Crafting a Legacy of Love Beyond the Public Eye

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On our latest heart-to-heart podcast voyage, we unfurl the sails to explore the deep waters of love, life, and enduring partnerships. My wife and I celebrate her mother's surprise 75th birthday cruise while also reflecting on the dance of our 32-year marriage. We dive into the societal pressures women face around marriage and motherhood and the profound impact age and expectations have on shaping our narratives.

As we navigate the ebb and flow of married life, it's the laughter during load-shedding and the shared silence under the stars that truly bind us. Our latest conversation is a tapestry of such moments, interwoven with the spiritual threads that strengthen the union of two souls. Drawing from the wisdom of Psalms 127:1 and 1 Corinthians, we delve into the essence of a God-centered marriage and the role of love as its unwavering pillar. Love, we discover, is not just a fleeting emotion but a steadfast force that thrives on patience, kindness, and humility.

The journey of love is far from a solo expedition; it's a shared climb where the weight of ego and pride must be left at the base camp. Through personal anecdotes sprinkled with humor, we reveal the transformative power of selflessness and forgiveness, where the act of holding on to past wrongs is replaced by the grace of letting go. As we peel back the layers of what makes love endure, we touch on the intricacies of navigating financial decisions together, the art of communication without resentment, and the importance of continuous growth as a couple.

With over three decades of marriage under our belt, we understand the complexities of love and the continuous investment it demands. In this heartfelt exchange, we underscore the importance of truth, communication, and shared purpose in nurturing the garden of marriage. Reflecting on the impact of personal transformation through faith and the dynamic nature of falling in love time and time again, we share our insights and invite listeners to become part of the community that cherishes the mosaic of committed relationships. Join us, and let's celebrate the realness, the challenges, and the triumphs of love and life together.

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Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Marriage in Real Life.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, welcome welcome welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
Well, we're so glad to be back.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
It's been a minute.

Speaker 2 (00:11):
It's been a minute.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Well, we know, you know life be happening.
Yes, it does, and so life issometimes life and sometimes
we're.
You know we were unable to behere, but thank God we made it
through.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Right, and thank you guys for coming back with us.

Speaker 1 (00:29):
Yes, give a shout out to all the audience.
Thank you so so much.
Right, yeah, yeah.
So what's been happening?
I mean, it's been so muchhappening since we've been back.
One thing is, we just came backfrom a cruise celebrating 75
years of mom.

Speaker 2 (00:48):
Mom turned 75.
So we took on a little cruise.
She was very surprised and shewas so excited.
She slept a lot but she wasvery excited and she enjoyed her
time out with us.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Right, we went on, you know, with the Bahamas.
Yep Took her out there, let herwalk around a little bit, yeah,
yeah, and not only her, but ourkids came, yes, yes, everybody
except for one.
Mm-hmm, the family came UncleDwight, auntie Barbara, auntie
Missy, missy, uncle Tom, yep,sparkle Dwayne, yeah, yeah, the

(01:27):
kids.
You know so it was.
Fiend came, you know so it wasgood.
I think we had what?
Eight or nine rooms.
Yeah, we had eight or ninerooms, wow, yeah, and Muffin
Duffin.
So, yeah, we had a great.
We had a great time.
You know, I mean, the onlything that got me was all that

(01:56):
seeing, you know, I was likegood Lord, you know, a lot of
water, a lot of water.
But it was a lot of us andthere was a lot of just stuff
just hanging out that shouldn'tbe hanging out.
So, you know, that was the onlything.
I wish mom had seen all of that.
But you know, it is what it is.
We can't wait to go on the nextone, absolutely yeah, we can't
wait to go to that.
So give a shout out to all ofthe family that came.

(02:17):
Thank you so much.
And celebrated 75 years.
Still looking good.
She still looks good.
Yeah, she's still looking good.
We'll try to get Big Papa onthe next one.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Yeah, good luck with that.
All right, well, we know,saturday Saturday, 32 years babe

(02:39):
32 years.

Speaker 2 (02:42):
Yes, yeah, 32 years.

Speaker 1 (02:43):
That's not how we get to this point.
No, you know, I yeah 32 years.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
That's not how we would get to this point.

Speaker 1 (02:46):
No, you know, I never thought about 32, you know?
No, I mean, I was telling Ithink I was talking to Wells,
you know, my best friend, pastorWells, and we were talking
about ages, you know.
You know, growing up, I neverthought of 50.
I never thought of 40 or 30.
I mean, growing up, I neverthought of 50.
I never thought of 40 or 30.
I mean the age, I never thoughtof those, you know.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
Like you never said when you were growing up, like
when I get 50.
No, when I get 20.
No, when I get 25.

Speaker 1 (03:17):
No, Wow, no, I did not say that, it was just not.
It was just not part of me.
No, say that I, it was just notit was just not part of me.
No, I was, you know.
No, it was that, I guess,because I had my children when I
was young and so I was, I, Ididn't.
I don't remember me saying,when I get an adult, you know,
or whatever like that, you know,because a lot of things

(03:38):
happened when I was young byhaving my children when I was
young, um, moving to Pompano,fort Lauderdale when I was young
, living by myself, you know, inour house up here.
So it was never crossed my mindwhen I get an adult, or
whatever like that, because at15, 16, I was adulting, almost,
you know, working and everythinglike that.

(03:59):
So that never crossed my mind,you know.
And so I didn't really startthinking about ages until we got
I think we got married.
You know, when we got marriedat 25.
I said, man, 30?
I can't wait to get 30.
But then I never thought past30, I would say I said I can't
wait to get 40.
I can't wait to get 50.
That was never a part of mine.
So when you say 32 years, lookat literally, literally I've

(04:23):
been taking it year after yearat a time, year at a time.
What about you?

Speaker 2 (04:30):
I think.
A few times in my life Ithought about when I turn 30,
when I turn 35 oh, I'm gonna be40 in five years.
So I kind of like like I guessprematurely thought about you
know, what am I going to bedoing and where am I going to be
?
What's going to be my purposeat that time?

(04:53):
So I did think about it and Ithink, as women, we think more
about stuff like that than mendo, because you know, growing up
is like if you're not marriedby this age, you're old maid.
If you don children by this age, you're a baron if you don't
have children.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, so it's kind of like putthat in your head as a, as a
young woman growing up, and youmight be running out of time if

(05:15):
you don't get this mark and youdon't make that mark and you
don't do this.
So I think that's kind of whywomen, you know, know you have
women saying a lot.

Speaker 1 (05:24):
My biological clock is ticking, right Ticking, you
know so we do we, I mean, I know.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
As for myself, I did think about getting older and
age and meeting those deadlines.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
Oh, okay, well, you know I would say the pressure
has been put on women even fromthe Bible days.
Yeah, say the pressure has beenput on women even from the
Bible days.
You know that.
You know you got.
You know you're first born, youwant to.
You know the man want a son,you know that's, you know.
Or a woman who is barren, sheis like kicked out, you know.
You look at Hannah and I forgotthe old girl name.

(05:59):
You know how she was lookeddown and she felt down, while
the other ones have a children,you know, and she was looked
down and she felt down, whilethe other ones having children,
you know, and she went andprayed and having boys, yeah,
and you know.
So I think the pressure has beenput on women a long time about
this clock ticking, beingmarried, raising a family, doing
this and doing that.
You know, and I think it's.

Speaker 2 (06:19):
And now, these days, even added more, because you got
to have a career because youneed two incomes.
So, yeah, it's even added morebecause you got to have a career
because you need two incomes.

Speaker 1 (06:28):
So, yeah, it's a lot, yeah, it's a lot.
It's a lot that society put onwomen that is unwarranted.
And then it's a lot that womenput on themselves that you know
that they shouldn't put onthemselves because of their
saying this is what other peoplewant.
You have to go with what Godhas for you, absolutely.

(06:50):
I agree with that.
You got to go with that.
Ferg is on the line.
Hey Ferg.
Hey Ferg, I want to say weappreciate you, appreciate the
gift, appreciate the gift.
Thank you, appreciate the gift.
I wanted to wait to see.
I give you a loud shout out oneverybody, for everybody.
All right, hey, what do you say?
What passy?
What do you say passy?

(07:10):
Uh, you turn 40 yet, yeah, andshe, I, I don't know, for I, I,
I really don't, I really don'tknow.

Speaker 2 (07:24):
I have definitely passed 40.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
Yeah, see, I really don't know.
Well, you got Samson say 32years.
Happy anniversary, izzy, haroldand Izzy.
Thank you.
Hey, you guys, hey how y'alldoing.
Hey, yeah, yeah, 32 years.

Speaker 2 (07:44):
Absolutely.
One more thing we got to saywhat hey, hey, yeah, yeah, 32
years.

