June 13, 2024 • 48 mins
Ever wondered if scheduling sex could actually bring more romance into your relationship? On today's episode, we promise to reveal the surprising benefits of planning intimacy for busy couples. We’ll share evidence that a little structure can lead to more anticipation, better connections, and a healthier relationship overall. By reframing scheduled intimacy as essential relationship maintenance, you might just discover a new way to keep the spark alive.
Next, we navigate the tricky waters of mismatched sex drives with some practical advice. From dealing with the impact of age and health issues to managing external stressors, we stress the importance of communication in understanding each other’s needs. By openly discussing and planning intimate moments, couples can bridge the gap and ensure neither partner feels neglected or undervalued. We dive into real-life scenarios and give actionable tips to help you maintain intimacy even when life gets in the way.
Finally, we turn our focus to the art of setting expectations and alternating initiation. With a sprinkle of humor, we share stories about the joys and challenges of both planned and spontaneous intimacy. By establishing clear parameters and taking turns initiating, couples can create a balanced and satisfying intimate life. We also invite listeners to join the conversation, share their own experiences, and stick around for a lighthearted look at why kissing your spouse goodbye might just help you live longer. Tune in for some laughs, some learning, and a whole lot of love.
Watch the live show on Youtube.
Follow us on Facebook & Instagram at @marriageinreallifepodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
all right, we're ready to get in our topic
tonight.
We're ready to get in our topic.
Just, man, we're gonna get init into it, and so are you ready
to get in the topic I am readyall right, here we go.
All right, we will.
Hey, we want to make sure youwarned me we're a llama, so
(00:23):
we're talking about putting sexon the calendar.
Can it work?
Putting sex on the calendar?
Can it work?
We just talked about the7-7-7-7 principle.
Right, that's on the calendar.
That means seven days doingthis and doing this, and you
look at your calendar and you dothat.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
But when you put it on the calendar, I think it
don't.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
What are you talking about Putting?
What the seven, sevensprinciples?
Or are you talking about sex?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Putting sex on the calendar.
Alright, it's not romantic.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You don't think so?
No, alright, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
It seems more or less like a whim bam.
Thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So you think it could be like a to-do list, right?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, like it's on the list of things to do.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Okay, so it's not.
You know, you're saying thatthere's no spontaneity in it.
Exactly Okay, all right, allright, all right, so, but you
know.
So we're going to just talkabout it.
We got it from Les and them andso we said look, research,
though.
Research says this Schedulingsex actually works for many
(01:22):
couples.
So scheduling sex actuallyworks for many couples.
If you're wondering how that'spossible, we're going to look at
it right now.
Okay, let's jump right in,because we're taking this from
last.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah, I know I'm looking at it.
It's like they say I don't knowabout this one.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm like, yeah, I know, I don't know about it.
Okay, all right, let's talk.
That's why we're going to talkabout it.
You know what I mean.
We're going to talk about it.
You like surprise?
Okay, all right, look at it.
You know what we're going toadd.
We're going to add on to that,all right.
So let's see what they say.
All right, let's talk about itand see what they say, all right
, all right.
What they said is is thatplanning actually actually
(01:59):
creates anticipation.
It's almost when you plan, it'slike when you plan on plan on
your 7777.
All right, when you plan onthat, it creates anticipation.
So it's like man, if we'regonna, we're gonna plan this
this, this day, that we're gonnahave sex, it's like an
anticipation.
Like man, I can't wait till ithappens all right, that's
(02:23):
possible.
That's we're just talking aboutthe possibilities.
You know what I'm saying.
We're just talking about thepossibilities Because, again,
sometimes life has a tendency todo it and you know, just like,
we're planning a date you got to, you know it takes away from.
Look, we're going to do thisdate, no matter what, you know
whatever, and you know lifehappens, but we got to do it.
If we don't do it on Friday, wegot to do it on Saturday.
(02:43):
If we don't do it on Saturday,we got to do it on Saturday.
We got to have that date Allright.
So we're saying here it's funny, ain't it?
Planning creates anticipation,All right, so this is it.
So one reason why schedulingsex on a calendar works for a
busy couple is that planningactually creates anticipation
for the moment.
(03:04):
Okay creates anticipation forthe moment.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Okay, all right, I can read it.
Can I just read what first?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
okay, yeah, come on, just read what first man, oh man
.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
So what if you're not in the mood?
So what, I can't stand.
What if I can't stand?
You right now, just get themclothes off.
You know what you're right.
You're right for for it Because, like say, for instance, you
plan it and the anticipation hasbeen high, but that morning we
have a little disagreement.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, you know, that means, you shouldn't have no
disagreement, man.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
So that means do we cancel the plans?
We have to reschedule the plansCome on, man, y'all messing up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
We got to get through this.
We got to get through this.
I'm just saying.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
It's a hot topic for me, you know, it is All right,
so check it out.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So, if you feel resistant to the idea of
planning, try reframing it.
All right, don't think of it asa to-do item.
Okay, all right.
So okay, all right, we'rerolling, we're rolling, all
(04:12):
right.
Planning allows for preparation, all right.
Planning allows for preparation, all right, so check this out.
This is what they say.
They say when sex is on thecalendar and you're making it a
priority that allows you andyour spouse to prepare for
(04:32):
intimacy, cause you know whatwhat they say, you know people
we first got married to me howto prepare for intimacy.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Now you gotta.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
now you gotta set a plan and a schedule and and but
as you got kids, as life comes,businesses and all of this kind
of stuff, sometimes that stuff,you know it becomes priority,
right, and so what it's sayinghere is that planning it makes
it priority.
(05:02):
It's like this Some people theywake up every day and they have
a to-do list.
That means that is theirpriority.
They may have a weekly list.
This is their priority.
Some people live by theircalendars.
Some people they live, and soif you put sex with spouse on
there, that is your priority forthe week, that is your priority
(05:24):
for the day, and maybe youdidn't get it that day, but as a
to-do list you add it on whatyou didn't get done.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
The day before.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You know, you keep putting it there so you can make
it until it gets.
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Until it gets to Sunday.
Before you know it, it's reallygone.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Alright.
So when sex is on the calendar,you're making it a priority
that allows you and your spouseto prepare for intimacy, so both
of you can build an appropriaterhythm around the dates.
All right, no matter when theyfall on the calendar, you can
make sure your schedules arecleared and everything is
squared away for your timetogether, all right.
What are they saying here?
Squared away for your timetogether, all right.
What are they saying here?
(06:08):
I see that y'all are giving outassignments.
I better get a spouse by thenext month.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
You know what you're saying.
On that day he's going to be onhis best behavior.
You know what you're saying.
You better be on your bestbehavior.
If you want to add it to thenext day's calendar, that's
what's going to happen.
So you're right about.
I say hey, lizzie.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Hey, lizzie, how you doing so.
Preparation is important as youmove into busier seasons that's
what they're saying, or say solife, careers and marriage, all
right.
So preparation is important,all right.
If you have children, you mightneed to plan for child care.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Mm-hmm, you might need to plan for child care.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Mm-hmm, you know, don't call me, you might be
having to take them to thegrandparents.
Jesus man, I tell you that justreminds me of Jordan Nope.
(07:04):
All right, all right, all right.
So it says planning an intimateencounter.
It doesn't sound glamorous, butit's definitely worth the
effort.
All right, all right.
So it's like this.
Think of it like this you valueintimacy so much that you're
willing to plan ahead to make ithappen.
Okay, all right, all right, allright, all right, all right.
(07:25):
So the third one is all right.
The third one is this is good,right here.
Planning creates pacing youcan't agree on Pacing?
Yeah, all right, so check thisout.
Agreeing on intimate datesahead of time can also help you
and your spouse find a pacingand frequency you can agree on.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I agree, you agree, you agree, I agree.
So, like it says, on thefrequency part.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So it says like this but this is true, this is true.
This next sentence is reallytrue.
Because, oftentimes spouseshave different sex drives.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, yeah, because oftentimes spouses have
different sex drives.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, yeah, right, sometimes it be up, sometimes it
be down, sometimes it benon-existent, sometimes it be
against the I don't know whatyou you are bothering me.
You know, sometimes it's likethat right, sometimes, yeah, at
a different of ages.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Definitely at a different of ages.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Different of ages, definitely at a different age,
different of ages.
And you know you may have someyou know sickness or something
that you may be taking medicine,right, that affects your sex
drive, yeah, right, and ithappens.
So that's, you know, that's asquickly to tell, to tell couples
.
You know you might as well getit in while you, while you're
young, you know, get it in asmany times as you can.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Even when you're still, you know, between I want
to say between your.
I want to say maybe 37 to about, maybe somewhere around 47.
You can be at your, you canstill be at a peak, but your
partner may not, and then youmay go like this your partner
may be here.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Right, you may be here Right.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And then it comes a time when you're balanced again,
mm-hmm.
That's usually not.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's usually what.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
That's usually not long-lived, so during that time
you want to get it, you want toget it, I'm done with you.
Oh man, I'm done with you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I've been having so much fun.
I've been having so much fun.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's so true, though, because I can remember times
when you know like I was like,yeah, let's take one for the
team, and you was like no andI'm like, well, why not?
man, I got too much on my mindand that was ministry, and you
know the kids in college and somuch going on.
You know that was ministry, andyou know the kids in college,
and so much going on.
You know that was the lastthing on your mind.
(09:50):
You know what I'm saying.
So I think, and then when itvice versa, I'm trying a new job
, I'm trying to do my ownbusiness, I'm trying to do all
this stuff on the side.
So here I am and here you areRight, so it does happen.
And so I think this um, whenthat happened, I think this is
the best, best thing to do.
The best you know to do thecalendar right.
(10:11):
And you're busy like thatbecause you don't want to
neglect your partner, right?
You know you don't want to feel, you know, and sometimes and
sometimes women just don't feelsexy.
Sometimes don't we get in aplace where we don't we don't
feel.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Attractive sexy.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
We don't feel good with ourselves and we like, we
don't really want our partner tosee us in that vulnerable state
, so we may back off you know,and be like it's not.
It's not him, it's just I'mjust not happy with with me
right now.
It could be something internal.
It's just that I'm just nothappy with me right now.
It could be something internal.
It could be your appearance.
In my case it could be my hairone of my many different hairs.
(10:53):
You know, it comes a time wherewe do go through that.
Well, you know we're notfeeling sexy and we're feeling
insecure about how we feelinside.
You know what's going on withus and it kind of will push us
away.
So during this time would be atime to definitely plan it.
But when you're not feelingsexy or you know sexual, it
(11:16):
becomes a chore.
It's like I'm just doing it,just to do it, to do it, right,
right and.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I guess in that time well, in all times, but
especially in that times that'swhy it takes communication,
right, don't you agree?
