Foundation of a Strong Marriage - LOYALTY

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Have you ever considered the intricate dance of love and dedication it takes to keep a marriage flourishing? That's precisely what we're tackling today as we guide you through the serpentine paths of marital bliss and blunders. We promise an enlightening journey, grounded in faith, from the profound wisdom of 1 Corinthians 13 to the delicate balance of 'leaving and cleaving' laid out in Ephesians 5:31. As your hosts, we're here to reveal how patience, kindness, and an unwavering commitment can reinforce the love you share with your partner.

Navigating family dynamics and the modern complexities of dual incomes, we highlight the significance of establishing boundaries and creating a sacred space for your union to prosper. The conversation gets real as we share personal stories that shine a light on the struggle for independence and the importance of building your own traditions. We're not tiptoeing around the tough topics either; we confront the raw issues of loyalty, trust, and the thorny path to forgiveness in the aftermath of betrayal. Witness how understanding, transparency, and a steadfast belief in each other can mend the deepest of rifts.

As we wrap up this heartfelt episode, we reflect on the protective instincts of parenthood and the beauty of an imperfect partnership. We believe in the transformative power of sharing experiences and invite you to be part of this ongoing dialogue. Much like this conversation, your marriage is an ever-evolving masterpiece painted with strokes of love, loyalty, and respect. Join us, and let's continue to foster marriages that are not just enduring but exuberant in their love.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to Marriage in Real Life.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
Yes, welcome welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
All right, well, I'm Eric.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
And I'm Boss Lady P.

Speaker 1 (00:12):
Yes, and we are back for Marriage in Real.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
Life, absolutely Yay, I'm happy to be back.

Speaker 1 (00:18):
You're happy to be back.

Speaker 2 (00:19):
I am.
Last session was so awesome.
I'm excited about.
You know how this one's goingto go, so yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
Okay, all right, good , good, good, good.
Well, again, we want to justwelcome you for joining us.
I really want to say you knowyou could have been doing
something else.
I always say that.
You always say that I know hey,people, can you know we got?
You know, got people watchingwith us even right now.
I want you to tell us whereyou're watching from so we can

(00:49):
give you a shout out yeah, tellus where you're watching from.
But you know people could bedoing anything, you know, and so
they decided to take time outto either listen to us on the
podcast or watch us tonight live.
So you know, I just alwaysappreciate people whenever they
take out their time to dosomething with me, right?

Speaker 2 (01:12):
I know I appreciate it too, because it's a lot of
things that you could be doingthis beginning of the week.
You're trying to get your mindright so you can get through
these 40 hours.
So, yeah, it can be a bitoverwhelming, you know,
especially you came out of along, hot, Holy Ghost-filled
service from yesterday and youstill need a little sleep.
You had to go in and clock inwith your man.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, yeah, you know so, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
so we do appreciate you taking the time and the
opportunity to sit with us andjust hang out with us.

Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, yeah, you know, weekends go by fast, they do,
they go by fast.
You know, you get off on Friday, you got traffic, and then you
got all day, saturday and Sunday, you know.
Then all the next thing youknow, man, it's back to go to
work.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
You know, especially if you get your Sunday nap.
You know you got to get yourSunday nap.
Now you got to get your Sundaynap.
So we see that Jordan andMalika and Muffin is watching
right, hey, y'all All right, andwe know.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Ferg from North Carolina, jv of North Carolina
is watching.

Speaker 1 (02:21):
Hey Ferg.
So we thank God for each andevery person that is watching
with us tonight.
So you know, as we often say,what you know what transpired
these last two weeks that we'vebeen here, you know been on this
podcast, and so what's up?
You know your face looking alllike I don't know.

Speaker 2 (02:36):
Yeah, I'm trying to remember we were.
Yeah, well, last weekend wewere pretty productive around
the house.

Speaker 4 (02:43):
Uh-huh, right right, right right.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah, the dryer was broken.
Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 (02:48):
I'm not about that.
Yeah, the dryer broke, we'reback in business.
now we're back in business, youknow, and we're going to run
that washer until it die out.
I'm telling you, man, I knowit's… it don't match, it don't
match, it don't match.
But hey, we're gonna run thedryer until it falls.

(03:09):
I mean, yeah, the dry is good,we're gonna run the wash until
the the, as I say, the wheelsfall off.
Okay, okay, all right, whatelse do we do?
Well, I would say, uh, say amaiis clapping, all right.
So ferg says, uh, happy, happymother's day.
To my beady too.
We was getting ready to talkabout that too for her, because

(03:29):
yesterday was mother's day.
So we want to say happy, happy,belated mother's day to all of
the mothers.
We want to say happy belated,you know, because you know, I
know y'all had a good time.

Speaker 2 (03:40):
I had a great time and I have to.
I was in a zone of a nap whenyou called, so I'm so sorry I
missed your call, but I knew youwas calling to tell me Happy
Mother's Day.
Thank you, and I love you.
But I put it down.

Speaker 1 (03:56):
Yes, she did.
She put it down for her.
She put it down.
But, like I said, we got to getthe matching set of the wash
and dry.
Yeah, that's all right, butyour.

Speaker 2 (04:08):
Mother's Day.
It was pretty cool, huh, it wasgreat, excellent.
I got an opportunity to take anap, four-hour nap.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Four-hour nap.

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Amazing.
Dinner was great.
I mean I just totally enjoyedwatching the ladies at church
receive their gifts from themen's department.
It just really warmed my heart,the smiles on their faces.
So yeah, it was a great day.

Speaker 1 (04:31):
Okay, all right, good yeah, all right yeah.

Speaker 2 (04:34):
I was called to chime in hey Mom.

Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, you're going to cook for me On Saturday.
Yeah, I thought that was good.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, I took leftovers for lunch today and
everybody in the break room waslike what you got over there?
I was like.

Speaker 1 (04:46):
I don't have enough to share oh man, it was what it
was Braised brisket, braisedbrisket, yeah, braised brisket,
it was so good, oh man, it wasgood to sleep, but, um, that was

(05:07):
a failed attempt with the, withthe kids.
I remember those days.
Yeah, I give you a shout out,marie.
We appreciate you and say happymother's day to you.
Malika, who's online, and someother people who was online, was
able to call our daughters andyou know text our daughters and
you know spiritual daughter them.
You know about, you know justproud of them for being the
mother that they are.
You know, and you preached agood message yesterday.
Give it a shout out.

Speaker 2 (05:29):
For the glory of God.

Speaker 1 (05:30):
Yeah, you preached a good message.
You preached a good message,man, by the good and bad mother
man.
That was good.
You know Solomon being thewisest man and you know he's
going to.
Hey, I cut him in half but themother said hey, you know what,
go ahead and give it to her.
That's a true mother.
Like you said, they sacrificedthemselves, you know, and um, so
, yeah, a good good shout out.

(05:51):
So I want to say you did a goodjob yesterday.
So if you need to go and listento that, go ahead and go back
and go to real message.
You know you'll see her.
She's happy Mother's Day andgot a big old picture of her.
So you know that's her, alright, alright, we ready to get into

(06:14):
tonight's topic we're talkingabout.
You know what makes a goodmarriage, part two.
So are you ready?
I'm ready, alrighty.
So let's give a hand clap foreverybody and then we're going
to get into our topic.
Ready, all right?
So let's give a hand clap foreverybody and then we're going
to get into our topic.
Yeah, thank you.
All right, we're ready to getinto our topic tonight.
What makes a strong marriage?

(06:35):
You know the fundamentals of astrong marriage.
Last week, just for a recap.
We talked about Psalms 127.
We started out says except thelord build a house, they labor
in vain.
That build it.
Except the lord, keep the city.
The watchman waketh, but invain.
So what this verse teaches us?

(06:56):
That that that's the truth,that every endeavor in our life,
unless god is in the middle ofit we, you know, unless God
builds it, you know we labor invain.
So it goes just to our marriageas well, to our marriages.
You know that.
You know we got to make surethat the Lord is in the center
of our marriages.
We have to make sure, you knowwe are.

