100 Black Men
is mentoring.
So like that might be my space,but now what I'm saying is, if
we roll that out as aninitiative, every group in every
city is actively doingsomething with that.
If that's not your space, maybeit's sports.
Yeah, coaching football at thepark, like we are always looking
and begging and trying to findgood guys to come up and to

(19:14):
coach sports, even if you don'tknow the sports that well, just
being a solid man who shows upevery day, you have an impact
yeah, for this next conversation, my very good friend and
co-host, Jabari Pride, is here.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
We get to speak with two amazing individuals Super
Bowl champion Dominic Easley, awonderful altruist, Also joining
us.
The creator of Divine LuminanceJuices, the ever inspiring
Floyd Stewart.
Let's get it Again.
I am your host, Stefan, withthe Manhood Matters podcast.
We have Jabari returning champin the house, baby.

(19:50):
That's what's going on, man.
Thanks for being here.
Man Appreciate you?

Speaker 9 (19:53):
Yeah, man, of course, of course, let's go.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
We also have Floyd.

Speaker 10 (19:55):
You want to introduce yourself, Floyd.

Speaker 9 (20:01):
My name is Floyd.

Speaker 10 (20:03):
Stewart.
I'm from Kingston, jamaica.
I grew up in a humble beginning, a place called Essex Hall,
that's in the rural section ofSt Andrew.

Speaker 2 (20:13):
Let me ask you this what is your business here and
how does it relate to thisparticular event?

Speaker 10 (20:19):
Okay, our business is Divine Luminance Juices.
This juice company startedsolely because of me.
I was diagnosed with stage 4Bnasopharyngeal carcinoma cancer.

Speaker 9 (20:32):
Okay.

Speaker 10 (20:32):
That's a cancer in the back of the nasal from 2021.
Okay, yeah, so the juicingcompany started all because I
couldn't eat food anymore.
The food tastes like garbageand food tastes like cardboard.
Yeah, so to speak.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
That's crazy.

Speaker 10 (20:50):
You know.
So juicing have a lot ofnutrients in it.
I mean cold press, naturaljuicing at least.

Speaker 2 (20:59):
So I resort to that so you focus on your own healing
, thereby helping others throughthis particular brand.
Wonderful.
We're going to talk about thata little bit more.

Speaker 1 (21:05):
Yes, sir, focus on your own healing, thereby
helping others through thisparticular brand Correct,
wonderful, we're going to talkabout that a little bit more.
Yes, sir, and we also have withus Dominique, dominique Easley.
I appreciate y'all having mehere today.
I'm with the NFL alumni, but,more importantly, I came here
because I wanted to be a part ofit.
I'm big into mental healthmyself.
I have a foundation, the EasleyFoundation, to where we focus
on vulnerability.
I recently retired from the NFL.

(21:27):
I played five years in theleague.
I was fortunate enough to go tothe first round to the New
England Patriots, won a SuperBowl and then I played for the
Rams and then, unfortunatelyenough, I lost the Super Bowl to
them.
But throughout that journey I'vehad my own journey with mental
health, and that came from whereI grew up.
I'm from Staten Island, new York, born and raised Single mom

(21:48):
family grew up in the projectsand I didn't realize I had
trauma until I got out of theleague, and that's when I
started seeking help, to thepoint where now I'm about to
finish school, I get my degreein December for my undergraduate
, and then I'm going for mymaster's in family and council
to be a therapist myself.
Nice, so I look forward to thatthat's phenomenal.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
A couple of quick things.
I'm from New York.
I never met a brother fromStaten Island before so I'm
gonna tell you something aboutStaten Island.

Speaker 1 (22:15):
Everybody outside of Staten Island, y'all a bunch of
rats that just threw in thebarrel and y'all gotta share.

Speaker 6 (22:23):
everybody connected, y'all just all connected.

Speaker 1 (22:25):
They don't like us because on one side of the
island it's just nicer, but onthe other side where are we from
?
You know what I mean.
So, that's why Queens, brooklyn, manhattan you know all of them
Bronx they get mad at usbecause we have our own separate
island.

Speaker 2 (22:42):
We actually thought of this because we were scared
of gold digs and white folks.
Exactly that was my problem.

Speaker 1 (22:47):
No, no, and that's the thing.
People only look at StatenIsland on the white side.
Yeah, that's what I thought itwas Because that's where the
Italians were from, but notknowing, Nah Wu-Tang is from
Staten.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Island.
Dude, I didn't even know.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
I swear to God, y from Staten Island.
They from where I grew up, sothere's a lot of people in the
culture that has come fromStaten Island, but that's right
by the ferry.
So as soon as you get on theferry that's where everything is
.
When y'all used to come, we hadto kick y'all out, so y'all
didn't get the experience, trustme, I never even tried going
because, like I said, this isnew to me.

Speaker 2 (23:20):
I've always wanted to visit, but I'm always like nah,
there's nothing there.

Speaker 1 (23:23):
People always think about it as the white people,
but I get it, I get it, you knowwhat I'm saying.
I definitely get it, but yougot to come to that side to see
where it is.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
And then you talked about your mental health journey
.
Can you expound on that alittle bit?
In terms of where you come from, what led you on this path?
You're an NFL.
Be a therapist.

Speaker 1 (23:44):
Yes, so growing up, I grew up with a single mom.
My mom and my father was mybest friends, but they wasn't
together.
Since I've been together, grewup with my brother, grew up in
the projects, my mom worked inthe projects.
She taught all my friends.
She taught from like pre-K andunder in the project.
So that was our life.
We didn't grow up with greatrelationships.
I didn't see not one successfulmarriage.

(24:05):
I didn't understand how totreat women because I came from
a mother who was also abused byher father you know what I mean
so who also had trauma on herand wasn't treated right by men.
So she made sure that we wasn'tbeing taken advantage of women.
So she gave us what she gave us,which was I appreciate
everything that she gave us, butthat's all she could have.