Speaker 1 (07:46):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (07:47):
One more thing we got to say what Muffin is walking.

Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yes, give a shout out to Muffin.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
That happened.

Speaker 1 (07:53):
Yes, yes, yes, Muffin is walking.
She's leading people around.
You know she's still looking atme like I'm crazy, but you know
, Muffin, muffin is muffin, yeahshe is hey, marie is here.
Hey Marie, how you doing?
Hey, marie, marie, didn't youjust celebrate an anniversary?
Didn't you just celebrate ananniversary?
I know I've seen some pictures.

(08:15):
You know, wedding, I meandinner and all this kind of
stuff.
Marie, hit us up.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
Oh, I thought it was her birthday.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
You thought it was her birth.
I thought it was heranniversary, her and her
husband's anniversary, marie,tell us, hey, izzy said we look
good in brown, thank you, thankyou, izzy.
All right, hey, marie, come on,tell us.
I thought, sure that I just sawsomething that he, maybe it was
both, maybe it was both.
You think, all right, we'regoing to wait on her.
Yeah, okay, marie, you have 32years too.

Speaker 2 (08:47):
No, but I remember something, yeah, I do.
Happy anniversary, happybirthday, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
I think it might have been both.
I do know this.
She said through the Biblestudy that she's getting ready
to launch a podcast or YouTubechannel.
She's going to be talking aboutthe things of the day.
So we want to make sure, marie,send us that information and
when we on, we want to give youa shout out, you know, and tell
people to watch it.
All right, so yeah, so yeah,she's a anniversary, yeah, so

(09:15):
yeah, marie, put that link inthe in there so we can, we can
talk about it.
You know, we will do unpaidadvertisement, at least for the
first month.
We got you All right.
We're ready to get into oursubject today and I want to tell

(09:36):
everybody who's listening wedon't have all the answers.
We never have all the answers.
And it's people like Ferg, it'speople like Samson Samson's,
you know, izzy and Harold is.
People like Marie, is peoplelike you know that call in
Jordan and Malaika young, youknow that gives, you know that
really speaks.

(09:57):
So we don't have all theanswers.
32 years and we still learning,right, yeah?
And so, um, we got we.
We got this thing that we'regoing to talk about the
foundations of a strong marriagetonight and we may talk about
some of the little things thatwe've been through for over 32
years.
I know Ferg has been married along time, was married a long

(10:19):
time too, so I know Ferg andthey always have them, drop them
nuggets.
We need to call them Fergnuggets, all right?
So tonight we're talking aboutthe foundations of a strong
marriage, the foundations of astrong marriage, and so one

(10:39):
thing that we're going to startwith is that in Psalms 127 and 1
, it says that we're going tostart with is that in Psalms 127
and 1, it says except the Lord,build the house, they labor in
vain that build it.
Except the Lord keep the city.
The watchman waketh, but invain, right.
So this verse right here,teaches us you know a lot of
people, you know, put it likebuilding the churches and

(10:59):
building and all that, but wethink about the house of
marriage and all that.
But we think about the house ofmarriage except the Lord builds
it.
That's why I say, he whofindeth a wife findeth a good
thing.
Hey, you know, the word isspeaking, the word is speaking,
and so unless God is the centerof it, you're not going to have
a strong marriage.
Can I get an amen on that?

(11:23):
Amen, all right, do you agreewith that?

Speaker 2 (11:26):
Amen, all right, do you agree with that?
Yes, well, being a Christianwoman of God, I definitely feel
like if God is not in the center, it's going to be some turmoil.
I do know couples that havebeen together for years and
years and years and they don'tgo to church.
They don't serve the Lord lord.
However, um, they still have amarriage, you know.

(11:51):
So I mean kudos to them, butfor me, I want the lord in the
center of mind right, rightright the lord.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
I need the lord in there yeah, I do, I, I need him,
you know, because I want tomake sure that I'm doing it,
doing it right.
You know what I'm saying and soit comes to you know.
Marriage, you know, becausethey say 50 percent of all
marriage in our nations fail 50percent.
And that does not excludeChristian marriages, marriages

(12:22):
in the church, that is noexclusion.
Christian marriages, marriagesin the church, that is, it's no
exclusion.
And so that's why I say theLord needs to be in the middle,
because the Lord, if the Lord isin the middle and the Lord has
built it, let's put it like thiswhatever the Lord builds ain't
going to be no disbanding.

Speaker 2 (12:38):
Right.

Speaker 1 (12:39):
What did he told Peter?
He says look, the gates of hellshould not prevail my church,
the Lord has built his church.
So I know we got all of thesecraziness people you know
craziness about the church andall of this kind of stuff but
the Lord built his church andthe gates of hell is not going
to come against it.
They can try all they want to,but they didn't.
So the Lord instituted marriageand if you put God first and

(13:04):
make him the center of yourmarriage, the enemy will try to
come.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (13:08):
Right, he will try to come.
He will come in and he will tryto disrupt it.
He will try to mess it up.
But if you put the Lord first,it won't happen.
You know it won't happenBecause if you got the Lord the
center, the guy is not going tocheat.
Right, if you got the Lord atthe center, the guy is not going
to cheat.
Right, if you got the Lord, godis the center.
I mean, if he really loves God,the woman is not going to cheat

(13:29):
.
And all the other problems youcan work out.
You see what I'm saying.
So I mean you can work outthose problems too, but as long
as God is in the center.
So I think you know it's good.
And just to talk about you knowyou talk about marriages which
both partners are not saved andthey do last for many years.
Some of them do, and there'snothing bad with that, that's a

(13:52):
good thing, all right.
But those marriages cannotachieve the spiritual purpose
God has for marriage.
Absolutely, yeah, I totallyagree with that.
So there's a spiritual purposethat God has for marriage.
Absolutely, yeah, I totallyagree with that.
So there's a spiritual purposethat god has for marriages,
right, and so they can't.
They can.
They can last a long time, butwhen it comes down to

(14:13):
spirituality, they can't do itright.
We got any comments on that?
We, oh man, we got some oh man,we got amens and amens again
and all all right.
All right, marie do not.
Okay, amen, all right, good togo, all right.
So look, let's go, we're goingto.
That's just a prelude, and sothis is what we're going to
focus on tonight thefundamentals of a strong

(14:34):
marriage.
You're going to look at thefundamentals, all right.
So there are some severalnon-negotiable essentials that
stand as pillars in every strongspiritual marriage.
And we're talking aboutChristian marriages now, that's
right, it's some pillars, andeven I mean, when you look at it
, when you talk about allmarriages- all right.

(14:57):
The first one is love, I agree.
All right, love conquers.
Love covers a multitude of sin.
Love, you know, love conquersall.
Love does this thing.
And now, when we speak of love,we're not talking about the
kind of love that's portrayed inHollywood.

Speaker 2 (15:13):
Right, love and hip hop.

Speaker 1 (15:17):
Yeah, love and hip hop and all that.
No, we're not talking aboutthat love.
We're not talking about thatlove.
We're not talking about thatlove.
Because you know, movies andtelevision, they depict this
love as, as you know what theypicked it a lot of times, they,
they depict the love as more, no, more than sexual desire.
That's all you know.

(15:37):
But I'm you know what I wasjust about to get preaching, boy
, I'm telling.
But you know, and I know thatlove is more than sex, mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (15:47):
All right, absolutely , I agree.
You agree with that, mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 (15:52):
Why do you agree with that?

Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, because I mean, love is not just physical.
Mm-hmm.
Love is emotional mentally youknow, mm-hmm.
Love is touch, mm-hmm.
Love is understanding.
Love is kind.
Love don't boast, you know.
Love don't hurt, love don'thurt.

(16:14):
Right.
So it's more to a relationshipthan just sex.
That's a part of it.

Speaker 1 (16:21):
But that emotional mental state, if that's not in
connection, then sex ain't gonnabe any good anyway and I think
that's what sometimes people getmessed up is that they look at
the bible and paul was sayingI'd rather you get married than
burn, right, and these.

(16:41):
They focus more on the sex partthan the actual loving part,
and so they put the sex beforethe love, right, and they say,
well, I'm going to get married,I need to get married and in the
marriage, and it's not.
And they get married before God.
They get all of this kind ofthings and it is not right
because they put the wrong.
They put the cart before thehorse, right.

(17:02):
They put the cart before thehorse.
Right.
They didn't have thatfriendship, right, because even
with friendship there's a typeof love, right.
They didn't have thatcompanionship, they didn't have
that dating, they didn't haveall of that kind of stuff before
they went into the marriage.
They got married because thesex was good, right.