(07:17):
You know a we're Christianpodcast about marriages.
You know that's what we do.
So we want to make sure thateverybody who's listening, who's
watching, uh, with us, that youknow that jesus is the center
of your marriage and not that,and because jesus is the center,
that doesn't say that you'renot going to have problems, that
you're not going to havesituations that you're not going

(07:39):
to have.
That you know because in thislife jesus said he, he didn't
promise us a carefree life.
He said trouble is going tohappen, you know, and it's going
to happen individually and it'sgoing to happen in our
marriages.
But with Jesus it's much easierto get over it, I know so.
So we got to know that.
Except the Lord builds it, youknow, except they that labor,

(08:00):
they labor in vain.
And we talked about, we went tothis on the fundamentals, and we
went to about love In 1Corinthians 13,.
We really broke down that verb,that verse of what love is.
We said love is patient, right,that, you know.
Love is kind, right.
We said love does not envy.

(08:21):
You know, true love is notjealous.
We don't get jealous of yourmate.
True love does not envy, youknow, true love is not jealous.
We don't, you know, we don'tget jealous of your mate.
True love does not boast, youknow, it does not make a parade.
Don't boast of what you do.
I can do it better than you.
We don't do that.
True love is not arrogant, allright.
It does not demand to be numberone.

(08:42):
So you know.
So it's.
You know, sometimes in amarriage, sometimes it's like I
want to be the only one, youknow, but you got to be able to.
You know you are there, but yougot to be able to the other,
the other person got to be ableto, you know, play basketball or
do this and hang out with theirfriends or whatever you you are

(09:03):
, you know Jesus is the center,you right next, but got to have
enough to go around.
What do you think about that?
What do you mean?
Enough to go around?
When I say that you know, yousay you know, like you got to
put me above.
It's like sometimes in amarriage, sometimes people want
to be above Jesus.
You know what I mean.
They want to be that it's allabout them.

(09:25):
They're arrogant, it's allabout them, but the marriage is
not all about them.
I got to have my job, I got mykids, I got my business, I got
all this stuff.
So you are there.
I'm not saying that you're notpriority above these things, but
you're not the only thingthat's in life.
That's what I'm saying.
All right, do you agree withthat?

Speaker 2 (09:45):
Okay, it's got to be some type of outside thing.
Yeah, it's got to be you got tohave that balance, you got to
have that separation.

Speaker 1 (09:51):
Right.

Speaker 2 (09:51):
You know that separation in the daytime.
You know if you want to go playbasketball, go play basketball.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Right.

Speaker 2 (10:01):
You need that separation of time, um, but you
can't be the number one priorityright.

Speaker 1 (10:06):
But you know that.
You know that's that my mom,you remember my mom said you
can't be around a person, youknow, 24 hours a day you're not
getting nowhere to get activated.
You know, um, aggravated,aggravated, aggravated at them
it will happen, all right.
So love is not rude.
Love is never rude, you know wetalk about.

(10:28):
Sometimes people think theyconfuse them being the boss,
that they could be rude and thatyou can't do that.
You know you can't do that andyou can't be rude to your spouse
.
That's one thing you can't do.

(10:48):
You know you can't be rude toyour spouse because if you try
to be rude to your spouse, yourspouse is going to be rude to
you.
Right, you give that energy,they give it back, that's it All
right.
So love does not insist on itsown way.
True love is never selfish.
It's not all about you.
True love is not irritable,it's not easy to provoke.

(11:11):
True love is thinketh, no evil.
So we don't think evil of our.
If we love our mate, we don'tthink evil of him.
True love doesn't rejoice atwrongdoing.
If we don't, we don't do that.
And true love rejoices with thetruth.
Well, we said the truth willset you free, right, yes, it

(11:33):
will.
Truth will set you free and andhonest.
You know, you got to be honest.
True love is honest and we saidlast week, it is better to hear
the truth from your spouse thanto hear it from somebody else.
Absolutely, it is better tohear it from your spouse because
you don't want to hear, uh, thetruth from somebody else, and

(11:54):
your spouse is there because youknow what you're going to say.
Why didn't you tell me why Ihad to hear from somebody?
Yeah, why did I have the ears,you know, for somebody else?
So we want to make sure thatyou know that true love, that we
be truthful with our spouse.
So that was about one of thefoundations that we did.
The next foundation that we'regoing to really talk about
tonight is loyalty.

(12:16):
All right, loyalty.
You have to be loyal to yourspouse.
You have to be loyal to yourspouse.
You have to be loyal to yourspouse.
This is what Ephesians 5 and 31says.
Therefore, a man shall leavehis father and mother and hold
fast to his wife, and the twoshall become one flesh.

(12:37):
All right.
So that's the law of leavingand cleaving.
That's what it is we should be.
Leaving and cleaving, that'swhat it is.
We should be leaving andcleaving.
There's one thing, a few thingsare more devastating to a
marriage than a failure to leaveand cleave.

Speaker 2 (12:54):
I agree with that.
I agree.
I come across a lot of womenwho their husbands especially
the women that I have had thisconversation with were women
from the islands, caribbeans,where their, their husbands, is
completely connected to themother, like to the point where

(13:16):
the mother is literally ruining,um, the marriage, not so much
the father, but it's like hemarried her and and mom's over
there on the side, because she'smaking directions, she's making
plans, she's really helping himtear the marriage apart and he
don't realize it because this ismom.
You know, you know how you knowboys, I told you you didn't ask

(13:37):
me to marry him when he wasfour.
You know they.
They really have a connectionwith their mothers right right,
I find that um with those youngladies that that was something
that they were dealing with.
As far as those husbandsactually leaving, you know, even
in a few um counseling sessionsthat we've had, that's been one

(13:59):
of the main issues that those,those young men, I don't know
what it is that the mothers doto them to make them.
You know they want to be apriority, to the point where
these women are so stressed out,you know, and it's really
unfair Right.
It really is because yourloyalty should be to that woman

(14:22):
that you plan to spend the restof your life with and help rear
children and help build a futureand a foundation.
You know, and if you know, thatif that young man will put God
in the center of it, he will puthis mom in her place politely.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yeah, yeah, I mean that's that's, that's what it is
.
Yeah, I mean, that's that's,that's what it is, it should be.
You know, I thank God for ourmothers.
You know that they didn't, theydidn't interfere with our
marriage at all, and I thinkthat's how it should be.
You know, because, look, youare supposed to a man and should
be leaving his mother and hisfather, right?

(15:03):
And and the word join when theybe be come, joined together,
that mean you be glued together.
All right, you can't.
You can't have all thesedifferent type of glues, right?
I can't be glued to my mom andglued to to my wife.
I can't do that.
I can't be glued, I have to beglued to my wife.
Because this is one thing Iunderstand, this is one thing I

(15:24):
was telling.
Somebody says look, my familynow is me and you right, it's
almost like my mother and myfather.
They are my external family.
Because now I have, god hasallowed me to create this
immediate family.
I'm not saying I'm not going tothrow you away, I'm not going
to say I'm not going to call you, I'm not going to say that, but

(15:46):
one thing, one thing you're notgoing to do, you're not going
to interfere with my marriage.
That's number one, and you'renot going to disrespect my wife.
You can't disrespect my wife.
And number three I just I haveto be with my wife.
I have this is my wife.
We have to start.
We have to start traditionstogether.
So, yeah, the tradition may bethat in our family growing up

(16:06):
that we used to, every Christmas, come and trim the tree.
Well, now that I'm married, mom, I can't come on every
Christmas and trim the tree.
Right, because now me and mywife got to come up with our own
traditions.
We can come sometimes and bethere, but we're not going to be

(16:27):
there every Christmas.
And you can't get mad at mywife, because that's the first
thing happens.
A lot of times the mothers getmad at the wife when it normally
be the husband.
They're saying, well, I don'twant to go, you know, let's
start our own thing.
But the first thing they wantto do is get mad at the
daughter-in-law.
She don't want you to come over, you know.

(16:51):
And then when, when you'retrying to respect your mom, you
you know what I mean you don'twant to, you don't want to say
no, it ain't her, or whateverlike that, you know.
So you have that, that tensiongoing on, and so that's why, as
parents, the one thing we haveto do as parents is step back
and let and say look, I wouldlike for you to come, you know.
Maybe you know once, I look, Iwould like everybody to be this.

