Words NOT to Say to Your Spouse

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 Marriage in Real Life isn't just a podcast; it's a community space where we expose the raw truths of our journey as partners in life, love, and everything in between. We invite you to be part of our vibrant conversation, where your voice can echo through the airwaves, sharing wisdom on weathering the stormy days of marriage and family life.

Words carry weight, and in the tapestry of marriage, they can be threads that either strengthen or unravel the bond. We peel back layers on the importance of empathy and careful communication, especially when it comes to sensitive topics like body image. 

This episode is an intricate dance around the delicate subjects that often stay whispered behind closed doors. We tackle phrases that sting deeper than intended, the silent signals of distress shown through changes in personal habits, and the necessity of professional guidance when the waters get too murky to navigate alone. Every chapter is a step towards understanding that the unsaid can be just as impactful as the spoken word in the realm of love. Tune in for a heartfelt exploration of the ways in which we communicate, support, and love each other through life's unpredictable journey.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Hello and welcome to Season 2 of Marriage in Real
Life with your host, eric andPatsy Richards.
Marriage in Real Life is apodcast about two imperfect
people with an imperfectmarriage.
This podcast aims to helplisteners to know that God, who
is perfect, can use yourimperfections in your imperfect
marriage to help others.
So let's laugh and learn.

(00:32):
I hope you enjoy the episode.
Let's get straight into it.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Well, good afternoon, good evening, thank you.
I don't know if I forgot what.
It is not big.
Well, we are glad to be backwith Marriage in Real Life,
aren't you glad to be back?

Speaker 3 (01:04):
Yes, I'm so happy to be back and happy new year y'all
Happy new year.

Speaker 2 (01:08):
happy new year to everybody.
Happy new year.
Happy new year, happy new year.
It's been an exciting time.
It's been fun.
It's been fun.
You know We've also had some.
You know we had some sicknessestoo.
You know we were good and sick.

(01:28):
Yeah, we were good, we weregood and sick, but we made it
through.
Thank God, we made it through.
Alright, hey, for all those whoare watching with us, come on
and tell us where you arewatching from.
Please tell us where you'rewatching from.
Make sure you like and share,Like and share with some friends
, with some marriage couples.

(01:49):
We want you to like and share.
So y'all, tell us again, tellus where you are watching from,
and we want you to be part ofthe discussion tonight.
It should be a good discussiontonight, right?

Speaker 3 (02:04):
I'm excited about it, alright.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
So the last two weeks since our last broadcast, we
had a birthday.

Speaker 3 (02:15):
Yes, we celebrate your birthday.

Speaker 2 (02:18):
Happy birthday, eric.
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday.
Yeah, it was my.
Hey, it's my month, it's mymonth, 57 years old.
57 years old, you look good.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much, baby.
Thank you so much.
If I know I can't get nothingfrom nobody else, I know I can

(02:40):
get it from you.
I thank you for having my bag.
Alright.
So another thing you know, andI don't know if you want to talk
about it, you know Peter's inthe hospital.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
Yeah, oldest daughter is in the hospital.
She got a severe burn at work.
You know she's a nurse, so nowshe is a patient, so now she
gets to be on the other side.
So hopefully she have greatnurses like herself and just
keep her in your prayers andhopefully things will work out.

(03:14):
You know better, she's in a bitof pain, so definitely keep her
in your prayers and you know,just, you know, keep us lifted
up so we can continue to.
You know, pray and cover her.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
Alright, alright.
So we got some people who arewatching with us.
Namisha Carbon.
Happy new year to you, rob, hey, rob.
Alright, abinoy, orlando, paige, hey, paige, hey.
I want to give all y'all a shoutout, for Lottadelle Duane is
watching from work.
Alright, izzy, from SouthCarolina.

(03:46):
We want to just hey, happy newyear to y'all and thank you all
for watching.
We'll put some hearts up inthere for y'all, you know.
Thank you, thank you.
You know, as I often say, evenin prayer, that you could have
been doing something else, butyou decided to watch with us and
so we want to make sure youlike, make sure you like this

(04:07):
live stream before we even getstarted, make sure you like it
and share with somebody.
If you want to donate, you knowyou could donate to us by
hitting the dollar sign overthere to the right and you could
hit that and you could donateas well, and we will appreciate
and we'll make sure that whenyou because when you donate,
what happens when you donate islike a super sticker.

(04:27):
It's a super sticker and itshows and that you know that
says hey, we got to make sure wegive them, whatever they say,
you know, a shout out, alright.
So we want to make sure SparkleSparkle is watching.
Hey Sparkle, where she watchingfrom?
Where she says she watchingfrom Alright, uh-oh, you hear
that.
You see that baby.
You see that from Izzy Lovingthat hair, alright, I do a

(04:55):
little something different forthe new year.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
See how 24 do me yeah .

Speaker 2 (04:59):
Yeah, you know, I mean, I just when it's talking
about, we're talking about hairand they're talking about Izzy
man.
I remember, you know when, whenIzzy hair was short and then we
just saw it and I really likedhow she, when she came in to the
retreat, how she had the hairup.
Man, her hair is really healthy, just in long, just like, just

(05:19):
like Nikki's, you know, reallyhealthy and long, and I love to
see people that have dreads andstuff.
That way, there is healthy andyou know it was real healthy,
you know.
So I want to give a shout outto all y'all hair people Are you
dreads?
Are you dreads?
Uh-oh, oh, thank you Rob.
Thank you Rob.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
Alright, so, hey, we're ready toget in this discussion, but

(05:42):
before we get in the discussion,there's a video that I want to
play, that we want to talk about, and maybe some of you have
seen it, but we want to get yourinput on it and you could you
know you could put it down inthe chat, you know, whatever
like that.
We call in later, but I want toput it in the chat what you

(06:04):
think and I want to give myinput and you give your input.
Alright, I know you saw it.
And then I saw it from a friendand I sent it to you.
You say, oh, I've seen that.
Alright, yeah, you be on that.
So here we go, here we go.
I'm going to play this videofor you.

Speaker 5 (06:19):
There was one time my husband was coming home for
dinner.
Dinner time is very importantto us.
One particular day my husbandwas late and I could feel myself
getting a little bit likeyou're late.
And Holy Spirit said when hecomes in this house, you make a
choice of how you're going togreet this man, holy Spirit says
, because you have no idea thethings he's had to fight today.

(06:42):
So, even though you don't knowwhy he's late, when he walks in
this house you greet him likethe king he is.
Then I hear the door turn, thekey coming, and Holy Spirit said
it's almost time.
When he comes in this house, youdecide if you are going to be
the type of woman who bringslife or you bring a knife.
So he walked in and I greetedhim, I hugged him, I let him

(07:04):
know I was so happy to see himand he just melted in my arms.
He said let me tell you whathappened today, what I've had to
deal with.
And it broke me down becausethere's a scripture, proverbs 31
and 11.
It says the heart of herhusband safely.
Trust her.
When you endeavor to be a womanwho follows the Holy Spirit,

(07:27):
Holy Spirit will teach you howto love, how to be safe, how to
be nurturing and how to be thetype of woman where a man comes
home and he knows I fought outthere but I never have to fight
in here.
I'm home.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
Alright, alright, so what's your thoughts on it?
Or you want me to go first?

Speaker 3 (07:54):
You go first, you go first.
You had some serious thoughts.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
I had some.
Yeah, this is the thing I mean.
I understand what she says, butit goes back to the thing that
I think you often, and we oftentalk about is that a lot of
times you see the videos, that'stalking about the woman and
what she has to do.

(08:18):
Right, what she has to do,alright.
But my thing is that you sayand again I applaud her, you
know, I give her, you know, giveher another one.
That's how she felt and she isright.
The Holy Spirit does, teaches us, you know, teaches us how to

(08:38):
love.
That's why we have to have theHoly Spirit to guide us in
marriage.
But this is the problem I had.
If you knew your husband waslate and y'all have a
relationship like that, whydidn't you just call him?
You wouldn't have to be allgoing crazy.
You know, if you know the HolySpirit, if you know the husband

(09:00):
was late and you talk, right,because it's just like us, when
we are out and we're not home ata certain time or whatever, we
call one another and say, hey,what's up?
Right, that's point number one.

Speaker 3 (09:14):
Okay, point number one.

