December 9, 2025 • 40 mins
In this episode, Rob and Robin delve into the often-overlooked pressures that the holiday season places on couples and families. They explore the conflicting expectations, financial strains, and emotional turbulence that can arise during this festive time.
Through open and honest dialogue, Rob and Robin empower listeners with practical strategies to navigate the holiday season. They aim to strengthen connections with loved ones, helping couples, families and individuals create a more joyful and harmonious festive experience
Music by - Roger Jaeger - from the album (Fall Off the Earth)
Produced by - Jared Nester
Outro by - Madison Nester
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:03):
Hi, I'm Rob.
And I'm Robin.
Thanks for listening to Marriageand Us.
SPEAKER_04 (00:08):
Each week we will talk about real life topics that
couples experience in everydaymarried life.
SPEAKER_01 (00:15):
So let's get to today's episode.
(00:36):
Yes, it's that time of yearagain.
Oh no, it's the holidays.
Oh my.
If it all was as simple andsoothing as this song.
Right?
SPEAKER_04 (00:52):
And there are moments where it is.
SPEAKER_01 (00:53):
It is.
I mean, kind of let this washyou over here a little bit.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (00:58):
Beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (00:59):
Nice.
Very good.
Welcome in, everybody.
SPEAKER_04 (01:04):
Hey guys.
SPEAKER_01 (01:06):
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (01:09):
It is December.
It the time has come.
Wow.
The year is just flown by.
I know it.
Can you believe it?
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
I mean, I felt I know we I know Thanksgiving
comes the same time pretty muchevery year, but it just felt
like it was really Thanksgivingand then like boom.
Just Christmas is here on top ofus.
SPEAKER_04 (01:28):
True.
Thanksgiving uh was a littlelater this year because it does
fluctuate by a few days.
It's kind of weird.
It's not like the same day everyyear.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
You know, so I know I've told you the story.
When I was a kid, I just forsome reason always thought my
sister Terry's birthday wasThanksgiving Day, not realizing
that her birthday is the 28th.
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
And that it fell on Thanksgiving probably.
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
At that time, I just thought it was always
Thanksgiving as a kid, like youknow, you're four or five years
old or whatever.
Okay, how great is it to be bornon Thanksgiving?
But it was you know, it changes.
So anyway, that's how I thoughtwhen I was a kid.
Anyway, yeah.
As we were getting ready today,it just we felt it's kind of
important just to understandthat for some of us, I I mean
(02:21):
again, you said it starting, theholidays are a wonderful time.
Right.
Most of the time it's family,friends, gifts, getting
together, seeing people,laughing, playing games, and all
that and we do all those thingsand they're wonderful.
SPEAKER_04 (02:36):
Absolutely.
But but there can be somepickups or stress.
SPEAKER_01 (02:43):
Exactly.
And I think it's kind ofimportant as we're talking about
that.
Probably wouldn't you say one ofthe things we talk with couples
a lot about speaking of theholidays are their traditions.
Yes, and having and havingconversations about blending
those traditions together.
I mean, what what's some ofthose that come to mind?
(03:05):
I know we've had multiple peopletell us stories over the years
about their traditions and whatthat looked like.
I mean, what are some practicalthings that couples have really
spoken to us about when it comesto the holidays?
SPEAKER_04 (03:17):
Uh I think uh hands down, probably the one that we
hear about most frequently is uhthe timing of when certain
things happen within thatholiday, especially pertaining
to Christmas Eve and ChristmasDay.
Okay.
That some people like to opentheir gifts on Christmas Eve.
SPEAKER_01 (03:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (03:34):
And then they spend more family time together and
have dinner, you know, thingslike that on Christmas Day.
And there are other people whoget up on Christmas morning,
open gifts, and then theycelebrate throughout the day,
you know, with a meal orwhatever.
And also uh the way that they'redressed for these occasions is
(03:57):
also important very, very uh itcan swing from one to the other.
SPEAKER_01 (04:01):
Because if you don't have that discussion, we've had
a few couples that we've had tocounsel after the holidays that
it was like, Well, I got up andmy hair is sticking, you know,
every direction, and I walkdownstairs and the whole family
is dressed.
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (04:19):
Like they're really dressed, they're dr they're
dressed up, right?
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
And I'm still in my pajamas and whatever the case
may be, you know.
So, or the other way, you gettotally fixed up and you walk
down, and everybody else is justlike super casual on their
sweatpants.
SPEAKER_04 (04:33):
Still hanging in their yeah, their their jammies
for the day, right?
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
Whatever it may be.
I know.
I do.
We've never we never did this.
I always find it so I loveholiday pictures a lot when
families do that and they alldress in the same pajamas.
I don't know why that's justfunny to me.
SPEAKER_04 (04:50):
Oh, it's cute.
I know I like it too.
SPEAKER_01 (04:52):
Yeah, and then sometimes they put their dogs or
their cats in it.
I don't know why that's I justthink that's yeah, the whole
family.
Yeah, I think it's kind of cute.
SPEAKER_04 (04:59):
It is, it's fun.
It's corny, cheesy.
Right, but the holidays, there'sthis element of the holidays
that they are a little corny andcheesy, and that's part of the
fun of all of it, you know?
SPEAKER_01 (05:08):
But I think but that is you know, all joking aside,
that is a conversation that youshould have as a couple,
especially for a new couple, sothat you the expectations are
laid out so you don't have achance for an argument or a
disagreement during theholidays.
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
Yes.
I think that you know, it's it'salso that uh teeter-totter that
you can get on with bothfamilies want to spend time with
you.
You know, and so where is ityou're going to spend Christmas?
Where, you know, uh some somefamilies rotate Christmas and
Thanksgiving or Christmas andNew Year's, you know, so there's
(05:50):
all of that element that,especially with newlyweds, I
think that's something thathappens a lot, um, where you're
just trying to figure out how tomake that happen, or is that
possible, especially when yourfamilies maybe live miles and
miles apart from each other,maybe they're not even in the
same city or state.
Yes, you know, um, that can bereally hard.
SPEAKER_01 (06:08):
And that hit me too, thinking about that.
I know we're I know this we'retalking um obviously about
couples, but when it comes tothat as well, too, I think as if
you're as your kids get olderand they get married, that can
be very um I mean, it happenedfor us.
I remember the first Christmasthat Maddie wasn't with us, and
(06:28):
that was I was a little sad.
SPEAKER_04 (06:31):
Sure, right after she got married, right, and
there was that first Christmas.
Yeah, it I mean it's it'sdifferent.
And even for uh yeah, forcouples that become empty
nesters or their kids go away tocall you know, where their kids
aren't coming home for theholidays.
Yeah, it's uh it's a totally uhit it's tough.
Yeah.
It it can be really, it can besad and and something that you
(06:54):
have to work through.
And yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:56):
And and talking about it, you know, obviously
with your spouse, it I thinkthat that's a thing that can
help alleviate, you know, tosay, you know, I am a little
sad.
I am, you know, that you know,your your son or your daughter
aren't there, or they're notgonna be able to be on
Christmas.
Because if you're especially ifit's something that's new to
you, I mean you've got howevermany years they've been at home
(07:17):
and it's just they're thereevery year.
Right.
And obviously, you know, it canbe a little different, you know,
if if your kid goes away tocollege or something, you know,
that and maybe they can't makeit home, but you know, having
those discussions I I think isimportant, which leads us to,
especially when it comes tofamily dynamics and planning,
you know, your expectationsversus reality.
SPEAKER_03 (07:40):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:41):
Yes, and finding the joy in the imperfect moments.
SPEAKER_04 (07:46):
Oh, isn't that the truth?
And I think that that uh I knowfor me, I'll speak for myself,
you know, uh my mom was Mrs.
Christmas in so many ways.
Like, you know, the holidays weshe just would just go for it
when it came to decorating.
SPEAKER_01 (08:06):
Your mom decor I didn't know you could decorate
for Groundhog's Day, butevidently you can, which you
picked up from her because wedecorate for every holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (08:14):
So there's maybe not Groundhog's Day, but if there
had been decorations for it, sheprobably would have bought it.
SPEAKER_01 (08:22):
Yes, uh, when it comes to the holidays, yes.
SPEAKER_04 (08:24):
Yes, you know, so I grew up in a home where uh yeah,
where like you know, theholidays it it was, you know,
you're gonna put out decorationsfor not only Christmas, but you
know, you're gonna makeeverything look great for in any
and every until I married you.
SPEAKER_01 (08:40):
I didn't know there were decorations, I mean, for
Thanksgiving.
I mean, we just didn't do that.
Sure.
I mean, we ate our decorations,the turkey.
That was that was thedecoration.
That's what we that's what wehad.
And now we have in decorationsall over the house.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Pumpkins and uh and everything.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:58):
I love the fall.
I mean, for me, the holidaysstart in yeah, the beginning of
October, really.
And you know, it's just yeah,they they they transition from
pumpkins to Christmas trees.
But uh, yeah, I mean, I love allof them.
SPEAKER_01 (09:12):
You're traditionalist, though.
I mean, this really could sparka debate.
So please don't send us yourcomments.
There's just no shame with this.
But we have friends that like, Imean, their Christmas, as soon
as it turns November, I meanNovember 1st.
The Christmas is going out.
They don't wait for Thanksgivingto be over.
It's just like, let's goChristmas.
SPEAKER_04 (09:33):
Oh, absolutely.
There are a lot of people thatwe know that eat their
Thanksgiving meal surrounded byall their Christmas decorations,
you know.
I mean, so you know, again,these are all things that we're
not becoming.
SPEAKER_01 (09:44):
You're wrong.
