7 Secrets Every Spouse Should Keep

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What secrets should you actually keep in marriage? Not the harmful, relationship-damaging kind, but the sacred boundaries that protect your union.

The discussion opens with a powerful story about a doctor married to a construction worker who explained her profound perspective: "I've never judged my husband by the size of his purse, but rather by the size of his purpose in my life." This wisdom sets the foundation for understanding that value in marriage transcends financial status.

We explore seven areas where privacy strengthens rather than harms your relationship: protecting intimacy, keeping disagreements private, handling family issues discretely, approaching health problems with wisdom, not dwelling on past regrets, honoring each other's insecurities, and keeping romantic moments sacred.

Scripture guides each principle, from Hebrews 13:4 reminding us that "marriage should be honored by all and the marriage bed kept pure" to Ephesians 4:26 instructing "in your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." We emphasize the critical distinction that healthy boundaries aren't about hiding things from your spouse, but rather the two of you protecting your relationship together.

Along the way, we tackle practical questions. When should you seek outside help? Every couple needs one trusted, spiritually mature couple that both spouses agree can offer counsel when needed. What constitutes oversharing on social media? How do you balance accountability with privacy?

The conversation weaves personal stories, biblical wisdom, and practical advice for couples navigating these waters. Whether you're newlywed or celebrating decades together, these principles of sacred privacy will strengthen your bond and deepen your trust.

Ready to strengthen your marriage's boundaries? Subscribe now and join our upcoming 33rd anniversary special with a surprise guest who'll help launch our new women's ministry podcast: "Let's Talk About It."

Watch the live show on Youtube.

Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Marriage in Real Life.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:06):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
I didn't turn my mic on.
Yeah, we know, we know.

Speaker 1 (00:10):
I already know that you don't be turning your mic on
like you're supposed to.
I already know that.
Okay, just messing with you,baby, just messing with you.
So how are you doing today,babe?
How are you hanging?

Speaker 2 (00:26):
I'm hanging, I'm hanging, I'm good.
I had a great day at work today.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
You had a great day.
I fell asleep at my desk, ohboy.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
I can't believe it.
I jumped.
Oh my goodness, I got places tobe and things to do.

Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oh boy, you fell asleep.

Speaker 2 (00:39):
I fell asleep and it wasn't even my intention, so I
think sometimes the body just belike you know what, you need to
crash a bit, you think so Ithink so, because I slept well
over the weekend so I wasn'ttired.
I don't know.
I don't know what happened.
Maybe it's that food I ate fromthe cafeteria.

Speaker 1 (00:56):
You probably put me down oh, yeah, you know that
food will get you now you knowthat cafeteria food it will get
you, yeah.
So I want to thank each andeverybody.
Hey, we got.
We see Rob is on.
Hey, give a shout out to Rob.
Hey, rob, rob say.
Oh, I'm glad he correctedhimself.
He talking about good morning.

(01:17):
That's all right, peaches is on, peaches is on.
Hey Peach, hey Peach.

Speaker 2 (01:24):
Hey, peach, yeah, hey .
So peaches is on, peaches is onhey peach.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Hey, so we're so glad .
Hey, when you are logging on,please tell us where you are
watching from.
We would love to know whereyou're watching from, putting
your your name and everything,so we could give you a shout out
throughout the night.
All right, absolutely all right.
Yeah, I'm gonna give people ashout out.
That's what we want to do, allAll right.
Yeah, we want to give people ashout out.
That's what we want to do, allright.
And I just want to just want tolet you know if you want to, if

(01:50):
you want to donate to us.
We want to be able to just domore programming.
So, right there, you can donateto us on marriage in real life,
at real life as a failed churchfor Zelle, and for cash app
marriage in real life.
You can also donate, donatehere or while you're watching.
You just hit that little moneybar that's on their side and you

(02:12):
can hit, you can donate as well.
You get a super chat.
Now, super chats.
We got to read super chats.
They pay money to read, okay,all right, so we got to read the
super chats.
Read them all as many as we canget.
Sometimes they're coming in sofast it's hard to catch up with
them.
Yeah, but if it's a super chat,we got to read it.
Okay, Because they gave money.

Speaker 2 (02:30):
A sign to let me know that it's a super chat.
Oh yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
It lets you know, because you will see the dollar
amount, what they gave and it'shighlighted, highlight it okay,
all right, I might do it.
I might do it throughout thenight for one and see how it
goes.
Show you how it goes, okay, allright, you give a shout out to
all the super chats out thereyes, thank you thank you, thank
you, thank you, thank you, thankyou.

(02:55):
All right, so what's again,before we get into the topic
what's been happening, what'sbeen going on, what's the deal?

Speaker 2 (03:00):
wow, we've been doing a lot of stuff.
Didn't we do a lot?
Or did we just chillax?
I think we just chillax, I knowyesterday.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
we went to a jazz place yesterday around 5 o'clock
.
The food wasn't.

Speaker 2 (03:12):
But the ambiance was outstanding.
The ambiance was good, yeah,right there in the city of Lotta
Hill.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
It was nice.
It was nice.
Yeah, Remember, it's brand isGrand Opening.
So yeah, my friend Kenan wasthere last night.
That's Saturday night.

Speaker 2 (03:25):
Okay, yeah, and he plays what Saxophone.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Saxophone.
Yeah, he plays saxophone, soyeah.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
He was there.

Speaker 1 (03:30):
We did that.
We went to another restaurant,but we could just be some eating
out people.
We got to start cooking inside.
I guess I got to start cookinginside.

Speaker 2 (03:37):
Boy I tell you Absolutely.
Right now I can take ahome-cooked meal.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
Hey, anybody who's watching want to invite us over
for dinner?

Speaker 2 (03:50):
We would love to come .
We would love to.

Speaker 1 (03:52):
Yeah, we can get some home-cooked meals, because my
wife, your wife, my wife, shedon't cook no more.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
You know what I cook.
If you ask me, if you tell meyou want something in particular
, I cook.

Speaker 1 (04:03):
Okay, if you tell me you want something in particular
, I cook, I do, all right.
So for now on, I'm going to dothat, don't do that.

Speaker 2 (04:09):
I'll cook Sunday dinner for you, all right?
Good, hey, we got.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Juan and Paige watching from Port St Lucie.
Hi Juan, hi Paige, how y'alldoing?
Hey, all right, all the wayfrom Port St Lucie, that's where

(04:37):
our bishop lives at.
Yeah, right up there.
All right, I'm ready to getinto the topic.
I know it's probably peopletune this pastor and I think
it's real good for what we talkabout and even what our
daughters and people in thechurch, and just for them to
know.
All right, you ready for it?
I'm ready.
All right, let's go.
Let's go.

Speaker 3 (04:55):
There's a couple in our church in New Orleans that
most people would consider theodd couple.
This is why she is a medicaldoctor, he is a construction
worker.
She works in the hospital withpatients all day.
He works in building houses andbuildings.
And someone asked her how couldshe submit to a man who made

(05:19):
substantially less money thanshe did and, like a grown woman,
get what she said?
She said I have never judged myhusband by the size of his purse
or his pocket, but rather bythe size of his purpose in my
life, by the size of his passionfor me.

