When Love Listens: 33 Years of Growing Together

Send us a text

Thirty-three years of marriage reveals truths that no honeymoon phase could ever predict. In this heartfelt conversation, Eric and Lady P pull back the curtain on their marriage journey, sharing the beautiful, challenging, and transformative moments that have shaped their relationship over three decades.

The couple discusses how their understanding of love has evolved beyond flowers and grand gestures to appreciate the profound intimacy found in everyday acts of service—keeping the gas tank full, helping with household chores, and simply showing up for each other. They vulnerably share stories of financial hardship, including times when they nearly faced homelessness or had to pawn precious jewelry to make ends meet. Yet through these challenges, their faith deepened as they witnessed provision arrive at their most desperate moments.

Forgiveness emerges as the cornerstone of their enduring relationship. As Lady P powerfully explains, true forgiveness isn't just saying the words but actually releasing the hurt—a lesson that transformed their ability to heal and move forward together. The couple also emphasizes the vital role of laughter, recounting water gun fights through their home and Sunday drives filled with uncontrollable joy that helped them maintain perspective during difficult seasons.

The episode takes an unexpected turn as they address a viral video promoting toxic relationship dynamics under the guise of spiritual "grace." Eric and Lady P offer a powerful counter-narrative, emphasizing that God never calls people to enable sin or endure abuse. Their passionate discussion reminds listeners that healthy marriages reflect Christ's love for the church—protective, nurturing, and never abusive.

Whether you're newly married, navigating relationship challenges, or simply seeking wisdom from those who've walked the long road of commitment, this episode offers both practical insights and spiritual encouragement for the journey. Connect with us on social media to share your own marriage experiences and insights as we continue building stronger relationships together.

Watch the live show on Youtube.

Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Well, welcome to Marriage and Real Life.

Speaker 2 (00:01):
Welcome, welcome.

Speaker 1 (00:04):
All right.
Thank you that you are with us,and you know you could have
been doing something else, butyou decided to join us and we
are so glad of that, aren't youglad I am, I'm glad to be back.

Speaker 2 (00:15):
I am so happy to be back.
I miss the audience.
Yeah, you miss the audienceLife started lifing a little bit
more than usual and we gotcaught up in things, but I'm so
grateful and so happy to be back.

Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yeah, I am too.
I'm gonna give another anotherhand clap hey um, if you're
watching with us, we want you to, um, please like and share,
like and share.
Please make sure you like andshare.
If you have not subscribed, uh,our YouTube channel, please
make sure you subscribe so you,and make sure you hit the bell

(00:47):
notifications.
You want to hit the bellnotifications so you can make
sure that whenever we go live nomatter if it's a church service
or whatever that you will get anotification that we are live.
Please, let us know where youare watching from.
Let us know where you arewatching from.
Well, we are back, for you know, we almost finished with season

(01:07):
three.
Yeah, almost All right, wealmost finished with season
three, so we need to bring thatmic over or something, because
you're not even speaking into it.
Yeah, there we go, there we go,oh yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there we go, there we go.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
So what'd you say?

(01:29):
What you were saying?

Speaker 2 (01:31):
How many episodes we have left.

Speaker 1 (01:33):
We've only got one episode left.

Speaker 2 (01:34):
Oh, and we're in the roundup season three yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Yay, that's all right .
Roundup season three so yeah,so, yeah so that was good.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
So what's been happening these last two weeks?

Speaker 1 (01:48):
what's been happening , oh my goodness, these last two
weeks yeah, we did last threeweeks really, because it's been
a minute since we've been here.
Um, um, I can know one thing isthat, uh, we, uh, auntie missy,
we had a good time in auntieyeah, to give a shout out to
Missy.

Speaker 2 (02:04):
Yes, they celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary I
host.

Speaker 1 (02:09):
Yeah, you did a good job.
You did a great job, it wasamazing.

Speaker 2 (02:12):
We had a wonderful time.
It's like it's up there.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah , yeah.
You did a great, great job andyou did some centerpieces and
everything like that.

Speaker 2 (02:25):
So yeah, great, great job, and you did some
centerpieces and everything likethat.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
So yeah, I'm very proud of you.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
You did very, you did very good, very good.
I enjoy every moment of it.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
Oh, we danced too yeah we had a good time.

Speaker 2 (02:33):
We had a good time and the crazy thing about it is
her anniversary is on the 26thof april and ours was the next
day, right Right.
So then I said to her I say,well, you know, my anniversary
is going to be like at midnight.
I'm going to have to leave upout of here and leave y'all in
here partying, but we ended upshutting everything down right

(02:53):
before midnight, yeah.
And we actually got home rightin time to say happy anniversary
.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
All right, yeah, yeah , so, yeah.
So we got that, you know.
So we celebrated ouranniversary, the following
weekend the following weekendyeah.

Speaker 2 (03:10):
We went away and we had a great time.
Yeah, we had a great time.

Speaker 1 (03:14):
Great time.
We're going to talk a littlebit about that tonight.
I know I went to ourgranddaughter's graduation.

Speaker 2 (03:21):
Yes, one of the grandchildren graduated college.

Speaker 1 (03:26):
She got an AE in education.
She did a heartfelt thing onFacebook about she just had a
baby.
As a matter of fact, she justcelebrated her first.
Mother's Day.
And you know, she had a chancethat she had to pay for the
class and the teacher was saying, yeah, you got to pay.
She said, no, I don't want topay for it, you know.

(03:47):
And so she finally said youknow, I'm just going to pay this
money and get my degree.
And now she's getting ready togo to Berry University.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
The way to go Tierra the way to go.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
Tierra, the way to go .
And a juicy, oh man, she.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
And a Juicy.
Oh man, she's a genius.
She's a genius, I told you guys.

Speaker 1 (04:07):
She's a genius.
She's a genius.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
From the day she was born, I was like this kid is a
genius.
Juicy scored in the top 25%Something like that in the
United States.

Speaker 1 (04:20):
Yeah, she did her thing Reading and and math,
wasn't it?

Speaker 2 (04:24):
Was it science and math or reading and math?
I thought she did her thing,Reading and math wasn't it?
Was it science and math orreading and?

Speaker 1 (04:26):
math.
I know she did it in reading,yeah, and she does science this
week, so we'll see.
Yeah, we'll see.
Hey, wow, Wow, so we're so.
So you know, so proud, so proud, so proud, you know.
And yesterday was Mother's Day.
Yesterday was.
Mother's.

Speaker 2 (04:42):
Day and, let me tell you, the men really took care of
us, ladies.
I mean, we had this brunch.
That was just simply amazing.
We were being serenaded bysaxophonists.

Speaker 1 (04:54):
Yes, sir it was amazing.
We did, I thought Y'all didy'all things.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Y'all set the bar really, really high.
So we're going to have tofigure something out.

Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, y'all going to have to come with it.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
We're going to bring it.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Y'all going to bring it.

Speaker 2 (05:07):
That's why y'all bought Chazza, because last year
we set it high Okay so that'swhat we're doing.

Speaker 1 (05:15):
Yeah, yeah, we had a little saxophone player that was
amazing you know, I love.

Speaker 2 (05:19):
Keenan.
The food was amazing.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
We got your shrimp and grits.
Baby, I had my shrimp and grits.
Yes sir, yes sir, it was good,yes, sir.
And then yesterday afterservice, you know, you had your
steak and eggs.
I did.

Speaker 2 (05:34):
After service Eric took me for steak and eggs and
potatoes and I got to take a nap.
I think I went to sleep at 2.
I woke up at 7.

Speaker 1 (05:44):
7, yeah, a nap.
I think I went to sleep at two.

Speaker 2 (05:47):
I woke up at seven, seven, yeah, at eight and went
right, but I think, at most ofthe time, what we mothers want
is just a little bit of peace,you know just the rest you know
and uninterrupted dress.
Yeah, yeah, I don't know if thecell phone went off.

Speaker 1 (06:00):
I don't know, I didn't hear it usually I take
your phone, so you know.
But this time hey.
But you say, you don't know ifit went off or not I don't, I
was done, done, so kudos to youfor that.

Speaker 2 (06:13):
So we just want to give a shout out to all the
mothers all the mothers day,yeah give a shout out to all of
the mothers.

Speaker 1 (06:21):
We we just want to say happy birthday.

Speaker 2 (06:22):
Especially when we feel unappreciated.
You know we always go the extramile, but you know what?
Hang in there, ladies, you'redoing an awesome job.
Yeah, yeah.
And keep doing what you do.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
That's it.
That's it.
Keep doing what you do.
All right, so we're ready toget into.
We're just going to talk about33 years, years, you know,
celebrating 33 years.
Um, you know, I forgot toupload some pictures so, you
know, those who who could, uh,see it visually, they would see
the pictures, but we went up tofort pierce right and um.