(17:12):
Whatever holiday it is, y'allcan do whatever y'all want to do
, just one this year.
I just like y'all to come home,you know, and you can't get mad
at one of don't come, you know.
But if all of them make a, youknow, if everybody make an
effort and one don't come, youknow and say wait, why you can't

(17:33):
come.
Okay, but we, we got to keepmoving.
You know what I mean.
But a parent must stay out oftheir um, can't be every day
involved into a marriage.
Now, if the children call foradvice, then that's you.
You, you give advice, but youcan't be in it because it's all
about leaving and Cleveland Alsoother family members as well?
Yeah, Gotta stay out of it.
You gotta stay out of peoplebusiness.

(17:54):
I was counseling a couple and Isaid to them I said look,
whatever y'all do in your house,that's what you do in your
house, you know.
Don't let nobody else tell youhow to do in your house.
Don't let culture tell you howyour marriage should be.

(18:14):
You know what I mean.
If the word of God says how itshould be, that's what you
follow.
That is exactly what you follow.
Culture will tell you.
You will have many pastors, willtell you different things and
they're telling them off oftheir personal thing.
They're not even telling youoff of the Bible.
They're telling you you shoulddo this and you should do that.
And some of them again, likewith the Bible, you bring your

(18:35):
own worldview into it.
You know how you grew up andhow you saw your family and how
you did it.
So now you bring it in.
Oh well, family and how you didit.
So now you bring it in.
So well, the wife's, all she'ssupposed to do is she's supposed
to work, she's supposed toclean.
But hey, look now, these daysyou need two incomes, unless you
got a great job.
You know you got a great joband then you know, but still you
know.
So that's all about leaving inCleveland.

(18:57):
You know what I mean.
We got any comments.

Speaker 2 (18:59):
No, we do have a comment from Ferg that I thought
was very interesting.
It says love only cares aboutlove.
All the other things we werelistening is that all other
things you're listening is ourown added selfishness oh man I
hope people can really learn tolove, and that is so true.
You know you gotta learn tolove without conditions oh man,

(19:21):
you can't put stipulations onyour love.
You either love of you or youdon't.
Wow, you know you can't wasteyour time as well as the other
person who you saying that youlove when you truly don't.
You know love them because ifyou know love, when you love you
put yourself second wow, loveis not selfish love is not

(19:42):
selfish, but j Jesus did.
He said you know what I lovey'all so much that I am going to
this cross, as much and asbitter as this cup is.
My love for you has noconditions, it's unconditional.
I'm going to put myself secondfor you, and if Jesus did it for

(20:04):
us, we should be able to do itfor each other, especially when
we say that the Lord brought ustogether, when we say that I
knew this was my husband,because the Lord picked him out
of the flower bed, out of all ofthe others.
You know you have that love.
You know, ferg, you are soright.
Love is just love, you know,and it that love.

(20:24):
You know, ferg, you are soright.
Love is just love, you know,and it only cares about that.
So when you go into any type ofrelationship, you can't go in
with stipulations, because ifyou got stipulations then it's
not for you.

Speaker 1 (20:38):
Right.

Speaker 2 (20:38):
It's not for you.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Yeah, I agree.
Like I said, she had to cleavefinancially.
You know from my father beforeI got married, otherwise it
would have been a mess.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
Wow, wow, wow.
That's deep right there,daughter.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
Yeah, that's deep.

Speaker 2 (20:57):
It is because, you know, I can only imagine, and
then that also go to back tothese ladies, that I won't say
counsel but I talk to.
That also go back to the waythat they would say either.
Because, like on one of theyoung ladies, when she came to

(21:17):
this country she was seven, Ithink she was eight, and her
parents didn't speak English, soshe took care of everything I
can imagine at eight years oldbalancing the checkbook, making
sure the bills are paid andmaking sure that.
So she was completely consumedby taking care of her family and

(21:39):
her family business.
So I can imagine it as well.
As one of them said to her herher husband did it for for his
parents, so imagine trying toget him away from his mama right
right you know, imagine so yeah, okay, all right, let me see.

Speaker 1 (22:07):
Uh, she's so relieved that that our son didn't
propose to his girlfriend today.
Oh, you know, I know, I knowhow she was um with that.
She, you know, you know, youknow, sometimes as parents, we,
we, you know, we're giving ourkids advice and we pray about it

(22:29):
.
We try to get everything, butit's ultimately up to their
decision and we're going to lovethem regardless.
You know, we're not going tosay, you know, in essence, I
told you so or anything likethat.
And I know she had some, youknow some, you know the non, I
don don't think.
I don't think, I don't think,especially when he was making a
decision to do something elseand time, and you look at that.

(22:51):
So I'm glad that he did listenand put that off.
Well, for right now, yeah,kudos to you, mom.

Speaker 2 (22:58):
I had to let my baby go 23.
He said, mom, I'm marrying thiswoman I love.
I was like but Jordan, you'reso young, you've never dated
anyone else.
And my son turned to me and hesaid you know what, mom, when
you know the one, you know theone.
And I was like, oh okay, okay,I said, eric, do something.

(23:20):
Yeah, you did.
You did say do something.

Speaker 1 (23:21):
I tried to talk to him Eric, do something.
I said Eric, do something.
Yeah, you did.
You did say do something.
I tried to talk him, eric, dosomething.
I tried to talk him Just wait,you know, wait a little bit, you
know, but you know.
So I mean they made it out.
She also said she's selfish andI'm not ready to let go of my
boys, girl.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
I feel you on that one.
I wasn't ready to let my babygo with go with.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
You know, the, the woman that I handed him off to
is amazing and I think that's it.
I think that's it.
I'm not gonna discuss my cuzbusiness.
You know what she discussedwith me.
But sometimes when you lookingat the person, that they're
really, that they're gettingready to leave and cleave you
for you.
You know what I mean.
Because that person is leaving.
If that person, if you got some,you know, got some things in

(24:10):
the back of you, and that HolySpirit is kicking you and saying
no, no, no, no.
You know, I mean at firstbecause it's your son, it's your
daughter and you, like, youknow all things.
But when that Holy Spiritreally kick in, you know what I
mean.
And but if that Holy, when thatHoly Spirit really kick in, you
know what I mean and that HolySpirit really kick in, it'll be
like uh-uh, no, no, no, no,because again you're getting

(24:31):
ready to hand.
You know, like for me, I'mwalking my daughters down the
aisle and I'm telling the priest.
He's saying who going to givethis away?
I'm giving it away If I'm goingto give my daughters away.

Speaker 2 (24:47):
That joke better be good.
So look at what Ismael said.
I like that.
She said they aren't goneforever, just a different
dynamic.
And that is so true.
It's like I see him.
When I look at him, I'm like,oh, mom, mommy's little man is a
dad, a father, a husband.
Wow, you know, it's like afather, a husband.
Wow, you know, it's like it's awhole different dynamic.

(25:08):
But he also, let me know, thisis my wife.
You're not going to cross mywife, you're not going to
disrespect my wife.
And I'm pretty sure he sharedthe same with her, you know, and
that was something that henever had to worry about because
we so cool, we so cool.

Speaker 4 (25:25):
We so cool, I love her.

Speaker 2 (25:28):
Furry said my wife is first and good parents
understand that.
My mom tested me to see what Iwould do.
20 years old Furry said mom, ifyou are trying to make me
choose, don't do it becauseyou're going to lose.
You're going to lose and shesaid I was just checking to see
you know what.
She was just checking to seewhere your heart was.

(25:51):
And that's a good mom, you know.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah, Loyalty.

Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (25:56):
You got to be sincere and you got to be loyal to that
person.
You got to be willing you knowhow you got to be willing to do
that for better, for worse, andsickness and health and then to
death do us part.
You got to be in there.
Those words are just not there,just so you can recite them.
Those words have so muchmeaning behind them and it all
comes down to that commitment,that loyalty, that honesty, that

(26:18):
communication right you knowyou can't have a successful
marriage without having thosethings and respect for one
another.

Speaker 1 (26:27):
Yeah, yeah, all right .
So when we get back to theleaving and the Cleveland
leaving and the Cleveland, youwant a?

Speaker 2 (26:34):
Cleveland on me.
You're going to try it with me.