(05:39):
She says I've never judged themby what he had in his pocket,
but rather what he had in hisheart.
She said yeah, that's true, Imake probably six times the
money my husband makes.
My husband has never been ableto match my money, but guess
what?
He has always been able tomatch my grind.

(06:01):
She says I've never foundmyself trying harder than him.
I've never found myself tryingharder than him.
I've never found myself workingharder than him.
I have never found myselfloving harder than him, and
that's why I'm able to submitand call this man who works in
construction my husband.

(06:23):
She said to me.
She said Pastor, my husband isnot a man in my house.
He is the man of my housebecause he's earned that
position.
I want to tell you a lot offolk are missing, great people,
because you're so busy lookingat money you forget about
meaning.

(06:43):
You're so busy looking at pocketand purse that you forget about
purpose.
Listen, you will always be ableto find somebody that can
afford you, but you know whatthe hard thing is Finding
somebody that has the capacityto value you, because a person

(07:03):
can afford you and still bedisrespectful.
A person can afford you andstill talk down to you.
A person can afford you andstill misuse you.
But when they value you, youhave found the gem.
Listen, don't you miss a dollarbecause you're chasing dimes.

(07:24):
Dimes are always shiny and welove to shine.
He has this, she has that.
Dollars are not as pretty, butguess what?
They hold more value.
Choose folk that have value,not just folk who have shy All

(07:49):
right, I like that.

Speaker 1 (07:54):
I got to get.
I got to get.
I gave the pastor a shout outon that.
That was real, real good.
Got to give him another one.
What'd you take from that?
What'd you take from that?

Speaker 2 (08:06):
It kind of bring me to a lot of the reality tv shows
that's going on now and a lotof times you see some yeah, not
me, but some people sit in theirhouse and they go yeah, that's
what I want, that's what I need,I want this, I want that and I
want him to have this and I wanther to that.
And, at the end of the day,where's the value in that?

(08:26):
Because they doing this rightnow.
You don't know what's going onwhen the cameras aren't rolling.
Do he value her?
Do she really value him, or isit just a setup?
So I think a lot of youngadults try to base their lives
placed on what they see inreality TV, and I think he kind
of made a point.
He can give you the world ifthat's what you want, but do he

(08:47):
value you?
Yeah, it's value.

Speaker 1 (08:50):
Value, and that's so important, I think yeah yeah,
you need a person that is goingto help you get on purpose,
absolutely, and I know it goesvice versa.
But he was just talking aboutand sometimes, a lot of times,
women look for that.
They would rather say, oh, Ineed a lawyer versus I need a
garbage man.
That man is working, he may notbe wearing a suit all the time,

(09:12):
but he's bringing home, he's ahard worker.
And you want a hardworking man.
You want a man that, look, whentimes get crazy, they still can
do what they need to do.
God and the hustle Again.
Somebody's going to help you onpurpose.
Somebody that will love you asChrist loved the church.
That's what you need, becauseyou don't want nobody that's

(09:34):
going to beat on you.
You don't want nobody that'sgoing to talk down to you.
You don't want nobody that'sgoing to do all those things.
You do not want that Becausethat's what he said.
He said you got more.
Somebody with purpose.
You know the capacity and thevalue because, again, if they
can afford you sometimes and Isay that all the times now we're
just talking about in thisparticular clip if they can,

(09:55):
sometimes they can afford you,but they will embarrass you,
they will afford you but theywill dishonor you.
And I love when he talked aboutthe dollar and the coin you
know, because when you thinkabout it, think about how
dollars are usually crumbled up.
You know what I mean.
They crumbled up, theysometimes we step on them, we do

(10:17):
all that kind of stuff and wesometimes we don't even see the
dollar if it's in the dirt orwhatever.
We have to look hard for it.
But we could see the dollar Ifit's in the dirt or whatever.
We have to look hard for it.
But we could see the dime,right.
But again, the dollar is worthmore.
When you bought us something todrink, you weren't going to buy
nothing.
For a dime man you can't buy it.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
It's not like how we grew up.

Speaker 1 (10:38):
That's so true.
When we used to get cookies fora dime and stuff like that, we
didn't have to worry aboutdollars, man, we just had some
quarters and some pennies.
We were good to go.

Speaker 2 (10:45):
The value part is what stood out to me and I
remember a while back I wastalking about the value of a
diamond and and how the diamondit shines and it's so beautiful.
And they say diamonds are agirl's best friend Right, but if
that diamond chip get bruised,the value of it go down.
So if you're giving me abeautiful house and you're

(11:08):
giving me the credit cards andyou're giving me all that, but
yet you're still chipping awayat me, you're still bruising me,
my value is going down.
And then I got to go somewhereand pick myself up, get my
self-esteem and get me back incheck with life.
As to how I want to, after Ihave stood back, because I
wanted all of these materialthings, but mostly what I want

(11:30):
is your heart, and if your heartis following the heart of God,
those things become secondary.

Speaker 1 (11:36):
Oh, I got to give you .
You preached yesterday.
We forgot about that.
Oh yeah, you preached yesterday.
You did your thing yesterday.

Speaker 2 (11:42):
Thank God for the glory.

Speaker 1 (11:43):
You did your thing yesterday and you just preached
yesterday.
You did your thing yesterday,Thank God for the glory.
You did your thing yesterdayand you just preached again.

Speaker 2 (11:47):
All right, I wasn't trying to do that.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
But you're so right and I think oftentimes, men,
sometimes, we need to make surethat we value our spouse.
We need to make sure we valuethem.
Don't say things, don't fuss atthings, don't do things that we
would not do to take the valueof our spouse down.
We don't say things, don't fussat things, don't do things that
we would not do to take thevalue of our spouse down.
We don't want to do that.
I agree, we don't want to dothat, all right.

Speaker 2 (12:10):
All right, let's get into this, because our time is
running short, yeah let's getinto this topic tonight.

Speaker 1 (12:15):
So tonight's episode might it might surprise some
folks, because we're talkingabout secrets.
At least we ain't talking aboutrumors.
You remember that song?
Look at all these rumors.

Speaker 2 (12:27):
We ain't talking about secret lovers.

Speaker 1 (12:30):
We ain't talking about that.
No, we ain't talking about nosecret lovers no, we ain't
talking about that.
But not those kind of secrets,are we?
So we're not talking aboutthose secrets.
We're talking about the rightkind of secrets, the ones that
protect your marriage and notpoison it.
Yeah, all right.

(12:52):
So we're talking about thosesecrets, those secrets that you
and your wife supposed to haveand I think we did a podcast.
You got to make sure you watchwho you talk to and all this
kind of stuff.
Remember that and and so thosetype of things.
Those are secrets that you needto keep to yourself.
Now I want to say this.
I want to say that sometimes,keeping secrets, especially when

(13:16):
it comes down to prayer, andespecially when it comes down to
prayer, I think, some secretsthat we try to uphold, that we
try to keep we should be lettingthose who we trust Again,
that's the preface of it when wetrust, we should be letting

(13:37):
them know what to pray for,because sometimes we try to keep
secrets and because people willsay or if I tell it, it's out
in the atmosphere and this isgoing to happen, and that is
going to happen when.
Look, if you got people that youtrust that.
You know that, hey, they canget an answer to God, they can

(13:57):
talk to God and for a fact, thatthey will keep your secret,
they're not going to go andblabber it all over the place.
Those are the people that yousay, hey, I need you to pray for
me because such and such Okay,cool, we got you All right, cool
, and you got somebody to holdyou accountable and do this.
And so I think sometimes withsecrets in a marriage, when it
comes down to your husband orwife, sometimes you need to let

(14:19):
people know and not keep it sucha secret.
What do you think about that?

