November 5, 2024 • 62 mins
What happens when political polarization creeps into the heart of our personal relationships? You won't want to miss this heartfelt exploration of how differing political views can test the bonds of marriage and family. We share our holiday traditions, like cooking and family gatherings, while reflecting on the unexpected winds of life, both literal and metaphorical, that remind us to prioritize health and family above all. Amidst these tales of warmth and gratitude, we delve into the real impact of politics on relationships, drawing from studies and personal anecdotes to shed light on this increasingly common dilemma.
Navigating the choppy waters of political differences can be daunting, especially when they threaten a marriage's stability. With rising divorce rates linked to political disagreements, particularly during the heightened tensions of the COVID era, we engage with expert insights and studies to understand the devastating effects on both couples and families. Our discussion underscores the critical need for prioritizing marital health, a beacon of hope in turbulent times, and fostering unity, even amidst challenging political climates.
Communication is the lifeline in relationships that keeps partners connected, especially when ideological divides threaten to pull them apart. Join us as we offer strategies for maintaining respect, understanding, and open dialogue, advocating for establishing boundaries that allow love to flourish despite differences. From sharing personal stories to setting boundaries to avoid contentious topics during family dinners, we highlight the transformative power of mutual respect and genuine listening. This episode serves as a reminder of the commitment and love that should bind partners together, encouraging listeners to embrace their differences and build meaningful partnerships founded on respect and understanding.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, welcome to Marriage and Real Life.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, I'm so glad to be back here.
Yeah, right, and we want tomake sure that if you're joining
us, even for the first time, oryou're back again, please check
in with us.
You know, let us know whereyou're watching from so we can
give you a shout out or we cangive you a clap, you know, and
so we want to make sure that welike to do that.
We want to make sure that ouraudience is with us.
(00:29):
Even those who will belistening on podcasts later on,
they can still get the names andwhere people are watching from.
You know.
All right, yes, we want to makesure we do that.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely, it's a lot of fun and appreciation.
We appreciate you Also.
An appreciation.
We appreciate you.
Yeah, we appreciate you Fortuning in with us.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I want to make sure you like and share.
Like and share.
Please make sure you like andshare this podcast to your
family and your friends.
I believe tonight is going tohelp somebody.
Amen.
I'm going to start it out withsome stats, so I think it's
going to help somebody.
Amen, I'm going to start it outwith.
You know, I'm going to start itout with some stats, so I think
it's going to help somebody.
Okay, all right.
You know what's been going onthese last two weeks.
(01:10):
You know I know we had Amai andyou know she just she, just
busy body.
Give Amai a shout out.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yay, my.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, she's just such a busybody, she's such a
character.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
She has such a personality.
I love that about her.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, yeah, I love that about her.
Well, we know.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Thanksgiving is going to be.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, the children are coming home.
The children are coming homefor Thanksgiving.
Oh my gosh.
And we got a text today askingabout hey, are y'all going out
of town?
Y'all always eat at y'all house.
So I know you didn't, you know,feel like cooking this time,
but you're cooking this time.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I actually plan not to cook anything, but when my
babies come home, I got to getin the kitchen and burn, you
know, do a little something, ofcourse with the help of my baby
boy.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Well, Nikki said she was going to cook too.
Yeah, she did.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm excited about it, yeah, and that you know.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
All of them get in there and burn a little bit.
I think the kitchen is bigenough, you know, to do y'all
things, so we can't wait.
Hey, see, samson is online.
Hey, samson, how you doing?
Hey, harold, all the way fromHouston, texas, texas is in the
house.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
To get into the topic , hey, but what about what we
did Saturday night?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
What did we do Saturday night?
We were going to see John B.
Oh yeah, John B, I was soexcited.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I wanted to see him.
He was at 38th Street.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Barbecue yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
And it started raining out, I had to leave.
I couldn't see him, but thenext time he in town.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah, I want to tell you I already started looking
and he's not coming back heresoon, so yeah, hey, if we have
to drive out, like to Orlando orGeorgia, New York?
What Say drive out to Georgiaman?
(03:06):
You just kept going farther andfarther, the.
You're gonna say jamaica, andand and, because he is gonna be
in england.
But uh, yeah, so, yeah, I'm so,I'm so.
I was so bummed that you didn'tget a chance to see john b,
because I know you like john byeah, but I just got over that.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Really bad cold.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You didn't need to be out there.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I had to take my health into consideration.
It was a decision to make Rightright right.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I know, in the last two we voted, we did our votes,
we did a mail-in ballot.
We weren't going to stand in aline.
We did that one time.
I did a mail in ballot.
We want to stand in the line.
So you know, we did that onetime.
Lord have mercy, we ain't doingthis again, you know.
So you know we voted All right.
So all the people that voted,we give you a shout out, all
right?
And that leads us to tonight'stopic.
(03:58):
You know we're talking about.
You know politics and marriage,politics and marriage.
You know politics and marriage,politics and marriage.
Um, and I just want to startout, you know, because I know
you was kind of reluctant aboutdoing this topic, wasn't it?
yeah, I'm a little bit tired ofit, a little bit well, I'm yeah,
I'm tired of you know, I'mtired of the commercials, I'm
tired of the back and forth, butyou will hear tonight from
(04:21):
these stats that this topicneeds to be talked about within
marriages because a Wakefieldstudy Now this is an old study,
but Wakefield study in 2017found this Eleven percent said
differing politics have doomed arelationship, with the number
(04:42):
even higher among millennials.
With the number even higheramong millennials.
The figure doubled for youngerpeople, with 22% citing politics
as a reason for a romancebreakdown.
So this is it happens.
And then this was down in 2017.
It says also that theWakefield's research went on to
(05:03):
find 22 percent of peoplesurveyed said they knew of a
marriage, one couple negativelyimpacted by the president at
that time.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
This was a wait for study in 2017.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
All right, and it goes on to say and this wait for
study says passionatelyopposing points of views are not
only driving wedges betweenstrangers and even friends, but
we are now seeing evidence thatdissent is having a detrimental
impact on Americans' marriagesand relationships.
(05:57):
So this is a big thing, youknow, and it started back in
2017.
You know, I would say I wastelling somebody you know back
in the day I mean people haddiffering, you know, political
views or whatever like that, andI think social media has, you
know, just put it up to theforefront and you know and
(06:18):
talked about it because you'reindated with it.
You know it's on TV and you gotall these opposing views and
all of this kind of stuff, andwhat can happen is marriages.
It can.
It can break up marriages,because one thing I think Pastor
Barr said it at our last thingis that you are two people
coming together, but you'restill two individuals.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Right, you are still two different individuals.
You know you're coming to be asone, right, you are still two
different individuals.
You know you're coming to be asone, right To where, you know
sometimes, like how we think thesame, we, you know, finish each
other's sentences.
You know it builds to that, butyou still are two different
individuals, right, right, yougrew up differently, you looked
(07:02):
at worldview differently and I,as a husband, I can't make, I
can't, and we're going to talkabout this.
I can't make you Me and youcan't make me you Right, right,
so we're going to have to.
You know, we may have twodifferent, opposing opinions and
so some people can't handlethat, right, some marriages
can't, can't handle that, andthat is a big thing.
(07:24):
And especially now, what'sgoing on?
All right, um, and so this,this lawyer here and I'm looking
at these stats here, babe, I'mtelling you, uh, sharon knew a
family attorney with uh new andloringer, a law firm in bethesda
, maryland, says this and thisjust order just came out of 2024
.
So that was 2017, this is 22.
(07:44):
Uh, 2024, says.
Over the past five to sevenyears, she has seen more people
than ever before cite politicsas the main reason for wanting
to split politics wow and thisis happening in between the last
five to five to seven yearsthat she is seeing more and more
(08:07):
people do that.
She says you know, such umideological polarization started
to play a role in divorcesduring covid, when issues such
as masking vaccinations andsocial distance became
politicized right.
And then, uh, and that's whatthis DMV attorney, jessica
(08:27):
Markham, told this article, andit goes on to say these kinds of
divides are also playing a bigrole in the Maryland area, the
DMV area, custody battles.
So it's not only affecting thetwo adults, it is affecting
children.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
It's a family thing.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yes, because it says look, listen to this baby.
I'm just saying, when I readthis I said this is
heartbreaking to me Because weknow we care about marriages, we
want marriages to succeed.
And this is heartbreakingbecause he says and some clients
are even going back to court tomodify existing custody
(09:06):
agreements because they thinkthe other parents' views have
become too extreme.
They're going back to court,back to court.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
That's a shame ain't it?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It says in some of Markham's cases, a parent this
way it comes to social media.
A parent's social media posts,such as those including
anti-immigrant and extremepro-gun stances and fake news
and conspiracy theories, havebeen used as evidence that
they're perhaps not fit to havecustody.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
We're talking about politics and people are going on
people's social media becausethey're saying this and they're
saying that, and they're sayingthat.
And then she says she also hasa case in which one parent was
going to so many protests andrallies that the other parent
felt they had abandoned a family.
That's 2024.
This is happening, it's sad.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
This is happening, it's sad.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
This is a sad.
This is a sad thing thatAmerica has gotten too polarized
with politics.
And again, I didn't say this inthe beginning we're not here to
endorse any candidate tonight.
We're not here to endorse anycandidate.
That's not what we're doingtonight.
We're not doing no endorsingwhat we want to do.
We want to endorse anycandidate.
That's not what we're doingtonight.
(10:27):
We're not in doing no endorsingwhat we want to do we want to
endorse marriages, amen that'sright.
We want to endorse marriages andand and marriages.
Just, you know now, even though, if you look at it, people, the
stat says divorce rates arefalling, they're coming down,
but even though they're comingdown, the percentages of the
(10:49):
political marriage and divorcerates is going up.
So all in all around, divorcerates are coming down but it's
still inching up by percentagebecause of the people, the
reason why they're gettingdivorced.
That's a sad thing for America.
It is that's sad.
That's sad that we have come tothe point where we're using
(11:11):
politics as a reason for divorceor a reason for a relationship
to fail is because of yourpolitical view.
Wow, that is crazy.
It is wow, that is crazy.
I mean, did you ever thinkabout that?
You know, in our marriage.
I mean, did I ever thought itwould cross your mind?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
well, you know it hasn't, but we did our vote by
mail what?
Two weeks ago, maybe three twoweeks ago, I don't remember and
there was a decision on therethat both of us had to make and
I voted yay and you voted no.
We didn't file for divorce.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, we didn't file for divorce, right, because
we're two individuals.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Two individuals.
And I have my reason forbelieving and standing on what I
stood on, and you had yourreason and we're not going to
argue over that.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We had too many other questions to go.
Put a pin in that and come backto it.
But I think, because wecommunicated, we talked about it
, I told you my view on it, youtold me your view on it and we
decided to go ahead and vote.
And when we both found well,when I found that you voted, I
(12:29):
was like babe, I couldn'tbelieve it.
But you know, we, we took that,we took that stand back and we
took that time.
And I think that's why doingthe mail-in ballot is so
important to me, because I getto sit down and actually really
re-understand.
Look, look up the candidatesyou know, see what they're about
.
Look at a little bit of historyof them before I make a
(12:49):
decision.
You know, outside of whatthey're doing on TV?
It's just like 90 seconds, ifthat long.
Right, right, right you get thefull gist of who these people
are, but when you can followtheir career a little bit before
you make a decision, I thinkthat was important to me.
A career a little bit beforeyou make a decision, I think
that was important to me and,like again, we had opportunity
to, I even had an opportunity toactually look up one of the
(13:11):
amendments and say let me seeexactly what this is talking
about before I make a decision,and so I think that was good
with us.
It's never come down to that.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I mean, the thing about it is, I mean, I think we
even talked about it and youwent to work and you came on
today and I said you know, Ireally see what you're talking
about.
You know, I think it was morethan one that we had a, you know
, just a disagreement.
But I understood what you weretalking about and I think that's
that's the problem incommunication, uh, communicating
with your spouse is that youdon't want to see the point of
(13:47):
view of them and you're sobig-headed and you think that
you're right all the time thatyou don't want to listen to your
spouse, to get their point ofview and say man, you know what,
I understand, I understand howit affects you.
I understand that, understand,I understand how it affects you.
I understand that.
You know, because, look to beto be real about it, it's some
(14:09):
things that that that's inpolitics that would not affect
me as much as it affect you,right, there's some things
that's going to affect ourchildren more than it affect us,
you're right and ourgrandchildren.
So we have to.
You know, I heard I think I toldyou about Pastor Marvin Sapp.
He said this.
He said he was telling hiscongregation.
(14:31):
You know, a while ago he wassaying look money-wise.
You know Marvin Sapp, you knowhe's a millionaire, you know,
you know, you're a millionaire,you got money.
You know, even though he'spassing, he got plenty of money.
You're a millionaire, you gotmoney.
You know, even though he'spassing, he got, he got plenty
of money.
