June 10, 2025 • 17 mins
In this episode, we delve into the immense pressures men face today.
We identify three primary pressures: the pressure to perform, to be emotionally fluent, and to be everything to everyone.
We discuss the mental and emotional toll these pressures take and emphasize the importance of acknowledging these difficulties and seeking help.
00:00 Understanding the Pressures Men Face
00:56 Introduction to Hidden Pressures
02:10 Pressure to Perform
05:27 Pressure to Be Emotionally Fluent
08:48 Pressure to Be Everything to Everyone
14:28 Acknowledging and Seeking Help
15:24 Building Connections and Community
16:40 Engage with the Community
💪 Want to know how you measure up as a man? Take our free quiz, called How Manly Are You? and learn how you can get better at being a man. Download for free at manhoodtribes.com/manly. 💪
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
Every man I know feels like heis under a tremendous amount of
pressure.
Pressure that he doesn't reallyknow how to talk about and is
probably sure that he's the onlyone who's feeling that kind of
pressure.
Whether it's the pressure tohave to build a life that he
doesn't yet have, or thepressure to keep a life together
(00:21):
that he is trying to maintain,or the pressure to be able to
hold it together through the endof his life, whether that's
financially or.
Yeah, physically or in someother way, having to do with the
health and stamina of his life.
Every man feels like if he slipsfor even just a minute, that
(00:42):
everything is gonna comecrashing down around him.
And the life that he's trying tohave or trying to maintain is
going to completely fall apart.
Men are dying from these kindsof pressures.
And today there's three that Ireally want to hone in on now.
Look.
There's a lot, probably, there'sa lot of pressures that men are
(01:02):
dealing with.
Breaking it down into threecategories is maybe
oversimplifying it, but thereare at least three that we need
to talk about here today On theManhood Tribes Channel.
I want us to be able to addressthe hidden pressures that are
killing men because they reallyare doing that.
I'm not exaggerating.
They're killing us, whetherthat's by taking their emotional
and physical toll on our bodiesand we're wearing out.
(01:25):
Or from men giving up andchoosing, suicide as a way out
of life because the toll and thepressure is just too high, it is
killing us, so we've got tofigure out what to do about it.
My name's Don Ross and here atthe Manhood Tribes Channel.
My job is to try to give you aclear vision of what it means to
(01:46):
be a man, a clear challenge, tobuild strong male friendships
and a clear path to be able todo both.
So today on this episode, I wantto be able to address these
hidden pressures that arekilling us and why they are so
important for us to address andhow those other things that I
just talked about relate toaddressing those pressures.
We've got to learn to deal withthem guys, or we don't really
(02:07):
stand a chance.
So let's dive in.
The first of those three hiddenpressures is the pressure to
perform.
Every guy feels this pressure insome way, shape, or form,
because that's what we feel likeis expected of us.
We feel like we have got to showup in some way in order to be
effective or to amount tosomething, or to have meaning in
(02:30):
life or to come through forothers.
Whatever it is.
We feel like something isexpected of us, but very few of
us can actually put our fingeron what it is that we are
supposed to be doing.
Very few of us know what kind ofperformance we're supposed to be
giving.
We just know that we're supposedto be giving something and
(02:51):
frankly, we're, we're feelinglike we're supposed to be giving
a lot.
Most men feel like we aresupposed to come through in some
way as the stable one inwhatever relationships we're a
part of.
We are supposed to be the rock.
We're supposed to be the onethat everybody else can kind of
lean on or fall on or fall apartaround, or rage and be emotional
(03:14):
or be down in the dumps orwhatever it is.
We are the ones who need to besteady and strong so that
everybody else around us can dowhat they need to do.
Or if we're not feeling thatway, if we're feeling like we
are that person who is fallingapart and who our emotions are
out of control, or we can't seemto get a handle on our mental
(03:36):
health.
Then we are the ones feelinglike I've got to do better at
that.
I've got to get myself in check.
I've got to be doing better.
I know that this isn't okay, andsomehow I've got to figure a way
forward to be able to be betterthan I currently am.
At the moment, wherever you fallon that spectrum, you're likely
feeling that very same pressureto perform.
(03:59):
To have to be something that youaren't currently at the moment
or to have to be better than youfeel like you are right now.