Speaker 2 (14:22):
I think I'm a real private person.
When it comes down to mypersonal business I'm constantly
.
I would just make sure you prayand you ask the Lord to lead
you to someone that you canconfide in.
Don't go with someone becausey'all go to brunch together and
whatever.
Make sure the Lord is directingyou.
You know who to speak to on thebehalf of whatever may be

(14:45):
concerning with your marriage orwhatever it may be.
Make sure you seek God first,and even pastor might be okay,
but he may go to his wife andsay, hey, we need to pray for
this couple, and then the wifemight tell her women's
department president and beforeyou know it, I'll tell you that,
if that happens, you got aright First of all.

Speaker 1 (15:04):
you got a right to first of all, you got a right to
sue.

Speaker 2 (15:07):
Yeah, you do, but.
I'm just saying cause you wantto be careful in that aspect.
In the past I've experiencedthat happen with someone else.
It wasn't with me, but it waswith someone else and I was like
no she did, then you got aright right to confront the
pastor.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Because if you're telling your pastor and you're
telling him in secret andusually a pastor would say, hey,
can I tell my wife, and if yousay, no, I don't tell her, and
then you tell her, then that'swrong.
But if he, if you say, yeah, goahead and tell her, and he
tells, and you say, hey, look, Ionly told you.
And now this person knows and Ionly told you, like you said,

(15:44):
it yesterday.
You said it yesterday I onlytold you, and now the whole
church knows.
So either you're blabbering oryou told somebody, and they
blabbering absolutely.
So I don't know who you told,but this ain't, this can't
happen and I don't trust you noand how can you trust a shepherd
voice if they're going aroundblabbering your stuff?
You just can't do?

Speaker 2 (16:04):
You just can't do it.

Speaker 1 (16:05):
You just can't do it.
All right, all right.
So this is what God, god, god,calls us to guard.
What's a secret?
Proverbs four and 23 says aboveall else, guard your heart, for
everything you do flows from it.
That applies to our marriagetoo.
Everything that's a guard ourheart.
So that means and everythingthat's a guard our heart, so

(16:27):
that means, and I know,especially with women, y'all
love to guard your heart, boy,y'all will guard that heart
forever and ever.

Speaker 2 (16:33):
I have to be honest as you go through life and
you're in and out ofrelationships, you build up a
wall because now you didn't.
You ain't trying to be broken.
You're trying to keep your headon.
We're trying to stay focused.
Okay, you're trying to keepyour head on.
You're trying to stay focused.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Okay, all right, all right.
So you ready, you ready.
Let's dig into these sevensecrets every spouse should keep
, and we're going to be usingsome of the word of God to guide
us in every step.
You ready?

Speaker 2 (16:57):
I'm ready.
Uh-oh, you have nothing betterto do with your time, do you?
I promise you, okay.
So our first secret is Godcreated intimacy for marriage.
It's holy Hebrews.
13 and 4 tells us marriageshould be honored by all and the

(17:19):
marriage be it kept pure, ohthat unstruck something now,
okay, okay, okay, all right, allright.

Speaker 1 (17:40):
So that means that what happens between a husband
and wife emotionally, physically, spiritually isn't meant for
public consumption.
It's a gift from God, not agroup check topic.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Absolutely, I agree with that.
Let's go back to that partwhere it says the marriage bed
should be kept pure.
Break that down for me.

Speaker 1 (17:56):
I would say this what you and your husband do in your
bed is between you and yourhusband.
That's what it is.
If one of you do not agreeabout what to do in the bed,
then you can't do it and youcan't get mad about it.
If you can't get mad about it,if you want to change it, you

(18:20):
better go to god so you can prayfirst.
Huh, if you're going to ask,your spouse say, hey, I want to
do this, I want to have somechains and some whips.
And your spouse say you ain't,finna, hit me with no chain.

Speaker 2 (18:35):
We should go into prayer.

Speaker 1 (18:36):
You need to do what y'all agree upon.
And then you start praying andfasting.
You tell your spouse I'm goingon a three-day fast when you
stop praying and fasting.

Speaker 2 (18:46):
you still say you tell your spouse I'm going on a
three-day fast when you go on athree-day fast Because I won't
change the wheels, all right,okay, all right, so long as the
two of us agree.
We're good.
As long as the two, yeah.

Speaker 1 (18:52):
So what I say and that thing when it says pure,
people have a tendency ofdefinition what is pure.
Because what is pure to someperson is not pure to another
person and it's only pure to God.
So that's why you have to go toGod and say, okay, this is what
we agree upon in our bed.
Because, again, what is pure toone person may not be pure to

(19:15):
another person.
What consider holy to anotherperson, it may not be considered
holy to another person.
Because, again, we grew up,holiness was what?
The long dresses, the stockings, no makeup, all this and some
people still consider that holy.
If you ain't doing that, you'renot holy.
We look at that and say what?
So you can't say, you can't sayit, so you gotta, you got must

(19:41):
go to God, all right.

Speaker 2 (19:45):
You gotta must go to God.
All right, you got mescratching my head, girl.
I just think when you protectthe intimacy, it honors your
spouse and, more importantly, ithonors God.
God created it for the marriedcouple.
So you want to be focused onGod?
Not at the moment, not whileyou be intimate.

Speaker 1 (20:00):
You don't be focusing on God, you don't be saying
hallelujah.
Thank you, jesus.

Speaker 2 (20:12):
Stop it.
You might say thank you, jesus.
Whatever you did, you want you,I was gonna get through this I
don't know, you know what ithonors god when you are enjoying
one another and he see that hiscreation and what he has joined
together is good.

Speaker 1 (20:25):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, hey because god made for
man and woman to enjoy intimacyyes, I made that amen so it's
not about being secretive, it'sall about being sacred I like
that.
Okay, all right we gotta be, wegotta be sacred baby.
Okay, all right, all right, allright, all right.
So let's be real.
We're going to talk aboutdisagreements.

(20:47):
Number two is disagreementsBecause, if we be real, we've
all had disagreements.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (20:58):
We've all had disagreements, and when was the
last time we had a bigdisagreement?

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yesterday, oh God.

Speaker 3 (21:05):
And when the last time we had a big disagreement.
Yesterday, oh God.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
Oh man, oh man, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah.
But our disagreements are notbig, no more.

Speaker 2 (21:18):
Because over the times, over 30 years, it's
really gotten to the point whereyou just really choose the
battle.

Speaker 1 (21:27):
You got to know how to choose your battles.

Speaker 2 (21:28):
I don't have time for the pettiness If I say that
that's what I'm going to do.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'm moving on, I'm moving on.
I'm not going to linger there.

