July 11, 2025 • 52 mins
What does it truly mean to love yourself? In this deeply personal exploration of self-love, Lady P delves into the often-overlooked essentials of honoring your worth, setting boundaries, and prioritizing your wellbeing without guilt.
After sharing heartwarming stories about her "grandma duty" adventures, including a special "Nana meeting" with her granddaughters, the conversation shifts to the core of self-care. Lady P unpacks five critical behaviors to leave behind: putting everyone else first, chasing people who are running away from you, negative self-talk, seeking universal understanding, and returning to toxic relationships out of loneliness.
The most powerful moments emerge when discussing forgiveness – particularly self-forgiveness. Lady P vulnerably shares how she spent nearly twenty years of her current marriage still punishing herself for staying in a previous abusive relationship. "As long as you're holding onto unforgiveness," she explains, "you're giving that person power over your mental health."
Listeners call in with their struggles, including a single mom battling guilt whenever she takes time for herself. The advice is transformative: "You have to give yourself permission to prioritize you." Another listener asks how to stop blaming herself for past relationship choices, leading to a profound discussion about lessons learned versus failures.
Throughout the episode, practical self-love strategies emerge: daily affirmations in the mirror, boundary-setting without explanations ("No is a complete sentence"), bubble baths with candles and music, and occasional retail therapy. As Lady P reminds us, "If I don't boost me up, who's going to do that?"
The biblical principle of loving your neighbor as yourself takes on new meaning – how can we truly love others if we haven't learned to love ourselves first? This episode serves as both permission slip and practical guide for reclaiming your worth and practicing self-love as an essential, not selfish, act of courage.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey y'all, thank you so much for joining us for
episode number two, self-love.
If it's your first time, myname is Lady P Pat C and I just
pull this little platformtogether just to give ladies a
little space to unwind and talkabout whatever.
(00:23):
I am so grateful I do not takeit lightly that you are sharing
your space with me tonight.
I am forever grateful and Ithank you so much.
Don't forget to share andsubscribe If you haven't already
.
Please do Also give me someinformation in the comments.
Let me know where you'rewatching from so I can give you
(00:45):
a shout out At this particularpoint.
Come on, ti, guy Rowe, andagain I want to thank you so
(01:27):
much for joining me tonight.
Oh, let me see what's beengoing on.
Let me give you an update ofwhat's been going on the last
two weeks with me.
Oh, in the last two weeks I'vebeen doing grandma duty.
We've been doing grandparentsduty.
We had the pleasure of spendingsome time with our muffin.
Our juicy came down fromTallahassee and spent two weeks
with us.
We had a wonderful time.
(01:48):
She and I went to the movies tosee Megan 2.0.
It's not scary at all.
It was a really good movie.
I truly enjoyed spending timewith her.
She's such an amazing littlegirl.
She's just amazing, like hermom, her Nikki, so that was
great.
I also had the opportunity tospend time with my oldest
(02:09):
daughter, peaches.
She brought her girls down fromSt Augustine and we had a great
time.
We got a chance to hit themalls.
Of course, that's what teenslike to do, so I like to go to
the mall and sit down and letthem do whatever they want to do
, but we had such a great time.
I truly enjoy the time that Iget to spend with my
grandchildren and while theywere all together since I had
(02:31):
them all in the same place it'sbeen like forever since I've had
them all in the same place Idecided to have a Nana Poo Poo,
nana, gigi meeting with mygranddaughters and in this
meeting I wanted to just kind ofshare some things with them and
let them know how I feel aboutthem.
(02:51):
I also explained to them whatmy role as a grandparent, as a
grandmom, is for them and howI'm excited and happy to be in
their lives.
I don't know, I don't have allthe answers, but I'm here if you
need me.
We also talked about they hadsome questions that they asked
(03:11):
me and I did my best to answerthem as honestly as I could.
Muffin happened to be absentfor the meeting, but that was
okay.
I brought her up to speed andshe said she understood.
But mind you, I brought her upto speed and she said she
understood.
But mind you, she's only two.
So I said okay.
She said, okay, you understand.
I doubt it.
Next year, when she's three andwe have our next meeting,
(03:32):
hopefully she'll have a littlebit more clear understanding as
to my role as a grandma andtheir role as my granddaughters.
So that was fun.
It was really, really cool.
During this time we did so much.
We actually went to Topgolf.
I didn't do so well this time,but next time I'll get in there
and I'll do it.
(03:52):
I think the last time I scoredone of the top scores.
I'll get back to that.
Our church had a function wherewe went bowling.
I didn't do well with thateither.
I've seriously been off of myathletic games since school has
been out, just laying around anddoing what I do Just lay around
and make sure I take my dailynap from 2 to 4.
(04:14):
And it's so funny that mygrandchildren all know now they
sleep from 2 to 4.
Don't call her because she'sasleep.
Or someone will call and say,hey, are you still taking your
nap, or are you done becauseshe's asleep?
Or someone to call and say, hey, are you still taking your nap,
or are you done?
Me and my husband was walking.
I was driving in at the otherday and he said it's a shame
(04:35):
that everybody know you take anap from two to four, and I
think that's a part of self-love, and if I don't give it to
myself, I'll be cranky and tired.
There you have it.
That's what I've been up to.
We had a great time.
I truly enjoy spending timewith them, so my last couple of
weeks has been quite eventful.
So, with that being said, thenext topic is going to be on
(04:56):
self-love.
Now, if anybody have any ideasor suggestions that you could
share with us so we can allincorporate that self-love, I
greatly appreciate that.
So it's no right or wrong wayto show love for yourself, right
?
So let me see, we got a fewpeople on the line.
Hey, michelle, how you doingall the way over there in
(05:19):
Georgia?
Peaches is on the line.
I may say Peaches, but youmight see her name is Jacqueline
.
Her name is actually Jacquelineand we call her Peaches from
the time she was born, even whenshe was in the womb.
Hey, peach, thanks for joiningin, all right, so, dave, anybody
else that's out there, let meknow.
(05:39):
You're out there, dave, whenyou go ahead and roll that video
for me.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Here are five things that I had to leave behind in
order for me to show up and lovemyself better.
Hi, my name is BrittanyLaChristian.
I am your personal femininehealing coach, and let me know
if these tips resonate with youin the comments.
Number one overlooking my ownneeds and putting everyone
else's needs before mine.
Let me just say this it's not agreat feeling and you will get
burnt out.
(06:09):
So understand that you matterand I need for you to prioritize
yourself.
Number two chasing after peoplewho are running away from you.
Ooh, that one hit deep.
Anything that is trying to walkaway from you, let it, because
what's meant to be will alwaysbe, and what's always meant for
you will always be for you.
(06:31):
Number three talking down tomyself and shaming myself,
feeling guilty for the thingsthat I cannot change and the
things that have happened to me.
Self-forgiveness is the gatewayto self-love.
You must forgive yourself andyou must move forward if you
want to create the life that youdesire.
Number four trying to geteveryone to understand you.
You're different.
(06:51):
You're unique.
Not everyone is going tounderstand you.
All you can do is continue toshow up as your full and
authentic self and let that bewhat it is.
Everyone doesn't need tounderstand your way of thinking,
your thoughts and how you seethings.
Remember your vision is yourvision and it's sent to you for
(07:13):
a specific reason.
So why would you look tosomeone else to try to
understand the vision that Godhas gifted you?
Number five going back to thesame people, places and or
things that once left me feelingbroken, unseen, unheard, or
left me feeling a little bit offear and doubtful, just because
I'm lonely.
Learn to sit with yourself,Learn to make peace with
(07:36):
yourself, Learn to be okay withbeing alone.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Yes.
So I know a lot of you canrelate to that.
Sometimes we give people somuch of ourselves until we can't
really find a solemn forourselves and we end up getting
burnt out and getting justoverwhelmed with life and we
allow it to happen to ourselves.
So sometimes we definitely haveto put boundaries on is what
(08:08):
I'm going to do and what I'm notgoing to do?
What I'm going to allow, whatI'm not going to allow is very
important.
I came across this video and Iwas like wow, this is key to
self-love and, as women, if wedon't do that self-love for
ourselves, nobody's going to doit for us.
They're going to think thatwe're okay, I'm sure she can do
(08:30):
this, she can handle this, thisis fine.
So it's very important that westep out and say, hey, enough is
enough.
I also like what she said, andif anybody want to make a
suggestion towards some of thesteps that she said, no problem.
I'm reading the comments.
I'm trying to read the comments.
They're a little bit behind,but I'm trying to read them.
Another thing she said that wasjust that hit me so hard was
(08:53):
chasing out the people who arerunning away from you, and
sometimes we downplay how peopletreat us because we think, oh
no, they didn't mean that, hedidn't mean that or she didn't
mean that or she didn't meanthat.
But if they running away, letthem go.
And I remember telling a few ofthe counseling sessions that
I've had with individuals thatyou know that sometimes the very
(09:14):
thing that God is pulling awayfrom us is the very thing that
we chasing with everythingwithin us, not realizing that
God has given us a way out.
And sometimes it's best to justthrow your hands up and say,
okay, leave it alone.
One thing my mom always told me.
She said if you love something,let it go.
If it come back, it was yours.
If you don't, it never was.
(09:35):
So let it go.
And sometimes it's hard.
As women it's really hardbecause we are such nurturers
and we're always trying to fixthings nurturables and we're
always trying to fix things.
We're always trying to moldthings and put ourselves
secondary so that we could tryand fix it.
But we're not fixers.
It's not for us to fix,especially if it's going to wear
(09:55):
and tear on your mentalcapacity.
You got to learn that enough isenough.
And I tell people all the timeI say when you had enough,
you'll do something about it andjust hopefully it ain't to that
point where you snap I don'tknow if y'all watched that, but
I watched snap.
We don't want to get to thatpoint where you snap.
You just want to say, hey, Ican't continue to give you so
(10:17):
much of me when you're notgiving anything back and you
have to draw the line somewhere.
Yeah, trying to get everybody tounderstand you.
Like she said, we're unique.
God created us to be unique inour own way and everybody's not
going to think like we think.
And it took me a long time toreally get to that process.
(10:39):
I used to be like now, whywould she do that?
That made no sense.
It didn't make any sense to mebut to her.
She may be seeing it from adifferent point of view, and
that's okay.