Speaker 2 (09:15):
Point number two If I have a rough day, right?
I'm not waiting till I get hometo tell you about my rough day.
I'm going to call you while I'mwriting.
That's just me, because I needto talk to you, because you are
the person that I have the HolySpirit, but you are the human

(09:36):
being that's a babe, you know.
I can say, babe, I had a roughday today, this one, and we
could talk about it even beforeI get home.
That's point number two, and sothat's just my feelings of it,
and I guess I'm taking it fromour relationship.
Our relationship is different,I understand that, but that's
just me.

(09:57):
Because of what we have, youknow, I don't have to wait till
I get home to tell you aboutthat.
You could tell me.
And so when I come home, right,you can greet me, not even
knowing what kind of day I had,not, you know, right?
So what's your thoughts on it?

Speaker 3 (10:13):
I don't know what you mean.
What do you mean?
I can greet you not knowing.

Speaker 2 (10:16):
No, you can greet me knowing the day I had, you know.
Because you've already gotten tothe show, I told you, and even
doing the day we were talking.
You know, and I know that's whywe had that.
You know, when we had thatpodcast where you sharing, you
know, maybe send crazy stuffdoing the day.
You're talking during the dayand I know sometimes with

(10:38):
certain jobs you get so busythat you can't do it, but you do
take a lunch break and you'resupposed to take a lunch break
and you do take a break, youknow, and so you may be reading
your word at lunchtime but youtake a break and you think about
your spouse, you know, andthink about that and if it's a
day that is rough, you get it.
I usually get.
You know I would get in the car, I would woo, saw and my first

(10:58):
thought is to say thank you,jesus, for bringing me through
and I need to call my wife.
That's just me.
All right, you.

Speaker 3 (11:09):
Why he couldn't just pick up the phone and say hey,
babe, I'm running late.
I had a rough day.
I'll talk to you about it whenI get home.
You know, a little heads up,because it's not always.
I mean, from the sounds of itit.
Maybe there has been a momentin that relationship where you
running late, why you're runninglate, you know.

(11:29):
So maybe she's like, instead ofme leaping on him, I, you know,
I need to just kind of take astep back.
I'm not really sure how theirrelation came about, but I feel
like, you know, communication iskey.
We've always talked aboutcommunication.
So if you having a bad day,invite.

(11:51):
First of all, I'm having a badday as well.
You always know about my badday because we have an
open-liner communication.
So I think that was the keyright there.
If you have to communicate thathe's running late, or heard a
call him and say, hey, babe, yougood, you know.
I was getting a little worried.
You know dinner's getting alittle cold or something like

(12:13):
that.
Everything don't have to be.
I got to get down on my kneesand pray about it.

Speaker 2 (12:18):
Oh, okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (12:20):
And we don't have to be that way and we also do have
to have that inner ear where wedo hear from the Holy Spirit and
we let the Holy Spirit be ourguide.
I mean Kudo's off to her.
Well maybe she was going to gooff, Maybe in the past.
There's different reasons whyshe?

Speaker 1 (12:37):
would want to go off.

Speaker 3 (12:39):
And I'm grateful that you know it.
Don't always take that we couldalways, you know, listen for
the word of God and he willdirect us.
You know the Bible says he'sdirect our path.

Speaker 2 (12:50):
Yes, right, everything.
Yeah, that's good, all right.
So hey look, I see, ferg, heJohnny Collins.
Johnny Collins says it's calledTrust.
All right, ferg, what's up?
Ferg from North Carolina.

Speaker 3 (13:08):
What's your line on your?

Speaker 2 (13:10):
board.
Well, johnny Collins, all right, first say he should have done
a courtesy call as well, youknow that's.
And first say that's a goodpoint.
I mean, I want some, you know,some more women to maybe chime
in.
And you know, let's chime inand see what they, what they're

(13:32):
saying.
And we're going to, we're goingto go, we're going to now,
we're going to talk about ourtopic tonight, which is phrases
to never say to your spouse,even when you're mad.
Even when you're mad.
We, we've talked, we've saidlook, we've told people late.
Look it's, it's like a two paceman.

(13:52):
You can't put it back Once it'sout there.
You can't put it back.
You can't.
I mean words, because it's notlike a little squirts where you
try to put it in man, words arepowerful.
You know, even the Bible saidlet's not let no corrupt.
You know, language come out ofyour mouth and people think that
corrupt is cussing or somethinglike that.
No, we're supposed to build oneanother up, because that's what

(14:15):
the scripture says.
We're supposed to build eachother up in the holy things.
That's what we, and as amarriage we, should be building
up.
And what does mouth do it?
Our tongue can tear its otherdown.
Life and death is in thepowerful of the what, the tongue
, right, yeah, and you know sothat tongue is very, very
powerful.
You know we used to say when wewere young and you know to the

(14:38):
younger people out there I'mprobably sure you never heard
that sticks and stones may breakmy bones, but words may never
hurt me.
Wow, that was not true that wasnot true at all, you know,
because words do hurt.

Speaker 3 (14:50):
And the pain and rurs last way longer than scars.

Speaker 2 (14:53):
Oh man, I'm too old, I got to give you that Some
scars, some scars.
I still, you know, I still gotsome scars and I can look back
and look.
But you know, but words, wordscan affect you mentally.
It can, it can really reallymess you up.
So when you're talking to yourspouse, especially, there are

(15:14):
some phrases to never say toyour spouse, because our words
are powerful.
All right, are you ready to getinto it?
I'm ready, you ready?
All right.
This is the first one here.
Let me go and make sure.
I want to make sure that we aregood with this here, because we
want to make sure that we getthese things together.

(15:36):
Here's the first one All right,all right, all right, here we
go, all right.
The first one is I don't thinkI love you anymore.
I don't think I love youanymore.
Wow, that's, that's, that's.
We shouldn't say that.
Why?
Why?
You think we shouldn't say that, babe?

Speaker 3 (15:58):
Well, you know, I think I don't think I love you
anymore.
It should come with it and thisis the reason why, versus, I
just don't think I love youanymore, because love, love is a
choice, you know, and and alsothe the prospect of I may love
you, but I may not be in lovewith you anymore.

(16:18):
What's the?

Speaker 2 (16:19):
difference in that I love you being in love.
Is there a difference?
What was that?
I think it's a difference.

Speaker 3 (16:27):
I think being in being in love with someone is
like that pit of pattern in yourheart.
You think about that person,you concern about that person,
you want to make sure thatperson's okay.
You want to pick up the phoneand know where that person are
if they running late.
You know you genuinely concernbecause you're in, you're not,
you're in love.
You know you.
You, you love them.
But that's my boo, that's mybaby, okay.

(16:48):
I'm in love with him.
You know versus you know.
Yeah, I love you.
You know you can also lovechocolate chip cookies.

Speaker 2 (16:57):
So don't you think a society has used the word love?
I mean, how can I say it?
We just use it like it doesn'tmean anything.
I think now you know, because Iput it like this you probably
didn't want an effect about this, but we were, when I was a
little child well, teenager,right, and I wanted to do

(17:21):
something with a girl orwhatever.
You know, I would throw thosewords out I love you.
You play games.
Yeah, play games.
You know, I love you.
No one getting.
Well, I didn't even know whatlove was, you know, right,
that's what you were telling me.
No, I wasn't, that's what youwere telling me.
Oh Jesus, I got to.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
I really didn't love you then.

Speaker 2 (17:44):
Oh, did I tell you I love you when I was teenagers?
No, okay, all right, then Seeyou.
See you when he was in my lifeat teenagers.
You can use play on me.

Speaker 3 (17:52):
No, I wouldn't be the only one.
I would play on whatever.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
Oh man.

Speaker 3 (17:56):
You know, you know and yeah, hi, pastor Hurdle, hey
, pastor Hurdle, there'sintimacy that goes exactly
exactly.
There's intimacy that goeswithin love.
You know, you have thatcompassion for that person, you
have empathy for that person,you genuinely are in love with

(18:17):
that person.
So to say, I don't think I loveyou anymore without an
explanation, because that mademe think that you're not in love
with me anymore.

Speaker 2 (18:27):
You know that's what I mean.
And then the Lord says look,love means you have a place in
my heart, but it's not thenumber one space place.
So okay, so all right, so let'sdo this.
I like that.
So when we say that we love God, are we saying that?
Or should we be saying we inlove with God Absolutely, but we

(18:50):
can't say that we love God?
We can say we love God, wecan't say, because the scripture
says love God with all yourheart, with all your soul, with
all your mind.
It says love.
We don't say be in love withGod with your heart, with your
soul, with your body and mind.
So that's just my question toall my theologians out there.