SPEAKER_04 (09:45):
No, we're not.
No, I am a traditionalist.
I I like the day afterThanksgiving, then I want to
transition.
SPEAKER_01 (09:51):
Yeah.
And but we leave ours up liketill January 1st.
SPEAKER_04 (09:56):
Oh, yeah, our Christmas.
Sometimes even past that, maybea week or two.
Yeah.
I mean, depending on how busy weare.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Yeah, because I mean, if there's a lot that goes
in that we like, for example, wejust finished up our outside
lights, got all that going.
Uh, some of you know that uhwe're big Star Trek fans, you
know, we're very much nerdy.
I have we have a whole treededicated just to Star Trek.
SPEAKER_04 (10:17):
Wow, you're gonna go there.
SPEAKER_01 (10:18):
I'm gonna post a picture of that because oh,
don't act like you're no, I loveStar Trek too.
You're just cracking me up.
I felt a little bit there.
You're just as nerdy as let metell you about Robin.
Robin and her sister Denise,they used to like act like Uhura
and the Yeoman, and they hadanother couple.
(10:39):
Well, they everybody knows whatStar Trek is.
I mean, come on.
Yes, they do.
I believe they do.
But and then a couple of yourneighbor friends, they were like
Captain Kirk and you guys wouldact like we were kids.
SPEAKER_04 (10:48):
We'd pretend, yeah, we'd pretend we're on the
Starship Enterprise.
I mean, that was a show that wason every day when we were like
kids and reruns.
SPEAKER_01 (10:55):
Acted like Captain Kirk or had people to act with.
But if you knew people, youwould have, you know, but you're
hardcore though.
So don't, yeah, yeah, that's oneof the reasons I love you.
So my gosh.
SPEAKER_04 (11:06):
Live so back to the live to the topic uh that we're
here for today.
Expectations.
Yeah, expectations versusreality.
Yeah, versus reality.
SPEAKER_01 (11:15):
Things are going to happen.
SPEAKER_04 (11:16):
Yeah, and it it's it's being able to uh find joy,
like you said, in things thatare imperfect moments that are
gonna happen.
Encourage flexibility, yes, tobe flexible.
You know, for us, like I said,my mom, you know, put up so many
decorations and and uh Rob'sfamily.
I remember that first Christmas,it was kind of hard because your
(11:36):
dad really wasn't into Christmasthat much.
And and uh I can remember thatfirst Christmas going to your
family's house, and your mom hadlike this little sad tree that
it wasn't as sad as the CharlieBrown Christmas tree, but it was
pretty sad.
And I remember just I mean,being so sad through that whole
(11:57):
little Christmas moment withthem, that whole, you know,
those days that we were there,because it was shocking compared
to what I was used to.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
But you know, it's hitting me as we're talking
here.
Uh I'm having a huge flashback.
I don't know where that changedfor us because that one season,
I mean, if you remember thehouse that we had in Alabama, we
had a big like pine tree out inthe front.
You mean your family, yeah.
My family.
And we decorate, and that thingwas like 20 feet.
We had lights in it.
(12:26):
And then I remember one year,Dad, we oh, I'm sorry about the
cry here, whatever.
I'm just having these emotionalflashbacks.
I remember we did this door,this huge door we painted white,
and we did it with glitter andhad Merry Christmas on it, and
we had floodlights on it.
SPEAKER_04 (12:42):
Oh, it was like a uh yard decoration.
SPEAKER_01 (12:44):
Yeah, it made like a big postcard or something
sitting out there in the yard.
SPEAKER_04 (12:47):
So yeah, I'm not, I'm not that's yeah, you don't
know where it changed where allof a sudden.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
But that's a great memory.
You know, now thanks forbringing that up.
That kind of triggered that.
So that was that's a wonderful.
And we had the um, I know somepeople did it on their Christmas
tree.
Do you remember the spinningwheel that had like different
colors?
SPEAKER_04 (13:04):
Oh, yeah, we had one.
SPEAKER_01 (13:06):
Yeah, we had one of those too.
SPEAKER_04 (13:07):
So yeah, where it would turn the tree different
colors, especially on the silvermetal trees.
That was like a big thing.
You had that color wheel to turnthe silver different shades of
you know, different red, blue,green, yellow, I think were the
colors.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Um that like can do a whole, you know, display at
your house is like, you know, ohyeah, you can have a movie on
your house, you know what I'msaying?
SPEAKER_04 (13:30):
Incredible, yeah.
Yeah, so I mean we've seen a lotin our lifetime, haven't we?
Yeah.
So but going back to that for aminute, I really love that that
spurred a happy memory for you.
And I do think that that's alsosomething that's really
important, not only when youfirst get married, but I mean,
here we are 35 years in, andyou're talking, and there's
(13:50):
there's a few things that youjust said about your childhood
with that.
I didn't know y'all decoratedthe big pine tree that was in
the front of your house.
So, you know, it I think thatthose traditions and those
stories are so important to helpus understand each other as
husband and wife.
I think it's you know, it justdraws us closer and it really
(14:10):
opens a window to let us seeinside of each other and how we
view all kinds of things, butespecially the holidays.
And I love that that you justshared that.
I think that's really sweet.
And um, and and your mom did uhjust as a little side note.
So we bought a a really prettylittle Christmas tree for her,
remember the the next year, andshe loved that tree and
(14:31):
decorated it all the time, youknow, whenever we would come
down for the holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Um but it's keeping the you know the the thing is,
and obviously these thingschange, like what we just talked
about at the beginning as yourkids grow up.
But when you're like you're anew couple and this is your
first Christmas, you know, andas that progresses, the
flexibility to understand howyour kids are going to act, what
Christmas is going to be like,you know, did they cry when they
(14:57):
went and saw Santa this year,whatever the case when you know,
where some kids love it.
SPEAKER_04 (15:01):
So it's just sure that they're and even Santa,
like some people that's what Imean.
SPEAKER_01 (15:05):
Yeah, I mean, I think it's just uh understanding
you've got to be flexible andunderstand that in these type of
moments, you know, that I thinkI think when disappointment sets
in, like, you know, we I wantthe perfect Christmas, and you
just gotta give yourself someslack, yes, and just enjoy and
laugh about those things thatdon't that don't go well, you
(15:27):
know.
I mean, maybe the dogs run inyour house like in the Christmas
story, and your turkey or yourham, whatever they can, you
know.
I mean, that those make for forgreat stories, so for sure.
SPEAKER_04 (15:36):
Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:37):
Time speaking of that, time management.
SPEAKER_04 (15:39):
Yeah, let's talk about time management and the
holidays.
Oh man.
SPEAKER_01 (15:43):
That can that can be difficult because there it's a
combination, especially as acouple, things are you're you're
getting through, you just gotthrough Thanksgiving.
Now you're moving into theholidays.
There's all these expectations.
And for a lot of, if you'reworking, the end of the year can
for some people, you know,depending on your job, can be
(16:04):
stressful because you're tryingto close out a year.
Right.
So not only do you haveChristmas coming here, but now
you've got all these pressuresfor work.
For other people, it slows down.
Yeah, it's life is not as busy,and it and it's a great time.
So having those to discuss andprioritizing tasks and events
because there's there's parties.
SPEAKER_03 (16:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
You know, if you're like for us in a church
community, you know, there'sChristmas, multiple Christmas
parties you're invited to.
SPEAKER_04 (16:30):
Yes.
Oh, so much.
And I think that, you know, it'salways uh changing as you grow
as a couple, you know, from thefrom the newly wed stage to when
you have a baby to now you havekids and their schedules and
what they need to accomplish,and you're trying to, you know,
it it it can really startgrowing as things go.
And um, I think it's just soimportant to be sure to, you
(16:54):
know, maybe create some type ofcalendar that you can look at
together to say, okay, here'swhat we know is ahead of us for
the month.
Yes, right.
Yeah.
And within that, learning tohave some good discussions,
prioritizing what's the mostimportant.
Because you can't go toeverything.
No, you can't.
And and and being okay withsaying, Yeah, you could, and you
(17:17):
just wear yourself out.
And that's part of the burnout,holiday burnout if you're not
careful.
So, you know, learning how toprioritize, to really sit and
discuss why.
Uh, you know, like maybe look atthe the different events that
are happening throughout themonth and the maybe the top
three you, you know, that areimportant to you, have your
(17:38):
spouse write down the same, andthen begin to just discuss those
things.
And it's okay to say no, likeyou said.
Yes, can't do it all.
Set boundaries because in themidst of all of it, if you're
not careful, you'll be runningfrom place to place, thing to
thing, and then you really missout on the connection, the
personal time together of theholidays are supposed to be when
(18:01):
you're home.
I I think I was telling you,like, uh well, we're talking
about time management andwanting to do things like you
know, it there's a part of methat I always think, wow, it'd
be so fun if like every day forthe month of December, like you
know, Monday through Friday, youknow, you and I snuggle up on
the couch and we try to watch aChristmas movie every, you know,
every night.
I mean, it sounds so great,right?
(18:22):
But at the same Thanks a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
It's it's because it's football season and I love
football, but it was good withthe snuggling part.
And but a Hallmark movie No, notHallmark.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Like no, like the good like the I like Hallmark.
I mean, Hallmark is okay andthey're we'll just let that
alone.
Yeah.
Um, but no, I'm talking about,you know, like the classic
Christmas movies that that weboth would really enjoy.
Like, and it sounds great in away, it just sounds like, oh, so
like, you know, so Christmas,Christmassy, uh, but not
(18:56):
realistic at all.
I mean, you know, not notrealistic at all.