Everybody's not going to thinklike you.
Everybody's not going to feelthe way that you feel, and it's
okay.
Just continue being who you are.
I had a friend that told mePatsy, don't be on your life for
(11:01):
other people.
I had several people telling methat because I would be at a
point where you know I don'twant to overstep and I don't
want to.
I don't want to outshine people, or and not that I
intentionally try to do that I'mjust being my authentic self,
(11:21):
and my spiritual daughter and afriend both said you know what?
Don't dim your light for otherpeople.
That's not your responsibility.
It's not your problem if theyhave a problem with your shine
and they should step up theirshine.
My shine is truly for the gloryof God, so I never try to do
anything on my own, and Iskipped over one Three.
She talked about downing andshaming yourself, feeling guilty
(11:47):
about decisions that you'vemade in the past and things that
you didn't feel.
That was quite right and oh shejust went.
It's so true because sometimes,when God forgives us, everything
is thrown in the sea offorgiveness.
But we have a hard timeforgetting the things that we've
done and the things that we'veallowed to be done to us.
And in order to move forward tothat place of self-help, you
(12:10):
got to be able to forgiveyourself, and we're going to go
a little deeper into that lateron.
You got to be able to forgiveyourself for the things that you
know that's in the past.
You can't bring it.
You can't change it.
What happened back there isback there.
You can't change it.
You can't bring it.
You can't change it.
What happened back there isback there.
You can't change it.
You can't make it right or makeit better, because if you could
(12:31):
, a lot of us would go all theway back there and do that thing
over again.
But that's not how life is.
Life is a lesson learned.
Now, if we go back there and wedo it again, something ain't
right.
It's insanity Doing the samething and expecting a different
result.
You can't go back and do it, solet it go.
It no longer belongs to you andso let it go.
(12:52):
This is a good one, going backto the things that broke you.
I used to understand how peoplewho had been in traumatic
situations, how it bothers themor how they in their future.
It's hard for them to get pastand I would say I don't
understand how you know.
(13:12):
But if we keep visiting thethings that broke us, we'll
never get over those things.
And not to downplay that theydon't they're not experiencing
something that was traumatic tothem not by any means.
Do what you have to do to moveforward Therapy, anxiety,
whatever you need to do to getpast it.
Get past it, but don't allow itto break you, because you got
to remember things that happenedback there.
(13:34):
Those people were doing powerscrubbers and as long as you
allow that to torment you, theystill have control and you got
to be able to take back thatcontrol in order to love
yourself and love who you areand who God created you to be.
So those are just a few thingsthat I came back.
(13:56):
I see that Michelle say she'slearning to set boundaries.
Good, because if not, peoplewalk all over you and you'd be
like what did I do?
Izzy also says saying no moreand spending time alone,
learning new versions of myselfin each season of life.
That is great.
Can we give her a round ofapplause for that?
(14:17):
Because you have to learn yourstuff and we are constantly
growing as women.
Men don't understand sometimesour emotional growth.
You know, they may look at usand we've been together for so
many long and you see I'mgetting a little thick.
You see my physical appearance,but you don't see the change in
my emotional and my mentalappearance.
(14:38):
And if you're in a relationship, that's something that you
could share with yoursignificant other.
As to this is what I'm goingthrough and this is how I'm
feeling at that time, becausesometimes we don't tell them.
Yeah, and I'm just gratefulthat I went back and forth with
a topic for tonight and theaudience that I wanted to grab,
(15:00):
but I also just thought the HolySpirit just led me to self-love
, because sometimes we get inspaces, especially when we have
children, because it's all aboutgetting them up, getting to
school, getting in the car,drive them, drop them off, go to
work, and it's just become aconstant routine.
It's like you just be in themotion of things and we forget
about ourselves.
So that's why, and when it hitme like self-care, I was like,
(15:25):
okay, you know what?
You're right.
We need to care about ourselves, because, guess what, who's
going to care about us if wedon't do it for ourselves?
All right, so I have a fewthings I want to share with you
as well.
Self-love is honoring yourself,honoring who you are, regardless
of what has happened in yourpast, regardless of the route
(15:52):
that you have taken, regardlessof whatever they say and we
never know who they is becausethey never really tell us who
they are.
They always say they say it.
It's time for us to honor whowe are as women.
We are strong, we are vibrant,we are backbones.
We run the house, you know.
We work, we have careers.
It's not like back in the daywhere we just stayed home and
took care of the house.
Now we're contributing, notjust keeping the house clean,
(16:15):
but we're contributingfinancially to it too, which
means we have to leave the homeor some of y'all are probably
luckier than I am.
You get to work from home Iwould love to do that, but you
can't teach them from here butyou get the opportunity to be
part of the whole unit, versusjust having the babies cooking
the meals, doing the laundry,making sure, doing the groceries
(16:37):
and stuff.
We contribute so much more.
So we have to honor ourselves,regardless of things that we've
gone through, Because if wedon't honor ourselves, we can't
expect for anyone else.
Self-love is also continuing tolove the parts of you that need
to be nurtured.
Anything whatever needs to benurtured, whatever you need to
(16:58):
remind yourself of, whatever youdeem is key for your peace of
mind.
There we go for your peace ofmind.
Your peace is so important.
Pastor spoke this past weekabout giving your peace to
people.
They're going to walk all overit if you don't step it up and
say wait a minute, no, we're notgoing to do that, reminding
(17:21):
yourself that there's times thatyou've been there and done that
.
Been there, done that.
Now I know a lot of times.
It's that there's an old sayingI don't know who said it, but
I've heard it throughout my lifeis history repeats itself.
If it's negative, we don't needno part of that at all.
(17:44):
If it doesn't bring you joy,there's no reason for it to
repeat itself.
Put your foot down, step, sayno, I don't think so.
This is not how I expected forthis to go and I'm not going to
revisit something that brings medown.
I'm not going to go out thereand put my hand out, for you to
smash my hand and hurt me again.
(18:05):
It's like my mom used to say tome okay, so don't put your hand
on the stove because it's hot.
I would be crazy and go overthere and try and just feel the
heat.
One day my hand slipped and Itouched that eye and I don't
know if you ever had a littlefirst degree burn.
(18:27):
But when I told you, that gaveme a valuable lesson.
I'm not going back and puttingmy hand on that stove because I
learned my lesson.
And sometimes we get intosituations where we know it's
not good for us.
We know it's not good for us,but we think, maybe if I could,
just maybe, if I could justchange them a little bit, maybe
(18:49):
if they could see it from my way.
And that goes back to thatother point trying to get
everyone to understand you andyour process of thinking.
No, we're not going to do thatand so we have to be able to
move forward and let thosethings go.
Another one self-love isforgiveness.
Oh, she, she mentioned that too.
(19:12):
She was about talking down toyourself or whatever, and I.
Forgiveness is so importanty'all, it really is.
It's so important.
And an example I have from thatwas I know I shared in the
first episode about being in adomestic relationship with my
oldest daughter.
(19:32):
Father, the best thing that mancould have ever given me was my
daughter.
She's amazing.
But I was in this relationshipand I kept thinking that maybe I
could change him and maybe thisis my fault and take an
ownership of stuff that he wasdoing to me.
But it wasn't, and it it's socrazy y'all.
I think I had been marriedabout Maybe about 19 years, when
(19:59):
I finally Now, mind you, I'mmarried to someone who is so
supportive in every thing that Idecide that I want to do with
my crazy stuff.
But For almost 20 years I'm ina marriage and I'm still do with
my crazy stuff.
But for almost 20 years I'm ina marriage and I'm still holding
on to this unforgiveness towardmyself.
(20:20):
And one day, I think we were onthe way from church and I just
started crying and I said, oh myGod, I couldn't believe that I
have finally forgiven myself forallowing me to be a punching
bag, allowing me to bedisrespectful, because as long
as I was holding on to it, itwas really hard for me to let my
God down and even in beingmarried for almost 20 years, let
(20:44):
my God down and let my husbandinto all of this space.
Of course I did what I wassupposed to do as a wife and
mother and all that stuff, butin my head I was messed up in my
head because I stood back and Iallowed this guy to beat me.
And it took a long time for meto forgive myself for that,
(21:06):
forgiving yourself for thingsthat happened in your life and
the things that you had nocontrol over.
Maybe you were a child andsomeone was beating you, or
maybe it was something that wasout of your control and it
wasn't that you allowed it.
You were a kid, you didn't know.
So sometimes you know you haveto know when and where to
forgive yourself.
Prayer, god will lead you to itbecause he will take care, he
(21:30):
will care of us and, like I said, that forgiveness was the only
way that I could.
I could move on, like I couldactually have a conversation
with this guy.
If something were to happen tomy, my, my daughter, I could
literally reach out and say, hey, this has happened and I just
want you to be aware.
Mind you, I I don't have to,but if I need to, I would.
(21:53):
So forgiveness is so important.
So if anybody have anything theywould like to share, come on,
you can call in.
I think it's 754-222-2219.
Give me a call and we'll talkabout it.
If you have anything that youwant to, you want to share,
masha, put in.
(22:14):
How do you forgive yourselfBecause I'm blaming myself for
allowing myself to get involvedwith my ex?
Oh, that's, you know what.
You have to forgive yourself.
You have to look at that as achapter.
You have to close it.
You have to ask.
I don't know your relationshipwith God.
(22:36):
If you have a relationship withGod, you ask God to help you
move forward, because it's notgoing to be easy and it's not
going to happen overnight, butyou have to know your worth.
Okay, I think I got a callcoming in.
(23:04):
Hello, hi, hi, how are you?
Thank you for calling in.
I'm well, how are you?
I'm doing well, thank you.
So I just read your question.
I'm doing well, thank you.
So I just read your question.
How do you forgive yourself?
Yeah, yeah, that's the question.
I think sometimes we you whenwe close a chapter, we can't do
well on the chapter, we have tosay, okay, this is it.
Been there, done that.
(23:27):
I have to move on.
And if you have a relationshipwith the Lord, you ask the Lord
to help you move forward, andit's not going to be easy and
it's not going to happenovernight and it's not going to
happen overnight.
I can't hear you, hello.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I think I've moved hello.
I think I've moved forwardphysically, but mentally and
emotionally I haven't yeah More,so mentally.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
More so mentally.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You said yes, because I've taken the steps to move
forward.
