January 9, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode, Robin and Robin explore the art of simplicity in marriage as we approach 2025. Discover practical tips and strategies to declutter your relationship, prioritize what truly matters, and foster deeper connections with your partner. Join the conversation to learn how to embrace a more intentional and fulfilling year together, keeping stress at bay and love at the forefront!
Music by - Roger Jaeger - from the album (Fall Off the Earth)
Produced by - Jared Nester
Outro by - Madison Nester
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Rob and I'm Robin.
Thanks for listening toMarriage and Us.
Each week we will talk aboutreal-life topics that couples
experience in everyday marriedlife.
So let's get to today's episode.
Hello everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I know it's hard to believe, but we are back.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We are so back.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
And better than ever.
You know it.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We've missed you guys .
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yes, so let's go through.
So, since we lasted a podcast,happy Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Happy birthday to me, merry Christmas and a happy new
year.
So we have.
A lot has been going on sincethe last time we recorded or did
anything did an episode 2024,we've been very open about that
(01:02):
was a hit and miss year for us.
Before we'd been very openabout that, it was a hit and
miss year for us.
There was just so many thingsgoing on in our life and
transitions and things that werehappening.
I think we mentioned on thelast episode.
We are now officially on ourfarm on our land.
Yeah, that's where we'rerecording, not on the land.
(01:23):
I mean, we're in the houseright now, but we are recording.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Thanks, for the clarification.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I just want to make sure that nobody thought we were
out in the field.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I mean it would be cool to do an episode out in the
barn.
No, I think we will.
We have a barn.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, we've talked about that for sure, but, yeah,
it's overwhelming, it's excitingEverything that God has done at
the end of the year and as wemove into 2025, it's where I
mean just can't wait to see whathappens next.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Right.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, so we're just here and we're going to move in.
Season two was super short, butwe're just going to start the
new year off, so welcome toseason three.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It was a limited edition on season two.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Limited edition podcast.
Yes, that is so good.
We are in the new year.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
With that.
Typically, it's interesting.
Over the last couple of daysI've been around a bunch of
bonfires.
We had one here at the houserecently.
That was so incredible.
We grilled hot dog, did s'mores, the stars were incredible, so
that was great.
And then I went to a birthdayparty and was around another
(02:44):
bonfire, ended up talking to abunch of different people and
obviously the word that alwayscomes up is the new year.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, when it comes to January, when it comes to.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
January and I asked a few people.
I didn't know necessarily weweren't talking about this on
the podcast, but I asked a fewpeople about New Year's
resolutions.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And they all said the exact same thing that they
don't make them or believe inthem.
So I found that veryinteresting and so I was doing a
little research and I don'tknow if you knew this there is
now.
This is not good.
There is now official data.
I don't think I would call it acelebration, but it's
(03:28):
recognized.
That's the word I was lookingfor On January the 10th, so it's
coming up is Quitter's Day.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Wow, ten days.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Because here's the quote I've got, because research
has shown that many peopleabandoned their resolutions by
then, and it led me to, sothere's a next part to this I'm
going to read in just a second.
So I was thinking about that,and so their point is this
Instead of making it hard onyourself to have goals that are
(04:01):
too vague, set goals that aresmart.
And here's their acronym I lovethis Specific, measurable,
achievable, realistic and timely.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Okay, say that again.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
So the word smart acronym, oh smart, the acronym
smart, smart, okay for smart.
And it stands for what did youthink I said?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I don't know, I was just trying to dial in.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So smart, so specific .
Speaker 2 (04:28):
That's S.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Right.
Did I say that right?
Specific?
Because I used to say Pacificlike the ocean.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, you're right, I forgot about that.
Yes, sorry.
Yes, specific is S.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yes, measurable is M.
Achievable is A Realistic Realmeasurable is m achievable is a
realistic realistic.
Really like that word and timelytimely okay because so we're
going to relate this to marriage.
Obviously it.
You know, when you think aboutyour, when you're trying to say,
I want to make a resolution,that in itself sounds great, but
(05:05):
when you put such expectationsthat are unrealistic, that's
when most people, I believe,quit Sure.
I mean gym memberships alwaysskyrocket the first few weeks of
the year, whatever the case maybe.
So you're wanting to, andeverybody that I was talking to
around the campfires were likeyou know, if I need to make a
change, I want to make itbecause I want to, not because I
(05:28):
feel some pressure or becauseyou know it's just a new year,
because I'm not going to stickto it.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That's good.
Yeah, that's a great way todescribe it, like you feel a
pressure to do it or that youcan only make this kind of
change at the beginning of ayear, which also is kind of
silly.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right.
So when we I mean all thecouples that we've talked to
over the years, when you thinkabout it again, we always
encourage.
When you hear a couple askingquestions, you know what can we
do better?
How can we have a good marriage?
How can I change myself?
Those are thumbs up.
I mean, those are the thingsyou're going now.
(06:10):
Now you're asking the rightquestions because you're not
waiting for something.
You're proactive in trying tomake steps that make yourself
better and your marriage betteryes, that's good yeah, I it.
So what do you think about someof those words you know as far
as when it comes to you know,because I believe in goals, I
(06:33):
think goals are great, but whenyou look at that to understand
that you know you need to think,like the word measurable I love
that word.
So, how you know, when youthink about making changes in
your marriage, what's some ofthe things that you've observed?
You know, as we take talk topeople, as we take them through
that, that we've seen couples besuccessful in.
(06:55):
Do you have any thoughts whenit comes to that?
I do.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think that when you , when you first think of a word
like measurable now, this isjust me talking that you feel
like it has to be likemeasurable by a large measure.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Okay, like cooking, when you're measuring something
out.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Maybe Okay, or it could be more, like I'm saying
measurable from the point of didyou make a real difference?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Right, I'm seeing it from that perspective.
Okay, did you make a realdifference?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Okay, right, I'm seeing it from that perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Okay, and I think that one way we've encouraged
couples over the years is thatyou celebrate the small wins.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Right.
So if you're working oncommunicating better and you
make just a tiny step towardsthat right, so let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I'll give you an example.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
So let's say you're working on trying to get better
at resolve when it comes toarguments.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Which is what a resolution actually is, by the
way.
A resolution is resolve.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Okay, all right, good , so there we go.
A resolution is resolved.
Okay, all right, good, so therewe go.
So let's say you're in anargument and you're trying not
to be provoked or get mad ordefensive or whatever.
And let's say you even go therea little bit, like you didn't
want to, but you still wentthere a little bit, but you
(08:23):
caught yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And said oh man, you'm, I'm so busy protecting
myself.
This is, you know, like, let'ssay, you and I are in an
argument and then I make astatement to you like gosh, I
just realized I'm so busydefending myself and my point of
view that this argument'sreally not productive in any way
.
So I I'm recognizing I'm doingit right now and I'm sorry for
that, and then you continue onin the discussion.
(08:50):
You've still improved yourcommunication.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Did you argue and maybe did you even, maybe you
know if that was me and I didthat and I have done that in the
past just by me taking a minuteto catch the fact that I did,
to recognize it, to acknowledgeit and to even mention to you
hey, sorry about that, and thencontinue on to find resolve is
still measurable, and the factthat it was better than if I had
(09:21):
not recognized it at all spentthe whole argument just doing
nothing but defending myself,and we really got nowhere at the
end of it.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Does that make sense?
No, no, absolutely.