So you say, money wise, it isbetter for me to vote for a
Republican candidate.
Right, he says that because youknow, a lot of times they look
(14:54):
after, like they say themillionaires or whatever,
whatever you know party says,whatever people say, I have to
put my own benefits and look atmy congregation and look at my
children and grandchildren and Ihave to say that outweighs my
own personal benefits.
(15:15):
Right, and so, even in thepolitical way is, a lot of times
people are looking out fortheir own interests but they're
not looking out for theirspouses, they're not looking out
for their children interests.
They they're not looking outfor their spouses, they're not
looking out for their children'sinterests.
They're just not doing that.
All right, all right, we got,we got.
(15:37):
Samson here says he says I knowof a household where one spouse
is voting one way and the otherspouse is afraid to go against
it.
Man, we're going to talk aboutthat.
Wow, it should be.
That should never happen.
You should never be afraid,because to me that's
manipulation and to me, ifsomebody is afraid to do
something, that is a form ofabuse to me.
They may not, you may not agree, and people who watch it may
(16:00):
not agree with that, but that isa form of abuse because you are
having control over somebody,and God has never told us to
have control over a person's.
What they do as far as theyvote, never said that, he never
said that.
He said love your wife and hesays wife, submit Right, and
(16:22):
that's what he said.
And so not have control of theway, because if you're having
control, that's a form of abuseto me.
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Any type of forcing that's being done in any
relationship without the personwanting it.
I think it's abuse, emotional,mental, verbal.
You know threats may not bephysical, but they hurt just as
bad.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
You know.
And if you're afraid to make amove, if you're afraid to go
against that, what else are youafraid?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
of Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
All right, let's get back,let's get into it.
Let's get into it more.
Okay, we're going to give sometips.
All right, here's some tips.
All right, here's some tips.
And we want you, you know, ifyou're watching with us, if
you've got anything to say, comeon, put it in the chat.
We'll give you some time tocall.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
man, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Let I seem very passionate about it and you hear
from here just that.
But then you hear Samson say it.
He knows somebody, so he's partof that percentage, right and
again.
But I'm just like this.
I want marriages to succeed andthe enemy will use any kind of
thing to mess up marriages right, and we let him use, out of all
(17:42):
things, politics, right?
I tell all the people there'sthree things that break up
marriages communication, sex andmoney.
Now we're talking about we needto add a fourth thing Politics
will break it up.
Oh man, it shouldn't happen, weshouldn't do that, all right.
So this person wrote to thislady and I'm going to read what
she wrote, right, I'm not goingto put the names Right or
(18:06):
whatever like that, but I'mgonna read and I want y'all to
hear that everybody that's outthere, please make sure you like
and share.
Please make sure you like andshare, all right.
She says dear emily.
It says says my husband hasbecome increasingly embroiled in
politics.
He is almost blindly devoted toa certain candidate and watches
Fox News every night.
He said my politics areforemost central and I am of a
(18:30):
certain party and we are at odds.
And this is what he says.
Despite being retired, we spendvery little time together.
I feel I cannot discuss orrespond to his comments about
fake news or politics.
And this is what got me.
We have been married for almost30 years and not until the last
(18:52):
two or three did we ever discusspolitics.
And we have pretty and we'vehad a pretty great life.
And she says I do not.
And she put it in I do not wantto give up on our marriage, but
I feel alone.
I asked him about counselingand he flatly refused, refused.
He says how do I proceed withthis conversation?
And she put help.
And so we're going to gothrough some things.
(19:14):
You know that not only can helpher, but maybe help somebody,
right, all right, and you know,and as she said, you know,
political tribalism is, as wesaid before, is tearing our
country apart.
Not only marriage is tearing upfriends, but they can't.
You know, they from oneparticular person and this from
(19:36):
this particular person.
They just friendships are beingbroken, churches are being
broken, patsy churches are beingbroken.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Patsy, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Churches are being broken.
When the churches are beingbroken over politics, man, there
is something wrong.
So how can we expect themarriages to succeed if the
churches is not succeededbecause they're broken on a
politics?
It's not going to happen.
It's not going to happenBecause, in order for the
marriages to succeed, theyshould be able to come to church
and get a politics.
It's not going to happen.
(20:06):
It's not going to happenBecause, in order for the
marriages to succeed, theyshould be able to come to church
and get a word.
A word, a word should be comingfrom the pastor, the man and
the woman of God, you know,telling them that, hey, god
still reigns on the throne,right, that's what should be
coming on, not politicalmessages, not this.
You know, hot topics and notthis stuff.
(20:26):
Preach the gospel of jesuschrist, right and so um and so
what happens when opposingopinions and strong emotions
drive us apart?
When somebody got strongopinions and they don't want to
listen, they don't, you know,because it comes down to what
you always say in everythingCommunication.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Communication is key.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Communication.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Dr Barr said that as well.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, communication, you got to sit down and
communication is just nottalking, as we often say.
Right, communication islistening and not having a wall.
That, okay, I'm fake listeningto you, but I'm still right.
Right, I'm hearing you, but I'mnot listening to you.
(21:16):
I'm not really hearing whatyou're saying.
You know You're talking andit's wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You're blowing me off , yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know what I mean.
You're blowing me off, yeah,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And so that's what.
That's what's happening.
So here are some keys, here'ssome keys.
Here's some keys to lovingpeople and who believe
differently from you.
All right, but the first one isbelieve that you can.
All right, believe that you cancan, all right, believe that
(21:49):
you can.
Some people have moved to suchextremes that they no longer
believe it is possible to livewith and love those who think
differently than they do oncertain topics.
So if you get to that point,that's when you go to divorce.
Right, you go into divorcebecause you don't think that I
can live with somebody who has adiffering view than me.
Right, you know what I mean.
(22:11):
And and, and and.
The thing is.
I mean, I know we're talkingabout politics and life, but
that's on anything, right?
I agree with that, that's withanything, that's with anything
you don't believe that you canlive with somebody.
That and if you are going to bemarried long, if you want to be
married you're going to havedifferent views on something on
(22:31):
a lot of things oh man, it's notthe views that you have.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's how you assess them.
It's how you get through themand how you express them yeah,
exactly.
Assess them is how you getthrough them and how you express
them yeah, exactly, and how youexpress them without belittling
and criticizing and saying youknow, we had one statement we
talked about.
You know, we don't want to becalled stupid.
Right, right, you got to knowhow to address the situation
(22:55):
without causing harm to therelationship.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Mm-hmm, all right, you got to the relationship.
Mm-hmm, all right, you got tobelieve that.
And so this one here, believethat you can't.
It's in any situation, becausein order to believe you can love
someone you strongly disagreewith, you must first realize
that you can achieve unity ofpurpose on some level.
On some, you got to believethat, mm-hmm, because if you
(23:19):
don't believe it, it's not goingto happen.
Uh, yeah it.
We got to have unity.
We got to have unity on somelevel.
So they gave some examples andI love the examples that they
gave.
It says um, you and your spouseshould be able to sit down and
agree on on some of these things, you know.
You should be able to say mygoal is to have a strong,
(23:39):
healthily joyous marriage withyou.
You and your spouse should beable to say my goal is to have a
strong, healthily joyousmarriage with you.
You and your spouse should beable to say oh, yeah, I agree
with that, because marriageshould be over politics.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
It should be Marriage should be over anything,
everything.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Marriage has got to be over your kids.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
You know you have to.
It's a, it's a commitment, it's, you know it's the, the oneness
, the, the one flesh, but stillthe two individuals.
So you got to be able to be putthat over anything, everything.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you got to believe that thegoal is to have a strong,
healthy, joyous marriage.
And if we're going to have astrong, healthy, joyous marriage
, we may not agree on everything, but we can know how to
communicate about it, to work itout.
He says.
He says I believe that ourpolitical beliefs are just one
(24:37):
aspect of our identity.
That's what we said.
That's just one aspect of it.
You can't say, I can't say toyou that you know, patsy, you're
a Democrat or you're aRepublican, and that's who you
are.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
What is that supposed to mean?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
That's right.
I can't say that to you becausethat's not your identity.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
And I'm going to say well, what is that supposed to
mean?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
What are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
You're like really, how do we get to that?
Oh man, I think I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I'm not into politics like that, but that's on
anything.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
I can't say yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Something like that wouldn't trigger me.
Yeah, something like thatwouldn't trigger me.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But I mean, there's so many other things in the
marriage that would trigger me.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Right, but I can't identify you as one thing.
No Right, absolutely not Right.
The only thing I can identifyyou is as a child of God and a
beautiful black woman.
Yes, sir.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Let's stay focused.
Okay, well sir, let's stayfocused.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Let's get back on topic.
I'm sorry, excuse me y'all, I'mnot your superwoman.
Yes, you are baby.
So we can't believe thatpolitics is a person's identity.
Because they believe something,because they believe one way In
politics, they can't say thatthat's their identity.
We got to believe that.
I believe there is much more toeach of us than our political
(26:08):
identities.
It's something got to be morethan that In political.
Yeah, it's something there.
And then you say I love these.
You know, I should be able tosay to you I love these aspects
of you and these are things thatbelieve that you can't.
You should be able to sit downwhen it comes down to politics
or whatever.
You know, this is what I loveabout you.
I love that you are a freethinker.
(26:29):
I love that you don't thinklike me, because any leader, any
leader, doesn't want as a manand God has put man as a leader
right but any leader should notwant people to be, yes, men, to
always think like they do,because you'll never progress.
You know, you want some kind offriction, you want some kind of
(26:52):
comeback, you want somebody tosay to you you know what?
Let's rethink about this.
Let's look at it from adifferent angle.
How would this affect me?
How would this affect thechildren?
How would you know, you lookingat it from this way?
But you know, eric, you gotgirls.
You can't think like that.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
You got girls and I remember telling you that all
the time.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah you remember, remember, I came home and they
weren't cleaning their room andI just came home lunchtime and I
put all of this stuff in one ofthis stuff in one pile in the
middle of the floor and I didn'tknow it was there until Peaches
came in and said Mom, whathappened to my room?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I was like I don't know, I ain't been in there.
I opened the door and I'm likeokay.
I said you know what, go aheadand clean it up.
We're going to have a talk withDaddy.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
And you, can, you talk to you?
And the first thing you said,eric, first of all, they're not
Marines and second, they girls,right?
You just can't, you know, do it, because they got privacy, they
got things that you know,that's them and you can't do
that, right, right?
So, uh, you need that person inyour life to say you know,
(28:02):
let's look at it at a differentpoint of view, let's what about
this?
Because, again, you're twoindividuals right, from two
different worlds, right?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
and and especially me , with a hundred relatives and
cousins, that I'm surroundedaround at all times and being
you, it's just you your mom,your sister and your dad.
So you didn't know that fullscope of coming from a tribe,
yeah tribe, tribe, right, right,right but you know I'm saying
so.
(28:29):
Things were different, even inthe marriage, because there were
things where you, you wereraised one way and and I was
raised another way.
Like you weren't allowed to getin your parents bed I was right
my kids got into our bed, thefirst thing you said is why are
they in my bed?
I was like they, my kids.
Oh man, that's why I'm in thebed, y'all come on and you never
(28:51):
.
You know you, you didn't sayanything about you like, oh, oh,
okay, you know they had to beclean.
They can just hop in there withtheir dirty feet or whatever
yeah, yeah, yeah that was yourrule, okay.
If you're gonna come and get inour bed, you have to be clean.
They can just hop in there withtheir dirty feet or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was yourrule, okay.
If you're gonna come and get inour bed, you have to be clean
in our bed so that was somethingthat was different growing up
okay yeah, that was somethingthat you know.
You know we discussed yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
and I had to get the feeling of that okay, now they
come home, they get, they getright in the beat.
Hey Mom, what you doing in here?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah, yeah, they want to ask us what we doing in our
own bed In scooch over.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
So I think it's just.
I love all the aspects of youtwo.
I don't want you to agree withme all the time either, but
sometimes I need someone tobounce something else off, you
know, and give me a balance,another way to see things, and I
think that's so important inmarriages, instead of taking on
the full responsibility anddoing it all yourself, you know,
(29:58):
and doing all of thedecision-making.
You know, just a leisureconversation as well, you know
how sometimes we go out and walkat the beach and we just talk
and just, you know, have ourlittle conversation.
I think that's the balance thatmost marriages need.
Again, communication isdefinitely key.
You know, you're not going toget anywhere without
(30:19):
communication.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
That's right, if you're communicating with your
husband.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
You don't have anywhere without communicating
with your husband.
You don't have a husband.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You got a roommate, oh man we don't want no
roommates, alright, so that'sone.
You got to believe that you can.
You got to believe that you canbe two individuals with two
different opinions and you canbelieve that and you can.
Your marriage can build on it.
Number two is you got to setboundaries.
(30:43):
You must set boundaries, heyJordan.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
He know it's true, he's like Matt, sure do.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, you know you got to set boundaries.