Speaker 1 (21:39):
Because we got much bigger things that we got on our
plate to do, and arguing oversomething petty is not, it's not
it, that's not it's not it, itgot so exactly so in phasing 426
reminds us in your anger, donot sin, do not let the sun goes
down while you are still angry.
So in your anger, do not sin.
So yeah, I guess because again,we talk about it all the time

(22:03):
and we've said it here,especially when it comes down to
communication.
Communication is the key toyour marriage.
Communication is the key toyour marriage.
Communication is the key toyour marriage.
You must communicate.
So you got to communicatebetween about intimate details.
You got to even yourdisagreements.
You got to communicate details.

(22:27):
You gotta, even in yourdisagreements, you got to
communicate.
So you gotta make sure thatwhen it says, in your anger, do
not sin, that you do not saythings that you cannot take back
, make sure.
So that's why, that's why wetell people just hey, just hey,
slow down.
You know, hey, before you saysomething.
I know you're mad, I knowyou're angry, but don't say
nothing that you will regret,because you can say you're sorry

(22:50):
from now to Timbuktu or now toeternity, but that person can,
will still remember what yousaid and that's part of chipping
away.

Speaker 2 (23:01):
oh, wow, that's part of because if you say something
and you be like, oh, especiallyif I confided in you and
something that was sensitive tome, and then you throw it back
at me, I don't trust you, I'mnot telling you nothing else.
Now you put me in a positionwhere I have to go tell my
girlfriend, because now I'm hurtand I don't know how to react
to it.
So now I got to call up Sheilaand say girl, Don't call up

(23:22):
Sheila.
And be like girl.
Can you believe?
He said this and now Sheila isseeing you in a different light.
Yes, yeah, you just have to bemindful of what you say and how
you say it.
This scripture doesn't say thatyou can't get angry.

Speaker 3 (23:38):
You can get upset.

Speaker 2 (23:39):
Jesus got upset when he was in the temple and said
look at what y'all doing.
As a matter of fact, this isnot what I created this to be.

Speaker 1 (23:45):
He did that today we're talking about Holy Week.
This is what he did.
This is Monday.
This is today.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Yeah, he did that today and he was like you've
made this out of a den ofthieves.
So, jesus, he did get angry.
So we're not saying that youcan't get angry, but don't let
it linger and just keep yourdisagreements within your
marriage.
Don't say things to each otherwhere that partner has got to go

(24:12):
and vent to someone else,because once it's broadcast and
sometimes we're in the heat ofanger and we say what we're
going to say it gets out there,somebody over here, and it gets
twisted around.
I remember my grandmother usedto play this game with us and
she would say she would tell oneperson and I think I said this
a million times, she would tellone person in that ear and we

(24:34):
had to go around the room withthe same secret that she started
with and by the time it got itwas a lot of us, maybe 15 of us,
but by the time it got to thelast person it was completely
different to what she had toldthe first.
But she said that is not what Isaid so that's how things get
added.
People add their own thing in it, they take stuff away, and then
they start seeing your partnerin a different perspective,

(24:54):
which is not cool at all we gotizzy, izzy, hey, izzy hey girl
izzy says I think it's good tokeep disagreements private until
it becomes threatening to themarriage.

Speaker 1 (25:10):
Oh yes, there should be at least one experienced
married couple that isspiritually mature to counsel
you.

Speaker 2 (25:18):
I agree, I agree and that goes back to what we said
at the beginning about prayabout that person.
Ask God to direct you to thatperson because you don't want to
go to someone that mayberelationship hurt, male hurt,
because they're going to giveyou from their perspective and
that's not what God needs.

(25:40):
That's not where God needs youto be at that particular point.
So I totally agree with thatSomeone that's spiritually
mature to counsel you.

Speaker 1 (25:49):
All right.
She goes on to say, but it mustbe someone that both spouses
agree with and feel comfortablewith.
That is unbiased, absolutely, Ibelieve, and I just want to
just reiterate what she justsaid and I just want to put an
explanation point to it.
I believe every couple shouldhave that one couple that you

(26:10):
can go to, that both, like shesaid, that both of you all agree
to, both of you know that theywill hold you accountable.
You know that you was.
You know that couple would sayto you you're wrong and you're
wrong whatever, and you can beand you could be vulnerable to
that couple, and you know for afact that couple will not go
around and share your business.
You know what I mean.
That couple is your couple.

(26:31):
You can call them, you canvisit them, you can stay with
them, you can do if you want todo a vacation with them.
You can do all those thingswith that one couple because you
know that you trust that couple.
So every couple needs a couple.
We always say every pastorneeds a pastor, every marriage
needs another good marriagecouple in their lives.

(26:51):
You got to have one that youcan call at any time.
All right, it's on.
Many people keep quiet andsuffer in silence and it makes
the marriage bad when theysuffer in silence in anything
with the marriage things.
That's why you got to have thatone person that you know, that
one couple that you can talk to,that they'll tell you in

(27:12):
therapy.
You cannot suffer in silence.
Suffering in silence is bad.
And when you suffer in silence,what does that do?
It tears you down.
Just talking about yourindividual, it tears you down.
You get depressed.
You say I don't want to doanything.
You don't function well at yourjob, you don't function well at
your church, you just don'tfunction well because you're

(27:34):
torn down.
So you can you marry.
Imagine in a marriage whathappens when both of you all are
suffering in silence and whenthe enemy is having his field
day.
Yes, he is, he's having hisfield day.
He's having his field day, youknow.

Speaker 2 (27:51):
And also in the process of that suffering, your
heart starts to harden towardsthat person.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Oh man.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
And when the light bulb come on and it's oh no, I'm
about to lose my wife.
Oh no, I'm about to lose myhusband.
Now you got to take an ax totry and break through that brick
that you created because theybuilt it up so hard and now
you're struggling trying tobreak them down, but at this
point they've disconnected.

Speaker 1 (28:16):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
So now you got to get the reconnection so you can
move forward.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
Boy, ain't nothing like a disconnected spouse?
Nothing like that.
There's no power in adisconnect, there's no power in
a marriage.
You think, when you takesomething, if I were to
disconnect the audio, peoplewouldn't be hearing.
And so when a spouse isdisconnected from the marriage,
that marriage is not goingnowhere.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Wow, it's stagnated.
Now can it be revived andrefreshed?
Absolutely it can.
But both have to be willing toput in the work for it to be
renewed.
You can't do it by yourself.
I constantly say you can't getin the ring and tag team
yourself.
You got to have somebody to tagwith.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:01):
And if we can't do it together, then it can't be done
.

Speaker 1 (29:04):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:05):
It's just more suffering, and no one deserves
to be in a marriage wherethey're suffering and no matter
what and no matter how hard theytry, it's good for the moment
and then it's back down.
You up one month and you'redown three months.
That's no way to live.
That's no way to live and Goddoes not want that.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
God is not pleased with.
God is not pleased with that,not at least with that up and
down because somebody is causingthat.
God is not pleased with that atall.
I want to go just hit back atthe intimate thing.
Right, when it talks aboutsecrets and you said it before
Don't you go out and tell nobodyout there talking to your

(29:45):
girlfriend how good your husbandis, and husbands don't go
around and talking about whatyour wife do and all this kind
of stuff.
No, no, no, because your friendwill be sitting there waiting
for your dismise so they canpick up the pieces, so they can
say, okay, yeah, he was right,yeah, yeah that's why you got to
have that spiritually mindedcouple.

