June 17, 2025 • 13 mins
In this episode, we explore the increasing complexity of manhood in modern society. We discuss traditional expectations of men, the confusion these expectations cause today, and the resulting feelings of hopelessness.
We provide actionable steps to navigate these challenges, including naming struggles without shame, seeking mentorship, defining personal allegiances, and building quality male friendships.
00:00 Introduction: The Allure of Classic Masculinity
01:23 The Decline of Modern Manhood
03:03 Challenges of Contemporary Masculinity
04:32 The Crisis of Male Identity
09:02 Reclaiming a Vision of Manhood
10:44 Building Brotherhood and Honor
12:04 Conclusion: Steps to Rediscover Manhood
💪 Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly. 💪
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Men?
Have you ever watched an oldJohn Wayne or Clint Eastwood
movie and thought, God, that guyis such a badass.
Or maybe you've watchedsomething like William Wallace
in Braveheart, or Maximus inGladiator, or Aragorn in Lord of
the Rings and thought, I reallywant to be like that guy.
Of course you have'cause you'rea man.
(00:23):
Of course you've thought thosethings.
We all think of those things aswe watch those kinds of movies
because they appeal to somethingin our masculine heart.
They appeal to this natural kindof warrior side of us.
This something that is in usthat comes up when we see a man
living this epic kind of lifeand fighting for things that
really matter and standing upfor things that are important
(00:44):
and that should be believed in.
We watch men do that.
In film and it stirs somethingin us to want to be like that.
I think there's something, evenmaybe it's a little bit
nostalgic, but I think there issome truth to it as well that
looks back on previousgenerations of other men in our
culture and says those men hadsomething that we don't have
(01:05):
anymore.
There was a real manhood thatwas there within men in previous
generations that we have somehowlost, misplaced.
Just become unfamiliar with noone's really sure, but it does
seem to be missing for somereason in our current era of
masculinity.
I.
Why is this?
(01:25):
Why is it then when we lookaround at men in our era, we
don't see warriors.
We see guys who are just tired.
We're just exhausted, we're beatdown.
It feels like we're probablydoing more than men in any other
era have ever done, and yet atthe same time, we somehow feel
less as men.
(01:46):
We haven't risen to some betterversion of masculinity to like
some higher peak of manhood.
We've actually somehow likedeclined even in the fact that
we are doing more, givingourselves to more, showing up
for more being present andavailable in more ways.
How is it that there is justmore and more and more in our
(02:08):
lives and yet there is less ofus as men?
We are not the men that we wantto be.
We're not really the men that wewere meant to be.
What's going on there?
Why is there such a disconnect?
And what do we do to be able toget back in touch with this
masculine heart that we need totry to recover?
(02:30):
Welcome here to the ManhoodTribes Channel.
My name is Don, and my job hereat Manhood Tribes is to give you
a clear vision of what it meansto be a man, a clear challenge
to build strong malefriendships, and a clear path
for how to do both of thosethings.
So today what I really want totalk about is manhood in the
current moment.
(02:50):
If you're watching this videowhen it's first released, this
is 2025, and we're just kind oftalking about the fact that
manhood today doesn't feel atall what we at least think
manhood felt like even just afew generations ago.
We've gone from this idea ofkind of this like warrior
version of masculinity to justsort of feeling worn out and
exhausted.
(03:10):
We're, we're not the kind of menthat we wish that we could be,
but yet at the same time, it'snot like we have all this
capacity to be anythingdifferent.
I.
We're, we're giving ourselves toeverything that we possibly can
or because so much is expectedof us, we've just checked out,
we've decided I don't wanna doany of that, so I'm just gonna
pursue all the things that Iwanna pursue and make the best
(03:33):
life that I can.
Regardless of what you know,being a man is supposed to be
about, I'm just gonna do my ownthing.
Both paths are happening at thesame time in our culture right
now, and neither of them isleading us to as men to a good
place.
The traditional roles of what wehave often defined masculinity
by, whether it's things likestrength or courage or duty, or
(03:55):
honor, or sacrifice, all ofthose things have now come into
question.
They've been criticized, they'vebeen thrown under the bus.
We've been told that those kindsof things are toxic and that we
shouldn't try to live that way.
We've been told that just beinga man can be bad and detrimental
to our communities and to ourworld.
How are we supposed to then showup?
(04:17):
What are we supposed to do?
We're not gonna stop being men.
And yet, at the same time, insome places of our world, that
seems exactly what is beingasked of us, and yet we're also
being asked to do more than wehave ever done before.
Men used to be needed in justsome kind of clear and simple
ways.