There's no way we're gonna carveout two hours every night to sit
in the living room and watch amovie, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (19:05):
So we do like for us, like one of our traditions
that we've had for a long, longtime is White Christmas.
I mean Right.
There's a few movies that werelike, we are gonna watch this
movie.
No joke.
Probably we'll probably watch itat least 10 times.
SPEAKER_04 (19:20):
I hope.
SPEAKER_01 (19:21):
Yeah, yeah.
But I mean, we do typically, Imean, we try to watch it
multiple times.
Always on in the background ifwe're we're doing something or
whatever.
So it's uh oh, what a greatthat's speaking of great
memories.
Uh, what was about four yearsago?
You and Maddie surprised me onmy birthday, and we went and saw
White Christmas on a big screenin downtown Franklin.
Yeah.
Remember that?
SPEAKER_04 (19:41):
Oh, yeah, that was really fun.
They do that every year, theyhave the Christmas movies ever
at the theater at the FranklinTheater.
That was really good.
SPEAKER_01 (19:48):
And then we went and saw White Christmas on Broadway.
I mean at Blood.
Well, off Broadway or whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (19:53):
Yeah, here at T Pac.
SPEAKER_01 (19:54):
That was yeah, that was very fun.
SPEAKER_03 (19:56):
Yeah, that was fun.
SPEAKER_01 (19:56):
Well, those are good memories.
Yes.
So uh continue with it,thoughts.
So obviously navigating familydynamics.
Um, how how do you have aharmonious harmonious?
SPEAKER_04 (20:06):
Harmonious.
I like it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
It's a great word.
Say the right word because Ican't.
Harmonious.
Thank you.
I'm not even going to trybecause now I'm thinking about
it.
And I want to say harmonica, butthat's not the word.
So anyway.
So communicating openly.
And like what she said, goingback to the time manager, you've
got to be able to discuss theseare the things what we can do,
what we can't do.
(20:31):
And then if something fallsthrough, you've got to be able
to communicate that and talkabout that and discuss that.
Because you don't want, like yousaid, you don't want the
holidays to come and go andyou've just been so busy.
Right.
That you didn't have to taketime to celebrate that and
celebrate each other.
SPEAKER_04 (20:48):
And yeah.
I think it's finding, yeah,finding time for what's most
important to you.
And honestly, a lot of this asnewlyweds, you know, you can be
proactive and try to figure outall of this in advance.
I know we're already sitting atDecember 8th, and maybe you have
had these kind of discussions,but if you haven't and you're
(21:09):
just kind of working through itthis first year after the
Christmas season's over, yeah.
I mean, I think it's cool to sitand just discuss those things
and, you know, find out whatworked well, what you want to
change, you know, all those kindof things.
But with family dynamics, youknow, especially um when you're
(21:31):
newlywed, I think that it's, youknow, that that open
communication where you're justwell, it's yeah, effective
communication.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
You've got to be able to tell and you've got to
learn.
You I mean, the holidays canreally kind of reveal a lot of
times where you need to developbetter communication.
SPEAKER_02 (21:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
And how how did we deal with stress?
And you you and I have talkedabout this multiple times.
Productive conflict, I mean,couldn't be more alive during
the holidays.
So instead of running away fromthese, you know, these difficult
moments that may happen, makesure whether it's happening in
the moment or after the holidaysare over, that you're able to
(22:11):
talk about, say, that wasstressful, right?
I mean, yeah, how how do we planbetter, you know, going to
looking at all these typethings, time management,
navigating family dynamics, andhaving healthy communication.
So we make sure you set sometime after the holidays.
And I I know most people don'tthink about that because the
holidays are here, then they go.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
But but if you're able to have some type of
communication either in themoment or afterwards, to say,
hey, well, what can we do nextyear so we don't have have this
stress?
SPEAKER_04 (22:43):
Yes, yes, that is so good.
SPEAKER_01 (22:45):
And you said this just a second ago.
Uh it's a story that we heardquite a while back.
You know, I think, and thiswasn't on our notes, so I'm just
gonna throw this out for you tothink about.
I think a lot of times whenyou're the mom and dad, and you
have your kids that are nowadults, that they're married,
(23:06):
when they start developing theirown traditions, like what if,
you know, what if Maddie andthem, you know, or Jared said,
Hey, we're we're not going toknow parents this year.
Right, like we're gonna have aChristmas on their own.
And go we're gonna go down toFlorida or something.
You know, those are I mean, weknow parents that Yeah, but it
(23:26):
would be really hard.
SPEAKER_04 (23:27):
It wouldn't set well.
But I but I'm a big I I'm a bigadvocate for that.
SPEAKER_01 (23:32):
I think that you may have to go back and listen to
this later and remind myself ofwhat I said.
But but that is I think youknow, developing those sure when
your kids want to have maybe aholiday on their own.
Um I love what you did.
I'm I'm gonna share that.
You and you just recently, Iknow, called Maddie the other
day and said, Hey, we werethinking about what if on New
(23:54):
Year's Eve, New Year's, sorry,Christmas Eve, we came to your
house because it kind of hityou, you don't really have any
memories.
SPEAKER_04 (24:03):
Yeah, she doesn't have any memories of her house
yet.
And I thought that's a goodthing.
Because they're you know,they've only been married a few
years.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Yeah, and I thought that was so great of you for for
you to recognize that and andoffer that.
So oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:14):
Yeah, I think it's important.
And I and and I encourage all ofyou parents out there, you know,
with with uh kids that aremarried now and all.
I know a lot of times it's likethat that tradition of always,
you know, the kids come to theparents' house, but you know, I
think it's great to flip thingsup some and especially when kids
(24:34):
start getting into the picture.
SPEAKER_01 (24:36):
I mean if you if they have small kids and it
might be easier for you if it'sjust the two of you to go
somewhere where Yeah, to go totheir home where they already
feel yeah, so that they're nothaving to travel with kids.
SPEAKER_04 (24:46):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (24:47):
I did want to add one last thing on effective
communication, and we see this alot during the holidays.
It's very important that asyou're having that
communication, you're talkingabout whatever has stressed you
out, that you keep it about howyou felt.
You we've talked many times inthe past about the U-bombs.
Yeah, you have to be careful nowif you did this or the one, this
(25:10):
just hit me.
SPEAKER_04 (25:11):
If your family Right, if your family would just
fill in the blank.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
And that that can be a very triggering figure.
Yes, absolutely.
Even though we know as you'relistening, there may be some
truth in those things.
I mean, for example, like youwere talking about the
decorations, you know, when wefirst got married, it was I kind
of I don't know if it wasbecause it was so new to me how
(25:43):
you guys did Christmas.
I mean, I would check out a lotof times.
SPEAKER_04 (25:48):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, so to paint that out alittle bit, you know, Rob's
family, there was just a lot ofum unknowns whenever they would
gather together due to certainfamily members that didn't get
along really well, but yet stillwould come together for
Christmas.
Right.
It was something that you saw asa pattern even growing up.
(26:09):
So, you know, uh a Christmas forRob could be a good Christmas,
right, with your family, but italso could end in a blowout
argument.
SPEAKER_01 (26:21):
Somebody saying something at the dinner table,
and the next thing you know, Imean, this this is real world,
this happened.
We're leaving.
SPEAKER_04 (26:26):
Yeah, y'all would pack up and go.
Your dad would say we're leavingright now.
SPEAKER_01 (26:30):
But all the gifts had to go in the car and we're
driving back home.
I mean, it was just like, well,what has just happened?
SPEAKER_04 (26:36):
Yeah, yeah.
And so, and then he marries intomy family, and so Christmas for
us is just, I mean, we're gonnawe're gonna be loud probably for
the most part, we're gonna laugha lot, we're going to play board
grant games like crazy.
For all to hear, yeah, we'resinging along to Christmas
(26:56):
songs, we're dancing around theroom, we're uh, you know, going
hiking in the woods.
I mean, it's just like all theseactivities, which in my mind,
knowing the kind of childhoodRob had and that that was
stressful, I thought, wow, he isjust gonna love our Christmas
then because you know, we'rejust having a party for three
(27:16):
days.
And and yeah, you would checkout.
I can remember uh probably thefirst time that you'd done that.
We were all we we uh my parentshad like a you know a house with
a couple of different liketwo-story house, and we were all
downstairs, and all of a suddenI just realized you weren't
there.
And when I went upstairs, youwere you had climbed in bed and
it was like the middle of theday and you were completely
(27:38):
asleep, checked out.
And I remember I just couldn'tunderstand what you know what
was going on or why you would dothat.
And and I remember it took awhile for you to unlock those
feelings to just say, I don'tknow how to engage.
Uh I want to engage, but it's Ijust I've never seen anything,
(27:59):
yeah.
I've never experienced that kindof Christmas.
And and I think it took probablyuh two or three years um for you
to really kind of start findingyour footing when you were with
my family, and um, and viceversa for me with your family as
well, because I wasn't used tothat kind of tension to where it
(28:20):
was like, oh gosh, we're sittinghere and if anything goes wrong,
right?
You know, it was like a pins andneedles kind of thing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
Um but you were such a big help through that, because
I mean, through that we'd learnto create our own traditions and
how we choose to have Christmas.
And I think I know we're talkingabout the holidays, but I think
that's important as a as acouple, as you communicate and
you talk about these things,that you realize I I think it
(28:48):
starts hitting you at the longeryou're married.
Oh, we don't have to do itexactly.
SPEAKER_03 (28:52):
Right.
We don't have to do it the waywe grew up.
SPEAKER_01 (28:54):
And we and we choose how we celebrate with our
ourselves, with our kids, whatthat looks like.