(24:27):
That's all she knows you knowwhat I mean.
So and then on the financialliteracy side, obviously,
growing up in the projects, Ididn't.
It's crazy because I had theseconversations with my brother.
He's not my blood brother, butwe lived together in high school
up until my junior high school.
I never thought about anythingoutside of the next day, like
well, of that same day, like Inever thought about college
because he was havingconversations with his family

(24:49):
about college and he wouldalways ask me yeah, I don't
remember never having.
Yeah, I never thought aboutcollege until it was put in
front of my face, like I neverthought about what could happen
five, ten years from now.
You know what I mean.
We just enjoyed the day,because that's where we came
from.
And growing up with that traumamade me a certain person.
When I left Staten Island, whenI went to the University of
Florida, I didn't trust people.

(25:10):
I wasn't open to people.
I didn't understand whatvulnerability was.
I didn't understand howsuccessful being vulnerable can
make me.
So I had a lot of greatopportunities pulled from up
under me because I didn'tunderstand these things.
I didn't have these tools in mytoolbox.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
What you just touched on is not seeing tomorrow.
You were just living in themoment.
You know, and that's beingtaught today living the moment,
living the now.
But in your case it wasn'treally out of anything spiritual
or holistic, it was more.
This is all I have.
So why?

Speaker 1 (25:43):
help you overcome that.
I'm a person that likes to beput at the bottom so I can soak
in everything and then master it.
So I seen a guy who was I was asophomore, he was a senior, he
was a top player in New York andhis work ethic I looked at him
was different from everybody.
One day woke up I said I'mfollowing everything that he
does.
Anything he does I'm doingEvery day.

(26:05):
I called him, woke up fromschool, wherever he worked out,
I went to go work out and fromthere when he left, I separated
myself from everybody at thatpoint and that created a will in
me and also seeing my mom work.

Speaker 2 (26:21):
Three jobs still make .

Speaker 1 (26:22):
I'm Haitian.
That's funny, I'm a Haitian.
Oh, stop what I say.
So, growing up in the Haitianhousehold, one thing that they
do, they always cook.
So, getting up in the morning,my mom always had breakfast,
dinner, tea, and that's at threeo'clock in the morning.
She's getting up and going towork.
Yeah, you know what I mean.
So being able to see her worklike that and I never seen my
mom cry the first time I everseen my mom cry was I surprised

(26:47):
eyes so growing up, I never hadan excuse, I never wanted an
excuse and there wasn't noexcuse for anything to be hard
in life.
So, having that type of mindset, just anything that comes to it
, there's no complaint, there'sno oh man, this is too hard,
this is something I can't do.
No, I get excited forchallenges.
I'm excited to beat somethingthat nobody thought that either

(27:11):
I could be, or even myself thatI doubt it.
That's what I live with on adaily basis and that's me
getting better as a father, as ahusband, as a friend, as a
family member, in every whichway.

Speaker 9 (27:18):
My emotional Intelligence, everything when
people hear about your accolades, right, they're gonna assume oh
he's special, right, he wasjust gifted with physical
talents, or he was gifted withthis hunger or this drive.
He just had something special.
Like, I can't be like him, Ican't do what he did, because
he's just different.
Like, what do you have to sayto those people?

Speaker 1 (27:35):
So I didn't start playing football to high school.
Reason why I couldn't playfootball because I was too fat.
I'm dead serious.
So ever since I was in, I say,kindergarten, life been throwing
challenges at me.
It's crazy because they triedto put me in medicine because
they said I was too crazy, Iused to act out too much.
My mom, fought against it.
It wasn't happening.
In the third grade I broke mytibia bone and I had to go to a

(27:57):
handicap camp.
I had to switch schools Adapted.
By the time I got to the sixthgrade, my brother started
playing football for a footballteam called the Hurricanes and
they just blew up.
But I couldn't play, so everySaturday I had to run around the
field, run around the trackwith a garbage bag, trying to
lose weight.
I'm in the fifth grade at thistime Wow.
You know what I mean.
And it never dawned on me likeyo, I'm doing all this work and

(28:19):
I still never got to playfootball until I got to high
school.
So that's four or five years ofwork and still never get into
play.
So, having that understanding,and by the time I got to high
school I still didn't want toplay football because I love
basketball more.

Speaker 10 (28:32):
You know what?

Speaker 1 (28:32):
I mean so understanding, like who I was as
a person and me being fat as akid and growing up in New York.
You know, if you went outsideyou played a sport and you
wasn't good because it wascutting your ass.

Speaker 6 (28:47):
You was going to feel that, so every day.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
You had to be competitive, you had to go out
there and try to win and mebeing me, I made sure that I
worked at whatever I did, I madesure that I was looking to be
the best.
I found the best and I waslooking to beat you.
You know what I mean.
And then I'm the type of personthat I want to bring everybody
with me.
So if I learn something, oh,now he's learning it.

(29:09):
And I'm saying this because Idon't want to get this
misconstrued of I find the best,I want to beat the best.
No, I find the best.
I want to beat the best andthen bring them up to be better,
because the better you are, thebetter I'm going to get.

Speaker 2 (29:21):
So Zumba class started and people were having a
blast, we had to cut short ourinterview.
Dominique unfortunately had torun out to his scheduled Haitian
Creole language class.
Hello, dominique, how are youNow joining us to discuss grief
counseling is the charismaticNaeem Warrell and his super

(29:43):
energetic four-year-old sonmixing in with the background
noise.
Let's get it.

Speaker 9 (29:48):
Yeah, so today we have Naeem Warrell.

Speaker 7 (29:51):
Warrell yeah.

Speaker 10 (29:52):
You do a whole lot so I'm not going to try to sum
it up.

Speaker 9 (29:55):
If you want to give us the brief what you do today
and kind of like your journey towhere you are now.

