December 3, 2024 • 47 mins
Rediscover the joy of the holiday season by embracing meaningful connections and innovative traditions. We promise you'll learn how to manage holiday stress and enhance relationships by fostering open communication and appreciation. By managing expectations and responsibilities, couples can prevent misunderstandings and stress, turning potentially overwhelming holiday duties into a shared, joyful experience. Learn how to transition from traditional gift exchanges to acts of generosity that bring deeper meaning to the season, and explore creating realistic holiday schedules that prioritize your family while respecting broader commitments.
Have you ever felt the winter blues creeping in, impacting your motivation and mood? You're not alone, and we address this common issue with practical communication strategies. We share personal stories, including a humorous anecdote about procrastination involving a car screen, to illustrate the importance of planning ahead and maintaining a supportive environment at home. Discover the power of checking in with your partner throughout the day, especially during challenging times, and how consistent communication can foster a nurturing and understanding relationship, even amid holiday stress.
Family traditions hold the key to strengthening family bonds and creating cherished memories. We discuss the importance of setting a realistic budget to avoid financial stress and share ideas for personal family traditions that reflect your unique family dynamics. From special holiday breakfasts to charitable activities, these traditions not only highlight the joy of giving and quality time but also ensure a legacy of unity across generations. Plus, we reminisce about past traditions and explore how you can create new ones for your family to cherish. Thank you for joining us, and stay tuned for our next episode where we explore goal-setting for 2025.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
All right, so we're ready to get into our topic
tonight.
I'll be doing that.
We're talking about tips on howto grow closer during Christmas
, because we know Christmas is ahectic time and sometimes you
can grow apart trying to getthrough Christmas.
Christmas is not meant to drivepeople apart.
It's supposed to be driving ustogether.
(00:20):
So we got some tips here thatwe read about and we wanted to
just talk about those tipstonight.
We may not get through all ofthem, but we want you to chime
in with us.
We're going to see what youthink, all right?
Tip number one you have tomanage your expectations
surrounding the holidays.
Sometimes I would say fromreading this is we have
(00:42):
different expectations of ourspouse Even before the holidays,
and now during the holidays, weexpect them hey, they should be
cooking this, or they shouldnot be cooking that.
I should be expecting to dothis certain chore, that certain
chore, and withoutcommunication.
Right, you can expect all youwant to, but you got to
(01:04):
communicate what you're actuallygoing to be doing, because
sometimes you get sick,sometimes you get tired,
sometimes you just don't want todo what you would normally do,
and so you have to sit down andwhat you think about
expectations.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Here's the thing when you have children and the mix
of the holidays, then it is likeyou do have to set up.
I'm going to handle this,you're going to handle that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
That way we can come into the middle and everything
is done.
So letting them know what isexpected, or just sitting down
writing a list.
Okay, you're going to shop forthe boys, I'm going to shop for
the girls.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Okay, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Okay, so this is a list of what everybody wants, or
whatever.
So we, this is a list of whateverybody wants, or whatever,
and so we separate and we go andwe do that.
And we come back to the middle.
So we're going to pick a daywhere we're going to wrap toys
and put stuff underneath theChristmas tree.
It's important to communicateduring this time because you
don't want to bump heads and endup getting the same thing you
(02:01):
got to keep the line ofcommunication open.
You got to also remember thatthere are traditions and have
we're going to talk about thattoo we have traditions that we
do.
Like one of our traditions whatwe started don't go too fast,
baby.
We're going to talk abouttraditions okay, but just kind
of openly discuss what it isthat you need from each other
(02:22):
during that time, becausethere's so much going on.
The traffic is even heavier, theweather is colder you know and
you just can get those winterblues in the process of you may
have a loved one that that was afavorite holiday.
And now you're dealing withthat because they done went to
heaven and a lot comes on.
A lot of people get depressedduring that time.
(02:44):
So it's important to talk toeach other to make sure you're
keeping the spirits lifted upwith each other.
Even if there is no loss of aloved one, Just the whole
humdrum and the whole hustle andbustle of it can wear and tear
on you in the holidays, so it'simportant to keep a line of
communication open.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
It's not about fulfilling every wish, but about
cherishing the time together asa spouse, all right.
Number two clearly communicateresponsibilities and follow
through.
So the holiday season comeswith extra tasks and unclear
roles can lead to stress andresentment.
You have to make a list ofholiday responsibilities, like
(03:25):
cooking and shopping anddecorating, like you said,
before you decide who's going tohandle it Right.
So that's what you got to haveclear and, like you said, you
got to clearly communicate it,because if you don't clearly
communicate it, then it won'thappen.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Because you assume that.
And it goes back to number one,where you expecting somebody to
do something, but it's notclearly communicated.
So you want to do that.
So clear communication ensuresno one feels overwhelmed and
both partners can contributemeaningfully.
So that's why we got to haveclear communications.
All right, yeah, all right.
Number three is verbalize yourappreciation.
(04:01):
Yes.
Number three is verbalize yourappreciation.
Yes, verbalize yourappreciation Every day.
You should be thanking yourspouse for something, or try to.
You should be a simple thankyou for just doing something
daily responsibilities, Becausesometimes we as spouses, we do
(04:26):
things.
A little thank you goes a longway.
Showing that show that yourspouse is looking at the little
things, right?
We often say, especially in thechurch world, is that a lot of
times we want to thank God forthe big things but we never want
to thank God Not never, but welook over thanking God for the
little things, right?
(04:46):
Sometimes we get up in themorning and we just start
hustling.
We go to work, we come home andor we go to work and something
happens and thank God, but weforget about thanking God just
for waking us up, that we haveeyesight.
We forget about those thingsbecause they just come because
it's like a daily routine.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And so we should thank our spouse for the daily
response.
If you cook a meal, hey, thankyou for cooking.
If you bring slippers, hey,thank you for bringing my
slippers, or something like that.
That's how it should be.
Why are you smiling?
Why are you smiling on that one?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Because I thank you for everything that you bring to
me.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And when.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I say, hey, babe, can I get a snack?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
and a drink, thank you.
Yeah, I always say thank you, Ido I appreciate the small
things.
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And it's so important just to recognize that person
went out their way to do it.
I mean, like I leave Eric aloneduring the football season and
whatever.
But I will say to him yo babe,when you catch a commercial, can
you bring?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, you do that.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Can you do me this, or can you do me this favor, or
something like that, because ofcourse I'm in the bed playing my
game.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
You get so regular appreciation, reminds your
spouse their love and support iteven during the busiest holiday
season.
Right, so you could be goingout there, like you said earlier
, so much hustle and bustle man,during Christmas season, just
for them to think about you.
Maybe they out shopping andthey call you and they say, hey,
(06:17):
you want something to eat.
They're thinking, think aboutit, they're thinking about you,
that they call you even thoughthey're out hustling and doing
whatever.
They say, hey, you wantsomething to eat.
Oh, thank you for thinkingabout me.
So thank you.
It's a good we need toverbalize because we don't want
to be like again.
I would tell you the story howmy dad would say look, I work,
(06:38):
you have a house, you have allthis kind of stuff and I don't
have to verbalize it because yougot that.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I'm showing you that I love you by providing yeah but
verbalizing it is very good.
It's good to hear.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Right, verbalizing is good, so we need to verbalize
our appreciation.
Okay, alright, we're movingright along.
Number four we got to scheduleintentional intimate time.
We did a podcast on that.
We did a podcast on that.
We did a show on aboutscheduling intimacy.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And it goes right back to what you're saying.
You get so busy wrapping giftsand especially if you have
children we're thinking aboutboy, you have multiple children,
it is even worse.
We had six.
Yeah, ferg, you had a lot too,I can imagine, because they used
to buy gifts.
So you're doing all of thatkind of stuff and sometimes
you're so tired you don't haveintimacy with your spouse and
(07:34):
you need to schedule thatintimacy don't have to always
just be sex, the physical partsometimes it's a cuddle or right
down beside me or whisper in myear, rub my shoulders.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Find that moment, because it can get overwhelming.
You still have to work, yeahyeah.
You still got to put in thoseeight hours, that 40-hour week,
and in between that time you gotto figure out this, that and
other.
So the last thing on your mindmost likely is sex, but a hug or
a caress.
But if sex happened to come, Ifit happened to come along the
(08:13):
way then, who knows?
but it's a lot and it could beoverwhelming.
It could be overwhelming and itcould push that part of
intimacy away.
Right, you wrap them gifts andput them, kids to bed or wrap
each other wrap each other up,put a big bowl on each other
that kind of rolled us rightinto number five that's what's
five number five scheduled datenights, that's I mean, we do
(08:35):
that right throughout the year.
We tell everybody to do it, soit's important that you do it
during the holidays too becausetell them, them, kids.
Listen.
We're going for a cup of coffee.
Hold it down, We'll be rightback.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
But what about if you can't leave your kids at home
by themselves?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
If they're younger kids, find a place where they
could go into like a little playarea, like Chick-fil-A have a
little play area where they cango in.
You sit right next to the glassand y'all have y'all one-on-one
and keep an eye on the kids.
You have to figure out what'sgoing to work for the unit.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Right, right right.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Especially when they're younger.
Right If you have an olderchild, you got to start teaching
them responsibility on how towatch out for the little ones so
as they get older you don'thave to worry about paying a
babysitter because they'regetting expensive.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But you know what I mean.
One of the things that I readis that you have to, even though
babysitters may cost, investingin your marriage is worth it.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Investing in your marriage is worth it.
So you can't ship them off tograndma and grandpa, you can't?
Huh, I say you can't do that,then you.
If you can't do that, then youmight have to pay a babysitter.