Speaker 1 (26:38):
Oh man, all right.
So in 1 Corinthians 13 and 7,this is what it says about the
characteristics of true loyaltyAll right.
When it talks about love, itsays love bears all things,
believes all things, hope allthings and do all things.
So what does loyalty do?
Loyalty bears all things.
Loyalty, even when things aretough.

(27:01):
It doesn't walk out on a day oftrouble, right?

Speaker 2 (27:08):
It's just so true because there's gonna be trials
and tribulations, you're gonnago through ups and downs because
you're constantly growing.
You know, when we got marriedwe were what?

Speaker 1 (27:16):
25 25 yeah 20, yeah, 25.

Speaker 2 (27:20):
it's a lot that we didn't know about marriage.
There's a lot that we didn'tknow about commitment, you know,
and it was a lot that we didn'tknow about marriage.
It was a lot that we didn'tknow about commitment, you know,
and it was a lot that happenedthat we could have.
Yeah, in our separate ways.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yes, yes, we, we've been that way, we, it was, like
you know, we could have went ourseparate ways, but loyalty
bears all, we're all things.
You stick through it, we, we,we tell people all the time,
especially when it comes down tomarriage.
Marriage is a covenant, right?
Marriage is not a contract, acontract.
You can amend the contract, youcan tear up a contract, and

(27:53):
what does a contract do?
If you don't like what theother person that you signed the
contract with you take them tocourt, right?
So what happens?
That's what happens with somepeople who don't understand
about this being a a covenant.
They take their spouse to courtand get a divorce, right.
So they they going intomarriage as a contract.
Marriage is not a contract,it's a covenant.

(28:15):
And you're the one, no, you knowagain, I was, I was, uh,
married, and I was when I wasyoung, and I, I tell you this, I
was 16, right, and I was forcedto get married.
I did not want to get married,right?
So when I say that you're theone that walked down there, if

(28:35):
you're not forced to walk downthere, right?
You know, come on, you got tomake it work, you got to make it
work.
Now, I'm not saying, andbelieve us when we say we're not
saying that you're supposed tostay there through abuse.
You know, physically,emotionally, all that abuse.
You don't stay there If hehitting on you.
No, uh-uh, no, no, no, no, no.

(28:55):
You know, and I know we gotsome people who got the Bible
thumping and all that kind ofstuff and want to tell you, oh,
you can't get divorced becausesomebody hitting on you, you're
abused.
You got to stick through it.
That's not a part because Jesussaid the only way you can get
divorced is adultery.
But also Paul was saying yousupposed to love your wife and

(29:20):
if you don't love as Christloved the church, christ never
abuses his church, never.
And if a man or a woman startabusing you, you have all right
to to say make a decision, saysyou know what.
I can't live with a man that'sgonna abuse me because he's not
loving me as Christ loved thechurch.
Right, right, right.
You can't do that.
I can't live with a woman who'sabusing me because she's not
loving me.
She's not doing that, she's notrespecting me.
So I got to step out, you know,because God never wants us to

(29:42):
be in a really bad situationwhere we get abused.
Right, because we can't if we'rebeing abused.
That means we can't go out andbe true disciples with kingdom
authority to go out and tellsomebody about the goodness of
Jesus.
How can we go and tell somebodyabout the goodness of Jesus and
we getting beaten or whateverat home?
We can't do that.
We can't do it.

(30:02):
So you know, I'm not, I'm not,I'm not, I'm not into that
staying there.
So, but love bears all thingsand when we say all things and
when we say all things, thatmeans you know, if you got, if
you're going through somefinancial problems, hey, we're
gonna stick it out.
We're gonna write this budget,we're gonna do you know whatever
.
Uh, we got, you know problemsin this way.
We're gonna stick it out, we'regonna bear all things, not you

(30:24):
know, not the craziest things,you know.
I want people to understandthat, not the beating and all
that kind of stuff, not the the.
You know, if you're constantlyspinning, we're going to work it
out.

Speaker 2 (30:36):
Yeah right, no more technology stuff, no iPads,
notepads, well, no morepocketbooks.
Okay so, moving right along,moving right along, and you are
so right.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
No more team.
What team?

Speaker 2 (30:52):
Let's not go there.
Okay, you know what I wastalking about.
You made me lose my train ofthought Ah.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Major League Baseball train of thought Ah good.

Speaker 2 (30:59):
You know what?
I have to go back and read 1Timothy, because I can't
remember exactly what chapter in1 Timothy, but it talks about
emotional abuse to your wivesand forcing favors on your wife.
It talks about that and I waslike wow, because I always

(31:22):
thought that adultery was theonly grounds.
But then when he says you can'temotionally abuse them, you
have to love them as Christloved the church, and it goes to
I'm going to find thatscripture and I'm going to put
it in the comments tomorrow.
But I was really.
It was really amazing to mebecause growing up in church it
was always taught you know thatyou stick with this man, you

(31:45):
stick and thin, no matter what.
You don't leave him, you stayright there.
You know, and it brought us tothat conversation about you know
, joining them.
Sunday school teacher houseUsed to cry all the time every
Sunday and he was like, how waschurch?
Well, it was good, but ifSister Van cried?
She needs to stop crying, sisterVan cried every Sunday and I

(32:06):
was like, oh my God.
We found out later that SisterVan was getting, you know,
knocked around at home, you know, and she was sticking it out,
but you know.
So, no, you know.
And vice versa.
Don't belittle your husbands.
Don't make them feelinsignificant, don't make them
feel like they're not a king,you know.
Don't make them feel, you know,like they.

(32:28):
They doing you a favor.
Oh man You're doing me a favorbecause I can survive without
you.
You know we had it.
Comes a time when you know wehave to survive without them,
but don't make them feel likethey're worthless, like you
don't need them.
Wow because no matter how muchmoney I have in the world, I'm
gonna need my.

Speaker 1 (32:49):
I'm gonna need my pumpkin oh, I'm glad you're
gonna need me, baby.
I'm gonna be there for you too.
I'm gonna be there, pumpkin.
Oh, I'm glad you're gonna needme, baby.
I'm gonna be there for you too.

Speaker 2 (32:55):
I'm gonna be there for you, no matter how
successful I am, I'm gonnaalways you know need you right,
hey look, I tell you what youknow money can buy.

Speaker 1 (33:05):
You can try to buy you somebody to to lay outside
you, but they can't be yourcompanion and they won't love
you.
They won't love you.
I'd rather be loved, alright.
So we said that love bearethall things and love believeth
all things.
So what does loyalty do?
When we talk about loyalty,loyalty believes in one's mate,
it trusts them.

(33:25):
I believe in you, not that I'msaying that, I believe
everything you're saying,especially if we're having a
problem.
You got that cheating.
I'm saying you.

Speaker 2 (33:39):
I mean because you gave me that look.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I know you ain't going to findnobody better than me.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Oh, okay now.
But you know what Sometimeswomen get to, the sometimes men
have pushed women to the edgewhere we don't trust you.
Now, I'm not one that like I'mnot going to go.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
Oh, you don't think men, you don't think women do
that too.
Huh.
Yeah, I guess, all right, allright.
So you getting all animatedabout what, what, what, I'm just
saying because I mean, okay, soread that last one about that.
Believe it.
Loyalty believes in one's mate.
I believe in you.
I believe that you will succeed.

(34:17):
I believe you know not that I'msaying.
I believe that everythingyou're saying that's what I'm
saying.
But I believe in you.
I believe in you.
But the last part say it trustsyou, and so you.
You were saying that sometimesmen push y'all to the point.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
Yeah, because sometimes you know what I'm
saying, you know?

Speaker 1 (34:35):
I got to hear this it's a woman's intuition.

Speaker 2 (34:38):
We know when something just ain't right, and
not that we look for it.
Sometimes we'll be like huh,hmm.
So now we got that thought,we're going to start paying
attention to detail.
And let's say, for instance, hecheat.
And so she said you know what?
I'm going to forgive you.
We're not going to let thisdistraction from the enemy come

(35:03):
in and ruin this relationship.
We're going to come backtogether.
We're going to mend this brokenfence.
We're going to mend this brokenfence.
We're going to mend this brokenfence Right, but a trust.