And as a spouse, as a partner,you appreciate those moments
Because, again, I don't know whywe still see this a lot when it
comes to couples, know why westill see this a lot when it
comes to couples that, like whatyou said, that scenario that
(09:49):
you brought up to, to know thatyou've put forth the effort to
correct something.
You know, we see a lot ofcouples.
What I'm trying to get to isthis we see a lot of couples who
, when they could have thatopportunity, that the way you
brought that up, they don't doit.
And then they tell us well, youknow, I was thinking about that
and I wish I would have saidthis Again.
(10:11):
Those are measurable things thatyou can look back and go oh,
you know, that was anopportunity.
I think we point that out a lotof times.
When we're talking to couples,we go did you hear what they
said?
Because they just gave youinsight to how that they are
thinking.
And if you can learn to do thatone-on-one when I say
one-on-one with your spouse andhave that ability to say, hey, I
(10:35):
recognize how I said that toyou wasn't right or how I was
feeling about that this is whatwas happening.
Those are huge moments.
They're small, they may seemsmall in the moment, but they
really bring long lasting change.
Yes, and how you communicate inyour analogy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Yeah, that's good and I think again.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Looking at a few of these words, you know that goes
with the word achievable as well, too.
That's something that you canchange individually, and how you
can.
You know we're talking aboutcommunication in this moment,
but how you communicate and howyou relate to your spouse Again,
you you say this all the timeand it's the greatest advice I
hear you give any couple youknow ask good questions, because
(11:22):
good questions are definitelygoing to lead us in the right
direction.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yes, yes, that's great and then realistic.
Right, I said I love the wordrealistic because I think that
we I mean really.
That ties into the whole ideaof resolutions.
You know you're you're makingthese huge resolutions,
sometimes for the new year.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
But are they?
Are they realistic?
Yeah Right, like if I said, hey, I'm going to the gym every day
.
Well, now we live out in thecountry, so I drive an hour to
work every morning and drive anhour back in the afternoon,
Right.
And then we live in the countrynowhere near a gym.
So for me to make a statementlike I'm going to the gym every
day.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
You could country nowhere near a gym.
So for me to make a statementlike I'm going to the gym every
day, you could go lift sometires on the barn now.
Or some of you may say oninstagram or go pull the boat,
you could.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You know, yeah, I could tie you with a rope around
your waist and you could pull aboat in rocky or whatever he's
mentioning tires, because sothat the property we bought has
a big barn that, wow, it wasjust like the dumping ground for
many years, it would appear ofjust all kinds of weird items,
(12:34):
but lots of tires.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Tires yes.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
So we've got a dumpster out there right now, so
that's why he's bringing uptires.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
We had several coats out there.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I'm not sure why you would leave a coat out in a barn
and a few Well you would if youwere cold and you were working
in the barn, but these were notlike nice coats.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Well, they probably were at one time.
Maybe at one time they weredisgusting.
Right, and no joke, jared, myson-in-law was here with me to
help me.
We probably found probably 25to 30 gloves.
I mean, the man probably keptAce Hardware, you know, in
business just because he had tobuy.
(13:12):
Whoever it was bought glovesall the time.
So it was just that part was alittle crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah, you think he was one of those guys.
That's like I can't find myglove.
I can only find one glove, andthen now you found the secret
stash of like the missing secondglove of several sets.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Possibly and somewhere somebody is missing
two or three pair of cutoff bluejeans.
So we found those.
Wow, yeah, so it was.
You never know what you'regoing to find in a barn.
So that was I'm glad we didn'tfind anything else.
You know we were.
I'm glad it was cold because wedidn't find, like you know,
mice or snakes or anything likethat.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
So that, yeah, that's always that's always good to
know that.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Uh yeah, that you wouldn't find a snake or no.
I was.
I had a golf clubs at somethey'd left behind and I would
poke stuff.
I'm not going to lie, I was alittle nervous at times to make
sure I didn't want something tojump out and me run out
screaming of the barn and peopledriving by not knowing what's
going on.
But with any time—.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Sorry folks, we were chasing rabbits there for a
minute, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
People know us well enough to know that.
And, plus again, cleaning outthe barn.
I've been posting videos leftand right on Instagram and
Facebook about, just, you know,cleaning that up and what that
looks like, because that's kindof me and my tractor.
Some of you that are followingus know that I have become a
tractor addict.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I'm not sure if there's a group Tractors.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Anonymous Tractors Anonymous.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Tractors Anonymous that I can go to, but it's the
most wonderful thing everbecause it's just the sound of
that engine and just the tractorand me and God out there just
talking and riding around.
I have become the envy of mostmen at my church, don't you
(15:06):
think?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, Everyone comes up and talks to you about the
tractor and wants to come outand ride the tractor.
Drive the tractor.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
May sell tickets Good idea.
To raise money Wherever you maybe in your relationship, in
your marriage, and you're ableto look back at, really, really
enjoy talking about practicalways.
Simple ways, small, improve ourcommunication and just our life
(15:33):
together, you know, and I thinkthat that's so good.
(16:13):
So with that in mind, I thinkYou've got a bunch of words set
out in front of us here.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, if you guys enjoy just little simple
exercises to help strengthenyour marriage.
This is something we've donewith our couples in the past is
what you've got, exactly, andthese are little simple ways
that go into 2025, that youcould create a game of sorts
that you could play with yourspouse.
(16:44):
That just might help withcommunication.
And so what you do is you, weuse index cards, just like you
know a little simple, but I meanyou could do sticky notes, I
don't know.
Whatever you want, to.
Right, and so there are severalwords that are listed on these
cards.
Some of the words arecreativity, communication,
(17:06):
mutual respect, letting go ofcontrol, romance yes,
understanding of self and yourspouse, I'm on it.
Sensitivity, dependability,frustrations, honesty,
transparency on it.
Sensitivity, dependability,frustrations, honesty,
transparency One of my favorites, doing it different.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Joy, I don't know.
I may have said some of thesetwice.
Cooperation.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Transparency or openness, playfulness.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah.
So all these are just reallyfun words and what the idea is
is you can just kind of lay allthese cards out or sticky notes
with these words on.
You know all the differentcards or notes, and then you
know you just what.
Whatever you're kind of drawnto, whatever word, that's the
(18:00):
one you pick up and you justtalk to your spouse about your
thoughts on that, yeah, and whythat word is important to you,
yeah.
So let me say that it's not agood idea to pick up a word like
this and then you know, getinto it with your spouse about
why, they're not doing thesethings.
(18:22):
That's not the point.
Right as much as it is.
Why that word.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like if you were to pick up letting go of control,
and then you used it againsttheir whatever Right Wouldn't be
a good idea.
No, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
So this is like something that's very light in a
way.
I mean, I know some of thesewords might be heavier than
other words as far as theconnotation of it, but I still
think, yeah, that they're all.
There's just a way to learnfrom each other, and these are
the simple ideas just simplethings going into 2025.
(18:54):
Not so much big resolutions withyour marriage where you're
going to fix every single thingthat you feel like needs to be
improved in the year of 2025.
It fix every single thing thatyou feel like needs to be
improved in the year of 2025.
It's like taking just littleopportunities and words like
this to just kind of, you know,start good conversation.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
And another way to do this.
Again, what we're trying tomotivate you to do as you move
into 2025 is to haveconversation, to have
conversation.
What and again, not a resolution.
But what are you hoping for in2025 for your marriage?
What are you hoping for foryourself?
Again, a resolution.
Again, you look at that, itquits.
(19:32):
We're not trying to set ourselfup for failure.