That pressure is a weight thatmost guys don't even necessarily
know that they're carrying, butthey sure aren't allowing anyone
else to carry it with thembecause it feels like we have to
(04:20):
be the base of the pyramid.
We have to be the thing that isholding all the other things up.
And so it's not okay for us toshow a crack in our armor to
say, Hey, I'm actually reallyhaving a hard time doing this.
I'm having a hard time beingthis performer who has to keep
it all together for everybodyelse.
I'm having a hard time holdingmy own life together, let alone
(04:43):
anybody else's.
And because we feel like we'vegot to be the strong ones, we
don't.
We're not honest with anybodyelse.
That we actually don't feel allthat strong, that we don't have
the strength that we need to beable to offer to the others
around us who really need thatstrength from us.
And it's wearing us down.
It's leaving us exhausted.
(05:04):
It's leaving us frankly afraid,ashamed, insecure, and feeling
guilty.
But more than anything, it'sleaving us feeling like if I
slip for just a moment, if Ishow a crack or a weakness,
everything is gonna fall apart,and everyone is counting on me
and I can't fall apart.
The pressure is killing us.
(05:27):
The second pressure that men arehaving to deal with is the
pressure to be what I'll callemotionally fluent.
That means we, you know, put inan older version.
We need to be in touch with oursensitive side.
But at the same time, mm, nottoo much.
Like we still need to be men.
We don't need to be women, butwe need to be conversive in a
(05:48):
language that in an oldergeneration, only women we're
conversive in today.
Men are expected to be able toshow up as it relates to their
emotional health, our mentalhealth, our relational health,
and all of these othercategories that are a little bit
foreign to us.
They're a little bit differentthan what most men are naturally
comfortable in, and they're kindof some areas where men haven't
(06:11):
really been taught how to beable to handle those sides of
ourselves.
But because of that, we're notgiven any grace.
We're just expected that like,oh, you know, no one taught you
how to do that.
Well, too bad.
This is what is expected of youtoday.
You need to know how to talkabout your feelings.
You need to know when to talkabout your feelings.
But you also need to know thatyou shouldn't talk about them
(06:33):
too much.
Like if you start talking aboutyour feelings too much, then you
might come across as feminine oras gay, or as something that you
don't want to be labeled as, oryou might be seen as passive or
overly nice, or all of a suddennow women aren't attracted to
you anymore because you start tosound like not really a man
anymore.
So there's this weird like fineline of.
(06:57):
I've got to kinda walk thisboundary between being a man who
is strong and capable andcompetent and can be leaned on,
but at the same time, he's verymuch in touch with, uh, the
emotional side of his life andis comfortable being able to
express things about hisfeelings, but doesn't do it too
much.
Doesn't show.
(07:17):
Too much of that side of himselfbecause that might make him look
weak or passive or feminine, orsomething that he doesn't want
to be and doesn't want to beseen as and doesn't want anybody
else to think of him as.
This is a line that honestly noman is capable of walking.
Okay?
Let's just be honest about that,guys.
We aren't meant to succeed.
(07:38):
That's not a path that any mancan succeed on.
It's too much to be asked of usbecause it's too much to be
asked of anyone.
That that person is a myth.
They're a ghost.
They're a vapor.
They don't actually exist.
No man can do that well, becausethat's actually not a thing.
So we need to give ourselvessome grace.
(07:59):
We need to give ourselvespermission to let the pressure
off of this and to just say, youknow what?
It's okay for me to be honestabout what I'm dealing with,
with the people that I want tobe honest about it, and I'll let
them deal with how I come acrossif it's too much or it's too
little.
That's on them.
But I need to be able to releasethe pressure of what I'm dealing
(08:20):
with, of having to hold all ofthis in.
It is time to stop punishingourselves for being too much or
too little because we're gonnabe both at some points in time
to different people, and that'sjust the reality of life.
But it's time to give ourselvespermission and grace to be okay
with however we come across andto release the pressure with the
(08:42):
people that we need to be ableto do that with.
Which brings me to the thirdpoint.
The third pressure that men arereally dealing with is the
pressure to have to beeverything to everyone.
Now, in some ways, men havealways carried this pressure.
But the pressure to beeverything is different in our
(09:06):
era than it used to be.
Men were always kind of dependedon to be the strong, stable
foundation to their families andto their communities, but what
that meant in other areas isreally different than what it
means today.
Today, it really does mean wehave to be everything.