Yeah, right, you know, like, ifyou know again, if you're not
feeling sexy or I'm not feeling,I'm just whatever, it's time to
communicate and say, hey, isthis is not you or whatever like
that.
It's just that I'm not, becausesometimes people was you know,
(11:45):
say, oh, is, is something wrongwith me.
And then you know, you goaround and and all this kind of
stuff.
And that's when, again, herecomes the enemy creeping in,
right, and we try and avoid that, but that's what we try to
avoid.
So what communication avoids theenemy from creeping in?
And because if you know howyour partner is feeling, you
know how your partner, whatthey're going through, because
(12:07):
again, in different ages, thingshappen.
You know and you don't know.
You know you don't know untilyou get there, you know you may
be all fine now, you know berabbits and stuff like that, but
it's going to become a timewhere there's going to be no
rabbits.
You know so, and you got tocommunicate and you've got to be
able to talk about that.
(12:27):
You know what I'm saying and Ijust want to pause right here.
Pause right here and say this,and you tell me this all the
time.
I think you tell women all thetime.
Men need to know this.
Look, women want sex just asmuch as men.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Absolutely Good sex.
Women want sex just as much asmen.
Absolutely good good sex.
All right, we do.
But yeah, and I, I um.
You want to go to the question?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
um, well, we got, uh, you know, we got some over here
.
No, we go.
We're gonna tell you, womenwant good sex just as much as
men, right, and this, this, this, this belief is that you know a
man who, just you know, and Ithink married men want good sex
(13:16):
too.
I don't think married men justwant to relieve themselves.
I think they want to be loved,they want to.
True, you know, if this is mypartner, I want to be loved.
They want to.
True, you know, if I mean thisis my partner, I want to be with
my partner and I want to.
You know, love, even if it's aquickie.
You know what I mean.
It's me and my partner.
It's not.
(13:37):
I ain't thinking about nobodyelse, I ain't doing it.
It's me and my partner, and Iwant that, and, and I, you know,
like you say, women want itjust as bad as men.
It's not a one-sided thing,right, but they want it.
Good, you know what I mean.
So that's a thing here, allright.
And also, again, we're talkingabout married couples.
You know, I hear you, for youknow, talking to married couples
(14:01):
and I was going to say this inthe beginning of the broadcast
is that we are a Christiancouple.
We believe in marriage and thecovenant, and we believe
marriage is between a man and awoman.
That's just what we believe,and so you know, anybody that's
watching they may or listening,they may feel somewhere else,
but this is where we are, youknow.
(14:22):
So you know, I just want tobring that out.
All right, here we go, here wego.
So Ferg say here okay, jordan,I'll remind you of Jordan, howe?
Okay, we'll tell you about thatlater.
That's just a funny story, youknow, just a funny story.
All right, so Ferg says whenyou have young kids, benadryl is
.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
We are not condoning that.
To drug your children, no we'renot condoning that.
We're not condoning that.
For Whatever works for you, yeswhatever works for you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, it's been a just cheap dinner baby.
All right, man Zeldin overthere cracking up, he says we
saw the question, we saw thequestion, don't you know?
We're going to tell you, we'recrack it up.
It says, um uh, they like wesaw we saw the question, for we
saw the question.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Don't you know, we, we, we, we, we gonna tell you,
we gonna tell you All right.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So Izzy says this intimacy begins at the start of
the day and outside, if outside,of the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I agree with that.
See, I knew it was somethingabout that girl, the way we were
connected.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I knew it the moment I met her.
I knew it yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
And I totally agree because you know, in the morning
, when I leave, eric is knockedout because you know he worked
overnight.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
So he'd be over there and he'd be getting it in.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
He'd be getting it in baby, and when I hear it it's
so funny that it could be anannoying sound.
But it's also a sound to let meknow that he's still among the
living.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Oh Jesus, I know he's still with me.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
So when I leave in the morning he's out cold, so I
always stand at the foot of thebed and pray for him.
And then I'll go and I'll kisshim, and I usually kiss him a
little bit longer than expected,Try not to wake him up, but
I'll just kiss him a little bitlonger than and then expect, try
not to wake him up, but I'lljust kiss him on the top of his
head, on his cheeks, sometimesbehind his ear, and it just does
something to me and I can besitting in my desk at 10 o'clock
(16:14):
.
I leave the house about 7.30,but at 10 o'clock it's like I
miss him.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I miss my baby.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I miss you so much.
When he called me yes, hecalled me oh geez.
Yes, he called me.
He's like hey, babe, you know,and it's so funny because the
ladies that surround me theyalways say you and your husband
always ask each other hey, howyou doing?
I was like yeah, we do.
It's just natural to us.
He'll be like hey, babe, hey,how you doing?
(16:40):
I'm doing all right, babe, howare you?
But when they talk to theirpartners, I never hear them ask.
That's what I'm saying now.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Okay, yeah, all right , all right, good, all right.
So I agree.
Intervention begins at thebeginning of the day, so check
this out.
This is what it says.
If you're worried thatscheduling sex will ruin
spontaneity, all right.
Remember that just because youschedule sex doesn't mean sex is
(17:12):
limited to that schedule.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Mm-hmm, you go off the schedule yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Mm-hmm, just because that, all right.
Just because you schedulesomething, that doesn't mean
that you can't go off thatschedule, all right.
Um, we got here.
Who's going up here?
Lindsey, lindsey, all right.
Lindsey says most women needsthe consistent affection and
intimacy our sex drive is nowautomatic.
(17:41):
Not, oh, it's not automatic.
Oh, oh, okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I agree with that too .
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Okay, All right, All right.
So when we so, we hit thesubject about that spontaneity
Because it's scheduled.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
That doesn't mean that it can't be fun.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
It can't be you know doing anything.
It can't be that All right.
So it all right, so you can,you can plan it, but you, you
know you can, you don't have tohold to that schedule.
(18:18):
That's one thing you don't haveto hold to.
Yeah, all right, uh.
Jordan says, or jordan saysI've, I've heard the term, uh,
chore play.
That's kind of what he says.
That that kind of embodies theidea chore play, all right, joey
, you're gonna, you're going tohave to call in, tell us what
that's about.
Yeah, when we have to call inSchool loves old folks.
Yeah, school loves old folksthere.
All right, all right, here wego.
I got this.
You didn't get it, but I gotthis.
I've been doing my research.
Now I'm telling you I right, sohere we go.
(18:43):
I got three steps to schedulesex in your marriage.
Uh-oh, three steps.
I'm going to give you threesteps.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Let me get a pencil and paper, let me write these
down.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
Can you send me this?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
transcript.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
All right Okay let's go, All right this is what's
done by Tony and Alyssa of OneExtraordinary Marriage.
This is three steps, all right?
All right, here's the first one.
Here's the first one.
All right, Izzy, I need you toput this in the chat when you
get a chance.
All right, Three steps toschedule sex in your marriage,
all right.
Number one communicate theexpectation.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Okay, I like that right communicate.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So.
So what happened is that bothof you need to sit down and
communicate about how yourmarriage would be transformed by
scheduling sex.
So you're sitting down, alright, and so by getting to the same
path in your communication, bothof you will open up in all
areas of your marriage.
We already said, communicationsis key Communications.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
So if I say, hey, yo, you know about our schedule six
, I'm thinking about a littlehandcuffs and wilts and chains
you going to be okay with that,you going to be like we are.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh Lord, that is undefiled, yeah, yeah, hey.
That's why we say we tell youwhatever you do in your boudoir
is up to you.
We're gonna tell you what to do.
You know, that's up to you.
That's not up to you, all right, so, so, so I mean, that's up
to you, not up to you, butthat's up to you, even as bishop
.
You remember, bishop, and youknow, first lady, when they said
, when they talked about in thebedroom, when you mentioned the
(20:24):
handcuffs and everything, yeah,you did, all right, all right.
So each of you will gain a newlevel of trust with one another,
which will allow for amazingsex when you schedule it, all
right.
So number one is whatCommunicate?
All right, communicate yourexpectations, what is expected
by us scheduling this sex time?
(20:46):
All right, all right.
Number two, number two, numbertwo you got to set the
parameters.
Set the parameters, oh gee.
So ain't no handcuffs, we'renot doing it on Tuesday.
We ain't got to do no handcuffson Tuesday, all right, we'll do
them on Friday, but we're notdoing them on Tuesday.
Okay, but we will do them, yeah, but we will, because we're the
communicators, you know.
(21:09):
Oh Jesus, oh boy, all right.
So you set the parameters, allright.
So once you're both on board,you need to set the parameters.
The two of you need to decidethe days.
Okay, all right, that each ofyou is responsible for taking
the lead.
Oh, I knew that was going toget you.
I like that.
(21:30):
You like that?
Huh, I do, right.
All right, I have a problemwith that, right, so you sit
down.
I just got to follow it Jesus.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
You got to follow me, jesus, oh God.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
All right, so the two of you need to decide the days
that each of you for taking thelead initiating, you know, okay,
when it comes to sex, all right, so you got to sit down.
All right, so you're not goingto have sex on all of your days,
right, although that would befun, all right.
But instead you're going totake the lead, you're going to
initiate on one of those days,okay, all right, all right, so
(22:03):
this is how it goes.
All right, all right, so thisis how it goes.
All right, all right.
So this is how it goes, forexample.
All right.
This is, for example oh, malika.
Malika said schedule a freakyFriday.
Oh Jesus, oh Lord, what we donestarted.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I don't know, but that's not doing it.
Love, oh Lord.
All right, that's what I'mtalking about All right.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
So this is an example .
This is an example.
All right, all right, so okay.
Say for instance, me and you,right, we sit down, we talk.
And it says okay, on Sunday,monday or Tuesday, I take the
lead.
I've decided to lead andinitiate sex.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Sunday, monday or Tuesday.
All right, all right so, but Ionly have to initiate um on one
of those days sunday, monday ortuesday.
I only have to initiate that,all right so, um.
So this is how it goes.
So we know, if we haven't hadsex on sunday or monday, then
(22:59):
we're sure to have it on tuesdaytuesday, wednesday, thursday
this is my initiation, remember,we have.
We've decided who is going toinitiate.
A week to initiate.
No, this is my initiation.
Remember, we've decided who isgoing to initiate.
This is your week to initiate.
No, this is my.
Whatever you decide.
Okay, it may be a week, it maybe whatever like that, but maybe
take the days of the weeks,right?
Mm-hmm, all right?
So Sunday, monday or Tuesday ismy time to initiate sex.
(23:22):
Okay, right, all right, andwe're going to talk about about
initiating, all right.