What we're trying to do is setourselves up for success in our
marriage, and it may besomething where another concept
that we know is where you go.
You know you write down four orfive things that you would like
to see in yourself.
You know that you'd like tochange in yourself this year and
(19:53):
then ask your spouse.
You know, again, this requirestrust.
It requires transparency.
It requires being vulnerable.
And again, you're not beingdefensive, because when you ask
these questions, you may not getthe response that you're
looking for, because you'retrying to craft it in some way
where it makes you look the bestyou can, but ask your spouse
(20:14):
hey, here's five things I'd liketo work on this year.
Not a resolution.
It's not that you get them allright or that you even do them
all that's not the purpose of itbut it's putting something in
your mind and in your heart thatyou're trying to move towards.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Because every successful marriage has to be
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
You cannot stay stagnant.
We talked about it so much lastyear the word curiosity.
You've got to keep those things, and so anything that you can
do that creates conversation andthat gives you that opportunity
to say, oh, I hadn't thoughtabout it that way, I didn't see
it that way, and then do thesame thing.
You know, what do you see forour marriage this year?
(20:57):
What are some things that wedid great, like what you said?
This just hit me as we'retalking Go back and talk about
what you celebrated from 2024.
How do you think our marriageimproved?
That's probably a great placeto start, actually.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Go hey, where did you think our marriage improved in
2024?
And then where do you think uswe how we can improve that in
2025?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, I think that's great.
If you want to, let's pick.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I want to pick one for just a minute and talk about
it.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
So my card that just keeps grabbing my attention is
doing it different.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (21:35):
And so I think that for us, you know this move and
this change in our wholelifestyle.
We went from living in theheart of Nashville, a few miles
from downtown, to now living anhour outside of Nashville and
just way out in the country, andit's been wonderful, but it's
(21:58):
very different.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, way out in the country and it's been wonderful.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But it's very different, you know, and and not
only has our life changedbecause of a new location, and
we're, you know, getting used toour home, which I should
mention too.
You know, moving out here ontothis property, although we have
so much more land, our home, weprobably lost what five or six
hundred square feet of house andwe are in a much smaller home
(22:22):
here on the property, and so youknow that was like a big change
for us because we've beenmarried, you know, a long time
34 years.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
34 years.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And you realize how much you accumulate in those 34
years and so there was Just myT-shirts alone your shoes and my
shoes and your jackets and allthe clothes.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, I'm a clothes person, he is.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
He's very much clothes person, you know.
But finding a way to edit whatwe have so that things will fit
in this home, what we have sothat things will fit in this
home.
And, honestly, we're still inthe midst of trying to figure
out do we need this or whatabout this?
Do we keep this?
Do we get rid of it?
You know we're doing thingsdifferently.
(23:11):
The home, our home, is smaller.
We love this house that we'vemoved into and, like I said,
love the land, but we're doingthings differently.
Rob, you had mentioned, you know, your change in your work life
you know, too, and so you knownow I'm driving all the way into
(23:32):
the city still every day.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Which was a big change for us.
Some of you that know us thatwe've talked about that.
That's been, I'd say, for youand for me both one of the
largest change because for,realistically, people not laugh
but they go.
Really, how have you been ableto pull up?
For 34 years We've driven.
I take you to work, we talk,that's our time in the morning.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I pick you up and we have that time coming home we
would always carpool and we onlyneeded one vehicle.
We've had several vehicles, butwe only had one vehicle at a
time because, yeah, no matter uhit just always worked no matter
where we were it was alwayslike five minutes yeah and our,
our schedules.
It just always meshed so so Imiss that.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
I know you do too.
Yeah, yeah, I miss it.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
It's really weird.
You know to drive in every dayby myself.
We talk on the phone some,which that's helpful, but you
know we're we're doing itdifferently.
Now, some of the things we'redoing differently may not be for
the long haul, but at themoment.
These are the things that we'redoing, that we're doing, and I
(24:45):
think too, in moving into a newhouse, even the things that felt
like priority to me or priorityto you.
I think we've had to learn howto have grace for each other,
with what things stand out asbeing important, and because we
haven't had that communicationtime in the car coming and going
too, it's just been sointeresting how you know when I
(25:06):
come home and I mean you're infarm mode all day, property mode
out here, you know doing thingsbeing Farmer Rob, on your
tractor and you know, if youtext me right now I probably
won't answer because I can'thear the text over my tractor
engine.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
So just keep that in mind.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
My text may be delayed yes, so that's been very
um, at times challenging for us, I think since we've been here,
I think there has been somechallenges that we've had in
that and a learning curve tofind ways to communicate, and
that really makes me think youknow, no matter how much you
feel like you communicate well,when new surroundings and
(25:49):
circumstances happen, I thinkthat it can alter your
communication you know, becauseit's our communication.
At times can feel very habitualis a weird word to use, but you
know what I'm saying.
Like, very like.
I figured this out and I knowhow we communicate and you know
getting this rhythm and nowwe're in a whole different
(26:12):
rhythm than we have been for 13years that we lived in the other
place.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
We've talked about it and we've been pretty open and,
again, just being real andupfront and talking about it.
You know we've realized we'vebeen out of sync, not
intentionally, but because ofthe circumstances.
It's caused our, like you said,our rhythm has changed and
that's been a huge like learningcurve.
(26:38):
So I think we've both done agreat job and this is something
we want to encourage you asyou're listening.
Again, you've got to check in,not from the point of like, hey,
are you okay, is theresomething wrong?
That's not the point but it'sjust like, hey, where are we?
Is there something I'm missing?
Is there something that hey,the day got going you forgot to
(26:59):
share with me?
Is there something I'm missing,right?
Is there something that hey,the day got going you forgot to
share with me?
Is there something I missedthat you shared with me that I
need to be aware of?
So it's continually and because, like you said, I think that's
a great visual.
You know, anytime there'stransition or change, how you
synced up and how your rhythmhas been is it's a different
beat.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
And so it's learning how how to communicate that and
how to connect.
I mean, it can be something assimple.
I know you won't mind mesharing this because it's just
real world.
You know, I'd hang somethingduring the day because I'm here
at the house currently, you know, because I'm still in
transition, looking for adifferent job, different
employment, and you'd come homeand it's not that we got into
(27:43):
arguments Like I didn't realize,I mean yeah we did get into a
little bit of an argument, butmy point was is that because I
didn't realize when you sharedwith me and said, hey, I want to
be here for these moments.
I want to be here to hangsomething with you, I want to be
able to give my input?
And I'm thinking I'm justtrying to do it and make it
easier, and I'm like, oh, thatmakes a lot more sense Because
(28:06):
now I understand, you know Icould have communicated better.
Hey, where do you actually wantthis?
I'm thinking this, you'rethinking that.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Right like hanging mirrors, yeah, mirrors.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
or a picture, or whatever the case may be.
Yeah, so it's.
And again, you, you to a pointyou don't think those small
things are that big a deal.
But when your rhythm is off,that's, you've got to
communicate even more Sure.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So I I'm sure some of you guyscan relate to this different
seasons of life, differentthings that you're in you know.
You know, and and even in theexcitement of like oh my gosh,
this is incredible, we justbought this property.
It's amazing, you know.
There's like the the excitementand all the feels about this
(28:52):
whole new place, but at the sametime, you know there is this
like oh wow, everything'schanged and even selling the
house, you know, like our littlehouse in town you know that we
were there for 13 years.