(06:55):
I planned everything.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
He did he planned everything?
Air, airbnb, a little romanticthing on the beach that just
blew my mind.
Blew your mind, baby.
Honestly, I was ready to justkind of lay down and just do
nothing.
You were like no, we're goingto the beach.

Speaker 1 (07:16):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like okay, I just told you, hey,
come on, you just got to followme.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, and I was like okay.
When we got there it was allset up, yeah, and I was like,
okay, when we got there it wasall set up.
It was so romantic with rosesand chocolate-covered
strawberries, a nice little tentright over the little ocean.
It was so sweet.
I really appreciate that.
I really appreciate you takingthe initiative to do it, because
on the other side I wasplanning something.

(07:41):
Right, right, right I was likeokay, so we can do this and we
can do that.
And then when you told me youknow we can't do that.
I was like, well, I guess we'lljust be laying around the house
.
I was thinking of a project orsomething.

Speaker 5 (07:52):
I could do.

Speaker 2 (07:54):
Because you know me and my projects.
Yeah, I know you and yourprojects, so I was like you know
what, maybe I'll do this, I'lltake stuff out of my closet.
You know I had plans, but yousurprised me because I was like
ready to have a cup of coffeeand hit Netflix and he came in
and said, hey, we're going to goout of town, Pack a bag.
Yeah.
Well, he had to say that twice.

(08:14):
I said, oh OK, well, let me,let me get moving, because I'm
like I'm ready to go Right right, right.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
I needed a, I needed a break yeah.
Yeah, you needed a break.
Yeah, you needed a break away,yeah, so I wanted to plan that.

Speaker 3 (08:25):
You know it was a good time it was a great time.

Speaker 1 (08:28):
It was a good time, so I wanted to make sure you
know I love you baby.
I know I love you 33 years andstill got 33 more to go.
All right Again, for those whoare watching with us, we want to
make sure you like and share.
Like, like and share.
Make sure you let us know whereyou are watching from, let us

(08:49):
know that you are online and letus know where you are watching
from, because we just want togive you a shout out while we're
here, so we forgot to do ourintroductions.
What, yeah, we forgot to do ourintroductions.

Speaker 2 (09:04):
And so yeah, we forgot to do our introductions.
I'm Eric.
I'm Lady P.

Speaker 1 (09:08):
All right, boss, lady , p, boss, lady, boss, lady,
boss, Lady.
All right, so can you believeit?
Baby 33 years.

Speaker 2 (09:17):
I can believe it 33 years.

Speaker 1 (09:21):
I bet us being married is we are older being
married than some of ourlisteners yeah yeah, you can say
that, you know.
Uh, you know I thank god.
You know I thank god for ourchildren.
You know, yeah, all of them aredoing it, and I mean even my

(09:41):
oldest, you know oldest.
Our oldest daughter is, youknow, going back to school for
RN, you know, and so I'm just soproud of you, know all about.
You know one thing I, in thesein the marriage time, I'm proud
of all of our kids.
I'm very proud of them and whatthey're um doing so, um, so,
how, you know, let's, let's lookat how, how we met.

(10:02):
You remember that.
You remember that.
I know you done told the storyso many times, you know.
But you know what I want totell a lot of times.

Speaker 2 (10:10):
I've told the story of how I said you were going to
be my husband.
I tell that story and I've toldit quite a few times, but I
don't, I can't quite rememberexactly how we actually met up.
I know it happened to be atchurch, but I can't remember if
I approached you or youapproached me.

(10:30):
I'm not really sure you know.
I can't remember either howthat came about.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
You know I can't remember that either I can't
remember Did you approach me orI approach you.
You know I can't even remember.
Or did you approach me or Iapproach you.
You know I can't even remember.
Because one thing, like yousaid, we kind of knew each other
from the church.
We knew of each other, but thatwas it.
I think my grandfather'sfuneral, that was another, you

(10:57):
know, bringing us closer, butyou know us coming over on the
weekend and then me staying, andyou were even in the chorus,
right?
Yeah, he was in the chorus andI didn't even know.
You was in the chorus in highschool, in high school, yeah, I
sang then with second sopranoyeah, you did, you did, yeah,
and so I'm not, because I youknow that's so funny how that

(11:20):
happened, that we don't rememberthat.

Speaker 2 (11:22):
But I remember the story of how you were going to
be my husband.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
Right.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Before I met you, before you met me, right, so
that's kind of you know, that'skind of weird, but that's kind
of how it went down.

Speaker 1 (11:34):
All right, hey Samson .
We want to give Samson a shoutout.

Speaker 2 (11:38):
Hey Harold.

Speaker 1 (11:39):
I know Harold watching, I know his mother is
watching, so we want to giveIsmetha a shout out as well.
Yes, ismetha so, but you know Iwas a bad person, though I
don't, I mean I would tell youthis.
Oftentimes, especially duringour anniversary, I pray to God

(12:00):
and I thank God that, because ofsome of the things that I did
to you, um, while we were datingman, I just look back and say,
lord, you know, she forgave mefor that.
It's almost like you, jesus,forgive me for my sins because
you know, uh, me, uh.

(12:21):
When I tell somebody, you knowme.
When I tell somebody,especially guys, when I talk to
guys and you know, and tell themabout how I was a dog, I
remember the time that I broughtmy ex-wife, you know, to the
picnic while you were pregnant,and that was bad, that was bad.
So I thank God that you forgaveme for that, you know I hope

(12:49):
you forgave me.

Speaker 2 (12:51):
Well, you know, well, you know I have now, oh God,
I'm, like you know, growing up.
You know, I think when you'rein a marriage, a lot of people
think it's going to be likerainbows and daisies, you know,

(13:11):
but you grow up in that marriage.
You really do, if you are oneto want it to work, because I
can remember saying Wow.
Go ahead Tell the story.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
I can remember saying Wow, go ahead, tell the story.

Speaker 2 (13:28):
I can remember saying yep, I'm married, and then I'm
going to sweet with all hisfriends.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Ooh, every single one of them.
I can't even give you no clapson that.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
One Can't give you no claps on that one, that's what
my mindset was Like okay, yeah,he did this to me you know, but
okay yeah, he did this to me,you know, but I'm going to do a
get back a payback.

Speaker 1 (13:45):
Right, right right.

Speaker 2 (13:46):
And I was thinking, yeah, this is what I'm going to
do as soon as we get settled.
You know, in my mind I'mthinking I don't know I was
young and I wasn't reallythinking.
I was thinking more on the linesof revenge versus you know,
making this thing work.
You know making this thing work.
But as we grew together, Ireally in looking for a church I

(14:15):
think looking for a church forus and the girls to go to really
made a difference to me made mesay you know what.
You know, if God brought us tothis, god can bring us through
this Right right so there was noneed for me to do the get back
or the payback.
It was more or less like youknow.
I want to try and work thisthing out and see where it goes.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
Right, right right.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
And in the process of not, in the process of not of
just seeing where it is going,growing and developing a
relationship with God andunderstanding the actual dynamic
of the husband and of the wife,it made a difference.
Here I am, I'm 24, and I'm,like literally, the mother of
five children.

(14:55):
Right, right.

Speaker 1 (14:56):
You know, yeah.

Speaker 2 (14:57):
So I'm thinking like I'm still thinking like a kid,
you know, but I'm also thinkinglike I got to grow up.
But I'm also thinking I got togrow up.
So I would say, in the processof being together over the 33
years, we have literally grownup together.
Yes, you know.
I used to tell the kids.
Now I've never been a parent ofa 16-year-old.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
Right.

Speaker 2 (15:24):
And you've never had a mom at my age, so we got to
figure this thing out together.
We can do this together, but wecan't hold stuff behind each
other back.
We have to be open, we have tobe honest, right, and I think
that the process of being notjust committed but being honest,
right, right and vulnerable itmade a difference.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
We want to welcome Malaika and John Russell to the
conversation tonight.

Speaker 2 (15:50):
Hey Malaika.

Speaker 1 (15:51):
All right.

Speaker 2 (15:52):
He is so right.
Revenge is mine, says the Lord.
You know, I guess you're right.
You're right, Mr Russell.
I just gave it to the Lord,honestly, I had no pattern.
Right, I just gave it to theLord, honestly, I had no pattern
.
Right, I had nothing to go offof.
So most of the stuff that Ilearned about being a wife, I

(16:15):
learned it through the word ofGod and I learned it through
experience and things that youtaught me, because your parents
Right.
Your mom you know what I'msaying, your sister, but a lot
of the women in my familyweren't married, so there was no
blueprint.
Right, right, so to speak Right.
So that's where I was goingwith that.
I was like, oh yeah, I'm goingto get them.