(19:11):
So that goes back to what I'msaying is that I think we have
taken the love because, you know, again, god has that agape love
that is unconditional.
We have that love that'sconditional because the reason
why I say that, the reason whywe shouldn't say I don't think
you in love with them more,because you may not be in love

(19:32):
with that person in the moment,because that person may have
made you mad, right, and becauselove is a choice, not a feeling
, you know, we choose not tolove that person right, at that
moment, at that moment, becausethat person has made you mad,
because y'all got into a big oldblowout and you was like you
know what, you know, I justdon't think I love you anymore,

(19:54):
you know but we shouldn't saythat because, again, love is a
choice, not a feeling, right,and we should choose to love
because oh, because now it getsback to this God chose to love
us.
That's why he sent his son todie.
He chose to love us because,again, if he was up to feelings

(20:16):
because of our sin and becauseof the things that we did, how
we turn our back on God when hedon't give us what we want,
right?
Yeah, yeah, he chooses to loveus.
He chooses and he loves usunconditionally, because if he
went by feelings we'd be goingto hell.
All right, I got you.

(20:37):
So, okay, all right, I, likeIzzy, say the love for God and
the love for people are not tocompare.
Okay, I can, I can, yeah, yeah,yeah.

Speaker 3 (20:51):
Because we're talking about God Almighty.
No, so I can, I can, I can getwith that.

Speaker 2 (20:58):
Yeah, yeah, I like that.
I like that.
I like that.
All right, we ready to move on.
We ready to move on.
All right, I know there's AC.
Come on, don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
We got the AC coming on and offand my baby got.
You know, we just got overbeing sick so you got she got to
be.
She probably be taking it onand off, you know, so don't
worry about it.
All right, we ready for thenext one.
The next one is.

(21:18):
The next one is this this isgood here.
The next one is your fat.
Oh, why you looking me like?

Speaker 3 (21:30):
that, yeah, that, just yeah.
Why you looking me like that?
Because when someone say you'refat, you don't.
It makes you, it makes you feelunattractive, like you know
they don't desire you anymore.
You know they don't, they don'twant you, they don't want to be
in your place.
It's being critical.
It's being critical, so thatword is definitely, that's a

(21:54):
definitely no, no, no, no, no,no, no on both and both.
I mean male and female.

Speaker 2 (22:03):
Because a lot of times you know, we don't want to
say that to the spouse, but me,I don't want to hear that
either.
We don't want to hear thateither.
So how should you, if you don'twant to say you're fat, how
should and this goes out?
I want somebody to type it outhow should we tell somebody that

(22:23):
you know you're gaining alittle weight, you know you're
gaining a little, you're gettinga little pudgy around the
stomach?
You know, you know or something.
Is there a way to say that andnot hurt feelings?
Is there a way you know?

Speaker 3 (22:44):
Yeah, we want the truth, but we don't want to
bother to say you know you'rekind of fat, you know it's just,
it's insensitive Because youknow, women we're always, you
know, up and down with ourweight as it is, carry our
bratty children that add onweight.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
Oh Jesus, why they got to be our bratty children.
Why can't be?
The children that we create,break together, all right.

Speaker 3 (23:07):
Put us in a situation , you know.
So we got to just 40, 40 weeksthat we got to carry that weight
, plus the extra weight that wecarry on.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
So Rob, rob, Rob I got to get to the shot, out loud
I love it.

Speaker 3 (23:24):
And I was gonna say you know that's the way to do it
, you know it's anyway.
So that's how we, that's howyou know what you guys in the
comments you're too much, that'show it's in your side, you know
, and I can go for fluffybecause I'm quick to say babe,
I'm feeling a little fluffy.
And you know, and when I wasfluffy I was wonderful, I liked

(23:46):
it, I felt good about myselfbecause Eric never said you know
those pants a bit tight.

Speaker 1 (23:55):
Oh, you know.

Speaker 3 (23:56):
I guess you could say something like that Say oh, you
know what?
What about that dress I boughtyou?
Can you wear that?
And then you put it on and yousee that there's two types, like
oh yeah, baby, that's kind oftight.
You know anything other thanthe word fat.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
Oh man, oh Lord, look , it is easy to say you
shouldn't tell anyone they'regaining weight.
That is their own struggle.
They should deal with it.
Okay, all right, you know, Ican agree with that.
It seems like the guys areweighing in, man, the guys are
weighing in.
Oh no, what's up with the women?
Baby, you out here by yourself,honestly, first say you

(24:32):
shouldn't.
You should say, babe, I'mconcerned with how hard your
heart is, you know, okay, okay,jordan says Jordan.
Jordan said always feel likeyou shouldn't bring up a problem
without giving a solution.
It might be better to justsuggest going to the gym

(24:55):
together.
Okay, jordan.
All right, yeah, that'd be nice,oh Jesus.
All right, I'm telling you, yougot to watch what you say.
I'm telling you, you know, as amarried couple, don't you think

(25:17):
as a married couple is certainthings that you can say?
But you got to because if we'reone and I'm looking out for you
, if I go over, like to whatIzzy says, you know you
shouldn't tell anyone.
But if we're one and I'mworried about your heart, are
you gaining weight?
There has to be some, I guess,some kind of way that I could

(25:37):
say you know, hey, babe, youknow I'm worried about you.
You know, or something you know.
Is you know, just somebody,somebody, somebody, look, oh
Lord, somebody, look like a foodblister, jesus, we're moving on
to the next one, babe.

Speaker 3 (25:57):
Thank you because you know, it's just ways that you
can and you know, and you don'twant to be in the heat of an
argument and say, well, you'refat, because that's just going
to work.
No.

Speaker 2 (26:07):
I would.
No, you don't tell people.
You don't tell people they'refat.
All right, we're going on tothe next one.
We're going to the next one.
All right, let's keep moving.
All right.
The next one here, boy, I'mtelling you y'all, y'all got us
in tonight, All right.
The next one is you're crazy.
All right, we don't want to sayyou're crazy.
We do not want to say you'recrazy.
Why do you think that?

Speaker 3 (26:30):
Um, why do I think we shouldn't say you know, people
may take it personally, may youknow it messes with someone,
mental state, as if they'respeaking to you and you say you
must be crazy.
Now, now you know it isinsulted them, because now we
have in this conversation, andmy opinion is what I'm saying,

(26:53):
and you calling me crazy.

Speaker 2 (26:54):
It's an insult.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
It's an insult to my mental state.
So, don't call me crazy.

Speaker 2 (27:00):
Right.

Speaker 4 (27:00):
Right.

Speaker 3 (27:01):
Don't even say you acting like you crazy.

Speaker 2 (27:04):
Because that implies that you have mental issues.

Speaker 3 (27:06):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (27:07):
And we don't want to imply to our spouse that they
have mental issues.
Now I would say we, you have toyou when you, when you're with
a couple, you have to know thecouples, how they interact.
Right, because we say you'recrazy all the time.
Right, but we know what we mean.

(27:30):
When we say you're crazy, right, we don't mean that you are
nuts and you should be in themental order, that's not.
We just say what we be,laughing, we be, you know we be
laughing and joking.
He said he's so crazy, you know, but that doesn't, you know,
that doesn't mean that you arementally unstable.

(27:51):
So you have to know the couple,you have to have to know it is
and you have to know even if,even if they're a couple,
there's certain people that youcan say that to and they know
that you mean that you don'tthink I'm mentally unstable, you
know, they know that it's afunny thing.
You know, I grandmas and momsused to tell us that all the

(28:16):
time you don't lost your rabbit.
My, you're not doing somebusiness.
You know you're not supposed to.
All right, all right.
So you know you're crazy.
It can mess up.
You know somebody's you know,because again you're saying
something that's you know that's.
You can say that you knowmentally and people don't like

(28:38):
that man that criticize sticksand stones may break my bones,
but words can hurt me Right?

Speaker 3 (28:45):
All right so only that, that you might really make
something crazy.
Rob say hey, the crazy sidewould come out even more.
You don't want that, you don'twant that.
And, like I said, crazy usuallyis that tends to be the
response to shifting the blameor invalidating the feeling.
That's so true.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
All right Page says the timing of a statement like
that matters.