So if I, we don't have sex onMonday, on Sunday, we don't have
sex on Monday, it's all gone.
We got to have sex on Tuesday.
I got to initiate sex onTuesday, okay, right, so.
So, patsy, so your days toinitiate and take the lead on
(23:43):
Wednesday, thursday and FridayAll Thursday and Friday, all
right, so on one of those days,but I can only pick one day out
of the three.
No, you can you know again?
We have to agree, but that'sthe one day you know that you're
going to take the lead.
So we don't have sex onWednesday.
We don't have sex on Thursday.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
We will Jeez, but okay, but I understand your
concept.
I can choose one of the three,if it don't happen one of those
days.
But if it happen all three ofthose days, it's okay too.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Boy, look at you.
You're trying to rail brotherout ain't you?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I'm just saying, I'm just throwing it out.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
You're just throwing it out there.
I'm just throwing it out.
That reminds me of those sevendays.
You remember that.
Okay, all right, you gocomplain if you want to.
I got to tell that story to theladies no, you can tell it now
if you want to.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
So Eric was harassing me about sex a while back,
about 12 years ago, anyway.
So at this particular time hewas here and I was there.
He kept asking me.
He kept, you know, just kept atme with it.
So I said okay, I shared thiswith my girlfriends.
I said with Donna and Erica Isaid I got something for them.
(24:56):
They was like what's it got?
I said I'm going to tell youwhen it's done.
Every day when he walkedthrough the door Sunday, monday,
tuesday, wednesday, thursday bythe time we got to Wednesday he
was like this is enough, thisis enough, this is enough.
And when I told Donna and Ericathey laughed so hard.
They said that's what he get,that's exactly what he get.
(25:18):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Oh yeah, I initiated it.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
That's what you wanted.
I made it happen.
That's why I joke to be talking.
You know, you got that song outnow hours and hours and hours.
Man, you joke is crazy.
So we looked at Sunday, welooked at Monday, we looked at
Tuesday, wednesday, thursday andFriday.
You know, saturday we just takethe day off.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
You know so, but that's a bonus day.
So, for instance, maybe we justdo it on Tuesday and maybe do
it on Friday Then Saturday.
You instance, maybe we just doit on Tuesday and maybe do it on
Friday, then Saturday.
You know, you may wake up inthe morning knowing about it
going to work and you feel alittle something.
You know, and you feelsomething inside you and you
feel something inside you andyou know I'm talking about your
heart.
You know.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
You know what First thing the freaks come out at?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
night.
Boy they crack it up, boy theycrack it up.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Good one, Lindsay Good one.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh Lord, y'all driving me crazy boy.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's right Minutes and minutes.
Let's wrap it up Three to fourminutes at that.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It's a wrap, wow all right, all right, all right.
So that's just an example.
So so the two you are going toneed to spend time in discussion
.
So that's where yourcommunication on on how to do it
.
All right, so and so, likewe're, maybe you, maybe this is
a week thing, maybe you know.
Maybe it's a daily thing, youknow, maybe it's a week thing.
Maybe you look at your calendar, you say, ok, this week you
(26:57):
initiate, you know, next week Iinitiate, or you know whatever
like that, but don't let it be amonthly thing.
You know in the initiate, andso you know in the initiate, and
so you can alternate weeks andall that kind of stuff.
All right.
So, whatever you choose, allright, whatever you choose, just
try it out for three to sixmonths and see how it goes.
All right, all right, all right.
(27:20):
So number one was whatCommunicate?
Communicate the expectations,whatever we expect, you know,
you know how are we going to doit, what the days are, you know.
Whatever Set the, whatever weexpect, you know, uh, you know
how we're going to do it, whatthe days are, you know.
Whatever set the parameters,that's, the days of the weeks or
whatever like that, all right.
Number three is initiate sex.
So what it?
What it happens is is that nowthat you got the days you need
(27:44):
to talk, like you question it.
What does it mean when you sayinitiate sex?
What does it?
What does you know?
What does this mean?
So if, if initiating has beenone-sided for the majority of
your marriage, then there's somework to do.
You know, and a lot of timeswhat happens is in a marriage is
that the woman is expected toinitiate all the sex.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I thought you said you didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Jesus oh.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Lord, I can't.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Oh Lord, all right, okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Is it really?
Do you, men, really expect forthe woman to initiate sex?
Oh, yeah, a lot of times yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Why I mean a lot of times, yeah, why?
I mean I don't know, becausewomen are so good at it.
I mean y'all so good at lookingall sexy and you know, and all
that kind of stuff.
We be like, oh boy, yeah, wesitting over there with a you
(28:49):
know belly hanging Well you knowwe would like to see you guys.
I would tell you this I mean, Iknow a lot of men that don't
feel attractive.
They don't I mean married menthat don't feel attractive.
And so, like you said, it goesback to what you're saying when
you don't feel attractive, youdon't feel like initiating that,
and you know you're just saying, wow, okay, she do, you know
whatever, but they just don'tfeel like.
And and you know you're justsaying wow, okay, she do, you
know whatever, but they justdon't feel like it, and that's.
(29:11):
You know men, do Men go throughthat too?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Well, women don't?
I know me as a woman.
I don't mind initiating sex,but I don't want to do it all
the time.
But I don't want to do it allthe time, right.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
So that's why it says that we need to sit down and we
need to talk about initiation.
Okay, here are some examples.
All right, here are someexamples right here.
Okay, put on, put on theglasses now.
I want you to, I want you tosee it too.
I want you to see it and hearit, whatever, all right.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
So these are some examples.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right, some guys.
This is, this is some.
You know some examples, ladies.
This is some examples as well.
All right, right.
So this is what.
Some examples is.
Izzy, we thank you for that Boy.
I'm telling you, izzy, be on it, all right.
So lighting candles in thebedroom.
You know, lighting candles inthe bedroom, all right, all
right.
Notes with arrows.
(30:05):
Notes with arrows on them Allright.
Notes with arrows on themleading to a specific place.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
I do All right, let me look whatEasy say.
Easy say men would like to bedesired to, so they wouldn't
mind women initiating sex.
All right, all right.
(30:28):
First, as one of the reasonssome men oh yeah, but we getting
a lot of this one of thereasons some men think that
women initiate is because menfeel that she thinks that that's
all he wants from from me.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Okay, all right I agree with that.
I mean again we know we want,we want to be desired, we don't
want to initiate all the time.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
All right, jordan.
Little Richard say it feelslike we are forcing you to have
sex with us if we keepinitiating all the time.
Women initiating makes us feelwanted, at least for me.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
All right.
All right, all right, all right, son, I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
All right, I like them.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
We will talk.
All right, so lighting We'lltalk, All right.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
So lighting the candles in the bedroom, that's
one.
Initiating sex, All right, Allright.
And you know not lighting thecandles for the take a nap, you
know.
So.
Don't get no sensual, you knowno smelling good, you don't like
when you go.
You know lavender, you don'twant to get those kind of
candles, you know, I don't know,Maybe you want to get, I don't
know.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Maybe you want to get something tropical.
Like you know, make the island.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, keep the man going.
You know what I'm saying.
So light encounters in thebedroom?
Okay.
Notes with arrows on themleading to a specific place.
All right, a soft whisper, Softwhisper in the ear.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah, like hey, hey, baby, All right, texting
throughout the ear.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Yeah, like hey, baby, let's go.
Hey, you know All right Textingthroughout the day.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'll be a bit busy so I probably won't be able to
text you right back if you dothat, but if I see a text I
always try to respond.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Okay, all right.
So texting throughout the day,you know, all right, all right,
all right, leaving a flower or apiece of chocolate on the
pillow.
So I leave some kit kats, I'm,I'm good.
Okay, all right, now I'm gonnaget some.
I'm gonna get a bag full of kitkats, all right, all right.
Special piece of clothing.
(32:23):
Now, baby, you know I like youin your sundress.
Okay, you know I like you inyour sundress.
Okay, you know I like you inyour sundress.
Boy, I can't wait till you wearthat white one.
Boy, don't wear the white oneto church.
I'll put it like that I won'twear it to church, I'll be up
here preaching.
You know my mind will be goingsomewhere else.
I don't want to be up herepreaching and my mind look back
there and I think you know, oh,okay nice that's, that's nice,
(32:56):
and I think with that one it'saccording how you.
It goes back to what you'resaying.
If you don't feel right, thenthat that won't do nothing, all
right, all right.
Well, I remember the time whenyou came to my job.
Well, I'll never forget that aslong as I live, baby, I would
never forget that.
In a trench coat.
Yes, sir, yes, sir, that's mybaby.
(33:19):
You, you, you hit the nail onthe head boy.
Well, I tell you, I love you, Ilove you baby.
All right, all right, certaintouches you.
You know what was you.
You know you have a certaintouch, right?
Yeah?
Okay, all right, all right, allright, all right, here we go.
(33:39):
Uh, code words that can be usedanywhere.
We got a code word.
We got no code.
We got to come up with a codeword well, we really don't need
one yeah, we need to come upwith one okay we need to come up
with a code word that to tellus that you know what you know
we.
Okay, we need to come up with acode word to tell us that you
(34:01):
know what you know we'resomewhere.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
it's time to go.
That's the code word, that's it.
If I look at you like this, ifI do this, it's time to go.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
See, you have certain gestures.
I mean you know you havecertain gestures, you know that
okay is you know?
Is that time?
You know you know you want itor whatever you know.
So, yeah, you have, you hadthat look.
I know the look Just like.
You know, like, just like howkids you know how that look when
the parents are mad.
You got that look All right,all right.
(34:34):
So that's some things and Iwant you to you know if you
either call in or you could putdown some things of examples of
ways to intimacy, All right, allright.
And so this person did you know?
Say man, it's not the women'sjob to initiate sex?
We will say that learning toinitiate sex is one of the
toughest parts for many couples,because sometimes you don't
(34:56):
know what you know, what canhappen or what turns a person on
or what state that person mightbe in that time, but then the
communication will help you findfigure that out right, okay,
okay, all right, cool.
so you got to take your time and, uh, you know, find out what's,
what's the best, the two of you, all right.
(35:18):
So Ferg says isn't nakednessevery day?
Oh Jesus, it is.
But you know, I would add inlook, if it's time to initiate
sex, right, don't wear thegrandma robe or the grandma um
(35:41):
nightgown to bed why not whengrandma wore those dresses?
Speaker 2 (35:45):
let me tell you something grandma had what about
13 children?
Those dresses, y'all don't,don't, don't, not, don't write
those off, because grandma wasdropping it like it's hot in
them, little house man, don't bewearing that stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
You know, don't do that, all right.
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
All right.
We got Ferg saying.
