September 13, 2025 • 48 mins
Have you ever ignored warning signs in a relationship until it was too late? That gnawing feeling in your gut telling you something's off, but you push it aside thinking, "Maybe I'm overreacting" or "They'll change"?
In this raw and honest conversation, I dive deep into why we ignore red flags in our relationships – whether with romantic partners, friends, family members, or colleagues. Drawing from personal experience, I share how I once maintained a friendship where I constantly overlooked subtle jabs and disrespect until the mask finally slipped completely off. By then, I was left picking up the emotional pieces alone.
The truth is, people will show you exactly who they are. Not always through their words, but inevitably through their actions. When someone consistently demonstrates patterns of disrespect, manipulation, or behavior that makes you uncomfortable, that's not a coincidence – it's a warning. Your intuition is a powerful protective mechanism; when it speaks to you about someone's character, listen.
We explore practical strategies for addressing red flags: trusting your gut feelings, calling out concerning behavior directly, separating hope from reality, recognizing patterns versus isolated incidents, and having the courage to walk away when necessary. I emphasize the importance of having at least one trusted confidant who can provide perspective when you're questioning your own judgment.
Remember, your peace is your power. Some relationships are seasonal, while others are meant to last a lifetime. It takes wisdom to know the difference and strength to protect your boundaries either way. You deserve relationships that honor your worth, not ones that require you to diminish yourself to accommodate disrespect.
Ready to start recognizing those red flags and protecting your peace? Join me for this enlightening discussion, and share your experiences in the comments. What red flags do you wish you hadn't ignored?
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, hey, hey, y'all.
Hey, thank you for tuning in.
Let's talk about it with Lady T.
I am so happy that you arejoining me tonight for our live
podcast.
Don't forget it is live.
You can call in at754-222-222-2219.
(00:25):
I got it, so I have been up tosome stuff lately.
Let me welcome my viewers thatare new out there.
I am Boss, lady T, and I'm justreally excited about where it's
going.
We'll be doing our seasonfinale soon.
However, I am so grateful Idon't take it for granted that
(00:49):
you are joining me.
I truly appreciate it and Ifeel all of y'all make me feel
so special, but it could be nome without you.
So I'm grateful that you arehere and I thank you for viewing
.
If you haven't liked it, share,shared.
And also if you haven'tsubscribed to our channel, real
Life 21, go ahead and subscribeso that way you'll get
(01:13):
notifications when the nextsession is coming up.
Also, let me apologize, for lastweek I was a bit under the
weather and then, before I knewit, thursday was there and I was
like, oh my goodness, I can't.
So I do apologize for that, butwe're back on track and again I
want to welcome you.
Also, let me see what have Ibeen up to?
(01:33):
Oh, labor Day passed and so Idid a little retail therapy and
I slept a lot.
I needed that sleep.
I was just so overwhelmed withgetting school started and
getting back to the swing ofthings and I really needed to
rest.
So I rest a lot.
I love my sleep.
The following weekend, myoldest daughter and my
(01:53):
granddaughters came for a visit.
A short little visit just thispast week, but I was happy that
they came and they shared alittle bit of time with me and
I'm looking forward to seeingthem for Thanksgiving and all
the rest of the kids when theyget together for Thanksgiving.
So that's what I was up to.
Oh, we had an opportunity to doour in-service for the first of
(02:16):
the month, which was free.
It's always such a pleasure tobe in the midst of the saints
when you're worshiping together.
There's just something aboutthe energy that God, you know,
comes into the service and justtouch and heal people from
anything that they're goingthrough.
It can be small things, itdoesn't always have to be
anything huge, but God is greatand I was so happy to be able to
(02:41):
be in the midst with the saints.
I love those ladies and I justlove my church and I love my
pastor.
I got to thank the pastor.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to go ahead and roll
theme music and then I'll beright back that don't have to be
(03:02):
blind to this test.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
There's no antidepressant and so don't have
to be blind to this test, butdon't have to be blind to this
test.
Don't have to be blind to thistest, sir, else don't have to be
blind to this test.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
But don't have to be blind to this test.
There's no antidepressant.
I understand, I understand, Iunderstand.
All right, again, I want tothank you for joining me.
So our topic tonight is Don'tIgnore the Red Flag.
But before I go any farther, Iwant to also let you know that I
(03:42):
have a little script that Ijust kind of keep on the side.
But if at any moment, anyonefeel like it's something that
they want to talk about, if youwant to change the subject a
little bit, I am okay with that.
Just type in the comments andlet me know and we can move on.
And also, it's important becauseyou never know if someone else
(04:03):
out there may be going throughsomething that on your mind, or
maybe they may have some adviceor suggestions that can help you
navigate through whatever it isthat you're going through and
whatever you're feeling.
Perfect example is I.
On the last session, we talkedabout not allowing people our
peace and I was explaining thatI had a meeting that I had to go
(04:26):
into and in that meeting Ididn't want to get, so I didn't
want my tone to come off as Iwas angry or I was upset, but
that I was passionate and one ofthe callers, my daughter
Natalie, called in.
She texted and she saidsometimes you have to take a
deep belly breathe.
(04:46):
I had never heard of that.
But I said, okay, I'm going totry that and I did and I got my
point across.
I was stern about what I wassaying and I got my point across
without them saying that I wasdumb.
You know how they say aboutblack people.
Yeah, I'm an angry black woman.
Stereotypical thing that theystick on us when we're just
(05:07):
passionate about how we feelabout things.
So if, in fact, you know, thereis something that you may want
to share with our audience, oreven if you just want to make a
suggestion, please feel free todo so.
I have my engineer back thereand he's, you know, watching the
chat for me Thanks for watchingthe chat for me.
And he's, you know, watchingthe chat for me and say,
watching the chat for me andgoing to give me a sign hey,
(05:29):
take this comment.
So I am trying to look at thecomments as well as do the
podcast.
So don't ignore the red flag.
You know, sometimes, as women,we tend to let things go.
You know, even when ourfeelings are hurt or someone has
made us feel uncomfortable, webe like maybe he didn't feel
(05:55):
that way.
Maybe the way I perceive it isnot the way that they expect it
to be.
Now, when I say don't ignore redflags, I mean in any situation
Relationship with men,relationship with women,
relationship with family,relationship on your job and
relationships in your church.
Anytime someone gives you that,if you don't, we let it go.
(06:21):
And sometimes we let it gothousand thousand.
Then, when it gets to a pointwhere you can't handle it
anymore, it's an explosion.
So don't ignore the red flag.
Call them out for what they are.
And even when we think that wewant to justify, you know,
because the Bible says that weshould turn the other cheek when
(06:42):
things are happening.
But sometimes, when we turnthat cheek, they turn the other
cheek when things are happening.
But sometimes when we turn thatcheek, they hit the other cheek
Damn what?
So we want to avoid that by notignoring red flags.
And when we see, when peopleshow us who they are, we have to
believe them the first time.
(07:03):
So I have a little video thatI'm going to roll right quick.
I'm going to have this videoroll and then we're going to
come right back and we're goingto talk about it.
When someone shows you who theyare, believe them.
Okay, stop giving these peoplechances after chances, waving
(07:24):
their red flag in your face,literally holding it on their
forehead.
Their forehead is saying redflag and you're still allowing
these people to play in yourface.
Okay, no, believe who thesepeople tell you that they are.
Believe who these people showyou that they are, because they
won't tell you who they are, butbest believe they'll show you.
(07:46):
Okay, people mask will slip.
They can only hold up thefacade for so long.
Then their mask will start toslip.
Once their mask slips, you needto take heat.
Okay, you need to take heat.
You need to leave them alone,because they will burn you.
They will burn you, they willhurt you and they will walk away
(08:10):
like nothing happened and youwill be the one having to heal
and put all the pieces backtogether.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
So don't allow these people, don't allow anyone to
play in your face and let themshow you who they are and when
them show you who they are, andwhen they show you who they are,
then believe them.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
All I can say is amen on that, because people will
hide behind a mask and secretlybe jealous of you, but yet
they'll sit and they'll have teaand coffee with you, and then
they'll show you they'll be yourfriend.
I remember a young lady saidfrenemy, and I was like frenemy,
you're either a friend oryou're an enemy.
(08:55):
Which one is it?
Because I couldn't put the twotogether, because I didn't
understand how you can callyourself a friend and yet still
be my enemy.
Understand how you can callyourself a friend and yet still
be my enemy, smile in my faceand laugh with me and go out
with me or whatever, and at theend of the day, you've had an
issue with me the whole time andme being like oh, this is just
(09:17):
who she is, and at the end ofthe day, I'm the one that's
going to end up picking up thepieces of my own life after I've
let you just railroad me, youknow.
So you have to really becareful and you have to call
them out for what you know, andeven in the sense that we talked
about disturbing our peace, thelast, your peace is so
(09:40):
important for you to protect.
You have to protect your peaceat all costs Because at the end
of the day, like the young ladysaid, it's going to be you
trying to figure out what you'vedone wrong, you take on
ownership of something that wasdone to you.
You know a lot of people.
If they have narcissisticbehavior and do something, but
(10:02):
then they become the victim whenyou speak up about it, don't
ignore those red flags.
They will show themselves.
