Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome back to
another episode of the Live Life
Unapologetically podcast.
I'm Shannon, and today'sepisode is going to touch on
something that a lot of us womendeal with, and that's feeling
like prioritizing your desiresis selfish.
This is especially common inour culture and too often we've
(00:20):
been conditioned to puteverybody else's needs before
our own.
The truth is that manifestingyour desires isn't selfish.
It's essential.
But we feel guilty when we dowant to prioritize those desires
, when we say you know what I'mgoing to focus on me.
A lot of times in ourmanifestation journey we hold
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back on things we truly want,because we've been conditioned
that wanting certain thingsshowing up in the world a
certain way is selfish, thatothers should come before us,
that we should be so humble inwhat we do that we discount our
true desires.
And when we're discounting ourtrue desires, we're creating
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resistance with the universebecause we are not being honest.
So we're going to take a deeperlook into why so many women
struggle with this idea ofprioritizing their dreams and
desires.
If you've ever felt guiltyabout manifesting for yourself,
or worried you're going to becalled selfish, then this
(01:23):
episode is for you.
Or worried you're going to becalled selfish, then this
episode is for you.
Grab your favorite drink, cozyup and let's dive into why this
belief shows up for women, whereit comes from and, most
importantly, how you can let goof the guilt and start
manifesting unapologetically.
Let's start with where thiswhole selfish idea comes from.
You see, society hasconditioned women for
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generations to believe thattheir worth comes from how much
they can give to others, whetherit's their time, their energy,
their attention.
We're often told that being agood woman means being selfless,
always putting others first andsacrificing our needs, our
wants, our desires.
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Then, when it comes tomanifesting it can feel like
you're going against everythingthat you have been taught.
You may start to feel guilty,thinking things like who am I to
ask for more when others haveless?
Or am I being selfish forwanting this for me, for myself?
Manifesting your desires is notselfish.
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In fact, it's the opposite.
When you prioritize yourwell-being, your happiness, when
you own your desires, you'reable to show up as more
fulfilled, an empowered versionof yourself for the people in
your life.
You know that saying we allheard growing up that you can't
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pour from an empty cup, and yetsociety would make us feel like
we need to always have an emptycup.
But the truth in that statementstill remains that you cannot
pour from an empty cup, eventhough we've been conditioned
that we should be pouring froman empty cup.
Because if we fill our cup,well, that's selfish, but it's
not.
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You see, by manifesting whatyou want, you're actually
creating more energy, moreabundance and more joy that you
can share with others.
It's not selfish, it doesn'tmake you an about-me woman, it
doesn't make you an arrogantwoman.
To do that.
You deserve to be seen, to beheard in your life, to show up
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with your light shining brightand not being dim.
You see, in all of this, truly,if we get down to it, when you
think about how women areprogrammed to always give, to
put themselves last, to think ofothers, putting others before
themselves really that's dimmingyour light.
You have a great light.
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We teach that you should have anempty cup and keep pouring and
be burnt out and overwhelmed andfrustrated and just keep giving
and that anytime you stop tofill that cup back up.
That it's selfish.
You can't pour from an emptycup.
But then women are chastisedfor trying to fill their cup.
We cannot, we have to be full.
And when you go on a journey ofmanifestation.
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You must be full to attract.
You can't be depleted.
You can't think to yourself,well, well, others need to have
it more, or feel guilty.
If you don't believe you shouldbe receiving, you're
automatically creating thatresistance with the universe.
You're resisting and saying,well, I really want this, but I
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really shouldn't be asking forit.
And there comes the resistanceand then you're not attracting
and you wonder well, why am Inot attracting?
I'm going to be so real withyou and I hope more women bring
their voices into themanifestation space because if
you go back and look, there area lot of male voices in the
manifestation space and not todiscount them, great, they're
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manifesting, but they'remanifesting, but they're
manifesting from a maleperspective.
As women, we need to manifestfrom a woman's perspective
Because of how we are broughtinto this life and the type of
society that we're in.
It is not seen as selfish for aman to want things to fill his
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cup, to have other people giveto him.
Men receive all the time andit's normalized, but it is not
normalized for a woman toreceive from.
As a little girl, you arethought to say well, I have to
be the one that feeds everybody.
