Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Don Ross (00:00):
All right, man.
Let me ask you a question.
Is it feeling to you like theworld has just gotten harder
than it really should be?
That being a man has somehowbecome more difficult and more
confusing than ever?
That whatever it is meant to befor us to show up in the world
is absolutely not clear.
And even when we try to, we seemunwanted.
(00:24):
The world seems uninterested andwhatever it is that we have to
offer is just unwelcome.
If it's feeling anything likethat to you, you're probably
feeling a little bit hopeless indespair.
Just kinda wanting to not keeptrying, wanting to give up, and
yet at the same time, knowingthat if you do everything around
(00:46):
you is gonna feel like it fallsapart and you just have to keep
going, but you're not reallysure why it matters.
If that's anything, like whatyour reality feels like at the
moment, I just wanna say to you,you are not crazy.
Life really is this hard for usas men at the moment, but it is
time that we start talking aboutwhat we're going to do about it.
(01:10):
That's why this channel exists.
Welcome to the Manhood TribesChannel, and whether you're here
for the first time, or you'repicking up with us from where we
left off last, I'm really gladthat you're here.
My name is Don Ross.
My job here at Manhood Tribes isto give you a clear vision of
what it means to be a man, aclear challenge, to build strong
male friendships, and a clearpath for how to do both.
(01:32):
And so that's what we're gonnatry to do here on this channel.
But today I want to just takesome time to acknowledge that
for us as guys, it has gottenreally, really difficult.
And we need a path to help usfigure out how we're going to
survive life as it is becauseit's not super friendly to us as
men at the moment.
(01:52):
Now you might be experiencingthat from just the simple
realization that whatever itmeans to be a man has gotten
really confusing.
For the, for the most part, menin our culture have typically
been expected to fulfill somepretty common roles, right?
We've been expected to beproviders.
Uh, we're expected to be thebreadwinners for our families.
(02:14):
We're expected to be able tohold down a job.
We're expected to be able tohave a skillset that actually
matters to the world andcontributes in some kind of
meaningful way and earns apaycheck that our family can be
supported off of.
We're expected to be protectors,right?
We're expected to be this senseof strength and courage for our
families, for our communities,and that when danger or fear is
(02:37):
present, we are meant to be thesense of calm.
That can bring in sort of apeace to the things around us,
and yet the more and more.
We seem to show up in those waysin our culture, the more that
we're kind of getting told, Hey,that's not really needed of you
anymore.
We don't actually want you to bethose things.
And in fact you trying to showup in those ways is, is kind of
(02:59):
like not only no longer needed,but actually really like
problematic.
In fact, it's kind of bad thatyou're trying to do those things
In our culture these days, menshouldn't have to be that and
so.
Please stop offering that to theworld because it's honestly kind
of offensive that you would tryto show up in that way.
Where's all this coming from?
Why is this happening?
And for us as guys, all it'sdoing is just creating
(03:21):
confusion.
Like if we're not supposed to bethat who, who changed the rules?
Like why are we no longer neededto be those things and what are
we supposed to be instead ofthat?
No one's really providing anykind of clear answers or at
least the answers that some aretrying to provide.
I think most of us as guys kindof go, Hmm, I don't know that
I'm really interested in that.
(03:44):
There's this social pressurethese days that we are just kind
of expected to be both strongand sensitive.
We need to be courageous and atthe same time vulnerable.
We need to be in touch with notonly our physical strength, but
also our emotional and mentalstrength, and we need to be able
to.
Be fully formed in all of thoseareas and offer all of them in
(04:05):
just the right ways, at just theright time.
We need to know when it's okayto be strong and we need to know
when it's right to be sensitiveand we don't need to get the two
mixed up.
'cause if we offer the wrong oneat the wrong time, then we're
being toxic or we're being woke,or we're being something wrong.
And it can just kind of feellike that no matter how we show
up, we're not gonna show up inthe right way.
(04:26):
We're just kind of like walkingthrough this minefield of
whatever the culture expects usto be as men, and we're more
than likely gonna step onsomething that we didn't know
was there and blow ourselves andeverybody else up around us to
Smither Marines.