We were very emotional on thatlast day, you know our daughter,
(29:12):
maddie, was with us and I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We sat in an empty house on the floor and just
cried.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
We cried our eyes out Because there's a lot of great
memories there, yeah we werejust yeah, that remembrance of,
like everything that happened inthis house and even though
where we're at is a totalupgrade, it was like the closing
of a door and the opening of anew door.
Well, because that wascomfortable.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
We knew that place.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
You know, and that so parallels with marriage.
Anytime you're in the midst ofa transition, it becomes
uncomfortable.
And, going back to what westarted, the whole episode with
resolution, you know you'retrying to make changes and
that's where frustration comesin, because it's not comfortable
.
Yeah, and in marriage there aregoing to be those moments when
(29:55):
it's not comfortable, but thatdoesn't mean you, you know, you
don't quit on your marriage.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Sure no, you don't quit on your marriage.
Sure, no, you don't.
Hopefully, no, no, I'm notsaying sure you do.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Sure, yeah, I'm out of here, but what we're saying
is, you've got to make thateffort to go, okay, and I know
we've said this so many timesthat's where that ability to go
hey, I had some guy this is sofunny.
I had some guy this is so funny.
I had a guy that I met a coupleweeks ago that delivered
something.
And some of you that know me, Ithink when you're having a
(30:28):
conversation, you're alwayslooking for these opportunities.
You might say, hey, I was atchurch the other day, or I'll
tell somebody what I do, and Ido it with the podcast, and it
goes oh, and then boom, nextthing.
You know he and I are havingthis 15 minute conversation on
marriage and it was just suchthis great, this great moment,
and but he was talking abouttransition.
(30:49):
You know they're thinking abouthaving another kid, but they've
been married 15 years and youknow.
So it's just like there'salways these opportunities for
wonderful change.
But when you're again, whenyour rhythm is off, when you're
not in sync with each other, youhave to make the decision to
(31:14):
say we're going to find it's anew path, but we're going to get
there together.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, yeah, we just want to encourage everybody
who's listening today, all youguys out there, that this is
like we just keep saying this isa new year with new things and
um, for some of you that areexperiencing change, like we are
, um, or for some of you thatyou've walked into 2025 and
everything feels the same, um,but maybe you don't want it to
(31:38):
be the same.
You know, like just little cues, like I said, this little
simple card idea, right, andjust always you ask good
questions.
I will always say that and thatopens up wonderful conversation
.
But I you know my prayer foryou guys out there today is just
that you walk into this yearnot overwhelmed with having to
(32:01):
make so many changes that itjust feels weighty and like a
burden, but to hopefully bringhope and anticipation that that
you guys just change a fewlittle things, you know, little
baby steps towards.
Yeah, yeah, just some some newstuff, some new things this year
(32:22):
, yeah, and it's not.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
It's not.
We're not saying I think again,as we we close today, you're
not trying to make these hugeswing for the fences.
You know, like you know, I'mgoing for broke.
Those moments just don't work,Because that's not really what a
long-term relationship lookslike.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
It's effort, it's work We've said it's the best
hard work you'll ever do butit's those small changes that
make long lasting, because again, you're going to miss it.
I think back to what you saidearlier, and we say this all the
time You're always going tohave an opportunity, and I've
said this before and I'm tryingto think of a better way to say
(33:02):
it, and I've said this beforeand I'm trying to think of a
better way to say it there'salways an opportunity when you
don't do it the right way.
And that sounds very vague, butwhen you're trying to
communicate with your spouse,when you're trying to make a
change and you mess up, and thenyou put forth that effort and
the next time you're in thatsame situation, your spouse
(33:24):
recognizes oh, they did listen,they did try to change.
Those are the small changes thatwe're talking about that make a
lasting impression on yourspouse because they realize
you're trying to put.
It's not about getting it rightor wrong or perfect, that's not
what we're saying, but it'sjust like recognizing.
Back to your analogy oh, how Isaid that.
(33:47):
And it's so powerful, don't youthink, when your spouse says
that?
Because, again, you know, wesometimes don't want to admit it
, but when your spouse doessomething like that and you're
sitting there going, man, Ican't believe the way they just
said that to me and you'resitting there going man, I can't
believe the way they just saidthat to me and then they say,
(34:07):
hey, if that came across thewrong way.
And you, there's this wonderful, this kind of side.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah, you catch yourself and your spouse
recognizes that, yeah, that thatyou did, and that this
relationship Is worth so much.
Yeah, and, and that's just it,guys.
Relationship is worth so muchand, and that's just it, guys.
I mean marriage is just thegreatest thing, and we just pray
(34:35):
that you value each other.
And so here in 2025, whetherit's like like we're saying
little little things some of youare like what are you talking
about?
Like what kind of little things.
You know, can I listen better?
Can I help my spouse more?
Can I verbalize my gratitudefor my spouse more?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Can I verbalize my pain?
Yeah, or when I'm frustrated,right.
Can I verbalize my pain?
Yeah, or when I'm frustrated,can I be?
vulnerable Right and let downthe walls and really be real and
just talk and find feeling inthat and be genuine about
whatever you're feeling orwhatever you're going through or
the case may be, because that's, again, that's why there's so
(35:25):
many wonderful reasons to bemarried, but it's that it is a
relationship and it is.
You know, again, the root wordof a resolution is learn how to
resolve things, and I thinkthat's the underlining thing
that we're always trying toencourage couples with Learn how
to get to that place of resolve.
Learn whatever you've got topush through to get to the other
(35:47):
side, because the argument isunto something, the conversation
is unto something, the changeis unto something.
It's trying to say this isworth it.
I love you, I'm with you forthe long haul.
We're not always going to seeeye to eye, but but I'm for you
and you're for me, and we'regoing to keep moving forward
(36:09):
together.
So we just pray a blessing overevery couple that's listening,
or if you're an individuallistening today, maybe you
stumbled upon us I'm Rob, by theway, and that's Robin and you
happen to be listening to us andyou're looking for a
relationship in 2025, and you'relooking for somebody to say God
, send that right person.
(36:30):
I just pray that God directsyour path and opens up the right
door.
And if you're a married couple,again we just speak a blessing
over you, speak encouragementover you.
You can make it.
You've come too far to quit now, so stay in there, Keep loving
each other.
You can make it.
You know you've come too far toquit now, so stay in there,
keep loving each other, keepencouraging each other.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yeah, and here's to 2025.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yes, let's keep going and we will be back in a week
or so.
We're not going to go forever.
So, with that, not a resolution, but you and I have talked that
whatever we've got to do thisis our commitment about doing
the podcast is we want to stayconsistent in our time and
(37:15):
investing in the people that arelistening and take the time to
push that play button ordownload.
So, yeah, that's one of ourthings we're going for in 2025.
A full year, season three bestyet ever.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
All right, then Awesome Okay guys, we'll see you
soon.
Thanks bye.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
You've been listening to Marriage and Us, with your
hosts, Rob and Robin Adkins.
Stay up to date by followingthem on Instagram at
marriageandus underscore podcastand on Twitter at marriageandus
.
Also hit the follow button soyou never miss an episode from
your favorite couple.
Hi, I'm Rob and I'm Robin.
Thanks for listening toMarriage and Us.
Each week we will talk aboutreal-life topics that couples
experience in everyday marriedlife.
So let's get to today's episode.
Hello everybody.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Hey.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I know it's hard to believe, but we are back.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
We are so back.
Speaker 1 (00:31):
And better than ever.
You know it.
Yes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
We've missed you guys .