We've got to be not only thephysical and financial providers
(09:29):
for our families.
We also have to be relationallyand emotionally present.
We need to be involved in whatour families are doing in and
out of the home.
We need to not only be working afull-time job, that we have to
carry the mental load oftypically by ourselves because
no one in our family reallyknows what our work is about or
(09:49):
cares all that much about it.
But we have to also then carrythe load of everything else
that's going on in our home tobe helping out around the house,
to be involved in our kids'activities and in their
schoolwork.
To be involved in ourcommunities, to know what's
going on with our neighbors orwith people at our church to be
(10:11):
friendly and connected withpeople in the community to,
gosh, the load just keeps going.
It just keeps going, and itdoesn't stop.
And because of that, we arecarrying this weight of having
to be everything to everyone.
And at the same time, we'refeeling that sense of pressure
not being returned in any way.
(10:31):
It's not like everybody aroundus is just patting us on the
back and saying, gosh, thankyou, man, for how much you're
doing for me and for us and forthe people around us.
You mean so much to us.
When was the last time that yougot that kind of gratitude From
anywhere or anyone?
Almost never.
If the guys that I know arehonest and are truthful about
(10:55):
what it looks like in theirexperience and in my own
experience, I'll just say it'shard.
It's hard to be a man and tocarry the weight that we carry
and to not feel any kind ofgratitude or appreciation from
the people around us.
And yet at the same time.
We know intuitively that wecan't quit because why?
If we quit, everything fallsapart.
(11:18):
If I don't go to work, like it'snot just me who stops working,
it's my whole family who fallsapart, right?
Because my family's counting onme to be able to pay the bills
and provide the lifestyle thatthey are currently used to and
comfortable with.
But it's not just a financialthing either.
It's an emotional and arelational thing as well.
(11:39):
My wife is counting on me to beable to be present to her, to be
engaged in her world, to besupportive of what she's doing
and what she wants to accomplishwith her own life.
And I want to be that for her.
I want to be the man who can beable to do that.
And yet it's a lot.
It's a lot to be able to do.
I want to be the man who can bepresent to my sons.
(12:01):
I want to be able to be engagedin the things that they are
doing.
I want to know and understandtheir worlds.
I want them to feel like theycan talk to me about anything
that they want to talk to about,and that I'm engaged
relationally with them so thatthey will talk about those kinds
of things.
I want all of that, and yet it'sa lot.
It's a lot to have to carry.
I want to be able to.
(12:22):
Provide.
Well, not only for my family,but for myself.
I want to enjoy things in lifeand I want to make the kind of
money that allows me to be ableto do that.
I want those things.
That's the kind of man that Iwant to be.
And yet, it's a lot.
I want to be a man of faith.
I want to be a man who'sinvolved in my neighborhood and
in my community.
I want to stand for things thatmatter.
(12:43):
I want to build content on theinternet.
I have all kinds of things thatI want to do, and yet it's a
lot.
And if I slip at any of them,all of those things begin to
crumble.
They begin to fall apart.
Now, you may not have the samekind of life that I do.
You might be a man who's youngerthan I am, and you're not
dealing with family at themoment, but maybe you're feeling
(13:05):
the pressure of wanting a familyand feeling like, gosh, I, I
really would like to attain thatat some point in time in my
life.
But maybe you're having a hardtime, uh, meeting and developing
a long-term relationship with awoman.
Maybe you're feeling pressurefrom all sides, from other
family members or from friendswho are saying, when are you
gonna get married?
(13:25):
When are you gonna settle down?
Maybe you're feeling like youdon't want to ever do that, and
you've found a group of peoplethat you can kind of just be
cavalier with and live thesingle lifestyle that you want
to live.
And yet at the same time, you'vegot this nagging feeling in your
life of, you know, you're justdelaying the inevitable.
That you're not gonna be singlefor forever, but you don't
really know what kind of lifeyou're gonna be able to have if
(13:47):
you continue pushing it off.
Maybe you're on the other sideof, uh, life from where I'm at.
Maybe you're moving intoretirement or to your elder
years and you're just feelingthe pressure of having to
continue to provide for yourchildren who are trying to do
the best that they can, but notable to do enough.
(14:07):
Or you're trying to provide foryour grandchildren who are gonna
need you more so than othergenerations ever did, and you're
feeling like there's all thispressure on you to have to be
something that most retiredgrandparents never have had to
do in other generations.