We were meant to be thebuilders, the protectors, the
(04:38):
providers, the leaders in ourhomes, in our communities.
And now we're needed to be waymore than that.
Not only to show up in thoseways, but to be emotionally and
relationally present to be wiseto relational and social.
Movings and activities to beable to attune to our own hearts
and to the hearts of everyoneelse around us.
(05:00):
Look, these are not bad things.
Those are things that I want tobe able to to do, that I aspire
to do well, and yet it is morethan we've ever been asked to do
as men.
And so because of that, most ofus are struggling under the
weight of trying to do more thanwe've ever done before, and just
this kind of low grade feelingof I'm failing at all of it.
(05:24):
I'm not really doing well at anyof the things that I'm asked to
be doing.
I'm not effective in my workenvironment.
I'm not effective in my homeenvironment, or I haven't been
able to create a homeenvironment that I actually want
to have because I'm noteffective as the kind of man who
can have a relationship with awoman, or I'm afraid of having
kids because I don't think I'llbe a good dad or whatever.
(05:46):
The reason is you've decidedthat being a parent to a dog is
better than being a parent to achild, or at least it's easier,
and so you've gone that route,right?
There's plenty of guys that aredoing it.
But we don't have the things inour world anymore that have
helped men in previousgenerations to be able to move
into manhood with confidence andto live out of that place
(06:08):
effectively.
Manhood these days is vague,it's criticized and often
unwanted.
To show up as a man used to showup is in a lot of ways, we're
told these days that weshouldn't do that.
That we should leave, leave roomfor women and for anyone to show
up in those ways.
It can't just be men and toexpect as men that we should
show up.
(06:28):
That way is chauvinistic and oldand we shouldn't act like that
anymore.
And yet at the same time as men,we don't have any kind of
mentorship.
We don't have rites of passageor initiation.
We don't have ways of invitingyounger men up into a manhood
that they actually want to be apart of.
We're not showing a path forwardfor men on what it looks like to
(06:51):
be a man, and we're certainlynot creating a vision of manhood
that other men stand up and go,yeah, that's what I want.
We don't see younger men lookingat older men saying.
I wanna be a part of theirworld.
We see younger men looking atolder men going, you guys are
boring and exhausting, and whywould I ever want that kind of
life?
I'll just go check out and be anadolescent for the rest of my
(07:14):
life.
I'll just have fun and do thethings that are fulfilling for
me, but it becomes entirelyselfish and eventually a man
wears out on that path as well.
We don't have paths forward thatare fulfilling and meaningful
for men anymore, and so becauseof that, we're just doing
everything that we can andwearing ourselves out in the
process.
(07:35):
We have also entered into aworld where our work is mostly
digital.
We're separated and isolated.
We sit at desks all day longinstead of using our bodies to
be able to accomplish things inthe world, we don't connect well
relationally in the environmentswhere we work anymore.
And because of that, men thesedays have fewer friends than we
ever have had in probably thehistory of our complete Western
(07:58):
culture.
Men are isolated, and because ofthat, we've lost our ability to
really know how to relate toeach other as men and to create
something that men want to be apart of.
We are worn out and we just needto be honest about it.
We need to be honest about thefact that we are being asked
more of than we are capable ofdoing.
(08:21):
It is death by a thousandexpectations from men these
days, and that's just thereality for most of us.
We're told to be strong, butalso to be sensitive.
We're told to be providers, butalso to be present.
We're told to do all of it.
And to do all of it is just toomuch men and women as well.
But no one really is meant to doall of it.
(08:42):
But men these days especially,are being expected that.
The exhaustion of trying to doeverything for everyone is going
to kill all of us.
We simply can't carry that load,and we certainly can't carry it
by ourselves, which is what mostmen are trying to do.
So where do we go from there?
(09:02):
How do we get back to reclaimingthis kind of older warrior sense
of masculinity, this strengththat just seemed to exude from a
different version of what itmeant to be a man, but that also
came with some kind of a senseof purpose, of peace, of
wellbeing, of a sense of, I ameffective in what it means to be
(09:23):
a man.
I'm actually accomplishing somepurpose in my life.
How do we get to that placeagain?
We do need to reclaim a visionof what it means to be a man.
We need to have some sense ofwhere we're headed there.
Here at the Manhood TribesChannel, I talk about that in
terms of the five marks ofmanhood.
Now I have some videos, somecontent on that that you can go
(09:44):
back and watch.
I'll just mention them herebriefly.
Strength, courage, skill, honorand allegiance.
These are the things that allmen need to possess in order to
demonstrate what it means to bea man.
If you want more detail on that,go back and watch those videos
to help recover some ideas ofwhat a clear vision of being a
man actually does need to looklike.