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Yes, so let's go through.
So, since we lasted a podcast,happy Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
Happy birthday to me, merry Christmas and a happy new
year.
So we have.
A lot has been going on sincethe last time we recorded or did
anything did an episode 2024,we've been very open about that
(01:02):
was a hit and miss year for us.
Before we'd been very openabout that, it was a hit and
miss year for us.
There was just so many thingsgoing on in our life and
transitions and things that werehappening.
I think we mentioned on thelast episode.
We are now officially on ourfarm on our land.
Yeah, that's where we'rerecording, not on the land.
(01:23):
I mean, we're in the houseright now, but we are recording.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Thanks, for the clarification.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
I just want to make sure that nobody thought we were
out in the field.
Speaker 2 (01:31):
I mean it would be cool to do an episode out in the
barn.
No, I think we will.
We have a barn.
Speaker 1 (01:34):
Yeah, we've talked about that for sure, but, yeah,
it's overwhelming, it's excitingEverything that God has done at
the end of the year and as wemove into 2025, it's where I
mean just can't wait to see whathappens next.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Right.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Right.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Yeah, so we're just here and we're going to move in.
Season two was super short, butwe're just going to start the
new year off, so welcome toseason three.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
It was a limited edition on season two.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
Limited edition podcast.
Yes, that is so good.
We are in the new year.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
With that.
Typically, it's interesting.
Over the last couple of daysI've been around a bunch of
bonfires.
We had one here at the houserecently.
That was so incredible.
We grilled hot dog, did s'mores, the stars were incredible, so
that was great.
And then I went to a birthdayparty and was around another
(02:44):
bonfire, ended up talking to abunch of different people and
obviously the word that alwayscomes up is the new year.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
Yeah, when it comes to January, when it comes to.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
January and I asked a few people.
I didn't know necessarily weweren't talking about this on
the podcast, but I asked a fewpeople about New Year's
resolutions.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
And they all said the exact same thing that they
don't make them or believe inthem.
So I found that veryinteresting and so I was doing a
little research and I don'tknow if you knew this there is
now.
This is not good.
There is now official data.
I don't think I would call it acelebration, but it's
(03:28):
recognized.
That's the word I was lookingfor On January the 10th, so it's
coming up is Quitter's Day.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
Wow, ten days.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Because here's the quote I've got, because research
has shown that many peopleabandoned their resolutions by
then, and it led me to, sothere's a next part to this I'm
going to read in just a second.
So I was thinking about that,and so their point is this
Instead of making it hard onyourself to have goals that are
(04:01):
too vague, set goals that aresmart.
And here's their acronym I lovethis Specific, measurable,
achievable, realistic and timely.
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Okay, say that again.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
So the word smart acronym, oh smart, the acronym
smart, smart, okay for smart.
And it stands for what did youthink I said?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I don't know, I was just trying to dial in.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So smart, so specific .
Speaker 2 (04:28):
That's S.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Right.
Did I say that right?
Specific?
Because I used to say Pacificlike the ocean.
Remember that.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Yeah, you're right, I forgot about that.
Yes, sorry.
Yes, specific is S.
Speaker 1 (04:40):
Yes, measurable is M.
Achievable is A Realistic Realmeasurable is m achievable is a
realistic realistic.
Really like that word and timelytimely okay because so we're
going to relate this to marriage.
Obviously it.
You know, when you think aboutyour, when you're trying to say,
I want to make a resolution,that in itself sounds great, but
(05:05):
when you put such expectationsthat are unrealistic, that's
when most people, I believe,quit Sure.
I mean gym memberships alwaysskyrocket the first few weeks of
the year, whatever the case maybe.
So you're wanting to, andeverybody that I was talking to
around the campfires were likeyou know, if I need to make a
change, I want to make itbecause I want to, not because I
(05:28):
feel some pressure or becauseyou know it's just a new year,
because I'm not going to stickto it.
Speaker 2 (05:36):
That's good.
Yeah, that's a great way todescribe it, like you feel a
pressure to do it or that youcan only make this kind of
change at the beginning of ayear, which also is kind of
silly.
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Right.
So when we I mean all thecouples that we've talked to
over the years, when you thinkabout it again, we always
encourage.
When you hear a couple askingquestions, you know what can we
do better?
How can we have a good marriage?
How can I change myself?
Those are thumbs up.
I mean, those are the thingsyou're going now.
(06:10):
Now you're asking the rightquestions because you're not
waiting for something.
You're proactive in trying tomake steps that make yourself
better and your marriage betteryes, that's good yeah, I it.
So what do you think about someof those words you know as far
as when it comes to you know,because I believe in goals, I
(06:33):
think goals are great, but whenyou look at that to understand
that you know you need to think,like the word measurable I love
that word.
So, how you know, when youthink about making changes in
your marriage, what's some ofthe things that you've observed?
You know, as we take talk topeople, as we take them through
that, that we've seen couples besuccessful in.
(06:55):
Do you have any thoughts whenit comes to that?
I do.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I think that when you , when you first think of a word
like measurable now, this isjust me talking that you feel
like it has to be likemeasurable by a large measure.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Okay, like cooking, when you're measuring something
out.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
Maybe Okay, or it could be more, like I'm saying
measurable from the point of didyou make a real difference?
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Right, I'm seeing it from that perspective.
Okay, did you make a realdifference?
Speaker 3 (07:23):
Okay, right, I'm seeing it from that perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
Okay, and I think that one way we've encouraged
couples over the years is thatyou celebrate the small wins.
Speaker 1 (07:33):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
Right.
So if you're working oncommunicating better and you
make just a tiny step towardsthat right, so let's talk about.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
I'll give you an example.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
So let's say you're working on trying to get better
at resolve when it comes toarguments.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
Which is what a resolution actually is, by the
way.
A resolution is resolve.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Okay, all right, good , so there we go.
A resolution is resolved.
Okay, all right, good, so therewe go.
So let's say you're in anargument and you're trying not
to be provoked or get mad ordefensive or whatever.
And let's say you even go therea little bit, like you didn't
want to, but you still wentthere a little bit, but you
(08:23):
caught yourself.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
And said oh man, you'm, I'm so busy protecting
myself.
This is, you know, like, let'ssay, you and I are in an
argument and then I make astatement to you like gosh, I
just realized I'm so busydefending myself and my point of
view that this argument'sreally not productive in any way
.
So I I'm recognizing I'm doingit right now and I'm sorry for
that, and then you continue onin the discussion.
(08:50):
You've still improved yourcommunication.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
Right.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Did you argue and maybe did you even, maybe you
know if that was me and I didthat and I have done that in the
past just by me taking a minuteto catch the fact that I did,
to recognize it, to acknowledgeit and to even mention to you
hey, sorry about that, and thencontinue on to find resolve is
still measurable, and the factthat it was better than if I had
(09:21):
not recognized it at all spentthe whole argument just doing
nothing but defending myself,and we really got nowhere at the
end of it.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Does that make sense?
No, no, absolutely.
And as a spouse, as a partner,you appreciate those moments
Because, again, I don't know whywe still see this a lot when it
comes to couples, know why westill see this a lot when it
comes to couples that, like whatyou said, that scenario that
(09:49):
you brought up to, to know thatyou've put forth the effort to
correct something.
You know, we see a lot ofcouples.
What I'm trying to get to isthis we see a lot of couples who
, when they could have thatopportunity, that the way you
brought that up, they don't doit.
And then they tell us well, youknow, I was thinking about that
and I wish I would have saidthis Again.