Why is there all of thispressure all of a sudden?
It's a lot.
It's a lot to carry.
(14:28):
And so it's time that weacknowledge that it's a lot to
carry, and the way that we needto acknowledge it is that we
need to do a few things.
We need to first acknowledge itto ourselves.
We need to be honest about thefact that these things are
really hard and it is a lot tocarry, even if we're the only
person that we start toacknowledge it with.
(14:49):
We need to be honest.
We need to be able to say, yeah,I'm feeling like I could crack
at any moment.
And while that's not all right,the place to start is by
acknowledging it.
Continuing to pretend that wecan just push through is not
enough.
It won't get us there.
We will eventually crack.
The only way to not crack is notby pushing through, but by
(15:12):
starting to acknowledge that wedo have limitations and we're
gonna need some help if we'regonna be able to get through
this.
And so that's the second thing.
It is time to actually startseeking help.
And where I really want you tostart seeking help is with other
men.
It's time to start puttingyourself in places where you
are, around other men who youcan start to have some of these
(15:35):
kinds of conversations with.
Maybe that's guys that you workout with at the gym.
Maybe that's guys that you go tochurch with.
Maybe it's other dads of kidswho are your kids' age that you
see through school functions orkids' sports teams or whatever
else that y'all are involved inas a family.
Maybe it's other grandparents inyour neighborhood, maybe it's,
it doesn't matter.
(15:55):
Find other men.
Get around other men, and startbuilding relationships.
No, you're not gonna be able tohave deep conversations about
the significant things in liferight off the bat.
Maybe you will, but you'll bethe exception to the rule if
that's the case.
But you won't ever get to theplace of having those kinds of
conversations if you don't startbuilding relationships now.
(16:16):
So that's what I want you to do.
Get out, start makingconnections with other men who
are in your age and stage oflife doing the things that
you're doing, and start to justmake some of those connections
so that you can begin toleverage those things in the
direction that you want to movein.
No man can carry this alone, andyou are not meant to get some
(16:37):
other men around you.
I want you to hit the like andsubscribe buttons because I want
you to be engaged in thiscontent and I want you to
participate in this community tohelp each other.
We here as men are trying to dothe best that we can to support
each other and we need to, andso I want to encourage you to
comment down below.
I want you to just say which ofthese three things has been the
(16:58):
biggest pressure for you, whichis the one that you've dealt the
most with, and how has it felthard to you?
So just comment on that downbelow, and I look forward to
engaging with your comment soon.
We'll talk again next time.
Every man I know feels like heis under a tremendous amount of
pressure.
Pressure that he doesn't reallyknow how to talk about and is
probably sure that he's the onlyone who's feeling that kind of
pressure.
Whether it's the pressure tohave to build a life that he
doesn't yet have, or thepressure to keep a life together
(00:21):
that he is trying to maintain,or the pressure to be able to
hold it together through the endof his life, whether that's
financially or.
Yeah, physically or in someother way, having to do with the
health and stamina of his life.
Every man feels like if he slipsfor even just a minute, that
(00:42):
everything is gonna comecrashing down around him.
And the life that he's trying tohave or trying to maintain is
going to completely fall apart.
Men are dying from these kindsof pressures.
And today there's three that Ireally want to hone in on now.
Look.
There's a lot, probably, there'sa lot of pressures that men are
(01:02):
dealing with.
Breaking it down into threecategories is maybe
oversimplifying it, but thereare at least three that we need
to talk about here today On theManhood Tribes Channel.
I want us to be able to addressthe hidden pressures that are
killing men because they reallyare doing that.
I'm not exaggerating.
They're killing us, whetherthat's by taking their emotional
and physical toll on our bodiesand we're wearing out.
(01:25):
Or from men giving up andchoosing, suicide as a way out
of life because the toll and thepressure is just too high, it is
killing us, so we've got tofigure out what to do about it.
My name's Don Ross and here atthe Manhood Tribes Channel.
My job is to try to give you aclear vision of what it means to
(01:46):
be a man, a clear challenge, tobuild strong male friendships
and a clear path to be able todo both.
So today on this episode, I wantto be able to address these
hidden pressures that arekilling us and why they are so
important for us to address andhow those other things that I
just talked about relate toaddressing those pressures.