(10:06):
But more than that, we men needa fight.
We need something in life thatactually does matter.
We need to choose something thatwe're actually going to want to
and be able to stand up for.
Whether that is brotherhood withother men, I.
Whether that is a faith thatmatters to you, whether that is
building something lasting inyour community that's actually
(10:27):
gonna make a difference in thelives of others, you need
something that you can engagewith that feels meaningful and
purposeful and is bigger thanyou.
It's time to find something tofight for, to help give you a
sense of direction and purposein your life.
We also need to pursue honor.
(10:47):
Now, I know I mentioned that asone of the five marks of
manhood, but this one inparticular is one that we as men
have got to recover.
We need honor in our lives, andin order to have honor, we have
to have friends.
Honor is about doing right byyour peers.
It is about having a group ofmen around you that you hold up
(11:08):
some shared values and youreceive honor from one another
for living in a way that you allagree is good.
When we live that way, we as menhave a natural sense of, I'm
living life.
Well, we need to be recoveringhonor.
But to do that, we've got to bebuilding relationships with
(11:29):
other men.
So if you've been listening tothese videos or following along,
you have heard me say, you'vegot to start building.
Relationships with other guys.
You need to be putting yourselfin places where you can connect
with other men.
Even if it's not for the sakeinitially of developing deep
friendships.
You at least need to beconnecting with other men,
whether that's at the gym or atthe church, or through school or
(11:53):
you know, whatever yourenvironment is.
You've got to find a way to getaround other men where you can
start developing otherrelationships.
Here's the thing, guys.
You're not broken.
We are not just doing everythingwrong, you're not failing at
life.
You're just worn out fromcarrying a load that no man was
(12:15):
meant to carry and certainly wasnot meant to carry alone.
It's time to start thinkingabout how we do life
differently.
If you want some ideas on howyou can start developing that
vision of manhood, I've got afree resource for you called How
Manly are You?
It's a quiz that will help youevaluate how you're doing in
each of the five marks ofmanhood and even point you in
(12:36):
some directions to help youdevelop those things a little
bit better.
You can download that quiz forfree.
At Manhood tribes.com/manly.
So if you go there today, youcan download that, take that
quiz for free, and start gettingsome more resources to help you
along the path towards becomingthe kind of man that you want to
be.
That's manhood tribes.com/manly.
(12:58):
Hit the like and subscribebutton for this video and down
below it, I want you to justcomment on what's something that
you looked up to about men inprevious generations?
What have you seen in other menthat you admire and want to be
true of yourself?
Comment with that and I lookforward to engaging with your
comments and talking to youagain soon.
We'll see you then.
Men?
Have you ever watched an oldJohn Wayne or Clint Eastwood
movie and thought, God, that guyis such a badass.
Or maybe you've watchedsomething like William Wallace
in Braveheart, or Maximus inGladiator, or Aragorn in Lord of
the Rings and thought, I reallywant to be like that guy.
Of course you have'cause you'rea man.
(00:23):
Of course you've thought thosethings.
We all think of those things aswe watch those kinds of movies
because they appeal to somethingin our masculine heart.
They appeal to this natural kindof warrior side of us.
This something that is in usthat comes up when we see a man
living this epic kind of lifeand fighting for things that
really matter and standing upfor things that are important
(00:44):
and that should be believed in.
We watch men do that.
In film and it stirs somethingin us to want to be like that.
I think there's something, evenmaybe it's a little bit
nostalgic, but I think there issome truth to it as well that
looks back on previousgenerations of other men in our
culture and says those men hadsomething that we don't have
(01:05):
anymore.
There was a real manhood thatwas there within men in previous
generations that we have somehowlost, misplaced.
Just become unfamiliar with noone's really sure, but it does
seem to be missing for somereason in our current era of
masculinity.
I.
Why is this?
(01:25):
Why is it then when we lookaround at men in our era, we
don't see warriors.
We see guys who are just tired.
We're just exhausted, we're beatdown.
It feels like we're probablydoing more than men in any other
era have ever done, and yet atthe same time, we somehow feel
less as men.
(01:46):
We haven't risen to some betterversion of masculinity to like
some higher peak of manhood.
We've actually somehow likedeclined even in the fact that
we are doing more, givingourselves to more, showing up
for more being present andavailable in more ways.
How is it that there is justmore and more and more in our
(02:08):
lives and yet there is less ofus as men?
We are not the men that we wantto be.
We're not really the men that wewere meant to be.
What's going on there?
Why is there such a disconnect?
And what do we do to be able toget back in touch with this
masculine heart that we need totry to recover?