(10:11):
Those are measurable things thatyou can look back and go oh,
you know, that was anopportunity.
I think we point that out a lotof times.
When we're talking to couples,we go did you hear what they
said?
Because they just gave youinsight to how that they are
thinking.
And if you can learn to do thatone-on-one when I say
one-on-one with your spouse andhave that ability to say, hey, I
(10:35):
recognize how I said that toyou wasn't right or how I was
feeling about that this is whatwas happening.
Those are huge moments.
They're small, they may seemsmall in the moment, but they
really bring long lasting change.
Yes, and how you communicate inyour analogy, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
Yeah, that's good and I think again.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Looking at a few of these words, you know that goes
with the word achievable as well, too.
That's something that you canchange individually, and how you
can.
You know we're talking aboutcommunication in this moment,
but how you communicate and howyou relate to your spouse Again,
you you say this all the timeand it's the greatest advice I
hear you give any couple youknow ask good questions, because
(11:22):
good questions are definitelygoing to lead us in the right
direction.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Yes, yes, that's great and then realistic.
Right, I said I love the wordrealistic because I think that
we I mean really.
That ties into the whole ideaof resolutions.
You know you're you're makingthese huge resolutions,
sometimes for the new year.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Right.
Speaker 2 (11:44):
But are they?
Are they realistic?
Yeah Right, like if I said, hey, I'm going to the gym every day
.
Well, now we live out in thecountry, so I drive an hour to
work every morning and drive anhour back in the afternoon,
Right.
And then we live in the countrynowhere near a gym.
So for me to make a statementlike I'm going to the gym every
day.
Speaker 1 (12:04):
You could country nowhere near a gym.
So for me to make a statementlike I'm going to the gym every
day, you could go lift sometires on the barn now.
Or some of you may say oninstagram or go pull the boat,
you could.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
You know, yeah, I could tie you with a rope around
your waist and you could pull aboat in rocky or whatever he's
mentioning tires, because sothat the property we bought has
a big barn that, wow, it wasjust like the dumping ground for
many years, it would appear ofjust all kinds of weird items,
(12:34):
but lots of tires.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Tires yes.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
So we've got a dumpster out there right now, so
that's why he's bringing uptires.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
We had several coats out there.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I'm not sure why you would leave a coat out in a barn
and a few Well you would if youwere cold and you were working
in the barn, but these were notlike nice coats.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Well, they probably were at one time.
Maybe at one time they weredisgusting.
Right, and no joke, jared, myson-in-law was here with me to
help me.
We probably found probably 25to 30 gloves.
I mean, the man probably keptAce Hardware, you know, in
business just because he had tobuy.
(13:12):
Whoever it was bought glovesall the time.
So it was just that part was alittle crazy.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
Yeah, you think he was one of those guys.
That's like I can't find myglove.
I can only find one glove, andthen now you found the secret
stash of like the missing secondglove of several sets.
Speaker 1 (13:30):
Possibly and somewhere somebody is missing
two or three pair of cutoff bluejeans.
So we found those.
Wow, yeah, so it was.
You never know what you'regoing to find in a barn.
So that was I'm glad we didn'tfind anything else.
You know we were.
I'm glad it was cold because wedidn't find, like you know,
mice or snakes or anything likethat.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
So that, yeah, that's always that's always good to
know that.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Uh yeah, that you wouldn't find a snake or no.
I was.
I had a golf clubs at somethey'd left behind and I would
poke stuff.
I'm not going to lie, I was alittle nervous at times to make
sure I didn't want something tojump out and me run out
screaming of the barn and peopledriving by not knowing what's
going on.
But with any time—.
Speaker 2 (14:15):
Sorry folks, we were chasing rabbits there for a
minute, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
People know us well enough to know that.
And, plus again, cleaning outthe barn.
I've been posting videos leftand right on Instagram and
Facebook about, just, you know,cleaning that up and what that
looks like, because that's kindof me and my tractor.
Some of you that are followingus know that I have become a
tractor addict.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I'm not sure if there's a group Tractors.
Speaker 2 (14:44):
Anonymous Tractors Anonymous.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
Tractors Anonymous that I can go to, but it's the
most wonderful thing everbecause it's just the sound of
that engine and just the tractorand me and God out there just
talking and riding around.
I have become the envy of mostmen at my church, don't you
(15:06):
think?
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Yes, Everyone comes up and talks to you about the
tractor and wants to come outand ride the tractor.
Drive the tractor.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
May sell tickets Good idea.
To raise money Wherever you maybe in your relationship, in
your marriage, and you're ableto look back at, really, really
enjoy talking about practicalways.
Simple ways, small, improve ourcommunication and just our life
(15:33):
together, you know, and I thinkthat that's so good.
(16:13):
So with that in mind, I thinkYou've got a bunch of words set
out in front of us here.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Yeah, if you guys enjoy just little simple
exercises to help strengthenyour marriage.
This is something we've donewith our couples in the past is
what you've got, exactly, andthese are little simple ways
that go into 2025, that youcould create a game of sorts
that you could play with yourspouse.
(16:44):
That just might help withcommunication.
And so what you do is you, weuse index cards, just like you
know a little simple, but I meanyou could do sticky notes, I
don't know.
Whatever you want, to.
Right, and so there are severalwords that are listed on these
cards.
Some of the words arecreativity, communication,
(17:06):
mutual respect, letting go ofcontrol, romance yes,
understanding of self and yourspouse, I'm on it.
Sensitivity, dependability,frustrations, honesty,
transparency on it.
Sensitivity, dependability,frustrations, honesty,
transparency One of my favorites, doing it different.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
Joy, I don't know.
I may have said some of thesetwice.
Cooperation.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Transparency or openness, playfulness.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
Yeah.
So all these are just reallyfun words and what the idea is
is you can just kind of lay allthese cards out or sticky notes
with these words on.
You know all the differentcards or notes, and then you
know you just what.
Whatever you're kind of drawnto, whatever word, that's the
(18:00):
one you pick up and you justtalk to your spouse about your
thoughts on that, yeah, and whythat word is important to you,
yeah.
So let me say that it's not agood idea to pick up a word like
this and then you know, getinto it with your spouse about
why, they're not doing thesethings.
(18:22):
That's not the point.
Right as much as it is.
Why that word.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Like if you were to pick up letting go of control,
and then you used it againsttheir whatever Right Wouldn't be
a good idea.
No, don't do that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
So this is like something that's very light in a
way.
I mean, I know some of thesewords might be heavier than
other words as far as theconnotation of it, but I still
think, yeah, that they're all.
There's just a way to learnfrom each other, and these are
the simple ideas just simplethings going into 2025.
(18:54):
Not so much big resolutions withyour marriage where you're
going to fix every single thingthat you feel like needs to be
improved in the year of 2025.
It fix every single thing thatyou feel like needs to be
improved in the year of 2025.
It's like taking just littleopportunities and words like
this to just kind of, you know,start good conversation.
Speaker 1 (19:09):
And another way to do this.
Again, what we're trying tomotivate you to do as you move
into 2025 is to haveconversation, to have
conversation.
What and again, not a resolution.
But what are you hoping for in2025 for your marriage?
What are you hoping for foryourself?
Again, a resolution.
Again, you look at that, itquits.
(19:32):
We're not trying to set ourselfup for failure.
What we're trying to do is setourselves up for success in our
marriage, and it may besomething where another concept
that we know is where you go.