Speaker 3 (29:10):
Absolutely, absolutely.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
All right.
So yeah, we want to make surethat that is there.
Oh, first of all, there's abetter way of saying things.
What is your goal to addressthe issue?
Or an insult?
We don't want to.
Oh, look, we go back to thisway.
Hey, look at Ms Carl the NishaCarver said what about you two
skinny?
What are we talking about?

(29:32):
We were talking about too fat,you two skinny.
Oh.

Speaker 3 (29:35):
Jesus, we've totally forgot about it.
Yeah, lord, how do you tellthem that you know you do?
You don't have to really tellthem that just like cooking a
whole bunch of stuff.

Speaker 2 (29:43):
Like those pork chops and all that kind of mashed
potatoes red beans and rice.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
You're so funny that I minister music.
I'm always telling her I'm likeyou know, girl, I think you
need some beans and rice.
She's so tiny and I'm likealways trying to feed her,
always trying to feed her Fattenher up Yep, yep, all right, all
right, let's go to the next one.

Speaker 2 (30:05):
Let's go to the next one, all right.
This next one here is good is Iwish I never married you?
Oh, that's painful.
You don't say that you marriedto somebody and you're going to
say I wish I never married you.

(30:27):
No, no, no, no, no.
You don't want to say that.
You don't want to say that thattalk about a phrase that
communicates All right.
So you're saying to that personI've made a mistake in my life.
You are a mistake.

Speaker 3 (30:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:47):
No, you do not.
That's damaging to a person.
That's damage to a person'sself-esteem or who they are as
an individual.
You know you do not Again.
Look at here, I'm telling youthese words.
You cannot put it back in, soyou got to make sure you don't.
If it's in the heat of themoment, you make sure you do a

(31:09):
woosa or whatever.
Walk away, because if once yousay those words, I wish I never
married you, man, that ishurtful.
Obviously that's a no-no.
Yes, that is a no-no Saying thisphrase breaks all intimacy and
trust for a long period of time.

(31:29):
I don't even know how you youthink about it.
Somebody said to you I wish Inever married you.
I don't know even you can evenget it back.
Man, that is hard.
You know, I wish I nevermarried you.
Oh man, Uh-uh, no, we don'twant to say that.
We don't want to say that, Allright, we're going to the next
one, we will go into the nextone.
The next one is you're sostupid.

Speaker 3 (31:54):
Nobody likes to be called stupid.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Nobody likes to be called it.

Speaker 3 (31:57):
So if you, if you don't want to be called stupid,
don't call someone else stupid,because they're to come back at
you.

Speaker 2 (32:03):
Right.

Speaker 3 (32:04):
And don't say you acting like you're stupid,
because it's just the same assaying you're stupid.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
Yeah, yeah, that's.
You know you don't want toshame nobody, but shame in a
person makes you feel terribleand insane, that you're so
stupid.
Now, again, that's that.
Uh, that's a context, not a.
I don't even think it's acontextual thing in any way,
because we, we be laughing andwe be saying I mean, we, we

(32:31):
we're at our worst of crackingup jokes and we're laughing
right in the car or whatever itis.
We're just so stupid, but we,but we're not meaning you're,
you're dumb or anything like.
That's not what we're meaning.
And again, that's why, when youare around a couple and they
say certain things you can't,really you got to look at how

(32:54):
they are reacting, how are theyinteracting, you know, because a
couple can be with us and wesay you're so stupid and
somebody be looking.
Hey, he just called us stupidwhen I really didn't.

Speaker 3 (33:04):
It was just a and it's not offensive to me,
because I know where you comingfrom.
I know how we communicate.
So, I would never be offendedby it, but you know it.
You know it does something toyour character.
It makes you feel like it'ssomething wrong with you, that
you're not all there.
And then it, and then that kindof triggers right back to I

(33:28):
wish I never married you becausemaybe you stupid and crazy.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
You're stupid, you're crazy, you're fat.
I wish I never married you.

Speaker 3 (33:38):
Oh, you got to be careful.
You got to choose your wordswisely.
And I'm like even by Eric and Ihad a little dispute this on
Friday.
And let me tell you something Ireally, really, really, really
have to think about what I wasgoing to say before I said it,
because I didn't want to demeanhim, I didn't want to belittle
him, I didn't want him to feelless of who he was, but I wanted

(33:59):
him to hear where I was comingfrom.
So I have to really reallychoose my words carefully,
because I don't want to putsomething out there that I can't
, I can't pull back.

Speaker 2 (34:08):
So yeah you know I didn't know you was going to say
you talk about that.
You know, saturday I didsomething that I haven't done.
I don't know, I don't.
You probably can think about atime that I did, but when I did
it I said, I said, lord, I needwisdom, I need to, and the Lord
convicted me.
He, the Holy Spirit, convictedme and said you need to go out

(34:30):
and find out.
And it goes back to what wetell people.
When it comes down tocommunication, you can't let
something just go, becauseusually and this honestly,
usually I would just let it blowover.
And you know, I know we had, Iknow I had a movie ticket for
you, you know, to see Aquamanthat you want to see, you know
whatever, and try to do things.
But I needed to know why, why,why was that, especially when it

(34:55):
comes down to?
You know what we were talkingabout, you know.
And so when I came out and said, you know, let's talk about
yesterday, you know I wasnervous about saying it because
I've never done that before.
Think of time.
You can't even think of a timethat I come out and say let's
talk about that.
We just had our let's talkabout why.

(35:16):
And that's when you told me why,and that's when I found out and
I said whoa.
So you know that goes to we'vebeen married almost 32 years and
some things that you got to do.
And I just want to tell all themarried couples out there, you
know, don't let nothing.
If you had an argument thenight before or whatever, don't

(35:37):
think it's just going to blowover, because it's not going to
blow over.
Go ahead and find out why wehad the argument, because you
never know what a person isfeeling.
You never know what your spouseis going through unless you
find out.
And so you got to talk about it.
All right.

Speaker 3 (35:53):
Absolutely.

Speaker 2 (35:54):
Let's do that.
Our first says man, y'all areputting out daggers tonight If
you divorce, if you, thatdivorce is almost certain.
When you say you're stupid andthings were bad in order to get
you know to this point, yep,yeah.

Speaker 3 (36:10):
Yeah, it just didn't happen overnight.
So that's why communication iskey, counseling is key.
You know, even if you don'tfeel like you, you know like you
, like your marriage is introuble, but it always helped to
get the point of wisdom fromsomeone else, especially Faith
Base, because you know wehaven't all arrived 32 years and

(36:30):
we still have our little 32years and the first time you say
come, babe, let's talk about it.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
I'm telling you, I'm selling you, I'm being
transparent tonight.
Y'all can get on me.
You can get on me, you knowwhatever, but I'm being
transparent tonight.
All right, Rob G say a betteroption is that wasn't smart.
You know, maybe the some peoplethat.
Still, you know.

Speaker 3 (36:53):
Well, you know, if you know, I kind of get where
Rob coming from, like thatwasn't a smart thing to do.
You know, I think I've saidthat to you.
You say that you've said thatmany times, babe I don't think
that was, I don't think that wassmart, let's try this way.
But I don't.
It's like, I don't say, I don'tthink it was smart, but what
you think about this, let's doit this way.

(37:14):
So if there, you know, on myboss I always say don't bring me
the problem, bring me thesolution.

Speaker 2 (37:19):
John just said that.
John said that, Remember.
John said that earlier, youknow.

Speaker 3 (37:23):
Yeah, bring me the solution, or let's sit down and
talk about this.
Let's come up with a solution,let's find a mean, because in
this journey of marriage there'sgoing to be so many other
things that's going to come ourway.
So let's just go ahead andknock this out and get this out
of the way, so so we can beready to fight for the next one,
you know.

Speaker 2 (37:42):
All right, all right, all right, we're ready to go to
the next one.
Ready to go to the next one.
The next one is this it's allyour fault.

Speaker 3 (37:50):
Blame, blame, blame, blame.

Speaker 2 (37:54):
It's all your fault.
That is not a good one, that is.
You know that, that you know,you don't.
You don't want to tell nobodythat it's all your fault.
No, no, it's impossible foreverything to be your fault, to
be one person's fault.