It's exhausting.
It's tiring, and.
It just takes its toll on us.
(04:46):
After a while, it makes us feellike we're not gonna be able to
do anything but fail.
So why do we even want to keeptrying?
And frankly, a lot of us aren'tanymore.
There's a lot of us that arechecked out.
There's a lot of us that arejust playing video games or
watching porn or drinkingourselves to oblivion because
it's just too hard to keepshowing up and look, I get it.
(05:09):
But I think at the heart of it,we all know that that's not
really okay.
That's not what we're meant for.
We just don't really know whatwe are meant for and how to be
able to do those things well.
I.
But because of that, we'vedeveloped sort of this sense of
shame and weakness around whatit means to be a man.
We're not really sure how toshow up, and in the ways that we
(05:31):
do show up, we feel like we'redoing it wrong, we're failing.
We we're being criticized for itone way or another.
But where do we have to go totalk about that?
Let me pose this to you.
Let's save it.
In a moment of just sheerweakness and despair, you decide
that you're just gonna spendmost of your weekend high and
(05:53):
watching porn because there'sjust nothing better to do.
You don't talk to a soul allweekend long, but then you have
to show up to work on Mondaymorning, greet your coworkers,
be around, you know, realpeople, and everybody's asking,
Hey, how was your weekend?
What was going on?
What did you do?
Are you gonna be honest aboutthe fact that you spent the
whole weekend high and watchingporn?
(06:14):
Probably not.
But where would you be honestabout that?
Who would you actually talk tothose things about?
For most of us as men, we don'thave any place to be able to do
that, and because of that, we'reliving with this just
unbelievable sense of shame.
Who we are has become somethingthat is really not good, and we
(06:35):
know it, and we know thatthere's something not only wrong
within us, but wrong about theway that we're making choices in
life.
Or we know that what we're doingis actually right and we're
trying to make all of the rightchoices and it doesn't seem to
amount to anything.
We're showing up for our family.
We're showing up for our kids.
We're doing everything we can tohold down the job that's gonna
(06:55):
help provide for our family.
And to carry some load aroundthe house.
We're doing what we can to loveour wives well, to be supportive
in her endeavors and the thingsthat she's trying to do in life.
We're emotionally andrelationally present to our
kids, and yet at the same time,it feels like it's never enough.
We can't seem to do enough,right?
(07:16):
There's still all kinds ofproblems in our home life.
Our kids are going crazy.
Our wives are not satisfied,they're not happy, they're not
fulfilled.
Why isn't what We're doingenough to be able to make all of
that better, and yet it isn't.
We continue to show up in allthe ways that we've been told
that we should, and it doesn'tseem to make any difference.
(07:38):
We're tired.
We're beat down.
We feel like we're failing orwe're just completely ashamed of
the life that we're living.
Whatever end of that extreme,you might happen to fall closest
to.
The reality is still the same asmen.
We don't know how to show up inthe world around us.
It has gotten so difficult tofigure out what is it that is
(07:59):
expected of us?
What are we supposed to bedoing, and how do we begin to
make some actual progresstowards a life that is
meaningful?
Fulfilling and just has somepeace to it that feels like, oh,
I know what I'm supposed to bedoing, and I actually feel
effective at it.
I feel like I'm accomplishingsomething in life.
I'm moving in a direction thatfeels positive and is actually
(08:22):
making a difference, not only inmy world, but in the world of
those around me and in thepeople that I care about the
most.
Where is that?
How do we get to that place inour world and in our lives?
I want to give you just kind ofa few quick steps today to be
able to help you think about howto move in that direction.
We're gonna spend a lot of timeon this channel talking about
(08:44):
all of these things.
So just because I'm offeringthem quickly today doesn't mean
that these are quick fixes.
They aren't.
They're gonna take time andthey're gonna take effort, but
we're gonna spend the time totalk about how to be able to do
those things.
So hit that subscribe button,join in with this content, and
be a part of this conversation,and stick with us as we figure
these things out as men.
But today, here's some of thequick steps that I do want to be
(09:07):
able to offer to you.
First things first.