Speaker 7 (29:59):
Okay, so I'm Naeem Warrell.
I've been a mortician for 10years and I just transitioned
into grief therapy.
I can see how those two arerelated Very much so.
So just in the community ofjust helping, I actually go to a
lot of schools, elementaryspeak to the kids.
It attracted me.
The first time I think I wentto elementary really close to my

(30:21):
high school, just talking tothe kids.
It shocked me because eachgeneration goes through more
grief.
I've seen more people die in myfriend group than my mother did
.

Speaker 9 (30:30):
Oh wow.

Speaker 7 (30:31):
And then going to the elementaries, I was thinking
okay, these are second graders,you know first graders.
I'm like okay, let me talkabout fish dying Cause at that
age.

Speaker 10 (30:40):
that's all I knew, yeah.

Speaker 7 (30:41):
So to actually see them actually go through grief
they actually knew their unclebeing stabbed or shot like that
in the first or second grade.
That kind of shocked me, put aculture shock.
So I started talking more tothe actual parents to see like,
okay, it's early age to see agrief and the steps to
progression.

Speaker 9 (31:00):
So I've just been in the community doing that a lot
is it more so that you're havingto speak with the parents to
help the children, or are youspeaking more with the children
because they just don't know howto cope?

Speaker 7 (31:09):
uh, I'm dealing with the parents to help the children
, or are you speaking more withthe children because they just
don't know how to cope?
I'm dealing with the parentsbecause it is a situation.
They might not be religious.
I don't want to put that on thechildren.
So just kind of directing theparents on how to speak about
grief and just seeing, becausesome of the children may not be
as comfortable with theirparents Like my kid, he'll be
more confident to speak to otherkids or other parents yeah so I

(31:30):
can see that.

Speaker 9 (31:31):
So sometimes I just take initiative to talk to the
kids before and then talk to theparents also it's funny you
bring up that example, because Ihave a nine to seven and five
year old and a couple years backwe had a dog pass away, yeah,
and I was just kind of like yeah, we don't have a dog anymore.
Like I didn't really know yeahsee, I, yeah, yeah, see I didn't
really know how to have thatconversation right and every
once in a while they're justlike like just a couple weeks
ago.
They're like I miss Blackie.

Speaker 7 (31:55):
And I was like yeah, so you want some?
Cheerios.
Yeah, you got to have fun andhave a medium of just talking to
them about it.
You don't want to scareassociated with that yeah so you
want to have a controlledenvironment to talk to him.
But at a certain age slowlyintroduce what you believe in
and then go from therefortunately, we were able to get

(32:18):
floyd stewart back.

Speaker 2 (32:21):
Let's dive into the mind of a true warrior.
Floyd, welcome back, bro, givethanks.
Yes, I wanted to ask you veryspecifically about your story.
What I see is resilience.
You were diagnosed in 2021, yousaid.

Speaker 10 (32:34):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (32:35):
So it's been four years.
First off, how are you doingtoday?
How are you feeling?

Speaker 10 (32:38):
I'm feeling great, I can't say I've got a hate auto
10.
That's better than most.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
And your own product has helped you with the juicing
Divine and your own product hashelped you with the juicing
Divine Luminance DivineLuminance juices.
That helps you as well.
Can you talk to us a little bitabout your mindset?
The reason I ask that veryquestion is because a lot of
people, once they get bad news,mentally they just plummet it's
over.
Why bother what's?

Speaker 10 (33:08):
made you fight and how are you overcoming All right
?
Growing up in Jamaica right.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
Normally when somebody have a situation or a
disease or something like that.

Speaker 10 (33:18):
They started to decline.
Sit around?
Yeah.
So I take that mindset and Iput it in perspective.
It's your mind.
Your mind have to be strong.
So I take it one day at a time.
Eliminate stress, try to eatproperly, try to exercise.
Those are the things that acombination of things is going
to help you push throughwhatever ailment or disease you

(33:38):
have.
Are you a spiritual person?

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Yeah, how does that factor into your recovery?

Speaker 10 (33:44):
It factors a major, major, major part, because you
have to have God in you.
You know, in all of this Godplays a big role in my life.
Knowing him for yourself givesyou clarity and that kind of
shows you the way how to goabout doing anything.
Say, for instance, the juicing.
Each time I make a juice, Ipray for it.

Speaker 2 (34:05):
Okay, Even the one you sell.
Yeah, oh, thank God, I got someprayer in me.
That's awesome.
Yeah, me and my wife.

Speaker 9 (34:12):
And they're good too.
Amen, very good, very good.

Speaker 10 (34:15):
I couldn't keep this to myself.
I have to share it, you know.

Speaker 9 (34:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (34:18):
So I would like everyone to just take a time out
, get a juicer, start somejuicing.

Speaker 9 (34:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 10 (34:25):
If it's too much for you, we're here to juice for
you.
How?

Speaker 2 (34:29):
do they find your business?

Speaker 10 (34:31):
Okay, we have a website Divine Luminous Juices.

Speaker 7 (34:35):
What are some steps that you can share if you feel
overwhelmed in your day.

Speaker 2 (34:40):
Great question.

Speaker 10 (34:41):
When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I take time out to
just do some exercise.
My wife always says to me I'mnot human, she doesn't know when
I'm not feeling too good or toobad.
She can't calculate it BecauseI might have the worst day and I
still find stuff around theyard to do.

Speaker 2 (35:03):
Hey man, you're going to make me look real bad on
this show because I try to avoiddoing shit.
I'm out of the yard on my bestday.

Speaker 9 (35:11):
He's like I have a work day and I still have five
things to do, because I plantsome stuff too.

Speaker 10 (35:15):
I plant vegetables, okay, no herbicide, no pesticide
.
So, I try to grow my own stuff,juice as well, cook cucumbers,
watermelon, stuff like that.
My farm is therapeutic to metoo.
When I'm having a bad day, Ijust go in the farm, plow up
some land and plant some seedsyeah, we just started to get
into that a little bit cucumber.