We've got to learn to deal withthem guys, or we don't really
(02:07):
stand a chance.
So let's dive in.
The first of those three hiddenpressures is the pressure to
perform.
Every guy feels this pressure insome way, shape, or form,
because that's what we feel likeis expected of us.
We feel like we have got to showup in some way in order to be
effective or to amount tosomething, or to have meaning in
(02:30):
life or to come through forothers.
Whatever it is.
We feel like something isexpected of us, but very few of
us can actually put our fingeron what it is that we are
supposed to be doing.
Very few of us know what kind ofperformance we're supposed to be
giving.
We just know that we're supposedto be giving something and
(02:51):
frankly, we're, we're feelinglike we're supposed to be giving
a lot.
Most men feel like we aresupposed to come through in some
way as the stable one inwhatever relationships we're a
part of.
We are supposed to be the rock.
We're supposed to be the onethat everybody else can kind of
lean on or fall on or fall apartaround, or rage and be emotional
(03:14):
or be down in the dumps orwhatever it is.
We are the ones who need to besteady and strong so that
everybody else around us can dowhat they need to do.
Or if we're not feeling thatway, if we're feeling like we
are that person who is fallingapart and who our emotions are
out of control, or we can't seemto get a handle on our mental
(03:36):
health.
Then we are the ones feelinglike I've got to do better at
that.
I've got to get myself in check.
I've got to be doing better.
I know that this isn't okay, andsomehow I've got to figure a way
forward to be able to be betterthan I currently am.
At the moment, wherever you fallon that spectrum, you're likely
feeling that very same pressureto perform.
(03:59):
To have to be something that youaren't currently at the moment
or to have to be better than youfeel like you are right now.
That pressure is a weight thatmost guys don't even necessarily
know that they're carrying, butthey sure aren't allowing anyone
else to carry it with thembecause it feels like we have to
(04:20):
be the base of the pyramid.
We have to be the thing that isholding all the other things up.
And so it's not okay for us toshow a crack in our armor to
say, Hey, I'm actually reallyhaving a hard time doing this.
I'm having a hard time beingthis performer who has to keep
it all together for everybodyelse.
I'm having a hard time holdingmy own life together, let alone
(04:43):
anybody else's.
And because we feel like we'vegot to be the strong ones, we
don't.
We're not honest with anybodyelse.
That we actually don't feel allthat strong, that we don't have
the strength that we need to beable to offer to the others
around us who really need thatstrength from us.
And it's wearing us down.
It's leaving us exhausted.
(05:04):
It's leaving us frankly afraid,ashamed, insecure, and feeling
guilty.
But more than anything, it'sleaving us feeling like if I
slip for just a moment, if Ishow a crack or a weakness,
everything is gonna fall apart,and everyone is counting on me
and I can't fall apart.
The pressure is killing us.
(05:27):
The second pressure that men arehaving to deal with is the
pressure to be what I'll callemotionally fluent.
That means we, you know, put inan older version.
We need to be in touch with oursensitive side.
But at the same time, mm, nottoo much.
Like we still need to be men.
We don't need to be women, butwe need to be conversive in a
(05:48):
language that in an oldergeneration, only women we're
conversive in today.
Men are expected to be able toshow up as it relates to their
emotional health, our mentalhealth, our relational health,
and all of these othercategories that are a little bit
foreign to us.
They're a little bit differentthan what most men are naturally
comfortable in, and they're kindof some areas where men haven't
(06:11):
really been taught how to beable to handle those sides of
ourselves.
But because of that, we're notgiven any grace.
We're just expected that like,oh, you know, no one taught you
how to do that.
Well, too bad.
This is what is expected of youtoday.
You need to know how to talkabout your feelings.
You need to know when to talkabout your feelings.
But you also need to know thatyou shouldn't talk about them
(06:33):
too much.
Like if you start talking aboutyour feelings too much, then you
might come across as feminine oras gay, or as something that you
don't want to be labeled as, oryou might be seen as passive or
overly nice, or all of a suddennow women aren't attracted to
you anymore because you start tosound like not really a man
anymore.
So there's this weird like fineline of.
(06:57):
I've got to kinda walk thisboundary between being a man who
is strong and capable andcompetent and can be leaned on,
but at the same time, he's verymuch in touch with, uh, the
emotional side of his life andis comfortable being able to
express things about hisfeelings, but doesn't do it too
much.