You must set boundaries, youknow, because healthy
relationships have boundariesthat are maintained by respect
for oneself and one's partner.
When you have differences thattrigger each other, setting some
boundaries is helpful.
And when it comes down topolitics, you got to set what.
So one of the things you cansay, you know, for example, you
(31:17):
can say let's agree not to talkabout politics during dinner.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
That's a boundary.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
We're not talking about politics during dinner,
matter of fact.
We don't want to talk aboutthat.
We should be talking abouthow's your day, you know, and if
you got kids, you definitelydon't want to be talking about
politics.
You should be talking to yourkids during dinner time how was
your day, you know.
Did you do your homework?
You know what about sportshomework?
You know what about sports, youknow.
You know they get the girls getolder.
(31:43):
Hey, you got a boyfriend.
Don't be trying to sneak up onme.
You got a girlfriend.
You know you, playfully, youknow, just asking that's the
dinner time is supposed to bespecial, right?
If we, you know, date night.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
We ain't talking politics during date night we
ain't talking about nobody doingdoing dates.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Nobody and nothing.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
It's important for us to have that time with just,
you know just.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Talking about us, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
What's the?
Next plan and having fun, andhaving fun.
Hey, we're going to have funthis Friday, ain't it?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yes, this weekend is my time to take Eric on date
night and I'm taking him tominiature golf.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
All right, all right, I'm going to win back the title
Okay.
We'll see All right, miniaturegolf, y'all, hey, y'all know,
y'all let us.
I'm going to get on her.
You know, when we come down tocompetition, I don't play you
(32:42):
don't all right, you can say,okay, that's for times.
You can say topics it seems likewhen we, you can say this it
seems like when we talk aboutpolitics, we both end up angry
and frustrated.
So you can say let's try not totalk about politics with each
other for a week and see whathappens.
Right?
I often say, if you knowsomething angers your partner
(33:05):
and you do it, that mean you are, you're intentional, you know
what triggers your partner andyou do it.
You doing it out of spite ismean that you know that you, you
, you try to do something.
And what I found out is a lotof times is that, uh, when
people, people want to start anargument, especially when around
(33:27):
six o'clock pm, seven o'clockpm, they just want to start and
they know it's going to triggera problem, and they and a person
get all mad and he's who I'mgoing to go.
Yeah, yeah, I know where you'regoing to go, finna.
Go you, finna, go to the sportsbar, or you going to see
somebody else.
A lot of times that happens.
Come on, now talk to me.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I don't know.
I never did anything like that,so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
I know when people are having strife they sometimes
it appears from the outsideLike that person started their
argument, so they can get out ofthe house you feel right for
the trap yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
So so you know, let's not try to talk with each other
for a week and see what happens.
You know they, we just we'regonna don't.
If you see it on social media,we're not talking about it, we,
you know.
If you see it on tv or whateverand you keep on moving, you
know what I mean.
Mean, so we do that.
And then you look at theprocess.
So you got times, topics andprocess and the process says I'm
(34:27):
willing to listen to your viewsand would like to understand
them better.
And when you share your views,please do so in a way that don't
disparage or disrespect mine,and that is good.
Disparage or disrespect mine,and that is good.
When you share your views,don't get all angry and get
frustrated that you got tolisten to me and you got to pick
(34:49):
my view.
Don't do that.
Don't talk down to me whenyou're talking about your views
and your political views.
Don't talk down to me, but youdon't.
No, no, no, no.
Just say your point, know, okay, and I should be able to hear
you out and listen to you andsay you know what?
Yeah, yeah, but you know whatabout this?
(35:11):
You know what I mean.
What about that, what aboutthis?
And we can have a, a gooddiscussion.
And I think that is what'smissing inside america right now
, where people can't sit downwithout getting mad.
You know, and what I found outis, a lot of times, when they
get into discussions, what's inthe heart actually comes out.
(35:32):
What is the heart actuallycomes out with these discussions
that you see, you know, comesout with these discussions that
you see, you know, and so.
But you know, if you're dealingwith something, even as your
partner, if you've been dealingwith something that maybe you
grew up in and it may beingrained in you and you're
trying to get it and it's stillin your heart, it's going to
come out and at least we couldtalk about it.
(35:54):
And I'm not going to go andtell the church, I'm not going
to go tell my mom and dad,everybody.
You know that person got somehate in there.
That ain't none of theirbusiness.
This is something for us totalk about.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Why are you looking like that?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
What was that look?
I just thought about it funny.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh geez.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I see a woman of God.
She ain't no woman of.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
God, she ain't no woman of God, she's a woman of
the devil.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
You don't listen to nothing I say.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Wow, wow, wow, all right.
So you got to believe that youcan Believe that you can have
two different views.
You got to believe that you gotto set boundaries.
You know you got to setboundaries when and where or how
we want to do it.
You got to believe that you gotto set boundaries.
You know you got to setboundaries when and where, how
we want to do it.
You got to set those boundariesand the next thing you want to
do is build emotional safety.
Build emotional safety.
(36:50):
So we know that with so much atstake, passions can get into it
and it's.
And sometimes, because you getso passionate, you forget that
the person you're discussingyour political views with is the
love of your life.
You think that's.
(37:14):
You think that's.
That's somebody on the street,that's somebody here.
No, no, no, no.
This is the love of your life.
This is the one that you wentdown down to the, you know, to
the courthouse.
Or you stood before God and yousaid to death, do us part and
sickness in the health.
I'm going to love, I'm going toobey, I'm going to submit to
each other, I'm going to do allthese kinds of things.
(37:34):
This is the love.
Maybe the mother you're cheering, I don't know, but this is your
person that you committed to,that you could have a covenant
with, and so you gotta you.
You can't be treating her likesome Joe Smoe on the on the side
.
You can't do that right.
So you, you, you, you, you gotit.
(37:56):
You got to build emotionalstability, says you.
You know, um, it goes on to saythat sometimes you can even go
and think of them as your enemy.
Now that's bad.
If you get to that point whereyou think, because of a
political view, that you thinkyour wife is your enemy or your
husband is your enemy, boy, yougot a problem.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
A big problem.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
You got a problem.
That's your enemy Again.
Again, that's the person thatyou love, that's the person that
you said you're going to spendthe rest of your life with and
because they think differentlythan you, on a political view
that every four years or everytwo years is going to change
something on the outside right,but none of these people.
(38:42):
You're going to lay it withNone of these people.
You're going to sleep with Noneof these people, but this is
the person that you said youwant to grow old with and you're
mad man.
That's the enemy.
No, no, no, that's not theenemy.
The devil is the enemy and thedevil is a lie.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Amen, Come on brother .
Speaker 1 (39:02):
So that's what it says.
You got to remember that yourspouse is not your Satan, is it
Right?
And it says here we should alsoremember that regulating your
spouse's political thinking isnot your job.
This right here, this is what Iwanted to get to Regulating
(39:22):
your spouse's political thinkingis not your job, that is not
your, that's not, especially formen.
Because now, you know, I didn'tI don't have the clip, but I
remember, you know, michelleObama, she did, she did a speech
and she was saying you know shewas saying to, you know she was
(39:43):
talking to women and she was.
She said that, hey, when you gointo the booth, right, you know
, nobody knows who you vote,your husband don't know who
you're voting for, right?
So she was appealing to women,right?
And then then the DemocraticParty, they ran a ad saying that
same thing with Julia Robertsroberts, you know saying.
You know saying that, um, andthe husband actually said, hey,
(40:06):
you made the right choice.
She said, I sure did.
You know that was a politicalad.
And she smiled or whatever likethat.
But then you had people, uh, onthe other side saying this one
person said if my wife went inand voted against what I wanted
her to vote for.
That's like she's having anaffair.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah, he said that.
That's like having an affair.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Cheating on me.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah.
Then you had another guy sayyou know, this party is telling
wives to lie to their husband.
No, our job is not to regulateour spouse's political thinking.
It's not our job.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Not.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Not our job.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Right, I agree.
Your spouse is not yourpolitical conscience.
Your spouse is not yourpolitical conscience.
You are not your spouse'spolitical conscience.
You're not.
You know who the politicalconscience is it's the Holy
Spirit.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Amen, let's see, we got some comments.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
We got Warren.
Hey Warren, how you doing?
God bless you, hi Warren.
He says do we as a couplereally need to talk about it as
much at all If we have differentviews and it doesn't change how
we live practically, except forthe worst, potentially so do
you as a couple?
(41:43):
You can set boundaries, youdon't have to.
If you don't have to talk aboutit politically, you don't have
to talk about it politically.
You don't have to, but it ishappening it is from this.
Do I need to go back to thestats?
Speaker 2 (41:57):
no, you don't need to go back to the stats.
We just you and we.
We are two different partiesI'm independent right yeah, you
are so I'm like, okay, I neverreally this.
This really baffles me and I'mglad that you did bring it to
light because, like I said, I'mnot into politics like this, but
(42:19):
just to see that people wereliterally in their marriage over
something like this is mindboggling to me, because I'm like
, really, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Like what.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know, are you serious?
Like what?
Are you serious People?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
would actually go back and change the custody of
their kids because of politics,because this person is at a
rally and these people say thatyou abandoned the kids because
you had a rally.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It depends on how often you're at that rally.
Now you ain't putting no dinneron the table and you out there
picketing and walking around,and that's questionable.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
That is a question Come on lady.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
You know, at least if you want a shot or a meal you
know, get dinner ready forMonday, tuesday and Wednesday on
Sunday night and you can go.
You know we can pop it in themicrowave or something.
But and even you know viceversa, that's something to say
hey, hold up, you're puttingthis before us and nothing
should go before God, yourspouse, your children, nothing.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Right, nothing should go, especially, like Warren
said, it's not going to reallydo anything.
But you know, yes, warren, youdo not have to talk about it,
but if you do, you got to learnhow to talk about it Exactly,
and you got to learn how to saythat you are two different
people.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
If you do and accept each other's point of view.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
And this is the thing is that we've, as we have said
tonight, this has something todo more than just politics.
It could be anything.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Anything.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Anything.
So you need to know how to talk.
Talk about things that you mayhave two different point of
views, where you can sit downand if you want to have a
conflict resolution or what,however you want to do it, but
you got to be able to sit downand have and know that your wife
may have opposing view than you, your husband may have opposing
view than you, and you need tosit down and talk about it.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Right.
Like the first time I wentgrocery shopping you was like
well, you got Eric, I spent $182.
You say where's the meat?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
I was like, oh yeah, I didn't get none of that.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
We decided right then .
And there who?
Speaker 1 (44:30):
was going to do it.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I'll do the grocery shopping past.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Yeah, you know, but you got tobe able to sit down and talk
about two opposing views.
You got to, and if you're notwilling to do that right, then
something is wrong.
You know we're talking aboutpolitics tonight.
That's the main thing, but yougot it in anything.
But I love what this says isthat I am not your political
(44:57):
conscience.
I'm not.
You know, the Holy Spirit is,and as a leader of the house, I
got to be able to say I can'tmake you vote like me.
I can't make you do what I wantyou to do, right, and that's it
.
Anything.
I'm not.
That it's.
The Holy spirit is supposed towork on you.
(45:18):
That's what it is.
So if it's something that thatyou're doing that I don't like,
right, and we sit down and talkabout it and we can't agree
about it, then we know what I'msupposed to do.
(45:38):
I'm supposed to pull away andget on my knees and start
praying.
I say, holy Spirit, you know,this is something that you know,
that's something that's drivingthe wedge.
And, lord, you know, if it's me, change me, change me.
And if it's something with her,you know, bring it to her
attention.
But it's not my job to keepbeating you about it and beating
you about it.
No, let the Holy spirit do it,right, yeah, that's what we got
to do and it's just like youknow, even with the church, we
(46:00):
often tell you know people, oh,you got to get ready, you, and
let the Holy Spirit dress them,you know, and talk to them about
the way they dress, the waythey smell and all this, you
know, and stuff like that.
Let the Holy Spirit do His work.
Why we try to do more than theHoly Spirit.
So that's why marriages, a lotof marriages, mess up, because
(46:23):
we're trying to be the HolySpirit and we're not supposed to
be their conscience at all.
All right, so that's betweeneach spouse and God.
So that's why people can say,when you go into the booth, when
you do your ballot, right,whatever, if you want to discuss
it, that's fine.
But you know you say OK, yeah,ok, I hear your point of view.
And you know, again, there maybe some things that affect you
(46:44):
as a woman that doesn't affectme as a man, right.
And there may be some thingsthat affect me as a man that
don't affect you as a woman,right.
And so it's time to discuss itand I have to be able to see
from your point of view, andthere may be some experiences
that you had in your life that Ididn't have right and I may be
like I'm full force of this, butif I don't ask you about your
(47:08):
experience and you don't tell meabout your experience, I can't
empathize with you, right?