Eventually the mask will comeoff and when it does, you'll be
there to say, oh, all this timeand this is how you felt.
No, that's not what you want.
I have a perfect example ofsomething that happened in my
(10:25):
life.
There was this person that Ithought we were friends.
When you saw her, you saw me.
When we weren't together.
We were on the phone, and I'mnot the type of person that's on
the phone.
You know.
I say what I have to say and Iget off.
If I'm on the phone for a longperiod of time, you have to know
(10:45):
that I like you.
If I'm on the phone for a longperiod of time, you have to know
that I like you Because, otherthan that, I'm going to say what
I have to do.
I'm going to get off.
But she had accused me oftrying to destroy her livelihood
and I was perplexed because Iwas like you're training me on
this job, so how am I trying toruin this for you?
And, mind you, all of this wasdone through text and I'm going
(11:07):
to tell you.
When you saw her, you saw me.
If we weren't together, we wereon the phone.
We did so many different thingstogether.
I introduced her to my children, everything.
So, nevertheless, as I, as thishappened, I started going back
into my memory bank and I waslike I started thinking about
all the little things that wouldstay underneath her breath and
(11:30):
it's easy, you know, she wouldstay out of the way.
But I really didn't pick up onit.
I was just like, oh, okay, well, maybe she and her feelings
today, or whatever.
I ignored the fact that Godtried to take us from the very
very thing that we try to holdon to and we try to hold on to
them so tight, and then, whenthey finally break, then we're
(11:56):
left like why was I trying tohold on to that?
What was the purpose?
What was it going to benefit meby me trying to hold on to this
friendship, when I'm doing allthe friending and I'm trying to
reach this person and I'm tryingto be there, I'm trying to be
supportive, but at the end ofthe day, this person is not
(12:18):
supporting me, you know.
So at that particular time it'slike when you you are hurt,
you're broken, like the younglady said in the video.
You're broken, you're hurt andyou don't know how to pick up
the pieces because you're goingto have to pick them up.
No one is going to pick them upfor you, but you're going to be
the one to have to pick upthose pieces.
(12:38):
End of the day, pay attention.
Pay attention to how peopletreat you.
You are worth more than just tobe disrespected and mistreated,
getting your feelings hurt.
You are far more important tothat.
And after this whole situation,I ended up giving up
relationships with women and Iwas, like you know, I was a bit
(13:02):
turned off because I was whenbitch in the office, because I
was when I care, when we aswomen care, we care with
everything and I think I've saidthat so many times.
We care with everything withinus.
So when we get crushed, ithurts.
So we kind of stuck back andsay, oh no, I'm not going to do
this.
This is the last time thishappened, and the crazy thing
(13:23):
about it as well was I had hadsome torture.
So by that I was like, oh no,I'm not going to be friends with
anyone else.
And, being a long-time, thisyoung lady and this is what
happened and I just didn'tbelieve that all this time there
was animosity that I didn'tknow, but I ignored the red
(13:43):
flags y'all.
I ignored them and, like thatyoung lady, say they can only
hide behind that mask for solong until it starts slipping
away and you start seeing themfor exactly who they are.
That's all I mean, just to haveto get back into a place of
trust and allowing people to bein your circle.
(14:06):
My circle is really small.
Now.
I do have quite a fewgirlfriends that I hang out with
, but my circle is really smalland I just say to myself and I
don't consider myself to bebetter than anybody on this
earth, god created all of us thesame and don't see the pastor
to be no higher than anybodyelse but I have to protect
(14:28):
pastor's peace and you have toprotect yours and you have to
pay attention.
You have to pay attention to thesigns, because they're there.
They're there and if youcontinue to allow them to pull
away at it, they're going topull away at your soul and then
you're going to be angry andyou're going to trust nobody.
You know there are warning.
They're going to pull it awayat your soul and then you're
(14:48):
going to be angry and you'regoing to trust nobody.
You know there are warningsigns.
It's a crazy thing.
I don't want to keep sayingcrazy things, but another thing
about it is you start takingownership and saying maybe it
was something that I did,especially in relationships with
men.
You start, I mean, like when Iwas out there and I was dating
(15:16):
it's been a while, like 32 years, but when I was out there and
any time that I felt like Icouldn't reach this particular
young guy, this young man, Ialways start thinking that it
was something that I did.
I wasn't pretty enough, Ididn't wear my hair the right
way, I was too fat, I didn'thave thick thighs.
I always and it was alwayssomething physical, because I
felt, like men are physical,they visual, so maybe I don't
(15:39):
have what the next person have,and maybe this and that no, no,
no, no, no, I'm enough, you'reenough.
Person have and maybe this andthat, no, no, no, no, no, I'm
enough, you're enough.
They just don't see thepotential in you, and not that
even potential.
They don't see a good thingwhen they see it.
You are enough.
In any relationship, you areenough, and don't allow people
to spin out lies to you tellingyou that you're enough.
(16:01):
You are enough, that's just it.
When people show you who theyare, believe them the first time
.
I've been in that situation somany times and I had to learn
the hard way.
I had to learn the hard way.
So, with that said, we're goingto roll the second video and
(16:21):
I'll be right back with you.
Y'all can shout out to me now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
People show you who they are.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
eventually, it's only but time that a person, through
colors, will come out.
It's only going to take timefor a person to really show you
who they really are, whatthey're here for and how quick
they're willing to leave or turna back on you.
You see, she says it all, itall.
(16:58):
It's only a matter of time.
It's only a matter of timebefore they show their true
colors.
And I'm not saying go walkaround with your life, with your
god uh, I'm not saying that.
But you know the ones.
You know the ones that made thecomplete remarks to you or the
things that hurt your feelings.
I'm not one to have my feelingshurt and you walk over me and
(17:20):
you say and you do what you wantto do to me and I'm okay with
it.
Can't be okay with that,because if you continue to allow
, it's going to get worse, it'sgoing to become more, it's going
to become harder and moreheartbreaking.
Let me look at the chat and seewho's on there.
Oh, I see my mom is out there.
(17:42):
Hey, mom, thanks so much forjoining.
I'm happy that you made it.
Mom usually is busy on Thursdaynights, but I called her up.
Mom, I'm going to be onlineanyway.
So, with that being said, likeI said, eventually it comes on.
Eventually you see them exactlyfor who they are.
(18:05):
And another thing you start toput fingers at yourself and be
down on yourself because youspent so much time allowing that
person to just ruin you for noapparent reason.
Sometimes it can just be, Ithink, just be jealousy for no
apparent reason.
I can understand why anybody inon this face of this earth
(18:29):
would be jealous of me.
Me, that's Not me, because I'mnot boastful, I'm just me.
I'm enough.
I am enough.
So I have a few steps to helpyou acknowledge your red flag.
The first thing is payattention to your good.
(18:52):
If it's something thatconsistently makes you feel
uncomfortable in the presence ofpeople, or that person who you
thought was your close friend,call it out If you feel like
you're not respected.
It's something that God gave usas an intuition and when I saw
(19:14):
you, it worked.
It truly worked, and it hasgotten me out of a lot of
situations.
Feel from your gut.
If your gut says somethingabout this is not right, don't
do it, don't do it at all.
Say hold up.
What did you say?
Oh, okay, that's what you said.
I thought I was just so.
(19:35):
That's how you feel.
Call it out, name it, whateveryou see.
Call it out, say hey, I don'tlike this behavior.
You're not respecting theboundary that I gave you.
I'm going to have to back awayfrom this.
Call them out, like I said,it's only going to benefit you
(19:58):
in the end.
It's only going to benefit youand it's going to protect your
peace.
It's going to protect yourcharacter.
You don't have to show off like,hey, I know you said no, we're
not going to go there.
We're adults, we're women andwe're not going to be trying to
throw hands, no, no, that's nothow we solve things.
How we solve them is we bow outgraciously and we walk away,
(20:23):
because every for every, theBible says for everything there
is a season and some people areonly in your life for a short
amount of time and it's okaywhen they walk away.
That was they did their purpose, whatever their purpose was for
you.
Maybe they were in your life tomake you get on your knees and
pray more.
Maybe they're in your life tomake you encourage you to do
(20:46):
something, maybe go to school ormove to a new career or
anything.
But when there's're deceased,those people that are supposed
to be with you for the duration.
God's going to make sure theyare there for the duration.
So when it's time for them togo, let them go.
Don't hold on to them, let themgo.
(21:08):
And especially in any type ofromantic relationship, if you
feel like you're constantlytrying to meet the need, meet
the need, and it's never beingmet, it's only because that's
not the purpose for you.
That relationship is not foryou.
It takes two to be in arelationship.
You can't do it by yourself.
(21:29):
It has to be two parts tryingto work on this relationship
together, and that goes with anyrelationship, two partners
trying to work on thisrelationship together.
And that goes with anyrelationship, not just male and
female, best friends, familymembers, sisters, brothers.
You can't be in it by yourself.
I tell you know, in ourmarriage podcast I always make
the reference of when you're ina boxing ring right and you're
(21:52):
in a relationship with someoneand y'all in a boxing and you're
boxing, and when you get tiedand you're in a relationship
with someone and y'all in aboxing and you're boxing, and
when you get tied, you got to beable to tag that other person
so they can come in and finishthe fight.