(17:23):
And so Paul describes the kindof love that we're talking about
.
Anything saying on the thingthat you know we got to keep it
up, all right.
So Paul describes the kind oflove we're talking about in 1
Corinthians, and this is what itsays and we're going to delve
in this and you hit a little biton it.
The first thing it says love ispatient.
Little bit on it.

(17:44):
The first thing it says love ispatient, patient.
You got to have patience, man.
When you're in a marriage, yougot to have patience.
Right, I got to prove, you gotto be patient, you got, we got
to be patient with one another,all right.
So that word, this word, meansendurance, even just check this
out endurance, even when provokelong-tempered love does not

(18:12):
retaliate.

Speaker 2 (18:14):
Right right, I agree with that Right.

Speaker 1 (18:16):
I'm going to get you back.
Yeah, I'm going to get you back.
You know, love don't do that,right, that's no.
Love doesn't do that.
Love don't even when prov dothat love.
Don't even when provoked lovedon't get out of character,
right?
We often say that you know youcan't say words because you

(18:36):
can't put the words back in.
You know, you, you got to be,you got to be even patient with
your one.
You say you got, you got tocover your mouth sometimes
because you can't get thosewords back.
Love does not.
I'll put it like this a man,when you, when a man loves a
woman, a love would not call awoman out of her name and vice

(18:58):
versa and vice versa.
Right, it's not.
It's not going to happen.
You're not going to them down,you're going to use the words to
build them up.
All right, all right.
That's number one.
Number two in that same verselove is kind.
All right, love is kind.
So this word refers to act ofgoodness.

(19:20):
It is never hateful or mean.
Love is kind in words, not onlywords.
Mean.
Love is kind in words, not onlywords, but love is kind in
actions too.
We say action speaks louderthan what words.
All right, so that's that's,that's what love does.
All right, all right.
So going down to number threelove does not envy.

(19:41):
All right, true, love is notjealous.
I mean, I've seen wheresometimes the wife is jealous of
the husband and the husband isjealous of the wife.
You know, the husband is, Imean, and jealous that you know

(20:03):
that she has a degree or she is,she can do this better than me,
and you get jealous and it is.
That is not good.
All right, that's not good.
You got to speak, baby.

Speaker 2 (20:16):
Yes, babe, I'm listening to you.
I'll chime in, you'll chime inWinona.

Speaker 1 (20:21):
I'll chime in Okay, all right, good to go All right,
I'll chime in, you'll chime inWinona.
I'll chime in.
Okay, all right, good to go,all right.
So love does not envy, so it'snot jealousy.
Love does not boast, all right.
Love does not boast, so it doesnot make a parade.
Love does not brag, all right.
It does not draw attention toitself or to what it is doing

(20:43):
Right.
It does not draw attention toitself or to what it is doing
Right.
And so when you love yourspouse, you don't have to draw
attention and say I did all ofthis for you.
You know, go all on Facebookand all that kind of stuff I did
.
You know you got to brag aboutit.
You know, if we're doingsomething, we're doing it
together.

Speaker 2 (21:01):
Yeah Right, absolutely.
I mean, if we're going're gonnado something together, that's
how we grow by.
You know, I'll take a turn, youtake a turn, we.
We go together, we do ittogether.
You know, and I think it's thewhole, the dynamic of um, the
balance, the balance of therelationship, and not being

(21:24):
jealous of what you'veaccomplished, or me being, or
you being jealous of what I'veaccomplished.

Speaker 1 (21:30):
Right.

Speaker 2 (21:31):
So I totally agree with that.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
I've seen it in, in, in, especially on Facebook and
social media.
I don't have to brag about whatI buy you, and I've seen it,
I've, I've seen it that where,where husbands want to brag
about the purses and the jewelryand all of this kind of stuff

(21:55):
on social media.
Or this is I love my wife yeah,you love her, and but you're
going to, you know, you got tobrag about it because that's all
you're doing is brag about whatyou are buying your wife.
You're bragging about it andyou just keep posting and
posting and posting.
This is what I don't need tosee.
All that, what do you thinkabout?

Speaker 2 (22:14):
that I agree.
I'm not one to flaunt stuffanyway.
So, that wouldn't be a thingfor me.
I wouldn't want you to do that.
I'd be like why are you put mybusiness out there like that?

Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yeah, she's putting the business out there on the
street.

Speaker 2 (22:30):
People don't need to know what's going on up over
here.
They see when they see.
But it's not about this, it'sabout the blessings.
I'm not bragging about anything.
If I come off in a way, well, Igot this or I have this, but
it's only through the grace ofGod.
I'm all about to God be theglory, because I have nothing
without him.

(22:51):
So I don't feel it's necessaryto do that.
And some people they do.

Speaker 1 (22:57):
It's just a thing To me they's bragging.
You know, to me, you don'tthink it's bragging.

Speaker 2 (23:07):
I really don't have friends that do that.
I don't, I mean, I don't knowbabe I've seen it.

Speaker 1 (23:13):
I've seen it.
You know, you know, and look,you put all that stuff on social
media and then, the next thingyou know, your wife get robbed
because you're putting all thatstuff out there.
You know, that, yeah, you don'twant that to happen.
So you, you don't have to bragit.
It does not draw attention, uh,to itself or what it's doing.
It doesn't do that.
You don't boast, it doesn't doall that.

(23:35):
Okay.
So the next one is love is notarrogant.
Right, love is not arrogant.
Love is not arrogant or proud.
It does not demand to be thenumber one, so I don't have to
be the number one, you don'tnumber one in the relationship
right you see what I'm saying?
I it's, we are one, you knowwe're doing it, so I don't have.

(23:56):
That's why I said um, I toldsomebody, I said I learned this
is one thing I learned in themilitary, uh, from being a
leader, and I further can youknow, he can attest to this, you
know is that you know, byeating last, I don't have to be
the first one.
You know, I think, as a husband, this is just me.

(24:20):
This ain't got nothing to dowith nobody else.
This is, this is just mythoughts.
Is that my family should eatfirst, because if anybody gonna
starve is gonna be me, if I, wedon't have nothing to get.
No, my family's gonna be eatingfirst, if my, you know, if my
family, um is, for instance,like we were almost face
homeless, right, and I said,look, I'll send you to your mom

(24:43):
because, look, I can sleep inthe car.
I can sleep that way, but youenjoy it.
No, no, no, no, that ain'thappening, right, that ain't
happening, because that's how itshould be.
That's what I believe.
What do you think?

Speaker 2 (25:00):
You've always been that way and I appreciate that.
But there's no way I was goingto leave you to talk about
yourself.
I was going to send Jordan tomy mom and me and you.
We were going to handle that.
You know he's going to continueto do what he's doing, continue
to serve God, continue to trustGod.
We're going to do it together,right?
You know, and you have alwaysbeen that way.

(25:21):
Even when we have Fifth SundayFellowship and we have food,
you'd be like I'm not eatinganything.
They'd be like oh, you need toget past the stuff to eat.
I was like Eric is not going toeat a thing in here until
everybody is sitting down eatingand whatever is left he'll have
.
He was like come fix this food.
I can tell y'all right now heain't going to eat until

(25:47):
everyone men, women, children,until everyone.

Speaker 1 (25:51):
Yeah, and that was, you know, like Ferg said, that
was a requirement.
You know, that bred down, andthat is still not only like Ferg
say, not only in that, but as Itreated my family.
You know, because when youthink about it, if you take it,

(26:17):
you know, almost to the family,where the husband and the wife
is working and the wife comeshome and you say, well, you got
to fix my vittles, you know.
You know, wait, wait my vittles.
You know you sit down, come onnow.
No, it no.
You know I don't have to be thenumber one Because we're in
this thing together, right?
So that's it what we got goingon here.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
Let's see, let's go back, okay, okay.
So Berg said love is sopowerful that you can't even
explain it.
Yes, so true, so true.
Can't even explain it.
Yes, so true, so true.
He also said love is when yougive your all and they may not
give back, but you don't cheat.

(26:54):
You don't cheat.

Speaker 1 (27:00):
He also said he hated that requirement because you
know, as we know, he liked toeat.
All right.

Speaker 2 (27:12):
And Marie said.
Corey is the same same way healways puts us first.
But when it comes to food, wegonna have a debate, because I
love to eat all right, never eat.

Speaker 1 (27:20):
I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I hear you, I
hear you, I hear you, I hear you.
All right, so, all right.
So love again is not arrogant.
Love is not rude.
Love is never rude, but italways treats others with

(27:43):
compassion, consideration andrespect.
You should respect your spouse.
Right, I was listening to aninterview on Club Shay Shay with
this young lady.
Right Then I was listening topart of it.
Then I listened to somebodyelse.