(02:30):
Welcome here to the ManhoodTribes Channel.
My name is Don, and my job hereat Manhood Tribes is to give you
a clear vision of what it meansto be a man, a clear challenge
to build strong malefriendships, and a clear path
for how to do both of thosethings.
So today what I really want totalk about is manhood in the
current moment.
(02:50):
If you're watching this videowhen it's first released, this
is 2025, and we're just kind oftalking about the fact that
manhood today doesn't feel atall what we at least think
manhood felt like even just afew generations ago.
We've gone from this idea ofkind of this like warrior
version of masculinity to justsort of feeling worn out and
exhausted.
(03:10):
We're, we're not the kind of menthat we wish that we could be,
but yet at the same time, it'snot like we have all this
capacity to be anythingdifferent.
I.
We're, we're giving ourselves toeverything that we possibly can
or because so much is expectedof us, we've just checked out,
we've decided I don't wanna doany of that, so I'm just gonna
pursue all the things that Iwanna pursue and make the best
(03:33):
life that I can.
Regardless of what you know,being a man is supposed to be
about, I'm just gonna do my ownthing.
Both paths are happening at thesame time in our culture right
now, and neither of them isleading us to as men to a good
place.
The traditional roles of what wehave often defined masculinity
by, whether it's things likestrength or courage or duty, or
(03:55):
honor, or sacrifice, all ofthose things have now come into
question.
They've been criticized, they'vebeen thrown under the bus.
We've been told that those kindsof things are toxic and that we
shouldn't try to live that way.
We've been told that just beinga man can be bad and detrimental
to our communities and to ourworld.
How are we supposed to then showup?
(04:17):
What are we supposed to do?
We're not gonna stop being men.
And yet, at the same time, insome places of our world, that
seems exactly what is beingasked of us, and yet we're also
being asked to do more than wehave ever done before.
Men used to be needed in justsome kind of clear and simple
ways.
We were meant to be thebuilders, the protectors, the
(04:38):
providers, the leaders in ourhomes, in our communities.
And now we're needed to be waymore than that.
Not only to show up in thoseways, but to be emotionally and
relationally present to be wiseto relational and social.
Movings and activities to beable to attune to our own hearts
and to the hearts of everyoneelse around us.
(05:00):
Look, these are not bad things.
Those are things that I want tobe able to to do, that I aspire
to do well, and yet it is morethan we've ever been asked to do
as men.
And so because of that, most ofus are struggling under the
weight of trying to do more thanwe've ever done before, and just
this kind of low grade feelingof I'm failing at all of it.
(05:24):
I'm not really doing well at anyof the things that I'm asked to
be doing.
I'm not effective in my workenvironment.
I'm not effective in my homeenvironment, or I haven't been
able to create a homeenvironment that I actually want
to have because I'm noteffective as the kind of man who
can have a relationship with awoman, or I'm afraid of having
kids because I don't think I'llbe a good dad or whatever.
(05:46):
The reason is you've decidedthat being a parent to a dog is
better than being a parent to achild, or at least it's easier,
and so you've gone that route,right?
There's plenty of guys that aredoing it.
But we don't have the things inour world anymore that have
helped men in previousgenerations to be able to move
into manhood with confidence andto live out of that place
(06:08):
effectively.
Manhood these days is vague,it's criticized and often
unwanted.
To show up as a man used to showup is in a lot of ways, we're
told these days that weshouldn't do that.
That we should leave, leave roomfor women and for anyone to show
up in those ways.
It can't just be men and toexpect as men that we should
show up.
(06:28):
That way is chauvinistic and oldand we shouldn't act like that
anymore.
And yet at the same time as men,we don't have any kind of
mentorship.
We don't have rites of passageor initiation.
We don't have ways of invitingyounger men up into a manhood
that they actually want to be apart of.
We're not showing a path forwardfor men on what it looks like to
(06:51):
be a man, and we're certainlynot creating a vision of manhood
that other men stand up and go,yeah, that's what I want.
We don't see younger men lookingat older men saying.
I wanna be a part of theirworld.
We see younger men looking atolder men going, you guys are
boring and exhausting, and whywould I ever want that kind of
life?
I'll just go check out and be anadolescent for the rest of my
(07:14):
life.
I'll just have fun and do thethings that are fulfilling for
me, but it becomes entirelyselfish and eventually a man
wears out on that path as well.
We don't have paths forward thatare fulfilling and meaningful
for men anymore, and so becauseof that, we're just doing
everything that we can andwearing ourselves out in the
process.
(07:35):
We have also entered into aworld where our work is mostly
digital.
We're separated and isolated.