You know, like for us, forexample, uh, you know, I know
we'll touch on this briefly, youknow, budgets are a big thing.
I mean, we just we didn't buyMaddie that many gifts.
I mean, we were always thephilosophy, you know, during the
year.
If if if we had the finances andthere was something she liked,
(29:17):
we would purchase it, you know.
So because the holidays can, ifyou're not careful as a parent,
you really start feeling thatpressure as a couple, especially
with younger kids, of like, youknow, I've got to buy them all
this stuff.
And teaching them the differencebetween obviously as Christians,
I mean, uh, this is not in ournotes, but yeah, I'm still gonna
(29:38):
say it.
You know, the holidays, yes,it's Christmas, but it's still
about the birth of Jesus,celebrating that who he is in
our lives.
Yes, gratitude.
And giving, giving, you know,it's not just just giving gifts,
but it's being it's learning howto be together.
So when it so encouragement, ifit comes too much about the gift
giving and less about what theholiday should represent as our
(30:03):
family spending time together,right?
Creed and memories.
SPEAKER_04 (30:07):
Another thing that we did looking, you know, when
you're talking about that, mymind's going back into those
moments.
And we um I think we even did,we were even involved in certain
aspects of this before we hadour daughter.
Um but finding ways, like yousaid, to give back to the
community.
(30:28):
Find yeah, things were you know,it can it could could look like
a soup kitchen.
Yeah.
Um I remember when Maddie wassmall, we went to this big inner
city event where um you broughtgifts for kids that that are in
need, yeah.
And I can remember theexpression on her face the first
(30:51):
time that she encountered thatto know that there are children
that don't have very much.
And those moments really helpedto reframe the holidays for us,
reframe Christmas for us.
And so I really encourage youguys, whether you're a young
couple and that you know you'rejust learning to celebrate the
(31:13):
holidays together, or you havekids, or you're empty nesters.
There's just something aboutChristmas and finding places
where you can serve yourcommunity, where you can give
back.
It could look like with yourkids.
I mean, with your kids, but I'msaying even without your kids
when you're you know firstmarried or empty nesters, making
that impact.
SPEAKER_01 (31:34):
Yeah.
I mean, so it's it's so vivid,you know, with Maddie again.
I can remember her, you know,going through every year wanting
to give away toys that shedidn't play with anymore.
So it's those moments, you know,reframing what the holidays even
toys she loved, or even toys sheloved, but reframing what that
looks like.
SPEAKER_03 (31:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:52):
So that they understand that the it is the
season of giving, not justreceiving.
SPEAKER_04 (31:58):
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Getting to know our neighbors,you know, around us and
Christmas cards or cookies.
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
There's just so much.
Yeah.
You know, this next topic is umif you're listening today, it
can be it can be tough becauseth there's seasons in our life,
unfortunately, where we losesomebody that we love.
If this is if you're in thisplace where maybe this is your
(32:26):
first holiday, you've lost aparent or a loved one, a brother
or sister, whatever the case maybe, it can be can be triggering
when somebody, you know, passesaway near the holidays.
SPEAKER_04 (32:38):
Oh, it's very hard.
It's hard regardless.
Really, no matter when yourloved one passes away.
The holidays are for so many ofus are times when family gets
together and um yeah, and ifthere's someone not not there,
not present anymore.
It is it's tough.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:56):
Um, and so finding ways to remember, to be able to
talk about it.
SPEAKER_04 (33:02):
Yes, I think, um, to be able to um let yourself even
grieve.
Because sometimes I think withthe holidays, the expectations
are so high you might shovethings down thinking I just need
to plow through.
But to allow yourself to feelwhat you want to feel and and
let the grief carry you where itneeds to go so that you can
(33:25):
release whatever needs to bereleased.
Let's just say it like that.
I mean, I can remember both ofus have uh, you know, you're
you've lost both your parents.
Um, my mom passed in uh fiveyears ago.
And so yeah, being able to uh touh walk through that with a lot
(33:46):
of grace for yourself.
Yeah.
And as a spouse, I know you maynot always know what to say, or
that at least you may tellyourself you don't know what to
say, but you just being presentwith your spouse that might be
in a season of grief, and uhyeah, just being there with them
is that's enough.
It's more than enough.
SPEAKER_01 (34:06):
Because you think about, I mean, the holidays,
there's typically so manypictures that are taken, you
know, or videos that are taken.
SPEAKER_03 (34:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Uh gifts that are given that are displayed, or
whatever the case, or a sweateror something that you, you know,
your mom always bought me thesewere the worst sweaters.
They were awful.
And every year I would justsmile and say it's the greatest,
the greatest, greatest thingever.
But but remembering thosemoments, you know, again,
(34:37):
allowing yourself to know thatit's okay to grieve, like you
said, and have those emotions,but then finding ways to honor
them and celebrate them andlaugh about you know situations.
SPEAKER_04 (34:48):
The memories and the funny moments.
Yeah, it's so beautiful, youknow, and and there's also grief
like what we've been talkingabout a little bit throughout
the podcast.
If this is your first Christmaswithout your your kids around,
you know, um, and you're you'rejust trying to work through
that.
There's there's uh you know,grief that comes with change,
(35:09):
not only the loss of a lovedone, but also just things
changing.
Uh maybe not everybody can gettogether like they used to.
SPEAKER_01 (35:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (35:19):
That type of thing, you know, and it it's hard.
Um, and it's it's amazing howyou can feel lonely even in a
room full of people.
SPEAKER_01 (35:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (35:28):
You know, sometimes too.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Speaking of, I mean, that's that's that's a big part.
We hear, you know, we that'sprobably the number one thing
that you see when you readdifferent things during the
holidays, what people areexperiencing.
Loneliness is a is a big thingduring the holidays.
SPEAKER_03 (35:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (35:42):
You know, so I I I want to encourage you as well
too, you know, maybe you got afamily member you don't see as
much or a friend, you know, atext or a telephone, hey, just
want you to know I'm thinkingabout you during the holidays.
You know, so that's it's thatemotional, uh, and then even for
ourselves, you know, lovingourselves during the holidays as
well, too, is is is crucial.
(36:02):
You know, but so it's it it it'sit's interesting, yeah, the
dynamics, because I think wejust want to brush over that
it's all wonderful, and it is,but for for not for but not for
everybody, right?
SPEAKER_04 (36:15):
But I think that when you're when you have
friends, when you have peoplethat you're surrounded with to
share how you feel uh in toughmoments, really just it's it's
just so healing.
Yeah, you know, it's so good.
And I hope everything that we'vetalked about on this episode is
(36:39):
encouraging.
Um because really I think thethe takeaway from it for me is
you know, prepare as much as youcan and give your great give
yourself grace for what youcould never plan for, that'll
just be a surprise and makehopefully make for a funny story
(37:00):
later on.
Uh yeah, the holidays arebeautifully messy at times.
SPEAKER_01 (37:06):
And um but well, I think that's why it goes back to
what I said earlier, and I dowant to close with this
understanding that gifts aregreat, the holidays are great,
and and all that.
But I mean, for us, it really isreminding ourselves of the
greatest gift that was evergiven, which is Jesus.
I mean, that's really for uswhat is when that when that
(37:31):
loses the focus for you toremind yourself, you know, what
is Christmas really about?
So keeping that in theforefront, even like what we're
talking about, serving in thecommunity.
Well, where is your I guess thatthe the challenge that we put
forth to you as couples, asparents, as whatever the case,
remind yourself, well, what isthe emphasis of the holidays?
SPEAKER_03 (37:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
And if it's even if it's a place like whether
whether you're going throughgrief, whether it's loneliness
or whether it's hectic, we'regonna where you can have that
moment to pause and remindyourself, you know, God loved me
so much, He sent His onlybegotten Son.
SPEAKER_04 (38:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
What a what a gift.
SPEAKER_04 (38:10):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:11):
And that's more important than a gift or
anything else that we can do,just reminding ourselves that
somebody loved us so much.
That and that we and and Iunderstand, because I've had
Christmas by myself where I'vebeen, you know, I didn't go
home.
And and and I understand theloneliness, but when you remind
yourself that you're really, Iknow it sounds cheesy, but
you're really never alonebecause he's always there with
(38:34):
you.
I mean, that's that's a giftthat can really be and it's not
cheesy.
SPEAKER_04 (38:39):
I think it's beautiful.
You think so?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (38:41):
Yeah, good.
Any other thoughts?
SPEAKER_04 (38:45):
Nope.
I think we're I think we'refinished for now.
SPEAKER_01 (38:50):
It's a good holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (38:51):
It is.
SPEAKER_01 (38:52):
I enjoy Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (38:53):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:54):
So wherever you're at.
SPEAKER_04 (38:57):
Yeah, we bless you guys through this beautiful
month.
Take time for yourself and foryour family.
SPEAKER_01 (39:05):
And snuggled up.
That was the line.
And they're probably watchingChristmas movies.
That's this is your song.
I mean, giddy up, giddy up.
Hey, wherever you may be, thanksfor listening.
SPEAKER_04 (39:19):
Yes, guys.
We'll talk to you soon.
SPEAKER_01 (39:21):
Have a great holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (39:22):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (39:23):
Bye.
SPEAKER_00 (39:47):
Us underscore podcast and on Twitter at
Marriage Us.
Also, hit the follow button soyou never miss an episode from
your favorite couple.
Hi, I'm Rob.
And I'm Robin.
Thanks for listening to Marriageand Us.
SPEAKER_04 (00:08):
Each week we will talk about real life topics that
couples experience in everydaymarried life.
SPEAKER_01 (00:15):
So let's get to today's episode.
(00:36):
Yes, it's that time of yearagain.