(30:06):
It comes back to easyzy, thatspiritual minded, but you don't
intimate stuff.
You don't even tell yourspiritually minded person unless
it was not where it's supposed.
To be All right, so that'snumber two.
Number two was disagreement.
Yes, but this is good, this isgood.

Speaker 2 (30:18):
Number three.
Number three Family issuesFamily issues Now this is a big
one, because some family haslots of drama.
But God called us to bepeacemakers, so in our
relationships we have to befocused on staying calm and
staying in character.

Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, what the scripture says blessed are the
peacemakers.
Right, they shall be called towhat?
But it's hard to be peacemakers, though it is, because not a
family it is.

Speaker 2 (30:51):
It is because sometimes family think they know
what's best for your marriage,when I when ain't no, but when
it's only two people in thewhole family has ever been
married and the rest of theothers that have been married as
divorce yeah now they'retelling you how to do this thing
.
Oh so you can hold on to yours,but now you're giving me advice
on mine.
So, you got to be careful withthat too.
You can't go tell Aunt Millieeverything.

(31:12):
Aunt Millie going to tell AuntSophia.
When all the aunties gettogether, they're going to be
talking about your baby.
I think that's.
Is that just what families do?

Speaker 1 (31:20):
Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Because that is so rude?

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Yeah, it is rude, and I know people say, especially
in an African-American marriage,african-american family, what
goes on in the house stays inthe house.
Right, and I know for a lot ofpeople, many, a lot of things
that happen in the house was nottold to somebody else.

(31:46):
Right, and that's not a goodthing.
But we're not talking aboutabuse, right.
We're not talking aboutphysical abuse.
We're not talking about it.
We're just talking aboutarguments, disagreements or
stuff, things like that Familysecrets.
Maybe it's something that's notdetrimental to nobody, that's

(32:10):
going to mess with their minds,but it is a secret that we're
going to keep Right.
For instance, and I would tellthis, I would tell this as long
as I live, and so I didn't findout that my dad was my dad until
he died.
My mom kept the secret.
My dad kept the secret.
That was a family secret thatthey kept.

(32:33):
It was now to some people youmay say it harmed me.
It harmed me and but really Iwould have wanted him to know, I
wanted to know that, but hetreated me like a son anyway,
because I was adopted, and I wasadopted at six months, whatever
.
So it wasn't that bad, I wouldsay to me, and so when he came

(32:53):
out, it wasn't that I was so madat him that I wanted to go to
his grave and dig him up andslap him right in.
Why, you ain't tell me.
But it was a family issue, sosometimes we got to do that.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
Yeah, I think it's just we, just again, when God is
in the center of it, god willdirect you to the right person
within your family that youcould talk to.
And that person will takewhatever you told them to their
grave or into your grave.
However, they'll keep it.
God will guide you.
I fell into the trap of sharingsomething with a family member
and it came back and bit metotally.

(33:28):
But one thing I do know is Iknow that I only told that
person.
So now I don't go to thatperson anymore to share anything
.
I don't care if I got to breakmy fingernail, I don't care what
it is, I will take it to mygrave.
The only person that I willconfide in anything now is my
mom.
You just have to be careful youknow who you choose with.

(33:49):
And then not only you shouldnever be in that power struggle
where you know I'm choosing mybrother over what my husband is
saying.

Speaker 1 (33:58):
No, you shouldn't.
No, that ain't happening.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
You can't do that either, because family will get
you in that situation wherethey'll have you like.
Am I the crazy one?
What's going on here?

Speaker 1 (34:09):
Like what Jordan told you.
Tell that again.
What Jordan told you, whatJordan was talking about, you
and Malika and things like that.
Tell that again.
And that's very important,because it should not be a tug
of war between family and yourspouse.
It should not be a tug of warBecause, again, a man and a
woman, they're going to leaveand they're going to cleave

(34:30):
together.
They are families.
Now, what was?

Speaker 2 (34:32):
that he said Mom, you'll always be my first love,
but Malaika is my wife and Idon't want no issues between
y'all two.
I was like, oh, eric, who doyou think he's talking to?
But I respect him for that.
He probably remember saying itand I respect him for that
because he let me know that, mom, you're going to be my girl,

(34:52):
you're going to always be mygirl.
But this one right here she'smy wife and I love her and I
don't want no power strugglebetween the two of y'all.
I won't decide.
It will never come to me havingto decide y'all going to get
along.
I said okay.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
Jordan, hey look, it will never come to me having to
decide Y'all going to get alongAll right, I'm in.
Okay, jordan, all right, heylook Little J.

Speaker 2 (35:11):
Oh yeah, he took me on a date Saturday.

Speaker 3 (35:13):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (35:14):
Y'all went on a date Saturday.
He did.
He took me on a date Saturday.

Speaker 2 (35:16):
He was such a gentleman.
I truly enjoyed his company.
So now we're going to go out.
I want everyone.

Speaker 1 (35:23):
All right, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool,
all right, all right, all right.
That was number three, numberfour.
Number four Number four Healthproblems, health problems.
It's loving to want prayer andsupport, but we have to balance

(35:44):
that with privacy.
We said that.
I said it earlier.
Yeah, you did, you know you wantlovers, but you have to value
certain health.
I would say like this if it'shealth issues, that's in between
the spouse, if you have thatone couple and you don't even
feel comfortable sharing withthat one couple, you could just

(36:05):
call and say, hey, you don'thave to be particular about it.
You can just say, hey, I've gotthis health issue, I need
prayer.
Or if you don't want to shareand you and your husband are
praying, then that's fine too,but one you should not keep it
to yourself.
If you're married, you betternot keep that health issue to
yourself.
You got to tell your boss.

Speaker 2 (36:29):
Yeah, you got to.
Alright, so let me pull thescripture on this.
James 5 and 16 says confessyour sins to each other and pray
for each other so that you maybe healed.
I like that.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
You like that, you may be healed.
Okay, I like that.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
You like that?
I like that Also over here.
In Proverbs 11 and 13 it says agossip betrays a confidence,
but a trustworthy person keeps asecret.
Oh gosh, and that is good.
And let's go back to the whenyou got something dealing with
your health, when something isgoing on, since we all adults

(37:11):
here, we all adults here.
If you having any type ofintimate problems, don't, don't
keep that to yourself.
Let your spouse know.
Be like, listen, babe, have anissue, because if not, your debt
either way will feel rejected,as if maybe I'm not attractive

(37:31):
or maybe I gained too muchweight.
Maybe I'm fat and he don't likeit, or maybe I'm bald and she
don't like it because you knowI'm saying so.
You definitely don't keep thatpart out, because that's very
important.
Anything that's gonna put yourspouse into a place where they
may have to physically take careof you, bathe you, clean you,

(37:53):
anything.
Don't keep that secret, becauseit's going to hit them like a
ton of bricks.
And now they are.
They got to get a wheelchairramp for the house and they got
to do this.
And then all this time, asyou've known it, all this time,
and you didn't say nothing.
That's a lot.
Yeah, that's when it comes downto your health.
Don't keep that a secret fromyour spouse.