I have to be the one thatcleans for everybody.
I have to be the one whomanages my family unit myself.
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You know that's just societyand we're talking about
manifesting when we talk aboutlimiting beliefs.
There are societal limitingbeliefs that we grow up with
that we must overcome that it isokay for you to want to be
taken care of yourself, that itis okay to say no.
I don't have that in mycapacity right now to do that
for you, because I'm fillingmyself up, because if we don't
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believe that we should be on thereceiving end of support and
help, then how can we believe wecan be on the receiving end of
anything that the universe wantsto bring our way?
And that's the resistance andit's truly rooted in limiting
beliefs.
That's when I say we talk aboutlimiting beliefs.
They're just beliefs that don'tserve you anymore, that we were
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taught.
And sometimes you know I'vebeen guilty about teaching
limiting beliefs to my ownchildren and now when I look at
it I'm like why?
But I know better.
Now, when you know better, youdo better.
But that's just because that'show I was programmed.
We're all programmed.
Your beliefs are just yourprogram.
You get to decide.
Is this belief limiting me ortaking me forward?
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Because we manifest what webelieve.
But when you are full, when youstep into the fullness of who
you are, you are creating moreenergy, you are creating more
abundance, you have more joy andthat spills out to everybody
else.
When your cup is full andoverflowing, then people can get
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from you.
If your cup is empty, what arethey getting?
Versus if your cup is trulyfull and filling your cup
without feeling guilty In allthat, you are to give, all that
you are because I love to give,I'm a giver, I love giving, I
love pouring out love, but Iremember a time where the love
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that I was pouring out wasn'tgreat because I wasn't full.
I truly didn't have anything togive, so I truly wasn't giving
anything.
If I have nothing in my handsand I say, here you can have
this, am I really givinganything anyway?
No, so we really need tounderstand that we have to
release this guilt as women forwanting to do for us, and that
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it doesn't make us selfish.
Caring for yourself, lovingyourself, it doesn't make you
selfish.
So we have to flip that scriptand, instead of asking ourselves
is manifestation selfish?
Ask how can I prioritize mydesires without guilt.
When you put yourself first andmanifest the life that you want
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, you're setting an example forothers.
You are showing your kids, yourfriends, your family, your
community that it is okay todream big.
You're giving them inspirationto prioritize their desires as
well.
That doesn't mean saying Idon't care about you, it's all
about me.
That's not what I'm saying, butthat's how it gets conscrued in
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our society, that it has to beone or the other.
You have to be completelyselfless to be good, or if
you're not, then you'recompletely selfish.
I'm actually going to be doing awhole masterclass on these two
extremes, but I want you to knowthat it is not selfish to
prioritize yourself, becausewhen you prioritize yourself,
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your cup is full and you havemore for others.
And not only is your cup full,but it never depletes.
You don't have to say, oh, mycup is full.
Now it's depleted and empty.
Lord, have mercy, I got to fillit up again in a cycle.
When you show up for yourselfand prioritize your desires and
you manifest the life that youlove, your cup is always full.
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There's always more to give.
You are never depleted.
You see, when you manifest froma place of joy, fulfillment,
alignment.
You're able to serve the worldin a way that feels authentic
and expansive, you aren'tdrained, you're not resentful,
you're not burnt out, you'refull of energy and abundance.
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And that's when you can trulymake a positive impact.
And I really want to go back tothis word resentful, because we
talk about making a positiveimpact.
I don't know anybody who wantsto make a negative impact.
To be honest, in my life thatI've met I'm sure maybe there
are people out there, I don'tknow but I've never met anybody
who goes through life and says Iwant to see how negative of an
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impact I can make.
I want to see what I can doabout that.
You want to make a positiveimpact.
But let's talk about the wordresentful, because if you're
showing up and you're giving butyou're empty as you're giving
because you're not fulfillingyour desires, it becomes
resentful.
When you're going to thatbirthday party your kid was
invited to and you're sostinking tired, are you showing
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up as the best you or are youjust resenting the fact that you
have to be there?
You're just thinking my God, Ijust want to lay in my bed and
chill on a Saturday for once,without having something on my
damn schedule.
How are you showing up?