But again, investing in yourmarriage, investing in your
relationship, through all ofthis hustle and bustling, is
worth it Just to have, like yousaid, that time where that
(09:57):
woosah, where it's just you andyour spouse having a cup of
coffee, not at home, but atStarbucks, something like that,
dunkin' Donuts, something away.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Or even like a little mom and pop coffee shop where
it's not the hustle and bustlebecause Starbucks and Dunkin'
Donuts is a hustle and bustle,you can't even get out you want
somewhere where you can sitquietly and just have a moment.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
What do you think about a Netflix time where you
have Netflix and you have hotcocoa like a cool night.
We open up all the windows, youhave Netflix and sit on the
back porch while the kidswatching a movie.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, you can work it out.
The important thing is to takethat time, because that time is
important.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That time to have a moment and fall in love again.
Right, yeah, yeah, and fall inlove again.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Right, yeah, yeah, all right Now.
Hey, we got some people on here.
Make sure you like and share.
Make sure you like and sharethe video as we continue.
What did Ferg say?
What did Ferg say?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
The first thing he said.
We stopped giving gifts.
We found an angel tree family,found out what their needs are
and let them go shopping.
Experiencing that helped makethe holidays more special.
That is so true.
I'm getting to a place in mylife too, ferg, where getting
(11:17):
gifts for Christmas is notimportant to me anymore.
I used to want stuff, but Godhas truly been a blessing and I
really don't need anything.
I had a difficult time tryingto come up with a wish list, so
I think next year or maybe thisyear we'll look for we usually
sponsor a family from the church, but I think if we could
(11:38):
sponsor one from our personalfamily, I think I would love to
see that and love to experiencethat.
So thank you for that.
I appreciate it.
And sex is not always on themind it's always on a mind first
I just want to encourage people.
It's a form of communication.
It's a form of communication.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Come on, ladies right it's a form of communication.
Yeah, they say.
People say they'd be going tochurch to the holies of holies.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
All right.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
All right, we move around along.
Please remember to like andshare.
All right, all right.
So number seven no.
Number six is develop arealistic Christmas schedule.
Develop a realistic Christmasschedule because juggling
multiple family gatherings canbe overwhelming, so we have to
create a clear schedule thatconsiders your needs and set
(12:38):
expectations for relatives.
You got to communicateboundaries to avoid unnecessary
stress or conflict, so awell-planned schedule reduces
chaos and ensures both familiesfeel included.
All right, and so you have toprioritize what's best for your
(12:58):
marriage and kids, setting thestage for a more peaceful
holiday season.
So, in essence, is that whenyou have two people coming
together, you have two differentfamilies right.
And so you got this going on.
You got to go to this family.
This family wants you to come,this family wants you to come.
You got all of this is comingon.
(13:19):
But you have to realize that,hey, it's about your family
first.
And then you develop and says,look, maybe on Christmas Eve we
go and spend Christmas Eve withmy family, and on Christmas Day
we go and spend the day, ormorning or in the evening, with
you, because in the morning it'sus.
(13:39):
So you have to come over with arealistic schedule.
You can't be all over the place.
That's how it should be.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I agree, and you have to set boundaries too, because
some people would be like youwas over there for Thanksgiving,
why you can't be over here forChristmas?
No, this is our plan.
We as a family have sat downand made this arrangement.
And if you can't follow our plan, then we'll go over there.
You have to set boundariesbecause if you allow things to
change, they're going tocontinue to change, right, right
(14:09):
.
So now you're in marriage withnot just your husband and your
children.
Now you got family members inyour marriage.
You have to hold on to what'simportant to you, right right To
your unit.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Right, right I agree.
Yeah, got to develop it Whatevertheir schedule is.
That's the schedule, and mommay want you over here.
Mom, this is the schedule.
Maybe next year we'll rotate,but this year this is the
schedule and this is how we'regoing to accomplish it, and this
is how we're going to do it.
Alright, number seven you gotto attack problems instead of
(14:44):
each other.
Right, you got to attackproblems instead of each other.
Whenever the problems is, yougot to attack whatever the
situation is instead of eachother.
Because, again, you know how itis when you get busy and you're
looking for stuff, sometimesyou're the first person you go
off on.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
And it's sometimes your spouse.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And it's usually the closest person to you.
Yeah, and so you're going tohave problems during holiday
season?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
It's sometimes your spouse, and it's usually the
closest person to you.
Yep, yep, and so you're goingto have problems during holiday
season.
It's going to happen, but howyou handle it matters.
So you have to make sure weapproach it by communicating,
like you said, sitting down,having conflict resolution.
However, you have establishedyour conflict resolution process
Right, so you do it and youhandle it, but don't attack each
(15:28):
other, because that won't begood, all right, and you have to
celebrate the problems fromyour spouse.
Whatever the problem is, youseparate that and you say look,
because again you got the hustleand bustle going on.
You busy, I'm busy'm busy, andthings are just going crazy.
Oh, you was beginning to goback to expectation.
Oh, I expected you.
I thought you was going to behere.
No, like you said, we need tosit down and communicate clearly
(15:52):
.
This is what's going on.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Right, because you want to bring good energy.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah To the concept.
Yeah, you want to.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Because if you come with some strong, forceful
energy, the response you get isgoing to be strong, forceful
energy.
So you want to be able to look,babe, I didn't like the way you
was driving.
I felt uncomfortable, I didn'tfeel safe because you was
fussing with people in thetraffic or something like that.
(16:20):
If I come at you and say what'swrong with with you, you can't
drive Immediately, the walls ofdefense are going to go up Right
right right, right right.
So having a gentle way, remindme what they say with gentle
parenting but, no, having a morecalm approach to whatever the
situation is, it can be solvedeasily, right?
(16:41):
But if you bring it voiceful,it's probably going to be one of
those things that gets slappedunder the rug because we got to
move forward and we don'tdiscuss it, but it's still there
and now it's piling up.
Right Now we're going to add allthe other stuff that happened
during the holidays there, andthen, by the time New Year's get
here, we ready to kill eachother yeah.
It's so important of how youapproach the problems and
(17:02):
resolve them.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I know in here.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
It says solving problems together with grace and
forgiveness.
I looked up the wordforgiveness today.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay, what you got, what you got when you looked it
up.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
It's just like being biblically.
It is putting everything aside.
No, rage, no, I'm going to gopick it up out of the sea of
forgiveness and slap you in theface with it.
I'm not going go pick it up outof the sea of forgiveness and
slap you in the face with it.
I'm not going to bring it up,I'm just going to, completely in
my heart, just forgive youwithout any strings attached.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
So I was like, okay, because I'm going to be speaking
in January.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So you ready for that yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I'm ready, I'm going to be speaking on forgiveness
and I'm going to be transparent.
This is what the Lord has done.
But, yeah, so, with grace andforgiveness, be willing to
forgive.
We be willing not to bejudgmental.
We get enough judging frompeople all around us every
single day.
The last place we want to bejudged is in our homes.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Right, right.
We don't want that.
We don't want to be judged inour homes, right, right.
Yeah, we don't want that.
We don't want to be judging ourhomes all right, okay, all
right.
So the next one is plan aheadand don't be last minute.
So last minute planning leadsto unnecessary, unnecessary
stress, and that's my problem.
(18:21):
I'm a procrastinator, and Ithink Nikki is like that too oh
my goodness it's like me and Natare so not like that.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I don't think Jordan is that way either.
The way I will procrastinate.
If I have a paper due, I'll belike, oh, I got time oh, I got
time but I feel like I work muchbetter when I'm writing a paper
for a class or something.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Right, right, right so.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I work much better under pressure.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So if I know I have Thursday midnight to get that
paper done and submit it to myprofessor, yeah, I'm going to
start working on that on Tuesday.
But I've had how many weeks, Idon't know, but that's how I
work on it.
I work like that.
Better under pressure in thatsituation, but anything else I'm
(19:13):
being on time for it.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Okay, okay, I'm being on time.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
If I tell you I'm going to be there at 10 o'clock,
you can best believe that.
About 9.55 I'm pulling in theparking lot, I want to sit in my
car and then I'm going to rollup in there 10 o'clock.
On the dot I schedule in myhead what I got to do for the
day so I can organize it, andit's so helpful, especially for
(19:41):
those who have children littlechildren, you have to organize,
like when we have muffin, wehave my muffleduff.
Hey girl, when we have mymuffleduff and we babysitting
her, I'm like this in themorning, I'm like, okay, at
night I get her stuff together,I get my stuff together.
(20:01):
In the morning she's going tohave pancakes.
I already tell her what shehaving you having pancakes for
breakfast and I get up.
It's okay, babe, here's howwe're going to do this.
You get the pancakes, I'm goingto get her up, comb her hair,
put her to the table, her, eather pancakes and I'm and while
she's doing that with her, I'mdoing my makeup.
(20:22):
You know, I'm saying I'm, I, I,I don't know, I don't wait till
the last minute I don't waittill the last minute because I
want things to go according tothe plan, because, you know, if
I just laze around like you, meand my friend probably never
please all right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So hey, sparko, how you doing?
Sparko, y'all look good.
Jordan says I'm somewhat in themiddle, leaning towards
procrastinating, all right.
And then ferg say what's thelargest nation on the planet?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
it's procrastination I like that.
It's so true.
It's so true, even like.
Even when I have Roya, when Ihave all the kids together, I'll
be like, yeah, but that's just,it's important.
Procrastination, it drives meinsane, it truly drives me
insane, to the point where I'mlike you know what Perfect
(21:13):
example the screen broke in mycar and in my caddy y'all the
screen, the screen couldn't work.
I had to.
I just couldn't operate becauseI needed to be able to press
the button and talk, but thebottom of it was broken because
I had been smashing it, tryingto get it to work, but it
wouldn't work.
So I had said to him hey, I wanta new screen.
(21:34):
Okay, patsy, three months, Iwant a new screen.
Okay, patsy, three months, Iwant a new screen.
Okay, patsy, two months, I wanta new screen.
Okay, all right, patsy, Ibought me a new screen, y'all.
I bought it and I can go rightdown to the swap shop and get it
fixed, because I was no longerwaiting for him.