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Well, I say we, my wife, um, I just, I just watch
let's plant some easy stuff,yeah yes, sir, thank you, for I
think that your story, storyoverall, is one that is
inspirational.
Instead of that being yournarrative, you turned it into an
actual business where you'rehelping other people as well
through your own struggles.

(35:57):
Yes, so yeah, thanks, manAppreciate it Good to meet you,
Floyd.

Speaker 10 (36:00):
Yes, sir.

Speaker 9 (36:00):
And thank you for making great juices.
It's been a long time since Ihad a vegetable that wasn't on a
hamburger, so I appreciate thatvegetable that wasn't on a
hamburger.

Speaker 2 (36:12):
So I appreciate that.
And for this last of our seriesof conversations, we are
speaking with two phenomenalwomen.
Antoinette Roberts, who dealtwith immeasurable grief, the
kind that would crush mostpeople Just imagine losing your
child to suicide but instead shefound a way to help countless
teens who might otherwise havefaced the same fate.

(36:32):
She also helps families ofthose she just could not reach
in time.
And finally, we are honored tospeak with the architect of this
amazing day, stephanie Carnegie, whose story is as inspiring as
her mission is unrelenting.
Let's get it.
I love this background sound,this ambiance.

(36:53):
Man, I wish I could just havethat the entire time.
I feel like I'm flying rightnow.

Speaker 8 (36:57):
Yeah, yeah, we saved the best for last.

Speaker 2 (37:01):
Yeah, so what we've got going on.
Right now, we have the personwho has brought all this
together, miss StephanieCarnegie.
Hi, how are you?
Right now, we have the personwho has brought all this
together, miss stephaniecarnegie hi, how are you?

Speaker 8 (37:12):
gratitude is my attitude I love it.
Nice that's the space I'm in inthis moment I love it.

Speaker 2 (37:18):
You know what's crazy here?
Two things.
One I didn't know it was men'shealth month.
It is.
I learned that from you.
Um so, and the second thing isthis is something that includes
everyone yes, but you have ahuge focus on men's health, in
particular, men's mental health.
You know everything that you'redoing, so tell us a little bit
about what brought this on, whatled you on this journey and

(37:42):
where we are today wow, that'ssuch a loaded question.

Speaker 8 (37:46):
Um, so I am the executive director of Totality
Wellness Inc.
Which is a mental health andwellness community-based
nonprofit organization whosemission is to one raise
awareness on the importance ofprioritizing your mental health,
to in the stigma around mentalillness and communities that are

(38:11):
most impacted, and to work forpolicy and legislative change as
it pertains to education andhealth care.
When we're discussing mentalhealth, we have a large focus on
trauma-informed care, becauseour communities are indeed
impacted with layers and layersof trauma that they don't get a

(38:31):
chance to heal from, as well asyouth suicide prevention, and so
we believe healthy familiesbuild healthy communities.
So we have essentially createdan organization that creates
programs, workshops, initiatives, and we do that through our
partnerships and things likewhere we are today for our
community day of wellness, to beable to encourage healing and

(38:55):
wellness for the entirecommunity, which is our men, our
women and our children.

Speaker 2 (39:00):
Yeah, yeah, that's a lot.
Is this your full-time thing?
Because there's no way you'redoing it on the side.

Speaker 8 (39:06):
It is my life's purpose.
So my background I'm coming fromworking as a public relations
specialist in the music andentertainment industry, so I did
that for about 13 plus years.
Prior to that, I was actually aspeech therapist in the
Department of Education.
So you're talking abouteducation, so working with the
youth, so working with the youth, and then you're talking about

(39:39):
working in the music andentertainment industry, dealing
with a lot of people that haveto be silent or feel like they
have to be silent about theirbattles and the things that
they're going through.
So navigating both of those twoindustries, as well as always
being transparent about my ownjourney in battle with
depression and anxiety whileworking in the music industry
and doing a lot of suffering andsilence myself.
When I got on my healingjourney you know, getting into
therapy and all of my wellnesspractices and started using my

(39:59):
platform to share my experiences, is when I realized there were
so many other people that weresuffering in silence and just
were looking for a safe spacewhere they could get support and
where they could find healingand know that they're not alone,
and hence how Totality Wellnesswas created in 2018.

Speaker 2 (40:20):
You mentioned a path to certain legislative changes.
What do you mean by that?
What are you seeking and whatare you hoping to have changed?

Speaker 8 (40:28):
changes.
What do you mean by that?
What are you seeking and whatare you hoping to have changed?
So I am originally fromBed-Stuy, brooklyn, new York.
Yeah, exactly, brooklyn iseverywhere, right?
But less than a year ago almosta year now I relocated to
Atlanta after navigating my ownprofound loss and grief is
actually what brought me here.
But working in the Department ofEducation and doing the work

(40:52):
that I do throughout thecommunities with our mental
health organization, we foundthat there was a lot that was
happening with the youth.
We found that there were a lotof educators in the schools.
While great teachers, they werenot equipped to deal with all
the trauma that the youth werecoming into the schools.
But so when I say legislation,I'm currently working on a bill

(41:14):
with a New York State Senator,senator Kevin Parker, and it's
called the Tactic Act.
So that's training andcomprehension of trauma in
children, and I'm not going tosay if, because I'm going to say
when.
When that law is passed, thatpolicy is passed, what it would
do was it would mandate thatthere would be more training and

(41:34):
more education around mentalhealth and around trauma to the
teachers, the schooladministrators and anyone
essentially that was interfacingwith our children so that they
could be more equipped tosupport the adverse childhood
experiences and all the thingsthat they were dealing with.
So that's what I mean when Italk about policy as well as

(41:55):
healthcare navigating the properresources that we need when
we're dealing with our mentalhealth challenges and being able
to afford therapy.
You know, all of thosedifferent types of things.
Yeah, making sure that even thehealthcare providers understand
what it looks like, what traumalooks like, when they have
clients that are coming inpatients, rather, that are

(42:17):
coming in and they're just notunderstanding the correlation
between the physical and themental.