Oh no, it's the holidays.
Oh my.
If it all was as simple andsoothing as this song.
Right?
SPEAKER_04 (00:52):
And there are moments where it is.
SPEAKER_01 (00:53):
It is.
I mean, kind of let this washyou over here a little bit.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (00:58):
Beautiful.
SPEAKER_01 (00:59):
Nice.
Very good.
Welcome in, everybody.
SPEAKER_04 (01:04):
Hey guys.
SPEAKER_01 (01:06):
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (01:09):
It is December.
It the time has come.
Wow.
The year is just flown by.
I know it.
Can you believe it?
SPEAKER_01 (01:17):
I mean, I felt I know we I know Thanksgiving
comes the same time pretty muchevery year, but it just felt
like it was really Thanksgivingand then like boom.
Just Christmas is here on top ofus.
SPEAKER_04 (01:28):
True.
Thanksgiving uh was a littlelater this year because it does
fluctuate by a few days.
It's kind of weird.
It's not like the same day everyyear.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (01:39):
You know, so I know I've told you the story.
When I was a kid, I just forsome reason always thought my
sister Terry's birthday wasThanksgiving Day, not realizing
that her birthday is the 28th.
SPEAKER_04 (01:54):
And that it fell on Thanksgiving probably.
SPEAKER_01 (01:57):
At that time, I just thought it was always
Thanksgiving as a kid, like youknow, you're four or five years
old or whatever.
Okay, how great is it to be bornon Thanksgiving?
But it was you know, it changes.
So anyway, that's how I thoughtwhen I was a kid.
Anyway, yeah.
As we were getting ready today,it just we felt it's kind of
important just to understandthat for some of us, I I mean
(02:21):
again, you said it starting, theholidays are a wonderful time.
Right.
Most of the time it's family,friends, gifts, getting
together, seeing people,laughing, playing games, and all
that and we do all those thingsand they're wonderful.
SPEAKER_04 (02:36):
Absolutely.
But but there can be somepickups or stress.
SPEAKER_01 (02:43):
Exactly.
And I think it's kind ofimportant as we're talking about
that.
Probably wouldn't you say one ofthe things we talk with couples
a lot about speaking of theholidays are their traditions.
Yes, and having and havingconversations about blending
those traditions together.
I mean, what what's some ofthose that come to mind?
(03:05):
I know we've had multiple peopletell us stories over the years
about their traditions and whatthat looked like.
I mean, what are some practicalthings that couples have really
spoken to us about when it comesto the holidays?
SPEAKER_04 (03:17):
Uh I think uh hands down, probably the one that we
hear about most frequently is uhthe timing of when certain
things happen within thatholiday, especially pertaining
to Christmas Eve and ChristmasDay.
Okay.
That some people like to opentheir gifts on Christmas Eve.
SPEAKER_01 (03:34):
Okay.
SPEAKER_04 (03:34):
And then they spend more family time together and
have dinner, you know, thingslike that on Christmas Day.
And there are other people whoget up on Christmas morning,
open gifts, and then theycelebrate throughout the day,
you know, with a meal orwhatever.
And also uh the way that they'redressed for these occasions is
(03:57):
also important very, very uh itcan swing from one to the other.
SPEAKER_01 (04:01):
Because if you don't have that discussion, we've had
a few couples that we've had tocounsel after the holidays that
it was like, Well, I got up andmy hair is sticking, you know,
every direction, and I walkdownstairs and the whole family
is dressed.
Right.
SPEAKER_04 (04:19):
Like they're really dressed, they're dr they're
dressed up, right?
SPEAKER_01 (04:22):
And I'm still in my pajamas and whatever the case
may be, you know.
So, or the other way, you gettotally fixed up and you walk
down, and everybody else is justlike super casual on their
sweatpants.
SPEAKER_04 (04:33):
Still hanging in their yeah, their their jammies
for the day, right?
SPEAKER_01 (04:36):
Whatever it may be.
I know.
I do.
We've never we never did this.
I always find it so I loveholiday pictures a lot when
families do that and they alldress in the same pajamas.
I don't know why that's justfunny to me.
SPEAKER_04 (04:50):
Oh, it's cute.
I know I like it too.
SPEAKER_01 (04:52):
Yeah, and then sometimes they put their dogs or
their cats in it.
I don't know why that's I justthink that's yeah, the whole
family.
Yeah, I think it's kind of cute.
SPEAKER_04 (04:59):
It is, it's fun.
It's corny, cheesy.
Right, but the holidays, there'sthis element of the holidays
that they are a little corny andcheesy, and that's part of the
fun of all of it, you know?
SPEAKER_01 (05:08):
But I think but that is you know, all joking aside,
that is a conversation that youshould have as a couple,
especially for a new couple, sothat you the expectations are
laid out so you don't have achance for an argument or a
disagreement during theholidays.
SPEAKER_04 (05:28):
Yes.
I think that you know, it's it'salso that uh teeter-totter that
you can get on with bothfamilies want to spend time with
you.
You know, and so where is ityou're going to spend Christmas?
Where, you know, uh some somefamilies rotate Christmas and
Thanksgiving or Christmas andNew Year's, you know, so there's
(05:50):
all of that element that,especially with newlyweds, I
think that's something thathappens a lot, um, where you're
just trying to figure out how tomake that happen, or is that
possible, especially when yourfamilies maybe live miles and
miles apart from each other,maybe they're not even in the
same city or state.
Yes, you know, um, that can bereally hard.
SPEAKER_01 (06:08):
And that hit me too, thinking about that.
I know we're I know this we'retalking um obviously about
couples, but when it comes tothat as well, too, I think as if
you're as your kids get olderand they get married, that can
be very um I mean, it happenedfor us.
I remember the first Christmasthat Maddie wasn't with us, and
(06:28):
that was I was a little sad.
SPEAKER_04 (06:31):
Sure, right after she got married, right, and
there was that first Christmas.
Yeah, it I mean it's it'sdifferent.
And even for uh yeah, forcouples that become empty
nesters or their kids go away tocall you know, where their kids
aren't coming home for theholidays.
Yeah, it's uh it's a totally uhit it's tough.
Yeah.
It it can be really, it can besad and and something that you
(06:54):
have to work through.
And yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (06:56):
And and talking about it, you know, obviously
with your spouse, it I thinkthat that's a thing that can
help alleviate, you know, tosay, you know, I am a little
sad.
I am, you know, that you know,your your son or your daughter
aren't there, or they're notgonna be able to be on
Christmas.
Because if you're especially ifit's something that's new to
you, I mean you've got howevermany years they've been at home
(07:17):
and it's just they're thereevery year.
Right.
And obviously, you know, it canbe a little different, you know,
if if your kid goes away tocollege or something, you know,
that and maybe they can't makeit home, but you know, having
those discussions I I think isimportant, which leads us to,
especially when it comes tofamily dynamics and planning,
you know, your expectationsversus reality.
SPEAKER_03 (07:40):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (07:41):
Yes, and finding the joy in the imperfect moments.
SPEAKER_04 (07:46):
Oh, isn't that the truth?
And I think that that uh I knowfor me, I'll speak for myself,
you know, uh my mom was Mrs.
Christmas in so many ways.
Like, you know, the holidays weshe just would just go for it
when it came to decorating.
SPEAKER_01 (08:06):
Your mom decor I didn't know you could decorate
for Groundhog's Day, butevidently you can, which you
picked up from her because wedecorate for every holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (08:14):
So there's maybe not Groundhog's Day, but if there
had been decorations for it, sheprobably would have bought it.
SPEAKER_01 (08:22):
Yes, uh, when it comes to the holidays, yes.
SPEAKER_04 (08:24):
Yes, you know, so I grew up in a home where uh yeah,
where like you know, theholidays it it was, you know,
you're gonna put out decorationsfor not only Christmas, but you
know, you're gonna makeeverything look great for in any
and every until I married you.
SPEAKER_01 (08:40):
I didn't know there were decorations, I mean, for
Thanksgiving.
I mean, we just didn't do that.
Sure.
I mean, we ate our decorations,the turkey.
That was that was thedecoration.
That's what we that's what wehad.
And now we have in decorationsall over the house.
SPEAKER_04 (08:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (08:56):
Pumpkins and uh and everything.
Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (08:58):
I love the fall.
I mean, for me, the holidaysstart in yeah, the beginning of
October, really.
And you know, it's just yeah,they they they transition from
pumpkins to Christmas trees.
But uh, yeah, I mean, I love allof them.
SPEAKER_01 (09:12):
You're traditionalist, though.
I mean, this really could sparka debate.
So please don't send us yourcomments.
There's just no shame with this.
But we have friends that like, Imean, their Christmas, as soon
as it turns November, I meanNovember 1st.
The Christmas is going out.
They don't wait for Thanksgivingto be over.
It's just like, let's goChristmas.
SPEAKER_04 (09:33):
Oh, absolutely.
There are a lot of people thatwe know that eat their
Thanksgiving meal surrounded byall their Christmas decorations,
you know.
I mean, so you know, again,these are all things that we're
not becoming.
SPEAKER_01 (09:44):
You're wrong.
SPEAKER_04 (09:45):
No, we're not.
No, I am a traditionalist.
I I like the day afterThanksgiving, then I want to
transition.
SPEAKER_01 (09:51):
Yeah.
And but we leave ours up liketill January 1st.
SPEAKER_04 (09:56):
Oh, yeah, our Christmas.
Sometimes even past that, maybea week or two.
Yeah.
I mean, depending on how busy weare.
SPEAKER_01 (10:00):
Yeah, because I mean, if there's a lot that goes
in that we like, for example, wejust finished up our outside
lights, got all that going.