Lindsay said baby, it's time togo.
You know, all right, yeah, it'stime to go.
That's it, it's time to go.
Okay, ferg says the grunts andthe hand gestures from the movie
Clan of the Cave Bears was ourscene, what?
That was y'all code that wasy'all code, wow, oh geez.
(36:25):
Oh man, all right, all right,all right, here's a Ferg Wilder
tonight, all right.
So is this a?
Is this a Use?
Is to say, use a fishbowl ofdifferent spontaneous intimate
moments and pull them on theschedule dates.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Yeah, and yeah he is, isn't healways yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
he's out there.
He's out there, all right.
So we're ready to.
You know, I'm going to see if Ican get this thing to work this
time, because I know Ferg saidhe tried to call in last time
and it didn't.
You know, it didn't do what itwas supposed to do, so we want
(37:13):
to make sure that it is doingthat this time.
So we want you to be able tocall in and 754-222-2219,
754-222-2219.
We want you to be able to callin and we want to be able to
talk to you, you know.
So go ahead and you know goahead and call in.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Let me see share with us some of your spontaneous
decisions or or ideas that youcame up with.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
We got Lindsay on the line.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
We got you no.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
No, that's not.
Oh, I can't hear you right now.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
No, I didn't know.
I didn't know it was my phonethat was doing that.
Yeah, so 754-222.
I'm going to make sure I put itup here so people can, and so
people can um dial in.
Want to put that number rightthere 754-222-2219.
And we want to hear, um, youknow again what y'all thought
about the top.
(38:11):
You know, uh, tonight's topic,um, you know, if you have some
things that you want to shareabout some spontaneousness or
concerning, I think we told whosaid we wanted to make sure they
call in.
I think it was Ferg or somebodyyou know call in 754-222-2219.
(38:34):
754-222-2219.
Man, this has been fun, don'tyou think?
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Yeah.
Yeah, this is good.
We definitely had ourconversation about this topic.
I was like I don't know, yeah,you don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, yeah, but you know the thing about it is I
mean, you remember you used tosay that you know sex was your
favorite topic.
You know sex is your favoritetopic, remember you used to say
that?
So, hey, you know that is whatit is.
All right, we're going to giveyou a few more minutes for you
to call in.
I know sometimes it's a latencyproblem, so we want to make
(39:11):
sure that we give you a few moreminutes to call in 754-222-2219
.
To call in 754-222-2219.
And just hey, let's talk aboutsome of your ideas of initiating
.
Right, I know you wrote themdown, but it'd be good to you
(39:32):
know to hear some of your ideasabout initiating.
You know some things.
You good, you been good tonight.
Yes, yes, yes, you know youknow some things.
You good, you been good tonightyes, yes yes, it's been fun.
Yeah, it's been fun.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
I've really enjoyed it, right so let me tell you the
story with Jordan okay, onenight, eric and I.
Well, jordan was out, he hadthe car.
Well, he had the car right hehad the car.
So Eric and I decided thiswould be a moment where we would
have just our time.
You know just you know, setsome flowers out, got candles
going, nice, romantic, and guesswho?
(40:07):
Comes home and then walks intothe room and then say to us
y'all want me to take a walk?
Y'all want me to go and runaround the block a few times and
I'm yelling get out, get out.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
That was funny.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
That was that time I was like no, and I didn't know
if Joyner remembered that, butthat was so funny because he was
.
And then he came and said mom,someone's on the phone for you,
and I'm like what?
She's on the other mind dyinglaughing and I'm like what she's
on the other mind dyinglaughing.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I'm like get out, get out.
Yeah, yeah, that was kind offunny, that was funny, so mm-hmm
.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
After he left, we literally just said man.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Man.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
He totally ruined the mood Just ruined everything.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Ruined the mood.
Yeah, just ruined the mood.
Just ruined everything.
Ruined the mood.
Yeah, just ruined the mood.
And you know Amai is going toget you back.
I can't wait.
I can't wait till Amai gets youback.
I can't wait, she will get youback.
She will get you back, allright, all right, okay, so now
it was Jordan, and then y'allwas going to tell the story.
Okay so?
Yeah, so we told the storyabout Jordan, all right, so we
(41:16):
still got enough time.
We're going to go ahead andwhat we're going to get ready to
do now we do have a anothervideo that we really want to
talk about, and we want to wantto talk about this, and I think
this leads up.
We still give you some time.
If you want to call in, you cancall in.
I want to say, trust me, Iremember All right, all right,
(41:38):
and this will give you some timefor you to call in, but we want
to talk about this as well.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
The men who kiss their wives goodbye when they
leave for work live somethinglike four years longer than men
who don't.
But the six-second kiss, whichwe recommend, has much more
potential than that pick on thecheek.
What is the six-second kiss?
A kiss that lasts at least sixseconds.
Why not five or four?
Because oxytocin gets secreted.
(42:09):
With a 20-second hug or asix-second kiss, you're both
secreting oxytocin and thatcreates a sense of psychological
safety and connection andbonding and bonding all right,
what you think about that baby,what you think about that I love
this analogy.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I mean, I loved it when, because, when I first
started, because it's comesometimes where you know you
like I say you, you're so busywith life and so many things
that's going on that you will belike I'm out the door right,
right right.
I'm out the door and I can onlythink about you.
Know he says such a connection.
If you could just count to sixwhile you planting that kiss you
(42:52):
know, your mind is on focusingon that kiss versus everything
else that's going to take offand happen during the day.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Which is why I kiss you like I kiss you in the
morning Sometimes.
I jump right on top of you.
You sleep.
I jump right, fully dressed,jump right on top of you and
kiss you on your forehead andall over your face.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Just so I can have that connection, because I'm
taking that with me.
On those days I don't wear anarticle of your clothing.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
On the days when I can't you know?
Speaker 2 (43:24):
there are days when I'm like I want to be close to
you and I'll go and I'll grabsomething, something out of your
closet or something out of yourdrawer, and I'll wear it to
work and then I'll try to sneakyou back in the house so you
don't see.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
And I always catch you, you always catch me.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
But those are the bond and the connection, and
that kiss and that being that,that having that closeness with
you.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I really, really like you know the fact that because,
like I say, we get so busy withlife we don't really think
about it.
But how many, you know, when I,you know, I read a lot of
different things and I watch alot of TikTok.
I got to stop watching thisstuff.
But it's a lot of times whenthere was this lady that her
(44:09):
husband had got into a reallybad accident.
It wasn't fatal, but when theywere, when she was being
interviewed about it, she waslike I didn't even kiss him this
morning before.
I left Wow, yeah, yeah, I didn'teven tell him that I love him
before.
I was so busy I was trying toget kids in the car and I was
trying to go and you know shejust that was like just tearing
(44:31):
her apart.
Right, If this accident wasfatal, she didn't get her last
kiss.
Mm-hmm, you know she didn't gether last kiss, or you know she
didn't get her last.
Love you, babe, or nothing likethat.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
So that's you know, I think.
I think it's important, rightright, all right, all right, uh,
is this a uh?
Not to mention, it's the lastinteraction if something bad
happens, that's what you said.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yeah, yeah, you know because, yeah, that way you want
to.
You want to always let thatperson know.
You know, even when I'm upsetwith you, I love you.
Even the more when I'm upsetwith you, it reminds me why I
love you, wow.
You know it's like you knowwhat, if I didn't love him, you
(45:12):
know, if I didn't love this, youknow.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
so yeah, Okay, yeah, and look, and what did he say?
Men can live longer.
They can live longer y'all canlive longer.
I wonder what it do for I'mtelling you I don't know, I
don't know I'm gonna look at hisbook yeah, I'm gonna go find
him well, yeah, I tell you what.
What is gonna, what is gonnacause me to do, is make sure I
(45:38):
count to six while I'm kissingyou, because usually it's just
like when I'm leaving for workit's a peck and I say I love you
and whatever, but I'll makesure I'm six seconds Because I
want to live long baby.
I want you to.
Oh yeah, we got too much to do,Too much, Too much to do.
So, yeah, we want to live long.
Well, we got too much to do,Too much, Too much to do.
(45:59):
So, yeah, we want to live long.
Well, tonight was a goodsubject.
Man, tonight, I mean, I reallylove tonight, man, All right.
So well, we're getting time togo.
It is time for us to go.
We want to make sure that youshare and like.
Matter of fact, stop whatyou're doing right now and like
the video.
So by the end of the night, weshould at least have eight, nine
(46:25):
, ten likes.
Right, we should have at leastten likes, All right, Please
make sure you like.
And then also don't, make sureyou not only like, but make sure
you share.
I'm pretty sure somebody wantsto hear this.
You know some married couple,you know, and this will be fun,
you know this will be fun forthem, you know.
So make sure you share, sharethis video.
And if you're listening to uson Apple Podcasts, you know
(46:51):
Spotify, Amazon Music, whateveryou're listening to, please make
sure you comment and give us areview.
We want to make sure you dothat.
Make sure you share it.
Make sure you tell your friendsabout it.
Tell them to go to ApplePodcasts or wherever wherever
you get your podcasting from,you know, wherever you.
And also you can get thepodcast from YouTube Music too,
(47:13):
you know.
So please make sure you, youknow, give us a review, a
five-star review.
We are looking for that.
I had so much fun tonight, baby.
I had so much fun.
Thank you guys.
Y'all made it fun.
Yeah, y'all made it so fun.
Y'all really made it fun.
So we'll be in the comments fora little bit while this video
is playing.
So you know we'll be saying byeand everything like that,
(47:35):
because, again, we know it'ssome latency thing, but I really
enjoyed tonight and I just wantto tell you again, baby, I love
you and you know we lookforward to some good sex,
absolutely.
All right.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
If you're hearing this message, you've listened to
the entire episode and for thatwe want to thank you from the
bottom of our hearts.
We hope you enjoyed this newepisode and, if you did, please
rate and review our show on yourfavorite podcast channel.
Please share this episode withothers who may be interested in
this topic and also feel free tolet us know what topics you'd
like to see covered in futureepisodes.
(48:10):
Get in touch in the comments oron any social media networks.
At Marriage in Real LifePodcast.
See you in two weeks for ournext episode.
Thank, you.
all right, we're ready to get in our topic
tonight.
We're ready to get in our topic.
Just, man, we're gonna get init into it, and so are you ready
to get in the topic I am readyall right, here we go.
All right, we will.
Hey, we want to make sure youwarned me we're a llama, so
(00:23):
we're talking about putting sexon the calendar.
Can it work?
Putting sex on the calendar?
Can it work?
We just talked about the7-7-7-7 principle.
Right, that's on the calendar.
That means seven days doingthis and doing this, and you
look at your calendar and you dothat.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
But when you put it on the calendar, I think it
don't.