(28:04):
They were saying that she washard to work with, people saying
that she was hard to.
You know, people say that shewas hard to work with and things
like that.
And this other podcast that Iwas listening to was saying that
sometimes people misconstruehard working.
You know hard to work withbecause she's holding people

(28:25):
accountable.
She has a standard right andwhen you come in, you know she
has a standard for herself andif you're working for her or
working with her, she wants youto make sure that you have.
You know that if she's treatingshe has a standard for herself.
She want to make sure that youhave that standard.
And I begin to think about thatand I said that is good, but

(28:45):
that doesn't give you the rightto be rude.

Speaker 2 (28:48):
Right.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
And a lot of times what happens is especially is
that you have a standard or youhave an expectation of your
spouse and you may have that,but that don't give you the
right to be rude to your spouse.
Absolutely it doesn't give youthe right to be rude.
You cannot be rude to peopleand expect your.

(29:11):
You cannot be rude to yourspouse and expect your spouse to
love you, like you supposed tobe loved.

Speaker 2 (29:17):
This is true.
I remember listening to it,watching a video not too long
ago where the guy was sayingthis guy said he saw a friend in
the grocery store and him andhis friend, they both have been
married and he was there youknow how you doing, how you
doing Good.
He said how's your wife?
He said oh man, she's awesome,you know she's back at the house

(29:41):
with the kids.
He said how's your wife?
You know we don't communicatewell and he said how's your wife
.
You know we don't communicatewell.
And he was like yeah, why isFaye that?
He said, yeah, she's sodisrespectful.
And so he said are yourespectful?
Because sometimes we have toset an example and if you're
disrespectful then chances areshe's going to put up her walls
and she's going to bedisrespectful too.

(30:02):
Right.
So being, you know you got to beon that same.
You know playing, feel you, ifyou're talking down to her,
she's gonna talk down to you.
You making you belittle her,she's gonna belittle you.
So I agree with the fact that,even if it kind of goes like
this, I have an example.
Okay, your faith may not bewhere my faith is right.

(30:25):
I can't judge you because yourfaith is here and my faith is
there.
I can't point the finger down atyou, saying you need to get it
together and trust the Lord, andall that.
Because it comes with a processand a level of maturity getting
to that next level.
Right, right, so I can't comedown on you because you're not
there where I am, you know,Right right.
So I can't come down on youbecause you're not there where.

(30:47):
I am, and you know.

Speaker 1 (30:48):
Right right.

Speaker 2 (30:48):
So I totally agree, I totally.
My job would be well, you knowwhat.
We're going to work together sowe can get us both at that same
level where that mustard seedis like an orange.

Speaker 1 (31:00):
You know, right, right, right we're going to work
together on that.

Speaker 2 (31:02):
So, yeah, coming down on your spouse, belitt, be
little them, making them feelinsignificant to you because you
, maybe you have your doctoratedegree and maybe they just have
a high school diploma.
You know, you, you, you don'twant to come down on that person
.
You know you want to build themup, say, hey, you know they got
these free classes over here atthe university.
You know you want to.

(31:23):
You know, kind of say you thinkabout why don't we take this
together?

Speaker 3 (31:25):
yeah, you know, do something, want to you know kind
of say you think about whydon't we take this together?

Speaker 2 (31:27):
Yeah, you know, do something together to build them
up, because that's what we'resupposed to do we're supposed to
build each other up.
Right.
That's where that foundationcame in, Because if we don't
have a strong foundation, thenwe really can't build each other
up.
That's right we built.
You got to have a strongfoundation.

Speaker 1 (31:46):
Yeah, well, you know I try to build you up baby.
You know I try to.
You know, do I do a good job?
I mean, I'm asking you do agreat job.
Okay, you do the same for me,that's right.
You do the same for me.
I give you a shout out.
Okay, all right, so let's go,let's continue.

(32:09):
Our love does does not insiston its own way.
So true love is never selfishand self-centered, but is
actively interested in what willprofit others.
It never looks at itself first,but it always considers another

(32:29):
ahead of itself.
That's what love does.
It's never selfish, neverself-centered.
You know, hey, how do my wifefeel about it.
You know how does it.
You know, and sometimes thatcan get you in trouble too.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (32:45):
Oh no, not with me.

Speaker 1 (32:47):
I'm always thinking about I think it does, I mean
well, I guess I guess, becausepart you know, part of it you
know, part of it.
Is that okay, I don't want mywife to worry, I don't want my
wife to do this and I don't wantmy dad.
So I go negative in my, in myaccount, because I don't want my

(33:07):
wife to do that.
And you remember that you know.
And then that's when you got onme and said, look, you know you
paying these people all thismoney, you know, because I
didn't want you to worry, Ididn't want you to.
You know, I figured out somekind of way finances, you know,
or whatever like that.
You know, I figured out somekind of way, finances, you know,

(33:29):
or whatever like that.
But again, that was that was.
That was not right, you know,because again that's taken away
from both of us and not just youknow, not just you.
You know what I mean.
So, so, but true love is neverselfish and self-centered, but
it is actively interested inwhat will profit others.
Selfish and self-centered, butit is actively interested in
what will profit others.

(33:51):
So I, you have to look at whatwould profit us as as
individuals, no, as a couple,you know.
So I don't need to have it myway, my way on a highway Right
and you get the highway.
Huh, all right, yeah, shout outon that.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
You know, it's like I think about decisions that I
make throughout my day.
I always think about well, ericis not going to be happy with
this decision if.
I make this I always give itthat thought Like what, how is
this going to backfire?
If this is going to backfire,maybe I should tell Eric about
this.
You know different things, so Ialways think about you in

(34:28):
anything, any decision that Imake concerning us, especially
if it's financially.
I want to make sure that youknow we're good to go, so I just
like to just put that bag backon the shelf and be like let me
call Eric.

Speaker 1 (34:44):
Well that ain't stop Amazon from coming to the house.

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Let's not talk about Amazon, because during the COVID
we had Amazon, ups, fedex andthey were all coming to the
house for you, yeah right UntilI got wind of it and I was like
oh, okay, so this is what wedoing, but other than that, but
now Amazon and Team U what it is.
Let's not talk about that.

Speaker 1 (35:05):
We Team you what it is.
Let's not talk about that.

Speaker 2 (35:06):
We're not talking about that.
It's not about me.

Speaker 1 (35:08):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now they keep coming droppingoff bags every time you look
around, you know, so you know.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Let's not forget, the last order that came to the
house was for you, not for me.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
It was yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 (35:19):
Uh-huh, yeah.
So I think making the decision,thinking about how it's going
to affect the unit is soimportant.

Speaker 1 (35:31):
Right right right right right, all right, cool.
Are we going down to stealingverse five, all right?
The King James Version sayslove is not easily provoked.
Esv says it's not irritable.
So true, loves keeps no recordsof evils done to it.

(35:52):
But it's willingly, but itwillingly endures all slights
and injury.
It is not irritable, so youdon't keep no record.
That's a hard thing, you know,especially women, because women
y'all love to keep things.
Men, we, we can, we can hit itand move you, we can just hit it
and move on.
You know, I was tellingsomebody just the other day.
I said we could be at thebasketball court cursing each

(36:13):
other out, talking aboutsomebody telling them we're
going to do something, be in afight, and then the next thing,
you know, say man, let's go andget something to eat.
But women, no, lord, y'all holdon to things, am I right?

Speaker 2 (36:28):
Yeah, I mean, you know, I know with myself, when I
feel betrayed it's hard for meto trust you again.
I'm going to be colder, I'mgoing to say, hey, how you doing
?
I ain't seen you in a while.
All is well, but calling youand talking on the phone with
you and all that stuff that weused to do, those things are

(36:52):
over.
Because I don't trust you,because I think with women we
give so much of ourselves.
So when someone step on thattoe and the funny thing about it
is usually it's the personthat's um, narcissistic how do
you say that?
yeah, and they'll try to flipthe script.
They wrong you, but then theybecome the victim and make you

(37:17):
feel like you did something tothem, when you know that's not
how that went.
So, and in at this age that Iam now, at this age that I am
right now in my life, I don'thave time for that.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (37:32):
I just don't have time for it.
I have time for relationships.
If you want to be part of thejourney, I want to be part of
your journey.
You know I don't have time forthat, so when I cut you off,
it's so funny that my mygranddaughter just put on
Facebook about our Zodiac sign,which I really don't follow

(37:53):
those, but she was like you know, with a Libra we are put up
with it and put up with it, andput up with it, and put up with
it and put up with it for yearsand years and years.
But when we're done, you'redone.
It's no going back.
All right.
So that's how I am.
I'll put up with you and I'lltalk.
I mean, I'll put up with youand I'll accept your apologies

(38:15):
and I'll even apologize forstuff I haven't done and stuff
that I have done.
I'll do all that, but when I'mdone, I'm done and I keep it in
the back of my mind.
Now you need prayer in the backof my mind.
Now you need prayer.
You in the hospital.
I'm going to pray for you.
I'm going to pray that God healyou, deliver you.
Whatever needs to be done, I'mgoing to pray for you.
I am, but we ain't finna behanging.