I left the situation, but Ifind myself dwelling on it at
times.
I made the wrong decision totake the steps that I took with
that person.
(24:22):
Now I feel like I took 10 stepsback.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, it does make sense.
I understand what you mean,because sometimes there's a
learning process in everything.
It's a lesson to be learnedthere.
Had you not taken that, youwould have never known what that
situation was going to be.
You could have been draggedalong the whole time.
(24:54):
And then you take this stuffout and you put yourself and
that's part of self-love when weput ourselves secondary to
people and they don't meet theexpectations that we thought or
the game that they ran that wethought was going to be okay.
So then we start blamingourselves for the lack of what
(25:14):
we expected of them and theycan't fulfill the need because
we were supposed to be a unitand now you backed out on the
unit.
But what you can't do is beatyourself up for an experience.
It may not have been the bestexperience, but it is an
experience.
So the next time someone comeinto your life, you'll know what
signs to look for.
You'll know the red flags, butit is an experience.
So the next time someone comeinto your life, you'll know what
signs to look for.
You'll know the red flags,won't you?
(25:36):
You'll know oh no, that's notit.
That's not it right there,because had you not, it could
have been a reoccurring door tothe next person and mentally and
emotionally, you have to let itgo, because what you're doing
now is you're torturing yourselffor decisions that you made and
it's time to move.
It's time you gotta let that go, because, not that's gonna wear
and tear on you, because in themeantime, while we are dwelling
(25:59):
and what has taken place, theperson that did it to us is
living their best life rightthey live in their best life
while we sitting over herepouting.
Baby girl, you are much betterthan that.
You are beautifully andwonderfully made.
You are strong, you are avibrant woman and any man in
(26:21):
their right mind will be able tosee that A good man.
So, yeah, don't continue togive them the benefit of the
doubt.
And when I was talking aboutthat whole forgiveness thing, I
felt, you know, the whole time Iwas giving this guy power over
me because of what he did to me.
(26:42):
Don't give him that power.
Take your power back, little bylittle.
Take it back because again theyover there doing what makes
them happy.
And while we're saying that wasnot a good decision in dwelling
in that, think about that.
Think about how much power youwant to give him over your
(27:03):
mental health.
He don't deserve it.
She don't deserve it.
Nobody deserves to have thattype of power and that type of
control.
I hope that answered yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yes, Shada, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
You're welcome and thank you so much for calling in
.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
No problem.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
All right, love you.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Love you too.
Bye-bye.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Bye.
Okay, Let me go to the chatMalaika says.
I always like to say I did thebest I could with the skills and
the knowledge I had at the time.
That's a good one too.
Life is about growing up andchanging, and that's what life
is about is learning, and I wasjust telling my daughter the
(27:47):
other day.
I said my mom did the best thatshe could with what she had and
then what I felt like I didn'tget growing up, I tried to make
sure my kids had when theygrowing up, when they were
growing up, and now they try tomake sure they kids get what
they didn't have growing up soit's like a revolving service,
so it's like what you, theknowledge and the skills you
(28:07):
have at the time, that's all youcould do, that's all you can do
, that's all you can use.
Nicole says removing yourselffrom the environment is the
first important step.
You can think clearly.
That is so true.
Sometimes I tell Eric I justhave to get up out of South
Florida sometimes and I'll belike I'm going to my mom's, I'm
going to hang out with Ruby,because I just need a change of
space, and not that Eric and Iare going through anything.
(28:30):
Sometimes I just getoverwhelmed with life and what's
going on in it.
It's a lot.
So I'll be like, yeah, I'mgoing to go to my grandma, to my
mom.
I remember one time I went tomy mom and the kids were like,
hey, daddy, where's mom?
And it's so funny.
The only person that knew whereI was is Mesa, and that's only
because she called me while Iwas down there and I answered.
(28:51):
But she was the one who knew,but she kept my secret.
Thank you, girl, she kept mysecret.
So, yeah, sometimes I justneeded to get away and it's okay
.
It's okay and we can say thefirst step that you could do in
a situation that's toxic is tomove yourself away from that.
(29:11):
That's great.
She also said it is true youshould give yourself half the
time you were with someone toget over the person.
For example, you are withsomeone for five years or so.
You give yourself 2.5 years toheal.
That's a long time, but takeall the time you need.
(29:35):
Take all the time you need.
Don't rush into anotherrelationship because, honestly,
you still gotta you gotta belike an onion.
You gotta peel that off.
You ever been in a place whereyou say you know what, I need a
shower?
I just I remember going throughsome things emotionally and I
was about to waterlog myself.
(29:56):
I was taking showers three,four times a day and I don't
know why.
I just felt dirty and I feltlike I needed to peel off what
was going on and I just couldnot get myself together and I
literally took where are you?
I'm in the shower.
I'm in the shower, you're thatdirty?
No, I'm not that dirty, I'mjust in here trying to wash off
what's going on in my mind.
(30:17):
That was crazy, but that's whatI did and it whatever.
However long it takes you tomove forward, take the time to
love yourself.
The girl said in the video beokay being alone, be okay with
enjoying your own company, andonce you learn to love you, then
(30:39):
somebody else could love youlike you want to be loved.
But you have to love yourselffirst.
You have to.
As Mather says, therapy helpsyou learn how to process,
forgive and thrive.
From the decisions Absolutely,I am one.
The decisions Absolutely, I amone.
For therapy.
Absolutely, it helps to talk tosomebody.
(30:59):
It really does.
It really helps to talk tosomeone and let them know how
you're feeling.
Maybe they can give you someguidance and some direction, and
that's great.
Oh, and Tracy said and if youdon't forgive them, they keep
that power over you.
That is so true.
They will keep that power overyou and you will be.
(31:22):
You end up being stuck.
Give it away, give it to them,let them have it.
They can have it, they can haveit, they can have it, they can
have it.
Okay.
So let me move over here tothese.
Oh, okay, retract.
Let's see Some things you coulddo to prepare yourself for
(31:44):
self-love.
Remind yourself that you areworthy, get rid of the
negativity that you are worthy.
Get rid of the negativity.
Whatever is preventing you fromloving on.
You get rid of it.
Like I said, it'll take amoment, but you have to know
(32:05):
that you're worth.
The Bible says we arebeautifully and wonderfully made
, so we are worthy, we arejewels.
And I tell when I'm talking tomy husband I'm like a woman is
like a diamond.
A nice round, smooth diamond isworth a lot Worth its weight
(32:26):
and go.
Once you start nicking it andchipping it and bruising it, the
value goes down.
You got to consider yourselflike a diamond.
I love this song.
Yeah, I told y'all last timeI'm a Rihanna fan and in her
song she says shine bright likea diamond and you have to let
(32:50):
your light shine.
You have to know that you areworthy and you have to let your
light shine.
You have to know that you areworthy and you are.
And you got to remember thatyou have to love on yourself
first.
You have to love on yourselffirst.
If you can't love you, youcan't expect someone else to
(33:11):
love you Not the way you deserveto be loved and you got to love
you.
You know your self-love.
It has to be about you firstand in this particular way, it's
okay to be selfish.
When it comes down to you.
(33:31):
It's okay to be selfish.
It really is.
It truly is okay to be selfishwhen it comes down to your
mental health, your well-being.
You got to be yourself and youcan't let anybody distract you
from loving on you.
And just remember we had apastor said this past Sunday no,
(33:54):
it's a complete sentence, itdoes not need an explanation.
I should not have to say nobecause I'm going to be doing
this or no because I'm going tobe doing that.
No, I said no, can you come anddo it?
No, why I said no?
Because when we start givingthem explanations, then they
start creating oh she this, orshe thinks she too much to do
(34:17):
that, or she think no.
I remember the girls calling mesaying hey, mom, what you going
to be doing?
Oh, I'm busy.
What are you gonna be doing?
Nothing, but then you ain'tbusy.
Yeah, I am, I'm busy doingnothing, that's my time and I
want to do nothing.
So, whatever it was you wasgonna ask me to answer no.
It took me a while to do thatbecause I always felt, as a
(34:39):
grandmother and as a mom, Ishould be there and I should be
able to do this and do that formy kids and my grandchildren,
and it's okay.
I'll do what I can when I can,but in the meantime, my time is
my time and don't take my timefor granted.
So no is a complete sentenceand it needs no explanation.
All right, anybody got anyquestions?
(35:03):
Anybody want to call in754-222-2219.
If you want to add into that.
So we're getting down to theend and just some of the.
I just want to share with yousome of the things that I do for
self-love, for myself.
Michelle mentioned in thecomments already, so we got this
in common.
I take bubble baths withcandles, with music and
(35:28):
sometimes an occasional glass ofwine.
Yeah, that's my, and when I goto do that, everybody in the
house, including the dog and thehusband, know I'm doing my me
time.
That's my me time.
In my me time I'll get in mycar, put the roof back, drop the
windows and usually I don'tknow when I'm listening to Jill
(35:49):
Scott.
Anyway, turn up my music,whatever it may be, and I'll get
on the I and I'll drive anddrive until I get tired and turn
around and come home.
Sometimes you need that space,sometimes you need to clear your
head, sometimes you just needto take care of you and if
that's something that you enjoydoing, do it.
I'll go get a foot massage afoot, a body massage.
(36:10):
I'll take my little ear piecesin there, pop them in my ear and
just be gone.
Just be gone.
Yep, that's what I do and it'ssomething that is so.
I started doing this.
I used to work at a call centerand and I would say to the
ladies that sat behind me, Iwould tell them I wake up in the
morning, look in the mirror,look in the mirror and say I'm
(36:33):
checking, I'm good, but I haveto remind me that I am wonderful
, I am beautiful.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I am worth it.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I look in the mirror and they will be like you know
what?
You're crazy.
But if I don't boost me up,who's going to do that?
Who's going to do it?
So you got to get out there.
You got to look in the mirrorand be like hey girl, hey, what
you got going on today.
What color you feeling today?
I choose my wardrobe bywhatever color I feel like I
(37:11):
want to wear that day.
It's just a thing that I do.
I don't know if other women doit as well, but that's something
that I do.
Let me hit this chat right quick.
Cynthia says it's amazing thatI just had this conversation
with her grand this evening thatI'd be thinking about myself
first.
Absolutely, absolutely, cynthia, absolutely.