(38:14):
You know what I mean.
It's impossible.
You, you may have had some partin it, but you know, yeah, it's
, it's, it's a possible when it,when it comes down to that, you
know now, if you're going to goout and cheat, that's your,
that's on you.

(38:34):
Right, Absolutely, that'sthat's only.
If you go out and cheat, that'son you, that ain't on me.
You know, because before you goout, before you go out and
cheat, you, you, until myblaming me, you know you should
be talking to me.
That's where communicationcomes.
You should not be, you not bedoing that.
If, if, if, if I'm not doingsomething to you know, to help

(38:57):
you in the marriage, to buildyou up, or whatever
Communication says, you come tome, we talk about it and we try
to resolve it.
Cheating is never, never ananswer to problems.
I want you to put that on, putthat tweet that do whatever,

(39:19):
whatever.
Cheating is never the answer toproblems, whether you emotional
cheat or you physically cheat.
Cheating is never the answer toproblems.
It's never.
All right All right, all right,all right, we going to the next
one.
This next one is good too.
This next one is is uh, yeah,it's good too.

(39:41):
All right, here it is.
You're just like your mom.
We don't want to it, it, it.
We don't want to say that, yeah, yeah, you're just like your
mom.
What if?
What if?
You know their mom, the personthat you're speaking to mom and
dad had an unhealthyrelationship and you know,

(40:02):
you're saying and because nowyou are arguing with them,
you're just like your mom, you,you want everything.
No, no, no, no, no, uh-uh, no,no, no, no.
I would, I, would, man, I would, I, I don't know if, if, if, if
a son-of-law told that to mydaughters, I'll be mad because

(40:24):
they, they, you know, do you?
If?
If she's saying I wantsomething, I'll be mad, saying
that, you know, in a negativeway.
They should be saying in apositive way you just like your
mom.
Oh, okay, Sounds about the sameoh wait a minute, because this
is saying you just like your momnegatively.
It's not there saying you know,positively, looking at the

(40:45):
positive things of your mom,that you're just like they're
saying you know, or you're justlike your dad, you know, and we
know we don't want to say thatnegatively to especially boys.
You know, when you havechildren we don't want to say
that negatively.

Speaker 3 (41:02):
If the dad is not in their life right.
You don't want to say itnegatively, but if the dad is a
you know upstanding daddy,nothing wrong with him being
like his daddy, like it's Paullike it's Paul.

Speaker 2 (41:15):
Nothing wrong with that.
There's nothing wrong All rightAll right.

Speaker 3 (41:21):
But like this thing it does, it talks about
unhealthy relationships withyour parents.
So, yeah, you want to refrainfrom saying you know you acting
like you know your mom.
There's this one show that Iwatch oh, my God, I'm BET as the
team.

Speaker 6 (41:40):
You know, you know me , and the team and I got all
that going on.

Speaker 3 (41:44):
But this one, one of the main characters, his name is
Zach.
Because of his childhood healways get you know when he
would go to his mom who was on,who was on drugs.
She would always tell him youact like your daddy and he hated
that statement.
He hated that statement and soyou know, you don't even want

(42:09):
that to come from any female,you know, especially if your dad
hasn't been there and it's in anegative light, and vice versa
as well, you know, with your mom, you do not want to say.

Speaker 2 (42:20):
You're acting like a certain person negatively.

Speaker 3 (42:22):
Yeah, and that can really go for anybody.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
You want to say it positively.
You know that.
You know if you see somethingyou know positive, say, man,
you're acting just like your mom.
You know you're smiling.
You know whatever, whateverit's positive with a smile, not
in a negative manner that youacting like your parents know
that's not a good thing.

(42:44):
All right, all right.
So the next one here, this nextone here, all right, I hate you
oh hate is a very, very strong,violent word.

Speaker 3 (42:59):
It's very aggressive, it's demeaning Hate Hate is a
strong word.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Hate is a strong word .

Speaker 3 (43:09):
You know, I'm just not liking you right now, Just
not liking you right now.

Speaker 2 (43:13):
Right.

Speaker 3 (43:14):
I'm going to go in here and close the door.

Speaker 2 (43:16):
I'm not liking you right now.
Well, you know, hate is anangry word.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Mm-hmm, hate is a very bad word.

Speaker 2 (43:23):
Mm-hmm, and it's highly aggressive and you don't
not want to say I hate you.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
No, not to your spouse.

Speaker 2 (43:30):
No.

Speaker 3 (43:30):
Again, you want to choose your words careful
because, like we say, once thosewords are out there, it's hard
to get them things back.
You really don't get them back.
All you can do is hope thatthat person will forgive you and
ask for forgiveness, becauseyou came from a place of, maybe,
anger at the moment and you itreally in your heart didn't mean
it again.

(43:51):
And it's really on that person,on how they perceive it and if
they're going to release it.
You know.
So, yeah, hate.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
But the thing is better to say I'm really upset
with you right now.

Speaker 3 (44:02):
I'm really upset with you right now.
You know what I can't I can'tsee your face right now.
Right, yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 (44:07):
I can't, yeah, I just I can't.
Let's just you know what I'm,I'm, I'm pissed off.
I you know, I'm just, it'swords, other words that you can
say then hate, Right.
You know they think about this.
Love is a full letter of her,Hate is a full letter of her,

(44:27):
Right, Mm-hmm.
And so Kirk Franklin say thelove is a word that comes and
goes, you know but few peoplereally know what it means.
All right, so hate is anotherword.
You know, and, and but not afew people, everybody know what
hate mean Hate when you hatesomebody, and we do not want to
use the word hate.

(44:48):
All right, all right, we getdown to our last one.
This is our last one here, andmaybe you got some more out
there.
We, you know, hopefully we talkabout them, but this is our
last one here.
I never loved you.
You do not want to say that you, that's, that's a no, no, all

(45:15):
right, we.
You don't want to say that.
Why, why do you think?
We don't?
We don't want to say that.

Speaker 3 (45:24):
Because then, from a female perspective, if, if you
said that to me, then I'm goingto be like all that stuff and
all those times that we sharedand all those moments, places,
times, and you never loved meintimacy.
You know.
So you've been dragging mealone all this time and now, all

(45:45):
of a sudden, you don't.
You don't love me.
Man, that's tough.
I really like that.

Speaker 4 (45:54):
Just just me, just a thought of that, just a thought
of it, it's like, so I've beenwasting my time all this time.

Speaker 3 (46:01):
I've been loving you, but you never loved me, you
never.
I mean, you use me like a slapin the face.

Speaker 2 (46:08):
Yeah, you use me and you know what.
You can apologize all you want,but this phrase will leave a
deep scar in somebody's life.
It's going to leave.
I never love you, man.
That's that's.
That's.
That's hard, that is hard.

Speaker 3 (46:28):
That's deep, because you won't have to tell me that
for one time.

Speaker 2 (46:33):
That's why just and I'm going Bible here is, that's
why I, I try so hard to be theman of God and we should try to
be.
You should try to be the womanof God, we should.
You know, everybody should tryto be who they are.
Because the Bible says and thisis taking, I just want, I just

(46:55):
want to throw this out here theBible says that many shall
prophesy my name.
They should do all of thesethings in my name.
But when they get up for thatgreat meeting, that judgment day
, he's going to say I never knewyou.
That's just like I never loveyou to us the same same as a

(47:20):
deep, and so you can.
You imagine you did all ofthese things in God's name and
they happen.
Maybe you got a big church,maybe people got healed, maybe
got people got saved andwhatever, but because of your
life you say I never knew you.
That's deep Right.
So for us to say I never loveyou, like you said, everything

(47:44):
I've done, everything I've donein the past, is useless Now
that's how I would receive it.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
I'll be like hold up, wait a minute, wait a minute.
All these, all these times thatwe shared, all the times that
you helped me when I cried, allthe times when we were on
vacation, all of the spontaneousmoments that we had, the
laughing, the drives on thebeach what are you serious, you?
You, you never loved me, butyou was playing me.

(48:14):
You were playing me, yeah, yeah.
No, you don't want to say that,because you don't have to back
that up.

Speaker 2 (48:20):
You don't have to back that up with.

Speaker 3 (48:22):
Okay, when did you stop?
At one at one?
At what point did you stop?
Or was it from the beginning?
That's going to bring a wholewhole bunch of stuff.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
And yeah, no, we don't want that.
So, since love is a choice,right, so you're, you're saying
to I refuse to choose to loveyou, and everything I've done
that looked like love before wasso that I could get XYZ out of
you.