(16:36):
I'm going to get them Wow, wow,wow.

Speaker 1 (16:39):
So I mean, we moved, we moved.

Speaker 2 (16:42):
We moved.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
Yeah, we moved I don't know about four or five
times while I was in themilitary and then we moved, you
know, after we get there.
So we, you know we live throughmoves, we live through ministry
, we made it through ministry,thank God, yeah, because we
often tell I mean, I often tellthe story, man, that's, that was

(17:06):
divorce time there.
But thanks God for Bishop Banks.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (17:08):
And you know what I was doing.
Again, it's like you say wewere growing.

Speaker 2 (17:11):
Yeah, we were growing and learning, and you'll never
know someone until you live withthem.
And then you still don't knowthem.
You still learn stuff.
I learn stuff about Eric everysingle day.
As I do you, you know it's likeI'll catch it and be like, hmm,
okay, I get where you're comingfrom with that.

(17:35):
But you know you just learnstuff and that's the foundation
of the marriage.
You know you learn what to say,when to say it, what not to say
, right.
You know when to let you know,let it go and let God.
Right right.
You know, and you have to be inthat form of forgiveness, like

(17:57):
you know.
Okay, no, really forgive.
Got to really forgive you knowa friend of mine.
God bless her soul, she.
She is no longer here.
Eric and I was going throughsome things before we left Japan
and she asked me she said didyou forgive him?
And I said yeah, I think so.

(18:21):
She say no, she say if youforgave him then you got to let
that go.
You can't forgive him and holdon to the hurt.
You have to forgive and let go,because it's just going to make
you bitter, it's just going tomake you angry.
And every little bitty thing,every little bitty thing that he
says you're going to nitpickand this and that, next thing

(18:41):
you know you'll be right downthere in Manassas where you say
you got married and now we'refor a divorce and I was like wow
, I say social forgiveness is soimportant.

Speaker 1 (18:51):
It is and that's a word for somebody today.
You know, maybe somebody intheir marriage, and they're
holding on to, holding on tosomething that maybe happened
and you, your spouse, talkedabout it and you have said that
you forgive, but your actionsdon't show that you've forgiven,

(19:11):
right, and I think that's aword.
Uh, you know, from what yousaid tonight is that you know,
like your friend said, if youtruly forgive him, then you got
to let it go.
You know you got, you got tolet it go because you know you
got to let it go Because if youdon't, like your friend said,
it's going to sneak up andbitter and remind you, and it's

(19:31):
not that it's not going to comeback to remembrance, but we're
Christian, based with the HolySpirit.
You know you can say get behindme, satan.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
We know that the enemy comes in like a flood and
he hit us at our most vulnerableparts.

Speaker 1 (19:49):
Right.

Speaker 2 (19:50):
And that vulnerable part could be that part of
unforgiveness.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Correct.

Speaker 2 (19:54):
And just bring it right back to you.
And I remember telling a younglady that you know if you're, if
God has brought you twotogether, then this is worth the
fight.

Speaker 1 (20:05):
Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
This is worth the fight.
Either you fight for it or didGod really bring you together,
right, right, did you bringyourself together?
Because that's a wholedifferent ballgame right there.
Yes, if you did it, you know wedon't know the plans that God
has for us.
And when we step in just likeyour rear said today, you said

(20:28):
on Sunday when we try toshortcut God and go around and
say, okay, god, I'm going tohelp you out a little, he don't
need our help.

Speaker 1 (20:34):
Yeah, he don't.

Speaker 2 (20:36):
And the rear says what I have joined together
Right Me, not Patsy, not Eric.
You know what I, he says, havejoined together and you know
what I, he says, have joinedtogether.
And if he's joined it together,it is worth the fight.
I'm telling you guys, it'sworth the fight.
Our reward is in heaven.
But they have a good marriage.
You know, not perfect marriage,but they have a marriage where

(20:57):
you know you can go and you canbe open and say, hey, this is
how I'm feeling about thissituation and and nobody's
trying to say, well, you knowI'm the head of the house and
and no, no, no, no, no, we'rehelpmates.
He put us beside you guys, notat your feet and not above your
head.
Right.
Because he want us to think thatwe can rule over you.

(21:18):
He didn't want you to think youcan rule over us.
He didn't want you to step onus.
He didn't want us to step onyou.
He wanted us beside you.
We could do it beside you.
Right, we can do it beside you,you know.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
So yeah, so we got some people here.
We got Peaches, hey, peach, heyPeach.
We got Rob.
Rob is there.
Hey, we know Rob is there.
We know Janelle is here, heyy'all.
Hey, john Russell said true,forgiveness is very powerful.

(21:52):
It is, it is.

Speaker 2 (21:54):
Because you have to really put in your concept that
I'm going to forgive this personand I'm going to move on.
That's hard.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Yeah, especially when somebody has really really hurt
you.
That is hard, dog walk you yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:09):
Cheating on you.
Just, you know, really, justtotally Don't be saying that
People might think I cheated onyou.
Just totally disrespect thevery essence of you and you
trying to hold on, hold on, holdon, and you're fighting, you're
fighting and you're in the ringall by yourself.
Got nobody to tag you out.

(22:30):
Got nobody to go down on theirknees.
When your knees are sore, youknow.
Yep, yep.
So, yeah, so forgiveness ispowerful, but it works, it works
.
It works it, does it, works itworks.

Speaker 1 (22:43):
You know, I guess we had this definition of what love
is or what love was when we gotmarried, and we know that love
changes over time, you know.
So when we first got married,you know, I thought love was,
you know, bringing you flowersall the time, or candy, or doing

(23:04):
this.
But now I know love is alsokeeping that gas tank full.
It's more than flowers.

Speaker 2 (23:15):
It is.

Speaker 1 (23:16):
It's more than flowers.
Love is helping you.
Fold the laundry, not thetowels Not the towels, not the
towels, but love is helping youfold the laundry, love is
helping you wash the dishes, orlove is cooking sometime.
That to me is love more thanthe flowers and buying diamonds

(23:36):
Also.
Diamonds are good, diamonds area girl best friend.
But I would hope that doing theother little things show you
how much I love you and that'syou know.
Know, that's what I think.

Speaker 2 (23:49):
True love is right yeah, I agree with you on that.
It's like a, you know it's abalance yeah, it's about you
know you, you.
You see something that needs tobe done, do it, don't wait.
You know, if I see somethingneed to be done, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 (24:05):
I'll take out the trash, don't have a problem with
that I mean when you last timeyou took out the trash yesterday
okay on mother's day, I giveyou a clap on mother's day that
you took out the trash but Idon't have a problem doing that.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I don't have a problem putting gas in my car.

Speaker 1 (24:21):
You don't want me to I would have to be very, very,
you know down.

Speaker 2 (24:28):
They listen here.
The light is on I'm about toget some gas and you'll say
we'll only put about fivedollars in there to get you home
.
So yeah, but yeah, I think it'sgive and take.
I think, in order for it, likeI say, in order for the unit to,
to, to be balanced together,you, you have to make it, you
have to join forces.

Speaker 1 (24:49):
Right right.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
To make it good.
So I totally agree with thatand it's more than you know a
lot of people get themisconception of is just this
little white picket fence, andthe cat dog and the three and a
half children are high overthere.
Three and a half, but it's somuch more that you have to put
into it, and when you're firststarting off, it's wonderful.

(25:13):
You know you're in the earlystages and you're getting to
know each other, so you know.
That's key right there.
But you don't know each otheruntil you know each other.
That's right.

Speaker 1 (25:26):
And that's why I say love, listens right right, you
know, uh, yeah what, what?
It was after easter that Ipreached a message.
What love got to do with it youknow, and I was going through,
really, um, first corinthians 13, uh, you know about, love is
action.
Yeah, right, love is is not.
Is not a knot, it's action.

(25:46):
So it's something that weshould be continually doing to
show our spouse that we lovethem.
I mean, look, jesus constantlyforgives us, you know.
He just don't do it one time,he does it all the time, so he
shows how much he loves us.
So we have to show our spousein little ways, you know, um and

(26:08):
again it goes back to what yousaid earlier, it's not that I'm
the man and you got to doeverything I say and all this
kind of stuff, that toxicmasculinity that's.
You know that's going around,um, that even some men want to
want to take a women's votes,even now votes even now, right,

(26:28):
it's not.
It's not all about that.
It's.
It's all about working togetherto achieve a common goal.
You know that you have a visionand both of y'all sit down and
let's work together to make thisthing happen.
And that's what love is right.
That's that's what you know.
As you said, love forgives,love listen and um, you know, we

(26:49):
don't get.
We don't get love right all thetime.
No, we don't.