Speaker 9 (42:25):
I'm sure there are a lot of people that have, you
know, an idea of something thatthey'd like to see change in
their community, but they're ina million years and never think
that.
Oh, I can reach out to mySenator and I can get a bill
created.

Speaker 8 (42:35):
Right, exactly.
So during COVID, right from myhome, I ended up launching a
show, an Instagram live talkshow, called the Seat on the
Couch, where I was basicallyhaving different people on
interviewing, because the wholeworld has shut down.
People were suffering and theyneeded resources on how they
could still stay healthy in themidst of this global pandemic

(42:57):
right.
So I just started interviewingpeople whether they were
therapists, psychologists,educators, parents, you name it
the borough president on down,and so I ended up interviewing
Senator Parker because of someof the previous bills I saw that
he was working on and throughthat conversation he saw my
conviction and my passion behindthe love that I have for my

(43:21):
communities and how passionate Iam about wanting to see my
communities heal and be well andbe supported and thrive.
And that conversation just ledto me saying like I want to get
into, like I'm not big onpolitics and politicians.
I'm going to be honest, but Iknow that to make the impact and
change that I want to see made,I'm going to have to get

(43:43):
involved in some kind of level.
And that conversation is whatsparked him saying you know what
, Come, let's have a meeting.
Introduce me to the lady thatactually writes all of most of
his bills.
And we got together, and that'show Minds was created.

Speaker 9 (43:59):
I think it's crazy because you hear a lot of people
, especially our people, say itdoesn't matter if I vote like my
little, they're not going to doanything for me anyway, and the
common thing that you hear backto that is well, okay, if
you're not going to vote for thepresident, you need to vote for
, like, the people in yourcounty, the people in your city,
your sheriff, everything.

Speaker 8 (44:15):
You know what?
They don't know how importantthat is on the local level.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
It matters more.

Speaker 8 (44:20):
It, it matters more.
Yeah, it matters way morebecause those are the people
that are really able to like,push and make those changes.
Like are you going to thosecommunity board meetings, are
you finding?
And they're not doing that, andso that's.
I'm so glad that you broughtthat up because that's so
important and because of thework that we do with youth
suicide prevention.

(44:40):
That was another real reasonthat I wanted to push that bill,
because a lot of people don'tunderstand that there is a
crisis that is happening in ourcountry as it pertains to black
youth and suicide.
Like, I hate to be the bearerof bad news and I say that every
time I'm invited to like, butif it's the, truth.

Speaker 2 (44:57):
If it's a fact, then we're open to it.

Speaker 8 (44:59):
And I said I'll be the bad guy if that's what it's
looking like in terms ofbringing the bad news.
The ugly truth is that suicideis currently the second leading
cause of death for black youthages 10 to 14.
It's the third leading cause ofdeath for black adolescents
ages 15 to 19,.
Right Black youth are twice aslikely to die by suicide than

(45:23):
their white peers.
Right Suicide and black youthis one of the most overlooked
issues in this country and, infact, it's a public health
crisis, if you ask me.

Speaker 2 (45:34):
Can I tell you something ignorant?
I always thought it was theother way around, because I've
always known that our people areso resilient that we survive
and struggle through anything.
We're not jumping out of thebuilding because our stocks
crashed.
So you're saying with teensyeah, that's a myth that we're
not jumping out of the buildingbecause our stock's crashed.
So you're saying with teens.

Speaker 8 (45:50):
Yeah, that's a myth that we're dispelling because
that's a part of the documentaryand I'll mention that in a
minute.

Speaker 2 (45:56):
You're so strong, you can't withstand anything.

Speaker 8 (45:58):
But that has been the myth and you know we could talk
for days.
I don't want to go there, butwe talk about it in the
documentary.
That myth has even gone backall the way to the days of
slavery, right, when the slaveswere dying by suicide and some
of them were jumping overboard,right.
And they didn't believe that aslave could die by suicide,

(46:19):
because they didn't believe thatwe even had enough feeling.
So you see how later on it goes, to now we're too resilient,
but back then it was because weweren't even looked at as human
right so how could you haveemotion and enough feeling to
say I can't take this, you don't, you don't even feel, you're
not, you're not even human.
So that was the case then.
And then you fast forward nowand some of that trauma has been

(46:40):
brought all the way into now.
Oh, now we just, you know thestrong black woman syndrome, the
strong black man.
They handle everything andcarry everything on their back
so they're not dying by suicide.
That is a myth that we areabsolutely here to dispel.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
We've been telling ourselves that for a long time,
to the point where we believe it.

Speaker 9 (46:57):
Ms Antoinette, if you just give us a quick who you
are, your business, because thisis your topic.

Speaker 11 (47:03):
Thank you and I want to thank Stephanie for inviting
me here.
My name is Antoinette Roberts.
I am the founder of the JHolman House.
J Holman is Jermaine Holman.
That's my son, who died fromsuicide 21 years ago, come
December, and when my sontransitioned actually because
God said he did not die, hetransitioned so that other sons
can live, but actually becauseGod said he did not die, he
transitioned so that other sonscan live, but my son took his

(47:23):
life.
People said to me are you surethat he was not murdered?
Because black people don't diefrom suicide.
Yeah, they don't believe thatthey didn't believe it, and so
I'm here to dispel that as welland to say that resilience is BS
.
I'm the strong person in myfamily.
I watched them put my son inthe ground and I didn't crack a
tear.

(47:43):
Because of resilience Wow,because you got to show up for
everybody.
You got to be strong, and nowthat I talk about what I talk
about, I have given my familypermission to cry.
Because they didn't cry.
They waited for me to speak.
They waited for me to crybecause I'm the strong one.
Resilience we are taught toswallow our pain.
You're looking at a woman who'sbeen through so much, and I

(48:06):
carried that pain in my throatfor many years.