But if you're in the fullnessof you and you've been living in
the fullness of you, maybe youdon't show up with resentment.
You show up knowing you haveeverything you want in the
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fullness of yourself, not justoh, this is another thing on my
to-do list, because you're soconsumed with the to-do list
that you are not fulfilling yourdesires.
Prioritizing your desires is notabout just you, and that's
where this big myth andmisconception about it being
selfish comes in, or thisinternal struggle we have.
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Even if somebody hasn't said itdirectly, you may have this
internal struggle of it isselfish, because that's just how
we've been conditioned as women.
Your desires aren't just aboutyou.
It's about everybody elsearound you, because the more you
have, the more you can give.
It's a ripple effect.
I just really want you to thinkabout that.
It is a ripple effect.
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It's the best you.
If I am manifesting moneybecause I want money and it
makes me happy and I'm notstressed because I can pay my
bills and I can go get thethings that I want to get, that
make me feel good, then thatfeel-good feeling stays with me
and when I'm around everybodyelse, I have a feel-good feeling
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that energy transfers.
I show up happy If I say youknow what, I don't want to go to
that birthday party, but I knowsomebody else who wants to go
and take my kid.
Maybe I can just ask them to goand that's okay.
It doesn't make you a lesser ofa person.
It's about being honest withyourself.
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It doesn't make you selfish ormean or ugly or self-centered or
arrogant.
To be open with yourself.
I have grandchildren and ofcourse my girls will call me
sometimes and say, hey, mom, canyou babysit?
Many times I'm like, yeah, Iwant to see my babies.
But there are other times whenI'm like you know what, I don't,
I'm not feeling it today, Ireally don't want to and, being
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honest, let me show you how thisshows up, okay.
So when my girls call and say,hey, can you babysit, if I say
yes because I want to have allthose fun times, then when they
come over I'm super happy,excited to see them.
We have a great time.
If I say yes when I really meanno, because I'm tired, I just
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want some downtime this week,and they show up that's
resentment.
I'm cranky and now mygrandchildren get resentful.
Cranky noni instead of happyfun noni, because how I'm
feeling directly impacts myrelationships.
I have to be honest with myselfand with my children and say
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this is not a good week, this isnot a good time.
You don't always have to sayyes, that is not a desire of
mine at the moment, because Iwant to show up as the best me.
Now.
I know I'm that all of this iseasier said than done, because
the fear of being seen asselfish can be very deeply
rooted, especially if you havespent years or a lifetime
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putting others first.
Now the good news is that youcan start to overcome the fear
by shifting your mindset.
Here's how you're going to dothat.
You're going to redefine whatselfish means, because the word
selfish has a lot of negativeconnotations, but I want you to
reframe it.
Taking care of your own needsand desires doesn't take away
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anything from anyone else.
When you're happy and fulfilled, you're able to give more
generously.
So, instead of thinking aboutmanifesting the life that you
want and being true and honestto your desires as selfish, see
it as self-care.
See it as self-care.
I'm caring for me.
It is not selfish to care foryourself and take care of you.
If you want to spend timevisualizing and journaling, to
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manifest things in your life andyou want to carve out that time
in your day and that means youknow that you're giving that
time to yourself.
It's not selfish, that isself-care.
It's just as much as self-careas it is putting on a face mask.
I hate those anyway.
I mean, I love face masks.
I hate when people boilself-care down to a face mask or
a hot bath Like that, to me, isnot self-care.
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That's that surface level stuffand I like to go deeper than
the surface level.
To me, true self-care is lovingyourself fully and deeply and
taking care of and filling upyourself from the inside out.
Give yourself permission towant more.
As women, a lot of times we'renot supposed to want more, right
?
We're supposed to wait untilour kids are grown up to want
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more.
We're supposed to wait for theperfect time or wait until
somebody doesn't need us.
And let me take you down thisroad.
If you haven't been down, ifyou still have young kids or
just depending on where you areat life, you may have already
gone through this or experiencedthis.
The problem with asking women towait to want more is there's
always going to be somebody whoneeds you, just being real.
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So you have your little kids.
Oh, they're growing up.
Oh wait, now I havegrandchildren.
Now I have elderly parents.
There's not this span of lifewhere it's just nobody, if that
makes sense.