He felt like you got this plug,farber, you should be okay.
(21:58):
No, that's not what I wanted.
I wanted it to work and Iwaited patiently eight months.
I didn't argue with him, I justsaid when are you going to do
it?
So, once I bought it, andthat's how I moved and I would
like for you to move like thatsometime.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It wouldn't stress me out.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You like stressing me out, I don't like stressing
y'all, baby, but it saysplanning ahead minimizes tension
and allows you to enjoy theholidays, uh, more fully.
So, yeah, we gotta, we gotta,do that.
All right, uh, please make sureyou like and share and, if
you're listening, uh, once weupload it, please make sure you
give us five stars.
All right, number nine, numbernine, what?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
about eight.
Oh, we okay yeah, number eight.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
That was.
Yeah, that was number eight.
Our movie you're moving rightalong.
Right, number nine check inwith your spouse because the
winter blues are real and that'swhat you were touching on
before you got to check in with.
Because cold, gloomy weathercan dampen spirits and
motivation.
When it's real gloomy, it justit messes with you.
(23:03):
It doesn't matter if it's downhere in south florida or up
there in north carolina orchicago or wherever in buffalo.
When it's real gloomy, it justdoes something to your psyche
because it's just gloomy and Idon't feel like doing nothing.
And so you have to check inwith your spouse.
Right, you have to check inwith your spouse.
(23:25):
Hey, how are you feeling today?
I was going to say this and Iforgot about it, but now it came
back to me.
I know we had did a viralmoment where this lady said that
her husband came home and heupset and she got to know how to
handle it, whatever like that,and our conversation was what
(23:46):
are you doing all day?
Are you not talking to yourspouse?
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
If you are coming home, right, and something I
mean we talk all the day, allday, either texting or whatever
like that, and if you get and ifyou're coming home, you should
be able to not hold it in.
You should be able to call yourspouse and say you know what
this is, what happened today?
Right, and that's a part ofchecking in with your spouse,
(24:14):
especially when it's gloomy,especially when you know that
something on is going on at work, right, Something going on with
family?
Right, you should be checkingin with your spouse.
Something's going on with yourspouse's family, right.
You should love your spouseenough.
Right To check in on yourspouse when it's family problems
(24:38):
that's going on with his familyor her family.
You should love your spouseenough, don't you agree?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I do agree.
I I feel like it doesn't evenhave to be a family member or
anything, just check in.
Just check in throughout theday even if it takes, hey how
your day going sometimes youshould be texting some good
stuff sometimes I'll go all dayand and and I'll be busy all day
(25:06):
and I don't get a chance totalk to you, and then you'll hit
me up and you say, hey, I ain'theard from you all day you know
, and I'll be like like to thepoint where my teachers they
like yeah, miss, pass is oneo'clock.
You, that call should be coming.
When you call earlier than that,they'd be like hmm, he early
today.
But yes, and pointing, and Iwas talking to a friend that was
(25:27):
like if I'm having a bad day,if he's having a bad day and he
comes home and he wants to ventto his wife, and she was like
come in and don't come in andcharge at me, because I work too
.
So you didn't ask me how my daywas, you just came in with oh,
(25:50):
Jonathan didn't do so-and-sotoday, but if you had
communicated throughout the day,that's what I said to her.
But if you, had communicatedthroughout the day.
That's what I said to her.
I said with my husband I knowthat he's had a bad day because
I've spoken to him throughoutthe day.
So when he come home I'm goingto try and make everything as
calm as possible so he can tellme what happened and how he feel
(26:10):
about what happened and what'shis resolution to that happening
.
Encourage him, pray for him ifhe needs it at that time.
But that lack of communication,you know you're not going to be
able to.
You can't fight fire with firewith.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
That is people say well, even if, even like you can
do a text and say my day hasnot been good right so now yeah
the day from me.
So now you're already on alertthat, okay, eric's day has not
been good, so he's going to comehome and he may vent.
But I've already alerted youand say that my day is not going
(26:47):
good, because who else do?
I want to share how my day isgoing to, because if I keep it
in it's going to burst, right?
So I want to be able to sharewith you about how my day has
been going and I may not callyou.
I mean, I may just say the dayis not going good, right.
And usually if I say somethinglike that, you'll be like hey,
(27:09):
hang in there, we'll talk aboutit when we get home, call me
when you get a chance, orwhatever like that.
Oh, you need me to come over, ohyeah, you need me to come over
and handle that, Something likethat.
But we are communicating andthat's what young couples need
to understand.
It's not trying to keepeverything to yourself, but
communicate even with it.
Now you have to text.
(27:29):
You can text and say my day isnot going good when the person
comes home.
It's not a ventful thing andyou got your bad day.
Because if I text you and say,it's just an example, if I text
you and say my day is not goinggood, you can text back and say
man, mine either.
So now I know that both of ourdays are not going good.
(27:49):
I can prepare myself when I gethome or when I talk to you
about that, and that's how itshould be, that's how I think it
should be.
But, like I said, the winterblues are real issue for me when
she was younger.
Wow, man, I wish you could callin and tell us about that.
Man.
I mean, yeah, because winterblues, it happens.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I think we don't really realize we we actually do
go through that because wedon't get the snow.
It don that because we don'tget the snow and you don't get
20 below here right right, evenwith just a even on a rainy day,
when it's an overcast,personalities change yep, yep,
yep, yep it is just because ofthe weather, because, you know,
(28:30):
on a sunny day, on a nice sunny,you'd be like, yeah, like the
other day, and we were like, oh,oh, it's nice out today.
It brought a whole differentpersona of how we were feeling
yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
It's really what happens here.
We just don't realize itbecause we don't get it as bad
as other states in the UnitedStates, because we're not up
north.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
They say in certain cities, especially when it gets
hot.
They say well, boy, the murderrate is getting ready to go up.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
But it gets hot.
They say well, boy, the murderrate is getting ready to go up.
But when?
Speaker 3 (29:04):
it's cold because the people are in.
They don't they.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yeah, it's like it's so funny that you say this.
I actually saw a video in mytiktok today and this lady she
had on her coat, she had a haton and she was bundled up and
she said don't call me, ask meto go nowhere.
And going nowhere, it's cold.
You want to come and hang?
Nope, it's cold.
You want to come over?
Nope, I don't want to come overto your.
Nowhere and going nowhere, it'scold.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You want to come and hang?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
nope, it's cold.
You want to come over?
Nope, I don't want to come overto your house and watch tv.
My mama house and watch tv.
I'm going home, it is cold,it's cold she had already shut
herself down for the winter wowno interaction with nobody.
She was going home.
She's gonna bundle up with herpuppy and her cat, and that was
it.
The winter is almost six monthsup there.
Yeah, yeah, so people do changeand it's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, okay.
So by doing it together, bytackling emotional challenges
together, you strengthen yourconnection.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Right, so we're learning again talking to one
another throughout the day,asking how your spouse is doing,
asking how your kids are doing,because sometimes when you have
your children but you so focuson your spouse or you focus on
yourself that you forget thatchildren may have.
Like malika says, it was anissue when she was younger right
(30:08):
.
You know what I think she didlive in new york where it was
freezing cold, boston I thinkyeah you're too so, yeah, but as
we got to think about that Imean because I can honestly look
back and think about when wewere in Virginia I really didn't
check in with our kids to say,hey, how your day with the blues
, you know what I mean, hey,whatever, but really just sit
(30:31):
down and say how are you doing?
Because mental health is health.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And so we just want to make sure that we check with
each other mentally all rightall right, we're getting ready
to almost here, all right.
So so number 10 set a realisticbudget.
All right, set a realisticbudget, all right, I really
don't have to worry about thatwith you, which is good.
(30:57):
But we have to set itrealistically, because financial
strain during the holidays is acommon stressor.
It really is.
And then if you keep using thecredit cards and using the
credit cards and then the billis due in January, that's going
to cause stress, right?
So financial stressor is aduring the holidays is a common
(31:20):
stressor.
So we got to plan a budget thataccounts for gifts, events and
expenses, and you got to stickto it.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And you got to still pay your bills.
Yeah, that's why expenses yeahthat's expenses.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, so you're planning around gifts.
What Red once said is startplanning in January or for
December.
So you start saying, look, weonly going to spend $1,200.
That's how much we spending onChristmas and that covers
everybody.
Right?
So what we do, we get a specialsavings account and we just
start putting $100 a month.
(31:55):
So by the time December gets,december 15th, you got $1,200,
right?
If you say, oh, you know what$2,400, we set that goal and
we're going to be talking aboutgoals in our next thing, setting
goals for the following year,right.
So if you set your goal for in2025 for Christmas, because
(32:17):
you're looking ahead, right,you're looking, you're setting
your vacation time, you'resetting your all this kind of
stuff for next year and you'resaying, for Christmas, we only
spending $2,400, that means howdo we get there?
All right, we got to save $200a month.
That's the easiest way to do it, right?
Don't try to come up and don'tsay, and then try to double up
(32:38):
in half, no, it's just 200 andthen that's a good way to do so.
Set a realistic budget andstick with it.
All right.
Hey Melissa, hey cuz, how youdoing All the way from Atlanta.
She says mental health is themost important.
Yeah, it's very important.
It's very important.
Yeah, all right, number 11.
Number 11.
(32:58):
, number 11.
This is the last one, number 11.
You create your own traditions.
I know you're getting startedwith that, but you create your
own traditions because you mayhave had traditions with your
mom, with your family, mygrandma, yeah, but now that you
(33:20):
are married, you need to haveyour own traditions.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
What do you do as a family?
What do you do as a spouse?
You may say, okay, the month ofDecember, that's.
Our tradition is that one week,one weekend, we get away, just
the parents, just the husbandand wife, and then whatever
tradition, maybe a christmasmorning we sing carols or
whatever like that.
I like what we have started asfar as with gifts, because all
(33:49):
our kids are older now right hey, one gift and we have the
secrets, secret santa, and weusually don't find out until
after.