And that's how it is in anyrelationship.
You got to be able to tag yourfriend, your best friend, your
cousin, your brother, yoursister and say, hey, I can't do
it, no more, I need you to comein and take the rest of it, and
(22:15):
that's how it goes, and viceversa.
But if we're not in thisrelationship together and if
we're not working on it together, then somebody got to bow out
gracefully, and sometimes thatperson might be you and it's
okay.
It doesn't mean that you failedat it.
It doesn't mean that you're nota fighter.
(22:36):
What it means is that you'renot a foot and you're not going
to stay there and allow peopleto just continue to come at you
and you don't say anything aboutit.
That's what that means Separatehope from reality.
Don't try and look at thepotential.
Oh, he has potential.
(22:57):
Eventually he'll get overwhatever it is and we'll grow
together.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They have potential.
They have to work on their ownpotential.
You can't do that, you can'tchange them.
Or even if, if your friend issaying, oh, maybe she's just
stressed out, maybe she'sstressed out, maybe she is.
But we all get stressed.
But we don't take it out on oneanother, we don't belittle one
(23:22):
another.
And I think it's so importantthat when you see that a queen
crown is crooked, you go overand you correct it.
You quit it.
Girl, let me help you out,imperator, don't talk bad
against her, don't go behind herback and say tie her crown.
I almost got no.
We have to be there to supportone another in every aspect.
(23:46):
If a person is, if the behaviorcontinue to be in pattern, it
happens all indirectly.
Oh, that's a good one.
Indirectly, people will saystuff to you indirectly and
laugh yeah, they will.
(24:06):
But when you catch on to thatand you pay attention, when you
catch on to people beingindirectly saying things to you
and thinking it's a joke, that'sa red flag, that's a red flag.
Now, mind you, everybody makemistakes, but the red flags they
consistent Once that mask comeoff and they get comfortable
(24:28):
with saying those things to you.
Yeah, those are consistentbehavior.
Those are consistent behavior.
Those are manipulation.
I have a comment.
Let me read one of the comments.
Oh, from Hiya Spacer.
Thank you for joining.
Yes, she said.
(24:51):
She said the leaders, let'stake it going for potential, oh,
yes, you cannot create them tobe what you want them to be or
to be what you think they couldbe.
You can't.
They have to want that forthemselves and they're so busy
(25:11):
coming down on you that theycannot see what they want for
themselves.
Any type of behavior that theylie, they manipulate, they
disrespect.
These are patterns and if wecontinue to let it go on, it's
going to hurt and harm us.
So we have to stand up forourselves and we have to protect
(25:38):
our peace and our purpose atall counts.
One time it might be anaccident or a mistake, but when
it continues to happen, it's apattern and that's a red flag To
bow out gracefully, even if youcome.
If you have the problem whereyou can't go to this person and
(25:59):
talk to this person, or youdon't know how to approach this
person, speak to somebodyoutside and give them the
perspective on what's going onand what you're picking up on
and see what they say.
And you might even say am Ireading too much into this?
Or you know what do you thinkLike?
A young lady at work the otherday asked me she was telling me
(26:21):
that she was having someconcerns about a relationship,
and the next question was do youthink I'm feeding too much into
this?
And I thought no, I thinkyou're pretty much the right way
it is.
If we don't question therelationships that we have, if
we don't question the thingsthat goes on around us in our
(26:42):
circle and outside our circle,then we're going to find
ourselves picking up the piecesand trying to heal our own self.
So we have to be so careful on,first of all, who we allow into
our space, pick up on it andeven if you have some concerns,
(27:04):
always go to the man upstairsand he will show you.
All you got to do is say youknow, lord, show me this, let me
see it for what it really is.
You know, the same way, you cango to him and say Lord, I want
to love people like you lovepeople.
I want to see past the outside.
I want to see the heart ofpeople, the same way as when
people are doing you wrong.
(27:24):
He will show you.
He will show you.
And if you can't talk to someone, if you can't talk to a mentor
or somebody that you trust,somebody that's a good listener,
because sometimes when you talkto people, they talk over you
and you don't ever really get tothe point of getting assistance
with the situation.
(27:45):
You know, go to someone that'sa good listener, someone that
you trust, someone that willtell you you know, okay, now I
think you're looking a littletoo far into it, it's not that
deep.
That person you should be ableto take that advice and say you
know, okay, now I think you'relooking a little too far into it
, it's not that deep.
But that person you should beable to take that advice and say
you know what?
Maybe I am, but always remember, red flags are consistent,
they're disrespectful andthey're manipulating.
(28:08):
So those are some signs thatyou can definitely look out for
Now.
They'll be so happy to be inyour space that they won't even
realize that you caught on tothem.
Yeah, they won't even realize.
So let me go back to thecomments again.
(28:29):
Okay, come in.
Oh, okay, it's Mesa says jokes,have some truth in it, they do.
Oh, okay, it's made to sayjokes, have some truth in it,
they do, they do.
It's exactly how they feel.
It's kind of like a drunk mancame into our church one day
when I was, when I was young,and he was telling everybody
(28:53):
exactly how he, how he feltabout the pastor.
The pastor was a good guy.
I mean, I was young, I thoughthe was telling everybody exactly
how he, how he felt about thepastor.
The pastor was a good guy.
I mean, I was young, I thoughthe was a pretty cool guy.
But this guy really went on andhe just started talking about
it.
I'm like okay, but at the endof the day he started to quote
scripture and I was like this,being a little bird, I'm gonna
tell to shut it in the pastor.
(29:14):
You know, although they wouldput it out, joke aside, a lot of
the stuff that he was sayinghappened to be true about that
pastor.
So yeah, it happens.
Izzy also said you have to haveat least one person in your
corner.
That's pro-relationship.
To bounce ideas off ofSuffering in silence is so
(29:38):
dangerous.
It is so true.
You always have to have someonein your corner, someone that
you can trust with your interest, someone you can be vulnerable
with.
But they end up saying you don'twant to go to a person who
don't have a teenager withadvice on how to deal with a
teenager, or a person that don'thave a baby on advice on how to
(30:03):
breastfeed.
You want to be in a cahootswith people that can understand
where you're coming from.
So that is so important forrelationships.
That is so because you.
That is so because you andanother thing too in a
relationship.
If you're in a relationship andyour friend or that person is
(30:23):
not in a relationship, they areonly going to give you advice
from a single person's point ofview.
That's another thing that wetalked about in the podcast and
I'm there in real life podcastsas well, because they can only
see things from a single personpoint of view.
But they ain't got no man, andso, mind you, you got one.
(30:45):
We're trying to figure out howto have a nice Christmas
anniversary, and here's she overhere telling you, get rid of
him no youdon't want to do that.
There's a song I think I can'tremember the singer, but
something about Shantae orsomething.
Shana got a man at home anddon't get it twisted just
(31:05):
because your man is out theredoing whatever.
I got a man at home, you know.
So sometimes we have to makesure that we have a balance, and
there's nothing wrong withhaving single friends, friends
who are in your relationship,there's nothing wrong with that.
But take advice from people whocan actually understand and
relate to what you're goingthrough, even when you're going
through relationships, peoplewho are shooting out
(31:28):
disrespectful things towards you, and that way you can you know,
you can bounce it off somebodyelse and have someone to call.
Usually, when I'm going to anout-home and sometimes I call
the girls I be like, hey, y'all,what y'all think about this,
and they all let me know.
I'm like mom, you're justputting too much into it.
They'll tell me, or they'lltell me.
(31:49):
Well, you know, there's a thinggoing around Facebook Say, if
you need somebody to handle thebusiness, which one of your
children will you call?
And I was like Nikki, because Iknow Nikki is a CP.
She's going to be like takenames and ask questions later.
Come on, mom, let's do this Now.
If I want somebody, that'sgoing to be, I'm going to call
(32:10):
Nat or Jordan.
They're going to be like wait aminute before we go this far,
but they have a back.
You know, house time.
I can call Peaches Erica's,another one that I can call.
She's going to say askquestions later.
I call Peaches.
Peaches is going to be likeokay, but why are we doing this?
She's going to try and find outwhat's going on and why we got
(32:33):
it.
I'm going to help you out, mom,but I need to know details.
You know, and we got to be ableto see it Like you have to have
that person in your cornerthat's going to be able to help
you solve your situation, versuscause this problem for your
situation, if that makes anysense.
But yeah, so when they come intowhen they come into your space
(32:56):
and they try to disturb yourpeace.
Yeah, you got to let them know.
You got to let them know.
So you got to let them knowbecause, at the end of the day,
if they don't know, they can'thelp.
They can't help and you don'twant to suffer this time.
That's a lonely, lonely placeto be.
You got to reach out.
(33:18):
You have to reach out.
I always tell people I'mavailable if you need to talk.
And a lot of people say thatI'm available if you need to
talk.
But are you really available?
I'm not a tall person and ifthere's something you say I'm
going through, I'm stoppingeverything that I got going on.
(33:38):
I don't care where I am orwhere I'm at.
If I'm at a restaurant, I'mwalking out.
If I'm asleep, I'm waking upand getting out of the bed, I'm
coming to the rescue.