You know you write down four orfive things that you would like
to see in yourself.
You know that you'd like tochange in yourself this year and
(19:53):
then ask your spouse.
You know, again, this requirestrust.
It requires transparency.
It requires being vulnerable.
And again, you're not beingdefensive, because when you ask
these questions, you may not getthe response that you're
looking for, because you'retrying to craft it in some way
where it makes you look the bestyou can, but ask your spouse
(20:14):
hey, here's five things I'd liketo work on this year.
Not a resolution.
It's not that you get them allright or that you even do them
all that's not the purpose of itbut it's putting something in
your mind and in your heart thatyou're trying to move towards.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (20:32):
Because every successful marriage has to be
moving forward.
Speaker 2 (20:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
You cannot stay stagnant.
We talked about it so much lastyear the word curiosity.
You've got to keep those things, and so anything that you can
do that creates conversation andthat gives you that opportunity
to say, oh, I hadn't thoughtabout it that way, I didn't see
it that way, and then do thesame thing.
You know, what do you see forour marriage this year?
(20:57):
What are some things that wedid great, like what you said?
This just hit me as we'retalking Go back and talk about
what you celebrated from 2024.
How do you think our marriageimproved?
That's probably a great placeto start, actually.
Speaker 2 (21:12):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Go hey, where did you think our marriage improved in
2024?
And then where do you think uswe how we can improve that in
2025?
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, I think that's great.
If you want to, let's pick.
Speaker 3 (21:25):
I want to pick one for just a minute and talk about
it.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
So my card that just keeps grabbing my attention is
doing it different.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
What does that mean?
Speaker 2 (21:35):
And so I think that for us, you know this move and
this change in our wholelifestyle.
We went from living in theheart of Nashville, a few miles
from downtown, to now living anhour outside of Nashville and
just way out in the country, andit's been wonderful, but it's
(21:58):
very different.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
Yes, way out in the country and it's been wonderful.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
But it's very different, you know, and and not
only has our life changedbecause of a new location, and
we're, you know, getting used toour home, which I should
mention too.
You know, moving out here ontothis property, although we have
so much more land, our home, weprobably lost what five or six
hundred square feet of house andwe are in a much smaller home
(22:22):
here on the property, and so youknow that was like a big change
for us because we've beenmarried, you know, a long time
34 years.
Speaker 1 (22:34):
34 years.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
And you realize how much you accumulate in those 34
years and so there was Just myT-shirts alone your shoes and my
shoes and your jackets and allthe clothes.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, I'm a clothes person, he is.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
He's very much clothes person, you know.
But finding a way to edit whatwe have so that things will fit
in this home, what we have sothat things will fit in this
home.
And, honestly, we're still inthe midst of trying to figure
out do we need this or whatabout this?
Do we keep this?
Do we get rid of it?
You know we're doing thingsdifferently.
(23:11):
The home, our home, is smaller.
We love this house that we'vemoved into and, like I said,
love the land, but we're doingthings differently.
Rob, you had mentioned, you know, your change in your work life
you know, too, and so you knownow I'm driving all the way into
(23:32):
the city still every day.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Which was a big change for us.
Some of you that know us thatwe've talked about that.
That's been, I'd say, for youand for me both one of the
largest change because for,realistically, people not laugh
but they go.
Really, how have you been ableto pull up?
For 34 years We've driven.
I take you to work, we talk,that's our time in the morning.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
I pick you up and we have that time coming home we
would always carpool and we onlyneeded one vehicle.
We've had several vehicles, butwe only had one vehicle at a
time because, yeah, no matter uhit just always worked no matter
where we were it was alwayslike five minutes yeah and our,
our schedules.
It just always meshed so so Imiss that.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
I know you do too.
Yeah, yeah, I miss it.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
It's really weird.
You know to drive in every dayby myself.
We talk on the phone some,which that's helpful, but you
know we're we're doing itdifferently.
Now, some of the things we'redoing differently may not be for
the long haul, but at themoment.
These are the things that we'redoing, that we're doing, and I
(24:45):
think too, in moving into a newhouse, even the things that felt
like priority to me or priorityto you.
I think we've had to learn howto have grace for each other,
with what things stand out asbeing important, and because we
haven't had that communicationtime in the car coming and going
too, it's just been sointeresting how you know when I
(25:06):
come home and I mean you're infarm mode all day, property mode
out here, you know doing thingsbeing Farmer Rob, on your
tractor and you know, if youtext me right now I probably
won't answer because I can'thear the text over my tractor
engine.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
So just keep that in mind.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
My text may be delayed yes, so that's been very
um, at times challenging for us, I think since we've been here,
I think there has been somechallenges that we've had in
that and a learning curve tofind ways to communicate, and
that really makes me think youknow, no matter how much you
feel like you communicate well,when new surroundings and
(25:49):
circumstances happen, I thinkthat it can alter your
communication you know, becauseit's our communication.
At times can feel very habitualis a weird word to use, but you
know what I'm saying.
Like, very like.
I figured this out and I knowhow we communicate and you know
getting this rhythm and nowwe're in a whole different
(26:12):
rhythm than we have been for 13years that we lived in the other
place.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
We've talked about it and we've been pretty open and,
again, just being real andupfront and talking about it.
You know we've realized we'vebeen out of sync, not
intentionally, but because ofthe circumstances.
It's caused our, like you said,our rhythm has changed and
that's been a huge like learningcurve.
(26:38):
So I think we've both done agreat job and this is something
we want to encourage you asyou're listening.
Again, you've got to check in,not from the point of like, hey,
are you okay, is theresomething wrong?
That's not the point but it'sjust like, hey, where are we?
Is there something I'm missing?
Is there something that hey,the day got going you forgot to
(26:59):
share with me?
Is there something I'm missing,right?
Is there something that hey,the day got going you forgot to
share with me?
Is there something I missedthat you shared with me that I
need to be aware of?
So it's continually and because, like you said, I think that's
a great visual.
You know, anytime there'stransition or change, how you
synced up and how your rhythmhas been is it's a different
beat.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
And so it's learning how how to communicate that and
how to connect.
I mean, it can be something assimple.
I know you won't mind mesharing this because it's just
real world.
You know, I'd hang somethingduring the day because I'm here
at the house currently, you know, because I'm still in
transition, looking for adifferent job, different
employment, and you'd come homeand it's not that we got into
(27:43):
arguments Like I didn't realize,I mean yeah we did get into a
little bit of an argument, butmy point was is that because I
didn't realize when you sharedwith me and said, hey, I want to
be here for these moments.
I want to be here to hangsomething with you, I want to be
able to give my input?
And I'm thinking I'm justtrying to do it and make it
easier, and I'm like, oh, thatmakes a lot more sense Because
(28:06):
now I understand, you know Icould have communicated better.
Hey, where do you actually wantthis?
I'm thinking this, you'rethinking that.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
Right like hanging mirrors, yeah, mirrors.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
or a picture, or whatever the case may be.
Yeah, so it's.
And again, you, you to a pointyou don't think those small
things are that big a deal.
But when your rhythm is off,that's, you've got to
communicate even more Sure.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So I I'm sure some of you guyscan relate to this different
seasons of life, differentthings that you're in you know.
You know, and and even in theexcitement of like oh my gosh,
this is incredible, we justbought this property.
It's amazing, you know.
There's like the the excitementand all the feels about this
(28:52):
whole new place, but at the sametime, you know there is this
like oh wow, everything'schanged and even selling the
house, you know, like our littlehouse in town you know that we
were there for 13 years.