Speaker 2 (26:52):
The love does not hold the grudge.

Speaker 1 (26:54):
The love doesn't hold the grudge, and that's why we
keep practicing that.
That's why, we keep practicing,yeah, we keep practicing love
man, because, uh, we just can'tget it right all the time.
All right, so you know whatabout the hard years?
Now we've had some hard years,man.
We've had homeless, almosthomelessness, yeah, you know, um

(27:16):
, you know, we had the man.
One of the saddest parts of ofof our marriage was one of the
times that we had to pawnjewelry.
Man, that thing hurt me, boy,boy, I tell you.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
It was time when money was tight.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
now, yeah, that's when money was tight, man.
I mean, you know, even growingup, it was some things that we
wanted to do for the kids thatwe couldn't do, and I think we
were talking about it just thisyear, you know, with the twins.
You know that we couldn't givethem the proper, what we thought

(27:51):
was the proper prom, graduation, you know, um, because money
was tight, everything,everything was tight.
But God, you know, god broughtus through, um, but we had some
hard years, and so some peoplemay look at us now and say, whoa
man, I want that.
and I would tell people, no, youdon't you, because that mean

(28:12):
you would have to go through thehard times that we got through
in order to get what we have andI, I don't know that and so but
I, I thank god that every timewe thought we were, you know, we

(28:35):
was homeless, there was a checkin the mail, jesus, right.
Every time we thought there wasno food, there was a check in
the mail, right, um.
And so that shows god'sfaithfulness, you know, to us.
And so that's why, you know, Ijust thank god all the time and
I praise him and I worship him,because I look back over my life

(28:57):
, I look back over our marriage,and I see how faithful he's
been to us, how faithful he'sbeen to our family, and and I
could just, that's why I gavehim praise.
Yeah, you know, we prayed.
You know you remember the timewhen we went down, we went down
to Miami.
Right, I'm a, I'm a veteran.
We went down to Miami to gethelp to get help Right and they

(29:20):
tell you and they ask you.

Speaker 2 (29:22):
they separated us yeah.

Speaker 1 (29:23):
They separate us Right, they separate us.
Yeah, they separate us right,they separate us.
And they say to you you know,they ask me the questions.
You know, are you suicidal?
Are you an alcoholic?
No, I ain't all that, I justcome to get out.
But they ask you the samequestions.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
They ask me say you know, is he on drugs?
Because if he's on drugs we canget him some help.
Let me tell you, we was in aplace where we needed help.
I almost said yeah, he on drugs, he's in crack.
But, I was like no no.
That's the only way we can gethelp.
Yeah, and I was a veteran, it'sfor my husband to be on drugs

(30:02):
and he's a vet, you know, andthat's what they were saying.

Speaker 1 (30:10):
but you know, um, that was great because we got up
early in the morning to go downdown to miami yes, you know
that, and it was like when we weleft there like wow, you know
this, this is not good, but godwas still faithful in all of
that yes, he was he was stillfaithful in that and and so I
just.
You know we've been through somehard times and I just want to

(30:33):
encourage I think we want toencourage any couple that's
going through, but maybe it'syour season, now that you know,
to go through that.
But don't believe the lie thatyou know that it's over.
Don't believe the lie that yourmarriage is over.
Don't believe that you're done.
Just put your trust in God andhe will work it out.

(30:57):
He will work it out.
He is faithful.
He is faithful.
That's why we have to befaithful to him in the lean
times.
Mm-hmm.
Right, because we go throughthings and we want to see, you
know, a lot of times, people,when they're going oh God, when
they're going through things,the first thing, they do is stop

(31:18):
coming to church.

Speaker 2 (31:19):
Sometimes, you know, folks just don't want to be
around in church, People talkingabout well, you know, God got
it all in control Because whenyou're going through you're in a
state.
You know what I'm just saying,Hear me out.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
Okay, let me hear you out.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
When you're going through, you're in a state and
you, like, you don't want tohear, although you know what God
is able to do, you know and youknow his works.
You just don't want to hearthat right now, at that moment,
and I think that's why peoplesay you know what, I'm just not

(31:52):
going to go to church.
I ain't blessed and highlyfavored right now.
They just want to be there.
Me, on the other hand, I findno better place to be than to be
there.
Because if I'm not there, thatword that was going to be
preached, I miss that, that wordof encouragement.
I miss that because I'm home inmy pajamas watching it on TV

(32:16):
Watching online service.
You know, I miss that becausesometimes it helps to gather
together with the saints, withthe same believers, the same
ones who know that God willnever leave you or forsake you,
those same people that istrusting in the same God you
trusting in.
I want to be in the midst ofthat.

Speaker 1 (32:38):
You know, oftentimes people don't.
People don't understand.
They think they're the only onegoing through something.
You know what I'm saying.
So they stay at home and say,well, nobody's not going to
understand.
And, like you said, they say,you know, I don't want to hear
it, I don't want to hear it.
Well, you're not the only onethat don't want to hear it, you
know.
Even sometimes, even when youthings are all right, you still
don't want to hear where God isgoing to work it out.

(33:00):
God is going to work it out,but that is what you need to
hear.
You need to hear that God isgoing to work it out.
And look, when you go in there.
You don't have to go.
This is one thing you got tounderstand.
You don't have to go to yourchurch where everybody knows
your business.
You can pray and go to a churchwhere nobody knows your

(33:21):
business and you can sit thereand get a word.
Again, the first thing peoplewant to do, they want to stop
going to church and stop beingaround people.
And you just can't do thatbecause you'll get depressed,
life will depress you.
So you need to be around people.
There's statistics out theresay the more times you're around
people, the longer you live.

(33:42):
When you try to do this thingalone, when you try to as a
married couple and you try to dothis thing alone, when you try
to as a married couple and youtry to do it alone, you try to
be hidden from everybody, youtry to just do things by
yourself as a couple and you'renot reaching out to your mentor
or people to pray with you.
You will mess up.
You will mess up.
So I would say just you know,you know, go to church, call

(34:06):
your mentor, you know, and sayhey, let's pray through this
thing.

Speaker 2 (34:10):
And it's very important to have someone that
you could call as a couple.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (34:15):
Another couple that believes in the same God that
you believe in.

Speaker 1 (34:19):
That's right, that's right.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
Trust the same God, Because sometimes you just you
know what I got to talk tosomebody, yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:26):
At this point, you know I gotta talk to somebody at
this point.

Speaker 2 (34:28):
You know I'm about to lose it all.
You know right right there aretimes when I get overwhelmed
with I just get overwhelmed.
I'll be like I need a break, Ineed to step back.
You know I, I need to talk tosomebody, or you know?
Or every time we're on this Ialways say I need to call my

(34:51):
therapist.
I haven't called that lady intwo years.

Speaker 1 (34:54):
You better get on it.

Speaker 2 (34:56):
Whenever I you know what God is.
The Holy Spirit, thank you.
Whenever I say I need to talkto her, the Lord intervenes and
I'm like bounce that, like noneof that ever happened.
I move forward.
So then it's like okay, so nowI don't have to call her Right
right.
But, um, somebody, talk tosomeone you know, someone that
you can trust and don't shareyour if, if your business is

(35:19):
around the church, you didn'tshare it with the wrong person
in that church.
Always lean on the Lord todirect you to someone that's
going to keep your business tothemselves.
Your business is going to bebetween you, them and the Lord,
and that's it, that's it yeah.
Because if it's going aroundthe church somebody I said
something.
Somebody done spread yourbusiness and that's not a good

(35:39):
look for the body of Christ.

Speaker 1 (35:40):
No, Teron M says Pastor Eric, your wife is
beautiful oh.
Thank you says pastor eric, yourwife is beautiful.
Thank you, yes, yes, welcome,welcome, welcome, um, you know,
please help us create moreprogramming.
You can um zelle at marriage inreal life, at real life,
sflchurch.
Or you can do cash app atdollar sign mirror, a marriage

(36:02):
in real life, um, you can alsogo down there to where the money
sign, um symbol, is, and youcan go a super chat and um, you
know, uh, you can just, you know, put in whatever you want to
put in, uh, and and, and youcould pin how you know you do
the super chat.
You can say it'll last up, uh,you know, five minutes, two

(36:25):
minutes, and it'll stay up there.
And we will have to, we must,we must, uh, acknowledge the
super, uh, super chats.
All right, and so, um, one ofthe best things that we kept in
our marriage is laughter.
What are the best things weusually up?
It, you know, is and I mean welaugh all the time, all the time

(36:48):
you still crack me up.
I still crack you up, baby, letme tell you, today he called me
oh.
Lord.