So if you call me, I'm going topick up that phone, because
nothing is more disturbing thanwhen you feel like you're alone
in this state.
You're alone in this journey.
Yeah, I'm going to have acomment.
(34:00):
Hey, melissa, atlanta, it's inthe house.
I was recently discussing theimportance of having someone
whom you trust to talk to.
However, I was told no, don'ttalk to anyone, take it to God.
Okay, you know what I believein taking things to God.
(34:24):
But I also believe that God putpeople in our lives that we can
talk to on the physical side,and that's just so important to
have that physical person that'snon-judgmental.
You know, you can go to themwith A and they'll give you the
B.
They'll tell you when you'rewrong and they'll tell you when
you're right, and I think Godhas placed that person for
(34:45):
everyone.
If you hold it in, our God is anon-time God, but he works in
his time, not our time, and ashumans we get a little impatient
.
We feel like we got to get itout.
We got to get it out.
We got to hear someone else'sopinion.
(35:05):
Maybe I'm looking too deep intothis or maybe I'm not.
So I think it's important tohave someone to talk to.
God is our spiritual father andhe's going to direct us.
And you know what, when youtalk to him, say Lord, direct me
to the person that I sharegifts with.
That's not going to share itwith anybody else, it's not
(35:26):
going to belittle me and it'snot going to use it against,
because people, those people,those so-called friends of these
red flags.
You is confiding them andthey'll take that in against you
and flip it right back on you,throw it right back in your face
.
So I think it's really important, very important, that you have
(35:47):
someone in the physical.
But ask God to guide you,melissa, he will.
That's one thing I knew aboutthe Lord and I've been on this
journey since I was 12 years old.
God has never failed me.
I've gone through some ups anddowns in my life Lord knows I
have but he's always been rightthere to pick me up off the
ground, take me off, dust me offand get me back on that journey
(36:11):
again.
And not to say that it's beeneasy, and I fell off that road
of many of them.
But I looked to the hillsbecause I know without him I am
nothing, I'm not going to makeit.
Oh, she said oh, yeah, that'sDante's got a man.
Yeah, I could not think of hername, but I was just going to
make it.
Oh, she said oh, yeah, that'sDante's got a man.
Yeah, I cannot think of hername, but I was just listening
(36:32):
to that song.
I listened to a lot of old theolder 90s, early 2000s, cause
this other stuff.
I just can't, anyway, it's toomuch for me.
But yeah, so you know, I feelwhere you're coming from and I
understand and at any givenmoment, I'm not one to.
(36:53):
If you tell me something, it'sgoing to the grave.
Unless you say can you ask yourmom what she's saying at or can
you ask someone some other thanthat, it's going to the grave.
And even if I have sharedthings with people that have
come back to me and things thatthey shared with me, I'm taking
to the grave because I'm thattype of person.
(37:14):
I'm that type of person.
Your business is your business,not my business to tell.
So I understand, sometimes youget a little discouraged about
sharing things, and I get it,because when things get back to
me I have gotten discouraged,but I share everything with eric
(37:34):
.
Sometimes I'll be like child.
Let me tell you like, uh oh,that's my, that's my balancing
board.
I live into that.
So, with that being said, theseare all of the signs you know.
Know, just separate hope fromreality.
Look for patterns, not justlittle moments.
Look for that indirectivenessthat they'll be throwing your
(37:56):
way.
Make sure you talk to someoneand speak out.
Am I looking into this or am I,or is this really happening and
most of the time?
If you're going to go tosomebody, most likely it's
happening.
Not all the time, but mostlikely it's happening and you
(38:16):
know.
You just have to decide on howyou're going to handle it.
Set boundaries, protect yourpurpose, protect your peace, you
know, communicate it clearly.
I know we've been friends for awhile and I love you like a
sister, but I think it's timethat we just go our separate
(38:39):
ways or just walk away and sayI'm done with that, again,
certain people are in your livesfor certain reasons and when
it's time for them to go, letthem go.
So that again, certain peopleare in your lives for certain
reasons and when it's time forthem to go, let them go.
So, yeah, when you see what yousay, you know what I trust what
I see and I feel I see thesigns, even when they are hard
(39:03):
to accept.
Sometimes you might really likea person.
You're like this person is socool and you just totally
ignored all the things that werebeing done to you and now it's
time to move on.
Yeah, that's fun.
With that being said, that'sthe wrap up for the night.
If anybody want to call in andshare.
(39:25):
Oh, I got another.
Hey, lindsay.
Hey, say protect your peace.
I'm telling you, protect yourpeace at all times.
People will take advantage, theywould take advantage of your
peace.
They would disrespect you andthen they will throw it in your
(39:45):
face.
Respect you and then they willthrow it in your face.
They will.
Your peace is your power and Ithink we said that the last time
.
Your peace is your power anddon't allow anyone to take that
peace, anyone or anything that'sgoing to cause a hiccup in your
peace.
They got to go, they have to goand a lot of times and I hear
(40:10):
this like this I read with a lotof young women, young teachers,
and they go throughrelationships and some of the
things they go through I say atthis age there is no way I would
put up with that.
But when I was their age.
Most likely I did so.
(40:32):
It's always a growing processin any relationship, any
relationship.
The relationship of me and mysister is like so awesome now,
but it hasn't always been thatway.
However, I needed to be in thisrelationship because, at the
end of the day, she's the onlysister I got.
You know, I had to make enoughplans, don't you know what?
I don't care if she mad at me,I don't care.
(40:54):
No, I'm finished.
We're going to talk about itand we're going to move on.
You know, even you know with mybrother, you know, right now
we're a little strange.
I'm not sure why, but I stilllove them and if they call me,
I'm going to be right there forthem.
You know, sometimes we have to.
Those are the relationshipsthat are not seasonal.
Those are relationships thatyour parents just gave you know,
(41:18):
and you have no other choice.
So you have to step out there.
You have to step out there andyou have to do what you have to
do in that particular situationand even with other relatives.
It's okay to distance yourselffrom certain relatives.
If they're causing, if they'redisturbing your peace, it's okay
(41:39):
.
You can try and regroup and goback, and if it's still the same
, then you just go ahead and youstand back and you wait for
them to come.
As Christian women, we have tobe able to accept change in a
person and we can see it.
Remember that intuition, thatgut feeling, is going to tell
you right away she ain't readyfor you yet.
She ain't ready yet.
As my grandmother would say, along handle, wouldn't spoon.
(42:02):
Feed them like that and you'llbe okay.
You're a lesbian, you know so.
Yeah, so if anyone want to callin, 754-222-2219.
You can call in if you want toshare something, just want to
advise someone, even if you wantto fill the script and talk
about something else.
(42:22):
We got about 15 minutes Otherthan that.
You know that's a wrap.
I just wanted to share thatwith you all.
I've been completely dependingon the Lord what I talk about
and he, yeah, and he has reallybeen encouraging me to talk
about things that a lot of timesthey don't talk about,
(42:44):
especially in the church.
I don't know if you guys haveseen this footage going around
about the pastor, the femalepastor that shut down the praise
and worship leader.
I'm not really sure the wholescenario, but because she didn't
get the type of greeting thatshe's used to.
She called the young lady outand I'm pretty sure it's so much
(43:05):
more of those stories to thatstory.
But you know, the red flag saysit had been there.
I don't know if they were onher side or on the young lady's
side.
But you know, sometimes in achurch you have to be careful
too, because people will shootstuff at you.
Yeah, they will shoot stuff atyou and think it's okay, oh well
, with the love of the Lord,okay, god is not in the midst of
(43:28):
confusion.
So if that happened in church,you got to take that to the Lord
.
And if God say, yes, it's yourtime, you need to walk.
You need to walk because youcan't grow spiritually when
you're under the leadership ofsomeone that's trying to
disrespect you, humiliate you,embarrass you.
That's a red flag, oh, anyway.
(43:49):
So I have a last video and I'mgoing to come right back to you
after this video.
Can you roll that for me?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Yeah, Can people show you who they are?
Believe them.
Yes, absolutely.
A person says to you I'mselfish or I'm mean, or I am
(44:18):
unkind or I'm crazy, believethem.
They know themselves muchbetter than you do.
But no more often than notthose of us who don't trust life
they don't say a thing likethat.
You're not really crazy, you'renot really unkind, you're not
(44:39):
really mean.
And as soon as you say that,the person lets you know and
shows you I told you, I told youI was on fire.
So now, why are you angry?
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Wow, that was so good .
Because exactly, they tell you,they show you.
They show you by their actions,they show you by their body
language, and yet we ignore it.
We ignore the signs.
The signs are there, but weignore them and it's so
(45:19):
important to recognize themimmediately.
You're worth more than whatpeople think that you are.
You're worth more to yourself,you that you are.
You're worth more to yourself.
You are a gem, you are adiamond.
So don't buckle down and letpeople treat you any kind of way
, no matter in what circumstance.
You know you're an adult.
(45:41):
You deserve to be heard, youdeserve to be respected, and you
should.
And if you treat yourself, ifyou present yourself that way,
you won't have a problem.
People will be like, oh no,she's not the one to be trying,
or he's not the one to be tryingbecause they'll see the
confidence in you that I'm notgoing to bow down to the foolery
(46:02):
in any kind of way.