(38:13):
As far as the females, we needto know.
We need to know because we arenurturers, we take care of the
children, we take care of thehusband, we take care of the
house.
I love you too, baby.
We take care of the house.
We need to make sure that wehave the strength, the emotional
strength, to deal with it.

(38:34):
It's a lot.
So, please, and guys, go to thedoctor Now.
I hate going to the dentist.
It's nothing about the dentistthat's appealing to me.
I hate the dentist.
And because I hate the dentist,I have spent almost $10,000 in
my mouth because I wait till thelast minute to go up in there.

(38:55):
So I spend a lot of money inthat because I hate doing it.
But don't prolong your healthbecause at the end of the day,
we never know whether the enemyis going to set a trap.
We never know if we're going toget in an accident.
My son and his family was in anaccident this morning.
Thank you, jesus, that theysurvived it.
But what if something happenedwhere one of them had to take

(39:18):
care of the other?
You never know when you'regoing to get in a situation and
when you're going to have tostep up and do what you got to
do.
So health is important, sodefinitely don't leave that out.

Speaker 1 (39:29):
Okay, good, and like you said, even when you have the
couple we mentioned before, ifyour spouse have not given you
the green light to share, youbetter not share.

Speaker 2 (39:37):
Oh, no, nobody, yeah, no, it's personal, it's
personal.

Speaker 1 (39:42):
Don't share with nobody.
We know that love covers allthings and it doesn't expose.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
It doesn't expose True love.

Speaker 1 (39:49):
True love don't True love, yeah, and that's, I would
say, in all of these secrets,that love covers these things
and you don't have to exposeyour spouse.
See, this is one thing you knowpeople don't understand.
When you get married and youtrust, you starting to trust

(40:11):
that person, you starting totell them intimate details about
things that happen, and youdon't expect to get divorced,
you're vulnerable.

Speaker 2 (40:22):
You're learning together.
You're growing together.
You're vulnerable.

Speaker 1 (40:24):
You're supposed to be telling.
That's why communication isvery important.
You're saying this is how Ifeel, this is what's going on
and that's why I say you got tofight when disagreements happen
and you feel like, oh, I'm goingto divorce, I'm fighting for
this Because you probably nottold your spouse some things
that you don't even want nobodyto know.

Speaker 2 (40:44):
I ain't told you that .

Speaker 1 (40:46):
I'm a good girl.
You're a good girl, yeah.

Speaker 2 (40:49):
I totally understand that because you want.
When you first get married,you're learning each other.
You're still growing up.
My grandmother said you grow upuntil you die.
You grow up until you die.
So grow up until you die yougrow up until you die.
So you're constantly learningeach other.
Things are changing, like I wastelling someone.
I say eric is not the guy thatI married.

(41:09):
He is not the guy that I'm.
The guy that I married was 115pounds soaking wet off the rip.
He's not the guy that I'mmarried.
I'm loving the guy that I'mmarried to because he's changed
along the way.
I I'm not the woman that hemarried.
I'm a different person becauseI've grown up.
Things have changed.
I've thought about differentthings and in every marriage I'm

(41:29):
definitely sure every marriageis a work in progress.

Speaker 1 (41:32):
Yes, yes, work in progress.
Okay, all right, all right,we're ready to go to the next
one, to the next one.

Speaker 2 (41:46):
So number the next one.
So number five, number five.
You ready past regrets, and weall have a past.
We've all done some things weain't proud of.
We all did some things that wedon't want nobody to know about.
But in christ, oh, we are a newcreation, you're preaching girl
he said old things are passedaway.
Now don't go back there andpick those things up.
I joke around a lot, y'allgetting patsy, but Pat, that
girl from the hood, oh.

Speaker 1 (42:06):
Lord, y'all don't hear that.

Speaker 2 (42:08):
See, you know what she needs to be buried, because
I'm never going back there.

Speaker 1 (42:12):
Thank you.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Jesus, because I'm a new, you know what I'm over you.
I'm a new creation and I'mexcited about what God is
creating in me.
So I wouldn't go back and bringup old things and try to say
you.
You say you know what?

(42:33):
I can't, I'm done.

Speaker 1 (42:35):
So what does that mean?
That means old mistakes don'tdefine us, and they don't need
to be dragged around either.
The things that we've done inthe past don't define us.

Speaker 2 (42:47):
You got to let it go because, guess what, if you keep
bringing it up, it's going tobe hard.
You can't determine your futureby looking at your past.

Speaker 1 (42:54):
You can't and the old things that you used to do.
It don't define us, and peoplewould try to define us by our
old mistakes.
They are quick to bring up whatwe used to do and how we did it
and where we did it and who wedid it with.
They love to do that.
You get to the class reunionand everybody want to talk about
man, you remember this, youremember that, you remember this

(43:16):
, you remember that.
Man, I ain't got time for that.
I can laugh at it.
If you're talking aboutsomething negative, I ain't got
time for it.
Now, if you're talking about,hey, remember you in the band
and you had your legs 90 degrees, you were jamming out there, oh
, I'm fine with that, I'm finewith that, but all that other
stuff, I ain't got time for that.
Like the womanizing.

Speaker 2 (43:38):
The womanizing Got a girlfriend in the 9th grade, one
in the 10th grade, one in the11th you went to prom with, but
you don't want to hear aboutthat stuff.
That stuff is in the past.
You're a new creation.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
I'm a new creation baby.
I don't worry about two datesat a prom, two different high
schools.

Speaker 2 (43:53):
I don't worry that stuff is old, you don't need
them bringing that up no, Idon't need that.

Speaker 1 (43:58):
I don't need that.
That's why I keep telling youstop bringing up how much I owe
you for my car insurance.

Speaker 2 (44:05):
You know you owe me $98.90.
You keep growing up, man.
Hey, listen, I'll put apercentage on that.

Speaker 1 (44:10):
Hey man, you got to stop that.
So unless you know your spousechoose to share your testimonies
publicly about what happened,you have no right to go and
share to another person or shareit publicly about that.
And to me, I've really learned,especially from you, that even
when I preach, I got to makesure that certain things that I

(44:34):
have to get your clearance first.
You know what I mean BecauseI've done that before and you
got on me.
You got on me by the look and Isaid, well, I'm here, I might
as well just go ahead and do it.
I walked in it.
But when you get in the car weget home, give me a little peace
of mind because it's not rightfor me to share regrets or
things that you done or thingsthat we done, without talking to

(44:59):
you first.

Speaker 2 (45:00):
Yeah, yeah, I have to talk to you first.

Speaker 1 (45:02):
Yeah, I got to do that.
Yeah, healing happens inprivate first, so we got to let
the Lord lead.
If it's ever time to share itmore publicly, we got to do that
, all right.
All right, we ready, we ready,we moving right along, we moving
right along.
We got number six Insecurities.

(45:24):
All right.
So when your spouse shares aninsecurity, they're trusting you
with that, I agree.

Speaker 2 (45:30):
It goes both ways you confide in one another, you
love one another and you want tokeep your business to yourself,
period.
Let me read this what Proverbs31 and 11 says about a virtuous
wife.
Her husband has full confidencein her.

Speaker 3 (45:48):
Full confidence.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Meaning he trusts you with his emotions, he trusts
you with his secrets or whateverhe has going on.