Uh, some of you know that uhwe're big Star Trek fans, you
know, we're very much nerdy.
I have we have a whole treededicated just to Star Trek.
SPEAKER_04 (10:17):
Wow, you're gonna go there.
SPEAKER_01 (10:18):
I'm gonna post a picture of that because oh,
don't act like you're no, I loveStar Trek too.
You're just cracking me up.
I felt a little bit there.
You're just as nerdy as let metell you about Robin.
Robin and her sister Denise,they used to like act like Uhura
and the Yeoman, and they hadanother couple.
(10:39):
Well, they everybody knows whatStar Trek is.
I mean, come on.
Yes, they do.
I believe they do.
But and then a couple of yourneighbor friends, they were like
Captain Kirk and you guys wouldact like we were kids.
SPEAKER_04 (10:48):
We'd pretend, yeah, we'd pretend we're on the
Starship Enterprise.
I mean, that was a show that wason every day when we were like
kids and reruns.
SPEAKER_01 (10:55):
Acted like Captain Kirk or had people to act with.
But if you knew people, youwould have, you know, but you're
hardcore though.
So don't, yeah, yeah, that's oneof the reasons I love you.
So my gosh.
SPEAKER_04 (11:06):
Live so back to the live to the topic uh that we're
here for today.
Expectations.
Yeah, expectations versusreality.
Yeah, versus reality.
SPEAKER_01 (11:15):
Things are going to happen.
SPEAKER_04 (11:16):
Yeah, and it it's it's being able to uh find joy,
like you said, in things thatare imperfect moments that are
gonna happen.
Encourage flexibility, yes, tobe flexible.
You know, for us, like I said,my mom, you know, put up so many
decorations and and uh Rob'sfamily.
I remember that first Christmas,it was kind of hard because your
(11:36):
dad really wasn't into Christmasthat much.
And and uh I can remember thatfirst Christmas going to your
family's house, and your mom hadlike this little sad tree that
it wasn't as sad as the CharlieBrown Christmas tree, but it was
pretty sad.
And I remember just I mean,being so sad through that whole
(11:57):
little Christmas moment withthem, that whole, you know,
those days that we were there,because it was shocking compared
to what I was used to.
SPEAKER_01 (12:04):
But you know, it's hitting me as we're talking
here.
Uh I'm having a huge flashback.
I don't know where that changedfor us because that one season,
I mean, if you remember thehouse that we had in Alabama, we
had a big like pine tree out inthe front.
You mean your family, yeah.
My family.
And we decorate, and that thingwas like 20 feet.
We had lights in it.
(12:26):
And then I remember one year,Dad, we oh, I'm sorry about the
cry here, whatever.
I'm just having these emotionalflashbacks.
I remember we did this door,this huge door we painted white,
and we did it with glitter andhad Merry Christmas on it, and
we had floodlights on it.
SPEAKER_04 (12:42):
Oh, it was like a uh yard decoration.
SPEAKER_01 (12:44):
Yeah, it made like a big postcard or something
sitting out there in the yard.
SPEAKER_04 (12:47):
So yeah, I'm not, I'm not that's yeah, you don't
know where it changed where allof a sudden.
SPEAKER_01 (12:52):
But that's a great memory.
You know, now thanks forbringing that up.
That kind of triggered that.
So that was that's a wonderful.
And we had the um, I know somepeople did it on their Christmas
tree.
Do you remember the spinningwheel that had like different
colors?
SPEAKER_04 (13:04):
Oh, yeah, we had one.
SPEAKER_01 (13:06):
Yeah, we had one of those too.
SPEAKER_04 (13:07):
So yeah, where it would turn the tree different
colors, especially on the silvermetal trees.
That was like a big thing.
You had that color wheel to turnthe silver different shades of
you know, different red, blue,green, yellow, I think were the
colors.
SPEAKER_01 (13:19):
Um that like can do a whole, you know, display at
your house is like, you know, ohyeah, you can have a movie on
your house, you know what I'msaying?
SPEAKER_04 (13:30):
Incredible, yeah.
Yeah, so I mean we've seen a lotin our lifetime, haven't we?
Yeah.
So but going back to that for aminute, I really love that that
spurred a happy memory for you.
And I do think that that's alsosomething that's really
important, not only when youfirst get married, but I mean,
here we are 35 years in, andyou're talking, and there's
(13:50):
there's a few things that youjust said about your childhood
with that.
I didn't know y'all decoratedthe big pine tree that was in
the front of your house.
So, you know, it I think thatthose traditions and those
stories are so important to helpus understand each other as
husband and wife.
I think it's you know, it justdraws us closer and it really
(14:10):
opens a window to let us seeinside of each other and how we
view all kinds of things, butespecially the holidays.
And I love that that you justshared that.
I think that's really sweet.
And um, and and your mom did uhjust as a little side note.
So we bought a a really prettylittle Christmas tree for her,
remember the the next year, andshe loved that tree and
(14:31):
decorated it all the time, youknow, whenever we would come
down for the holidays.
SPEAKER_01 (14:35):
Um but it's keeping the you know the the thing is,
and obviously these thingschange, like what we just talked
about at the beginning as yourkids grow up.
But when you're like you're anew couple and this is your
first Christmas, you know, andas that progresses, the
flexibility to understand howyour kids are going to act, what
Christmas is going to be like,you know, did they cry when they
(14:57):
went and saw Santa this year,whatever the case when you know,
where some kids love it.
SPEAKER_04 (15:01):
So it's just sure that they're and even Santa,
like some people that's what Imean.
SPEAKER_01 (15:05):
Yeah, I mean, I think it's just uh understanding
you've got to be flexible andunderstand that in these type of
moments, you know, that I thinkI think when disappointment sets
in, like, you know, we I wantthe perfect Christmas, and you
just gotta give yourself someslack, yes, and just enjoy and
laugh about those things thatdon't that don't go well, you
(15:27):
know.
I mean, maybe the dogs run inyour house like in the Christmas
story, and your turkey or yourham, whatever they can, you
know.
I mean, that those make for forgreat stories, so for sure.
SPEAKER_04 (15:36):
Oh, I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (15:37):
Time speaking of that, time management.
SPEAKER_04 (15:39):
Yeah, let's talk about time management and the
holidays.
Oh man.
SPEAKER_01 (15:43):
That can that can be difficult because there it's a
combination, especially as acouple, things are you're you're
getting through, you just gotthrough Thanksgiving.
Now you're moving into theholidays.
There's all these expectations.
And for a lot of, if you'reworking, the end of the year can
for some people, you know,depending on your job, can be
(16:04):
stressful because you're tryingto close out a year.
Right.
So not only do you haveChristmas coming here, but now
you've got all these pressuresfor work.
For other people, it slows down.
Yeah, it's life is not as busy,and it and it's a great time.
So having those to discuss andprioritizing tasks and events
because there's there's parties.
SPEAKER_03 (16:23):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (16:23):
You know, if you're like for us in a church
community, you know, there'sChristmas, multiple Christmas
parties you're invited to.
SPEAKER_04 (16:30):
Yes.
Oh, so much.
And I think that, you know, it'salways uh changing as you grow
as a couple, you know, from thefrom the newly wed stage to when
you have a baby to now you havekids and their schedules and
what they need to accomplish,and you're trying to, you know,
it it it can really startgrowing as things go.
And um, I think it's just soimportant to be sure to, you
(16:54):
know, maybe create some type ofcalendar that you can look at
together to say, okay, here'swhat we know is ahead of us for
the month.
Yes, right.
Yeah.
And within that, learning tohave some good discussions,
prioritizing what's the mostimportant.
Because you can't go toeverything.
No, you can't.
And and and being okay withsaying, Yeah, you could, and you
(17:17):
just wear yourself out.
And that's part of the burnout,holiday burnout if you're not
careful.
So, you know, learning how toprioritize, to really sit and
discuss why.
Uh, you know, like maybe look atthe the different events that
are happening throughout themonth and the maybe the top
three you, you know, that areimportant to you, have your
(17:38):
spouse write down the same, andthen begin to just discuss those
things.
And it's okay to say no, likeyou said.
Yes, can't do it all.
Set boundaries because in themidst of all of it, if you're
not careful, you'll be runningfrom place to place, thing to
thing, and then you really missout on the connection, the
personal time together of theholidays are supposed to be when
(18:01):
you're home.
I I think I was telling you,like, uh well, we're talking
about time management andwanting to do things like you
know, it there's a part of methat I always think, wow, it'd
be so fun if like every day forthe month of December, like you
know, Monday through Friday, youknow, you and I snuggle up on
the couch and we try to watch aChristmas movie every, you know,
every night.
I mean, it sounds so great,right?
(18:22):
But at the same Thanks a lot.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
It's it's because it's football season and I love
football, but it was good withthe snuggling part.
And but a Hallmark movie No, notHallmark.
SPEAKER_04 (18:35):
Like no, like the good like the I like Hallmark.
I mean, Hallmark is okay andthey're we'll just let that
alone.
Yeah.
Um, but no, I'm talking about,you know, like the classic
Christmas movies that that weboth would really enjoy.
Like, and it sounds great in away, it just sounds like, oh, so
like, you know, so Christmas,Christmassy, uh, but not
(18:56):
realistic at all.
I mean, you know, not notrealistic at all.
There's no way we're gonna carveout two hours every night to sit
in the living room and watch amovie, you know.
SPEAKER_01 (19:05):
So we do like for us, like one of our traditions
that we've had for a long, longtime is White Christmas.
I mean Right.
There's a few movies that werelike, we are gonna watch this
movie.
No joke.