And so that's how you said thatyou're, the Holy Spirit is
talking to you and yourpolitical thinking is between
you and God, all right.
So, as this thing is, it is notthe husband's job to tell your
wife what to think God wants herto do.
(47:28):
The husband's job is this.
You know, I can't come to youand say God wants you to do.
The husband's job is this Ican't come to you and say God
wants you to do this, god wantsyou to do that, god wants you to
do that.
What are you going to?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
do?
I'm going to go to God.
Eric said this, you said it,you confirmed that.
For me.
I don't take anybody's wordwhen they come to me.
I don't care what form theycome to me in and say that the
Lord says does I?
go to the Lord, I do bamboozletoo many times in my life,
(48:02):
believing what people haveprophesied and say the Lord told
me to tell you this or whatever.
No, I go to God for myself.
I'm telling you Not to putanything bad on because some
people they be on the point.
And it's been a lot of timeswhen the Lord say, yes, I did,
and I know how to roll with itand it's backed up with the word
(48:22):
.
You know, and it's backed upwith the word, and there's been
time when the Lord was like no.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
No.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
No confirmation.
No other person come and tellme the same exact thing when
they've never met that otherperson.
None of that.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
You have to be careful and I think it's so
important, and I say that allthe time you have to have the
Lord in the center of everyrelationship.
You know and let him guide and,like Warren say, you know, you
really won't even have to havethat discussion Because you
already know.
You'll know how to move forward.
Like we move forward.
Like I said, we voted yay andnay.
(48:56):
I mean on a topic.
Okay, we moving on.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
We moving on.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
I'm funny because Eric is against the people.
Oh Jesus.
So I'm like you know.
I'm like you know, I'm cool,like that.
You can be against the people,but I'm going to be down.
I'm going to be down for thepeople.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
You're going down for the people.
I'm against the people you'reagainst the people.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I ain't going to hell for the people, though, alright
yeah, and I think communicationis so key, it's so, it's so
important.
And if I could go back when youfirst got married and I know
what I know now, our marriage betotally off the rock, of course
but that's what.
That's what that's, that's thebeauty of growing, yeah and I'm
(49:47):
just glad I had opportunity todo that I with you, and that we
grow every day.
And I think it's because wecommunicate Not that we don't
get mad at each other, not thatwe don't get into our looks.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Because I'm spicy.
Yeah, spicy is spicy, you know,she on the hot pepper side,
whatever.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
You know, I shoot from the hip.
I get that from a grandma.
Yeah, you do shoot from the hip.
I get that from a grandma.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Yeah, you do shoot from the hip now.
Yeah, you do do that.
All right, so this is what itsays.
The husband's job this is thehusband's job is to love your
wife unconditionally, and thatis vice versa.
That's the husband job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church, right, and that's
the husband's job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church, right, and that's
(50:32):
the husband's job.
So that's why we got to again.
We've been talking about thisand we really got to get down.
We've been talking abouttalking to your spouse.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
We got to talk to your spouse.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
Right, not belittle, not insult, not criticize.
Talk.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
You got to talk, you can't be belittling, you can't
be criticizing, you can't dothat and and and.
In this it says one of thethings they have found in
studying relationship is thatthe health of a relationship is
a function of the average lagtime between identifying and
addressing a problem.
And we say that all the time.
Right, if you got a problem,don't keep sweeping it under the
(51:10):
rug, sweeping it under the rug,sweeping it under the rug,
sweeping it on the rug.
Right, you deal with it at thattime, and you know.
And if you can't deal with itat a time, you talk and you
can't do the conflict resolutionor whatever, say, okay, let's
take a break, come back, but yougot to deal with it.
You don't wait till a year downthe road.
You don't wait two years downthe road.
You know three years road andsay, oh, now we need to deal
with this problem.
That happened three years agoBecause, look, one of your
(51:32):
spouses already said, oh, Ithink it was already over.
Speaker 2 (51:37):
We didn't follow up.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
We didn't follow up with it.
We didn't do that, so I thoughtit was gone.
But if one spouse is stillholding on to something, you got
to deal with it, because if not, that's in your heart and
eventually what's in the heartis going to come out.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And when it comes out it's going to come out bad.
And that brings me back to thisfirst statement that Warren
said.
I wanted to read that before wegot to the second one.
But he says from the overflowof the heart, the mouth speaks,
and it does.
You know, when you got stuffbuild up and build up and build
up, you'd be like you know, eric, I'm so over this.
You remember back in 1995 whenyou did so and so you know.
I never got over that and youthinking all this time that was
(52:18):
a done deal.
Hey, we, we finished with that.
But here it goes.
It brought, brings it rightback to the surface, or may have
been something that you did inthe kitchen that brought that
right back to mind you know,like you, you never apologized
to me for this and we never gotpast this and you're going to
keep bringing stuff up, but youkeep bringing up that I owe you
how much money About aninsurance.
(52:39):
Yeah, you owe me $86.42.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
See you keep bringing that up, yeah but, eric, I paid
your insurance.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
And.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
And at the time you was dating me and somebody else.
You owe me my money, my moneyhow much are?
You right now.
You owe me eight thousand theinterest for that from eighty
six dollars to eight thousand.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Yes, oh boy eight thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Six hundred eight thousand six hundred dollars and
42 cents Boy.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
You just help Boy.
Look at here, Look at here,Look at here.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
But you know I mean, but you know I feel like if we
stay focused on the mostimportant thing is a healthy,
productive marriage and familyrelationship with God, that's
going to be the foundation thatyou can get over anything even
(53:32):
when it comes down to politics.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
You know, I mean that's the key, that's the key?
I don't really have anythingelse to add to that If you if
again, like I said, if you'renot communicating, you're not in
a marriage your roommate.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah, yeah.
My note here.
It says relationships can getbetter.
It doesn't happen without work,without effort and without pain
.
You're going to have somedifficult times, some growing
pain you're going to have somegrowing pains you're going to.
You're going to have that, butpains You're going to have that.
(54:10):
But you know, we are overcomers.
In Christ we're overcomers andeven if you're not a Christian,
you still can overcome the pain.
Right, I mean Jordan says youknow what the song says no pain,
no gain.
Right, that's.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Betty right, that's Betty right.
And in order to have something,in order to get something, you
got to go through something, gothrough something.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
You have to.
People can look at us or peoplecan look at other people and
say, man, I want my marriage tobe like that.
That means you have to gothrough something, because our
marriage was not free of anypain.
We had pain, but we had to grow.
We had to learn to love deeperthan what's on the surface.
(54:56):
You know, we had to lookbetween our faults and say, okay
, that fault right there, thegood is going to outweigh the
bad.
So you're going to have painand you got to work at it.
So you're communicating,setting boundaries.
You know being safe.
You know not thinking that youwrite and you, you know,
especially the men, because weare dealing with so much toxic
masculinity right now thatpeople that people don't even
(55:21):
understand that.
You know this.
This toxic masculinity is likeis like crazy, you know, and
some things they are callingtoxic masculinity, which is not
crazy, you know, and some thingsthey they are calling toxic
masculinity, which is not.
But some things are.
When I tell you that you got tobelieve what I say and believe
what I do and not let the holyspirit do it.
That's toxic and it can't belike that.
So it's going to take work.
(55:41):
It's going to take, you know,effort and it's going to take
pain.
It's going to take time too,all right, hey, hey, I think
that was good.
Tonight, man, I I reallyenjoyed this conversation.
You know, I'm passionate aboutit.
You know, again, we have not,we have and we will not endorse
any candidate.
That's what this is not about.
We just want marriages to win.
(56:02):
Yes that's what we want, if youwant to call in 754-222-2219.
Again, 754-222-2219.
If you want to call in, you canand we will take your calls in.
(56:23):
If you want to say something.
So we want to just say if youwant to, you know, donate
something.
Again, we want to get anengineer, you know, to do all
this stuff, so I don't have todo it, you know and set up the
place so you can donate tomarriage in real life.
If you want to and you know youcan, you can do that as well
and you know it'll help uscreate more, more programming,
(56:45):
so you can do that as well.
But you can call in to754-222-2219, 754-222-2219.
And we'll.
I know it's like a 16 secondsdelay and so we'll just, you
know, just wait and and and see.
Again, we want to thankeverybody who joined us tonight
(57:05):
Samson from Texas and Jordan,the little Richards.
Speaker 3 (57:08):
Natalie.
Speaker 1 (57:13):
Natalie for joining, you know, and Natalie in Chicago
, Maureen Warren, Warren fromPort St Lucy.
So we thank God for those.
I didn't see Ferg was onlineand not.
You know, I think Nikki is on,so we get Nikki for those.
I didn't see Ferg was online ornot.
You know, I think Nikki is on,so we give Nikki and Juicy.
(57:33):
Hey, hey, Lon you know, we justthank God.
Speaker 2 (57:38):
I'm excited about seeing her.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Oh man, I can't wait to see my Juicy Juice.
You know, I can't wait to seemy Juicy Juice.
Man, we're going to have alittle fun.
Maybe go and take out some icecream or something.
She'll love that.
She'll love that.
We want to thank each andeverybody for participating.
You know again, uh, nine, five,four, um, but I say the nine
(58:00):
five, four, or seven five, four,two, two, two, two, two, one,
nine.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
I'll be getting them, you know.
So that's just me and we do.
Thank you all for joining us.
It's been like so amazingSeason three, season three man.
Speaker 1 (58:20):
It's been.
Yeah, man, you know, just thinkabout you know, you were just
telling somebody the other daythat you know.
You said, hey, we need to dothis, and I was like I'm glad we
did, I'm glad we did because welearned from people.
You know, people think that wegot all, but we doing this
because we're learning frompeople and we want.
We want people to learn growingtogether and and again.
Speaker 2 (58:42):
You know, like you know I, I can remember falling
down when I was a kid andhurting myself and then going in
and telling my mama, oh, I gotto buy, I need a band-aid for
this.
And she would say to me oh,it's just a growing pain, it's
going to heal, you'll be okay,you'll be out there tomorrow and
you'll be back at it again.
And I couldn't understand.
(59:04):
You know how much I used thatrare growing pain in my adult
life because you know, you gotta, you gotta go through some
things.
You, you get through somethings.
You, you know you, you break,you fall, you get back up again.
You've done it with Kirk andsaid you get back up again right
, right, back up again.
(59:32):
So every relationship you'regoing to have to go through some
growing pains so that you could, so you can progress and you
can grow and you can help buildone another in every aspect, not
just with you, know, with thepolitics, but with so many other
things.
It's all a matter of growth.
I learned something about youalmost every other day.
I learned something differentabout you and you and me, and
(59:53):
we've been together for 32 yearsand, trust me, we're going to
learn a lot more about eachother.
Speaker 3 (59:59):
Go.
Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
One thing we do is we have that respect for one
another, and I think that's veryimportant that we respect and
we have boundaries with eachother.
Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Yeah, now, but thank you so much with each other.
Yeah, now, now.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
But thank you so much for joining us.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Well, nobody called in yet, so we want to.
We want to just thank you forjoining us.
You know, as we, as you know,as I often say, man, you know
you could be doing somethingelse, you know you don't have to
join us, but we thank God forall of those who join us.
All right, and we want to makesure, please make sure you like
(01:00:38):
I know we got make sure you,like we had 10 people on, we
should have at least 10 to 11likes.
We went up to 11, 12.
So we should at least havethose likes and we'll make sure
you, if you come back and youwant to re-watch it, make sure
you comment.
And for those who listening onthe podcast a week, you could
download and go back and listento it on apple podcast.
(01:00:59):
You know, did I tell you thatwe, in all the continents except
for antarctica, yeah, you did.
God is good, god is good, yeah,man, we got downloads for every
continent except for Antarctica,all right, so, yeah, so, so,
yeah, so you know, we want to dothat, we want to make sure that
we could do that, all right,but, god bless, and we thank you
(01:01:20):
for joining us tonight.
Again, like I said, you couldhave been doing something else,
but you decided to join us, allright, you know, juicy?
All right, we want to grab somefrozen, you'll get.
All right, we'll make surewe'll make sure we do that, all
right.
Well, god bless you and goodnight.
Well, welcome to Marriage and Real Life.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Well, I'm so glad to be back here.
Yeah, right, and we want tomake sure that if you're joining
us, even for the first time, oryou're back again, please check
in with us.
You know, let us know whereyou're watching from so we can
give you a shout out or we cangive you a clap, you know, and
so we want to make sure that welike to do that.
We want to make sure that ouraudience is with us.
(00:29):
Even those who will belistening on podcasts later on,
they can still get the names andwhere people are watching from.
You know.
All right, yes, we want to makesure we do that.
Speaker 2 (00:39):
Absolutely, it's a lot of fun and appreciation.
We appreciate you Also.
An appreciation.
We appreciate you.
Yeah, we appreciate you Fortuning in with us.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I want to make sure you like and share.
Like and share.
Please make sure you like andshare this podcast to your
family and your friends.