Speaker 3 (48:48):
That hurts, yeah, that hurts.

Speaker 2 (48:52):
Hurt says okay, married folks, we're being
honest.
Sometimes we do hate each othertemporarily, but love helps us
return to the place where we cancontinue.
I don't know if.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
I hate.

Speaker 2 (49:03):
I don't know if I want to use the word hate.
You know we may disagree and Imay fall out of love with you,
but I don't hate you.
And the thing is, I would neversay I hate you or I never.
These, like this, these arewords that when, again, when
they come out your mouth, you,you can't put them back in, so

(49:27):
you don't want to say thesewords, you know.
So I don't know if I would sayI hate you, that I hate you, I
would say you know, right nowI'm just not in love with you.

Speaker 3 (49:37):
Yeah, that's what I said.
So I'm not liking you right now, like I'm really not liking you
, let me yeah, we need toseparate.

Speaker 2 (49:44):
Oh, you know it's, it's, it's, it's got some good
one.
She says never hate, butfrustrated or annoyed, and
that's your word.
Annoyed, yeah, that's that'swhen I know it is, is, is, is,
yeah, that's when, that's when Iknow that's, that's, that's
right there, when I know I'mjust so annoyed I said, oh Lord,
oh boy.

Speaker 3 (50:08):
What are we going to do about that?

Speaker 2 (50:09):
Yeah, yeah, what we got to do that All right.
So the point is for tonight isthat oftentimes we say things
out of anger, which doesn'texcuse the behavior, but it is
the explanation we do not want.
We, we, we, man, I'm tellingyou, anger can.
When you get angry, you got totake a woosa.

(50:32):
When you with your spouse, youangry at your spouse, you got to
take a woosa.
Just don't, you know, you knowany and it's real good.
The people that like to shootfrom the hip.
You know, and you like to shootfrom the hip.
So when you like to shoot fromthe hip, you really got to have
the discipline within your lifeto say I can't say that.
You see what I'm saying.

(50:53):
Like you said on Friday, youknow you shoot from the hip, but
you didn't shoot all of it fromthe hip.
You shot a little bit from thehip, but you didn't shoot all
the way from the hip.
All right, god.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
I did not, I was, you know I was, I was calm.
I try to stay as calm as I want, wanted to.
But praise be to God.
You know there's a change.

Speaker 2 (51:15):
Thank God for the change you know the guys earlier
, earlier, you know you, youwould have said something that
would have been.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
You had it, but I find that choosing my words
carefully get get me more of anexplanation of what answer that
I'm looking for.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
Okay, because you will shut down.
You know me, so, oh, so wellthat you know, you know I will,
I will shut, I will shut down,all right.
So, izzy, what is Izzy sayingright there?
Can you read that?

Speaker 3 (51:49):
She said I don't know about falling out of love
either.

Speaker 2 (51:54):
Okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (51:55):
And then she said just a high level of frustration
when you need to get out of myface and I need to allow you
your space so both parties canprocess Okay and level set.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (52:09):
That's true.
Sometimes you just sometimesyou have to.
You need that space.
And I say all the time, youknow, eric and I, we, I with
each other all the time and Iused to complain doing football
season and basketball scene.
I'd be like you're doing thatagain, you know, and when I come
to find out in these latteryears, um, let me let him have

(52:32):
that time, cause he have thattime.
I mean I can have my time.
If I have a question orsomething I need answered, I
always say you'll be when youget a commercial break, holler
at me so I can come and I cantalk to you.
So you definitely need a timeand in in, and if you are
budding heads, it's always veryimportant to step away.

(52:52):
You can't solve anything withboth of your yelling at each
other anyway, Right, right,right Cause you don't hear him,
he don't hear him and he don'thear you.
So where did you get out of that?
Nothing.

Speaker 4 (53:03):
Right, right.

Speaker 3 (53:04):
Walk away and come back, process Like, like it's
like, um it's, make the set,process it and then you can come
back and set the level.

Speaker 2 (53:13):
Right, okay, all right, I give, I give you an um,
give you an easy that you know.
Uh, that was that was.
That was some good knowledge.
All right, we, we are ready toum for people to call in.
If they got some, some sayingsor whatever, like that, they can
call in at 755-222-2219.

(53:37):
You laughing about something Iwas looking at.

Speaker 3 (53:39):
Well, it's, um, not easy but, like I wrote about
when we were talking about the,I guess the heart cause first
thing's something about theheart.
So I'm like I say, well, maybejust set up some doctor's
appointments for a yearlycheckup and then let the doctor
tell him that he's in the way.

Speaker 6 (53:55):
That's not bad, daughter in love, that's not bad
at all.

Speaker 3 (54:00):
You know sometimes, sometimes it takes for somebody
from the outside to say you knowyou could, you could drop a few
, drop a few, oh Jesus my doctor, we quit telling me oh so you
picked up about three pounds.

Speaker 2 (54:13):
I know I know, so All right.
So if you want to, if you gotsome phrases that that you you
want to talk about, that you,you know you shouldn't say I
want you to call in the754-222-2219, 754-222-2219.
We got about five minutes.
When you call in, call in for aminute so we can have other

(54:34):
people call in um and and saywhat you think it, what you
think it should be, what youthink the phrase should be
concerning um, you know somebodysaying a few words 754-222-2219
.
This was a great discussiontonight.
I enjoyed it.
Yeah, this was a great.
I enjoyed.
I enjoyed, you know, the, thechat, going back and forth and

(54:56):
reading the chats.
You know that's what I um,that's what I love about it.
You know, with the chats andeverything like that, that we
can even go back once thepodcast is over and we can look
at it and say, oh man, that's,that's some good, good stuff.
You know that's I mean, evenwhen we have, I believe no one

(55:16):
person knows it all, and so wedefinitely don't.

Speaker 3 (55:21):
We definitely don't.
This call may be recorded ortranscribed.
We gotta call her.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
All right, we gotta call her Malika.
Can you hear us?

Speaker 4 (55:30):
Yes, can you hear me?
Yes?

Speaker 2 (55:32):
I can hear you loud and clear.

Speaker 4 (55:35):
So you might hear a my in the back, uh.
But uh, I was going to say thatyou know, sometimes you might
not think that something likewhen you're, let's say, first
entering a relationship, youmight think that something's
okay to say, but it's not withyour spouse.
So it's just a matter also ofjust like for things that are

(55:55):
specific to your relationship,that you go and uh, listen to
your relationship, that you guysgo and have kind of like a talk
about like your boundaries andstuff, or like you know, I
remember one time Jordan and Iwe had something like that.
I think he was.
Every time you would dosomething like silly or
something, I'd be like, oh,you're a fool, or something.

(56:16):
And then one day he pulled me tothe side and he's like you know
, I actually don't like when youcall me a fool, I have like a
negative connotation with thatand I was like, oh, okay, like
you know, I put that feedback orseated.
I was like I didn't need itlike that, but you know I could
say something else instead.
And now I'll be like you'resilly, and then he prefers that
as opposed to you're a fool,because you know, a fool doesn't

(56:37):
necessarily have the greatestconnotation with it.
So that's like one of thosethings where you and your
significant other could like sitdown and talk about once.
It usually comes up instead ofbeing attacking or, you know,
taking in a negative light.
You know, put yourself on thefirst of shoes and just say, hey
, maybe this person doesn't likethis language, or maybe that's

(56:58):
not how they grew up in theirenvironment, or your environment
was different from theirs andyou guys just set those
boundaries as you move along.

Speaker 2 (57:06):
Okay, all right, I like that.
I like that daughter in love.

Speaker 3 (57:09):
Yeah, I like that.
All right.
Well, thank you so much forcalling in.

Speaker 2 (57:13):
All right, thank you for so much calling in.
Tell her my we say hello, hellohug for me.

Speaker 4 (57:19):
We're going to go put it in the bed, all right, bye,
bye, bye, bye.