Maybe in your early 20s I was ateen mom, so I don't have that
perspective.
I know one of my daughters isliving her best
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20-something-year-old life andtraveling and doing all that
stuff, but she still hasresponsibilities.
She still has work, she has adog.
Have our own responsibilities.
We all have our own seasons oflife.
But I guess that's what I'mtrying to tell you Stop waiting
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for wanting more because, yeah,there's seasons of your life and
there are some seasons of yourlife where maybe people aren't
pulling on you as much.
But I can tell you this allgrowing up, I was told you know,
enjoy your kids while you can.
You only have them for 18 years.
Who the hell made up thatstupid thing?
Yeah, it's sad that they'regrowing up, but you have a whole
lifetime to experience withyour children.
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They're living their own life,but I'm still experiencing that
with them.
It didn't just go away.
We have different seasons ofour life and we need to honor
those seasons, but we don't needto use the season of our life
as an excuse to deny ourself,because it's okay to want more
for yourself.
It's okay to dream big.
You don't have to apologize forwanting a life that lights you
up, no matter what season ofyour life you're in.
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So give yourself permission towant more and to go after it
unapologetically.
The universe wants you tothrive.
It's waiting for you to claimyour desires.
Remind yourself that you'reworthy, because there's a lot of
guilt around manifesting forwomen.
Coming from a place of feelingunworthy, you may think who am I
to have this?
Do I really deserve this?
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Women ask themselves thatquestion a lot.
Do I deserve this?
Because we're programmed tothink about everybody else.
Is there somebody else whocould use this more than me?
Is there somebody else whodeserves this more than me?
Do I deserve it?
Yes, you deserve it because youwant it.
Who are you to have it?
You're a beautiful creation ofthis world.
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So, yeah, the answer is yes,you do deserve it.
But we've been programmed toquestion do we even deserve
things?
Because we should be thinkingabout others so much that we
can't think do we even deservesomething for ourself?
There's nothing you have to dofor it.
You are worthy of every singleone of your desires just as much
as anybody else.
You have nothing to prove.
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When I went on this journey, Irealized I had to work on my
self-concept big time a lot.
I had to really learn to lovemyself.
One of the things that I wantyou to understand and one of the
conclusions I've come to, isthat you are worthy simply
because you exist.
There is nothing to prove.
You don't have to do anything.
You don't have to earn itthrough acts.
See, I grew up thinkinganything I had, I had to earn it
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through perfect acts.
I suffered deeply fromdebilitating perfectionism,
because if it wasn't perfect, Ididn't feel like I deserved it.
Because that's what I wastaught that the only way you can
deserve something is if youearn it through things that you
do.
But those things can have to beflawless.
If they're not flawless, thenyou didn't meet the criteria to
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deserve it.
Well, nobody's flawless, nobodyis perfect.
So then nobody would deserve it, right?
Nobody's flawless, nobody isperfect.
So then nobody would deserve it.
Right In that sense.
But then I realized I'm worthysimply because I exist.
The universe does not have anykind of condition.
You attract what you believe.
That's it.
There's no condition to that.
Do you believe it?
Great, have it.
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So you're worthy of everysingle one of your desires,
simply because you exist.
The universe doesn't playfavorites.
You know, we may play favoritesas human beings, but the
universe does not play favorites, I don't care.
It responds to your energy andit responds to the belief that
you have in your worth.
Okay, so now let's get practical, because you're probably
thinking this is a lot to takein.
I know, when I went on thisjourney it was a lot to take in,
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but let's get really practical.
Sometimes I might speak, Iguess, on what you could say is
like a more spiritual side or amore nuanced side of things.
But I'm a very logical personand I'm a deeply spiritual
person.
I am both very strongly.
This is who I am, and I lovethe logical side about the
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nuances of connecting withsource and source power and all
of these things that seem veryspiritual or very nuanced, or
some people say they're very woowoo.
But let's get practical,because when I started my
journey, that was great, but itleft me with more questions than
answers and trying to figure itout and get through it, because
I'm going to tell you how weconnect to source energy is
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different for everybody.
So how can we go through thisand just be practical, like
let's just make it applicable toall, and then how you address
it spiritually is on you, up toyou, do it how you want to do it
.