I believe tonight is going tohelp somebody.
Amen.
I'm going to start it out withsome stats, so I think it's
going to help somebody.
Amen, I'm going to start it outwith.
You know, I'm going to start itout with some stats, so I think
it's going to help somebody.
Okay, all right.
You know what's been going onthese last two weeks.
(01:10):
You know I know we had Amai andyou know she just she, just
busy body.
Give Amai a shout out.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Yay, my.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Yeah, she's just such a busybody, she's such a
character.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
She has such a personality.
I love that about her.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
Yeah, yeah, I love that about her.
Well, we know.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Thanksgiving is going to be.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
Yes, the children are coming home.
The children are coming homefor Thanksgiving.
Oh my gosh.
And we got a text today askingabout hey, are y'all going out
of town?
Y'all always eat at y'all house.
So I know you didn't, you know,feel like cooking this time,
but you're cooking this time.
Speaker 2 (01:50):
I actually plan not to cook anything, but when my
babies come home, I got to getin the kitchen and burn, you
know, do a little something, ofcourse with the help of my baby
boy.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
Well, Nikki said she was going to cook too.
Yeah, she did.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
I'm excited about it, yeah, and that you know.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
All of them get in there and burn a little bit.
I think the kitchen is bigenough, you know, to do y'all
things, so we can't wait.
Hey, see, samson is online.
Hey, samson, how you doing?
Hey, harold, all the way fromHouston, texas, texas is in the
house.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
To get into the topic , hey, but what about what we
did Saturday night?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
What did we do Saturday night?
We were going to see John B.
Oh yeah, John B, I was soexcited.
Speaker 2 (02:34):
I wanted to see him.
He was at 38th Street.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Barbecue yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:40):
And it started raining out, I had to leave.
I couldn't see him, but thenext time he in town.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Yeah, I want to tell you I already started looking
and he's not coming back heresoon, so yeah, hey, if we have
to drive out, like to Orlando orGeorgia, New York?
What Say drive out to Georgiaman?
(03:06):
You just kept going farther andfarther, the.
You're gonna say jamaica, andand and, because he is gonna be
in england.
But uh, yeah, so, yeah, I'm so,I'm so.
I was so bummed that you didn'tget a chance to see john b,
because I know you like john byeah, but I just got over that.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
Really bad cold.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
You didn't need to be out there.
Speaker 2 (03:28):
I had to take my health into consideration.
It was a decision to make Rightright right.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
I know, in the last two we voted, we did our votes,
we did a mail-in ballot.
We weren't going to stand in aline.
We did that one time.
I did a mail in ballot.
We want to stand in the line.
So you know, we did that onetime.
Lord have mercy, we ain't doingthis again, you know.
So you know we voted All right.
So all the people that voted,we give you a shout out, all
right?
And that leads us to tonight'stopic.
(03:58):
You know we're talking about.
You know politics and marriage,politics and marriage.
You know politics and marriage,politics and marriage.
Um, and I just want to startout, you know, because I know
you was kind of reluctant aboutdoing this topic, wasn't it?
yeah, I'm a little bit tired ofit, a little bit well, I'm yeah,
I'm tired of you know, I'mtired of the commercials, I'm
tired of the back and forth, butyou will hear tonight from
(04:21):
these stats that this topicneeds to be talked about within
marriages because a Wakefieldstudy Now this is an old study,
but Wakefield study in 2017found this Eleven percent said
differing politics have doomed arelationship, with the number
(04:42):
even higher among millennials.
With the number even higheramong millennials.
The figure doubled for youngerpeople, with 22% citing politics
as a reason for a romancebreakdown.
So this is it happens.
And then this was down in 2017.
It says also that theWakefield's research went on to
(05:03):
find 22 percent of peoplesurveyed said they knew of a
marriage, one couple negativelyimpacted by the president at
that time.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
This was a wait for study in 2017.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
All right, and it goes on to say and this wait for
study says passionatelyopposing points of views are not
only driving wedges betweenstrangers and even friends, but
we are now seeing evidence thatdissent is having a detrimental
impact on Americans' marriagesand relationships.
(05:57):
So this is a big thing, youknow, and it started back in
2017.
You know, I would say I wastelling somebody you know back
in the day I mean people haddiffering, you know, political
views or whatever like that, andI think social media has, you
know, just put it up to theforefront and you know and
(06:18):
talked about it because you'reindated with it.
You know it's on TV and you gotall these opposing views and
all of this kind of stuff, andwhat can happen is marriages.
It can.
It can break up marriages,because one thing I think Pastor
Barr said it at our last thingis that you are two people
coming together, but you'restill two individuals.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Right, you are still two different individuals.
You know you're coming to be asone, right, you are still two
different individuals.
You know you're coming to be asone, right To where, you know
sometimes, like how we think thesame, we, you know, finish each
other's sentences.
You know it builds to that, butyou still are two different
individuals, right, right, yougrew up differently, you looked
(07:02):
at worldview differently and I,as a husband, I can't make, I
can't, and we're going to talkabout this.
I can't make you Me and youcan't make me you Right, right,
so we're going to have to.
You know, we may have twodifferent, opposing opinions and
so some people can't handlethat, right, some marriages
can't, can't handle that, andthat is a big thing.
(07:24):
And especially now, what'sgoing on?
All right, um, and so this,this lawyer here and I'm looking
at these stats here, babe, I'mtelling you, uh, sharon knew a
family attorney with uh new andloringer, a law firm in bethesda
, maryland, says this and thisjust order just came out of 2024
.
So that was 2017, this is 22.
(07:44):
Uh, 2024, says.
Over the past five to sevenyears, she has seen more people
than ever before cite politicsas the main reason for wanting
to split politics wow and thisis happening in between the last
five to five to seven yearsthat she is seeing more and more
(08:07):
people do that.
She says you know, such umideological polarization started
to play a role in divorcesduring covid, when issues such
as masking vaccinations andsocial distance became
politicized right.
And then, uh, and that's whatthis DMV attorney, jessica
(08:27):
Markham, told this article, andit goes on to say these kinds of
divides are also playing a bigrole in the Maryland area, the
DMV area, custody battles.
So it's not only affecting thetwo adults, it is affecting
children.
Speaker 2 (08:44):
It's a family thing.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
Yes, because it says look, listen to this baby.
I'm just saying, when I readthis I said this is
heartbreaking to me Because weknow we care about marriages, we
want marriages to succeed.
And this is heartbreakingbecause he says and some clients
are even going back to court tomodify existing custody
(09:06):
agreements because they thinkthe other parents' views have
become too extreme.
They're going back to court,back to court.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
That's a shame ain't it?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
It says in some of Markham's cases, a parent this
way it comes to social media.
A parent's social media posts,such as those including
anti-immigrant and extremepro-gun stances and fake news
and conspiracy theories, havebeen used as evidence that
they're perhaps not fit to havecustody.
Speaker 3 (09:41):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
We're talking about politics and people are going on
people's social media becausethey're saying this and they're
saying that, and they're sayingthat.
And then she says she also hasa case in which one parent was
going to so many protests andrallies that the other parent
felt they had abandoned a family.
That's 2024.
This is happening, it's sad.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
This is happening, it's sad.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
This is a sad.
This is a sad thing thatAmerica has gotten too polarized
with politics.
And again, I didn't say this inthe beginning we're not here to
endorse any candidate tonight.
We're not here to endorse anycandidate.
That's not what we're doingtonight.
We're not doing no endorsingwhat we want to do.
We want to endorse anycandidate.
That's not what we're doingtonight.
(10:27):
We're not in doing no endorsingwhat we want to do we want to
endorse marriages, amen that'sright.
We want to endorse marriages andand and marriages.
Just, you know now, even though, if you look at it, people, the
stat says divorce rates arefalling, they're coming down,
but even though they're comingdown, the percentages of the
(10:49):
political marriage and divorcerates is going up.
So all in all around, divorcerates are coming down but it's
still inching up by percentagebecause of the people, the
reason why they're gettingdivorced.
That's a sad thing for America.
It is that's sad.
That's sad that we have come tothe point where we're using
(11:11):
politics as a reason for divorceor a reason for a relationship
to fail is because of yourpolitical view.
Wow, that is crazy.
It is wow, that is crazy.
I mean, did you ever thinkabout that?
You know, in our marriage.
I mean, did I ever thought itwould cross your mind?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
well, you know it hasn't, but we did our vote by
mail what?
Two weeks ago, maybe three twoweeks ago, I don't remember and
there was a decision on therethat both of us had to make and
I voted yay and you voted no.
We didn't file for divorce.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
No, we didn't file for divorce, right, because
we're two individuals.
Speaker 2 (12:00):
Two individuals.
And I have my reason forbelieving and standing on what I
stood on, and you had yourreason and we're not going to
argue over that.
Speaker 3 (12:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
We had too many other questions to go.
Put a pin in that and come backto it.
But I think, because wecommunicated, we talked about it
, I told you my view on it, youtold me your view on it and we
decided to go ahead and vote.
And when we both found well,when I found that you voted, I
(12:29):
was like babe, I couldn'tbelieve it.
But you know, we, we took that,we took that stand back and we
took that time.
And I think that's why doingthe mail-in ballot is so
important to me, because I getto sit down and actually really
re-understand.
Look, look up the candidatesyou know, see what they're about
.
Look at a little bit of historyof them before I make a
(12:49):
decision.
You know, outside of whatthey're doing on TV?
It's just like 90 seconds, ifthat long.
Right, right, right you get thefull gist of who these people
are, but when you can followtheir career a little bit before
you make a decision, I thinkthat was important to me.
A career a little bit beforeyou make a decision, I think
that was important to me and,like again, we had opportunity
to, I even had an opportunity toactually look up one of the
(13:11):
amendments and say let me seeexactly what this is talking
about before I make a decision,and so I think that was good
with us.
It's never come down to that.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
I mean, the thing about it is, I mean, I think we
even talked about it and youwent to work and you came on
today and I said you know, Ireally see what you're talking
about.
You know, I think it was morethan one that we had a, you know
, just a disagreement.
But I understood what you weretalking about and I think that's
that's the problem incommunication, uh, communicating
with your spouse is that youdon't want to see the point of
(13:47):
view of them and you're sobig-headed and you think that
you're right all the time thatyou don't want to listen to your
spouse, to get their point ofview and say man, you know what,
I understand, I understand howit affects you.
I understand that, understand,I understand how it affects you.
I understand that.
You know, because, look to beto be real about it, it's some
(14:09):
things that that that's inpolitics that would not affect
me as much as it affect you,right, there's some things
that's going to affect ourchildren more than it affect us,
you're right and ourgrandchildren.
So we have to.
You know, I heard I think I toldyou about Pastor Marvin Sapp.
He said this.
He said he was telling hiscongregation.
(14:31):
You know, a while ago he wassaying look money-wise.
You know Marvin Sapp, you knowhe's a millionaire, you know,
you know, you're a millionaire,you got money.
You know, even though he'spassing, he got plenty of money.
You're a millionaire, you gotmoney.
You know, even though he'spassing, he got, he got plenty
of money.
So you say, money wise, it isbetter for me to vote for a
Republican candidate.
Right, he says that because youknow, a lot of times they look
(14:54):
after, like they say themillionaires or whatever,
whatever you know party says,whatever people say, I have to
put my own benefits and look atmy congregation and look at my
children and grandchildren and Ihave to say that outweighs my
own personal benefits.
(15:15):
Right, and so, even in thepolitical way is, a lot of times
people are looking out fortheir own interests but they're
not looking out for theirspouses, they're not looking out
for their children interests.
They they're not looking outfor their spouses, they're not
looking out for their children'sinterests.
They're just not doing that.
All right, all right, we got,we got.
(15:37):
Samson here says he says I knowof a household where one spouse
is voting one way and the otherspouse is afraid to go against
it.
Man, we're going to talk aboutthat.
Wow, it should be.
That should never happen.
You should never be afraid,because to me that's
manipulation and to me, ifsomebody is afraid to do
something, that is a form ofabuse to me.
They may not, you may not agree, and people who watch it may
(16:00):
not agree with that, but that isa form of abuse because you are
having control over somebody,and God has never told us to
have control over a person's.
What they do as far as theyvote, never said that, he never
said that.
He said love your wife and hesays wife, submit Right, and
(16:22):
that's what he said.
And so not have control of theway, because if you're having
control, that's a form of abuseto me.
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (16:31):
Any type of forcing that's being done in any
relationship without the personwanting it.
I think it's abuse, emotional,mental, verbal.
You know threats may not bephysical, but they hurt just as
bad.
Speaker 3 (16:49):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
You know.
And if you're afraid to make amove, if you're afraid to go
against that, what else are youafraid?
Speaker 3 (16:56):
of Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, mm-hmm.
All right, let's get back,let's get into it.
Let's get into it more.
Okay, we're going to give sometips.
All right, here's some tips.
All right, here's some tips.