Yeah, so that's going to be itfor the night y'all.
Thank you for watching I love.
Yeah, so that's gonna be it forthe night y'all.
That's it about how we camefrom over the night.
I thank you.
I thank you.
I thank you for joining me.
Um, I think I'll be doing myseason finale the next two weeks
, so it's kind of pretty muchtrying to wrap up every case
that we can roll right intomarriage in real life.
(46:24):
I'm excited about that.
I think that's season five thatwe're coming into.
It's been a journey and I thankyou guys for joining us tonight
and I definitely thank the teamthat's doing this in real life
marriage in real life.
So, with that being said, Iwant to wish you guys a good
night and I'll see you in twoweeks and two, three Thank you.
Hey, hey, hey, y'all.
Hey, thank you for tuning in.
Let's talk about it with Lady T.
I am so happy that you arejoining me tonight for our live
podcast.
Don't forget it is live.
You can call in at754-222-222-2219.
(00:25):
I got it, so I have been up tosome stuff lately.
Let me welcome my viewers thatare new out there.
I am Boss, lady T, and I'm justreally excited about where it's
going.
We'll be doing our seasonfinale soon.
However, I am so grateful Idon't take it for granted that
(00:49):
you are joining me.
I truly appreciate it and Ifeel all of y'all make me feel
so special, but it could be nome without you.
So I'm grateful that you arehere and I thank you for viewing
.
If you haven't liked it, share,shared.
And also if you haven'tsubscribed to our channel, real
Life 21, go ahead and subscribeso that way you'll get
(01:13):
notifications when the nextsession is coming up.
Also, let me apologize, for lastweek I was a bit under the
weather and then, before I knewit, thursday was there and I was
like, oh my goodness, I can't.
So I do apologize for that, butwe're back on track and again I
want to welcome you.
Also, let me see what have Ibeen up to?
(01:33):
Oh, labor Day passed and so Idid a little retail therapy and
I slept a lot.
I needed that sleep.
I was just so overwhelmed withgetting school started and
getting back to the swing ofthings and I really needed to
rest.
So I rest a lot.
I love my sleep.
The following weekend, myoldest daughter and my
(01:53):
granddaughters came for a visit.
A short little visit just thispast week, but I was happy that
they came and they shared alittle bit of time with me and
I'm looking forward to seeingthem for Thanksgiving and all
the rest of the kids when theyget together for Thanksgiving.
So that's what I was up to.
Oh, we had an opportunity to doour in-service for the first of
(02:16):
the month, which was free.
It's always such a pleasure tobe in the midst of the saints
when you're worshiping together.
There's just something aboutthe energy that God, you know,
comes into the service and justtouch and heal people from
anything that they're goingthrough.
It can be small things, itdoesn't always have to be
anything huge, but God is greatand I was so happy to be able to
(02:41):
be in the midst with the saints.
I love those ladies and I justlove my church and I love my
pastor.
I got to thank the pastor.
So, with that being said, we'regoing to go ahead and roll
theme music and then I'll beright back that don't have to be
(03:02):
blind to this test.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
There's no antidepressant and so don't have
to be blind to this test, butdon't have to be blind to this
test.
Don't have to be blind to thistest, sir, else don't have to be
blind to this test.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
But don't have to be blind to this test.
There's no antidepressant.
I understand, I understand, Iunderstand.
All right, again, I want tothank you for joining me.
So our topic tonight is Don'tIgnore the Red Flag.
But before I go any farther, Iwant to also let you know that I
(03:42):
have a little script that Ijust kind of keep on the side.
But if at any moment, anyonefeel like it's something that
they want to talk about, if youwant to change the subject a
little bit, I am okay with that.
Just type in the comments andlet me know and we can move on.
And also, it's important becauseyou never know if someone else
(04:03):
out there may be going throughsomething that on your mind, or
maybe they may have some adviceor suggestions that can help you
navigate through whatever it isthat you're going through and
whatever you're feeling.
Perfect example is I.
On the last session, we talkedabout not allowing people our
peace and I was explaining thatI had a meeting that I had to go
(04:26):
into and in that meeting Ididn't want to get, so I didn't
want my tone to come off as Iwas angry or I was upset, but
that I was passionate and one ofthe callers, my daughter
Natalie, called in.
She texted and she saidsometimes you have to take a
deep belly breathe.
(04:46):
I had never heard of that.
But I said, okay, I'm going totry that and I did and I got my
point across.
I was stern about what I wassaying and I got my point across
without them saying that I wasdumb.
You know how they say aboutblack people.
Yeah, I'm an angry black woman.
Stereotypical thing that theystick on us when we're just
(05:07):
passionate about how we feelabout things.
So if, in fact, you know, thereis something that you may want
to share with our audience, oreven if you just want to make a
suggestion, please feel free todo so.
I have my engineer back thereand he's, you know, watching the
chat for me Thanks for watchingthe chat for me.
And he's, you know, watchingthe chat for me and say,
watching the chat for me andgoing to give me a sign hey,
(05:29):
take this comment.
So I am trying to look at thecomments as well as do the
podcast.
So don't ignore the red flag.
You know, sometimes, as women,we tend to let things go.
You know, even when ourfeelings are hurt or someone has
made us feel uncomfortable, webe like maybe he didn't feel
(05:55):
that way.
Maybe the way I perceive it isnot the way that they expect it
to be.
Now, when I say don't ignore redflags, I mean in any situation
Relationship with men,relationship with women,
relationship with family,relationship on your job and
relationships in your church.
Anytime someone gives you that,if you don't, we let it go.
(06:21):
And sometimes we let it gothousand thousand.
Then, when it gets to a pointwhere you can't handle it
anymore, it's an explosion.
So don't ignore the red flag.
Call them out for what they are.
And even when we think that wewant to justify, you know,
because the Bible says that weshould turn the other cheek when
(06:42):
things are happening.
But sometimes, when we turnthat cheek, they turn the other
cheek when things are happening.
But sometimes when we turn thatcheek, they hit the other cheek
Damn what?
So we want to avoid that by notignoring red flags.
And when we see, when peopleshow us who they are, we have to
believe them the first time.
(07:03):
So I have a little video thatI'm going to roll right quick.
I'm going to have this videoroll and then we're going to
come right back and we're goingto talk about it.
When someone shows you who theyare, believe them.
Okay, stop giving these peoplechances after chances, waving
(07:24):
their red flag in your face,literally holding it on their
forehead.
Their forehead is saying redflag and you're still allowing
these people to play in yourface.
Okay, no, believe who thesepeople tell you that they are.
Believe who these people showyou that they are, because they
won't tell you who they are, butbest believe they'll show you.
(07:46):
Okay, people mask will slip.
They can only hold up thefacade for so long.
Then their mask will start toslip.
Once their mask slips, you needto take heat.
Okay, you need to take heat.
You need to leave them alone,because they will burn you.
They will burn you, they willhurt you and they will walk away
(08:10):
like nothing happened and youwill be the one having to heal
and put all the pieces backtogether.
Speaker 2 (08:17):
So don't allow these people, don't allow anyone to
play in your face and let themshow you who they are and when
them show you who they are, andwhen they show you who they are,
then believe them.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
All I can say is amen on that, because people will
hide behind a mask and secretlybe jealous of you, but yet
they'll sit and they'll have teaand coffee with you, and then
they'll show you they'll be yourfriend.
I remember a young lady saidfrenemy, and I was like frenemy,
you're either a friend oryou're an enemy.
(08:55):
Which one is it?
Because I couldn't put the twotogether, because I didn't
understand how you can callyourself a friend and yet still
be my enemy.
Understand how you can callyourself a friend and yet still
be my enemy, smile in my faceand laugh with me and go out
with me or whatever, and at theend of the day, you've had an
issue with me the whole time andme being like oh, this is just
(09:17):
who she is, and at the end ofthe day, I'm the one that's
going to end up picking up thepieces of my own life after I've
let you just railroad me, youknow.
So you have to really becareful and you have to call
them out for what you know, andeven in the sense that we talked
about disturbing our peace, thelast, your peace is so
(09:40):
important for you to protect.
You have to protect your peaceat all costs Because at the end
of the day, like the young ladysaid, it's going to be you
trying to figure out what you'vedone wrong, you take on
ownership of something that wasdone to you.
You know a lot of people.
If they have narcissisticbehavior and do something, but
(10:02):
then they become the victim whenyou speak up about it, don't
ignore those red flags.
They will show themselves.
Eventually the mask will comeoff and when it does, you'll be
there to say, oh, all this timeand this is how you felt.
No, that's not what you want.
I have a perfect example ofsomething that happened in my
(10:25):
life.
There was this person that Ithought we were friends.
When you saw her, you saw me.
When we weren't together.
We were on the phone, and I'mnot the type of person that's on
the phone.
You know.
I say what I have to say and Iget off.
If I'm on the phone for a longperiod of time, you have to know
(10:45):
that I like you.
If I'm on the phone for a longperiod of time, you have to know
that I like you Because, otherthan that, I'm going to say what
I have to do.
I'm going to get off.
But she had accused me oftrying to destroy her livelihood
and I was perplexed because Iwas like you're training me on
this job, so how am I trying toruin this for you?