Speaker 1 (35:18):
Yeah, I mean, a man has to build a trust because
he's the one that cheated.
She ain't forced him to cheat.
He's the one that cheated andhe has all right If they say
they're going to work on it.
He has to build a trust and hecan't get mad when his wife is
saying, hey, where you going, orlet me see that phone, or just
because look, let me put a trackon yeah, yeah, you know what,

(35:40):
if, if, if he really loves hiswife, you know, and he, and he
said, you know what that's?
that's just I, I fail, I fail,you know, um, and I really I
really do love you, and and wifesays, ok, all right.
So, hey, I'm, in order to trustyou, we're going to have to
build this trust back up and shemay come and say you know, let

(36:03):
me see your phone.
What do you want to see?
My phone?
No, no, no, no, it's not whatyou want to see, my phone.
You got to build a trust.
So, hey, you shouldn't havenothing to hide on the phone.
Anyway, you know my code.
I ain't got nothing to hide.
You know my code, so I ain'tgot nothing to hide on there.
You know when you going.
Hey, I'm just going out herewith the fellas, you know, okay,

(36:24):
all right.
And he has to build the trust.
So she would see, okay, andafter a while she'll calm down
and she'll say, ok, I see, andyou're not, and you have to play
for the long game.
It may be two or three yearsdown the road.
Hey, let me see that phone.
You don't trust me yet.

Speaker 2 (36:43):
All right.

Speaker 4 (36:46):
OK, so let me flip the script on you?

Speaker 2 (36:47):
Uh-huh, it's, you know.
Let's say it's the wife.
Why men aren't so forgivingwhen it come down to this?
If it's the wife, why menaren't so forgiving when it come
down?
Let's say, fence.
The wife went out there and shesaid yeah, you know whatever,
she went out there and shecheated.
Men aren't as forgiving atstarting over and men in the
fences as women are.
Why?
Why is that?

Speaker 1 (37:07):
guys, y'all gonna have to help me out on this one.

Speaker 2 (37:08):
Y'all gonna have to help me out, you know let me
just talk about trust, becauseit goes both ways, right.
Right, it goes both ways,you're right.
Uh, women, we find, let's say,for instance, you know, we have
a, a weak moment I don't evenknow how to put it, because we
don't cheat, but we have a weakmoment, or we have.

(37:30):
We just overwhelmed with lifeand everything is going with the
kids and we need some me timeand we meet casanova because,
you know, the devil coming,coming to steal, kill and
destroy and boom, it happens.
Okay, he don't mean nothing, hewas just really being used.
I'm just saying he don't meannothing oh, oh Lord, this is

(37:53):
good.

Speaker 1 (37:53):
Where is this going?

Speaker 2 (37:54):
But when it come back , if I come back and I, okay, so
let's say it's us.
So I'm coming back to you and Isaid you know, this guy won't
leave me alone.
I had an affair Da da, da, dada.
Are you willing to forgive?
But why is it the doublestandard, why we're?

Speaker 1 (38:11):
done.
Like Forrest said, it's our ego.
Plain and simple, it's our ego.

Speaker 2 (38:15):
Ladies, okay, hey, don't y'all cheat.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
Look at this.
This is reality.
This is reality, right?
Reality is that there is no manbetter get into my baby.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
You know what?

Speaker 1 (38:32):
That's a bunch of nonsense, because we don't want
another woman jumping on our maneither, I know, but that's the
way the men, that's the way menare.

Speaker 2 (38:39):
That's not fair and that's wrong and it's a double
standard, because if we couldforgive you guys and men that
fence and start over, y'allshould be able to forgive us and
men that fence and start overLoyalty.

Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, but that's where Christ comes in.
Mm-hmm.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
All right In the center of it right.

Speaker 1 (38:53):
That's why we got to have Christ, you know, because
only Christ can override a man'sego.
Right, am I right, ferg?
Only Christ can override aman's ego.
I'm seriously, though.
Seriously.
Only Christ can, even in thewomen issue, even a woman, only
Christ can do that.
You know what I mean.

(39:15):
Only christ can say for a womanto forgive a man and a man to
forgive a woman, when we realizethat it's a covenant thing, you
know, would you want to checkmy phone every time I walk out?

Speaker 2 (39:23):
no, because I'm gone but when you come back, I won't,
you, you're gonna toss me out,so it won't be no building,
rebuilding and relaying thefoundation and retrying to do it
, you know.
So I think, like if the shoewas on the other.
I think because because, um, aswomen, we, we, um, we're such

(39:44):
nurturers and we always want aforgiving heart.

Speaker 1 (39:47):
That are good.
Yeah, y'all do have a forgivingheart, y'all do.
But but, you know, but, and Ithink some men and I'm putting
some men, not all men when I saysome men some men take
advantage of women's forgiveness.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
And they cheat again and again and again.

Speaker 1 (40:06):
Not that they cheat again and again, I'm just saying
just period.
Some men take advantage ofwomen's forgiveness because
y'all have a compassionate heartand you again.
That's why we start.
I know we kidding and wewhatever, but that's why we
started.
Unless the Lord builds a house,man, he has to be in the center
of this thing.
Absolutely he has to be in thecenter.

(40:28):
I totally agree.
All right, so we got Rob saidyeah, he was with me.
A hundred, he know about themen First, men have, men have
forgiven, but most can't get tothat point.
All right.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Sparkle say only Christ, amen.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
Only Christ, only Christ.

Speaker 2 (40:48):
All right, maybe shout up in the glory of God
Only by his grace.

Speaker 1 (40:52):
It's only by his grace that we forgive too Right.
Because we got to understandtoo is that you know, if Christ
forgive us, then we have allright to forgive Some things.
I mean, some things are so hardto come back from Right, and
you got to have two peoplewilling to work on it.

(41:12):
You got to have one that'ssaying I'm willing to forgive
and you got one that says I'mgoing to work on it because I
need to be forgiven Right.
And if you don't have that thatcombination, then the marriage
is null and void, especiallywhen it comes down to cheating.
It's null and void.
So you got to have the personwho is willing to accept that.
You know what I need to beforgiven Right.

(41:34):
And you know it's not like.
It's not like how Christ.
We don't have to work forforgiveness for Christ, because
Christ already paid it.
But in our one to onerelationship we're going to have
to work.
We're going to have to makesure our mate can trust us with
everything.
You know that, hey, where yougoing, this is where I'm going,
or whatever, and how long ittakes, Because sometimes people

(41:57):
will get mad oh man, it's takingtoo long.
This happened two years ago,but you don't know how bad it
hurt that person.
And I think that's the problemthat we have with man cheating
and women cheating, Because wedon't realize how bad we hurt
our spouse.
If we ever catch hold to howbad we hurt our spouse, we

(42:20):
wouldn't cheat, we wouldn't dothose things because it really
hurts.

Speaker 2 (42:27):
It does, it hurts.
If you could feel the pain thatyou caused that person like,
literally feel it, the empathyof that pain, you'll be so
broken that you brought thattype of pain to that person that
you say you love.
You wouldn't be able to forgiveyourself for bringing that type
of pain on that person.
So that's you know.

(42:49):
Let's see, here we got some.
It's made to say for years.
Let's see here we got some.
It's made to stand.
For years, women were taught tostay with the man, no matter
what he does, especially forfinancial reasons.
However, I don't believe thatrules apply today, absolutely it
do not.
It do not.
You know that movie I Can DoBad All by Myself.

(43:09):
It do not.
She said the bombers and theolder will tell you to stay.
The new generation will engageyou too.

Speaker 1 (43:18):
They will engage you to leave Right, be like.
That's why you and I'm prettysure she's talking about
cheating or abuse.
That's why that's why it's onlyChrist and that's why you got
to be careful who you're tellingyour business to.

Speaker 2 (43:34):
Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 1 (43:36):
Because certain people, if they're not
Christians and they haven't beenthrough something, like she
said, the young will say youknow what, Just go ahead and
leave, you don't need that.
But a Christ-like person thatunderstands you, know a marriage

(43:57):
, understand being a Christian,understand that.
Hey, you know what.
And ask the question are youwilling to forgive?
If the first thing the personsays to you go ahead and leave,
then that's not the right personto text.
The first thing the personshould be saying you know, have
you prayed about it?
What has Christ told you to do?
You need to follow Christ.
I'm going to pray with you,just work.