So who bought it, or whatever?
But yeah, I like that One.
It don't get so expensive.
Our kids are grown and sothat's, that'd be our tradition
(34:15):
next year.
Or we can do it this year, ifsomebody wanted to do it, or
again, like next year, you say,hey, we're going to sponsor a
family, so let's get our moniestogether.
Everybody put $10 away andwe're going to sponsor a family.
I think that would be a greatidea so Richard's family, I know
y'all listen we already saidnot go for next year Christmas.
(34:37):
That's going to be ourtradition and long before I'm,
me and your mom, gone, y'allstill gonna hold up on to it.
Well, you we're gonna, not whatthe church doing, but from the
richards family, right, right,and it'd be good if we could get
together to do it.
But if we all can't gettogether, we have facetime, we
have all that kind of stuff andwe present it to the family and
(34:59):
one of us will find a family andwe'll go for it that way.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Just remember we are blessed to be a blessing.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Blessed to be a blessing, and one of the other
things that I really like thatwe have started.
I can't remember what year westarted it, but instead of
having Christmas dinner, we haveChristmas breakfast yes.
And we go to the movies.
Yes, we go to the movies onChristmas Day, that's our
tradition.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, we go to the movies on Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
We started that when Juice was a baby.
He went to the front.
When you see something,something on Wall Street you're
a little baby.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, I don't forget what it was.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah, and I think that the kids will continue to
do that.
I mean even that when she's inChicago for Christmas she goes
to the movies.
But now they tour down whereshe usually goes, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I think it'simportant to include the whole
family when you decide on whattradition you want to do in your
family, because our hope isthat our children will pass it
(35:58):
on to their children and thenthey'll pass it on to their
children when we're gone toglory yes, amen, amen amen.
So traditions are important.
It kind of give you that value,that that I don't know, I can't
find a word for it, but thatconnection, that bond with
family.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So I know we've got people out there.
Come on, put it in the chat.
What is your family?
If you have family traditionsfor during Christmas, put it in
the chat.
What are your family traditions?
And if you're going to start afamily tradition, you're
thinking about it.
So put it there.
We've got Melissa says, nowthat the kids are adults, we
travel for Christmas just beinghubby, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Nice and Sparkle said , christmas breakfast is at her
house every year.
We coming over.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
All right, now we ain't going to come, we ain't
going to be here.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Oh yeah, that's right .
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, we traveling.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
That's a good idea, because we're starting to do
that too, since the kids arespread out.
Our it's my baby boy's clothes,but since the kids are spread
out, we're starting to just kindof like travel more too.
It's fun just the two of us.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
All right, first of all, y'all gorgeous tonight.
All right, hey, y'all, come on,y'all put down some family
traditions and think about somefamily traditions.
What about putting that inthere from some family
traditions that you had growingup?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, so many one I really hated the
most, but everybody knew it is atradition and you were gonna do
it because mama wasn't havingit no other way.
Cleaning chitlins oh we wouldstand by each other just
(37:36):
thinking we would have so muchfun cleaning those things and
talking.
But everybody knew when we sawthose buckets come in the house
it was a wrap it was a wrap.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
We knew cleaning them .
Speaker 2 (37:47):
We sent it either Thanksgiving she didn't do them
both holidays but she did themthen Let me think of something
else I would tell you mine.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
On Christmas morning, my dad would wake up at 5
o'clock.
He would have this old stereo Iwish we would still have it.
He had the 8-track, everythingand he would be in there playing
Christmas music.
And he would come around andI'm already excited about
Christmas.
No, he wouldn't let usoversleep.
(38:16):
So I'm excited about Christmas.
Going to bed oh, no, you got togo to bed and he would about 6
o'clock.
He would start at 5 o'clock andif you wake up during the time
you hear the music.
But he would come at sixo'clock and all of us would come
and get in our pajamas.
We'd be in our pajamas to be usfor and we would sing, he would
pray, he would make sure he's,he prays, and then we open up
(38:37):
the gifts.
All right, what you got.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Rodney Lee, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Rodney, give you a shout out my wife and I enjoy
the show.
Where's the church located?
We are located in the lovelycity of sunrise yeah um off the
university in oakland park,right in the plaza across from
hit.
What's the restaurant that I'malways eating at?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
hooters, I'm gonna put in the address.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I'm gonna put in the address in for you, minister lee
, thank you so much for joiningus.
Oh, my goodness, I didn't meanto trigger you because melissa
remembered that I know right,and she wasn't having it.
But we would stand there andthe smell was of course the
smell.
But that was something that welooked for.
We knew we had to do it, so itwasn't like, and each person get
(39:23):
their own two buckets becauseit was a lot of us in the family
and everybody ate them exceptfor Missy.
But one year I said just try it.
Just try it with some hot sauce, just try it.
She tried it.
And now who house we go to forchitlins?
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Missy huh.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
The last one to eat.
She wouldn't eat them.
My first says in our house youcan open two gifts in the
morning, then two in theafternoon, and later you can
open the rest.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Wow, our kids would have lost it, we wouldn't have
been able to do that.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
But that's not.
That's a good tradition,because that's something that
they could carry on with theirchildren, not at a JV for the BO
.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Mommy Wow JV for the BO Mommy.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, so a a lot of different.
It's a lot of different thingswe did.
We would do apple cider atmidnight on new year's eve and
we would drink apple cider withthe key.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
We let them drink them out of champagne flukes and
thought they was getting toldbut, we would do that um I think
we need to really get back tosome things like that.
I know we're talking about newyear's eve, but we have no
matter where your family is.
You have something calledfacetime, google meet, you have
(40:41):
all these things that you cansay at 12 o'clock we're gonna,
we're gonna facetime all thefamily members and we're going
to say Happy New Year, happy NewYear, yeah, and pray and just
thank God that the whole familyis here.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
another new year.
Yeah, that's right, but don'tgive nobody no Taylor Port,
because they don't make it tothe ball drop.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Oh yeah.
So Jordan says at some pointthat he would like to start
smoking A Christmas brisket orham.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Okay, alright.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Okay, alright, we ain't mad at you.
No, we ain't mad at you at all.
Jordan, please make sure youlike and share.
There's 13 of you all.
Please make sure we got 10votes and we thank God for each
and every one of you that joinus tonight.
We just came up with some tipsTo grow closer during Christmas,
because again it gets hustledand it gets bustled and things
(41:32):
just start happening and we wantyou to grow closer, we don't
want you to grow apart.
I think that would be a goodstudy for me, even in my
master's, to find out how manydivorces come out of Christmas.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Right, we already know from politics.
When we did the politics, wecame up with stats of how many
divorces they're having becauseof political differences.
But I want to know how manydivorces come out because
Christmas is so crazy.
You didn't get me the gift thatI wanted and we over here, we
over there, you with your familyand you not with my family, and
(42:14):
it all starts right there.
I mean that's probably a, Idon't know.
I hope it's not a large number.
I hope it's not a large number.
Yeah, it shouldn't be a numberto get we should be coming.
I'm telling you we should becoming.
I'm telling you we should becoming together for christmas
(42:35):
and not being apart.
All right, first, as parents,please take advantage of the
opportunity to start yourtraditions they will cherish
them later.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
That's right, they will.
They will because they comeback to you as adults and say
hey, remember when we used to dothis remember this, yeah you
remember that time this happenedand it's true, and just to hear
them where sometimes you got toforce them.
Right, right you got to forcethem to do it, but then to hear
them come back as adults and sayI surely missed this that we
used to do.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
I'm going to do this with my kids.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I've done this with my kids because you and dad did
it with me.
But it is important to settraditions.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, set traditions.
Yeah, it is very important.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
It is very important it really paves the way and it
also shows them the type ofparent that you are.
So you're setting an example sothey can become the type of
parent that they want to be fortheir child.
Right and it just keeps goingon and on.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Right, right, right.
So yeah, let's keep thetraditions and let's keep it
going.
Yeah, we need to keep thatgoing.
So all right, hey, what a, whata good thing tonight, hey I
truly enjoyed it and we justwant to thank each and every one
of you for joining us.
Please make sure you share thevote, share this podcast for
(43:42):
those who will be listening onall of the apple podcasts and
everything, like I.
You.
We're everywhere, all thecontinents except one.
So we've been getting that.
We're close to 1,000 downloads.
We're close to 1,000 downloads.
Please, y'all, help us get to1,000 downloads.
(44:02):
We would greatly appreciate it.
So we're on Apple Podcasts,spotify, amazon Music, youtube
Podcasts.
So please, just do that.
So we had a good session.
Again, I want to thank each andevery one of you for joining
with us tonight.
Again, you could have beendoing something else, but you
decided to join us here and wereally appreciate you joining us
(44:27):
for our podcast.
So we want to say goodnight,goodnight.
We love you all.
Hey Sparkle, hey Sparkle, hey.
Remember next podcast.
We're setting goals for 2025.
2025.
Marriage people.
We need to set goals for 2025.
So that's what we're going tobe doing in our next podcast.
(44:47):
So we'll see y'all in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
God bless, god bless you.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Thank you.
If you're hearing this message,you've listened to the entire
podcast and for that we want tothank you from the bottom of our
hearts.
We hope you enjoyed this newepisode and, if you did, please
rate and review our show on yourfavorite podcast channel.
Please share this episode withothers who may be interested in
this topic.
Also, feel free to let us knowwhat topics you'd like to see
(45:13):
covered in future episodes.
Get in touch in the comments oron any social media networks.
At Marriage in Real LifePodcast, see you in two weeks
for a new episode.
Thank you.
All right, so we're ready to get into our topic
tonight.
I'll be doing that.
We're talking about tips on howto grow closer during Christmas
, because we know Christmas is ahectic time and sometimes you
can grow apart trying to getthrough Christmas.
Christmas is not meant to drivepeople apart.
It's supposed to be driving ustogether.