And, mind you, all of this wasdone through text and I'm going
(11:07):
to tell you.
When you saw her, you saw me.
If we weren't together, we wereon the phone.
We did so many different thingstogether.
I introduced her to my children, everything.
So, nevertheless, as I, as thishappened, I started going back
into my memory bank and I waslike I started thinking about
all the little things that wouldstay underneath her breath and
(11:30):
it's easy, you know, she wouldstay out of the way.
But I really didn't pick up onit.
I was just like, oh, okay, well, maybe she and her feelings
today, or whatever.
I ignored the fact that Godtried to take us from the very
very thing that we try to holdon to and we try to hold on to
them so tight, and then, whenthey finally break, then we're
(11:56):
left like why was I trying tohold on to that?
What was the purpose?
What was it going to benefit meby me trying to hold on to this
friendship, when I'm doing allthe friending and I'm trying to
reach this person and I'm tryingto be there, I'm trying to be
supportive, but at the end ofthe day, this person is not
(12:18):
supporting me, you know.
So at that particular time it'slike when you you are hurt,
you're broken, like the younglady said in the video.
You're broken, you're hurt andyou don't know how to pick up
the pieces because you're goingto have to pick them up.
No one is going to pick them upfor you, but you're going to be
the one to have to pick upthose pieces.
(12:38):
End of the day, pay attention.
Pay attention to how peopletreat you.
You are worth more than just tobe disrespected and mistreated,
getting your feelings hurt.
You are far more important tothat.
And after this whole situation,I ended up giving up
relationships with women and Iwas, like you know, I was a bit
(13:02):
turned off because I was whenbitch in the office, because I
was when I care, when we aswomen care, we care with
everything and I think I've saidthat so many times.
We care with everything withinus.
So when we get crushed, ithurts.
So we kind of stuck back andsay, oh no, I'm not going to do
this.
This is the last time thishappened, and the crazy thing
(13:23):
about it as well was I had hadsome torture.
So by that I was like, oh no,I'm not going to be friends with
anyone else.
And, being a long-time, thisyoung lady and this is what
happened and I just didn'tbelieve that all this time there
was animosity that I didn'tknow, but I ignored the red
(13:43):
flags y'all.
I ignored them and, like thatyoung lady, say they can only
hide behind that mask for solong until it starts slipping
away and you start seeing themfor exactly who they are.
That's all I mean, just to haveto get back into a place of
trust and allowing people to bein your circle.
(14:06):
My circle is really small.
Now.
I do have quite a fewgirlfriends that I hang out with
, but my circle is really smalland I just say to myself and I
don't consider myself to bebetter than anybody on this
earth, god created all of us thesame and don't see the pastor
to be no higher than anybodyelse but I have to protect
(14:28):
pastor's peace and you have toprotect yours and you have to
pay attention.
You have to pay attention to thesigns, because they're there.
They're there and if youcontinue to allow them to pull
away at it, they're going topull away at your soul and then
you're going to be angry andyou're going to trust nobody.
You know there are warning.
They're going to pull it awayat your soul and then you're
(14:48):
going to be angry and you'regoing to trust nobody.
You know there are warningsigns.
It's a crazy thing.
I don't want to keep sayingcrazy things, but another thing
about it is you start takingownership and saying maybe it
was something that I did,especially in relationships with
men.
You start, I mean, like when Iwas out there and I was dating
(15:16):
it's been a while, like 32 years, but when I was out there and
any time that I felt like Icouldn't reach this particular
young guy, this young man, Ialways start thinking that it
was something that I did.
I wasn't pretty enough, Ididn't wear my hair the right
way, I was too fat, I didn'thave thick thighs.
I always and it was alwayssomething physical, because I
felt, like men are physical,they visual, so maybe I don't
(15:39):
have what the next person have,and maybe this and that no, no,
no, no, no, I'm enough, you'reenough.
Person have and maybe this andthat, no, no, no, no, no, I'm
enough, you're enough.
They just don't see thepotential in you, and not that
even potential.
They don't see a good thingwhen they see it.
You are enough.
In any relationship, you areenough, and don't allow people
to spin out lies to you tellingyou that you're enough.
(16:01):
You are enough, that's just it.
When people show you who theyare, believe them the first time
.
I've been in that situation somany times and I had to learn
the hard way.
I had to learn the hard way.
So, with that said, we're goingto roll the second video and
(16:21):
I'll be right back with you.
Y'all can shout out to me now.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
People show you who they are.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
eventually, it's only but time that a person, through
colors, will come out.
It's only going to take timefor a person to really show you
who they really are, whatthey're here for and how quick
they're willing to leave or turna back on you.
You see, she says it all, itall.
(16:58):
It's only a matter of time.
It's only a matter of timebefore they show their true
colors.
And I'm not saying go walkaround with your life, with your
god uh, I'm not saying that.
But you know the ones.
You know the ones that made thecomplete remarks to you or the
things that hurt your feelings.
I'm not one to have my feelingshurt and you walk over me and
(17:20):
you say and you do what you wantto do to me and I'm okay with
it.
Can't be okay with that,because if you continue to allow
, it's going to get worse, it'sgoing to become more, it's going
to become harder and moreheartbreaking.
Let me look at the chat and seewho's on there.
Oh, I see my mom is out there.
(17:42):
Hey, mom, thanks so much forjoining.
I'm happy that you made it.
Mom usually is busy on Thursdaynights, but I called her up.
Mom, I'm going to be onlineanyway.
So, with that being said, likeI said, eventually it comes on.
Eventually you see them exactlyfor who they are.
(18:05):
And another thing you start toput fingers at yourself and be
down on yourself because youspent so much time allowing that
person to just ruin you for noapparent reason.
Sometimes it can just be, Ithink, just be jealousy for no
apparent reason.
I can understand why anybody inon this face of this earth
(18:29):
would be jealous of me.
Me, that's Not me, because I'mnot boastful, I'm just me.
I'm enough.
I am enough.
So I have a few steps to helpyou acknowledge your red flag.
The first thing is payattention to your good.
(18:52):
If it's something thatconsistently makes you feel
uncomfortable in the presence ofpeople, or that person who you
thought was your close friend,call it out If you feel like
you're not respected.
It's something that God gave usas an intuition and when I saw
(19:14):
you, it worked.
It truly worked, and it hasgotten me out of a lot of
situations.
Feel from your gut.
If your gut says somethingabout this is not right, don't
do it, don't do it at all.
Say hold up.
What did you say?
Oh, okay, that's what you said.
I thought I was just so.
(19:35):
That's how you feel.
Call it out, name it, whateveryou see.
Call it out, say hey, I don'tlike this behavior.
You're not respecting theboundary that I gave you.
I'm going to have to back awayfrom this.
Call them out, like I said,it's only going to benefit you
(19:58):
in the end.
It's only going to benefit youand it's going to protect your
peace.
It's going to protect yourcharacter.
You don't have to show off like,hey, I know you said no, we're
not going to go there.
We're adults, we're women andwe're not going to be trying to
throw hands, no, no, that's nothow we solve things.
How we solve them is we bow outgraciously and we walk away,
(20:23):
because every for every, theBible says for everything there
is a season and some people areonly in your life for a short
amount of time and it's okaywhen they walk away.
That was they did their purpose, whatever their purpose was for
you.
Maybe they were in your life tomake you get on your knees and
pray more.
Maybe they're in your life tomake you encourage you to do
(20:46):
something, maybe go to school ormove to a new career or
anything.
But when there's're deceased,those people that are supposed
to be with you for the duration.
God's going to make sure theyare there for the duration.
So when it's time for them togo, let them go.
Don't hold on to them, let themgo.
(21:08):
And especially in any type ofromantic relationship, if you
feel like you're constantlytrying to meet the need, meet
the need, and it's never beingmet, it's only because that's
not the purpose for you.
That relationship is not foryou.
It takes two to be in arelationship.
You can't do it by yourself.
(21:29):
It has to be two parts tryingto work on this relationship
together, and that goes with anyrelationship, two partners
trying to work on thisrelationship together.
And that goes with anyrelationship, not just male and
female, best friends, familymembers, sisters, brothers.
You can't be in it by yourself.
I tell you know, in ourmarriage podcast I always make
the reference of when you're ina boxing ring right and you're
(21:52):
in a relationship with someoneand y'all in a boxing and you're
boxing, and when you get tiedand you're in a relationship
with someone and y'all in aboxing and you're boxing, and
when you get tied, you got to beable to tag that other person
so they can come in and finishthe fight.
And that's how it is in anyrelationship.
You got to be able to tag yourfriend, your best friend, your
cousin, your brother, yoursister and say, hey, I can't do
it, no more, I need you to comein and take the rest of it, and
(22:15):
that's how it goes, and viceversa.
But if we're not in thisrelationship together and if
we're not working on it together, then somebody got to bow out
gracefully, and sometimes thatperson might be you and it's
okay.
It doesn't mean that you failedat it.
It doesn't mean that you're nota fighter.
(22:36):
What it means is that you'renot a foot and you're not going
to stay there and allow peopleto just continue to come at you
and you don't say anything aboutit.
That's what that means Separatehope from reality.
Don't try and look at thepotential.
Oh, he has potential.