(38:37):
You ain't going to be hangingwith them?

Speaker 1 (38:38):
huh, no, we ain't, oh , okay.

Speaker 2 (38:40):
But I'm not like.
But in the same instance,winston's like with you.
I'm not like that with you.
I'm at this point where I can'tsweat small stuff.
Okay 32 years, I can't sweat.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
Can't sweat the small stuff.
Like I say yeah, we rememberfor sure.
Samson say you want to seewhere we're going?
This I know that's what my eyeswere first says love is like
salvation all right, meaningit's uh, threefold you get saved

(39:17):
, you live a, you live a savedlife and we will be saved from
the second death, as in love Iloved in now and in the future.
All right, I agree, I agreewith that.
I give you a shout out on thatfor her.

Speaker 2 (39:30):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (39:32):
You're dropping them nuggets.
Marie says, listen, amazon andTeam U is my besties, but you
got five orders on the way.
I can't give you no shout outon that.
Corey going to get you.
Yeah, yeah, corey going to getyou.
You got five orders.
Yes, yes, so, yeah.

(39:53):
So love is not easily provoked.
True love keeps no record ofevils.
Done All right, love isthinketh no evil.
So that means love is notresentful.
Love is not resentful.
You know it takes no worth thisinventory.
There's two thoughts in this inmind.
First, genuine love does notattribute evil motives for

(40:16):
people.
So you don't think evil foryour spouse.

Speaker 2 (40:19):
You know no.

Speaker 1 (40:22):
I wish he was dead.
No, no, no, no.
You don't, you don't think that, don't even come across your
mind.
You know, because you love thatperson, I mean every time.
I mean when I hear of funeralsman, I just say God, I don't
know what I would do withoutPatsy.
I don't know, I really don'tknow.

(40:42):
I told you I'm not marryingagain, that's it.
I'm done marrying again, that'sit.
I'm done, finito.

Speaker 2 (40:50):
Hey, you saved the best for last.

Speaker 1 (40:53):
No, nah, I'm not marrying again.
That's it, baby.
You know, you already said thatyou're going to be a ghost.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
What did you say?
I said I'm going to be a ghost,I'm going to come in the room
and open up all the drawers.
Because he always tell mePastor, can you close these
drawers?
I'm going to come in there.
You're going to go to sleep atnight.
When you wake up in the morning, you're going to all be open.

Speaker 1 (41:16):
I bet not have nobody in the bed, yeah.

Speaker 2 (41:20):
I put my urn Right next to the nightstand.
Oh geez, oh man.

Speaker 1 (41:24):
Alright, so nightstand, oh geez, oh man, all
right.
So you know, love don'tattribute evils to people.
Second, genuine love does notkeep a record of evils done to
it, you know you know what Imean.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
If you're going to forgive forgive.

Speaker 1 (41:38):
If you're going to forgive, you got to forgive.
Yeah, now will.
Will it be hard to forget?
See, the thing about it is thisis what people got to
understand.
The enemy does not want you toforget, right?
The word says that if you, youknow, listen to the word and you
hide the word in your heart, itwill bring.

(42:00):
The word will bring things backto you, your remembrance.
So, while the word is, whileJesus is bringing back to your
memories, the devil is alwaysalso bringing things back to
your memories.
So, for instance, if somebodydoes you wrong, if your spouse
does wrong to you, and you saysthat I'm working on forgiveness,
you do you honestly think theenemy wants you to forgive your

(42:24):
spouse?
No, not at all.
So what the enemy is going todo spouse?
No, not at all.
So what the enemy is going todo, right, keep reminding you.
He's going to keep remindingyou, keep reminding you.
So when we say I will notforget, what we're saying is
that I'm giving place to theenemy to remind me.

Speaker 2 (42:40):
That's deep right there, pastor, give me some.

Speaker 1 (42:43):
That is deep.
That's exactly what we'resaying.
I'm giving place to the enemyto remind me, to constantly
remind me, because god forgets,the enemy reminds.
Oh, I gotta put that on theshirt god forgets and the enemy
reminds.

Speaker 2 (43:03):
It's kind of hard to forget things, but you know, I
think also the enemy don't wantto move on.
Of course to move on.
So you have to be in thatprocess.
Yeah, I know that happened, butguess what that's?
That's a done deal that's doneand over.
God has has moved me forwardfrom that.
Yes, and I think, like you knowit, when, when your heart is

(43:23):
broken and your feelings arehurt, that's a scar that takes
time.
That's a scar that takes time.
But if you're going to forgive,then you have to forgive and
you can't go back and bring itback up and bring it back up.

Speaker 1 (43:38):
A new argument, a new frustration.

Speaker 2 (43:40):
I can't believe you did this.
I can't believe you said that,but it's been 10 years.

Speaker 1 (43:45):
And you've talked about it, that.
But it's been 10 years andyou've and, and you've talked
about it and you've come to aconclusion that both of you have
agreed.
You've talked about it, you'vecome to a conclusion, but you
keep hiding.
Again.
The enemy wants to put that inyour heart and and put that
bitterness in your heart toremind you because he does not
want your marriage to succeed.

(44:06):
The enemy does not want yourmarriage to succeed.
He does not, so he would doanything.
What we have to do, one thingI've learned and I was so glad
that I was part of the militaryand I further attest to that is
that we learn offensive schemesand defensive schemes.
You know, when we're in in war,we were doing war games.

(44:29):
We have to figure out what theenemy is doing so we can attack
the enemy.
Right, we've been what we, whatwe've been doing as christians,
and and, and the husband andthe wife, is that we've been on
a defense too long and he's beenattacking and attacking, and
attacking.
We need to know the schemes ofthe enemy, and one of the

(44:52):
schemes of the enemy is to bringbad things back to me.
He's not going to bring goodthings, no, sir.
And so we often say is that ifGod did it before, he'll do it
again.
So God reminds us right of thethings that he did good.
Well, the enemy is not going toremind him of things good.
He's not going to remind you ofall the good times you had with
your spouse and whatever.

(45:12):
He will remind you of thatnegative, one negative thing out
of the 99, and he keep bringingit back to remember.
Bringing it back, bringing itback.
And if we don't realize thathe's doing this, we'll mess up
our marriage.
So we have to figure it,marriage.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
So we have to figure it out.
Figure it out all right, not toput God in the center of it.
That's why it's so important tohave that foundation of God
being in the middle ofeverything a first is like this
first is so.

Speaker 1 (45:39):
The enemy keeps us saying things like that's just
the way.
I am why, while God says, showthem love.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
I like that for her.
That's deep right there bro.

Speaker 1 (45:51):
That's so true.
The enemy would say, yeah, yeah, that's what he says.
Oh, this is just the way I am.
No, what did the Bible say?
If you become a new creature inChrist, the old things are
passed away and, behold, allthings are new.
So you can't say this is theway I am.
You can say that's the way Iused to be, that's the way I

(46:14):
used to be and that's how weused to speak.
That's how we need to say it.
No, that's you need to talk tothe enemy man.
Tell the enemy say no, you'renot going to have my marriage.
One thing, you're not going tohave my marriage.
And two, you're not going tohave me.
You know, that's not who I am.
I'm not a person that holdgrudges.
I'm not a person that's goingto do it.
I'm not going to do that.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
I'm a new creature.

Speaker 1 (46:34):
Because you know why?
Because God didn't hold nogrudge on me.
Oh boy, Look at here.
Boy Boy, look at here here.
Let me hit like a here boy.
If I had a hammond b3 boy, I'llbe preaching up in here all
right now.
All right, I'm telling you man,hey, because I am.
I am so tired of us giving wayto the enemy and let the enemy

(46:57):
just run rapid in our lives,especially in marriages
especially we just let him justdo what he want to do and we don
don't recognize, we don't sitdown and say no, no, no, that's
the enemy, you know?
No, you know.
You talking to me that way, no,that's not who you really are,
because if that's who you reallyare, I would have never married

(47:17):
you in the first place, right?
You just at this time.
So we're going to sit down andwe're going to discuss this.
We have to recognize theschemes of the enemy and put it
is for what it is, because we'redon't fight with flesh and
blood, we fight againstprincipalities, right?