We sit at desks all day longinstead of using our bodies to
be able to accomplish things inthe world, we don't connect well
relationally in the environmentswhere we work anymore.
And because of that, men thesedays have fewer friends than we
ever have had in probably thehistory of our complete Western
(07:58):
culture.
Men are isolated, and because ofthat, we've lost our ability to
really know how to relate toeach other as men and to create
something that men want to be apart of.
We are worn out and we just needto be honest about it.
We need to be honest about thefact that we are being asked
more of than we are capable ofdoing.
(08:21):
It is death by a thousandexpectations from men these
days, and that's just thereality for most of us.
We're told to be strong, butalso to be sensitive.
We're told to be providers, butalso to be present.
We're told to do all of it.
And to do all of it is just toomuch men and women as well.
But no one really is meant to doall of it.
(08:42):
But men these days especially,are being expected that.
The exhaustion of trying to doeverything for everyone is going
to kill all of us.
We simply can't carry that load,and we certainly can't carry it
by ourselves, which is what mostmen are trying to do.
So where do we go from there?
(09:02):
How do we get back to reclaimingthis kind of older warrior sense
of masculinity, this strengththat just seemed to exude from a
different version of what itmeant to be a man, but that also
came with some kind of a senseof purpose, of peace, of
wellbeing, of a sense of, I ameffective in what it means to be
(09:23):
a man.
I'm actually accomplishing somepurpose in my life.
How do we get to that placeagain?
We do need to reclaim a visionof what it means to be a man.
We need to have some sense ofwhere we're headed there.
Here at the Manhood TribesChannel, I talk about that in
terms of the five marks ofmanhood.
Now I have some videos, somecontent on that that you can go
(09:44):
back and watch.
I'll just mention them herebriefly.
Strength, courage, skill, honorand allegiance.
These are the things that allmen need to possess in order to
demonstrate what it means to bea man.
If you want more detail on that,go back and watch those videos
to help recover some ideas ofwhat a clear vision of being a
man actually does need to looklike.
(10:06):
But more than that, we men needa fight.
We need something in life thatactually does matter.
We need to choose something thatwe're actually going to want to
and be able to stand up for.
Whether that is brotherhood withother men, I.
Whether that is a faith thatmatters to you, whether that is
building something lasting inyour community that's actually
(10:27):
gonna make a difference in thelives of others, you need
something that you can engagewith that feels meaningful and
purposeful and is bigger thanyou.
It's time to find something tofight for, to help give you a
sense of direction and purposein your life.
We also need to pursue honor.
(10:47):
Now, I know I mentioned that asone of the five marks of
manhood, but this one inparticular is one that we as men
have got to recover.
We need honor in our lives, andin order to have honor, we have
to have friends.
Honor is about doing right byyour peers.
It is about having a group ofmen around you that you hold up
(11:08):
some shared values and youreceive honor from one another
for living in a way that you allagree is good.
When we live that way, we as menhave a natural sense of, I'm
living life.
Well, we need to be recoveringhonor.
But to do that, we've got to bebuilding relationships with
(11:29):
other men.
So if you've been listening tothese videos or following along,
you have heard me say, you'vegot to start building.
Relationships with other guys.
You need to be putting yourselfin places where you can connect
with other men.
Even if it's not for the sakeinitially of developing deep
friendships.
You at least need to beconnecting with other men,
whether that's at the gym or atthe church, or through school or
(11:53):
you know, whatever yourenvironment is.
You've got to find a way to getaround other men where you can
start developing otherrelationships.
Here's the thing, guys.
You're not broken.
We are not just doing everythingwrong, you're not failing at
life.
You're just worn out fromcarrying a load that no man was
(12:15):
meant to carry and certainly wasnot meant to carry alone.
It's time to start thinkingabout how we do life
differently.
If you want some ideas on howyou can start developing that
vision of manhood, I've got afree resource for you called How
Manly are You?
It's a quiz that will help youevaluate how you're doing in
each of the five marks ofmanhood and even point you in
(12:36):
some directions to help youdevelop those things a little
bit better.
You can download that quiz forfree.
At Manhood tribes.com/manly.
So if you go there today, youcan download that, take that
quiz for free, and start gettingsome more resources to help you
along the path towards becomingthe kind of man that you want to
be.
That's manhood tribes.com/manly.
(12:58):
Hit the like and subscribebutton for this video and down
below it, I want you to justcomment on what's something that
you looked up to about men inprevious generations?
What have you seen in other menthat you admire and want to be
true of yourself?
Comment with that and I lookforward to engaging with your
comments and talking to youagain soon.
We'll see you then.
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