Speaker 1 (00:43):
What are you talking about Putting?
What the seven, sevensprinciples?
Or are you talking about sex?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Putting sex on the calendar.
Alright, it's not romantic.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
You don't think so?
No, alright, okay.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
It seems more or less like a whim bam.
Thank you, ma'am.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
So you think it could be like a to-do list, right?
Speaker 2 (00:59):
Yeah, like it's on the list of things to do.
Speaker 1 (01:01):
Okay, so it's not.
You know, you're saying thatthere's no spontaneity in it.
Exactly Okay, all right, allright, all right, so, but you
know.
So we're going to just talkabout it.
We got it from Les and them andso we said look, research,
though.
Research says this Schedulingsex actually works for many
(01:22):
couples.
So scheduling sex actuallyworks for many couples.
If you're wondering how that'spossible, we're going to look at
it right now.
Okay, let's jump right in,because we're taking this from
last.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Yeah, I know I'm looking at it.
It's like they say I don't knowabout this one.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
I'm like, yeah, I know, I don't know about it.
Okay, all right, let's talk.
That's why we're going to talkabout it.
You know what I mean.
We're going to talk about it.
You like surprise?
Okay, all right, look at it.
You know what we're going toadd.
We're going to add on to that,all right.
So let's see what they say.
All right, let's talk about itand see what they say, all right
, all right.
What they said is is thatplanning actually actually
(01:59):
creates anticipation.
It's almost when you plan, it'slike when you plan on plan on
your 7777.
All right, when you plan onthat, it creates anticipation.
So it's like man, if we'regonna, we're gonna plan this
this, this day, that we're gonnahave sex, it's like an
anticipation.
Like man, I can't wait till ithappens all right, that's
(02:23):
possible.
That's we're just talking aboutthe possibilities.
You know what I'm saying.
We're just talking about thepossibilities Because, again,
sometimes life has a tendency todo it and you know, just like,
we're planning a date you got to, you know it takes away from.
Look, we're going to do thisdate, no matter what, you know
whatever, and you know lifehappens, but we got to do it.
If we don't do it on Friday, wegot to do it on Saturday.
(02:43):
If we don't do it on Saturday,we got to do it on Saturday.
We got to have that date Allright.
So we're saying here it's funny, ain't it?
Planning creates anticipation,All right, so this is it.
So one reason why schedulingsex on a calendar works for a
busy couple is that planningactually creates anticipation
for the moment.
(03:04):
Okay creates anticipation forthe moment.
Speaker 2 (03:05):
Okay, all right, I can read it.
Can I just read what first?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
okay, yeah, come on, just read what first man, oh man
.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
So what if you're not in the mood?
So what, I can't stand.
What if I can't stand?
You right now, just get themclothes off.
You know what you're right.
You're right for for it Because, like say, for instance, you
plan it and the anticipation hasbeen high, but that morning we
have a little disagreement.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
Well, you know, that means, you shouldn't have no
disagreement, man.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
So that means do we cancel the plans?
We have to reschedule the plansCome on, man, y'all messing up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
We got to get through this.
We got to get through this.
I'm just saying.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
It's a hot topic for me, you know, it is All right,
so check it out.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
So, if you feel resistant to the idea of
planning, try reframing it.
All right, don't think of it asa to-do item.
Okay, all right.
So okay, all right, we'rerolling, we're rolling, all
(04:12):
right.
Planning allows for preparation, all right.
Planning allows for preparation, all right, so check this out.
This is what they say.
They say when sex is on thecalendar and you're making it a
priority that allows you andyour spouse to prepare for
(04:32):
intimacy, cause you know whatwhat they say, you know people
we first got married to me howto prepare for intimacy.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Now you gotta.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
now you gotta set a plan and a schedule and and but
as you got kids, as life comes,businesses and all of this kind
of stuff, sometimes that stuff,you know it becomes priority,
right, and so what it's sayinghere is that planning it makes
it priority.
(05:02):
It's like this Some people theywake up every day and they have
a to-do list.
That means that is theirpriority.
They may have a weekly list.
This is their priority.
Some people live by theircalendars.
Some people they live, and soif you put sex with spouse on
there, that is your priority forthe week, that is your priority
(05:24):
for the day, and maybe youdidn't get it that day, but as a
to-do list you add it on whatyou didn't get done.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
The day before.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
You know, you keep putting it there so you can make
it until it gets.
You know.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Until it gets to Sunday.
Before you know it, it's reallygone.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
Alright.
So when sex is on the calendar,you're making it a priority
that allows you and your spouseto prepare for intimacy, so both
of you can build an appropriaterhythm around the dates.
All right, no matter when theyfall on the calendar, you can
make sure your schedules arecleared and everything is
squared away for your timetogether, all right.
What are they saying here?
Squared away for your timetogether, all right.
What are they saying here?
(06:08):
I see that y'all are giving outassignments.
I better get a spouse by thenext month.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
You know what you're saying.
On that day he's going to be onhis best behavior.
You know what you're saying.
You better be on your bestbehavior.
If you want to add it to thenext day's calendar, that's
what's going to happen.
So you're right about.
I say hey, lizzie.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Hey, lizzie, how you doing so.
Preparation is important as youmove into busier seasons that's
what they're saying, or say solife, careers and marriage, all
right.
So preparation is important,all right.
If you have children, you mightneed to plan for child care.
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Mm-hmm, you might need to plan for child care.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
Mm-hmm, you know, don't call me, you might be
having to take them to thegrandparents.
Jesus man, I tell you that justreminds me of Jordan Nope.
(07:04):
All right, all right, all right.
So it says planning an intimateencounter.
It doesn't sound glamorous, butit's definitely worth the
effort.
All right, all right.
So it's like this.
Think of it like this you valueintimacy so much that you're
willing to plan ahead to make ithappen.
Okay, all right, all right, allright, all right, all right.
(07:25):
So the third one is all right.
The third one is this is good,right here.
Planning creates pacing youcan't agree on Pacing?
Yeah, all right, so check thisout.
Agreeing on intimate datesahead of time can also help you
and your spouse find a pacingand frequency you can agree on.
Speaker 2 (07:50):
I agree, you agree, you agree, I agree.
So, like it says, on thefrequency part.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So it says like this but this is true, this is true.
This next sentence is reallytrue.
Because, oftentimes spouseshave different sex drives.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah, yeah, because oftentimes spouses have
different sex drives.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
Yeah, yeah, right, sometimes it be up, sometimes it
be down, sometimes it benon-existent, sometimes it be
against the I don't know whatyou you are bothering me.
You know, sometimes it's likethat right, sometimes, yeah, at
a different of ages.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Definitely at a different of ages.
Speaker 1 (08:23):
Different of ages, definitely at a different age,
different of ages.
And you know you may have someyou know sickness or something
that you may be taking medicine,right, that affects your sex
drive, yeah, right, and ithappens.
So that's, you know, that's asquickly to tell, to tell couples
.
You know you might as well getit in while you, while you're
young, you know, get it in asmany times as you can.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Even when you're still, you know, between I want
to say between your.
I want to say maybe 37 to about, maybe somewhere around 47.
You can be at your, you canstill be at a peak, but your
partner may not, and then youmay go like this your partner
may be here.
Speaker 1 (09:05):
Right, you may be here Right.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
And then it comes a time when you're balanced again,
mm-hmm.
That's usually not.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
That's usually what.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
That's usually not long-lived, so during that time
you want to get it, you want toget it, I'm done with you.
Oh man, I'm done with you.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I've been having so much fun.
I've been having so much fun.
Speaker 2 (09:27):
It's so true, though, because I can remember times
when you know like I was like,yeah, let's take one for the
team, and you was like no andI'm like, well, why not?
man, I got too much on my mindand that was ministry, and you
know the kids in college and somuch going on.
You know that was ministry, andyou know the kids in college,
and so much going on.
You know that was the lastthing on your mind.
(09:50):
You know what I'm saying.
So I think, and then when itvice versa, I'm trying a new job
, I'm trying to do my ownbusiness, I'm trying to do all
this stuff on the side.
So here I am and here you areRight, so it does happen.
And so I think this um, whenthat happened, I think this is
the best, best thing to do.
The best you know to do thecalendar right.
(10:11):
And you're busy like thatbecause you don't want to
neglect your partner, right?
You know you don't want to feel, you know, and sometimes and
sometimes women just don't feelsexy.
Sometimes don't we get in aplace where we don't we don't
feel.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
Attractive sexy.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
We don't feel good with ourselves and we like, we
don't really want our partner tosee us in that vulnerable state
, so we may back off you know,and be like it's not.
It's not him, it's just I'mjust not happy with with me
right now.
It could be something internal.
It's just that I'm just nothappy with me right now.
It could be something internal.
It could be your appearance.
In my case it could be my hairone of my many different hairs.
(10:53):
You know, it comes a time wherewe do go through that.
Well, you know we're notfeeling sexy and we're feeling
insecure about how we feelinside.
You know what's going on withus and it kind of will push us
away.
So during this time would be atime to definitely plan it.
But when you're not feelingsexy or you know sexual, it
(11:16):
becomes a chore.
It's like I'm just doing it,just to do it, to do it, right,
right and.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I guess in that time well, in all times, but
especially in that times that'swhy it takes communication,
right, don't you agree?
Yeah, right, you know, like, ifyou know again, if you're not
feeling sexy or I'm not feeling,I'm just whatever, it's time to
communicate and say, hey, isthis is not you or whatever like
that.
It's just that I'm not, becausesometimes people was you know,
(11:45):
say, oh, is, is something wrongwith me.
And then you know, you goaround and and all this kind of
stuff.
And that's when, again, herecomes the enemy creeping in,
right, and we try and avoid that, but that's what we try to
avoid.
So what communication avoids theenemy from creeping in?
And because if you know howyour partner is feeling, you
know how your partner, whatthey're going through, because
(12:07):
again, in different ages, thingshappen.
You know and you don't know.
You know you don't know untilyou get there, you know you may
be all fine now, you know berabbits and stuff like that, but
it's going to become a timewhere there's going to be no
rabbits.
You know so, and you got tocommunicate and you've got to be
able to talk about that.
(12:27):
You know what I'm saying and Ijust want to pause right here.
Pause right here and say this,and you tell me this all the
time.
I think you tell women all thetime.
Men need to know this.
Look, women want sex just asmuch as men.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Absolutely Good sex.
Women want sex just as much asmen.
Absolutely good good sex.
All right, we do.
But yeah, and I, I um.
You want to go to the question?
Speaker 1 (12:56):
um, well, we got, uh, you know, we got some over here
.
No, we go.