Speaker 2 (36:57):
I was laughing so hard.
My teachers started laughingbecause they thought they was
like oh my God, whatever ishappening is so funny.
You know, he called me and hewas telling me what was going on
with him and I was like okay,I'll call you back.
Well, I got busy and I didn'tcall him back.
He called me back, I said hello.
He said, babe, you said you wasgoing to call me back.

(37:19):
I said, oh yeah.
I said, well, you know, I wasconsoling someone which I was
not consoling.
I was well, you know, I wasconsoling someone which I was
not consoling, I was just, youknow, hearing her out, you know,
being supportive in thesituation that she was dealing
with at the moment.
And so, finally, I had to behonest and I say well, you know
what I really.
I forgot.
I forgot to call you back.

(37:40):
He went on to share his issuewith me and while he was sharing
me, I was laughing.
He was getting mad because hewas like it's not funny with me
and while he was sharing me.
I was laughing, he was gettingmad because he was like it's not
funny and I was like Iunderstand, I understand, but
just to see him need me likethat, I felt so needed and I
apologize a million times.
I'm so sorry, babe, I didn'tmean it.
I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it, but I feltneeded and you know, like when

(38:00):
the kids grow up and all of usare growing up and gone, Right.
You know they don't need me asmuch.
You know, when I get a callsaying, hey, mom, what you doing
?
You got a moment.
I know they need me and itfeels so good to be needed.
But I wasn't laughing at you, Iwas just intrigued by the fact

(38:21):
that you actually needed me andyou needed my undivided
attention in the middle of theday, which you never do Right
right.
And I forgot to call you back,so my apologies.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Well, I'm glad you apologized and I give you a hand
clap for that.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
But we do laugh all the time.
Yeah, you know, and I canremember just a whole family.
We all laughed together.
Right.
We used to do water gun fightsin the house.
Yes, yes, yes, the house wouldbe slipping and sliding up and
down the stairs just laughingand carrying on meeting each
other outside with the gun onthe ground.

(38:56):
You pick it up almost soak ityeah, soak it yeah yeah.
So we've always tried to keeplaughter in the house, you know.
You know we had our momentswhen it wasn't, but we always
bought God back in the center ofit, which would bring back that
joy and that peace, you know,to the home.
So definitely enjoyed that.

Speaker 1 (39:18):
Yeah, definitely.
I mean the times that crack meup.
Sometimes we'd be on our Sundayrides and that man, when we'd
be cracking up, laughing, thatboy that gets me boy, we'd just
be laughing and laughing.
I mean, sometimes, you know,I'd be laughing so hard that I
don't even know how to drive, soyou got to keep laughter.
Yeah, you have to keep laughterEven in the bad times.

(39:41):
You, if you want to last, ifyou want to last 33 years and
more, you got to be able tolaugh.
And now we can laugh at the badtimes, right, and because and I
know it's hard to laugh whenyou're going through it, but
there's always a light at theend of the tunnel and then, if

(40:04):
you can catch hold to God, youcan say man, this thing here,
you know, I remember elderhurdle, um, when we were, we
were in Okinawa and he was, hewas driving his car up to new
covenant and he's, and he wastrying to get there, trying to
get there, and he, he gave thistestimony.
He said he had to pull over tothe side because his alternator

(40:25):
not alternator, but his radiatorstarted messing up.
I remember that, right.
And he said he just got out thecar and just started laughing
and said this is all you got,devil, you know, because he was
trying to get that to church.
And we were like you know again,we were like where you at,
because he was a musician orwhatever.
And he said this is all you got, you know, come on now, you got

(40:47):
to give me something more.
And he began to laugh at thesituation, you know, and
sometimes that's what we got todo.
When we know that the enemy istrying to divide our marriage,
right, and we recognize that heis trying to do that, we just
got to laugh at him and say, no,this ain't going to happen.
You know, you trying to crack ajoke, like you.
You know, this is a joke, comeon now, right.

(41:08):
And so we got to keep laughter.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Definitely In the marriage and encourage others to
laugh.
Yeah, we have a couple thatwere going through some things
and very early in the marriageand we were counseling and then
we hung up the phone and welaughed.
We said, oh boy, they thinkthat's something that ain't
nothing.

(41:30):
Nothing right, right, they'regoing to look back and they're
going to laugh at this.
They're going to be like do youremember that time?
Yeah, yeah.
You know?
Do you remember that?
Yeah, and so you know it's likeit may be rough now, but if you
sit back and allow, the enemyto laugh at your situation.

(41:51):
He's going to be more thanhappy to get right in the middle
right of the situation.
Yeah, and it won't be nocompletion, no, you'll be
walking away.
You'll be like I'm done withthis, throwing your hands up,
you know, but that's why it's soimportant for God to be the
center.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
It's very important.

Speaker 2 (42:09):
What I'm doing again.

Speaker 1 (42:10):
Let no man put his hand up.
That's right.
So you know before we get intothe video.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
Oh yeah, the video, because you know.

Speaker 1 (42:23):
Yeah, we want to really talk about that.
You know I sent it out.
When I see that video, I tellyou you know, yeah, we want to
get, we want to really talkabout that.
You know I sent it out.
As man I see in that video, Itell you, you know, we, you know
, we want to say thank you toeverybody who has stood with us.
Again, we want to thank ourkids.
Give a shout out to all of ourkids.

(42:43):
Richest clan, richest clan's,our little tribe yep, that is
our little tribe to the, youknow, to our grands, and now we
got great grands.
So we just thank you know,thank you know, thank them for
just sticking around with usyeah right they helped us grow
up, they helped us grow up, theyhelped us get to 33.

(43:05):
They did you know, they did,they worked it without, couldn't
did it without, couldn't did itwithout our kids.
We thank god for our church,church family.
Uh.
We thank you for our marriage,retreat family.
Yeah, yeah, you know we needthem y'all.
Keep us grounded yes, uh,because know, sometimes, because

(43:27):
of us being in a leadershiprole, it forces us to pray more,
pray more.
Study more.
Yep, and it forces us to say,okay, we need to talk more and
get this thing, because, again,when you're in a leadership role
, you know that people arewatching you.

Speaker 2 (43:44):
Right.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
Right, leadership role.
You know that people arewatching you, right, right, and
so people.
You don't want people to say,well, if they didn't make it, I
don't know how I'm gonna make it.
Right, you know, becausethey're the ones that's supposed
to be teaching us, they're theones that's supposed to be went
through and all of this and allof that, and if they didn't make
it, then some people will say,well, how am I going to make it?

(44:06):
You know, and so that's why itforces us to, you know, to to
laugh in order to make sure thatwe stay together.
We're still together, right?
Hey, nikki, how you doing?
Give a shout out to Nikki.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
I know my grandbabies watching too, too.
So Juicy is so tall, she'sgrowing up.

Speaker 1 (44:29):
Juicy is so tall, she's beautiful, yeah, she's
beautiful, man she's, and she'sso tall, and so I thank God for
that.
You know, even though you knowwe saw Sugar Mama and them, you
know, you know they look allthey're just growing up.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
They're just growing all up, man, so we thank god I
have to say it's made thepicture of sugar mama.
She gonna be like oh mygoodness yeah yeah, yeah because
you, you know she was aroundwhen she used to be with us a
lot yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah shegonna be like?
Is that sugar mama in lipstick?

(45:06):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
Yep, that's, that's, that's, that's what's going to
be said.
All right, so we thank God foreach and every one of you.
All right, so we're going toget into this video.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Okay.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
We got anything else.

Speaker 2 (45:19):
Well, you know, we do have a few that watch us on the
podcast.
Um, there's, um.
This is from Melissa in Texasand she says that after 20 years
of marriage that her and herhusband make it a point to say I
love you, even on the hard daysand I thought that was you know
, on the hard days is thehardest time to say I love you,

(45:40):
you know, and mean it.
I'll be like yeah, yeah, yeah,I, yeah, I love you, but no,
those are the hard days.
And then we also have Troy inNorth Carolina say they have a
rule thank you for listening,troy and Melissa they have a
rule where they have no arguingbefore coffee.
Now, that's important becausebefore that coffee it could take

(46:03):
you in a different direction.
We also have one, and this oneis really dear to our heart.
It's Janelle from Maryland andshe said our podcast had helped
save her marriage.
And she says thank you forbeing honest.
And, like you know, if that canreach one person, then our job

(46:26):
is done.
We're here to help savemarriages, to help build
marriages, to help people growin marriage.
So I just want to say I give ashout out to them and tell them
thank you so much for tuning into the podcast or wherever
you're getting it from, ifyou're listening or if you're
actually watching.
We appreciate you as anaudience and thank you so much

(46:48):
for joining with us, because weare truly just here to try and
keep the community community ofmarriage and family together as
a whole.
So we thank you so much for umtuning in to us thank you for
joining real life.