Speaker 1 (45:56):
And that goes both ways too, he trusts you.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
So if you're going to share anything, get his
permission.
Or if it's something that youcan't say, maybe you should talk
to someone about this.
Talk to somebody about I'm awoman.
I don't know how to help you inthat situation, but so I'm.
I trust that you'll find theright person that you can
confide in, but that's a womanwith wisdom, saying, hey, I

(46:18):
don't know how to help in thisarea, so you can trust that what
you've shared with me, I'm notgoing to share with anyone else
because I want you to get ahealing your healing from that,
and if it turns into a testimony, maybe it's something we could
tell together.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
Yeah, yeah.
So this is where compassionkicks in.
We shouldn't don't use thespouse's fear to win an argument
.
That's positive, right there.
You don't use somebody'sinsecurity to win an argument.

Speaker 2 (46:50):
A lot of disagreements in a lot of
marriages.
They throw darts at each otherlike that Can't be throwing no
darts.
They throw darts at each other,like that.

Speaker 1 (46:57):
No, sir.
No, they can't use you, can't.
It is wrong for somebody to usesomebody's insecurity to win an
argument.
That's not a spouse, that's nota marriage.
A low blow.
That is a low blow.
That is a low blow and we,sometimes you can't come back
from them.
Low blows now, sometimes youcan't come back, so you can't

(47:18):
use somebody's insecurities todo that.
Don't share them as a joke.
If your spouse has aninsecurity, you got to lift them
up in prayer.

Speaker 2 (47:28):
Absolutely I agree with that.

Speaker 1 (47:30):
And like you say, you can't in your prayer time, lord
, give us wisdom to direct us tothe people in order to help my
spouse's insecurity, because Ican't do it.
I can't do it.
All right, ready Number seven.

Speaker 2 (47:41):
Number seven.
This is it.
That's the romantic moment.

Speaker 1 (47:46):
Romantic moments.
Alright, romantic moments.
We started with intimate and weend with romantic.

Speaker 2 (47:57):
This is where you get specific romances to get from
God as well.
A lot of people read Songs ofSolomon, and it's not just
poetry, it's passion.
It glorifies the Lord.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
It's awesome.
I would love for us to do aseries on Songs of Solomon.

Speaker 2 (48:12):
That could get a little touchy, oh man that's for
marriages.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
Songs of Solomon.
We just go through Songs ofSolomon for a little bit and
just talk about it.
If you want that, if you'd liketo have that, just for us to
just go through Songs of Solomon, put us in the chats, put a
thumbs up or a yes or somethinglike that, that you would like
for us to do Songs of Solomon, Ithink that'd be good.
All right when you keep thosetender moments just between you

(48:37):
two.
It deepens the bond.
Sharing too much informationabout romantic moments could
tempt you to brag, to do forrecognition or, worst of all,
shift the focus away from yourspouse.
You should keep gifts, lovenotes and other romantic things
a secret and not all the timeshare it doggone on Facebook,

(48:58):
Twitter and all that stuff.
I hate it, man.
You know what it gets me.
I buy my wife a coach bag.
I got to go and show it.
Oh, this is what I bought mywife.
I bought my wife a car.
Oh, I got to go and telleverybody this is what.
I bought my wife a car.
I bought this and I bought thatfor my wife.

(49:19):
Everybody don't need to know allthe stuff that you buy.
What do you have?
That's just between you andyour wife.
You don't have to share andtell everybody what you do,
Everything, Because you knowwhat, what people don't
understand.
You share so much and when youget robbed, when your wife get
robbed, when you get robbed, youhave nobody to blame but
yourself.
You don't see Bill Gates andall of them go and share what

(49:43):
they got.
They don't go and share that.
You got to go and look it upand see how much money they
worth.
You don't know.
They don't go out and say, man,I'm worth $1 billion.
I would say there's only oneperson that does that, that
brags about how much money theygot, and I don't even want to
mention his name.

Speaker 3 (49:59):
I ain't even want to mention his name.

Speaker 1 (49:59):
You know I ain't going to even mention his name,
but you don't want to do it.
You don't need to go around andbrag what you and your wife got
.
You see it all the time withthese rappers and stuff like
that.
They want to have all thechains and all that stuff and
then they get robbed and thenthey want to cry oh somebody
robbed me, you going aroundbragging about it.

(50:25):
So I never want, want.
And now if you, as a spouse,you want to, and even babe, even
if you was going on facebookand say this is my, my husband
bought this and my husband Iwould be like, don't do that.
I would say don't you do it.
It's between me and you.
I bought this for you.
I didn't say I plan on it forthe whole world to know it.
No, I bought this for you.
This is between me and you.
This is a romantic gift, thisis a romantic note or whatever
like that.
And again, it goes down topermission too.

Speaker 2 (50:47):
I'm not that I wouldn't do that.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
I didn't want to say, oh, I got a new car, check it
out.
I just think that the blessingsof the Lord bring you no sorrow.
So when the Lord blesses you,you should have no pain.
It comes along with that.
You got to be careful.
So, at the end of the day,secrets aren't bad.
Secrets that are kept betweenyou and your spouse aren't bad,

(51:12):
and it's important to hold theglue that bonds you together
when you can count on each other, when you're compassionate for
one another, when you guide eachother's back.
Sometimes some things just haveto be kept to yourself, and
when things can't go to the Lordfirst and say I need a way to
express how I'm feeling rightnow and just keep God in the

(51:34):
center of it, the world will belooking from the outside trying
to figure out what's going onthe inside.
So keep that bond, keep thatglue.
Those secrets that you sharewith one another, keep those.

Speaker 3 (51:46):
They're sacred, they are sacred.

Speaker 2 (51:48):
They're sacred, yeah, the enemy just need a crack so
he can just run with it and makeyou look like the bad guy.

Speaker 1 (51:54):
Oh gosh, yes, so be careful with that.
Yeah, what do you?

Speaker 2 (51:57):
think babe.

Speaker 1 (51:57):
Yeah, I agree with you.
Secrets are sacred between youand your spouse.
You must keep that sacred andkeep it close and don't go and
tell everybody.
You go back to what Izzy saidfrom that when she says, look,
you got that one couple thatwill hold you accountable and
you could talk to, you couldconfide in, and they're not

(52:19):
going to tell anything andthey're going to tell who's
right and who's wrong, and theyjust that way and you don't need
to tell in and everybodyBecause, look, this is one thing
I do know.
You can go to one person or youcan go to this other person and
both of them can be prayerwarriors or whatever, and they
will tell you two differentthings.
You go to this person, threethings, and sometimes you get

(52:43):
confused.
By sharing with so many people,you get confused on what to do.
So I guess it comes back tothis when you have that one
couple that you trust, that youknow that they love you and they
give you godly advice, thething is that you got to know
God for yourself.
You got to go and any couplethat is mentoring you that does

(53:07):
not say I'm telling you this butyou got to pray about it If
they don't and that counselorsays that you need to pray about
it, then they're the wrongcouple because you got to pray
about it.
And again we always say it wasgood for us, may not be good for
you, We'll just give you somecounseling, but it may not work
for you.
But this is what, how we wouldhandle it, and so that's it all
right yes, you are right, youare right oh yes you say the

(53:31):
couple has to be pro-marriage.