Speaker 8 (48:09):
I felt like I wanted to cry and then, when I did cry,
I couldn't stop crying andended up on a therapist's chair
because I had a nervousbreakdown and that's what
creating these spaces that we'rein right now, today, are about
right To let people know thatit's okay to be vulnerable, to
let people know that it's okayto be transparent about what
you're going through so we don'thave someone who spends years

(48:31):
with the tears stuck in theirthroat because they feel like
they're supposed to be toostrong to cry, right.
This is a place where you cancome, you can release, you can
feel safe, you can feelsupported, you can be aware that
there are resources out here sothat you don't have to do that.
Because I always say, see, whenwe do that, it's the trauma
we're trying to break, thegenerational trauma, right?

(48:51):
So in order to do that, we haveto be in spaces where we can
feel safe enough to understandthat we can cry, that we can say
no, I'm not OK.
That we can cry, that we cansay no, I'm not okay, right and
no, I need support and I feellike I'm alone.
But to know that you're notalone because I always say
trauma not transformed, it'strauma transferred.

(49:11):
Right and what we're here to dois to end that, to transform the
trauma before it continues tobe passed on and passed on, so
then we don't have children.
Like she said, her familydidn't cry because they were
looking at her right, and thenif she didn't get to a place to
break that, then those familymembers, then the next
generation and the nextgeneration that was going to

(49:32):
just continuously be passed down.
But now she's breaking all ofthat right now with the work
that she's doing, and that'swhat we're here to do too, to
just stop that stigma.
You know, one conversation at atime, one room at a time, one
safe space at a time, and yeah,that's true strength, what
you're doing now, not what itwas before.

Speaker 11 (49:55):
You know what's the crazy thing too, I always say
that we are as sick as oursecrets.
Say that we are as sick as oursecrets.
My family is very secretive,and we are estranged, and not
for no reason, we just arecomfortable not speaking.
And so we went to ourgrandfather's funeral and at the
table was myself and two of myfirst cousins, and all of our

(50:16):
firstborns have died fromsuicide.
And we hadn't had theconversation, no one wanted to
talk about it and we didn'tunderstand what that even looked
like.
And now that I do what I do, myfamily has stopped speaking to
me, because now I'm pulling themask off, I bring gloom and doom
.
So now they stay away from mebecause I'm the spooky one now.

Speaker 2 (50:39):
Those are the same type of people who don't buy
life insurance because theydon't want to talk about death,
absolutely.

Speaker 11 (50:45):
Or buy the life insurance and hide the papers in
the wall and don't tell youwhere they at.
Yes, that part you know what Imean?

Speaker 9 (50:50):
That's insane.

Speaker 2 (50:53):
So now, you're bringing awareness to it.

Speaker 9 (50:55):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
And healing.
Yeah, because you know.
Pardon my ignorance, but itsounds to me like it's happened
to many members of your family.
Is that something that'ssomehow genetic?
I have no idea.
It can be it's genetic.

Speaker 11 (51:07):
It's a lot of trauma , yeah, and we were first
cousins, so there's a lot oftrauma there that has been
generational and hand down.
I think also, too, suicide isgenetic.
They say that it's in the DNA.
I want to say this, too, thatmy son didn't die from having a
mental health issue.
He died from fear because hewas in a gang and he wanted to
come out the gang and he had tokill someone.

(51:29):
So instead of doing that, hekilled himself.

Speaker 8 (51:32):
It's environment and in that case, it's also, it's
environmental, your environment,and, like you said, fear,
because that's what I talk aboutwhen we do our programs with
the kids, right, when we talkabout, just say, like community
violence, right, violence that'shappening in the schools, or
school shootings and we had aconversation, I said so who is
talking to the kids about howthey're navigating, what they

(51:53):
just saw, what they just heard?
Right, if I'm a 12 year old kidwho plays on the basketball
court all the time and then oneof my peers gets shot right and
killed on that same basketballcourt, who's talking to me about
?
Did that make me afraid?
Did that make me angry?
What emotions did that bring upin me?
How am I feeling?

(52:14):
What am I thinking now and howam I managing all of those
things?
Right, because some may befearful and may feel like you
know what I need to get in thegame, because the gang is going
to protect me right.
Some of them may just say youknow what?
I'm angry, so I'm just going togo find a way to get my hands
on a gun.
So now we're carrying a gun,and because you're so nervous as
soon as somebody approaches you, now you don't pull out a gun

(52:34):
and shot somebody.
You've done that, like you said, out of fear.
So environment plays a largerole, I think, in that too.

Speaker 9 (52:41):
And that's what if you could explain what your
organization does.

Speaker 11 (52:45):
So my organization supports suicide loss survivors.
A lot of people don't realizethe aftermath, the direct
aftermath that happens aftersomeone dies from suicide.
We'll actually come into theirspace.
We'll help them clean up.
We'll send a biohazard there ifthe person has performed a
suicide in their house, or we'llhelp them clean the space.
We know that when someone hasdied, sometimes it's a long time

(53:06):
to clean their space.
It took me a year.

Speaker 9 (53:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 11 (53:08):
And I moved.
I didn't even clean, I justmoved.

Speaker 9 (53:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 11 (53:11):
You know, and so we come and support if they need
someone to come with them totalk about organ donation,
because that conversation has tohappen, caskets to happen,
caskets.
Whatever it is, we're there, wealso teach awareness.
Awareness is so important beforeprevention.
I didn't have a language forwhat I was seeing then, but now
I do, and so we teach a lot ofthose things as well.
I'm so excited about hearingthat men are opening up about

(53:34):
mental health, but I'm so overthe spaces that they're
providing without the resources,because now you had me open up
all my scabs and then what?
Wow, yeah what am I gonna do?
So are you calling me andasking me do I need a mental
health appointment?
Do I need a ride?

Speaker 6 (53:49):
did you take?