We're gonna tell you, womenwant good sex just as much as
men, right, and this, this, this, this belief is that you know a
man who, just you know, and Ithink married men want good sex
(13:16):
too.
I don't think married men justwant to relieve themselves.
I think they want to be loved,they want to.
True, you know, if this is mypartner, I want to be loved.
They want to.
True, you know, if I mean thisis my partner, I want to be with
my partner and I want to.
You know, love, even if it's aquickie.
You know what I mean.
It's me and my partner.
It's not.
(13:37):
I ain't thinking about nobodyelse, I ain't doing it.
It's me and my partner, and Iwant that, and, and I, you know,
like you say, women want itjust as bad as men.
It's not a one-sided thing,right, but they want it.
Good, you know what I mean.
So that's a thing here, allright.
And also, again, we're talkingabout married couples.
You know, I hear you, for youknow, talking to married couples
(14:01):
and I was going to say this inthe beginning of the broadcast
is that we are a Christiancouple.
We believe in marriage and thecovenant, and we believe
marriage is between a man and awoman.
That's just what we believe,and so you know, anybody that's
watching they may or listening,they may feel somewhere else,
but this is where we are, youknow.
(14:22):
So you know, I just want tobring that out.
All right, here we go, here wego.
So Ferg say here okay, jordan,I'll remind you of Jordan, howe?
Okay, we'll tell you about thatlater.
That's just a funny story, youknow, just a funny story.
All right, so Ferg says whenyou have young kids, benadryl is
.
Speaker 2 (14:41):
We are not condoning that.
To drug your children, no we'renot condoning that.
We're not condoning that.
For Whatever works for you, yeswhatever works for you.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
No, it's been a just cheap dinner baby.
All right, man Zeldin overthere cracking up, he says we
saw the question, we saw thequestion, don't you know?
We're going to tell you, we'recrack it up.
It says, um uh, they like wesaw we saw the question, for we
saw the question.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
Don't you know, we, we, we, we, we gonna tell you,
we gonna tell you All right.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
So Izzy says this intimacy begins at the start of
the day and outside, if outside,of the bedroom.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
I agree with that.
See, I knew it was somethingabout that girl, the way we were
connected.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
I knew it the moment I met her.
I knew it yes, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
And I totally agree because you know, in the morning
, when I leave, eric is knockedout because you know he worked
overnight.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
So he'd be over there and he'd be getting it in.
Speaker 2 (15:40):
He'd be getting it in baby, and when I hear it it's
so funny that it could be anannoying sound.
But it's also a sound to let meknow that he's still among the
living.
Speaker 1 (15:49):
Oh Jesus, I know he's still with me.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
So when I leave in the morning he's out cold, so I
always stand at the foot of thebed and pray for him.
And then I'll go and I'll kisshim, and I usually kiss him a
little bit longer than expected,Try not to wake him up, but
I'll just kiss him a little bitlonger than and then expect, try
not to wake him up, but I'lljust kiss him on the top of his
head, on his cheeks, sometimesbehind his ear, and it just does
something to me and I can besitting in my desk at 10 o'clock
(16:14):
.
I leave the house about 7.30,but at 10 o'clock it's like I
miss him.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
I miss my baby.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
I miss you so much.
When he called me yes, hecalled me oh geez.
Yes, he called me.
He's like hey, babe, you know,and it's so funny because the
ladies that surround me theyalways say you and your husband
always ask each other hey, howyou doing?
I was like yeah, we do.
It's just natural to us.
He'll be like hey, babe, hey,how you doing?
(16:40):
I'm doing all right, babe, howare you?
But when they talk to theirpartners, I never hear them ask.
That's what I'm saying now.
Speaker 1 (16:50):
Okay, yeah, all right , all right, good, all right.
So I agree.
Intervention begins at thebeginning of the day, so check
this out.
This is what it says.
If you're worried thatscheduling sex will ruin
spontaneity, all right.
Remember that just because youschedule sex doesn't mean sex is
(17:12):
limited to that schedule.
Speaker 2 (17:13):
Mm-hmm, you go off the schedule yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
Mm-hmm, just because that, all right.
Just because you schedulesomething, that doesn't mean
that you can't go off thatschedule, all right.
Um, we got here.
Who's going up here?
Lindsey, lindsey, all right.
Lindsey says most women needsthe consistent affection and
intimacy our sex drive is nowautomatic.
(17:41):
Not, oh, it's not automatic.
Oh, oh, okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (17:44):
I agree with that too .
Speaker 1 (17:47):
Okay, All right, All right.
So when we so, we hit thesubject about that spontaneity
Because it's scheduled.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
That doesn't mean that it can't be fun.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
It can't be you know doing anything.
It can't be that All right.
So it all right, so you can,you can plan it, but you, you
know you can, you don't have tohold to that schedule.
(18:18):
That's one thing you don't haveto hold to.
Yeah, all right, uh.
Jordan says, or jordan saysI've, I've heard the term, uh,
chore play.
That's kind of what he says.
That that kind of embodies theidea chore play, all right, joey
, you're gonna, you're going tohave to call in, tell us what
that's about.
Yeah, when we have to call inSchool loves old folks.
Yeah, school loves old folksthere.
All right, all right, here wego.
I got this.
You didn't get it, but I gotthis.
I've been doing my research.
Now I'm telling you I right, sohere we go.
(18:43):
I got three steps to schedulesex in your marriage.
Uh-oh, three steps.
I'm going to give you threesteps.
Speaker 2 (18:51):
Let me get a pencil and paper, let me write these
down.
Speaker 4 (18:57):
Can you send me this?
Speaker 2 (18:58):
transcript.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
All right Okay let's go, All right this is what's
done by Tony and Alyssa of OneExtraordinary Marriage.
This is three steps, all right?
All right, here's the first one.
Here's the first one.
All right, Izzy, I need you toput this in the chat when you
get a chance.
All right, Three steps toschedule sex in your marriage,
all right.
Number one communicate theexpectation.
Speaker 2 (19:22):
Okay, I like that right communicate.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
So.
So what happened is that bothof you need to sit down and
communicate about how yourmarriage would be transformed by
scheduling sex.
So you're sitting down, alright, and so by getting to the same
path in your communication, bothof you will open up in all
areas of your marriage.
We already said, communicationsis key Communications.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
So if I say, hey, yo, you know about our schedule six
, I'm thinking about a littlehandcuffs and wilts and chains
you going to be okay with that,you going to be like we are.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Oh Lord, that is undefiled, yeah, yeah, hey.
That's why we say we tell youwhatever you do in your boudoir
is up to you.
We're gonna tell you what to do.
You know, that's up to you.
That's not up to you, all right, so, so, so I mean, that's up
to you, not up to you, butthat's up to you, even as bishop
.
You remember, bishop, and youknow, first lady, when they said
, when they talked about in thebedroom, when you mentioned the
(20:24):
handcuffs and everything, yeah,you did, all right, all right.
So each of you will gain a newlevel of trust with one another,
which will allow for amazingsex when you schedule it, all
right.
So number one is whatCommunicate?
All right, communicate yourexpectations, what is expected
by us scheduling this sex time?
(20:46):
All right, all right.
Number two, number two, numbertwo you got to set the
parameters.
Set the parameters, oh gee.
So ain't no handcuffs, we'renot doing it on Tuesday.
We ain't got to do no handcuffson Tuesday, all right, we'll do
them on Friday, but we're notdoing them on Tuesday.
Okay, but we will do them, yeah, but we will, because we're the
communicators, you know.
(21:09):
Oh Jesus, oh boy, all right.
So you set the parameters, allright.
So once you're both on board,you need to set the parameters.
The two of you need to decidethe days.
Okay, all right, that each ofyou is responsible for taking
the lead.
Oh, I knew that was going toget you.
I like that.
(21:30):
You like that?
Huh, I do, right.
All right, I have a problemwith that, right, so you sit
down.
I just got to follow it Jesus.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
You got to follow me, jesus, oh God.
Speaker 1 (21:41):
All right, so the two of you need to decide the days
that each of you for taking thelead initiating, you know, okay,
when it comes to sex, all right, so you got to sit down.
All right, so you're not goingto have sex on all of your days,
right, although that would befun, all right.
But instead you're going totake the lead, you're going to
initiate on one of those days,okay, all right, all right, so
(22:03):
this is how it goes.
All right, all right, so thisis how it goes.
All right, all right.
So this is how it goes, forexample.
All right.
This is, for example oh, malika.
Malika said schedule a freakyFriday.
Oh Jesus, oh Lord, what we donestarted.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
I don't know, but that's not doing it.
Love, oh Lord.
All right, that's what I'mtalking about All right.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
So this is an example .
This is an example.
All right, all right, so okay.
Say for instance, me and you,right, we sit down, we talk.
And it says okay, on Sunday,monday or Tuesday, I take the
lead.
I've decided to lead andinitiate sex.
Speaker 2 (22:39):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (22:39):
Sunday, monday or Tuesday.
All right, all right so, but Ionly have to initiate um on one
of those days sunday, monday ortuesday.
I only have to initiate that,all right so, um.
So this is how it goes.
So we know, if we haven't hadsex on sunday or monday, then
(22:59):
we're sure to have it on tuesdaytuesday, wednesday, thursday
this is my initiation, remember,we have.
We've decided who is going toinitiate.
A week to initiate.
No, this is my initiation.
Remember, we've decided who isgoing to initiate.
This is your week to initiate.
No, this is my.
Whatever you decide.
Okay, it may be a week, it maybe whatever like that, but maybe
take the days of the weeks,right?
Mm-hmm, all right?
So Sunday, monday or Tuesday ismy time to initiate sex.
(23:22):
Okay, right, all right, andwe're going to talk about about
initiating, all right.
So if I, we don't have sex onMonday, on Sunday, we don't have
sex on Monday, it's all gone.
We got to have sex on Tuesday.
I got to initiate sex onTuesday, okay, right, so.
So, patsy, so your days toinitiate and take the lead on
(23:43):
Wednesday, thursday and FridayAll Thursday and Friday, all
right, so on one of those days,but I can only pick one day out
of the three.
No, you can you know again?
We have to agree, but that'sthe one day you know that you're
going to take the lead.
So we don't have sex onWednesday.
We don't have sex on Thursday.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
We will Jeez, but okay, but I understand your
concept.
I can choose one of the three,if it don't happen one of those
days.
But if it happen all three ofthose days, it's okay too.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Boy, look at you.
You're trying to rail brotherout ain't you?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
I'm just saying, I'm just throwing it out.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
You're just throwing it out there.
I'm just throwing it out.
That reminds me of those sevendays.
You remember that.
Okay, all right, you gocomplain if you want to.