(47:38):
So that's just the way we do itall right now.
That's, that's it.
No, I I'm I'm done preaching,samson, I'm done preaching.
I'm done preaching, samson, I'mdone preaching, I'm done
preaching, all right.
So verse six love does notrejoice at wrongdoing.

(48:00):
So love does not rejoice in sin, whatever it is.
So again, you are.
If you love that person, you'renot going to go out and cheat.
Nope.
That's sin, that's committingadultery.
You're not going to do that.

(48:20):
So when people say, well, Ilove her, I just, I just no, no,
you don't really truly love her, because if you truly love her,
you would care about herfeelings.
What is she going to do whenshe finds out?
What is she going to do?
What are the kids going to dowhen they find out?
Right, what is going to happen?

(48:41):
How is she going to be broken?
You know, and if you reallylove and care for your wife, as
the Bible says we're supposed todo, then you would say you know
what?
No, I can't do that to my wife,I can't do that to my children,
I can't do.
I just can't do that.
You know.
You would tell this other girlsay, look, you may be all right,

(49:04):
but my wife means more to methan five minutes or ten minutes
of pleasure.

Speaker 2 (49:10):
As I always say, you know, you know what you have,
and why waste time on apossibility?

Speaker 1 (49:18):
Yeah.
Ooh.

Speaker 2 (49:21):
It may turn out to be like I was built off where I
was.
And I knew that person caredfor me where I was, but now I
just threw the whole family tothe wind to step out and do this
.

Speaker 1 (49:37):
What did they say?
They say sometimes you thinkthe grass is green on the other
side, but if you water the grasson your side, you're going to
be green, just that side.
Look what they're saying onhere.
We got some things here, baby,all right, all right, you know,
that's it, I'm done.
Um ferg says two things.
Y'all, please don't expect yourspouse to get everything right.
I'd love that.
Each of us are learning and wemake mistakes absolutely that's

(50:01):
good.

Speaker 2 (50:01):
That's good we do.
Yes, we do.
It's a process, it's a, it's a.
You learn and you grow together.
I remember telling my girlswhen they were teenagers and I
would get on them about certainthings and I would always go
back to them and say you know,this is your first time being a

(50:22):
teenager, this is my first timebeing a parent of a teenager.
I don't know what I'm doing,you don't know what you're doing
.
We got to grow and do thisthing together and learn.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Right right.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
We got to.
You know, don't forget that Ican be your friend, but at the
end of the day, I am your mom.
You know, and I think it's thesame way with marriages.
When we got married, you was 24, I was 25.
We had a.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
No, yeah, I'm older than you.
I'm nine months older than you.

Speaker 2 (50:52):
I was 24, you was 25, right.

Speaker 1 (50:55):
You just said I was 24.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
Okay, well, you know what I mean.
I'm glad you caught that.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Yeah, you're old age.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Yeah, give it a clap without it.

Speaker 1 (51:07):
But Don't you know, in two years I'm gonna be 60.
Me too.
Yeah, in two years we're bothgonna be 60 no, we're not in
three years well, you know, I'mI'm always looking for it.
I'm already looking at january.
Jump the gun.
I jumped the gun yeah, mybirthday and go right to your
neck I would say this babe, I'mgonna be front up, I'm gonna

(51:30):
Look you do not.
And anybody on here can tellyou you do not look 56.
You, I mean, I'm telling youyou do not live 56.

Speaker 2 (51:43):
And that's just the grace of God.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
For those who are watching.
Tell me, put it in the chatwhat do my wife look like?
What age does she look?

Speaker 2 (51:52):
like yeah, I'm telling you I had a point there.
You messed me up.
I was 24, you was 25.
And we had wait a minute howmany kids we had at the time
between the two of us?
We had five kids between thetwo of us.
We weren't even 30.
I have a clue, and I know youdidn't have a clue, but we had

(52:13):
to grow together.
Yes, sir, and one decision thatwe made that I truly
appreciated was we were like wegot to take these kids to church
.

Speaker 1 (52:24):
That October man.

Speaker 2 (52:25):
We got to find a church, you know because you
know the kids were like okay,we're going to church.
You know because in there weyou know the kids.
The kids were like, okay, we'regoing to church, you know.
So we helped lay a foundationwith them as we built the
foundation for ourselves.
So I think it's just a processof coming together, growing
together and staying focused onthe purpose of you being
together.
And that's the purpose of you.

(52:46):
Know the will of God.
Yeah, so yeah, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
All right, I want you know the will of god.
Yeah, so yeah, yes, um, yeah,all right, I want to say all
right.
Uh, marie said listen, somepeople forgive and never forget.
That's why they never.
That's why they're so miserableand wonder why they in the same
position every time.
Yes, you have to do both.

Speaker 2 (53:04):
Can't be halfway in the pearly gates and halfway out
so it ain't no halfway to thepearly gates and halfway out?
Oh, it ain't no halfway to thepearly gates.
You either in or you out, Marie.
You either in or you out.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Ferg says number two please don't just want to get
married out of tradition or forlikes.
Want to be a spouse.
There are responsibilities forboth of us.
Yes, that's right.
I agree with that, ferg.
No, I'm not older than you.
No, not at all.
All right.
Samson says that's why it'simportant to have God in it,

(53:35):
because our reverent attitude towhat God will help cause us to
detour.
Yes, I like that, samson.
I like that.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
That is so.

Speaker 1 (53:43):
Now you preaching, Samson.
Now you preaching All right.
For example, you look like hisbig sister.
I am his big sister no, yeah,no, you, your his younger sister
because he the oldest of thebunch.
Oh man, all right.
Uh, jordan said you look like a.
Uh, what do you?
Look like a spry, young, 30 oldma 30 year old.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
Ma Thanks, babe.

Speaker 1 (54:10):
Oh man, what I need to say again For the husbands in
the back, marie, what I need tosay.
Just tell me what I need to sayagain.
Or what does Patsy need to sayagain For the husbands in the
back?
Alright, we got about fiveminutes.
We gotta do this, alright?
Okay, this has been good,alright.
Verse six says it has LoveRejoices with the truth.

(54:33):
Right, it rejoices with thetruth.
It rejoices when truth isproclaimed and when truth wins
the victory.
Love is glad for the truth,even when the truth hurts.
Love is glad when truth winsthe day.
All right, sometimes you haveto sit down with your spouse and
the truth hurts, but you got it.
That's what love does.

(54:53):
Love tells the truth.
Love tells the truth, andsometimes the truth hurts.
But it's better to hear it fromyour spouse than to hear it
from somebody else.
Right, because I mean as longas your spouse is not tearing
you down, than to hear it fromsomebody else.
Right, absolutely, because Imean as long as your spouse is

(55:13):
not tearing you down by tellingyou the truth.
You know, because you said itbefore, it's the way you say
things, right, and as long asthey're not rude in telling you
that, oh, your breath's stained.

Speaker 2 (55:27):
Be like hey, hey, be like yeah, yeah, yeah, be like
hey hey, yeah it's a way to saythings, you know, and you, in a
relationship, you gotta be open.
For that that I can't think ofthe word.
But that critical what do youcall it?

(55:50):
I can't think of it.
But you know you got to bewilling to accept some criticism
in the name of love.
You know, babe, I'm onlytelling you this because you
know, when you come to me tokiss me, you know, I just you
know, and I don't want you outin public representing us like
this, with stink mouth.

(56:11):
you know I don't want you out inpublic representing us like
this, with stink mouth.
You know, I don't want you outin public representing us like
this, because I always thinkthat when I'm in public, if
someone see me, if a friend ofyours see me, I want to make
sure yeah, constructivecriticism.
There you go.
I want to make sure that I'mrepresenting.
I want to make sure that I'mrepresenting not just you but us
.
And I like to tell the girls allthe time don't be going out

(56:33):
with your head all jacked up.
What's wrong with y'all?
Because your dad is going tocome back and be like listen
here.

Speaker 1 (56:38):
What's wrong with her head?
What's wrong with her wig?

Speaker 2 (56:42):
So it's always a point of representing the unit
and staying focused.
So I mean I'll take it If youtell me.
You know well, when you told methat my feelings was hurt, when
you told me that I was thin andI was like, oh, I felt bad, I

(57:02):
really did.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
No, I didn't want to make you feel bad, baby, I felt
bad.

Speaker 2 (57:07):
I mean, if you would have said okay, babe, I think
you, you know, I think you lostenough weight, let's slow down
right here.

Speaker 1 (57:14):
Okay, it's the way I said it.

Speaker 2 (57:15):
It's how you said it, and I was like I felt really
bad to the point where, like Ididn't want to get undressed
around you.