I believe that's just a reallypersonal thing.
But how can we just do thispractically?
How can we put this into ourlives practically?
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A lot of times on here you'regoing to see the more logical
side.
I know that the the woo-wooside of manifestation is all the
rage, right, but let's just getpractical so it can freaking
work in our life in a way thatwe can really see it, understand
it and put it into practice.
So first thing is to setboundaries.
So if you're always puttingothers first, start by setting
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small boundaries.
That could be carving out timeevery day for you, focusing on
your desires withoutinterruptions.
Boundaries protect your energyand they make space for your
manifesting practice.
One of the things that Istarted to do when it came to
boundaries was putting my phoneon do not disturb at certain
times during the day.
So there just wasn't anydistraction.
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At first I felt bad like oh,I'm missing calls.
I'm this.
I'm that Like I felt bad atfirst but I had to reprogram
myself.
But then, once I had thatboundary in place and I had that
space and time to just breatheand not have somebody pulling on
me all the time, I was betterable to go through life and then
be there when I took the phoneoff.
Do not disturb so like.
Those are the kind ofboundaries you can set.
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Practicing self-compassion goesa long way of letting go of the
pressure to be perfect foreverybody else.
I've got to show up foreverybody else.
I got to be perfect foreverybody else.
Give yourself grace, rememberit's okay to focus on you.
Be kind to yourself.
Remind yourself thatmanifesting your desires is an
act of self-love.
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And it is an act of self-lovebecause you're not denying that
which makes you happy.
It just kills me when we thinkself-love is so selfish and ugly
.
But every other love isbeautiful.
You know, if you had asignificant other that withheld
from you, that would not beconsidered loving right, it
would be considered abusive.
But if you withhold love fromyourself for some reason in our
society, we think that's abeautiful thing.
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Oh, what an act of selflessnessto not love yourself?
Oh, it's so ugly if you loveyourself and give to yourself.
How about we stop inflictingharm on our own selves by
denying ourselves love and startpracticing self-compassion and
being kind to ourselves?
Remind ourselves that we'reworthy of everybody else and
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that just as much love as wegive to others we can give to
ourselves.
Then I want you to visualize theripple effect and use the
visualization to do that, tohelp you to start to shift the
feelings of oh, I can't do thisor I feel bad, bad about this or
this guilt to opening yourselfup to the possibility that it
doesn't have to be one or theother.
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Visualize how your happinessand success is going to
positively impact those aroundyou.
Imagine showing up as your mostfulfilled self, in your job, in
your home, with yoursignificant others, with your
friends, family.
Showing up happy instead ofdrained, resentful, sad.
How was that going to feel?
It's literally going to ripplethat energy, like I close my
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eyes and I just see it as likeenergy flowing off my body onto
everybody else.
Negativity is contagious.
Positivity is contagious.
How are you going to show up?
I'm going to challenge you thisweek, really challenge you to
start prioritizing your desireswithout guilt, so you can let go
of some of that resistance, sothat you can truly attract what
you desire.
Take time each day to focus onwhat you want and remember that
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by manifesting your dreams,you're actually creating more
abundance for yourself and forthose around you.
I want you to let go of thefear that you're being selfish
and step into your powerunapologetically, because you do
have power.
The reason I know that you havepower is because we live in a
(24:07):
society that would try to dimyour light, and any type of
society that would try to dimyour light knows you have power.
They're just scared of yourpower because it is so
magnificent Be powerful.
You were born powerful, own it.
If you're ready to dive deeperinto your manifesting journey,
(24:27):
I'm going to invite you to joinmy Manifestation Made Simple
Masterclass.
It's designed to help yourelease guilt, simplify your
practice, manifest your desireswith ease 20 minutes or less a
day.
So if you're finding yourselffeeling like I can't devote all
that time to myself, I'vecreated a system where you can
do it in 20 minutes or less aday.
You can find the link in theshow description or you can go
(24:48):
to liblifeunapologeticallycomforward slash manifest.
I really truly want to thankyou for tuning into the podcast
today.
I want you to know thatmanifesting your desires isn't
selfish.
It is essential.
So keep showing up for yourself, and I will chat with you next
week.