You've got to name what you'redealing with without shame.
You need to be able to talkabout it, even if at the moment
you're only talking to yourselfabout it.
You need to name how you'rehonestly doing.
Go back and re-watch the lastfew minutes of this video and
figure out what about thosethings that I said actually
(09:28):
resonates with your experience.
Where are you in those things?
Are you exhausted?
Are you ashamed?
Are you beat down?
Are you despairing?
Are you hopeless?
Are you angry?
What is it?
Talk about it.
Why is that the case?
What's going on?
You feel like you have somethingto offer and no one wants it.
You feel like you have nothingto offer and no idea how to get
something that you could offer.
(09:49):
What is your life feel like?
You gotta be honest about it.
Number two.
You need to get some mentors.
And I know that means like, uh,where in the world am I gonna
find those people in my life?
Well, let me encourage you tostart with actually some people
who wouldn't be in your life.
Get some mentors who are nolonger living, but have actually
(10:11):
written down some thoughts thatcould be really good for you to
read.
Start with some wise men whohave offered thoughts about
being a man throughout the ages,and figure out how you can learn
from them.
Go on Amazon and just look upbooks about manhood.
You'll start to see the onesthat are really popular and that
have stood the test of time.
Buy a couple of them.
(10:31):
Start reading.
Find some men through across theages who can mentor you and what
it looks like to be a man.
And then you're gonna start torealize what kind of men you're
looking for, who could actuallybe mentors in your life that are
alive and present today, butyou're not gonna know how to
find them and to know what theypossess until you start seeing
(10:52):
it in other men who have comebefore us.
Third thing, I want you todefine your allegiance.
Allegiance is something thatI've talked about on this
channel, on this channel before.
It's one of the five marks ofmanhood, and it has to do with
the way that you relate toauthority, and in this case in
particular, it's about ultimateauthority.
Define the thing that you mostwant to follow.
(11:14):
What really holds the cards inyour life?
What do you want to build yourlife around?
Maybe that's your God thatyou're trying to serve and
you're trying to follow.
Maybe it's an ideal that youwant to accomplish.
Maybe it's some code that youfeel like you need to try to
live by in order to be able tobe the kind of man that you want
to be.
Whatever it is.
(11:35):
You need to define it becauseyou need some sense of direction
in which you're gonna go.
You need a north star that'sgonna help point you in a, in a
direction that's gonna behelpful for you.
So you've got to define yourallegiance, even at the moment.
If you're not sure what that is,just pick something.
Pick something that you think isgonna be helpful and that you're
probably familiar with, has beenaround for a while.
(11:57):
You didn't just pick it out ofthe air, but you know that other
men have followed that kind ofpath and have been successful on
it.
Try that and just aim for doingwhat you can to get familiar
with that allegiance andstarting to follow it.
And then lastly, but certainlynot least, you've got to get out
of isolation.
The biggest thing that's gonnahelp you the most as a man
(12:20):
growing into a man who feelslike he has a life of meaning
and purpose is you have to haveother men around you who are
helping you.
It's time for you to startbuilding quality friendships
with other men.
Again, we're gonna talk a lotabout what that looks like and
how to do that here on thischannel, but for now, you've got
to commit to yourself thatthat's something that you're
(12:41):
gonna do, that you're gonna makequality friendships with other
men.
A key component of your life andyou're gonna move towards that
regardless of the cost andwhatever it's gonna take,
because you won't get to be theman that you need to be without
those men in your life.
I.
This is gonna be a fight, guys.
It's gonna take every bit ofeffort that you've got because
(13:02):
the culture is stacked againstus at the moment.
But it doesn't mean that youcan't succeed and that you can't
win.
And here on this channel, Iwanna do what I can to be able
to help you in that process.
So click that like button, hitsubscribe.
Stay with us here through thiscontent.
I want you to be around for whatwe have to say and for you to be
a part of this conversation.
(13:33):
And if you're with me here atthe end, I want you to just
comment below and just mentionwhat is it about being a man
that feels most difficult foryou right now?
All right, leave your commentsbelow and I look forward to
engaging with them later.
We'll see you next time.