Speaker 11 (53:49):
your medication today you know, you know how are
you feeling, not how are youdoing, how are you feeling.
Those things are important andwe overlook those things.
So that's what the jay homerhouse does we actually support,
because I believe that suicideis preventable and it's a
symptom, there's roots.
Nobody just wakes up in themorning and says I want to kill
myself.
Yeah there's roots Right, andso we have to get to the roots.

Speaker 8 (54:10):
That's right, and depression and anxiety is a big
risk factor that a lot of peopleoverlook, especially in the
young people.
Like you said, nobody justwakes up and wants to die, and
even the ones who take their ownlives.
What I truly believe it is asense of hopelessness.
Right, because if I feel likethere's nowhere I can go, like I
had a conversation.

(54:30):
So the documentary that we'reworking on is called Butterflies
Jump to and it's all about thecrisis of black youth and
suicide in this country, and sowe sit down and talk with
families who have, likeAntoinette who lost a child to
suicide.
We've spoken to suicidesurvivors I'm talking about.
These are young people, 13, 14,15 years old.

(54:51):
We've talked to psychologists,educators, just, you know
everybody you know that are partof this documentary.
But one of the mothers,rosalind Tyson.
She lost her son, trey Tyson,at 13 years old.
He hung himself in his closetafter being bullied in school.
He took a pair of hissuspenders and he hung himself
in his closet.
And his story is detailed in ourdocumentary and his mother, who

(55:13):
is a PhD.
She is a PhD in nursing and shesaid sometimes you can't even
see what's coming.
And she said and it was soprofound when she said, I wish
Trey would have known the painthat he was feeling at the
moment.
That sense of hopelessness wasa temporary feeling.
You made a permanent decisionfor a feeling that was like

(55:36):
temporary Right.
And so I think that a lot oftimes that's what it is,
especially with our young people.
At the end of the day, theyreally just want to no longer be
in pain.
And what Rosalyn ended upfinding out when she talks about
in the document she found outthat he had attempted and made
like phone calls late that nightto like his cousin and a friend
.
Nobody answered.

Speaker 6 (55:57):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 8 (55:58):
And she said in the document she wholeheartedly
believes that perhaps, if oneperson may have picked up, she
might be torturing herself withthat thought.

Speaker 11 (56:08):
Yeah, but that's something that the J Holman
House does as well.
People write suicide notes, wewrite life plans.
What does it look like?
What's your safe word If I callyou and say apples?
I don't have to explain to youwhat's happening.

Speaker 2 (56:20):
I need you.

Speaker 11 (56:20):
Come.
You know we talk about thosethings.
Who are you going to call?
How do I ground myself when I'mfeeling that way?
Because those things, whensomeone is in crisis, you don't
know to do all those thingsbecause people plan their ending
.
So why don't we plan to live?
I'm a nurse as well.

Speaker 6 (56:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 11 (56:37):
And I worked really hard and you know that was one
of the things that really got me, because I asked my daughter at
the end of the day, am I a goodmom?
And she was like yeah, you know, we go to Disney World, we eat
everything.
You cook food, but you don'tknow if we eat it.
I worked 16 hours a day, sevendays a week, because that's how
I dealt with depression.

Speaker 8 (56:56):
Because that was me when I worked in the music
industry.
When I started telling my story, I had clients and people that
said, there's absolutely no way.
Not the way you were showing upon video sets, not the way you
were showing up for the pressand media run when we had to go
talk to the news people in themagazines about the project.
That could not be you.
And I said, yeah, I was showingup and not only showing up, I
was superseding expectations.

(57:17):
But then I would go home andsometimes I couldn't even get
out of bed for three days andjust really quickly to a point
that you made and because Iwanted to tell you it's not
ignorance, it's just a lack ofknowledge when you said, when I
shared the statistics with you,yeah and you said you didn't
know yeah.
I have spoken on panels, donepresentations in schools,
churches, differentorganizations.
When I share that informationabout what's happening with our

(57:40):
youth and suicide, they are inshock.
It's like completely over theirhead.
They are completely obliviousthat this is happening in our
community.
So it is not just you.
A lot of people are unawarewhat is going on and that's why
I'm grateful to be able to sharethis platform and be able to

(58:00):
share this message and to sitdown and have Antoinette a part
of this conversation as well,because knowledge is key and
that's why, when you look at mybanner, it says stop the stigma,
start the conversation.
It starts with having theconversations, one conversation
at a time.

Speaker 2 (58:16):
I mean if it's happening in our own community.
How do we not know the stats?
We should know that this is anepidemic, well one, because our
families say you know blackculture.

Speaker 8 (58:24):
You don't talk about what.
Are you kidding me, Like youdon't talk about what goes on in
my house, and then you haveparents that they maybe the ones
that do see signs.
I've seen some parents say, likeyou said when you said you
asked your daughter am I a goodmother?
Right, because if my childchild is dealing with depression
or have had suicide ideationand have attempted suicide, you
know.
You have parents that aresaying well then, what does that

(58:44):
say about me as a mother, as aparent, what am I not saying or
doing enough of?
So it is definitely both.
It is the stigma People arejust don't even didn't used to
like to talk about mental healthand what they were dealing with
Nevertheless, like a childdying by suicide or the rates of
suicide in the community.
So I think it's a culminationof things.
It's a lack of the knowledgeand then, yes, also that stigma

(59:07):
and the secrets that preventpeople from talking about it
when they should be.

Speaker 11 (59:11):
And it's a shame.
One thing that Jay Homer Housecomes up against every day is
shame and guilt.
My son has been gone 21 years.
It has kept me in a space thatI would not even launch forth,
the j homer house, because I hadso much shame and so much guilt
like how could he do this?
What kind of mother am I?
Why would you even do somethinglike that?