Probably we'll probably watch itat least 10 times.
SPEAKER_04 (19:20):
I hope.
SPEAKER_01 (19:21):
Yeah, yeah.
But I mean, we do typically, Imean, we try to watch it
multiple times.
Always on in the background ifwe're we're doing something or
whatever.
So it's uh oh, what a greatthat's speaking of great
memories.
Uh, what was about four yearsago?
You and Maddie surprised me onmy birthday, and we went and saw
White Christmas on a big screenin downtown Franklin.
Yeah.
Remember that?
SPEAKER_04 (19:41):
Oh, yeah, that was really fun.
They do that every year, theyhave the Christmas movies ever
at the theater at the FranklinTheater.
That was really good.
SPEAKER_01 (19:48):
And then we went and saw White Christmas on Broadway.
I mean at Blood.
Well, off Broadway or whatever.
SPEAKER_03 (19:53):
Yeah, here at T Pac.
SPEAKER_01 (19:54):
That was yeah, that was very fun.
SPEAKER_03 (19:56):
Yeah, that was fun.
SPEAKER_01 (19:56):
Well, those are good memories.
Yes.
So uh continue with it,thoughts.
So obviously navigating familydynamics.
Um, how how do you have aharmonious harmonious?
SPEAKER_04 (20:06):
Harmonious.
I like it.
SPEAKER_01 (20:10):
It's a great word.
Say the right word because Ican't.
Harmonious.
Thank you.
I'm not even going to trybecause now I'm thinking about
it.
And I want to say harmonica, butthat's not the word.
So anyway.
So communicating openly.
And like what she said, goingback to the time manager, you've
got to be able to discuss theseare the things what we can do,
what we can't do.
(20:31):
And then if something fallsthrough, you've got to be able
to communicate that and talkabout that and discuss that.
Because you don't want, like yousaid, you don't want the
holidays to come and go andyou've just been so busy.
Right.
That you didn't have to taketime to celebrate that and
celebrate each other.
SPEAKER_04 (20:48):
And yeah.
I think it's finding, yeah,finding time for what's most
important to you.
And honestly, a lot of this asnewlyweds, you know, you can be
proactive and try to figure outall of this in advance.
I know we're already sitting atDecember 8th, and maybe you have
had these kind of discussions,but if you haven't and you're
(21:09):
just kind of working through itthis first year after the
Christmas season's over, yeah.
I mean, I think it's cool to sitand just discuss those things
and, you know, find out whatworked well, what you want to
change, you know, all those kindof things.
But with family dynamics, youknow, especially um when you're
(21:31):
newlywed, I think that it's, youknow, that that open
communication where you're justwell, it's yeah, effective
communication.
SPEAKER_01 (21:39):
You've got to be able to tell and you've got to
learn.
You I mean, the holidays canreally kind of reveal a lot of
times where you need to developbetter communication.
SPEAKER_02 (21:49):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
And how how did we deal with stress?
And you you and I have talkedabout this multiple times.
Productive conflict, I mean,couldn't be more alive during
the holidays.
So instead of running away fromthese, you know, these difficult
moments that may happen, makesure whether it's happening in
the moment or after the holidaysare over, that you're able to
(22:11):
talk about, say, that wasstressful, right?
I mean, yeah, how how do we planbetter, you know, going to
looking at all these typethings, time management,
navigating family dynamics, andhaving healthy communication.
So we make sure you set sometime after the holidays.
And I I know most people don'tthink about that because the
holidays are here, then they go.
SPEAKER_03 (22:32):
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (22:32):
But but if you're able to have some type of
communication either in themoment or afterwards, to say,
hey, well, what can we do nextyear so we don't have have this
stress?
SPEAKER_04 (22:43):
Yes, yes, that is so good.
SPEAKER_01 (22:45):
And you said this just a second ago.
Uh it's a story that we heardquite a while back.
You know, I think, and thiswasn't on our notes, so I'm just
gonna throw this out for you tothink about.
I think a lot of times whenyou're the mom and dad, and you
have your kids that are nowadults, that they're married,
(23:06):
when they start developing theirown traditions, like what if,
you know, what if Maddie andthem, you know, or Jared said,
Hey, we're we're not going toknow parents this year.
Right, like we're gonna have aChristmas on their own.
And go we're gonna go down toFlorida or something.
You know, those are I mean, weknow parents that Yeah, but it
(23:26):
would be really hard.
SPEAKER_04 (23:27):
It wouldn't set well.
But I but I'm a big I I'm a bigadvocate for that.
SPEAKER_01 (23:32):
I think that you may have to go back and listen to
this later and remind myself ofwhat I said.
But but that is I think youknow, developing those sure when
your kids want to have maybe aholiday on their own.
Um I love what you did.
I'm I'm gonna share that.
You and you just recently, Iknow, called Maddie the other
day and said, Hey, we werethinking about what if on New
(23:54):
Year's Eve, New Year's, sorry,Christmas Eve, we came to your
house because it kind of hityou, you don't really have any
memories.
SPEAKER_04 (24:03):
Yeah, she doesn't have any memories of her house
yet.
And I thought that's a goodthing.
Because they're you know,they've only been married a few
years.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Yeah, and I thought that was so great of you for for
you to recognize that and andoffer that.
So oh, thank you.
SPEAKER_04 (24:14):
Yeah, I think it's important.
And I and and I encourage all ofyou parents out there, you know,
with with uh kids that aremarried now and all.
I know a lot of times it's likethat that tradition of always,
you know, the kids come to theparents' house, but you know, I
think it's great to flip thingsup some and especially when kids
(24:34):
start getting into the picture.
SPEAKER_01 (24:36):
I mean if you if they have small kids and it
might be easier for you if it'sjust the two of you to go
somewhere where Yeah, to go totheir home where they already
feel yeah, so that they're nothaving to travel with kids.
SPEAKER_04 (24:46):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (24:47):
I did want to add one last thing on effective
communication, and we see this alot during the holidays.
It's very important that asyou're having that
communication, you're talkingabout whatever has stressed you
out, that you keep it about howyou felt.
You we've talked many times inthe past about the U-bombs.
Yeah, you have to be careful nowif you did this or the one, this
(25:10):
just hit me.
SPEAKER_04 (25:11):
If your family Right, if your family would just
fill in the blank.
SPEAKER_01 (25:17):
And that that can be a very triggering figure.
Yes, absolutely.
Even though we know as you'relistening, there may be some
truth in those things.
I mean, for example, like youwere talking about the
decorations, you know, when wefirst got married, it was I kind
of I don't know if it wasbecause it was so new to me how
(25:43):
you guys did Christmas.
I mean, I would check out a lotof times.
SPEAKER_04 (25:48):
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, so to paint that out alittle bit, you know, Rob's
family, there was just a lot ofum unknowns whenever they would
gather together due to certainfamily members that didn't get
along really well, but yet stillwould come together for
Christmas.
Right.
It was something that you saw asa pattern even growing up.
(26:09):
So, you know, uh a Christmas forRob could be a good Christmas,
right, with your family, but italso could end in a blowout
argument.
SPEAKER_01 (26:21):
Somebody saying something at the dinner table,
and the next thing you know, Imean, this this is real world,
this happened.
We're leaving.
SPEAKER_04 (26:26):
Yeah, y'all would pack up and go.
Your dad would say we're leavingright now.
SPEAKER_01 (26:30):
But all the gifts had to go in the car and we're
driving back home.
I mean, it was just like, well,what has just happened?
SPEAKER_04 (26:36):
Yeah, yeah.
And so, and then he marries intomy family, and so Christmas for
us is just, I mean, we're gonnawe're gonna be loud probably for
the most part, we're gonna laugha lot, we're going to play board
grant games like crazy.
For all to hear, yeah, we'resinging along to Christmas
(26:56):
songs, we're dancing around theroom, we're uh, you know, going
hiking in the woods.
I mean, it's just like all theseactivities, which in my mind,
knowing the kind of childhoodRob had and that that was
stressful, I thought, wow, he isjust gonna love our Christmas
then because you know, we'rejust having a party for three
(27:16):
days.
And and yeah, you would checkout.
I can remember uh probably thefirst time that you'd done that.
We were all we we uh my parentshad like a you know a house with
a couple of different liketwo-story house, and we were all
downstairs, and all of a suddenI just realized you weren't
there.
And when I went upstairs, youwere you had climbed in bed and
it was like the middle of theday and you were completely
(27:38):
asleep, checked out.
And I remember I just couldn'tunderstand what you know what
was going on or why you would dothat.
And and I remember it took awhile for you to unlock those
feelings to just say, I don'tknow how to engage.
Uh I want to engage, but it's Ijust I've never seen anything,
(27:59):
yeah.
I've never experienced that kindof Christmas.
And and I think it took probablyuh two or three years um for you
to really kind of start findingyour footing when you were with
my family, and um, and viceversa for me with your family as
well, because I wasn't used tothat kind of tension to where it
(28:20):
was like, oh gosh, we're sittinghere and if anything goes wrong,
right?
You know, it was like a pins andneedles kind of thing.
SPEAKER_01 (28:27):
Um but you were such a big help through that, because
I mean, through that we'd learnto create our own traditions and
how we choose to have Christmas.
And I think I know we're talkingabout the holidays, but I think
that's important as a as acouple, as you communicate and
you talk about these things,that you realize I I think it
(28:48):
starts hitting you at the longeryou're married.
Oh, we don't have to do itexactly.
SPEAKER_03 (28:52):
Right.
We don't have to do it the waywe grew up.
SPEAKER_01 (28:54):
And we and we choose how we celebrate with our
ourselves, with our kids, whatthat looks like.