Speaker 2 (57:24):
All right, we got somebody else want to call in.
All right, what would Ferg say?
What would Ferg say?
I'm not going to call in, butshut up.
I thought it's Maitreya willprobably call in.
Ferg will probably call in.
You know they.
You know they are regular callin people.
Samson sometimes call in too,you know, but we love to have

(57:44):
somebody.
You know we got.
We got quite a few people on,yeah, so we again.
Please don't forget to like andshare.
Please like and share thispodcast.
I think this is a good one toshare because, like, even like I
just said, you know what youwould get ready to say.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
I want to go back to Rob put in the in the comments
and we were talking about thefat, the fat part.
I don't know why I keep this,keep coming up why you keep
going back to that.
But he said something that Iwas like, ok, this is so true.
He said what if someone'sweight is making them on a
tractor to their partner?

Speaker 2 (58:21):
All right, we want to put that out there.

Speaker 3 (58:23):
It should be told in a polite way.
Oh you got to remember.
We're visual and people knowwhat they like.
Now, if they like them, theylike them, you know.
But if what if they don't likethem?
Thinking maybe what if theywasn't sick when they, when they
got married?
You know they wasn't.
I don't even say I'm going tosay fluffy if they wasn't fluffy

(58:45):
when they got married.
But now also, you don't, youknow it is a polite way to say
it.
But then, like Jordan said, hey, baby, you know, let's go for a
walk, let's go for a bike ride,let's get out there and let's,
you know, kind of incorporateexercise without that person
even knowing why you're talking.
You'll be surprised as well,you know.
They may say you know, thiswalk really won't be out, I

(59:08):
really need to exercise a littlemore, you know.
You know you never know.

Speaker 2 (59:12):
Yeah, I mean that's a , that's, that's, yeah, I mean I
don't know.
I mean I really don't know, Idon't know what to say.
I mean I like what Rob justsaid too is he said I knew my
parents were right about you.
Never say that we got anothercall.

(59:33):
We got another call in.
We got another daughter callingin.
It's Nathan.
Hey, it's Nathan, how you doing.

Speaker 6 (59:40):
It's me, Hi honey.
First and foremost, honey,you're working this hair.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
Thank you.

Speaker 6 (59:51):
I think this is my favorite, Really Okay.
It brings out your complexion.
You look good honey.

Speaker 3 (01:00:00):
Jesus.

Speaker 6 (01:00:03):
You know I need to get on, rob, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:00:05):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 6 (01:00:06):
Nice the way of saying things.
What if it's medically induced?
I think the whole fat thing isreally sensitive and it really
depends on what that individualis going through.
Because if they're goingthrough a depression, then I
think getting to the root of theproblem is more important than
the weight loss.

(01:00:27):
If they're going through somehormonal issues that y'all don't
know about, I think seeking adoctor's opinion is more
important than saying you'regetting flussy.
So it all depends.
Now, if they're stuffing theyface 24 hours, seven days a week
, and you stuff in your face too, but you can hide your weight

(01:00:47):
better, then that's a differentconversation and there's ways of
saying things.
So I think it's all aboutintentions one and two.
What is the root of the issue?
Because the weight could be asymptom to a different problem.

Speaker 2 (01:01:04):
So let me ask you this mate, for instance, like
you said, is a depressionproblem, or what was the other
one, hormonal problem.
What do you say?
I mean, if you know and yourspouse is not.

Speaker 6 (01:01:19):
If it's hormonal, if it's thyroid, it's beyond that
person's control.
So you can, People who havethyroid issues.
The other individual needs toeducate themselves as well,
Because they can eat healthy andexercise 24 hours a day and
still won't be able to loseweight because they're the

(01:01:41):
hormonal imbalance.
So that's kind of a sensitivetopic, depending on where the
weight issue is coming from.
Now, if you say, hey, I'm aboutto do my annual physical and
you need to do yours as well,and we both go to one another's
annual physical and we hold eachother accountable, then that's

(01:02:02):
something different.
But if it's depression, thenmaybe we should see a counselor.
And as I'm getting bettermentally, you're getting better
mentally, then you can invite.
Hey, maybe we should also startworking out together.
But if it's a hormonal thing,if it's thyroid, if it's
Hashimoto disease, that's beyondtheir control.

(01:02:23):
They can eat like a bird andexercise every single day and
still won't be able to loseweight.
So it just for me, or lupus,because it's up and down and it
fluctuates.
So for me I think it's asensitive topic, depending on
how the weight was brought on inmy opinion.

Speaker 2 (01:02:45):
I agree, I totally agree with that.
So I think so should.
If you expect that your partneris having a hormonal problem or
a depression problem, youshould be able to go to your
partner and say, hey, you knowwhat, you should be able to go

(01:03:06):
to them and say let's go to thedoctor, and before you say
anything about weight, let's goand get a medical advice right.
Or seeing you say it toyourself hey, she gained weight
or he gained weight, you knowwhat, let's go to the doctor.
Like you say that let's do thatannual physical.
So you're saying it in that way, right, you should say it that

(01:03:27):
way?

Speaker 6 (01:03:27):
Yeah, because the weight could be a symptom.
It's like I think sometimeswe're looking at the surface
level issue and we're notgetting to the root of the
problem.
If somebody is laying in a roomevery day, in a dark room, or
if all of a sudden theiremotions are changing or

(01:03:48):
everything is ticking them off,there's a deeper issue than to
the weight gain.
The weight gain is just asymptom of the depression.
A symptom of you know all those,the list of diseases that I
said Hashimoto's, thyroid lupus.
It's a symptom and I thinksometimes, yes, are men visual

(01:04:10):
creatures?
Yes, but what's more important,the way that I look, or what's
in my mind and what's going onmentally, because I could be
slim and thin as a board and fit, but mentally am I okay.
So you should check the mentalhealth before you check the
physical health, and I think,across the board, they're all
important, but it just dependson what your mate is going

(01:04:33):
through.

Speaker 2 (01:04:34):
All right, and we got a friend of ours from Texas,
dallas, texas that sometimespeople are in the denial of
their problems and perhapssticking with mental health.
And I think you know,especially now, since mental
health is a thing I mean growingup, we need to hear about
mental health.
You know it doesn't mean thatit wasn't there at all.
Yeah, it doesn't mean that itwasn't there, but that's

(01:04:54):
whatever.
But I think to just to knowwhat your mental health can
affect.
You know, like stress, how itcan affect your weight.
If you're stressing, you cangain weight because you're
stressing.
You know what I mean.
And so, like you said, I thinkyour point is should be well
taken.
You have to get to the root ofthe problem before you can say

(01:05:17):
what it is.
Now again, like you say, ifboth of y'all sitting down there
stuffing your face and juststuffing, stuffing, stuffing, of
course both of y'all are goingto gain weight, right.

Speaker 6 (01:05:25):
But if yeah, but sometimes that stuffing of your
face could be you running awayfrom your problems too.
It could be a mental issue too.
I remember in life on a oneback in the day.
Sister Patsy will always sayyou would know where a couple
stands, how the woman looks inthe relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:05:44):
Yes.

Speaker 6 (01:05:45):
Because she's no longer getting her nails done,
she's no longer getting her hairdone like she used to, she's no
longer caring about her outwardappearance or something is
shifting.
She's no longer peaceful, she'salways snapping, or vice versa,
he's no longer caring about hisappearance.
We wear all of that and I thinksometimes we're so caught up in

(01:06:09):
what social media is saying weshould look like that we're not
stripping away all of thosedistractions and really focusing
on what is going on.
In my household, my husband isall of a sudden doing something
completely different that hewasn't doing before.
I need to find out what isgoing on, and if he doesn't want

(01:06:30):
to talk to me, I have to eitherenlist some folks or say we
need to seek professional help.

Speaker 2 (01:06:41):
You're doing your thing tonight, girl.
I'm telling you doing yourthing tonight because, yeah,
it's mental health.

Speaker 4 (01:06:47):
I'm calling past the answer to the past.

Speaker 2 (01:06:49):
Oh, here we go, here we go, hey Harold, hey Harold,
how you doing.

Speaker 4 (01:06:53):
I got going.
You want to be?

Speaker 6 (01:06:54):
on the mic.

Speaker 4 (01:06:56):
No, I was just adding on to what you just said.
I said I'm calling them heyboth of y'all look good by the
way.

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
Hey, thank you so much, Harold.
Thank you.

Speaker 6 (01:07:09):
You said that's Eric, your head looking more shiny
than ever.