(37:33):
Because if you put yourselfsecond, they will continue to
want you to put yourself secondand then you'll find yourself
putting yourself second withouteven thinking about it.
So, absolutely.
Sometimes we just have to.
Sometimes we just we have tojust make that decision and
don't worry about who feelingswe're going to hurt when we do
it.
We have to stay focused because, honestly, if we don't take
(37:55):
care of ourselves, we can'treally productively take care of
them.
This is why.
I take that two hour nap everyday in the summer, and even when
even myworkers they'll be like.
Ms Patsy, I needed to call you,but I figured it was your nap
time and I'll be like it surewas, it was my nap time, so even
they know I need to rest.
I need to get myself togetherbecause at the end of the day,
(38:19):
ain't nobody going to take careof me like me, but me, and
that's something that you got toget in your mind.
I'm grateful to have asupportive husband, but at the
end of the day, if I'm nottaking care of me, I can't
expect for him to do it.
Yeah, and retail therapy I havea little addiction.
(38:42):
That's my confession.
I have a small addiction, butso far, yes, I did.
I was about to say so far Ihaven't bought anything.
But yeah, I have, I just got.
I have a small addiction, butsometimes when I feel like I
have this me time, I need to gobuy something.
So I go do some retail therapy.
(39:03):
I choose it and I'm not crazy.
I make sure all myresponsibilities are taken care
of before I just go out blowingmoney.
I'm not that addicted, but Imake sure that I do something
nice for myself, and that'sanother thing that I do, and my
mom has already told me you work, you work hard Every paycheck.
Buy yourself something.
I don't care if it's a pair ofunderwear.
Buy something for you Becauseyou put in them 80 hours or 90
(39:26):
hours or however many hours.
Do something nice for you, evenif it's just a candle,
something, makeup, lipstick,anything.
Show yourself that you'reworthy.
Honor yourself, reward yourself.
You deserve it, ladies.
You deserve it.
And if we don't, I feel like Ihaven't been single in a minute.
(39:47):
But when I was, when I was, Ialways carried myself like I
wasn't.
They need to know, but I alwaysdid something and carried
myself in a manner that I'm notdesperate, I'm not lonely, I'm
not just gonna let you dog walkme.
I walk with my head held highand we have to have that same
(40:08):
mannerism.
Where I might be single, butI'm a catch, I'm going to hold
my head up high.
I got it.
I got it going on because Itake care of my business and I
think sometimes we get caught upinto you know, I want to get
married one day or I want to bein a relationship one day, but
first you got to love yourselfand you got to show yourself
(40:29):
that you're worthy, Okay.
So now we're getting down tothe wire, okay.
So I have a few questions that Iwant to ask for the audience.
You can call in or you cananswer in the chat.
I'll prefer someone will callor you can answer in the chat.
I would prefer if someone wouldcall, but if not, the chat is
fine, I can do that there.
Michelle said we're beautifullike diamonds in the sky.
(40:51):
Absolutely, we are, and we are.
If we weren't, if we wasn'tworthy, god wouldn't have
created Eve, not mine, you, eve.
There's some stuff she had nobusiness doing, but they need us
.
But we got to make sure we'relooking out for self first, all
(41:11):
right, so my first question iswhat do you do to show self-love
?
And I think Michelle had put inthere that she does bubble bath
, candles, wine and a book.
Nice, I got to get to them.
I got three books that I boughtyears ago and I'm only halfway
(41:31):
through it all three of them.
I need to get back to that.
It's made to put saying no andspending more time with herself,
and I really love how she saidnew version of herself.
We evolved and changed everyday.
That's something that mygrandmother used to tell me all
the time she say I'd be like.
And she say, when I grow up andI used to be like when you grow
(41:54):
up and you're already like60-something, what are you
talking about?
And she said, baby, we neverstopped growing up.
As long as you're on this earth, you will continue to grow,
continue to learn, continue toevolve.
And that was profound.
I find myself remembering a lotof things that she said to me
(42:15):
in my older years, in my moreseasoned life.
I find myself remembering a lotof stuff that she deposited in
us and I try my best to try andlead and share with my daughters
and my spiritual daughters andmy friends when they say you
know, you always have somethingwise to say.
(42:36):
I get it from my grandma,that's where I get it from, if
anybody have anything they wantto share.
The first question was what doyou do to show yourself
self-love and self-care?
And again, you can only putyourself in that position by
(42:56):
choice.
You have to choose what youwant for yourself and how you
want to see the reflection ofyourself by doing stuff.
Love.
Nikki put, nikki put, she likedto work out with weight to show
herself love.
And she repeat positiveaffirmation.
(43:18):
That's good, I like that.
Sometimes you do.
You have to tell yourself thatyou're better than what you
think you are.
You can do this.
You're stronger than what yousee, and some days you may be
down and out, but you have torise up, and if you don't rise
up, you don't want to stay downtoo long.
You don't want to stay down toolong.
(43:40):
You want to pick yourself upand you want to keep moving
forward.
That's good, right there, Ilong.
You want to pick yourself upand you want to keep moving
forward.
That's good, right there, Ilike that.
I would love to get into thegym.
I'm just a bit lazy here lately, but I'm going to get that
together.
Do you love yourself beforeloving others?
Do you love yourself beforeloving others?
(44:03):
I would like to think that wedo love ourselves.
I would like to think that Idefinitely love myself before
loving others, because I feellike if I can't be true to me, I
can't be true to them.
It's going to be a facade, it'sgoing to be a mask.
I'm doing what I got to do toget through it, but I want to
truly show genuine love to otherpeople.
(44:26):
The Bible say that we shouldlove our neighbors like we love
ourselves and if we don't loveourselves, we definitely don't
love our neighbors.
I never thought about that, butthat is true.
I never really thought aboutthat scripture about love love
your neighbor like you loveyourself.
Interesting, but you got tolove yourself first.
You got to put yourself first.
(44:47):
How does it make you feel whenyou put yourself first?
Like I said, if I'm puttingmyself first and I'm loving me,
it's easy for me to lovesomebody else even my neighbor,
relatives, relatives is alwaysshaky ground.
However, you have to put thingsaside and love, even if it
(45:10):
hurts your feelings.
You have to put things asideand you have to love, because
that's going to be the key.
That's what's going to get youto where you get.
I was having a conversationwith my daughter when she came
down for a visit and I said toher I said people have said some
really bad things about me,hurt my feelings, made me cry to
my go to Eric and cry, and justreally bad things, just really
(45:37):
bad things about me.
But it was important for me tomove on because I couldn't allow
the power of those words totorture me and put me in a
situation where I would be in aplace of unforgiveness.
Okay, I think we have a calleron the line.
(46:00):
Go ahead, caller.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Hi Mom, Good evening, it's Nikki.
Hey mom Good evening.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
It's Nikki.
Hey, nikki, thank you forcalling in.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
Of course, you just said something about how you
feel when you put yourself firstand I, a single mom, I have to
admit I feel extremely guilty.
Mom, I have to admit I feelextremely guilty.
Even when I like to go and workout, I try to do it when you
know Juicy is asleep, when she'snot going to need me, and then,
(46:34):
even if she's up and she knowsnow she's at the age where she
can stay by herself at home, I'mrushing so I can make sure that
I'm getting back to her, andthen I don't get a chance to
fully enjoy the time by myself,even when I go and buy things
for myself, which is you like toshop.
So when you go and buysomething to treat yourself, I
(46:55):
just feel so much guilt.
I haven't really boughtanything really nice for myself
in a very long time and I wasjust wondering, like, how do you
balance that?
How do you not feel guiltyabout putting yourself first
when you have so many otherdifferent responsibilities that
require you to put yourself last?
Speaker 1 (47:18):
Everything.
Don't require you to putyourself last.
You have to make a goal.
Let's say, for instance, yourbirthday is in October.
In October, I'm going to buy mesomething.
I'm going to focus on whatneeds to be done.
School is getting back.
I got to get supplies.
I got to do all this becausethese are the things that are a
priority that she has to have.
But in October is my birthday,so I'm going to do something for
(47:38):
me.
That's it.
That's your balance.
This is something they want todo for me.
This is my birthday, I'm doingthis and, of course, she's old
enough.
Let's remember I used to go tothe gym too, and I used to leave
.
Now, y'all had each other, soy'all weren't alone, but I used
to go and I used to do myaerobics and my turkey trots and
(48:01):
all that stuff, and because youguys had each other, it wasn't
as bad.
Juicy is mature enough tohandle while you do a complete
workout.
She know what it details or ifshe want to get a little take
and make a workout with you.
But you also need that time toyourself, that time of where you
(48:21):
have to balance out.
You got to think about you andyou can't be guilty about it.
Again, we talked about my momgiving me what she could do.
I gave you guys what I could,and you guys are giving your
kids what you can, but you can'tput self last when it comes
down to kids.
Remember she's going to grow upone day and she's going to be
(48:43):
on about her little way.
She's going to go to college.
She might move back home and,standing up, she might decide
she's going to grow up one dayand she's going to be on about
her little way.
She's going to go to college,she might move back home and,
standing around, she mightdecide she's going to go live
somewhere else, you don't know.
So you got to make sure yougive her the tools that she need
to prepare her for maturity,and the only way you can do that
stuff is to make sure you lookout and take care of yourself.
Did that that answer yourquestion?
Speaker 4 (49:04):
Okay, yes, that answers my question.
Thank you, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Thank you so much for calling me and I love you.
I love you too, bye, bye.
Malika says the same as Nikki.
Let me see what Nikki put.
I'll say she likes to do thesame stuff as Nikki, but she
always feels like she's rushing.
I think you're always rushing.
(49:30):
Slow down, take a breather,take a moment for yourself and I
know you have a little one andof course she's two and she's
busy.
But that's where you and Dadhave to say you can watch here.
I'm just gonna pop in my earthings and I'm gonna go for a
little quick walk.
It don't have to be a half anhour or whatever time you can,
(49:53):
because at the end of the day,like the lady said in the video,
when you're trying to puteverybody first, you're gonna
burn out.
When you're putting everybody'sneeds before your needs, you're
going to burn out.
So you got to take a second,you got to take a breather, even
if it's just hopping in the car, putting the top back and going
(50:16):
for a ride.
You got to be at that placewhere you can have a kumbaya
moment.