(22:57):
Eventually he'll get overwhatever it is and we'll grow
together.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
They have potential.
They have to work on their ownpotential.
You can't do that, you can'tchange them.
Or even if, if your friend issaying, oh, maybe she's just
stressed out, maybe she'sstressed out, maybe she is.
But we all get stressed.
But we don't take it out on oneanother, we don't belittle one
(23:22):
another.
And I think it's so importantthat when you see that a queen
crown is crooked, you go overand you correct it.
You quit it.
Girl, let me help you out,imperator, don't talk bad
against her, don't go behind herback and say tie her crown.
I almost got no.
We have to be there to supportone another in every aspect.
(23:46):
If a person is, if the behaviorcontinue to be in pattern, it
happens all indirectly.
Oh, that's a good one.
Indirectly, people will saystuff to you indirectly and
laugh yeah, they will.
(24:06):
But when you catch on to thatand you pay attention, when you
catch on to people beingindirectly saying things to you
and thinking it's a joke, that'sa red flag, that's a red flag.
Now, mind you, everybody makemistakes, but the red flags they
consistent Once that mask comeoff and they get comfortable
(24:28):
with saying those things to you.
Yeah, those are consistentbehavior.
Those are consistent behavior.
Those are manipulation.
I have a comment.
Let me read one of the comments.
Oh, from Hiya Spacer.
Thank you for joining.
Yes, she said.
(24:51):
She said the leaders, let'stake it going for potential, oh,
yes, you cannot create them tobe what you want them to be or
to be what you think they couldbe.
You can't.
They have to want that forthemselves and they're so busy
(25:11):
coming down on you that theycannot see what they want for
themselves.
Any type of behavior that theylie, they manipulate, they
disrespect.
These are patterns and if wecontinue to let it go on, it's
going to hurt and harm us.
So we have to stand up forourselves and we have to protect
(25:38):
our peace and our purpose atall counts.
One time it might be anaccident or a mistake, but when
it continues to happen, it's apattern and that's a red flag To
bow out gracefully, even if youcome.
If you have the problem whereyou can't go to this person and
(25:59):
talk to this person, or youdon't know how to approach this
person, speak to somebodyoutside and give them the
perspective on what's going onand what you're picking up on
and see what they say.
And you might even say am Ireading too much into this?
Or you know what do you thinkLike?
A young lady at work the otherday asked me she was telling me
(26:21):
that she was having someconcerns about a relationship,
and the next question was do youthink I'm feeding too much into
this?
And I thought no, I thinkyou're pretty much the right way
it is.
If we don't question therelationships that we have, if
we don't question the thingsthat goes on around us in our
(26:42):
circle and outside our circle,then we're going to find
ourselves picking up the piecesand trying to heal our own self.
So we have to be so careful on,first of all, who we allow into
our space, pick up on it andeven if you have some concerns,
(27:04):
always go to the man upstairsand he will show you.
All you got to do is say youknow, lord, show me this, let me
see it for what it really is.
You know, the same way, you cango to him and say Lord, I want
to love people like you lovepeople.
I want to see past the outside.
I want to see the heart ofpeople, the same way as when
people are doing you wrong.
(27:24):
He will show you.
He will show you.
And if you can't talk to someone, if you can't talk to a mentor
or somebody that you trust,somebody that's a good listener,
because sometimes when you talkto people, they talk over you
and you don't ever really get tothe point of getting assistance
with the situation.
(27:45):
You know, go to someone that'sa good listener, someone that
you trust, someone that willtell you you know, okay, now I
think you're looking a littletoo far into it, it's not that
deep.
That person you should be ableto take that advice and say you
know, okay, now I think you'relooking a little too far into it
, it's not that deep.
But that person you should beable to take that advice and say
you know what?
Maybe I am, but always remember, red flags are consistent,
they're disrespectful andthey're manipulating.
(28:08):
So those are some signs thatyou can definitely look out for
Now.
They'll be so happy to be inyour space that they won't even
realize that you caught on tothem.
Yeah, they won't even realize.
So let me go back to thecomments again.
(28:29):
Okay, come in.
Oh, okay, it's Mesa says jokes,have some truth in it, they do.
Oh, okay, it's made to sayjokes, have some truth in it,
they do, they do.
It's exactly how they feel.
It's kind of like a drunk mancame into our church one day
when I was, when I was young,and he was telling everybody
(28:53):
exactly how he, how he feltabout the pastor.
The pastor was a good guy.
I mean, I was young, I thoughthe was telling everybody exactly
how he, how he felt about thepastor.
The pastor was a good guy.
I mean, I was young, I thoughthe was a pretty cool guy.
But this guy really went on andhe just started talking about
it.
I'm like okay, but at the endof the day he started to quote
scripture and I was like this,being a little bird, I'm gonna
tell to shut it in the pastor.
(29:14):
You know, although they wouldput it out, joke aside, a lot of
the stuff that he was sayinghappened to be true about that
pastor.
So yeah, it happens.
Izzy also said you have to haveat least one person in your
corner.
That's pro-relationship.
To bounce ideas off ofSuffering in silence is so
(29:38):
dangerous.
It is so true.
You always have to have someonein your corner, someone that
you can trust with your interest, someone you can be vulnerable
with.
But they end up saying you don'twant to go to a person who
don't have a teenager withadvice on how to deal with a
teenager, or a person that don'thave a baby on advice on how to
(30:03):
breastfeed.
You want to be in a cahootswith people that can understand
where you're coming from.
So that is so important forrelationships.
That is so because you.
That is so because you andanother thing too in a
relationship.
If you're in a relationship andyour friend or that person is
(30:23):
not in a relationship, they areonly going to give you advice
from a single person's point ofview.
That's another thing that wetalked about in the podcast and
I'm there in real life podcastsas well, because they can only
see things from a single personpoint of view.
But they ain't got no man, andso, mind you, you got one.
(30:45):
We're trying to figure out howto have a nice Christmas
anniversary, and here's she overhere telling you, get rid of
him no youdon't want to do that.
There's a song I think I can'tremember the singer, but
something about Shantae orsomething.
Shana got a man at home anddon't get it twisted just
(31:05):
because your man is out theredoing whatever.
I got a man at home, you know.
So sometimes we have to makesure that we have a balance, and
there's nothing wrong withhaving single friends, friends
who are in your relationship,there's nothing wrong with that.
But take advice from people whocan actually understand and
relate to what you're goingthrough, even when you're going
through relationships, peoplewho are shooting out
(31:28):
disrespectful things towards you, and that way you can you know,
you can bounce it off somebodyelse and have someone to call.
Usually, when I'm going to anout-home and sometimes I call
the girls I be like, hey, y'all,what y'all think about this,
and they all let me know.
I'm like mom, you're justputting too much into it.
They'll tell me, or they'lltell me.
(31:49):
Well, you know, there's a thinggoing around Facebook Say, if
you need somebody to handle thebusiness, which one of your
children will you call?
And I was like Nikki, because Iknow Nikki is a CP.
She's going to be like takenames and ask questions later.
Come on, mom, let's do this Now.
If I want somebody, that'sgoing to be, I'm going to call
(32:10):
Nat or Jordan.
They're going to be like wait aminute before we go this far,
but they have a back.
You know, house time.
I can call Peaches Erica's,another one that I can call.
She's going to say askquestions later.
I call Peaches.
Peaches is going to be likeokay, but why are we doing this?
She's going to try and find outwhat's going on and why we got
(32:33):
it.
I'm going to help you out, mom,but I need to know details.
You know, and we got to be ableto see it Like you have to have
that person in your cornerthat's going to be able to help
you solve your situation, versuscause this problem for your
situation, if that makes anysense.
But yeah, so when they come intowhen they come into your space
(32:56):
and they try to disturb yourpeace.
Yeah, you got to let them know.
You got to let them know.
So you got to let them knowbecause, at the end of the day,
if they don't know, they can'thelp.
They can't help and you don'twant to suffer this time.
That's a lonely, lonely placeto be.
You got to reach out.
(33:18):
You have to reach out.
I always tell people I'mavailable if you need to talk.
And a lot of people say thatI'm available if you need to
talk.
But are you really available?
I'm not a tall person and ifthere's something you say I'm
going through, I'm stoppingeverything that I got going on.
(33:38):
I don't care where I am orwhere I'm at.
If I'm at a restaurant, I'mwalking out.
If I'm asleep, I'm waking upand getting out of the bed, I'm
coming to the rescue.
So if you call me, I'm going topick up that phone, because
nothing is more disturbing thanwhen you feel like you're alone
in this state.
You're alone in this journey.
Yeah, I'm going to have acomment.
(34:00):
Hey, melissa, atlanta, it's inthe house.
I was recently discussing theimportance of having someone
whom you trust to talk to.
However, I was told no, don'ttalk to anyone, take it to God.
Okay, you know what I believein taking things to God.
(34:24):
But I also believe that God putpeople in our lives that we can
talk to on the physical side,and that's just so important to
have that physical person that'snon-judgmental.
You know, you can go to themwith A and they'll give you the
B.
They'll tell you when you'rewrong and they'll tell you when
you're right, and I think Godhas placed that person for
(34:45):
everyone.