Speaker 2 (01:07:12):
All right, that's what I'm talking about.
Oh yeah, you did.
All right, y'all Let me letsomebody else call Bye, bye.
All right it's always good tohear from the Sampson's up there
in South Carolina.
Well, we're going to see whoelse is going to call a little

(01:07:34):
bit.
We can read a little bit here,you know, Mark.
I want to thank you, Mark, forjoining us.
From Texas man, that's realgood and he said that's a sign
of depression.
What she was talking about.
Yeah, I think he's made theproduct.
Some very valid points, you know.
Very valid points, man, is that, you know, just like we would
say, you know, we look at thehours but God looks at the heart

(01:07:57):
.
So that means the heart is theroot.
You know, God is looking, theroot of us, and that's when,
with our spouse, we have to dealwith the root of the problem.
If the person is always angryor whatever, why are you angry?
If the person is gaining weight, you know, maybe it's stress,
maybe it's life, maybe it's amedical problem, and we need to

(01:08:17):
take care of that.
We need to find out, because Iwant us to live a long life
together.
So I need to find out, you know, and we should know at least by
now, if a person is, you know,being in a room, coming home,
going to sleep, doing, you know,just just depressed.
Hey, come on, you know youshould be able to.
We should know by now a littlebit about depression and how it

(01:08:40):
hits, you know, and everythinglike that.
But think about it.
One of the you know is after awoman have a baby, you know.
But it's called postpartumdepression, you know, and you
have to be, you have to be up onit.
Sometimes women hide it.
Sometimes it, I guess it hitsall at once.
I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 3 (01:09:00):
I mean, not every woman experience it, but it can
just drop on you like a ton ofbricks out of nowhere out of
nowhere.
And you know, any of you and Idon't want to say weak, because
some Sometimes it can go reallyinto psychosis like you can be
fine, you know big stuff of doeverything and then by noon it's

(01:09:23):
like what it is come from, youknow, and some women Is it get
really really bad right, bad,all right, all right.

Speaker 2 (01:09:32):
First hit the last one here.
It says I forbid you, all right, we're not taking any more
college.
Yeah, I forbid you, youwouldn't.
You don't say that to yourspouse.
I forbid you, jesus or somebody.
You gonna forbid somebody.
I got your for bed.

(01:09:55):
You run out of credit card.
No, sir, no sir, oh, we want tothank each and every person for
joining us tonight.
Before we go, we wanted toannounce that on February 1st,

(01:10:17):
at 7 30 pm Every first at 7 30pm, we're gonna have a virtual
marriage talk and prayer withBishop Gerald and Lady Banks,
married for 41 years, 41 yearsand you.
So there's wisdom in that.

(01:10:38):
There's wisdom.
You know they've been had upsand they has down and so they
just gonna talk.
You know it's not gonna be morethan an hour, but you, we're
gonna hopefully we've able toask questions at the end.
After they do they marriagetalk and they're gonna pray over
marriages.
So please, you know, join us forthat time as we submit their
names and, in a prayer requestthat you have, that they will

(01:11:00):
pray over those and they canpray over marriages, man,
because I believe this year wegot to make sure we pray over
marriages.
We got to pray over marriages,babe, you know, and just seek
God, and seek God for wisdom,and just, you know, just just go
to God, you know, and and helpus on how we're gonna work
things out.
How are we gonna do this?
How, how are we gonnacommunicate, how are we gonna

(01:11:23):
have intimate?
Just just, we'll seek God, andso I want you to join us for
that, as we, you know, as as we,as we do, that you know, I want
you to join us February 1st at7 30 pm, right here on our
channel, right here on real lifeTV one.
You want you to join us for avirtual marriage talk and Prayer

(01:11:45):
.
Amen.
So you had a good time tonight.

Speaker 3 (01:11:47):
I did, but are we forgetting?
Is it February anniversarymonth for the podcast?

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
February yes, I don't remember the exact date, but in
February we've had a podcastfor one year baby.
So we're gonna have, we want.
Whatever the date is, we'regonna put it out there, we're
gonna have, we're gonna haveballoons in this place.

(01:12:13):
I mean, if they are, if, ifthey are local and they want to
come and join us live, they cancome and join us.
They could come and join uslive, you know.
We could take some questionsfrom the audience we want.
We will send the video out, avideo link that you know.
If they want to do a video init, we can bring them in.
Man, let's have a good time forthat one year anniversary.

Speaker 3 (01:12:39):
We've learned a lot, you know I'm sure you guys have
learned a lot too, but Eric andI, we have really learned from
your experiences in the thingsthat you shared with us.
It's been great and it's alsohelped us build stronger as well
, because, again, we had alittle tiff on Friday and

(01:13:00):
usually it's still going.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but becauseof this and everything able to
communicate, so we thank youfrom the bottom of our hearts.

Speaker 2 (01:13:08):
Thank you so much All right mark here and we're
getting ready to go.
Marcus says you ever thoughtabout having people who marriage
Marriage didn't work to helpwith the pitfalls that ended
their marriage?
That is a good thing to have.

Speaker 3 (01:13:21):
We gonna do that.
Yeah we're gonna do that.

Speaker 2 (01:13:23):
We will.
We will do that, we will makesure we we get somebody.
I know one of the goals Nextyear is I know we did it at the
marriage retreat to you know, todeaf, do us part and we are.
I'm looking at trying to have aand we heard from fur I mean
for and then and for reallybrought tears to the eyes and

(01:13:45):
helped a lot of marriages withthat.
I want to hear now, I want tobe able to get from a Bishop's
wife who took over a church ofhow that affected her.
You know what I mean to deaf,do your husband die.
She had to take over, she hadto do everything, you know, and
what did she do?
So that's, that's one of thethings I want to try to do and I

(01:14:08):
would like to do Amalaka, putit in here as well.

Speaker 3 (01:14:13):
We wait over our time , but I just want to say this
right, quick and sickness and inhealth.

Speaker 2 (01:14:19):
Yeah, and sickness and in health is a good one too.
I think and is he brought thatup?
In what you call it too?
She's talking about doing themarriage vows, you know, just
going through there, andsickness and the health is a
good one too.

Speaker 3 (01:14:30):
Yeah, yeah, cuz you never know when you might have
to become a full-time nursecaregiver yeah, and kill
caregiver.
So, yeah, that's definitely one, but I definitely like that the
fact of you know I'm havingpeople who marriage didn't work
and what was the breaking point?
Mm-hmm, I thought that wasgreat Um that'll be great yeah,
fur gives truth.

Speaker 2 (01:14:52):
Well, hey, we thank you all again for join us.
Make sure you like and share.
Yeah, make sure you like andshare.
Please make sure you like andshare and we want to make sure
that after the Podcast has ended, that if you want to have a
comment, go and make comments.
We will reply to your comments.
If you thought this was a greatshow, go to the comment section

(01:15:13):
and say, hey, great, you justput great show and we'll reply.
Just put in there with your man, this was a good show and I
thank you, baby, for looking sogood, your hair looking good.
So I guess what is made to saidis true.
You know that I'm taking, I'mtaking good care of my baby, all
right, so we want to say goodnight to everybody and we want

(01:15:37):
to thank you and we'll see youin two weeks.
We will see you in two weeks.
Don't forget February 1st, intwo weeks.
You got a date right, quick,baby.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Give me one second.

Speaker 2 (01:15:47):
We know how you are with technology.

Speaker 3 (01:15:48):
You know how I am insist on having me.

Speaker 2 (01:15:53):
But yeah, you, yes, in the iPhones, you know, like
that.

Speaker 3 (01:15:56):
Okay, so in two weeks we're looking at what's when
it's a March.

Speaker 2 (01:16:02):
Oh lord.

Speaker 4 (01:16:05):
The fifth.

Speaker 2 (01:16:06):
February 5th.
Okay, february 5th, all right.
We look forward to seeing youFebruary 5th.
Remember February 1st at 730 as730, and then February 5th at
730.
We want to make sure you join.
We want to thank you again forjoining us.
God bless you.

Speaker 1 (01:16:23):
You're hearing this message.
You've listened to the entireepisode and for that we want to
thank you from the bottom of ourhearts.
We hope you enjoyed this newepisode and, if you did, please
rate and review our show on yourfavorite podcast channel.
Please share this episode withothers who may be interested in
this topic and also feel free tolet us know what topics you'd
like to see covered in futureepisodes.

(01:16:44):
Get in touch in the comments onany social media networks at
marriage in real life podcast.
You see you in two weeks forour next episode.
You you.