Speaker 1 (57:22):
Oh man, I'm so sorry, baby.
I apologize, that's not what Imean.
Like you said, I should havesaid it a different way, and
that's you know.
No, don't ever think that youcan get undressed around me all
the time, no, thanks.
But just don't get undressedright now because we on the
camera.
You need Jesus.
I just got through preaching,oh yeah.

Speaker 2 (57:46):
So I think it's not what you say, it's how you say
it.
Yeah, in both ways around,because I don't want to hurt
your feelings and I don't wantyou to feel like I'm coming down
on you when we go back to whatI think number four.
I don't want you to feel likeI'm coming down on you because
you know, I don't want you tofeel like you're not meeting my
standard.
Right right.
All of this just kind of goesback until you know me being

(58:09):
here.
Are you being here, I'm beingthere, or vice versa.
It's a way to do things andit's a way that you could um
address things in love, in love.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (58:21):
All right.
So we, we went through all ofthese things talking about what
love is man, and that's, that'sthat's.
You know, we didn't even finishthe fundamentals because we
still got two more things.
Oh, wow, what are fundamentalsof marriage?
We got two more things.
Um, we're going to continue totalk about them.
Um, but this kind of love thatwe talk about tonight is to be

(58:43):
mutual.
Like we say, is is mutual.
The husband we know from thescripture that the husband is
commanded to love his wife withevery fiber of his being.
We know that Ephesians 5, 25says husbands, love your wives,
as Christ loved the church andgave himself for her.
Verse 28 says in the same way,husbands should love their wives

(59:03):
as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife lovehimself.
All right, we know that and youknow that's what should.
It is so much demanded of thehusband to love.
You know we want to be on top,but a lot of times we we want to
, like you said, we want torespect, but we don't get a
respect.
But if we love our wives asChrist loved the church man,

(59:25):
it's going to be a good marriage.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
It going to be a good marriage.
It really makes it easier forher to honor Yep.

Speaker 1 (59:30):
And we're going to get into that.
I mean in Titus 2 and 4, whenit talks about, you know, like
being mutual.
It says and so train the youngwomen to love their husbands and
children, you know so, a homefilled with love is a home
filled with the essence ofheaven.

Speaker 2 (59:46):
I like that.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
A home filled with love is filled with the essence
of heaven.
Yeah, wow, what a way to end it.
All right, we got any, you know.

Speaker 2 (01:00:02):
I don't know if anybody want to want to call in
or anything like that.
Can I just say something thismorning on my way to work.
Mm, hmm.
It's.
Let me read what Marie saidfirst.
She says how can you say thetruth to your spouse without
being disrespectful?
I'm from New York and I'm veryblunt and don't have time to go

(01:00:22):
around the bush.
How can you do it?
You think about how you wanthim to be respectful to you.
You give out what you want togive back.
If you be disrespectful, youdon't want disrespect back.
You have to think before youspeak and say you know what.
This is how we do this.

(01:00:44):
You know, I find that in thepast when I would Well, eric is
like the cool brook, I'm likethe volcano, you know.
So when I would go toward himwith that, eric would shut down.
When we were younger, he wouldcome back at me.
But I found that I got more ofwhatever it is I was trying to

(01:01:10):
get from him.
When I took a step back myselfbecause I used to be really
disrespectful to Eric, I justfly off the hip and I was my
grandmother's granddaughter.
I would say whatever, didn'tthink about it, just throw it
out there.
And you know I didn't care that.
You know I just said whatever Iwanted to say.
But I found out as we grew, asI got older and more mature,

(01:01:34):
that it was ways that I couldget what I needed If it was new
shoes for the kids or newfurniture or you know, just more
time with him.
I found that I had to step backand think about now.
If he was doing this to me, I'dhave packed up and left, but
I've been.
I had to step back and thinkabout now.
If he was doing this to me, I'dhave packed up and left, but

(01:01:54):
I've been doing this to him.
I've been doing this to him.
He's still standing this ground.
He's still still here.
He have a leftist crazy girl.
So I had to find that, thatbalance, and it took me.
It took me a minute to learn tonot be disrespectful toward him
.
He's never been disrespectfultoward me.

(01:02:15):
I was doing all of the giving,giving, giving.
He's never called me by my name, he's never raised his voice at
me and earlier in our marriagewe used to yell at each other,
but that was before the kidscame.
Because once the kids came, wewere like wait a minute, kids
can't see us doing this.
And also, you got to think aboutit.
When you have children, if theysee you disrespect, what do you

(01:02:37):
think they're going to do,they're going to disrespect.
So you just have to be mindfulof that and I think you can be
blunt without beingdisrespectful.
You can be blunt without beingdisrespectful.
So, you know, just take inconsideration, think about your
words before they proceed out ofyour mouth.
As we talked about so manytimes, words are like toothpaste

(01:03:01):
Once you squeeze it out of thetube, you can't put it back.
So you want to be careful howyou address certain things.
I hope that you know gave you alittle bit of encouragement and
that's basically from myexperience and maybe some of the
other ladies that's online thatmay have, you know, some
encouraging words as well, but Ithink once you step back and
really think about it, then youknow you have little children,

(01:03:24):
so it can get very hectic andvery frustrating and, trust me,
I had them.
So I can relate to how I ain'tgot time for this because I got
to pack this lunch and I got toput this person pants on and I
got to go find your shoes.
They were by the door.
You know, I can understand thatpart and any of the cause for
things to come off.
Can you just move and help me,or something like that.

(01:03:45):
So I get it.
I get it, but it took me aminute to step back and address
the situation.
So now back to that drive towork.
This morning it's two songs thatI hear on the radio that remind
me of Donna Ferguson.
One is it's Over Now.

(01:04:06):
Both of these songs are by KurtFrank it's Over Now.
And the other song is Love, aword that comes and goes, but if
you people truly know what itmeans to really love somebody,
and those songs actually cameback to back this morning.
So I was a bit of a mess,that's how I got the word, but

(01:04:30):
the one that loved it reallyreally stood out to me, because
people take that word so freelyand they throw it around so
easily.
But where is love?
Is commitment, it's loyalty,it's a work, it's not something
that you just toss around.
You know you better be.

(01:04:50):
You better be ready to do somework if you're telling something
that you just toss around.

Speaker 1 (01:04:54):
You know you better be.

Speaker 2 (01:04:55):
You better be ready to do some work.
If you're telling somebody thatyou love them, oh yes, you
better be ready to put it in andyou can't be like you know you
can't win and get tough, youcan't walk away from it.
You can't say, okay, that'senough, it is moving on.
I know because if you can moveon that quickly, you were never
really in love in the firstplace.

Speaker 1 (01:05:10):
You infatuated.

Speaker 2 (01:05:12):
So yeah, I just want to say that.

Speaker 1 (01:05:14):
All right, I like that, I like that baby, yeah,
yeah, I would add on to Mariejust, you know, to go into
prayer time, absolutely, youknow, and say Lord, you know,
you know, tell you my tongue,you know, tell you my tongue,
you know.
And um, no, so I won't hurt myhusband's feelings, you know, I
want to build him up and youknow, like you said, there's a

(01:05:36):
way that you can do that.
And um, like fergie says hey,we serve up, we serve a god that
will tell you my tongue, thatwill teach us how to do things.
And um, just ask god for help.
And in j James it says anybodythat lacks wisdom, let them ask.
And that's a wisdom thing,that's a wisdom on how to talk
to your husband, how to eventalk to your kids or people.

(01:05:57):
That's a wisdom thing.
So seek wisdom on that.

Speaker 2 (01:06:00):
Okay, I have to read what Ferg wrote.
He put and you don't have tostay blunt, and that's
absolutely true.
And he says not where you'refrom.
That's absolutely true.
And he says not where you'refrom, it's who you serve.
And just the words that youjust came back and said just
kind of hit the head on the nailbecause it's so true.
You know it's hard, but God cantake us through anything.

(01:06:26):
Man.
Only God can.
God can change my crazy self,my mean self, my no-nonsense
self, my not putting up withnobody.
If he could change me, he canchange anybody.
My mouth was foul.
My mouth was foul.
I would curse, I would sowstuff, I would do the middle of
it.
And my kids saw this.
But my kids also saw me change.

(01:06:49):
They also saw God change me,you know.
So yeah, we got one more,someone.

Speaker 1 (01:06:58):
Sparkle says hey Sparkle, hey Sparkle Say can you
grow out of love?

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
I think you can.

Speaker 1 (01:07:07):
You think you can grow out of love.
I think, so, All right Talk tome, I got an example.
All right, you got about fiveminutes.

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
Okay, it's going to be short.
You know, dating, growing up,my oldest daughter father, I
thought that I was totally,totally like in love with this
guy.
I just, I just knew he wasgoing to be my husband one day.
I just knew all of this.
But as time went, I think Igrew out of love.