And we want you, you know, ifyou're watching with us, if
you've got anything to say, comeon, put it in the chat.
We'll give you some time tocall.
Yeah, let's talk about it.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
man, let's talk about it.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
Let I seem very passionate about it and you hear
from here just that.
But then you hear Samson say it.
He knows somebody, so he's partof that percentage, right and
again.
But I'm just like this.
I want marriages to succeed andthe enemy will use any kind of
thing to mess up marriages right, and we let him use, out of all
(17:42):
things, politics, right?
I tell all the people there'sthree things that break up
marriages communication, sex andmoney.
Now we're talking about we needto add a fourth thing Politics
will break it up.
Oh man, it shouldn't happen, weshouldn't do that, all right.
So this person wrote to thislady and I'm going to read what
she wrote, right, I'm not goingto put the names Right or
(18:06):
whatever like that, but I'mgonna read and I want y'all to
hear that everybody that's outthere, please make sure you like
and share.
Please make sure you like andshare, all right.
She says dear emily.
It says says my husband hasbecome increasingly embroiled in
politics.
He is almost blindly devoted toa certain candidate and watches
Fox News every night.
He said my politics areforemost central and I am of a
(18:30):
certain party and we are at odds.
And this is what he says.
Despite being retired, we spendvery little time together.
I feel I cannot discuss orrespond to his comments about
fake news or politics.
And this is what got me.
We have been married for almost30 years and not until the last
(18:52):
two or three did we ever discusspolitics.
And we have pretty and we'vehad a pretty great life.
And she says I do not.
And she put it in I do not wantto give up on our marriage, but
I feel alone.
I asked him about counselingand he flatly refused, refused.
He says how do I proceed withthis conversation?
And she put help.
And so we're going to gothrough some things.
(19:14):
You know that not only can helpher, but maybe help somebody,
right, all right, and you know,and as she said, you know,
political tribalism is, as wesaid before, is tearing our
country apart.
Not only marriage is tearing upfriends, but they can't.
You know, they from oneparticular person and this from
(19:36):
this particular person.
They just friendships are beingbroken, churches are being
broken, patsy churches are beingbroken.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
Patsy, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Churches are being broken.
When the churches are beingbroken over politics, man, there
is something wrong.
So how can we expect themarriages to succeed if the
churches is not succeededbecause they're broken on a
politics?
It's not going to happen.
It's not going to happenBecause, in order for the
marriages to succeed, theyshould be able to come to church
and get a politics.
It's not going to happen.
(20:06):
It's not going to happenBecause, in order for the
marriages to succeed, theyshould be able to come to church
and get a word.
A word, a word should be comingfrom the pastor, the man and
the woman of God, you know,telling them that, hey, god
still reigns on the throne,right, that's what should be
coming on, not politicalmessages, not this.
You know, hot topics and notthis stuff.
(20:26):
Preach the gospel of jesuschrist, right and so um and so
what happens when opposingopinions and strong emotions
drive us apart?
When somebody got strongopinions and they don't want to
listen, they don't, you know,because it comes down to what
you always say in everythingCommunication.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Communication is key.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Communication.
Speaker 2 (20:49):
Dr Barr said that as well.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, communication, you got to sit down and
communication is just nottalking, as we often say.
Right, communication islistening and not having a wall.
That, okay, I'm fake listeningto you, but I'm still right.
Right, I'm hearing you, but I'mnot listening to you.
(21:16):
I'm not really hearing whatyou're saying.
You know You're talking andit's wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (21:23):
You're blowing me off , yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you know what I mean.
You're blowing me off, yeah,yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:26):
And so that's what.
That's what's happening.
So here are some keys, here'ssome keys.
Here's some keys to lovingpeople and who believe
differently from you.
All right, but the first one isbelieve that you can.
All right, believe that you cancan, all right, believe that
(21:49):
you can.
Some people have moved to suchextremes that they no longer
believe it is possible to livewith and love those who think
differently than they do oncertain topics.
So if you get to that point,that's when you go to divorce.
Right, you go into divorcebecause you don't think that I
can live with somebody who has adiffering view than me.
Right, you know what I mean.
(22:11):
And and, and and.
The thing is.
I mean, I know we're talkingabout politics and life, but
that's on anything, right?
I agree with that, that's withanything, that's with anything
you don't believe that you canlive with somebody.
That and if you are going to bemarried long, if you want to be
married you're going to havedifferent views on something on
(22:31):
a lot of things oh man, it's notthe views that you have.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
It's how you assess them.
It's how you get through themand how you express them yeah,
exactly.
Assess them is how you getthrough them and how you express
them yeah, exactly, and how youexpress them without belittling
and criticizing and saying youknow, we had one statement we
talked about.
You know, we don't want to becalled stupid.
Right, right, you got to knowhow to address the situation
(22:55):
without causing harm to therelationship.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Mm-hmm, all right, you got to the relationship.
Mm-hmm, all right, you got tobelieve that.
And so this one here, believethat you can't.
It's in any situation, becausein order to believe you can love
someone you strongly disagreewith, you must first realize
that you can achieve unity ofpurpose on some level.
On some, you got to believethat, mm-hmm, because if you
(23:19):
don't believe it, it's not goingto happen.
Uh, yeah it.
We got to have unity.
We got to have unity on somelevel.
So they gave some examples andI love the examples that they
gave.
It says um, you and your spouseshould be able to sit down and
agree on on some of these things, you know.
You should be able to say mygoal is to have a strong,
(23:39):
healthily joyous marriage withyou.
You and your spouse should beable to say my goal is to have a
strong, healthily joyousmarriage with you.
You and your spouse should beable to say oh, yeah, I agree
with that, because marriageshould be over politics.
Speaker 2 (23:50):
It should be Marriage should be over anything,
everything.
Speaker 1 (23:59):
Marriage has got to be over your kids.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
You know you have to.
It's a, it's a commitment, it's, you know it's the, the oneness
, the, the one flesh, but stillthe two individuals.
So you got to be able to be putthat over anything, everything.
Speaker 1 (24:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So you got to believe that thegoal is to have a strong,
healthy, joyous marriage.
And if we're going to have astrong, healthy, joyous marriage
, we may not agree on everything, but we can know how to
communicate about it, to work itout.
He says.
He says I believe that ourpolitical beliefs are just one
(24:37):
aspect of our identity.
That's what we said.
That's just one aspect of it.
You can't say, I can't say toyou that you know, patsy, you're
a Democrat or you're aRepublican, and that's who you
are.
Speaker 2 (24:51):
What is that supposed to mean?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
That's right.
I can't say that to you becausethat's not your identity.
Speaker 2 (24:59):
And I'm going to say well, what is that supposed to
mean?
Speaker 3 (25:02):
What are you trying to say?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
You're like really, how do we get to that?
Oh man, I think I don't know.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I'm not into politics like that, but that's on
anything.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
I can't say yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
Something like that wouldn't trigger me.
Yeah, something like thatwouldn't trigger me.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
But I mean, there's so many other things in the
marriage that would trigger me.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
Right, but I can't identify you as one thing.
No Right, absolutely not Right.
The only thing I can identifyyou is as a child of God and a
beautiful black woman.
Yes, sir.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Let's stay focused.
Okay, well sir, let's stayfocused.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
Let's get back on topic.
I'm sorry, excuse me y'all, I'mnot your superwoman.
Yes, you are baby.
So we can't believe thatpolitics is a person's identity.
Because they believe something,because they believe one way In
politics, they can't say thatthat's their identity.
We got to believe that.
I believe there is much more toeach of us than our political
(26:08):
identities.
It's something got to be morethan that In political.
Yeah, it's something there.
And then you say I love these.
You know, I should be able tosay to you I love these aspects
of you and these are things thatbelieve that you can't.
You should be able to sit downwhen it comes down to politics
or whatever.
You know, this is what I loveabout you.
I love that you are a freethinker.
(26:29):
I love that you don't thinklike me, because any leader, any
leader, doesn't want as a manand God has put man as a leader
right but any leader should notwant people to be, yes, men, to
always think like they do,because you'll never progress.
You know, you want some kind offriction, you want some kind of
(26:52):
comeback, you want somebody tosay to you you know what?
Let's rethink about this.
Let's look at it from adifferent angle.
How would this affect me?
How would this affect thechildren?
How would you know, you lookingat it from this way?
But you know, eric, you gotgirls.
You can't think like that.
Speaker 2 (27:10):
You got girls and I remember telling you that all
the time.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
Yeah you remember, remember, I came home and they
weren't cleaning their room andI just came home lunchtime and I
put all of this stuff in one ofthis stuff in one pile in the
middle of the floor and I didn'tknow it was there until Peaches
came in and said Mom, whathappened to my room?
Speaker 2 (27:31):
I was like I don't know, I ain't been in there.
I opened the door and I'm likeokay.
I said you know what, go aheadand clean it up.
We're going to have a talk withDaddy.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
And you, can, you talk to you?
And the first thing you said,eric, first of all, they're not
Marines and second, they girls,right?
You just can't, you know, do it, because they got privacy, they
got things that you know,that's them and you can't do
that, right, right?
So, uh, you need that person inyour life to say you know,
(28:02):
let's look at it at a differentpoint of view, let's what about
this?
Because, again, you're twoindividuals right, from two
different worlds, right?
Speaker 2 (28:09):
and and especially me , with a hundred relatives and
cousins, that I'm surroundedaround at all times and being
you, it's just you your mom,your sister and your dad.
So you didn't know that fullscope of coming from a tribe,
yeah tribe, tribe, right, right,right but you know I'm saying
so.
(28:29):
Things were different, even inthe marriage, because there were
things where you, you wereraised one way and and I was
raised another way.
Like you weren't allowed to getin your parents bed I was right
my kids got into our bed, thefirst thing you said is why are
they in my bed?
I was like they, my kids.
Oh man, that's why I'm in thebed, y'all come on and you never
(28:51):
.
You know you, you didn't sayanything about you like, oh, oh,
okay, you know they had to beclean.
They can just hop in there withtheir dirty feet or whatever
yeah, yeah, yeah that was yourrule, okay.
If you're gonna come and get inour bed, you have to be clean.
They can just hop in there withtheir dirty feet or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was yourrule, okay.
If you're gonna come and get inour bed, you have to be clean
in our bed so that was somethingthat was different growing up
okay yeah, that was somethingthat you know.
You know we discussed yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
and I had to get the feeling of that okay, now they
come home, they get, they getright in the beat.
Hey Mom, what you doing in here?
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Yeah, yeah, they want to ask us what we doing in our
own bed In scooch over.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:35):
So I think it's just.
I love all the aspects of youtwo.
I don't want you to agree withme all the time either, but
sometimes I need someone tobounce something else off, you
know, and give me a balance,another way to see things, and I
think that's so important inmarriages, instead of taking on
the full responsibility anddoing it all yourself, you know,
(29:58):
and doing all of thedecision-making.
You know, just a leisureconversation as well, you know
how sometimes we go out and walkat the beach and we just talk
and just, you know, have ourlittle conversation.
I think that's the balance thatmost marriages need.
Again, communication isdefinitely key.
You know, you're not going toget anywhere without
(30:19):
communication.
Speaker 3 (30:19):
That's right, if you're communicating with your
husband.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
You don't have anywhere without communicating
with your husband.
You don't have a husband.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You got a roommate, oh man we don't want no
roommates, alright, so that'sone.
You got to believe that you can.
You got to believe that you canbe two individuals with two
different opinions and you canbelieve that and you can.
Your marriage can build on it.
Number two is you got to setboundaries.
(30:43):
You must set boundaries, heyJordan.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
He know it's true, he's like Matt, sure do.
Speaker 1 (30:54):
Yeah, you know you got to set boundaries.
You must set boundaries, youknow, because healthy
relationships have boundariesthat are maintained by respect
for oneself and one's partner.
When you have differences thattrigger each other, setting some
boundaries is helpful.
And when it comes down topolitics, you got to set what.
So one of the things you cansay, you know, for example, you
(31:17):
can say let's agree not to talkabout politics during dinner.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
That's a boundary.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
We're not talking about politics during dinner,
matter of fact.
We don't want to talk aboutthat.
We should be talking abouthow's your day, you know, and if
you got kids, you definitelydon't want to be talking about
politics.
You should be talking to yourkids during dinner time how was
your day, you know.
Did you do your homework?
You know what about sportshomework?
You know what about sports, youknow.
You know they get the girls getolder.
(31:43):
Hey, you got a boyfriend.
Don't be trying to sneak up onme.
You got a girlfriend.
You know you, playfully, youknow, just asking that's the
dinner time is supposed to bespecial, right?
If we, you know, date night.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
We ain't talking politics during date night we
ain't talking about nobody doingdoing dates.
Speaker 3 (31:58):
Nobody and nothing.
Speaker 2 (32:02):
It's important for us to have that time with just,
you know just.
Speaker 1 (32:04):
Talking about us, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
What's the?