(00:20):
So we got some tips here thatwe read about and we wanted to
just talk about those tipstonight.
We may not get through all ofthem, but we want you to chime
in with us.
We're going to see what youthink, all right?
Tip number one you have tomanage your expectations
surrounding the holidays.
Sometimes I would say fromreading this is we have
(00:42):
different expectations of ourspouse Even before the holidays,
and now during the holidays, weexpect them hey, they should be
cooking this, or they shouldnot be cooking that.
I should be expecting to dothis certain chore, that certain
chore, and withoutcommunication.
Right, you can expect all youwant to, but you got to
(01:04):
communicate what you're actuallygoing to be doing, because
sometimes you get sick,sometimes you get tired,
sometimes you just don't want todo what you would normally do,
and so you have to sit down andwhat you think about
expectations.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Here's the thing when you have children and the mix
of the holidays, then it is likeyou do have to set up.
I'm going to handle this,you're going to handle that.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
Right.
Speaker 2 (01:28):
That way we can come into the middle and everything
is done.
So letting them know what isexpected, or just sitting down
writing a list.
Okay, you're going to shop forthe boys, I'm going to shop for
the girls.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
Okay, I see what you're saying.
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Okay, so this is a list of what everybody wants, or
whatever.
So we, this is a list of whateverybody wants, or whatever,
and so we separate and we go andwe do that.
And we come back to the middle.
So we're going to pick a daywhere we're going to wrap toys
and put stuff underneath theChristmas tree.
It's important to communicateduring this time because you
don't want to bump heads and endup getting the same thing you
(02:01):
got to keep the line ofcommunication open.
You got to also remember thatthere are traditions and have
we're going to talk about thattoo we have traditions that we
do.
Like one of our traditions whatwe started don't go too fast,
baby.
We're going to talk abouttraditions okay, but just kind
of openly discuss what it isthat you need from each other
(02:22):
during that time, becausethere's so much going on.
The traffic is even heavier, theweather is colder you know and
you just can get those winterblues in the process of you may
have a loved one that that was afavorite holiday.
And now you're dealing withthat because they done went to
heaven and a lot comes on.
A lot of people get depressedduring that time.
(02:44):
So it's important to talk toeach other to make sure you're
keeping the spirits lifted upwith each other.
Even if there is no loss of aloved one, Just the whole
humdrum and the whole hustle andbustle of it can wear and tear
on you in the holidays, so it'simportant to keep a line of
communication open.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
It's not about fulfilling every wish, but about
cherishing the time together asa spouse, all right.
Number two clearly communicateresponsibilities and follow
through.
So the holiday season comeswith extra tasks and unclear
roles can lead to stress andresentment.
You have to make a list ofholiday responsibilities, like
(03:25):
cooking and shopping anddecorating, like you said,
before you decide who's going tohandle it Right.
So that's what you got to haveclear and, like you said, you
got to clearly communicate it,because if you don't clearly
communicate it, then it won'thappen.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Right.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Because you assume that.
And it goes back to number one,where you expecting somebody to
do something, but it's notclearly communicated.
So you want to do that.
So clear communication ensuresno one feels overwhelmed and
both partners can contributemeaningfully.
So that's why we got to haveclear communications.
All right, yeah, all right.
Number three is verbalize yourappreciation.
(04:01):
Yes.
Number three is verbalize yourappreciation.
Yes, verbalize yourappreciation Every day.
You should be thanking yourspouse for something, or try to.
You should be a simple thankyou for just doing something
daily responsibilities, Becausesometimes we as spouses, we do
(04:26):
things.
A little thank you goes a longway.
Showing that show that yourspouse is looking at the little
things, right?
We often say, especially in thechurch world, is that a lot of
times we want to thank God forthe big things but we never want
to thank God Not never, but welook over thanking God for the
little things, right?
(04:46):
Sometimes we get up in themorning and we just start
hustling.
We go to work, we come home andor we go to work and something
happens and thank God, but weforget about thanking God just
for waking us up, that we haveeyesight.
We forget about those thingsbecause they just come because
it's like a daily routine.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Right.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
And so we should thank our spouse for the daily
response.
If you cook a meal, hey, thankyou for cooking.
If you bring slippers, hey,thank you for bringing my
slippers, or something like that.
That's how it should be.
Why are you smiling?
Why are you smiling on that one?
Speaker 2 (05:21):
Because I thank you for everything that you bring to
me.
Speaker 1 (05:24):
And when.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
I say, hey, babe, can I get a snack?
Speaker 1 (05:26):
and a drink, thank you.
Yeah, I always say thank you, Ido I appreciate the small
things.
Yeah, I do.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
And it's so important just to recognize that person
went out their way to do it.
I mean, like I leave Eric aloneduring the football season and
whatever.
But I will say to him yo babe,when you catch a commercial, can
you bring?
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Yeah, you do that.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
Can you do me this, or can you do me this favor, or
something like that, because ofcourse I'm in the bed playing my
game.
Speaker 1 (05:56):
You get so regular appreciation, reminds your
spouse their love and support iteven during the busiest holiday
season.
Right, so you could be goingout there, like you said earlier
, so much hustle and bustle man,during Christmas season, just
for them to think about you.
Maybe they out shopping andthey call you and they say, hey,
(06:17):
you want something to eat.
They're thinking, think aboutit, they're thinking about you,
that they call you even thoughthey're out hustling and doing
whatever.
They say, hey, you wantsomething to eat.
Oh, thank you for thinkingabout me.
So thank you.
It's a good we need toverbalize because we don't want
to be like again.
I would tell you the story howmy dad would say look, I work,
(06:38):
you have a house, you have allthis kind of stuff and I don't
have to verbalize it because yougot that.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
I'm showing you that I love you by providing yeah but
verbalizing it is very good.
It's good to hear.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Right, verbalizing is good, so we need to verbalize
our appreciation.
Okay, alright, we're movingright along.
Number four we got to scheduleintentional intimate time.
We did a podcast on that.
We did a podcast on that.
We did a show on aboutscheduling intimacy.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, we did.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
And it goes right back to what you're saying.
You get so busy wrapping giftsand especially if you have
children we're thinking aboutboy, you have multiple children,
it is even worse.
We had six.
Yeah, ferg, you had a lot too,I can imagine, because they used
to buy gifts.
So you're doing all of thatkind of stuff and sometimes
you're so tired you don't haveintimacy with your spouse and
(07:34):
you need to schedule thatintimacy don't have to always
just be sex, the physical partsometimes it's a cuddle or right
down beside me or whisper in myear, rub my shoulders.
Speaker 2 (07:45):
Find that moment, because it can get overwhelming.
You still have to work, yeahyeah.
You still got to put in thoseeight hours, that 40-hour week,
and in between that time you gotto figure out this, that and
other.
So the last thing on your mindmost likely is sex, but a hug or
a caress.
But if sex happened to come, Ifit happened to come along the
(08:13):
way then, who knows?
but it's a lot and it could beoverwhelming.
It could be overwhelming and itcould push that part of
intimacy away.
Right, you wrap them gifts andput them, kids to bed or wrap
each other wrap each other up,put a big bowl on each other
that kind of rolled us rightinto number five that's what's
five number five scheduled datenights, that's I mean, we do
(08:35):
that right throughout the year.
We tell everybody to do it, soit's important that you do it
during the holidays too becausetell them, them, kids.
Listen.
We're going for a cup of coffee.
Hold it down, We'll be rightback.
Speaker 1 (08:48):
But what about if you can't leave your kids at home
by themselves?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
If they're younger kids, find a place where they
could go into like a little playarea, like Chick-fil-A have a
little play area where they cango in.
You sit right next to the glassand y'all have y'all one-on-one
and keep an eye on the kids.
You have to figure out what'sgoing to work for the unit.
Speaker 3 (09:10):
Right, right right.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Especially when they're younger.
Right If you have an olderchild, you got to start teaching
them responsibility on how towatch out for the little ones so
as they get older you don'thave to worry about paying a
babysitter because they'regetting expensive.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
But you know what I mean.
One of the things that I readis that you have to, even though
babysitters may cost, investingin your marriage is worth it.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
Investing in your marriage is worth it.
So you can't ship them off tograndma and grandpa, you can't?
Huh, I say you can't do that,then you.
If you can't do that, then youmight have to pay a babysitter.
But again, investing in yourmarriage, investing in your
relationship, through all ofthis hustle and bustling, is
worth it Just to have, like yousaid, that time where that
(09:57):
woosah, where it's just you andyour spouse having a cup of
coffee, not at home, but atStarbucks, something like that,
dunkin' Donuts, something away.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Or even like a little mom and pop coffee shop where
it's not the hustle and bustlebecause Starbucks and Dunkin'
Donuts is a hustle and bustle,you can't even get out you want
somewhere where you can sitquietly and just have a moment.
Speaker 1 (10:22):
What do you think about a Netflix time where you
have Netflix and you have hotcocoa like a cool night.
We open up all the windows, youhave Netflix and sit on the
back porch while the kidswatching a movie.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
Yeah, you can work it out.
The important thing is to takethat time, because that time is
important.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:40):
That time to have a moment and fall in love again.
Right, yeah, yeah, and fall inlove again.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
Right, yeah, yeah, all right Now.
Hey, we got some people on here.
Make sure you like and share.
Make sure you like and sharethe video as we continue.
What did Ferg say?
What did Ferg say?
Speaker 2 (10:57):
The first thing he said.
We stopped giving gifts.
We found an angel tree family,found out what their needs are
and let them go shopping.
Experiencing that helped makethe holidays more special.
That is so true.
I'm getting to a place in mylife too, ferg, where getting
(11:17):
gifts for Christmas is notimportant to me anymore.
I used to want stuff, but Godhas truly been a blessing and I
really don't need anything.
I had a difficult time tryingto come up with a wish list, so
I think next year or maybe thisyear we'll look for we usually
sponsor a family from the church, but I think if we could
(11:38):
sponsor one from our personalfamily, I think I would love to
see that and love to experiencethat.