(44:19):
You know what.
You know.
Now, if he beating on you, comeon, come on to my house.
That joke ain't that joke ain'tmessing with you because he at
my house.
I don Right, we're going totalk.
You know whatever and what areyou willing to do?
Are you willing to forgive?
And these are the things.
If you're willing to forgivenow this is going to be the
issues and sit down and explainIf you're willing to forgive.

(44:41):
This is what's going to happen.

Speaker 2 (44:44):
So what if you're willing to forgive but you're
scared?
You're scared that you're goingto put yourself in such a
vulnerable place where, if ithappened again, you don't want
to look stupid, you don't wantnobody thinking you stupid.
You know what I'm saying you,you, you can forgive, but then
you got you.
We keep in the background mind,like you know I, it's hard,

(45:06):
it's just hard to trust.
But most women, they, they getin there and they do it.

Speaker 1 (45:12):
Yeah, I mean, like Sparkle said, only Christ, amen,
only Christ, only Christ can dothis, because by yourself, it
would constantly be in the backof your mind, by yourself, you
won't forgive.
By yourself, no, no, no, no, no.

(45:32):
You won't do it because you,you remember the time that he
abused, you remember the timethat he did it, you wanted to.
You know that if you're willingto give another another chance
and you have a prayer partner, acouple that's working with you,
right that's, that's standingby your side, and you have told
them and, like I said, you don'ttell any and everybody, because
certain people are waiting forthe downfall of your marriage.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
You better say that you better say that that is so
true.

Speaker 1 (46:06):
Certain people out there are waiting for the
downfall.
No matter how much they go andlike your videos, no matter how
much they go and like yourvideos, they back in the
background, talking, talkingabout you, you know, saying all
of these kinds of things, andand they're waiting for the
opportunity to talk about youand say, look see there, I'm
glad you see.
I told her that they ain't allthat, they ain't all this, and

(46:28):
so that's why you got to becareful of who you tell your
business to and who you trust tosay your business, that your
business is not going across thestreet, is not going nowhere,
is not going on.
Social media is not there,Because certain people are out
there and it may be some familymembers that are waiting for
your marriage to fail so theycan talk about you.

Speaker 2 (46:49):
And usually it's the family members, to be honest,
talk about you.
And usually it's the familymembers, to be honest, ferg says
, men's ego even prevent themfrom humbling themselves to God
himself.
Look at church membership it'salways more women whom don't
have issues humbling themselves.
Amen, ferg, I agree with that.
The church is filled with womenand then they want to shut

(47:11):
women down and say womenshouldn't preach or teach, or
you know, I don't know.
And the church is filled withwomen.

Speaker 1 (47:23):
Melissa says she said this.
They come here.
Wives will also self-abusemental, physical, emotional and
financial in the excuse ofreligion.
Ooh, that's deep, right excuseof religion.

Speaker 2 (47:33):
Ooh, that's deep right there, cousin.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Yeah, religion does that, religion does that.
And so you know, uh-uh, no, allright, we got to move.
All right, so bear with allthings.
So we talk about the trust.
Also, what it does is that, um,loyalty, never, loyalty never

(47:58):
looks for the worst in a, inyour spouse, but only believes
the best.
I agree with that.
All right, we agree with that.
I always look for the best.
You know, we, we don't look forthe worst, we look for the best
in there.
There's, there's something,even though something may not,
you know, maybe finances, maybethis, maybe that, whatever it is

(48:18):
.
You know, communication, youknow you don't communicate like
this person, you don'tcommunicate, but you look for
the best in it.
But you do do this, you know.
So we're going to work on thecommunication.
All right, all right.
So loyalty endures all things.
Loy, all right.
So loyalty endures all things.
Loyalty endures all things.
What does loyalty do?
And we talked about it.
Loyalty sticks it out.

(48:38):
Loyalty does not abandon thefort.
And first, we know this this is, you know, with the military,
Loyalty we don't abandon.
I'm loyal to Marines, I'm loyalto, don't abandon.
I'm loyal to Marines, I'm loyalto my brothers and I'm loyal to
my country, so I don't abandonmy post, I stick it out.

(49:03):
So what, I am, I'm loyal to mywife and I'm not abandoning her.
And the times maybe gettroubled, the times maybe get
crazy.
That's why, man, we've talkedabout this and we've told people
this testimony the time wasworking for a church and let go,
and you know it was allcraziness, but we were at a
point of being homeless.

(49:24):
We had a point of beinghomeless and loyalty is that we
stuck together.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yep.

Speaker 1 (49:31):
We stuck.
I mean we stuck together.
I mean I wanted to send you,but you know you say you
wouldn't.
But that's loyalty, that we'regoing to stick it out.
You know what I mean.
We're going to, we're going todo this thing together when we
come out, we're going to comeout together.
Not one of us did it, but we,we do not abandon the fort.
We do not abandon the fort, Allright.

(49:54):
All right, it's 822.
All right, I hear you, Fer,Hoorah, Hoorah, oh, that's it.
That's the Marines.
That's the Marines.
We don't do like them.
Army guys I don't know whatthey do.
And the Navy Air Force I don'tknow what they do, but you know
we get deep down.
I didn't want to get too deep,you know, while we're on this

(50:16):
thing here, but yeah, so that'swhat you know loyalty.
So we got foundation of amarriage.
You got to have love and yougot to have loyalty.
Next time we're going to talkabout is respect.
We're going to talk aboutrespect.
You know what.
What did what?
Did that rapper say Put somerespect on my name, Some respect

(50:39):
on my name?
You didn't say respect, he's arespect, you know.
So you know we put respect onthe marriage.
That's what we're going to do.
We want to put respect on themarriage.
All right, so, all right, so,all right.
So we thank God for all thecomments.
Amen, Everybody who chimed intonight.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 (50:58):
Yeah, and if y'all want to call in, we're going to
go right into our call ininformation where you can call
in and, you know, just be a partof the conversation or you can
type it in yeah, you can call inor type it in, it doesn't

(51:19):
matter.
However you want to do it, butthe number is 754-222-2219.
Let me get that up there soeverybody can see it and they
can come in and be with us.
They can dial 754-222-2219.
Hey, I'm like a bird man, soyeah, so the number is

(51:45):
754-222-2219.
If you want to just call inwith some comments, if you have
some comments or anything likethat, you can call in and we'd
love to talk to you, no matterwhere you are at.
We want to, you know.
I mean, I like, I like the, thechats.
Yeah but I like, I like to talkto people too.

Speaker 2 (52:05):
I do enjoy the chat.
I do enjoy the conversation.

Speaker 1 (52:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
And it is just so true.
You know there's so manydifferent ways in life you can
address this loyalty and respectand love in your marriage.
You know it's not going to beperfect.
Just know that If you gotmarried thinking this is going
to be perfect, oh, you in for arude awakening.

Speaker 1 (52:30):
Yes, sir.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
You know you don't want things to always be perfect
.
I used to tell Eric all thetime I say you know what, if
everything is out, if we gothrough life with everything
being good all the time, how arewe going to know it's good if
we don't have some bad times?

Speaker 1 (52:46):
Right.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
You got to go through something and going through it
and having a relationship andbuilding a foundation makes you
appreciate the love even more.
Like you know I don't know ifyou guys watch In Living Color
and it was this couple, youknow- it was In Living Color, it
was this couple on there.
I can't remember.
I know one was David, I thinkit was David Allen or something

(53:10):
like that, david Allen Greer.
And one of the Kim Wands.
Kim Wands and no of the KimWayans.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Kim Wayans.

Speaker 2 (53:14):
And no matter what they did, they always say, but
we still together.
That's it, you know no matterwhat they went through.
They would be telling eachother all the time she would be
throwing food on the table forthem or whatever.
But no matter what they alwayssay.
But we still together.
That's the goal right there formarriages to stay together and
work through the hard times,because the hard times are going

(53:36):
to make the good times so muchbetter.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
All right, we got to call her babe.
We got to call her Mm-hmm, wegot to call her.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
I didn't miss her, Ma Okay Hi.