Doesn't show.
(07:17):
Too much of that side of himselfbecause that might make him look
weak or passive or feminine, orsomething that he doesn't want
to be and doesn't want to beseen as and doesn't want anybody
else to think of him as.
This is a line that honestly noman is capable of walking.
Okay?
Let's just be honest about that,guys.
We aren't meant to succeed.
(07:38):
That's not a path that any mancan succeed on.
It's too much to be asked of usbecause it's too much to be
asked of anyone.
That that person is a myth.
They're a ghost.
They're a vapor.
They don't actually exist.
No man can do that well, becausethat's actually not a thing.
So we need to give ourselvessome grace.
(07:59):
We need to give ourselvespermission to let the pressure
off of this and to just say, youknow what?
It's okay for me to be honestabout what I'm dealing with,
with the people that I want tobe honest about it, and I'll let
them deal with how I come acrossif it's too much or it's too
little.
That's on them.
But I need to be able to releasethe pressure of what I'm dealing
(08:20):
with, of having to hold all ofthis in.
It is time to stop punishingourselves for being too much or
too little because we're gonnabe both at some points in time
to different people, and that'sjust the reality of life.
But it's time to give ourselvespermission and grace to be okay
with however we come across andto release the pressure with the
(08:42):
people that we need to be ableto do that with.
Which brings me to the thirdpoint.
The third pressure that men arereally dealing with is the
pressure to have to beeverything to everyone.
Now, in some ways, men havealways carried this pressure.
But the pressure to beeverything is different in our
(09:06):
era than it used to be.
Men were always kind of dependedon to be the strong, stable
foundation to their families andto their communities, but what
that meant in other areas isreally different than what it
means today.
Today, it really does mean wehave to be everything.
We've got to be not only thephysical and financial providers
(09:29):
for our families.
We also have to be relationallyand emotionally present.
We need to be involved in whatour families are doing in and
out of the home.
We need to not only be working afull-time job, that we have to
carry the mental load oftypically by ourselves because
no one in our family reallyknows what our work is about or
(09:49):
cares all that much about it.
But we have to also then carrythe load of everything else
that's going on in our home tobe helping out around the house,
to be involved in our kids'activities and in their
schoolwork.
To be involved in ourcommunities, to know what's
going on with our neighbors orwith people at our church to be
(10:11):
friendly and connected withpeople in the community to,
gosh, the load just keeps going.
It just keeps going, and itdoesn't stop.
And because of that, we arecarrying this weight of having
to be everything to everyone.
And at the same time, we'refeeling that sense of pressure
not being returned in any way.
(10:31):
It's not like everybody aroundus is just patting us on the
back and saying, gosh, thankyou, man, for how much you're
doing for me and for us and forthe people around us.
You mean so much to us.
When was the last time that yougot that kind of gratitude From
anywhere or anyone?
Almost never.
If the guys that I know arehonest and are truthful about
(10:55):
what it looks like in theirexperience and in my own
experience, I'll just say it'shard.
It's hard to be a man and tocarry the weight that we carry
and to not feel any kind ofgratitude or appreciation from
the people around us.
And yet at the same time.
We know intuitively that wecan't quit because why?
If we quit, everything fallsapart.
(11:18):
If I don't go to work, like it'snot just me who stops working,
it's my whole family who fallsapart, right?
Because my family's counting onme to be able to pay the bills
and provide the lifestyle thatthey are currently used to and
comfortable with.
But it's not just a financialthing either.
It's an emotional and arelational thing as well.
(11:39):
My wife is counting on me to beable to be present to her, to be
engaged in her world, to besupportive of what she's doing
and what she wants to accomplishwith her own life.
And I want to be that for her.
I want to be the man who can beable to do that.
And yet it's a lot.
It's a lot to be able to do.
I want to be the man who can bepresent to my sons.
(12:01):
I want to be able to be engagedin the things that they are
doing.
I want to know and understandtheir worlds.
I want them to feel like theycan talk to me about anything
that they want to talk to about,and that I'm engaged
relationally with them so thatthey will talk about those kinds
of things.
I want all of that, and yet it'sa lot.
It's a lot to have to carry.
I want to be able to.
(12:22):
Provide.
Well, not only for my family,but for myself.
I want to enjoy things in lifeand I want to make the kind of
money that allows me to be ableto do that.