Speaker 1 (47:06):
Real life issues hey, we getting it together alright,
so here's the video you readyfor it?
Well, you know this was a.
This was a viral video.
Yeah, this was a viral video.

(47:27):
Yeah, this was a viral videoand it went around.
It was just I couldn'tunderstand it.
You know I couldn't understandit, but I don't know.
What do you want to prep themto?

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Well, you know, I just kind of want to hear both
sides of this.
I want to hear, I want to prepthem to Well.
You know, I just kind of wantto hear both sides of this.
I want to hear, I want to belistening to it.
I want to hear from the ladiesand I want to hear from the guys
.
If you want to type it in orcall in, yeah.
Let's just go ahead and roll it.
I'm pretty sure pretty mucheverybody's seen it, you think

(48:04):
so?
I don't know how they couldn'thave, it was everywhere.

Speaker 1 (48:08):
All right, here we go , here we go.

Speaker 4 (48:09):
I had a radical heart shift from that moment.
I got in my word under my word.
I just completely changed as aperson and I realized that God
loves me, that God has a purposeand plan for my life, that God
chose me, that I'm fearfully andwonderfully made so he would
call me out my name, it wouldn'tbother me because I allowed
God's voice to be louder thanhis.
And when I was going throughtransition of him not coming

(48:31):
home on the weekends, not beingthere, telling me I hate you,
I'll never love you, I wish Inever married you.
I knew that life and death is inthe power of the tongue through
the word of God.
So I would say you willmarriage one day.
And although he would go outfor weekends, I would literally
help him get ready to go meet aside chick by ironing his
clothes and getting them readyfor the night.
And these are all things I wasgraced to do.

(48:52):
I would not encourage anybodyto do that, unless you are
graced by God to do this.
But once I knew who I was, Irealized that's it.

Speaker 1 (49:05):
That's it.
I don't know if I want to givea shout out.
I don't know what I want to dowith that.
Let me ask you this when youfirst heard this, when you first
heard that video and we canplay it again when you first
heard that video, what was yourinitial reaction when you first
heard it?

Speaker 2 (49:27):
I guess I was like what Grace by God to do?
What Grace by God to do?
What Grace by God to fix hisclothes and iron his clothes so
he can go be with another woman.

Speaker 1 (49:38):
Oh Jesus.

Speaker 2 (49:40):
Grace by God to be treated like trash.
I honestly felt like this mancouldn't have loved this woman.
I literally went and watchedthe full clip and he even said
that she wasn't his preference,but she said she was graced by

(50:01):
God to do all this stuff.

Speaker 1 (50:04):
So you know, I want to ask a question to all,
especially to all of the womenthat's there, especially to all
of the women that's on there howmany of you all believe that
you are graced by God to ironyour man's clothes and do all
that stuff, as you said, inorder to put him to go and sleep
with somebody else?

(50:26):
If that's you, you chime in.
You know it's type of no or yes.

Speaker 2 (50:34):
I can't type what I want to type in here.
No, I'll be graced by God to goto prison, because I will not
be your second choice, I willnot be your afterthought, and
God didn't create me for that,you know.
And now, now they're.
Now they're in, now they're inministry and he's a pastor.

(50:58):
But they had been going backand forth through so many
different stages in life wherethey were brought together.
But she wasn't his first choice.
And not only that, when he,when he did choose her, he
continued to cheat on her.

Speaker 1 (51:14):
Wow, wow, wow.
Well, we got some in here.
Samson answered.
He was like bruh, you know.
Like I said, I don't know if Ihave this grace, all right.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
I don't even think I want that kind of grace.

Speaker 1 (51:28):
Oh geez, izzy just put a little confused face up
there.
All right, he just said noma'am, no ma'am, but, like I
said, those clothes will be onfire.

Speaker 2 (51:44):
You know what, if I would have did it, boy, I would
have put some itching powder inthere by the time he finished
scratching.
Scratching his doodads would begood, and red, don't touch me
no.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Yes, so, so, so it says so.
God gave her grace to allowthis man to sin.
Please leave God out of this.
This was her insecurityspeaking.

Speaker 2 (52:17):
I agree with you.
My sister let me take someclaps up in here she wanted him
so bad.
She was desperate, more or lesslike having a piece of man is
better than having no man at all.
So I'm going to take what I cantake what I got and work with
it.
No, ma'am, be gone, be gone.
I was.
I was disgusted, but but I wasspeaking to Nick and Nick was

(52:39):
like mom, did you see it?
I saw a few clips.
I was.
She was like mom, go watch thewhole thing.
I went and watched it and it'son YouTube and it's on some
Finding your Wife podcast orsomething like that.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
Wifey I forgot.
He has a major platform.
He has a major platform.

Speaker 2 (52:57):
And it's something about Finding your Wifey or
something.
But then, not only that,another one came right in behind
this one and did the same.
This was a younger couple anddid the same thing.
He said, no, she wasn't mypreference, but she my
everything.
Now, no, you're not going totell somebody that I'm not your
preference After 33 years, I'mnot your preference.

(53:18):
If I'm not your preference, youdon't have one Izzy.

Speaker 1 (53:22):
I agree Not all the time that you need to share
something as leaders.
You know you hear people sayyou know the young people want
you to be transparent.
They want you to be transparent, but there's some things that
you need to keep to yourselfbecause you will.
You don't want to betransparent on everything, right

(53:44):
?
It's no way that I as a person,uh, would say God gave me the
grace to allow my wife to sin.
That doesn't even make sense.

Speaker 2 (53:54):
It doesn't.

Speaker 1 (53:54):
What kind of God you serve, that he would give you
grace in order to for somebody,when the scripture says he don't
tempt us to sin he don't temptus to sin.
We may go through tribulation,but God does not tempt us to sin
.
So how in the world can you saythat God gave you grace to

(54:16):
allow somebody else to sin?
That?

Speaker 2 (54:19):
doesn't make any kind of sense.
That means you're part of that.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Of course You're part of that, and you as a leader
and as a preacher, right.
So now you're a pastor of achurch, so that means you're not
gonna even preach sin.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
You're not gonna preach against sin, because
god's giving you the grace toallow your congregation to sin
and not only that, afterlistening to a few members from
the church say, on any givensunday, he'll say something like
this about the same situationand she'll sit there with a
smile on her face no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

(54:53):
She said she went to some ofthe elder ladies in the church
and they was like girl, you know, you just gotta pray for your
husband, he gonna get it right.
You know he's gonna be a pastorsomeday and I am so over that.
I am so over that, oh, youcan't get a divorce because of
this.
You can't get a divorce, butbecause of that you can't get a
divorce.

(55:13):
Because of that.
God does not expect for us to bestupid and have no common sense
.
If this man is not treating youas Christ treat the church,
then you need to bounce, becauseyour self-worth and your peace
is way more important than hisego.
Peace is way more importantthan his ego.
So if you feel like you're in asituation like that, take it to

(55:37):
the Lord.

Speaker 1 (55:37):
Yes, yes, yes Take it to the Lord.
All right, we got.
Peter says do not deal with thetreachery of the wife of your
youth.
He said again no man.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
Absolutely.
That's my baby girl right here.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
I used to say she did like you.
She says I watched the entireinterview.
This woman knew this man didnot want her.
He settled for her because heknew he could manipulate her,
have his cake and eat it too.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
She gracefully gave it to him.

Speaker 1 (56:10):
That's right.

Speaker 2 (56:12):
Desperation.
That's it you deserve better.

Speaker 1 (56:15):
No, no, no.
I don't want my daughterselling for nobody.
I don't want, you know, that'sno, uh-uh, no man, no, no man
shouldn't be doing you like that.
No man should be doing you likethat, and even vice versa.
You know, no woman should bedoing a man like that.
I just, again it made me cringe, as a lot of people, because
you, as a leader of a church, issaying these things and again,

(56:38):
sometimes we have to keep thingsto ourselves.
If god gave you the grace forthat, you should pray and say
you know, should I say this?
No, god would say no, don't sayit.
He was.
Speak to you.
No, don't say it, he was.
He'd speak to you and say, no,don't say that, you idiot.