Speaker 1 (53:46):
Hey Malika, how you doing?
How?

Speaker 2 (53:47):
is Malika Mm-hmm.
Hey daughter love, hey, my love.
Hey, I'm doing good, that'sgood.
Am I still up?

Speaker 3 (53:58):
She has good news for y'all she has her canine teeth.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
All right.

Speaker 2 (54:04):
She's going to start biting you.

Speaker 3 (54:08):
She's already there.
She's going to take an actualbite out.
But I was just going to expoundon what I had mentioned earlier
about the cleaving and leaving.
But um, yeah, I just saw thatlike I was very dependent at the
time that I got engaged to myfather financially and and, just

(54:34):
like you know, our financeswere mixed and I'd say like that
was like the first exercise oftrust you know going into my
marriage is just trusting thatGod's going to be able to
provide for me and I'm not goingto need to fall back on my
father anymore.
And that I could trust that myhusband and I can take care of

(54:55):
things, and there was also ageneral, like obvious fear of,
like, my parents being veryupset with me for that, although
my mom was on my side but myfather was very upset, but that
was one of the things I had tobe willing to sacrifice.
Is, like you know, is hisfeelings, or is my husband's

(55:18):
feelings, more important about,you know, our moving forward
financially and getting married.
So it is a very big thing toreally consider.
I know a lot of people considerit from, like, the emotional
front, but I know women run intothis more with their fathers,
where they're, like my dad'sbeen taking care of me my whole

(55:39):
life.
Now I have to go trust that thisman is going to take care of me
.
So it is a big step forward.
But father is doing in thatmasculine role for you.
Now your husband has to do it,that's exactly what I told him.

Speaker 2 (56:04):
I said are you going to be able to take over from
where her dad leaves off Jordan?
You are too young for this.
Let me tell you theconversation.
He was like mom, we'll be OK,and I even told you.
And he was like mom, we'll beokay, and I even told you.
I was like malika, he ain't hada job, don't marry somebody
don't have a job and you waslike, it's okay, I'll take care
of him, I'll make.
I was like, are they serious?

Speaker 3 (56:25):
eric talked to them yeah yeah we got a lot of of uh,
it wasn't just you guys, it wasreally a lot of people who were
like are y'all sure?
But we were like, very sure atthe time and I was just like you
know, we're at this point whereour relationship can't continue

(56:45):
to stay stagnant any longerbecause we've been dating for
five years which I know like theage we were when we got married
at like 22 was very young inthe grand scheme, but we had
known each other for a very longtime yes it was just like now

(57:05):
the only thing is to moveforward, or it we might end up
losing this all together wow,wow, we'll give y'all a shout

Speaker 2 (57:13):
out.
But I can tell you what youguys are definitely a prime
example of when god is in thecenter of it because, I've seen
you guys grow spiritually fastwith each other when you guys
were in college.
You guys really, you know, putgod first.
So I, I'm, I'm grateful thatthat you're my kid now.

Speaker 1 (57:32):
All right, give her applause.
Thanks for calling Thanks forcalling Malika, no problem, all
right, blessings, blessings, bye, look at that.
Bye.
All right.
Hey, that was good you know.
But she is right, you know, alot of times it's hard.
You know, as you said,sometimes even the mother is

(57:57):
depending on the son financiallyMm-hmm, mm-hmm, right, right.
And it's hard to say.
You know, sometimes you have totell mom, mom, I can't be doing
this and doing that.
I have to get permission.
Like, if I'm going to pay yourphone bill, continuously be
paying your phone bill, I haveto make sure that my wife

(58:19):
understands that I'm paying.
She has to say agree with that,because that's part of the
finances.
You know, just simple stuff.
You know that normally that youwouldn't, you know, wouldn't,
do you have to let your wifeknow.
And that's a problem sometimes,where you know that you know
the son is taking care of themom and the mom don't want that
they're taking care.
And you know the bad thingsometimes you know, especially

(58:40):
if the mom is single, divorced,you know, widowed or whatever,
like that she's depending on herson and sometimes the mothers
don't want to let go.

Speaker 2 (58:48):
Yeah, I don't want to let go.

Speaker 1 (58:50):
I don't know Dwayne D Dwayne said.
I want to just say we got toremember communication is key,
not just communication with eachother, but staying in
communication with God, becausewhen you lose that, you happen
to leave yourself open to theenemy you do.

Speaker 2 (59:04):
Absolutely yes.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
That's what you do, what you do.

Speaker 2 (59:09):
You said a mouthful right there you have to make him
the center.

Speaker 1 (59:13):
And when you make him the center, what does making
him the center look like?
And I think maybe people don'tunderstand that Making him the
center, making him the priority,is that everything revolves
around him and his authority.
That you're reading his word,that you're praying, you're
having devotion time, you'rehaving time with your wife,

(59:33):
you're going to church, you'redoing all of these things where
he is the center, all right, hey, we got Melissa on the line.

Speaker 2 (59:42):
Oh, Melissa Wright.

Speaker 1 (59:43):
No Cuz.

Speaker 4 (59:45):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (59:45):
Hey Cuz how you doing .

Speaker 4 (59:47):
Hi, cousin E hey, all right, cousin, you can listen
to me, come on now, all rightcancer.
You can do this in your life.
Come on now.
Look guys, I think with me.
My son told me about two monthsago.
He told us that he was going topropose and go to the Navy.
It was a double whammy for meand it truly hit me how

(01:00:13):
emotionally attached I am to myson.

Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Wow.

Speaker 4 (01:00:20):
And I was just not ready to lose him, and I'm still
not ready to lose him.
In the bigger scheme of things,I need my son emotionally.
Yes, I have God, yes, I have mydaughter, I even have a husband
, but I am not ready to lose myson to a wife and I don't know
if that makes me selfish or justmakes me a needy mom.

(01:00:42):
I'm trying to figure this out.
However, I was so happy when hedidn't propose today, because
today was supposed to be thedate he proposed.
She graduated from collegetoday.
He brought the ring a month ago.
I was in your house, cousin Eric, about a month ago, near tears
and telling you how I felt aboutall of this.

(01:01:02):
So I'm just trying to figure itout.
I've been praying about it.
Everybody's telling me to letit go.
Don't be that mom that has tohold on.
He's had that conversation withme, as Jordan has had with
Cousin Patsy.
Mom, you know I'm going to dothis and if I do it, you know if
you don't get along with her,you might not be your great kid

(01:01:26):
because he'll be my wife.
So it's still emotional for mebecause I don't know when he's
going to propose.
I just know I don't want him to, but I don't want to be that
mom and I'm just being so candid.
I know we're family and I knowwe have everybody else on it,
but I'm just so emotional justthinking about it because I

(01:01:47):
still feel he's going to do itand it's any day now because, as
I stated, he's already broughtthe ring.

Speaker 1 (01:01:53):
Okay, I'm done, but you guys know what I mean yeah,
I would say this bit, I wouldsay this because one you know
your son is your son and youdon't want to lose.
You don't want to lose contactwith your son, right?
That's why prayer is veryimportant and you cover him in
prayer, right, because you wantto be there.

(01:02:16):
If he does pick this young ladyto be his wife, you want to be
there, you want to share in thejoy of that.
I think probably the problemwas it was a double whammy for
you that he was going to themilitary, so that means he's
gone and he's going to take tothe military, so that mean he's
gone and he's going to take awife, so that mean he's gone

(01:02:37):
again.
So it was like if he was goingto the military, you're good,
you know not that you're good,but it's not double.
And then and then again, Idon't know what kind of kind of
relationship you have with theyoung lady.
As, as Pastor was saying, ifyou're going to give them off,
you want to give them off to ayoung lady that you trust that's

(01:02:58):
going to take care of your son,right, that you got confidence,
that you know that she's notgoing to, she's not going to put
me in between you know my son,I'm able to call him and you
know, whatever like that, andshe's not going to be saying you
need to stop call him and youknow, whatever like that.
And she's not going to besaying you need to stop talking
to your mom or whatever likethat.
Right.
So I would say this trust Godin it.

(01:03:23):
Right, but you don't want tolose your son, or you do not
want to see your, your grandkids, right.
So he already done, told you,so you already know.
So either, um you it.