So thank you for that.
I appreciate it.
And sex is not always on themind it's always on a mind first
I just want to encourage people.
It's a form of communication.
It's a form of communication.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Come on, ladies right it's a form of communication.
Yeah, they say.
People say they'd be going tochurch to the holies of holies.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
All right.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
All right, we move around along.
Please remember to like andshare.
All right, all right.
So number seven no.
Number six is develop arealistic Christmas schedule.
Develop a realistic Christmasschedule because juggling
multiple family gatherings canbe overwhelming, so we have to
create a clear schedule thatconsiders your needs and set
(12:38):
expectations for relatives.
You got to communicateboundaries to avoid unnecessary
stress or conflict, so awell-planned schedule reduces
chaos and ensures both familiesfeel included.
All right, and so you have toprioritize what's best for your
(12:58):
marriage and kids, setting thestage for a more peaceful
holiday season.
So, in essence, is that whenyou have two people coming
together, you have two differentfamilies right.
And so you got this going on.
You got to go to this family.
This family wants you to come,this family wants you to come.
You got all of this is comingon.
(13:19):
But you have to realize that,hey, it's about your family
first.
And then you develop and says,look, maybe on Christmas Eve we
go and spend Christmas Eve withmy family, and on Christmas Day
we go and spend the day, ormorning or in the evening, with
you, because in the morning it'sus.
(13:39):
So you have to come over with arealistic schedule.
You can't be all over the place.
That's how it should be.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
I agree, and you have to set boundaries too, because
some people would be like youwas over there for Thanksgiving,
why you can't be over here forChristmas?
No, this is our plan.
We as a family have sat downand made this arrangement.
And if you can't follow our plan, then we'll go over there.
You have to set boundariesbecause if you allow things to
change, they're going tocontinue to change, right, right
(14:09):
.
So now you're in marriage withnot just your husband and your
children.
Now you got family members inyour marriage.
You have to hold on to what'simportant to you, right right To
your unit.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Right, right I agree.
Yeah, got to develop it Whatevertheir schedule is.
That's the schedule, and mommay want you over here.
Mom, this is the schedule.
Maybe next year we'll rotate,but this year this is the
schedule and this is how we'regoing to accomplish it, and this
is how we're going to do it.
Alright, number seven you gotto attack problems instead of
(14:44):
each other.
Right, you got to attackproblems instead of each other.
Whenever the problems is, yougot to attack whatever the
situation is instead of eachother.
Because, again, you know how itis when you get busy and you're
looking for stuff, sometimesyou're the first person you go
off on.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
Right.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
And it's sometimes your spouse.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
And it's usually the closest person to you.
Yeah, and so you're going tohave problems during holiday
season?
Speaker 1 (15:04):
It's sometimes your spouse, and it's usually the
closest person to you.
Yep, yep, and so you're goingto have problems during holiday
season.
It's going to happen, but howyou handle it matters.
So you have to make sure weapproach it by communicating,
like you said, sitting down,having conflict resolution.
However, you have establishedyour conflict resolution process
Right, so you do it and youhandle it, but don't attack each
(15:28):
other, because that won't begood, all right, and you have to
celebrate the problems fromyour spouse.
Whatever the problem is, youseparate that and you say look,
because again you got the hustleand bustle going on.
You busy, I'm busy'm busy, andthings are just going crazy.
Oh, you was beginning to goback to expectation.
Oh, I expected you.
I thought you was going to behere.
No, like you said, we need tosit down and communicate clearly
(15:52):
.
This is what's going on.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Right, because you want to bring good energy.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Yeah To the concept.
Yeah, you want to.
Speaker 2 (15:59):
Because if you come with some strong, forceful
energy, the response you get isgoing to be strong, forceful
energy.
So you want to be able to look,babe, I didn't like the way you
was driving.
I felt uncomfortable, I didn'tfeel safe because you was
fussing with people in thetraffic or something like that.
(16:20):
If I come at you and say what'swrong with with you, you can't
drive Immediately, the walls ofdefense are going to go up Right
right right, right right.
So having a gentle way, remindme what they say with gentle
parenting but, no, having a morecalm approach to whatever the
situation is, it can be solvedeasily, right?
(16:41):
But if you bring it voiceful,it's probably going to be one of
those things that gets slappedunder the rug because we got to
move forward and we don'tdiscuss it, but it's still there
and now it's piling up.
Right Now we're going to add allthe other stuff that happened
during the holidays there, andthen, by the time New Year's get
here, we ready to kill eachother yeah.
It's so important of how youapproach the problems and
(17:02):
resolve them.
Speaker 3 (17:04):
I know in here.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
It says solving problems together with grace and
forgiveness.
I looked up the wordforgiveness today.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
Okay, what you got, what you got when you looked it
up.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
It's just like being biblically.
It is putting everything aside.
No, rage, no, I'm going to gopick it up out of the sea of
forgiveness and slap you in theface with it.
I'm not going go pick it up outof the sea of forgiveness and
slap you in the face with it.
I'm not going to bring it up,I'm just going to, completely in
my heart, just forgive youwithout any strings attached.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
So I was like, okay, because I'm going to be speaking
in January.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
So you ready for that yeah?
Speaker 2 (17:40):
I'm ready, I'm going to be speaking on forgiveness
and I'm going to be transparent.
This is what the Lord has done.
But, yeah, so, with grace andforgiveness, be willing to
forgive.
We be willing not to bejudgmental.
We get enough judging frompeople all around us every
single day.
The last place we want to bejudged is in our homes.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Right, right.
We don't want that.
We don't want to be judged inour homes, right, right.
Yeah, we don't want that.
We don't want to be judging ourhomes all right, okay, all
right.
So the next one is plan aheadand don't be last minute.
So last minute planning leadsto unnecessary, unnecessary
stress, and that's my problem.
(18:21):
I'm a procrastinator, and Ithink Nikki is like that too oh
my goodness it's like me and Natare so not like that.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
I don't think Jordan is that way either.
The way I will procrastinate.
If I have a paper due, I'll belike, oh, I got time oh, I got
time but I feel like I work muchbetter when I'm writing a paper
for a class or something.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
Right, right, right so.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
I work much better under pressure.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
So if I know I have Thursday midnight to get that
paper done and submit it to myprofessor, yeah, I'm going to
start working on that on Tuesday.
But I've had how many weeks, Idon't know, but that's how I
work on it.
I work like that.
Better under pressure in thatsituation, but anything else I'm
(19:13):
being on time for it.
Speaker 1 (19:15):
Okay, okay, I'm being on time.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
If I tell you I'm going to be there at 10 o'clock,
you can best believe that.
About 9.55 I'm pulling in theparking lot, I want to sit in my
car and then I'm going to rollup in there 10 o'clock.
On the dot I schedule in myhead what I got to do for the
day so I can organize it, andit's so helpful, especially for
(19:41):
those who have children littlechildren, you have to organize,
like when we have muffin, wehave my muffleduff.
Hey girl, when we have mymuffleduff and we babysitting
her, I'm like this in themorning, I'm like, okay, at
night I get her stuff together,I get my stuff together.
(20:01):
In the morning she's going tohave pancakes.
I already tell her what shehaving you having pancakes for
breakfast and I get up.
It's okay, babe, here's howwe're going to do this.
You get the pancakes, I'm goingto get her up, comb her hair,
put her to the table, her, eather pancakes and I'm and while
she's doing that with her, I'mdoing my makeup.
(20:22):
You know, I'm saying I'm, I, I,I don't know, I don't wait till
the last minute I don't waittill the last minute because I
want things to go according tothe plan, because, you know, if
I just laze around like you, meand my friend probably never
please all right.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
So hey, sparko, how you doing?
Sparko, y'all look good.
Jordan says I'm somewhat in themiddle, leaning towards
procrastinating, all right.
And then ferg say what's thelargest nation on the planet?
Speaker 2 (20:50):
it's procrastination I like that.
It's so true.
It's so true, even like.
Even when I have Roya, when Ihave all the kids together, I'll
be like, yeah, but that's just,it's important.
Procrastination, it drives meinsane, it truly drives me
insane, to the point where I'mlike you know what Perfect
(21:13):
example the screen broke in mycar and in my caddy y'all the
screen, the screen couldn't work.
I had to.
I just couldn't operate becauseI needed to be able to press
the button and talk, but thebottom of it was broken because
I had been smashing it, tryingto get it to work, but it
wouldn't work.
So I had said to him hey, I wanta new screen.
(21:34):
Okay, patsy, three months, Iwant a new screen.
Okay, patsy, three months, Iwant a new screen.
Okay, patsy, two months, I wanta new screen.
Okay, all right, patsy, Ibought me a new screen, y'all.
I bought it and I can go rightdown to the swap shop and get it
fixed, because I was no longerwaiting for him.
He felt like you got this plug,farber, you should be okay.
(21:58):
No, that's not what I wanted.
I wanted it to work and Iwaited patiently eight months.
I didn't argue with him, I justsaid when are you going to do
it?
So, once I bought it, andthat's how I moved and I would
like for you to move like thatsometime.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
It wouldn't stress me out.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You like stressing me out, I don't like stressing
y'all, baby, but it saysplanning ahead minimizes tension
and allows you to enjoy theholidays, uh, more fully.
So, yeah, we gotta, we gotta,do that.
All right, uh, please make sureyou like and share and, if
you're listening, uh, once weupload it, please make sure you
give us five stars.
All right, number nine, numbernine, what?
Speaker 2 (22:39):
about eight.
Oh, we okay yeah, number eight.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
That was.
Yeah, that was number eight.
Our movie you're moving rightalong.
Right, number nine check inwith your spouse because the
winter blues are real and that'swhat you were touching on
before you got to check in with.
Because cold, gloomy weathercan dampen spirits and
motivation.
When it's real gloomy, it justit messes with you.