Next plan and having fun, andhaving fun.
Hey, we're going to have funthis Friday, ain't it?
Speaker 2 (32:11):
Yes, this weekend is my time to take Eric on date
night and I'm taking him tominiature golf.
Speaker 1 (32:19):
All right, all right, I'm going to win back the title
Okay.
We'll see All right, miniaturegolf, y'all, hey, y'all know,
y'all let us.
I'm going to get on her.
You know, when we come down tocompetition, I don't play you
(32:42):
don't all right, you can say,okay, that's for times.
You can say topics it seems likewhen we, you can say this it
seems like when we talk aboutpolitics, we both end up angry
and frustrated.
So you can say let's try not totalk about politics with each
other for a week and see whathappens.
Right?
I often say, if you knowsomething angers your partner
(33:05):
and you do it, that mean you are, you're intentional, you know
what triggers your partner andyou do it.
You doing it out of spite ismean that you know that you, you
, you try to do something.
And what I found out is a lotof times is that, uh, when
people, people want to start anargument, especially when around
(33:27):
six o'clock pm, seven o'clockpm, they just want to start and
they know it's going to triggera problem, and they and a person
get all mad and he's who I'mgoing to go.
Yeah, yeah, I know where you'regoing to go, finna.
Go you, finna, go to the sportsbar, or you going to see
somebody else.
A lot of times that happens.
Come on, now talk to me.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
I don't know.
I never did anything like that,so I don't know.
Speaker 3 (33:51):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
I know when people are having strife they sometimes
it appears from the outsideLike that person started their
argument, so they can get out ofthe house you feel right for
the trap yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, all right.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
So so you know, let's not try to talk with each other
for a week and see what happens.
You know they, we just we'regonna don't.
If you see it on social media,we're not talking about it, we,
you know.
If you see it on tv or whateverand you keep on moving, you
know what I mean.
Mean, so we do that.
And then you look at theprocess.
So you got times, topics andprocess and the process says I'm
(34:27):
willing to listen to your viewsand would like to understand
them better.
And when you share your views,please do so in a way that don't
disparage or disrespect mine,and that is good.
Disparage or disrespect mine,and that is good.
When you share your views,don't get all angry and get
frustrated that you got tolisten to me and you got to pick
(34:49):
my view.
Don't do that.
Don't talk down to me whenyou're talking about your views
and your political views.
Don't talk down to me, but youdon't.
No, no, no, no.
Just say your point, know, okay, and I should be able to hear
you out and listen to you andsay you know what?
Yeah, yeah, but you know whatabout this?
(35:11):
You know what I mean.
What about that, what aboutthis?
And we can have a, a gooddiscussion.
And I think that is what'smissing inside america right now
, where people can't sit downwithout getting mad.
You know, and what I found outis, a lot of times, when they
get into discussions, what's inthe heart actually comes out.
(35:32):
What is the heart actuallycomes out with these discussions
that you see, you know, comesout with these discussions that
you see, you know, and so.
But you know, if you're dealingwith something, even as your
partner, if you've been dealingwith something that maybe you
grew up in and it may beingrained in you and you're
trying to get it and it's stillin your heart, it's going to
come out and at least we couldtalk about it.
(35:54):
And I'm not going to go andtell the church, I'm not going
to go tell my mom and dad,everybody.
You know that person got somehate in there.
That ain't none of theirbusiness.
This is something for us totalk about.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
Why are you looking like that?
Speaker 2 (36:11):
What was that look?
I just thought about it funny.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
Oh geez.
Speaker 2 (36:16):
I see a woman of God.
She ain't no woman of.
Speaker 3 (36:20):
God, she ain't no woman of God, she's a woman of
the devil.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
You don't listen to nothing I say.
Speaker 1 (36:30):
Wow, wow, wow, all right.
So you got to believe that youcan Believe that you can have
two different views.
You got to believe that you gotto set boundaries.
You know you got to setboundaries when and where or how
we want to do it.
You got to believe that you gotto set boundaries.
You know you got to setboundaries when and where, how
we want to do it.
You got to set those boundariesand the next thing you want to
do is build emotional safety.
Build emotional safety.
(36:50):
So we know that with so much atstake, passions can get into it
and it's.
And sometimes, because you getso passionate, you forget that
the person you're discussingyour political views with is the
love of your life.
You think that's.
(37:14):
You think that's.
That's somebody on the street,that's somebody here.
No, no, no, no.
This is the love of your life.
This is the one that you wentdown down to the, you know, to
the courthouse.
Or you stood before God and yousaid to death, do us part and
sickness in the health.
I'm going to love, I'm going toobey, I'm going to submit to
each other, I'm going to do allthese kinds of things.
(37:34):
This is the love.
Maybe the mother you're cheering, I don't know, but this is your
person that you committed to,that you could have a covenant
with, and so you gotta you.
You can't be treating her likesome Joe Smoe on the on the side
.
You can't do that right.
So you, you, you, you, you gotit.
(37:56):
You got to build emotionalstability, says you.
You know, um, it goes on to saythat sometimes you can even go
and think of them as your enemy.
Now that's bad.
If you get to that point whereyou think, because of a
political view, that you thinkyour wife is your enemy or your
husband is your enemy, boy, yougot a problem.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
A big problem.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
You got a problem.
That's your enemy Again.
Again, that's the person thatyou love, that's the person that
you said you're going to spendthe rest of your life with and
because they think differentlythan you, on a political view
that every four years or everytwo years is going to change
something on the outside right,but none of these people.
(38:42):
You're going to lay it withNone of these people.
You're going to sleep with Noneof these people, but this is
the person that you said youwant to grow old with and you're
mad man.
That's the enemy.
No, no, no, that's not theenemy.
The devil is the enemy and thedevil is a lie.
Speaker 2 (38:56):
Amen, Come on brother .
Speaker 1 (39:02):
So that's what it says.
You got to remember that yourspouse is not your Satan, is it
Right?
And it says here we should alsoremember that regulating your
spouse's political thinking isnot your job.
This right here, this is what Iwanted to get to Regulating
(39:22):
your spouse's political thinkingis not your job, that is not
your, that's not, especially formen.
Because now, you know, I didn'tI don't have the clip, but I
remember, you know, michelleObama, she did, she did a speech
and she was saying you know shewas saying to, you know she was
(39:43):
talking to women and she was.
She said that, hey, when you gointo the booth, right, you know
, nobody knows who you vote,your husband don't know who
you're voting for, right?
So she was appealing to women,right?
And then then the DemocraticParty, they ran a ad saying that
same thing with Julia Robertsroberts, you know saying.
You know saying that, um, andthe husband actually said, hey,
(40:06):
you made the right choice.
She said, I sure did.
You know that was a politicalad.
And she smiled or whatever likethat.
But then you had people, uh, onthe other side saying this one
person said if my wife went inand voted against what I wanted
her to vote for.
That's like she's having anaffair.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
Wow, that's crazy.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Yeah, he said that.
That's like having an affair.
Speaker 2 (40:33):
Cheating on me.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Yeah.
Then you had another guy sayyou know, this party is telling
wives to lie to their husband.
No, our job is not to regulateour spouse's political thinking.
It's not our job.
Speaker 3 (40:55):
Not.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Not our job.
Speaker 2 (40:57):
I agree with you.
Speaker 1 (40:58):
Right, I agree.
Your spouse is not yourpolitical conscience.
Your spouse is not yourpolitical conscience.
You are not your spouse'spolitical conscience.
You're not.
You know who the politicalconscience is it's the Holy
Spirit.
Speaker 2 (41:17):
Amen, let's see, we got some comments.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
We got Warren.
Hey Warren, how you doing?
God bless you, hi Warren.
He says do we as a couplereally need to talk about it as
much at all If we have differentviews and it doesn't change how
we live practically, except forthe worst, potentially so do
you as a couple?
(41:43):
You can set boundaries, youdon't have to.
If you don't have to talk aboutit politically, you don't have
to talk about it politically.
You don't have to, but it ishappening it is from this.
Do I need to go back to thestats?
Speaker 2 (41:57):
no, you don't need to go back to the stats.
We just you and we.
We are two different partiesI'm independent right yeah, you
are so I'm like, okay, I neverreally this.
This really baffles me and I'mglad that you did bring it to
light because, like I said, I'mnot into politics like this, but
(42:19):
just to see that people wereliterally in their marriage over
something like this is mindboggling to me, because I'm like
, really, you know, I don't.
Speaker 1 (42:29):
Like what.
Speaker 2 (42:30):
You know, are you serious?
Like what?
Are you serious People?
Speaker 1 (42:32):
would actually go back and change the custody of
their kids because of politics,because this person is at a
rally and these people say thatyou abandoned the kids because
you had a rally.
Speaker 2 (42:45):
It depends on how often you're at that rally.
Now you ain't putting no dinneron the table and you out there
picketing and walking around,and that's questionable.
Speaker 1 (42:52):
That is a question Come on lady.
Speaker 2 (42:54):
You know, at least if you want a shot or a meal you
know, get dinner ready forMonday, tuesday and Wednesday on
Sunday night and you can go.
You know we can pop it in themicrowave or something.
But and even you know viceversa, that's something to say
hey, hold up, you're puttingthis before us and nothing
should go before God, yourspouse, your children, nothing.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Right, nothing should go, especially, like Warren
said, it's not going to reallydo anything.
But you know, yes, warren, youdo not have to talk about it,
but if you do, you got to learnhow to talk about it Exactly,
and you got to learn how to saythat you are two different
people.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
If you do and accept each other's point of view.
Speaker 1 (43:38):
And this is the thing is that we've, as we have said
tonight, this has something todo more than just politics.
It could be anything.
Speaker 2 (43:49):
Anything.
Speaker 1 (43:50):
Anything.
So you need to know how to talk.
Talk about things that you mayhave two different point of
views, where you can sit downand if you want to have a
conflict resolution or what,however you want to do it, but
you got to be able to sit downand have and know that your wife
may have opposing view than you, your husband may have opposing
view than you, and you need tosit down and talk about it.
Speaker 2 (44:13):
Right.
Like the first time I wentgrocery shopping you was like
well, you got Eric, I spent $182.
You say where's the meat?
Speaker 3 (44:25):
I was like, oh yeah, I didn't get none of that.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
We decided right then .
And there who?
Speaker 1 (44:30):
was going to do it.
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I'll do the grocery shopping past.
Speaker 1 (44:33):
Yeah, that's it.
That's it.
Yeah, you know, but you got tobe able to sit down and talk
about two opposing views.
You got to, and if you're notwilling to do that right, then
something is wrong.
You know we're talking aboutpolitics tonight.
That's the main thing, but yougot it in anything.
But I love what this says isthat I am not your political
(44:57):
conscience.
I'm not.
You know, the Holy Spirit is,and as a leader of the house, I
got to be able to say I can'tmake you vote like me.
I can't make you do what I wantyou to do, right, and that's it
.
Anything.
I'm not.
That it's.
The Holy spirit is supposed towork on you.
(45:18):
That's what it is.
So if it's something that thatyou're doing that I don't like,
right, and we sit down and talkabout it and we can't agree
about it, then we know what I'msupposed to do.
(45:38):
I'm supposed to pull away andget on my knees and start
praying.
I say, holy Spirit, you know,this is something that you know,
that's something that's drivingthe wedge.
And, lord, you know, if it's me, change me, change me.
And if it's something with her,you know, bring it to her
attention.
But it's not my job to keepbeating you about it and beating
you about it.
No, let the Holy spirit do it,right, yeah, that's what we got
to do and it's just like youknow, even with the church, we
(46:00):
often tell you know people, oh,you got to get ready, you, and
let the Holy Spirit dress them,you know, and talk to them about
the way they dress, the waythey smell and all this, you
know, and stuff like that.
Let the Holy Spirit do His work.
Why we try to do more than theHoly Spirit.
So that's why marriages, a lotof marriages, mess up, because
(46:23):
we're trying to be the HolySpirit and we're not supposed to
be their conscience at all.
All right, so that's betweeneach spouse and God.
So that's why people can say,when you go into the booth, when
you do your ballot, right,whatever, if you want to discuss
it, that's fine.
But you know you say OK, yeah,ok, I hear your point of view.
And you know, again, there maybe some things that affect you
(46:44):
as a woman that doesn't affectme as a man, right.
And there may be some thingsthat affect me as a man that
don't affect you as a woman,right.
And so it's time to discuss itand I have to be able to see
from your point of view, andthere may be some experiences
that you had in your life that Ididn't have right and I may be
like I'm full force of this, butif I don't ask you about your
(47:08):
experience and you don't tell meabout your experience, I can't
empathize with you, right?
And so that's how you said thatyou're, the Holy Spirit is
talking to you and yourpolitical thinking is between
you and God, all right.
So, as this thing is, it is notthe husband's job to tell your
wife what to think God wants herto do.
(47:28):
The husband's job is this.