Yeah, she had forgotten that.
She treated herself better thanany man ever could, and ain't
(50:39):
that the truth?
From the moment that I met you,you've always done that, and
when you remind yourself thatyou better than that, that's it.
That's key, right there.
That is key all the way.
Okay, my time is winding up.
I know I'm sorry.
(51:02):
I'll air sign my ear, okay, somy time is winding up.
But if anybody want to call ina little bit and I thank you for
the ones that call in I thankyou all for joining me.
I truly appreciate it and weare about to be out of here.
Thanks again for joining us.
I had such a great time andI'll see you guys in two weeks,
(51:28):
all right, so we're going toclose out.
Can we roll that music?
Take care.
Hey y'all, thank you so much for joining us for
episode number two, self-love.
If it's your first time, myname is Lady P Pat C and I just
pull this little platformtogether just to give ladies a
little space to unwind and talkabout whatever.
(00:23):
I am so grateful I do not takeit lightly that you are sharing
your space with me tonight.
I am forever grateful and Ithank you so much.
Don't forget to share andsubscribe If you haven't already
.
Please do Also give me someinformation in the comments.
Let me know where you'rewatching from so I can give you
(00:45):
a shout out At this particularpoint.
Come on, ti, guy Rowe, andagain I want to thank you so
(01:27):
much for joining me tonight.
Oh, let me see what's beengoing on.
Let me give you an update ofwhat's been going on the last
two weeks with me.
Oh, in the last two weeks I'vebeen doing grandma duty.
We've been doing grandparentsduty.
We had the pleasure of spendingsome time with our muffin.
Our juicy came down fromTallahassee and spent two weeks
with us.
We had a wonderful time.
(01:48):
She and I went to the movies tosee Megan 2.0.
It's not scary at all.
It was a really good movie.
I truly enjoyed spending timewith her.
She's such an amazing littlegirl.
She's just amazing, like hermom, her Nikki, so that was
great.
I also had the opportunity tospend time with my oldest
(02:09):
daughter, peaches.
She brought her girls down fromSt Augustine and we had a great
time.
We got a chance to hit themalls.
Of course, that's what teenslike to do, so I like to go to
the mall and sit down and letthem do whatever they want to do
, but we had such a great time.
I truly enjoy the time that Iget to spend with my
grandchildren and while theywere all together since I had
(02:31):
them all in the same place it'sbeen like forever since I've had
them all in the same place Idecided to have a Nana Poo Poo,
nana, gigi meeting with mygranddaughters and in this
meeting I wanted to just kind ofshare some things with them and
let them know how I feel aboutthem.
(02:51):
I also explained to them whatmy role as a grandparent, as a
grandmom, is for them and howI'm excited and happy to be in
their lives.
I don't know, I don't have allthe answers, but I'm here if you
need me.
We also talked about they hadsome questions that they asked
(03:11):
me and I did my best to answerthem as honestly as I could.
Muffin happened to be absentfor the meeting, but that was
okay.
I brought her up to speed andshe said she understood.
But mind you, I brought her upto speed and she said she
understood.
But mind you, she's only two.
So I said okay.
She said, okay, you understand.
I doubt it.
Next year, when she's three andwe have our next meeting,
(03:32):
hopefully she'll have a littlebit more clear understanding as
to my role as a grandma andtheir role as my granddaughters.
So that was fun.
It was really, really cool.
During this time we did so much.
We actually went to Topgolf.
I didn't do so well this time,but next time I'll get in there
and I'll do it.
(03:52):
I think the last time I scoredone of the top scores.
I'll get back to that.
Our church had a function wherewe went bowling.
I didn't do well with thateither.
I've seriously been off of myathletic games since school has
been out, just laying around anddoing what I do Just lay around
and make sure I take my dailynap from 2 to 4.
(04:14):
And it's so funny that mygrandchildren all know now they
sleep from 2 to 4.
Don't call her because she'sasleep.
Or someone will call and say,hey, are you still taking your
nap, or are you done becauseshe's asleep?
Or someone to call and say, hey, are you still taking your nap,
or are you done?
Me and my husband was walking.
I was driving in at the otherday and he said it's a shame
(04:35):
that everybody know you take anap from two to four, and I
think that's a part of self-love, and if I don't give it to
myself, I'll be cranky and tired.
There you have it.
That's what I've been up to.
We had a great time.
I truly enjoy spending timewith them, so my last couple of
weeks has been quite eventful.
So, with that being said, thenext topic is going to be on
(04:56):
self-love.
Now, if anybody have any ideasor suggestions that you could
share with us so we can allincorporate that self-love, I
greatly appreciate that.
So it's no right or wrong wayto show love for yourself, right
?
So let me see, we got a fewpeople on the line.
Hey, michelle, how you doingall the way over there in
(05:19):
Georgia?
Peaches is on the line.
I may say Peaches, but youmight see her name is Jacqueline
.
Her name is actually Jacquelineand we call her Peaches from
the time she was born, even whenshe was in the womb.
Hey, peach, thanks for joiningin, all right, so, dave, anybody
else that's out there, let meknow.
(05:39):
You're out there, dave, whenyou go ahead and roll that video
for me.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Here are five things that I had to leave behind in
order for me to show up and lovemyself better.
Hi, my name is BrittanyLaChristian.
I am your personal femininehealing coach, and let me know
if these tips resonate with youin the comments.
Number one overlooking my ownneeds and putting everyone
else's needs before mine.
Let me just say this it's not agreat feeling and you will get
burnt out.
(06:09):
So understand that you matterand I need for you to prioritize
yourself.
Number two chasing after peoplewho are running away from you.
Ooh, that one hit deep.
Anything that is trying to walkaway from you, let it, because
what's meant to be will alwaysbe, and what's always meant for
you will always be for you.
(06:31):
Number three talking down tomyself and shaming myself,
feeling guilty for the thingsthat I cannot change and the
things that have happened to me.
Self-forgiveness is the gatewayto self-love.
You must forgive yourself andyou must move forward if you
want to create the life that youdesire.
Number four trying to geteveryone to understand you.
You're different.
(06:51):
You're unique.
Not everyone is going tounderstand you.
All you can do is continue toshow up as your full and
authentic self and let that bewhat it is.
Everyone doesn't need tounderstand your way of thinking,
your thoughts and how you seethings.
Remember your vision is yourvision and it's sent to you for
(07:13):
a specific reason.
So why would you look tosomeone else to try to
understand the vision that Godhas gifted you?
Number five going back to thesame people, places and or
things that once left me feelingbroken, unseen, unheard, or
left me feeling a little bit offear and doubtful, just because
I'm lonely.
Learn to sit with yourself,Learn to make peace with
(07:36):
yourself, Learn to be okay withbeing alone.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
Yes.
So I know a lot of you canrelate to that.
Sometimes we give people somuch of ourselves until we can't
really find a solemn forourselves and we end up getting
burnt out and getting justoverwhelmed with life and we
allow it to happen to ourselves.
So sometimes we definitely haveto put boundaries on is what
(08:08):
I'm going to do and what I'm notgoing to do?
What I'm going to allow, whatI'm not going to allow is very
important.
I came across this video and Iwas like wow, this is key to
self-love and, as women, if wedon't do that self-love for
ourselves, nobody's going to doit for us.
They're going to think thatwe're okay, I'm sure she can do
(08:30):
this, she can handle this, thisis fine.
So it's very important that westep out and say, hey, enough is
enough.
I also like what she said, andif anybody want to make a
suggestion towards some of thesteps that she said, no problem.
I'm reading the comments.
I'm trying to read the comments.
They're a little bit behind,but I'm trying to read them.
Another thing she said that wasjust that hit me so hard was
(08:53):
chasing out the people who arerunning away from you, and
sometimes we downplay how peopletreat us because we think, oh
no, they didn't mean that, hedidn't mean that or she didn't
mean that or she didn't meanthat.
But if they running away, letthem go.
And I remember telling a few ofthe counseling sessions that
I've had with individuals thatyou know that sometimes the very
(09:14):
thing that God is pulling awayfrom us is the very thing that
we chasing with everythingwithin us, not realizing that
God has given us a way out.
And sometimes it's best to justthrow your hands up and say,
okay, leave it alone.
One thing my mom always told me.
She said if you love something,let it go.
If it come back, it was yours.
If you don't, it never was.
(09:35):
So let it go.
And sometimes it's hard.
As women it's really hardbecause we are such nurturers
and we're always trying to fixthings nurturables and we're
always trying to fix things.
We're always trying to moldthings and put ourselves
secondary so that we could tryand fix it.
But we're not fixers.
It's not for us to fix,especially if it's going to wear
(09:55):
and tear on your mentalcapacity.
You got to learn that enough isenough.
And I tell people all the timeI say when you had enough,
you'll do something about it andjust hopefully it ain't to that
point where you snap I don'tknow if y'all watched that, but
I watched snap.
We don't want to get to thatpoint where you snap.
You just want to say, hey, Ican't continue to give you so
(10:17):
much of me when you're notgiving anything back and you
have to draw the line somewhere.
Yeah, trying to get everybody tounderstand you.
Like she said, we're unique.
God created us to be unique inour own way and everybody's not
going to think like we think.
And it took me a long time toreally get to that process.
(10:39):
I used to be like now, whywould she do that?
That made no sense.
It didn't make any sense to mebut to her.
She may be seeing it from adifferent point of view, and
that's okay.
Everybody's not going to thinklike you.
Everybody's not going to feelthe way that you feel, and it's
okay.
Just continue being who you are.
I had a friend that told mePatsy, don't be on your life for
(11:01):
other people.
I had several people telling methat because I would be at a
point where you know I don'twant to overstep and I don't
want to.
I don't want to outshine people, or and not that I
intentionally try to do that I'mjust being my authentic self,
(11:21):
and my spiritual daughter and afriend both said you know what?
Don't dim your light for otherpeople.
That's not your responsibility.
It's not your problem if theyhave a problem with your shine
and they should step up theirshine.
My shine is truly for the gloryof God, so I never try to do
anything on my own, and Iskipped over one Three.
She talked about downing andshaming yourself, feeling guilty
(11:47):
about decisions that you'vemade in the past and things that
you didn't feel.
That was quite right and oh shejust went.
It's so true because sometimes,when God forgives us, everything
is thrown in the sea offorgiveness.