Speaker 2 (56:52):
You know, are you kidding me?
Yeah, and even if she didforgive him and even if he's
this upstanding guy right now,like you said, she gave him
everything that he wanted,Everything that he, he, he, she
gave it to him for years.
So you know, that was kind of.

(57:13):
And after the second couplethat I saw, I said you know what
, I can't watch this guy Becauseif the tables were turned and
the wife was coming out and thewife was cheating, will he wash
and iron her clothes so she cango hang out with that guy?
I doubt it?

Speaker 1 (57:28):
I doubt it.

Speaker 2 (57:28):
He wouldn't.

Speaker 1 (57:29):
You know how men are.
He would not, you know how menare.

Speaker 2 (57:31):
He would not.
You think he's going to be likebabe, you should wear that red
dress and put on them high heels.
You know you're going to seeTommy tonight, no.

Speaker 1 (57:38):
You know, and the thing because Jordan said isn't
adultery one of the things youcan get a divorce for?
Yes, it is.
Yes.
And you know, and this is thething she did this weekends, you
know, she knowing, Knew he wasgoing to spend the weekend with
these women.
And not to get.

(58:00):
How can I say this Because Iknow you too.
I don't want you to take thisdown.
You mean to tell me this womanwas satisfied knowing that this
man was out kissing somebodyelse and doing God knows what.
Then come back to her and kissher and do come on, man Well no,
she had babies in between allof that.

(58:21):
Oh man, come on man, come on man, uh-uh, no, uh-uh.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
We just have to be really really careful.

Speaker 1 (58:28):
Paul said this.
Paul says there was a thorn inmy side and God gave me the
grace to handle that thorn Right.
That was not a thorn, that wascompletely sin.
That God.
Yes, she contributed.
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
Okay, malaika says bring alongis.

(58:48):
I guess being alone is not thisbad, at least for me.
I spend time loving myselfinstead, all right, Absolutely,
absolutely.
Yes, yes.

Speaker 2 (59:01):
It took me a long time to learn to love myself,
because I jumped ahead of thegame and started having babies
at a very young age and I wasalways trying to figure out,
make sure my kids had what theyneeded, and I was always second
to that, you know.
But I realized you know as theywere getting older that if I

(59:24):
don't, if I don't learn to enjoymy own company, if I don't
learn to enjoy my own peace Likeyou know, just go hang out by
myself If I can't learn to bewith me, how can I give the best
of me to him now that the kidsare gone?
So I had to learn how to acceptmy own self and enjoy my own

(59:44):
space and my own company, causeyou know, I'll hop in the car
and go ride in a heartbeat.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
Hey look, we got about five minutes.
If you want to call in,754-222-2219.
Again, 754-222-2219.
If you want to call in and kindof like you know, tell us your
deal, how you really feel, Ithink we know how they really

(01:00:11):
feel.
I'm telling you.
You know, but just to hear it,I know because sometimes typing
is it.
But if you want to call in, youcan do that.

Speaker 2 (01:00:18):
Well you know, next time there's this guy that be on
TikTok every single day.

Speaker 1 (01:00:23):
The name of this podcast is Dear Future Wifey.

Speaker 2 (01:00:25):
Oh, Dear Future Wifey .
That's it, and he's always onthere talking about divorce.
Mm-hmm.
I don't know why he's on theretalking about divorce, but I
always skip over it.
Every now and then I'll hearsomebody say well, you can't get
a divorce if this and you can'tget a divorce if that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
You know abuse comes in many forms other than
physical.
Izzy, call on in me.
I want to hear you I knowyou're right.

Speaker 2 (01:00:57):
I know you're right.
It got me, so I was.
I said I was like eric, I sendit to him.
But the crazy thing about it isnikki came about it, uh-huh and
she asked me and she asked meand I was like what?
And she was like you got to golisten to the whole thing, and
the worst part about it is youngadults like them that are

(01:01:17):
coming up.
This is what this man isspewing out.
Mm-hmm.
That you let these men treat youany kind of way.
It's okay because he going tobe a pastor one day.
If he make it to be a pastor,don't stick around to the point
where somebody have you spendingyears in prison behind them.
Pack your stuff and be done.

Speaker 1 (01:01:39):
And that again.
That's it, Because I think wetalked about it.
So what happened?
Her, she said, I think she saidher mother or somebody told her
His mom, yeah, you know, my sonis going to be a pastor one day
, right?
So now they have a daughter andthe daughter goes through the

(01:02:00):
same thing and now she tells thedaughter well, you know, your
dad did this to me, and so juststick around and I see a man of
God in him.
And so you stick around and beabused, Right.
And so what's going to happen?
Now the daughter is going tohave a daughter and she's going

(01:02:21):
to say you know, yourgrandfather did this, Right, and
now my husband.
So let's know that God is in.
So now they have generationsand generations of women being
abused because they're sayingthat their grandfather, great
grandfather, did this and nowhe's a man of God.
That is not right.

(01:02:41):
You just created a whole typeof women being abused and that
is not right.
You know you can't do that.

Speaker 2 (01:02:49):
He said his father did, his father's father did,
his father's father did.
Now he's doing it, and now hehas a son who most likely is
going to do it as well.

Speaker 1 (01:02:57):
All right, we got to call in, we got to call in.

Speaker 2 (01:03:00):
Yeah, we got to call in, hey, hey.

Speaker 5 (01:03:02):
Who we got, I don't know why y'all why Watch that
video again, how y'all doing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:10):
Good evening, hey Good, how are you?

Speaker 5 (01:03:15):
How you doing Now.
I'm mad because I had to relivethese people all over again.
They really did piss me off.
I feel like not only did thehusband prey on this woman, not
p-r-a-y, p-r-e-y absolutely hismother did and the whole

(01:03:39):
congregation of elders did.
They knew that this man had aproblem, a cheating problem,
from when he was a teenager,just just like his father did,
because his father told him he'sjust like him and his father's
a pastor too, and his father's acheater too, and his father
specifically told him that thisis what we do.

(01:04:03):
This is what we do.
You will never be better thanthis.
So everybody knew that he had aproblem and they pushed this
girl to stay with him becausethey knew that she was insecure.
And I'm I'm wondering where herfamily at, when the people that
was supposed to be supportingher and telling her what's the

(01:04:23):
best thing for her to be doing?
in the situation because there'sno way.
I don't know this.
I'm all over the place, butthey pissed me off.
They preyed on this young lady.
They pushed her to stay andmade her to believe that she's
the golden one.
She decided to stay.
They were not saved.
When he first started cheatingon her Wow, on her she wasn't

(01:04:48):
even going to church.
So the way that they're puttingthis story is as if they were
already saved, already inleadership.
He was cheating on her and Godgave her the grace.
God ain't give her nothing.
She was the idiot to stay andshe wanted to stay.
And there was something elsethat she said about his money.

(01:05:09):
Oh, I'm not not gonna letnobody else have all this money
oh, yeah, when the girl came tocollect her job.
Yeah, so you're sitting thereto collect the money so you can
have this big cushion lifestylebecause they are mega pastors.
She wants this cushionlifestyle and she allows him to
do whatever he wants to do.

(01:05:30):
That has nothing to do withguns.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
Not at all.

Speaker 5 (01:05:36):
I don't even know why they came on this platform.
First of all well, that'sanother story because their
future wifey, they like all thattoxic stuff.
They do stuff for ratings.
He also has a big platform andhe's also connected to a lot of
people in the in the mega churchworld in the industry, so they
like it and he has a hugefollowing of women.

(01:05:58):
Women follow him wow and heknows that and he preys on those
women too, black womenspecifically.

Speaker 2 (01:06:06):
Wow, they eat up all of this mess and it pisses me
off oh yeah, I can hear it Iknow I typed something in the in
the comments.
I was like this is foolery.
I put in there.
I said you, this is foolery andyou need to stop you.
You gotta be held accountablefor the upcoming young adults

(01:06:26):
that are trying to get married.
And sir, you need to.

Speaker 5 (01:06:30):
I was running the host.
The host cheated on his wife andhis wife left him and now his
whole he built.
First of all, he stolesomeone's idea for the platform,
so he built this platform on,dear future wifey I am am born
again, I am going to dosomething different.

(01:06:52):
I'm not going to do what I didin my first marriage.
So that's what that's what thiswhole platform is about.
He already cheated on his wifemultiple times.
His wife left him, so now hebuilt this platform to his
future wife.
I don't believe that man tryingto get married OK.
Nah, nah, I mean cause he's nottrying to get married.

Speaker 1 (01:07:14):
If you're sitting there and somebody says
something like that especiallyit's supposed to be like a godly
thing too, because he's it's noway I would have been like, hey
, what do you mean?
Hold on?
What do you mean by that?
I mean, can you show me Bibleverse that God did that for you?
I mean, come on.