You know, like for us, forexample, uh, you know, I know
we'll touch on this briefly, youknow, budgets are a big thing.
I mean, we just we didn't buyMaddie that many gifts.
I mean, we were always thephilosophy, you know, during the
year.
If if if we had the finances andthere was something she liked,
(29:17):
we would purchase it, you know.
So because the holidays can, ifyou're not careful as a parent,
you really start feeling thatpressure as a couple, especially
with younger kids, of like, youknow, I've got to buy them all
this stuff.
And teaching them the differencebetween obviously as Christians,
I mean, uh, this is not in ournotes, but yeah, I'm still gonna
(29:38):
say it.
You know, the holidays, yes,it's Christmas, but it's still
about the birth of Jesus,celebrating that who he is in
our lives.
Yes, gratitude.
And giving, giving, you know,it's not just just giving gifts,
but it's being it's learning howto be together.
So when it so encouragement, ifit comes too much about the gift
giving and less about what theholiday should represent as our
(30:03):
family spending time together,right?
Creed and memories.
SPEAKER_04 (30:07):
Another thing that we did looking, you know, when
you're talking about that, mymind's going back into those
moments.
And we um I think we even did,we were even involved in certain
aspects of this before we hadour daughter.
Um but finding ways, like yousaid, to give back to the
community.
(30:28):
Find yeah, things were you know,it can it could could look like
a soup kitchen.
Yeah.
Um I remember when Maddie wassmall, we went to this big inner
city event where um you broughtgifts for kids that that are in
need, yeah.
And I can remember theexpression on her face the first
(30:51):
time that she encountered thatto know that there are children
that don't have very much.
And those moments really helpedto reframe the holidays for us,
reframe Christmas for us.
And so I really encourage youguys, whether you're a young
couple and that you know you'rejust learning to celebrate the
(31:13):
holidays together, or you havekids, or you're empty nesters.
There's just something aboutChristmas and finding places
where you can serve yourcommunity, where you can give
back.
It could look like with yourkids.
I mean, with your kids, but I'msaying even without your kids
when you're you know firstmarried or empty nesters, making
that impact.
SPEAKER_01 (31:34):
Yeah.
I mean, so it's it's so vivid,you know, with Maddie again.
I can remember her, you know,going through every year wanting
to give away toys that shedidn't play with anymore.
So it's those moments, you know,reframing what the holidays even
toys she loved, or even toys sheloved, but reframing what that
looks like.
SPEAKER_03 (31:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (31:52):
So that they understand that the it is the
season of giving, not justreceiving.
SPEAKER_04 (31:58):
Right.
Right.
Yeah.
Getting to know our neighbors,you know, around us and
Christmas cards or cookies.
SPEAKER_01 (32:06):
There's just so much.
Yeah.
You know, this next topic is umif you're listening today, it
can be it can be tough becauseth there's seasons in our life,
unfortunately, where we losesomebody that we love.
If this is if you're in thisplace where maybe this is your
(32:26):
first holiday, you've lost aparent or a loved one, a brother
or sister, whatever the case maybe, it can be can be triggering
when somebody, you know, passesaway near the holidays.
SPEAKER_04 (32:38):
Oh, it's very hard.
It's hard regardless.
Really, no matter when yourloved one passes away.
The holidays are for so many ofus are times when family gets
together and um yeah, and ifthere's someone not not there,
not present anymore.
It is it's tough.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (32:56):
Um, and so finding ways to remember, to be able to
talk about it.
SPEAKER_04 (33:02):
Yes, I think, um, to be able to um let yourself even
grieve.
Because sometimes I think withthe holidays, the expectations
are so high you might shovethings down thinking I just need
to plow through.
But to allow yourself to feelwhat you want to feel and and
let the grief carry you where itneeds to go so that you can
(33:25):
release whatever needs to bereleased.
Let's just say it like that.
I mean, I can remember both ofus have uh, you know, you're
you've lost both your parents.
Um, my mom passed in uh fiveyears ago.
And so yeah, being able to uh touh walk through that with a lot
(33:46):
of grace for yourself.
Yeah.
And as a spouse, I know you maynot always know what to say, or
that at least you may tellyourself you don't know what to
say, but you just being presentwith your spouse that might be
in a season of grief, and uhyeah, just being there with them
is that's enough.
It's more than enough.
SPEAKER_01 (34:06):
Because you think about, I mean, the holidays,
there's typically so manypictures that are taken, you
know, or videos that are taken.
SPEAKER_03 (34:13):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (34:14):
Uh gifts that are given that are displayed, or
whatever the case, or a sweateror something that you, you know,
your mom always bought me thesewere the worst sweaters.
They were awful.
And every year I would justsmile and say it's the greatest,
the greatest, greatest thingever.
But but remembering thosemoments, you know, again,
(34:37):
allowing yourself to know thatit's okay to grieve, like you
said, and have those emotions,but then finding ways to honor
them and celebrate them andlaugh about you know situations.
SPEAKER_04 (34:48):
The memories and the funny moments.
Yeah, it's so beautiful, youknow, and and there's also grief
like what we've been talkingabout a little bit throughout
the podcast.
If this is your first Christmaswithout your your kids around,
you know, um, and you're you'rejust trying to work through
that.
There's there's uh you know,grief that comes with change,
(35:09):
not only the loss of a lovedone, but also just things
changing.
Uh maybe not everybody can gettogether like they used to.
SPEAKER_01 (35:18):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (35:19):
That type of thing, you know, and it it's hard.
Um, and it's it's amazing howyou can feel lonely even in a
room full of people.
SPEAKER_01 (35:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (35:28):
You know, sometimes too.
SPEAKER_01 (35:30):
Speaking of, I mean, that's that's that's a big part.
We hear, you know, we that'sprobably the number one thing
that you see when you readdifferent things during the
holidays, what people areexperiencing.
Loneliness is a is a big thingduring the holidays.
SPEAKER_03 (35:41):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (35:42):
You know, so I I I want to encourage you as well
too, you know, maybe you got afamily member you don't see as
much or a friend, you know, atext or a telephone, hey, just
want you to know I'm thinkingabout you during the holidays.
You know, so that's it's thatemotional, uh, and then even for
ourselves, you know, lovingourselves during the holidays as
well, too, is is is crucial.
(36:02):
You know, but so it's it it it'sit's interesting, yeah, the
dynamics, because I think wejust want to brush over that
it's all wonderful, and it is,but for for not for but not for
everybody, right?
SPEAKER_04 (36:15):
But I think that when you're when you have
friends, when you have peoplethat you're surrounded with to
share how you feel uh in toughmoments, really just it's it's
just so healing.
Yeah, you know, it's so good.
And I hope everything that we'vetalked about on this episode is
(36:39):
encouraging.
Um because really I think thethe takeaway from it for me is
you know, prepare as much as youcan and give your great give
yourself grace for what youcould never plan for, that'll
just be a surprise and makehopefully make for a funny story
(37:00):
later on.
Uh yeah, the holidays arebeautifully messy at times.
SPEAKER_01 (37:06):
And um but well, I think that's why it goes back to
what I said earlier, and I dowant to close with this
understanding that gifts aregreat, the holidays are great,
and and all that.
But I mean, for us, it really isreminding ourselves of the
greatest gift that was evergiven, which is Jesus.
I mean, that's really for uswhat is when that when that
(37:31):
loses the focus for you toremind yourself, you know, what
is Christmas really about?
So keeping that in theforefront, even like what we're
talking about, serving in thecommunity.
Well, where is your I guess thatthe the challenge that we put
forth to you as couples, asparents, as whatever the case,
remind yourself, well, what isthe emphasis of the holidays?
SPEAKER_03 (37:53):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (37:54):
And if it's even if it's a place like whether
whether you're going throughgrief, whether it's loneliness
or whether it's hectic, we'regonna where you can have that
moment to pause and remindyourself, you know, God loved me
so much, He sent His onlybegotten Son.
SPEAKER_04 (38:08):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:09):
What a what a gift.
SPEAKER_04 (38:10):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:11):
And that's more important than a gift or
anything else that we can do,just reminding ourselves that
somebody loved us so much.
That and that we and and Iunderstand, because I've had
Christmas by myself where I'vebeen, you know, I didn't go
home.
And and and I understand theloneliness, but when you remind
yourself that you're really, Iknow it sounds cheesy, but
you're really never alonebecause he's always there with
(38:34):
you.
I mean, that's that's a giftthat can really be and it's not
cheesy.
SPEAKER_04 (38:39):
I think it's beautiful.
You think so?
Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01 (38:41):
Yeah, good.
Any other thoughts?
SPEAKER_04 (38:45):
Nope.
I think we're I think we'refinished for now.
SPEAKER_01 (38:50):
It's a good holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (38:51):
It is.
SPEAKER_01 (38:52):
I enjoy Christmas.
SPEAKER_04 (38:53):
Yes.
SPEAKER_01 (38:54):
So wherever you're at.
SPEAKER_04 (38:57):
Yeah, we bless you guys through this beautiful
month.
Take time for yourself and foryour family.
SPEAKER_01 (39:05):
And snuggled up.
That was the line.
And they're probably watchingChristmas movies.
That's this is your song.
I mean, giddy up, giddy up.
Hey, wherever you may be, thanksfor listening.
SPEAKER_04 (39:19):
Yes, guys.
We'll talk to you soon.
SPEAKER_01 (39:21):
Have a great holiday.
SPEAKER_04 (39:22):
Uh-huh.
SPEAKER_01 (39:23):
Bye.
SPEAKER_00 (39:47):
Us underscore podcast and on Twitter at
Marriage Us.
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