You know, I can't come to youand say God wants you to do.
The husband's job is this Ican't come to you and say God
wants you to do this, god wantsyou to do that, god wants you to
do that.
What are you going to?
Speaker 2 (47:39):
do?
I'm going to go to God.
Eric said this, you said it,you confirmed that.
For me.
I don't take anybody's wordwhen they come to me.
I don't care what form theycome to me in and say that the
Lord says does I?
go to the Lord, I do bamboozletoo many times in my life,
(48:02):
believing what people haveprophesied and say the Lord told
me to tell you this or whatever.
No, I go to God for myself.
I'm telling you Not to putanything bad on because some
people they be on the point.
And it's been a lot of timeswhen the Lord say, yes, I did,
and I know how to roll with itand it's backed up with the word
(48:22):
.
You know, and it's backed upwith the word, and there's been
time when the Lord was like no.
Speaker 1 (48:26):
No.
Speaker 2 (48:27):
No confirmation.
No other person come and tellme the same exact thing when
they've never met that otherperson.
None of that.
Speaker 3 (48:33):
Right.
Speaker 2 (48:34):
You have to be careful and I think it's so
important, and I say that allthe time you have to have the
Lord in the center of everyrelationship.
You know and let him guide and,like Warren say, you know, you
really won't even have to havethat discussion Because you
already know.
You'll know how to move forward.
Like we move forward.
Like I said, we voted yay andnay.
(48:56):
I mean on a topic.
Okay, we moving on.
Speaker 1 (49:02):
We moving on.
Speaker 2 (49:06):
I'm funny because Eric is against the people.
Oh Jesus.
So I'm like you know.
I'm like you know, I'm cool,like that.
You can be against the people,but I'm going to be down.
I'm going to be down for thepeople.
Speaker 1 (49:19):
You're going down for the people.
I'm against the people you'reagainst the people.
Speaker 2 (49:23):
I ain't going to hell for the people, though, alright
yeah, and I think communicationis so key, it's so, it's so
important.
And if I could go back when youfirst got married and I know
what I know now, our marriage betotally off the rock, of course
but that's what.
That's what that's, that's thebeauty of growing, yeah and I'm
(49:47):
just glad I had opportunity todo that I with you, and that we
grow every day.
And I think it's because wecommunicate Not that we don't
get mad at each other, not thatwe don't get into our looks.
Speaker 1 (49:58):
Because I'm spicy.
Yeah, spicy is spicy, you know,she on the hot pepper side,
whatever.
Speaker 2 (50:08):
You know, I shoot from the hip.
I get that from a grandma.
Yeah, you do shoot from the hip.
I get that from a grandma.
Speaker 1 (50:11):
Yeah, you do shoot from the hip now.
Yeah, you do do that.
All right, so this is what itsays.
The husband's job this is thehusband's job is to love your
wife unconditionally, and thatis vice versa.
That's the husband job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church, right, and that's
the husband's job.
Love your wife as Christ lovedthe church, right, and that's
(50:32):
the husband's job.
So that's why we got to again.
We've been talking about thisand we really got to get down.
We've been talking abouttalking to your spouse.
Speaker 2 (50:40):
Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 1 (50:41):
We got to talk to your spouse.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
Right, not belittle, not insult, not criticize.
Talk.
Speaker 3 (50:48):
Right.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
You got to talk, you can't be belittling, you can't
be criticizing, you can't dothat and and and.
In this it says one of thethings they have found in
studying relationship is thatthe health of a relationship is
a function of the average lagtime between identifying and
addressing a problem.
And we say that all the time.
Right, if you got a problem,don't keep sweeping it under the
(51:10):
rug, sweeping it under the rug,sweeping it under the rug,
sweeping it on the rug.
Right, you deal with it at thattime, and you know.
And if you can't deal with itat a time, you talk and you
can't do the conflict resolutionor whatever, say, okay, let's
take a break, come back, but yougot to deal with it.
You don't wait till a year downthe road.
You don't wait two years downthe road.
You know three years road andsay, oh, now we need to deal
with this problem.
That happened three years agoBecause, look, one of your
(51:32):
spouses already said, oh, Ithink it was already over.
Speaker 2 (51:37):
We didn't follow up.
Speaker 1 (51:38):
We didn't follow up with it.
We didn't do that, so I thoughtit was gone.
But if one spouse is stillholding on to something, you got
to deal with it, because if not, that's in your heart and
eventually what's in the heartis going to come out.
Speaker 2 (51:56):
And when it comes out it's going to come out bad.
And that brings me back to thisfirst statement that Warren
said.
I wanted to read that before wegot to the second one.
But he says from the overflowof the heart, the mouth speaks,
and it does.
You know, when you got stuffbuild up and build up and build
up, you'd be like you know, eric, I'm so over this.
You remember back in 1995 whenyou did so and so you know.
I never got over that and youthinking all this time that was
(52:18):
a done deal.
Hey, we, we finished with that.
But here it goes.
It brought, brings it rightback to the surface, or may have
been something that you did inthe kitchen that brought that
right back to mind you know,like you, you never apologized
to me for this and we never gotpast this and you're going to
keep bringing stuff up, but youkeep bringing up that I owe you
how much money About aninsurance.
(52:39):
Yeah, you owe me $86.42.
Speaker 1 (52:42):
See you keep bringing that up, yeah but, eric, I paid
your insurance.
Speaker 3 (52:47):
And.
Speaker 2 (52:48):
And at the time you was dating me and somebody else.
You owe me my money, my moneyhow much are?
You right now.
You owe me eight thousand theinterest for that from eighty
six dollars to eight thousand.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Yes, oh boy eight thousand dollars.
Speaker 2 (53:04):
Six hundred eight thousand six hundred dollars and
42 cents Boy.
Speaker 1 (53:09):
You just help Boy.
Look at here, Look at here,Look at here.
Speaker 2 (53:12):
But you know I mean, but you know I feel like if we
stay focused on the mostimportant thing is a healthy,
productive marriage and familyrelationship with God, that's
going to be the foundation thatyou can get over anything even
(53:32):
when it comes down to politics.
Speaker 3 (53:34):
Right.
Speaker 2 (53:34):
You know, I mean that's the key, that's the key?
I don't really have anythingelse to add to that If you if
again, like I said, if you'renot communicating, you're not in
a marriage your roommate.
Speaker 1 (53:49):
Yeah, yeah.
My note here.
It says relationships can getbetter.
It doesn't happen without work,without effort and without pain
.
You're going to have somedifficult times, some growing
pain you're going to have somegrowing pains you're going to.
You're going to have that, butpains You're going to have that.
(54:10):
But you know, we are overcomers.
In Christ we're overcomers andeven if you're not a Christian,
you still can overcome the pain.
Right, I mean Jordan says youknow what the song says no pain,
no gain.
Right, that's.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
Betty right, that's Betty right.
And in order to have something,in order to get something, you
got to go through something, gothrough something.
Speaker 1 (54:35):
You have to.
People can look at us or peoplecan look at other people and
say, man, I want my marriage tobe like that.
That means you have to gothrough something, because our
marriage was not free of anypain.
We had pain, but we had to grow.
We had to learn to love deeperthan what's on the surface.
(54:56):
You know, we had to lookbetween our faults and say, okay
, that fault right there, thegood is going to outweigh the
bad.
So you're going to have painand you got to work at it.
So you're communicating,setting boundaries.
You know being safe.
You know not thinking that youwrite and you, you know,
especially the men, because weare dealing with so much toxic
masculinity right now thatpeople that people don't even
(55:21):
understand that.
You know this.
This toxic masculinity is likeis like crazy, you know, and
some things they are callingtoxic masculinity, which is not
crazy, you know, and some thingsthey they are calling toxic
masculinity, which is not.
But some things are.
When I tell you that you got tobelieve what I say and believe
what I do and not let the holyspirit do it.
That's toxic and it can't belike that.
So it's going to take work.
(55:41):
It's going to take, you know,effort and it's going to take
pain.
It's going to take time too,all right, hey, hey, I think
that was good.
Tonight, man, I I reallyenjoyed this conversation.
You know, I'm passionate aboutit.
You know, again, we have not,we have and we will not endorse
any candidate.
That's what this is not about.
We just want marriages to win.
(56:02):
Yes that's what we want, if youwant to call in 754-222-2219.
Again, 754-222-2219.
If you want to call in, you canand we will take your calls in.
(56:23):
If you want to say something.
So we want to just say if youwant to, you know, donate
something.
Again, we want to get anengineer, you know, to do all
this stuff, so I don't have todo it, you know and set up the
place so you can donate tomarriage in real life.
If you want to and you know youcan, you can do that as well
and you know it'll help uscreate more, more programming,
(56:45):
so you can do that as well.
But you can call in to754-222-2219, 754-222-2219.
And we'll.
I know it's like a 16 secondsdelay and so we'll just, you
know, just wait and and and see.
Again, we want to thankeverybody who joined us tonight
(57:05):
Samson from Texas and Jordan,the little Richards.
Speaker 3 (57:08):
Natalie.
Speaker 1 (57:13):
Natalie for joining, you know, and Natalie in Chicago
, Maureen Warren, Warren fromPort St Lucy.
So we thank God for those.
I didn't see Ferg was onlineand not.
You know, I think Nikki is on,so we get Nikki for those.
I didn't see Ferg was online ornot.
You know, I think Nikki is on,so we give Nikki and Juicy.
(57:33):
Hey, hey, Lon you know, we justthank God.
Speaker 2 (57:38):
I'm excited about seeing her.
Speaker 1 (57:39):
Oh man, I can't wait to see my Juicy Juice.
You know, I can't wait to seemy Juicy Juice.
Man, we're going to have alittle fun.
Maybe go and take out some icecream or something.
She'll love that.
She'll love that.
We want to thank each andeverybody for participating.
You know again, uh, nine, five,four, um, but I say the nine
(58:00):
five, four, or seven five, four,two, two, two, two, two, one,
nine.
Speaker 2 (58:10):
I'll be getting them, you know.
So that's just me and we do.
Thank you all for joining us.
It's been like so amazingSeason three, season three man.
Speaker 1 (58:20):
It's been.
Yeah, man, you know, just thinkabout you know, you were just
telling somebody the other daythat you know.
You said, hey, we need to dothis, and I was like I'm glad we
did, I'm glad we did because welearned from people.
You know, people think that wegot all, but we doing this
because we're learning frompeople and we want.
We want people to learn growingtogether and and again.
Speaker 2 (58:42):
You know, like you know I, I can remember falling
down when I was a kid andhurting myself and then going in
and telling my mama, oh, I gotto buy, I need a band-aid for
this.
And she would say to me oh,it's just a growing pain, it's
going to heal, you'll be okay,you'll be out there tomorrow and
you'll be back at it again.
And I couldn't understand.
(59:04):
You know how much I used thatrare growing pain in my adult
life because you know, you gotta, you gotta go through some
things.
You, you get through somethings.
You, you know you, you break,you fall, you get back up again.
You've done it with Kirk andsaid you get back up again right
, right, back up again.
(59:32):
So every relationship you'regoing to have to go through some
growing pains so that you could, so you can progress and you
can grow and you can help buildone another in every aspect, not
just with you, know, with thepolitics, but with so many other
things.
It's all a matter of growth.
I learned something about youalmost every other day.
I learned something differentabout you and you and me, and
(59:53):
we've been together for 32 yearsand, trust me, we're going to
learn a lot more about eachother.
Speaker 3 (59:59):
Go.
Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
One thing we do is we have that respect for one
another, and I think that's veryimportant that we respect and
we have boundaries with eachother.
Speaker 3 (01:00:08):
Yeah, now, but thank you so much with each other.
Yeah, now, now.
Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
But thank you so much for joining us.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (01:00:15):
Well, nobody called in yet, so we want to.
We want to just thank you forjoining us.
You know, as we, as you know,as I often say, man, you know
you could be doing somethingelse, you know you don't have to
join us, but we thank God forall of those who join us.
All right, and we want to makesure, please make sure you like
(01:00:38):
I know we got make sure you,like we had 10 people on, we
should have at least 10 to 11likes.
We went up to 11, 12.
So we should at least havethose likes and we'll make sure
you, if you come back and youwant to re-watch it, make sure
you comment.
And for those who listening onthe podcast a week, you could
download and go back and listento it on apple podcast.
(01:00:59):
You know, did I tell you thatwe, in all the continents except
for antarctica, yeah, you did.
God is good, god is good, yeah,man, we got downloads for every
continent except for Antarctica,all right, so, yeah, so, so,
yeah, so you know, we want to dothat, we want to make sure that
we could do that, all right,but, god bless, and we thank you
(01:01:20):
for joining us tonight.
Again, like I said, you couldhave been doing something else,
but you decided to join us, allright, you know, juicy?
All right, we want to grab somefrozen, you'll get.
All right, we'll make surewe'll make sure we do that, all
right.
Well, god bless you and goodnight.
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