(23:03):
It doesn't matter if it's downhere in south florida or up
there in north carolina orchicago or wherever in buffalo.
When it's real gloomy, it justdoes something to your psyche
because it's just gloomy and Idon't feel like doing nothing.
And so you have to check inwith your spouse.
Right, you have to check inwith your spouse.
(23:25):
Hey, how are you feeling today?
I was going to say this and Iforgot about it, but now it came
back to me.
I know we had did a viralmoment where this lady said that
her husband came home and heupset and she got to know how to
handle it, whatever like that,and our conversation was what
(23:46):
are you doing all day?
Are you not talking to yourspouse?
Speaker 3 (23:50):
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Speaker 1 (23:51):
If you are coming home, right, and something I
mean we talk all the day, allday, either texting or whatever
like that, and if you get and ifyou're coming home, you should
be able to not hold it in.
You should be able to call yourspouse and say you know what
this is, what happened today?
Right, and that's a part ofchecking in with your spouse,
(24:14):
especially when it's gloomy,especially when you know that
something on is going on at work, right, Something going on with
family?
Right, you should be checkingin with your spouse.
Something's going on with yourspouse's family, right.
You should love your spouseenough.
Right To check in on yourspouse when it's family problems
(24:38):
that's going on with his familyor her family.
You should love your spouseenough, don't you agree?
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I do agree.
I I feel like it doesn't evenhave to be a family member or
anything, just check in.
Just check in throughout theday even if it takes, hey how
your day going sometimes youshould be texting some good
stuff sometimes I'll go all dayand and and I'll be busy all day
(25:06):
and I don't get a chance totalk to you, and then you'll hit
me up and you say, hey, I ain'theard from you all day you know
, and I'll be like like to thepoint where my teachers they
like yeah, miss, pass is oneo'clock.
You, that call should be coming.
When you call earlier than that,they'd be like hmm, he early
today.
But yes, and pointing, and Iwas talking to a friend that was
(25:27):
like if I'm having a bad day,if he's having a bad day and he
comes home and he wants to ventto his wife, and she was like
come in and don't come in andcharge at me, because I work too
.
So you didn't ask me how my daywas, you just came in with oh,
(25:50):
Jonathan didn't do so-and-sotoday, but if you had
communicated throughout the day,that's what I said to her.
But if you, had communicatedthroughout the day.
That's what I said to her.
I said with my husband I knowthat he's had a bad day because
I've spoken to him throughoutthe day.
So when he come home I'm goingto try and make everything as
calm as possible so he can tellme what happened and how he feel
(26:10):
about what happened and what'shis resolution to that happening
.
Encourage him, pray for him ifhe needs it at that time.
But that lack of communication,you know you're not going to be
able to.
You can't fight fire with firewith.
Speaker 1 (26:24):
That is people say well, even if, even like you can
do a text and say my day hasnot been good right so now yeah
the day from me.
So now you're already on alertthat, okay, eric's day has not
been good, so he's going to comehome and he may vent.
But I've already alerted youand say that my day is not going
(26:47):
good, because who else do?
I want to share how my day isgoing to, because if I keep it
in it's going to burst, right?
So I want to be able to sharewith you about how my day has
been going and I may not callyou.
I mean, I may just say the dayis not going good, right.
And usually if I say somethinglike that, you'll be like hey,
(27:09):
hang in there, we'll talk aboutit when we get home, call me
when you get a chance, orwhatever like that.
Oh, you need me to come over, ohyeah, you need me to come over
and handle that, Something likethat.
But we are communicating andthat's what young couples need
to understand.
It's not trying to keepeverything to yourself, but
communicate even with it.
Now you have to text.
(27:29):
You can text and say my day isnot going good when the person
comes home.
It's not a ventful thing andyou got your bad day.
Because if I text you and say,it's just an example, if I text
you and say my day is not goinggood, you can text back and say
man, mine either.
So now I know that both of ourdays are not going good.
(27:49):
I can prepare myself when I gethome or when I talk to you
about that, and that's how itshould be, that's how I think it
should be.
But, like I said, the winterblues are real issue for me when
she was younger.
Wow, man, I wish you could callin and tell us about that.
Man.
I mean, yeah, because winterblues, it happens.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I think we don't really realize we we actually do
go through that because wedon't get the snow.
It don that because we don'tget the snow and you don't get
20 below here right right, evenwith just a even on a rainy day,
when it's an overcast,personalities change yep, yep,
yep, yep it is just because ofthe weather, because, you know,
(28:30):
on a sunny day, on a nice sunny,you'd be like, yeah, like the
other day, and we were like, oh,oh, it's nice out today.
It brought a whole differentpersona of how we were feeling
yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
It's really what happens here.
We just don't realize itbecause we don't get it as bad
as other states in the UnitedStates, because we're not up
north.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
I totally agree with that.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
They say in certain cities, especially when it gets
hot.
They say well, boy, the murderrate is getting ready to go up.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
But it gets hot.
They say well, boy, the murderrate is getting ready to go up.
But when?
Speaker 3 (29:04):
it's cold because the people are in.
They don't they.
Speaker 2 (29:05):
Yeah, it's like it's so funny that you say this.
I actually saw a video in mytiktok today and this lady she
had on her coat, she had a haton and she was bundled up and
she said don't call me, ask meto go nowhere.
And going nowhere, it's cold.
You want to come and hang?
Nope, it's cold.
You want to come over?
Nope, I don't want to come overto your.
Nowhere and going nowhere, it'scold.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
You want to come and hang?
Speaker 2 (29:19):
nope, it's cold.
You want to come over?
Nope, I don't want to come overto your house and watch tv.
My mama house and watch tv.
I'm going home, it is cold,it's cold she had already shut
herself down for the winter wowno interaction with nobody.
She was going home.
She's gonna bundle up with herpuppy and her cat, and that was
it.
The winter is almost six monthsup there.
Yeah, yeah, so people do changeand it's okay.
Speaker 1 (29:40):
Yeah, okay.
So by doing it together, bytackling emotional challenges
together, you strengthen yourconnection.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
I agree.
Speaker 1 (29:48):
Right, so we're learning again talking to one
another throughout the day,asking how your spouse is doing,
asking how your kids are doing,because sometimes when you have
your children but you so focuson your spouse or you focus on
yourself that you forget thatchildren may have.
Like malika says, it was anissue when she was younger right
(30:08):
.
You know what I think she didlive in new york where it was
freezing cold, boston I thinkyeah you're too so, yeah, but as
we got to think about that Imean because I can honestly look
back and think about when wewere in Virginia I really didn't
check in with our kids to say,hey, how your day with the blues
, you know what I mean, hey,whatever, but really just sit
(30:31):
down and say how are you doing?
Because mental health is health.
Speaker 2 (30:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
And so we just want to make sure that we check with
each other mentally all rightall right, we're getting ready
to almost here, all right.
So so number 10 set a realisticbudget.
All right, set a realisticbudget, all right, I really
don't have to worry about thatwith you, which is good.
(30:57):
But we have to set itrealistically, because financial
strain during the holidays is acommon stressor.
It really is.
And then if you keep using thecredit cards and using the
credit cards and then the billis due in January, that's going
to cause stress, right?
So financial stressor is aduring the holidays is a common
(31:20):
stressor.
So we got to plan a budget thataccounts for gifts, events and
expenses, and you got to stickto it.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
And you got to still pay your bills.
Yeah, that's why expenses yeahthat's expenses.
Speaker 1 (31:34):
Yeah, so you're planning around gifts.
What Red once said is startplanning in January or for
December.
So you start saying, look, weonly going to spend $1,200.
That's how much we spending onChristmas and that covers
everybody.
Right?
So what we do, we get a specialsavings account and we just
start putting $100 a month.
(31:55):
So by the time December gets,december 15th, you got $1,200,
right?
If you say, oh, you know what$2,400, we set that goal and
we're going to be talking aboutgoals in our next thing, setting
goals for the following year,right.
So if you set your goal for in2025 for Christmas, because
(32:17):
you're looking ahead, right,you're looking, you're setting
your vacation time, you'resetting your all this kind of
stuff for next year and you'resaying, for Christmas, we only
spending $2,400, that means howdo we get there?
All right, we got to save $200a month.
That's the easiest way to do it, right?
Don't try to come up and don'tsay, and then try to double up
(32:38):
in half, no, it's just 200 andthen that's a good way to do so.
Set a realistic budget andstick with it.
All right.
Hey Melissa, hey cuz, how youdoing All the way from Atlanta.
She says mental health is themost important.
Yeah, it's very important.
It's very important.
Yeah, all right, number 11.
Number 11.
(32:58):
, number 11.
This is the last one, number 11.
You create your own traditions.
I know you're getting startedwith that, but you create your
own traditions because you mayhave had traditions with your
mom, with your family, mygrandma, yeah, but now that you
(33:20):
are married, you need to haveyour own traditions.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
Right.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
What do you do as a family?
What do you do as a spouse?
You may say, okay, the month ofDecember, that's.
Our tradition is that one week,one weekend, we get away, just
the parents, just the husbandand wife, and then whatever
tradition, maybe a christmasmorning we sing carols or
whatever like that.
I like what we have started asfar as with gifts, because all
(33:49):
our kids are older now right hey, one gift and we have the
secrets, secret santa, and weusually don't find out until
after.
So who bought it, or whatever?
But yeah, I like that One.
It don't get so expensive.
Our kids are grown and sothat's, that'd be our tradition
(34:15):
next year.
Or we can do it this year, ifsomebody wanted to do it, or
again, like next year, you say,hey, we're going to sponsor a
family, so let's get our moniestogether.
Everybody put $10 away andwe're going to sponsor a family.
I think that would be a greatidea so Richard's family, I know
y'all listen we already saidnot go for next year Christmas.
(34:37):
That's going to be ourtradition and long before I'm,
me and your mom, gone, y'allstill gonna hold up on to it.