But we have a hard timeforgetting the things that we've
done and the things that we'veallowed to be done to us.
And in order to move forward tothat place of self-help, you
(12:10):
got to be able to forgiveyourself, and we're going to go
a little deeper into that lateron.
You got to be able to forgiveyourself for the things that you
know that's in the past.
You can't bring it.
You can't change it.
What happened back there isback there.
You can't change it.
You can't bring it.
You can't change it.
What happened back there isback there.
You can't change it.
You can't make it right or makeit better, because if you could
(12:31):
, a lot of us would go all theway back there and do that thing
over again.
But that's not how life is.
Life is a lesson learned.
Now, if we go back there and wedo it again, something ain't
right.
It's insanity Doing the samething and expecting a different
result.
You can't go back and do it, solet it go.
It no longer belongs to you andso let it go.
(12:52):
This is a good one, going backto the things that broke you.
I used to understand how peoplewho had been in traumatic
situations, how it bothers themor how they in their future.
It's hard for them to get pastand I would say I don't
understand how you know.
(13:12):
But if we keep visiting thethings that broke us, we'll
never get over those things.
And not to downplay that theydon't they're not experiencing
something that was traumatic tothem not by any means.
Do what you have to do to moveforward Therapy, anxiety,
whatever you need to do to getpast it.
Get past it, but don't allow itto break you, because you got
to remember things that happenedback there.
(13:34):
Those people were doing powerscrubbers and as long as you
allow that to torment you, theystill have control and you got
to be able to take back thatcontrol in order to love
yourself and love who you areand who God created you to be.
So those are just a few thingsthat I came back.
(13:56):
I see that Michelle say she'slearning to set boundaries.
Good, because if not, peoplewalk all over you and you'd be
like what did I do?
Izzy also says saying no moreand spending time alone,
learning new versions of myselfin each season of life.
That is great.
Can we give her a round ofapplause for that?
(14:17):
Because you have to learn yourstuff and we are constantly
growing as women.
Men don't understand sometimesour emotional growth.
You know, they may look at usand we've been together for so
many long and you see I'mgetting a little thick.
You see my physical appearance,but you don't see the change in
my emotional and my mentalappearance.
(14:38):
And if you're in a relationship, that's something that you
could share with yoursignificant other.
As to this is what I'm goingthrough and this is how I'm
feeling at that time, becausesometimes we don't tell them.
Yeah, and I'm just gratefulthat I went back and forth with
a topic for tonight and theaudience that I wanted to grab,
(15:00):
but I also just thought the HolySpirit just led me to self-love
, because sometimes we get inspaces, especially when we have
children, because it's all aboutgetting them up, getting to
school, getting in the car,drive them, drop them off, go to
work, and it's just become aconstant routine.
It's like you just be in themotion of things and we forget
about ourselves.
So that's why, and when it hitme like self-care, I was like,
(15:25):
okay, you know what?
You're right.
We need to care about ourselves, because, guess what, who's
going to care about us if wedon't do it for ourselves?
All right, so I have a fewthings I want to share with you
as well.
Self-love is honoring yourself,honoring who you are, regardless
of what has happened in yourpast, regardless of the route
(15:52):
that you have taken, regardlessof whatever they say and we
never know who they is becausethey never really tell us who
they are.
They always say they say it.
It's time for us to honor whowe are as women.
We are strong, we are vibrant,we are backbones.
We run the house, you know.
We work, we have careers.
It's not like back in the daywhere we just stayed home and
took care of the house.
Now we're contributing, notjust keeping the house clean,
(16:15):
but we're contributingfinancially to it too, which
means we have to leave the homeor some of y'all are probably
luckier than I am.
You get to work from home Iwould love to do that, but you
can't teach them from here butyou get the opportunity to be
part of the whole unit, versusjust having the babies cooking
the meals, doing the laundry,making sure, doing the groceries
(16:37):
and stuff.
We contribute so much more.
So we have to honor ourselves,regardless of things that we've
gone through, Because if wedon't honor ourselves, we can't
expect for anyone else.
Self-love is also continuing tolove the parts of you that need
to be nurtured.
Anything whatever needs to benurtured, whatever you need to
(16:58):
remind yourself of, whatever youdeem is key for your peace of
mind.
There we go for your peace ofmind.
Your peace is so important.
Pastor spoke this past weekabout giving your peace to
people.
They're going to walk all overit if you don't step it up and
say wait a minute, no, we're notgoing to do that, reminding
(17:21):
yourself that there's times thatyou've been there and done that
.
Been there, done that.
Now I know a lot of times.
It's that there's an old sayingI don't know who said it, but
I've heard it throughout my lifeis history repeats itself.
If it's negative, we don't needno part of that at all.
(17:44):
If it doesn't bring you joy,there's no reason for it to
repeat itself.
Put your foot down, step, sayno, I don't think so.
This is not how I expected forthis to go and I'm not going to
revisit something that brings medown.
I'm not going to go out thereand put my hand out, for you to
smash my hand and hurt me again.
(18:05):
It's like my mom used to say tome okay, so don't put your hand
on the stove because it's hot.
I would be crazy and go overthere and try and just feel the
heat.
One day my hand slipped and Itouched that eye and I don't
know if you ever had a littlefirst degree burn.
(18:27):
But when I told you, that gaveme a valuable lesson.
I'm not going back and puttingmy hand on that stove because I
learned my lesson.
And sometimes we get intosituations where we know it's
not good for us.
We know it's not good for us,but we think, maybe if I could,
just maybe, if I could justchange them a little bit, maybe
(18:49):
if they could see it from my way.
And that goes back to thatother point trying to get
everyone to understand you andyour process of thinking.
No, we're not going to do thatand so we have to be able to
move forward and let thosethings go.
Another one self-love isforgiveness.
Oh, she, she mentioned that too.
(19:12):
She was about talking down toyourself or whatever, and I.
Forgiveness is so importanty'all, it really is.
It's so important.
And an example I have from thatwas I know I shared in the
first episode about being in adomestic relationship with my
oldest daughter.
(19:32):
Father, the best thing that mancould have ever given me was my
daughter.
She's amazing.
But I was in this relationshipand I kept thinking that maybe I
could change him and maybe thisis my fault and take an
ownership of stuff that he wasdoing to me.
But it wasn't, and it it's socrazy y'all.
I think I had been marriedabout Maybe about 19 years, when
(19:59):
I finally Now, mind you, I'mmarried to someone who is so
supportive in every thing that Idecide that I want to do with
my crazy stuff.
But For almost 20 years I'm ina marriage and I'm still do with
my crazy stuff.
But for almost 20 years I'm ina marriage and I'm still holding
on to this unforgiveness towardmyself.
(20:20):
And one day, I think we were onthe way from church and I just
started crying and I said, oh myGod, I couldn't believe that I
have finally forgiven myself forallowing me to be a punching
bag, allowing me to bedisrespectful, because as long
as I was holding on to it, itwas really hard for me to let my
God down and even in beingmarried for almost 20 years, let
(20:44):
my God down and let my husbandinto all of this space.
Of course I did what I wassupposed to do as a wife and
mother and all that stuff, butin my head I was messed up in my
head because I stood back and Iallowed this guy to beat me.
And it took a long time for meto forgive myself for that,
(21:06):
forgiving yourself for thingsthat happened in your life and
the things that you had nocontrol over.
Maybe you were a child andsomeone was beating you, or
maybe it was something that wasout of your control and it
wasn't that you allowed it.
You were a kid, you didn't know.
So sometimes you know you haveto know when and where to
forgive yourself.
Prayer, god will lead you to itbecause he will take care, he
(21:30):
will care of us and, like I said, that forgiveness was the only
way that I could.
I could move on, like I couldactually have a conversation
with this guy.
If something were to happen tomy, my, my daughter, I could
literally reach out and say, hey, this has happened and I just
want you to be aware.
Mind you, I I don't have to,but if I need to, I would.
(21:53):
So forgiveness is so important.
So if anybody have anything theywould like to share, come on,
you can call in.
I think it's 754-222-2219.
Give me a call and we'll talkabout it.
If you have anything that youwant to, you want to share,
masha, put in.
(22:14):
How do you forgive yourselfBecause I'm blaming myself for
allowing myself to get involvedwith my ex?
Oh, that's, you know what.
You have to forgive yourself.
You have to look at that as achapter.
You have to close it.
You have to ask.
I don't know your relationshipwith God.
(22:36):
If you have a relationship withGod, you ask God to help you
move forward, because it's notgoing to be easy and it's not
going to happen overnight, butyou have to know your worth.
Okay, I think I got a callcoming in.
(23:04):
Hello, hi, hi, how are you?
Thank you for calling in.
I'm well, how are you?
I'm doing well, thank you.
So I just read your question.
I'm doing well, thank you.
So I just read your question.
How do you forgive yourself?
Yeah, yeah, that's the question.
I think sometimes we you whenwe close a chapter, we can't do
well on the chapter, we have tosay, okay, this is it.
Been there, done that.
(23:27):
I have to move on.
And if you have a relationshipwith the Lord, you ask the Lord
to help you move forward, andit's not going to be easy and
it's not going to happenovernight and it's not going to
happen overnight.
I can't hear you, hello.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
I think I've moved hello.
I think I've moved forwardphysically, but mentally and
emotionally I haven't yeah More,so mentally.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
More so mentally.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
You said yes, because I've taken the steps to move
forward.
I left the situation, but Ifind myself dwelling on it at
times.
I made the wrong decision totake the steps that I took with
that person.
(24:22):
Now I feel like I took 10 stepsback.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
If that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (24:34):
Yeah, it does make sense.
I understand what you mean,because sometimes there's a
learning process in everything.
It's a lesson to be learnedthere.
Had you not taken that, youwould have never known what that
situation was going to be.
You could have been draggedalong the whole time.
(24:54):
And then you take this stuffout and you put yourself and
that's part of self-love when weput ourselves secondary to
people and they don't meet theexpectations that we thought or
the game that they ran that wethought was going to be okay.
So then we start blamingourselves for the lack of what
(25:14):
we expected of them and theycan't fulfill the need because
we were supposed to be a unitand now you backed out on the
unit.
But what you can't do is beatyourself up for an experience.
It may not have been the bestexperience, but it is an
experience.
So the next time someone comeinto your life, you'll know what
signs to look for.