Speaker 5 (01:07:31):
Well, that's the thing, pastor Eric.
They manipulate the Wordbecause they know how to spit
out the Scripture.
Because if you watch the fullvideo, everything that this man
did, he justified it withScripture.
Sure did, but people don'tunderstand.
Scripture is there for guidance, not for you to follow what
this person did and to provideexcuse for you to do what you're

(01:07:54):
doing.

Speaker 1 (01:07:55):
That's not what it's for.

Speaker 2 (01:07:58):
But the devil can spit them out too, that man was
spitting out scripture left andright, Left and right.
I was like just look at thedevil.

Speaker 5 (01:08:04):
Yeah, and I said the same thing, Sister Patsy,
Everything she say.

Speaker 2 (01:08:09):
but the first John, and so and so and so and so.
First second is Ephesians.
I'm like man shut up, you, spitup all.
You got all this scripture inyou and you still treated that
woman like trash.

Speaker 1 (01:08:19):
Well, you know, don't ?

Speaker 2 (01:08:20):
get me started.

Speaker 1 (01:08:21):
Well, you know, people use the Bible.

Speaker 2 (01:08:23):
Y'all got me started.
See, you got me stirred upagain.

Speaker 1 (01:08:28):
People use the Bible.
We know that people use.
People have used the bible toto justify their own sin.
They have used the bible right,you know they used it for
slavery.

Speaker 5 (01:08:40):
For the new christian it is, it's very, it's
unfortunate for people who don'tknow and people who are seeking
god and people who want to bemarried.
So they're thinking, oh,they've been married, oh,
they've been through some things, or someone who's in a marriage
that's suffering.
So they're like, oh okay, soI'm supposed to be seeking out

(01:09:01):
God while he's beating me.
I'm supposed to be seeking outGod and asking God for grace
while he's cheating on me and Iknow that he's cheating on me.
And then you go to the churchand then the elders say hold on
tight, baby, just pray for him.
What guidance is that you?

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
gotta give him to the Lord enough is enough, enough
is enough, and I'm like I can'twhen I can't take no more, when
I had enough.
It's a wrap.
It's a wrap, it's done.

Speaker 5 (01:09:29):
The first time you say that I'm your second guest
Not enough.

Speaker 2 (01:09:30):
It's a wrap.
It's a wrap, it's done, it's awrap?
You ain't going to push me thefirst time you say it, I'm your
second guest, deuces.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
You know, so that's why.

Speaker 5 (01:09:43):
And you can tell he's not into her because she's
trying to hold his hand and thatman did not hold that woman's
hand.
The body language, the bodylanguage, body language.
She was like trying to get hisattention.
He kept cutting her off.
So whatever they're selling,I'm not buying it.
I hope nobody else buys it Allright.
And they better keep the Lord'sobject Amen.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
This is what Malika said.
Malika said well, peaches saidwages of sin is death, all right
.
Malika said it's a dangeroustrend, honestly, of women
tolerating men cheating becausethey all do it, and she put it
in quotes yeah.
There's this mentality of whywould I let this other woman

(01:10:28):
trick me out of my man?
And the issue is say it again,sister girl, what's the man?
All right.
Then Jordan says this remindsme of Abraham, sarah and Hagar a
little bit.
We see how they only broughtconflict.
You know, and, and, and it isit's generational.
It's generational, it bringsconflict and it it brings
conflict and you know that's whyI would say it takes you know

(01:10:51):
podcasts like this and peoplelike you Ismeta and Harold, and
the Marriage Retreat people andother marriages to say you know
what?
That is not right and you knowit's time that we speak up.
Yeah, you know, because theirfuture wife has this broad
platform and they could just saywhat they want to say and, like

(01:11:12):
you said, he attracts all thesewomen.
But it's time that the realdisciples of Jesus and I ain't
saying Christian, but the realdisciples of Jesus speak out and
say no, that is incorrect.
Lady, let me tell you somethingyou, if a man is beating on you
, a man is cheating on you,leave that joker.
You know it's time that we saythat and be real about it, and

(01:11:33):
you know that's what we got todo.

Speaker 5 (01:11:36):
It's all abuse, Physical abuse mental abuse
emotional abuse.
Abuse is abuse.
The Bible is very vague when itsays adultery.
However, abuse is abuse.

Speaker 1 (01:11:51):
I mean you know, I always say this abuse is abuse.
Oh yeah, I mean it is.
You know, I always say this andI tell people this.
And the Bible don't explicitlysay you can get divorced because
of abuse.
Look, the Bible also says thata man supposed to treat his wife
as Christ loved the church.
And if Christ never abused thechurch, then why would a woman
stay around and let a man abuseher?
No, way.

(01:12:13):
And no way at all.
No way at all.
That is a divorce situation,especially when the man does not
want to get no help.
He does not want to.
You know, leave his butt Boy.
You almost cussed.
No, pastor, don't cuss now.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
I don't want to cuss, and you know what?
And I'm going to tell yousomething those emotional and
mental scars go deep, that cutor that black eye that's going
to heal, but those things that'sin your mental head, it starts
making you question yourself,your self-esteem, why I'm not

(01:12:49):
good enough, what am I doingwrong?
You start taking ownership ofhis mess and making it your
fault.
Let me tell you, I'm not finna.
Sit back and allow that.
I don't care, I'm not doing itAgain.
Like Eric said, christ does notabuse the church.

(01:13:10):
He do not, sure don't.
So why should a man abuse hiswife any form of way emotionally
, mentally?
I think we got to wrap this upand vice versa, and vice versa
because there's

Speaker 5 (01:13:24):
something out there that are victims too.

Speaker 2 (01:13:27):
It's so true, you know.
You got to hey, all right,y'all, but I'm going to go,
y'all got me.
It's so true, you know yougotta, hey, alright, y'all but
I'm gonna go.

Speaker 5 (01:13:35):
Y'all got me fine.

Speaker 1 (01:13:37):
I just want you.
I guess this, I'm gonna go backin my shell.
Well, thank you for calling in,but this is a prelude, because
if you don't know, if youhaven't heard, patsy is supposed
to be starting our own podcast.
You know, let's talk about it.
A women's edition.

Speaker 2 (01:13:52):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (01:13:55):
She told us we want to make sure everybody join,
that We'll be sitting in and out.
I'm still trying to get her todo it and Malaika, she just I'm
just trying to.
Y'all got to encourage her todo it, so send her text messages
Come on Malaika.
We need you, girlfriend, weSend her text messages Don't
Come on, malika.
We need you, girlfriend.
We need all these thoughts inhere so y'all can have an
hour-long conversation of justboss lady P, she's trying to

(01:14:18):
come up with my topic.
No, you got to come up with atopic.
Just get on out here and justlet the people talk to you.
Yes, sir, all right, all right,all right, ismetha, thank you
so much for calling in.
All right, take care All rightTake care.

Speaker 2 (01:14:30):
Bye.
That's so true.
His own body.
Yeah.
That is so true.

Speaker 1 (01:14:38):
Well, pete's putting in that the scriptures tonight.
All right, all right, yes, sir,yes sir.
Man Wow, wow.

Speaker 2 (01:14:59):
Oh, she's putting out the scriptures.
Thank you guys, so much forjoining us tonight.

Speaker 1 (01:15:01):
This has been yeah, that's why I wanted to put it at
the end instead of thebeginning.
You know I wanted to.
You know, talk about it, but Iknow there was, like you said,
you're gonna get people heated.
But again, we want to thank youfor joining us tonight.
As I said, you could have beendoing something else, but you
decided to join us and we thankeach and every one of you for

(01:15:22):
joining with us.
And again, this is what I needyou all to do.
I need you all to let Patsyknow it's time.
It's time, it's time and onceyou start hers, and then I'll
come up with a men's edition.
You know where we talk aboutissues, but I need we really
need a voice for the women, allright.
So, lady Patsy, boss, lady P,come on with it, all right.

(01:15:45):
So y'all, make sure I'llencourage her.
Well, we thank you again.
Make sure you like and share.
If you haven't, make sure youlike and share this video, this
podcast, and know that we are onApple Podcasts, we are on
Spotify, amazon, we'reeverywhere that you get your

(01:16:06):
podcast and we want you todownload.
And make sure you leave us afive-star review.
We want to say goodnight, welove you all.
We love you, thank you, and wegot one more session of Marriage
in Real Life before.
That's the end of the season.
Yeah so we got one more andwe're looking forward to doing
that and we thank God, baby, Ilove you, I love you.
I thank you for theconversation tonight and I