Speaker 4 (01:03:37):
The scripture says leave and cleave and it's going
to be a work in progress.

Speaker 1 (01:03:41):
It's going to be a work.
It's not especially if you'rereally close to your son, like
you say you are.
It's going to be a work.
It's going to be a work inprogress, but it's something
that has to happen because he'sgoing to be.
He's a man now.
He don't graduate from college.
He's a man now.
He don't graduate from college.
He's a man now, you know.
And so you have to accept himin this day and age.
Like I said, you want to bethere.
So don't you don't know when,but you know talk to him Even

(01:04:04):
when we get off the line.
Talk to him and say, hey,whenever you propose, I want to
be there, so you so now you'reshowing him support, right,
you're showing her that, hey,I'm gonna be there too.

Speaker 2 (01:04:22):
You got anything passing, yeah, and you just
wanna.
You don't have to do it allovernight.
You can take small, tiny steps.
Um, again, you don't want topush them away and I know you
want to hold on to it.
Trust me, I want to hold on tomy baby too.
Um, so I I I understand how youfeel.
I did do my crying alone.
I did.
I was like, oh my God, he'ssuch a baby.
But you know I had tounderstand that if I interfere,

(01:04:48):
I'm not going to be able to havemy little muffin.
If I interfere, I'm not goingto have that relationship with
him, because now I'm drawing arelationship between him and his
wife, because now he's beingtorn between my mom and my wife.
So it was difficult, but ittook me a minute and I took
these small little steps.
You know things that Iunderstood and I always kept the

(01:05:10):
line of communication open withhim.
So make sure you definitely dothat.
Let him know how you feel.
You know there's nothing wrongwith the way you feel You're a
mom.
Let him know how you feel andlet him know that you know as
much as I don't want to.
It's going to be hard for me,but let me just do it a little
bit at a time, don't rush intoit.

Speaker 1 (01:05:29):
Don't rush into it.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
Yeah, because it will backfire and hurt you.
I love you, cousin.

Speaker 1 (01:05:34):
All right, you know this is a religious podcast.
Hold on a second, hold on asecond.
Heavenly Father, we just comebefore you right now, in the
name of Jesus.
Yes, lord, we lift up Melissaright now.
We lift her up to you.
You know the situation, you knowwhat she's going through, you
know, and so, lord, I pray thatyou would give her a sense of

(01:05:54):
peace that will surpass all herunderstanding.
She may not understand how youwould give her peace, but, lord,
give her peace.
Lord, I pray that her and herson can have the open line of
communication where they cantalk.
And, lord, we know that it'shard as parents any parent knows

(01:06:15):
that it is hard to let theirchild go.
But, lord, let her know, as shelet him go, he will be what she
has taught him to be the man,and that he will be all right,
because many times, as parents,we worry about our children.
But, lord, let her know that hewill be all right.
And Lord, just touch her rightnow and touch her son right now,

(01:06:38):
that they can have this openingline of communication in Jesus
name.
Amen, amen, all right Thank youAll, right All right, blessings.
Wow, all right, anybody else?
I mean it's 839.
All right, anybody else?
I mean it's 839.
We got about five more minutesand we'll be getting off of here
All right and we thank God forthat.

(01:07:00):
Amen.
This is what it's all aboutMarriage in real life, because
that's real, and anybody saythat's not real is real, because
when you have kids, you know, Idon't know how I'm going to
feel when my daughters come tome and say you know, you're fat,
you're getting married, you'rea G hooray.
No, I'm going to tell you.

(01:07:20):
I'm telling you they're mydaughters.
Man, no, I don't know.

Speaker 2 (01:07:24):
I had to do it with Jordan.

Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
I don't know, they're my girls, man, you know I
understand, because nobody, Idon't think nobody's gonna treat
them like dad and be open.
And you know, I mean, we hadour, we had our times where I
didn't do what I was supposed todo, you know, while he was in
college or whatever.
But hopefully I'm made up forit and and try to understand

(01:07:47):
what they was going through.
But you know it better be nomoment that they call and cry,
because if they call and cry,I'm getting on the flight, I'm
getting in the car, you know, belike, you know, whatever.
So that's why I said it has tobe Jesus, it has to be Christ,
because only Christ going tohold me back from going and
doing what I need to do.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm coming with you, you comingwith me, me and Betty.

(01:08:09):
All right, all right, all right.
Hey, we want to make sure youlike and share, make sure you
like, make sure, please, makesure you like and, for those who
are listening on a podcastlater on, make sure you give us
five stars, please and give us areview.
And could, if you like thisvideo, this podcast tonight, go

(01:08:36):
back on the comment after weclose and say, hey, very good
podcast, or you need to work onthis or whatever, and we will
communicate back with you.
We appreciate every comment.
We take every positive andevery negative comment.
We love them all and we justwant to grow as a, as a podcast
community.
We really appreciate youchiming in, chiming in on online

(01:09:00):
.
We really really hey, the girlswill find someone that's just
like you watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we reallyappreciate you chiming in
through the conversation.
That's what you know.
I keep telling people.
You know, this podcast is allabout community.
We don't have all the answers.

(01:09:21):
We do not have all the answers.
I love that.
People like Ismetha Ferg,malaika Jordan, you know, rob,
everybody they chime in.
You know, rob G said Betty is agood friend.
I'm glad that people chime inbecause, again, we don't have

(01:09:48):
all the answers.
We don't.
And so I love learning frompeople.
Even though we've been married,you know, a long time 32 years
we're still growing.
We're still learning from eachother and we learn from other
people.
You know what I mean and that'swhat being, you know being,
about.
Nobody has this marriage thingon lock, nobody, nobody.

(01:10:09):
So, yeah, so we're glad thatit's so All right, so we're
getting ready to go, nobody.
So yeah, so we're.
We're glad that it.
So all right, so we're gettingready to go.
Please make sure you like.
Just take time out right now.
Make sure you like it.
I know we got about 14 people.
Make sure you like it.
We got four.
We should at least have 14likes.
We should at least have 14likes before the end.
You know, before we get readyto it off, we should have at

(01:10:30):
least 14 likes and alreadyshared.
Alright, you already shared it.
Alright, make sure you share.
Please make sure you like, andmake sure you come back and
comment and say you know, sisterPatsy or Patsy, you shouldn't
look good in that orange.

Speaker 2 (01:10:44):
Don't say that.
Ha ha ha.

Speaker 1 (01:10:50):
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
So again, we thank you forjoining us tonight.

Speaker 2 (01:10:57):
Dropped a lot of papers down.

Speaker 1 (01:10:58):
Yeah, you sure did.
You've been dropping papers anddoing all kinds of stuff
tonight.
What's up man?
Thank you, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:11:04):
Thank you so much for joining us.
We really appreciate it.
You guys, you're an awesomeaudience.
I totally enjoy communicatingand laughing with you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
Yeah, you've just been dropping stuff and all that
kind of stuff, man what's?
Been up with that awesomeaudience.
I totally enjoy communicatingand laughing with you.
Yeah, you've just been droppingstuff and all that kind of
stuff.
Man, what's been up with that?
Huh?

Speaker 2 (01:11:20):
You, alright, I'm hungry.

Speaker 1 (01:11:22):
You hungry now, man?
Alright, alright.
Well, I guess we'll go out toeat, alright, alright?
So, again, we are located onall of the podcasts.
You know Apple, iheartradio,spotify.
We are located on all of thepodcasts you know apple, um,
iheart radio, spotify.
We are there.
So please go back if you wantto go back and listen to it and
share it with your friends.
We want you to to share thatwith us.

(01:11:44):
Again, we thank you for joiningus.
I'm giving you the last shoutout to everybody.
Thank god, all right, all right.
Who get who?
What would Malika say?
Going to get people in trouble?
What's she?
What's she mean about that?
I don't know.
All right, sparkle, weappreciate you.
Tj, we appreciate you.
I'm going to look at that.
I think you sent me a textmessage and I'm going to look at

(01:12:04):
that.
Uh, sparkle, we love you.
Um and hey, we are praying withyou and we know that, know that
.
You know everything is going tobe all right.
Everything is going to be allright.
So God bless you and we lookforward to seeing you again.