You'll know the red flags, butit is an experience.
So the next time someone comeinto your life, you'll know what
signs to look for.
You'll know the red flags,won't you?
(25:36):
You'll know oh no, that's notit.
That's not it right there,because had you not, it could
have been a reoccurring door tothe next person and mentally and
emotionally, you have to let itgo, because what you're doing
now is you're torturing yourselffor decisions that you made and
it's time to move.
It's time you gotta let that go, because, not that's gonna wear
and tear on you, because in themeantime, while we are dwelling
(25:59):
and what has taken place, theperson that did it to us is
living their best life rightthey live in their best life
while we sitting over herepouting.
Baby girl, you are much betterthan that.
You are beautifully andwonderfully made.
You are strong, you are avibrant woman and any man in
(26:21):
their right mind will be able tosee that A good man.
So, yeah, don't continue togive them the benefit of the
doubt.
And when I was talking aboutthat whole forgiveness thing, I
felt, you know, the whole time Iwas giving this guy power over
me because of what he did to me.
(26:42):
Don't give him that power.
Take your power back, little bylittle.
Take it back because again theyover there doing what makes
them happy.
And while we're saying that wasnot a good decision in dwelling
in that, think about that.
Think about how much power youwant to give him over your
(27:03):
mental health.
He don't deserve it.
She don't deserve it.
Nobody deserves to have thattype of power and that type of
control.
I hope that answered yourquestion.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yes, Shada, thank you very much.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
You're welcome and thank you so much for calling in
.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
No problem.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
All right, love you.
Speaker 2 (27:25):
Love you too.
Bye-bye.
Speaker 1 (27:26):
Bye.
Okay, Let me go to the chatMalaika says.
I always like to say I did thebest I could with the skills and
the knowledge I had at the time.
That's a good one too.
Life is about growing up andchanging, and that's what life
is about is learning, and I wasjust telling my daughter the
(27:47):
other day.
I said my mom did the best thatshe could with what she had and
then what I felt like I didn'tget growing up, I tried to make
sure my kids had when theygrowing up, when they were
growing up, and now they try tomake sure they kids get what
they didn't have growing up soit's like a revolving service,
so it's like what you, theknowledge and the skills you
(28:07):
have at the time, that's all youcould do, that's all you can do
, that's all you can use.
Nicole says removing yourselffrom the environment is the
first important step.
You can think clearly.
That is so true.
Sometimes I tell Eric I justhave to get up out of South
Florida sometimes and I'll belike I'm going to my mom's, I'm
going to hang out with Ruby,because I just need a change of
space, and not that Eric and Iare going through anything.
(28:30):
Sometimes I just getoverwhelmed with life and what's
going on in it.
It's a lot.
So I'll be like, yeah, I'mgoing to go to my grandma, to my
mom.
I remember one time I went tomy mom and the kids were like,
hey, daddy, where's mom?
And it's so funny.
The only person that knew whereI was is Mesa, and that's only
because she called me while Iwas down there and I answered.
(28:51):
But she was the one who knew,but she kept my secret.
Thank you, girl, she kept mysecret.
So, yeah, sometimes I justneeded to get away and it's okay
.
It's okay and we can say thefirst step that you could do in
a situation that's toxic is tomove yourself away from that.
(29:11):
That's great.
She also said it is true youshould give yourself half the
time you were with someone toget over the person.
For example, you are withsomeone for five years or so.
You give yourself 2.5 years toheal.
That's a long time, but takeall the time you need.
(29:35):
Take all the time you need.
Don't rush into anotherrelationship because, honestly,
you still gotta you gotta belike an onion.
You gotta peel that off.
You ever been in a place whereyou say you know what, I need a
shower?
I just I remember going throughsome things emotionally and I
was about to waterlog myself.
(29:56):
I was taking showers three,four times a day and I don't
know why.
I just felt dirty and I feltlike I needed to peel off what
was going on and I just couldnot get myself together and I
literally took where are you?
I'm in the shower.
I'm in the shower, you're thatdirty?
No, I'm not that dirty, I'mjust in here trying to wash off
what's going on in my mind.
(30:17):
That was crazy, but that's whatI did and it whatever.
However long it takes you tomove forward, take the time to
love yourself.
The girl said in the video beokay being alone, be okay with
enjoying your own company, andonce you learn to love you, then
(30:39):
somebody else could love youlike you want to be loved.
But you have to love yourselffirst.
You have to.
As Mather says, therapy helpsyou learn how to process,
forgive and thrive.
From the decisions Absolutely,I am one.
The decisions Absolutely, I amone.
For therapy.
Absolutely, it helps to talk tosomebody.
(30:59):
It really does.
It really helps to talk tosomeone and let them know how
you're feeling.
Maybe they can give you someguidance and some direction, and
that's great.
Oh, and Tracy said and if youdon't forgive them, they keep
that power over you.
That is so true.
They will keep that power overyou and you will be.
(31:22):
You end up being stuck.
Give it away, give it to them,let them have it.
They can have it, they can haveit, they can have it, they can
have it.
Okay.
So let me move over here tothese.
Oh, okay, retract.
Let's see Some things you coulddo to prepare yourself for
(31:44):
self-love.
Remind yourself that you areworthy, get rid of the
negativity that you are worthy.
Get rid of the negativity.
Whatever is preventing you fromloving on.
You get rid of it.
Like I said, it'll take amoment, but you have to know
(32:05):
that you're worth.
The Bible says we arebeautifully and wonderfully made
, so we are worthy, we arejewels.
And I tell when I'm talking tomy husband I'm like a woman is
like a diamond.
A nice round, smooth diamond isworth a lot Worth its weight
(32:26):
and go.
Once you start nicking it andchipping it and bruising it, the
value goes down.
You got to consider yourselflike a diamond.
I love this song.
Yeah, I told y'all last timeI'm a Rihanna fan and in her
song she says shine bright likea diamond and you have to let
(32:50):
your light shine.
You have to know that you areworthy and you have to let your
light shine.
You have to know that you areworthy and you are.
And you got to remember thatyou have to love on yourself
first.
You have to love on yourselffirst.
If you can't love you, youcan't expect someone else to
(33:11):
love you Not the way you deserveto be loved and you got to love
you.
You know your self-love.
It has to be about you firstand in this particular way, it's
okay to be selfish.
When it comes down to you.
(33:31):
It's okay to be selfish.
It really is.
It truly is okay to be selfishwhen it comes down to your
mental health, your well-being.
You got to be yourself and youcan't let anybody distract you
from loving on you.
And just remember we had apastor said this past Sunday no,
(33:54):
it's a complete sentence, itdoes not need an explanation.
I should not have to say nobecause I'm going to be doing
this or no because I'm going tobe doing that.
No, I said no, can you come anddo it?
No, why I said no?
Because when we start givingthem explanations, then they
start creating oh she this, orshe thinks she too much to do
(34:17):
that, or she think no.
I remember the girls calling mesaying hey, mom, what you going
to be doing?
Oh, I'm busy.
What are you gonna be doing?
Nothing, but then you ain'tbusy.
Yeah, I am, I'm busy doingnothing, that's my time and I
want to do nothing.
So, whatever it was you wasgonna ask me to answer no.
It took me a while to do thatbecause I always felt, as a
(34:39):
grandmother and as a mom, Ishould be there and I should be
able to do this and do that formy kids and my grandchildren,
and it's okay.
I'll do what I can when I can,but in the meantime, my time is
my time and don't take my timefor granted.
So no is a complete sentenceand it needs no explanation.
All right, anybody got anyquestions?
(35:03):
Anybody want to call in754-222-2219.
If you want to add into that.
So we're getting down to theend and just some of the.
I just want to share with yousome of the things that I do for
self-love, for myself.
Michelle mentioned in thecomments already, so we got this
in common.
I take bubble baths withcandles, with music and
(35:28):
sometimes an occasional glass ofwine.
Yeah, that's my, and when I goto do that, everybody in the
house, including the dog and thehusband, know I'm doing my me
time.
That's my me time.
In my me time I'll get in mycar, put the roof back, drop the
windows and usually I don'tknow when I'm listening to Jill
(35:49):
Scott.
Anyway, turn up my music,whatever it may be, and I'll get
on the I and I'll drive anddrive until I get tired and turn
around and come home.
Sometimes you need that space,sometimes you need to clear your
head, sometimes you just needto take care of you and if
that's something that you enjoydoing, do it.
I'll go get a foot massage afoot, a body massage.
(36:10):
I'll take my little ear piecesin there, pop them in my ear and
just be gone.
Just be gone.
Yep, that's what I do and it'ssomething that is so.
I started doing this.
I used to work at a call centerand and I would say to the
ladies that sat behind me, Iwould tell them I wake up in the
morning, look in the mirror,look in the mirror and say I'm
(36:33):
checking, I'm good, but I haveto remind me that I am wonderful
, I am beautiful.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
I am worth it.
Speaker 1 (36:51):
I look in the mirror and they will be like you know
what?
You're crazy.
But if I don't boost me up,who's going to do that?
Who's going to do it?
So you got to get out there.
You got to look in the mirrorand be like hey girl, hey, what
you got going on today.
What color you feeling today?
I choose my wardrobe bywhatever color I feel like I
(37:11):
want to wear that day.
It's just a thing that I do.
I don't know if other women doit as well, but that's something
that I do.
Let me hit this chat right quick.
Cynthia says it's amazing thatI just had this conversation
with her grand this evening thatI'd be thinking about myself
first.
Absolutely, absolutely, cynthia, absolutely.
(37:33):
Because if you put yourselfsecond, they will continue to
want you to put yourself secondand then you'll find yourself
putting yourself second withouteven thinking about it.
So, absolutely.
Sometimes we just have to.
Sometimes we just we have tojust make that decision and
don't worry about who feelingswe're going to hurt when we do
it.
We have to stay focused because, honestly, if we don't take
(37:55):
care of ourselves, we can'treally productively take care of
them.
This is why.
I take that two hour nap everyday in the summer, and even when
even myworkers they'll be like.
Ms Patsy, I needed to call you,but I figured it was your nap
time and I'll be like it surewas, it was my nap time, so even
they know I need to rest.
I need to get myself togetherbecause at the end of the day,
(38:19):
ain't nobody going to take careof me like me, but me, and
that's something that you got toget in your mind.