I got to tell that story to theladies no, you can tell it now
if you want to.
Speaker 2 (24:35):
So Eric was harassing me about sex a while back,
about 12 years ago, anyway.
So at this particular time hewas here and I was there.
He kept asking me.
He kept, you know, just kept atme with it.
So I said okay, I shared thiswith my girlfriends.
I said with Donna and Erica Isaid I got something for them.
(24:56):
They was like what's it got?
I said I'm going to tell youwhen it's done.
Every day when he walkedthrough the door Sunday, monday,
tuesday, wednesday, thursday bythe time we got to Wednesday he
was like this is enough, thisis enough, this is enough.
And when I told Donna and Ericathey laughed so hard.
They said that's what he get,that's exactly what he get.
(25:18):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1 (25:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Oh yeah, I initiated it.
Speaker 1 (25:22):
That's what you wanted.
I made it happen.
That's why I joke to be talking.
You know, you got that song outnow hours and hours and hours.
Man, you joke is crazy.
So we looked at Sunday, welooked at Monday, we looked at
Tuesday, wednesday, thursday andFriday.
You know, saturday we just takethe day off.
Speaker 2 (25:40):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (25:41):
You know so, but that's a bonus day.
So, for instance, maybe we justdo it on Tuesday and maybe do
it on Friday Then Saturday.
You instance, maybe we just doit on Tuesday and maybe do it on
Friday, then Saturday.
You know, you may wake up inthe morning knowing about it
going to work and you feel alittle something.
You know, and you feelsomething inside you and you
feel something inside you andyou know I'm talking about your
heart.
You know.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
You know what First thing the freaks come out at?
Speaker 1 (26:12):
night.
Boy they crack it up, boy theycrack it up.
Speaker 2 (26:19):
Good one, Lindsay Good one.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
Oh Lord, y'all driving me crazy boy.
Speaker 2 (26:25):
That's right Minutes and minutes.
Let's wrap it up Three to fourminutes at that.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
It's a wrap, wow all right, all right, all right.
So that's just an example.
So so the two you are going toneed to spend time in discussion
.
So that's where yourcommunication on on how to do it
.
All right, so and so, likewe're, maybe you, maybe this is
a week thing, maybe you know.
Maybe it's a daily thing, youknow, maybe it's a week thing.
Maybe you look at your calendar, you say, ok, this week you
(26:57):
initiate, you know, next week Iinitiate, or you know whatever
like that, but don't let it be amonthly thing.
You know in the initiate, andso you know in the initiate, and
so you can alternate weeks andall that kind of stuff.
All right.
So, whatever you choose, allright, whatever you choose, just
try it out for three to sixmonths and see how it goes.
All right, all right, all right.
(27:20):
So number one was whatCommunicate?
Communicate the expectations,whatever we expect, you know,
you know how are we going to doit, what the days are, you know.
Whatever Set the, whatever weexpect, you know, uh, you know
how we're going to do it, whatthe days are, you know.
Whatever set the parameters,that's, the days of the weeks or
whatever like that, all right.
Number three is initiate sex.
So what it?
What it happens is is that nowthat you got the days you need
(27:44):
to talk, like you question it.
What does it mean when you sayinitiate sex?
What does it?
What does you know?
What does this mean?
So if, if initiating has beenone-sided for the majority of
your marriage, then there's somework to do.
You know, and a lot of timeswhat happens is in a marriage is
that the woman is expected toinitiate all the sex.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
I thought you said you didn't like it.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Jesus oh.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
Lord, I can't.
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Oh Lord, all right, okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Is it really?
Do you, men, really expect forthe woman to initiate sex?
Oh, yeah, a lot of times yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:28):
Why I mean a lot of times, yeah, why?
I mean I don't know, becausewomen are so good at it.
I mean y'all so good at lookingall sexy and you know, and all
that kind of stuff.
We be like, oh boy, yeah, wesitting over there with a you
(28:49):
know belly hanging Well you knowwe would like to see you guys.
I would tell you this I mean, Iknow a lot of men that don't
feel attractive.
They don't I mean married menthat don't feel attractive.
And so, like you said, it goesback to what you're saying when
you don't feel attractive, youdon't feel like initiating that,
and you know you're just saying, wow, okay, she do, you know
whatever, but they just don'tfeel like.
And and you know you're justsaying wow, okay, she do, you
know whatever, but they justdon't feel like it, and that's.
(29:11):
You know men, do Men go throughthat too?
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Well, women don't?
I know me as a woman.
I don't mind initiating sex,but I don't want to do it all
the time.
But I don't want to do it allthe time, right.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
So that's why it says that we need to sit down and we
need to talk about initiation.
Okay, here are some examples.
All right, here are someexamples right here.
Okay, put on, put on theglasses now.
I want you to, I want you tosee it too.
I want you to see it and hearit, whatever, all right.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
So these are some examples.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
All right, some guys.
This is, this is some.
You know some examples, ladies.
This is some examples as well.
All right, right.
So this is what.
Some examples is.
Izzy, we thank you for that Boy.
I'm telling you, izzy, be on it, all right.
So lighting candles in thebedroom.
You know, lighting candles inthe bedroom, all right, all
right.
Notes with arrows.
(30:05):
Notes with arrows on them Allright.
Notes with arrows on themleading to a specific place.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah, you like that, don't you?
I do All right, let me look whatEasy say.
Easy say men would like to bedesired to, so they wouldn't
mind women initiating sex.
All right, all right.
(30:28):
First, as one of the reasonssome men oh yeah, but we getting
a lot of this one of thereasons some men think that
women initiate is because menfeel that she thinks that that's
all he wants from from me.
Speaker 2 (30:38):
Okay, all right I agree with that.
I mean again we know we want,we want to be desired, we don't
want to initiate all the time.
Speaker 1 (30:47):
All right, jordan.
Little Richard say it feelslike we are forcing you to have
sex with us if we keepinitiating all the time.
Women initiating makes us feelwanted, at least for me.
Speaker 2 (30:58):
All right.
All right, all right, all right, son, I hear you, I hear you.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
All right, I like them.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
We will talk.
All right, so lighting We'lltalk, All right.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
So lighting the candles in the bedroom, that's
one.
Initiating sex, All right, Allright.
And you know not lighting thecandles for the take a nap, you
know.
So.
Don't get no sensual, you knowno smelling good, you don't like
when you go.
You know lavender, you don'twant to get those kind of
candles, you know, I don't know,Maybe you want to get, I don't
know.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Maybe you want to get something tropical.
Like you know, make the island.
Speaker 1 (31:31):
Yeah, keep the man going.
You know what I'm saying.
So light encounters in thebedroom?
Okay.
Notes with arrows on themleading to a specific place.
All right, a soft whisper, Softwhisper in the ear.
Speaker 2 (31:45):
Yeah, like hey, hey, baby, All right, texting
throughout the ear.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Yeah, like hey, baby, let's go.
Hey, you know All right Textingthroughout the day.
Speaker 2 (31:53):
I'll be a bit busy so I probably won't be able to
text you right back if you dothat, but if I see a text I
always try to respond.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:02):
Okay, all right.
So texting throughout the day,you know, all right, all right,
all right, leaving a flower or apiece of chocolate on the
pillow.
So I leave some kit kats, I'm,I'm good.
Okay, all right, now I'm gonnaget some.
I'm gonna get a bag full of kitkats, all right, all right.
Special piece of clothing.
(32:23):
Now, baby, you know I like youin your sundress.
Okay, you know I like you inyour sundress.
Okay, you know I like you inyour sundress.
Boy, I can't wait till you wearthat white one.
Boy, don't wear the white oneto church.
I'll put it like that I won'twear it to church, I'll be up
here preaching.
You know my mind will be goingsomewhere else.
I don't want to be up herepreaching and my mind look back
there and I think you know, oh,okay nice that's, that's nice,
(32:56):
and I think with that one it'saccording how you.
It goes back to what you'resaying.
If you don't feel right, thenthat that won't do nothing, all
right, all right.
Well, I remember the time whenyou came to my job.
Well, I'll never forget that aslong as I live, baby, I would
never forget that.
In a trench coat.
Yes, sir, yes, sir, that's mybaby.
(33:19):
You, you, you hit the nail onthe head boy.
Well, I tell you, I love you, Ilove you baby.
All right, all right, certaintouches you.
You know what was you.
You know you have a certaintouch, right?
Yeah?
Okay, all right, all right, allright, all right, here we go.
(33:39):
Uh, code words that can be usedanywhere.
We got a code word.
We got no code.
We got to come up with a codeword well, we really don't need
one yeah, we need to come upwith one okay we need to come up
with a code word that to tellus that you know what you know
we.
Okay, we need to come up with acode word to tell us that you
(34:01):
know what you know we'resomewhere.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
it's time to go.
That's the code word, that's it.
If I look at you like this, ifI do this, it's time to go.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
See, you have certain gestures.
I mean you know you havecertain gestures, you know that
okay is you know?
Is that time?
You know you know you want itor whatever you know.
So, yeah, you have, you hadthat look.
I know the look Just like.
You know, like, just like howkids you know how that look when
the parents are mad.
You got that look All right,all right.
(34:34):
So that's some things and Iwant you to you know if you
either call in or you could putdown some things of examples of
ways to intimacy, All right, allright.
And so this person did you know?
Say man, it's not the women'sjob to initiate sex?
We will say that learning toinitiate sex is one of the
toughest parts for many couples,because sometimes you don't
(34:56):
know what you know, what canhappen or what turns a person on
or what state that person mightbe in that time, but then the
communication will help you findfigure that out right, okay,
okay, all right, cool.
so you got to take your time and, uh, you know, find out what's,
what's the best, the two of you, all right.
(35:18):
So Ferg says isn't nakednessevery day?
Oh Jesus, it is.
But you know, I would add inlook, if it's time to initiate
sex, right, don't wear thegrandma robe or the grandma um
(35:41):
nightgown to bed why not whengrandma wore those dresses?
Speaker 2 (35:45):
let me tell you something grandma had what about
13 children?
Those dresses, y'all don't,don't, don't, not, don't write
those off, because grandma wasdropping it like it's hot in
them, little house man, don't bewearing that stuff.
Speaker 1 (35:59):
You know, don't do that, all right.
Okay, all right.
Speaker 2 (36:03):
Let's see.
Speaker 1 (36:04):
All right.
We got Ferg saying.
Lindsay said baby, it's time togo.
You know, all right, yeah, it'stime to go.
That's it, it's time to go.
Okay, ferg says the grunts andthe hand gestures from the movie
Clan of the Cave Bears was ourscene, what?
That was y'all code that wasy'all code, wow, oh geez.