(01:07:44):
I was like this fool.
I mean, I was like I think Igrew out of that.
I think, think, I think, beingas young as I was I guess you
know what it's a possibility Ijust really didn't know what
love was.
I was young and as if I had todefine love back then.

(01:08:04):
It is nothing like the lovethat I have today, you know, I
guess it was just more or lesslike a puffer.
So I think, I don't know,sometimes, sometimes people,
actually, I don't think you cangrow out of love, but I think
the love can lessen.
You still love a person, butnot as strong as before, okay,

(01:08:25):
and it could be little bittythings that they do to just I
just can't, you know, deal withthat anymore.
Can that person change?
Can we change and buildtogether?
I believe we could, but bothparties have to be willing, you
know.
So I think I don't think youcan actually grow out of love,
but I do think that love coulddamn.

Speaker 1 (01:08:48):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (01:08:49):
You still care about the person, you still have that
genuine love in your heart forthem, but you're not in love and
I think that's what I loveabout you, because I find myself
falling in love with you overand over again and when I tell
people that they'd be like whatI'm like, yeah, it'll be.
Just, I'll just be sitting atmy desk and I'll be like, and

(01:09:09):
the teachers will be like whatyou doing over.
I'll be like, and the teacherswill be like what you doing over
there.
I was like you know what?
I love him.
I love him.
I even.
I think I was telling Michellea long time ago.
I said you know, if Eric and Iever separated whoever I'm with,
they would be mad at me becauseI'll be sneaking over the area,
I'll be knocking on their hey,let me in.

(01:09:33):
So I think there have been timeswhen our love has been lessened
.

Speaker 1 (01:09:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
And I think there are times when it's built back up,
you know, and there's been timeswhen it's been right there in
the middle of the light.
We don't know what we're doingtogether and why we're still
together, but because we serveGod.

Speaker 1 (01:09:53):
And because he loved us, we love each other.
Because it was just you know,all you, I would say like this
to me I think love is like anamber, you know.
When you have a fire, you havean amber, you know and all.
That's all you need is the amberright just something in there
and so like when we, when we'recounseling couples, we ask them

(01:10:17):
do you still love them?
Is there something, justsomething in there.
You know that you couldhonestly say, is this a little
amber?
That if we work on this amberit'll build that fire back up.
You know, and a lot of timesthey say yeah, yeah, it's
something, and we start workingand working, and working, and

(01:10:37):
everybody start doing their partand relying on God for one
thing and he just rekindles thefire, rekindles the love that's
there, but, like you say, itjust dimmed.

Speaker 2 (01:10:49):
Yeah, it dims and it's like remember what I said
at the retreat.
Before I read what I said atthe retreat, I got to read what
Malika wrote.
It's my daughter in love.
Love you, girl, she says.
I think there's different typesof love and you can move
through different types overtime.
And I think that is so truebecause, like we just said, you

(01:11:09):
can be here one day and here thenext day, but the bottom line
is to keep the spark going.
And the retreat we talked about, what was it?
I would never forget that.
And the Lord dropped into myspirit.
And I'm always telling otherpeople when they come to me and
say you know a lot of the ladiesat work, they always say you

(01:11:29):
know, I don't know what I'mgoing to do, because this man is
, and I always say, well, youknow what, I know he might be
doing this, that and the other.
Is he hitting you?
Is he beating on you?
Is he abusing you?
If he's not abusing you, thenwhat was it that made you fall
for him?
What was it that made you sayyou know what he the one?
It?
made you say you know what hethe one, you know what she the

(01:11:52):
one.
And I kind of try to remindthem to find that thing.
When I wasn't even thinkingabout even being in a
relationship, you pop up out ofthe blue.
You know what was it that mademe say, okay, I'll go out with
him.
What was it you know?
So, yeah, but babe, our time.

Speaker 1 (01:12:13):
Yeah, I know some podcasts around three hours, so
you know, hey.
Um, so samson says his love isaction.
Action helps when, when thatlagging field come to play,
check yourself helps too,because, uh, maybe, because what
check yourself helps too,because maybe it's you Right.
Okay, all right, but, like Isaid, I agree with my life.
There's, yeah, because I mean,if you look up you know you can

(01:12:36):
find there's all these differenttypes of love, sexual love and
stuff like that.
So you got to make sure thatthe love that you and your
spouse have is the love that wejust spoke of, because if it's
not the love that we just spokeof, you will fall out of love.

(01:12:59):
Yeah.
That's it.
If you will fall out of love.
If it's any other type of love,you will fall out of love.
If it's love for yourself, ifit's love if you, you know love,
whatever type of love it is, ifit's not the love that when
Paul was writing to Corinthians.

(01:13:20):
Now again, we use that formarriage.
But Paul was talking aboutsomething different and we look
in the context of it.
But the definition of that loveis something that two people
need to have.
What we just talked abouttonight.
And if you go into it withthose things that you're not
jealous, you don't envy, youdon't do all these type of

(01:13:42):
things, you're pointing fingers.
You don't point a finger, you'renot disrespectful, you're not
rude, you're not doing that.
You're loyal.
You know You'll be fine.
You'll be fine, you'll be fine.
You'll have your ups and youhave your downs, but that amber
still will be there.

Speaker 2 (01:13:56):
That's what I believe light at the end of the tunnel
yeah, yeah that flicker of flame.
I think that when god is in it,you can't go wrong.

Speaker 1 (01:14:07):
that's why we started .
In order to have a strongfoundation of marriage, you have
to build it on God, right?
If you want the spiritualessence of a marriage, you have
to build it on God.
What you looking at?

Speaker 2 (01:14:23):
Oh, let me tell you what baby boy just say Mommy's
little man.
He said I think love goes awaywhen you stop putting in the
effort to be in love.
Oh, wisdom, right there.
That is so true.
You have to work at it.
Nothing worth having comes easy.
Everything in life, you gottawork for it.

(01:14:44):
If you want it to besustainable, you have to put in
the work and the work.

Speaker 1 (01:14:51):
Faith without works is dead.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
That's what the word says.
So, yeah, you have to put inthe work, you have to put forth
an effort.
You know, I mean like you haveto get in there, you just have
to get in there.
I mean.
I can't think of any otherwords to say.
But you know, I think when wefall short is we start pointing

(01:15:19):
fingers and start saying you didthis and you said that yeah,
you make me sick and I don'tlike you.
Get out, you need to be gone.

Speaker 1 (01:15:28):
Yeah, we don't really need to say that.
We don't really need to saythat, we don't really need to
say that I don't want to saythat.

Speaker 2 (01:15:32):
You can stay as long as you like.

Speaker 1 (01:15:34):
Thank God, I can stay as long as I like, all right,
well, we're getting ready to getout of here.
We want to thank each and everyperson that you know that
contributed to the conversationtonight, thank you.
Remember that you can go backand listen to this Comment.

(01:15:54):
Um, remember that you can goback and listen to this and, and
you know, comment.
Make sure you like.
Please stop what you're doingnow and make sure you like this
video.
Make sure you like this livestream.
This is a way that we can getit out to the multitude of
people.
If you like it, just like it,and make sure you go back and
comment.
Come back and comment.
Thank you, malika.
I think she went back andcommented one time right, yeah,

(01:16:16):
yeah yep, and so you just goback and comment and make sure
that when you listen on applepodcast and spotify and all that
stuff, give us a five-starrating.
You know that would help us.
You know, get.
You know, get the word out moreabout what we're doing here.
Um, I think this is good tohave this conversation to,

(01:16:36):
because marriage is in real life.
Real things happen and, again,like we said before, we don't
know at all, even though 32years and we have people who've
been married 40 years and youknow, um, but we don't know at
all.
And and uh, it's nice to havethe come, have the conversation
with other people, to beinvolved in this marriage in
real life.
Right, didn't hear too muchfrom izzy tonight though you

(01:17:00):
know, usually we hear from izzy.
So, harold, was on there, thoughyeah, harold was on there, and
so we thank god for that.
Well, you, well, it is time toget out of here.
I want to tell you, you knowagain, like I told you yesterday
at church baby, I love you, 32years.
We had our ups and downs, but Ilove you, I love you.

(01:17:23):
I love you.
And somebody told me don't saylove you to death, say love you
to life.
So one thing I would tell youlike bishop said you can't, you
will never outlove me.
Oh really no.

Speaker 2 (01:17:36):
Okay, we'll see about that, but I love you too.
Thank you for 32 wonderfulyears.
It's definitely been a journeyand I look forward to many, many
more all right, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:17:47):
Well, good night everybody.
We want to say good night andwe want to say we can't wait to
see you again.