I'm grateful to have asupportive husband, but at the
end of the day, if I'm nottaking care of me, I can't
expect for him to do it.
Yeah, and retail therapy I havea little addiction.
(38:42):
That's my confession.
I have a small addiction, butso far, yes, I did.
I was about to say so far Ihaven't bought anything.
But yeah, I have, I just got.
I have a small addiction, butsometimes when I feel like I
have this me time, I need to gobuy something.
So I go do some retail therapy.
(39:03):
I choose it and I'm not crazy.
I make sure all myresponsibilities are taken care
of before I just go out blowingmoney.
I'm not that addicted, but Imake sure that I do something
nice for myself, and that'sanother thing that I do, and my
mom has already told me you work, you work hard Every paycheck.
Buy yourself something.
I don't care if it's a pair ofunderwear.
Buy something for you Becauseyou put in them 80 hours or 90
(39:26):
hours or however many hours.
Do something nice for you, evenif it's just a candle,
something, makeup, lipstick,anything.
Show yourself that you'reworthy.
Honor yourself, reward yourself.
You deserve it, ladies.
You deserve it.
And if we don't, I feel like Ihaven't been single in a minute.
(39:47):
But when I was, when I was, Ialways carried myself like I
wasn't.
They need to know, but I alwaysdid something and carried
myself in a manner that I'm notdesperate, I'm not lonely, I'm
not just gonna let you dog walkme.
I walk with my head held highand we have to have that same
(40:08):
mannerism.
Where I might be single, butI'm a catch, I'm going to hold
my head up high.
I got it.
I got it going on because Itake care of my business and I
think sometimes we get caught upinto you know, I want to get
married one day or I want to bein a relationship one day, but
first you got to love yourselfand you got to show yourself
(40:29):
that you're worthy, Okay.
So now we're getting down tothe wire, okay.
So I have a few questions that Iwant to ask for the audience.
You can call in or you cananswer in the chat.
I'll prefer someone will callor you can answer in the chat.
I would prefer if someone wouldcall, but if not, the chat is
fine, I can do that there.
Michelle said we're beautifullike diamonds in the sky.
(40:51):
Absolutely, we are, and we are.
If we weren't, if we wasn'tworthy, god wouldn't have
created Eve, not mine, you, eve.
There's some stuff she had nobusiness doing, but they need us
.
But we got to make sure we'relooking out for self first, all
(41:11):
right, so my first question iswhat do you do to show self-love
?
And I think Michelle had put inthere that she does bubble bath
, candles, wine and a book.
Nice, I got to get to them.
I got three books that I boughtyears ago and I'm only halfway
(41:31):
through it all three of them.
I need to get back to that.
It's made to put saying no andspending more time with herself,
and I really love how she saidnew version of herself.
We evolved and changed everyday.
That's something that mygrandmother used to tell me all
the time she say I'd be like.
And she say, when I grow up andI used to be like when you grow
(41:54):
up and you're already like60-something, what are you
talking about?
And she said, baby, we neverstopped growing up.
As long as you're on this earth, you will continue to grow,
continue to learn, continue toevolve.
And that was profound.
I find myself remembering a lotof things that she said to me
(42:15):
in my older years, in my moreseasoned life.
I find myself remembering a lotof stuff that she deposited in
us and I try my best to try andlead and share with my daughters
and my spiritual daughters andmy friends when they say you
know, you always have somethingwise to say.
(42:36):
I get it from my grandma,that's where I get it from, if
anybody have anything they wantto share.
The first question was what doyou do to show yourself
self-love and self-care?
And again, you can only putyourself in that position by
(42:56):
choice.
You have to choose what youwant for yourself and how you
want to see the reflection ofyourself by doing stuff.
Love.
Nikki put, nikki put, she likedto work out with weight to show
herself love.
And she repeat positiveaffirmation.
(43:18):
That's good, I like that.
Sometimes you do.
You have to tell yourself thatyou're better than what you
think you are.
You can do this.
You're stronger than what yousee, and some days you may be
down and out, but you have torise up, and if you don't rise
up, you don't want to stay downtoo long.
You don't want to stay down toolong.
(43:40):
You want to pick yourself upand you want to keep moving
forward.
That's good, right there, Ilong.
You want to pick yourself upand you want to keep moving
forward.
That's good, right there, Ilike that.
I would love to get into thegym.
I'm just a bit lazy here lately, but I'm going to get that
together.
Do you love yourself beforeloving others?
Do you love yourself beforeloving others?
(44:03):
I would like to think that wedo love ourselves.
I would like to think that Idefinitely love myself before
loving others, because I feellike if I can't be true to me, I
can't be true to them.
It's going to be a facade, it'sgoing to be a mask.
I'm doing what I got to do toget through it, but I want to
truly show genuine love to otherpeople.
(44:26):
The Bible say that we shouldlove our neighbors like we love
ourselves and if we don't loveourselves, we definitely don't
love our neighbors.
I never thought about that, butthat is true.
I never really thought aboutthat scripture about love love
your neighbor like you loveyourself.
Interesting, but you got tolove yourself first.
You got to put yourself first.
(44:47):
How does it make you feel whenyou put yourself first?
Like I said, if I'm puttingmyself first and I'm loving me,
it's easy for me to lovesomebody else even my neighbor,
relatives, relatives is alwaysshaky ground.
However, you have to put thingsaside and love, even if it
(45:10):
hurts your feelings.
You have to put things asideand you have to love, because
that's going to be the key.
That's what's going to get youto where you get.
I was having a conversationwith my daughter when she came
down for a visit and I said toher I said people have said some
really bad things about me,hurt my feelings, made me cry to
my go to Eric and cry, and justreally bad things, just really
(45:37):
bad things about me.
But it was important for me tomove on because I couldn't allow
the power of those words totorture me and put me in a
situation where I would be in aplace of unforgiveness.
Okay, I think we have a calleron the line.
(46:00):
Go ahead, caller.
Speaker 4 (46:03):
Hi Mom, Good evening, it's Nikki.
Hey mom Good evening.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
It's Nikki.
Hey, nikki, thank you forcalling in.
Speaker 4 (46:10):
Of course, you just said something about how you
feel when you put yourself firstand I, a single mom, I have to
admit I feel extremely guilty.
Mom, I have to admit I feelextremely guilty.
Even when I like to go and workout, I try to do it when you
know Juicy is asleep, when she'snot going to need me, and then,
(46:34):
even if she's up and she knowsnow she's at the age where she
can stay by herself at home, I'mrushing so I can make sure that
I'm getting back to her, andthen I don't get a chance to
fully enjoy the time by myself,even when I go and buy things
for myself, which is you like toshop.
So when you go and buysomething to treat yourself, I
(46:55):
just feel so much guilt.
I haven't really boughtanything really nice for myself
in a very long time and I wasjust wondering, like, how do you
balance that?
How do you not feel guiltyabout putting yourself first
when you have so many otherdifferent responsibilities that
require you to put yourself last?
Speaker 1 (47:18):
Everything.
Don't require you to putyourself last.
You have to make a goal.
Let's say, for instance, yourbirthday is in October.
In October, I'm going to buy mesomething.
I'm going to focus on whatneeds to be done.
School is getting back.
I got to get supplies.
I got to do all this becausethese are the things that are a
priority that she has to have.
But in October is my birthday,so I'm going to do something for
(47:38):
me.
That's it.
That's your balance.
This is something they want todo for me.
This is my birthday, I'm doingthis and, of course, she's old
enough.
Let's remember I used to go tothe gym too, and I used to leave
.
Now, y'all had each other, soy'all weren't alone, but I used
to go and I used to do myaerobics and my turkey trots and
(48:01):
all that stuff, and because youguys had each other, it wasn't
as bad.
Juicy is mature enough tohandle while you do a complete
workout.
She know what it details or ifshe want to get a little take
and make a workout with you.
But you also need that time toyourself, that time of where you
(48:21):
have to balance out.
You got to think about you andyou can't be guilty about it.
Again, we talked about my momgiving me what she could do.
I gave you guys what I could,and you guys are giving your
kids what you can, but you can'tput self last when it comes
down to kids.
Remember she's going to grow upone day and she's going to be
(48:43):
on about her little way.
She's going to go to college.
She might move back home and,standing up, she might decide
she's going to grow up one dayand she's going to be on about
her little way.
She's going to go to college,she might move back home and,
standing around, she mightdecide she's going to go live
somewhere else, you don't know.
So you got to make sure yougive her the tools that she need
to prepare her for maturity,and the only way you can do that
stuff is to make sure you lookout and take care of yourself.
Did that that answer yourquestion?
Speaker 4 (49:04):
Okay, yes, that answers my question.
Thank you, you're welcome.
Speaker 1 (49:09):
Thank you so much for calling me and I love you.
I love you too, bye, bye.
Malika says the same as Nikki.
Let me see what Nikki put.
I'll say she likes to do thesame stuff as Nikki, but she
always feels like she's rushing.
I think you're always rushing.
(49:30):
Slow down, take a breather,take a moment for yourself and I
know you have a little one andof course she's two and she's
busy.
But that's where you and Dadhave to say you can watch here.
I'm just gonna pop in my earthings and I'm gonna go for a
little quick walk.
It don't have to be a half anhour or whatever time you can,
(49:53):
because at the end of the day,like the lady said in the video,
when you're trying to puteverybody first, you're gonna
burn out.
When you're putting everybody'sneeds before your needs, you're
going to burn out.
So you got to take a second,you got to take a breather, even
if it's just hopping in the car, putting the top back and going
(50:16):
for a ride.
You got to be at that placewhere you can have a kumbaya
moment.
Yeah, she had forgotten that.
She treated herself better thanany man ever could, and ain't
(50:39):
that the truth?
From the moment that I met you,you've always done that, and
when you remind yourself thatyou better than that, that's it.
That's key, right there.
That is key all the way.
Okay, my time is winding up.
I know I'm sorry.
(51:02):
I'll air sign my ear, okay, somy time is winding up.
But if anybody want to call ina little bit and I thank you for
the ones that call in I thankyou all for joining me.
I truly appreciate it and weare about to be out of here.
Thanks again for joining us.
I had such a great time andI'll see you guys in two weeks,
(51:28):
all right, so we're going toclose out.
Can we roll that music?
Take care.
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