(59:32):
How you even be a part of thegang?
I'm a nurse.
What are you doing?
So it's a whole lot that youknow.
That had to come and I have noshame at all anymore, no guilt
anymore, and I and I believethat we really need to conquer
that shame and guilt, becausethat's what keeps us from even
talking about the conversation.

Speaker 2 (59:50):
I want to send you all of my, my strength, my love
and also any kind of way that Ican assist, and we'll stay in
touch thank you know I want tobe part of that movement as
something I'm already spreadthin but I'm like any capacity,
whether it's through thisparticular podcast, whether it's
any kind of thing that I can do.
You two stuff.
What you're doing here isamazing Putting that together.

(01:00:11):
And there's so many differentpeople here from all kinds of
therapies, and we've met so manywonderful people here.
I've interviewed a whole lot ofthem.
Kudos to you.

Speaker 8 (01:00:19):
Thank you so much Again.
The mission is just to letpeople know that you're not
alone, you don't have to sufferin silence and you can heal and
make it through to the otherside.
You just have to know andbelieve that you're worth it.
And in order for you to getthere, you still have to be here
.

Speaker 6 (01:00:35):
We need you here.

Speaker 8 (01:00:36):
Your life matters, you matter.
That's the message.
And again, you know mentalhealth is health.
Mental health mattersencouraging people to take care
of themselves.
Reach out for support, check onyour strong friends.
Again, let's end the stigma.
Hopefully that people willleave here today.
Take the support and theresources because we talked
about that.
I'm glad that everybodyparticipated in all the

(01:00:57):
workshops and stuff but takewhat you've gotten here right.
Take it and make it a part ofyour daily life and towards your
healing.
Spread the information, shareit with somebody, things that
you've learned and because,again, self-care is community
care, so we have to learn tostart taking care of ourselves
and as we heal, then ourcommunities heal.

Speaker 2 (01:01:16):
Love it, love it.
So I want to ask I want tostart with you and then you,
antoinette where do we find youWebsite, social media, et cetera
?

Speaker 11 (01:01:24):
The name of my website is called the J Holman
House.

Speaker 2 (01:01:27):
Spell Holman.

Speaker 11 (01:01:28):
H-O-L-M-A-N.
The jholmanhouseorg.
There's something called theHolman House.
Don't forget the J, becauseyou're going to end up on the
wrong website and then myFacebook, is the J Home and
House, the place where theinvisible become visible.

Speaker 2 (01:01:45):
Steph, I'm pretty sure you have a long list of
social media websites andeverything.

Speaker 8 (01:01:50):
Yeah, so my website is wwwtotalitywellnessorg.
Our Instagram istotalitywellness.
Instagram is totalitywellness.
My personal Instagram is StephS-T-E-P-H dot Carnegie
C-A-R-N-E-G-I-E.
My last name and just yeah, youcan follow us there and you can

(01:02:15):
email us info attotalitywellnesscom.
Or you could just send a um org, I'm sorry.
Or you could just send amessage straight to our website,
you know, to get in contactwith us about partnerships,
collaborations and to just findout more about our workshops and
our programs.
And just, please, be on thelookout for Butterfly's Jump to
that documentary on black youthand suicide.

Speaker 9 (01:02:34):
Will that be out?
You think this year, next year?

Speaker 8 (01:02:37):
We are looking to finish it this year.
We actually have the shortversion, the 20 minute version.
I was going to play the trailerhere today, but it was just so
much that was happening.
But again, we're going to beworking on some stuff.
September is Suicide AwarenessMonth, so we have the short.
It's a 20 minute short that'sbeen in some film festivals and
we're looking to complete thefull length by the end of this

(01:02:57):
year.

Speaker 9 (01:02:58):
So yeah, good luck.

Speaker 8 (01:02:59):
Thank you so much and thank you, guys for joining us,
supporting us and for beinghere.

Speaker 2 (01:03:04):
Thanks for having us.
Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 8 (01:03:05):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:03:06):
Alright, we'll catch y'all next week.
Yeah, normally I'd end the show.

Speaker 9 (01:03:10):
I just feel like it's so inappropriate right now.
Yeah, don't do it, we're losingit, you sure.

Speaker 2 (01:03:14):
Okay, yeah, I'll just keep it regular.

Speaker 8 (01:03:16):
You sure.
You sure Because I, I want tobe a part of, like what the
movement is.

Speaker 2 (01:03:21):
Traditionally we end every show by having someone
just read the outro notes.
But you have to do it, doing animpression.

Speaker 8 (01:03:29):
Oh.

Speaker 2 (01:03:30):
And you're going to be, is it DMX?

Speaker 9 (01:03:37):
Yeah, I'll make it bigger for you.

Speaker 11 (01:03:39):
Okay.

Speaker 8 (01:03:39):
We ready.

Speaker 5 (01:03:40):
Bring it.
Bring it, please.

Speaker 8 (01:03:44):
support us by following the show, leave us a
five star review or add morepodcasts.
Thank you so much for listening.
We'll catch you next week whenwe share conversations
surrounding real issues we dealwith every day.
Manhood matters.
We out when my dogs at.

Speaker 1 (01:04:00):
That was awesome, that was awesome, that was
awesome.
Oh my God, that was perfect.

Speaker 8 (01:04:07):
Total men, take care of yourself.

Speaker 9 (01:04:08):
It's men's health month it's men's health month.

Speaker 6 (01:04:17):
Hey, I'm Allison Stefan's daughter.
I wanted to let you know thatyou're not alone in your fight,
no matter what you're goingthrough.
There are plenty of supportgroups, including the ones
mentioned on this particularepisode and written in the show
notes.
But as a law student, it isimportant to note that the sole
purpose of this program is toeducate and entertain.

(01:04:38):
It is not intended to be asubstitute for a clinical
diagnosis.
If you're struggling withanything, please be sure to
contact a licensed therapist,psychologist or doctor.
In the meantime, we are sendingyou our strength and our love.
Thanks for sharing the episode.

(01:05:00):
Till next Monday.