If you hold it in, our God is anon-time God, but he works in
his time, not our time, and ashumans we get a little impatient
.
We feel like we got to get itout.
We got to get it out.
We got to hear someone else'sopinion.
(35:05):
Maybe I'm looking too deep intothis or maybe I'm not.
So I think it's important tohave someone to talk to.
God is our spiritual father andhe's going to direct us.
And you know what, when youtalk to him, say Lord, direct me
to the person that I sharegifts with.
That's not going to share itwith anybody else, it's not
(35:26):
going to belittle me and it'snot going to use it against,
because people, those people,those so-called friends of these
red flags.
You is confiding them andthey'll take that in against you
and flip it right back on you,throw it right back in your face
.
So I think it's really important, very important, that you have
(35:47):
someone in the physical.
But ask God to guide you,melissa, he will.
That's one thing I knew aboutthe Lord and I've been on this
journey since I was 12 years old.
God has never failed me.
I've gone through some ups anddowns in my life Lord knows I
have but he's always been rightthere to pick me up off the
ground, take me off, dust me offand get me back on that journey
(36:11):
again.
And not to say that it's beeneasy, and I fell off that road
of many of them.
But I looked to the hillsbecause I know without him I am
nothing, I'm not going to makeit.
Oh, she said oh, yeah, that'sDante's got a man.
Yeah, I could not think of hername, but I was just going to
make it.
Oh, she said oh, yeah, that'sDante's got a man.
Yeah, I cannot think of hername, but I was just listening
(36:32):
to that song.
I listened to a lot of old theolder 90s, early 2000s, cause
this other stuff.
I just can't, anyway, it's toomuch for me.
But yeah, so you know, I feelwhere you're coming from and I
understand and at any givenmoment, I'm not one to.
(36:53):
If you tell me something, it'sgoing to the grave.
Unless you say can you ask yourmom what she's saying at or can
you ask someone some other thanthat, it's going to the grave.
And even if I have sharedthings with people that have
come back to me and things thatthey shared with me, I'm taking
to the grave because I'm thattype of person.
(37:14):
I'm that type of person.
Your business is your business,not my business to tell.
So I understand, sometimes youget a little discouraged about
sharing things, and I get it,because when things get back to
me I have gotten discouraged,but I share everything with eric
(37:34):
.
Sometimes I'll be like child.
Let me tell you like, uh oh,that's my, that's my balancing
board.
I live into that.
So, with that being said, theseare all of the signs you know.
Know, just separate hope fromreality.
Look for patterns, not justlittle moments.
Look for that indirectivenessthat they'll be throwing your
(37:56):
way.
Make sure you talk to someoneand speak out.
Am I looking into this or am I,or is this really happening and
most of the time?
If you're going to go tosomebody, most likely it's
happening.
Not all the time, but mostlikely it's happening and you
(38:16):
know.
You just have to decide on howyou're going to handle it.
Set boundaries, protect yourpurpose, protect your peace, you
know, communicate it clearly.
I know we've been friends for awhile and I love you like a
sister, but I think it's timethat we just go our separate
(38:39):
ways or just walk away and sayI'm done with that, again,
certain people are in your livesfor certain reasons and when
it's time for them to go, letthem go.
So that again, certain peopleare in your lives for certain
reasons and when it's time forthem to go, let them go.
So, yeah, when you see what yousay, you know what I trust what
I see and I feel I see thesigns, even when they are hard
(39:03):
to accept.
Sometimes you might really likea person.
You're like this person is socool and you just totally
ignored all the things that werebeing done to you and now it's
time to move on.
Yeah, that's fun.
With that being said, that'sthe wrap up for the night.
If anybody want to call in andshare.
(39:25):
Oh, I got another.
Hey, lindsay.
Hey, say protect your peace.
I'm telling you, protect yourpeace at all times.
People will take advantage, theywould take advantage of your
peace.
They would disrespect you andthen they will throw it in your
(39:45):
face.
Respect you and then they willthrow it in your face.
They will.
Your peace is your power and Ithink we said that the last time
.
Your peace is your power anddon't allow anyone to take that
peace, anyone or anything that'sgoing to cause a hiccup in your
peace.
They got to go, they have to goand a lot of times and I hear
(40:10):
this like this I read with a lotof young women, young teachers,
and they go throughrelationships and some of the
things they go through I say atthis age there is no way I would
put up with that.
But when I was their age.
Most likely I did so.
(40:32):
It's always a growing processin any relationship, any
relationship.
The relationship of me and mysister is like so awesome now,
but it hasn't always been thatway.
However, I needed to be in thisrelationship because, at the
end of the day, she's the onlysister I got.
You know, I had to make enoughplans, don't you know what?
I don't care if she mad at me,I don't care.
(40:54):
No, I'm finished.
We're going to talk about itand we're going to move on.
You know, even you know with mybrother, you know, right now
we're a little strange.
I'm not sure why, but I stilllove them and if they call me,
I'm going to be right there forthem.
You know, sometimes we have to.
Those are the relationshipsthat are not seasonal.
Those are relationships thatyour parents just gave you know,
(41:18):
and you have no other choice.
So you have to step out there.
You have to step out there andyou have to do what you have to
do in that particular situationand even with other relatives.
It's okay to distance yourselffrom certain relatives.
If they're causing, if they'redisturbing your peace, it's okay
(41:39):
.
You can try and regroup and goback, and if it's still the same
, then you just go ahead and youstand back and you wait for
them to come.
As Christian women, we have tobe able to accept change in a
person and we can see it.
Remember that intuition, thatgut feeling, is going to tell
you right away she ain't readyfor you yet.
She ain't ready yet.
As my grandmother would say, along handle, wouldn't spoon.
(42:02):
Feed them like that and you'llbe okay.
You're a lesbian, you know so.
Yeah, so if anyone want to callin, 754-222-2219.
You can call in if you want toshare something, just want to
advise someone, even if you wantto fill the script and talk
about something else.
(42:22):
We got about 15 minutes Otherthan that.
You know that's a wrap.
I just wanted to share thatwith you all.
I've been completely dependingon the Lord what I talk about
and he, yeah, and he has reallybeen encouraging me to talk
about things that a lot of timesthey don't talk about,
(42:44):
especially in the church.
I don't know if you guys haveseen this footage going around
about the pastor, the femalepastor that shut down the praise
and worship leader.
I'm not really sure the wholescenario, but because she didn't
get the type of greeting thatshe's used to.
She called the young lady outand I'm pretty sure it's so much
(43:05):
more of those stories to thatstory.
But you know, the red flag saysit had been there.
I don't know if they were onher side or on the young lady's
side.
But you know, sometimes in achurch you have to be careful
too, because people will shootstuff at you.
Yeah, they will shoot stuff atyou and think it's okay, oh well
, with the love of the Lord,okay, god is not in the midst of
(43:28):
confusion.
So if that happened in church,you got to take that to the Lord
.
And if God say, yes, it's yourtime, you need to walk.
You need to walk because youcan't grow spiritually when
you're under the leadership ofsomeone that's trying to
disrespect you, humiliate you,embarrass you.
That's a red flag, oh, anyway.
(43:49):
So I have a last video and I'mgoing to come right back to you
after this video.
Can you roll that for me?
Speaker 2 (43:57):
Yeah, Can people show you who they are?
Believe them.
Yes, absolutely.
A person says to you I'mselfish or I'm mean, or I am
(44:18):
unkind or I'm crazy, believethem.
They know themselves muchbetter than you do.
But no more often than notthose of us who don't trust life
they don't say a thing likethat.
You're not really crazy, you'renot really unkind, you're not
(44:39):
really mean.
And as soon as you say that,the person lets you know and
shows you I told you, I told youI was on fire.
So now, why are you angry?
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Wow, that was so good .
Because exactly, they tell you,they show you.
They show you by their actions,they show you by their body
language, and yet we ignore it.
We ignore the signs.
The signs are there, but weignore them and it's so
(45:19):
important to recognize themimmediately.
You're worth more than whatpeople think that you are.
You're worth more to yourself,you that you are.
You're worth more to yourself.
You are a gem, you are adiamond.
So don't buckle down and letpeople treat you any kind of way
, no matter in what circumstance.
You know you're an adult.
(45:41):
You deserve to be heard, youdeserve to be respected, and you
should.
And if you treat yourself, ifyou present yourself that way,
you won't have a problem.
People will be like, oh no,she's not the one to be trying,
or he's not the one to be tryingbecause they'll see the
confidence in you that I'm notgoing to bow down to the foolery
(46:02):
in any kind of way.
Yeah, so that's going to be itfor the night y'all.
Thank you for watching I love.
Yeah, so that's gonna be it forthe night y'all.
That's it about how we camefrom over the night.
I thank you.
I thank you.
I thank you for joining me.
Um, I think I'll be doing myseason finale the next two weeks
, so it's kind of pretty muchtrying to wrap up every case
that we can roll right intomarriage in real life.
(46:24):
I'm excited about that.
I think that's season five thatwe're coming into.
It's been a journey and I thankyou guys for joining us tonight
and I definitely thank the teamthat's doing this in real life
marriage in real life.
So, with that being said, Iwant to wish you guys a good
night and I'll see you in twoweeks and two, three Thank you.
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