I want those things.
That's the kind of man that Iwant to be.
And yet, it's a lot.
I want to be a man of faith.
I want to be a man who'sinvolved in my neighborhood and
in my community.
I want to stand for things thatmatter.
(12:43):
I want to build content on theinternet.
I have all kinds of things thatI want to do, and yet it's a
lot.
And if I slip at any of them,all of those things begin to
crumble.
They begin to fall apart.
Now, you may not have the samekind of life that I do.
You might be a man who's youngerthan I am, and you're not
dealing with family at themoment, but maybe you're feeling
(13:05):
the pressure of wanting a familyand feeling like, gosh, I, I
really would like to attain thatat some point in time in my
life.
But maybe you're having a hardtime, uh, meeting and developing
a long-term relationship with awoman.
Maybe you're feeling pressurefrom all sides, from other
family members or from friendswho are saying, when are you
gonna get married?
(13:25):
When are you gonna settle down?
Maybe you're feeling like youdon't want to ever do that, and
you've found a group of peoplethat you can kind of just be
cavalier with and live thesingle lifestyle that you want
to live.
And yet at the same time, you'vegot this nagging feeling in your
life of, you know, you're justdelaying the inevitable.
That you're not gonna be singlefor forever, but you don't
really know what kind of lifeyou're gonna be able to have if
(13:47):
you continue pushing it off.
Maybe you're on the other sideof, uh, life from where I'm at.
Maybe you're moving intoretirement or to your elder
years and you're just feelingthe pressure of having to
continue to provide for yourchildren who are trying to do
the best that they can, but notable to do enough.
(14:07):
Or you're trying to provide foryour grandchildren who are gonna
need you more so than othergenerations ever did, and you're
feeling like there's all thispressure on you to have to be
something that most retiredgrandparents never have had to
do in other generations.
Why is there all of thispressure all of a sudden?
It's a lot.
It's a lot to carry.
(14:28):
And so it's time that weacknowledge that it's a lot to
carry, and the way that we needto acknowledge it is that we
need to do a few things.
We need to first acknowledge itto ourselves.
We need to be honest about thefact that these things are
really hard and it is a lot tocarry, even if we're the only
person that we start toacknowledge it with.
(14:49):
We need to be honest.
We need to be able to say, yeah,I'm feeling like I could crack
at any moment.
And while that's not all right,the place to start is by
acknowledging it.
Continuing to pretend that wecan just push through is not
enough.
It won't get us there.
We will eventually crack.
The only way to not crack is notby pushing through, but by
(15:12):
starting to acknowledge that wedo have limitations and we're
gonna need some help if we'regonna be able to get through
this.
And so that's the second thing.
It is time to actually startseeking help.
And where I really want you tostart seeking help is with other
men.
It's time to start puttingyourself in places where you
are, around other men who youcan start to have some of these
(15:35):
kinds of conversations with.
Maybe that's guys that you workout with at the gym.
Maybe that's guys that you go tochurch with.
Maybe it's other dads of kidswho are your kids' age that you
see through school functions orkids' sports teams or whatever
else that y'all are involved inas a family.
Maybe it's other grandparents inyour neighborhood, maybe it's,
it doesn't matter.
(15:55):
Find other men.
Get around other men, and startbuilding relationships.
No, you're not gonna be able tohave deep conversations about
the significant things in liferight off the bat.
Maybe you will, but you'll bethe exception to the rule if
that's the case.
But you won't ever get to theplace of having those kinds of
conversations if you don't startbuilding relationships now.
(16:16):
So that's what I want you to do.
Get out, start makingconnections with other men who
are in your age and stage oflife doing the things that
you're doing, and start to justmake some of those connections
so that you can begin toleverage those things in the
direction that you want to movein.
No man can carry this alone, andyou are not meant to get some
(16:37):
other men around you.
I want you to hit the like andsubscribe buttons because I want
you to be engaged in thiscontent and I want you to
participate in this community tohelp each other.
We here as men are trying to dothe best that we can to support
each other and we need to, andso I want to encourage you to
comment down below.
I want you to just say which ofthese three things has been the
(16:58):
biggest pressure for you, whichis the one that you've dealt the
most with, and how has it felthard to you?
So just comment on that downbelow, and I look forward to
engaging with your comment soon.
We'll talk again next time.
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