(36:25):
Oh man, all right, all right,all right, here's a Ferg Wilder
tonight, all right.
So is this a?
Is this a Use?
Is to say, use a fishbowl ofdifferent spontaneous intimate
moments and pull them on theschedule dates.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:44):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
Yeah, and yeah he is, isn't healways yeah?
Speaker 1 (36:50):
he's out there.
He's out there, all right.
So we're ready to.
You know, I'm going to see if Ican get this thing to work this
time, because I know Ferg saidhe tried to call in last time
and it didn't.
You know, it didn't do what itwas supposed to do, so we want
(37:13):
to make sure that it is doingthat this time.
So we want you to be able tocall in and 754-222-2219,
754-222-2219.
We want you to be able to callin and we want to be able to
talk to you, you know.
So go ahead and you know goahead and call in.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
Let me see share with us some of your spontaneous
decisions or or ideas that youcame up with.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (37:40):
We got Lindsay on the line.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
We got you no.
Speaker 2 (37:45):
No, that's not.
Oh, I can't hear you right now.
Speaker 1 (37:50):
No, I didn't know.
I didn't know it was my phonethat was doing that.
Yeah, so 754-222.
I'm going to make sure I put itup here so people can, and so
people can um dial in.
Want to put that number rightthere 754-222-2219.
And we want to hear, um, youknow again what y'all thought
about the top.
(38:11):
You know, uh, tonight's topic,um, you know, if you have some
things that you want to shareabout some spontaneousness or
concerning, I think we told whosaid we wanted to make sure they
call in.
I think it was Ferg or somebodyyou know call in 754-222-2219.
(38:34):
754-222-2219.
Man, this has been fun, don'tyou think?
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (38:40):
Yeah.
Yeah, this is good.
We definitely had ourconversation about this topic.
I was like I don't know, yeah,you don't know.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
Yeah, yeah, but you know the thing about it is I
mean, you remember you used tosay that you know sex was your
favorite topic.
You know sex is your favoritetopic, remember you used to say
that?
So, hey, you know that is whatit is.
All right, we're going to giveyou a few more minutes for you
to call in.
I know sometimes it's a latencyproblem, so we want to make
(39:11):
sure that we give you a few moreminutes to call in 754-222-2219
.
To call in 754-222-2219.
And just hey, let's talk aboutsome of your ideas of initiating
.
Right, I know you wrote themdown, but it'd be good to you
(39:32):
know to hear some of your ideasabout initiating.
You know some things.
You good, you been good tonight.
Yes, yes, yes, you know youknow some things.
You good, you been good tonightyes, yes yes, it's been fun.
Yeah, it's been fun.
Speaker 2 (39:46):
I've really enjoyed it, right so let me tell you the
story with Jordan okay, onenight, eric and I.
Well, jordan was out, he hadthe car.
Well, he had the car right hehad the car.
So Eric and I decided thiswould be a moment where we would
have just our time.
You know just you know, setsome flowers out, got candles
going, nice, romantic, and guesswho?
(40:07):
Comes home and then walks intothe room and then say to us
y'all want me to take a walk?
Y'all want me to go and runaround the block a few times and
I'm yelling get out, get out.
Speaker 1 (40:24):
That was funny.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
That was that time I was like no, and I didn't know
if Joyner remembered that, butthat was so funny because he was
.
And then he came and said mom,someone's on the phone for you,
and I'm like what?
She's on the other mind dyinglaughing and I'm like what she's
on the other mind dyinglaughing.
Speaker 1 (40:41):
I'm like get out, get out.
Yeah, yeah, that was kind offunny, that was funny, so mm-hmm
.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
After he left, we literally just said man.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
Man.
Speaker 2 (40:53):
He totally ruined the mood Just ruined everything.
Speaker 1 (40:55):
Ruined the mood.
Yeah, just ruined the mood.
Just ruined everything.
Ruined the mood.
Yeah, just ruined the mood.
And you know Amai is going toget you back.
I can't wait.
I can't wait till Amai gets youback.
I can't wait, she will get youback.
She will get you back, allright, all right, okay, so now
it was Jordan, and then y'allwas going to tell the story.
Okay so?
Yeah, so we told the storyabout Jordan, all right, so we
(41:16):
still got enough time.
We're going to go ahead andwhat we're going to get ready to
do now we do have a anothervideo that we really want to
talk about, and we want to wantto talk about this, and I think
this leads up.
We still give you some time.
If you want to call in, you cancall in.
I want to say, trust me, Iremember All right, all right,
(41:38):
and this will give you some timefor you to call in, but we want
to talk about this as well.
Speaker 4 (41:46):
The men who kiss their wives goodbye when they
leave for work live somethinglike four years longer than men
who don't.
But the six-second kiss, whichwe recommend, has much more
potential than that pick on thecheek.
What is the six-second kiss?
A kiss that lasts at least sixseconds.
Why not five or four?
Because oxytocin gets secreted.
(42:09):
With a 20-second hug or asix-second kiss, you're both
secreting oxytocin and thatcreates a sense of psychological
safety and connection andbonding and bonding all right,
what you think about that baby,what you think about that I love
this analogy.
Speaker 2 (42:29):
I mean, I loved it when, because, when I first
started, because it's comesometimes where you know you
like I say you, you're so busywith life and so many things
that's going on that you will belike I'm out the door right,
right right.
I'm out the door and I can onlythink about you.
Know he says such a connection.
If you could just count to sixwhile you planting that kiss you
(42:52):
know, your mind is on focusingon that kiss versus everything
else that's going to take offand happen during the day.
Speaker 1 (43:00):
Right.
Speaker 2 (43:00):
Which is why I kiss you like I kiss you in the
morning Sometimes.
I jump right on top of you.
You sleep.
I jump right, fully dressed,jump right on top of you and
kiss you on your forehead andall over your face.
Speaker 3 (43:12):
Right right.
Speaker 2 (43:14):
Just so I can have that connection, because I'm
taking that with me.
On those days I don't wear anarticle of your clothing.
Speaker 3 (43:22):
On the days when I can't you know?
Speaker 2 (43:24):
there are days when I'm like I want to be close to
you and I'll go and I'll grabsomething, something out of your
closet or something out of yourdrawer, and I'll wear it to
work and then I'll try to sneakyou back in the house so you
don't see.
Speaker 1 (43:37):
And I always catch you, you always catch me.
Speaker 2 (43:40):
But those are the bond and the connection, and
that kiss and that being that,that having that closeness with
you.
Speaker 1 (43:47):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (43:48):
I really, really like you know the fact that because,
like I say, we get so busy withlife we don't really think
about it.
But how many, you know, when I,you know, I read a lot of
different things and I watch alot of TikTok.
I got to stop watching thisstuff.
But it's a lot of times whenthere was this lady that her
(44:09):
husband had got into a reallybad accident.
It wasn't fatal, but when theywere, when she was being
interviewed about it, she waslike I didn't even kiss him this
morning before.
I left Wow, yeah, yeah, I didn'teven tell him that I love him
before.
I was so busy I was trying toget kids in the car and I was
trying to go and you know shejust that was like just tearing
(44:31):
her apart.
Right, If this accident wasfatal, she didn't get her last
kiss.
Mm-hmm, you know she didn't gether last kiss, or you know she
didn't get her last.
Love you, babe, or nothing likethat.
Speaker 1 (44:44):
So that's you know, I think.
I think it's important, rightright, all right, all right, uh,
is this a uh?
Not to mention, it's the lastinteraction if something bad
happens, that's what you said.
Speaker 2 (44:51):
Yeah, yeah, you know because, yeah, that way you want
to.
You want to always let thatperson know.
You know, even when I'm upsetwith you, I love you.
Even the more when I'm upsetwith you, it reminds me why I
love you, wow.
You know it's like you knowwhat, if I didn't love him, you
(45:12):
know, if I didn't love this, youknow.
Speaker 1 (45:14):
so yeah, Okay, yeah, and look, and what did he say?
Men can live longer.
They can live longer y'all canlive longer.
I wonder what it do for I'mtelling you I don't know, I
don't know I'm gonna look at hisbook yeah, I'm gonna go find
him well, yeah, I tell you what.
What is gonna, what is gonnacause me to do, is make sure I
(45:38):
count to six while I'm kissingyou, because usually it's just
like when I'm leaving for workit's a peck and I say I love you
and whatever, but I'll makesure I'm six seconds Because I
want to live long baby.
I want you to.
Oh yeah, we got too much to do,Too much, Too much to do.
So, yeah, we want to live long.
Well, we got too much to do,Too much, Too much to do.
(45:59):
So, yeah, we want to live long.
Well, tonight was a goodsubject.
Man, tonight, I mean, I reallylove tonight, man, All right.
So well, we're getting time togo.
It is time for us to go.
We want to make sure that youshare and like.
Matter of fact, stop whatyou're doing right now and like
the video.
So by the end of the night, weshould at least have eight, nine
(46:25):
, ten likes.
Right, we should have at leastten likes, All right, Please
make sure you like.
And then also don't, make sureyou not only like, but make sure
you share.
I'm pretty sure somebody wantsto hear this.
You know some married couple,you know, and this will be fun,
you know this will be fun forthem, you know.
So make sure you share, sharethis video.
And if you're listening to uson Apple Podcasts, you know
(46:51):
Spotify, Amazon Music, whateveryou're listening to, please make
sure you comment and give us areview.
We want to make sure you dothat.
Make sure you share it.
Make sure you tell your friendsabout it.
Tell them to go to ApplePodcasts or wherever wherever
you get your podcasting from,you know, wherever you.
And also you can get thepodcast from YouTube Music too,
(47:13):
you know.
So please make sure you, youknow, give us a review, a
five-star review.
We are looking for that.
I had so much fun tonight, baby.
I had so much fun.
Thank you guys.
Y'all made it fun.
Yeah, y'all made it so fun.
Y'all really made it fun.
So we'll be in the comments fora little bit while this video
is playing.
So you know we'll be saying byeand everything like that,
(47:35):
because, again, we know it'ssome latency thing, but I really
enjoyed tonight and I just wantto tell you again, baby, I love
you and you know we lookforward to some good sex,
absolutely.
All right.
Speaker 3 (47:49):
If you're hearing this message, you've listened to
the entire episode and for thatwe want to thank you from the
bottom of our hearts.
We hope you enjoyed this newepisode and, if you did, please
rate and review our show on yourfavorite podcast channel.
Please share this episode withothers who may be interested in
this topic and also feel free tolet us know what topics you'd
like to see covered in futureepisodes.
(48:10):
Get in touch in the comments oron any social media networks.
At Marriage in Real LifePodcast.
See you in two weeks for ournext episode.
Thank, you.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com