Well, you we're gonna, not whatthe church doing, but from the
richards family, right, right,and it'd be good if we could get
together to do it.
But if we all can't gettogether, we have facetime, we
have all that kind of stuff andwe present it to the family and
(34:59):
one of us will find a family andwe'll go for it that way.
Speaker 2 (35:03):
Just remember we are blessed to be a blessing.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
Blessed to be a blessing, and one of the other
things that I really like thatwe have started.
I can't remember what year westarted it, but instead of
having Christmas dinner, we haveChristmas breakfast yes.
And we go to the movies.
Yes, we go to the movies onChristmas Day, that's our
tradition.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Yeah, we go to the movies on Christmas Day.
Speaker 2 (35:27):
We started that when Juice was a baby.
He went to the front.
When you see something,something on Wall Street you're
a little baby.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
Yeah, I don't forget what it was.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah, and I think that the kids will continue to
do that.
I mean even that when she's inChicago for Christmas she goes
to the movies.
But now they tour down whereshe usually goes, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, I think it'simportant to include the whole
family when you decide on whattradition you want to do in your
family, because our hope isthat our children will pass it
(35:58):
on to their children and thenthey'll pass it on to their
children when we're gone toglory yes, amen, amen amen.
So traditions are important.
It kind of give you that value,that that I don't know, I can't
find a word for it, but thatconnection, that bond with
family.
Speaker 1 (36:18):
So I know we've got people out there.
Come on, put it in the chat.
What is your family?
If you have family traditionsfor during Christmas, put it in
the chat.
What are your family traditions?
And if you're going to start afamily tradition, you're
thinking about it.
So put it there.
We've got Melissa says, nowthat the kids are adults, we
travel for Christmas just beinghubby, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
Nice and Sparkle said , christmas breakfast is at her
house every year.
We coming over.
Speaker 1 (36:45):
All right, now we ain't going to come, we ain't
going to be here.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Oh yeah, that's right .
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah, we traveling.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
That's a good idea, because we're starting to do
that too, since the kids arespread out.
Our it's my baby boy's clothes,but since the kids are spread
out, we're starting to just kindof like travel more too.
It's fun just the two of us.
Speaker 1 (37:01):
All right, first of all, y'all gorgeous tonight.
All right, hey, y'all, come on,y'all put down some family
traditions and think about somefamily traditions.
What about putting that inthere from some family
traditions that you had growingup?
Speaker 2 (37:15):
Oh, yeah, yeah, oh, so many one I really hated the
most, but everybody knew it is atradition and you were gonna do
it because mama wasn't havingit no other way.
Cleaning chitlins oh we wouldstand by each other just
(37:36):
thinking we would have so muchfun cleaning those things and
talking.
But everybody knew when we sawthose buckets come in the house
it was a wrap it was a wrap.
Speaker 1 (37:44):
We knew cleaning them .
Speaker 2 (37:47):
We sent it either Thanksgiving she didn't do them
both holidays but she did themthen Let me think of something
else I would tell you mine.
Speaker 1 (37:54):
On Christmas morning, my dad would wake up at 5
o'clock.
He would have this old stereo Iwish we would still have it.
He had the 8-track, everythingand he would be in there playing
Christmas music.
And he would come around andI'm already excited about
Christmas.
No, he wouldn't let usoversleep.
(38:16):
So I'm excited about Christmas.
Going to bed oh, no, you got togo to bed and he would about 6
o'clock.
He would start at 5 o'clock andif you wake up during the time
you hear the music.
But he would come at sixo'clock and all of us would come
and get in our pajamas.
We'd be in our pajamas to be usfor and we would sing, he would
pray, he would make sure he's,he prays, and then we open up
(38:37):
the gifts.
All right, what you got.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Rodney Lee, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2 (38:43):
Rodney, give you a shout out my wife and I enjoy
the show.
Where's the church located?
We are located in the lovelycity of sunrise yeah um off the
university in oakland park,right in the plaza across from
hit.
What's the restaurant that I'malways eating at?
Speaker 1 (38:59):
hooters, I'm gonna put in the address.
Speaker 2 (39:00):
I'm gonna put in the address in for you, minister lee
, thank you so much for joiningus.
Oh, my goodness, I didn't meanto trigger you because melissa
remembered that I know right,and she wasn't having it.
But we would stand there andthe smell was of course the
smell.
But that was something that welooked for.
We knew we had to do it, so itwasn't like, and each person get
(39:23):
their own two buckets becauseit was a lot of us in the family
and everybody ate them exceptfor Missy.
But one year I said just try it.
Just try it with some hot sauce, just try it.
She tried it.
And now who house we go to forchitlins?
Speaker 1 (39:38):
Missy huh.
Speaker 2 (39:39):
The last one to eat.
She wouldn't eat them.
My first says in our house youcan open two gifts in the
morning, then two in theafternoon, and later you can
open the rest.
Speaker 3 (39:51):
Wow, our kids would have lost it, we wouldn't have
been able to do that.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
But that's not.
That's a good tradition,because that's something that
they could carry on with theirchildren, not at a JV for the BO
.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
Mommy Wow JV for the BO Mommy.
Speaker 2 (40:09):
Yeah, so a a lot of different.
It's a lot of different thingswe did.
We would do apple cider atmidnight on new year's eve and
we would drink apple cider withthe key.
Speaker 1 (40:18):
We let them drink them out of champagne flukes and
thought they was getting toldbut, we would do that um I think
we need to really get back tosome things like that.
I know we're talking about newyear's eve, but we have no
matter where your family is.
You have something calledfacetime, google meet, you have
(40:41):
all these things that you cansay at 12 o'clock we're gonna,
we're gonna facetime all thefamily members and we're going
to say Happy New Year, happy NewYear, yeah, and pray and just
thank God that the whole familyis here.
Speaker 2 (40:55):
another new year.
Yeah, that's right, but don'tgive nobody no Taylor Port,
because they don't make it tothe ball drop.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Oh yeah.
So Jordan says at some pointthat he would like to start
smoking A Christmas brisket orham.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
Okay, alright.
Speaker 1 (41:10):
Okay, alright, we ain't mad at you.
No, we ain't mad at you at all.
Jordan, please make sure youlike and share.
There's 13 of you all.
Please make sure we got 10votes and we thank God for each
and every one of you that joinus tonight.
We just came up with some tipsTo grow closer during Christmas,
because again it gets hustledand it gets bustled and things
(41:32):
just start happening and we wantyou to grow closer, we don't
want you to grow apart.
I think that would be a goodstudy for me, even in my
master's, to find out how manydivorces come out of Christmas.
Speaker 2 (41:48):
Wow.
Speaker 1 (41:51):
Right, we already know from politics.
When we did the politics, wecame up with stats of how many
divorces they're having becauseof political differences.
But I want to know how manydivorces come out because
Christmas is so crazy.
You didn't get me the gift thatI wanted and we over here, we
over there, you with your familyand you not with my family, and
(42:14):
it all starts right there.
I mean that's probably a, Idon't know.
I hope it's not a large number.
I hope it's not a large number.
Yeah, it shouldn't be a numberto get we should be coming.
I'm telling you we should becoming.
I'm telling you we should becoming together for christmas
(42:35):
and not being apart.
All right, first, as parents,please take advantage of the
opportunity to start yourtraditions they will cherish
them later.
Speaker 2 (42:38):
That's right, they will.
They will because they comeback to you as adults and say
hey, remember when we used to dothis remember this, yeah you
remember that time this happenedand it's true, and just to hear
them where sometimes you got toforce them.
Right, right you got to forcethem to do it, but then to hear
them come back as adults and sayI surely missed this that we
used to do.
Speaker 3 (42:56):
I'm going to do this with my kids.
Speaker 2 (42:58):
I've done this with my kids because you and dad did
it with me.
But it is important to settraditions.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
Yeah, set traditions.
Yeah, it is very important.
Speaker 2 (43:05):
It is very important it really paves the way and it
also shows them the type ofparent that you are.
So you're setting an example sothey can become the type of
parent that they want to be fortheir child.
Right and it just keeps goingon and on.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
Right, right, right.
So yeah, let's keep thetraditions and let's keep it
going.
Yeah, we need to keep thatgoing.
So all right, hey, what a, whata good thing tonight, hey I
truly enjoyed it and we justwant to thank each and every one
of you for joining us.
Please make sure you share thevote, share this podcast for
(43:42):
those who will be listening onall of the apple podcasts and
everything, like I.
You.
We're everywhere, all thecontinents except one.
So we've been getting that.
We're close to 1,000 downloads.
We're close to 1,000 downloads.
Please, y'all, help us get to1,000 downloads.
(44:02):
We would greatly appreciate it.
So we're on Apple Podcasts,spotify, amazon Music, youtube
Podcasts.
So please, just do that.
So we had a good session.
Again, I want to thank each andevery one of you for joining
with us tonight.
Again, you could have beendoing something else, but you
decided to join us here and wereally appreciate you joining us
(44:27):
for our podcast.
So we want to say goodnight,goodnight.
We love you all.
Hey Sparkle, hey Sparkle, hey.
Remember next podcast.
We're setting goals for 2025.
2025.
Marriage people.
We need to set goals for 2025.
So that's what we're going tobe doing in our next podcast.
(44:47):
So we'll see y'all in two weeks.
Speaker 2 (44:49):
God bless, god bless you.
Speaker 3 (44:51):
Thank you.
If you're hearing this message,you've listened to the entire
podcast and for that we want tothank you from the bottom of our
hearts.
We hope you enjoyed this newepisode and, if you did, please
rate and review our show on yourfavorite podcast channel.
Please share this episode withothers who may be interested in
this topic.
Also, feel free to let us knowwhat topics you'd like to see
(45:13):
covered in future episodes.
Get in touch in the comments oron any social media networks.
At Marriage in Real LifePodcast, see you in two weeks
for a new episode.
Thank you.
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