Speaker 2 (53:32):
That is so true has to be pro-marriage that is so
true, oh man that's why I sayyou can't go to somebody who's
been marriage hurt or brokenbecause he ain ain't going to
give you.
They're more or less going tobe saying what I would do or
what I would do.
No, they need to bepro-marriage.
They need to be fighting fortheir marriage, yes, but they
need to be fighting forlongevity.

(53:53):
Let me ask this question.

Speaker 1 (53:55):
I want to ask the question to Izzy.
Go ahead.
How can a couple not bepro-marriage?

Speaker 2 (54:03):
Ooh, you'll be surprised.

Speaker 1 (54:05):
How can a couple that you go to, how can they, not be
pro-marriage?
It seems like every couple willwant their marriage to work and
other marriages to work.
How can a couple not bepro-marriage?

Speaker 2 (54:20):
You know, because some people are so in love with
the wedding that they don'tthink about their marriage,
their relationship.
That's how they cannot be.
They're so busy trying to shinebright like a diamond for the
whole world to see, spend awhole bunch of money they never
really thought about.
Hey, I'm going to be committedto this man.
I'm going to be committed tothis woman.

Speaker 1 (54:40):
Sickness and health Again, I'm going to be committed
to this man.

Speaker 2 (54:41):
I'm going to be committed to this woman Sickness
and her health.
Again, if something happened toyou, will this person be
willing to stand by you and takecare of you?
No, they won't.
I was just looking at a clip ofa movie just came on.
I don't, oh God the guy was.
He came home from work and thegirl said to him I heard you
lost your job.
And he said how you know that Ilost my job.

(55:03):
I'm just heading home.
She said you don't have themoney to take care of me.
He said who boxes is this?
She said I gotta go.
But they had spent all thismoney on this big wedding, all
the people flying in, and theydid.
It was wonderful.
I was like that's a nicewedding but at the end of the
day, where was the value?

Speaker 1 (55:20):
So they wasn't pro-marriage.
No, they were just pro let'sjust do this.
Get some money.

Speaker 2 (55:29):
I wouldn't say that he didn't love her, but she
definitely wasn't feeling himbecause at the first sign of we
finna be broke, you gonna go.
So a lot of people like I thinkPastor Barr said it before
people so focused on the weddingand all the extravagance of
that that they're not focusedand committed to the marriage.
So any little thing stay outthe door and you see it in
Hollywood all the time and theymake it look glamorous.
There's nothing glamorous aboutthat.

(55:50):
I think one of thesecelebrities and I can't even
know she done been married somany times I lost count.
I don't follow anyway, but wehave to make sure that we're in
it for the long haul.

Speaker 1 (56:03):
Rob gave thumbs up and Izzy gave thumbs up, so that
song is solid.
We got to do it.
Izzy says people will projecttheir hurt feelings onto you.
They will give poor advice toyou that they won't take for
themselves.

Speaker 2 (56:18):
Oh girl, They'll tell you what I would do, how I
would do.
This is what I was thinkingabout.
And next thing, you know youover there at the court signing
divorce papers and theirmarriage doing all right.

Speaker 1 (56:33):
Or they would try to project that their marriage is
so perfect yeah, when in essence, your marriage still going and
they going to the divorce court.

Speaker 2 (56:41):
Because you didn't listen to what they were saying.

Speaker 1 (56:43):
Yeah, but your marriage is going good, because
they didn't listen to what theywere saying to you.

Speaker 2 (56:47):
Yeah, Sometimes you have to take your own advice.
Yeah, yeah, been there, yeah.

Speaker 1 (56:53):
And I think too that, when it comes down to the
couples, you got to also realizethat your marriage is not
perfect and sometimes, whenyou're counseling somebody, that
somebody will drop a nuggetinto your marriage what?
And you'll be like, oh okay, Ithought I was counseling you,

(57:13):
but you just dropped a nugget inme.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
That's what will be going on in a marriage retreat.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (57:19):
Yeah, they don't know how they be dropping stuff to
us.
We be going back.
Did you hear what so-and-sosaid?
I was thinking about that yeah.
Give us something to pillowtalk about, about strengthening
our marriage.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
So yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:30):
All right, all right, that was it for tonight.
That was it.

Speaker 2 (57:33):
We hope you guys enjoyed the show.

Speaker 1 (57:35):
Yep, leave it in the comments.
If you got seven more or othersecrets that you think besides
the one that we talked about,and you can put it in the
comments of the ones that youthink that a spouse and marriage
couple should keep withinthemselves, that's secret.
That's what we're talking about.
You should not be keepingsecrets from each other.
You should be keeping secretstogether.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
Right yeah.

Speaker 1 (57:59):
Keeping secrets, keeping marriage secrets
together.
So, so don't, don't do it apart, you do it together absolutely
I agree with that all right,please make sure you like and
share, uh, this podcast.
What you got, babe, what yougot over there I never like it.

Speaker 2 (58:15):
We share it, but I never like.

Speaker 1 (58:17):
yeah, please make sure you like and share.
We want to thank each and everyperson who was with us tonight
Peaches, Izzy, Jordan and Malika, who we hope you are feeling
better Morning, Paige, Rob andJanelle.
We just, we just thank you somuch.
And, Izzy, we want to say thatwe love y'all so much.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
We love you so much, we love y'all so much so much
and I'm going to call you back.

Speaker 1 (58:41):
We love y'all so much and you're very appreciative.
We can't wait to the marriageretreat.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Oh man, we got something for them, we're trying
to plan it.

Speaker 1 (58:46):
We're trying to plan it.
We're trying to have some funthis time.
It's a little bit more fun thistime and we down and dirty, so
I just can't wait.

Speaker 2 (58:59):
Every two years.
Boy, you kidding me.
You see the problems we had theproblems we had.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
We need help y'all yeah we need help, so we can't
wait.
I don't know if we can do ittwo years, but we thank you all.
We love each and every person.
We thank you for joining withus tonight and we want to say we
salute you all, remember you,like and share.
We're on all the podcasts,we're everywhere, so you're just
going to listen to it.
Give us a five-star review.
Listen to it and give us afive-star review.

Speaker 2 (59:29):
we want to say good night and we'll see you in two
weeks, in two weeks yeah,hopefully you know, hopefully
the 27th is our 33rd anniversaryyeah, three years, 33 years, 30
years, oh, 33 years 33,.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
Yeah, and we are praying that we have a special
guest on the 28th.
We're not going to say who, butwe need you all to be ready for
that special.
Just pray that it's special andbring your questions and bring
your questions.
We have a special guest.
Who knows, it might be thekickoff for.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
It will be the kickoff of my very own podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
Which will be you Go Girl.

Speaker 1 (01:00:09):
Now, let's talk about it.
Let's talk about it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
You Go.
Girl is a women's ministry andmy podcast will be let's Talk
About it, and it's going to befor the ladies and every now and
then we'll have the guys tunein, but we'll be able to get on
there and we'll talk.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
All right, all right, we got excited, we got a spin
off.

Speaker 2 (01:00:26):
We got a spin off.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
All right, we love you all and we'll see you all in
two weeks, god bless.