We were very emotional on thatlast day, you know our daughter,
(29:12):
maddie, was with us and I mean.
Speaker 1 (29:15):
We sat in an empty house on the floor and just
cried.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
We cried our eyes out Because there's a lot of great
memories there, yeah we werejust yeah, that remembrance of,
like everything that happened inthis house and even though
where we're at is a totalupgrade, it was like the closing
of a door and the opening of anew door.
Well, because that wascomfortable.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
We knew that place.
Speaker 2 (29:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:34):
You know, and that so parallels with marriage.
Anytime you're in the midst ofa transition, it becomes
uncomfortable.
And, going back to what westarted, the whole episode with
resolution, you know you'retrying to make changes and
that's where frustration comesin, because it's not comfortable
.
Yeah, and in marriage there aregoing to be those moments when
(29:55):
it's not comfortable, but thatdoesn't mean you, you know, you
don't quit on your marriage.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
Sure no, you don't quit on your marriage.
Sure, no, you don't.
Hopefully, no, no, I'm notsaying sure you do.
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Sure, yeah, I'm out of here, but what we're saying
is, you've got to make thateffort to go, okay, and I know
we've said this so many timesthat's where that ability to go
hey, I had some guy this is sofunny.
I had some guy this is so funny.
I had a guy that I met a coupleweeks ago that delivered
something.
And some of you that know me, Ithink when you're having a
(30:28):
conversation, you're alwayslooking for these opportunities.
You might say, hey, I was atchurch the other day, or I'll
tell somebody what I do, and Ido it with the podcast, and it
goes oh, and then boom, nextthing.
You know he and I are havingthis 15 minute conversation on
marriage and it was just suchthis great, this great moment,
and but he was talking abouttransition.
(30:49):
You know they're thinking abouthaving another kid, but they've
been married 15 years and youknow.
So it's just like there'salways these opportunities for
wonderful change.
But when you're again, whenyour rhythm is off, when you're
not in sync with each other, youhave to make the decision to
(31:14):
say we're going to find it's anew path, but we're going to get
there together.
Speaker 2 (31:16):
Yeah, yeah, we just want to encourage everybody
who's listening today, all youguys out there, that this is
like we just keep saying this isa new year with new things and
um, for some of you that areexperiencing change, like we are
, um, or for some of you thatyou've walked into 2025 and
everything feels the same, um,but maybe you don't want it to
(31:38):
be the same.
You know, like just little cues, like I said, this little
simple card idea, right, andjust always you ask good
questions.
I will always say that and thatopens up wonderful conversation
.
But I you know my prayer foryou guys out there today is just
that you walk into this yearnot overwhelmed with having to
(32:01):
make so many changes that itjust feels weighty and like a
burden, but to hopefully bringhope and anticipation that that
you guys just change a fewlittle things, you know, little
baby steps towards.
Yeah, yeah, just some some newstuff, some new things this year
(32:22):
, yeah, and it's not.
Speaker 1 (32:24):
It's not.
We're not saying I think again,as we we close today, you're
not trying to make these hugeswing for the fences.
You know, like you know, I'mgoing for broke.
Those moments just don't work,Because that's not really what a
long-term relationship lookslike.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
It's effort, it's work We've said it's the best
hard work you'll ever do butit's those small changes that
make long lasting, because again, you're going to miss it.
I think back to what you saidearlier, and we say this all the
time You're always going tohave an opportunity, and I've
said this before and I'm tryingto think of a better way to say
(33:02):
it, and I've said this beforeand I'm trying to think of a
better way to say it there'salways an opportunity when you
don't do it the right way.
And that sounds very vague, butwhen you're trying to
communicate with your spouse,when you're trying to make a
change and you mess up, and thenyou put forth that effort and
the next time you're in thatsame situation, your spouse
(33:24):
recognizes oh, they did listen,they did try to change.
Those are the small changes thatwe're talking about that make a
lasting impression on yourspouse because they realize
you're trying to put.
It's not about getting it rightor wrong or perfect, that's not
what we're saying, but it'sjust like recognizing.
Back to your analogy oh, how Isaid that.
(33:47):
And it's so powerful, don't youthink, when your spouse says
that?
Because, again, you know, wesometimes don't want to admit it
, but when your spouse doessomething like that and you're
sitting there going, man, Ican't believe the way they just
said that to me and you'resitting there going man, I can't
believe the way they just saidthat to me and then they say,
(34:07):
hey, if that came across thewrong way.
And you, there's this wonderful, this kind of side.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Yeah, you catch yourself and your spouse
recognizes that, yeah, that thatyou did, and that this
relationship Is worth so much.
Yeah, and, and that's just it,guys.
Relationship is worth so muchand, and that's just it, guys.
I mean marriage is just thegreatest thing, and we just pray
(34:35):
that you value each other.
And so here in 2025, whetherit's like like we're saying
little little things some of youare like what are you talking
about?
Like what kind of little things.
You know, can I listen better?
Can I help my spouse more?
Can I verbalize my gratitudefor my spouse more?
Speaker 1 (35:01):
Can I verbalize my pain?
Yeah, or when I'm frustrated,right.
Can I verbalize my pain?
Yeah, or when I'm frustrated,can I be?
vulnerable Right and let downthe walls and really be real and
just talk and find feeling inthat and be genuine about
whatever you're feeling orwhatever you're going through or
the case may be, because that's, again, that's why there's so
(35:25):
many wonderful reasons to bemarried, but it's that it is a
relationship and it is.
You know, again, the root wordof a resolution is learn how to
resolve things, and I thinkthat's the underlining thing
that we're always trying toencourage couples with Learn how
to get to that place of resolve.
Learn whatever you've got topush through to get to the other
(35:47):
side, because the argument isunto something, the conversation
is unto something, the changeis unto something.
It's trying to say this isworth it.
I love you, I'm with you forthe long haul.
We're not always going to seeeye to eye, but but I'm for you
and you're for me, and we'regoing to keep moving forward
(36:09):
together.
So we just pray a blessing overevery couple that's listening,
or if you're an individuallistening today, maybe you
stumbled upon us I'm Rob, by theway, and that's Robin and you
happen to be listening to us andyou're looking for a
relationship in 2025, and you'relooking for somebody to say God
, send that right person.
(36:30):
I just pray that God directsyour path and opens up the right
door.
And if you're a married couple,again we just speak a blessing
over you, speak encouragementover you.
You can make it.
You've come too far to quit now, so stay in there, Keep loving
each other.
You can make it.
You know you've come too far toquit now, so stay in there,
keep loving each other, keepencouraging each other.
Speaker 2 (36:51):
Yeah, and here's to 2025.
Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yes, let's keep going and we will be back in a week
or so.
We're not going to go forever.
So, with that, not a resolution, but you and I have talked that
whatever we've got to do thisis our commitment about doing
the podcast is we want to stayconsistent in our time and
(37:15):
investing in the people that arelistening and take the time to
push that play button ordownload.
So, yeah, that's one of ourthings we're going for in 2025.
A full year, season three bestyet ever.
Speaker 2 (37:29):
All right, then Awesome Okay guys, we'll see you
soon.
Thanks bye.
Speaker 1 (37:34):
Bye.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
You've been listening to Marriage and Us, with your
hosts, Rob and Robin Adkins.
Stay up to date by followingthem on Instagram at
marriageandus underscore podcastand on Twitter at marriageandus
.
Also hit the follow button soyou never miss an episode from
your favorite couple.
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